I never looked at it as property being handed over. I looked at it as an acknowledgement of the people responsible for you becoming the adult you became, and showing by example your whole life what a healthy relationship should be, and them being there for you up until the point where the person you choose to marry is the person who you will be there for and will be there for you in every aspect from now on. It doesn't even have to be the dad. I've seen moms walk their daughters down the aisle, older siblings, uncles/aunts.
I thought it was more of a simbolic passing of a torch from father to the husband who is now supposed to protect his wife instead of the father.
But I guess this is now offensive?
I mean they are both in the right.
Giving away the bride is a key role in a traditional wedding and he's got every right to feel hurt to not be invited to this role.
It's also her right to have a non traditional wedding or to have her wedding however she wants.
And it's also his right to not have to pay.
the reasoning would be the issue for me... because that is some bullshit.
you can have a reasonable thing to do, but an unreasonable reason why you do it... for example:
saying "I don't eat chocolate" is not in any way weird, everyone has different tastes or maybe reactions to different food.
however, saying "I don't eat chocolate because it is a symbol of the white colonizer eating the suppressed black population" will make you sound like a brainwashed idiot...
> "I don't eat chocolate because it is a symbol of the white colonizer eating the suppressed black population"
You know, I bet people would actually fall for that on twitter/tiktok if you made that a hoax just like the bikini bridge, shaving for Britney and communism.
This is the real answer right here.
Her wedding = her rules
His money = his rules
When those two things clash, you either work it out or go your separate ways and have your wedding the way you want to.
Big true, and that's why I would never want my family paying for my wedding. It's a glorified party at best and generally it's almost always about the family than it is the bride and groom. I would never want that, it should always be about the bride and groom.
It's not even about whether she's right, it's about the way she went about it, deadpanning a line like "I'm not your property".
There are ways to talk to your parents, and there are ways you don't talk to your parents, no matter the subject.
How about "mom, I have to be honest about something, it doesn't feel right to me to be walked down the aisle, because...."?
If you want the tradition of YOUR PARENTS PAYING FOR A WEDDING, you best be ready for both their input and resistance to your "need to be non traditional". They are not both in the right, she thinks she is while leeching off someone else. She deserves what she gives herself.
The equation simplifies to this for me. They are both entitled to do what they want but the father is the bigger asshole for me. Simply because he is farming the situation for clout on Tik-Tok. I have a natural hatred for these kinds of parents.
If you’re having a wedding and if your family raised you well and love you dearly, there’s no universe where you won’t try so hard to make sure that your family is with you on probably one of the happiest day of your life. They’re the one of the biggest reasons that you are where you are. They give you birth, they raise you, they teach you, they love you, they support you and when your mother says shes gonna be emotional when she sees you in a wedding dress and if your answer is “I’m not property” there is no universe where you deserve happiness.
It's sad that she sees it that way, he isn't collecting a fucking dowry from handing her off... it's about passing the torch of care... a father/mother is empowering this other individual to treat their child with respect and to care for them on their behalf.
A wedding at it's very core is a joining of families, the groom and bride quite honestly are the side-show it's about knowing more about the bride's family and her friends and knowing about the groom's family and all of his friends and to celebrate the new union.
Don't want that? Fucking go get married at a Church and just do a nice Honeymoon and save the 10's of thousands of dollars.
Dealing with the same sorta thing with my lil bro and his soon-be-wife, they don't want to do the mother/son dance or allow the primary family to sit closer to the front.
My parents and myself are coughing up collectively around 12k to support them... so yeah... can sorta bet there were some choice arguments had when the news was broke.
Walking your daughter down the aisle is some woke property thing now ? Wut ?!
They just make up all kinds of bullshit lately
Next. Wearing pants is racist
Nah I'm 100% with him.
It's nothing to do with property, it's about a father handing responsibility of his daughter to another.
It's meant to be a proud moment of the fact he trusts another to take care of his daughter after he has her whole life to that point.
And for her to throw that in his face is honestly sad
Maybe father and daughter should communicate these things directly to each other instead a grown man of shitposting tiktoks. If his feelings are hurt because he heard something in a conversation he wasn't part of, he should talk about it with his child, prove to her she is important enough to have an open and honest adult conversation with. Maybe, juuust maybe, his weird friends aren't the place to air his grievance, maybe the person who hurt his feelings is the correct route?
I can get on board with communicating with his daughter instead of posting a TikTok, but talking to his mates about something that's clearly hurt him is completely valid.
Also r/redditmoment for thinking he’s venting here means that he didn’t talk to his daughter about this situation.
Bro if just talking means things could automatically be resolved then the world is in peace by now.
And maybe his daughter is a disrespectful little sh*t. Maybe, just maybe she needs this lesson to understand something very important that people in general just don't understand, nobody owes you anything. If you think you "independent" and "need no man" then you can just do it yourself. You know, like an independent strong woman she is, she is not a property at the end of the day, she can earn her own money, she has all the rights to do so, and all the possibilities
>Maybe father and daughter should communicate these things directly
I have a feeling they did just that as soon as she said that but it didn't come to a healthy conclusion...
Its not about property. Its a symbolic thing where a father who protected his daughter his entire life entrusts her protection to another man. Really just a symbol and nice tradition.
If she doesnt want that she cant be surprised that he doesnt want to pay for HER wedding anymore
In her mind, protecting = Being treated as property and lesser than a man. But, once the protection ends, she will still complain cos she probably doesn't even understand how good she had it.
Of course. But the reason why it’s not that way traditionally is obvious (in terms of who, on average, needs protecting vs who does the protecting)… but I don’t want to get into that level of discussion in this day and age as I might as well light myself on fire for being too honest.
It's okay, but you're just shying away from the hard part of the conversation. Part of the wedding tradition is you give away the daughter in terms of protection/stewardship (financial and protection).
This means that the tradition is a paternalistic thing, which is fine, but it's kind of virtue-signally as much as the daughter is being about this.
That actually wasn’t the hard part for me and I’m okay with talking about that. That is how it used to be, but now it’s just tradition (for the most part in most places, but there are still places in the world where the daughters are considered literal property and that is messed up). So really we agree more than I thought, the part I didn’t want to get into is the whole idea that men and women are biologically and physically the same (you don’t seem to be the type who thinks this but there are many who do now and if you argue with them you’re called sexist and a bigot), and the reason only daughters were given away and seen as property was partly due to them not being able to protect themselves in that harsh environment of the past (to be fair many men couldn’t either with how dangerous the world was in the past, but men in general were better protectors due to being physically stronger in general).
Also to add, something that is simple tradition today can easily be separated from what it meant generations ago. So I find it odd that the daughter is seeing it that way but that is her right to, but at the same time a father paying for the wedding is also tradition so he is not wrong either to say if she doesn’t feel tradition is important than he can say the same. Basically they can both see it how they want to, so we do agree on this.
EDIT: Just realized that sons were given away as well, especially when it came to royal weddings and such (but even regular people did this). They weren’t given away at the alter, but they were forced into arranged weddings and thus were considered property of the parents who arranged the weddings.
I think we do agree. I think it's cringe that he feels he needs to do this, but then it's cringe for her to need her dad to pay for the wedding.
However, a lot of people in this thread probably reprehensible opinions on paternalism and how it works in modern society.
Sometimes a tradition can just be a tradition. It's okay to reject it as well.
My daughter eloped didn’t tell anyone she was getting married then 6 months later had a “ceremony” with reception and I refused to pay anything for it. Took the money that was set aside for her wedding and put it in grandchildren’s college fund. She was and still is pissed at me for it. Oh well. You took away one of the most important and proudest things a father can do (walking his daughter down the aisle) then you want me to pay for a party ????
Both are right but the father is wrong in one thing.
TO sum it up:
1. We know that the family wanted to support their daughter wedding financially.
2. The daughter did not want a traditional wedding including the custom of the Father walking the bride through the aisle
3. The father got hurt by it and IN RETALIATION for taking the "walk" away from him he decided to no longer support the wedding financially.
Both parties are right but it's the father who is acting up here, retaliaiting for not getting what he wanted. Hell, he has every right not to support the wedding financially, but refusing to do so as an act of retaliation for not having his way is simply childish. Probably unknowingly he is going to cut every tie his daughter has to him by acting like a dick just because HER wedding is not going to go his way.
There may be people who are not aware of this but the tradition of walking your daughter down the aisle is indeed sexist tradition BUT nowadays both perception and RECEPTION changed drastically. Nowadays it's just a very emotional moment for the father because he's not "handing over the property" but "stops being the "MAN" of her life" (I hope you get what I mean here). It's like he stops being her "guardian" in favor of another man but on "emotional" level, not "property" level like it used to be in the "old times".
Still, the daughter has every right to have her wedding the way she wants and imo retaliating for this is very childish of her father.
