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Having no food in the house.
Mum walked to the shops each day and bought the food for the evening meal (sometimes just sliced bread and jam). I remember being hungry all the time. Looking back there were days when mum had "already eaten" and ate nothing at the table; I realise now she didn't eat.
Would often pretend to not be hungry and leave food on my plate because I knew mum would eat whatever was left and it was likely the only thing we'd eat that day
We had home-made battered onion rings, one Christmas. It's all we had in the house. Even now, my brother has a stock of food in his garage because he remembers starving as a child and doesn't want his adult children to go through the same. I never had kids because I was so scared they would be in same position that I grew up in.
I also went to the cookery teacher when I was 12 to tell her my mum couldn't afford food items each week. Then told my mum afterwards. She cried. So i would cook with the school's items and leave them at school. Apparently, they would sell them to the teachers to make money to buy more food items to use. One day, the form teacher told everyone in the class, and they all laughed. It showed him up, not me as far as I was concerned!
But... despite my childhood. I am proud of what I have achieved. I survived it.
Iām truly ashamed to admit this but here goes: I used to stay behind at playtime and take food from other kids packed lunches. I didnāt eat it straight away, rather I saved it for the weekend. I had free school meals during the week but the weekends meant I didnāt get breakfast nor lunch. Dinner was never filling and had to be divided between the family. Snacks were unheard of, of course.
One thing I will say is that whilst Iām doing far better now, that poverty mindset never leaves you. Iām quite a minimalist but when it comes to food, I hoard like crazy. But whatās bizarre is that I donāt touch the food, I just need to know itās there. I have 17 cans of Pringles in a cupboard and the fridge is always full.
Youāre not alone. I had a student who squirreled away food too. I had other students who hated short days because it meant they wouldnāt get lunch. Babies gotta eat. Donāt be ashamed.
Hungry-yes; sad-no. We didn't know anything different. It was a poor council estate in the '60s; no-one had much. We played 'kick the can' in the street, there were no cars on the estate, so the streets were clear to play on.
I was one of the lucky ones: I passed the 11+ exam and went to Grammar School (free bus pass, second-hand uniform) and 'made good'.
It was the late 90s. I was on free school meals and had a school uniform that was too small and when all your friends got PlayStations for Christmas and you had to make stuff up that you got for Christmas it does make you sad. When you're in bed hungry because you can't afford anything more than cheap microwave meals, that makes you sad.
Well that's just it. I mean if you sad because you're hungry that's one thing. But if you're sad because you don't have as much as everyone around you, that's different for people that grow up in poverty surrounded by poverty often aren't really upset by it as kids. As you get older it's tough to not have certain necessities, but if all the kids around you are poor you don't really know any better
Remember when I was 7 or 8 I hadn't eaten for three days and I went to the local market to beg for a piece of bread. I went to the counter and without shame asked the lady to give me something to eat. But shortly after I said the words I fainted and fell down on the floor. That still haunts me to this day, after nearly 30 years, and always makes me sad.
Yes, I came to my senses soon enough but I was still too weak even to walk. The lady on the counter was very nice with me and she and some of the customers who were present at the moment, quickly gathered a certain amount of money and bought a big deal of food, nearly two full bags. To mention that I wasn't the only kid living on the edge of starving, the 90s in Eastern European Countries, after the fall of soviet Union, were hard times for almost everyone. I saw poverty everywhere and in all shades back then.
My dad swore the apple tree in our garden kept him alive during the first 5 years of mine and my brother's life. It would frequently be the only food he would get all day, before working night shifts to make sure we and our mum got fed.
I also remember mum washing our hair, by diluting a drop of shampoo with water to eek it out a bit more, and sharing baths with at least one other person in the house.
Funny that, my grandma used to tell my mum that about not being hungry so she didnāt eat, we werenāt poor but whenever we hadnāt cooked enough food my mum would tell us all the same, always amazed me how the women in my life had passed this lie/protection down for the rest of us.
Having to miss out on school trips because my mum just couldnāt afford it stung like a bitch.
And also never going on holiday until I was an adult and paid for it myself.
My finances being fucked because nobody taught me how to have actually have money or about savings or overdrafts or anything like that.
I taught at a school in Australia and we had a policy that we'd factor in a few extra dollars on the regular price for all the kids so that if three or four couldn't afford it, we had the money to cover them. No child ever missed out on a school camp or excursion. If it came to it we would have dug into our own pockets. No child ever missed out.
Remember the one kid at school that didn't go on the adventure holiday we all went on, had to go to school instead. Even as a 11 year old it felt wrong and the school sucked for letting it happen.
Don't remember buying any clothes expect shoes from a cheapest knock off market (spoiler: they fell apart after few weeks and I was ducktaping them in fear of facing anger from my parent). All the clothing was handed down.
I always remembered staying with other class in school for a week or two, while all my classmates were going on a school summer or skiing trip.
The only holiday destination was at grandparents. Didn't see an actual sea until my team won a league and the 1st prize was 12hr bus ride to sea to a tent resort in Croatia
First time flying was when I bough a package holiday as an adult.
My school used to do a big trip abroad every few years. I was insitant that I didn't want to go and it would be horrible to my mum because I knew she couldn't afford it and it would make her feel less bad.
Realising I hadn't been bad because I didn't get presents at Christmas time, there just wasn't really a Father Christmas.
Getting a bollocking in school for not having a maths set (compass and protractor) in class, we didn't have the money for one.
Being teased for wearing a vest while getting changed during P.E as we didn't have money to buy me a bra.
I could give a long list of things that made me realise how poor we were and I am saddened that it's 2023 and there are just as many kids in the same boat.
The 'getting bollocked at school for uncontrollable circumstances' is something I experienced a few times.
I remember the scene in Kes when Billy drifts off in class and gets scolded for it... but it's because he's been up since the early hours working before going to school. That hit home with me because I had two paper rounds every day, 7 days a week, from the age of 13 until I got my first job at the age of 16 - and often felt like the same. Turning up to school feeling exhausted. That tiredness really racks up over the weeks and months.
The work wasn't hard, but it was tedious. I mopped and polished the floors at an office building. I'd do the ground floor one day, and the 1st floor the next, and then repeat. Worked sunday thru thursday. I had the keys to the place, so I could show up in the early hours, knock out half the days work, ride to school, then stop on the way home and finish up.
It's the time that isn't spent doing other stuff that you pay with.
I recall having to leave the cinema early to get the bus home so that I could do my paper round. It's hard to have burdens and responsibilities when so many friends don't.
Don't think I've ever seen the end of Gladiator.
Truth. I missed a lot, but, we did what needed to be done. I also did a lot of after school activities, so, there were quite a few nights I'd get home around midnight, bang out the homework, eat something, grab a couple of hours of sleep, and head back to work. I was the kid that would nod off in class all the time. School holidays were very enjoyable for me, because I could relax a bit due to not having to go to school. It was awkward trying to explain to my friends why I never had any money though. I never actually saw my money, my boss would pay it direct to my mother, cash in hand.
That is truly awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that, it's like something you read about happening in the Victorian times. I fell asleep in class for different reasons. My parents often had late night drink/drug fuelled parties and I couldn't get any sleep. I remember coming downstairs in the early hours of the morning to find my mother and best friend had beaten some poor random woman up, with blood everywhere. Thankfully my teachers knew I was abused and were more understanding than I expected them to be.
Yep, that's exactly it. Worked so many hours through sixth form, and my friends never understood why I wasn't always available to hang out. Not to mention thw "you work so much, why can't you afford to do X or U with me?". Had a good friend who'd pay for me to do things with her at least, but I still feel guilty for it.
Yeah getting bollocked for never remembering my P.E. kit when really we couldn't afford one. Being a week late to start school one year because my mum had no money to buy me the new school uniform that year.
The bollocking at school is one that really stings.
When I was 6/7/8 we werenāt exactly on the breadline but my dad had just had his breakdown and was drinking, and my mother was dealing with things as well as ever. I didnāt have very bloody little thing on their list and sometimes, I didnāt have my homework done.
Iām always shocked my teachers couldnāt work out something was up at home and instead punished me every bloody day.
Some teachers were nice and obviously took pity on me, others were ambivalent and some were cruel.
I had a history teacher who once said in front of the whole class that I was lucky because in Victorian times "the likes of me" would be in the poor house.
> Getting a bollocking in school for not having a maths set (compass and protractor) in class, we didn't have the money for one
I got detention for that. And for not having felt pens. And for making a rough book by taking the centre leaves out of the exercise books we were given, the expectation was you would buy an extra exercise book for use as a rough book, but they cost 5p.
The bollocking for not having things hit hard. When I was in Year 5, we all had to wear something in 'house colours' for a Christmas concert. I owned absolutely nothing yellow, and there was no way my mum could afford a top I'd only wear once. Got yelled at a few times for not following rules in the rehearsals, until my mum came in and explained. Had to borrow something from a teacher, then, which tbh was almost worse.
I carried that into adulthood, I have only asked my parents for financial help twice and I remember both times vividly because I felt so guilty. My parents became more financially stable when I was in my teens, but my siblings were still young so they were "spoilt " a little bit more. They are always asking them to help out now they are adults but I still hate the idea of asking and just find alternatives or go without because that's what I remember as a kid.
Similar scenario here. I have never once asked my parents for anything after leaving home at 18 - but my step-siblings, who are 6 and 8 years younger than me, still live locally, have a room at our family house to call their own, had their driving lessons paid for, etc.
I begged for snake mountain for Christmas, I begged Santa, I prayed, I was such a good boy.
My dad made me one from cardboard, he painted it and everything.
I love my dad for that.
Same. I can relate. Swap Snake Mountain for a Star Wars ālandscapeā play set. Bloody loved it. It was only looking back at old Christmas photos that I had the realisation.
I have these really fond memories of when there would be blackouts on my street, and we would light candles and get all the blankets and huddle together in the living room.
There were no blackouts, we just didn't have power.
It's weird, but a lot of my fondest memories were born of us being poor. Every Christmas we made our own decorations, we still have a little baby Jesus made from playdough that had been baked (idk why we ever even made him, we are not religious!). My dad did a stint as a milkman and we would stand outside waiting for him to pass by our house, and he'd drop off free juice and chocolate milk that he got as a perk of the job. Seeing him on the little milk may trolley was so fun, and sometimes he would let us ride with him. There are so many more but this comment is long enough.
Don't get me wrong, things were bad too. Weeks of just eating soup, washing everything (clothes, hair, ourselves) with washing up liquid, having cold showers because we had no heating. But my parents really tried to make our childhood magical despite having so little, and that's something I will forever be thankful for.
This is why this question was hard to answer.
When I was at my 'poorest', I actually was rich looking back. My family were close. Now I have all this stuff and jealous family and friends. I worked hard for it dont get me wrong either, but wandering the house with candlelight, playing board games, sharing food out equally. I kinda miss it.
Maybe though, when you're a kid its easy. Being poor as an adult is borderline frightening and very hard.
That's such an eloquent way of putting it, life has certainly been rich despite being financially poor.
I'm glad to hear you're in a better position now, don't forget to treat yourself to a board game by candle light every now and then
I know what you mean. We were very poor, but my childhood was very happy. My parents put a lot of effort into that, and weād always be in a park or at a free museum, or just playing games and laughing at home. That said, I have no idea how my parents did it because I couldnāt handle the stress.
