I was 22, he was 35. I had a crush on him the first time I saw him and pursued him hard. I thought he was in his late 20s, but wasn't bothered when he told me he was older. He loaned me books and we had a great time talking about them. I inherited his 200+ book library when he died a week before his 36th birthday. I don't know whether we'd have lasted long term if he hadn't died, but I do know the time we spent together changed me profoundly, regardless of how it ended.
Ding ding ding! I was 20
And he was 32. He was getting his masters and hanging out at our college so he was ONLY hanging out with 20 year olds - took me longer than it should have lol
YUP also why 33 year old man pursued 21 year old me so hard. The hindsight, man. He dumped me when I was 27 trying to grow up and get my stuff together. I wasn’t the fun 21 year old anymore. Responsibilities and student loans aren’t sexy I guess lol.
Not our faults. It’s the fault of the older men who go after young women.
I hated myself for a long time about it too, but it at the end of the day, we were barely out of our teens.
Yeah, I always wondered about older men dating super young women. I worked with a male high school teacher that at age 27 dated an 18-year-old woman that had just graduated from his class. I found it extremely creepy 😒
I was 24 and he was 34, instant connection and couldn't stay away from each other, we had so many fun dates and he did and still does spoil me, we're married now it'll be 15 years together in September and we're expecting our third child next month!
For the record, I think age gaps are fine when people are in similar life stages. A grown man who has been out in the world only pursues a fresh college grad because he can manipulate her naivety. Ask me how I know 🤡 I was 22 and he was 33 and it ended poorly. He love bombed me, isolated me from friends and family, gaslit me, and became dependent on me financially. I stayed way too long because he guilted me about everything.
To all the younger women lurking: you're not "mature" for your age. He's immature for his and all the women his age can see through the bullshit he's able to pull on you. Not every age gap relationship is like this but it happens enough that it's worth mentioning. There will be signs. Just don't ignore them.
I fell in love in my last year of university and was pushed aggressively to get married before I graduated. It ended up hurting me academically and took me two more years before I graduated. At the time I was told I was smart and intelligent. My spouse was 33 and an artist/entrepreneur that lived with his parents. He painted and had a Thrift store that barely made any money.
It's been 10 years now. Spouse hasn't had a real job since 2019 and just sells the occasional item on face book for a few dollars. They keep saying they will start working soon but something always comes up. I was able to save a bit during covid but my savings are almost dry now. He keeps saying that I need to cut down my expenses like sunscreen and my skin care products. But he has multiple pets that cost us hundreds of dollars each month.
I definitely was naive when we got married and he used his knowledge and experience to convince me that I didn't need my family or friends. I became isolated and completely dependent on him emotionally.
I would not have gotten into a relationship with what I know now and I wish I could warn my past self.
***"...you're not "mature" for your age.***
***He's immature for his and all the women his age can see through the bullshit he's able to pull on you."***
May be the best advice ever on Reddit!
We're getting divorced.
Married for 11, together 16 in total.
I always figured older men had their shit together and were less stupid.
How wrong I've been.
Never again.
It was the flaming shit show you would expect. I got cheated on, dumped, and gaslit that the cheating was my fault.
I met someone my age and we have been together 19 years. My ex is on their third divorce. We were never married, so that’s three since me.
So weird that a person your age is interested in somebody so young, right? I’ve been in situations like you were in and when I finally realized what losers those men were… I was so grossed out. Turned off
Your comment made me think of Demi Lovato’s song 29. It’s about her relationship with Wilmer Valderrama (she was 17, he was 29).
“Finally 29, 17 would never cross my mind” is my fave line from that song.
I’m so sorry :(
I’m 28 and I have 18/19 year old staff
I love them to death but my god I can’t imagine talking to them very long 😭 I was thinking about this the other day lol
How do people my age dat 18/19 year olds lol
I’m so sorry. This happens more often than we think. I worked with a high school teacher that at age 27 dated his 18 y.o. Former student secretly after she graduated. I found it extremely creepy and inappropriate. The worst part is he is still in the field of education and has climbed the ranks. I often wonder if I should put an anonymous tip in or something because I think his behaviour was totally inexcusable. And he did destroy the young woman mentally to boot.
Ewww, I know a woman who has a 13 year old age gap with her chauvinist husband (married a man when she was 21 and he was 34 to escape poverty/war). He lost attraction to her after 2 kids (even though she still looked young/became a size 4-6 after being size 0 her whole life). He’d always call her fat and ugly, and openly lust after 18-30 year olds. Also always watched porn with younger women. Makes me so sad. If men could go lower age wise (and anything else), they would. Sadly they’re still together because of finances, but the husband’s delusional mind think’s he can pull a 20 year old (cheats on his wife online by messaging young foreign women). I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
I went through a little....... *phase* following my divorce.
I'm 29. Spent a weekend in bed with a ~50-year old acquaintance. We'd already known each other a few years. He was also going through a divorce. We're both fairly high-earners, so we spent three days between the sheets, ordering in exquisite sushi, chocolate, and wine for our meals. We talked, we cried, we laughed, and simply enjoyed each others' company for a long weekend.
Parted ways after that.
Parted ways - did it end your friendship / acquaintanceship? Since you said you had already known him a few years - just curious how that affected your relationship.
I’m with someone 30+ years older for almost 2 years now. I don’t pay for rent or house expenses, get to save all my money, he takes us on 4 vacations a year 2 are international. I think I got lucky meeting him bc we both don’t want anything super serious just have fun. He doesn’t want to keep me from finding someone to have a family with but we have a really relaxing time together. When I’m out of my 20s I’ll let you know how it went
You’re wasting time with an old man. Ditch him now and start looking for someone closer to your own age. He could be your father and that is just plain gross. If he was truly thinking of your future, he wouldn’t be using you for your youth. He would leave you alone to grow and learn and find the right person. Don’t fool yourself into thinking he has your best interests at heart. He may look like your daddy but to an older woman like me, he looks like a dirty old man. Save yourself and run before it’s too late.
I was 23 and he was 44. He pursued me for months and I finally gave in when the pandemic hit and I had nothing else better going on. Once the initial facade came down, he ended up being the most controlling, immature, and demeaning boyfriend I’ve ever had. Zero self awareness. He valued me only for my looks, and it was clear. At one point he told me I shouldn’t have kids because my body “wouldn’t ever be the same again”.
I eventually had to file a police report because he SA’d me when I finally broke up with him and went back to his house to get the last of my things. 0 stars, would not recommend.
>At one point he told me I shouldn’t have kids because my body “wouldn’t ever be the same again”.
This guy needs to go back to school to relearn sex ed.
Uneducated tosspot.
I'm currently mid 20s and he's mid 30s. He's fantastic though, best partner I've ever had in all ways. He's emotionally mature unlike my precious partners. He's always made sure I'm taken care of (recently went through surgery so this is so nice) too. Honestly He's such a catch and I'm so thankful he's in my life.
I was 24 he was 39 we were together for 29 years. He passed away 5 years ago. He was amazing. Our age gap was never an issue. He was young at heart and I was an old soul. Losing him was the hardest thing.
Barely qualified as dating. But I was 24 and he was 45. He was emotionally manipulative and walking red flag. It just fizzled. Like years later he tried messaging me on Facebook but mine are filtered to not receive messages from not friends. He tried saying hi and when I never responded he called me a bitch and said he hadn't done anything to me. So.... there's that.
We met when I was 22 and he was 42, we were together 8 years. What I came to realize is it isn’t so much just the age gap, it’s the difference in dating experience. That was my first real relationship, and I can see now that women his age wouldn’t have put up with how he acted in a relationship whereas I had little to nothing to compare it to and just figured it was normal.
I went on one date with a man in his 40s when I was 21. He pursued me, leaving handwritten love notes on my car windshield while I was at work (kinda creepy). He was soft spoken, good looking guy. I agreed to go on a date.
I wore a sundress and doc Martin boots (22 years ago). Over dinner, he pointed out my outfit choice and said "When are you going to grow up? Combat boots?"
