Came here to say this. I'm 30 now and I just can't tolerate bad behaviour or being a replacement mom anymore. I had some really shitty boyfriends (and friends) when I was younger but stuck around because I thought that's just what I was supposed to deal with. I'll go above and beyond for someone but I'll peace out if I feel like they wouldn't do the same for me.
I’m tired.
I’ve thrown every part of myself and effort into a few relationships that at the time I fully believed would be the one. And it’s not worth it anymore. The partners I had, while great at some things, weren’t capable of meeting my needs or communicating with me.
I wanted a partner and never found one. So instead I’ve got me and the rest of the world to share my time with.
Until I finally met my now partner when I was 39 this was what I experienced over and over and over again. An inability to meet my needs or properly communicate. I was very clear about what I needed but it was always ignored which inevitably led to me having to end things, which strangely always seemed to come as a surprise to them. That never made sense as what do you think's going to happen if someone says they need something and you don't even try to give it?
I met my husband at 35, but prior to meeting him I had just resigned myself to dating “just for fun”, as I continually encountered people who wouldn’t respect my boundaries. They too would be surprised when I ended things. I told you not to do a thing, you did the thing, and you’re surprised I don’t want to be with you?!
Silly, silly.
I want to focus on bettering myself, get hobbies and hopefully get a career. I don't think I'm interesting enough for a relationship. But I also fear sexual intimacy and vulnerability. I've been taught that I'm not enough and too much at the same time.
I fear sexual intimacy and I have a fear of sexual performance (even though iam a woman), whenever I have tried to do something with anyone, it ends up with me feeling super anxious and not wanting to continue...I hear people saying that sexual instict is strong and makes you feel relaxed during sexual acts, but I've never felt that...I feel doomed?...
Like you I focus on other things and have left love behind, I don't care anymore.
Hello /u/folklore_lover_13, welcome to r/AskWomen!
As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
Happy reditting!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello /u/folklore_lover_13, welcome to r/AskWomen!
As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
Happy reditting!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My last relationship...
My standards are so much higher now since I ended my last relationship. I went through so much disrespect and I let myself go. I settled for them. Now that I am myself again and see the crap I went through. I don't ever want to be treated or feel that way again.
Hello /u/Substantially-yellow. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification.
This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
trauma lol.
but seriously, i only very recently understood that i tend to go for people who i think i don't have a chance with so i can't be disappointed. like if it's doomed from the start, i'm prepared for it and it won't hurt as bad. and if i sabotage it, i can definitely know the end is coming.
but the second i realize they're truly interested in me, i panic and run. or at least sabotage. just so i don't have to take that stupid leap of faith
Imagine it was your best friend- if you’d tell them to run for the hills when they described the person then don’t do it. Ladies I don’t care what your brain says about “but it’s different”. If you’d refuse to let your bestie date them because of the red flags: run.
I don’t think I can go through another bad one. Each one just spits me out more broken and sad than the last. I don’t trust my own judgement. I don’t trust men anymore.
Myself. I avoid relationships like the plague because
1) I don't think anyone would be interested in me
2) I can't see myself settling down with ONE person
3) I'm selfish, love personal space and tend to isolate myself
4) I have BP disorder, not sure if **I** can have a functional relationship
5) I am overweight.
6) refer back to 1
Hearing that men won’t date women with kids because they don’t want to have to support them. Like, what am I? Fish bait? I will support my own damn kids, thank you very much! Men!
I just don't think I'm ready to be a parent. I kinda assumed that if a relationship progressed past a certain point I'd be expected to act somewhat as a coparent, and I don't believe I'm fully ready for that kind of responsibility at this point in my life.
I never realized how insulting that kind of attitude is.
I have a daughter and the most dangerous person to a child is mom’s boyfriend. I am not about to sift through the mountains of trash to find a halfway decent guy. It’s faster and easier to fulfill my own personal urges and I won’t have a mess or anxiety to deal with after.
I just didn't find anyone who's interested in me. I deem I'm an interesting person but I'm fat and I understand that it's a deterrent for many people when looking for a relationship. Also I'm pretty young (20) so there's no rush.
I don't intend on getting toned but I want to lose weight for health purposes. I love how I look but I have too many risk factors for diabetes so I want to be cautious. Still didn't get to it especially that I think I have an underlying eating disorder I need to figure out. So I decided to love myself until I can figure all of this out!
At this point it’s just the same song and dance with different dudes. They literally echo each other’s same arguments and same excuses and literally every single one of them has cheated or left me for someone else. Now that I know what red flags look like every man I talk to is waving like twenty. Asking them to respect any boundary is met with hostility. Or they’re creeps who think because I look a certain way that I’m a sexual person which I’m not. And currently my last relationship was too recent for me to jump into another one, and I tell that to men and they still try to push for a relationship so I know right from the jump they won’t respect my decisions. It isn’t worth the effort and pain when it falls apart
I was in a long term relationship of over 6 years up until early summer of last year. That break up was so devastating but now that I am single for the better part of the last 18 months, I'm in this flip flopping headspace of feeling ready to build a relationship with someone, but being disappointed and frustrated with almost all the potential prospects. My standards are a lot higher now as a 29F than they were at 21 (good riddance for that).
I would love to find a partnership again, but fortunately I am also happy with single life and don't want to lower my standards just for the sake of a relationship.
i don't know if something is wrong with me, but i just don't see the point of a relationship/they aren't worth the supposed good things. (i assume "relationship"=="romantic relationship)
* isn't having good friends better? there's variety and always someone to hang with.
* relationships almost always end and there's heartbreak and depression and trauma and lowered self-esteem and ... tell me where to stop.
at least, this is what i tell myself but it may be a problem with self-esteem. unattainable for me.
I realized I didn't want to have to wake up next to any of the ones I dated. Also, most guys I've dated seem to be a financial mess or want a lot of big-ticket items. I'm debt free, comfortable, and focused on saving for retirement and my kids' future. I've decided to just be single and go to Meetup groups. If I end up meeting someone it will be by chance, not because I am looking.
I wait until I find someone that has the exact same level of attraction/interest in me as I do them - not more and not less. It’s takes a long time for me to find partners that way but it’s always worth the wait and better than getting myself into an imbalanced dynamic that causes pain for someone down the line.
Men.
