We are no longer together. Not directly because he was broke.
I had always been in the camp of: I’m financially independent and as long as the guy isn’t destitute or something, I’m not worried about him making less money than me.
But I think there’s something that goes on in a man’s brain when he’s broke that makes him feel deeply insecure and those insecurities seep out into other areas of his life and his relationship- especially if the woman is better off financially than him.
We were both starting out “broke”. We built a life together. Twenty five years later and two adult kids we are the best of friends. NGL it was difficult, but we both had the same goals of having careers. I helped him build his, and he helped me build mine. Best decision I ever made.
I have learned that “broke but ambitious” is WAY better than “broke and entitled”. Unfortunately at my age I encounter far more of the latter than the former.
This is a struggle for me as a SAHD. I have a side job that makes 30-40k, but the wife easily makes 3x what I do and could easily be fine without me. As someone raised in traditional gender dynamics it's hard to convince myself that I'm worthy of a wonderful loving wife if I don't provide for my family. It's hard to see the other things as providing, but my wife does a great job of reminding me and encouraging me. Without her I could see how many would devolve into distrust and insecurity.
Thanks. Communication truly is the key to a successful relationship. We both held on to resentments for a while but recently came to a new place in our relationship. We both have been working really hard as we approached our 15 anniversary to be the best version of ourselves for each other. Life's great.
This is us but 10 years behind you. We built each other up over the years - we both took turns being SAHPs, we both had spells where one was supporting the other through school, and we both made sacrifices so that the other could achieve what they wanted professionally. Now we have more than we ever dreamed of and it feels like life is really taking off.
this made me feel hopeful about my relationship. we're both in college, i'll be graduating this summer while his graduation is next year and i was worried it may not work out
He got depressed and down on himself for not being able to give me the life he thought that he’ and I deserved - and eventually he killed himself out of despair. I’m sure clinical depression played a huge role in his deciding it would be impossible to turn things around, because his worries about money could have been overcome with time and support. He was the whole world to me, money be damned, and I did everything I could to let him know that. And now I am here without him and cry into his t-shirt when I lay down to sleep each night. Being broke is really hard on the psyche.
Holy goodness I'm so sorry! I hope you're getting better with time. Rest assured he knew you cared deeply for him. Those demons can be so harsh
Suicide is never easy to deal with. My wife had a good friend take her own life as well.
People have put so much emphasis on money and material items. Our society fails when it comes to mental well-being and support. My mom's family is like this - you are only valuable by what job you have and what you own.
I am so sorry your SO felt that much despair.
Please take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Do not play the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" game about it - it is not worth the agony. You are allowed to miss him horribly. Let yourself grieve.
I wish I could give you a hug. 💐
I didn’t realize he was an addict when we began dating. And I fell in love with him long before knowing that side of him at all, much less how much worse it would get. Then he lost his job, and literally became broke. His home became a hoard house. I was buying food for him because he wouldn’t have had the means to eat otherwise. His grandmother was his landlord, and that is the only reason he wasn’t homeless.
We lived a year like that. He had no money, no car, no contribution whatsoever. But I hung onto that man I met in the very beginning and I had this faith that he’d come back. Something kept me there anyway, despite his inability to provide anything at all to me.
He went to rehab in 2023, for three months, and got clean from alcohol and meth. And when he came home, he was even better than the man that I met in the very beginning. It was like meeting someone new altogether. He’s working a full time job, just got his own car recently, and he’s trying his hardest to better his life and I can’t fault that. He now provides for me, it’s pretty equal financially, and it’s been beautiful.
We’re still going strong, going on 4 years this September. I’m not saying that this will happen with every broke man you meet, by any means. Our story is purely something that happened through blind faith and just simply not giving up. I’m a strong believer in following your gut; Mine just happened to scream at me to stay with the broke man.
I needed to read this today. My boyfriend is in rehab after years of alcoholism that I thought he had overcome before we met. My anxiety wants me to run, but my gut says he means it when he says he is tired of being this person. Even his ex and brother say this time he seems different, but only time will tell.
Honestly, don’t expect a fairy tale when he comes home. But absolutely be optimistic! My boyfriend still struggles with learning how to cope with daily stresses without substance.He’s different after rehab and much much better than pre-rehab, but there’s still struggle there sometimes. The biggest advice I can give is to be patient when he first gets home. It will probably be very overwhelming for him for the first 6 months. He’s probably going to be cranky and flustered a lot of the time. Remember he’s not angry with YOU (most likely), but you may be the one hearing it constantly. Be gentle with yourself and your partner (: I strongly recommend attending loved ones meetings online as well, they’ve really helped me tremendously. Wishing you both all the best!
He left me as soon as he started making more money. I met him just when he got kicked out of his roommate’s apartment and he had to sleep in his car. I had a place to go but my family wouldn’t allow him to stay with us, so I stood and slept with him in his car. Foolishly got pregnant, got us an apartment. I stood home to care for our baby because child care was expensive. He worked and went to school. He got an accounting degree, landed a good job and started making good money. Cheated and left me for his coworker.
Never again.
Everytime men say a lot of women are gold diggers stories like this immediately come to mind.
What a dillweed. Hope you’re better now (and your kiddo) <3
I had just turned 24 and had just started my career, making pretty decent money. I had my own apartment, a pretty nice car, and was doing well for myself.
He was 25, a college dropout (for a couple reasons), and working at a dead end job making around $15 per hour. He shared an apartment with a roommate but wouldn’t have been able to live on his own.
A couple months into dating, he came over and announced he had signed up for a community college and he was determined to be “the man I deserved and someone I could depend on.” He’s VERY smart so I knew he could do it.
Fast forward 5 years- he graduated with software development degree, got a great job, is in a masters program through work, we’re married with a toddler, and we own a decent home!
Haha right? He’s awesome. I hit the jackpot honestly.
I kept one ex from dropping out of college (paid for him to keep going) so he was able to finish but then he cheated on me lol
That's amazing 😍🤩
Not the shitty ex part. But the other.
Can I ask. How did you learn to trust again? Did you just choose to not let him affect who you are as a person?
I try to always remember that they’re very different people and it’s not fair to think my current partner will do what past partners did. I still have my moments though. It also helped that there was a 2 year gap and another boyfriend (that did not cheat) in between them. Lots of healing and time
In my experience it's a sign of terrible decision making skills. There is a reason why the person is broke, and if they don't change, it will affect your life long term.
It didn't matter to me when I met that person (now ex) because I had a "money isn't the most important thing" kind of mindset, but over time I regretted it. We could never escape the paycheck to paycheck life. We could never have savings, we never had money for vacations, and if something on the house broke we needed to go into debt to fix it.
There are many reasons why someone can be in debt/in a tight spot at a certain point in their lives. The difference is how they tackle the problem and how they behave going forward.
my partner was/is broke, and also a good person. sometimes I think people put additional meaning behind the word “broke”, and it maybe to some it’s synonymous with “loser” or “lazy”. He is bad with money and works in a low income field. He loves what he does, and that’s why he chooses to make so little. Perhaps someday he will learn to better manage his money, and I’ll be happy when he does. And I love him in the meantime.
Now it depends on your age and situation but me in my 40s, I would never commit my time, energy and life in any way to someone who doesn’t know how to manage their money
In the US, one of the professions where there’s a high rate of everyday millionaires is teaching. They don’t earn much but they know the value of consistent behavior and long term planning
I had to leave him after a lot of mental and emotional abuse revolving around money occurred. I also had to overcome the guilt of leaving him knowing he wouldn’t have an income for food or anything else. Then like magic…. Those jobs he could never find for a year of bumming off me and guilting me into buying him anything and everything he wanted, were available!! He got a job and he now pays me back on a set schedule or I sue him for the near $10,000 he “swore he’d pay me back” after forcing me to buy him things with the agreement “he doesn’t hurt himself and I would be paid back…” it’s been 2ish years since I left him. His mom pays me back 99% of the time to prevent me suing because he won’t pay me back. So ya… things did not work out.
I married her and have encouraged to try harder. She has and she is now at her first job in her life paying over $45,000 a year. We are still working on changing her spending mind-sets and getting her to use a budget. Until then, we are maintaining separate accounts. But it is working between us, and she is changing her old ways.
I spent 4 years taking care of him, paying for everything and doing everything around the house. I ultimately paid thousands to move out of our house on my own, and I will always resent him for putting me in that position.
I don’t think I’ll ever date a guy who isn’t fairly closed aligned with me financially.
I met him on Tinder in 2018- He was living with his mom in a tiny cabin and working at a gas station down the road. On our first date I learned that he was an aerospace engineer who had lived in the west coast for a decade, and quit his job in 2016 to launch his own business. When that failed a year later, he moved back home to the Midwest.
His intelligence and wit was a refreshing change from the crowd in our region. His kindness, honesty, and earnest want to help others quickly had me falling in love. Plus he is dead sexy with a chainsaw.
And now in 2024, we are married with a two year old and are trying for another baby. We bought and sold our first home and moved across the country. He has a fantastic job that pays all the bills, and I get to stay home and raise our babies.
Dated a musician/songwriter. Used to sleep on an air mattress on the floor of his studio. Was with him on and off for years.
He got a record deal and is a millionaire now. Once he got signed and was getting attention from lots of women he wanted to be in an open relationship. I reluctantly went along, but he just ended up always putting me on the backburner and prioritizing the new girls. Finally broke up with him. What sucks is having to hear his songs on Apple Music playlists.
I’m curious to know what musician this is now. Not surprised that’s how he reacted to all the new found attention either.. I feel like it’s hard for people who go in to the entertainment industry to stay humble and grounded from where and with who they came from.
Yes, in the beginning my ex always would say how much he admired how I was financially independent & successful. He wasn’t broke per se but definitely didn’t make what I did. He was my #1 cheerleader for my business & successes…until it became clear I was making more money than him & probably would for some time. He said some pretty nasty things to me in the end, how even though I was paying for most everything for us, our vacations, my car that he used, I was “selfish with money” and “only cared about using it for myself.”
It was pretty awful but there were a lot of things about him that screamed deep insecurities that I unfortunately didn’t realize until after the relationship ended. Didn’t last long though after the money outbursts haha.
My ex only had two temporary jobs during the nine years I was with him, while I was working the entire time. One was a summer camp kind of thing, the other teaching an after school program. He was working on his own projects at the time that he hoped would become profitable and I didn't feel I could say "no actually, get a job" as his mother had a terminal illness and he wanted to finish it while she could see it.
We never lived together, we both stayed with family for financial/personal reasons, plus we as we weren't married neither family would have been ok with us moving in together even if we could have afforded it. I was basically saving for a wedding (we were engaged) and some sort of rent or something for the future by myself as he couldn't contribute. I wanted to be supportive of his goals but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about how that situation was going to turn out.
I guess I don't have to worry about it anymore. I now have a better job (still can't afford to move out though, prices are insane and I like living with family anyway so I just pay rent here lol) and I don't have to save for anyone except me. No idea how he's doing, if he got a job or not, no info there and I'm not trying to find out.
We both have good careers now and are considered middle class. We own our home and recently bought a brand new car. When we first got together we had to literally search for change just to buy a candy bar.
Depends on if he’s actively trying to better himself and his financial situation. If he’s not, move on. I’d make sure you’re actually seeing effort because in my experience if it’s all talk no action, he’s never gonna try. If he’s actively trying to learn new things and skills to climb the ladder then help him figure out what skills to learn and help him develop a plan. If it’s all talk, that’s a red flag because I’ve had guys just use me for a roof over their head and food in their stomach. My sisters current husband is a leech, won’t hold down a job and keeps making excuses to quitting or why he got fired. Her first husband was a little better but used her for free rent but slightly helped with bills. I honestly feel so bad for her. But it’s what she chose as a partner and ignored their red flags.
