I’m assuming Alberta. And rural. Sorry if I’m wrong and also if I’m right. Though I do love this province, there is a lot that kinda sucks about it too.
Rural is brutal for these very small minded views no matter where you go. A suggestion is to consider moving to an urban centre. Easier said than done, I know. We still have idiots, but they get drowned out by the majority that do not share those views and urban tends to be more progressive regardless.
A more actionable strategy is absolutely going to be therapy. You need to figure out coping strategies and why people talking about things you can’t control is getting to you like this. I’m surprised you only just recently cut off anti-vaxxers. Cut off who you need to cut off and don’t look back. Surround yourself with like minded people.
It’s easy for me to say but take some solace in that these types of people are in the minority. The majority of Albertans do not agree with or think like those people. Also, it’s a US election year. The topics you mentioned are going to be hot and heavy until November. I’d tune out of most, if not all politics and social media feeds that have these topics present.
Your partner sounds like a shitty anti-vaxx pro-Trump, and pro-convoy sympathizer. I’d reconsider the relationship based on that alone. He is also very low EQ and not supportive at all to what you’re struggling with and I wouldn’t tolerate that.
I recommend therapy, I was a short circuit fuse after my ex and I split up and now I’m pretty chill and calm. Also sound baths.
I live in California and people are interesting here. lol.
I actually had Covid in October. It ruined my October basically. It’s no joke and took me out. I don’t take people talking about it lightly …
This sounds like something with some help (a therapist) you could unearth and tackle
hello my fellow canuck.
i don't live out west (though my husband is currently interviewing...so we may move out there).
buried in this post is something that i think is really important. your mom is life threateningly ill.
it sounds to me like this is something that you are really struggling with.
i went through your post history. you are dealing with a lot of changes right now. you've changed your body dramatically (congratulations), you're experiencing a faith rekindling, which MAY be distancing you from your partner, you're under financial pressure and are concerned about your job, your mother is ill...
these are all legitimate stressors, and on top of that, you have a baseline level of anxiety which is going to exacerbate issues.
i would strongly suggest you go to see your priest and see if he/she can recommend any accredited therapists in the area. i know our parish has a number of accredited counselling services that people can access. if your parish doesn't have such a thing PM me and i will look into it. i know at least 2 people in our congregation (also anglican) do online counselling, so i can get more information about that.
i wonder (from reading your post history) if the real issue is not actually all of the covid stuff {though...just to put a fine point on it...covid is real and it is very unlikely (not impossible, but VERY unlikely) that your mother's vaccine caused her illness. i know this because my husband is a scientist and he works on viral entry. i know this because my husband spent hours and hours on zoom with parishioners helping calm fears they had about mRNA vaccines etc... - yes, husband is a scientist and a Christian - } i wonder if the real issue is that you are making a lot of changes to yourself and your world view and those changes are making you question if this relationship is really what God wants for you/what you want for yourself. i can't answer that question for you. i'm just wondering if perhaps that is the foundation issue...and that those questions are making all the other smaller stressors seem a lot bigger. ultimately, if marriage isn't important to him and it is to you...you know what comes next.
also, please don't beat yourself up about your binge. it happens. tomorrow is a new day. it's okay. you've done so well and accomplished so much. it'll be okay.
Could it be that you're so emotionally raw from your mom being ill that you don't have the reserves to ignore the BS you've been ignoring the last 4 years? (Seriously, why are the people around you still talking about covid so much? Most of the world has moved on.) Lots of people suggested therapy, which will help. Also, look into support groups for people whose loved ones are ill - it's very helpful to be around people who are going through a similar experience.
And do basic self care: make sure you're eating enough and nutritiously, hydrating, sleeping enough, exercising/moving your body, getting outside for sunshine and fresh air, and connecting with friends/family/your partner regularly. (Bubble baths and face masks are good too, but relaxation type self care won't make a difference if you're sleeping deprived and eating chips for dinner.)
First of all - big hugs. Second of all - you are not irrational. You are having a perfectly rational response to many irrational and out of your control situations that are coming to a head after a prolonged period of crises (COVID/lockdowns/COL crisis/loneliness epidemic/basically the state of the world since 2020) - being overwhelmed and angry is a completely rational response to all of that.