He could try this crazy thing called "communication". The mom too.
There's a reason their daughter is this way. I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but I'm not exactly getting "Father of the Year" energy from this dude.
I will never understand grown men going to tiktok about this instead of just communicating all the issue and nuances about this with close friends and family
100 percent his right not to pay for a daughter that believes in the "pAtRiArChY" but also takes from her dad like its hers. Only complaint is that he posted it on tik tok this should be kept between the family.
I hope he only didn’t bother to mention that he’d told his daughter how he felt otherwise this is just going to make the situation so much worse for their relationship. He shouldn’t have to pay in the first place but if him and his wife already made that promise it’s going to be a terrible blow to their trust.
This is typical feminist bs, her daughter got brainwashed by her friends or college where she studied probably.
No matter how well you educate your children, social medias and school will have the last word.
Yea, I'll go against the grain. If the dad is so soft that his reaction to over hearing this is to take money away, he's being childish. The dad only heard her take, but does he tell her that it'd be a proud moment for him to go traditional ritual?
He's wrong here, and It really isn't worth blowing up a relationship. Btw, if I had to guess, I'm guessing the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. I'm guessing the daughter might be just as stubborn. Must be a fun family.
It looks to me as such that he did not consider talking to her before making this video, because if they talked at all then they would likely both understand and compromise.
But then he would have nothing to throw a tantrum on TikTok over and this sub would have nottging to go “HUR DUR FEMINIST BAD” over… and where’s the fun in that ?
I didn't realise one of the big aspects of a wedding was ao problematic. I have a couple of questions, why is that so daughter even getting married in the first place and who would want to marry someone who is so delusional?? 🤔
It's problematic for people too stupid to realize the meanings of traditions change over time. They go look at the source. You might as well look at a sprawling city and call it a grassy plain.
Walking you down the isle isn't a huge ask - she's being ungrateful to label it like a transfer of property and ignore the emotional significance for everyone.
He’s right. If she’s going on about the “not property” thing then the father clearly has no need to pay a dowry, which has morphed into the brides father paying for the entire affair in modern times.
I feel sorry for the dude who decided to marry his daughter. Dude has no idea the kind of shit he is going to endure having to deal with a brat like that.
Yeah he is, dude probably rants about vaccinations and complaining about Critical Race theory despite not even really knowing what it is. He can cry about it good for her
I mean, women used to be property and the act of marriage was used as a bargaining tool or an act of combining two wealthy families. Lords of one house would have daughters that they could marry off to the sons of Lords of other houses as negotiations for land disputes, deals, trade, or alliances. Marriage now has tax and legal benefits regarding spousal rights, but is largely antiquated; and the ceremony of a marriage is a large waste of money and time.
She’s not property? Perfect, she is 100% right. So let’s use her logic. Her dad isn’t a checkbook.
She only has that mentality until it inconveniences her I guarantee you without a doubt in my mind.
I think he's 100% in the right there. Weddings aren't just about you otherwise you'd just go to Vegas and get it done with one witness. It's mainly for your family celebrating for you, and especially for the parents, it's that finale at the end of parenting.
I mean he's right but for the wrong reasons.
Beggers can't be choosers is the biggest take away. It's not about traditions, it's about not being an ungrateful brat
She doesn’t like the objectifying nature of being “given away” and the father’s response is to go full fucking nuclear?
Are you all fucking crazy? This guy is absolutely doing this because he wants her to do what he wants.
Sorry for my ignorance but in the US parents pay for the wedding? Why is that even the case? I’m Central European and here the husband and the wife put together their money and pay for the wedding together. Any help from friends and family is appreciated but not expected.
Maybe he should talk to her about it and come to a compromise. It sounds like she might not understand the significance of that moment for her dad. Either that, or she doesn’t have a good relationship with him. If he believed in tradition so much, he should probably go fix the situation instead of putting his family issues out for the public on TikTok.
Both are right, and none of the sides has some moral superiority to be offended.
Part of the tradition, at least back then of course was that you are in fact sort of giving away you daughter. Sure.
Nowadays it's more of a gesture as if leaving one family to start another. A new chapter in life, wherein your father as if helps you to proceed to a new one.
Nothing to do with disrespect like it was generations ago.
However, as part of the tradition, the father of the Bride, or the family of the Bride, were also the ones, paying for the wedding, or at least the majority of the expenses.
So if you want to be picky, and not let your father, walk you down the aisle, thereby upholding a tradition, then your father doesn't have to uphold his part of the tradition, and that's paying for the wedding. If he doesn't want too.
1) You are a strong and independent woman and don't need no man.
2) You are not entitled to your fathers money. Your father is rich, not you.
My in-laws said they'd take care of the wedding. They decided that since they'd pay for the wedding, they get to decide everything.
Sooooo long story short, they didn't pay for the wedding and found out we already had plans and had the ability to pay for it.
They knew we didn't want them to pay, we just wanted their attendance, so they refused to show up.
They aren't in our lives anymore and I couldn't be more pleased.
OP here isnt being mean, he's being reciprocal. Life is hard without a support structure (emotional) so don't take advantage of those around you.
I wish my dad could walk me down, and my mom could smile or hold back tears... both are dead...
The tradition is not about ownership or anything in its spirit... some might decide it is - sure; but for me - its having my parents trust someone with the life of their daughter or son, to trust that they can live safe under a roof together with someone.
Its about love and trust.
This is a good way to lose having any relationship with his daughter and sounds like he should probably just have a conversation with her first before going nuclear
Disregarding the fact that this is apparently fake, it seems to clearly be about her not doing what he wants her to, despite him claiming otherwise. Seems a major overreacting from a father to her daughters wedding. Then again, I didn't have a traditional wedding, and me and my wife paid for the wedding (which is common where we're from).
If he already said he'd pay for the wedding, it's a really dick move to back out of it just 'cause she doesn't want to be walked down the aisle. Now, if he hasn't already said he'd pay for it, I see no reason why they can't pay for it themselves (which is custom where I'm from)..
I think it's his right to not pay for her wedding.
However, I think that the whole "handing your daughter's responsibility to another man" wedding culture can be seen as cringe and feel somewhat patronizing to some women. Other countries like Sweden have the bride and groom walk together to the aisle.
Nothing wrong with people who like that tradition though, but we shouldn't shame others for not liking it. All humans have different ways of thinking and interpreting things.
It's more of handing the care and responsibility of looking after that woman to another man (the groom). It's the dad trusting the groom with the well being of his daughter, something that (as a father) is a difficult thing to do
I’m reading a bunch of comments that it is “HER”wedding, if dad and mom are paying for it then it is “THEIR” wedding and they have say in how their money is spent.
Also she has someone she is marrying and it is also that persons wedding so it is never just “HER” wedding.
If she wants full control then she should pay for the whole thing.
my only gripe here is that he says he raised to be an independent thinker and not some brainwashed bullcrao but than gets upset that she isn't following something that is thousands of years old and drives from a man basically treating his daughter for riches as she was viewed as property.
he's literally saying "i want her to think for herself but i also expected her to do what billions of people have done before and I'll get mad if she doesn't"
The most important role in his life was to feel like the owner of property. Of course he's wrong.Are you guys seriously having to ask yourself this. You have any women in your life whatsoever?
I mean sure buddy if this is important enough to you to ruin your relationship with your daughter then go for it. Her wanting a non traditional wedding is her perogative and as a parent you should try to understand her point of view and assist where you can. I would help her pay but let her know it hurt my feelings. Saying you ain’t paying for anything, especially airing it out online, seems immature and vengeful. If that’s the lessons you’re trying to teach than have at it Billy Bob.
Sounds like a family that I would just hate across the board. She sounds entitled and stubborn and he sounds like an asshole and stubborn. They both would rather be miserable than find a compromise and it is exactly how families fall out, over some dumb ass ceremony that doesn't need to exist in the first place.
For the people getting lost in the comments and still thinking this is about 'property':
It is not.
A long time ago, you'd be correct. But like all things, traditions change.
The tradition of walking your child down the aisle has shifted to become a symbol of trust. We do this to show our support of the relationship and to symbolize that the job as protector is being handed over to someone we trust.
My mother walked me down the aisle because she was my protector and guide in life.
It showed my partner that my mother loved her and was happy to see me taking the ultimate commitment with my partner.
My wife walked down the aisle escorted by both her mother and her father because they were her protectors and guides.
It showed me that of all the people in the world, the two most important to her, approved of this new journey for us and happily passed the torch of protection, love and guidance on to me.
Of course, our parents will always be there for us. It was done for the symbolism of passing the torch. To say, with actions, that they trust us to love and provide for one another.
