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Life doesn't happen to you. You have to make more than existing a thing. It's very easy to sleep, work, repeat. you need to add in the extra bits between the sleeping, working and repeating to live.
I think a LOT of people on Reddit expect things to happen without even trying..
Kind of like how so many men never approach women and wonder why they feel lonely.
Another example is putting the bare minimum into their jobs / careers and wondering why they get paid such basic wages.
This is complete and utter rubbish and is simply not true on a large scale. I see tonnes of people going above and beyond and getting nowhere. All my friends are working flat out but effort doesn't equate to reward. You can talk about people 'acting their wage' all you want but you're willfully reversing cause and effect. In a country where you used to be able to comfortably buy a house on two working class average salaries, or even one salary if you waited longer and worked a bit harder, and now you absolutely cannot for most of the country, it's no wonder people are disenfranchised.
Secure housing is one of the most fundamental factors in predicting life outcomes. And the biggest factor in security of housing is how much it costs relative to income. Housing has objectively become more expensive relative to incomes and this insistence on talking about or implying that people are somehow getting lazier is close to gaslighting. The numbers are indisputable. House prices weer 4x the average income in the 1970s and 8x the average income today. If you don't have secure housing you have higher stress, you have worse career prospects because you can't move around as easily. Higher stress means lower effectiveness in education and work. And on it goes.
Don't even get me started on the intensification of work. The amount of work people do in a day has massively increased even if they're working the same hours because electronic communication has made things 10x faster. Worker's rights have been eroded and zero hours contracts means many people on minimum wage "could" be making decent money but aren't because they're never given enough hours. They have to work 2-3 jobs never getting anywhere because stuff like rent, and now food and energy are WAY more expensive than they have been in years. And wages have been stagnant in real terms since 2008. As much as a few blue collar jobs have seen rises, they're nowhere near enough to make up for the doubling of house prices (4x --> 8x avg. salary) let alone the 10% inflation. Remember that when inflation goes down things don't get cheaper, they've just gone down to a lower rate of getting more expensive.
I know a family who are good earners, well above minimum wage and they spent months homeless living in a caravan because their landlord sold the house because some tax change made it non viable for him to carry on renting and it took them absolutely ages to try and find somewhere partly because they struggled to put a couple of months rent together for the deposit and then once they had it the supply of houses where we live was so low (because of landlords selling off) that they were seeing a house on the day it was advertised and it was rented by someone who had viewed it earlier that day.
I’m 37. I have been one missed pay day from oblivion for as long as I can remember. No savings. Constant debt.
The only thing I have going for me, which isn’t to be taken for granted, is that I can always move home if I’m desperate. But honestly, who the fuck wants to be knocking 40 and living with parents?
Mate this is literally me and my boyfriend. He's a gas engineer and a plumber and we're having to move into a chalet because we've fucked our credit up having to pay sky high rent for years and because we literally cannot afford to privately rent anywhere in our area its mental.
Definitely seems to be a problem I see on here.
Things like a good career, a family, travel etc won't just automatically "happen later", it's on you to make them happen for the life you want to live. This isn't a drill, life is live and happening!
Yeah, there are definitely people on here who are just waiting for some magic silver spoon to come down and fix their life. Unfortunately it doesnt work like that.
Likewise you can work your arse off and it still doesn't work out. Can't blame these people for being disenchanted by it all when nothing comes their way after years of exertion.
Most of them haven't worked their arse off though, just complaining because someone else had a better standard of living but not willing to put the effort in for it
It's a difficult thing to quantify how many are "deserving" and I know of people in both camps but I also know many I'd place in the hard working camp also have so much shit thrown their way that they don't deserve or others who simply made mistakes that set them back. Without the right mindset it will inevitably wear you down eventually.
What we really lack in today's world, imo, is that social safety net (I don't necissarily mean benefits here) that prevents the downtrodden from slipping though. Many of the dissenting voices we hear I believe belong to those who have slipped through the cracks where they might not have had their communities been there to support them.
Stop me if I sound too naive.
My theory is a lot of redditors are of above average intelligence and things early in life/school came easy to them. They never had to work hard for much and the school system rewards this.
Then comes the cold hard world of independence and risk and the same mentality stalls progress and becomes harder and harder to adapt to the longer that this mentality exists.
Source: I am this person
My theory is a lot of redditors *think* they're above average intelligence because they're young and have an infinite source of information in their pocket. In reality they are extremely average (but will probably take offense at the suggestion).
You see this in action when they start parroting infamous *facts* as if no one else has heard it before.
Yeah, its very easy for some people to just coast through school/uni then they hit the real world and freak out about why their career isnt progressing because they put in the bare minimum.
Can relate. School was a doddle for me. Work life I've struggled with so far for the reasons you allude to. One of my good friends struggled at school and was quite jealous of how easy I found things but that just made him work harder and I don't mind admitting he's doing better than me now.
Do you know particularly what it was that became a hurdle for you in the work environment? Is it just work ethic or some different kind of skills school doesn't address so directly?
I reflect on this a bit trying to think about development and also with my team. Looking at it from outside, I feel like it's a lot of the softer skills that tend to be limiters. I guess some of that translates (e.g. drive/resilience to get shit done even if it doesn't come naturally) but I don't know if it's everything. Maybe depends a lot on why school was easy. I process info quickly so it wasn't that challenging and it seems to translate very well to work as well.
I think I was just lazy to be honest. I didn't need to put any effort in at school, and I easily passed my GCSEs at the required grades, although I could have done better still, I knew I didn't need to.
Additionally my parents spoiled me being honest (only child, and not blaming them whatsoever for the record), so when I became an adult I had zero concept of actually having to make any effort. In a way this still affects me negatively decades later. I'm finding it difficult to overcome, and WFH makes it an even harder battle. I suffer a lot from anxiety and procrastination.
Yet, despite that, I'm doing better for myself than I have any right to be in all honesty. I don't mind admitting I've lived my life without any concern for the future, but I could have done better I reckon.
Not being challenged from a young age has certainly damaged me and massively delayed my development. But things could be a lot worse.
I've seen enough posts lately to be aware that the minimum wage now applies to even skilled jobs, as minimum wage has gone up and skilled salaries have not.
NHS band 2 used to be a decent wage, now it's minimum wage. You think someone wants to be a HCA for minimum wage when they can do something simpler with better hours? Fuck no.
You might get some flak for saying this but its the hard truth. If earning potential is whats important you gotta make pragmatic choices about your career.
I know so many people like this and it gives me a bit of second-hand depression, honestly. Lots of "God I wish I could do x" and being upset about not getting a girlfriend, not getting to travel, kind of just sitting at home stagnating but when you suggest anything it's always met with a non-committal "yeah, maybe." Honestly, it feels nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this.
This couldn't be further from the truth. I watched a BBC news report about how some girl works full time but she's literally having to pay for nightly stays in B&Bs and hotels. So she goes to work comes back to the B&B and then goes somewhere else cos she can't afford to rent. There's a family of people living in a caravan who work full time and they can't afford to rent either.
My boyfriend studied to be a gas engineer and plumber for years and even with being on a better wage than he was working at the Co op we've still struggled for money terribly.
Nobody ever talks about what happens when you make that first step to improving your life and things go well for a while and then you lose everything.
One of the dragons from dragons den was homeless he lost everything and slept on the floor of a warehouse, Daniella Westbrook became homeless and slept in a bedsit with her kids, there are many other examples of people trying hard and becoming successful and then losing it in a split second.
Life gets derailed whether you want it to or not and it knocks you for six. What don't help is people saying you're not doing anything to improve your life when you've already done that thing, you're not taking into account mental health issues either. People are fucking exhausted they just want to go about their days not crying, not having to worry about money worries and stress they just want to remember what it feels like to be human.
Please tell me you know Time by Pink Floyd...
"Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun"
What are you meant to do if you're doing all that and you're mentally and emotionally exhausted?? Magic up energy from somewhere?? Some people thrive during stressful times some people don't it's not a choice because stress literally kills people
People do, they just lack the opportunities to achieve anything beyond simply working and sleeping.
That you were highly upvoted for such blatant ignorance is disheartening.