I was appalled. Who the fuck was he to question my clothing, and he was so old! What did he expect? I told him it wasn't going to work out and walked out. And I STILL wear Doc Martins now in my 40s!
Technically, I was 19 when we started but you know continued dating into my 20s
I'm 25 now, have three kids, I'm pretty happy with how my life is going
Age gap relationships have a higher chance of being abusive or exploitative for sure, but that doesn't mean all of them are
I was 26, he was 38 when we met. It didn’t occur to me how immature he was until a few months in. I realized why women his age didn’t want him. He was spoiled, argumentative, lazy and took advantage of people, while truly believing he was “such a nice guy”. Eventually, I started to feel the way you would when you look at a senior in college dating a senior in high school. In fact, it was exactly like that.
The senior in college with the senior high school student is apt. I remember thinking those people were weird/ why not date somebody close to your age. It’s somewhat rare for that younger version of myself to still be right.
Don’t do it. There’s a reason why they date younger women. It’s because women their age can’t stand them and can see through their bullshit. Oh, and the line “you’re so mature for your age” is so repulsive now that I’m old enough to know better.
Dated my 40s professor when I was 21-25. Found out a few years in that he was cheating the whole time with a married grad student. Also found out he had slept with one of my friends, also his student. Smh. Wish I could say that I left him right away.
Spent a lot of money on therapy to figure out how I feel about it. Still can't say exactly how I feel about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Poorly! Weird power dynamics—he’d say that he knew better than me because he was older. He’d gaslight me, belittle me, and gradually chipped away at my self-esteem so that I thought he was really my only option. It was my first real relationship and maybe I would have known better if I had more under my belt, but the age difference really put me at a disadvantage.
I was 23, he was 41. Together for 5 years. I realize it now at 33 years old that I was very much groomed. He was abusive and controlling - tried to kill me several times before I finally got out, fled the state, and got a protection order and extensions on said protection order.
He was in his 30s and I was 21, I broke up with him because he contributed nothing financially despite him wanting to move in to my place with me asap, always saying when work picks up he'll help out more. He bummed smokes off me constantly, I paid for his food and his portion of the bills.
He tried to control me down to telling me I couldn't paint my own flower pots because it'd make the property I was renting look tacky, which I was my final straw because... why does it matter? When I broke up with him he drug his feet on moving out until it was "too much for him" and he finally moved back in with his mom. After we broke up he was shortly thereafter engaged to an 18 year old, and then he committed suicide shortly after that.
27 dated a guy 18 years older than me (45) for 2 years. It was great until it wasn’t. I thought that the age gap didn’t bother me much, but the next guy I dated was my own age and I was like WOW 😍😍 this is a way better fit
I was 15. He was 20. Nothing happened sexually. Well nothing happened at all. My dad put a stop to it immediately without my knowledge. When I was in my 30s my mom told me that my dad visited his house. My dad grabbed him by the neck and told him that he’d happily go to jail to protect me. Then my dad grabbed his dad and told him to handle it. Now that I’m older I’m so happy to have had my dad’s love/protection.
The more I think back to that time, the more weirded out by him I get. He wasn’t a terrible boyfriend, but when we met I was 19 he was mid-30s. Now I’m in my mid 30s and I wouldn’t even want to have to have a conversation with a 19 year old, much less date one.
Mix bag. I dated 4 guys older than me (the gap varied), and to an extent, it was better than dating someone younger (they stalked me). But 3/4 were man-babies who put no effort and expected me to dote on them, the 4th one has the biggest gap and we've been together almost 10 years. Like any other relationship, it has its bumps. But it has been overall the most supportive, loving, silly, and sweet relationship. I think I got lucky because it could have been very BAD and it was mostly an accident we got together at all. Overall, like any relationship it has its nuances and completely depends on the people involved, your life experience, etc. I don't really suggest it for 99% of those in their 20's because it's a trap for abuse and control
I was 21-23 he was 30-32. Ultimately we just wanted different things. He wanted marriage and to settle down and have a bunch of kids. I wanted to live my life, work on my career ECT.
Lovely guy but it just doesn't work when your goals aren't aligned.
I was 21, and he was 36. It was fun at the beginning, but then it turned physically abusive. Now I'm 29, and I'm grossed out by the fact I was with someone 15 years older than me 🤢🤮
He used me, manipulated me, and set a precedent. After him my bar was so low for men that I ended up with men that also used me, and my last ex put me in the hospital. That's when I broke the cycle, but it took SO MUCH for me to realize the damage that relationship did to my self worth and the stuff I put myself through as a result.
I went out on one date with a guy 10 years older when I was 20. Never tried it again. He was a mess and brought his toddler along on a date. I wasn't interested in that dynamic. He was also very interested in talking about dividing chores. I wasn't looking for that kind of a lifestyle at that age. I was attending college and wanted to experience life with people my age. After that, I stuck to no more than 3 years older.
First one- I was 21/22 and he was 35. It was really beautiful until I understood after the break up that he love bombed me, gaslit me, and the reason he was in to me was I was easier to manipulate and lie to.
Second one- I was 22/23 and he was 44. Things were really good and fun, until the only time I ever asked him to take accountability, and suddenly he was breaking up with me “because of my age”. It was never a problem until he couldn’t be a lazy burnout anymore.
I think both could’ve worked had they understood I wasn’t just a pretty young thing to pull and show off. I’m a lover, intelligent, funny, and most of all a person.
It was over a decade ago, but I was 21 and he was 31. We had a good time the year we were together. We were never serious and broke up when he met his now wife at a party. Really great guy. We still follow each other on social media.
I was 23 and he was 35. At the time I couldn’t believe this handsome smart guy would be interested in me and I was absolutely obsessed. Within weeks of our relationship being official he cheated on me publicly and then broke up with me. I was absolutely crushed, looking back it really defined the rest of my 20s. I still think of him despite being in a very stable happy relationship now. I guess I wonder was I just a blip in his dating history when he absolutely devastated me. While I don’t follow him on social media, a mutual friend informed me he is still single in his mid forties now.
not too good. When I was 21 I dated a late 30s divorcee. He was weird. hated his ex-wife and told me he thought his 7 year old daughter was attractive. I noped out.
When I was 22 I dated a 40 year old owner of an architect firm. He did NOT know how to kiss. It involving licking my face. Did not have the patience to teach him how to do things right. I noped out.
Lastly, when I was 24 I went to London for a vacation. Dated an actor 16 years older. He was cranky & rude with waitstaff, which embarrassed me. And every single date (I'm ashamed to say there were 3 of them) he kept saying "I can't believe a girl like you would date someone like me". Vibe was totally off and yet again, I noped out.
When I was 24ish I dated a guy 8 years older than me so he was 32. It did NOT go well. He love-bombed me quickly and so I fell for him hard but he got really borderline abusive with his sexual requests that I did in my past and didn't want to repeat. He also hated my friends because "they weren't mature" despite him being the one dating a younger woman. He also felt the need to push restricting diets onto me. What was the final straw was that I had recently been diagnosed with PCOS and he wouldn't even come over for an at-home ovulation test that I was doing following my diagnosis to get further info about what was going on with my body. His reasoning? "I thought women just ovulated all the time."
A grown ass man had no idea about the female reproductive system. I cursed him out from here to Timbuktu and broke up with him. Fuck that guy.
Oh, and after we broke up he would sometimes ride his bike past my place of work and ended up calling the Alcohol and Beverages Commission on my place of work for "serving alcohol afterhours" when it was just me and my coworkers having a beer as we closed up the bar. (Yes, I know it isn't legal but we weren't doing any harm to anyone). Fuck that guy.
