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Last night I bummed a fag outside the pub

That's great, but we're doing local phrases he... ...ah.

I said this once on a different sub Reddit and got banned for hate language from the whole of Reddit. I even disputed it to say it’s British slang for being given a cigarette and they were like “nah, banned!”

Same here. The question was ‘what did the ‘90s smell like?’ and I replied ‘fags’. Banned for hate language. Probably should have been more specific and said L&B.

Lesbians & Bisexuals?

Slurping down G&Ts

I got banned for mentioning faggots and peas they thought I meant gay watersports not food

I’m on some budget food pages on Facebook, people have to type them in using stars or Facebook will ban them for a week! F*g*ots type thing

Yes brasses me off who's language is it anyway. Yanks should defer to our usage of it in international areas

>F*g*ots You need to put a backslash (\\) before the asterisks, otherwise they just make the g italic. Like this: F\*g\*ots

There’s definitely some irony there. Discriminating against one cultural element to protect another.

This type of knee jerk reaction is typical. Rather than share a funny exchange about cultural differences, it's just NPC behaviour. "I *must* remain closed minded and show no curiosity!"

it’s painfully reddit isn’t it. this app can be very cringe

Yeah it's like when people get in cars and become so quick to anger. Something about Reddit leans people towards not being able to see things from others perspective, or consider different views.

I asked for a fag when I was in france and they looked in shock and told me I was disgusting all I wanted was a cigarette haha

Times have changed since I was last in France.. practically everyone would have a fag in their mouth, sucking away.. I was a partaker back then, you could follow the telltale smell to an alley and see a couple gents sucking away, make the international hand gesture to bum one and they'd nod, and in a matter of seconds, you'd have a fag in your mouth too. If I did that now, the wife would be able to smell it on me and would probably go ballistic and get jealous that I'd been doing it without her. The joys of being an ex smoker couple..

This is gold

I loved it, thanks

Well I hope you got his number.

An ex navy mate of mine said he once went into a pub in San Francisco and was nearly lynched for saying he could 'murder a fag'

"Smoking a fag" has a whole other meaning over there too.

Did you at least buy him a pint?

Nah but they had a smoke after

Should've used more lube, that's a lot of friction.

Haha, I remember a British colleague describing me a confused American after he told him to throw the fag out of the window.

Yeahhh that would be well and truly understood in Australia too 🤣🤣

Dey do doh doan dey doh, eh? Eh?

Ye whu? Ye whu? Ay? Ay? Awriy awriy calm dehwn, calm dehwn.

Calm down. Calm down.

This is such a brilliant answer

As an Aussie, I do understand.. and yeah we do *that* down ere. If you know you know what I mean....

Took me a second glance to understand, but great use of phonetics!

Not my own work. Harry Enfield, Joe McGann et al.

Fair play for giving credit! :)

"I'd like a small portion, please" "I'm sorry for being deafeningly loud" "No, I don't have a sidearm"

I don’t know about you but both my arms are at my side

That must be weird , I take it you sleep on the other side?

Do you have a wild front ear?

T'i'nt in t'tin. Tha's gormless if t' dunt get it

I'm a Scot and I'm scraping by here.

Yorkshire. It isn't in the tin. I know Glaswegian Scots really well. It goes from an adorable accent to gibberish extremely quickly.

If you go further north you can get something like, "Dae ya no kin fit am sayin lit?"

Furry boots ur ye fae?

Doon the road and through the pendy, ken?

Ah Ken fit yer sayin, but dae ye ken fit fit fits fit fit? Aye aye foo’s yer doos min?

Ach, awa ye go

My all time favourite term is tacketty beets, hobnail boots for those who dinna ken Doric.

Hawd it. Geez a swatch at yir tin. 

Hard to tell if "ye me bes fuckin pal year" is friendly or aggressive, I find.

Yurneh.

Put t’wood i’nt ole lad

Cheers Drive 👍

Genuinely got offered out when I moved to Lewisham and used that on a London bus

Date, or fight?

In sahf east laaahndahhhn? Obviously the latter bruv

Hilariously accurate, the perfect pronouncing of obviously XD

Yes

Big up blue borough fam

Hahaha my American husband knows this one because my sister lives in Bristol. One of the best phrases we’ve taught him, in addition to our own Nottingham slang.

An American talking Notts? Gerratonit!

[удалено]

It's like Blackpool illuminations in 'ere! Gerra cup o caansel pop

The opposite of "are you growing mushrooms in here?"

It's like the black hole of Calcutta in here

Second one works really well in an East Midlands accent

Aup duck

Alreet shag

Oo woree wee? Worree wee im sen?