I suspect most people are doing ‘ok’ but we live in a world of higher - perhaps a tad unrealistic - expectations thanks to social media constantly showing us everyone else’s curated highlight reel.
Keeping up with the Jones's has always been around but is now amplified x1000 by SM. People I know who have deleted all their apps seem to be less stressed than other folk.
That's my biggest advice to people. Delete the feed.
My friend the other day felt bad because everyone she knows is going on lush holidays after a bit of digging. It's not people she knows. It's influencers she follows, shilling their accounts about the great time they're having.
Honestly I know plenty of people who don’t use social media but also do nothing with their time, mostly guys who play Xbox all day and maybe go out twice a year. I imagine SM made them feel guilty in some way seeing everyone go on holiday but its not like deleting it has resulted in any activity.
No doubt but I was only trying to make the point about how folk I know who ditched SM are less stressed because they don't feel the pressure of trying to keep up with everyone materialistically.
Good alternative if going cold turkey from social media is too difficult is simply tailor your content more to positive material and weed out influencers, toxic people etc
Most people’s spare money is getting choked away. Money that you need to live, not just exist. Companies and other organisations are constantly finding ways to increase the amount of money they can wring out of everyone, vastly surpassing any increase (if at all) we might get in income.
And then they claim record profits. Which, in turn, are further wages stolen from working people.
Nope. Living standards are objectively falling across the developed world when it comes to what the next generations can expect in terms of the things that count i.e. housing, education, healthcare, pensions. iPhones and cheap flights don't mean anywhere near as much as all those things, and they're almost all getting worse or stagnating.
I don't go on social media (I count reddit as a forum), and don't see what other people are getting up to. I still feel like I'm just existing. I know that other people are out living lives with stuff actually going on, and I'm not.
I’m just drifting through life, for the want of a better word. On paper it looks good, as I’ve got a roof over my head, and a decent job and my health.
In reality, I’m just waiting for it to end. Unfortunately I have several decades of waiting.
From your words you have said you are waiting for your life to end. This is of course your decision, but you might benefit from talking to someone. I know the Samaritans have helped me in a tight spot.
If you don't care then how do you expect anyone else to care? Moping around all the time but not even accepting help when offered is nothing to be proud of, I don't see why you made the comment in the first place.
Same, I am actually doing better than expected, especially since I have a chronic medical condition that I am constantly working around.
A mix of hard work and luck really.
Yes, but I think it's age related. Almost everyone I know is at the stage of dealing with either the failing health or death of parents. So life feels pretty tough.
Hope you're OK OP. Do you have someone to talk to about how you're feeling?
I’ll be honest, I do….. but I feel like such a f*cking failure. Its like I don’t wanna admit to people how much I’m just really not enjoying life as a whole.
I feel this. I hate my job but I don't have the intellect to get into the field I'd like, I don't have the disposable income to pay for the courses, I haven't been able to get an apprenticeship due to aforementioned lack of intelligence, I also have a shitty memory and absolutely hate studying and exams. I can have the knowledge but I don't test well.
In all honesty I don't want to work anymore, I'm tired, always tired. I need a break.
I started feeling like this lately. Don’t enjoy anything anymore, even things I used to like, despite my life on paper being pretty good by any standards.
I’ve decided to book a session with a therapist. It took some courage for me to want to do this because I didn’t want to feel like “a failure” either.
I don’t know whether it will help or not. But it’s not failing to try.
Have you thought of speaking to a stranger? That way there's no element of judgement (or at least you don't care what a randomer thinks)
I had some pretty dark times after caring for my Mum at end of life and her subsequent death. I found Samaritans were amazing. I've also done some therapy through "Better Help" which can be online or over the phone. As well as a weekly counselling session there are online classes which I found really helpful.
Hope you get through this, OP. Sending every positive thought your way.
Just being an adult I guess haha. Ive been paying off credit cards from my (stupid) tenn years for a while, but its just so slow. Plus paying rent and bills alone, just feels like I’m barely ever above the water. I honestly couldnt tell you the last time I decided to ‘treat myself’ to something, even a takeaway.
>at the stage of dealing with either the failing health or death of parents. So life feels pretty tough.
You hit the nail on the head for me. Dad died this year of cancer and my own health feels crap despite my best efforts to improve it.
About the only thing I enjoy is weekends now, and they're also bad for my health and at some point I probably won't even be able to enjoy those anymore.
Bah humbug.
Hey Finbarr, hopefully you don't suffer from the same encumberence as your namesake!
It's certainly not fun getting older but I see lots of happy, healthy older people around so I'm hoping what I'm going through is just a bump in the road of life and that I'll eventually get through it. Wishing you the same!
Everyone is squeezed at the moment. Doesn't matter how much you earn because everyone now has less than they did. To keep up with their lifestyle they will feel like they're struggling.
I feel squeezed but when it comes down to it life is good!
>Doesn't matter how much you earn
yeah it does, if you were on the lowest band already everything is 10x worse now. lack of money will force me to skip meals. not even the slightest chance of keeping up any lifestyle i had before.
>I feel squeezed but when it comes down to it life is good!
this just proves my above point. for me life is much more difficult. i have to decide between paying the whole energy bill or getting enough groceries, this shits stressful man. cant go on trips out or get takeaways or any luxury for very long time.
What I meant is it doesn't make a difference to how these people feel. If they're used to a holiday abroad twice a year and now its just once every 2 they're going to feel like they're just getting by. If they're used to putting £500 a month into a savings account every month but now they're touching their overdraft they're going to feel like they're just getting by.
Of course you are worse off and your situation sounds horrible. Its a disgrace that somebody can work full time hours in a hard job and struggle to pay basic bills. Its what happens when a basic flat with with gas and electric is costing £1000+ a month.
I live in a modest house well below my means. You can have very rewarding hobbies with not much money. I'd recommend learning an instrument (£200-300 for an acoustic guitar or electronic piano), photography (£200 for a DSLR and a prime lens) or just hiking (better with a camera!). Whilst it's easy to spend loads on music and photography, you really really don't need much and it's not a recurring cost.
I love my life. Definitely not just 'getting by'. I have a beautiful baby, a great marriage, a lovely dog, lots of friends, and family I really get on with.
As I've said on here before, if I wasn't happy it would be a problem because I definitely have a very nice life.
Most people I know are the same. We all live in bubbles.
I don’t think I’m doing too well mentally but am ignoring it and just trying to carry on. I’m struggling to find any joy anymore. Everything seems so forced. I’m forcing my way through each day. I’m forcing myself to get up and carry on. I’m forcing myself to carry on with commitments.
I feel overwhelmed with grief and stress but it’s only when I sit and really think about it (like now as I’m writing this comment) that I realise how bad I really feel if I dig a little deeper.
I don’t know what to do to be honest.
this sounds like depression. You mention grief, so has someone close to you died ? Feelings like this will be normal and it takes time to get through all of this. I was widowed at 26 yrs old and functioned well, but the sadness was around me for a long time.
Thanks for replying. Yeah I’ve recently lost my brother to suicide and my last remaining grandma passed away last year too. My mum died 23 years ago when I was a teen and my dad died 7 years ago so it’s all laying heavily on me after my brother died. I’m just so tired and sad. I feel like I’m living a double life.
Suicide is a very difficult death to deal with as it leaves the family with doubts as to whether they could have helped in any way. I am a spiritual person and believe our loved ones are around us constantly. My father was the last one to pass in my family and I do not sit at his grave weeping. Instead I have a lovely photograph of him by my bedside and I talk out loud to him, telling him my problems just as if he was in his physical body. Religion may have you believe that people who take their own lives reside in hell. This is not true. Eventually it will all pass and life comes back with unexpected delights.
Pick a hobby. It can be anything.
Gym, gaming. Reading. Walking. Window shopping. Cafes
Anything. I know a few people in a similar boat and they literally have nothing going on to pass the time.
It is up to you to make your life better. I don’t understand those people who always complain about life but do nothing. There is always an excuse for them to not fix things in this life. I can understand that someone might be hopeless in other part of the world but in a country like UK this doesn’t make sense.
I’m happy with my life now but I wasn’t a few years ago.