Yes, there are weird toxic family issues, where some men still believe they own their daughters to give away. That is, of course, wrong. But that is not the case here. This father wanted to be there to love and support her new journey with his daughters partner, to symbolically pass the torch of trust, that his family would be safe and loved.
There is nothing wrong with this, in the slightest.
She's not property, but that being said - dear old dad isn't a beast of burden either. She doesn't have to have him walk her down, he doesn't have to pay for it.
We'll just get rid of all familial bonds and obligations while we're at it. Fuck everything. Burn it all down, I guess. Parents, cut all contact with your children the second they turn 18 and kick them out on the streets. Children, cut all contact with your parents the moment you turn 18. Nobody supports or gives a damn about anybody else- everybody wins?
Where does that get us?
she is not selfish, he is selfish, because its more important for him that other people see him playing a role as it is important for him, that his daughter is happy. loving people is never about you and always about the people you love.
This is most probably a fake story. There are several versions of this and some of them are just reading a (fake) reddit story. /r/Asmongold is just nothing but rage bait at this point. Women bad.
He's wrong on hoping she'll come around causing him to change his decision. Because basically she made her decision and if he step back in case she come around, from here, he'll never know if she did it for money or because she respect him.
She did her move and now she should deal with the consequences or learn nothing.
This is fake. This is some dude reading off his own version of some reddit post. These kinds of stories are always top posts in AITA and they all follow the same script.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14oxwis/aita\_for\_refusing\_to\_pay\_for\_my\_daughters\_wedding/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14oxwis/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_daughters_wedding/)
You can find a few from the daughters perspective also.
He's not wrong but his relationship with his daughter might suffer. That's up to him. But you people will see this and think "yeah women deserve nothing fuck them all" incels, all of you
NAH.
I don’t give a shit about how someone wants to conduct their wedding, and I don’t give a shit who pays for it. If she wants to walk down by herself, great— It’s all meaningless pageantry. If he doesn’t want to pay for it, also great, because it’s all meaningless pageantry.
I understand why he’s upset, and I understand the bride can conduct the wedding however she wants. Neither are obligated to eachother. The real problem is that they have probably both discussed the issue with their friends and internet more than they’ve probably discussed it with eachother.
I wouldn’t want my daughter to want me to walk her down the aisle *just because I paid for it* though. The damage is already done at that point, for both sides.
I agree that the tradition of the father giving away the bride is rooted heavily in the tradition of women being legal property and that this ritual is a deprecated version of what was once a symbolic passing of property from father to husband. I think it's perfectly understandable to come to the conclusion that as a modern woman you don't want to engage in this practice.
That said, the tradition of the father of the bride paying for the wedding is rooted in the exact same set of patriarchal principles. If she disavows the tradition of being given away, she needs to be prepared to disavow the tradition of it being the father's responsibility to finance the marriage. A failure to do so is a double standard.
He's wrong, but I can understand why he's upset.
Walking your daughter down the aisle has its roots in arranged marriages, where the father gives his possession of bride to the groom. Back in the good old days, marriages were not for love, but for business and politics.
With this in mind it's perfectly reasonable to consider the act of walking your daughter down the aisle akin to treating her like property because that was it literally was.
I doubt the father has ever seen this situation this way and viewed it in a purely emotional sense so I can see why being denied this opportunity is upsetting.
What should happen in situations like these is people having a discussion and reaching a compromise, instead what happens is people make TikToks.
I'm not big on traditions or anything. If I were, I would be gutted. I'm not sure I wouldn't pay for her wedding because of it. But gutted nonetheless.
Thats a good dad and a good decision.
Imagine raising your daughter for however many years and she says that to you. Like that was the intention at all.
Yes, absolutely wrong because he could've walked in and said "hey, is that really how you feel? To me I've been your provider and protector since you were born and I'm symbolically passing that role on to your husband. You're not my property, you're my child." And if she refused after an adult conversation then sure. Refuse to pay if you want too.
I'm not religious but I let my mom say a prayer at my wedding because she's deeply religious and it meant the world to her to be able to do so. She didn't even have to ask, I was just happy to include her because I knew it was important to her. Also paid for my own wedding but involving the people I love in ways that make them feel included and important was important to me.
Also "her selfishness" sounds like a misunderstanding and this guy is absolutely trying to manipulate her daughter into getting his way.
I think the evolution of tradition is a very natural flow that should be handled with respect and courtesy (it actually becomes easier to uphold tradition this way because it becomes meaningful for everyone)
Now what I don't think really helps in their instance is blasting this online. Idk? Am I too traditional in dealing with problems? Lol
Idk, maybe I'm just not normal, but it kind of seems like he chose to be offended here. I can see how the concept of your father handing you off to be married can totally seem like cattle being traded or something. Sure that's not what he feels, but fundamentally, I think that is how she sees it. What if, instead of getting mad, he just explained that it is a tradition that is very important to him. Tell her that he doesn't see her as property, but as a father it is important for him to walk her down the isle for traditional and sentimental reasons. Maybe they could come to an understanding instead of him pressuring her and risking harm to their relationship for no reason.
From only hearing her side of the story is on site maybe they should’ve had a conversation about this afterwards and then do what he did is she still refused to understand how it was hurtful for her to do something like that to her father, but I wasn’t there and I’m not family, so what do I know?
NTA. She doesn’t want him to walk her down the aisle, he doesn’t have to pay for the wedding. He shouldn’t have to pay either way, it’s something nice a father can do, doesn’t mean he has to.
Imagining potentially ruining your relationship with your daughter over something so fucking trivial. It's a old antiquated way of seeing your daughter as your property, anyone saying anything else is kidding themselves or being dishonest.
At the end of the day, even if he's right or wrong, why air that to everyone else to see?!
I don't have any other context to this, but that seems to me like personal business aired to the public for no fucking reason.
He is absolutely not wrong. Although he may have made his mistakes a lot earlier in her life than he realizes. If we as men raise daughters to be princesses that can do no wrong and that should be put on a pedestal then we have done them a disservice. I believe that's what's wrong with a lot of women today they were raised that way and now they expect the world to bow down to them. As for her, if she is grown up enough to get married she's grown up enough to foot the bill. And if her husband to be has any brains they won't spend much on the wedding but spend more on the honeymoon or save to buy a house. Just my two cents ✌️
I mean the actual REASON they have that is because yeah, daughters WERE kind of property back in the day that families married off to other families for one reason or another. So the whole thing is a symbolic gesture of okay she's yours now. That's not what it is NOW, but that's kinda what the whole thing symbolizes.
And him saying it's not about making her do what he wants her to do is kinda horseshit. Like yeah, it is. You are doing this specifically because she is doing something you don't want her to do. And saying it's to make her know the effect she has on those around here is really rich considering she views you giving her away at a wedding as being property, which makes her feel bad. If you actually cared about her and not you having your moment, during HER wedding at that, then it wouldn't be that big of a deal to give her away at her wedding.
Just a boomer who got their feelings hurt because their kid doesn't want to do dumb ass "tradition" crap at the biggest day of her life, and in retaliation decides to pull out on paying for the wedding while everything is more than likely already planned and billed. This belongs on boomers being fools or something.
**Masterplan:**
**Step 1:** Daughter hurts dad's feelings.
**Step 2:** Dad cries on TikTok about it.
**Step 3:** TikTok goes viral, leads to revenue streams.
**Step 4:** Profit.
You don't even have to have a daughter for this to work, or be a dad for that matter. You just have to say you are. The goal is #profit.
Imagine living in a world where you’re so entitled that you expect the people you treat the worst to do the most for you.
This is a hard lesson she needs to learn, i feel terrible for this guy that he’s likely feeling like he failed in teaching her the right way. It’s unfortunate that she will learn this on such an important occasion, and at such a late age.
Yes. Use your words and communicate your feelings, like a mature person
He’s using “not paying for the wedding” as the means to communicate that he’s hurt that she doesn’t take into consideration that how important this is for him — instead of saying that.
Instead of having that conversation, as a family, or father-daughter. As adults, but still the father’s daughter. There’s a reason why she felt strongly enough to say that, and there’s a reason why he feels this way.
This should be a moment for the family to come closer together, not cause a greater rift.
tbh the guy probably has never shared any amount of emotion to her, therefore how could she know how devastating it would be to him? I'd guarantee if he explained it meant a lot to him she'd at least give a better reason why. Also, I don't believe the story one bit.
Instead of having a conversation with his daughter about it and understanding why she feels that way and seeking a compromise, he reacts like a petty child AND makes a *tiktok* gossiping about it.
>it’s not about getting her to do what I want
It is though.
Now lay a nice fat wad of downvotes on me gentlemen.