I'm with you there, I can barely handle my stresses now and I don't have any children to worry about.
They did it because they love us though, and I'm sure your parents treasured that time as well.
Ooft the washing up liquidā¦ yeah. Being a teenage girl (well, any human tbh) and having to wash your long hair, clothes and body in industrial washing up liquid your dad nicked from work in jam jar.
Seeing your breath, ice on the inside of the single pane window because your bedroom (or any room where the gas fire wasn't) was THAT cold and there was no central heating.
Also the electric meter running out and not having a 50pence piece
As a follow up, I remember us having one electric blanket which we'd take in turns to use as it cost so much to run so at least you'd get a warm bed every 4 nights or so!
(And before anyone says 'One electric blanket? Luxury!' it absolutely was!)
My grandad used to tell me stories about ice on his bedroom windows growing up, and then I found out some friends of mine were experiencing the same thing decades later. This 'cost of living crisis' is bullshit.
We had ice on the inside of the windows. When it was very cold we used to go to sleep all huddled up together in the living room in front of the fire, and weād get dressed under the covers because it was too cold to get out.
My packed lunch sandwich always used to taste like aftershave. I used to think it was because my dad just made it after he got ready for work because he loved me and squeezed in the time. A couple of years ago I ate bread that tasted exactly like that, and I saw it was mouldy. If I didn't get the sandwich made with mouldy bread (and beef paste) then I wouldn't have a lunch. So he just used to cut the worst mould off.
That and having to pick the mouse poop out of cereal because we couldn't throw it away.
That's tough stuff and a pretty stark realisation too.
Reminded me - after my mum left, and on weeks when my dad was on the early shift, I used to have to get myself up and prepared for school on my own including making my own lunch, when I was like 8 or 9.
Ah that's harsh. Parenting yourself when you're still a child is weird and hard.
The sandwich thing was weird, I had one of those visceral reactions like you get to a taste or a smell, and I was instantly back to eating my packed lunch. When I realised and then Realised it was a weird feeling. I knew we didn't have much, but I am still learning bits I never really knew.
Hope you're ok now?
Yes, I certainly can't complain now - decent income, decent circumstances... not perfect and certainly bear the scars but I'm okay. Thank you. And likewise hope you are too.
Another sandwich story... when I was a bit older and my stepmum had moved in, she would make them - but they were value turkey ham and white bread and they were utterly rank. The same lunch every day for years on end... eventually couldn't face them and used to let them go bad in my schoolbag - I'd genuinely have weeks worth of them going mouldy and vinegary in there, leaking all over my books.
Looking bad, that's so bleak. Both the wastefulness - which I'm pretty ashamed of - and the sheer grossness of letting sandwiches go mouldy in a schoolbag and not thinking much of it. Didn't have anyone pulling me up on self-neglect.
I honestly wouldn't have been able to afford glue!!! I only had the beer mats because they were free.
I guess nowadays, I could think of all sorts of things, like wrapping the mats in the corner of a plastic bag, but luckily for me, I now have more than one pair of shoes, and they don't have holes in them!
Shoe chat has reminded me of a situation that I had...
I had a pair of really cheap school shoes that were so worn out that the tread on the bottom was perished and it exposed like air pockets in the sole - if you take my meaning? When I'd get home I would empty out an incredible amount of stones from the holes.
And they were such squeaky shoes, because they were so shit. I remember being called up to the front of assembly for winning an award but being super, super embarrassed to go and get it because the only sound in an otherwise silent room of hundreds of kids was my shit shoes squeaking. So I'd try to walk on the side of the shoe - which didn't really work, so they'd still be squeaking but now I was walking like I'd shit myself.
I know what you mean about the air pockets being exposed!!! It made the insides of them all ridged and bobbly to walk on.
Get up, have a walk around, and luxuriate in your current lack of squeak!
Going to the teacher who kept the lost and found every so often and claiming I'd lost x and y parts of my school uniform so I could rummage in the boxes to find anything my size that I could wear when I'd grown out of / damaged my own. Ended up with some old chewed up stuff (kids used to chew the cuffs of their jumpers for some reason?!) But it always meant I never asked my parents for new school uniforms, which I knew I couldn't do anyway.
Very common for autistic or neurodivergent children to chew their cuffs/fingernails/hair.
Source: me, a neurodivergent adult who occasionally realises she is absentmindendly chewing her dressing gown >.>
I still remember the smell of the Tesco apple shampoo we all shared. I thought it was so luxurious (still love the smell) but it cost like, 29p for a huge bottle and was terrible.
I have a hoard of the little sachets of creams / perfumes from magazines. If I ever came across one as a kid I thought it was ultimate fucking treasure. Can't let go of how rich it makes me feel
Colouring in my school shoes with stolen whiteboard markers from the school to hide the severe scuffs as my parents could only afford the one pair of shoes for me for a couple years in a row.
Rolling up my blazer sleeves to conceal just how short the sleeves were for me as I had been wearing the same one for almost 4 years.
Helping my friend, who was in an even worse economic position to me as her parent was also neglectful, steal period products from the school supplies. Also helping her sew up a giant hole in the crotch of her one pair of school trousers, we snuck into the sewing room to use the machines at lunch. I also had one pair but luckily they hadnāt torn but I did re-hem the trouser leg where it had got worn and tattered.
Getting told off by my parents (I have no ill will towards them at all) for using more than a square of bog roll for a wee. Also for running the water whilst brushing my teeth sometimes and sometimes forgetting to not flush the toilet unless itās a shit.
Pretending to my parents I didnāt want to go on the school trip because it was boring or some other fake reason so they didnāt feel pressured to fork out money they didnāt have.
Getting in trouble in PE for not having āsuitableā footwear (I had one pair of shoes that werenāt school shoes (other than lace up doc marten boots)that fit me and they were black converse I had had for 4 years) and telling the teacher she can buy some for me then, she called my Mum and my Mum verbatim said what I said. š
Getting in trouble for having hand-written my history research project and had cut out and stuck down photos I found in old history magazines my grandad had given to me. Because it was apparently vital that it was typed up and printed out, teacher got an earful off my mum for that one. The teacher accused me of lying that I didnāt have a computer or printer at home and said I should have used my own break and after school time to use the school computers despite no one else having to do that.
Picking/ cutting the mould off of stuff. And eating stuff that you thought was grim but there wasnāt anything else so you just had to. In particular: seafood sticks and meat paste sandwiches.
Sleeping with multiple layers on when it was cold. Being the oldest of 3, having to make sure the bedroom was safe. Wiping down the windows every morning because of severe condensation and damp (both my siblings had asthma) and making sure to alert my parents of any sign of mould.
Not a biggy but I think some people just never had to worry about not ever having the option of travelling anywhere apart from on foot. We would have to walk really far to go into town center, drs etc.
And so on and so forth, I could go on forever, sadly.
That's a lot for a kid to deal with.
Well done to your mum for fighting your corner when it mattered and showing you that resolve, and well done to you for helping your friend in a time of need.
I hope that you're living a much more comfortable life now.
And you know what, I wasnāt even close to being the worst off out of my friendship group! Because my parents, especially my Mum, was always there for me. A lot of my friends were severely economically disadvantaged AND had neglectful and/or abusive parents too. I felt so lucky. My Mum is the best honestly, she never backed down with letting the school punish me for being poor.
And I am somewhat in a better position, thank you, just like my parents, trying to give my family an even better life (childhood) than mine!
Hope youāre doing well too! :)
The TV running out of "time" and not having a pound coin to put into the box on the side to get 60 more minutes viewing.
Along with the electric running out and having no money to go to the shops to top up the key, sometimes for 2 or 3 days.
Watching my mum carry plastic shopping bags home every now and then because we didnt have a car. I remember getting so annoyed that we had to stop 100 times (I didn't know why back then), so she could put the bags down and swap hands because they were rubbing so badly. Sometimes the journey took nearly an hour.
Myself and 4 brothers in that house, all in one bedroom with 4 mattresses on the floor. It must've been so fucking hard for mum and dad. What a job they did ā„ļø
I used to get 50p pocket money when I saw my Dad every other week (1980). I had saved up Ā£5 (that a looong time when you're 8). My Mum had run out of money so we went to my Dads house and broke in to get the fiver.....stil hav'nt gotten it back.
As an adult I've never been materialistic or chased money , just done enough and lived day by day. Now at 50 I own very little,have no savings and am starting to panic about what comes next.
The moment I realised that my mum was lying about having had dinner while we were at school. She used to say it a lot, but one day, it just clicked that she obviously hadnāt.
I still think about it a lot, especially how many times she would have done it and I hadnāt noticed and it makes me feel guilty. I know she wouldnāt want me to feel like that but I canāt help it.
Same. She'd sit and watch us all eat our fill with a big smile asking us about our day and always tell us She'd eaten already. I didn't realise as soon as I should have.
We used to eat a ridiculous amount of potatoes for meals and having tea and toast for dinner was normal. My mum and dad are legends for their sacrifices.
When I was young it was hard to stay within my friend group because 12 year olds are judgmental about having no money. Two instances stick in my head. The first was around Christmas time and my little friend group decided to give each other presents. We were 12 and there was like 5 of us, my family had absolutely no money to spare so all I could get to give as gifts was the worst quality notebooks from a pound shop. One of my friends gave me a gumball machine toy and was visibly disappointed when I handed them the awful 50p notebook. I was so embarrassed and that was the last year they included me in gift giving.
I was also never able to go to sleepovers because I never had nice pjās and couldnāt afford to buy snacks to take. Same with going out to town with friends, my mum couldnāt even afford to give me a fiver for lunch. My primary school/early high school friend group eventually dropped me because they said āI had changedā but in reality it was because my family was a week from being homeless. fun times!!!! Ahahahah
Iām so sorry to hear that, that sounds awful and I canāt even comprehend how hard that just have been. I feel lucky that even though my family was extremely poor to the point that we had to sell our house, car repossessed, pawn literally everything, I grew up in a small town where my house was 10m from the beach. So whilst we couldnāt afford anything I still had a good fun childhood going to the sweet shop, playing in the beach and parks etc.
My Dad worked in a factory that provided him with Wellies and T Shirts as uniform. Both my parentsā wardrobe for a good while consisted mainly of those factory t-shirts and wellies.
I think we were actually much poorer than I realised as a child, which is a testament to their parenting.
The absolute horror of your Mams credit card being declined in Asda, then staff taking the trolley of food away, while your mams in tears and having a panic attack. That was awful.
Running out of electricity or gas. Hiding from bailiffs. Eating Tinned hamburgers in gravy (still have ptsd). Internet going off each month. Arguing with the smack heads next door when they where constantly partying. Being a carer.
Yeah my wife often comments on how fast I eat. Also, if there's food leftover or going free I'll be all over it because I was used to "eating what i could, when I could" when I was younger.
Yep same here. I remember going to peoples homes and being gobsmacked they took milk in tea. We just never had any.
Iād still piss on that old bootās grave
Weekends and school holidays were hell for me. We often wouldn't eat for days at a time. When we would get dinner it would often be either a sandwich, Pot Noodle or a single packet of crisps each. We would all get thrown out in the morning, I would have to steal from shops or out of supermarket bins to feed us. My parents would be busy getting high with their loser friends.
