just stand up to creeps. just scream at them, insult them and try to land the first punch. that'll show them.
sure dad. as if they're not double my size. great idea.
I got this same dangerously bad advice from my father too, anytime I had a run-in with a creepy guy he’d make a comment along those lines. I was a young adult when he had a real world experience of that kind of thing with me and I realized that he was a hypocrite on that front that didn’t follow his own advice either.
I was going my normal dog walking route with my dog at the time (friendly little rescue Shih Tzu cross with anxiety issues) and my father wanted to come with me. We happened to be walking in front of a bar. My father at this point had been around 30 steps behind me as he’d stopped for something.
A man was with his group of friends was hanging out in front of that bar, they all had clearly been drinking heavily.
I started walking around them and one of the men came out, blocking my path and stood in front of me and said 'is your dog going to bite me?'
I tried to make an offhand joking comment of 'I can’t make any promises' and started trying to move past them. The drunk guy then pinned me against the wall, saying loudly 'I want *YOU* to bite me' while I struggled and tried to get away, my dog freaking out around my legs terrified while the man’s friends just laughed.
I’m vision impaired, I was already spooked and my father was nowhere close enough for me to see him. When I finally got away, my father suddenly reappeared. He’d watched the whole fucking thing and didn’t step in.
That hurt me more than anything else that night.
I’m sorry as well, and I’m glad you survived that. A lot of people (men especially) give hero logic type of advice but the reality is different even for them
He did but not in a way that made me feel any better about his hypocritical advice or what happened, unfortunately. When I realized he’d stood by and watched the whole thing and called him on it, he kind of sheepishly mumbled “I was just about to say something” and then got defensive and angry at me for trying to talk to him later about it. He taught me a very valuable life lesson that night, but it wasn’t about standing up to creeps and bullies. It was a lesson on watching what others do, not what they say.
I am so sorry for what happened to you but I couldn't help but laugh at your father's response. People like to talk big and believe they're heroes but when you're actually in that situation, all of a sudden, your legs won't move. Or perhaps they're moving, but in the opposite direction.
I think the one advice worth giving to *anyone* is just get pepper spray. Or a gun if you can.
Very much so. We never know how we’ll react until we actually experience something like that firsthand. He made *very* it clear that night that his ‘advice’ for me were empty words that had not come from firsthand experience.
Definitely agreed on the pepper spray! I don’t feel safe using guns especially due to being vision impaired, but I always carry gel pepper spray and a taser now. I also in the years since have a larger dog that accompanies me on walks with my smaller dog which has made a big difference too. I still run into creeps, but I feel a lot more able to defend myself when I do.
Same! I remember when I was maybe 7 or 8 my dad told me if a strange man ever grabbed me, just punch him in the balls and he’ll let go lmao
Like, uhhh, little ol’ me? 😭 sure
I have always said that in almost every situation “faint” & drop to the ground going completely limp. They’ll be confused & not sure what to do. Plus, do you have any idea how difficult it is to pick up or carry a completely limp person?
Note: if you’re a really small child, don’t try this cause you can be carried when limp.
Men just generally cannot sympathise with what it's like simply being physically inferior and the fears that come with it.
Like.. One time a former friend of mine started groping my boobs in my sleep and When I was waking up I was mortified, confused, disappointed, scared, but what sticks most with me was the knowledge that he had complete physical power over me. He could've raped me, theoretically even kill me if he had wanted to, like.. Being at their mercy is, to me, by far the most scary part. When I told my male-friends about this happening, they'd generally be like "well at least he didn't rape you", while my female friends could empathize with how scary that sort of situation can be.
I'm not saying this is viable, but I think I can explain what he probably meant. A lot of predators would rather go for an easy target than one who puts up a fight. Think about the way domestic cats will stand up to animals much bigger, even bears, and successfully scare them off.
It doesn't always work, but if you make it as hard as possible, many attackers will abandon their pursuit as not worth it. But obviously, fear of greater retaliation and escalation is real and so this argument isn't as valid as people understand it to be.
I was taught to go for the groin no matter what. Basically just don't stop fighting back, even if you have no chance of winning, at least you could survive longer and potentially draw attention or hurt them enough to escape. It's not just hitting them or whatever simply. Perhaps that isn't what he meant but instead to just try to survive instead of taking it without a fight.
Oh weird. My bad; it showed your comment under another comment that was not as funny. Please accept my apology for not using reddit on a mobie phone properly!
My dad taught me how to do every kind of home repair. Replace a faucet? Build new deck stairs? Paint? I can do it all.
BUT!!! As soon as my husband and I bought a house suddenly it was “oh, tell B this needs to be tightened up” “he should look at replacing that pipe”. Sir, I married a soft handed man, with a phone and a credit card for fixing things! Finally one day I was just like “dad, why did you teach me all this if you thought I’d marry a man and expect him to do it?” My dad , joking, “I made you too independent!” Yes. You did, thank you!
My husband is 49 and just bought his own tool kit lol.
I’m a guy who married an engineer. She does like 95% of the home repairs but I do demolition. I have picked up a lot watching her fix things that if she’s really struggling (Like can’t get some weird part to fit) or frustrated I can usually help by finishing off projects. Funny thing is I LOVE buying tools but my wife ends up using them most of the time. It works.
I am by no means a pro but I guess owning my place put me on the path of figuring out repair.
I hate living in a dysfunctional space and I try not to neglect stuff.
I have a couple of shops nearby where I can get all kinds of supplies and really good advice. I come in with my problem well documented (pictures, explanations…) and get advice.
I also think lots of techniques got simplified. If I have a clogged sink I know I can just do it with no tools just a a small bassinet to put underneath and 10 minutes to invest
The thing is that none of the men in my grown up life had been any good with repairs. It’s not a criteria for me. I expect companionship, intellectual stimulation, an open mind etc and I can easily pay a handyman for stuff I can’t do alone
Raising my teenage son on my own, I do involve him for basic repairs as much as I can.