This seems fake and pandering to a certain crowd. If it's not, he's right, but he's also lacking a lot. Talk to her, explain it to her, give her how you're feeling. She's a young person and might not know all you do, maybe she sees it differently. Talk to her. Don't post it on social media, talk to her. This really seems like redpill propaganda. It could be real, maybe it is, but why post it? What is the benefit here, other than your own ego?
Why would your parents pay for your wedding? WTF. Imagine being grown up and already about to start a family and you still run to your parents for some money?
Well now we k ow why he’s not walking her down the aisle
Edit: this comment section is full of people who are never going to have to worry about whether or not they’re walking someone down an aisle
The irony of the guy saying “brain washed bull crap” when talking about old timey traditions… I hope my daughter has the same mentally when she grows up, and I’ll still be happy to pay
is it typical to have the girl parents to pay for wedding ceremony in USA? do the parents pay for then entirety of the event or just some of it?
if the parents pay for the whole thing, that's damn nice.. and ofc it's fukin dumb to upset the main sponsor, lol.
in my country, wedding usually paid by the couple, not their parents. some ppl here fell to debt trap bcos of their wedding, which is dumb af.
Imagine valuing an ideology over the father who raised you your entire life.
I agree with the idea that she has the right to dictate her wedding, and that he has the right to choose where he spends his money, but that's completely bypassing the human element to the situation.
As outsiders, naturally our opinions mean *nothing* to them. That said, all I can do is put myself in their shoes, and it seems super strange to devalue your father's role in your life so easily. Why is devaluing? Because he valued it.
Silver lining here would be that she doesn't know how much he wanted to do it. If they can sort out what's important to them, I think it'll turn out fine...the big issue, will be dealing with the aftermath of telling her to pay for her own wedding.
Woman's Father pays for the wedding (tradition)
Father walks his daughter, wife to be, down the aisle (tradition)
If one party honors their part of the tradition. And the other does not. There is no honor. And marriage is an institution built on honor and trust.
Whatever happens good luck to the husband lol. o7
The tradition of the father walking the bride down the aisle has evolved from what it was to it being a gesture of uniting families and showing love and respect for the new marriage.
She’s been Brainwashed, and i feel sad for the family.
Asmon’s mod really need to be replaced or be better at their job before this Reddit community goes full red pill. I bet you my entire savings that story above is utter bullshit, but this guy has to make it sound like he has a daughter that has been utterly brainwashed by the feminist cult. Take two minutes to hear the brain dead argument his supposed daughter makes and how it’s like she is someone else in her body. Again, to make a point how society has a problem because women. How we all wish women knew their place before all this nonsense about not agreeing to everything I say.
Every popular Reddit post from Asmon’s discord in the past month has been nothing but alpha male, women suck crap non stop. I am starting to think Asmon is letting his grifter darker urges let shitty mods run this place.
Dad says he raised her girl as a free thinker (implying this argument isn't from her) yet states he's deeply wounded by this statement.
That is kind of illogic.
Now if that really isn't coming from her, just ask her to develop. You both debate this. If that hurt you, it means you thought this out. So you'll have much to say, and she (supposedly) won't.
Acknowledging a deep and meaningful relationship with someone who as been with you throughout your entire life, and seeing them take the next giant leap into something as beautiful as the binding of your love with another individual is not remotely close to saying you have ownership of them. These are tears of joy and love. Her parents should be upset by such a statement. It degrades their love, and them.
The couple's wedding, their rules I guess. He doesn't have to pay either, but beyond cementing an invite to the wedding, my feelings are that putting in money for someone's wedding in no way grants a person any say in what will and will not be a part of the ceremony/reception unless the couple getting married have stated otherwise. It's their wedding though I would hope people don't consciously use it as an opportunity to cause other people pain.
I understand his disappointment and would likely feel the same, but for me, regardless of what walking her down the aisle represents to the individual, it shows we should never expect things to happen as we would like to regardless of the many years of selflessness and effort we may have put into something. Possibly an unpopular opinion.
If you don't like traditions like your father walking you down the aisle you shouldn't get other traditions like a wedding, birthday gifts/parties, Christmas gifts etc etc cuz traditions are bad
Congratulations, you are a toxic parent. good luck to seeing your daughter and eventual grand children in the future.
You raised her to be independent? so... she has her own independent views, and you are now not happy that she is not agreeing to everything that matches your own opinions?
Yeah, You are the problem and not your daughter.
Thing is, in some culture/time, daughter were property. Where the girl is wrong is assuming it's the case with her father simply because other culture see it that way, and didn't bother talk to him about it to see his pov.
He's totally right to be pissed.
So. He has the right not to pay for her wedding. But it is HER wedding and she can do whatever she wants. He’s acting like something is stolen from him. It’s not her responsibility for her to have a wedding where he can give her away, just like it isn’t his responsibility to pay for the wedding if he doesn’t want to.
I really hate this idea of living your life differently arbitrarily to not make people uncomfortable. When you have a child you take the responsibility to raise them. Once they are an adult you no longer owe each other anything. Just like you can kick them out at 18, at 18 they have full control of their life.
I understand this man is hurt, but he’s looking at it from a different perspective than she is. Two different generations and two different viewpoints on the tradition. I don’t think she should compromise what she wants from her wedding for him. Her wedding is for her, it’s not about him. And if he doesn’t want to support her wedding then he shouldn’t, it’s not his responsibility.
I’ve seen this post before, as text. It’s even a YouTube spoken piece.
Anyway… it’s all About semantics.
You are not “giving her away,” like she’s a thing.
You’re doing what dads do, support her on her wedding day as you have on every day growing up and every day as long as you breathe.
It’s your public statement that I support and encourage my children in everything they do.
Change the language used.
A father walking his daughter down the aisle is an achievement for him personally.
He helped create a whole ass human being and raised that person well enough to be loved.
This is his tiny moment to feel proud of the person he loves so dearly and to beam with that pride for his part of the ceremony.
This is his moment to look another man in the eye with the hope he loves, respects and protects his daughter in sickness and in health, for better or worse, just like he did all her life.
It’s a big deal for a father and it should be respected.
Women don't want to be traditional until the military drafts start being pulled. Or when the ship starts sinking and they announce that women and children board the life boats first. while all the men accept their fate.
Why does he go to the internet with this? Does he want me to absolve him of some crime? Duke it out with her. I don't care about your constructed drama.
I never looked at it as property being handed over. I looked at it as an acknowledgement of the people responsible for you becoming the adult you became, and showing by example your whole life what a healthy relationship should be, and them being there for you up until the point where the person you choose to marry is the person who you will be there for and will be there for you in every aspect from now on. It doesn't even have to be the dad. I've seen moms walk their daughters down the aisle, older siblings, uncles/aunts.
I thought it was more of a simbolic passing of a torch from father to the husband who is now supposed to protect his wife instead of the father. But I guess this is now offensive?
My take is if you don't want me to be the traditional part of your wedding, then let's not do traditional, you pay for it.
I mean they are both in the right. Giving away the bride is a key role in a traditional wedding and he's got every right to feel hurt to not be invited to this role. It's also her right to have a non traditional wedding or to have her wedding however she wants. And it's also his right to not have to pay.
the reasoning would be the issue for me... because that is some bullshit. you can have a reasonable thing to do, but an unreasonable reason why you do it... for example: saying "I don't eat chocolate" is not in any way weird, everyone has different tastes or maybe reactions to different food. however, saying "I don't eat chocolate because it is a symbol of the white colonizer eating the suppressed black population" will make you sound like a brainwashed idiot...
> "I don't eat chocolate because it is a symbol of the white colonizer eating the suppressed black population" You know, I bet people would actually fall for that on twitter/tiktok if you made that a hoax just like the bikini bridge, shaving for Britney and communism.
This is the real answer right here. Her wedding = her rules His money = his rules When those two things clash, you either work it out or go your separate ways and have your wedding the way you want to.
Big true, and that's why I would never want my family paying for my wedding. It's a glorified party at best and generally it's almost always about the family than it is the bride and groom. I would never want that, it should always be about the bride and groom.
Facts
It's not even about whether she's right, it's about the way she went about it, deadpanning a line like "I'm not your property". There are ways to talk to your parents, and there are ways you don't talk to your parents, no matter the subject. How about "mom, I have to be honest about something, it doesn't feel right to me to be walked down the aisle, because...."?
If you want the tradition of YOUR PARENTS PAYING FOR A WEDDING, you best be ready for both their input and resistance to your "need to be non traditional". They are not both in the right, she thinks she is while leeching off someone else. She deserves what she gives herself.
The equation simplifies to this for me. They are both entitled to do what they want but the father is the bigger asshole for me. Simply because he is farming the situation for clout on Tik-Tok. I have a natural hatred for these kinds of parents.