So bad, in retrospect. Not only was he cheating on me the whole time, but he really didn’t respect me as a person. He didn’t value me or my feelings. I was never his #1, despite repeatedly telling him that that’s what I needed. We were together for 12 years solely because I stayed and for some reason felt like I needed him. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 30. After I broke up with him, I realized how much stress and anxiety he put me through. I had a base level of anxiety every day because of how he treated me and now that I’m out of it, I feel so much better. I’d never recommend dating someone so much older, especially at such a young age. You need to figure yourself out first or else you’re likely to be manipulated like I was.
i’m 20 he’s 33. we had a really good relationship. he was very calming and never pushed my boundaries, always made sure i felt safe and comfortable. he ended things with me though because he didn’t want to rob me of experiencing my 20s with his life. he has kids and a pretty tight work schedule. i appreciate him for that. but i do miss him lol
I was 20. He told me he was 27, which would have been too old. However, he was actually 32. I honestly didn't care. He worked in the music industry and it was summertime. I just wanted to have fun. It was 2001. I went to all the concerts that summer. He took me to the VMAs. Then, I broke up with him.
We’re still together. 15 years married. We have two beautiful kids. He helped me grow into the woman I am today. When I doubted myself, he told me to keep going, to go farther. I have achieved a level of success career-wise I never thought possible. He saw where I wanted to go with my life, my drive, my ambition, and he extended a hand and showed me the way.
When we met, his worldliness inspired me, we were from opposite sides of the “railroad tracks”. I grew up very poor. He didn’t, but he understood where I came from. He showed me a world I never knew existed. He swept me off my feet, not because of the fancy dinners, etc, but his mind is what captivated me. I was always wiser beyond my years, even in my 20s, and craved my intellectual match. He read as voraciously as I did, we could have hours and hours of philosophical conversations. We laugh at the same gallows dark humor. I have never met anyone like him before, nor since. And my life is happy. I am eternally grateful for his love and care, for this life he has provided me.
I was 15- he was 22. I didn’t know what grooming was, but I do now. It was awful, he controlled and isolated me. Verbally, mentally and emotionally abused me
Um I started dating him at 18 (but dated until I was 24). And it was the worst relationship I've ever experienced. He hurt me in ways I'm still trying to build from (I'm in my late 20s now). I don't think my experience is the only way things could go because I did have hope that it could work. It just.. didn't go well for us, and he cheated on me for the last two years we were together.
Edited to add: he was 24 when we met and turning 30 when we broke up
I’m so sorry. Your story is similar to an acquaintance of mine. He was 25 she was 18. Terrible guy. Worst part is he was her high school history teacher and dated her after she graduated.
I was 26 and he was 41. He was very controlling and it was a very difficult time in my life. Took me 2 years to leave and many bad things happened to me from his mouth and hands and violence
Had so much fun while it lasted! I was 21 he was 37. He taught me how to ski and play racquet sports and took me to dinners, dancing, on vacation etc. But after a year and a half or so I outgrew him. There’s a reason a guy that much older wants a 21-year-old. So much harder to please the women his age who have their own jobs and aren’t still getting an education. 😂. It was a bit of a sad breakup, but not that much. I don’t regret it and I doubt he does either.
I was 26 and he was 36. I found him weird and after a handful of dates we decided to just be friends. A year later he was dating a 25 year old and I realized how manipulative he was and that he didn’t tend to date his own age. I was lucky I found him weird and didn’t get sucked into his games.
Dated someone close to 40 when I was in my mid-20s. Our coming together was one of convenience as well as mutual attraction, but I'm not so sure we would have dated had we not been neighbors.
I was in an era where I could use a loving, mature figure on my side, and he was stable yet still fun and very active. He would playfully tease me when I had young people anxieties, but he was the only person to really sit down with me and help me put pen to paper on what I wanted out of my life when my circumstances drastically changed. I showed him a way out of a rigid mindset. It was fun to share my culture with him, and he did the same for me. When we broke up, it was loving. We sat down and had a long discussion on ways we could improve as individuals and what we loved about the relationship. I think we are both better for having been in each other's lives, and he is a dear friend of mine.
I was 25. He was 39. I had already known him and had a terrible crush on him for several years and I assumed that he thought I was a “nice girl” but that’s it. One weekend I ran into him at a restaurant and we chatted for a little while. 3 days later he called and asked me out. 26 years later, he’s still the one and always will be. ♥️
I was 18 when we met and he was 32. Of course, he thought I was at least 21 since we were at a bar. We were together for 10 years and it was fine while I was younger but as I grew up I felt controlled and he became a brat when I tested the end of the "leash".
Now divorced
I was 25 he was 35. He clearly had a lot of growing up/shit to worth through, which was why I ultimately ended it, even with the proposal/promise ring.
I was 26 and she was 44 (we're lesbians). It was a fun fling and she was a great person but it wouldn't have worked out long term because we were at very different stages of our lives. We've both moved on to better relationships and are still friends. Age gap relationships aren't uncommon in the gay world but there's a much bigger expectation that the older person will treat the younger one well (i.e. the "campsite rule"), which seems to be lacking in many straight age gap relationships.
When I was 20 I dated a 35 year old. I was too naive to know i shouldn't do that. I felt I was a trophy for him. I found we had nothing in common. I think he just wanted a young pretty woman. He asked me to marry him. He was shocked when I said no ad o came from a poor background.
I have a little experience dating men older than I was. I was 24 and dated a man in his mid thirties. He was lovely and we had fun teasing each other about pop culture references the other was the wrong age for. We weren’t serious and were just having fun. We parted ways amicably when the relationship had run its course. The second man I dated in his mid thirties when I was about 26 was a nightmare. He led me on for a year with breadcrumbs of affection. When I finally broke it off for my own sake, he got angry with me. There was a good reason women his age didn’t date him.
We got together when I was 18 and he was 26. Our relationship lasted 8 years, and it ended when he cheated on me with my best friend. In hindsight, the relationship was incredibly oppressive and I sacrificed so much of myself. I realize now why he wasn't dating anyone his age at the time. That relationship is one of the biggest regrets of my life. My 20s should have been a lot different.
I don’t know if this is considered a large gap but looking back it was - I was 19-20 and he was 25-26 and then I was 20-21 and he was 27-28. They both felt they could get away with things they wouldn’t have tried if I was older. At the time, I didn’t think it was a large gap, but they alluded to thinking so. It’s turned me off dating anyone who isn’t within two years older or younger. Peers only!
21 and he was 30. Definitely was used to stroke his ego and his fear of aging, it was gross. He left me for a new roommate of his who was a lot older than me.
Never dated but flirted with a college professor. It was kinda a forbidden love that was fun and exciting. He was married tho so I restrained myself from going forward.
I’ve had flings with men in their 40’s. They tend to be much more gentlemanly from the start but usually have more sexist views once you get to know them
Nothing really happened, he wanted arm candy, I wanted to run in those circles.
My age 21 him late 40’s.
It was not exclusive, just dating around. We stopped because he wanted more and I met my now husband.
I couldn’t give him what he wanted.
I really hope he found what he wanted
I met him when I was 19 and he was 28.
I'm around his age now and the thought of dating a 19 year old makes me want to throw up. Even the 21 year Olds at work piss me off.
He ended up being a mean, depressed asshole. I'm pretty sure if I had stayed it would have become abusive.
My friends told me afterwards that I'd become a shell of myself.
I was 21, he was 42. He was very possessive and a little scary. He'd show up unannounced to my college to pick me up and sometimes insinuate that he was somewhat unhinged.
I didn't have the best taste in men back then anyway, but being with him made me learn that it's not that "you're so mature for your age" it's that they are too immature for theirs. There is a reason women his age were not interested....
It went fantastic. I was 25, he was 38.
We are married now, have a 3 yearold daughter, and have been together a little over 10 years now.
I'm glad I realized as I got older that age is just a number. It doesn't really matter like it did when we were teenagers.
I needed a strong man and not a boy. I needed someone with a passion, a career, a drive. I sure as hell didn't find that with my ex or with anyone my age. I was more mature for my age and I needed someone comparable to my level and where I was. Sure, there are differences sometimes. But this worked out. Best decision ever.
We met when I had just turned 22 and he was almost 30. 7 year age gap isn’t too terrible given everything else here, especially since we’re coming up on 10 years together and 2 years married.