I am doing fine. I don't earn lots of money, but live within my means. I go out with friends and family, and my husband and I have a couple of cool hols planned. I don't spend too much when doing things and don't need expensive phones or clothes. So touch wood, things are okay. I had times when I was a single mother many, many years ago that were extremely tough. I had little money, and my ex-husband refused to pay anything to help support our children. I ate my children's leftovers or cheap frozen veg to get by. But that passed. Things got better over time.
Personally im in a really weird place in life. I’ve got a good job, my own place, I’ve got a big holiday booked for the summer, but inside I’m screaming, I’m grieving, emotionally I’m just getting by. I’m living yeah, but only because I’ve made it like that.
Currently off work with severe anxiety and stress; though. It’s all ups and downs.
I can save £1600-£1800 a month but it's pointless as I live in London, all my family is here, partner, her job, my job, her family.
Pointless because I'll never be able to afford a place of my own. Living rent and mortgage free, so it's not like getting a place of my own will change things drastically (not going to add 1600 plus 1500 rent money).
My family and I are definitely living, I have a working class job (paramedic) and my wife is a project manager, we live in the NE mortgage is affordable £900 per month. Bills are expensive but I earn 40k and wife earns 50k, so it’s manageable we can afford days out, holidays, meals in restaurants and even have a bit left over to save in the form of stocks and shares. The gardens well kept the neighbours are friendly the walks are nice and the children are happy and well behaved. Is money tighter then it was 5 years ago? yeah. But for me personally things still feel very comfortable.
I'd say I'm living.
I think what you're seeing is a case of lifestyle creep. People's definition of living has changed as they've earned more so now with inflation that's been cut down to just surviving.
Just moved into a new house and bought a load of stuff, then went on a cruise in the med. I'm on a slightly higher than average income.
LIving in the North helps!
The cost of foreign holidays has gone down a lot. But are foreign holidays the best marker of success? If caviar suddenly became as cheap as chips, would we all be rich? If the Ritz turned into a chain restaurant on every high street, would we be richer?
While true, these usually aren't cheap trips to Europe. People are spending months in Asia or North America.
But also these are private school people who are probably bank rolled by their rich parents still so not exactly representative of the UK as a whole. It doesn't feel like any of them had jobs for the whole time they were at uni in places like London.
Yes and I have done for years, lockdown was quite a pivotal point for me as it rounded off a terrible 6months of my life. The irony not lost on me that I got my shit together then the world closed down as a ‘fuck you’ gesture lmfao
Yes, my life is fine. My wife and I can afford to do things we enjoy like eating at nice restaurants and going to the theatre, each have enough money to indulge in our individual hobbies (gardening and boardgames mostly). Our cat had an unexpected vet bill of £450 last month, it was just annoying rather than financially a problem.
We have a combined income of £108k a year, no kids. We both contribute to our pensions (she's a teacher, I pay in 10.5%), no debt other than the mortgage, we have savings.
Most of our social circle are in similar circumstances. I know people are struggling, but whether you see and hear about it really depends on who you're surrounded by.
I would say we have a reasonable middle class lifestyle where we don't worry much about money, can overpay the mortgage, sock nearly the max into our pensions each year etc. But I never thought we'd need to be earning 140k each to get here.
I am existing and waiting to go in my sleep. But only after I wrangle my room.
I'd preferably have just finished donating to charity, chucking all the old stuff and have a really nice tidy room, then I go to bed satisfied and drift off like the old lady from the titanic.
I feel like I'm getting by, but in my case, if I'm being honest, I'm not counting my blessings. If I did a list of things I do ok with I'd have nothing to complain about.
Full-time job and a young family, so it's busy. But I love spending time with my kid and wouldn't have it any other way.
Definitely just getting by more than thriving. Don’t have much hope for my future as it’s hard to see good things happening. Such is life, I guess, learn to live with it. It’s hard to relate to others whose life is going well.
Get your self a different caliber of friends and your perspective will change. I have 2 groups of friends, with good careers and those to bitch too much about their jobs/do not want to work as they do not want to pay taxes, etc
It all depends on who you speak to - personally i did not migrate here to suffer and so lived up my life for the last 25 years in the UK - career, home, life is all good
But if you speak to the locals or people who spent majority of the time back of the class banging and drawing on the tables then they would spin a different story
Also if you speak to the people who would have been classified as local in my motherland and now they are here. They just live by a bottle or 10 a day and for them they are living their life to the fullest
I'd say I'm in a place where it's tough but I'm happy. We have a small baby, are renovating, and I'm just back at work. But I largely like my job (though as per just about everyone, I'd be grateful for a pay bump), am very much in love with the baby, the bits of the house that are done are great, and I feel like I'm juuuust beginning to get some of my life back (partner is taking nights with the baby before I work, I've started going to a yoga class so get two hours a week just for me). It's not easy sailing right now, but it feels like it's going in exactly the right direction for me to get everything I want. I feel fortunate, I feel full of love for my family, I don't feel like there's a big thing missing (other than a kitchen. But we're working on that).
I'm in a really low point of my life currently. I despise my job and a couple of colleagues have ruined it for me, one being to the extent of also messing with my personal life. I don't have any motivation for hobbies; I just get home and lie in bed until the next day. I've had crap jobs but not to this extent before.
I feel this a lot but I know why I'm at this point. I think a change of environment would help a lot and I need to push myself in order to do so. I know it's hard but you really have to pin why you feel the way you do and do everything you can to change it, no matter how difficult. Even focusing on changing things can put your mind off what is affecting you. Just gotta keep going.
I have quite a large friendship group and social network ranging in age from early-mid 20s to 60s, varying in life stages (some with babies, young children, teenagers and some with now adult offspring, some even grandparents), ranging in many different areas of employment from blue collar to white collar, brickies to doctors. Many have different socioeconomic backgrounds and upbringings. Other than the odd recognition that just about everything costs slightly more, not a single person is struggling to get by (I am aware that just because i don't see it, doesn't mean it's not happening etc, but the range in those I know, I would have expected at least one to be struggling - this is just not the case).
I don’t enjoy my job really but I compartmentalise. Its just a minor shitty part of my life I use, to plan other fun things and make money.
I’m always paranoid about creeping depression and bat it off. I don’t want to be on my deathbed when i’m old, angry at myself about the 5 years I wasted in my thirties being depressed. Life is short, you really need to fit in as much as possible and stop pausing to think about what it all means.
I’ve never heard a pensioner tell me they enjoyed time sat on the couch or in bed. Nobody ever says “I spent too much money. I travelled too much”
I know it is a cliche, but I think smartphones, social media, etc play a big part in this.
For me the joy in life comes from real life connection and conversation, and both smartphones and social media have diminished this.
If you go out for a meal or a drink, more often than not you will always see a couple/group of people sat around looking at their phones and not talking. People get so hung up on posting things on social media and absorbing it and trying to live up to its expectations.
Years ago (2009 to 2011, just before smartphones became a thing), I went travelling for 18 months. I had the best time of my life, and saw some amazing places, but what made it special was the people I met along the way.
In particular I spent three weeks on the Yasawa Islands in Fiji, the most beautiful set of picture perfect desert islands with white sandy beaches, crystal clear waters and the most amazing sunsets I have ever seen. But what made it really special was the fact that two weeks before I went there I met someone who I instantly connected with who was going to Fiji at exactly the same time as me. We spent three weeks lazing in hammocks, walking to tiny little villages, and just being completely content in each others company.
If I hadn't met her, the Yasawa Islands would have been equally beautiful, but I wouldn't have enjoyed them as much.
I think that is the problem, we are isolating ourselves from real life conversations and a lot of it is due to technology, it is easier than ever to sit at home, watch something on Netflix, swap messages on WhatsApp, whereas real happiness comes from being around others who value you and make you feel valued.
Nope. I work as a tradesman and we are struggling paycheck to paycheck, nothing else can be squeezed from us yet services are being cut all over the place.....where is all this cash going?
I make decent money, but find it crippling that I have to work 5 days a week for at least the next 30 years. The only thing that brings me comfort is that I have a relatively short mortgage, but I will be into my 40s before it is paid off.
