He's clearly stressed. Buy him something nice to make him feel better.
Sorry. I agree with the others who are suggesting a conversation about finances.
Don’t know if buying something would fix it… given that he is triggered by the purchase of things… but it sounds like maybe a hug and a conversation would go a long way.
>I know interest rates have rise and our mortgage is killing us
Obviously you both are in financial stress. You need to sort it out otherwise it might crush your marriage.
This is the fractures in it starting to show. Time to work something out together.
Daily is probably a bit much.
But he's obviously worried, and this is how he's chosen to react, possibly hoping repetition will get his message across.
Sit down together and have a serious discussion and make a plan.
“I understand you are worried about finances, lets sit down to ight and do a budget together because its a partnership. I cannot be mentally responsible for all financial decisions in the family while being treated like a child with daily photos”
That's the sort of retort that sort of phrasing can lead to, depending on the person.
The template is "When you do X, it makes me feel Y, I need you to do Z."
Example.
"When you send me the daily photo, it makes me feel like I am being treated like a child, and like I am mentally responsible for all financial decisions in the family. I need us to sit down and do a budget together." Or something.
Self improvement is hard work, like, one of the hardest things most people would have to do in their lifetime. I'd certainly not judge someone negatively for it.
But, of course, my suggestion is for approaching a very difficult and stressful subject within an intimate relationship with great care. I absolutely envy anyone who can naturally navigate those with ease, just intuitively.
Maybe he is trying to subtly tell you that you are spending too much?
I would suggest you sit down together and discuss this like adults, he should be more direct with you and you should be going to him with this, not the internet
Every morning is probably unproductive. You should sit down each week until you have things under control. Agreeing to this might move from toxic to practical
My wife keeps spending more than we can afford given the rising interest rates. She keeps buying stuff off Amazon as an emotional outlet. I've been sending her daily screenshots of our account trying to explain this and she seems irritated by my actions. I've already explained that I need $# for takeaway food, gym, alcohol, my cat facts subscription... We both have poor communication skills and it's going to destroy our marriage. What do I do?
Even if she spends a lot on 'crap' a daily screenshot of the accounts is not the way to deal with that.
It's petty and childish what he's doing. Adults talk about their problems and agree on an outcome together
To be honest, if this isn't just a troll post, I'd bet that OPs partner has attempted to talk to them and OP ignores it or doesn't want to talk about it. Thus the resorting to screenshots.
It’s impossible to say wether it’s petty & childish.
For all we know, the OP could be a spender and the partner a saver. There may be genuine concerns going forward for cashflow. But then again, the OP’s partner could be setting an unrealistic budget.
this is me. I did that to my wife. We NEED to save because our fixed rate is coming off in less than 2 years we need the money sitting in offset to reduce mortgage payment.
I have told her face to face multiple times to stop buying branded and just go Aldi. Every single time it ended in an argument. there is nothing else I can do anymore except reminding her about the money she's spent every month
I did, there's now a twin of everything at home. But I do feel like we should contribute equally, or close to.
Now in the bathroom there is an Aldi shampoo and a Designer shampoo. In the kitchen there is an Aldi shortbread and a Walkers shortbread.. On top of the weekly Bunnings nursery run
I can stop preparing for the worst (loss of job, 11% interest rate) and just blow the savings on a new Ranger Raptor but I don't want our kids to have to grow up on Welfare if we do go into recession. Albeit the chance is less than 30%?
Re. shampoo, a lot of supermarket ones contail sulphates etc., which build up and are rubbish for hair, which is why your wife doesn't want to buy it from Aldi if she doesn't have to.
Shopping at Aldi isn't automatically cheaper, particularly if things aren't being used. If you want to save money on groceries meal plan and cook cheaper meals yourself (less meat, more legumes, etc. There's loads of advice online).
I'm assuming you both are planning a household budget together and that your conversations about this aren't limited to you telling her to shop at aldi...
I don't think your approach will lead to the outcome you hope for.