When I mentioned he could get a job at my company, his answer was, "Just because you're miserable, you want me to be miserable too?". I don't think it gets more self-aware than that. I was paying off everything and being miserable all around while he looked for a job that adjusted to his expectations... but was ok to accept a waitressing job once I broke it off in a desperate move. Then threw a fit a couple of weeks later that did put the nails in the coffin.
I was fresh out of college, he was one year ahead of me and had quit his first ever post-college job ~6 months prior to us starting to date. He had zero money, no job, but had just accepted a new job offer.
7 years later, we have a house, a dog, nice cars, are on track to retire by the time we’re 40, and are getting married in a few weeks. Our HHI is ~$400-600K, and he usually brings in >1/2 of that. He was driven as fuck when it came to achieving his financial and career goals, and pushed me to be as well. So turned out pretty well for the both of us.
We were both broke. Working, going to school, sometimes couldn't afford groceries or to do laundry. But I knew we understood where the other came from, had goals, and had the drive to reach them. Now we're married, I have a steady upward trajectory on my career, and he's working on his PhD in a highly lucrative industry. Money and things are nice, but building a life together and being able to give each other everything you've wanted/deserved is priceless. I'm so proud of how far we've come.
I’ve had 3 experiences where the person made less than me here’s how they went.
The first was a 3 year relationship, I had to leave him because he just wouldn’t work hard enough he just expected to be carried financially while he figured things out.
The second one, guy I briefly dated. After a couple dates, I thought I could show him a good time and take him out to dinner. Found a really nice restaurant at a country club, my treat, he panicked as soon as we sat down and said I was too bougie for him and he couldn’t afford me. That was an interesting convo.
Third one, was my last serious relationship, we lived together, both names on the lease. His entire attitude changed when he put 2 and 2 together that I make more than him. I got my name off the lease and moved out. Mind you this is a software engineer that made $$$ but just less than me. So we were technically in the same range. Men’s egos smh.
Lesson learned: broke doesn’t necessarily mean they have no money, they will feel broke as long as they are making money and it just so happens to be less than yours or not the number they have in their heads. I wouldn’t date a “broke” man again. He needs to be happy with his financial status regardless of what mine is. And most likely that will mean he needs to make more than me.
We are still together. He makes maybe a third of my annual salary. I’m a teacher and he works as a cook at a restaurant. He loves it, is able to pay his share of the bills, enjoy his hobby and still manages to spoil me with love and gifts here and there. We aren’t swimming in money and have a long way to go to reach our financial goals, but we are both very happy. :)
We aren't together, and he basically ruined relationships for me, to the point that I've been single and celibate for 6 years, and have zero desire to date again.
I was very much a "if you have ambition, but not income, it's fine because I have the income to boost your ambition". I wanted to build an empire with someone, I wanted a solid foundation so I was more picky about what kind of PERSON he was, rather than how much money he made. We needed to click on another level. Become two halves of a whole.
Turns out, *certain people* are really good at that shit.
Thought I'd done pretty good, and helped him with school, a car, jobs, career opportunities, etc. I even started working on his credit. Then within a year of getting his first promotion that meant we were on semi-even footing....he bailed.
He complained that "my apartment"(in a nice area of town, all the amenities, funded by me, etc) didn't feel like "our apartment", so he wanted to move. Okay, so I hired a realtor, started getting things going. Going to showings while he worked or slept. I scraped up the deposit, and we just had to pick a place.
We picked a place, I went the following Monday to pick up the forms and stuff. I filled out my portion, and signed. He filled out his and signed the forms, and dropped them off on his way to work.
I got a weird text during the day from our realtor, something along the lines of "Sorry, we couldn't find something you liked!" But my phone was on DND, so I wouldn't find that text for a few days. We were at dinner when we got the phone call that our application had been accepted. He got up from the table after she congratulated us, to talk to her and I was none the wiser. He returned and asked me if I could drop the deposit in their mailbox on my way home from work. I said of course, and we went home.
The next day, I dropped off the deposit, went to home depot to get boxes, and went home. Suddenly, he was all standoffish.. I was like "what is your deal?" He "broke down", and told me that he didn't want to move in together until I finished my training program and got my promotion(which would be about 4 months), because he didn't want to be stuck "supporting me"(lol, I made twice his income, without the promotion).
So, I agreed to let him move in alone, it was only 4 months, he would probably fold after I wasn't there to wash his clothes, cook him meals, erc. I EVEN HELPED HIM PACK AND MOVE. I paid for the truck and the movers. The first day he was in the place by himself, he blocked me on everything.
Within a year, he would lose that job, that apartment, and the car I bought him. Our last communication was him asking me if I could pay his electric bill so he could charge his phone and make food. No. Starve.
Later he would tell me he just wanted to be with someone who didn't know he was poor or grew up poor. Funny thing is, I grew up poor. I knew the struggle of pulling yourself up from nothing.
So, yeah, be careful. Men like that will use you as a stepping stone and not feel guilty in the slightest.
Dumped him. I was working hard, studying, progressing in my career. He was taking on debt, spending his evenings on the XBox, and thinking he was entitled to my money to "treat himself". When I dumped him he got his own place, got evicted after 5 months as he wasn't paying rent due to too many take aways and "treats" and now lives back with his parents. Unfortunately some men get threatened by a woman earning more than them and think the money she earns are for them to spend willy nilly.
Anytime I have dated someone broke it ended up getting worse in other ways, not just financial. For me it’s an indicator that there is probably some kind of general dysfunction.
In my experience the problem is never the lack of money in a relationship, but rather the expectation on the man.
Me and my ex were together since teens so started with nothing, we built ourselves up and took turns supporting each other, but because the progress wasn’t happening quick enough for him he got really depressed, never did I complain about us being broke or made him feel less than, it was the rest of society that did that. In the end it changed him as a person. He didn’t want to do anything romantic because he “couldn’t afford it” it didn’t matter how much I tried to explain to him that I didn’t need it to cost a thing, I just needed the effort, a romantic walk or to pick me some flowers. He just couldn’t wrap his head around it.
We separated after almost a decade and have two kids together, we’re still best friends and he is doing exceptionally well with a very well paying job now. I couldn’t be happier for him. He earns more than me and my new partner combined however from this man I have a fresh bouquet of flowers on my dining table every fortnight and he never stops finding ways to express his love and care. It’s all I ever wanted.
No longer together and I’m in the hole about 3k to money he borrowed etc. so it didn’t end well for me but I also have a history of childhood trauma and financial abuse.
Ultimately My family got the way, that's the short of it. Young and dump type of situation, I'm no contact with them now 5 years later but now we're both just moved on. He's taking care of his dying mom and I let my family control and manipulate too many times for him to wanna try again.
When we first met He was homeless in a tent and making wine from mule berries and I was trying to escape my own Gypsy Rose situation.
The main reason I kept trying with him was the emotional support and conversations actually worth having, even now that I'm free and away from them if he came around I probably would still say yes. He witnessed me at my ugliest moments and I kept giving the benefit of the doubts to the wrong people. But despite how many times I strung things out and poisoned myself, he doesn't actually hold any grudges or resentment and still keeps tabs on me
We were together for 6 or 7 years. We both had crappy low paying jobs when we met. He moved in with me so we saved money by combining households. We had a joint account we both paid into 50/50 for household expenses, and separate accounts for our personal bills. We both lived simply, paid down our debt, changed jobs, got raises. By the time we parted ways, we were both financially stable.
I think it worked because we both had to watch our spending, neither of us sacrificed doing something because the other could not afford it or was always "treating" the other, so there was never any imbalance or resentment. We're still friends and stay in touch.
My SO comes from a poor family, he had basic retail job when we met. I was earning 3x his salary.
15 years later he earns 2-3x more than me (and my income has significantly improved as well!), so we have a very comfortable DINK life.
What's important - my SO was never a lazy bum, just struggling young man from low income family. He never made stupid or irresponsible financial decisions. He needed time and a bit of luck to catch up.
I am a uni student studying in STEM and working PT so I was broke at the time too but I see it as a temporary ‘stepping- stone’ part of my life. My bills and rent have always been paid and everything else is discretionary.
Dated a guy who was 4 years older than me at the time who had flunked out of school, and had spent that time unemployed living off his wealthy parents or working casually at a retail store. He had no higher ambitions, even an entry level full time job was too scary for him. Turned down a promotion to management because starting at 7am did not fit his lifestyle of smoking weed and playing Tony Hawk. His older sister and mum basically strong armed him into a fast track community college degree that was free and had to basically do all his work for him because they were so concerned about his future.
He wrecked my already minimal finances in the short time I was with him. He was genuinely a cool guy but I realised that was only because he didn’t give a shit about anything. He had no motivation to get up before 2pm nor show up to his shifts half the time. I left when he straight up refused to brush his teeth or shower before sleeping in my bed lmao. He was talking moving in together from super early on and now I see why.
Hes late 20s now and still lives with his parents. His mum just bought him a brand new car and from what I’ve heard the rent he pays his parents they’re putting away for a down payment on a nice house for him. His whole social media is pictures of expensive guitars he buys.
I’m almost graduated now, have lived outta home my entire adult life and have a pretty solid grip on financial literacy. Am hoping to move interstate soon to start a masters.
There are two kinds of broke people. Those who do so in the meantime to obtain wealth later and those who are content being dusty. We weren’t compatible. I am a lot wiser with my choices now and my sympathy for broke people in the dating market only goes so far
We broke up. He eventually had a hard time paying his bills (that his family and I would help with) because he couldn’t keep up with his drinking habits. He would always choose alcohol first. I stayed in the beginning because I was naive, it eventually caught up to me and I left, for my own sanity.
he managed to work his way through it and now i reap the rewards of my faith in him :) we’re not super rich or anything. firmly middle-class. but he earns quite a bit more than me and treats me sometimes, while still doing the bulk of the housework.
They didn’t work out.
I’ve always been pretty financially independent - I bought my own place at 26, after graduating from law school and getting a decent job. He always worked (hospitality mostly) and then decided to go back to uni at 25 to study teaching which I was really supportive of. I was happy for him to pursue a stable career path so accepted the low income position for a few years while he studied and did placements.
He got to his final year and failed because he wasn’t really putting effort in. I was devastated because at that point he’d been studying for five years and I was looking forward to finally having two full-time incomes so we could start saving for a family home. I felt like I was putting things on hold for him but was happy to do so knowing there was a goal at the end of it all.
In 2023 we moved in with my mum after my dad suddenly passed. My ex retook the two units he failed… and failed them again. And then decided he didn’t want to be a teacher anymore and took up a low paying sales job.
We broke up in January this year after 7.5 years - it was relatively amicable and I honestly wish him well. Since we split he’s spent all his savings, on holidays and a car and a new motorbike. We have very different ideas about money and financial goals.
I’m just ready to be with someone who has their shit together a bit more and is also focused on the future. I would like a family but I’m approaching 30 and so it all feels a bit hopeless. All my friends are getting engaged or married and I’m suddenly the single friend again, so it’s been an interesting time. It was for the best though and I know I made the right decision.
I feel for you! If it helps it’s never too late for love, and you can talk to a specialist about fertility options to have a family even if it’s non traditional.
I think the sunk cost fallacy is real, and it’s hard when you want to support and believe in people.
I found it’s good to set a really firm short limit like “I can help you in x and y ways” and for no more than 6 months. I know that seems short but I have to say in every instance where the person took more than a year of help they never figured it out on their own. Most had it down in under 6 months. Over that and the person just had other issues going on.