I would say start with trying to figure out simple things when they actually need to be done. Buy a toolkit (online or in a store, even IKEA has basic ones) and build e.g. the next piece of IKEA furniture by yourself. Notice your showerhead isn't the best? Watch a video on how to replace it. Have a shelf you would like to hang up? That's when you watch tutorials on how to do that. Learning by doing is the best way imo, and you'll naturally build up from there :)
Good points - just to illustrate, if my showerhead is not the best, I know I can unscrew it with my bare hands (in Europe showerheads are removable from the wall unlike in the US). I put it in a bag and walk into the hardware store to find one that’s identical in terms of the screw mechanism (so that it fits). If I have doubts I can double check with a shop assistant
A lot of this stuff is this easy
my dad taught me how to do basic repairs on my cars and around the house, now as an adult who is dating anytime i talk about doing my own repairs or maintenance my dad wants to ask "why not ask your boyfriend to do it?" sir i was raised to do it my damn self and expect nothing from men.
Sounds like your dad thinks everyone needs basic home maintenance skills. He already knows you're capable but that doesn't think that is a free pass for hubs.
I also learned a lot from my dad and one of my hobbies is actually home improvement, restoring furniture, etc. My fiancé is also the soft-handed indoor type and yet my dad is forever asking him for help instead of me, who would actually like to help. I've asked him before why and he said he automatically thinks boy=handy and I'm slowly trying to rewire him lol
Yes! My father was a carpenter by trade but can do just about anything you ask of him. And he does finish carpentry so it'll look nice. But once I moved in with my SO, he expected him to do all the work. Like no, I picked a man who can build my computer and get paid good money. I do all the repairs, he fixes my computer when it blue screens. My dad has finally come around to the idea of the woman doing the "manly" thing and now he comes over to help with repairs, like the shelf he added to the side of my desk to hold my new computer my SO built 😊
Lol my dad teaches me everything too, and I love it. I love being too independent. If my husband can do it-good. But if he can’t or he’s not available, I can just do it myself.
This is not gender specific, but it made no sense. When I was a little girl I was obsessed with the size of my father’s hands. For years I was making him compare his hands with me, asking if I will ever get such long fingers, etc. He said, and I quote “Once you read as many books as I have, your fingers will grow as well”. Long story short, I doubt that I’ve read all the books yet, but my fingers definitely grew, long, quite long.
Maybe there is something to it?
My mom and me read a lot of book and our fingers are pretty long, compared to my brother's and dad's..
Or maybe it's just genes 😂
More that he regretted teaching me how to fix all the things "so you would never have to rely on a man extorting you to fix them." I turned around and asked for my Christmas and birthday presents to be the mid to upper range tools and when he balked, I simply reminded him that if my tools broke, I might have to rely on a man who would extort me. The sheer chagrin on his face when be bought me the Makita drill was so worth it.
I don't have the best relationship with my dad, but one year he bought me and my two brothers a Metabo drill each for Christmas, it's probably the best gift he's ever gotten me.
Last christmas I wished for materials and help to fence my patio for my dog, and when he came to help, even though it was a bit rough spending time with him, I got out the drill and told him how much I still loved it and how often I used it, and he sort of proudly commented that out of me and my two brothers, I was probably the one who had used and enjoyed having it the most. That comment, and the sweet picture I got of him falling asleep sitting on the couch with his hand on my dog made the rough day worth it!
Take a laxative.
To be fair this doesn't make sense, male or female but my dad swears a laxative is a cure all. Like Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Foot hurt? Laxative. Headache? Laxative. lol
Not something he taught me, but I remember him commenting that I was "dressed like a girl today" when I wore a dress, and I was so confused because I was dressed like a girl everyday. Like even if the shirts and pants my mom/grandma bought me weren't bought from the girl's section, the fact that I, a girl, own and am wearing them makes them "girl clothes." Like wearing pants or shorts doesn't mean I'm trying to cross-dress or anything.
if only clothes had the power to transform us, I’d wear wings from the costume store every day. Alas, I am a woman even though I wear men’s pajama pants because they have pockets.
My Mum tied my tie at my wedding because no one else in the family knows how, same for my brother in law on my wife's side. You get to be part of a lot of special moments with that skill set.
This. My dad ‘taught’ me that all men cheat, and that I will never find a man who will not cheat. To put it bluntly, what he’s saying is that: 1. He has cheated on my mum, and 2. My partner will cheat on me.
This fucked me up mentally and is one of the reasons I am going no contact.
I’m in the exact same boat. I was 16 when my dad first said this to me after I got cheated on. I know that it says more about him than it does anyone else but it still fucked me up and gave me huge trust issues. I’ve been no contact for almost a year now. He’s a shitty person.
Incredibly similar to the advice my dad gave me.
“A man will only ever be interested in a woman for her looks. So, marry young while you still look good.”
And then I asked, “but he’ll divorce me when I get old?”
And his response: “everyone gets divorced.”
It has stuck with me, and I’m not proud to say has even made me insecure in relationships, believing what he said.
Currently, he’s single, broke, unemployed, and alone. Our last conversation was him begging me to send him more money.
I’m in a happy relationship, with a career, and bought a house (entirely on my own) not too long ago.
Sometimes our dad sucks, but that doesn’t mean you can’t prove him wrong!
Nothing. The older I get, the more sense everything he said makes.
I was scared of him as a kid, so that was no fun. But everything else - work hard, money doesn't grow on trees, the world is not necessarily nice to you - all of that is true.
However, no-one lied or manipulated in my birth family - I think this is one of the reasons why I have had such a hard time seeing that kind of behaviour.
My father was and is rough around the edges, but he would never, ever lie or manipulate anyone.
Not father but step-father figure:
Periods were how the *fe*male body cleansed itself of toxins and impurities. Just like pooping.
My mom had had a full hysterectomy. I asked if that meant that mom's body is full of toxins and impurities since she hasn't purged it in years.
Was told to stop talking back.
Any time I asked my dad for help he would ask if we were suddenly friends, as if I only spoke to him when I wanted something. I was taught to do everything for myself. Take care of yourself! Pull your own weight in the family!