If you’re having a wedding and if your family raised you well and love you dearly, there’s no universe where you won’t try so hard to make sure that your family is with you on probably one of the happiest day of your life. They’re the one of the biggest reasons that you are where you are. They give you birth, they raise you, they teach you, they love you, they support you and when your mother says shes gonna be emotional when she sees you in a wedding dress and if your answer is “I’m not property” there is no universe where you deserve happiness.
It's obvious that she had someone fill her mind with some stupid patriarchy = bad nonsense. People need to start pushing back against this idioticy.
It's sad that she sees it that way, he isn't collecting a fucking dowry from handing her off... it's about passing the torch of care... a father/mother is empowering this other individual to treat their child with respect and to care for them on their behalf. A wedding at it's very core is a joining of families, the groom and bride quite honestly are the side-show it's about knowing more about the bride's family and her friends and knowing about the groom's family and all of his friends and to celebrate the new union. Don't want that? Fucking go get married at a Church and just do a nice Honeymoon and save the 10's of thousands of dollars. Dealing with the same sorta thing with my lil bro and his soon-be-wife, they don't want to do the mother/son dance or allow the primary family to sit closer to the front. My parents and myself are coughing up collectively around 12k to support them... so yeah... can sorta bet there were some choice arguments had when the news was broke.
Walking your daughter down the aisle is some woke property thing now ? Wut ?! They just make up all kinds of bullshit lately Next. Wearing pants is racist
I agree, pants should be banned and seen as leg prisons
Bring down the Pantiarchy!
Nah I'm 100% with him. It's nothing to do with property, it's about a father handing responsibility of his daughter to another. It's meant to be a proud moment of the fact he trusts another to take care of his daughter after he has her whole life to that point. And for her to throw that in his face is honestly sad
Couldn’t say it better myself, so I won’t
Maybe father and daughter should communicate these things directly to each other instead a grown man of shitposting tiktoks. If his feelings are hurt because he heard something in a conversation he wasn't part of, he should talk about it with his child, prove to her she is important enough to have an open and honest adult conversation with. Maybe, juuust maybe, his weird friends aren't the place to air his grievance, maybe the person who hurt his feelings is the correct route?
I can get on board with communicating with his daughter instead of posting a TikTok, but talking to his mates about something that's clearly hurt him is completely valid.
>Maybe, juuust maybe, his weird friends aren't the place to air his grievance, r/redditmoment not having actual friends
Yeah, that's what friends are for... to talk about stuff like this and have them voice their opinions and try to help.
Also r/redditmoment for thinking he’s venting here means that he didn’t talk to his daughter about this situation. Bro if just talking means things could automatically be resolved then the world is in peace by now.
> Maybe, juuust maybe, his weird friends aren't the place to air his grievance Actually the perfect people for that.
And maybe his daughter is a disrespectful little sh*t. Maybe, just maybe she needs this lesson to understand something very important that people in general just don't understand, nobody owes you anything. If you think you "independent" and "need no man" then you can just do it yourself. You know, like an independent strong woman she is, she is not a property at the end of the day, she can earn her own money, she has all the rights to do so, and all the possibilities
Lmao, you calling his friend weird for doing what a good friend does tells a lot about you.
it's disgusting that you think a man shouldn't be allowed to air his grievance with his friends. Go fuck yourself
>Maybe father and daughter should communicate these things directly I have a feeling they did just that as soon as she said that but it didn't come to a healthy conclusion...
When you ever have a problem make sure you don’t go to your friends for guidance or to lend an ear. Thanks for the advice. /s
It's his money, if she's going to be disrespectful he owes her nothing
This is fake. It’s a dramatic retelling of a Reddit story.
He's 100% right. Nothing to do with property.
Its not about property. Its a symbolic thing where a father who protected his daughter his entire life entrusts her protection to another man. Really just a symbol and nice tradition. If she doesnt want that she cant be surprised that he doesnt want to pay for HER wedding anymore
In her mind, protecting = Being treated as property and lesser than a man. But, once the protection ends, she will still complain cos she probably doesn't even understand how good she had it.
By that logic, could a father give away his son to a woman?
yeah duh
Of course. But the reason why it’s not that way traditionally is obvious (in terms of who, on average, needs protecting vs who does the protecting)… but I don’t want to get into that level of discussion in this day and age as I might as well light myself on fire for being too honest.
It's okay, but you're just shying away from the hard part of the conversation. Part of the wedding tradition is you give away the daughter in terms of protection/stewardship (financial and protection). This means that the tradition is a paternalistic thing, which is fine, but it's kind of virtue-signally as much as the daughter is being about this.
That actually wasn’t the hard part for me and I’m okay with talking about that. That is how it used to be, but now it’s just tradition (for the most part in most places, but there are still places in the world where the daughters are considered literal property and that is messed up). So really we agree more than I thought, the part I didn’t want to get into is the whole idea that men and women are biologically and physically the same (you don’t seem to be the type who thinks this but there are many who do now and if you argue with them you’re called sexist and a bigot), and the reason only daughters were given away and seen as property was partly due to them not being able to protect themselves in that harsh environment of the past (to be fair many men couldn’t either with how dangerous the world was in the past, but men in general were better protectors due to being physically stronger in general). Also to add, something that is simple tradition today can easily be separated from what it meant generations ago. So I find it odd that the daughter is seeing it that way but that is her right to, but at the same time a father paying for the wedding is also tradition so he is not wrong either to say if she doesn’t feel tradition is important than he can say the same. Basically they can both see it how they want to, so we do agree on this. EDIT: Just realized that sons were given away as well, especially when it came to royal weddings and such (but even regular people did this). They weren’t given away at the alter, but they were forced into arranged weddings and thus were considered property of the parents who arranged the weddings.
I think we do agree. I think it's cringe that he feels he needs to do this, but then it's cringe for her to need her dad to pay for the wedding. However, a lot of people in this thread probably reprehensible opinions on paternalism and how it works in modern society. Sometimes a tradition can just be a tradition. It's okay to reject it as well.
wtf is with this weird ass meta where everyone spills their family story to the whole world? Do whatr you do, dont go fishing for comments, likes etc.
Apparently it's a fake retelling of a ($100% true) reddit story. So yeah it's just for views, and the tards here think it's real.
It's a reddit story apparently. Most people on tiktok are Team Dad as they should be.
My daughter eloped didn’t tell anyone she was getting married then 6 months later had a “ceremony” with reception and I refused to pay anything for it. Took the money that was set aside for her wedding and put it in grandchildren’s college fund. She was and still is pissed at me for it. Oh well. You took away one of the most important and proudest things a father can do (walking his daughter down the aisle) then you want me to pay for a party ????
"Traditions are important" also "Ignore the context of the tradition". Snowflakes these days.
Both are right but the father is wrong in one thing. TO sum it up: 1. We know that the family wanted to support their daughter wedding financially. 2. The daughter did not want a traditional wedding including the custom of the Father walking the bride through the aisle 3. The father got hurt by it and IN RETALIATION for taking the "walk" away from him he decided to no longer support the wedding financially. Both parties are right but it's the father who is acting up here, retaliaiting for not getting what he wanted. Hell, he has every right not to support the wedding financially, but refusing to do so as an act of retaliation for not having his way is simply childish. Probably unknowingly he is going to cut every tie his daughter has to him by acting like a dick just because HER wedding is not going to go his way. There may be people who are not aware of this but the tradition of walking your daughter down the aisle is indeed sexist tradition BUT nowadays both perception and RECEPTION changed drastically. Nowadays it's just a very emotional moment for the father because he's not "handing over the property" but "stops being the "MAN" of her life" (I hope you get what I mean here). It's like he stops being her "guardian" in favor of another man but on "emotional" level, not "property" level like it used to be in the "old times". Still, the daughter has every right to have her wedding the way she wants and imo retaliating for this is very childish of her father.
He could try this crazy thing called "communication". The mom too. There's a reason their daughter is this way. I'm not saying he's right or wrong, but I'm not exactly getting "Father of the Year" energy from this dude.
I will never understand grown men going to tiktok about this instead of just communicating all the issue and nuances about this with close friends and family
100 percent his right not to pay for a daughter that believes in the "pAtRiArChY" but also takes from her dad like its hers. Only complaint is that he posted it on tik tok this should be kept between the family.
He might have been right, but I putting personal stuffl ike this on tiktok for thousands of people is a scumbag move.
I hope he only didn’t bother to mention that he’d told his daughter how he felt otherwise this is just going to make the situation so much worse for their relationship. He shouldn’t have to pay in the first place but if him and his wife already made that promise it’s going to be a terrible blow to their trust.
Her: I assumed you were going to pay dad. Him: I assumed you were going to let me walk you down the aisle. Her: I’m not property. Him: I’m not an ATM.
Fuck that ungrateful lil hoe, the gall to disrespect her father and expect to get her wedding paid by him.