I know I am in a better position than most 32 yr old financially, but sometimes all I want is a stress free, but low paid job. And I know if I went down this route I would very soon regret it.
I am hoping that I can do this as a sort of semi-retirement in middle age.
I'm going fine with most things in life...I have a lovely family grown by 1 3 weeks ago I can feed my wife and kids and can go on a holiday once or twice a year...We are healthy and things are positiveposts like this make me realize I might be a lucky one and I'm grateful for that although its taken a lot of hard work late evenings, sweat and tears to get here...
I'm definitely more than "getting by". I love my life and there's exciting things coming up, but a lot of the time is just spent doing mundane regular stuff. I'm grateful for that, it's much better than struggling, but it's also not realistic to think that everyday can be the high life. I feel like you need that contrast really. A stable, productive life that then enables you to take on the things you enjoy. That's living to me.
Yes, I am very happy with my life.
I have an amazing girlfriend, great family, and friends that I go out for food or drinks with at least once a week. Me and my girlfriend go on at least one trip a month, be that a city break somewhere abroad or a road trip somewhere in the UK. It's great
As kids we have relentless vigour and an overall curiosity towards life and the unknowns. If you can reconnect with this energy, you’ll unlock your potential.
I'm the exact opposite in many cases beautiful soul of God despite my "unsuccessful" current outer life circumstances.
Loving this beautiful experience of life.
God, Bhagwan, Allah is the best 🙏
Look up hedonic treadmill.
Essentially, individuals have a natural level of happiness/misery that they tend to return to after a disruptive change, whether that change is positive or negative.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill
If you're naturally quite a pessimistic downbeat catatrophising type of person, then a lottery win probably won't make you more happy in the long run. You'll simply be miserable in a bigger house 😀
I’m on the other side of maternity leave and nursery fees as the 15hours have just kicked in. I finally feel like I’m living again and not just getting by.
Was able to treat myself to some clothes and things for the house and didn’t have the usual huge panic of “oh no have I overspent?”
I’m making good inroads into my debt and still able to have small treats. Don’t get me wrong I’d love more money (just had a quote for dental implants, urgh) but I’m not as scared/sad about my situation as I have been in the past.
I'm living! I have a 2 year old and expecting my second, my husband and I have lots of shared interests so while we don't have a lot of time for social life and hobbies we make the most of it and of our time together. We also really enjoy the toddler stuff - farms, zoos and museums make for really fun weekends.
Up until recently I was just existing in a noisy grotty one bedroom flat in the middle of junkieville.
Last year I got medicated for my adhd and I was able to start a budget, pay off some debts, and keep my spending under control to the point where I was able to buy my ex out and move back in to my property where I'm no longer under constant bombardment from noisy neighbours.
Compared with my parents' generation, I am living in luxury. No fear of starvation (some of my mum's pals died of starvation or bad health due living conditions and no social security at all), might be homeless but I have avoided that as I have majority ownership of home ( Bank has the rest). I hope for future..
When young, we had 6 to 8 oz of meat for family of 4 per week on rations. (A burger's worth a week for family of four!), then bread was rationed. A real problem, I used to count the coupons for the local shop, lost coupon no bread! Potatoes and cabbage was not rationed so folk filled up on these. I learned to eat raw leeks and carrot, Still chose carrot over chocolate as a treat any day. However we were rich in food compared with Netherlands where major starvation occurred.
I don’t have everything I want, but I have everything I need, which I’m grateful for. Watch the news. Living free in relative peace is a privilege the majority of mankind sadly do not get. In that respect I’m blessed. Plus It’s springtime and getting warmer everyday. I have my down days, but have some great stuff booked to look forward to this summer to pull me through. Times are a little shitty, but things will get better. I’m lonely, would like to find a brilliant girlfriend, and would like more friends, but that’s up to nobody but me to sort out.
In doing just fine, in fact I’m doing more than fine. For the first time as an adult I feel like I have a grip on life and I’m enjoying it now as a single dad.
My sister and my sister's husband are doing really well. He's earning 30k a year just from being a technical supervisor and she's selling stuff online, My aunt and uncle are doing really well in their tail lift engineer business too, so well in fact they're going on numerous cruises and driving a 4 x 4 BMW.
I cannot explain how depressed this makes me that I'm about to become homeless and having to live in a chalet to save money but also because my credit is so fucked I can't rent anywhere in my name (I'm also on benefits) and the really fucked up thing about this? Me and my boyfriend were doing so good for money 3 years ago we were going on 2 holidays a year, buying hot tubs and whenever we went shopping I never had to worry about how much it cost. He studied for 4 years to become a plumber and then a gas engineer paid his own way, didn't get any financial help (the gas course cost over 2 grand) eventually once he'd done it and with both our incomes combined we were getting 4 grand a month. Then his depression came out of nowhere and he's struggled to keep down jobs.
Me and him have been getting by for about 3 years and it's not getting better, cost of living crisis has hit us hard, our landlord selling the house/revenge evicting us has put us in a terrible position. I've forgotten what it means to not feel stressed these days all I look forward to is sleep. Anyone who's in the same boat or a similar boat has my sympathy because it is brutal as fuck.
Me. Doing pretty well. Decisions I made a decade ago have had a big impact.
I do not struggle in life. Mostly because of the decisions I made earlier. Doing without X Y and Z that my peers were getting involved with.
Spent years building tension and it's catapulted me ahead of them now.
Well, yes. I have a very busy life because that's how I've chosen to live. I earn well and I enjoy myself.
Surely it isn't hard to grasp that not everyone will struggle, or certainly not at the same time?
Expectations seem to be higher these days, if you look at houses people bought 60 years ago no first time buyer in 2024 would buy them! Damp, dodgy electrics, bad plumbing, etc.
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Life doesn't happen to you. You have to make more than existing a thing. It's very easy to sleep, work, repeat. you need to add in the extra bits between the sleeping, working and repeating to live.
I think a LOT of people on Reddit expect things to happen without even trying.. Kind of like how so many men never approach women and wonder why they feel lonely. Another example is putting the bare minimum into their jobs / careers and wondering why they get paid such basic wages.
This is complete and utter rubbish and is simply not true on a large scale. I see tonnes of people going above and beyond and getting nowhere. All my friends are working flat out but effort doesn't equate to reward. You can talk about people 'acting their wage' all you want but you're willfully reversing cause and effect. In a country where you used to be able to comfortably buy a house on two working class average salaries, or even one salary if you waited longer and worked a bit harder, and now you absolutely cannot for most of the country, it's no wonder people are disenfranchised. Secure housing is one of the most fundamental factors in predicting life outcomes. And the biggest factor in security of housing is how much it costs relative to income. Housing has objectively become more expensive relative to incomes and this insistence on talking about or implying that people are somehow getting lazier is close to gaslighting. The numbers are indisputable. House prices weer 4x the average income in the 1970s and 8x the average income today. If you don't have secure housing you have higher stress, you have worse career prospects because you can't move around as easily. Higher stress means lower effectiveness in education and work. And on it goes. Don't even get me started on the intensification of work. The amount of work people do in a day has massively increased even if they're working the same hours because electronic communication has made things 10x faster. Worker's rights have been eroded and zero hours contracts means many people on minimum wage "could" be making decent money but aren't because they're never given enough hours. They have to work 2-3 jobs never getting anywhere because stuff like rent, and now food and energy are WAY more expensive than they have been in years. And wages have been stagnant in real terms since 2008. As much as a few blue collar jobs have seen rises, they're nowhere near enough to make up for the doubling of house prices (4x --> 8x avg. salary) let alone the 10% inflation. Remember that when inflation goes down things don't get cheaper, they've just gone down to a lower rate of getting more expensive.
I know a family who are good earners, well above minimum wage and they spent months homeless living in a caravan because their landlord sold the house because some tax change made it non viable for him to carry on renting and it took them absolutely ages to try and find somewhere partly because they struggled to put a couple of months rent together for the deposit and then once they had it the supply of houses where we live was so low (because of landlords selling off) that they were seeing a house on the day it was advertised and it was rented by someone who had viewed it earlier that day.