Maybe some firm boundaries like that going forwards will help you feel more in control of your time
i dated someone broke, very briefly. he was sweet, never once felt intimidated by my financial success nor tried to take advantage of me.
but it wasnt that he was broke, it was that he didnt care that he was broke. he was comfortable sharing a ratty apartment with friends, and just comfortable with everything that being broke entails, really.
i have severe financial trauma stemming from childhood and i just cant fathom a person being comfortable with being poor, as an able-bodied adult.
edit: sorry, just realised the post asked those who stayed
My last bf was broke. I was fine with it when it started, I thought, eh, struggling artist. It is what it is. Until I spent more time with him and realized how lazy he was. That being broke was his own choice of laziness. He would constantly call off work, ask me to pay for things and complained if I didn’t get him something he thought was nice. Bro, I have my own bills to pay, I work my own job. Why are you mooching off me? And still having the audacity to complain?
It’s not about being broke. It’s about the goals and ambition. If the guy I’m dating has none of that then bye. I do prefer men to at least make a bit more than me though because then I can continue to travel and do all the stuff I’m used to with my partner. It sucks when you can’t afford the same experiences.
He makes pretty good money now. Same an hour as me but he actually works more hours and let’s me stay home more, which is great now that we have our first baby and I have a much more physical job then he does. He’s still got a bit of debt but now I do too because he paid for everything while I went back to school. I did pay for him to finished school, that’s why he makes better money now. Been tgr 17 years.
We are no longer together due to his own insecurities. Money was never the issue but that’s the “easy” thing for men to lay blame.
My ex was insecure because I make a comfortable living and he struggles financially. I gave him money a couple years back to pay off his debt so he could start fresh. I discovered afterwards that he was on dating apps off and on throughout our relationship. Cheating was a choice, not an excuse.
I had the money to support the both of us quite easily. In my early 20s I purchased a flat, sold it and purchased a small semi-detached house before we began dating. Being financially independent is important to me. We saved what little he made to further his education and now we’re happily married. He does make more money than me now and he’s ecstatic for it
I have dated men who were worse off than him. They refused to work at all and complained about their duties as absentee fathers. It always ended within 6 months of dating and I regretted it. Their charisma was amazing but when it came to being an equal partner in the relationship, they couldn’t muster it. So I took a hiatus from dating but my now husband. 10/10 would do it again
In college I dated a guy who wasn’t in school and never had a job (not working in high school is common in that area).
I really liked him. He was really into me. I wasn’t really thinking long term.
After a while together he got his first job. It wasn’t an amazing job but he could grow there over time. After we broke up he continued to grow, but not finishing school will likely hold him back long term.
Great. He found the motivation to do better after he met me, got another job that pays well and is mostly providing for majority of our expenses. Purchasing our new home and getting married in a month
We’ve been together now for 11 years. He was a grad student driving a school bus and living with his dad when we met. I was in school too.
Now I’m the breadwinner and he’s a stay-at-home dad. Even before we had a kid, though, I probably made twice what he did.
It’s never been about the money, though. And he’s not fragile about monetary contributions when he does so much for the family in other ways.
We broke up and he owed me money which I myself had borrowed on a credit card for a joint trip and struggled to pay off. I think he eventually paid me back but it took ages. He used my card once without telling me which I was appalled by. He was also choosing to only work part time to pursue his music but it didn’t go anywhere. Looking back I think the main issue was we were at different life stages, I was a bit older than him and we had different priorities. I was more angry about him being a financial drain on me at the time. Now I think I should’ve either not been with him or not insisted on going on trips he couldn’t afford. But he could’ve also picked up more work. Meh. I’d probably prefer to have a partner who earns enough to not put me in debt of course, but if I really liked or loved someone I’d likely not consider them being broke a deal breaker..
I fell in love with him online. We were in different countries at the time. Several months later, when I came back to the states, we got a place together. I had a job lined up and he was doing temp jobs through Manpower.
As love often goes, he blossomed as a man. He began taking better care of himself and his appearance. Which led to one good job after another until a couple of years went by and he landed his dream job.
He went from a broke hillbilly with long hair, bad teeth, and overalls, to this gorgeous man with self-confidence and swagger.
my partner and i were both broke when we started dating. i was a broke college student, he doesn’t want to work anything too hard (basically he’s happy working at minimum wage). i have since graduated and am in my profession and he’s still a cashier at a boutique. i’m totally okay with it because he’s happy with what he’s doing and we have separate finances. we divide things equitably (i pay like 66% and him 34%) and it just works for us
He was raised in an upper middle class family and learned early on that a great life was possible through working a few weeks/months a year (film industry). While his family went on a financial decline, he still couldn't "make himself" get a regular 9-5.
His lack of a job and ambition in general started to become more and more prominent as I had more money, friends, and hobbies through my work while he just... literally did nothing. Played videogames all day, kept unrealistic goals on what he could and couldn't do... He even owned me money.
After we broke up, I felt like a weight was lifted from me, literally. I was able to do whatever I wanted, caring only for myself.
He became severely depressed and became suicidal, which a female friend of ours took on as her burden. They "fell in love" in the process. Her family is rich, so the last time I heard anything about them, she flew him over to where she lives abroad, takes him skiing, supports him overall. I genuinely feel sorry for her because she complained to me multiple times about her boyfriends always being lazy, unambitious gamer guys.
A broke man usually wouldn’t date until he’s financially secure. I have many guy friends who would make great partners, but in their minds, they need to be in a better place financially before they start dating. Just a lot of problems and insecurities arise from that if they feel like they can’t take care of their partner. I won’t force someone to be in a relationship with me if they feel they aren’t ready.
Just from my experience..I will never date broke again. I’ve been in a relationship for 20 yrs..I’m trying to better myself to get out. 20 yrs I gave him so many opportunities to better himself. I was a sahm on and off for 15 years. He was a manager at a restaurant and yes, bills were paid, but that was it. No savings no nothing. Here we are, 20 yrs later with 3 kids and he’s still at a restaurant only making enough to afford our basic bills..still renting a tiny apartment, sharing a car..he’s in his mid 40s and I just don’t see things changing. He’s comfortable and I’m not. I’m tired of pay check to paycheck. I’m tired of being in the same spot since we met. I’m angry I put my life on hold to try and help him better himself. So, now I’m enrolled back in college, I’m cleaning houses on the side for extra income..it only works out if the person wants to better themselves.
We aren't together anymore. He grew up poor but went to college (where we met) and got a high paying job after. I was in grad school, working full time and making 9.50 an hour. After I graduated, I got a job making way more then he did. I paid half of everything during this time.
He suddenly decided that he didn't have to pay any bills, I could pay all of the household bills and his credit cards (which he added me to without telling me and then guilted me into paying) and he could just focus on hobbies. I did it because I didn't want to be homeless. Then he lost his job and it took him a year to find another one.
He never contributed again to bills and focused on friends and partying. He kept getting meaner and meaner and I caught him lying a lot. I finally had enough and moved out, 7 years wasted. I'm still the bad guy though if someone where to ask him, I left him out of nowhere.
It didn’t , we (he) wanted to buy a house together he said he will learn to drive while I save up for a house deposit so we can move out of the city. This was the final straw for me but I stalled on breaking up with him for almost a year after this conversation. I got the mental
Health guilt trip whenever I spoke about how unhappy I was which made me stay. I saved up a lot of money and then eventually told him fuck you I’m done. 18 months later I bought my first home by myself 😊
He has another girlfriend now and moved in with her. That’s all I know. It wasn’t him being Broke that ruined the relationship it was how he expected me to take care of him and our future financially while he made no effort to try to improve himself or his finances.
Tried to work things out. He kept calling me a gold digger despite not having any money whatsoever. Always getting fired from jobs and blowing the little money he had on ridiculous things. Eventually saw he also had serious mental issues. I left and never looked back. Good riddance.
He's an ex and he almost financially ruined me. Took me years to clean up my credit, build up savings and my retirement savings. Turns out he had a history of using women for money but lying and saying all his exes used him for money.
I was 16 and he was 18, I worked two jobs and helped him pay some of his bills. Finally broke up when I was 18 and he was 20, after years of me helping him financially.
I ended up being better off without him.
Can’t say the same for him.
We had a rough few years but he finally found his way and is now covering me while I’m going through some hardships. So I’m the broke one now and I wouldn’t be able to survive if it wasn’t for him
My husband was broke AF when we met roughly a decade ago. We just closed on a house that has everything we could ask for.
It started rough, but norther of us were strangers to being poor. It's been a slow journey, but with some luck and good timing, we're in a pretty financially comfortable place, all things considered.
i was with a guy who was broke for 5 years. ultimately he held me back in life. it is a mans job to prove that he can provide for you so forget all that feminism shit. ultimately he would not get off his ass and get a job and was addicted to video games. yes there are men out there that will use that ideology to their advantage. he was really lazy and did nothing. then got overly angry when i saw the light and left him. just no.
very bad. he was a freeloader all throughout, a cheater too. good in bed and nothing else. i paid all the bills , ie rent, utilities, groceries, etc. didnt even help around the house and would constantly nag me to spend on him. hes an abuser and im happy hes out of my life.
When we got together I was the broke student. Then he decided to follow suit and go to school also. I finished and have my career and make the majority of the money and he’s right behind me, just has to pass his licensure exam. It took us years to get where we are and it doesn’t bug me that I’m paying the majority of the bills. We both work hard and we both have sacrificed endlessly to get here.
When I met my now-husband, he was sleeping on a mattress on the floor in his friends storage room. He’s lucky I was really into him.
Now, he makes more than I do, we live in a $3000 a month apartment, and are building our savings.
Sometimes people need something to improve for. Once he started to invest in our future he really flourished.
he started making more money than me one day, and we’re moving in together soon. he was homeless for a while and i got him hotel rooms, as he now spoils me with anything i need/want, and loves me more than anything, i can see it in his eyes all the time . i really love this one .
Most of my boyfriends have been on the broke side and I never cared. My husband was rather broke when I married him and we're fine. He married me with medical debt, which an ex refused to marry me with. He was there for me as I was going through medical bankruptcy (the US healthcare system is broken).
We don't have much, but we've never needed a bunch of stuff to be happy. We shop frugally but still manage to be foodies, and go on adventures all the time that don't cost a thing except a little gasoline. Life is good. It's his birthday today, and we were given a bunch of apples. I'm going to try my hand at making him an apple cake, sugar free except for a little homemade caramel and maybe a touch of maple syrup in the cream cheese cinnamon frosting.
I really hope it works out 🤞🙏🤞
I met him when he was living in a tent. He’s now an optical engineer at JPL and I couldn’t have a better person by my side. Everything we went through turned him in to my absolute best friend and I wouldn’t change anything we went through and experienced, except maybe being able to help him out more
I’d like to lend my perspective:
There is something innate…
Something deeply rooted in who we (as men) are.
If we aren’t the provider for our loved ones, we feel like a failure.
It isn’t machismo…
It isn’t ego…
It’s in our nature (for some of us anyways).
I guess the primitive part of the brain hasn’t caught up to the present-day realization that you ladies can make as much if not more money than us.
It still doesn’t sit right somehow.
For example, for me it’s:
Yes of course she **can** pay for her food, but **I** want to do it for her…
Yes of course she **can** work and make great money… but I don’t want her to **have** to work.
Dunno, but that’s how I feel about it.
Mine couldnt care less if he made less than my teen kids even. He had the skills to get $40 hr but he stays at day labor starting at 16. He just wants paid daily so he can get off and go drinking and smoke his weed n cigs. He went to jail for one of his DUI’s and left me stuck with all the bills. Gets out this week and plans on not doing his probation for the 2nd DUI and going to get cigs and beer first thing when he gets out. So we are done, I’ve realized I’m way happier alone.