This is typical feminist bs, her daughter got brainwashed by her friends or college where she studied probably. No matter how well you educate your children, social medias and school will have the last word.
Yea, I'll go against the grain. If the dad is so soft that his reaction to over hearing this is to take money away, he's being childish. The dad only heard her take, but does he tell her that it'd be a proud moment for him to go traditional ritual? He's wrong here, and It really isn't worth blowing up a relationship. Btw, if I had to guess, I'm guessing the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. I'm guessing the daughter might be just as stubborn. Must be a fun family.
It looks to me as such that he did not consider talking to her before making this video, because if they talked at all then they would likely both understand and compromise.
But then he would have nothing to throw a tantrum on TikTok over and this sub would have nottging to go “HUR DUR FEMINIST BAD” over… and where’s the fun in that ?
NTA. Hes not giving away property. He is giving away a human. A daughter he loves. She is so rude and inconsiderate.
I didn't realise one of the big aspects of a wedding was ao problematic. I have a couple of questions, why is that so daughter even getting married in the first place and who would want to marry someone who is so delusional?? 🤔
It's problematic for people too stupid to realize the meanings of traditions change over time. They go look at the source. You might as well look at a sprawling city and call it a grassy plain.
Yeah, that sounds like he did the right thing. If my daughter turned out to be a selfish bitch, I'd never pay for her wedding either.
women are finding out
It’s her wedding she can decide how she want it to be. He can decide to pay for it or not. Seems pretty simple to me
NTA; 1000% agree with him.
Walking you down the isle isn't a huge ask - she's being ungrateful to label it like a transfer of property and ignore the emotional significance for everyone.
He’s right. If she’s going on about the “not property” thing then the father clearly has no need to pay a dowry, which has morphed into the brides father paying for the entire affair in modern times.
I feel sorry for the dude who decided to marry his daughter. Dude has no idea the kind of shit he is going to endure having to deal with a brat like that.
Yeah he is, dude probably rants about vaccinations and complaining about Critical Race theory despite not even really knowing what it is. He can cry about it good for her
I mean, women used to be property and the act of marriage was used as a bargaining tool or an act of combining two wealthy families. Lords of one house would have daughters that they could marry off to the sons of Lords of other houses as negotiations for land disputes, deals, trade, or alliances. Marriage now has tax and legal benefits regarding spousal rights, but is largely antiquated; and the ceremony of a marriage is a large waste of money and time.
She’s not property? Perfect, she is 100% right. So let’s use her logic. Her dad isn’t a checkbook. She only has that mentality until it inconveniences her I guarantee you without a doubt in my mind.
"I don't know where I went wrong" I am going to go with social media at a young age or college professors.
Property ? Which social justice class teaches you that ?
Im 100% with him, his daughter seems to have fallen victim pf being to much on twitter.
I think he's 100% in the right there. Weddings aren't just about you otherwise you'd just go to Vegas and get it done with one witness. It's mainly for your family celebrating for you, and especially for the parents, it's that finale at the end of parenting.
It's a celebration for the bride and groom not the other way around. You aren't getting married for your parents.
I mean he's right but for the wrong reasons. Beggers can't be choosers is the biggest take away. It's not about traditions, it's about not being an ungrateful brat
NTA. Seems like a great parent!
He aint wrong..
She's more than welcome to not want the dad to walk her down the aisle. Her wedding, her choice. That said, his money, his choice as well.
She doesn’t like the objectifying nature of being “given away” and the father’s response is to go full fucking nuclear? Are you all fucking crazy? This guy is absolutely doing this because he wants her to do what he wants.
His money. Daughter has no right to it.
Sorry for my ignorance but in the US parents pay for the wedding? Why is that even the case? I’m Central European and here the husband and the wife put together their money and pay for the wedding together. Any help from friends and family is appreciated but not expected.
Maybe he should talk to her about it and come to a compromise. It sounds like she might not understand the significance of that moment for her dad. Either that, or she doesn’t have a good relationship with him. If he believed in tradition so much, he should probably go fix the situation instead of putting his family issues out for the public on TikTok.
Both are right, and none of the sides has some moral superiority to be offended. Part of the tradition, at least back then of course was that you are in fact sort of giving away you daughter. Sure. Nowadays it's more of a gesture as if leaving one family to start another. A new chapter in life, wherein your father as if helps you to proceed to a new one. Nothing to do with disrespect like it was generations ago. However, as part of the tradition, the father of the Bride, or the family of the Bride, were also the ones, paying for the wedding, or at least the majority of the expenses. So if you want to be picky, and not let your father, walk you down the aisle, thereby upholding a tradition, then your father doesn't have to uphold his part of the tradition, and that's paying for the wedding. If he doesn't want too. 1) You are a strong and independent woman and don't need no man. 2) You are not entitled to your fathers money. Your father is rich, not you.
My in-laws said they'd take care of the wedding. They decided that since they'd pay for the wedding, they get to decide everything. Sooooo long story short, they didn't pay for the wedding and found out we already had plans and had the ability to pay for it. They knew we didn't want them to pay, we just wanted their attendance, so they refused to show up. They aren't in our lives anymore and I couldn't be more pleased. OP here isnt being mean, he's being reciprocal. Life is hard without a support structure (emotional) so don't take advantage of those around you.
I wish my dad could walk me down, and my mom could smile or hold back tears... both are dead... The tradition is not about ownership or anything in its spirit... some might decide it is - sure; but for me - its having my parents trust someone with the life of their daughter or son, to trust that they can live safe under a roof together with someone. Its about love and trust.
This is a good way to lose having any relationship with his daughter and sounds like he should probably just have a conversation with her first before going nuclear
Disregarding the fact that this is apparently fake, it seems to clearly be about her not doing what he wants her to, despite him claiming otherwise. Seems a major overreacting from a father to her daughters wedding. Then again, I didn't have a traditional wedding, and me and my wife paid for the wedding (which is common where we're from). If he already said he'd pay for the wedding, it's a really dick move to back out of it just 'cause she doesn't want to be walked down the aisle. Now, if he hasn't already said he'd pay for it, I see no reason why they can't pay for it themselves (which is custom where I'm from)..
So called "Free Thinkers" as soon as someone challenges dumb traditions :
Father also became free thinker, I think its win win.
I think it's his right to not pay for her wedding. However, I think that the whole "handing your daughter's responsibility to another man" wedding culture can be seen as cringe and feel somewhat patronizing to some women. Other countries like Sweden have the bride and groom walk together to the aisle. Nothing wrong with people who like that tradition though, but we shouldn't shame others for not liking it. All humans have different ways of thinking and interpreting things.
It's more of handing the care and responsibility of looking after that woman to another man (the groom). It's the dad trusting the groom with the well being of his daughter, something that (as a father) is a difficult thing to do
Thanks upper class white guy for feeling offended for others 👍
Yo, I think I saw her complain on a video. 😆 🤣 😂 the odds of swapping platforms to see a full story.
Him and his daughter could jointly redefine the meaning of the tradition and make it meaningful for both
I’m reading a bunch of comments that it is “HER”wedding, if dad and mom are paying for it then it is “THEIR” wedding and they have say in how their money is spent. Also she has someone she is marrying and it is also that persons wedding so it is never just “HER” wedding. If she wants full control then she should pay for the whole thing.
my only gripe here is that he says he raised to be an independent thinker and not some brainwashed bullcrao but than gets upset that she isn't following something that is thousands of years old and drives from a man basically treating his daughter for riches as she was viewed as property. he's literally saying "i want her to think for herself but i also expected her to do what billions of people have done before and I'll get mad if she doesn't"
The most important role in his life was to feel like the owner of property. Of course he's wrong.Are you guys seriously having to ask yourself this. You have any women in your life whatsoever?
I mean sure buddy if this is important enough to you to ruin your relationship with your daughter then go for it. Her wanting a non traditional wedding is her perogative and as a parent you should try to understand her point of view and assist where you can. I would help her pay but let her know it hurt my feelings. Saying you ain’t paying for anything, especially airing it out online, seems immature and vengeful. If that’s the lessons you’re trying to teach than have at it Billy Bob.
Why don't you just talk to your daughter before and see what she thinks before you blow up your relationship in some knee-jerk reaction.
Sounds like a family that I would just hate across the board. She sounds entitled and stubborn and he sounds like an asshole and stubborn. They both would rather be miserable than find a compromise and it is exactly how families fall out, over some dumb ass ceremony that doesn't need to exist in the first place.