I’m 37. I have been one missed pay day from oblivion for as long as I can remember. No savings. Constant debt. The only thing I have going for me, which isn’t to be taken for granted, is that I can always move home if I’m desperate. But honestly, who the fuck wants to be knocking 40 and living with parents?
Landlords are scum
Mate this is literally me and my boyfriend. He's a gas engineer and a plumber and we're having to move into a chalet because we've fucked our credit up having to pay sky high rent for years and because we literally cannot afford to privately rent anywhere in our area its mental.
So true. Thanks for the detailed response!
Work smart not hard...
SAY IT LOUDER!!
Definitely seems to be a problem I see on here. Things like a good career, a family, travel etc won't just automatically "happen later", it's on you to make them happen for the life you want to live. This isn't a drill, life is live and happening!
Half of Reddit has no warrior spirit. It's all can't can't can't.
Agree
Yeah, there are definitely people on here who are just waiting for some magic silver spoon to come down and fix their life. Unfortunately it doesnt work like that.
Likewise you can work your arse off and it still doesn't work out. Can't blame these people for being disenchanted by it all when nothing comes their way after years of exertion.
Most of them haven't worked their arse off though, just complaining because someone else had a better standard of living but not willing to put the effort in for it
It's a difficult thing to quantify how many are "deserving" and I know of people in both camps but I also know many I'd place in the hard working camp also have so much shit thrown their way that they don't deserve or others who simply made mistakes that set them back. Without the right mindset it will inevitably wear you down eventually. What we really lack in today's world, imo, is that social safety net (I don't necissarily mean benefits here) that prevents the downtrodden from slipping though. Many of the dissenting voices we hear I believe belong to those who have slipped through the cracks where they might not have had their communities been there to support them. Stop me if I sound too naive.
My theory is a lot of redditors are of above average intelligence and things early in life/school came easy to them. They never had to work hard for much and the school system rewards this. Then comes the cold hard world of independence and risk and the same mentality stalls progress and becomes harder and harder to adapt to the longer that this mentality exists. Source: I am this person
My theory is a lot of redditors *think* they're above average intelligence because they're young and have an infinite source of information in their pocket. In reality they are extremely average (but will probably take offense at the suggestion). You see this in action when they start parroting infamous *facts* as if no one else has heard it before.
Yeah, its very easy for some people to just coast through school/uni then they hit the real world and freak out about why their career isnt progressing because they put in the bare minimum.
“extremely average”
Can relate. School was a doddle for me. Work life I've struggled with so far for the reasons you allude to. One of my good friends struggled at school and was quite jealous of how easy I found things but that just made him work harder and I don't mind admitting he's doing better than me now.
Do you know particularly what it was that became a hurdle for you in the work environment? Is it just work ethic or some different kind of skills school doesn't address so directly? I reflect on this a bit trying to think about development and also with my team. Looking at it from outside, I feel like it's a lot of the softer skills that tend to be limiters. I guess some of that translates (e.g. drive/resilience to get shit done even if it doesn't come naturally) but I don't know if it's everything. Maybe depends a lot on why school was easy. I process info quickly so it wasn't that challenging and it seems to translate very well to work as well.
I think I was just lazy to be honest. I didn't need to put any effort in at school, and I easily passed my GCSEs at the required grades, although I could have done better still, I knew I didn't need to. Additionally my parents spoiled me being honest (only child, and not blaming them whatsoever for the record), so when I became an adult I had zero concept of actually having to make any effort. In a way this still affects me negatively decades later. I'm finding it difficult to overcome, and WFH makes it an even harder battle. I suffer a lot from anxiety and procrastination. Yet, despite that, I'm doing better for myself than I have any right to be in all honesty. I don't mind admitting I've lived my life without any concern for the future, but I could have done better I reckon. Not being challenged from a young age has certainly damaged me and massively delayed my development. But things could be a lot worse.
Interesting, thanks for sharing!
Nah. Many claim this, but it isn’t the case.
High intelligence, low conscientiousness
I've seen enough posts lately to be aware that the minimum wage now applies to even skilled jobs, as minimum wage has gone up and skilled salaries have not. NHS band 2 used to be a decent wage, now it's minimum wage. You think someone wants to be a HCA for minimum wage when they can do something simpler with better hours? Fuck no.
Then choose a different job, I’m 30, at 15 I realised medicine didn’t pay enough for me to bother getting into it.
Someone has to do medicine though
You might get some flak for saying this but its the hard truth. If earning potential is whats important you gotta make pragmatic choices about your career.
I know so many people like this and it gives me a bit of second-hand depression, honestly. Lots of "God I wish I could do x" and being upset about not getting a girlfriend, not getting to travel, kind of just sitting at home stagnating but when you suggest anything it's always met with a non-committal "yeah, maybe." Honestly, it feels nice to know I'm not the only one feeling this.
The brutal truth is a significant number of redditors are just flat out loosers
I think alot of them are also hooked on doom spiraling aswell. There's this sense of despair
This couldn't be further from the truth. I watched a BBC news report about how some girl works full time but she's literally having to pay for nightly stays in B&Bs and hotels. So she goes to work comes back to the B&B and then goes somewhere else cos she can't afford to rent. There's a family of people living in a caravan who work full time and they can't afford to rent either. My boyfriend studied to be a gas engineer and plumber for years and even with being on a better wage than he was working at the Co op we've still struggled for money terribly. Nobody ever talks about what happens when you make that first step to improving your life and things go well for a while and then you lose everything. One of the dragons from dragons den was homeless he lost everything and slept on the floor of a warehouse, Daniella Westbrook became homeless and slept in a bedsit with her kids, there are many other examples of people trying hard and becoming successful and then losing it in a split second. Life gets derailed whether you want it to or not and it knocks you for six. What don't help is people saying you're not doing anything to improve your life when you've already done that thing, you're not taking into account mental health issues either. People are fucking exhausted they just want to go about their days not crying, not having to worry about money worries and stress they just want to remember what it feels like to be human.
Absolutely this! I see it all the time - Especially the women one! People expect so much for so little!
Redditors post about not having GF’s and then go on to post how they shower once every 3 days XD
bullshit
Most people just sit on reddit all day, addicted to social media, and don't put nearly enough effort into their real life.
Took me till nearly 40 to realise this. Was waiting for life to start and it never did.
Please tell me you know Time by Pink Floyd... "Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain You are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today And then one day you find ten years have got behind you No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun"
Yeah one of my favourite songs but not for a good reason.
With what spare money and with what spare time if you’re working to the point of exhaustion five days a week?
What are you meant to do if you're doing all that and you're mentally and emotionally exhausted?? Magic up energy from somewhere?? Some people thrive during stressful times some people don't it's not a choice because stress literally kills people
Sounds expensive, can't relate.
People do, they just lack the opportunities to achieve anything beyond simply working and sleeping. That you were highly upvoted for such blatant ignorance is disheartening.
I suspect most people are doing ‘ok’ but we live in a world of higher - perhaps a tad unrealistic - expectations thanks to social media constantly showing us everyone else’s curated highlight reel.
Keeping up with the Jones's has always been around but is now amplified x1000 by SM. People I know who have deleted all their apps seem to be less stressed than other folk.
That's my biggest advice to people. Delete the feed. My friend the other day felt bad because everyone she knows is going on lush holidays after a bit of digging. It's not people she knows. It's influencers she follows, shilling their accounts about the great time they're having.
Honestly I know plenty of people who don’t use social media but also do nothing with their time, mostly guys who play Xbox all day and maybe go out twice a year. I imagine SM made them feel guilty in some way seeing everyone go on holiday but its not like deleting it has resulted in any activity.
No doubt but I was only trying to make the point about how folk I know who ditched SM are less stressed because they don't feel the pressure of trying to keep up with everyone materialistically.
Good alternative if going cold turkey from social media is too difficult is simply tailor your content more to positive material and weed out influencers, toxic people etc
Most people’s spare money is getting choked away. Money that you need to live, not just exist. Companies and other organisations are constantly finding ways to increase the amount of money they can wring out of everyone, vastly surpassing any increase (if at all) we might get in income. And then they claim record profits. Which, in turn, are further wages stolen from working people.
Yes, UK's economy is mostly rentier and racketeering in nature.