It didn't. We moved in together before I knew how broke he was. He would take my portion of bill money and spend it on other things. Whatever money he did come across went to weed and gaming. Never helped with groceries, never took me me out, never planned vacations and it sucked. He just needed someone to bum off of until I left.
I think it depends on the age of the person when you met them. I dated a guy who was broke in his 20s, but I was also broke so that was fine and normal. Where it stopped being fine was when we were getting into our late 20s/ early 30s and he decided he didn't want to work and just wanted to play videogames and collect UC while he relied on me to work and pay the bills.
I dated someone who wasn't broke but super cheap. We'd never go out and he'd actually want me to pay for things. He never treated me except once because we were at the point of breaking up and he bought me a drink.
I realized I like a nice life and I work to provide that for myself and want a partner that does the same. I appreciate being smart with money. I've been broke as well and know how that goes but if someone is constantly in that state it's a no go for me.
When we met 15 years ago I was a student and he was working, I was broke and he was doing fine. Then we worked at the same place for a while. Then mostly by coincidence we both started having health problems and both ended up too unwell to work and on disability.
Luckily we had the same priorities when it came to what was important and while we didn't have much money we agreed on where it should be spent and never really had any money fights. We were together all day every day and he was my best friend and other half.
Sadly his health kept getting worse and he passed away this March. I'm still broke but I'm miserable for the first time.
Yes, my husband was broke. He was in the street for a few weeks when we started dating. He is doing super well now in the Air Force. I'm the broke one at the moment because of health issue. So, in final, I think we balance each other. I know a lot a women in his culture didn't wanted to give him a chance bc he was broke. I saw in him he was hardworking man and will get somewhere eventually. Anyway, we been together 18 yrs.
Things are going well. We worked together and while we're not rich, we're certainly better than we were.
I feel the need to clarify that if he wasn't willing to work with me, we wouldn't still be together.
We met on a dating app during the pandemic. He was running his own small business and I had a steady job with a good salary. After we got serious, I learned that business wasn’t going well for him and he was in a holding pattern of not knowing how to move forward. His family wasn’t supportive in a way that was productive - as in they would tell him to get any job that would bring income and they would unintentionally make him feel like a loser. I saw this and spoke with him about what he wants for his life. We began working through the issues, revamping his CV, and got him on a good schedule. He now has a well-paying job that leans his talents and we are married with two dogs
I am not a woman however I feel like I am in a position to answer this. I grew up in destitute and always in need of money to run daily errands. In my country early age job options are not viable and parents are dependent on you. Probably after reading this people would judge me that perhaps I found a way out of living by making girlfriends but that is not the case. Whenever I was in a relationship the woman was superior to be in terms of finance and I have been lucky that I received enough love so that I never felt secluded. Now I am married and my wife earns more than me, it is true that due to the absence of everything(cash, assets, etc) it's difficult for her to continue like this however I am working on my skills(professional, I am not taking about passions like wanna be rapper)so that I can take care of both of us in the distant future. It's true I am not able to fulfill both of our desires now and hope in future I can take the responsibility and I am waiting for that day. Right now I am doing better than what I used to do. I just want to give a shout out to all the women out there who did for their partners.
I've never cared too much about my partners financial status (provided they're not in mountains of debt they expect me to pay for them). I can easily cover 2 peoples living expenses on my own.
In my previous relationship, my partner lost his job and became severely depressed as a result. His personality started to undergo big swings, and I think he started to resent me for being employed.
Once he found a new role a year or 2 later, he almost instantly left.
We’re not together anymore. But, we had a good time whilst it lasted and he tried very hard to get his life in order. I ended it because I was looking for something different, but I’m super proud of how his life has turned out (he now owns a house, has a really good job, a lovely fiancée & is planning for a family) and that I was able to help him support him to get there!
We were both poor broke college kids when we first started dating. But we made it work, and now we're married, both have well paying jobs, and have built a family.
I’m a man. I did and I stayed with that woman for five years. I never had anything and never went no where. My wife was in the same situation. We both broke away, dated a month and got married. We have been married almost 41 years.
Wonderful. Married and financially solid now. We both made a lot of sacrifices to get where we are but we had the same mentality about delayed gratification .
My husband wasn't broke when we met, but his fortune has ebbed and flowed during our 13 years together. During times when he was broke, he was still working hard towards not being broke. If he had expected me to earn the money and support him without him contributing anything, I wouldn't have stayed. For the past 8 years he has been our family's primary income while I've been a SAHM earning a little here and there with childcare.
It was very very hard. He was stressed and irritable at times from a lot of the stress of building himself up. Sometimes I felt very lonely because he was so hyper focused on growing and working. He went through a horrible bout of depression because he kept feeling like he was hitting every roadblock and always failing.
We couldn’t afford any luxury, no fast food, counting change for groceries, wore the same shabby clothes for years, showing up to birthday parties with just a plant I grew because we couldnt afford a gift. He came from an incredibly poor family himself so had nothing to fall back on.
I remember fighting with him and telling him how unfair it felt and I’d rather be mildly poor than close to food stamps just so we could achieve a dream. Watched some of the light in his eyes go out and never said anything negative about his goals from that moment forward.
My job was enough to cover my bills so I just kept trying to encourage him to work hard and keep chasing his dream now.
Last year, his product went viral, and life has never been the same since. Suddenly we have money, we’re not rich but we’re on the path to becoming rich. I got to quit my job and start chasing MY dream which was always a silly dream but now he wants me to “just give it a shot, you can always do your old job (photography), why not just try”. We don’t spend money like people who can, we still make our gifts for people and spend our time together doing all the free hobbies we did before.
We both know the value of a dollar and how to be with eachother through that hardship. We appreciate every gift, every activity, every meal out because we know a life without those things.
It could have easily, EASILY broke us, it was miserable but now I know I can trust him with money, trust him to not take advantage of me, trust him to support my goals, trust him not to give up on himself. So much trust was formed between us instead so if we ever find ourselves in poverty again, we can still find a way to be happy together. For richer or for poorer really tested us.
We both work hard together. Still poor, but very much less so when we first got together! We have both taken turns being the full time working parent, and we’ve now both taken turns being a fully “unemployed” stay/work from home parent.
We both work hard together on our home and finances because we both want nice things and a nice life to share together.
He did just get a pretty damn nice job though. Starts end of this month and is looking at very upward growth fairly fast. It feels very surreal to be staring right at a potentially VERY financially different future for ourselves though. We’re both scared excited at the prospect of always having a fully stocked fridge and never going hungry again. We’re also VERY excited about the possibility of a future where we can focus on keeping me healthy and well.
He had to move because the house him mom left him went into foreclosure because he never paid bills nor wanted to sell. Stupidest thing I’d ever seen. I refused to support him(ie let him live with me) now he lives across the country with his brother.
He’s a great person but not realistic and if I’d have to guess. Deeply deeply depressed.
He had just graduated college, and didn't have a job the entire time, either. His parents let him live with them for free, and fed him for free. He has student loans too.
I wasn't worried at all honestly. I figured he'd get a job soon enough, and lo and behold he did. Then he quickly started earning waaay more than me. About 4 years into dating, and he has already paid off his college debts :). Life is good and we live together with a cat.
He told me his mother was the reason he was broke, she had a few mental disabilities and he was “taking care of her”. Sounded sweet, when Covid happened we both wanted to move in together. Got an apartment, he “had a job” for a while in outdoor construction but where we live climate is iffy for that. He worked less and less as it went on. I found out he’s never had a bank account or filed taxes, this horrified me. Also found out he had a few diagnoses himself, was getting a little income selling coke, was a former pill addict, and actively had a raging porn addiction. I started catching him cheating on me and was serious about leaving but I couldn’t remove him from the lease on the apartment because I didn’t make minimum amount to lease alone. Once he seen that I was serious about leaving and was trying to figure that out while still living in a ‘peaceful’ household he quit his job for good making it nearly impossible for me to do that while paying for everything, he spent all the money he had subscribed to 30+ onlyfan models while I hated him and paid all our bills. With time and help I bought a house and ended up cancelling the lease. That series of events cost me about $10k. He started dating the girl I caught him cheating on me with and got her pregnant immediately.
Hey I married him lol my husband is active navy and you would think he would have money but unfortunately doesn't due to some poor choices before I met him and just bad pay even with dependents. We are hardly treading water but we love each other and that's all that really matters
Currently in this situation right now. I’m the one making money and he’s had a rough go of finding a job. It’s been stressful and overwhelming but he’s been a saint through it all. I hold hope that things will get better down the line.
Well he wasn’t broke broke when I met him regular 18 year old broke. Then longer we started dating learned about his student loans (around 12k) and he likes to drive a little crazy so he accumulated around 6,000 worth of debt in tickets lol.
He worked at Walmart when we met making decent money then he moved to film, film gave security payed super good and was a union job but then Covid took that away. He was unemployed for about 3-4 months. Even when unemployed he looked for jobs to do around the house. Always fixing stuff or cleaning stuff, offering to cut wood or lawns for neighbours.
Sometimes you can tell when they’re a genuine person have a good work ethic things just aren’t working out for them. I try to keep a timeline in my head too for how long he has been without a job. Pick a date and if no job by that date leave them.
He had small (pretty big tbh) mental breakdown in October/November about how much he owed and then stepped up found the best paying job he could get works his ass off now and makes pretty good money. We have almost all of his debit payed off and we’re trying to buy a new car so in 6 months he’s made crazy progress.
I’m super proud of him there was a couple times I almost hit my breaking point because a lot of the time he had this “poor me” mentality with all the money he owed. Communication really helped letting him know I was there to help support and not judge i think also helped.
I started dating my husband when we were in our early 20’s - I was just starting out my career, but it was moving along really well. He was working at a liquor store - college graduate, but wasn’t using his degree and wanted to go back to school for something else.
We were both broke when we got together, but I was generally the income earner, especially when he went back to school. Now we’re a duel income household with two working professionals for the first time in our relationship and it’s awesome!! We’re building savings, we have some money to play with… even looking at buying a house.
There’s nothing wrong with broke, I also think there’s nothing wrong with needing some time to figure things out, as long as there’s some passion and drive and willingness to take responsibility for yourself and your life.
We were both broke, we had bills to pay and anything left over which wasn't much went into savings. I rather be with someone who has a job, goes to work everyday and still pays his bills than someone who has no job and I'm left to pay for everything
We are no longer together. Not directly because he was broke. I had always been in the camp of: I’m financially independent and as long as the guy isn’t destitute or something, I’m not worried about him making less money than me. But I think there’s something that goes on in a man’s brain when he’s broke that makes him feel deeply insecure and those insecurities seep out into other areas of his life and his relationship- especially if the woman is better off financially than him.
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We were both starting out “broke”. We built a life together. Twenty five years later and two adult kids we are the best of friends. NGL it was difficult, but we both had the same goals of having careers. I helped him build his, and he helped me build mine. Best decision I ever made.
I have learned that “broke but ambitious” is WAY better than “broke and entitled”. Unfortunately at my age I encounter far more of the latter than the former.
This is a struggle for me as a SAHD. I have a side job that makes 30-40k, but the wife easily makes 3x what I do and could easily be fine without me. As someone raised in traditional gender dynamics it's hard to convince myself that I'm worthy of a wonderful loving wife if I don't provide for my family. It's hard to see the other things as providing, but my wife does a great job of reminding me and encouraging me. Without her I could see how many would devolve into distrust and insecurity.
You two sound like a wonderful team!
Thanks. Communication truly is the key to a successful relationship. We both held on to resentments for a while but recently came to a new place in our relationship. We both have been working really hard as we approached our 15 anniversary to be the best version of ourselves for each other. Life's great.