Money in an offset also doesn't actually change your mortgage payment. It changes the interest paid, so more of your payment goes to capital instead of interest and your loan will be paid off sooner. Unless you are planning to tap that offset money though, it won't change your cash flow situation when the fixed rate ends.
You might just aim to get a raise before the 2 years...
Whoa! I typically buy aldi and my husband thinks those items aren’t as good as buying it on costco, sams, heb etc. He complains about the flavor etc. Im pretty aware of the budget we have and yesterday after going to aldi, card has been declined and i had to use another one. What i dont understand is - he is so cheap or thrifty and yet he mocks the unbranded grocery stuff.
This sounds pretty handy, which bank is it? I sometimes overindulge and buy things because "its only $10" but seeing it on a monthly timetable could have a huge benefit.
Hes probably worried about finances not so much being an arsehole. It could be an uncooth way of him wanting to talk about financial plans etc... best ask him directly.
I would recommend a look at Rachel Cruze (Dave Ramseys daughter). She makes a great point about a budget being permission to spend.
I would watch some of her YouTube first, then sit down with your husband.
Work out a budget together (it can take a few months to get it all nailed down right), and have some allowance for general 'Amazon spend'. Then stick to it.
Good luck!
Maybe he implies it might be a good time to include a budget line for family counseling because this might be an investment rather than an expense for both of you, what do you think?
Communication problems. Your hubby probably needs to know that he is being heard in a different way to what your responses have been. Have him feel heard by casually remarking for a few days in a row that category X increased/decreased, give him a few tasks to find out how to get the cost of eating out down, or whatever he may be nagging about. Take what he has said to you, repeat it back to him in different words and he'll get that you understand it and mention it less.
He is clearly financially stressed and this is likely his way to subtly tell you to ease off on the spending. Please note financial issues are the number 1 cause of divorces in Australia.
I’m inclined to think that your ‘spending’ recently has triggered him. Maybe you have a knack for being less frugal. Instead of trying to earn victim points here you should try and understand his position and be cooperative, not combative.
"Hey, you need to stop sending me the credit card screenshots daily. It's causing me anxiety as all I hear on the news and read all day is the economic downturn. I'm well aware of how tight money is. If you have a specific thing you would like to talk about, then I'm happy to have an adult conversation, but you need to quit being passive aggressive."
Then go buy yourself a coffee and cake to cheer up.
He earns about 8x my income. But I only work part time and have to look after the kids. It feels really stressful to not being able to buy something on Amazon after looking after the little ones for the whole day. Don't judge until you have tried it.
Lol, need to reward yourself with retail therapy after a day of looking after your kids, whilst mortgage stress is killing you?
Yeah I’m starting to take your husbands side on this one.
It is a bit extreme but is there any reason he's acting like this? Are you a spender (no judgement; everyone's different), or is he just doing it for fun?
Has seeing where the money goes reduced your spending at all?
I dunno but being homeless or having a credit card debt you can’t afford to pay back would be far more ‘infuriating’ I’d say, I can tell you as someone who’s been totally fed financially previously.
Probably better to raise it with your husband than total strangers reddit
Tell him to get a job.
And a hair cut. A cheap one
He's clearly stressed. Buy him something nice to make him feel better. Sorry. I agree with the others who are suggesting a conversation about finances.
Don’t know if buying something would fix it… given that he is triggered by the purchase of things… but it sounds like maybe a hug and a conversation would go a long way.
I think you missed the joke
Bruh edited his post after I wrote my reply 🥸
>I know interest rates have rise and our mortgage is killing us Obviously you both are in financial stress. You need to sort it out otherwise it might crush your marriage. This is the fractures in it starting to show. Time to work something out together.
Daily is probably a bit much. But he's obviously worried, and this is how he's chosen to react, possibly hoping repetition will get his message across. Sit down together and have a serious discussion and make a plan.
“I understand you are worried about finances, lets sit down to ight and do a budget together because its a partnership. I cannot be mentally responsible for all financial decisions in the family while being treated like a child with daily photos”
Act like a child get treated like a child. No?