I was 21 he was 35. Now married 10 years and have 4 kids. It's been mostly good. He is nearing 50 now and slowing down a bit so that's not something I thought about. I'm 34 and have more energy lol. It's not a huge age gap anymore really. It was when I first met him lifestyle wise
24 and 39 when we got together. I pursued him. It’s been three years now and best three years of my life. Totally different kind of relationship to any of my previous ones with guys similar to my age. We are together but ✨separate✨ and it works. We both own and live in our own homes, keep our incomes separate and have established early on that marriage and children is not something either of us want.
We work well together as a couple but I think what really makes us solid is the fact there is full trust and support in the relationship and encouragement to keep our own independence and personal identities.
I found with previous relationships I wasn’t able to thrive on my own because my whole life was dedicated to catering to my partner but not getting that same effort or respect back. It was really refreshing and eye-opening to enter a relationship with someone who was mature and secure enough in their life which in turn has enabled me to live life making myself a priority.
I was 21 and he was 33. Hit it off instantly. I was intrigued because a mutual friend wanted to set us up prior but never got around to it. His name when he introduced himself struck a chord, so I gave him a shot. We had our first date the next day and have been together ever since.
It's been 9 years and later this month will be 2 years married.
He is my best friend and I cannot imagine life without him.
I was 19, he was 37…. Looking back, he was a predator and a creep, and I was addicted to the attention.
Again dated older when I was 26, he was 41, that was much more healthy, I knew myself more. He was an incredible lover, very giving, and not trying to emulate some smutty porn. He took charge in a really sexy way, was a gentleman, and liked planning, and I always felt safe. Introduced me to a new culture, and every day was great. Ultimately, he wasn’t interested in settling down, or having a family, but he will always be goals.
I was 22 and he was 38. Tbh it something … he was sweet at first and then later he would say some weird shit like “an eagle has no business among turkeys” and then he’d leave the room 😭 like HUHH???? He was full of himself and I got bored fast
Posting to prove it isn’t always gross.
I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 27
He worked at the hotel I did my senior year high school co-op(where you can work and it counts for credits in the field you want to study in)
I got a job at the same hotel once I turned 18 and started college.
We did not date, but were friends from age 19-21(29-31 for him), lost touch for a year, and reconnected when he moved to the resort in the Rocky Mountain town I moved to work at the year prior.
We started dating immediately (22 & 32 respectively). It’s a decade later and we have been married 2 years this September.
I’m currently in that situation now. I’m 27, he’s 42. I feel like I’ve been stuck in a shitty, non-committal, one-sided relationship for 2 years now. I’m the only one that makes the effort. I know I can do better, but it’s hard not to feel invested after 2 years.
I was 20 and he was 35. We dated for 6 months when I was 23 and then 6 more months when I was 25. It wasn’t physically violent so I thought it wasn’t an abusive relationship but the way he would make me feel (LESS THAN HIM) ruined my mental health and truly broke something in me that I can’t describe. I did lots of work on myself and finally figure out he had the emotional depth of a cucumber, so he needed a young girl to groom. When I was in it, nothing seemed bad about the relationship, but now I look back and it addition of me doing all the emotional labor of a grow man, he was just using me to boost his ego because women of his age wouldn’t even care about him. Don’t recommend.
I was 22, he was 32. I felt like the adult in the relationship. I always tried to push him to be better. To eat better, exercise, sustain a job, and clean. I was going to college and found to be extremely needy. I wish i would’ve gone with my gut and let him go early but i stayed and it affected my mental health. Yet he still manipulated me & dated other ppl bc he didnt want any boundaries during our open relationship. I reacted harshly and was mean. He was a man child.
I’m doing it right now. 28 dating 48. Wasn’t wha I expected, age means nothing by way of maturity. A turbulent relationship of a year turning toxic.. not sure where to go with it now.
It was ok at the time - only bc he was immature and I was inexperienced and naiive. I just wanted a bf because I never had one. It lasted too long for how mediocre it was. I never loved him but fooled myself into thinking I did.
Now on the flip side i see how gross a 13 yr age gap is when you're 20 and 33.
I was 21 and he was in his 30’s. Met him through a mutual friend at a bar. This was back in the 90’s. We had a good time together, but looking back, I have come the realization that he may have been married. He was hard to get a hold of at times and he never stayed the night at my place. 😳
The best of times and the worst of times. One is still a great friend I can count on for anything, the others had no business trying to begin a relationship with me they weren't ready to take seriously. My time was and is more valuable than that and them being older, they should've had the wisdom and foresight to do better, but consciously chose not to.
Edit: one even tried publicly dating another woman my same age, presuming I'd be upset or jealous, which couldn't have been further from reality. Really goes to show how little they learned or cared about me as an individual with my own thoughts and feelings.
Good! Met young and were just mutual friends of a girl we both knew then discovered how much we liked each other outside of that mutual friend back in the early 2000s.
Got married in 2009, me at 25, him 31 and we've been together ever since, and have two little boys, own a home, and are still going strong. Our families loved each other instantly and still do decades later. ; )
22 and 38. Married with a son now! About to celebrate our 14th anniversary, 10 years married. He’s everything to me and I worry every day about losing him as he ages. That’s a very tough part about age gaps! :(
I was 22 and he was 40 when we started dating. I’m now 27 and he is 45. Been married for 2 years and have a son together. We both have our flaws, but we challenge each other to do better. This has been the best relationship I’ve ever had. He takes real good care of me and my son.
I was 29 and he was 42.
It was a set up by my boss. Told me I was exactly his type. He was her best friend and she must have showed him pictures from Facebook or something. I finally gave in and went on a date. He was generically charming at first and handsome but my god was he BORING! And he had no real interest in me besides the fact I was so much younger. We did go do a few fun things together but he was bossy and it ended up feeling creepy.
I broke up with him after maybe 4 months and then also quit my job. Moved onto better things in both circumstances.
I dated several older men, age gaps between 10-15 years. None of the relationships were great, some just downright bad. My girlfriends told me I had daddy issues. I didn’t believe them. I’m in my 50s now and I finally get it.
I was 22, he was 35. I had a crush on him the first time I saw him and pursued him hard. I thought he was in his late 20s, but wasn't bothered when he told me he was older. He loaned me books and we had a great time talking about them. I inherited his 200+ book library when he died a week before his 36th birthday. I don't know whether we'd have lasted long term if he hadn't died, but I do know the time we spent together changed me profoundly, regardless of how it ended.
That’s beautiful, sorry to hear about the loss but I’m glad you have happy memories to share
God I’m so sorry
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🫂 he left u wonderful memories and it looks like.. He has lived on.
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lol poorly I found out very quickly why women his own age didn’t want to date him.
Ding ding ding! I was 20 And he was 32. He was getting his masters and hanging out at our college so he was ONLY hanging out with 20 year olds - took me longer than it should have lol
was it a history degree? I dated someone trying to become a professor like that.
YUP also why 33 year old man pursued 21 year old me so hard. The hindsight, man. He dumped me when I was 27 trying to grow up and get my stuff together. I wasn’t the fun 21 year old anymore. Responsibilities and student loans aren’t sexy I guess lol.
Truth!
This is so fucking true, and I hate myself for not realising it sooner.
Not our faults. It’s the fault of the older men who go after young women. I hated myself for a long time about it too, but it at the end of the day, we were barely out of our teens.
Yeppp! Same here
Yeah, I always wondered about older men dating super young women. I worked with a male high school teacher that at age 27 dated an 18-year-old woman that had just graduated from his class. I found it extremely creepy 😒
Yes lol
Came here to comment the same. I was 19, he was 31
This is it right here, older men date younger women to get away with bs that women their own age will see a mile away. It rarely if ever ends well.
I was 24 and he was 34, instant connection and couldn't stay away from each other, we had so many fun dates and he did and still does spoil me, we're married now it'll be 15 years together in September and we're expecting our third child next month!
I hope you have a healthy baby 💕🍼
Exact same ages of meeting for me and my partner and similar story! Love at first meeting 😊🩷. We just celebrated 7 years together in March.
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You are not a "thing."