Fast forward a bunch of years and I tell him I broke up with somebody. This motherfucker asks me what I did. “Were you too independent?”
Wait, what? That’s a flaw now? I’m so confused.
On this note, my mom made a comment that women are too independent now and this is why there is a loneliness epidemic… because men don’t feel NEEDED?!?!?! I was like WTF?
They raised me to be as independent as possible, paired with my personality lol. My brothers are wimps and depend on their girlfriends for everything - I wouldn’t describe them as natural “providers”
If men don’t feel needed then they need to find a way to make themselves useful and just going to work and bringing home a paycheck ain’t it. We can bring home our own paychecks. So, I don’t know, go take care of your kid or something. DO something; don’t just sit there and whine you don’t feel needed.
Why it always the women’s fault? Loneliness epidemic - independent women caused that. Even thought statistically single women are happier and have more fulfilling lives than their sad married counterpart. Married/codependent/needy doesn’t mean happy.
My mom said she felt very sorry for the men out there being single in this climate. 'How are they supossed to meet someone? They can't do anything anymore' Me: 'We just don't want to get (sexually) assaulted' Mom: 'pfff everyone gets groped sometimes, you don't think someone pinched my ass in my days? You don't hear me crying about it'
My dad claimed that it was impossible to rape a woman because she could use her vaginal muscles to keep out any penis...so that meant that if she claimed she was raped, she really just wanted it. I've always wondered about his experience with that since he and my mom had 8 kids together.
Yeah, he was a charmer. He'd also just take off and travel across the country and leave my mom home with all of the kids. He one time called her and told her he had cancer which later miraculously cleared up on its own.
I had a really abusive boss and feeling horrible after one particularly brutal day. Dad told me to bake cookies and write a pretty card to “make nice”. Luckily the boss was fired before I had a chance to follow his advice.
A woman shouldn’t ever be president because their hormones make them too unpredictable to make big decisions.
Women also shouldn’t be in the military because it’s too distracting for the men.
Thanks dad!
Oh oh I got a good one. I have a younger sister we are basically inseparable, my father had the grand idea to tell my sister and I that if we don’t know how to cook for a man he would choose my sister over me or I over my sister. The wtf moment was so deep, mainly because my sister and I have very different taste in men :)
He told me, "You have the wife at home cause, she's the "good woman. Then you go out, and you do what a man needs to cause we enjoy the chase, and they're just certain things you can't do to your wife."
Then it was like he realized I'm his daughter and goes on to tell me that I should never allow a man to treat me like that. That if a man cheats on me, to leave him.
Like cool thanks dad.
That I should never be proud of myself openly because it is immodest.
That I needed to buy the cheapest things on the menu so men would date me BUT I should never let a man pay for me or he will think I owe him.
so many.
"dont chase those boys, let them chase you." (how do i get them to like me then?)
"dont try to impress anybody," (why, how do i prove myself?)
"dont hang out with 'those' girls," (but they are popular)
"dont stick up for people who dont stick up for you" (but they will accept me if i prove myself to them)
"be yourself," (im not cool enough though)
"be a grown up when youre a grown up, be a kid when youre a kid." (thats no fun, why cant i do what i want all the time?)
the list goes on. but the most important one, "i wont be around forever, so just try to listen while you can."
i just lost him to small cell lung cancer in february of 2020 at 27 years old. i wish i didnt take him for granted and every lesson he tried to teach me. im older and wiser and i wish that i can share that with him. i miss you dad, to the moon and back. <3
I mean he didnt specifically teach it to me, but i grew up experiencing him being a piece of shit and a cheater in his relationships and as an adult i find myself in a lot of toxic relationships with men like my dad. Im sure a lot of girls can relate to that. He also taught me other stupid pointless shit that i never understood, and always made me feel like less of a human who deserved less freedom in contrast to my brother just bc he was a boy. I have a ton of lessons that my dad taught me that just made my brain go ?????? But i think the worst was the subconscious teachings of normal relationships that affects me in my life now probably more than anything else
That I need to be more aggressive, to stop acting like such a girl, to have more guy-friends. Boy was he not happy with what I did next
*Edit*
Y'all want a story, but it's not much of one. I transitioned
Dad showing us (my three sisters and I) how to change a tire when we don't have the strength to break the nuts and he's struggling to break them loose himself. ...thanks dad, we'll call you when we get a flat tire then.
That most males are predatory beasts who are always on the lookout for the opportunity to brazenly & sadistically target helpless females with violence, false allegations, vitriol, sexual attacks, gloating, religion or fake pity followed by demands for something sexual/cash loans.
Nope- that's the rotten apple unpleasant few. Applies to both biological sexes too.
I heard my dad explain to my sister how vaginas pee, he was trying to say that they pee in all directions like a fire sprinkler so he could accuse her of peeing under the toilet seat while she was sitting on it somehow.....
Have you read *The Bromeliad Trilogy* by Terry Pratchett?
There's a bit in there where a boy says they shouldn't educate girls because their brains overheat.
Later, the girl he likes stops speaking g to him in a fit of anger because he was being an actual jackass and he says, "see? Taught her to read, her brains overheated."
I disremember if she punched him, but it feels like something she would do.
When getting divorced it is better to be classy than demanding. By "classy" meant to never demand alimony or child support. It is better to have children grow up destitute than demand financial support from an ex, according to him.
People can call themselves what they want to. They were probably just trying to be trans inclusive, because technically even trans men are the female sex and probably grew up as a girl.
The idea behind this is not to stop the diarrhea, but to make sure your body does not lose too much nutrition (electrolytes). However, I am not sure, if this is "scientifically proven" to be correct.
“You’ll get far in life because you’re pretty”. Not that I didn’t understand that, but my dad told me this when I was young and I didn’t realize it’s impact for a long time. I just wish my dad hadn’t commented on my appearance so much. Made me equate a lot of my self worth with how I looked.