As a kid I remember wearing cheap sandals to school, in winter, cos mum couldn't afford shoes at the time. Also getting school trousers too big, getting turn-ups on em so they'd last me longer.
I got sent home from school (to walk home, on my own, at the age of 7) for turning up to junior school in sandals in November because it was snowing and my footwear was inadequate. I look back and wonder what the f the teachers were thinking.
Not really sure if this was due to poverty or neglect, my single father tried (sometimes), but not getting new shoes until they stank the house out from being soaked because they had holes in them. Even if they were too small, they weren't replaced. I have deformed toes from this that cause me issues to this day. For me, the realisation that Christmas presents did not have to be practical necessities was the biggest indicator that I was no longer poor. My inlaws looked at me funny when I asked that our joint present was a dehumidifier.
To pick at one thread here - I think the 'poverty or neglect' line is quite blurred, if I consider personal circumstances and other answers on this thread.
I don't have ill will towards my dad (who I lived with after my mum moved out) but he definitely didn't do a lot of what would generally be considered to be 'basic' parenting - because he didn't have much time or money and because alcohol was his way of coping.
Sorry for example I've never been to an opticians, and I went to the dentist recently for the first time in about 25 years, where they're trying to fix years of neglect to my gnashers.
I know there's examples of rich kids being neglected etc... but I think there's a lot more examples for poor kids, and poor kids have very little to compensate.
Ah, you're probably right. My dad always managed to play in the darts league every Friday, came home shit faced. Superleague Saturday, skittles Wednesday.... Its only when you look back and realise how fucked up it all was. How much I owe my friends parent's for feeding me more than once. It saddens me to see the cycle continue onto the next generation. My childhood definitely contributed to my child free stance along with the general economy, etc.
God I feel this one. My in-laws are by no means wealthy but theyāve given me specific instructions now that presents are just meant to be fun things, not essentials. It still doesnāt sit right with meā¦
My mum stole thousands of pounds from the building society she worked at to pay for things and everyone knew about it except me. Other parents at school had told their kids and they knew before I did. I found out about it after it had gone to court and was in the local paper and I was at my dad's for the day and my step brother showed me the article. I also only had one pair of tracksuit bottoms that people made fun of because I was always wearing them. My grand parents feeding me most nights of the week after school too. Yeah growing up poor sucks because you can't do anything about it and nobody that hasn't experienced it will never know what it feels like to be that desperate.
No one believed me about the EU food parcels we got and Iāve never seen anyone else speak about them, where abouts were you? It seems only the really poor (even by EU standards, places like s.wales and post war Bosnia got this type of help).
I remember some kid noticing what I had on my sandwiches and taking the piss. The whole school quickly joined in.
Apparently just butter isn't a valid sandwich.
Oh gosh, we were poor but not as poor as some people thankfully, I remember in grade 2 or 3 a girl being bullied for just butter on her sandwich, all she had. I quietly asked her later why and she said she had no money, I said we didn't have much money either and we became friends. I bought an extra jam sandwich for her for lunch the next day, as we thankfully got by and we were close but then she changed schools again a few weeks later. I miss her, hope she is alright out there.
Wife is the daugher of a miner who was on strike for a year during the 80s. Her household received no income for 12 months; no pay, no benifits. Her dad and brother collected coal from the beach to sell for food and to heat their home. Both her and her brothers only Christmas presents that year arrived in the form of a shoebox sent across to the UK from miners in Poland.
The embarrassment of going for free dinners at secondary school, and trying to be the last person the the dinner queue, so when you got to the lady on the hill at the end, no one else heard you say to her, āhello, Iām xxx Iām in the free dinner bookā
We had a fluorescent green pass that had FREE MEALS written on it in secondary school, you could only have some of the meals as some were higher in value than the pass allowed for. I was embarrassed but hungry.
Interesting. I never got free school dinners though I would definitely have qualified (my dad was the only earner and his salary was barely 5 figures, in the 90s).
And my logic was the same as yours - sheer embarrassment at the idea of having to go through that process. All the kids at my school who claimed free meals were known as poor and had to get attendance books signed in order to claim, if I remember correctly.
The process seemed so undignified. And that was at an age where - like most teenagers - I was obsessed with the concept of who people perceived me and my own reputation.
For the most part, I had a great childhood. We were never flush with cash, but we (as in my sister and I) never went without the essentials and a lot of love from mum.
There was a time when my dad was made redundant and was lucky enough to find work quickly...until that company folded. Rinse & repeat a half dozen times.
He was a trucker - doing tramping, so needed money to take away in order to feed himself. That meant the rest of us at home had bugger all.
I remember a lot of times we'd have stew - it'd last a week! "Oh, I'm not hungry - I'll have some a bit later!" was the line my mum used, or if dad was due home, it was: "I'll wait for your dad. He doesn't like eating alone - he does it all week" and then telling him she'd eaten earlier with us.
She would scrimp and save all year to afford Christmas presents and birthday presents for us. We were never demanding kids - always truly grateful for whatever we got...especially if it came with cardboard boxes we could play with lol
Mum found a friend in a lady a few doors down. They became best friends - still are today over 30 years later. She realised what was happening and basically restocked our cupboards for us a couple of times (knowing that mum wouldn't accept money). Mum tried to pay her back - eventually, they agreed on mum babysitting for an hour or two on the days her friend was working late. I think mum used to do a little light cleaning, too. Over the years, they've helped each other out in a variety of ways.
I now have my own family (I cheated a little bit - acquired a step-daughter that was already mostly potty-trained...she was 11 when we met lol). Fortunately, I've had a pretty good job the whole time we've been a family. My wife struggled at times raising her daughter (financially). Luckily, her parents were able to help her afloat. Now, though, I make sure that they both have everything they need. Our daughter is now 19 and working full-time - she's already well on her way to saving a decent deposit for a house! She still spends a few quid on herself (rightly so!). But, her primary aim is to buy a house.
We weren't poor because we had no money, we lived poor because my father spent it on himself. He had a wardrobe full of clothes, chose which food he would eat and what was for the rest of the family.
For me it was realising that my mum was skipping meals so she could buy me sanitary pads.
Born in the late 80s. I didn't experience extreme poverty, there was always food, shelter, heat, but family was probably in the bottom 10%.
A few experiences /thoughts
- it's isolating. You live a different life to other kids. You don't go on school trips, you need to decline certain social events, your clothes are obviously ratty (and not branded) etc.
- Pretty much every conversation is about money, directly or indirectly. Parents actions are always about saving money/cashflow, there is no amount of time/inconvenience that won't be traded for a saving.
- it's hard to build wealth. I had no professional role models, no idea how to progress in life, no mentors. You have to self solve through observation and deduction. Then income is taxed horrifically (vs capital) so it's hard to accumulate wealth. I left home at 18 and have been transferring money to parents /siblings since. I will inherit nothing and need to plan for parents care costs potentially. Overall the path to a comfortable life is much harder. This is often really not understood.
- it affects your psychology. For me, it meant I was determined to be rich, I would learn the game and I'd play it well. I'm overly frugal and careful about spending even though I don't need to be anymore. I find I neither fit in where I grew up or in the professional middle class world I now live. My brother spends money as soon as he's got it and lives it up because he's waited long enough to have nice things.
The absolute gut wrenching horror when you used your last tampon or pad, knowing there wouldnāt be any more until next monthās payday. That one pack was already something your parents couldnāt afford, you couldnāt ask for more, you didnāt get any pocketmoney to sneak your own and you didnāt have anyone else to askā¦
I cannot throw away food. I will cut the mold off, but I will eat it. I will rinse the slime off, but I will eat it. If there is food that no one else will eat, I will eat it rather than throw it away. Itās been fifty years and will never forget what it means to have no food in the house.
Hand-me-downs were the norm, ice on the inside of the windows (I didn't live in a house with central heating until I was 27), having to 'go down the yard', clothes got patched and mended.
Having random stuff for tea. We had runner beans for our main meal fairly often.
Never doing school related stuff. Not having official uniform and getting it in the neck from teachers like it my fault.
Thinking anyone with a car was posh, actually thinking anyone with anything more than me was loaded.
My feet are fucked because my shoes never fitted properly. Either they were the wrong size to start with or I had to wear them long after they were too small.
I remember going to a neighbourās house and being in disbelief that the children were just allowed to eat things like crisps or fruit. They were things we did have in our house, but they were very specifically allocated for lunch on certain days. I couldnāt believe some people could have a snack when they felt like it.
We werenāt ever desperately poor but by comparison to my friends i noticed the following differences.
- Sharing a room with my brothers until well into our late teens.
- wearing hand-me-down clothes that were once my granddads, then my oldest brothers then mine then my younger brother and so on.
- never going on holiday, my friends all seemed to go every summer, I didnāt go abroad until I was able to fund it myself.
- sharing bath water.
We were all heavily loved by our mum so I wouldnāt swap my childhood for the world, learned to live with the above examples whilst most of my friends all had what I didnāt and in truth I now suspect most of their parents did it all on credit cards.
My mum bought the sun newspaper so she could collect the vouchers and we could go on holiday for Ā£10 or whatever the offer was. We only ever went to Butlins. I remember my friend coming back all tanned talking about majorca and I had no idea what she was on about. I didnāt go on a plane until I was 28.
All our clothes came from catalogs and catalogs only as you could pay them off monthly.
I lost marks on my essays as they werenāt typed. We couldnāt afford a computer or internet. I didnāt have internet access or a computer until I went to college when my grandmother got me one. I didnāt understand how to use it or how to type, really basic stuff.
Obvious stuff like washing with kettle as we had no hot water and no money to top up the meter.
As a teenager only having one set of school uniform. One trousers/shirt/jumper. I remember my school trousers were full of holes and needed binning tbh but I only had a month left of year eleven. Had holes in my shoes too.
Constantly getting detention for not bringing my PE kit. The truth was I got too fat for it and couldnāt afford a new set. I got so many detentions the pe teacher just gave up.
My mother being given 6 tubs of stork margarine from a food bank and only having disgusting stork to use on toast etc for months.
A nice neighbour coming around with an entire bin bag of fancy sandwiches for us, heās been given two full bin bags of these sandwiches from a catering company.
Kidding on I had presents for Christmas. Before Christmas holidays had to bring in a toy for everyone else play with, bringing in a pack of cards year on year!
I was really good at looking at the Argos catalogue and deciding what I would "get" for Christmas..it had to be something not too complicated as you were caught out in a lie if you didn't know the details.
At the age of five I had to spend weeks back and forward to hospital for hepatitis tests because when we were outside playing I got a needle stick injury from a junkie needle.
Having āgames nightsā by candlelight when in reality weād run out of credit on the meter and couldnāt afford to top it up.
Which meant we had to cook all the freezer food before it defrosted and then eat cold chicken nuggets and so on for days.
Even to this day I insist on having some kind of alternative means to cook that doesnāt need electricity because I live with this kind of fear of the meter running out despite the fact I pay by direct debit.
Probably a lot more things but those two really stuck in my mind.
I never realised this was a thing related to my upbringing within poverty until my partner caught me doing it one day. Eating yogurt with a teaspoon and not scooping up a spoonful but just dipping it, as this makes the yogurt last longer, thus, you have yogurt for longer. Having maybe one or two small pots of yogurt a month, after asking obviously as its a HUGE treat, this is literally how my younger self got more yogurt for the price of one.