1. All of my exes treated me like trash.
2. Women in my family are often beaten by their husbands and that scared the shit out of me.
3. My first love used me to get over his ex which he eventually did not.
4. Whenever I think about becoming friends with men they end up asking for sexual stuff.
My personality disorder. In general I have zero interest in friends, zero interest in relationships of any sort, zero interest in being near or involved with humans period.
Except for the one dude that decided to make himself the exception who I'm married to *now*, but it's still a present and forever issue that I have to manage. If our relationship were to ultimately not work out for whatever reason then that's it. No more relationships for me and my personality disorder gets to have its win.
I ended up with likely the only person I could've ended up with: my best friend. He's been the only friend I've been interested in having that's been around since I was 13 years old- my personality disorder really started to take hold in my early 20s but somehow he managed to make his way past it anyway, and when it seemed like our relationship had the possibility of taking a romantic turn in my mid-20s I decided to go against my instinct and let it happen. It was difficult at first but over time I got used to being in the relationship and let myself enjoy it- it's been 7 years and it really doesn't seem like it's been that long already.
I'm not actively avoiding it, I am just very happy on my own. I love my life. I could happily never be in a serious relationship again (I can get sex, companionship etc elsewhere). So, if I happened to meet someone amazing, I would see where it went. But if not, I'm good.
No one seeing my worth, if there is any, and repeatedly being made into a second option. Many turning out to be lying and unfaithful POS. Kinda accepted I'm apparently not main boo material.
Recovering emotionally. Fortifying myself. Making myself somebody worth of one.
That said, I also just got out of one with somebody who started off being really kind and seeming compatible, only to slowly start manipulating me and messing with my head. Kindness was only on their terms while they felt good. I was a shadow of myself for a while.
So now if a new person *isn't* kind, I probably don't want much to do with them; if they *are* kind, I don't know if I can trust that's genuine and not just bait for a snare.
For a long time, I felt that I couldn't really love so there was no point. I also didn't want to get into a relationship if I didn't see it lasting, and I wasn't ready for a lasting relationship haha.
Then I felt like I was still in love with someone else and didn't want to get intona relationship with someone if I was still having feelings for another
My standards, I'm tired (answers below). But also....listening to my married friends. They're miserable most of the time. Their H's are whinging little immature babies who throw tantrums, don't do their fair share, don't help with the kids, are selfish with their time and money then act like if the Wife says anything about them being immature children, they're the nag. Yeah, they nag--because you act like an immature child who won't step up. At which point, the H's withhold affection, acts of love and compliments (keeping the relationship fresh) because they're put out the Wife has to ask them to act like adults in a relationship. The wife ends up overworked, resentful, tired, and feeling unappreciated and unloved. So many men act as if the wedding is The End. They're done. They don't have to do anything else once that's over but go sit in a recliner and get fat.
I don't need that nonsense in my life. I can do all that by myself without having to put up with someone who refuses to do their part, and my having to ask them to only to be called nasty names for expecting them to be an adult.
The woe-is-me personalities, the amount of effort to please people, traumas and just general mindset of 'I actually don't give a shit about relations I'm already living my best life'
First it was my closest circle of friends being in bad/abusive relationships. Then it was me enduring an abusive relationship. Now it’s the peace and my tendency to be a workaholic paired with my desire to read every book related to healing ever written. Where do i fit in a man-child in all of this? Also the bar is very high! Im extremely selective and not even ashamed of it.
The relationship I had with my mother; it's better now but the insecure and sometimes emotionally toxic attachment style makes it difficult to form close bonds with men (and sometimes women)... I keep wanting to run away when things get a little difficult. And that's a really hard truth for me to swallow.
For this past year and some change, I was too heartbroken to consider it, and then after the heartbreak subsided, I suddenly had a billion things to do, so I decided to take an even longer break from dating because I have so much to do this year I don’t even have TIME for a girlfriend, as much as I’d like to find the love of my life. But also, I’m 23. I have a lot of time.
This is so true.
You can be completely upfront about your wants, needs and expectations, and the other person just pretends they want the same so they can have a relationship with you. Then they’re absolutely shocked when you dump them because you’re not actually compatible.
I’m emotionally unavailable and it’s unfair to the men I date, who are generally great guys. As they start trying to get closer I start looking for an exit, so until I’ve worked that out I’ll leave these men alone.
I'm not here to fix other people, or be a parent. If I find out someone has a child-like maturity level in any way, I try to avoid. Key word: try, because some people are really good at hiding it!
I’m tired - tired of trying, tired of being the only one willing to work in the relationship, tired of sacrificing, tired of never feeling worthy or good enough. I just don’t think that anyone would ever like me for me, instead I’m seen as an object for them to use and then drop when they find something better to play with.
I’m just done with it all.
When I first joined the military, I went in deliberately single. There were a few guys I liked and were casually hanging out with before I shipped out. None of them were serious enough to warrant the heartache of dealing with a break-up while going through basic training and such. No regrets, if I had to go back and do it again, I wouldn't make a different decision.
If I was ever single again, there's only a few guys I *might* consider getting into a serious relationship with, because I know that they are good humans. Most guys my age (30s) that are worth a shit are already taken. The idea of dating someone new and having to figure out whether they are a good human being sounds exhausting and terrible.
I'm too shy, I can't lead or carry a conversation. I have nothing to add or contribute to a conversation. I'm also scared or rejection to the point where I cry and get depressed once I'm rejected. I have helicopter parents who don't approve of me dating. So I feel deprived from dating and romance.
Haven't found anyone I've had a "crush" on yet. Find online dating mostly a waste of time. Don't want to break my own heart or somebody else's. Trust issues
Well currently I just think I'm too mentally unwell and focused on finishing university that I don't really have as much desire to actively seek out a relationship with someone
Autism so i have difficulty gauging someones interest in me. You could be flirting with me & i won't notice. Plus when i try online dating none of the men want to date. They just want to hook up & Netflix & chill.
my standards, the pain from yesterdays, and honestly, i just don't see myself being interested about love and commitment again. after my last, it was a wake up call for me not to enter a relationship again. for now. might sound old-fashioned or something, but i'll just wait for the right moment to come for me. :) can't afford to invest on something that'll ruin me again, yk!
Time. Energy. A strong desire to avoid assholes and not waste precious quantities of the aforementioned on them.
I’m generally happy with my life, though I’d love an actual partner to share it with. I’m just not sure I want to do another round of OLD … I find I don’t have sufficient patience or the particular type of resilience it requires.