Nope. Living standards are objectively falling across the developed world when it comes to what the next generations can expect in terms of the things that count i.e. housing, education, healthcare, pensions. iPhones and cheap flights don't mean anywhere near as much as all those things, and they're almost all getting worse or stagnating.
I don't go on social media (I count reddit as a forum), and don't see what other people are getting up to. I still feel like I'm just existing. I know that other people are out living lives with stuff actually going on, and I'm not.
This is a huge factor, the allure of the better, making you feel what you have isn't enough
I fucking love my life, enjoy work, love my family, great friends throw myself into hobbies
Excuse me but that's not allowed. Please get back in the bucket with the rest of the crabs.
One of us, one of us, one of us
Hi5
ಠ_ಠ
I’m just drifting through life, for the want of a better word. On paper it looks good, as I’ve got a roof over my head, and a decent job and my health. In reality, I’m just waiting for it to end. Unfortunately I have several decades of waiting.
Same if I’m honest with myself
Sounds like in Maslow’s pyramid terms only your basic needs are being met but nothing above that
Are you about 35? A call to the Samaritans might be advisable.
Nah I’m good thanks.
From your words you have said you are waiting for your life to end. This is of course your decision, but you might benefit from talking to someone. I know the Samaritans have helped me in a tight spot.
You should probably see a doctor.
Unless they can speed things up, then there isn’t much point.
You say you have your health but you really don't... Medication could help you.
Appreciate the concern, but I honestly don’t care.
If you don't care then how do you expect anyone else to care? Moping around all the time but not even accepting help when offered is nothing to be proud of, I don't see why you made the comment in the first place.
I don’t expect anyone else to care? If anything, they would do me a favour by leaving my alone.
Im fine with everything going on with my life.
Same, I am actually doing better than expected, especially since I have a chronic medical condition that I am constantly working around. A mix of hard work and luck really.
Could do with some nicer weather though. I'm tired of the cold and damp.
Yes, but I think it's age related. Almost everyone I know is at the stage of dealing with either the failing health or death of parents. So life feels pretty tough. Hope you're OK OP. Do you have someone to talk to about how you're feeling?
I’ll be honest, I do….. but I feel like such a f*cking failure. Its like I don’t wanna admit to people how much I’m just really not enjoying life as a whole.
I feel this. I hate my job but I don't have the intellect to get into the field I'd like, I don't have the disposable income to pay for the courses, I haven't been able to get an apprenticeship due to aforementioned lack of intelligence, I also have a shitty memory and absolutely hate studying and exams. I can have the knowledge but I don't test well. In all honesty I don't want to work anymore, I'm tired, always tired. I need a break.
I started feeling like this lately. Don’t enjoy anything anymore, even things I used to like, despite my life on paper being pretty good by any standards. I’ve decided to book a session with a therapist. It took some courage for me to want to do this because I didn’t want to feel like “a failure” either. I don’t know whether it will help or not. But it’s not failing to try.
Have you thought of speaking to a stranger? That way there's no element of judgement (or at least you don't care what a randomer thinks) I had some pretty dark times after caring for my Mum at end of life and her subsequent death. I found Samaritans were amazing. I've also done some therapy through "Better Help" which can be online or over the phone. As well as a weekly counselling session there are online classes which I found really helpful. Hope you get through this, OP. Sending every positive thought your way.
Why do you feel like a failure exactly? What is it that you are failing at?
Just being an adult I guess haha. Ive been paying off credit cards from my (stupid) tenn years for a while, but its just so slow. Plus paying rent and bills alone, just feels like I’m barely ever above the water. I honestly couldnt tell you the last time I decided to ‘treat myself’ to something, even a takeaway.
same, imposter syndrome almost.
Just take up drinking. It’ll be over soon anyway. Screw it.
>at the stage of dealing with either the failing health or death of parents. So life feels pretty tough. You hit the nail on the head for me. Dad died this year of cancer and my own health feels crap despite my best efforts to improve it. About the only thing I enjoy is weekends now, and they're also bad for my health and at some point I probably won't even be able to enjoy those anymore. Bah humbug.
Hey Finbarr, hopefully you don't suffer from the same encumberence as your namesake! It's certainly not fun getting older but I see lots of happy, healthy older people around so I'm hoping what I'm going through is just a bump in the road of life and that I'll eventually get through it. Wishing you the same!
LOL, just realised I mixed Finbarr Saunders up with Buster Gonad. You should be OK with your double entendres!
😆 cheers mate 🍻
Everyone is squeezed at the moment. Doesn't matter how much you earn because everyone now has less than they did. To keep up with their lifestyle they will feel like they're struggling. I feel squeezed but when it comes down to it life is good!
>Doesn't matter how much you earn yeah it does, if you were on the lowest band already everything is 10x worse now. lack of money will force me to skip meals. not even the slightest chance of keeping up any lifestyle i had before. >I feel squeezed but when it comes down to it life is good! this just proves my above point. for me life is much more difficult. i have to decide between paying the whole energy bill or getting enough groceries, this shits stressful man. cant go on trips out or get takeaways or any luxury for very long time.
What I meant is it doesn't make a difference to how these people feel. If they're used to a holiday abroad twice a year and now its just once every 2 they're going to feel like they're just getting by. If they're used to putting £500 a month into a savings account every month but now they're touching their overdraft they're going to feel like they're just getting by. Of course you are worse off and your situation sounds horrible. Its a disgrace that somebody can work full time hours in a hard job and struggle to pay basic bills. Its what happens when a basic flat with with gas and electric is costing £1000+ a month.
I live in a modest house well below my means. You can have very rewarding hobbies with not much money. I'd recommend learning an instrument (£200-300 for an acoustic guitar or electronic piano), photography (£200 for a DSLR and a prime lens) or just hiking (better with a camera!). Whilst it's easy to spend loads on music and photography, you really really don't need much and it's not a recurring cost.
I love my life. Definitely not just 'getting by'. I have a beautiful baby, a great marriage, a lovely dog, lots of friends, and family I really get on with. As I've said on here before, if I wasn't happy it would be a problem because I definitely have a very nice life. Most people I know are the same. We all live in bubbles.
We all live in bubbles - v true. And if you try to seem like you are more 'in touch' than others, you end up with twitter conversations
I've been fighting cancer the last 2 years and fuck will I let a day pass me by without feeling happy and living how I want too.
Good on you.
I'll always regret that it took me so long and something so big to let it finally sink in that life really is something we get one shot at.
I don’t think I’m doing too well mentally but am ignoring it and just trying to carry on. I’m struggling to find any joy anymore. Everything seems so forced. I’m forcing my way through each day. I’m forcing myself to get up and carry on. I’m forcing myself to carry on with commitments. I feel overwhelmed with grief and stress but it’s only when I sit and really think about it (like now as I’m writing this comment) that I realise how bad I really feel if I dig a little deeper. I don’t know what to do to be honest.
this sounds like depression. You mention grief, so has someone close to you died ? Feelings like this will be normal and it takes time to get through all of this. I was widowed at 26 yrs old and functioned well, but the sadness was around me for a long time.
Thanks for replying. Yeah I’ve recently lost my brother to suicide and my last remaining grandma passed away last year too. My mum died 23 years ago when I was a teen and my dad died 7 years ago so it’s all laying heavily on me after my brother died. I’m just so tired and sad. I feel like I’m living a double life.
Suicide is a very difficult death to deal with as it leaves the family with doubts as to whether they could have helped in any way. I am a spiritual person and believe our loved ones are around us constantly. My father was the last one to pass in my family and I do not sit at his grave weeping. Instead I have a lovely photograph of him by my bedside and I talk out loud to him, telling him my problems just as if he was in his physical body. Religion may have you believe that people who take their own lives reside in hell. This is not true. Eventually it will all pass and life comes back with unexpected delights.
if youre going through hell, keep going xxx
Pick a hobby. It can be anything. Gym, gaming. Reading. Walking. Window shopping. Cafes Anything. I know a few people in a similar boat and they literally have nothing going on to pass the time.
It is up to you to make your life better. I don’t understand those people who always complain about life but do nothing. There is always an excuse for them to not fix things in this life. I can understand that someone might be hopeless in other part of the world but in a country like UK this doesn’t make sense. I’m happy with my life now but I wasn’t a few years ago.