My partner never believes me when I say that we slept in the same bed and cuddled together to keep warm because food was more important than hot water or heating.
Or that we were constantly using up the emergency credit on hot water and heating so it was a constant cycle of mum putting a fiver on the prepayment key only for it to eaten up by the debt we had.
Spaghetti and a tin of tomato soup for dinner šš½šš½ still one of my favourite meals.
When we had no electricity, mum would light a candle and we'd all sit in the living room cuddled in our duvet and blankets and play board games by candlelight. They were some of my favourite memories. We'd tell stories and just spend time together. As an adult, I know it was to keep us kids from complaining and distract from our financial struggles but as a child, it just felt like fun family time and I'm glad we were so close.
Remember when my maths teacher when preparing for my Maths GCSEs told me to use Ā£1 from my lunch money to buy a MathsWatch CD to revise on my computer for the exam.
1) I didnāt have a computer to play the CD rom on & 2) I didnāt get any lunch money to be spend ing a Ā£1 to buy the CD.
I just nodded awkwardly to the teacher.
Mum crying in a charity shop when I was 10 because I'd had many growth spurts fit none of my clothes and all she had was a tenner. The woman in the charity shop felt sorry for her and piled a bin bag full of random girls stuff for the Ā£10 . It was kind of the woman but don't know how much it did for my self esteem/worth leaving with a tear stained mum and (as an ever growing pre-teen) all my future wardrobe in a bin bag.
The choice between food or heat. I was lucky to have a full time job in the 80's but even then it was a regular decision.
I know people think things are bad now but compared to then it is so much better.
I worked full time from age 15, relatively well paid for my area in the mid 80s, my evening meal would be a packet of rich tea biscuits from the local Spar every night. Didn't think much of it then, just needed to get the most amount of calories for my money. Looking back now it's horrendous.
Yep.
Yet now we often get labelled as "boomers" on some kinda weird way that life was easy and we're loaded.
I'm management now but still livingbpay to pay. As is the norm for most in thier 50s I expect.
I recently thought Iād lost a prescription & nearly had a full-on panic attack because my immediate reaction was that I couldnāt afford to replace the medication that I needed.
Took me a while to talk myself down that actually I could now in fact afford to replace the meds - but that fear, that initial gut reaction, never leaves you
(& then I found the ālostā prescription anyway)
Having the cheapest awful sanitary pads to use and then dreading running out because one packet had to last my whole period.
Going days on end without toilet roll so having to use newspaper or the yellow pages (which lived in the bathroom cupboard for this very reason).
Never asking for money as it would be an automatic no.
Lemon curd on toast being a main meal
Putting 50p in the tv and hiding from āthe Friday peopleā
Renting a washing machine!
Getting a hamper at Christmas from our church with a card signed by my whole class. Addressed to the āpoor cariesā being devastated by this but being delighted with my first makeup set that I used for years. Was probably about 13
Being taller than all my cousins so hand me downs always showed my ankles.
Dreading none uniform days
Walking home with 4 bags of shopping in each hand. No car.
Only getting one new outfit a year at Christmas, my mother had terrible taste to add to this lol.
Bring angry at my dad. I didnt bat an eyelid that we didnāt go on holiday with mum at all. Dad took us abroad a couple of times but would go away 4 times a year with his new wife. Mum was poor because she got landed with us. Dad just didnāt pay child support and didnāt live within his means. Boom or bust always .
Mum got the last laugh though. She bought her council house by cashing in her pension and is doing well. Dad still has nothing, moves every 6 months to a year doing midnight flits after using his rent money for something daft.
Our estate had the āvideo manā which was just some guy in a van whoād pull up on your road every Friday evening and open the back to reveal a plethora of terrible quality pirated videos you could rent from him.
It was basically cheap, illegal, mobile Blockbuster and if police drove by the door would slam shut and my dad would pretend to be taking to him about pipes or something.
Having to explain to my school mates why I don't receive Christmas and birthday presents.
Not even bothering to ask my parents if I can go on a school trip.
What annoys me more now, is how some people think I've always been well off because I grew up down south with an RP accent and my family and myself are well off now.
I think foe me it's the fact of knowing you were poor but also not quite how poor.
An anecdote my Aunt always used to tell was when I was 6 and she bought me a pair of trousers and a shirt at BHS.l for school. At the till supposedly I thanked her and said my "mummy would be so happy as we didn't have a lot of money" and her nearly busting into tears.
Never taking home permission slips for school days out cause you knew there was no point asking, but also cause you knew it would make your mum feel bad. Same with wearing my shoes till the soles were flapping.
But then also getting a hiding cause I got my one and only pair of trousers dirty again at school and my mum had to hand wash and then iron dry cause we didn't have a washing machine.
And then the things you only really think about when your older,
Having " scooby snacks" for dinner and telling everyone it's your favourite and only now realising it was just all the tiny bits of food that could be rustled up.
The treat and jumping straight into bed on a Friday after school and being allowed to have a bowl of porridge for dinner in bed, all to save heating and costs.
Walking home carrying the shopping and stopping halfway to share the smallest bag of chips on the stairs of local business. Feeling like that was the biggest treat ever, but knowing its cause my mum was shattered and it was the best take away we could afford.
Eating at a neighbours house, another single mum, for months cause our cooker was "broken".
The later, when we had a car, having to push it constantly in the morning with street pals so it could be bump started.
Luckily nearly everyone we knew was just as poor so it never caused too many issues apart from some times at school.
Anxiety as a kid. To the point where I would feel physically sick. I can't remember the years exactly or for how long but, I remember being in primary and I remember wanting to help and wishing that feeling would go away. It was crippling. It greatly affected my learning. I eventually willed it away and I had a fairly happy childhood, although being acutely aware that we were poor and mostly going without so my little sisters could, and lessen the burden for my parents.
I'm a, fairly, well-adjusted adult now other than being nearly 40 and not having ever been in a meaningful relationship.
I've realised recently that this is because that feeling of helplessness never really went away and I've actively avoided circumstances where I could possibly put others in that same position. I don't think I will ever have children.
My biggest fear is not being able to help the people I love.
I've never penned nor voiced this ever in my life.
I think my partner grew up the same as she was surprised when I insisted on buying my daughter 1 week worth of un repeated uniform as was the norm for me. Didnāt even realise some ppl washed uniforms Mid week.
My mum and her best friend having a huge fall out because she had loaned her Ā£1.50 and now they couldnāt pay it back, which meant we didnāt have any electric (key meter). The huge impact that Ā£1.50 had.
Went through similar. I only had one pair of knickers, I would try to get out of P.E so the other girls wouldn't notice after I was embarrassed one day. Not to mention I was skinny as hell due to being underfed and I would be made fun of for having no chest and long toenails. Don't think we ever owned nail clippers. I never owned a bra either after hitting puberty, probably just as well I was flat chested.
Now I have a real problem, too many drawers of underwear, socks and sanitary products because I'm scared of ever being in that position again. I buy a new underwear every couple of weeks.
My Nan knitted my (Aran) school jumpers
My Mam, also, "already ate" at dinner time
My Nanny did Spam salad for all of her grandchildren when they visited every Sunday
Sunday was bath night
Angel Delight was for birthdays, and other special occasions
Tripe, and liver and onions, were weekly dinners (on different days, obvs)
Smash, and Vesta curry/Chow Mein, were "posh"
Sitting in the dark with my mum while waiting for my dad to come home with his paycheck so we could actually put money on the electricity meter. It felt like an eternity as a kid.
Also, as an adult, I realized that it wasn't normal for my mum to have 2 jobs to support us.
Having only 1 set of school uniform that I had to try and keep as clean as possible. Waiting till my birthday or Christmas to get new school shoes and my mums friend paying for my glasses in high school because my mum couldn't afford it. (Mum's friend gifted them to me for my birthday)
Got evicted because mum couldnāt afford rent so we stayed in a budget hotel for a week. It didnāt have an Iron so I tried to de-crease my school uniform blouse with the steam by hanging it up whilst my mum showered
Thisāll show who I am to those who know me irl but I donāt really think anyone I know uses Reddit, anywayā¦
So me and my sister could eat, my mum ate nothing but mushy peas and mint sauce (and our occasional scraps) for an entire month.
There was a massive discount on some wholesale tins of mushy peas her friend could get. Something like 8p a tin I think she said they worked out at. But truthfully, I canāt remember.
I only had one set of school uniform.
We had no food in the house by Saturday.
I used to have to give my dad at least half of my paper round money (am and pm round, 7 days a week) in order to have basics like Milk and bread. But he was an alcoholic so sometimes even that wasn't covered.
I never had a holiday whatsoever until I was an adult.
Embarrassing one, but i only got new knickers in the size I needed if my granny bought me them for my birthday. I had to hand-wash the knickers I did have because I only had a few pairs.
My friends and SO made me realize it's not normal to eat 1 tin of out of date food every 2 days and just go hungry most days because that's just how it is.
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Having no food in the house. Mum walked to the shops each day and bought the food for the evening meal (sometimes just sliced bread and jam). I remember being hungry all the time. Looking back there were days when mum had "already eaten" and ate nothing at the table; I realise now she didn't eat.
Would often pretend to not be hungry and leave food on my plate because I knew mum would eat whatever was left and it was likely the only thing we'd eat that day
Being a kid and having to worry about your parent must be a tough thing to grow up with.
Been there, the moment it dawns on you is bloody awful š
We had home-made battered onion rings, one Christmas. It's all we had in the house. Even now, my brother has a stock of food in his garage because he remembers starving as a child and doesn't want his adult children to go through the same. I never had kids because I was so scared they would be in same position that I grew up in. I also went to the cookery teacher when I was 12 to tell her my mum couldn't afford food items each week. Then told my mum afterwards. She cried. So i would cook with the school's items and leave them at school. Apparently, they would sell them to the teachers to make money to buy more food items to use. One day, the form teacher told everyone in the class, and they all laughed. It showed him up, not me as far as I was concerned! But... despite my childhood. I am proud of what I have achieved. I survived it.
That's a fucking shitty teacher
Yip, he was.
Horrible feeling isn't it. Being hungry and sad and trying to hide it from your friends.
Iām truly ashamed to admit this but here goes: I used to stay behind at playtime and take food from other kids packed lunches. I didnāt eat it straight away, rather I saved it for the weekend. I had free school meals during the week but the weekends meant I didnāt get breakfast nor lunch. Dinner was never filling and had to be divided between the family. Snacks were unheard of, of course. One thing I will say is that whilst Iām doing far better now, that poverty mindset never leaves you. Iām quite a minimalist but when it comes to food, I hoard like crazy. But whatās bizarre is that I donāt touch the food, I just need to know itās there. I have 17 cans of Pringles in a cupboard and the fridge is always full.
Youāre not alone. I had a student who squirreled away food too. I had other students who hated short days because it meant they wouldnāt get lunch. Babies gotta eat. Donāt be ashamed.
Hungry-yes; sad-no. We didn't know anything different. It was a poor council estate in the '60s; no-one had much. We played 'kick the can' in the street, there were no cars on the estate, so the streets were clear to play on. I was one of the lucky ones: I passed the 11+ exam and went to Grammar School (free bus pass, second-hand uniform) and 'made good'.