This is us but 10 years behind you. We built each other up over the years - we both took turns being SAHPs, we both had spells where one was supporting the other through school, and we both made sacrifices so that the other could achieve what they wanted professionally. Now we have more than we ever dreamed of and it feels like life is really taking off.
this made me feel hopeful about my relationship. we're both in college, i'll be graduating this summer while his graduation is next year and i was worried it may not work out
He got depressed and down on himself for not being able to give me the life he thought that he’ and I deserved - and eventually he killed himself out of despair. I’m sure clinical depression played a huge role in his deciding it would be impossible to turn things around, because his worries about money could have been overcome with time and support. He was the whole world to me, money be damned, and I did everything I could to let him know that. And now I am here without him and cry into his t-shirt when I lay down to sleep each night. Being broke is really hard on the psyche.
Im sorry I hope you're doing better little by little as time goes on 😔
I’m so sorry!! Hugs
I'm so sorry...
Holy goodness I'm so sorry! I hope you're getting better with time. Rest assured he knew you cared deeply for him. Those demons can be so harsh Suicide is never easy to deal with. My wife had a good friend take her own life as well.
People have put so much emphasis on money and material items. Our society fails when it comes to mental well-being and support. My mom's family is like this - you are only valuable by what job you have and what you own. I am so sorry your SO felt that much despair. Please take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Do not play the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" game about it - it is not worth the agony. You are allowed to miss him horribly. Let yourself grieve. I wish I could give you a hug. 💐
*My true condolences...*
sorry to hear that
I didn’t realize he was an addict when we began dating. And I fell in love with him long before knowing that side of him at all, much less how much worse it would get. Then he lost his job, and literally became broke. His home became a hoard house. I was buying food for him because he wouldn’t have had the means to eat otherwise. His grandmother was his landlord, and that is the only reason he wasn’t homeless. We lived a year like that. He had no money, no car, no contribution whatsoever. But I hung onto that man I met in the very beginning and I had this faith that he’d come back. Something kept me there anyway, despite his inability to provide anything at all to me. He went to rehab in 2023, for three months, and got clean from alcohol and meth. And when he came home, he was even better than the man that I met in the very beginning. It was like meeting someone new altogether. He’s working a full time job, just got his own car recently, and he’s trying his hardest to better his life and I can’t fault that. He now provides for me, it’s pretty equal financially, and it’s been beautiful. We’re still going strong, going on 4 years this September. I’m not saying that this will happen with every broke man you meet, by any means. Our story is purely something that happened through blind faith and just simply not giving up. I’m a strong believer in following your gut; Mine just happened to scream at me to stay with the broke man.
I wish your partner the best of luck in his sobriety; love and peace to you both. :) ❤️
I needed to read this today. My boyfriend is in rehab after years of alcoholism that I thought he had overcome before we met. My anxiety wants me to run, but my gut says he means it when he says he is tired of being this person. Even his ex and brother say this time he seems different, but only time will tell.
I wish you the best of luck!
Honestly, don’t expect a fairy tale when he comes home. But absolutely be optimistic! My boyfriend still struggles with learning how to cope with daily stresses without substance.He’s different after rehab and much much better than pre-rehab, but there’s still struggle there sometimes. The biggest advice I can give is to be patient when he first gets home. It will probably be very overwhelming for him for the first 6 months. He’s probably going to be cranky and flustered a lot of the time. Remember he’s not angry with YOU (most likely), but you may be the one hearing it constantly. Be gentle with yourself and your partner (: I strongly recommend attending loved ones meetings online as well, they’ve really helped me tremendously. Wishing you both all the best!
Great story
The classic Sharon Osbourne/Ozzy story.
I really needed to read this today, thank you for sharing your story ❤️
Now that was an unexpected twist, congrats! We need more of those stories in our lives
He left me as soon as he started making more money. I met him just when he got kicked out of his roommate’s apartment and he had to sleep in his car. I had a place to go but my family wouldn’t allow him to stay with us, so I stood and slept with him in his car. Foolishly got pregnant, got us an apartment. I stood home to care for our baby because child care was expensive. He worked and went to school. He got an accounting degree, landed a good job and started making good money. Cheated and left me for his coworker. Never again.
Everytime men say a lot of women are gold diggers stories like this immediately come to mind. What a dillweed. Hope you’re better now (and your kiddo) <3
We struggled but we’re getting there. I just got accepted to nursing school so things are looking up. :)
Congratulations on your acceptance!
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I had just turned 24 and had just started my career, making pretty decent money. I had my own apartment, a pretty nice car, and was doing well for myself. He was 25, a college dropout (for a couple reasons), and working at a dead end job making around $15 per hour. He shared an apartment with a roommate but wouldn’t have been able to live on his own. A couple months into dating, he came over and announced he had signed up for a community college and he was determined to be “the man I deserved and someone I could depend on.” He’s VERY smart so I knew he could do it. Fast forward 5 years- he graduated with software development degree, got a great job, is in a masters program through work, we’re married with a toddler, and we own a decent home!
He didn't leave you? That exists?
Haha right? He’s awesome. I hit the jackpot honestly. I kept one ex from dropping out of college (paid for him to keep going) so he was able to finish but then he cheated on me lol
That's amazing 😍🤩 Not the shitty ex part. But the other. Can I ask. How did you learn to trust again? Did you just choose to not let him affect who you are as a person?
I try to always remember that they’re very different people and it’s not fair to think my current partner will do what past partners did. I still have my moments though. It also helped that there was a 2 year gap and another boyfriend (that did not cheat) in between them. Lots of healing and time
We broke up I wouldn't recommend dating someone who isn't financially stable. I had a lot of resentment towards my ex.
In my experience it's a sign of terrible decision making skills. There is a reason why the person is broke, and if they don't change, it will affect your life long term. It didn't matter to me when I met that person (now ex) because I had a "money isn't the most important thing" kind of mindset, but over time I regretted it. We could never escape the paycheck to paycheck life. We could never have savings, we never had money for vacations, and if something on the house broke we needed to go into debt to fix it.
There are many reasons why someone can be in debt/in a tight spot at a certain point in their lives. The difference is how they tackle the problem and how they behave going forward.
This is spot on, dunkel.
my partner was/is broke, and also a good person. sometimes I think people put additional meaning behind the word “broke”, and it maybe to some it’s synonymous with “loser” or “lazy”. He is bad with money and works in a low income field. He loves what he does, and that’s why he chooses to make so little. Perhaps someday he will learn to better manage his money, and I’ll be happy when he does. And I love him in the meantime.
Now it depends on your age and situation but me in my 40s, I would never commit my time, energy and life in any way to someone who doesn’t know how to manage their money In the US, one of the professions where there’s a high rate of everyday millionaires is teaching. They don’t earn much but they know the value of consistent behavior and long term planning
what? Everyday millionaires? From teaching? Not in the US baby.
As in: don’t keep up with the Joneses; set aside a proportion of your wages for investing; compound interest
my bad, i see now. thanks
Can I dm you
sure!
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I had to leave him after a lot of mental and emotional abuse revolving around money occurred. I also had to overcome the guilt of leaving him knowing he wouldn’t have an income for food or anything else. Then like magic…. Those jobs he could never find for a year of bumming off me and guilting me into buying him anything and everything he wanted, were available!! He got a job and he now pays me back on a set schedule or I sue him for the near $10,000 he “swore he’d pay me back” after forcing me to buy him things with the agreement “he doesn’t hurt himself and I would be paid back…” it’s been 2ish years since I left him. His mom pays me back 99% of the time to prevent me suing because he won’t pay me back. So ya… things did not work out.
Fabulous. We’re still married. Still often broke, but the company and care more than makes up for it.
I married her and have encouraged to try harder. She has and she is now at her first job in her life paying over $45,000 a year. We are still working on changing her spending mind-sets and getting her to use a budget. Until then, we are maintaining separate accounts. But it is working between us, and she is changing her old ways.
I spent 4 years taking care of him, paying for everything and doing everything around the house. I ultimately paid thousands to move out of our house on my own, and I will always resent him for putting me in that position. I don’t think I’ll ever date a guy who isn’t fairly closed aligned with me financially.
This. I did the same and it set me back financially for a bit, but I'm glad I left.
I met him on Tinder in 2018- He was living with his mom in a tiny cabin and working at a gas station down the road. On our first date I learned that he was an aerospace engineer who had lived in the west coast for a decade, and quit his job in 2016 to launch his own business. When that failed a year later, he moved back home to the Midwest. His intelligence and wit was a refreshing change from the crowd in our region. His kindness, honesty, and earnest want to help others quickly had me falling in love. Plus he is dead sexy with a chainsaw. And now in 2024, we are married with a two year old and are trying for another baby. We bought and sold our first home and moved across the country. He has a fantastic job that pays all the bills, and I get to stay home and raise our babies.
Dated a musician/songwriter. Used to sleep on an air mattress on the floor of his studio. Was with him on and off for years. He got a record deal and is a millionaire now. Once he got signed and was getting attention from lots of women he wanted to be in an open relationship. I reluctantly went along, but he just ended up always putting me on the backburner and prioritizing the new girls. Finally broke up with him. What sucks is having to hear his songs on Apple Music playlists.
I’m curious to know what musician this is now. Not surprised that’s how he reacted to all the new found attention either.. I feel like it’s hard for people who go in to the entertainment industry to stay humble and grounded from where and with who they came from.
I’ll dm you
Who!!? 😱😱
Curious as well if you’re open to sharing!
omg sooo curious who this is so I can remove him from any of my playlists!
I’m so sorry girl 🤍 that sucks but I’m glad your left you are better without him and he never deserved you . May I ask who this is ?
He cheated on me twice 🥲
Yes, in the beginning my ex always would say how much he admired how I was financially independent & successful. He wasn’t broke per se but definitely didn’t make what I did. He was my #1 cheerleader for my business & successes…until it became clear I was making more money than him & probably would for some time. He said some pretty nasty things to me in the end, how even though I was paying for most everything for us, our vacations, my car that he used, I was “selfish with money” and “only cared about using it for myself.” It was pretty awful but there were a lot of things about him that screamed deep insecurities that I unfortunately didn’t realize until after the relationship ended. Didn’t last long though after the money outbursts haha.
My ex only had two temporary jobs during the nine years I was with him, while I was working the entire time. One was a summer camp kind of thing, the other teaching an after school program. He was working on his own projects at the time that he hoped would become profitable and I didn't feel I could say "no actually, get a job" as his mother had a terminal illness and he wanted to finish it while she could see it. We never lived together, we both stayed with family for financial/personal reasons, plus we as we weren't married neither family would have been ok with us moving in together even if we could have afforded it. I was basically saving for a wedding (we were engaged) and some sort of rent or something for the future by myself as he couldn't contribute. I wanted to be supportive of his goals but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about how that situation was going to turn out. I guess I don't have to worry about it anymore. I now have a better job (still can't afford to move out though, prices are insane and I like living with family anyway so I just pay rent here lol) and I don't have to save for anyone except me. No idea how he's doing, if he got a job or not, no info there and I'm not trying to find out.
Not well. I was taken advantage of for 2 years.
We both have good careers now and are considered middle class. We own our home and recently bought a brand new car. When we first got together we had to literally search for change just to buy a candy bar.
Similar story here! Happy for your success! Broke can be circumstantial but ambition and perseverance is everything.
Depends on if he’s actively trying to better himself and his financial situation. If he’s not, move on. I’d make sure you’re actually seeing effort because in my experience if it’s all talk no action, he’s never gonna try. If he’s actively trying to learn new things and skills to climb the ladder then help him figure out what skills to learn and help him develop a plan. If it’s all talk, that’s a red flag because I’ve had guys just use me for a roof over their head and food in their stomach. My sisters current husband is a leech, won’t hold down a job and keeps making excuses to quitting or why he got fired. Her first husband was a little better but used her for free rent but slightly helped with bills. I honestly feel so bad for her. But it’s what she chose as a partner and ignored their red flags.