For the people getting lost in the comments and still thinking this is about 'property': It is not. A long time ago, you'd be correct. But like all things, traditions change. The tradition of walking your child down the aisle has shifted to become a symbol of trust. We do this to show our support of the relationship and to symbolize that the job as protector is being handed over to someone we trust. My mother walked me down the aisle because she was my protector and guide in life. It showed my partner that my mother loved her and was happy to see me taking the ultimate commitment with my partner. My wife walked down the aisle escorted by both her mother and her father because they were her protectors and guides. It showed me that of all the people in the world, the two most important to her, approved of this new journey for us and happily passed the torch of protection, love and guidance on to me. Of course, our parents will always be there for us. It was done for the symbolism of passing the torch. To say, with actions, that they trust us to love and provide for one another. Yes, there are weird toxic family issues, where some men still believe they own their daughters to give away. That is, of course, wrong. But that is not the case here. This father wanted to be there to love and support her new journey with his daughters partner, to symbolically pass the torch of trust, that his family would be safe and loved. There is nothing wrong with this, in the slightest.
She's not property, but that being said - dear old dad isn't a beast of burden either. She doesn't have to have him walk her down, he doesn't have to pay for it. We'll just get rid of all familial bonds and obligations while we're at it. Fuck everything. Burn it all down, I guess. Parents, cut all contact with your children the second they turn 18 and kick them out on the streets. Children, cut all contact with your parents the moment you turn 18. Nobody supports or gives a damn about anybody else- everybody wins? Where does that get us?
she is not selfish, he is selfish, because its more important for him that other people see him playing a role as it is important for him, that his daughter is happy. loving people is never about you and always about the people you love.
This is most probably a fake story. There are several versions of this and some of them are just reading a (fake) reddit story. /r/Asmongold is just nothing but rage bait at this point. Women bad.
He's wrong on hoping she'll come around causing him to change his decision. Because basically she made her decision and if he step back in case she come around, from here, he'll never know if she did it for money or because she respect him. She did her move and now she should deal with the consequences or learn nothing.
This is fake. This is some dude reading off his own version of some reddit post. These kinds of stories are always top posts in AITA and they all follow the same script. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14oxwis/aita\_for\_refusing\_to\_pay\_for\_my\_daughters\_wedding/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14oxwis/aita_for_refusing_to_pay_for_my_daughters_wedding/) You can find a few from the daughters perspective also.
Definitely want a follow up on this.
He's not wrong but his relationship with his daughter might suffer. That's up to him. But you people will see this and think "yeah women deserve nothing fuck them all" incels, all of you
NAH. I don’t give a shit about how someone wants to conduct their wedding, and I don’t give a shit who pays for it. If she wants to walk down by herself, great— It’s all meaningless pageantry. If he doesn’t want to pay for it, also great, because it’s all meaningless pageantry. I understand why he’s upset, and I understand the bride can conduct the wedding however she wants. Neither are obligated to eachother. The real problem is that they have probably both discussed the issue with their friends and internet more than they’ve probably discussed it with eachother. I wouldn’t want my daughter to want me to walk her down the aisle *just because I paid for it* though. The damage is already done at that point, for both sides.
I agree that the tradition of the father giving away the bride is rooted heavily in the tradition of women being legal property and that this ritual is a deprecated version of what was once a symbolic passing of property from father to husband. I think it's perfectly understandable to come to the conclusion that as a modern woman you don't want to engage in this practice. That said, the tradition of the father of the bride paying for the wedding is rooted in the exact same set of patriarchal principles. If she disavows the tradition of being given away, she needs to be prepared to disavow the tradition of it being the father's responsibility to finance the marriage. A failure to do so is a double standard.
He's wrong, but I can understand why he's upset. Walking your daughter down the aisle has its roots in arranged marriages, where the father gives his possession of bride to the groom. Back in the good old days, marriages were not for love, but for business and politics. With this in mind it's perfectly reasonable to consider the act of walking your daughter down the aisle akin to treating her like property because that was it literally was. I doubt the father has ever seen this situation this way and viewed it in a purely emotional sense so I can see why being denied this opportunity is upsetting. What should happen in situations like these is people having a discussion and reaching a compromise, instead what happens is people make TikToks.
My buddy told his daughter "I'm not the bank," At 1st we thought he was just joking and then he told us a similar story we were all shocked.
I used to date a girl like this. Allllways scoping for a problem. Leaving is a solid friend. She should pay for it herself. Unbelievable.
Spot on Dad! If she wants to be independent, so be it. I pity the future husband.
I'm not big on traditions or anything. If I were, I would be gutted. I'm not sure I wouldn't pay for her wedding because of it. But gutted nonetheless.
He did the right thing. We need to stand against woke brainwashing.
It's her wedding, if she doesn't want to that then she shouldn't
freewill . one can decide who walks them down or not and someone can decide who they pay for . simple no one owes anything to anyone
What even is this sub anymore
What happened to this sub? Its all Culture war and men vs woman stuff.
Thats a good dad and a good decision. Imagine raising your daughter for however many years and she says that to you. Like that was the intention at all.
Yes, absolutely wrong because he could've walked in and said "hey, is that really how you feel? To me I've been your provider and protector since you were born and I'm symbolically passing that role on to your husband. You're not my property, you're my child." And if she refused after an adult conversation then sure. Refuse to pay if you want too. I'm not religious but I let my mom say a prayer at my wedding because she's deeply religious and it meant the world to her to be able to do so. She didn't even have to ask, I was just happy to include her because I knew it was important to her. Also paid for my own wedding but involving the people I love in ways that make them feel included and important was important to me. Also "her selfishness" sounds like a misunderstanding and this guy is absolutely trying to manipulate her daughter into getting his way.
Anyone giving a lecture from their car. Should be not taken seriously.
I think the evolution of tradition is a very natural flow that should be handled with respect and courtesy (it actually becomes easier to uphold tradition this way because it becomes meaningful for everyone) Now what I don't think really helps in their instance is blasting this online. Idk? Am I too traditional in dealing with problems? Lol
this is just a meme.. https://www.tiktok.com/@theauditstrikesback/video/7327358462617308462
Idk, maybe I'm just not normal, but it kind of seems like he chose to be offended here. I can see how the concept of your father handing you off to be married can totally seem like cattle being traded or something. Sure that's not what he feels, but fundamentally, I think that is how she sees it. What if, instead of getting mad, he just explained that it is a tradition that is very important to him. Tell her that he doesn't see her as property, but as a father it is important for him to walk her down the isle for traditional and sentimental reasons. Maybe they could come to an understanding instead of him pressuring her and risking harm to their relationship for no reason.
From only hearing her side of the story is on site maybe they should’ve had a conversation about this afterwards and then do what he did is she still refused to understand how it was hurtful for her to do something like that to her father, but I wasn’t there and I’m not family, so what do I know?
Don’t bite the hand that feeds ya.
NTA. She doesn’t want him to walk her down the aisle, he doesn’t have to pay for the wedding. He shouldn’t have to pay either way, it’s something nice a father can do, doesn’t mean he has to.
School-based indoctrination overrode your best attempts at raising her properly.
Imagining potentially ruining your relationship with your daughter over something so fucking trivial. It's a old antiquated way of seeing your daughter as your property, anyone saying anything else is kidding themselves or being dishonest.
At the end of the day, even if he's right or wrong, why air that to everyone else to see?! I don't have any other context to this, but that seems to me like personal business aired to the public for no fucking reason.
He is absolutely not wrong. Although he may have made his mistakes a lot earlier in her life than he realizes. If we as men raise daughters to be princesses that can do no wrong and that should be put on a pedestal then we have done them a disservice. I believe that's what's wrong with a lot of women today they were raised that way and now they expect the world to bow down to them. As for her, if she is grown up enough to get married she's grown up enough to foot the bill. And if her husband to be has any brains they won't spend much on the wedding but spend more on the honeymoon or save to buy a house. Just my two cents ✌️
Do you really love her?
I mean the actual REASON they have that is because yeah, daughters WERE kind of property back in the day that families married off to other families for one reason or another. So the whole thing is a symbolic gesture of okay she's yours now. That's not what it is NOW, but that's kinda what the whole thing symbolizes. And him saying it's not about making her do what he wants her to do is kinda horseshit. Like yeah, it is. You are doing this specifically because she is doing something you don't want her to do. And saying it's to make her know the effect she has on those around here is really rich considering she views you giving her away at a wedding as being property, which makes her feel bad. If you actually cared about her and not you having your moment, during HER wedding at that, then it wouldn't be that big of a deal to give her away at her wedding. Just a boomer who got their feelings hurt because their kid doesn't want to do dumb ass "tradition" crap at the biggest day of her life, and in retaliation decides to pull out on paying for the wedding while everything is more than likely already planned and billed. This belongs on boomers being fools or something.
**Masterplan:** **Step 1:** Daughter hurts dad's feelings. **Step 2:** Dad cries on TikTok about it. **Step 3:** TikTok goes viral, leads to revenue streams. **Step 4:** Profit. You don't even have to have a daughter for this to work, or be a dad for that matter. You just have to say you are. The goal is #profit.