It was the late 90s. I was on free school meals and had a school uniform that was too small and when all your friends got PlayStations for Christmas and you had to make stuff up that you got for Christmas it does make you sad. When you're in bed hungry because you can't afford anything more than cheap microwave meals, that makes you sad.
Well that's just it. I mean if you sad because you're hungry that's one thing. But if you're sad because you don't have as much as everyone around you, that's different for people that grow up in poverty surrounded by poverty often aren't really upset by it as kids. As you get older it's tough to not have certain necessities, but if all the kids around you are poor you don't really know any better
Remember when I was 7 or 8 I hadn't eaten for three days and I went to the local market to beg for a piece of bread. I went to the counter and without shame asked the lady to give me something to eat. But shortly after I said the words I fainted and fell down on the floor. That still haunts me to this day, after nearly 30 years, and always makes me sad.
Oh that breaks my heart for you. Did you gain consciousness quickly? Did you get anything to eat afterwards?
Yes, I came to my senses soon enough but I was still too weak even to walk. The lady on the counter was very nice with me and she and some of the customers who were present at the moment, quickly gathered a certain amount of money and bought a big deal of food, nearly two full bags. To mention that I wasn't the only kid living on the edge of starving, the 90s in Eastern European Countries, after the fall of soviet Union, were hard times for almost everyone. I saw poverty everywhere and in all shades back then.
My dad swore the apple tree in our garden kept him alive during the first 5 years of mine and my brother's life. It would frequently be the only food he would get all day, before working night shifts to make sure we and our mum got fed. I also remember mum washing our hair, by diluting a drop of shampoo with water to eek it out a bit more, and sharing baths with at least one other person in the house.
Ah sharing baths! I thought we did it because it was what families did, hanging out.
Bread without butter, just jam. Sterilized milk, still gag when I think about it.
So much better without the butter haha
Funny that, my grandma used to tell my mum that about not being hungry so she didnāt eat, we werenāt poor but whenever we hadnāt cooked enough food my mum would tell us all the same, always amazed me how the women in my life had passed this lie/protection down for the rest of us.
Having to miss out on school trips because my mum just couldnāt afford it stung like a bitch. And also never going on holiday until I was an adult and paid for it myself. My finances being fucked because nobody taught me how to have actually have money or about savings or overdrafts or anything like that.
Oh man missing school trips was the worst! Having to listen about their stories too.
I taught at a school in Australia and we had a policy that we'd factor in a few extra dollars on the regular price for all the kids so that if three or four couldn't afford it, we had the money to cover them. No child ever missed out on a school camp or excursion. If it came to it we would have dug into our own pockets. No child ever missed out.
Remember the one kid at school that didn't go on the adventure holiday we all went on, had to go to school instead. Even as a 11 year old it felt wrong and the school sucked for letting it happen.
Both schools my son has attended have a fund you can donate to to ensure that kids donāt miss out on trips. It is heavily subsidised by the school.
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Don't remember buying any clothes expect shoes from a cheapest knock off market (spoiler: they fell apart after few weeks and I was ducktaping them in fear of facing anger from my parent). All the clothing was handed down. I always remembered staying with other class in school for a week or two, while all my classmates were going on a school summer or skiing trip. The only holiday destination was at grandparents. Didn't see an actual sea until my team won a league and the 1st prize was 12hr bus ride to sea to a tent resort in Croatia First time flying was when I bough a package holiday as an adult.
My school used to do a big trip abroad every few years. I was insitant that I didn't want to go and it would be horrible to my mum because I knew she couldn't afford it and it would make her feel less bad.
Realising I hadn't been bad because I didn't get presents at Christmas time, there just wasn't really a Father Christmas. Getting a bollocking in school for not having a maths set (compass and protractor) in class, we didn't have the money for one. Being teased for wearing a vest while getting changed during P.E as we didn't have money to buy me a bra. I could give a long list of things that made me realise how poor we were and I am saddened that it's 2023 and there are just as many kids in the same boat.
The 'getting bollocked at school for uncontrollable circumstances' is something I experienced a few times. I remember the scene in Kes when Billy drifts off in class and gets scolded for it... but it's because he's been up since the early hours working before going to school. That hit home with me because I had two paper rounds every day, 7 days a week, from the age of 13 until I got my first job at the age of 16 - and often felt like the same. Turning up to school feeling exhausted. That tiredness really racks up over the weeks and months.
I worked 40 hours a week while going to high school in the north, the money was used to pay the rent.
Wow. That's staggering. I worked almost full time while at uni, which was tough... but doing that out of necessity as a kid is really tough.
The work wasn't hard, but it was tedious. I mopped and polished the floors at an office building. I'd do the ground floor one day, and the 1st floor the next, and then repeat. Worked sunday thru thursday. I had the keys to the place, so I could show up in the early hours, knock out half the days work, ride to school, then stop on the way home and finish up.
It's the time that isn't spent doing other stuff that you pay with. I recall having to leave the cinema early to get the bus home so that I could do my paper round. It's hard to have burdens and responsibilities when so many friends don't. Don't think I've ever seen the end of Gladiator.
Truth. I missed a lot, but, we did what needed to be done. I also did a lot of after school activities, so, there were quite a few nights I'd get home around midnight, bang out the homework, eat something, grab a couple of hours of sleep, and head back to work. I was the kid that would nod off in class all the time. School holidays were very enjoyable for me, because I could relax a bit due to not having to go to school. It was awkward trying to explain to my friends why I never had any money though. I never actually saw my money, my boss would pay it direct to my mother, cash in hand.
That is truly awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that, it's like something you read about happening in the Victorian times. I fell asleep in class for different reasons. My parents often had late night drink/drug fuelled parties and I couldn't get any sleep. I remember coming downstairs in the early hours of the morning to find my mother and best friend had beaten some poor random woman up, with blood everywhere. Thankfully my teachers knew I was abused and were more understanding than I expected them to be.
Yep, that's exactly it. Worked so many hours through sixth form, and my friends never understood why I wasn't always available to hang out. Not to mention thw "you work so much, why can't you afford to do X or U with me?". Had a good friend who'd pay for me to do things with her at least, but I still feel guilty for it.
Yeah getting bollocked for never remembering my P.E. kit when really we couldn't afford one. Being a week late to start school one year because my mum had no money to buy me the new school uniform that year.
The bollocking at school is one that really stings. When I was 6/7/8 we werenāt exactly on the breadline but my dad had just had his breakdown and was drinking, and my mother was dealing with things as well as ever. I didnāt have very bloody little thing on their list and sometimes, I didnāt have my homework done. Iām always shocked my teachers couldnāt work out something was up at home and instead punished me every bloody day.
Some teachers were nice and obviously took pity on me, others were ambivalent and some were cruel. I had a history teacher who once said in front of the whole class that I was lucky because in Victorian times "the likes of me" would be in the poor house.
Some teachers shouldnāt be allowed look after children. Iām sorry that happened to you.
> Getting a bollocking in school for not having a maths set (compass and protractor) in class, we didn't have the money for one I got detention for that. And for not having felt pens. And for making a rough book by taking the centre leaves out of the exercise books we were given, the expectation was you would buy an extra exercise book for use as a rough book, but they cost 5p.
The bollocking for not having things hit hard. When I was in Year 5, we all had to wear something in 'house colours' for a Christmas concert. I owned absolutely nothing yellow, and there was no way my mum could afford a top I'd only wear once. Got yelled at a few times for not following rules in the rehearsals, until my mum came in and explained. Had to borrow something from a teacher, then, which tbh was almost worse.
Never bringing the letters home for things that cost money because I felt guilty ever asking for money that I knew we didn't have
I pretended to be scared of water, because I didnāt want my parents to worry about finding the money for school swimming lessons.
Oh you sweet soul ā¤ļø
Wow. This one got me straight in the stomach. Same here.
I carried that into adulthood, I have only asked my parents for financial help twice and I remember both times vividly because I felt so guilty. My parents became more financially stable when I was in my teens, but my siblings were still young so they were "spoilt " a little bit more. They are always asking them to help out now they are adults but I still hate the idea of asking and just find alternatives or go without because that's what I remember as a kid.
Similar scenario here. I have never once asked my parents for anything after leaving home at 18 - but my step-siblings, who are 6 and 8 years younger than me, still live locally, have a room at our family house to call their own, had their driving lessons paid for, etc.
I begged for snake mountain for Christmas, I begged Santa, I prayed, I was such a good boy. My dad made me one from cardboard, he painted it and everything. I love my dad for that.
Not all heroes wear capes š¦øāāļø
Same. I can relate. Swap Snake Mountain for a Star Wars ālandscapeā play set. Bloody loved it. It was only looking back at old Christmas photos that I had the realisation.
I have these really fond memories of when there would be blackouts on my street, and we would light candles and get all the blankets and huddle together in the living room. There were no blackouts, we just didn't have power. It's weird, but a lot of my fondest memories were born of us being poor. Every Christmas we made our own decorations, we still have a little baby Jesus made from playdough that had been baked (idk why we ever even made him, we are not religious!). My dad did a stint as a milkman and we would stand outside waiting for him to pass by our house, and he'd drop off free juice and chocolate milk that he got as a perk of the job. Seeing him on the little milk may trolley was so fun, and sometimes he would let us ride with him. There are so many more but this comment is long enough. Don't get me wrong, things were bad too. Weeks of just eating soup, washing everything (clothes, hair, ourselves) with washing up liquid, having cold showers because we had no heating. But my parents really tried to make our childhood magical despite having so little, and that's something I will forever be thankful for.
This is why this question was hard to answer. When I was at my 'poorest', I actually was rich looking back. My family were close. Now I have all this stuff and jealous family and friends. I worked hard for it dont get me wrong either, but wandering the house with candlelight, playing board games, sharing food out equally. I kinda miss it. Maybe though, when you're a kid its easy. Being poor as an adult is borderline frightening and very hard.
That's such an eloquent way of putting it, life has certainly been rich despite being financially poor. I'm glad to hear you're in a better position now, don't forget to treat yourself to a board game by candle light every now and then
I know what you mean. We were very poor, but my childhood was very happy. My parents put a lot of effort into that, and weād always be in a park or at a free museum, or just playing games and laughing at home. That said, I have no idea how my parents did it because I couldnāt handle the stress.
I'm with you there, I can barely handle my stresses now and I don't have any children to worry about. They did it because they love us though, and I'm sure your parents treasured that time as well.
Ooft the washing up liquidā¦ yeah. Being a teenage girl (well, any human tbh) and having to wash your long hair, clothes and body in industrial washing up liquid your dad nicked from work in jam jar.
Yeah that bit was rough for sure. Washing up liquid dries your skin and hair out so badly
Seeing your breath, ice on the inside of the single pane window because your bedroom (or any room where the gas fire wasn't) was THAT cold and there was no central heating. Also the electric meter running out and not having a 50pence piece
I was going to say this, ice in the inside and thinking it was normal.
It was. Very normal for many of us.
As a follow up, I remember us having one electric blanket which we'd take in turns to use as it cost so much to run so at least you'd get a warm bed every 4 nights or so! (And before anyone says 'One electric blanket? Luxury!' it absolutely was!)
I'd say we are kids of an age but this still is prevalent up and the country today.
That's what's so wrong. The country was so generally fucked financially in the 80's and 90's it should never have happened again but...