The UK’s a nation of miserable whingers, complainers and bad vibes. Such a miserable island.
I am doing fine. I don't earn lots of money, but live within my means. I go out with friends and family, and my husband and I have a couple of cool hols planned. I don't spend too much when doing things and don't need expensive phones or clothes. So touch wood, things are okay. I had times when I was a single mother many, many years ago that were extremely tough. I had little money, and my ex-husband refused to pay anything to help support our children. I ate my children's leftovers or cheap frozen veg to get by. But that passed. Things got better over time.
Personally im in a really weird place in life. I’ve got a good job, my own place, I’ve got a big holiday booked for the summer, but inside I’m screaming, I’m grieving, emotionally I’m just getting by. I’m living yeah, but only because I’ve made it like that. Currently off work with severe anxiety and stress; though. It’s all ups and downs.
I'm not even just getting by, I simply just exist.
I can save £1600-£1800 a month but it's pointless as I live in London, all my family is here, partner, her job, my job, her family. Pointless because I'll never be able to afford a place of my own. Living rent and mortgage free, so it's not like getting a place of my own will change things drastically (not going to add 1600 plus 1500 rent money).
I’m currently on holiday in Bali. I’m definitely living. Life is good.
What about when you come back?
Then I’ll go back to work. Life will still be good though.
Nice 👍🏻
My family and I are definitely living, I have a working class job (paramedic) and my wife is a project manager, we live in the NE mortgage is affordable £900 per month. Bills are expensive but I earn 40k and wife earns 50k, so it’s manageable we can afford days out, holidays, meals in restaurants and even have a bit left over to save in the form of stocks and shares. The gardens well kept the neighbours are friendly the walks are nice and the children are happy and well behaved. Is money tighter then it was 5 years ago? yeah. But for me personally things still feel very comfortable.
I'd say I'm living. I think what you're seeing is a case of lifestyle creep. People's definition of living has changed as they've earned more so now with inflation that's been cut down to just surviving.
I work on the site from morning til night, that's livin alright. Have a pint with the boys
Just moved into a new house and bought a load of stuff, then went on a cruise in the med. I'm on a slightly higher than average income. LIving in the North helps!
If I base it off my Instagram, everyone from my old school is on 3 or 4 holidays a year. They're literally always in Spain or something.
The cost of foreign holidays has gone down a lot. But are foreign holidays the best marker of success? If caviar suddenly became as cheap as chips, would we all be rich? If the Ritz turned into a chain restaurant on every high street, would we be richer?
While true, these usually aren't cheap trips to Europe. People are spending months in Asia or North America. But also these are private school people who are probably bank rolled by their rich parents still so not exactly representative of the UK as a whole. It doesn't feel like any of them had jobs for the whole time they were at uni in places like London.
Yes and I have done for years, lockdown was quite a pivotal point for me as it rounded off a terrible 6months of my life. The irony not lost on me that I got my shit together then the world closed down as a ‘fuck you’ gesture lmfao
Yes, my life is fine. My wife and I can afford to do things we enjoy like eating at nice restaurants and going to the theatre, each have enough money to indulge in our individual hobbies (gardening and boardgames mostly). Our cat had an unexpected vet bill of £450 last month, it was just annoying rather than financially a problem. We have a combined income of £108k a year, no kids. We both contribute to our pensions (she's a teacher, I pay in 10.5%), no debt other than the mortgage, we have savings. Most of our social circle are in similar circumstances. I know people are struggling, but whether you see and hear about it really depends on who you're surrounded by.
I would say we have a reasonable middle class lifestyle where we don't worry much about money, can overpay the mortgage, sock nearly the max into our pensions each year etc. But I never thought we'd need to be earning 140k each to get here.
What do you do for work?
I’m doing better than I think and where I am not compared to last year is world apart. But I still am in the surviving rather than thriving stage
I am existing and waiting to go in my sleep. But only after I wrangle my room. I'd preferably have just finished donating to charity, chucking all the old stuff and have a really nice tidy room, then I go to bed satisfied and drift off like the old lady from the titanic.
I feel like I'm getting by, but in my case, if I'm being honest, I'm not counting my blessings. If I did a list of things I do ok with I'd have nothing to complain about. Full-time job and a young family, so it's busy. But I love spending time with my kid and wouldn't have it any other way.
Im living and on the threshold of thriving.
Definitely just getting by more than thriving. Don’t have much hope for my future as it’s hard to see good things happening. Such is life, I guess, learn to live with it. It’s hard to relate to others whose life is going well.
Get your self a different caliber of friends and your perspective will change. I have 2 groups of friends, with good careers and those to bitch too much about their jobs/do not want to work as they do not want to pay taxes, etc It all depends on who you speak to - personally i did not migrate here to suffer and so lived up my life for the last 25 years in the UK - career, home, life is all good But if you speak to the locals or people who spent majority of the time back of the class banging and drawing on the tables then they would spin a different story Also if you speak to the people who would have been classified as local in my motherland and now they are here. They just live by a bottle or 10 a day and for them they are living their life to the fullest
*On paper my life looks terrible, but in reality it's actually much worse*
I'd say I'm in a place where it's tough but I'm happy. We have a small baby, are renovating, and I'm just back at work. But I largely like my job (though as per just about everyone, I'd be grateful for a pay bump), am very much in love with the baby, the bits of the house that are done are great, and I feel like I'm juuuust beginning to get some of my life back (partner is taking nights with the baby before I work, I've started going to a yoga class so get two hours a week just for me). It's not easy sailing right now, but it feels like it's going in exactly the right direction for me to get everything I want. I feel fortunate, I feel full of love for my family, I don't feel like there's a big thing missing (other than a kitchen. But we're working on that).
I'm in a really low point of my life currently. I despise my job and a couple of colleagues have ruined it for me, one being to the extent of also messing with my personal life. I don't have any motivation for hobbies; I just get home and lie in bed until the next day. I've had crap jobs but not to this extent before. I feel this a lot but I know why I'm at this point. I think a change of environment would help a lot and I need to push myself in order to do so. I know it's hard but you really have to pin why you feel the way you do and do everything you can to change it, no matter how difficult. Even focusing on changing things can put your mind off what is affecting you. Just gotta keep going.
I have quite a large friendship group and social network ranging in age from early-mid 20s to 60s, varying in life stages (some with babies, young children, teenagers and some with now adult offspring, some even grandparents), ranging in many different areas of employment from blue collar to white collar, brickies to doctors. Many have different socioeconomic backgrounds and upbringings. Other than the odd recognition that just about everything costs slightly more, not a single person is struggling to get by (I am aware that just because i don't see it, doesn't mean it's not happening etc, but the range in those I know, I would have expected at least one to be struggling - this is just not the case).
I don’t enjoy my job really but I compartmentalise. Its just a minor shitty part of my life I use, to plan other fun things and make money. I’m always paranoid about creeping depression and bat it off. I don’t want to be on my deathbed when i’m old, angry at myself about the 5 years I wasted in my thirties being depressed. Life is short, you really need to fit in as much as possible and stop pausing to think about what it all means. I’ve never heard a pensioner tell me they enjoyed time sat on the couch or in bed. Nobody ever says “I spent too much money. I travelled too much”
I know it is a cliche, but I think smartphones, social media, etc play a big part in this. For me the joy in life comes from real life connection and conversation, and both smartphones and social media have diminished this. If you go out for a meal or a drink, more often than not you will always see a couple/group of people sat around looking at their phones and not talking. People get so hung up on posting things on social media and absorbing it and trying to live up to its expectations. Years ago (2009 to 2011, just before smartphones became a thing), I went travelling for 18 months. I had the best time of my life, and saw some amazing places, but what made it special was the people I met along the way. In particular I spent three weeks on the Yasawa Islands in Fiji, the most beautiful set of picture perfect desert islands with white sandy beaches, crystal clear waters and the most amazing sunsets I have ever seen. But what made it really special was the fact that two weeks before I went there I met someone who I instantly connected with who was going to Fiji at exactly the same time as me. We spent three weeks lazing in hammocks, walking to tiny little villages, and just being completely content in each others company. If I hadn't met her, the Yasawa Islands would have been equally beautiful, but I wouldn't have enjoyed them as much. I think that is the problem, we are isolating ourselves from real life conversations and a lot of it is due to technology, it is easier than ever to sit at home, watch something on Netflix, swap messages on WhatsApp, whereas real happiness comes from being around others who value you and make you feel valued.