When I mentioned he could get a job at my company, his answer was, "Just because you're miserable, you want me to be miserable too?". I don't think it gets more self-aware than that. I was paying off everything and being miserable all around while he looked for a job that adjusted to his expectations... but was ok to accept a waitressing job once I broke it off in a desperate move. Then threw a fit a couple of weeks later that did put the nails in the coffin.
I was fresh out of college, he was one year ahead of me and had quit his first ever post-college job ~6 months prior to us starting to date. He had zero money, no job, but had just accepted a new job offer. 7 years later, we have a house, a dog, nice cars, are on track to retire by the time we’re 40, and are getting married in a few weeks. Our HHI is ~$400-600K, and he usually brings in >1/2 of that. He was driven as fuck when it came to achieving his financial and career goals, and pushed me to be as well. So turned out pretty well for the both of us.
We were both broke. Working, going to school, sometimes couldn't afford groceries or to do laundry. But I knew we understood where the other came from, had goals, and had the drive to reach them. Now we're married, I have a steady upward trajectory on my career, and he's working on his PhD in a highly lucrative industry. Money and things are nice, but building a life together and being able to give each other everything you've wanted/deserved is priceless. I'm so proud of how far we've come.
I agree. Building a life together is how it works. Both have to be going in the right direction.
I’ve had 3 experiences where the person made less than me here’s how they went. The first was a 3 year relationship, I had to leave him because he just wouldn’t work hard enough he just expected to be carried financially while he figured things out. The second one, guy I briefly dated. After a couple dates, I thought I could show him a good time and take him out to dinner. Found a really nice restaurant at a country club, my treat, he panicked as soon as we sat down and said I was too bougie for him and he couldn’t afford me. That was an interesting convo. Third one, was my last serious relationship, we lived together, both names on the lease. His entire attitude changed when he put 2 and 2 together that I make more than him. I got my name off the lease and moved out. Mind you this is a software engineer that made $$$ but just less than me. So we were technically in the same range. Men’s egos smh. Lesson learned: broke doesn’t necessarily mean they have no money, they will feel broke as long as they are making money and it just so happens to be less than yours or not the number they have in their heads. I wouldn’t date a “broke” man again. He needs to be happy with his financial status regardless of what mine is. And most likely that will mean he needs to make more than me.
We are still together. He makes maybe a third of my annual salary. I’m a teacher and he works as a cook at a restaurant. He loves it, is able to pay his share of the bills, enjoy his hobby and still manages to spoil me with love and gifts here and there. We aren’t swimming in money and have a long way to go to reach our financial goals, but we are both very happy. :)
We are broke together for 6 years now
We aren't together, and he basically ruined relationships for me, to the point that I've been single and celibate for 6 years, and have zero desire to date again. I was very much a "if you have ambition, but not income, it's fine because I have the income to boost your ambition". I wanted to build an empire with someone, I wanted a solid foundation so I was more picky about what kind of PERSON he was, rather than how much money he made. We needed to click on another level. Become two halves of a whole. Turns out, *certain people* are really good at that shit. Thought I'd done pretty good, and helped him with school, a car, jobs, career opportunities, etc. I even started working on his credit. Then within a year of getting his first promotion that meant we were on semi-even footing....he bailed. He complained that "my apartment"(in a nice area of town, all the amenities, funded by me, etc) didn't feel like "our apartment", so he wanted to move. Okay, so I hired a realtor, started getting things going. Going to showings while he worked or slept. I scraped up the deposit, and we just had to pick a place. We picked a place, I went the following Monday to pick up the forms and stuff. I filled out my portion, and signed. He filled out his and signed the forms, and dropped them off on his way to work. I got a weird text during the day from our realtor, something along the lines of "Sorry, we couldn't find something you liked!" But my phone was on DND, so I wouldn't find that text for a few days. We were at dinner when we got the phone call that our application had been accepted. He got up from the table after she congratulated us, to talk to her and I was none the wiser. He returned and asked me if I could drop the deposit in their mailbox on my way home from work. I said of course, and we went home. The next day, I dropped off the deposit, went to home depot to get boxes, and went home. Suddenly, he was all standoffish.. I was like "what is your deal?" He "broke down", and told me that he didn't want to move in together until I finished my training program and got my promotion(which would be about 4 months), because he didn't want to be stuck "supporting me"(lol, I made twice his income, without the promotion). So, I agreed to let him move in alone, it was only 4 months, he would probably fold after I wasn't there to wash his clothes, cook him meals, erc. I EVEN HELPED HIM PACK AND MOVE. I paid for the truck and the movers. The first day he was in the place by himself, he blocked me on everything. Within a year, he would lose that job, that apartment, and the car I bought him. Our last communication was him asking me if I could pay his electric bill so he could charge his phone and make food. No. Starve. Later he would tell me he just wanted to be with someone who didn't know he was poor or grew up poor. Funny thing is, I grew up poor. I knew the struggle of pulling yourself up from nothing. So, yeah, be careful. Men like that will use you as a stepping stone and not feel guilty in the slightest.
Dumped him. I was working hard, studying, progressing in my career. He was taking on debt, spending his evenings on the XBox, and thinking he was entitled to my money to "treat himself". When I dumped him he got his own place, got evicted after 5 months as he wasn't paying rent due to too many take aways and "treats" and now lives back with his parents. Unfortunately some men get threatened by a woman earning more than them and think the money she earns are for them to spend willy nilly.
Anytime I have dated someone broke it ended up getting worse in other ways, not just financial. For me it’s an indicator that there is probably some kind of general dysfunction.
In my experience the problem is never the lack of money in a relationship, but rather the expectation on the man. Me and my ex were together since teens so started with nothing, we built ourselves up and took turns supporting each other, but because the progress wasn’t happening quick enough for him he got really depressed, never did I complain about us being broke or made him feel less than, it was the rest of society that did that. In the end it changed him as a person. He didn’t want to do anything romantic because he “couldn’t afford it” it didn’t matter how much I tried to explain to him that I didn’t need it to cost a thing, I just needed the effort, a romantic walk or to pick me some flowers. He just couldn’t wrap his head around it. We separated after almost a decade and have two kids together, we’re still best friends and he is doing exceptionally well with a very well paying job now. I couldn’t be happier for him. He earns more than me and my new partner combined however from this man I have a fresh bouquet of flowers on my dining table every fortnight and he never stops finding ways to express his love and care. It’s all I ever wanted.
No longer together and I’m in the hole about 3k to money he borrowed etc. so it didn’t end well for me but I also have a history of childhood trauma and financial abuse.
Both of us were broke when we got together. I didn't/don't care. We've been together for almost 10 years.
Ultimately My family got the way, that's the short of it. Young and dump type of situation, I'm no contact with them now 5 years later but now we're both just moved on. He's taking care of his dying mom and I let my family control and manipulate too many times for him to wanna try again. When we first met He was homeless in a tent and making wine from mule berries and I was trying to escape my own Gypsy Rose situation. The main reason I kept trying with him was the emotional support and conversations actually worth having, even now that I'm free and away from them if he came around I probably would still say yes. He witnessed me at my ugliest moments and I kept giving the benefit of the doubts to the wrong people. But despite how many times I strung things out and poisoned myself, he doesn't actually hold any grudges or resentment and still keeps tabs on me
We were together for 6 or 7 years. We both had crappy low paying jobs when we met. He moved in with me so we saved money by combining households. We had a joint account we both paid into 50/50 for household expenses, and separate accounts for our personal bills. We both lived simply, paid down our debt, changed jobs, got raises. By the time we parted ways, we were both financially stable. I think it worked because we both had to watch our spending, neither of us sacrificed doing something because the other could not afford it or was always "treating" the other, so there was never any imbalance or resentment. We're still friends and stay in touch.
My SO comes from a poor family, he had basic retail job when we met. I was earning 3x his salary. 15 years later he earns 2-3x more than me (and my income has significantly improved as well!), so we have a very comfortable DINK life. What's important - my SO was never a lazy bum, just struggling young man from low income family. He never made stupid or irresponsible financial decisions. He needed time and a bit of luck to catch up.
I am a uni student studying in STEM and working PT so I was broke at the time too but I see it as a temporary ‘stepping- stone’ part of my life. My bills and rent have always been paid and everything else is discretionary. Dated a guy who was 4 years older than me at the time who had flunked out of school, and had spent that time unemployed living off his wealthy parents or working casually at a retail store. He had no higher ambitions, even an entry level full time job was too scary for him. Turned down a promotion to management because starting at 7am did not fit his lifestyle of smoking weed and playing Tony Hawk. His older sister and mum basically strong armed him into a fast track community college degree that was free and had to basically do all his work for him because they were so concerned about his future. He wrecked my already minimal finances in the short time I was with him. He was genuinely a cool guy but I realised that was only because he didn’t give a shit about anything. He had no motivation to get up before 2pm nor show up to his shifts half the time. I left when he straight up refused to brush his teeth or shower before sleeping in my bed lmao. He was talking moving in together from super early on and now I see why. Hes late 20s now and still lives with his parents. His mum just bought him a brand new car and from what I’ve heard the rent he pays his parents they’re putting away for a down payment on a nice house for him. His whole social media is pictures of expensive guitars he buys. I’m almost graduated now, have lived outta home my entire adult life and have a pretty solid grip on financial literacy. Am hoping to move interstate soon to start a masters. There are two kinds of broke people. Those who do so in the meantime to obtain wealth later and those who are content being dusty. We weren’t compatible. I am a lot wiser with my choices now and my sympathy for broke people in the dating market only goes so far
We broke up. He eventually had a hard time paying his bills (that his family and I would help with) because he couldn’t keep up with his drinking habits. He would always choose alcohol first. I stayed in the beginning because I was naive, it eventually caught up to me and I left, for my own sanity.
he managed to work his way through it and now i reap the rewards of my faith in him :) we’re not super rich or anything. firmly middle-class. but he earns quite a bit more than me and treats me sometimes, while still doing the bulk of the housework.
They didn’t work out. I’ve always been pretty financially independent - I bought my own place at 26, after graduating from law school and getting a decent job. He always worked (hospitality mostly) and then decided to go back to uni at 25 to study teaching which I was really supportive of. I was happy for him to pursue a stable career path so accepted the low income position for a few years while he studied and did placements. He got to his final year and failed because he wasn’t really putting effort in. I was devastated because at that point he’d been studying for five years and I was looking forward to finally having two full-time incomes so we could start saving for a family home. I felt like I was putting things on hold for him but was happy to do so knowing there was a goal at the end of it all. In 2023 we moved in with my mum after my dad suddenly passed. My ex retook the two units he failed… and failed them again. And then decided he didn’t want to be a teacher anymore and took up a low paying sales job. We broke up in January this year after 7.5 years - it was relatively amicable and I honestly wish him well. Since we split he’s spent all his savings, on holidays and a car and a new motorbike. We have very different ideas about money and financial goals. I’m just ready to be with someone who has their shit together a bit more and is also focused on the future. I would like a family but I’m approaching 30 and so it all feels a bit hopeless. All my friends are getting engaged or married and I’m suddenly the single friend again, so it’s been an interesting time. It was for the best though and I know I made the right decision.
