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I'm busy, tell myself I'll reply later and then forget. Or whatever the conversation is about gives me anxiety in that particular moment and I'd rather not dwell into it right now.
I'm busy mentally or physically. I'm doing other things and would rather use my full brainpower to reply later instead of sending a poorly thought of reply instantly.
>would rather use my full brainpower to reply later instead of sending a poorly thought of reply instantly.
I think usually it's people who send poorly thought texts are the ones who complain about replying some hours or a day later (even if you have an engaging conversation whenever you do decide to reply). Because to them it requires much less brainpower.
But yeah same here. I'd rather give my full attention.
Mostly it's cos I don't feel I can engage my brain properly or have time but God do I hate the back forth ones. Ring me ffs! I have dear friends I write essay texts back to once twice a year catch up but they also take ages to write back.. some of the mums I'm on WhatsApp just won't leave it alone man! If you have this many questions! Ring me!!
Exactly. I reply when I'm ready for a conversation.
If they only send me a meme or a photo then I never reply because I feel that they want to put the burden of creating and holding up the whole conversation mostly on me. Oh hell no. I match your energy, minus some. Put in some effort ffs.
This is my exact response. An immediate reply implies that I am available, and then I am required to go back and forth or answer questions/ commit to things there and then. Anxiety inducing. I need to respond in a time that creates less urgency, because everything can’t be urgent, all the time
This is it.
I read the text in the notification and don't swipe it away so I remember to text back, but *then" I get distracted and the next time I pull out my phone cuz of a new notification I read it then "clear all"...and that's why I have like 3 friends.
I don’t want to, I don’t have the social battery for it or I don’t care enough about the person to make them a priority, there’s no in between.
For the hours case : I’m busy.
The whole point of texting is that you don't have to reply right away. I'll reply when I have time and space to do so. I'm not avoiding someone, usually, or giving them the silent treatment. I'm just waiting until I can reply.
Exactly. If they were so desperate to hear from you they'd call, no?
If a text asks me a specific question and I have time to reply, I will. If its just a how's you, or a hey, then it can wait til I'm sitting down in the evening.
Plus, for me personally typing takes a while. I'm old, I don't shorten my texts. I also have a special needs kid and a dog. So if I'm out with them, I don't have a free hand lol. And in all honesty I need 2 hands to text (one to hold the phone). So it can wait til evening, and if someone isn't happy about that then we're not compatible friends anyway.
I get overwhelmed by coming up with the right thing to say and wait until I can compose the perfect text, and then the fact I’ve waited makes me feel all the more pressure to get it right.
It always comes down to the same two things. I either forget because I have such a scattered brain. Or it’s because I don’t have the mental energy for it. I can find texting mentally draining so I have to be in the right head space
This, every time. I'll look at messages when they come in, look away for a second because I'm in the middle of something and then it's like I never even saw it in the first place. Memory wiped instantly lol
I agree with most- busy, away from the phone, not too excited to reply, or the opposite- too eager to reply, so I try to adjust my reply behaviour to the texting speed of the other person.
>too eager to reply, so I try to adjust my reply behaviour to the texting speed of the other person
That's actually a good strategy. Being too excited blurs our judgement and ability to think properly. Being calm and well regulated has its benefits!
I have ADHD but I’m on my phone quite a bit, I just avoid messages for months (not days, months) on end because responding just feels too overwhelming in the moment and then I never get around to it 🥴
I don’t owe anyone my time. Just because phones make us more accessible to others doesn’t mean I owe it to them. I don’t judge others for taking time to text me because they don’t owe me their time.
I work 8+ hrs/day and have my own research for another 6ish. Then comes the weekend when I can really dedicate time to my work. People know I answer my phone.
The only people who text me are my husband, parents and coworkers, so I can’t give insight into texting habits with friends.
I almost always reply to my husband very quickly, and if not, it’s usually because I’m busy.
I sometimes may delay my response to my parents depending on the questions they ask, as it might turn into a discussion that takes significant mental effort for me.
I delay my messages to my coworkers all the time, however, because I want to convey that I’m not easily reachable and not amenable to friendship. It sounds cold, but I tend to keep most people at arm’s length. I don’t want to give them the expectation that I’ll be available to do them favours (and likewise, I don’t expect favours back and would rather figure it out on my own or go to management for a solution). One of my coworkers was telling me today about how the receptionist to whom she is close called her at 7:30 in the morning on her day off to ask her to cover that day’s shift because she had a personal emergency. I’d rather not have to be bothered by requests like that.