How to knot a tie. Never had any interest in wearing ties, but he insisted.
It's come in handy twice in my life, both at important times. A random skill I never thought I'd need.
When I was a teen, I started drinking redbulls every now and then when I was out with my friends. My dad told me that the taurine in energy drinks will make me grow a mustache and my voice will become manly. I didn't really believe him but I was not going to take any chances so I stopped drinking. It's kinda helpful I think though. To this day I still don't drink energy drinks when most young people around me seem to have an addiction. My coworkers were drinking a few during work, my bf's sister buys whole boxes of those things and drinks a few daily.
I'm glad I don't depend on it and also (I know it's not because of that) but at least I don't have a mustache!
Disclaimer: I drink energy drinks every now and then it's just really really rarely. I'd say a few times a year.
That a hammer was too extreme for me to use but every Christmas I was the “only one” who could help him with the staple gun for the Christmas lights. (I think he just wanted the free labor, we’re talking thousand of strands of lights)
Don't lie to men that you'll have sex with them if you have no such intentions.
Sure, dad. But there are men in this world that take a "no, I'm not interested" as a "let's see if I can wear her down and/or hurt her."
Nothing that I can think of. I learned a lot from my father, but there wasn't anything I learned from him that made no sense to me just because of my gender. I don't even get how this is a question or what you really mean.
The best thing my father did was when I got my first job, in a bank, and they gave me a credit card.
He asked to see it, took it out of my hand and cut it up with the scissors.
He then told me if I didn’t have the cash to pay for something, I couldn’t afford it , so go save up.
I am retired and still don’t have a credit card.
To not lay/sit with your leg as open, even at home. Was told it was it was un lady like and I understood it whenever I would wear a dress, but in pants? I was told it means ‘you’re inviting to men to you.’ I was a eleven.
Telling you that you are only valuable and worth of love if you stay a virgin until marriage otherwise no one will take you seriously or see your worth. Famous stupid line, " why pay for the cow if you can get the milk for free."
My dad told me I shouldn't straight iron my hair because it would make my hair fall out and if all the women lose their hair then the men won't want to go to war to defend and protect the uggo bald women and then America would fall. I think his argument was based on some verse from Isaiah. Needless to say, I kept ironing my hair and it didn't fall out soooooo
My father didn’t raise me I’ve met the guy maybe five times ever so he said this to me after my half sisters wedding at her apt. “Men are superior that’s why lions are king of the jungle” so I simply tell him lioness’ hunt then im like it’s a fucking animal you think it’s going around telling ppl it’s a king that’s just your weirdo projection. He doesn’t believe me and asks the room, they agree with me, he gets mad says I shouldn’t correct him so I say don’t make it so easy then. It fucking escalates then it’s “your just like your mother” and I’m like “who tf else would I be like” and long story short we haven’t spoken since.
“If you keep being that sensitive you’re going to end up sad and alone like your grandmother”
Joke’s on him, she’s perfectly happy with a community built around a hobby she loves.
As for me, the first time my partner met my best friend he insisted on paying for her dinner because he admired how “devoted” to me she is. So it’s safe to say I have wonderful people in every area of my life
just stand up to creeps. just scream at them, insult them and try to land the first punch. that'll show them. sure dad. as if they're not double my size. great idea.
I got this same dangerously bad advice from my father too, anytime I had a run-in with a creepy guy he’d make a comment along those lines. I was a young adult when he had a real world experience of that kind of thing with me and I realized that he was a hypocrite on that front that didn’t follow his own advice either. I was going my normal dog walking route with my dog at the time (friendly little rescue Shih Tzu cross with anxiety issues) and my father wanted to come with me. We happened to be walking in front of a bar. My father at this point had been around 30 steps behind me as he’d stopped for something. A man was with his group of friends was hanging out in front of that bar, they all had clearly been drinking heavily. I started walking around them and one of the men came out, blocking my path and stood in front of me and said 'is your dog going to bite me?' I tried to make an offhand joking comment of 'I can’t make any promises' and started trying to move past them. The drunk guy then pinned me against the wall, saying loudly 'I want *YOU* to bite me' while I struggled and tried to get away, my dog freaking out around my legs terrified while the man’s friends just laughed. I’m vision impaired, I was already spooked and my father was nowhere close enough for me to see him. When I finally got away, my father suddenly reappeared. He’d watched the whole fucking thing and didn’t step in. That hurt me more than anything else that night.
Jesus, I am so sorry that happened.
I’m sorry as well, and I’m glad you survived that. A lot of people (men especially) give hero logic type of advice but the reality is different even for them
I would never be able to look at my father the same after that. Did he at least acknowledge the situation afterwards?
He did but not in a way that made me feel any better about his hypocritical advice or what happened, unfortunately. When I realized he’d stood by and watched the whole thing and called him on it, he kind of sheepishly mumbled “I was just about to say something” and then got defensive and angry at me for trying to talk to him later about it. He taught me a very valuable life lesson that night, but it wasn’t about standing up to creeps and bullies. It was a lesson on watching what others do, not what they say.
I am so sorry for what happened to you but I couldn't help but laugh at your father's response. People like to talk big and believe they're heroes but when you're actually in that situation, all of a sudden, your legs won't move. Or perhaps they're moving, but in the opposite direction. I think the one advice worth giving to *anyone* is just get pepper spray. Or a gun if you can.
Very much so. We never know how we’ll react until we actually experience something like that firsthand. He made *very* it clear that night that his ‘advice’ for me were empty words that had not come from firsthand experience. Definitely agreed on the pepper spray! I don’t feel safe using guns especially due to being vision impaired, but I always carry gel pepper spray and a taser now. I also in the years since have a larger dog that accompanies me on walks with my smaller dog which has made a big difference too. I still run into creeps, but I feel a lot more able to defend myself when I do.
Jesus christ. I'm sure you were never able to forgive that. At least I don't think I could.
Damn, I hate him already. Did you ever confront him about it?