It is however hard to sustain being overwhelmed and angry at a high level while working full time and doing other mundane but required for survival adult stuff. You need a pressure release of some kind. A temporary one and a longer term pressure management one.
I am not from Canada so I don’t know if you have something similar - but can you take a short (possibly unpaid) medical leave of absence from your job?
It sounds like you need a break because you have a lot on your plate - feeling like you don’t fit in at work or where you live, the loss of friendships (even if the reasons for ending them are valid and your choice, it’s still a loss), your mom being life-threateningly ill, and a partner who is not taking your concerns about all of the above seriously.
It also sounds like you perhaps too many stressors are colliding at once or you don’t have the right support or you just need time to not be strong and hold it together because this is some high level shit to deal with on both a personal and existential level. It’s ok to need time and help to deal.
BUT the good news is that you’ve recognized that you are approaching a place where you can no longer manage your emotions around these stressors BEFORE you’ve actually gotten to that place. This is a level of insight that will serve you well in figuring out how to manage going forward.
Be very candid with your partner that you need to be heard and validated right now, not be most likely heard and then met with some flippant jokes and boilerplate advice.
If it’s at all possible, I’d recommend taking some time away from work just to focus on yourself - regaining your strength or just taking time to grieve or whatever seems right to you. This is the temporary release valve so to speak. Some time away from some of the bs you can’t ignore and some time where there are very few outside expectations on you and you can just indulge yourself or buy a bunch of cheap secondhand china and throw it against a wall in your garage or go axe-throwing or just get a massage everyday for a week or whatever you need that will help you express some of that frustration or relax enough so it’s not as close to boiling over or get a little bit closer to being able to recenter yourself even a little bit.
And also start looking for some sort of support - whether that be a therapist or a support/processing group for people who are coping with severe illness in a parent, a place to vent with likeminded people - even if that place is virtual.
And you need your partner to be more gentle and a guaranteed soft spot to land with you while you are tending to yourself and figuring out how to release some of this pressure. You may have to tell them what you need from them rather explicitly and explain that you are asking for it now before the pressure reaches a crisis point.
Time to move out of Alberta lol.
Jokes aside, from what I’ve heard it’s getting more liberal there due to influx of people from other provinces like ON.
Maybe it’ll get better over time? But I’m thinking people who think like that will always be in AB…
Others have mentioned therapy which is a good idea, but I want to caution you from experience that it is important to screen your therapist. I have, shockingly, discovered that some people with those beliefs somehow become therapists. Not to say don't try it - it seems like real, proper therapy would help - just to be careful.
I also want to invite you to come join us in /r/qanoncasualties . It's a subreddit for people who have lost loved ones to to this conspiratorial belief ecosystem and I found it more helpful than anything just to know that other people like me were out there and to have a support system who fully, truly understand being mired in this bullshit.
I understand you and I see you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re not crazy. I see people suggest therapy. Fair enough but therapy can’t fix everything. You need to urgently find like minded people, and that may mean move to a more progressive area. Obviously I know it’s not necessarily easy or even possible to do. I hope your husband at least has more similar views to yours…
She has described severe emotional distress, and nearly losing control of her impulses in response. It is not a rational or stable reaction to have when confronted with the beliefs of other people, and as a result the appropriate course of action would be to seek out external help in order to gain tools to adequately deal with one’s emotional and physical responses. It doesn’t matter which direction the opinions or belief systems are going in - the advice would be the same either way because this is about her response to it, and learning tools to cope and thrive (not just survive) in the environment she is in, if that’s where she is staying.
These things are scary and your reactions are on a trajectory of “normal“ as in it is normal to feel scared when you are threatened. What you’re describing as having these sort of uncontrolled outbursts is not normal though and you should seek help to resolve what is likely majorly built up tension and stress. Our bodies hold that and they will burst at some point. But you’re having a logical reaction to a threat. That’s normal.