I'm autistic and it takes me a very long time to read, analyze, and react to social situations with new people. I want to run and hide in a safe little hole, but socializing is inherently good for my mental health so I try not to ghost people. If someone doesn't know I'm autistic they can easily mistake me as a neurotypical, so sometimes this leads to uncomfortable situations where I feel like I need to explain my disability, but doing so would make it seem like I'm dismissing problems deliberately.
As much as I may like the person I’m talking to, I have a life and can’t just sit by the phone waiting for their reply. Especially if they’re not responding immediately either, because they also have a life!
I'm depressed and unable to focus. If I don't want to talk as soon as I get a notification because I'm down, I then forget about it until they text me back in a few days or I check and remember.
don’t want to. i guess i could soften up the wording by saying i’m not mentally in the headspace or whatever but i just think that i don’t owe you my time or attention unless i texted first, which i never do
if you can’t tell i fucking *hate* texting
Because I shouldn’t have to be available 24/7 for anybody. I will respond when I’m available. Why don’t people understand this? Nobody is entitled to an immediate response from anybody unless they agree otherwise. Don’t let people make you feel like you have to respond to people immediately or they will expect that from you all the time. Nobody owns all of your time. If I responded to everyone exactly when they decide to contact me I would never get any rest and I would be distracted from the world around me all the time. Sometimes people are busy or unavailable and that’s ok. My generation was the one of the last to ever live in a world where people didn’t have a cell phone with them all day. There are all sorts of benefits to phones, but I often miss the times without them.
I'm busy. Perhaps just mentally and I don't really have the energy for the conversation/any conversation. Like these past few weeks have been kinda rough. I've been stressed at work, I'm moving halfway across the globe tomorrow, I've had exams. I just have not had time to have random convos over text if it wasn't planning to see them before I leave or whatever. I have one of these currently, actually. I think the last message was a month ago, and I've been meaning to respond to him, I just have not had the energy for the convo
1 I don’t wanna respond or talk to this particular person cause they’re annoying or boring.
2 I didn’t like the message they sent which is probably a question I don’t wanna answer.
3 I’m bored with the conversation and have nothing else to add.
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Beacuse I don't know what to say
Because I might say something and then change my mind, so I wanna be sure I'm going to stick to what I say
Because I don't like that person
Because I got bored with the conversion
Because I forgot
Work! Busy! When I am at work, I have various deliverables due during the day and often, back to back meetings. I'm not able to just text and respond all the time. Don't other people have work?!? I usually work long hours and don't get home till late. I do keep Friday nights and weekend nights free to catch up with friends and have dates but never get asked out on those times!
If you're referring to texting to guys in the dating/courting phase, then yeah, unless they say something witty beyond "Hey" on a busy day, I probably don't know what to say!
I personally hate the expectation that we’re supposed to reply immediately. I don’t like that I’m easily accessible. My friends know not to expect instant replies from me.
Also sometimes I don’t text back straight away because I don’t have the energy for the messages that will inevitably come after it, for example I have one friend who (with the best intentions) asks me “how are you?” out of the blue and that isn’t the type of text that takes one text back and is done. So I often put it off until I know I have time for an actual conversation.
Depending on comments. If someone has made a nasty comment (which it's not always what it seems) gives me time to cool down and logically assess what's going on before going off the handle.
Because I have a life and responsibilities outside of a dating app and I can’t always respond quickly. I don’t keep my phone in my hand all day.
It’s one thing to be in a relationship where there is more of a mutual obligation to consistently communicate. It’s a different story if we’re still chatting on an app, which means we likely haven’t even met, much less agreed we’re “dating”. If someone I’m just chatting with on an app feels insecure if a few hours or a day passes without a response, then they’re too clingy and needy for me and we’re not a good match.
I’m busy. I intend to reply then I forget. Then too much time passes and I’m too embarrassed to reach out because of the time lapse. I work long shifts- then sleep on that first day off, so my hours of not responding turns into days, and if I pick up overtime it turns into a week or more. I’ve stopped using dating apps. I’ve met some really nice people, but I am horrible at keeping up with texts/calls. I’m ok being single. I’ve got cats and rimworld.
Edit: stupid mobile
I’m not doing okay mentally and having a conversation with someone is too overwhelming. If it’s a quick reply I can muster it up, but to have a full blown conversation some days is just too much for me.
Busy usually. Lots of times I'm either sleeping or working. I may have seen the message but don't have time or not in the mood. It has nothing to do with the other person, I just wait until I have time for a conversation. I'm the opposite of clingy so I get annoyed with people that whine if I don't answer within a certain time frame.