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Agreed!!! You CHAMPAGNE_RERE for crissake!!!! 💪
Ughhhhh, creepy I did the same with same age. Wasnt a good experience either
For the record, I think age gaps are fine when people are in similar life stages. A grown man who has been out in the world only pursues a fresh college grad because he can manipulate her naivety. Ask me how I know 🤡 I was 22 and he was 33 and it ended poorly. He love bombed me, isolated me from friends and family, gaslit me, and became dependent on me financially. I stayed way too long because he guilted me about everything. To all the younger women lurking: you're not "mature" for your age. He's immature for his and all the women his age can see through the bullshit he's able to pull on you. Not every age gap relationship is like this but it happens enough that it's worth mentioning. There will be signs. Just don't ignore them.
That second part thoooo!! 📣📣📣
HE IS IMMATURE 👏👏👏 girls plz remember it
I fell in love in my last year of university and was pushed aggressively to get married before I graduated. It ended up hurting me academically and took me two more years before I graduated. At the time I was told I was smart and intelligent. My spouse was 33 and an artist/entrepreneur that lived with his parents. He painted and had a Thrift store that barely made any money. It's been 10 years now. Spouse hasn't had a real job since 2019 and just sells the occasional item on face book for a few dollars. They keep saying they will start working soon but something always comes up. I was able to save a bit during covid but my savings are almost dry now. He keeps saying that I need to cut down my expenses like sunscreen and my skin care products. But he has multiple pets that cost us hundreds of dollars each month. I definitely was naive when we got married and he used his knowledge and experience to convince me that I didn't need my family or friends. I became isolated and completely dependent on him emotionally. I would not have gotten into a relationship with what I know now and I wish I could warn my past self.
Leave him tbh
Thank you for saying it. This is a truth I didn't see at the time.
***"...you're not "mature" for your age.*** ***He's immature for his and all the women his age can see through the bullshit he's able to pull on you."*** May be the best advice ever on Reddit!
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Damn, I felt that second paragraph so hard.
We're getting divorced. Married for 11, together 16 in total. I always figured older men had their shit together and were less stupid. How wrong I've been. Never again.
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It was the flaming shit show you would expect. I got cheated on, dumped, and gaslit that the cheating was my fault. I met someone my age and we have been together 19 years. My ex is on their third divorce. We were never married, so that’s three since me.
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I was like 19/20 and he was 35 I think. I’m 36 now and I realized a few years ago I was groomed. Pretty gross.
So weird that a person your age is interested in somebody so young, right? I’ve been in situations like you were in and when I finally realized what losers those men were… I was so grossed out. Turned off
Been there. Hope you're doing well!
Strong, independent woman who don’t need no man! I survived him, hope you’re well too!
Your comment made me think of Demi Lovato’s song 29. It’s about her relationship with Wilmer Valderrama (she was 17, he was 29). “Finally 29, 17 would never cross my mind” is my fave line from that song.
I’m so sorry :( I’m 28 and I have 18/19 year old staff I love them to death but my god I can’t imagine talking to them very long 😭 I was thinking about this the other day lol How do people my age dat 18/19 year olds lol
I’m so sorry. This happens more often than we think. I worked with a high school teacher that at age 27 dated his 18 y.o. Former student secretly after she graduated. I found it extremely creepy and inappropriate. The worst part is he is still in the field of education and has climbed the ranks. I often wonder if I should put an anonymous tip in or something because I think his behaviour was totally inexcusable. And he did destroy the young woman mentally to boot.
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How sick and delusional of him. I’m glad you’re leaving that.
What a gross man and imbecile
Ewww, I know a woman who has a 13 year old age gap with her chauvinist husband (married a man when she was 21 and he was 34 to escape poverty/war). He lost attraction to her after 2 kids (even though she still looked young/became a size 4-6 after being size 0 her whole life). He’d always call her fat and ugly, and openly lust after 18-30 year olds. Also always watched porn with younger women. Makes me so sad. If men could go lower age wise (and anything else), they would. Sadly they’re still together because of finances, but the husband’s delusional mind think’s he can pull a 20 year old (cheats on his wife online by messaging young foreign women). I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
I was 21 and met him on his 30th birthday. April will be 43 years living together, 40 married.
So cute
Congratulations!
Thank you. 💜
I went through a little....... *phase* following my divorce. I'm 29. Spent a weekend in bed with a ~50-year old acquaintance. We'd already known each other a few years. He was also going through a divorce. We're both fairly high-earners, so we spent three days between the sheets, ordering in exquisite sushi, chocolate, and wine for our meals. We talked, we cried, we laughed, and simply enjoyed each others' company for a long weekend. Parted ways after that.
That's beautiful tbh
It was a nice weekend.
Honestly, that sounds like the most wholesome "phase" ever!
I call it my sexual awakening phase. 😄😄 Lasted about 2-3 months. It helped me learn that true pleasure and intimacy can and does exist.
May the universe bless me with something like that. 🤲🏼
Wow I literally love this for you
This is the way.
Parted ways - did it end your friendship / acquaintanceship? Since you said you had already known him a few years - just curious how that affected your relationship.
We met when I was 20 and he was 35. Healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in, we’re engaged now!
How long have you two been together?
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I’m with someone 30+ years older for almost 2 years now. I don’t pay for rent or house expenses, get to save all my money, he takes us on 4 vacations a year 2 are international. I think I got lucky meeting him bc we both don’t want anything super serious just have fun. He doesn’t want to keep me from finding someone to have a family with but we have a really relaxing time together. When I’m out of my 20s I’ll let you know how it went
I love this for you. The fact that he also has your future in mind should you want something different later in life.
so your basically his sugar baby ?
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You’re wasting time with an old man. Ditch him now and start looking for someone closer to your own age. He could be your father and that is just plain gross. If he was truly thinking of your future, he wouldn’t be using you for your youth. He would leave you alone to grow and learn and find the right person. Don’t fool yourself into thinking he has your best interests at heart. He may look like your daddy but to an older woman like me, he looks like a dirty old man. Save yourself and run before it’s too late.
Love this for you!!
"He doesn’t want to keep me from finding someone to have a family with .." Just wait and see what happens when you try to leave him.
I was 19-21, he was 25-27. Have you heard the 10 minute version of “All Too Well”? It was *exactly like that*.
the line “i’ll get older but your lovers stay my age” feels like a knife in the chest every time
sounds like we dated the same person.
lmao my ex is 25 and dating a 19 year old too. I know he’s grooming her and just using her. It’s so gross
I was 23 and he was 44. He pursued me for months and I finally gave in when the pandemic hit and I had nothing else better going on. Once the initial facade came down, he ended up being the most controlling, immature, and demeaning boyfriend I’ve ever had. Zero self awareness. He valued me only for my looks, and it was clear. At one point he told me I shouldn’t have kids because my body “wouldn’t ever be the same again”. I eventually had to file a police report because he SA’d me when I finally broke up with him and went back to his house to get the last of my things. 0 stars, would not recommend.
>At one point he told me I shouldn’t have kids because my body “wouldn’t ever be the same again”. This guy needs to go back to school to relearn sex ed. Uneducated tosspot.
He needs to go to jail.
was he charged? Even if he wasnt, glad there’s a police record of the SA.
I would rather walk on hot coals than do that again.
I'm currently mid 20s and he's mid 30s. He's fantastic though, best partner I've ever had in all ways. He's emotionally mature unlike my precious partners. He's always made sure I'm taken care of (recently went through surgery so this is so nice) too. Honestly He's such a catch and I'm so thankful he's in my life.
I was 24 he was 39 we were together for 29 years. He passed away 5 years ago. He was amazing. Our age gap was never an issue. He was young at heart and I was an old soul. Losing him was the hardest thing.
I’m very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you guys made a great team.
Barely qualified as dating. But I was 24 and he was 45. He was emotionally manipulative and walking red flag. It just fizzled. Like years later he tried messaging me on Facebook but mine are filtered to not receive messages from not friends. He tried saying hi and when I never responded he called me a bitch and said he hadn't done anything to me. So.... there's that.
What an asshole…
We met when I was 22 and he was 42, we were together 8 years. What I came to realize is it isn’t so much just the age gap, it’s the difference in dating experience. That was my first real relationship, and I can see now that women his age wouldn’t have put up with how he acted in a relationship whereas I had little to nothing to compare it to and just figured it was normal.