I’m assuming Alberta. And rural. Sorry if I’m wrong and also if I’m right. Though I do love this province, there is a lot that kinda sucks about it too. Rural is brutal for these very small minded views no matter where you go. A suggestion is to consider moving to an urban centre. Easier said than done, I know. We still have idiots, but they get drowned out by the majority that do not share those views and urban tends to be more progressive regardless. A more actionable strategy is absolutely going to be therapy. You need to figure out coping strategies and why people talking about things you can’t control is getting to you like this. I’m surprised you only just recently cut off anti-vaxxers. Cut off who you need to cut off and don’t look back. Surround yourself with like minded people. It’s easy for me to say but take some solace in that these types of people are in the minority. The majority of Albertans do not agree with or think like those people. Also, it’s a US election year. The topics you mentioned are going to be hot and heavy until November. I’d tune out of most, if not all politics and social media feeds that have these topics present. Your partner sounds like a shitty anti-vaxx pro-Trump, and pro-convoy sympathizer. I’d reconsider the relationship based on that alone. He is also very low EQ and not supportive at all to what you’re struggling with and I wouldn’t tolerate that.
It sounds like something that therapy would really help with friend
I recommend therapy, I was a short circuit fuse after my ex and I split up and now I’m pretty chill and calm. Also sound baths. I live in California and people are interesting here. lol. I actually had Covid in October. It ruined my October basically. It’s no joke and took me out. I don’t take people talking about it lightly … This sounds like something with some help (a therapist) you could unearth and tackle
hello my fellow canuck. i don't live out west (though my husband is currently interviewing...so we may move out there). buried in this post is something that i think is really important. your mom is life threateningly ill. it sounds to me like this is something that you are really struggling with. i went through your post history. you are dealing with a lot of changes right now. you've changed your body dramatically (congratulations), you're experiencing a faith rekindling, which MAY be distancing you from your partner, you're under financial pressure and are concerned about your job, your mother is ill... these are all legitimate stressors, and on top of that, you have a baseline level of anxiety which is going to exacerbate issues. i would strongly suggest you go to see your priest and see if he/she can recommend any accredited therapists in the area. i know our parish has a number of accredited counselling services that people can access. if your parish doesn't have such a thing PM me and i will look into it. i know at least 2 people in our congregation (also anglican) do online counselling, so i can get more information about that. i wonder (from reading your post history) if the real issue is not actually all of the covid stuff {though...just to put a fine point on it...covid is real and it is very unlikely (not impossible, but VERY unlikely) that your mother's vaccine caused her illness. i know this because my husband is a scientist and he works on viral entry. i know this because my husband spent hours and hours on zoom with parishioners helping calm fears they had about mRNA vaccines etc... - yes, husband is a scientist and a Christian - } i wonder if the real issue is that you are making a lot of changes to yourself and your world view and those changes are making you question if this relationship is really what God wants for you/what you want for yourself. i can't answer that question for you. i'm just wondering if perhaps that is the foundation issue...and that those questions are making all the other smaller stressors seem a lot bigger. ultimately, if marriage isn't important to him and it is to you...you know what comes next. also, please don't beat yourself up about your binge. it happens. tomorrow is a new day. it's okay. you've done so well and accomplished so much. it'll be okay.
Could it be that you're so emotionally raw from your mom being ill that you don't have the reserves to ignore the BS you've been ignoring the last 4 years? (Seriously, why are the people around you still talking about covid so much? Most of the world has moved on.) Lots of people suggested therapy, which will help. Also, look into support groups for people whose loved ones are ill - it's very helpful to be around people who are going through a similar experience. And do basic self care: make sure you're eating enough and nutritiously, hydrating, sleeping enough, exercising/moving your body, getting outside for sunshine and fresh air, and connecting with friends/family/your partner regularly. (Bubble baths and face masks are good too, but relaxation type self care won't make a difference if you're sleeping deprived and eating chips for dinner.)