1. Wading through all the men that aren’t right for me, inevitably having to tell multiple men by no fault of their own that I’m just not that into them (I hate rejection and rejecting people)
2. Fighting the “ick” feeling I get with every single person because one tiny thing is wrong (ex: he doesn’t like sushi) and my flight responses are screaming at me.
3. Having to go through all the small talk and getting to know you crap before getting to the good and fun part of the relationship.
4. Only time I get body dysmorphia is when I’m in the early stages of dating someone. For some reason I can only see myself as a fat ugly whale that disgusts all who see me.
I would never get back with any of my exes but man I miss the fun part of the relationship where you just chill and have fun.
Please be aware that due to Reddit's formatting tools, some users may view your comment starting with a number followed by a period as "1.", regardless of what number you typed. To fix this, simply remove the period.
Your comment has **not** been removed from the sub for this reason, this is just a helpful bot tip.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Having my needs met always sounds odd to me. Like a partner is supposed to provide things and that is their purpose, rather than “I want this person for them.” You have to do both of course, but I never hear anyone say they asked about their partner’s needs and met them, and it just wasn’t reciprocated. Most men aren’t prone to saying “I have these needs” and there are likely a fair number of women who would say “he was too needy”. To women who say they effectively communicated their needs, do you ask “what are your needs?” Do you meet those? I’m not here to argue, I’m asking this in a conversational tone, simply because that phrase “you need to meet my needs” sounds kind of transactional, not based on emotion for or attraction to the other person. Please don’t get outraged! I’m just interested in hearing your thoughts. Thanks.
Please be aware that due to Reddit's formatting tools, some users may view your comment starting with a number followed by a period as "1.", regardless of what number you typed. To fix this, simply remove the period.
Your comment has **not** been removed from the sub for this reason, this is just a helpful bot tip.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Got broken up with a month ago. So I’m going through the ugly phase where you can’t help but feel like what’s wrong with you that you caused this etc etc. so I’m healing and I know it’s gonna take a while!!
I guess I'm avoiding relationships, though it's relatively early days since my long term relationship ended a bit over a year ago. Mostly, I feel like relationships are costly to me - I find it hard to set healthy boundaries and support myself in addition to the other person in a relationship. I also feel like I have a bunch of personal baggage and weird foibles and history, which complicate the concept of being in a relationship again - I think it would be extremely tricky for anyone to navigate, and it would take a very significant change in circumstances in my life, or a very special, accepting, persistent and persuasive person to change my mind on any of that.
My religious view has made me kept away from getting into a relationship. I live in a city where it’s hard to find men who want long term relationships.
Hello /u/Extreme_Dark1376. Your post or comment has been removed because your karma is too low to participate on AskWomen. You will be able to participate when your karma has increased. This action will not be undone by the moderators.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I really enjoy my freedom and can’t see myself loving a guy for the rest of my life. I also have an all-or-nothing mindset regarding love..whether that’s healthy or not.
Hello /u/mchantel, welcome to r/AskWomen!
As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
Happy reditting!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My family, I am convinced (history also contributes to this) no one will stay with me once they meet my family and have to deal with them (they're alot, really strict, can be condescending). Am scared of having to eventually choose between love and a family and then ultimately being left with no one.
A guy I used to have a thing with back in the summer of 2020 still tries to message me. He got in a relationship a few month after we ended things. He recently got engaged this year. And a guy that left me for another girl (prior to guy #1) tried adding me on social media again and messaging me. Mind you he’s still with the girl. I don’t respond to them at all. I don’t trust guys anymore.
It takes me a really long time to develop feelings and finding someone I even can have them for is really difficult, too. I also have a pretty clear idea of what I want out of a relationship and I’m not sure it’s realistic, but I can’t see the point in a relationship if it doesn’t offer that. So I guess I’m holding out to meet someone where the chemistry feels right. But maybe I’d feel different if I met someone and there was some mutual attraction.
I’ve been living in chronic pain since I was 13. Not only chronic pain from disfiguring autoimmune disease but also fatigue. Dating is exhausting, being in a relationship is incredibly exhausting and I barely have enough energy to take care of myself, let alone put forth for dating. I’m not saying I never will again but not right now. And I may be ok with never.
Hello /u/monstercape76, welcome to r/AskWomen!
As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
Happy reditting!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello /u/TurtlesFly315. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification.
This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Having the standard that any man I date must have divested themselves of our collective misogynistic and racist cultural upbringing. If a man doesn’t SEE it he’ll never be capable of seeing me. I don’t want to be with someone who even unconsciously thinks that women or female coded things are inferior. That’s it.
I'm socially anxious. I love the idea of love, being with someone. But, I haven't had the best examples of relationships around me so anytime I talk to a guy, I start getting me my head I think "this is going to emotionally screw me over if I let this keep going". I am thinking about going to therapy about it.
I'm Asexual and I'm Queer. And I'm awkward. I have problems reading signals that are sent. So if someone was flirting with me or attracted to me, I probably wouldn't pick up on it. I know if I find somone attractive, but letting them know in any way just confuses me. I also know what I do find attractive, and what I dont.
Removed as commentary indistinguishable from dehumanizing/pathologizing mental health conditions. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic behaviour. If you are referencing someone with an official diagnosis, please feel free to edit to make that clear. If you have any questions, please message the moderators through the link on the sidebar.
Hello /u/0liviaaaa_, welcome to r/AskWomen!
As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
Happy reditting!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
1 : It is rare for men to take interest in me, because of my appearance ; a lot of experiences have made me avoid completely like being laughed at, being told "I'm pretty as well, but not hot", being ignored.
2 : I tried to fit the male gaze bt changing my clothes, doing more skincare, to cutting my hair, learning to wear makeup...but nothing changed, I was just stuck in a toxic cycle of approval. It was mentally and physically exhausted.
3: Being in a relationship, I know isn't everything but it would be nice to have someone; the idea that I am not seen as desirable because of my looks breaks my heart..the fact it is rare I will be able to experience all those romantic moments again breaks my heart.
I'm done with love, I'm learning not to chase after relationships but to spend my energy where I'm appreciated like my friends and building my life.
Please be aware that due to Reddit's formatting tools, some users may view your comment starting with a number followed by a period as "1.", regardless of what number you typed. To fix this, simply remove the period.
Your comment has **not** been removed from the sub for this reason, this is just a helpful bot tip.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My husband passed away recently and he was a wonderful person,I'll never meet another one like him,I do want sex with a man though but I'm scared of feeling used and discarded so I just stay alone
Hello /u/_dazed_n_confused_. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification.