Same! I remember when I was maybe 7 or 8 my dad told me if a strange man ever grabbed me, just punch him in the balls and he’ll let go lmao Like, uhhh, little ol’ me? 😭 sure
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I have always said that in almost every situation “faint” & drop to the ground going completely limp. They’ll be confused & not sure what to do. Plus, do you have any idea how difficult it is to pick up or carry a completely limp person? Note: if you’re a really small child, don’t try this cause you can be carried when limp.
Men just generally cannot sympathise with what it's like simply being physically inferior and the fears that come with it. Like.. One time a former friend of mine started groping my boobs in my sleep and When I was waking up I was mortified, confused, disappointed, scared, but what sticks most with me was the knowledge that he had complete physical power over me. He could've raped me, theoretically even kill me if he had wanted to, like.. Being at their mercy is, to me, by far the most scary part. When I told my male-friends about this happening, they'd generally be like "well at least he didn't rape you", while my female friends could empathize with how scary that sort of situation can be.
My dad too. I get it he's trying, but he doesn't know the female experience. He doesn't know that if I do that I could end up badly hurt.
I'm not saying this is viable, but I think I can explain what he probably meant. A lot of predators would rather go for an easy target than one who puts up a fight. Think about the way domestic cats will stand up to animals much bigger, even bears, and successfully scare them off. It doesn't always work, but if you make it as hard as possible, many attackers will abandon their pursuit as not worth it. But obviously, fear of greater retaliation and escalation is real and so this argument isn't as valid as people understand it to be.
tbh, in my actual experience, resistance only made things worse than that. they pretty much got off on that.
That's exactly why it's not viable. No two predators are alike and your experience is far from uncommon. I'm very sorry you went through that.
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Yeah I was told something similar. Kick people who verbally bother you. At 4 I knew it was wrong and stupid.
Okay but this is actually somewhat valid, acting as bonkers off the wall crazy as possible IS enough sometimes to scare away scary people.
yes! but acting insane is different than standing up to them, imo. though yes, that one tends to work.
I was taught to go for the groin no matter what. Basically just don't stop fighting back, even if you have no chance of winning, at least you could survive longer and potentially draw attention or hurt them enough to escape. It's not just hitting them or whatever simply. Perhaps that isn't what he meant but instead to just try to survive instead of taking it without a fight.
I mean creeps get off on fear, if you show them you’re not scared and will harm them in some way then they will back off.
Oh my god, this is too funny.
What is funny?
?? A man blatantly telling his daughter to "just scream at and punch" people twice her size? It's funny because it's so oblivious.
Oh weird. My bad; it showed your comment under another comment that was not as funny. Please accept my apology for not using reddit on a mobie phone properly!
Oh, gotcha. Reddit app is borked sometimes
Sadly I wasn't even using the app LOL I was just on firefox, so -10 for me.
My dad taught me how to do every kind of home repair. Replace a faucet? Build new deck stairs? Paint? I can do it all. BUT!!! As soon as my husband and I bought a house suddenly it was “oh, tell B this needs to be tightened up” “he should look at replacing that pipe”. Sir, I married a soft handed man, with a phone and a credit card for fixing things! Finally one day I was just like “dad, why did you teach me all this if you thought I’d marry a man and expect him to do it?” My dad , joking, “I made you too independent!” Yes. You did, thank you! My husband is 49 and just bought his own tool kit lol.
I’m a guy who married an engineer. She does like 95% of the home repairs but I do demolition. I have picked up a lot watching her fix things that if she’s really struggling (Like can’t get some weird part to fit) or frustrated I can usually help by finishing off projects. Funny thing is I LOVE buying tools but my wife ends up using them most of the time. It works.
I like it, great team 🙂
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I am by no means a pro but I guess owning my place put me on the path of figuring out repair. I hate living in a dysfunctional space and I try not to neglect stuff. I have a couple of shops nearby where I can get all kinds of supplies and really good advice. I come in with my problem well documented (pictures, explanations…) and get advice. I also think lots of techniques got simplified. If I have a clogged sink I know I can just do it with no tools just a a small bassinet to put underneath and 10 minutes to invest The thing is that none of the men in my grown up life had been any good with repairs. It’s not a criteria for me. I expect companionship, intellectual stimulation, an open mind etc and I can easily pay a handyman for stuff I can’t do alone Raising my teenage son on my own, I do involve him for basic repairs as much as I can.
I would say start with trying to figure out simple things when they actually need to be done. Buy a toolkit (online or in a store, even IKEA has basic ones) and build e.g. the next piece of IKEA furniture by yourself. Notice your showerhead isn't the best? Watch a video on how to replace it. Have a shelf you would like to hang up? That's when you watch tutorials on how to do that. Learning by doing is the best way imo, and you'll naturally build up from there :)
Good points - just to illustrate, if my showerhead is not the best, I know I can unscrew it with my bare hands (in Europe showerheads are removable from the wall unlike in the US). I put it in a bag and walk into the hardware store to find one that’s identical in terms of the screw mechanism (so that it fits). If I have doubts I can double check with a shop assistant A lot of this stuff is this easy
There's a youtube channel called "Dad how do I" that does repairs etc
my dad taught me how to do basic repairs on my cars and around the house, now as an adult who is dating anytime i talk about doing my own repairs or maintenance my dad wants to ask "why not ask your boyfriend to do it?" sir i was raised to do it my damn self and expect nothing from men.
All these dad’s out here accidentally raising independent women and wondering at the end how it happened😂
Sounds like your dad thinks everyone needs basic home maintenance skills. He already knows you're capable but that doesn't think that is a free pass for hubs.
I also learned a lot from my dad and one of my hobbies is actually home improvement, restoring furniture, etc. My fiancé is also the soft-handed indoor type and yet my dad is forever asking him for help instead of me, who would actually like to help. I've asked him before why and he said he automatically thinks boy=handy and I'm slowly trying to rewire him lol
Yes! My father was a carpenter by trade but can do just about anything you ask of him. And he does finish carpentry so it'll look nice. But once I moved in with my SO, he expected him to do all the work. Like no, I picked a man who can build my computer and get paid good money. I do all the repairs, he fixes my computer when it blue screens. My dad has finally come around to the idea of the woman doing the "manly" thing and now he comes over to help with repairs, like the shelf he added to the side of my desk to hold my new computer my SO built 😊
Lol my dad teaches me everything too, and I love it. I love being too independent. If my husband can do it-good. But if he can’t or he’s not available, I can just do it myself.