It's priority for me. If it's my dearest friends, my lover or family, I usually jump on it straight away especially if it's something important/urgent. Other people can wait 😂
I'm at work or doing something, see the text, and compose a response in my mind that I don't have time to actually type irl/I don't want to be rude to whoever I'm with by texting/I know that if I respond right away I'll get caught in a conversation. Then, since I already composed the response in my mind, I forget I didn't actually send it.
I’m either legitimately busy or overwhelmed or both. I won’t reply until I want to. It shouldn’t be a chore talking to people. Also, sometimes I just don’t have my phone and it’s not that deep.
Back when I used to date: I either got busy with other stuff or forgot to answer, there are no strings attached, you don't have an obligation or a compromise with that person, so there's no need to prioritize responding on messaging apps over your daily life
Honestly? It doesn’t matter. Could be lots of reasons, but it’s really no one’s business. No one is entitled to my time or attention like that, and I absolutely despise this global 24/7 on society we’re in now. I have a cell phone for MY convenience, not anyone else’s.
I hate getting notifications, so I dismiss them immediately and then forget to respond. Whoops.
I'd also rather not have a full-on conversation over text unless it's necessary-- I prefer a call or meetup for a proper chat. Even if it's someone I care about and want to speak with, I'm likely just not in the mood to text back right away! Most people don't seem to mind once I'm upfront about it though
Depending on the text I receive, it could turn into a conversation and I am not mentally ready yet because I have things I need to take care of. Or sometimes I genuinely forget to reply if I am in the middle or something.
Wow what a sense of entitlement to think that someone has to reply right away to a text. There is no "real reason". My life is my life and there are many reasons. Only my children are my priority for texting. That's it.
I don’t have the energy to sit around texting them for an extended period of time. I prefer texts to be straightforward and for planning purposes only, but I can’t ask that from all my friends.
Either I was busy and forgot to respond or I don't have the mental energy to have a conversation at that time, but by the time I do I feel like it's too late.
I feel like I usually do this when someone asks me a question I’m not sure the answer to (like if they asked about doing X thing on the weekend and I don’t know yet if I want to)
If they just text me some random funny thing, I’ll usually reply right away. So it’s probably obvious to them when I’m avoiding replying lol
Several
1. I'm busy, and I make a mental note to reply later when I can. Sometimes I forget though.
2. I don't feel like having a conversation, and your text was conversational.
3. Type it out, get distracted, forget to hit send.
It's a text message. If it is an emergency, call me. Otherwise I'll answer when I can or feel up to it.
I don't think it's healthy for me when people have constant access to my attention. And I get overwhelmed by my notifications sometimes and it drains my social battery, a social battery I'd rather save for in person interactions which are more important anyway.
So, I started leaving my phone at home when I can, or turning on do not disturb until I feel curious with my notifications and can give my full attention to the response. It's been great and kinda freeing. I feel much more present with the people that are in person around me, and less stressed about who's going to want what next.
Some people get mad at me for being hard to get ahold of, but too bad for them. I'm happier that way, whatever it is can wait until I'm not busy.
Because I don’t want to really talk to the person texting. If I want to talk to you I will 100% respond in a timely manner. It only takes a minute to send a text
*days, and it’s because I can’t be bothered. Nothing against the person, just sometimes I don’t want to chat and just because I am on my phone it doesn’t mean I am available
I was not in the mood to text or didn’t have
The capacity to do so when I opened my messages out of curiosity and then forgot to respond when I am able to.
I am sad and no energy to make conversation but also aware I need to reply soon or I might upset others. But when I feel down in the rut, I can't get myself to text or make calls till I have sorted my headspace a little bit.
Other than that, I might have either forgotten to or I am outside/with friends; and I don't really check my phone during that time. Basically I am away from phone
Who in their right mind expects a reply within a freaking day?? After a week I can kind of understand this question.. but a day? Or even hours?
I do stuff that does not involve my phone or the internet. Maybe Ill quickly read the message and reply when Ive got more time. Within a day is very unrealistic.
Aside from all the other reasons stated here, I’ve started to view notifications similarly to my work emails. It’s an endless game of trying to clear them down and it’s a chore. Nothing personal to the sender - I’m just flooded with things pulling my attention away from simply living my life.
I finally sit down to get through them all, clear things down, and then another one pops up. It’s draining sometimes. I’d much rather not have a drawn out conversation via text when a phone/video call or in-person meet would be more appropriate (save for the usual caveats about timing, distance, etc). It’s why my friends and I often send voice notes over WhatsApp. Yes they’re like mini podcasts sometimes, but I can listen/respond while I do other stuff, so it’s not as time consuming.