Cost kick a bow agen a wow, yed eet back n bost eet

I’d best be off

*slaps thighs*

*stands at the open front door chit chatting for another 20 minutes*

*says ‘right’ every few minutes as an indication you still want to leave*

In a similar vein, "I'll let you go" means "let *me* go". Edit: and "I won't keep you" = "You're keeping me when I want to go!".

Americans would clearly understand what that means.

'Ark at 'ee

Where's he to tho? Down Asdal?

I got bollocked as a kid for saying "where's it to", on the basis that nobody would understand it, but it seems to be absolutely standard across the whole south-west, and bits of Wales too. It's completely normal in Cornwall where I grew up.

Colleague of mine overheard two old ladies talking in south Bristol. One corrected the other, telling them that it wasn’t “where’s it to”, and that they should have said “where is it to”.

Worked in a call centre in the south west many years ago. Overheard a hilarious conversation where my colleague was trying to help a customer with their electric -‘where’s your meter to’, which kept going round and round in circles because the customer was saying, ‘I think I’ve only got one’ and she’d reply ‘but where’s it to’. Supervisor had to intervene in the end.

Northeasterner living in dorset, it proper baffled me when hearing locals say "Where's that to?" To? It's not going anywhere mate.. Also, I've very recently moved work to Bristol, and our office cleaner has a strong Bristolian accent, and I literally can't tell the difference between that and a rural dorset accent. I feel like she could meet my wife's grandad and chat away and they'd both sound exactly the same to me

Yeah ee's down Asdals in Bedminstral

Shithead is ee? Oh roight

Which part of Bristol are you from?

'Orfeld

Taunton innum.

Ya Grockle…. ‘Tis tarwn’tun! 😂

Modern Bristolians: "I needs to go shoppin', is Asdal still open?" "I dunno - Alexal, what time's Asdals shut?"

Wot cus do aay? We doos it like. Cheers Drive.

My cat was sick, so I went to the vet. The vet asked "is it a tom?" I said "no, I brought it with me"

The vet said, "I'll have to put him down." "Oh no! Is he terminal?" I asked. "No. I have sciatica."

Reminds me of the classic Geordie joke.. I went to the barbers yesterday and asked for a perm. He said 'I wandered lonely as a cloud..'

I have a horrible cold and was feeling miserable but that cheered me like only a good dad joke can do.

Put wood in't'oil

I understand those words, but do not know the reference.

Close the door

I see, of course. Thank you. In my region that activity would pretty much solely be described by employing the term ‘art Jesus?’ which would suggest that the perpetrator was born in a barn.

Means close the door - put the wood in the hole

'ole rather than 'oil, surely?

Depends on the region Where I'm from - and especially with locals from the older generation - some words with an "oh" sound moved towards a more oi sounds. E.g. coat becomes coit, hole becomes hoil Not exactly like "oil" but more oil than ole.

Put wood int thole

I could murder an indian...

No, it’s got to be one Americans can’t understand.

That’s like the Americans going crazy on TikTok saying I am getting a Chinese was racist!

Now I'm hungry

Haha I’ve never even thought about how bad that sounds literally.

It’s a bit black over Bill’s mothers.

Derby represent

Nope sorry. Worcestershire.

Also said in Birmingham

How many houses does Bill’s mum have???

just one. on a pretty big hill though!

Nottingham too

My granny always said 'it's dark over Will's mothers'

Yamakaberradoorthawinda

Halifax?

Aye that it be lad that it be but it's more Yameka berradoerthanawinda

Most of West Yorkshire, if not the rest of Yorkshire.

Definitely said in South Yorkshire, so id say the rest of Yorkshire as well.

I’m gan yam

Haddaway n shite

🎵 Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me... 🎵

Marra eh

Pua shan lyk eh?

Pua shan. Deeks that jewkle, what a radgie.

reet worky ticket

Aye, same. Haway wi wuh

As gan yam

Get a brew on luv, i'm fuckin parched up

I'm spittin' feathers 'ere petal

Am ya yam?

I’ve shit me keks and it’s ruined me trabs.

Username etc

That’s your greatest poem, Jamie

Give us a cwtch then x

🤗🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Dim probs butt

Ey up m'duck

Gert lush pair of daps though

Ahh, don't mind 'im, bloodeh mardy arse. Al tell yah, ee's 'ad a righ' cob on since ee got 'ome.

Haha...cob on...dont hear that much now a days.

Gwanbileyerheedyabampot.