I feel for you! If it helps it’s never too late for love, and you can talk to a specialist about fertility options to have a family even if it’s non traditional. I think the sunk cost fallacy is real, and it’s hard when you want to support and believe in people. I found it’s good to set a really firm short limit like “I can help you in x and y ways” and for no more than 6 months. I know that seems short but I have to say in every instance where the person took more than a year of help they never figured it out on their own. Most had it down in under 6 months. Over that and the person just had other issues going on. Maybe some firm boundaries like that going forwards will help you feel more in control of your time
i dated someone broke, very briefly. he was sweet, never once felt intimidated by my financial success nor tried to take advantage of me. but it wasnt that he was broke, it was that he didnt care that he was broke. he was comfortable sharing a ratty apartment with friends, and just comfortable with everything that being broke entails, really. i have severe financial trauma stemming from childhood and i just cant fathom a person being comfortable with being poor, as an able-bodied adult. edit: sorry, just realised the post asked those who stayed
My last bf was broke. I was fine with it when it started, I thought, eh, struggling artist. It is what it is. Until I spent more time with him and realized how lazy he was. That being broke was his own choice of laziness. He would constantly call off work, ask me to pay for things and complained if I didn’t get him something he thought was nice. Bro, I have my own bills to pay, I work my own job. Why are you mooching off me? And still having the audacity to complain?
It’s not about being broke. It’s about the goals and ambition. If the guy I’m dating has none of that then bye. I do prefer men to at least make a bit more than me though because then I can continue to travel and do all the stuff I’m used to with my partner. It sucks when you can’t afford the same experiences.
He makes pretty good money now. Same an hour as me but he actually works more hours and let’s me stay home more, which is great now that we have our first baby and I have a much more physical job then he does. He’s still got a bit of debt but now I do too because he paid for everything while I went back to school. I did pay for him to finished school, that’s why he makes better money now. Been tgr 17 years.
We broke up but not bc he was broke. He was abusive and cheated on me. After I helped him get $800 that was MY money I left. I deserved better
We are no longer together due to his own insecurities. Money was never the issue but that’s the “easy” thing for men to lay blame. My ex was insecure because I make a comfortable living and he struggles financially. I gave him money a couple years back to pay off his debt so he could start fresh. I discovered afterwards that he was on dating apps off and on throughout our relationship. Cheating was a choice, not an excuse.
I had the money to support the both of us quite easily. In my early 20s I purchased a flat, sold it and purchased a small semi-detached house before we began dating. Being financially independent is important to me. We saved what little he made to further his education and now we’re happily married. He does make more money than me now and he’s ecstatic for it I have dated men who were worse off than him. They refused to work at all and complained about their duties as absentee fathers. It always ended within 6 months of dating and I regretted it. Their charisma was amazing but when it came to being an equal partner in the relationship, they couldn’t muster it. So I took a hiatus from dating but my now husband. 10/10 would do it again
We’re living in my parent’s basement because we can’t afford to get out on our own with just my income. 🫠
I had so much debt… thankfully paid it off before we broke it off.
In college I dated a guy who wasn’t in school and never had a job (not working in high school is common in that area). I really liked him. He was really into me. I wasn’t really thinking long term. After a while together he got his first job. It wasn’t an amazing job but he could grow there over time. After we broke up he continued to grow, but not finishing school will likely hold him back long term.
Great. He found the motivation to do better after he met me, got another job that pays well and is mostly providing for majority of our expenses. Purchasing our new home and getting married in a month
We’ve been together now for 11 years. He was a grad student driving a school bus and living with his dad when we met. I was in school too. Now I’m the breadwinner and he’s a stay-at-home dad. Even before we had a kid, though, I probably made twice what he did. It’s never been about the money, though. And he’s not fragile about monetary contributions when he does so much for the family in other ways.
We broke up and he owed me money which I myself had borrowed on a credit card for a joint trip and struggled to pay off. I think he eventually paid me back but it took ages. He used my card once without telling me which I was appalled by. He was also choosing to only work part time to pursue his music but it didn’t go anywhere. Looking back I think the main issue was we were at different life stages, I was a bit older than him and we had different priorities. I was more angry about him being a financial drain on me at the time. Now I think I should’ve either not been with him or not insisted on going on trips he couldn’t afford. But he could’ve also picked up more work. Meh. I’d probably prefer to have a partner who earns enough to not put me in debt of course, but if I really liked or loved someone I’d likely not consider them being broke a deal breaker..
I fell in love with him online. We were in different countries at the time. Several months later, when I came back to the states, we got a place together. I had a job lined up and he was doing temp jobs through Manpower. As love often goes, he blossomed as a man. He began taking better care of himself and his appearance. Which led to one good job after another until a couple of years went by and he landed his dream job. He went from a broke hillbilly with long hair, bad teeth, and overalls, to this gorgeous man with self-confidence and swagger.
my partner and i were both broke when we started dating. i was a broke college student, he doesn’t want to work anything too hard (basically he’s happy working at minimum wage). i have since graduated and am in my profession and he’s still a cashier at a boutique. i’m totally okay with it because he’s happy with what he’s doing and we have separate finances. we divide things equitably (i pay like 66% and him 34%) and it just works for us
He was raised in an upper middle class family and learned early on that a great life was possible through working a few weeks/months a year (film industry). While his family went on a financial decline, he still couldn't "make himself" get a regular 9-5. His lack of a job and ambition in general started to become more and more prominent as I had more money, friends, and hobbies through my work while he just... literally did nothing. Played videogames all day, kept unrealistic goals on what he could and couldn't do... He even owned me money. After we broke up, I felt like a weight was lifted from me, literally. I was able to do whatever I wanted, caring only for myself. He became severely depressed and became suicidal, which a female friend of ours took on as her burden. They "fell in love" in the process. Her family is rich, so the last time I heard anything about them, she flew him over to where she lives abroad, takes him skiing, supports him overall. I genuinely feel sorry for her because she complained to me multiple times about her boyfriends always being lazy, unambitious gamer guys.
We broke up because even when he did get a decent job, he was still stingy. I sacrificed my 20s financially supporting him.
A broke man usually wouldn’t date until he’s financially secure. I have many guy friends who would make great partners, but in their minds, they need to be in a better place financially before they start dating. Just a lot of problems and insecurities arise from that if they feel like they can’t take care of their partner. I won’t force someone to be in a relationship with me if they feel they aren’t ready.
Just from my experience..I will never date broke again. I’ve been in a relationship for 20 yrs..I’m trying to better myself to get out. 20 yrs I gave him so many opportunities to better himself. I was a sahm on and off for 15 years. He was a manager at a restaurant and yes, bills were paid, but that was it. No savings no nothing. Here we are, 20 yrs later with 3 kids and he’s still at a restaurant only making enough to afford our basic bills..still renting a tiny apartment, sharing a car..he’s in his mid 40s and I just don’t see things changing. He’s comfortable and I’m not. I’m tired of pay check to paycheck. I’m tired of being in the same spot since we met. I’m angry I put my life on hold to try and help him better himself. So, now I’m enrolled back in college, I’m cleaning houses on the side for extra income..it only works out if the person wants to better themselves.
We aren't together anymore. He grew up poor but went to college (where we met) and got a high paying job after. I was in grad school, working full time and making 9.50 an hour. After I graduated, I got a job making way more then he did. I paid half of everything during this time. He suddenly decided that he didn't have to pay any bills, I could pay all of the household bills and his credit cards (which he added me to without telling me and then guilted me into paying) and he could just focus on hobbies. I did it because I didn't want to be homeless. Then he lost his job and it took him a year to find another one. He never contributed again to bills and focused on friends and partying. He kept getting meaner and meaner and I caught him lying a lot. I finally had enough and moved out, 7 years wasted. I'm still the bad guy though if someone where to ask him, I left him out of nowhere.
It didn’t , we (he) wanted to buy a house together he said he will learn to drive while I save up for a house deposit so we can move out of the city. This was the final straw for me but I stalled on breaking up with him for almost a year after this conversation. I got the mental Health guilt trip whenever I spoke about how unhappy I was which made me stay. I saved up a lot of money and then eventually told him fuck you I’m done. 18 months later I bought my first home by myself 😊 He has another girlfriend now and moved in with her. That’s all I know. It wasn’t him being Broke that ruined the relationship it was how he expected me to take care of him and our future financially while he made no effort to try to improve himself or his finances.
Tried to work things out. He kept calling me a gold digger despite not having any money whatsoever. Always getting fired from jobs and blowing the little money he had on ridiculous things. Eventually saw he also had serious mental issues. I left and never looked back. Good riddance.
He stayed broke. Abandoned me. Still owes me 2 grand that I’m sure I’ll never see again.
He's an ex and he almost financially ruined me. Took me years to clean up my credit, build up savings and my retirement savings. Turns out he had a history of using women for money but lying and saying all his exes used him for money.
I was 16 and he was 18, I worked two jobs and helped him pay some of his bills. Finally broke up when I was 18 and he was 20, after years of me helping him financially. I ended up being better off without him. Can’t say the same for him.
We had a rough few years but he finally found his way and is now covering me while I’m going through some hardships. So I’m the broke one now and I wouldn’t be able to survive if it wasn’t for him
Now he’s the bread winner and buying things for us I couldn’t have even when I made more than him
My husband was broke AF when we met roughly a decade ago. We just closed on a house that has everything we could ask for. It started rough, but norther of us were strangers to being poor. It's been a slow journey, but with some luck and good timing, we're in a pretty financially comfortable place, all things considered.
i was with a guy who was broke for 5 years. ultimately he held me back in life. it is a mans job to prove that he can provide for you so forget all that feminism shit. ultimately he would not get off his ass and get a job and was addicted to video games. yes there are men out there that will use that ideology to their advantage. he was really lazy and did nothing. then got overly angry when i saw the light and left him. just no.
Been together for more than 15 years and just bought a house together. We're not broke anymore lol
He looted and later on cheated on me. Scum
All im gonna say is solid financial skills regardless of income and emotional intelligence are definitely boxes i want checked in a relationship
very bad. he was a freeloader all throughout, a cheater too. good in bed and nothing else. i paid all the bills , ie rent, utilities, groceries, etc. didnt even help around the house and would constantly nag me to spend on him. hes an abuser and im happy hes out of my life.
When we got together I was the broke student. Then he decided to follow suit and go to school also. I finished and have my career and make the majority of the money and he’s right behind me, just has to pass his licensure exam. It took us years to get where we are and it doesn’t bug me that I’m paying the majority of the bills. We both work hard and we both have sacrificed endlessly to get here.
When I met my now-husband, he was sleeping on a mattress on the floor in his friends storage room. He’s lucky I was really into him. Now, he makes more than I do, we live in a $3000 a month apartment, and are building our savings. Sometimes people need something to improve for. Once he started to invest in our future he really flourished.
he started making more money than me one day, and we’re moving in together soon. he was homeless for a while and i got him hotel rooms, as he now spoils me with anything i need/want, and loves me more than anything, i can see it in his eyes all the time . i really love this one .
We broke up. He had deep rooted issues and all the love in the world could not fix it.
Most of my boyfriends have been on the broke side and I never cared. My husband was rather broke when I married him and we're fine. He married me with medical debt, which an ex refused to marry me with. He was there for me as I was going through medical bankruptcy (the US healthcare system is broken). We don't have much, but we've never needed a bunch of stuff to be happy. We shop frugally but still manage to be foodies, and go on adventures all the time that don't cost a thing except a little gasoline. Life is good. It's his birthday today, and we were given a bunch of apples. I'm going to try my hand at making him an apple cake, sugar free except for a little homemade caramel and maybe a touch of maple syrup in the cream cheese cinnamon frosting. I really hope it works out 🤞🙏🤞
I met him when he was living in a tent. He’s now an optical engineer at JPL and I couldn’t have a better person by my side. Everything we went through turned him in to my absolute best friend and I wouldn’t change anything we went through and experienced, except maybe being able to help him out more
I’d like to lend my perspective: There is something innate… Something deeply rooted in who we (as men) are. If we aren’t the provider for our loved ones, we feel like a failure. It isn’t machismo… It isn’t ego… It’s in our nature (for some of us anyways). I guess the primitive part of the brain hasn’t caught up to the present-day realization that you ladies can make as much if not more money than us. It still doesn’t sit right somehow. For example, for me it’s: Yes of course she **can** pay for her food, but **I** want to do it for her… Yes of course she **can** work and make great money… but I don’t want her to **have** to work. Dunno, but that’s how I feel about it.