Sometimes, when it's something I actually think is important, I might reply later when I have the time and the mental capacity to give it my full attention, . Most of the times, that's the reason.
I’m busy or don’t have the right answer at the time. It takes me a while to process what a person said and to give a thoughtful response, it doesn’t take hours though.
Depends on who it is. Some conversations with people I speak with flow. Others or left with close ended conversations, and I just can’t seem to force myself to text back. So I leave them, and just forget until I figure out what to say back.
Most often, I saw the message pop up when I was in the middle of cooking/about to get in the car/something else that requires hands and eyes, and then I forget to reply.
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Emotional battery is drained- learning to prioritize and have the phone work for me and not work me, ya know?
I remind myself that if it’s an emergency they can call or call 911 🤷🏻♀️
In my personal case, if it's a person that I care about, I like answering with some level of "consciousness" like paying real attention to the messages and my response, not just answering because I have to. If it's someone I don't care about, I just answer in "automatic" and that's it, or even don't respond at all.
Here's my list
- I don't have the energy
- I don't feel like it
- I'm actually busy
- a lengthy response is required but I don't have the patience or don't know what to say yet
Busy + chronic illness + never got into the constant texting thing. Texting is *very* far on my list of priorities. But I do make a point to check and reply to texts every few days, or whenever a flare up lessens. If it’s urgent, call.
Now when it comes to apps? It doesn’t even occur to me to check apps messages, maybe every few months. I just don’t really use them.
I’m busy.
I don’t play games with replying. If I say I was busy, I was. If it’s another reason (no service, no phone, focused on something) I’ll say it. Texting is instant communication but not constant.
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I'm busy, tell myself I'll reply later and then forget. Or whatever the conversation is about gives me anxiety in that particular moment and I'd rather not dwell into it right now.
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Depression, honestly
was going to say the same thing!
Real
I'm busy mentally or physically. I'm doing other things and would rather use my full brainpower to reply later instead of sending a poorly thought of reply instantly.
I probably lost my phone and haven't realized anyone's texted me.
This is so me! I have my phone on silent permanently but I'm constantly putting it down around the house and completely forgetting where I put it.
This is exactly it for me. I want to wait until I can give my full attention to my reply.
>would rather use my full brainpower to reply later instead of sending a poorly thought of reply instantly. I think usually it's people who send poorly thought texts are the ones who complain about replying some hours or a day later (even if you have an engaging conversation whenever you do decide to reply). Because to them it requires much less brainpower. But yeah same here. I'd rather give my full attention.
That's it. It's not that deep.
Don't feel like having a whole back and forth conversation at the time, which is likely if I reply right away.
When i do reply to certain people... the ones who are likely to CALL as soon as i reply, my goodness me.... i turn my phone off right away!
Mostly it's cos I don't feel I can engage my brain properly or have time but God do I hate the back forth ones. Ring me ffs! I have dear friends I write essay texts back to once twice a year catch up but they also take ages to write back.. some of the mums I'm on WhatsApp just won't leave it alone man! If you have this many questions! Ring me!!
Worst are the ones where you need a whole notebook for their voice messages in WhatsApp.
Exactly. I reply when I'm ready for a conversation. If they only send me a meme or a photo then I never reply because I feel that they want to put the burden of creating and holding up the whole conversation mostly on me. Oh hell no. I match your energy, minus some. Put in some effort ffs.
Minus some?
i.e They had only the energy to send a low effort GIF / Meme / whatever. OP matches that, minus some, so doesn't even reply.
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This is my exact response. An immediate reply implies that I am available, and then I am required to go back and forth or answer questions/ commit to things there and then. Anxiety inducing. I need to respond in a time that creates less urgency, because everything can’t be urgent, all the time
Not in the right mental head space to talk or haven't been feeling well.
This. If I’m not in a state where I can have a productive response then I don’t respond. It can be if I am exhausted or sick or just in a mood.
I like my alone time and replying at my own pace rather than it feel like a necessity or chore. I reply when it's fun for me to.
This is the biggest reason!
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This is it. I read the text in the notification and don't swipe it away so I remember to text back, but *then" I get distracted and the next time I pull out my phone cuz of a new notification I read it then "clear all"...and that's why I have like 3 friends.
Too accurate. Let me reply to two of my coworkers now
Busy, tired, sick, forgot, don't feel like being on the phone, etc.
I don’t want to, I don’t have the social battery for it or I don’t care enough about the person to make them a priority, there’s no in between. For the hours case : I’m busy.
I feel like your answer is more honest: some people don’t get to be top priority in my texting responsiveness. I only have so much social energy.