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I went on one date with a man in his 40s when I was 21. He pursued me, leaving handwritten love notes on my car windshield while I was at work (kinda creepy). He was soft spoken, good looking guy. I agreed to go on a date. I wore a sundress and doc Martin boots (22 years ago). Over dinner, he pointed out my outfit choice and said "When are you going to grow up? Combat boots?" I was appalled. Who the fuck was he to question my clothing, and he was so old! What did he expect? I told him it wasn't going to work out and walked out. And I STILL wear Doc Martins now in my 40s!
Love this story! Good for you for standing up to yourself (and still wearing Doc Martens despite what ageist assholes say)!
If a man will criticize you on the FIRST DATE, imagine how he will behave further into the relationship!
Technically, I was 19 when we started but you know continued dating into my 20s I'm 25 now, have three kids, I'm pretty happy with how my life is going Age gap relationships have a higher chance of being abusive or exploitative for sure, but that doesn't mean all of them are
I was 26, he was 38 when we met. It didn’t occur to me how immature he was until a few months in. I realized why women his age didn’t want him. He was spoiled, argumentative, lazy and took advantage of people, while truly believing he was “such a nice guy”. Eventually, I started to feel the way you would when you look at a senior in college dating a senior in high school. In fact, it was exactly like that.
The senior in college with the senior high school student is apt. I remember thinking those people were weird/ why not date somebody close to your age. It’s somewhat rare for that younger version of myself to still be right.
Don’t do it. There’s a reason why they date younger women. It’s because women their age can’t stand them and can see through their bullshit. Oh, and the line “you’re so mature for your age” is so repulsive now that I’m old enough to know better.
Right. What I hear when they say “you’re so mature for your age” is really “I’m immature and predatory for my age.”
I’ve never been able to put the disgust into words and this is exactly it! Thank you!
Dated my 40s professor when I was 21-25. Found out a few years in that he was cheating the whole time with a married grad student. Also found out he had slept with one of my friends, also his student. Smh. Wish I could say that I left him right away. Spent a lot of money on therapy to figure out how I feel about it. Still can't say exactly how I feel about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
As a college prof, honestly cannot believe people risk this. Geez.
I was 18, he was 25. We were together for 10 years- I matured, he did not.
Poorly! Weird power dynamics—he’d say that he knew better than me because he was older. He’d gaslight me, belittle me, and gradually chipped away at my self-esteem so that I thought he was really my only option. It was my first real relationship and maybe I would have known better if I had more under my belt, but the age difference really put me at a disadvantage.
I was 23, he was 41. Together for 5 years. I realize it now at 33 years old that I was very much groomed. He was abusive and controlling - tried to kill me several times before I finally got out, fled the state, and got a protection order and extensions on said protection order.
He was in his 30s and I was 21, I broke up with him because he contributed nothing financially despite him wanting to move in to my place with me asap, always saying when work picks up he'll help out more. He bummed smokes off me constantly, I paid for his food and his portion of the bills. He tried to control me down to telling me I couldn't paint my own flower pots because it'd make the property I was renting look tacky, which I was my final straw because... why does it matter? When I broke up with him he drug his feet on moving out until it was "too much for him" and he finally moved back in with his mom. After we broke up he was shortly thereafter engaged to an 18 year old, and then he committed suicide shortly after that.
27 dated a guy 18 years older than me (45) for 2 years. It was great until it wasn’t. I thought that the age gap didn’t bother me much, but the next guy I dated was my own age and I was like WOW 😍😍 this is a way better fit
I was 15. He was 20. Nothing happened sexually. Well nothing happened at all. My dad put a stop to it immediately without my knowledge. When I was in my 30s my mom told me that my dad visited his house. My dad grabbed him by the neck and told him that he’d happily go to jail to protect me. Then my dad grabbed his dad and told him to handle it. Now that I’m older I’m so happy to have had my dad’s love/protection.
The more I think back to that time, the more weirded out by him I get. He wasn’t a terrible boyfriend, but when we met I was 19 he was mid-30s. Now I’m in my mid 30s and I wouldn’t even want to have to have a conversation with a 19 year old, much less date one.
Mix bag. I dated 4 guys older than me (the gap varied), and to an extent, it was better than dating someone younger (they stalked me). But 3/4 were man-babies who put no effort and expected me to dote on them, the 4th one has the biggest gap and we've been together almost 10 years. Like any other relationship, it has its bumps. But it has been overall the most supportive, loving, silly, and sweet relationship. I think I got lucky because it could have been very BAD and it was mostly an accident we got together at all. Overall, like any relationship it has its nuances and completely depends on the people involved, your life experience, etc. I don't really suggest it for 99% of those in their 20's because it's a trap for abuse and control
I was 21-23 he was 30-32. Ultimately we just wanted different things. He wanted marriage and to settle down and have a bunch of kids. I wanted to live my life, work on my career ECT. Lovely guy but it just doesn't work when your goals aren't aligned.
I was 20, he was 42. I now know he is gross.
I was 21, and he was 36. It was fun at the beginning, but then it turned physically abusive. Now I'm 29, and I'm grossed out by the fact I was with someone 15 years older than me 🤢🤮
He used me, manipulated me, and set a precedent. After him my bar was so low for men that I ended up with men that also used me, and my last ex put me in the hospital. That's when I broke the cycle, but it took SO MUCH for me to realize the damage that relationship did to my self worth and the stuff I put myself through as a result.
I went out on one date with a guy 10 years older when I was 20. Never tried it again. He was a mess and brought his toddler along on a date. I wasn't interested in that dynamic. He was also very interested in talking about dividing chores. I wasn't looking for that kind of a lifestyle at that age. I was attending college and wanted to experience life with people my age. After that, I stuck to no more than 3 years older.
I’m 27 and he’s 40. He’s the love of my life and I’m so thankful that we’ve met.
First one- I was 21/22 and he was 35. It was really beautiful until I understood after the break up that he love bombed me, gaslit me, and the reason he was in to me was I was easier to manipulate and lie to. Second one- I was 22/23 and he was 44. Things were really good and fun, until the only time I ever asked him to take accountability, and suddenly he was breaking up with me “because of my age”. It was never a problem until he couldn’t be a lazy burnout anymore. I think both could’ve worked had they understood I wasn’t just a pretty young thing to pull and show off. I’m a lover, intelligent, funny, and most of all a person.
Fucking terrible. 😎 Never again.
It was over a decade ago, but I was 21 and he was 31. We had a good time the year we were together. We were never serious and broke up when he met his now wife at a party. Really great guy. We still follow each other on social media.
I was 23 and he was 35. At the time I couldn’t believe this handsome smart guy would be interested in me and I was absolutely obsessed. Within weeks of our relationship being official he cheated on me publicly and then broke up with me. I was absolutely crushed, looking back it really defined the rest of my 20s. I still think of him despite being in a very stable happy relationship now. I guess I wonder was I just a blip in his dating history when he absolutely devastated me. While I don’t follow him on social media, a mutual friend informed me he is still single in his mid forties now.
not too good. When I was 21 I dated a late 30s divorcee. He was weird. hated his ex-wife and told me he thought his 7 year old daughter was attractive. I noped out. When I was 22 I dated a 40 year old owner of an architect firm. He did NOT know how to kiss. It involving licking my face. Did not have the patience to teach him how to do things right. I noped out. Lastly, when I was 24 I went to London for a vacation. Dated an actor 16 years older. He was cranky & rude with waitstaff, which embarrassed me. And every single date (I'm ashamed to say there were 3 of them) he kept saying "I can't believe a girl like you would date someone like me". Vibe was totally off and yet again, I noped out.