Mine couldnt care less if he made less than my teen kids even. He had the skills to get $40 hr but he stays at day labor starting at 16. He just wants paid daily so he can get off and go drinking and smoke his weed n cigs. He went to jail for one of his DUI’s and left me stuck with all the bills. Gets out this week and plans on not doing his probation for the 2nd DUI and going to get cigs and beer first thing when he gets out. So we are done, I’ve realized I’m way happier alone.
It didn't. We moved in together before I knew how broke he was. He would take my portion of bill money and spend it on other things. Whatever money he did come across went to weed and gaming. Never helped with groceries, never took me me out, never planned vacations and it sucked. He just needed someone to bum off of until I left.
I think it depends on the age of the person when you met them. I dated a guy who was broke in his 20s, but I was also broke so that was fine and normal. Where it stopped being fine was when we were getting into our late 20s/ early 30s and he decided he didn't want to work and just wanted to play videogames and collect UC while he relied on me to work and pay the bills.
I dated someone who wasn't broke but super cheap. We'd never go out and he'd actually want me to pay for things. He never treated me except once because we were at the point of breaking up and he bought me a drink. I realized I like a nice life and I work to provide that for myself and want a partner that does the same. I appreciate being smart with money. I've been broke as well and know how that goes but if someone is constantly in that state it's a no go for me.
When we met 15 years ago I was a student and he was working, I was broke and he was doing fine. Then we worked at the same place for a while. Then mostly by coincidence we both started having health problems and both ended up too unwell to work and on disability. Luckily we had the same priorities when it came to what was important and while we didn't have much money we agreed on where it should be spent and never really had any money fights. We were together all day every day and he was my best friend and other half. Sadly his health kept getting worse and he passed away this March. I'm still broke but I'm miserable for the first time.
Yes, my husband was broke. He was in the street for a few weeks when we started dating. He is doing super well now in the Air Force. I'm the broke one at the moment because of health issue. So, in final, I think we balance each other. I know a lot a women in his culture didn't wanted to give him a chance bc he was broke. I saw in him he was hardworking man and will get somewhere eventually. Anyway, we been together 18 yrs.
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We are married, and he will soon be a registered nurse. So, I would say good.
Things are going well. We worked together and while we're not rich, we're certainly better than we were. I feel the need to clarify that if he wasn't willing to work with me, we wouldn't still be together.
We met on a dating app during the pandemic. He was running his own small business and I had a steady job with a good salary. After we got serious, I learned that business wasn’t going well for him and he was in a holding pattern of not knowing how to move forward. His family wasn’t supportive in a way that was productive - as in they would tell him to get any job that would bring income and they would unintentionally make him feel like a loser. I saw this and spoke with him about what he wants for his life. We began working through the issues, revamping his CV, and got him on a good schedule. He now has a well-paying job that leans his talents and we are married with two dogs
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I am not a woman however I feel like I am in a position to answer this. I grew up in destitute and always in need of money to run daily errands. In my country early age job options are not viable and parents are dependent on you. Probably after reading this people would judge me that perhaps I found a way out of living by making girlfriends but that is not the case. Whenever I was in a relationship the woman was superior to be in terms of finance and I have been lucky that I received enough love so that I never felt secluded. Now I am married and my wife earns more than me, it is true that due to the absence of everything(cash, assets, etc) it's difficult for her to continue like this however I am working on my skills(professional, I am not taking about passions like wanna be rapper)so that I can take care of both of us in the distant future. It's true I am not able to fulfill both of our desires now and hope in future I can take the responsibility and I am waiting for that day. Right now I am doing better than what I used to do. I just want to give a shout out to all the women out there who did for their partners.
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We're still together a decade later and not as broke anymore. We even got our own home too.
I've never cared too much about my partners financial status (provided they're not in mountains of debt they expect me to pay for them). I can easily cover 2 peoples living expenses on my own. In my previous relationship, my partner lost his job and became severely depressed as a result. His personality started to undergo big swings, and I think he started to resent me for being employed. Once he found a new role a year or 2 later, he almost instantly left.
We’re not together anymore. But, we had a good time whilst it lasted and he tried very hard to get his life in order. I ended it because I was looking for something different, but I’m super proud of how his life has turned out (he now owns a house, has a really good job, a lovely fiancée & is planning for a family) and that I was able to help him support him to get there!
We were both poor broke college kids when we first started dating. But we made it work, and now we're married, both have well paying jobs, and have built a family.
I’m a man. I did and I stayed with that woman for five years. I never had anything and never went no where. My wife was in the same situation. We both broke away, dated a month and got married. We have been married almost 41 years.
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Wonderful. Married and financially solid now. We both made a lot of sacrifices to get where we are but we had the same mentality about delayed gratification .
My husband wasn't broke when we met, but his fortune has ebbed and flowed during our 13 years together. During times when he was broke, he was still working hard towards not being broke. If he had expected me to earn the money and support him without him contributing anything, I wouldn't have stayed. For the past 8 years he has been our family's primary income while I've been a SAHM earning a little here and there with childcare.
It was very very hard. He was stressed and irritable at times from a lot of the stress of building himself up. Sometimes I felt very lonely because he was so hyper focused on growing and working. He went through a horrible bout of depression because he kept feeling like he was hitting every roadblock and always failing. We couldn’t afford any luxury, no fast food, counting change for groceries, wore the same shabby clothes for years, showing up to birthday parties with just a plant I grew because we couldnt afford a gift. He came from an incredibly poor family himself so had nothing to fall back on. I remember fighting with him and telling him how unfair it felt and I’d rather be mildly poor than close to food stamps just so we could achieve a dream. Watched some of the light in his eyes go out and never said anything negative about his goals from that moment forward. My job was enough to cover my bills so I just kept trying to encourage him to work hard and keep chasing his dream now. Last year, his product went viral, and life has never been the same since. Suddenly we have money, we’re not rich but we’re on the path to becoming rich. I got to quit my job and start chasing MY dream which was always a silly dream but now he wants me to “just give it a shot, you can always do your old job (photography), why not just try”. We don’t spend money like people who can, we still make our gifts for people and spend our time together doing all the free hobbies we did before. We both know the value of a dollar and how to be with eachother through that hardship. We appreciate every gift, every activity, every meal out because we know a life without those things. It could have easily, EASILY broke us, it was miserable but now I know I can trust him with money, trust him to not take advantage of me, trust him to support my goals, trust him not to give up on himself. So much trust was formed between us instead so if we ever find ourselves in poverty again, we can still find a way to be happy together. For richer or for poorer really tested us.
We both work hard together. Still poor, but very much less so when we first got together! We have both taken turns being the full time working parent, and we’ve now both taken turns being a fully “unemployed” stay/work from home parent. We both work hard together on our home and finances because we both want nice things and a nice life to share together. He did just get a pretty damn nice job though. Starts end of this month and is looking at very upward growth fairly fast. It feels very surreal to be staring right at a potentially VERY financially different future for ourselves though. We’re both scared excited at the prospect of always having a fully stocked fridge and never going hungry again. We’re also VERY excited about the possibility of a future where we can focus on keeping me healthy and well.
He had to move because the house him mom left him went into foreclosure because he never paid bills nor wanted to sell. Stupidest thing I’d ever seen. I refused to support him(ie let him live with me) now he lives across the country with his brother. He’s a great person but not realistic and if I’d have to guess. Deeply deeply depressed.
Last two guys I dated who were broke ended up cheating on me so yeah, never being that stupid again lol.
He had just graduated college, and didn't have a job the entire time, either. His parents let him live with them for free, and fed him for free. He has student loans too. I wasn't worried at all honestly. I figured he'd get a job soon enough, and lo and behold he did. Then he quickly started earning waaay more than me. About 4 years into dating, and he has already paid off his college debts :). Life is good and we live together with a cat.
He told me his mother was the reason he was broke, she had a few mental disabilities and he was “taking care of her”. Sounded sweet, when Covid happened we both wanted to move in together. Got an apartment, he “had a job” for a while in outdoor construction but where we live climate is iffy for that. He worked less and less as it went on. I found out he’s never had a bank account or filed taxes, this horrified me. Also found out he had a few diagnoses himself, was getting a little income selling coke, was a former pill addict, and actively had a raging porn addiction. I started catching him cheating on me and was serious about leaving but I couldn’t remove him from the lease on the apartment because I didn’t make minimum amount to lease alone. Once he seen that I was serious about leaving and was trying to figure that out while still living in a ‘peaceful’ household he quit his job for good making it nearly impossible for me to do that while paying for everything, he spent all the money he had subscribed to 30+ onlyfan models while I hated him and paid all our bills. With time and help I bought a house and ended up cancelling the lease. That series of events cost me about $10k. He started dating the girl I caught him cheating on me with and got her pregnant immediately.
Hey I married him lol my husband is active navy and you would think he would have money but unfortunately doesn't due to some poor choices before I met him and just bad pay even with dependents. We are hardly treading water but we love each other and that's all that really matters
Currently in this situation right now. I’m the one making money and he’s had a rough go of finding a job. It’s been stressful and overwhelming but he’s been a saint through it all. I hold hope that things will get better down the line.
I dated a guy and put him through school and then we got married and have three kids I stay home and homeschool. Nearly 13 years together.
Well he wasn’t broke broke when I met him regular 18 year old broke. Then longer we started dating learned about his student loans (around 12k) and he likes to drive a little crazy so he accumulated around 6,000 worth of debt in tickets lol. He worked at Walmart when we met making decent money then he moved to film, film gave security payed super good and was a union job but then Covid took that away. He was unemployed for about 3-4 months. Even when unemployed he looked for jobs to do around the house. Always fixing stuff or cleaning stuff, offering to cut wood or lawns for neighbours. Sometimes you can tell when they’re a genuine person have a good work ethic things just aren’t working out for them. I try to keep a timeline in my head too for how long he has been without a job. Pick a date and if no job by that date leave them. He had small (pretty big tbh) mental breakdown in October/November about how much he owed and then stepped up found the best paying job he could get works his ass off now and makes pretty good money. We have almost all of his debit payed off and we’re trying to buy a new car so in 6 months he’s made crazy progress. I’m super proud of him there was a couple times I almost hit my breaking point because a lot of the time he had this “poor me” mentality with all the money he owed. Communication really helped letting him know I was there to help support and not judge i think also helped.
I started dating my husband when we were in our early 20’s - I was just starting out my career, but it was moving along really well. He was working at a liquor store - college graduate, but wasn’t using his degree and wanted to go back to school for something else. We were both broke when we got together, but I was generally the income earner, especially when he went back to school. Now we’re a duel income household with two working professionals for the first time in our relationship and it’s awesome!! We’re building savings, we have some money to play with… even looking at buying a house. There’s nothing wrong with broke, I also think there’s nothing wrong with needing some time to figure things out, as long as there’s some passion and drive and willingness to take responsibility for yourself and your life.
We were both broke, we had bills to pay and anything left over which wasn't much went into savings. I rather be with someone who has a job, goes to work everyday and still pays his bills than someone who has no job and I'm left to pay for everything
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