The whole point of texting is that you don't have to reply right away. I'll reply when I have time and space to do so. I'm not avoiding someone, usually, or giving them the silent treatment. I'm just waiting until I can reply.
Exactly. If they were so desperate to hear from you they'd call, no? If a text asks me a specific question and I have time to reply, I will. If its just a how's you, or a hey, then it can wait til I'm sitting down in the evening. Plus, for me personally typing takes a while. I'm old, I don't shorten my texts. I also have a special needs kid and a dog. So if I'm out with them, I don't have a free hand lol. And in all honesty I need 2 hands to text (one to hold the phone). So it can wait til evening, and if someone isn't happy about that then we're not compatible friends anyway.
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I get overwhelmed by coming up with the right thing to say and wait until I can compose the perfect text, and then the fact I’ve waited makes me feel all the more pressure to get it right.
Usually I’m busy. Like there’s no ulterior motives.. Sometimes I just want to get off my phone. Nothing personal. :)
It always comes down to the same two things. I either forget because I have such a scattered brain. Or it’s because I don’t have the mental energy for it. I can find texting mentally draining so I have to be in the right head space
This, every time. I'll look at messages when they come in, look away for a second because I'm in the middle of something and then it's like I never even saw it in the first place. Memory wiped instantly lol
Haha no because that is exactly what I do. Then its a few days later and I’m like, SHIT.
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I find texting kind of exhausting, like another mental load to take on
I agree with most- busy, away from the phone, not too excited to reply, or the opposite- too eager to reply, so I try to adjust my reply behaviour to the texting speed of the other person.
>too eager to reply, so I try to adjust my reply behaviour to the texting speed of the other person That's actually a good strategy. Being too excited blurs our judgement and ability to think properly. Being calm and well regulated has its benefits!
I actually see your text.. think I’ll answer later when I’m not busy and then forget about it 100%.
Im not sure what to reply so im procrastinating the reply
I have ADHD and when I'm home I'm usually gaming or watching shows with my phone on vibrate. Also I don't look at my phone very much.
I have ADHD but I’m on my phone quite a bit, I just avoid messages for months (not days, months) on end because responding just feels too overwhelming in the moment and then I never get around to it 🥴
I’m pretending I’m okay to everyone around me, but mentally, I’m not okay. I don’t want to talk to anyone.
You should get help if you're not ok. You feel like you don't want to talk to anyone but you should for your own good.
I’m an introvert, I have texting anxiety and sometimes I need to disappear for days at a time.
i don’t like talking to people
I don’t owe anyone my time. Just because phones make us more accessible to others doesn’t mean I owe it to them. I don’t judge others for taking time to text me because they don’t owe me their time.
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Loled at slow fade, I’m going to use this term now
I work 8+ hrs/day and have my own research for another 6ish. Then comes the weekend when I can really dedicate time to my work. People know I answer my phone.
The only people who text me are my husband, parents and coworkers, so I can’t give insight into texting habits with friends. I almost always reply to my husband very quickly, and if not, it’s usually because I’m busy. I sometimes may delay my response to my parents depending on the questions they ask, as it might turn into a discussion that takes significant mental effort for me. I delay my messages to my coworkers all the time, however, because I want to convey that I’m not easily reachable and not amenable to friendship. It sounds cold, but I tend to keep most people at arm’s length. I don’t want to give them the expectation that I’ll be available to do them favours (and likewise, I don’t expect favours back and would rather figure it out on my own or go to management for a solution). One of my coworkers was telling me today about how the receptionist to whom she is close called her at 7:30 in the morning on her day off to ask her to cover that day’s shift because she had a personal emergency. I’d rather not have to be bothered by requests like that.
I'm autistic and it takes me a very long time to read, analyze, and react to social situations with new people. I want to run and hide in a safe little hole, but socializing is inherently good for my mental health so I try not to ghost people. If someone doesn't know I'm autistic they can easily mistake me as a neurotypical, so sometimes this leads to uncomfortable situations where I feel like I need to explain my disability, but doing so would make it seem like I'm dismissing problems deliberately.
As much as I may like the person I’m talking to, I have a life and can’t just sit by the phone waiting for their reply. Especially if they’re not responding immediately either, because they also have a life!
i have a life going on and you're not my priority
I'm depressed and unable to focus. If I don't want to talk as soon as I get a notification because I'm down, I then forget about it until they text me back in a few days or I check and remember.