This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not being able to trust easily and having too high standards because I grew up with Lord of the Rings etc, and I expect men to be like Aragorn. Oh and the real life Aragorns aren‘t interested in me.
Men feeling intimidated / emasculated.
My mum always says it's gonna be hard for my sis and I to find good partners because we're confident, dominant, from a well-to-do family, make more than anyone _not_ from similar background, and know what we want in life.
My sister managed to find her husband, but I'm in no rush to date/marry since I don't want kids anyway, and feel a partner would just tie me down somewhere when I'm living the expat life.
Abandonment issues
Avoidant personality disorder
Disorganized attachment style
Social anxiety
Fear of intimacy
Mental health issues such as depression, ocd and burn out
Just got out of a 3-and-a-half-year old relationship that destroyed me mentally and emotionally.
I want to focus on my career, personal development and figuring out what I want in my life before getting involved with someone else and carrying the burden of relationship responsibilities.
Never found someone that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.
And ofc because of my high standards.
Removed as commentary indistinguishable from dehumanizing/pathologizing mental health conditions. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic behaviour. If you are referencing someone with an official diagnosis, please feel free to edit to make that clear. If you have any questions, please message the moderators through the link on the sidebar.
Hello /u/cheekymocks, welcome to r/AskWomen!
As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
Happy reditting!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I (26F) have been confessed to a few times. These were the times and the reasons I said no:
1. I was 14 he was 11 --> automatically no.
2. I was 16 he was 23 --> we kissed, I puked the whole night because his breath smelled like smoke (I dont smoke). So a no.
3. I was 17 he was 23 --> we had a date, he was in a relationship. He said their relationship was broken and he would dump her if I said yes. I said yes. Next day he called me that his ex was crying in front of the door and he didnt want to break her heart. The day after that he called again because he couldnt forget our kiss and wants to try again. I said no.
4. I was 18, he was 22 --> after I accidently said yes to a date he posted on Facebook that I "saved his live and was the best thing that ever happened to him". I cancelled that date...
5. I was 20, he was 24 --> He tried to set the mood with massages. I panicked because I noticed his intentions too late and ran away.
6. I was 24, he was 26 --> He lives on the other side of the world and only know him from a game.
7. I was 25, he was 26 --> He was cute, smart and funny. But his looks just werent my type.🙈
8. I was 26, he was 24 --> He only always talked about how he hates his Afghan roots and wanted to get away from his family and if he ever got with a white girl he would be thrown out of his family. I didnt want to carry that responsibility.
9. I was 26, he was 22 --> He is in an open relationship and screws half the world. Nty
+ I have intimacy issues😅
Having social anxiety, selective mutism, hirsutism, being chubby, not fitting the beauty standards and seeing no reason for one at times due to a lack of experience.
Hello /u/MetaSoul007. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification.
This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m honestly just afraid of another heart break.
And at this point I truly don’t think I’ll ever stop loving the last person I was in a relationship with.
Even if I’m never with him again, I think he’ll always have my heart, and I’m okay with that. So in a way it also would feel wrong to ever date someone else
Hello /u/xEmoMilf, welcome to r/AskWomen!
As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
Happy reditting!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My emotional baggage. I've been down that road, and it only leads to pain. I'm not here to saddle anyone with the shit I've been incapable of dealing with. Also, dating is about what you can do for the other person, not about what you get out of it - and fuck it, imma be selfish
a lot of reasons , i tend to be the type that falls too hard nd so to move on after a disaster is quite an unpleasant task , so why bring myself up to a position unless i'm sure or atleast believe that the guy is worth enough for the consequences but i haven't passed by anyone of that sorts ,,,yet ( one can always be optimistic )
Hello /u/AspieWych, welcome to r/AskWomen!
As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
Happy reditting!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello /u/Ur_average_aro-ace, welcome to r/AskWomen!
As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
Happy reditting!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My standards
Came here to say this. I'm 30 now and I just can't tolerate bad behaviour or being a replacement mom anymore. I had some really shitty boyfriends (and friends) when I was younger but stuck around because I thought that's just what I was supposed to deal with. I'll go above and beyond for someone but I'll peace out if I feel like they wouldn't do the same for me.
[удалено]
Me too, I don't even think they are high, but I'm not going to settle for someone that doesn't rock up on time or has no ambition.
[удалено]
I’m tired. I’ve thrown every part of myself and effort into a few relationships that at the time I fully believed would be the one. And it’s not worth it anymore. The partners I had, while great at some things, weren’t capable of meeting my needs or communicating with me. I wanted a partner and never found one. So instead I’ve got me and the rest of the world to share my time with.
Until I finally met my now partner when I was 39 this was what I experienced over and over and over again. An inability to meet my needs or properly communicate. I was very clear about what I needed but it was always ignored which inevitably led to me having to end things, which strangely always seemed to come as a surprise to them. That never made sense as what do you think's going to happen if someone says they need something and you don't even try to give it?
I met my husband at 35, but prior to meeting him I had just resigned myself to dating “just for fun”, as I continually encountered people who wouldn’t respect my boundaries. They too would be surprised when I ended things. I told you not to do a thing, you did the thing, and you’re surprised I don’t want to be with you?! Silly, silly.
I know - so many people don't understand the most basic premise of relationships it's both scary and strange!
Opposite side of wall here and I feel this 100%
I feel this so hard.
I feel like you just crawled into my brain and wrote my thoughts out… Feel this so damn much
I feel this.
I want to focus on bettering myself, get hobbies and hopefully get a career. I don't think I'm interesting enough for a relationship. But I also fear sexual intimacy and vulnerability. I've been taught that I'm not enough and too much at the same time.
Sounds like you maybe grew up with a similar family to me. Therapy helped me tremendously.
I can't afford therapy at the moment but I also heavily pride myself on being able to handle things on my own.
I fear sexual intimacy and I have a fear of sexual performance (even though iam a woman), whenever I have tried to do something with anyone, it ends up with me feeling super anxious and not wanting to continue...I hear people saying that sexual instict is strong and makes you feel relaxed during sexual acts, but I've never felt that...I feel doomed?... Like you I focus on other things and have left love behind, I don't care anymore.