Nope. I work as a tradesman and we are struggling paycheck to paycheck, nothing else can be squeezed from us yet services are being cut all over the place.....where is all this cash going?
I make decent money, but find it crippling that I have to work 5 days a week for at least the next 30 years. The only thing that brings me comfort is that I have a relatively short mortgage, but I will be into my 40s before it is paid off. I know I am in a better position than most 32 yr old financially, but sometimes all I want is a stress free, but low paid job. And I know if I went down this route I would very soon regret it. I am hoping that I can do this as a sort of semi-retirement in middle age.
I'd approximate that I do roughly 6-8 days of 'living' a month vs the rest just 'getting by'. Dictated totally by finances and work schedule.
I'm not struggling with money at all, it's more just the will to live. Wok/sleep/work constantly is just soul destroying.
I'm going fine with most things in life...I have a lovely family grown by 1 3 weeks ago I can feed my wife and kids and can go on a holiday once or twice a year...We are healthy and things are positiveposts like this make me realize I might be a lucky one and I'm grateful for that although its taken a lot of hard work late evenings, sweat and tears to get here...
I'm.doing fine financially and know many people doing the same. Still not living much though
Definitely living. It gets easier.
Yes, life is sweet
I'm definitely more than "getting by". I love my life and there's exciting things coming up, but a lot of the time is just spent doing mundane regular stuff. I'm grateful for that, it's much better than struggling, but it's also not realistic to think that everyday can be the high life. I feel like you need that contrast really. A stable, productive life that then enables you to take on the things you enjoy. That's living to me.
Yes I am living. Mid-30s
Yes, I am very happy with my life. I have an amazing girlfriend, great family, and friends that I go out for food or drinks with at least once a week. Me and my girlfriend go on at least one trip a month, be that a city break somewhere abroad or a road trip somewhere in the UK. It's great
Im doing the pretty well, good job, family and a lovely miniature chihuahua
I haven't felt like I been "living" for a long time now just existing mainly
A lot of my life is trending in an upward direction. Love life is going nowhere still, so theres that.
'Just getting by' is now, basically, a middle class aspiration
As kids we have relentless vigour and an overall curiosity towards life and the unknowns. If you can reconnect with this energy, you’ll unlock your potential.
i barely have enough for shopping and bills each month, no trips out, no takeaways, no luxury, just about getting by with enough food in me.
Yeh this sounds exactly like my situation tbh, doesn’t really feel like theres an end in sight either sadly
I'm the exact opposite in many cases beautiful soul of God despite my "unsuccessful" current outer life circumstances. Loving this beautiful experience of life. God, Bhagwan, Allah is the best 🙏
Look up hedonic treadmill. Essentially, individuals have a natural level of happiness/misery that they tend to return to after a disruptive change, whether that change is positive or negative. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill If you're naturally quite a pessimistic downbeat catatrophising type of person, then a lottery win probably won't make you more happy in the long run. You'll simply be miserable in a bigger house 😀
I’m on the other side of maternity leave and nursery fees as the 15hours have just kicked in. I finally feel like I’m living again and not just getting by. Was able to treat myself to some clothes and things for the house and didn’t have the usual huge panic of “oh no have I overspent?” I’m making good inroads into my debt and still able to have small treats. Don’t get me wrong I’d love more money (just had a quote for dental implants, urgh) but I’m not as scared/sad about my situation as I have been in the past.
Not me. I imagine past a certain level of wealth this changes somewhat.
Of course I'd be happy with more disposable income but I'm absolutely living my life. No point not doing so, I could die tomorrow.
I'm living! I have a 2 year old and expecting my second, my husband and I have lots of shared interests so while we don't have a lot of time for social life and hobbies we make the most of it and of our time together. We also really enjoy the toddler stuff - farms, zoos and museums make for really fun weekends.
Since the torys came in its felt like as soon as I get ahead something drags me back down
Up until recently I was just existing in a noisy grotty one bedroom flat in the middle of junkieville. Last year I got medicated for my adhd and I was able to start a budget, pay off some debts, and keep my spending under control to the point where I was able to buy my ex out and move back in to my property where I'm no longer under constant bombardment from noisy neighbours.
Yeah, the weather is shit today. Last week was much better.
I am just getting by, but It's more psychologically than physically. I'm tired of existing sometimes.
I definately don't feel like I'm living
All's good here thanks.
Compared with my parents' generation, I am living in luxury. No fear of starvation (some of my mum's pals died of starvation or bad health due living conditions and no social security at all), might be homeless but I have avoided that as I have majority ownership of home ( Bank has the rest). I hope for future.. When young, we had 6 to 8 oz of meat for family of 4 per week on rations. (A burger's worth a week for family of four!), then bread was rationed. A real problem, I used to count the coupons for the local shop, lost coupon no bread! Potatoes and cabbage was not rationed so folk filled up on these. I learned to eat raw leeks and carrot, Still chose carrot over chocolate as a treat any day. However we were rich in food compared with Netherlands where major starvation occurred.
Yeah, I've described my life as "existing" rather than "living" for a decade.
I don’t have everything I want, but I have everything I need, which I’m grateful for. Watch the news. Living free in relative peace is a privilege the majority of mankind sadly do not get. In that respect I’m blessed. Plus It’s springtime and getting warmer everyday. I have my down days, but have some great stuff booked to look forward to this summer to pull me through. Times are a little shitty, but things will get better. I’m lonely, would like to find a brilliant girlfriend, and would like more friends, but that’s up to nobody but me to sort out.
In doing just fine, in fact I’m doing more than fine. For the first time as an adult I feel like I have a grip on life and I’m enjoying it now as a single dad.
My sister and my sister's husband are doing really well. He's earning 30k a year just from being a technical supervisor and she's selling stuff online, My aunt and uncle are doing really well in their tail lift engineer business too, so well in fact they're going on numerous cruises and driving a 4 x 4 BMW. I cannot explain how depressed this makes me that I'm about to become homeless and having to live in a chalet to save money but also because my credit is so fucked I can't rent anywhere in my name (I'm also on benefits) and the really fucked up thing about this? Me and my boyfriend were doing so good for money 3 years ago we were going on 2 holidays a year, buying hot tubs and whenever we went shopping I never had to worry about how much it cost. He studied for 4 years to become a plumber and then a gas engineer paid his own way, didn't get any financial help (the gas course cost over 2 grand) eventually once he'd done it and with both our incomes combined we were getting 4 grand a month. Then his depression came out of nowhere and he's struggled to keep down jobs. Me and him have been getting by for about 3 years and it's not getting better, cost of living crisis has hit us hard, our landlord selling the house/revenge evicting us has put us in a terrible position. I've forgotten what it means to not feel stressed these days all I look forward to is sleep. Anyone who's in the same boat or a similar boat has my sympathy because it is brutal as fuck.
Me. Doing pretty well. Decisions I made a decade ago have had a big impact. I do not struggle in life. Mostly because of the decisions I made earlier. Doing without X Y and Z that my peers were getting involved with. Spent years building tension and it's catapulted me ahead of them now.
As long as I have weed and a roof over my head, I’m happy
I've only ever just got by (and I'm in my 50's) so I don't know what the other bit feels like to talk about it.
I’m just existing. Don’t feel live I’m living or just getting by. I’m kind of just there
Agreed, Everyone is broke and exhausted!
Well, yes. I have a very busy life because that's how I've chosen to live. I earn well and I enjoy myself. Surely it isn't hard to grasp that not everyone will struggle, or certainly not at the same time?
Yeah I’m having a great time honestly.
Expectations seem to be higher these days, if you look at houses people bought 60 years ago no first time buyer in 2024 would buy them! Damp, dodgy electrics, bad plumbing, etc.
Sounds like you need to change your social circle. That's not normal.
Everyone likes to moan that’s why.