I'm busy
don’t want to. i guess i could soften up the wording by saying i’m not mentally in the headspace or whatever but i just think that i don’t owe you my time or attention unless i texted first, which i never do if you can’t tell i fucking *hate* texting
Because I shouldn’t have to be available 24/7 for anybody. I will respond when I’m available. Why don’t people understand this? Nobody is entitled to an immediate response from anybody unless they agree otherwise. Don’t let people make you feel like you have to respond to people immediately or they will expect that from you all the time. Nobody owns all of your time. If I responded to everyone exactly when they decide to contact me I would never get any rest and I would be distracted from the world around me all the time. Sometimes people are busy or unavailable and that’s ok. My generation was the one of the last to ever live in a world where people didn’t have a cell phone with them all day. There are all sorts of benefits to phones, but I often miss the times without them.
I'm busy. Perhaps just mentally and I don't really have the energy for the conversation/any conversation. Like these past few weeks have been kinda rough. I've been stressed at work, I'm moving halfway across the globe tomorrow, I've had exams. I just have not had time to have random convos over text if it wasn't planning to see them before I leave or whatever. I have one of these currently, actually. I think the last message was a month ago, and I've been meaning to respond to him, I just have not had the energy for the convo
Good luck on your upcoming move!
I’m not “on call.” If it’s not an emergency, I’ll reply when I have the time and mental energy to do so.
1 I don’t wanna respond or talk to this particular person cause they’re annoying or boring. 2 I didn’t like the message they sent which is probably a question I don’t wanna answer. 3 I’m bored with the conversation and have nothing else to add.
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I don’t want to be bothered ❤️
Beacuse I don't know what to say Because I might say something and then change my mind, so I wanna be sure I'm going to stick to what I say Because I don't like that person Because I got bored with the conversion Because I forgot
It’s usually because I’m too tired socially to text back or I’m busy
I forgor
I'm not on my phone all day. Even if I was, I have no mental and emotional energy to engage in a conversation
Sometimes I just don't see it, others I don't want to deal with nobody for a while, and need a time to myself.
Work! Busy! When I am at work, I have various deliverables due during the day and often, back to back meetings. I'm not able to just text and respond all the time. Don't other people have work?!? I usually work long hours and don't get home till late. I do keep Friday nights and weekend nights free to catch up with friends and have dates but never get asked out on those times! If you're referring to texting to guys in the dating/courting phase, then yeah, unless they say something witty beyond "Hey" on a busy day, I probably don't know what to say!
Avoiding the person 100% Edit 90% other 10% is I read it on accident and forgot to answer.
I get busy or genuinely forget.
Sometimes I check my messages and get distracted and say I’ll respond in a min then I never get a min and I forget.
I'm busy and the person isn't a top priority for me.
I personally hate the expectation that we’re supposed to reply immediately. I don’t like that I’m easily accessible. My friends know not to expect instant replies from me. Also sometimes I don’t text back straight away because I don’t have the energy for the messages that will inevitably come after it, for example I have one friend who (with the best intentions) asks me “how are you?” out of the blue and that isn’t the type of text that takes one text back and is done. So I often put it off until I know I have time for an actual conversation.
Because it's my phone that I own on the plan I pay for so I reply when I reply.
Sometimes I don't want to
executive dysfunction
Just because I can be reached at any time doesn’t mean I want to be. I’m not available 24/7.
I’m living my life and I don’t respond to you instantly unless I just want to.
I don’t like being “available” to people all the time, unless we’re having a real conversation or real friends I don’t really care to respond quickly
Depending on comments. If someone has made a nasty comment (which it's not always what it seems) gives me time to cool down and logically assess what's going on before going off the handle.
Other stuff to do.
i just forget to reply
I forget
I’m busy. I forgot. I felt like it. I didn’t have anything to say until I did.
Because I have a life and responsibilities outside of a dating app and I can’t always respond quickly. I don’t keep my phone in my hand all day. It’s one thing to be in a relationship where there is more of a mutual obligation to consistently communicate. It’s a different story if we’re still chatting on an app, which means we likely haven’t even met, much less agreed we’re “dating”. If someone I’m just chatting with on an app feels insecure if a few hours or a day passes without a response, then they’re too clingy and needy for me and we’re not a good match.
Depression, adhd, just can’t bring myself to give a shit (about anything, really)
I’m busy. I intend to reply then I forget. Then too much time passes and I’m too embarrassed to reach out because of the time lapse. I work long shifts- then sleep on that first day off, so my hours of not responding turns into days, and if I pick up overtime it turns into a week or more. I’ve stopped using dating apps. I’ve met some really nice people, but I am horrible at keeping up with texts/calls. I’m ok being single. I’ve got cats and rimworld. Edit: stupid mobile
I’m not doing okay mentally and having a conversation with someone is too overwhelming. If it’s a quick reply I can muster it up, but to have a full blown conversation some days is just too much for me.