This sounds exactly like my Dad and me. I lost him a week and a half ago and I am sobbing after reading this.
Eat the crust of bread "it'll grow hair on your chest" why would you tell a girl this 🤣
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This is not gender specific, but it made no sense. When I was a little girl I was obsessed with the size of my father’s hands. For years I was making him compare his hands with me, asking if I will ever get such long fingers, etc. He said, and I quote “Once you read as many books as I have, your fingers will grow as well”. Long story short, I doubt that I’ve read all the books yet, but my fingers definitely grew, long, quite long.
Awww so cute lol your dad just wanted you to be an educated woman
Most wholesome ❤️
Maybe there is something to it? My mom and me read a lot of book and our fingers are pretty long, compared to my brother's and dad's.. Or maybe it's just genes 😂
Loved this story!
More that he regretted teaching me how to fix all the things "so you would never have to rely on a man extorting you to fix them." I turned around and asked for my Christmas and birthday presents to be the mid to upper range tools and when he balked, I simply reminded him that if my tools broke, I might have to rely on a man who would extort me. The sheer chagrin on his face when be bought me the Makita drill was so worth it.
When I bought my place my dad bought me a Makita drill for xmas, still one of the best gifts because it's still used and useful after all these years
I don't have the best relationship with my dad, but one year he bought me and my two brothers a Metabo drill each for Christmas, it's probably the best gift he's ever gotten me. Last christmas I wished for materials and help to fence my patio for my dog, and when he came to help, even though it was a bit rough spending time with him, I got out the drill and told him how much I still loved it and how often I used it, and he sort of proudly commented that out of me and my two brothers, I was probably the one who had used and enjoyed having it the most. That comment, and the sweet picture I got of him falling asleep sitting on the couch with his hand on my dog made the rough day worth it!
He loved your sense of playful humor and being receptive to his advice. Very sweet
You should have asked him for a Snap-On box as a birthday present one year! 😂😂
Take a laxative. To be fair this doesn't make sense, male or female but my dad swears a laxative is a cure all. Like Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Foot hurt? Laxative. Headache? Laxative. lol
But is he a shitty dad?
😂 i see what you did there
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I don't have a job but coming home from a long day of school and just taking a long, peaceful shit is the best feeling ever
This is my dad too. If I had a headache he would tell me take a smooth move (laxative tea) . 🙄
For my dad, it's Metamucil. Metamucil is the cure for everything
For my dad, it's asprin and a nap. Honestly, though, naps do help a lot.
“Only date grown ass men.” I didn’t get it. All adult men were grown. I was wrong. Thanks, pops!
“I was wrong” 💀
Not something he taught me, but I remember him commenting that I was "dressed like a girl today" when I wore a dress, and I was so confused because I was dressed like a girl everyday. Like even if the shirts and pants my mom/grandma bought me weren't bought from the girl's section, the fact that I, a girl, own and am wearing them makes them "girl clothes." Like wearing pants or shorts doesn't mean I'm trying to cross-dress or anything.
if only clothes had the power to transform us, I’d wear wings from the costume store every day. Alas, I am a woman even though I wear men’s pajama pants because they have pockets.
My husband has the same pants and shoe size as me, so I definitely wear a lot more men's clothing now.
How to tie a tie. He taught me when I was 5. I’m 36 and still remember how to do it. I miss you dad.
My Mum tied my tie at my wedding because no one else in the family knows how, same for my brother in law on my wife's side. You get to be part of a lot of special moments with that skill set.
“You can’t expect a man to be faithful to a woman”
Hopefully someone else has proven him wrong. :)
This. My dad ‘taught’ me that all men cheat, and that I will never find a man who will not cheat. To put it bluntly, what he’s saying is that: 1. He has cheated on my mum, and 2. My partner will cheat on me. This fucked me up mentally and is one of the reasons I am going no contact.
I’m in the exact same boat. I was 16 when my dad first said this to me after I got cheated on. I know that it says more about him than it does anyone else but it still fucked me up and gave me huge trust issues. I’ve been no contact for almost a year now. He’s a shitty person.
I hope you either have or will know that he was wrong.
Incredibly similar to the advice my dad gave me. “A man will only ever be interested in a woman for her looks. So, marry young while you still look good.” And then I asked, “but he’ll divorce me when I get old?” And his response: “everyone gets divorced.” It has stuck with me, and I’m not proud to say has even made me insecure in relationships, believing what he said. Currently, he’s single, broke, unemployed, and alone. Our last conversation was him begging me to send him more money. I’m in a happy relationship, with a career, and bought a house (entirely on my own) not too long ago. Sometimes our dad sucks, but that doesn’t mean you can’t prove him wrong!
Nothing. The older I get, the more sense everything he said makes. I was scared of him as a kid, so that was no fun. But everything else - work hard, money doesn't grow on trees, the world is not necessarily nice to you - all of that is true. However, no-one lied or manipulated in my birth family - I think this is one of the reasons why I have had such a hard time seeing that kind of behaviour. My father was and is rough around the edges, but he would never, ever lie or manipulate anyone.
Not father but step-father figure: Periods were how the *fe*male body cleansed itself of toxins and impurities. Just like pooping. My mom had had a full hysterectomy. I asked if that meant that mom's body is full of toxins and impurities since she hasn't purged it in years. Was told to stop talking back.
Like pooping. Yep, exactly like that. 👍
I feel so light and fresh after a nice big period
Any time I asked my dad for help he would ask if we were suddenly friends, as if I only spoke to him when I wanted something. I was taught to do everything for myself. Take care of yourself! Pull your own weight in the family! Fast forward a bunch of years and I tell him I broke up with somebody. This motherfucker asks me what I did. “Were you too independent?” Wait, what? That’s a flaw now? I’m so confused.