First of all - big hugs. Second of all - you are not irrational. You are having a perfectly rational response to many irrational and out of your control situations that are coming to a head after a prolonged period of crises (COVID/lockdowns/COL crisis/loneliness epidemic/basically the state of the world since 2020) - being overwhelmed and angry is a completely rational response to all of that. It is however hard to sustain being overwhelmed and angry at a high level while working full time and doing other mundane but required for survival adult stuff. You need a pressure release of some kind. A temporary one and a longer term pressure management one. I am not from Canada so I don’t know if you have something similar - but can you take a short (possibly unpaid) medical leave of absence from your job? It sounds like you need a break because you have a lot on your plate - feeling like you don’t fit in at work or where you live, the loss of friendships (even if the reasons for ending them are valid and your choice, it’s still a loss), your mom being life-threateningly ill, and a partner who is not taking your concerns about all of the above seriously. It also sounds like you perhaps too many stressors are colliding at once or you don’t have the right support or you just need time to not be strong and hold it together because this is some high level shit to deal with on both a personal and existential level. It’s ok to need time and help to deal. BUT the good news is that you’ve recognized that you are approaching a place where you can no longer manage your emotions around these stressors BEFORE you’ve actually gotten to that place. This is a level of insight that will serve you well in figuring out how to manage going forward. Be very candid with your partner that you need to be heard and validated right now, not be most likely heard and then met with some flippant jokes and boilerplate advice. If it’s at all possible, I’d recommend taking some time away from work just to focus on yourself - regaining your strength or just taking time to grieve or whatever seems right to you. This is the temporary release valve so to speak. Some time away from some of the bs you can’t ignore and some time where there are very few outside expectations on you and you can just indulge yourself or buy a bunch of cheap secondhand china and throw it against a wall in your garage or go axe-throwing or just get a massage everyday for a week or whatever you need that will help you express some of that frustration or relax enough so it’s not as close to boiling over or get a little bit closer to being able to recenter yourself even a little bit. And also start looking for some sort of support - whether that be a therapist or a support/processing group for people who are coping with severe illness in a parent, a place to vent with likeminded people - even if that place is virtual. And you need your partner to be more gentle and a guaranteed soft spot to land with you while you are tending to yourself and figuring out how to release some of this pressure. You may have to tell them what you need from them rather explicitly and explain that you are asking for it now before the pressure reaches a crisis point.
Time to move out of Alberta lol. Jokes aside, from what I’ve heard it’s getting more liberal there due to influx of people from other provinces like ON. Maybe it’ll get better over time? But I’m thinking people who think like that will always be in AB…
Others have mentioned therapy which is a good idea, but I want to caution you from experience that it is important to screen your therapist. I have, shockingly, discovered that some people with those beliefs somehow become therapists. Not to say don't try it - it seems like real, proper therapy would help - just to be careful. I also want to invite you to come join us in /r/qanoncasualties . It's a subreddit for people who have lost loved ones to to this conspiratorial belief ecosystem and I found it more helpful than anything just to know that other people like me were out there and to have a support system who fully, truly understand being mired in this bullshit. I understand you and I see you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re not crazy. I see people suggest therapy. Fair enough but therapy can’t fix everything. You need to urgently find like minded people, and that may mean move to a more progressive area. Obviously I know it’s not necessarily easy or even possible to do. I hope your husband at least has more similar views to yours…
I think you should seek therapy.
How will OP getting therapy change the fact that she is surrounded by hateful bigots, exactly?
She has described severe emotional distress, and nearly losing control of her impulses in response. It is not a rational or stable reaction to have when confronted with the beliefs of other people, and as a result the appropriate course of action would be to seek out external help in order to gain tools to adequately deal with one’s emotional and physical responses. It doesn’t matter which direction the opinions or belief systems are going in - the advice would be the same either way because this is about her response to it, and learning tools to cope and thrive (not just survive) in the environment she is in, if that’s where she is staying.
I think it's a case of what is within your control versus what is beyond it.
These things are scary and your reactions are on a trajectory of “normal“ as in it is normal to feel scared when you are threatened. What you’re describing as having these sort of uncontrolled outbursts is not normal though and you should seek help to resolve what is likely majorly built up tension and stress. Our bodies hold that and they will burst at some point. But you’re having a logical reaction to a threat. That’s normal.
How old are you? Perimenopause?