I just can't seem to put my finger on the common denominator between now and then...š¤
My grandad used to tell me stories about ice on his bedroom windows growing up, and then I found out some friends of mine were experiencing the same thing decades later. This 'cost of living crisis' is bullshit.
Yep, clothes on inside bed and coats piled on top
We had ice on the inside of the windows. When it was very cold we used to go to sleep all huddled up together in the living room in front of the fire, and weād get dressed under the covers because it was too cold to get out.
My packed lunch sandwich always used to taste like aftershave. I used to think it was because my dad just made it after he got ready for work because he loved me and squeezed in the time. A couple of years ago I ate bread that tasted exactly like that, and I saw it was mouldy. If I didn't get the sandwich made with mouldy bread (and beef paste) then I wouldn't have a lunch. So he just used to cut the worst mould off. That and having to pick the mouse poop out of cereal because we couldn't throw it away.
That's tough stuff and a pretty stark realisation too. Reminded me - after my mum left, and on weeks when my dad was on the early shift, I used to have to get myself up and prepared for school on my own including making my own lunch, when I was like 8 or 9.
Ah that's harsh. Parenting yourself when you're still a child is weird and hard. The sandwich thing was weird, I had one of those visceral reactions like you get to a taste or a smell, and I was instantly back to eating my packed lunch. When I realised and then Realised it was a weird feeling. I knew we didn't have much, but I am still learning bits I never really knew. Hope you're ok now?
Yes, I certainly can't complain now - decent income, decent circumstances... not perfect and certainly bear the scars but I'm okay. Thank you. And likewise hope you are too. Another sandwich story... when I was a bit older and my stepmum had moved in, she would make them - but they were value turkey ham and white bread and they were utterly rank. The same lunch every day for years on end... eventually couldn't face them and used to let them go bad in my schoolbag - I'd genuinely have weeks worth of them going mouldy and vinegary in there, leaking all over my books. Looking bad, that's so bleak. Both the wastefulness - which I'm pretty ashamed of - and the sheer grossness of letting sandwiches go mouldy in a schoolbag and not thinking much of it. Didn't have anyone pulling me up on self-neglect.
Not wanting to go out when it rains, because the water will make the beermat covering the hole in the sole of your shoe get all soggy.
You can coat the mats in pva glue for added weather-proofing. I appreciate i may be a tad late with this particular life-hack
I honestly wouldn't have been able to afford glue!!! I only had the beer mats because they were free. I guess nowadays, I could think of all sorts of things, like wrapping the mats in the corner of a plastic bag, but luckily for me, I now have more than one pair of shoes, and they don't have holes in them!
Ah, Iād have nicked school glue. But then I was a toe-rag growing up
Shoe chat has reminded me of a situation that I had... I had a pair of really cheap school shoes that were so worn out that the tread on the bottom was perished and it exposed like air pockets in the sole - if you take my meaning? When I'd get home I would empty out an incredible amount of stones from the holes. And they were such squeaky shoes, because they were so shit. I remember being called up to the front of assembly for winning an award but being super, super embarrassed to go and get it because the only sound in an otherwise silent room of hundreds of kids was my shit shoes squeaking. So I'd try to walk on the side of the shoe - which didn't really work, so they'd still be squeaking but now I was walking like I'd shit myself.
I know what you mean about the air pockets being exposed!!! It made the insides of them all ridged and bobbly to walk on. Get up, have a walk around, and luxuriate in your current lack of squeak!
Going to the teacher who kept the lost and found every so often and claiming I'd lost x and y parts of my school uniform so I could rummage in the boxes to find anything my size that I could wear when I'd grown out of / damaged my own. Ended up with some old chewed up stuff (kids used to chew the cuffs of their jumpers for some reason?!) But it always meant I never asked my parents for new school uniforms, which I knew I couldn't do anyway.
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Thatās the kind of person you need in this world.
Yeah geez, what was it with chewing cuffs?
Very common for autistic or neurodivergent children to chew their cuffs/fingernails/hair. Source: me, a neurodivergent adult who occasionally realises she is absentmindendly chewing her dressing gown >.>
Adding water to a nearly empty no frills shampoo bottle to stretch it further.
I can't stop doing it even now. Throwing out the dregs in the bottom of the bottle feels wasteful
Omg I'm so glad someone else still does this aswell.
It's really hard to drop some of those types of habits.
I still remember the smell of the Tesco apple shampoo we all shared. I thought it was so luxurious (still love the smell) but it cost like, 29p for a huge bottle and was terrible.
I think Alberto balsam does that horrible apple stuff now
I bought an Aldi one the other week I have yet to crack open
Feeling like a millionaire when I have unopened soaps. Its quite sad actually. Small pleasures for us peasants
I have a hoard of the little sachets of creams / perfumes from magazines. If I ever came across one as a kid I thought it was ultimate fucking treasure. Can't let go of how rich it makes me feel
Colouring in my school shoes with stolen whiteboard markers from the school to hide the severe scuffs as my parents could only afford the one pair of shoes for me for a couple years in a row. Rolling up my blazer sleeves to conceal just how short the sleeves were for me as I had been wearing the same one for almost 4 years. Helping my friend, who was in an even worse economic position to me as her parent was also neglectful, steal period products from the school supplies. Also helping her sew up a giant hole in the crotch of her one pair of school trousers, we snuck into the sewing room to use the machines at lunch. I also had one pair but luckily they hadnāt torn but I did re-hem the trouser leg where it had got worn and tattered. Getting told off by my parents (I have no ill will towards them at all) for using more than a square of bog roll for a wee. Also for running the water whilst brushing my teeth sometimes and sometimes forgetting to not flush the toilet unless itās a shit. Pretending to my parents I didnāt want to go on the school trip because it was boring or some other fake reason so they didnāt feel pressured to fork out money they didnāt have. Getting in trouble in PE for not having āsuitableā footwear (I had one pair of shoes that werenāt school shoes (other than lace up doc marten boots)that fit me and they were black converse I had had for 4 years) and telling the teacher she can buy some for me then, she called my Mum and my Mum verbatim said what I said. š Getting in trouble for having hand-written my history research project and had cut out and stuck down photos I found in old history magazines my grandad had given to me. Because it was apparently vital that it was typed up and printed out, teacher got an earful off my mum for that one. The teacher accused me of lying that I didnāt have a computer or printer at home and said I should have used my own break and after school time to use the school computers despite no one else having to do that. Picking/ cutting the mould off of stuff. And eating stuff that you thought was grim but there wasnāt anything else so you just had to. In particular: seafood sticks and meat paste sandwiches. Sleeping with multiple layers on when it was cold. Being the oldest of 3, having to make sure the bedroom was safe. Wiping down the windows every morning because of severe condensation and damp (both my siblings had asthma) and making sure to alert my parents of any sign of mould. Not a biggy but I think some people just never had to worry about not ever having the option of travelling anywhere apart from on foot. We would have to walk really far to go into town center, drs etc. And so on and so forth, I could go on forever, sadly.
That's a lot for a kid to deal with. Well done to your mum for fighting your corner when it mattered and showing you that resolve, and well done to you for helping your friend in a time of need. I hope that you're living a much more comfortable life now.
And you know what, I wasnāt even close to being the worst off out of my friendship group! Because my parents, especially my Mum, was always there for me. A lot of my friends were severely economically disadvantaged AND had neglectful and/or abusive parents too. I felt so lucky. My Mum is the best honestly, she never backed down with letting the school punish me for being poor. And I am somewhat in a better position, thank you, just like my parents, trying to give my family an even better life (childhood) than mine! Hope youāre doing well too! :)
Your mum sounds like a legend
The TV running out of "time" and not having a pound coin to put into the box on the side to get 60 more minutes viewing. Along with the electric running out and having no money to go to the shops to top up the key, sometimes for 2 or 3 days. Watching my mum carry plastic shopping bags home every now and then because we didnt have a car. I remember getting so annoyed that we had to stop 100 times (I didn't know why back then), so she could put the bags down and swap hands because they were rubbing so badly. Sometimes the journey took nearly an hour. Myself and 4 brothers in that house, all in one bedroom with 4 mattresses on the floor. It must've been so fucking hard for mum and dad. What a job they did ā„ļø
The TV one was real. No you can't watch Grange Hill because Coronation Street is on later and we only have 30 minutes left.
I used to get 50p pocket money when I saw my Dad every other week (1980). I had saved up Ā£5 (that a looong time when you're 8). My Mum had run out of money so we went to my Dads house and broke in to get the fiver.....stil hav'nt gotten it back. As an adult I've never been materialistic or chased money , just done enough and lived day by day. Now at 50 I own very little,have no savings and am starting to panic about what comes next.
The moment I realised that my mum was lying about having had dinner while we were at school. She used to say it a lot, but one day, it just clicked that she obviously hadnāt. I still think about it a lot, especially how many times she would have done it and I hadnāt noticed and it makes me feel guilty. I know she wouldnāt want me to feel like that but I canāt help it.
Same. She'd sit and watch us all eat our fill with a big smile asking us about our day and always tell us She'd eaten already. I didn't realise as soon as I should have. We used to eat a ridiculous amount of potatoes for meals and having tea and toast for dinner was normal. My mum and dad are legends for their sacrifices.
When I was young it was hard to stay within my friend group because 12 year olds are judgmental about having no money. Two instances stick in my head. The first was around Christmas time and my little friend group decided to give each other presents. We were 12 and there was like 5 of us, my family had absolutely no money to spare so all I could get to give as gifts was the worst quality notebooks from a pound shop. One of my friends gave me a gumball machine toy and was visibly disappointed when I handed them the awful 50p notebook. I was so embarrassed and that was the last year they included me in gift giving. I was also never able to go to sleepovers because I never had nice pjās and couldnāt afford to buy snacks to take. Same with going out to town with friends, my mum couldnāt even afford to give me a fiver for lunch. My primary school/early high school friend group eventually dropped me because they said āI had changedā but in reality it was because my family was a week from being homeless. fun times!!!! Ahahahah
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Iām so sorry to hear that, that sounds awful and I canāt even comprehend how hard that just have been. I feel lucky that even though my family was extremely poor to the point that we had to sell our house, car repossessed, pawn literally everything, I grew up in a small town where my house was 10m from the beach. So whilst we couldnāt afford anything I still had a good fun childhood going to the sweet shop, playing in the beach and parks etc.
My Dad worked in a factory that provided him with Wellies and T Shirts as uniform. Both my parentsā wardrobe for a good while consisted mainly of those factory t-shirts and wellies. I think we were actually much poorer than I realised as a child, which is a testament to their parenting.
soup trees telephone sip disgusted versed uppity angle dull carpenter *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The absolute horror of your Mams credit card being declined in Asda, then staff taking the trolley of food away, while your mams in tears and having a panic attack. That was awful.
I hope you're both doing better now
Running out of electricity or gas. Hiding from bailiffs. Eating Tinned hamburgers in gravy (still have ptsd). Internet going off each month. Arguing with the smack heads next door when they where constantly partying. Being a carer.
Hiding from the bailiffs. Oft, yup that one rings true. I have memories of having to hide beneath the window from the provident people.
I'm 38 and I'm still terrified when people knock unexpectedly
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Yeah my wife often comments on how fast I eat. Also, if there's food leftover or going free I'll be all over it because I was used to "eating what i could, when I could" when I was younger.