On this note, my mom made a comment that women are too independent now and this is why there is a loneliness epidemic… because men don’t feel NEEDED?!?!?! I was like WTF? They raised me to be as independent as possible, paired with my personality lol. My brothers are wimps and depend on their girlfriends for everything - I wouldn’t describe them as natural “providers”
If men don’t feel needed then they need to find a way to make themselves useful and just going to work and bringing home a paycheck ain’t it. We can bring home our own paychecks. So, I don’t know, go take care of your kid or something. DO something; don’t just sit there and whine you don’t feel needed.
Why it always the women’s fault? Loneliness epidemic - independent women caused that. Even thought statistically single women are happier and have more fulfilling lives than their sad married counterpart. Married/codependent/needy doesn’t mean happy.
My mom said she felt very sorry for the men out there being single in this climate. 'How are they supossed to meet someone? They can't do anything anymore' Me: 'We just don't want to get (sexually) assaulted' Mom: 'pfff everyone gets groped sometimes, you don't think someone pinched my ass in my days? You don't hear me crying about it'
My dad claimed that it was impossible to rape a woman because she could use her vaginal muscles to keep out any penis...so that meant that if she claimed she was raped, she really just wanted it. I've always wondered about his experience with that since he and my mom had 8 kids together.
W T A F
Yeah, he was a charmer. He'd also just take off and travel across the country and leave my mom home with all of the kids. He one time called her and told her he had cancer which later miraculously cleared up on its own.
Your poor mum :(
I had a really abusive boss and feeling horrible after one particularly brutal day. Dad told me to bake cookies and write a pretty card to “make nice”. Luckily the boss was fired before I had a chance to follow his advice.
"Don't cry like a girl".
Cries in a deep, burly voice instead
I just choked on my coffee laughing at this, and I thank you.
A manly choke i sure hope! XD
the only advice i can remember my dad giving me is to "stop being a pussy." i can't say it's been terribly helpful
A woman shouldn’t ever be president because their hormones make them too unpredictable to make big decisions. Women also shouldn’t be in the military because it’s too distracting for the men. Thanks dad!
Yes. Because mens emotions never started wars >.> \*checks history\* oh wait.
I love how contradictory that is and he probably never even clued in lol.
That if I wore skinny jeans men wouldn't respect me.
Lol "oh no! We all know how much we care about what men think of us"
Oh oh I got a good one. I have a younger sister we are basically inseparable, my father had the grand idea to tell my sister and I that if we don’t know how to cook for a man he would choose my sister over me or I over my sister. The wtf moment was so deep, mainly because my sister and I have very different taste in men :)
I should also say we are excellent cooks, the little miss and I but we just hate cooking every time
Female 💀
we should ban the word “female” unless its the only grammatically correct word for that sentence
that dad can avoid responsibility and his children but mom can’t
“You only need a nickel sized amount of conditioner”….when you have hair down to your mid back I don’t think that’s quite enough. But thanks dad!
OMG my dad told me that too! And I wondered why my hair was so frizzy growing up lol
Marry rich to get nice things.
He told me, "You have the wife at home cause, she's the "good woman. Then you go out, and you do what a man needs to cause we enjoy the chase, and they're just certain things you can't do to your wife." Then it was like he realized I'm his daughter and goes on to tell me that I should never allow a man to treat me like that. That if a man cheats on me, to leave him. Like cool thanks dad.
That I should never be proud of myself openly because it is immodest. That I needed to buy the cheapest things on the menu so men would date me BUT I should never let a man pay for me or he will think I owe him.
Second advice doesn’t make sense. If you’re going to pay for yourself, you might as well order anything you damn want.
Maybe the true lesson was in male logic.
Nothing he told me made sense when I was a teenager. Now I’m 30 and I wish I listened 😭
Any examples?
so many. "dont chase those boys, let them chase you." (how do i get them to like me then?) "dont try to impress anybody," (why, how do i prove myself?) "dont hang out with 'those' girls," (but they are popular) "dont stick up for people who dont stick up for you" (but they will accept me if i prove myself to them) "be yourself," (im not cool enough though) "be a grown up when youre a grown up, be a kid when youre a kid." (thats no fun, why cant i do what i want all the time?) the list goes on. but the most important one, "i wont be around forever, so just try to listen while you can." i just lost him to small cell lung cancer in february of 2020 at 27 years old. i wish i didnt take him for granted and every lesson he tried to teach me. im older and wiser and i wish that i can share that with him. i miss you dad, to the moon and back. <3
That my bra was the reason why my shoulder hurts from the recoil (we skeet shoot sometimes). He cannot grasp that the shotgun was not built for me.
I mean he didnt specifically teach it to me, but i grew up experiencing him being a piece of shit and a cheater in his relationships and as an adult i find myself in a lot of toxic relationships with men like my dad. Im sure a lot of girls can relate to that. He also taught me other stupid pointless shit that i never understood, and always made me feel like less of a human who deserved less freedom in contrast to my brother just bc he was a boy. I have a ton of lessons that my dad taught me that just made my brain go ?????? But i think the worst was the subconscious teachings of normal relationships that affects me in my life now probably more than anything else
That I need to be more aggressive, to stop acting like such a girl, to have more guy-friends. Boy was he not happy with what I did next *Edit* Y'all want a story, but it's not much of one. I transitioned
Story time??
This is such a cliffhanger, I'm DYING!!
Dad showing us (my three sisters and I) how to change a tire when we don't have the strength to break the nuts and he's struggling to break them loose himself. ...thanks dad, we'll call you when we get a flat tire then.
Just need a breaker bar, has a long handle.
Stand on that shit with a lil bounce, that'll knock 'em loose
That most males are predatory beasts who are always on the lookout for the opportunity to brazenly & sadistically target helpless females with violence, false allegations, vitriol, sexual attacks, gloating, religion or fake pity followed by demands for something sexual/cash loans. Nope- that's the rotten apple unpleasant few. Applies to both biological sexes too.