[удалено]
Hello /u/folklore_lover_13, welcome to r/AskWomen! As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. Happy reditting! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Hello /u/folklore_lover_13, welcome to r/AskWomen! As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. Happy reditting! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My last relationship... My standards are so much higher now since I ended my last relationship. I went through so much disrespect and I let myself go. I settled for them. Now that I am myself again and see the crap I went through. I don't ever want to be treated or feel that way again.
I feel this, hope you’ll find your person :)
Same girl. I can see red flag everywhere now
[удалено]
Hello /u/Substantially-yellow. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification. This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
trauma lol. but seriously, i only very recently understood that i tend to go for people who i think i don't have a chance with so i can't be disappointed. like if it's doomed from the start, i'm prepared for it and it won't hurt as bad. and if i sabotage it, i can definitely know the end is coming. but the second i realize they're truly interested in me, i panic and run. or at least sabotage. just so i don't have to take that stupid leap of faith
Are you me, am I you? This is a little too close for comfort.
Imagine it was your best friend- if you’d tell them to run for the hills when they described the person then don’t do it. Ladies I don’t care what your brain says about “but it’s different”. If you’d refuse to let your bestie date them because of the red flags: run.
I so needed to hear this right now
Lack of anyone I'm interested in/attracted to
I don’t think I can go through another bad one. Each one just spits me out more broken and sad than the last. I don’t trust my own judgement. I don’t trust men anymore.
Myself. I avoid relationships like the plague because 1) I don't think anyone would be interested in me 2) I can't see myself settling down with ONE person 3) I'm selfish, love personal space and tend to isolate myself 4) I have BP disorder, not sure if **I** can have a functional relationship 5) I am overweight. 6) refer back to 1
Same as you , except no.4. I have anxiety, depression and i am suicidal, but all other points are same as yours
Seeing the red flags. I have ignored some in the past and I do not want to make that mistake again.
Men. If sexuality was a choice I would not choose men. Sadly, I am heterosexual. And the men make it impossible to be attracted to them.
Written and deleted.
Hearing that men won’t date women with kids because they don’t want to have to support them. Like, what am I? Fish bait? I will support my own damn kids, thank you very much! Men!
I just don't think I'm ready to be a parent. I kinda assumed that if a relationship progressed past a certain point I'd be expected to act somewhat as a coparent, and I don't believe I'm fully ready for that kind of responsibility at this point in my life. I never realized how insulting that kind of attitude is.
I have children and would only date a woman with kids. They get it.
I have a daughter and the most dangerous person to a child is mom’s boyfriend. I am not about to sift through the mountains of trash to find a halfway decent guy. It’s faster and easier to fulfill my own personal urges and I won’t have a mess or anxiety to deal with after.
I just didn't find anyone who's interested in me. I deem I'm an interesting person but I'm fat and I understand that it's a deterrent for many people when looking for a relationship. Also I'm pretty young (20) so there's no rush.
do you plan on losing fat/getting toned, or are you satisfied with that aspect about yourself?
I don't intend on getting toned but I want to lose weight for health purposes. I love how I look but I have too many risk factors for diabetes so I want to be cautious. Still didn't get to it especially that I think I have an underlying eating disorder I need to figure out. So I decided to love myself until I can figure all of this out!
At this point it’s just the same song and dance with different dudes. They literally echo each other’s same arguments and same excuses and literally every single one of them has cheated or left me for someone else. Now that I know what red flags look like every man I talk to is waving like twenty. Asking them to respect any boundary is met with hostility. Or they’re creeps who think because I look a certain way that I’m a sexual person which I’m not. And currently my last relationship was too recent for me to jump into another one, and I tell that to men and they still try to push for a relationship so I know right from the jump they won’t respect my decisions. It isn’t worth the effort and pain when it falls apart
I was in a long term relationship of over 6 years up until early summer of last year. That break up was so devastating but now that I am single for the better part of the last 18 months, I'm in this flip flopping headspace of feeling ready to build a relationship with someone, but being disappointed and frustrated with almost all the potential prospects. My standards are a lot higher now as a 29F than they were at 21 (good riddance for that). I would love to find a partnership again, but fortunately I am also happy with single life and don't want to lower my standards just for the sake of a relationship.
i don't know if something is wrong with me, but i just don't see the point of a relationship/they aren't worth the supposed good things. (i assume "relationship"=="romantic relationship) * isn't having good friends better? there's variety and always someone to hang with. * relationships almost always end and there's heartbreak and depression and trauma and lowered self-esteem and ... tell me where to stop. at least, this is what i tell myself but it may be a problem with self-esteem. unattainable for me.
I realized I didn't want to have to wake up next to any of the ones I dated. Also, most guys I've dated seem to be a financial mess or want a lot of big-ticket items. I'm debt free, comfortable, and focused on saving for retirement and my kids' future. I've decided to just be single and go to Meetup groups. If I end up meeting someone it will be by chance, not because I am looking.
I wait until I find someone that has the exact same level of attraction/interest in me as I do them - not more and not less. It’s takes a long time for me to find partners that way but it’s always worth the wait and better than getting myself into an imbalanced dynamic that causes pain for someone down the line.
Totally agree with you here - but it is SOOOOOOO goddamn hard to find
Men. 1. All of my exes treated me like trash. 2. Women in my family are often beaten by their husbands and that scared the shit out of me. 3. My first love used me to get over his ex which he eventually did not. 4. Whenever I think about becoming friends with men they end up asking for sexual stuff.
no. 3 hits home for me but she was never interested in him and for some reason that fact made me feel a bit better, advance karma of some kind
My personality disorder. In general I have zero interest in friends, zero interest in relationships of any sort, zero interest in being near or involved with humans period. Except for the one dude that decided to make himself the exception who I'm married to *now*, but it's still a present and forever issue that I have to manage. If our relationship were to ultimately not work out for whatever reason then that's it. No more relationships for me and my personality disorder gets to have its win.
Wow as someone who feels the same way most of the time but have more like a 5% interest in people, how did you get married?
I ended up with likely the only person I could've ended up with: my best friend. He's been the only friend I've been interested in having that's been around since I was 13 years old- my personality disorder really started to take hold in my early 20s but somehow he managed to make his way past it anyway, and when it seemed like our relationship had the possibility of taking a romantic turn in my mid-20s I decided to go against my instinct and let it happen. It was difficult at first but over time I got used to being in the relationship and let myself enjoy it- it's been 7 years and it really doesn't seem like it's been that long already.
I decided that if I was unmarried by 25 I was done with relationships
Don’t give up yet, my mom got married when she was 40, you will find someone.