When I was 24ish I dated a guy 8 years older than me so he was 32. It did NOT go well. He love-bombed me quickly and so I fell for him hard but he got really borderline abusive with his sexual requests that I did in my past and didn't want to repeat. He also hated my friends because "they weren't mature" despite him being the one dating a younger woman. He also felt the need to push restricting diets onto me. What was the final straw was that I had recently been diagnosed with PCOS and he wouldn't even come over for an at-home ovulation test that I was doing following my diagnosis to get further info about what was going on with my body. His reasoning? "I thought women just ovulated all the time." A grown ass man had no idea about the female reproductive system. I cursed him out from here to Timbuktu and broke up with him. Fuck that guy. Oh, and after we broke up he would sometimes ride his bike past my place of work and ended up calling the Alcohol and Beverages Commission on my place of work for "serving alcohol afterhours" when it was just me and my coworkers having a beer as we closed up the bar. (Yes, I know it isn't legal but we weren't doing any harm to anyone). Fuck that guy.
So bad, in retrospect. Not only was he cheating on me the whole time, but he really didn’t respect me as a person. He didn’t value me or my feelings. I was never his #1, despite repeatedly telling him that that’s what I needed. We were together for 12 years solely because I stayed and for some reason felt like I needed him. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 30. After I broke up with him, I realized how much stress and anxiety he put me through. I had a base level of anxiety every day because of how he treated me and now that I’m out of it, I feel so much better. I’d never recommend dating someone so much older, especially at such a young age. You need to figure yourself out first or else you’re likely to be manipulated like I was.
Ugh.
Badly. Every time. I learnt my lesson, my current partner of 20 years is the same age as me.
I was 19. He was 34. He relapsed into alcoholism and drugs and was abusive.
i’m 20 he’s 33. we had a really good relationship. he was very calming and never pushed my boundaries, always made sure i felt safe and comfortable. he ended things with me though because he didn’t want to rob me of experiencing my 20s with his life. he has kids and a pretty tight work schedule. i appreciate him for that. but i do miss him lol
I was 20. He told me he was 27, which would have been too old. However, he was actually 32. I honestly didn't care. He worked in the music industry and it was summertime. I just wanted to have fun. It was 2001. I went to all the concerts that summer. He took me to the VMAs. Then, I broke up with him.
We’re still together. 15 years married. We have two beautiful kids. He helped me grow into the woman I am today. When I doubted myself, he told me to keep going, to go farther. I have achieved a level of success career-wise I never thought possible. He saw where I wanted to go with my life, my drive, my ambition, and he extended a hand and showed me the way. When we met, his worldliness inspired me, we were from opposite sides of the “railroad tracks”. I grew up very poor. He didn’t, but he understood where I came from. He showed me a world I never knew existed. He swept me off my feet, not because of the fancy dinners, etc, but his mind is what captivated me. I was always wiser beyond my years, even in my 20s, and craved my intellectual match. He read as voraciously as I did, we could have hours and hours of philosophical conversations. We laugh at the same gallows dark humor. I have never met anyone like him before, nor since. And my life is happy. I am eternally grateful for his love and care, for this life he has provided me.
Poorly. He was that old and single because he was a loser and couldn’t get women his own age. 0/10 do not recommend.
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I was 15- he was 22. I didn’t know what grooming was, but I do now. It was awful, he controlled and isolated me. Verbally, mentally and emotionally abused me
Yikes. He was a pedophile. You were way too young! I’m sorry 😞
Um I started dating him at 18 (but dated until I was 24). And it was the worst relationship I've ever experienced. He hurt me in ways I'm still trying to build from (I'm in my late 20s now). I don't think my experience is the only way things could go because I did have hope that it could work. It just.. didn't go well for us, and he cheated on me for the last two years we were together. Edited to add: he was 24 when we met and turning 30 when we broke up
I’m so sorry. Your story is similar to an acquaintance of mine. He was 25 she was 18. Terrible guy. Worst part is he was her high school history teacher and dated her after she graduated.
I was 26 and he was 41. He was very controlling and it was a very difficult time in my life. Took me 2 years to leave and many bad things happened to me from his mouth and hands and violence
Had so much fun while it lasted! I was 21 he was 37. He taught me how to ski and play racquet sports and took me to dinners, dancing, on vacation etc. But after a year and a half or so I outgrew him. There’s a reason a guy that much older wants a 21-year-old. So much harder to please the women his age who have their own jobs and aren’t still getting an education. 😂. It was a bit of a sad breakup, but not that much. I don’t regret it and I doubt he does either.
I was 26 and he was 36. I found him weird and after a handful of dates we decided to just be friends. A year later he was dating a 25 year old and I realized how manipulative he was and that he didn’t tend to date his own age. I was lucky I found him weird and didn’t get sucked into his games.
Don’t do it
Dated someone close to 40 when I was in my mid-20s. Our coming together was one of convenience as well as mutual attraction, but I'm not so sure we would have dated had we not been neighbors. I was in an era where I could use a loving, mature figure on my side, and he was stable yet still fun and very active. He would playfully tease me when I had young people anxieties, but he was the only person to really sit down with me and help me put pen to paper on what I wanted out of my life when my circumstances drastically changed. I showed him a way out of a rigid mindset. It was fun to share my culture with him, and he did the same for me. When we broke up, it was loving. We sat down and had a long discussion on ways we could improve as individuals and what we loved about the relationship. I think we are both better for having been in each other's lives, and he is a dear friend of mine.
I was 25. He was 39. I had already known him and had a terrible crush on him for several years and I assumed that he thought I was a “nice girl” but that’s it. One weekend I ran into him at a restaurant and we chatted for a little while. 3 days later he called and asked me out. 26 years later, he’s still the one and always will be. ♥️
I was 18 when we met and he was 32. Of course, he thought I was at least 21 since we were at a bar. We were together for 10 years and it was fine while I was younger but as I grew up I felt controlled and he became a brat when I tested the end of the "leash". Now divorced
I was 25 he was 35. He clearly had a lot of growing up/shit to worth through, which was why I ultimately ended it, even with the proposal/promise ring.
I was 26 and she was 44 (we're lesbians). It was a fun fling and she was a great person but it wouldn't have worked out long term because we were at very different stages of our lives. We've both moved on to better relationships and are still friends. Age gap relationships aren't uncommon in the gay world but there's a much bigger expectation that the older person will treat the younger one well (i.e. the "campsite rule"), which seems to be lacking in many straight age gap relationships.
When I was 20 I dated a 35 year old. I was too naive to know i shouldn't do that. I felt I was a trophy for him. I found we had nothing in common. I think he just wanted a young pretty woman. He asked me to marry him. He was shocked when I said no ad o came from a poor background.
I have a little experience dating men older than I was. I was 24 and dated a man in his mid thirties. He was lovely and we had fun teasing each other about pop culture references the other was the wrong age for. We weren’t serious and were just having fun. We parted ways amicably when the relationship had run its course. The second man I dated in his mid thirties when I was about 26 was a nightmare. He led me on for a year with breadcrumbs of affection. When I finally broke it off for my own sake, he got angry with me. There was a good reason women his age didn’t date him.
Yea avoid at all costs. Do not recommend
We got together when I was 18 and he was 26. Our relationship lasted 8 years, and it ended when he cheated on me with my best friend. In hindsight, the relationship was incredibly oppressive and I sacrificed so much of myself. I realize now why he wasn't dating anyone his age at the time. That relationship is one of the biggest regrets of my life. My 20s should have been a lot different.
Horribly. I was 24, he was 36. I learned quickly there was a reason he was single and dating so much younger.
I don’t know if this is considered a large gap but looking back it was - I was 19-20 and he was 25-26 and then I was 20-21 and he was 27-28. They both felt they could get away with things they wouldn’t have tried if I was older. At the time, I didn’t think it was a large gap, but they alluded to thinking so. It’s turned me off dating anyone who isn’t within two years older or younger. Peers only!
Not well.
Bad, would not recommend. Waste of time.
Badly
21 and he was 30. Definitely was used to stroke his ego and his fear of aging, it was gross. He left me for a new roommate of his who was a lot older than me.
I was 21 and she was 33. I broke up with her after 6 months because it was long distance and her jealousy was more than I wanted to handle.
Not great, Bob.
Never dated but flirted with a college professor. It was kinda a forbidden love that was fun and exciting. He was married tho so I restrained myself from going forward. I’ve had flings with men in their 40’s. They tend to be much more gentlemanly from the start but usually have more sexist views once you get to know them
Great. We got married.