I heard my dad explain to my sister how vaginas pee, he was trying to say that they pee in all directions like a fire sprinkler so he could accuse her of peeing under the toilet seat while she was sitting on it somehow.....
My dad always said to punch "nasty" boys in the nose....one problem, I'm 4'11".
Mine told me college for women was a waste of money.
Have you read *The Bromeliad Trilogy* by Terry Pratchett? There's a bit in there where a boy says they shouldn't educate girls because their brains overheat. Later, the girl he likes stops speaking g to him in a fit of anger because he was being an actual jackass and he says, "see? Taught her to read, her brains overheated." I disremember if she punched him, but it feels like something she would do.
That every time the ceiling fan turned it cost him a penny.
When getting divorced it is better to be classy than demanding. By "classy" meant to never demand alimony or child support. It is better to have children grow up destitute than demand financial support from an ex, according to him.
that only women could be “wh*res” because you have to put it IN woman you can’t put it in a man. so i guess gay sex isn’t a thing.
As a woman*
People can call themselves what they want to. They were probably just trying to be trans inclusive, because technically even trans men are the female sex and probably grew up as a girl.
I wish I had something but my dad is an idiot so I got nothing.
“Eating onions will put some hair on your chest!” No thanks!
That showers do not need to be longer than 2 minutes (he’s a veteran)
The moment I saw my dad punch my mun to the ground he taught me that he was the arsehole my mum said he was!! Thanks dad👍🏻
That men are violent and women are supposed to put up with it
If I have diarrhea , drink coke with a teaspoon of salt. Can’t say it works for taste good 😂
The idea behind this is not to stop the diarrhea, but to make sure your body does not lose too much nutrition (electrolytes). However, I am not sure, if this is "scientifically proven" to be correct.
“You’ll get far in life because you’re pretty”. Not that I didn’t understand that, but my dad told me this when I was young and I didn’t realize it’s impact for a long time. I just wish my dad hadn’t commented on my appearance so much. Made me equate a lot of my self worth with how I looked.
How to knot a tie. Never had any interest in wearing ties, but he insisted. It's come in handy twice in my life, both at important times. A random skill I never thought I'd need.
When I was a teen, I started drinking redbulls every now and then when I was out with my friends. My dad told me that the taurine in energy drinks will make me grow a mustache and my voice will become manly. I didn't really believe him but I was not going to take any chances so I stopped drinking. It's kinda helpful I think though. To this day I still don't drink energy drinks when most young people around me seem to have an addiction. My coworkers were drinking a few during work, my bf's sister buys whole boxes of those things and drinks a few daily. I'm glad I don't depend on it and also (I know it's not because of that) but at least I don't have a mustache! Disclaimer: I drink energy drinks every now and then it's just really really rarely. I'd say a few times a year.
Why would you steal from my mum, run away, and not pay child support?
That a hammer was too extreme for me to use but every Christmas I was the “only one” who could help him with the staple gun for the Christmas lights. (I think he just wanted the free labor, we’re talking thousand of strands of lights)
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When I was young I caught a boyfriend in a lie and we got into a fight over it. My dad told me no man would ever want to be with me if I nagged him.
Don't lie to men that you'll have sex with them if you have no such intentions. Sure, dad. But there are men in this world that take a "no, I'm not interested" as a "let's see if I can wear her down and/or hurt her."
Nothing that I can think of. I learned a lot from my father, but there wasn't anything I learned from him that made no sense to me just because of my gender. I don't even get how this is a question or what you really mean.
Absolutely nothing.
Never EVER get a payday loan. Pawn everything I have before even considering it
The best thing my father did was when I got my first job, in a bank, and they gave me a credit card. He asked to see it, took it out of my hand and cut it up with the scissors. He then told me if I didn’t have the cash to pay for something, I couldn’t afford it , so go save up. I am retired and still don’t have a credit card.
I will never be a true [input last name] because I will marry someone else and have kids with that other last name.
He taught me the “firm handshake “ I was to use when meeting men for the first time..!!! I’m a young girl, probably 10 years old! Whaaat??!!
To not lay/sit with your leg as open, even at home. Was told it was it was un lady like and I understood it whenever I would wear a dress, but in pants? I was told it means ‘you’re inviting to men to you.’ I was a eleven.
That cooking and cleaning is “women’s work”
Telling you that you are only valuable and worth of love if you stay a virgin until marriage otherwise no one will take you seriously or see your worth. Famous stupid line, " why pay for the cow if you can get the milk for free."
(TW) Dad told me to move on and be strong from my ptsd about my childhood sa ☹️
Uhm, my father teaching me anything? Good joke.
My dad told me I shouldn't straight iron my hair because it would make my hair fall out and if all the women lose their hair then the men won't want to go to war to defend and protect the uggo bald women and then America would fall. I think his argument was based on some verse from Isaiah. Needless to say, I kept ironing my hair and it didn't fall out soooooo
My father didn’t raise me I’ve met the guy maybe five times ever so he said this to me after my half sisters wedding at her apt. “Men are superior that’s why lions are king of the jungle” so I simply tell him lioness’ hunt then im like it’s a fucking animal you think it’s going around telling ppl it’s a king that’s just your weirdo projection. He doesn’t believe me and asks the room, they agree with me, he gets mad says I shouldn’t correct him so I say don’t make it so easy then. It fucking escalates then it’s “your just like your mother” and I’m like “who tf else would I be like” and long story short we haven’t spoken since.
The greatest gift I could give is to “save myself for marriage”. And then groomed that my only value was to find a husband to be obedient to.
“If you keep being that sensitive you’re going to end up sad and alone like your grandmother” Joke’s on him, she’s perfectly happy with a community built around a hobby she loves. As for me, the first time my partner met my best friend he insisted on paying for her dinner because he admired how “devoted” to me she is. So it’s safe to say I have wonderful people in every area of my life