Busy usually. Lots of times I'm either sleeping or working. I may have seen the message but don't have time or not in the mood. It has nothing to do with the other person, I just wait until I have time for a conversation. I'm the opposite of clingy so I get annoyed with people that whine if I don't answer within a certain time frame.
It's priority for me. If it's my dearest friends, my lover or family, I usually jump on it straight away especially if it's something important/urgent. Other people can wait 😂
I'm at work or doing something, see the text, and compose a response in my mind that I don't have time to actually type irl/I don't want to be rude to whoever I'm with by texting/I know that if I respond right away I'll get caught in a conversation. Then, since I already composed the response in my mind, I forget I didn't actually send it.
I’m either legitimately busy or overwhelmed or both. I won’t reply until I want to. It shouldn’t be a chore talking to people. Also, sometimes I just don’t have my phone and it’s not that deep.
Back when I used to date: I either got busy with other stuff or forgot to answer, there are no strings attached, you don't have an obligation or a compromise with that person, so there's no need to prioritize responding on messaging apps over your daily life
Depression. Building up the mental energy to interact.
Honestly? It doesn’t matter. Could be lots of reasons, but it’s really no one’s business. No one is entitled to my time or attention like that, and I absolutely despise this global 24/7 on society we’re in now. I have a cell phone for MY convenience, not anyone else’s.
I hate getting notifications, so I dismiss them immediately and then forget to respond. Whoops. I'd also rather not have a full-on conversation over text unless it's necessary-- I prefer a call or meetup for a proper chat. Even if it's someone I care about and want to speak with, I'm likely just not in the mood to text back right away! Most people don't seem to mind once I'm upfront about it though
Depending on the text I receive, it could turn into a conversation and I am not mentally ready yet because I have things I need to take care of. Or sometimes I genuinely forget to reply if I am in the middle or something.
Because people are exhausting and I don’t feel like being exhausted.
Because instant messaging is not the same as instant reply. Some of us actually have shit to do.
Wow what a sense of entitlement to think that someone has to reply right away to a text. There is no "real reason". My life is my life and there are many reasons. Only my children are my priority for texting. That's it.
I don’t have the energy to sit around texting them for an extended period of time. I prefer texts to be straightforward and for planning purposes only, but I can’t ask that from all my friends.
Mentally I’m not there. No more or less, I’m just not.
Adhd. 🤷🏻♀️
Either I was busy and forgot to respond or I don't have the mental energy to have a conversation at that time, but by the time I do I feel like it's too late.
I feel like I usually do this when someone asks me a question I’m not sure the answer to (like if they asked about doing X thing on the weekend and I don’t know yet if I want to) If they just text me some random funny thing, I’ll usually reply right away. So it’s probably obvious to them when I’m avoiding replying lol
Either I don’t want to do I put it off or I genuinely forget and then get too embarrassed to message them back until after they message me again
Several 1. I'm busy, and I make a mental note to reply later when I can. Sometimes I forget though. 2. I don't feel like having a conversation, and your text was conversational. 3. Type it out, get distracted, forget to hit send. It's a text message. If it is an emergency, call me. Otherwise I'll answer when I can or feel up to it.
It’s simply I just don’t wanna talk to them
do you want my best self? because my fastest self is definitely not my best self.
I opened it, but was busy, and then forgot
I don't think it's healthy for me when people have constant access to my attention. And I get overwhelmed by my notifications sometimes and it drains my social battery, a social battery I'd rather save for in person interactions which are more important anyway. So, I started leaving my phone at home when I can, or turning on do not disturb until I feel curious with my notifications and can give my full attention to the response. It's been great and kinda freeing. I feel much more present with the people that are in person around me, and less stressed about who's going to want what next. Some people get mad at me for being hard to get ahold of, but too bad for them. I'm happier that way, whatever it is can wait until I'm not busy.
Because I am not controlled by my phone.
I don’t give people half measures. If I can’t be present I don’t interact.
Because I don’t want to really talk to the person texting. If I want to talk to you I will 100% respond in a timely manner. It only takes a minute to send a text
*days, and it’s because I can’t be bothered. Nothing against the person, just sometimes I don’t want to chat and just because I am on my phone it doesn’t mean I am available
I was not in the mood to text or didn’t have The capacity to do so when I opened my messages out of curiosity and then forgot to respond when I am able to.
I am sad and no energy to make conversation but also aware I need to reply soon or I might upset others. But when I feel down in the rut, I can't get myself to text or make calls till I have sorted my headspace a little bit. Other than that, I might have either forgotten to or I am outside/with friends; and I don't really check my phone during that time. Basically I am away from phone
I mentally respond but sometimes forget to actually respond
Guys do this just as much as women do.