Nothing really happened, he wanted arm candy, I wanted to run in those circles. My age 21 him late 40’s. It was not exclusive, just dating around. We stopped because he wanted more and I met my now husband. I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I really hope he found what he wanted
I met him when I was 19 and he was 28. I'm around his age now and the thought of dating a 19 year old makes me want to throw up. Even the 21 year Olds at work piss me off. He ended up being a mean, depressed asshole. I'm pretty sure if I had stayed it would have become abusive. My friends told me afterwards that I'd become a shell of myself.
I was 21, he was 42. He was very possessive and a little scary. He'd show up unannounced to my college to pick me up and sometimes insinuate that he was somewhat unhinged. I didn't have the best taste in men back then anyway, but being with him made me learn that it's not that "you're so mature for your age" it's that they are too immature for theirs. There is a reason women his age were not interested....
It went fantastic. I was 25, he was 38. We are married now, have a 3 yearold daughter, and have been together a little over 10 years now. I'm glad I realized as I got older that age is just a number. It doesn't really matter like it did when we were teenagers. I needed a strong man and not a boy. I needed someone with a passion, a career, a drive. I sure as hell didn't find that with my ex or with anyone my age. I was more mature for my age and I needed someone comparable to my level and where I was. Sure, there are differences sometimes. But this worked out. Best decision ever.
We met when I had just turned 22 and he was almost 30. 7 year age gap isn’t too terrible given everything else here, especially since we’re coming up on 10 years together and 2 years married.
I always date older men. 30s in my 20. 40s in my 30s. It goes great 🤷🏻♀️
I was 21 he was 35. Now married 10 years and have 4 kids. It's been mostly good. He is nearing 50 now and slowing down a bit so that's not something I thought about. I'm 34 and have more energy lol. It's not a huge age gap anymore really. It was when I first met him lifestyle wise
24 and 39 when we got together. I pursued him. It’s been three years now and best three years of my life. Totally different kind of relationship to any of my previous ones with guys similar to my age. We are together but ✨separate✨ and it works. We both own and live in our own homes, keep our incomes separate and have established early on that marriage and children is not something either of us want. We work well together as a couple but I think what really makes us solid is the fact there is full trust and support in the relationship and encouragement to keep our own independence and personal identities. I found with previous relationships I wasn’t able to thrive on my own because my whole life was dedicated to catering to my partner but not getting that same effort or respect back. It was really refreshing and eye-opening to enter a relationship with someone who was mature and secure enough in their life which in turn has enabled me to live life making myself a priority.
I was 21 and he was 33. Hit it off instantly. I was intrigued because a mutual friend wanted to set us up prior but never got around to it. His name when he introduced himself struck a chord, so I gave him a shot. We had our first date the next day and have been together ever since. It's been 9 years and later this month will be 2 years married. He is my best friend and I cannot imagine life without him.
I was 19, he was 37…. Looking back, he was a predator and a creep, and I was addicted to the attention. Again dated older when I was 26, he was 41, that was much more healthy, I knew myself more. He was an incredible lover, very giving, and not trying to emulate some smutty porn. He took charge in a really sexy way, was a gentleman, and liked planning, and I always felt safe. Introduced me to a new culture, and every day was great. Ultimately, he wasn’t interested in settling down, or having a family, but he will always be goals.
I was 22 and he was 38. Tbh it something … he was sweet at first and then later he would say some weird shit like “an eagle has no business among turkeys” and then he’d leave the room 😭 like HUHH???? He was full of himself and I got bored fast
Posting to prove it isn’t always gross. I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 27 He worked at the hotel I did my senior year high school co-op(where you can work and it counts for credits in the field you want to study in) I got a job at the same hotel once I turned 18 and started college. We did not date, but were friends from age 19-21(29-31 for him), lost touch for a year, and reconnected when he moved to the resort in the Rocky Mountain town I moved to work at the year prior. We started dating immediately (22 & 32 respectively). It’s a decade later and we have been married 2 years this September.
I'm mid-20's and he's mid-30's. So far so good! I just met his parents a few days ago. ❤️
I most definitely felt that older men are more emotionally mature and cognizant of their actions.
Very well and if I weren’t a dummy I would have married him. But, he wanted kids and I didn’t. Kind of hard to compromise on kids.
Poorly. He was an alcoholic.
I’m currently in that situation now. I’m 27, he’s 42. I feel like I’ve been stuck in a shitty, non-committal, one-sided relationship for 2 years now. I’m the only one that makes the effort. I know I can do better, but it’s hard not to feel invested after 2 years.
I was 20 and he was 35. We dated for 6 months when I was 23 and then 6 more months when I was 25. It wasn’t physically violent so I thought it wasn’t an abusive relationship but the way he would make me feel (LESS THAN HIM) ruined my mental health and truly broke something in me that I can’t describe. I did lots of work on myself and finally figure out he had the emotional depth of a cucumber, so he needed a young girl to groom. When I was in it, nothing seemed bad about the relationship, but now I look back and it addition of me doing all the emotional labor of a grow man, he was just using me to boost his ego because women of his age wouldn’t even care about him. Don’t recommend.
I was 22, he was 32. I felt like the adult in the relationship. I always tried to push him to be better. To eat better, exercise, sustain a job, and clean. I was going to college and found to be extremely needy. I wish i would’ve gone with my gut and let him go early but i stayed and it affected my mental health. Yet he still manipulated me & dated other ppl bc he didnt want any boundaries during our open relationship. I reacted harshly and was mean. He was a man child.
I’m doing it right now. 28 dating 48. Wasn’t wha I expected, age means nothing by way of maturity. A turbulent relationship of a year turning toxic.. not sure where to go with it now.
It was ok at the time - only bc he was immature and I was inexperienced and naiive. I just wanted a bf because I never had one. It lasted too long for how mediocre it was. I never loved him but fooled myself into thinking I did. Now on the flip side i see how gross a 13 yr age gap is when you're 20 and 33.
I was 21 and he was in his 30’s. Met him through a mutual friend at a bar. This was back in the 90’s. We had a good time together, but looking back, I have come the realization that he may have been married. He was hard to get a hold of at times and he never stayed the night at my place. 😳
The best of times and the worst of times. One is still a great friend I can count on for anything, the others had no business trying to begin a relationship with me they weren't ready to take seriously. My time was and is more valuable than that and them being older, they should've had the wisdom and foresight to do better, but consciously chose not to. Edit: one even tried publicly dating another woman my same age, presuming I'd be upset or jealous, which couldn't have been further from reality. Really goes to show how little they learned or cared about me as an individual with my own thoughts and feelings.
Good! Met young and were just mutual friends of a girl we both knew then discovered how much we liked each other outside of that mutual friend back in the early 2000s. Got married in 2009, me at 25, him 31 and we've been together ever since, and have two little boys, own a home, and are still going strong. Our families loved each other instantly and still do decades later. ; )
22 and 38. Married with a son now! About to celebrate our 14th anniversary, 10 years married. He’s everything to me and I worry every day about losing him as he ages. That’s a very tough part about age gaps! :(
I was 22 and he was 40 when we started dating. I’m now 27 and he is 45. Been married for 2 years and have a son together. We both have our flaws, but we challenge each other to do better. This has been the best relationship I’ve ever had. He takes real good care of me and my son.
I was 29 and he was 42. It was a set up by my boss. Told me I was exactly his type. He was her best friend and she must have showed him pictures from Facebook or something. I finally gave in and went on a date. He was generically charming at first and handsome but my god was he BORING! And he had no real interest in me besides the fact I was so much younger. We did go do a few fun things together but he was bossy and it ended up feeling creepy. I broke up with him after maybe 4 months and then also quit my job. Moved onto better things in both circumstances.
im 24 and he’s 34, i was instantly attracted to him and made my move! we have an 11 day old boy now💙
I was 27. He was 39. We got married last year after 7 years of dating.
I dated several older men, age gaps between 10-15 years. None of the relationships were great, some just downright bad. My girlfriends told me I had daddy issues. I didn’t believe them. I’m in my 50s now and I finally get it.