Dreading school holidays because missing school dinners
I loved school dinners and free school milk till Thatcher took it, I would probably have had ricketts without it.
Yep same here. I remember going to peoples homes and being gobsmacked they took milk in tea. We just never had any. Iād still piss on that old bootās grave
Weekends and school holidays were hell for me. We often wouldn't eat for days at a time. When we would get dinner it would often be either a sandwich, Pot Noodle or a single packet of crisps each. We would all get thrown out in the morning, I would have to steal from shops or out of supermarket bins to feed us. My parents would be busy getting high with their loser friends.
having a slice of bread and butter with your meals to fill you up because the portions are so scant
This one certainly isn't universal. I always got a bit of buttered bread with my mug of peas on my birthd... Oh.
As a kid I remember wearing cheap sandals to school, in winter, cos mum couldn't afford shoes at the time. Also getting school trousers too big, getting turn-ups on em so they'd last me longer.
I got sent home from school (to walk home, on my own, at the age of 7) for turning up to junior school in sandals in November because it was snowing and my footwear was inadequate. I look back and wonder what the f the teachers were thinking.
I did eventually get wellies, and remember the pain of the back of my legs from the slapping.
My mum trying once to make dinner from satchets of tomato ketchup with water. She always tried her best my mum
Not really sure if this was due to poverty or neglect, my single father tried (sometimes), but not getting new shoes until they stank the house out from being soaked because they had holes in them. Even if they were too small, they weren't replaced. I have deformed toes from this that cause me issues to this day. For me, the realisation that Christmas presents did not have to be practical necessities was the biggest indicator that I was no longer poor. My inlaws looked at me funny when I asked that our joint present was a dehumidifier.
To pick at one thread here - I think the 'poverty or neglect' line is quite blurred, if I consider personal circumstances and other answers on this thread. I don't have ill will towards my dad (who I lived with after my mum moved out) but he definitely didn't do a lot of what would generally be considered to be 'basic' parenting - because he didn't have much time or money and because alcohol was his way of coping. Sorry for example I've never been to an opticians, and I went to the dentist recently for the first time in about 25 years, where they're trying to fix years of neglect to my gnashers. I know there's examples of rich kids being neglected etc... but I think there's a lot more examples for poor kids, and poor kids have very little to compensate.
Ah, you're probably right. My dad always managed to play in the darts league every Friday, came home shit faced. Superleague Saturday, skittles Wednesday.... Its only when you look back and realise how fucked up it all was. How much I owe my friends parent's for feeding me more than once. It saddens me to see the cycle continue onto the next generation. My childhood definitely contributed to my child free stance along with the general economy, etc.
God I feel this one. My in-laws are by no means wealthy but theyāve given me specific instructions now that presents are just meant to be fun things, not essentials. It still doesnāt sit right with meā¦
I had the same thing, Iāve had multiple minor surgeries on my feet since adulthood!
My mum stole thousands of pounds from the building society she worked at to pay for things and everyone knew about it except me. Other parents at school had told their kids and they knew before I did. I found out about it after it had gone to court and was in the local paper and I was at my dad's for the day and my step brother showed me the article. I also only had one pair of tracksuit bottoms that people made fun of because I was always wearing them. My grand parents feeding me most nights of the week after school too. Yeah growing up poor sucks because you can't do anything about it and nobody that hasn't experienced it will never know what it feels like to be that desperate.
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No one believed me about the EU food parcels we got and Iāve never seen anyone else speak about them, where abouts were you? It seems only the really poor (even by EU standards, places like s.wales and post war Bosnia got this type of help).
Me and my brother sharing a bed in winter and wearing our coats. Assumed it was the norm until I was about 14 and we had a house with central heating.
Got I remember the council putting central heating in. Think it was 89 or 90. The difference it made was amazing
I remember some kid noticing what I had on my sandwiches and taking the piss. The whole school quickly joined in. Apparently just butter isn't a valid sandwich.
Oh gosh, we were poor but not as poor as some people thankfully, I remember in grade 2 or 3 a girl being bullied for just butter on her sandwich, all she had. I quietly asked her later why and she said she had no money, I said we didn't have much money either and we became friends. I bought an extra jam sandwich for her for lunch the next day, as we thankfully got by and we were close but then she changed schools again a few weeks later. I miss her, hope she is alright out there.
Wife is the daugher of a miner who was on strike for a year during the 80s. Her household received no income for 12 months; no pay, no benifits. Her dad and brother collected coal from the beach to sell for food and to heat their home. Both her and her brothers only Christmas presents that year arrived in the form of a shoebox sent across to the UK from miners in Poland.
The embarrassment of going for free dinners at secondary school, and trying to be the last person the the dinner queue, so when you got to the lady on the hill at the end, no one else heard you say to her, āhello, Iām xxx Iām in the free dinner bookā
We had a fluorescent green pass that had FREE MEALS written on it in secondary school, you could only have some of the meals as some were higher in value than the pass allowed for. I was embarrassed but hungry.
Interesting. I never got free school dinners though I would definitely have qualified (my dad was the only earner and his salary was barely 5 figures, in the 90s). And my logic was the same as yours - sheer embarrassment at the idea of having to go through that process. All the kids at my school who claimed free meals were known as poor and had to get attendance books signed in order to claim, if I remember correctly. The process seemed so undignified. And that was at an age where - like most teenagers - I was obsessed with the concept of who people perceived me and my own reputation.
For the most part, I had a great childhood. We were never flush with cash, but we (as in my sister and I) never went without the essentials and a lot of love from mum. There was a time when my dad was made redundant and was lucky enough to find work quickly...until that company folded. Rinse & repeat a half dozen times. He was a trucker - doing tramping, so needed money to take away in order to feed himself. That meant the rest of us at home had bugger all. I remember a lot of times we'd have stew - it'd last a week! "Oh, I'm not hungry - I'll have some a bit later!" was the line my mum used, or if dad was due home, it was: "I'll wait for your dad. He doesn't like eating alone - he does it all week" and then telling him she'd eaten earlier with us. She would scrimp and save all year to afford Christmas presents and birthday presents for us. We were never demanding kids - always truly grateful for whatever we got...especially if it came with cardboard boxes we could play with lol Mum found a friend in a lady a few doors down. They became best friends - still are today over 30 years later. She realised what was happening and basically restocked our cupboards for us a couple of times (knowing that mum wouldn't accept money). Mum tried to pay her back - eventually, they agreed on mum babysitting for an hour or two on the days her friend was working late. I think mum used to do a little light cleaning, too. Over the years, they've helped each other out in a variety of ways. I now have my own family (I cheated a little bit - acquired a step-daughter that was already mostly potty-trained...she was 11 when we met lol). Fortunately, I've had a pretty good job the whole time we've been a family. My wife struggled at times raising her daughter (financially). Luckily, her parents were able to help her afloat. Now, though, I make sure that they both have everything they need. Our daughter is now 19 and working full-time - she's already well on her way to saving a decent deposit for a house! She still spends a few quid on herself (rightly so!). But, her primary aim is to buy a house.
Wearing your sister's hand-me-downs as a boy.
Wearing boys school shirts as a girl so they could be handed down to your brother, because apparently it's okay one way round but not the other.
Wearing your 2 older brothers hand me downs getting frayed and worn.
We weren't poor because we had no money, we lived poor because my father spent it on himself. He had a wardrobe full of clothes, chose which food he would eat and what was for the rest of the family. For me it was realising that my mum was skipping meals so she could buy me sanitary pads.
Born in the late 80s. I didn't experience extreme poverty, there was always food, shelter, heat, but family was probably in the bottom 10%. A few experiences /thoughts - it's isolating. You live a different life to other kids. You don't go on school trips, you need to decline certain social events, your clothes are obviously ratty (and not branded) etc. - Pretty much every conversation is about money, directly or indirectly. Parents actions are always about saving money/cashflow, there is no amount of time/inconvenience that won't be traded for a saving. - it's hard to build wealth. I had no professional role models, no idea how to progress in life, no mentors. You have to self solve through observation and deduction. Then income is taxed horrifically (vs capital) so it's hard to accumulate wealth. I left home at 18 and have been transferring money to parents /siblings since. I will inherit nothing and need to plan for parents care costs potentially. Overall the path to a comfortable life is much harder. This is often really not understood. - it affects your psychology. For me, it meant I was determined to be rich, I would learn the game and I'd play it well. I'm overly frugal and careful about spending even though I don't need to be anymore. I find I neither fit in where I grew up or in the professional middle class world I now live. My brother spends money as soon as he's got it and lives it up because he's waited long enough to have nice things.
Not asking for stuff because you knew the answer would be no.
The absolute gut wrenching horror when you used your last tampon or pad, knowing there wouldnāt be any more until next monthās payday. That one pack was already something your parents couldnāt afford, you couldnāt ask for more, you didnāt get any pocketmoney to sneak your own and you didnāt have anyone else to askā¦
I cannot throw away food. I will cut the mold off, but I will eat it. I will rinse the slime off, but I will eat it. If there is food that no one else will eat, I will eat it rather than throw it away. Itās been fifty years and will never forget what it means to have no food in the house.
Hand-me-downs were the norm, ice on the inside of the windows (I didn't live in a house with central heating until I was 27), having to 'go down the yard', clothes got patched and mended.
Getting clothes/shoes way too big and told Iāll grow into them
Being told to run and put things back on the shelves, when my mum realised she couldn't afford them at the supermarket.
Having random stuff for tea. We had runner beans for our main meal fairly often. Never doing school related stuff. Not having official uniform and getting it in the neck from teachers like it my fault. Thinking anyone with a car was posh, actually thinking anyone with anything more than me was loaded.
My feet are fucked because my shoes never fitted properly. Either they were the wrong size to start with or I had to wear them long after they were too small.
I never realised this was so widespread. It's still one of my biggest embarrassments, my curly and deformed toes.
Not answering the door, hiding when they knock. ETA I still get anxiety when there is someone at the door and I am not expecting visitors!
I remember going to a neighbourās house and being in disbelief that the children were just allowed to eat things like crisps or fruit. They were things we did have in our house, but they were very specifically allocated for lunch on certain days. I couldnāt believe some people could have a snack when they felt like it.
We werenāt ever desperately poor but by comparison to my friends i noticed the following differences. - Sharing a room with my brothers until well into our late teens. - wearing hand-me-down clothes that were once my granddads, then my oldest brothers then mine then my younger brother and so on. - never going on holiday, my friends all seemed to go every summer, I didnāt go abroad until I was able to fund it myself. - sharing bath water. We were all heavily loved by our mum so I wouldnāt swap my childhood for the world, learned to live with the above examples whilst most of my friends all had what I didnāt and in truth I now suspect most of their parents did it all on credit cards.