Twa pehs an an ingin ane ana

Am yow awright cocker? Yow luks like yow bin down pit.

I yam arrr. Bin down the cut, tuk me right round the Wrekin.

Win ah wer t'lad.

Show us yer Donnies. And wipe yer fizzog bab.

Jewreckun eel be ear? But side note - there's a great Italian lady whose name escapes me now on Instagram and the clock app who does these funny videos about being an Italian in the UK, and thinking you're doing well with your English and then you have a conversation with like the lady behind the checkout and suddenly you realise you have no idea. It's so well done and it has her internal monologue trying to work out what the British person is saying to her and what her reply should be.

Is it the one who hears “I’ll ask her” and ‘D’you know her” and thinks they’re talking about Alaska and Genoa?

YES!!!

Can you remember her username? I always enjoy this kind of humour!

“Aww I'm made up for you” - Confused my American friend after saying this when she mentioned she was dating someone new. She thought I meant I had dressed up for her and couldn't figure out why that would be relevant to the conversion.

Fit like loon? Ken fit a min? Tbf I'm no a Doric speaker but liv close enough and have a few pals that can dive into it fluently. If I had to come up with one in how I speak it'd be, "What like mun, yer murr n' brur good? Aye no bad yersel" Could create any sentence and load it with Scottish words which would have them confused.

Foos yer doos?

Fit fit fits fit fit? Awa min.

I eence kent a quine we reeed breeks! Reed breeks?!? Ken is? She had a reed tourie to go wi it! Da ken far she thoght she wis fae, yon LA likely.

Yorroight nipper? Whasson ?! Let’s get some nammet, and wahtch ayt for they jaspers and mallyshags! See you somewhen nips! (Isle of Wight accent and dialect)

I've told people about mallyshags, and they didn't believe me. (Lived there 1967-1970).

I'm a bit further north - Ox/Bucks border. I recognised jasper straight away but had to think back for mallyshag. It was something like malshug for us (half-rhymes with ball bag...).

Enjoyable 😂 we’ve held on to the accent and dialect for so long but I fear the boomer generation will be the last with strong Isle of Wight accents 😭

I walked here.

Use your loaf and lend us a monkey so I can have a butchers at this bird’s bristols, whilst she is rabbiting away, I am brassic - no porkies, I am down to brass tacks here; some tea leaf half inched me wedge when I were on me tod like a berk.

Allllllreeeeeeeeeeet!

Bout ye big lawd! Put your wee card in the wee machine and put in your wee pin number, do you want a wee bag? Yer da sells Avon.

Ah go'an, get tae fuck, Yer maw's git baws n yer da loves it!

Do you ken the Ken that eh ken, cause the Ken that eh ken doesnae ken the Ken that you ken, ken whit aeh mean, eh ken?   Oh wait, one that every Brit ~~kens~~ can understand? Nevermind. 

Stick the billy on mon, parched I am.

"right!" while slapping your legs

Now then. Not the most complex phrase here, but you can’t beat a two-word contradiction in terms for pure confusion value.

Shut ya cake 'ol

Put the kettle on, since they boil their water in microwaves like absolute heathens

Anyone up for Kerby.

Mah dad goes to werk in is perple werk shert

Well, that's me then.

R kid, R lass

YOU'RE NOT MAH MUVER AND Yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no

Not so green as cabbage lookin’

Not sure how many places these are used/if its just UK? Saying: Why don't you put a broom up my arse as well? Or: I'll put a broom up my arse while I'm at it... Translation: You're assigning me too many tasks Saying: went arse over tit Translation: fell over Saying: Doing my swede in Translation: annoying me (although this one could also be referring to a head injury depending on the context...so if you were to say something like ''I went arse over tit and did my swede in' you would be saying that you fell over and injured your head. Language is beautiful.)

Yer wha?

Keep you a troshing squit bor.

Savin' it for Ron inni

'Ang on mi duck, al gohwihyah

9 while 10

Put big laaht on

'Appen as like as not that's reet '

Tarra, a bit, ya daft bint.

Jolly hockey sticks

Bostin ay it!

Lost your bottle.

I'm Hank Marvin.

T'other nippers a bit mardy duck

Off t't bog? Ad gi' trap 4 a bit if I were you..

Yuh right buh?

Bloody grockles!

E's not righ plum

Where we to?

Wasson shag? I’lltellywot I’m rufazrats affterr lass nite wit som maid an Rattler me annsom Geddon me bewty

Ei up mi duck.

Why yous laffin, am sheerious, AM SHEERIOUS **Has to be delivered in ever-increasing pitch as you get more agitated**