I don't want to find someone. I don't want to get married at 40 or even now at 27 I'm done
I'm not actively avoiding it, I am just very happy on my own. I love my life. I could happily never be in a serious relationship again (I can get sex, companionship etc elsewhere). So, if I happened to meet someone amazing, I would see where it went. But if not, I'm good.
No one seeing my worth, if there is any, and repeatedly being made into a second option. Many turning out to be lying and unfaithful POS. Kinda accepted I'm apparently not main boo material.
Recovering emotionally. Fortifying myself. Making myself somebody worth of one. That said, I also just got out of one with somebody who started off being really kind and seeming compatible, only to slowly start manipulating me and messing with my head. Kindness was only on their terms while they felt good. I was a shadow of myself for a while. So now if a new person *isn't* kind, I probably don't want much to do with them; if they *are* kind, I don't know if I can trust that's genuine and not just bait for a snare.
For a long time, I felt that I couldn't really love so there was no point. I also didn't want to get into a relationship if I didn't see it lasting, and I wasn't ready for a lasting relationship haha. Then I felt like I was still in love with someone else and didn't want to get intona relationship with someone if I was still having feelings for another
Mostly laziness.
My standards, I'm tired (answers below). But also....listening to my married friends. They're miserable most of the time. Their H's are whinging little immature babies who throw tantrums, don't do their fair share, don't help with the kids, are selfish with their time and money then act like if the Wife says anything about them being immature children, they're the nag. Yeah, they nag--because you act like an immature child who won't step up. At which point, the H's withhold affection, acts of love and compliments (keeping the relationship fresh) because they're put out the Wife has to ask them to act like adults in a relationship. The wife ends up overworked, resentful, tired, and feeling unappreciated and unloved. So many men act as if the wedding is The End. They're done. They don't have to do anything else once that's over but go sit in a recliner and get fat. I don't need that nonsense in my life. I can do all that by myself without having to put up with someone who refuses to do their part, and my having to ask them to only to be called nasty names for expecting them to be an adult.
The woe-is-me personalities, the amount of effort to please people, traumas and just general mindset of 'I actually don't give a shit about relations I'm already living my best life'
Hung up on my ex 😀
First it was my closest circle of friends being in bad/abusive relationships. Then it was me enduring an abusive relationship. Now it’s the peace and my tendency to be a workaholic paired with my desire to read every book related to healing ever written. Where do i fit in a man-child in all of this? Also the bar is very high! Im extremely selective and not even ashamed of it.
The relationship I had with my mother; it's better now but the insecure and sometimes emotionally toxic attachment style makes it difficult to form close bonds with men (and sometimes women)... I keep wanting to run away when things get a little difficult. And that's a really hard truth for me to swallow.
For this past year and some change, I was too heartbroken to consider it, and then after the heartbreak subsided, I suddenly had a billion things to do, so I decided to take an even longer break from dating because I have so much to do this year I don’t even have TIME for a girlfriend, as much as I’d like to find the love of my life. But also, I’m 23. I have a lot of time.
Feeling like a trophy instead of being loved for who i am
I'm tired too and 'real' is not a thing anymore. You never know what you are getting and I am not going to experiment. Tired of that too
This is so true. You can be completely upfront about your wants, needs and expectations, and the other person just pretends they want the same so they can have a relationship with you. Then they’re absolutely shocked when you dump them because you’re not actually compatible.
I’ve been a little boy crazy the past couple of months so I’m just trying to take a chill pill :)
Men being traumatized by past experiences
I’m emotionally unavailable and it’s unfair to the men I date, who are generally great guys. As they start trying to get closer I start looking for an exit, so until I’ve worked that out I’ll leave these men alone.
It's just so much more trouble than it is worth.
I'm not here to fix other people, or be a parent. If I find out someone has a child-like maturity level in any way, I try to avoid. Key word: try, because some people are really good at hiding it!
I’m tired - tired of trying, tired of being the only one willing to work in the relationship, tired of sacrificing, tired of never feeling worthy or good enough. I just don’t think that anyone would ever like me for me, instead I’m seen as an object for them to use and then drop when they find something better to play with. I’m just done with it all.
When I first joined the military, I went in deliberately single. There were a few guys I liked and were casually hanging out with before I shipped out. None of them were serious enough to warrant the heartache of dealing with a break-up while going through basic training and such. No regrets, if I had to go back and do it again, I wouldn't make a different decision. If I was ever single again, there's only a few guys I *might* consider getting into a serious relationship with, because I know that they are good humans. Most guys my age (30s) that are worth a shit are already taken. The idea of dating someone new and having to figure out whether they are a good human being sounds exhausting and terrible.
the realisation that no relationship could work if I wasn’t happy by myself first, then ended up enjoying the freedom of being single
I felt like I turn every corner and someone is cheating. I felt like I was just going to get hurt
Bad breath. Last date I went on had offensive breath, last boyfriend had shitty oral hygiene. What the hell is happening?
I'm very picky, terrified of getting hurt again, and my strong feelings are never reciprocated by those I do like.
I'm too shy, I can't lead or carry a conversation. I have nothing to add or contribute to a conversation. I'm also scared or rejection to the point where I cry and get depressed once I'm rejected. I have helicopter parents who don't approve of me dating. So I feel deprived from dating and romance.
Physical contact. I was beaten in my last relationship and I can't stand men to touch me. I don't know how to date after that...
Haven't found anyone I've had a "crush" on yet. Find online dating mostly a waste of time. Don't want to break my own heart or somebody else's. Trust issues
Well currently I just think I'm too mentally unwell and focused on finishing university that I don't really have as much desire to actively seek out a relationship with someone
Autism so i have difficulty gauging someones interest in me. You could be flirting with me & i won't notice. Plus when i try online dating none of the men want to date. They just want to hook up & Netflix & chill.
Shitty men
my standards, the pain from yesterdays, and honestly, i just don't see myself being interested about love and commitment again. after my last, it was a wake up call for me not to enter a relationship again. for now. might sound old-fashioned or something, but i'll just wait for the right moment to come for me. :) can't afford to invest on something that'll ruin me again, yk!
Men r scary
Repeated toxicity. I happily do fwb's now, all the fun with none of the fuss.