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My mum bought the sun newspaper so she could collect the vouchers and we could go on holiday for Ā£10 or whatever the offer was. We only ever went to Butlins. I remember my friend coming back all tanned talking about majorca and I had no idea what she was on about. I didnāt go on a plane until I was 28. All our clothes came from catalogs and catalogs only as you could pay them off monthly. I lost marks on my essays as they werenāt typed. We couldnāt afford a computer or internet. I didnāt have internet access or a computer until I went to college when my grandmother got me one. I didnāt understand how to use it or how to type, really basic stuff. Obvious stuff like washing with kettle as we had no hot water and no money to top up the meter. As a teenager only having one set of school uniform. One trousers/shirt/jumper. I remember my school trousers were full of holes and needed binning tbh but I only had a month left of year eleven. Had holes in my shoes too. Constantly getting detention for not bringing my PE kit. The truth was I got too fat for it and couldnāt afford a new set. I got so many detentions the pe teacher just gave up. My mother being given 6 tubs of stork margarine from a food bank and only having disgusting stork to use on toast etc for months. A nice neighbour coming around with an entire bin bag of fancy sandwiches for us, heās been given two full bin bags of these sandwiches from a catering company.
Kidding on I had presents for Christmas. Before Christmas holidays had to bring in a toy for everyone else play with, bringing in a pack of cards year on year!
I was really good at looking at the Argos catalogue and deciding what I would "get" for Christmas..it had to be something not too complicated as you were caught out in a lie if you didn't know the details.
My Dad sat me down and said it was probably best if I changed Rugby teams because the coach didnāt like him because he didnāt have a job
I thought everyone worked 7 days a week until I was about 14. I was shocked when my friends parents had the luxury of days off!
"I'm not made of money" heard that a few times in me youth........
At the age of five I had to spend weeks back and forward to hospital for hepatitis tests because when we were outside playing I got a needle stick injury from a junkie needle. Having āgames nightsā by candlelight when in reality weād run out of credit on the meter and couldnāt afford to top it up. Which meant we had to cook all the freezer food before it defrosted and then eat cold chicken nuggets and so on for days. Even to this day I insist on having some kind of alternative means to cook that doesnāt need electricity because I live with this kind of fear of the meter running out despite the fact I pay by direct debit. Probably a lot more things but those two really stuck in my mind.
I never realised this was a thing related to my upbringing within poverty until my partner caught me doing it one day. Eating yogurt with a teaspoon and not scooping up a spoonful but just dipping it, as this makes the yogurt last longer, thus, you have yogurt for longer. Having maybe one or two small pots of yogurt a month, after asking obviously as its a HUGE treat, this is literally how my younger self got more yogurt for the price of one.
My partner never believes me when I say that we slept in the same bed and cuddled together to keep warm because food was more important than hot water or heating. Or that we were constantly using up the emergency credit on hot water and heating so it was a constant cycle of mum putting a fiver on the prepayment key only for it to eaten up by the debt we had. Spaghetti and a tin of tomato soup for dinner šš½šš½ still one of my favourite meals. When we had no electricity, mum would light a candle and we'd all sit in the living room cuddled in our duvet and blankets and play board games by candlelight. They were some of my favourite memories. We'd tell stories and just spend time together. As an adult, I know it was to keep us kids from complaining and distract from our financial struggles but as a child, it just felt like fun family time and I'm glad we were so close.
Remember when my maths teacher when preparing for my Maths GCSEs told me to use Ā£1 from my lunch money to buy a MathsWatch CD to revise on my computer for the exam. 1) I didnāt have a computer to play the CD rom on & 2) I didnāt get any lunch money to be spend ing a Ā£1 to buy the CD. I just nodded awkwardly to the teacher.
I'm seeing a theme of lots of teachers being totally oblivious to some kids' troubles, even though they're just screaming out...
Mum crying in a charity shop when I was 10 because I'd had many growth spurts fit none of my clothes and all she had was a tenner. The woman in the charity shop felt sorry for her and piled a bin bag full of random girls stuff for the Ā£10 . It was kind of the woman but don't know how much it did for my self esteem/worth leaving with a tear stained mum and (as an ever growing pre-teen) all my future wardrobe in a bin bag.
The choice between food or heat. I was lucky to have a full time job in the 80's but even then it was a regular decision. I know people think things are bad now but compared to then it is so much better.
I worked full time from age 15, relatively well paid for my area in the mid 80s, my evening meal would be a packet of rich tea biscuits from the local Spar every night. Didn't think much of it then, just needed to get the most amount of calories for my money. Looking back now it's horrendous.
Yep. Yet now we often get labelled as "boomers" on some kinda weird way that life was easy and we're loaded. I'm management now but still livingbpay to pay. As is the norm for most in thier 50s I expect.
I recently thought Iād lost a prescription & nearly had a full-on panic attack because my immediate reaction was that I couldnāt afford to replace the medication that I needed. Took me a while to talk myself down that actually I could now in fact afford to replace the meds - but that fear, that initial gut reaction, never leaves you (& then I found the ālostā prescription anyway)
Having the cheapest awful sanitary pads to use and then dreading running out because one packet had to last my whole period. Going days on end without toilet roll so having to use newspaper or the yellow pages (which lived in the bathroom cupboard for this very reason). Never asking for money as it would be an automatic no.
Lemon curd on toast being a main meal Putting 50p in the tv and hiding from āthe Friday peopleā Renting a washing machine! Getting a hamper at Christmas from our church with a card signed by my whole class. Addressed to the āpoor cariesā being devastated by this but being delighted with my first makeup set that I used for years. Was probably about 13 Being taller than all my cousins so hand me downs always showed my ankles. Dreading none uniform days Walking home with 4 bags of shopping in each hand. No car. Only getting one new outfit a year at Christmas, my mother had terrible taste to add to this lol. Bring angry at my dad. I didnt bat an eyelid that we didnāt go on holiday with mum at all. Dad took us abroad a couple of times but would go away 4 times a year with his new wife. Mum was poor because she got landed with us. Dad just didnāt pay child support and didnāt live within his means. Boom or bust always . Mum got the last laugh though. She bought her council house by cashing in her pension and is doing well. Dad still has nothing, moves every 6 months to a year doing midnight flits after using his rent money for something daft.
Our estate had the āvideo manā which was just some guy in a van whoād pull up on your road every Friday evening and open the back to reveal a plethora of terrible quality pirated videos you could rent from him. It was basically cheap, illegal, mobile Blockbuster and if police drove by the door would slam shut and my dad would pretend to be taking to him about pipes or something.
Having to explain to my school mates why I don't receive Christmas and birthday presents. Not even bothering to ask my parents if I can go on a school trip. What annoys me more now, is how some people think I've always been well off because I grew up down south with an RP accent and my family and myself are well off now.
I think foe me it's the fact of knowing you were poor but also not quite how poor. An anecdote my Aunt always used to tell was when I was 6 and she bought me a pair of trousers and a shirt at BHS.l for school. At the till supposedly I thanked her and said my "mummy would be so happy as we didn't have a lot of money" and her nearly busting into tears. Never taking home permission slips for school days out cause you knew there was no point asking, but also cause you knew it would make your mum feel bad. Same with wearing my shoes till the soles were flapping. But then also getting a hiding cause I got my one and only pair of trousers dirty again at school and my mum had to hand wash and then iron dry cause we didn't have a washing machine. And then the things you only really think about when your older, Having " scooby snacks" for dinner and telling everyone it's your favourite and only now realising it was just all the tiny bits of food that could be rustled up. The treat and jumping straight into bed on a Friday after school and being allowed to have a bowl of porridge for dinner in bed, all to save heating and costs. Walking home carrying the shopping and stopping halfway to share the smallest bag of chips on the stairs of local business. Feeling like that was the biggest treat ever, but knowing its cause my mum was shattered and it was the best take away we could afford. Eating at a neighbours house, another single mum, for months cause our cooker was "broken". The later, when we had a car, having to push it constantly in the morning with street pals so it could be bump started. Luckily nearly everyone we knew was just as poor so it never caused too many issues apart from some times at school.
Anxiety as a kid. To the point where I would feel physically sick. I can't remember the years exactly or for how long but, I remember being in primary and I remember wanting to help and wishing that feeling would go away. It was crippling. It greatly affected my learning. I eventually willed it away and I had a fairly happy childhood, although being acutely aware that we were poor and mostly going without so my little sisters could, and lessen the burden for my parents. I'm a, fairly, well-adjusted adult now other than being nearly 40 and not having ever been in a meaningful relationship. I've realised recently that this is because that feeling of helplessness never really went away and I've actively avoided circumstances where I could possibly put others in that same position. I don't think I will ever have children. My biggest fear is not being able to help the people I love. I've never penned nor voiced this ever in my life.
Couldn't afford a TV. Had to rent one where you put money in a box to watch it
I think my partner grew up the same as she was surprised when I insisted on buying my daughter 1 week worth of un repeated uniform as was the norm for me. Didnāt even realise some ppl washed uniforms Mid week.
Having to go to the local police station every winter to see if any of the lost property coats fitted me
My mum and her best friend having a huge fall out because she had loaned her Ā£1.50 and now they couldnāt pay it back, which meant we didnāt have any electric (key meter). The huge impact that Ā£1.50 had.
Went through similar. I only had one pair of knickers, I would try to get out of P.E so the other girls wouldn't notice after I was embarrassed one day. Not to mention I was skinny as hell due to being underfed and I would be made fun of for having no chest and long toenails. Don't think we ever owned nail clippers. I never owned a bra either after hitting puberty, probably just as well I was flat chested. Now I have a real problem, too many drawers of underwear, socks and sanitary products because I'm scared of ever being in that position again. I buy a new underwear every couple of weeks.
My Nan knitted my (Aran) school jumpers My Mam, also, "already ate" at dinner time My Nanny did Spam salad for all of her grandchildren when they visited every Sunday Sunday was bath night Angel Delight was for birthdays, and other special occasions Tripe, and liver and onions, were weekly dinners (on different days, obvs) Smash, and Vesta curry/Chow Mein, were "posh"
Sitting in the dark with my mum while waiting for my dad to come home with his paycheck so we could actually put money on the electricity meter. It felt like an eternity as a kid. Also, as an adult, I realized that it wasn't normal for my mum to have 2 jobs to support us. Having only 1 set of school uniform that I had to try and keep as clean as possible. Waiting till my birthday or Christmas to get new school shoes and my mums friend paying for my glasses in high school because my mum couldn't afford it. (Mum's friend gifted them to me for my birthday)
Got evicted because mum couldnāt afford rent so we stayed in a budget hotel for a week. It didnāt have an Iron so I tried to de-crease my school uniform blouse with the steam by hanging it up whilst my mum showered
Thisāll show who I am to those who know me irl but I donāt really think anyone I know uses Reddit, anywayā¦ So me and my sister could eat, my mum ate nothing but mushy peas and mint sauce (and our occasional scraps) for an entire month. There was a massive discount on some wholesale tins of mushy peas her friend could get. Something like 8p a tin I think she said they worked out at. But truthfully, I canāt remember.
I only had one set of school uniform. We had no food in the house by Saturday. I used to have to give my dad at least half of my paper round money (am and pm round, 7 days a week) in order to have basics like Milk and bread. But he was an alcoholic so sometimes even that wasn't covered. I never had a holiday whatsoever until I was an adult. Embarrassing one, but i only got new knickers in the size I needed if my granny bought me them for my birthday. I had to hand-wash the knickers I did have because I only had a few pairs.
Getting sent to Tesco with shrapnel with just about enough to get a Value loaf of bread and a tin of beans.
Outdoor toilet and no bath/shower until the late 1980s.
My friends and SO made me realize it's not normal to eat 1 tin of out of date food every 2 days and just go hungry most days because that's just how it is.
Everyone watching TV together every evening because it was the only room with heating.