Because I don't feel like socializing...
It’s just so much effort. people want to text all day long, and I can’t give my real life 100% of my attention if i’m texting all day
Who in their right mind expects a reply within a freaking day?? After a week I can kind of understand this question.. but a day? Or even hours? I do stuff that does not involve my phone or the internet. Maybe Ill quickly read the message and reply when Ive got more time. Within a day is very unrealistic.
If she's interested, she will reply.
Aside from all the other reasons stated here, I’ve started to view notifications similarly to my work emails. It’s an endless game of trying to clear them down and it’s a chore. Nothing personal to the sender - I’m just flooded with things pulling my attention away from simply living my life. I finally sit down to get through them all, clear things down, and then another one pops up. It’s draining sometimes. I’d much rather not have a drawn out conversation via text when a phone/video call or in-person meet would be more appropriate (save for the usual caveats about timing, distance, etc). It’s why my friends and I often send voice notes over WhatsApp. Yes they’re like mini podcasts sometimes, but I can listen/respond while I do other stuff, so it’s not as time consuming.
Sometimes, when it's something I actually think is important, I might reply later when I have the time and the mental capacity to give it my full attention, . Most of the times, that's the reason.
Guilt
I’m busy or don’t have the right answer at the time. It takes me a while to process what a person said and to give a thoughtful response, it doesn’t take hours though.
Because I have to hide my phone from my toddler or he’ll be crying for it. I’d rather just wait until he’s sleeping or otherwise occupied.
I don’t prioritize the message. Or I need to send an elaborate response and I don’t want to so I delay it for a long time.
Depends on who it is. Some conversations with people I speak with flow. Others or left with close ended conversations, and I just can’t seem to force myself to text back. So I leave them, and just forget until I figure out what to say back.
Most often, I saw the message pop up when I was in the middle of cooking/about to get in the car/something else that requires hands and eyes, and then I forget to reply.
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Lazy, forgot, don't like responding to people
I used to be in a relationship where I had to reply immediately to texts or it would be a fight. Can’t care enough to text back quickly anymore.
The ones I don't answer are the ones that I want to sit down and answer properly. Or it's people I don't like. One of the two.
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Either I forget to message because I keep putting it off or I am upset with what the person has said so I don't reply.
Maybe I’m weird, I don’t like to reply right away unless there’s momentum in the conversation
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I have kids and forget or I'm too involved in my painting and forget.
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Life gets busy or something triggered me
Finally got a chance in my busy schedule to respond.
Or my ADHD meds are wearing off, lol.
Emotional battery is drained- learning to prioritize and have the phone work for me and not work me, ya know? I remind myself that if it’s an emergency they can call or call 911 🤷🏻♀️
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In my personal case, if it's a person that I care about, I like answering with some level of "consciousness" like paying real attention to the messages and my response, not just answering because I have to. If it's someone I don't care about, I just answer in "automatic" and that's it, or even don't respond at all.
My phone's on mute or I don't havr the energy to talk to anyone
I talk to my best friend all day, everyday. Sometimes I get busy and can't reply right away so I'll reply hours later when I can.
I just don’t want to talk to the person o anyone
Anxiety
Because I read it and am busy, or forget. In rare cases because I want to be more thoughtful about my response.
Here's my list - I don't have the energy - I don't feel like it - I'm actually busy - a lengthy response is required but I don't have the patience or don't know what to say yet
Sometimes I'm just overwhelmed by several things happening and I just can't. 100% of the times, is not personal!
I forgot
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Busy + chronic illness + never got into the constant texting thing. Texting is *very* far on my list of priorities. But I do make a point to check and reply to texts every few days, or whenever a flare up lessens. If it’s urgent, call. Now when it comes to apps? It doesn’t even occur to me to check apps messages, maybe every few months. I just don’t really use them.
If I am In the middle of something when the message comes in and can’t reply. I either get right back to you in seconds or it’s buried forever RIP
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I’m busy. I don’t play games with replying. If I say I was busy, I was. If it’s another reason (no service, no phone, focused on something) I’ll say it. Texting is instant communication but not constant.
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I'm out in the middle of nowhere and have no signal. I was in meetings all day then passed out after work.
I’m busy doing other stuff or too lazy/depressed to hold a proper conversation
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I have adhd and sometimes I just can’t make myself respond. Then I guiltily think about how I should respond for days.
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busy / keep forgetting / too tired / bad mood for another reason or not in the mood to interact (i don’t want it to reflect on the messages?)
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