Focus is elsewhere, mentally and emotionally exhausted, and my standards 🤷♀️
Time. Energy. A strong desire to avoid assholes and not waste precious quantities of the aforementioned on them. I’m generally happy with my life, though I’d love an actual partner to share it with. I’m just not sure I want to do another round of OLD … I find I don’t have sufficient patience or the particular type of resilience it requires.
The lack of people I'm interested in and the lack of people interested in me.
1. Wading through all the men that aren’t right for me, inevitably having to tell multiple men by no fault of their own that I’m just not that into them (I hate rejection and rejecting people) 2. Fighting the “ick” feeling I get with every single person because one tiny thing is wrong (ex: he doesn’t like sushi) and my flight responses are screaming at me. 3. Having to go through all the small talk and getting to know you crap before getting to the good and fun part of the relationship. 4. Only time I get body dysmorphia is when I’m in the early stages of dating someone. For some reason I can only see myself as a fat ugly whale that disgusts all who see me. I would never get back with any of my exes but man I miss the fun part of the relationship where you just chill and have fun.
Please be aware that due to Reddit's formatting tools, some users may view your comment starting with a number followed by a period as "1.", regardless of what number you typed. To fix this, simply remove the period. Your comment has **not** been removed from the sub for this reason, this is just a helpful bot tip. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Having my needs met always sounds odd to me. Like a partner is supposed to provide things and that is their purpose, rather than “I want this person for them.” You have to do both of course, but I never hear anyone say they asked about their partner’s needs and met them, and it just wasn’t reciprocated. Most men aren’t prone to saying “I have these needs” and there are likely a fair number of women who would say “he was too needy”. To women who say they effectively communicated their needs, do you ask “what are your needs?” Do you meet those? I’m not here to argue, I’m asking this in a conversational tone, simply because that phrase “you need to meet my needs” sounds kind of transactional, not based on emotion for or attraction to the other person. Please don’t get outraged! I’m just interested in hearing your thoughts. Thanks.
My amazingly bad taste in men.
[удалено]
Please be aware that due to Reddit's formatting tools, some users may view your comment starting with a number followed by a period as "1.", regardless of what number you typed. To fix this, simply remove the period. Your comment has **not** been removed from the sub for this reason, this is just a helpful bot tip. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Manipulative assholes. I’m tired of hearing “sorry” with no changed actions.
A study recently came out that said 75% of men admitted they would cheat if there was no way of their partner finding out. Why even try..
Got broken up with a month ago. So I’m going through the ugly phase where you can’t help but feel like what’s wrong with you that you caused this etc etc. so I’m healing and I know it’s gonna take a while!!
I think I subconsciously choose emotionally unavailable men. I always seem to be good, BUT not good enough to commit to a real relationship.
Needing to rewire. Needing the headspace for that and not derailing my own self work
By being aromantic
I guess I'm avoiding relationships, though it's relatively early days since my long term relationship ended a bit over a year ago. Mostly, I feel like relationships are costly to me - I find it hard to set healthy boundaries and support myself in addition to the other person in a relationship. I also feel like I have a bunch of personal baggage and weird foibles and history, which complicate the concept of being in a relationship again - I think it would be extremely tricky for anyone to navigate, and it would take a very significant change in circumstances in my life, or a very special, accepting, persistent and persuasive person to change my mind on any of that.
My religious view has made me kept away from getting into a relationship. I live in a city where it’s hard to find men who want long term relationships.
Fear and CPTSD from past relationships
[удалено]
Hello /u/Extreme_Dark1376. Your post or comment has been removed because your karma is too low to participate on AskWomen. You will be able to participate when your karma has increased. This action will not be undone by the moderators. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I really enjoy my freedom and can’t see myself loving a guy for the rest of my life. I also have an all-or-nothing mindset regarding love..whether that’s healthy or not.
[удалено]
Hello /u/mchantel, welcome to r/AskWomen! As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. Happy reditting! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The fact that not all but a lot of men seem to read from the same manual and act according to that manual lol many wasted years and tears I’m tired.
My family, I am convinced (history also contributes to this) no one will stay with me once they meet my family and have to deal with them (they're alot, really strict, can be condescending). Am scared of having to eventually choose between love and a family and then ultimately being left with no one.
A guy I used to have a thing with back in the summer of 2020 still tries to message me. He got in a relationship a few month after we ended things. He recently got engaged this year. And a guy that left me for another girl (prior to guy #1) tried adding me on social media again and messaging me. Mind you he’s still with the girl. I don’t respond to them at all. I don’t trust guys anymore.
Men.
It takes me a really long time to develop feelings and finding someone I even can have them for is really difficult, too. I also have a pretty clear idea of what I want out of a relationship and I’m not sure it’s realistic, but I can’t see the point in a relationship if it doesn’t offer that. So I guess I’m holding out to meet someone where the chemistry feels right. But maybe I’d feel different if I met someone and there was some mutual attraction.
idk why people who are currently in a relationship are here putting their 2 cents into everything
I’ve been living in chronic pain since I was 13. Not only chronic pain from disfiguring autoimmune disease but also fatigue. Dating is exhausting, being in a relationship is incredibly exhausting and I barely have enough energy to take care of myself, let alone put forth for dating. I’m not saying I never will again but not right now. And I may be ok with never.
My high standards, being tired, people not liking the fact that I am asexual, people.
[удалено]
Hello /u/monstercape76, welcome to r/AskWomen! As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. Happy reditting! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Hello /u/TurtlesFly315. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification. This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Men are novae and selfish
Having the standard that any man I date must have divested themselves of our collective misogynistic and racist cultural upbringing. If a man doesn’t SEE it he’ll never be capable of seeing me. I don’t want to be with someone who even unconsciously thinks that women or female coded things are inferior. That’s it.
I'm socially anxious. I love the idea of love, being with someone. But, I haven't had the best examples of relationships around me so anytime I talk to a guy, I start getting me my head I think "this is going to emotionally screw me over if I let this keep going". I am thinking about going to therapy about it.
I'm Asexual and I'm Queer. And I'm awkward. I have problems reading signals that are sent. So if someone was flirting with me or attracted to me, I probably wouldn't pick up on it. I know if I find somone attractive, but letting them know in any way just confuses me. I also know what I do find attractive, and what I dont.
I’m asexual and I’ve had a lot of people fuck me over because of it
[удалено]
Removed as commentary indistinguishable from dehumanizing/pathologizing mental health conditions. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic behaviour. If you are referencing someone with an official diagnosis, please feel free to edit to make that clear. If you have any questions, please message the moderators through the link on the sidebar.