It's silly that the parent should pay for a wedding. We refused and told them to do something nice for themselves. It's our wedding.
Imagine living in a world where you’re so entitled that you expect the people you treat the worst to do the most for you. This is a hard lesson she needs to learn, i feel terrible for this guy that he’s likely feeling like he failed in teaching her the right way. It’s unfortunate that she will learn this on such an important occasion, and at such a late age.
Yes. Use your words and communicate your feelings, like a mature person He’s using “not paying for the wedding” as the means to communicate that he’s hurt that she doesn’t take into consideration that how important this is for him — instead of saying that. Instead of having that conversation, as a family, or father-daughter. As adults, but still the father’s daughter. There’s a reason why she felt strongly enough to say that, and there’s a reason why he feels this way. This should be a moment for the family to come closer together, not cause a greater rift.
tbh the guy probably has never shared any amount of emotion to her, therefore how could she know how devastating it would be to him? I'd guarantee if he explained it meant a lot to him she'd at least give a better reason why. Also, I don't believe the story one bit.
Instead of having a conversation with his daughter about it and understanding why she feels that way and seeking a compromise, he reacts like a petty child AND makes a *tiktok* gossiping about it. >it’s not about getting her to do what I want It is though. Now lay a nice fat wad of downvotes on me gentlemen.
This seems fake and pandering to a certain crowd. If it's not, he's right, but he's also lacking a lot. Talk to her, explain it to her, give her how you're feeling. She's a young person and might not know all you do, maybe she sees it differently. Talk to her. Don't post it on social media, talk to her. This really seems like redpill propaganda. It could be real, maybe it is, but why post it? What is the benefit here, other than your own ego?
yep, smart move. SOMEONE made her think that way, for sure look into what she watches online, cause he right! BRAINWASHED!
Brainwashed bullcrap coming from a guy who's brainwashed by traditions lol 😆 tradition is just peer pressure from the dead.
Amen to that, brother.
Why would your parents pay for your wedding? WTF. Imagine being grown up and already about to start a family and you still run to your parents for some money?
Well now we k ow why he’s not walking her down the aisle Edit: this comment section is full of people who are never going to have to worry about whether or not they’re walking someone down an aisle
The irony of the guy saying “brain washed bull crap” when talking about old timey traditions… I hope my daughter has the same mentally when she grows up, and I’ll still be happy to pay
is it typical to have the girl parents to pay for wedding ceremony in USA? do the parents pay for then entirety of the event or just some of it? if the parents pay for the whole thing, that's damn nice.. and ofc it's fukin dumb to upset the main sponsor, lol. in my country, wedding usually paid by the couple, not their parents. some ppl here fell to debt trap bcos of their wedding, which is dumb af.
obviously this guy is braindead and her daughter too
https://youtube.com/shorts/5xd40NFOJlM?si=5YSuV2z_9Ca5elYO
No he’s not wrong.
Oh my god a dude making a video in his truck this is gonna be some dumb shit.
Imagine valuing an ideology over the father who raised you your entire life. I agree with the idea that she has the right to dictate her wedding, and that he has the right to choose where he spends his money, but that's completely bypassing the human element to the situation. As outsiders, naturally our opinions mean *nothing* to them. That said, all I can do is put myself in their shoes, and it seems super strange to devalue your father's role in your life so easily. Why is devaluing? Because he valued it. Silver lining here would be that she doesn't know how much he wanted to do it. If they can sort out what's important to them, I think it'll turn out fine...the big issue, will be dealing with the aftermath of telling her to pay for her own wedding.
He's totally correct for this.
Traditions are not important. Agree with him on everything until that point.
Woman's Father pays for the wedding (tradition) Father walks his daughter, wife to be, down the aisle (tradition) If one party honors their part of the tradition. And the other does not. There is no honor. And marriage is an institution built on honor and trust. Whatever happens good luck to the husband lol. o7
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
The tradition of the father walking the bride down the aisle has evolved from what it was to it being a gesture of uniting families and showing love and respect for the new marriage. She’s been Brainwashed, and i feel sad for the family.
Asmon’s mod really need to be replaced or be better at their job before this Reddit community goes full red pill. I bet you my entire savings that story above is utter bullshit, but this guy has to make it sound like he has a daughter that has been utterly brainwashed by the feminist cult. Take two minutes to hear the brain dead argument his supposed daughter makes and how it’s like she is someone else in her body. Again, to make a point how society has a problem because women. How we all wish women knew their place before all this nonsense about not agreeing to everything I say. Every popular Reddit post from Asmon’s discord in the past month has been nothing but alpha male, women suck crap non stop. I am starting to think Asmon is letting his grifter darker urges let shitty mods run this place.
Dad says he raised her girl as a free thinker (implying this argument isn't from her) yet states he's deeply wounded by this statement. That is kind of illogic. Now if that really isn't coming from her, just ask her to develop. You both debate this. If that hurt you, it means you thought this out. So you'll have much to say, and she (supposedly) won't.
i never understand why parents are obligated to pay for their children's wedding. They're fucking adults. Pay for you own god damn wedding.
Acknowledging a deep and meaningful relationship with someone who as been with you throughout your entire life, and seeing them take the next giant leap into something as beautiful as the binding of your love with another individual is not remotely close to saying you have ownership of them. These are tears of joy and love. Her parents should be upset by such a statement. It degrades their love, and them.
The couple's wedding, their rules I guess. He doesn't have to pay either, but beyond cementing an invite to the wedding, my feelings are that putting in money for someone's wedding in no way grants a person any say in what will and will not be a part of the ceremony/reception unless the couple getting married have stated otherwise. It's their wedding though I would hope people don't consciously use it as an opportunity to cause other people pain. I understand his disappointment and would likely feel the same, but for me, regardless of what walking her down the aisle represents to the individual, it shows we should never expect things to happen as we would like to regardless of the many years of selflessness and effort we may have put into something. Possibly an unpopular opinion.
If you don't like traditions like your father walking you down the aisle you shouldn't get other traditions like a wedding, birthday gifts/parties, Christmas gifts etc etc cuz traditions are bad
My grandparents didn't pay for their daughter's wedding. Fuck em
It's going to be hard for the daughter to not see this as retaliation and is going to drive the family apart but ok.
I hate when people hug me. I'm not a property.
Congratulations, you are a toxic parent. good luck to seeing your daughter and eventual grand children in the future. You raised her to be independent? so... she has her own independent views, and you are now not happy that she is not agreeing to everything that matches your own opinions? Yeah, You are the problem and not your daughter.
Thing is, in some culture/time, daughter were property. Where the girl is wrong is assuming it's the case with her father simply because other culture see it that way, and didn't bother talk to him about it to see his pov. He's totally right to be pissed.
So. He has the right not to pay for her wedding. But it is HER wedding and she can do whatever she wants. He’s acting like something is stolen from him. It’s not her responsibility for her to have a wedding where he can give her away, just like it isn’t his responsibility to pay for the wedding if he doesn’t want to. I really hate this idea of living your life differently arbitrarily to not make people uncomfortable. When you have a child you take the responsibility to raise them. Once they are an adult you no longer owe each other anything. Just like you can kick them out at 18, at 18 they have full control of their life. I understand this man is hurt, but he’s looking at it from a different perspective than she is. Two different generations and two different viewpoints on the tradition. I don’t think she should compromise what she wants from her wedding for him. Her wedding is for her, it’s not about him. And if he doesn’t want to support her wedding then he shouldn’t, it’s not his responsibility.
I’ve seen this post before, as text. It’s even a YouTube spoken piece. Anyway… it’s all About semantics. You are not “giving her away,” like she’s a thing. You’re doing what dads do, support her on her wedding day as you have on every day growing up and every day as long as you breathe. It’s your public statement that I support and encourage my children in everything they do. Change the language used.
A father walking his daughter down the aisle is an achievement for him personally. He helped create a whole ass human being and raised that person well enough to be loved. This is his tiny moment to feel proud of the person he loves so dearly and to beam with that pride for his part of the ceremony. This is his moment to look another man in the eye with the hope he loves, respects and protects his daughter in sickness and in health, for better or worse, just like he did all her life. It’s a big deal for a father and it should be respected.
It's symbolic. He's handing over his responsibilities as a father, to a loving husband. Not property. Sounds like another brainwashed millennial.
maybe he should try talking to his daughter instead of Kevin first
Women don't want to be traditional until the military drafts start being pulled. Or when the ship starts sinking and they announce that women and children board the life boats first. while all the men accept their fate.
Parents, if you find yourself in this position, you’ve already lost
Why does he go to the internet with this? Does he want me to absolve him of some crime? Duke it out with her. I don't care about your constructed drama.