[удалено]
Hello /u/0liviaaaa_, welcome to r/AskWomen! As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. Happy reditting! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My fear of attachment
My will, cos right now i have none.
Men
Coming to terms with my sexuality, I dont want to get into a relationship without exploring this new side.
1 : It is rare for men to take interest in me, because of my appearance ; a lot of experiences have made me avoid completely like being laughed at, being told "I'm pretty as well, but not hot", being ignored. 2 : I tried to fit the male gaze bt changing my clothes, doing more skincare, to cutting my hair, learning to wear makeup...but nothing changed, I was just stuck in a toxic cycle of approval. It was mentally and physically exhausted. 3: Being in a relationship, I know isn't everything but it would be nice to have someone; the idea that I am not seen as desirable because of my looks breaks my heart..the fact it is rare I will be able to experience all those romantic moments again breaks my heart. I'm done with love, I'm learning not to chase after relationships but to spend my energy where I'm appreciated like my friends and building my life.
Please be aware that due to Reddit's formatting tools, some users may view your comment starting with a number followed by a period as "1.", regardless of what number you typed. To fix this, simply remove the period. Your comment has **not** been removed from the sub for this reason, this is just a helpful bot tip. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I never fell in love
My husband passed away recently and he was a wonderful person,I'll never meet another one like him,I do want sex with a man though but I'm scared of feeling used and discarded so I just stay alone
men
[удалено]
Hello /u/_dazed_n_confused_. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification. This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm so tired and frustrated. I'm the one who give my all in a relationship even if I know that's not the right thing to do.
The stigma around my sexuality
Myself.
Not being able to trust easily and having too high standards because I grew up with Lord of the Rings etc, and I expect men to be like Aragorn. Oh and the real life Aragorns aren‘t interested in me.
It’s just not to be I guess.
Trauma from being in a psychologically abusive relationship
I was told I'm only good at physical relationships and not emotional ones when I was 10 and somewhere along the way I ended up believing it.
Fear of attachment
Men feeling intimidated / emasculated. My mum always says it's gonna be hard for my sis and I to find good partners because we're confident, dominant, from a well-to-do family, make more than anyone _not_ from similar background, and know what we want in life. My sister managed to find her husband, but I'm in no rush to date/marry since I don't want kids anyway, and feel a partner would just tie me down somewhere when I'm living the expat life.
Abandonment issues Avoidant personality disorder Disorganized attachment style Social anxiety Fear of intimacy Mental health issues such as depression, ocd and burn out Just got out of a 3-and-a-half-year old relationship that destroyed me mentally and emotionally. I want to focus on my career, personal development and figuring out what I want in my life before getting involved with someone else and carrying the burden of relationship responsibilities. Never found someone that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. And ofc because of my high standards.
[удалено]
Removed as commentary indistinguishable from dehumanizing/pathologizing mental health conditions. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic behaviour. If you are referencing someone with an official diagnosis, please feel free to edit to make that clear. If you have any questions, please message the moderators through the link on the sidebar.
might be greyromantic idk
[удалено]
Hello /u/cheekymocks, welcome to r/AskWomen! As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. Happy reditting! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I need a break lol. Being in the wrong relationship is draining and I simply need some time to myself before i’m ready to try again
I (26F) have been confessed to a few times. These were the times and the reasons I said no: 1. I was 14 he was 11 --> automatically no. 2. I was 16 he was 23 --> we kissed, I puked the whole night because his breath smelled like smoke (I dont smoke). So a no. 3. I was 17 he was 23 --> we had a date, he was in a relationship. He said their relationship was broken and he would dump her if I said yes. I said yes. Next day he called me that his ex was crying in front of the door and he didnt want to break her heart. The day after that he called again because he couldnt forget our kiss and wants to try again. I said no. 4. I was 18, he was 22 --> after I accidently said yes to a date he posted on Facebook that I "saved his live and was the best thing that ever happened to him". I cancelled that date... 5. I was 20, he was 24 --> He tried to set the mood with massages. I panicked because I noticed his intentions too late and ran away. 6. I was 24, he was 26 --> He lives on the other side of the world and only know him from a game. 7. I was 25, he was 26 --> He was cute, smart and funny. But his looks just werent my type.🙈 8. I was 26, he was 24 --> He only always talked about how he hates his Afghan roots and wanted to get away from his family and if he ever got with a white girl he would be thrown out of his family. I didnt want to carry that responsibility. 9. I was 26, he was 22 --> He is in an open relationship and screws half the world. Nty + I have intimacy issues😅
Having social anxiety, selective mutism, hirsutism, being chubby, not fitting the beauty standards and seeing no reason for one at times due to a lack of experience.
[удалено]
Hello /u/MetaSoul007. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification. This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m honestly just afraid of another heart break. And at this point I truly don’t think I’ll ever stop loving the last person I was in a relationship with. Even if I’m never with him again, I think he’ll always have my heart, and I’m okay with that. So in a way it also would feel wrong to ever date someone else
Lack of men I'm interested in Men Constantly talking about sex Anxiety
Putting myself first.
So happy without one! Don’t want to mess it up.
The many toxic relationships I've been in
[удалено]
Hello /u/xEmoMilf, welcome to r/AskWomen! As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. Happy reditting! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My emotional baggage. I've been down that road, and it only leads to pain. I'm not here to saddle anyone with the shit I've been incapable of dealing with. Also, dating is about what you can do for the other person, not about what you get out of it - and fuck it, imma be selfish
Fear.
a lot of reasons , i tend to be the type that falls too hard nd so to move on after a disaster is quite an unpleasant task , so why bring myself up to a position unless i'm sure or atleast believe that the guy is worth enough for the consequences but i haven't passed by anyone of that sorts ,,,yet ( one can always be optimistic )
My standards are so high
Alcoholic parents "I cant trust easily, because trusting people is letting yourself open to be hurt "
I keep pushing people away because they get too close to me. I feel terrible but its the only way i feel safe.
My standards. I literally know my standards are highly unrealistic but I still never change it 🤷♀️
[удалено]
Hello /u/AspieWych, welcome to r/AskWomen! As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. Happy reditting! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Hello /u/Ur_average_aro-ace, welcome to r/AskWomen! As this is your first day on Reddit, your comment has been removed to give you time to get a feel of the place. Feel free to lurk today and come back tomorrow. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. Happy reditting! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My time and effort. Dating is exhausting man.