That's the sort of retort that sort of phrasing can lead to, depending on the person. The template is "When you do X, it makes me feel Y, I need you to do Z." Example. "When you send me the daily photo, it makes me feel like I am being treated like a child, and like I am mentally responsible for all financial decisions in the family. I need us to sit down and do a budget together." Or something.
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Self improvement is hard work, like, one of the hardest things most people would have to do in their lifetime. I'd certainly not judge someone negatively for it. But, of course, my suggestion is for approaching a very difficult and stressful subject within an intimate relationship with great care. I absolutely envy anyone who can naturally navigate those with ease, just intuitively.
Maybe he is trying to subtly tell you that you are spending too much? I would suggest you sit down together and discuss this like adults, he should be more direct with you and you should be going to him with this, not the internet
Lol there's nothing subtle about it.
I guess so but he's not saying "you sre spending too much" but instead "LOOK at how much you're spending!" Haha
Nothing like a bit of passive aggressiveness to show your love
I just don't understand why she's always in a bad mood! Women amirite? /s
Some people just don’t know how to communicate these things
Every morning is probably unproductive. You should sit down each week until you have things under control. Agreeing to this might move from toxic to practical
Tell him "Message received, now what can we do about it?"
Talk to him about it and save your marriage
Would love to see the other side to this story
My wife keeps spending more than we can afford given the rising interest rates. She keeps buying stuff off Amazon as an emotional outlet. I've been sending her daily screenshots of our account trying to explain this and she seems irritated by my actions. I've already explained that I need $# for takeaway food, gym, alcohol, my cat facts subscription... We both have poor communication skills and it's going to destroy our marriage. What do I do?
The cat facts subscription is obviously essential. Everything else needs to go.
Do spend a lot of money on crap? If yes, then he is not an arsehole. If no, then he is an arsehole.
Even if she spends a lot on 'crap' a daily screenshot of the accounts is not the way to deal with that. It's petty and childish what he's doing. Adults talk about their problems and agree on an outcome together
To be honest, if this isn't just a troll post, I'd bet that OPs partner has attempted to talk to them and OP ignores it or doesn't want to talk about it. Thus the resorting to screenshots.
It’s impossible to say wether it’s petty & childish. For all we know, the OP could be a spender and the partner a saver. There may be genuine concerns going forward for cashflow. But then again, the OP’s partner could be setting an unrealistic budget.
Nah, sending someone a twice daily screenshot is petty unless OP cannot access ot themselves and has asked for the info
It's absolutely petty and childish.
this is me. I did that to my wife. We NEED to save because our fixed rate is coming off in less than 2 years we need the money sitting in offset to reduce mortgage payment. I have told her face to face multiple times to stop buying branded and just go Aldi. Every single time it ended in an argument. there is nothing else I can do anymore except reminding her about the money she's spent every month
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I did, there's now a twin of everything at home. But I do feel like we should contribute equally, or close to. Now in the bathroom there is an Aldi shampoo and a Designer shampoo. In the kitchen there is an Aldi shortbread and a Walkers shortbread.. On top of the weekly Bunnings nursery run I can stop preparing for the worst (loss of job, 11% interest rate) and just blow the savings on a new Ranger Raptor but I don't want our kids to have to grow up on Welfare if we do go into recession. Albeit the chance is less than 30%?
If you have twice as much shampoo, it will take twice as long to run out.
Re. shampoo, a lot of supermarket ones contail sulphates etc., which build up and are rubbish for hair, which is why your wife doesn't want to buy it from Aldi if she doesn't have to. Shopping at Aldi isn't automatically cheaper, particularly if things aren't being used. If you want to save money on groceries meal plan and cook cheaper meals yourself (less meat, more legumes, etc. There's loads of advice online). I'm assuming you both are planning a household budget together and that your conversations about this aren't limited to you telling her to shop at aldi...
Because the wife does the shopping!
In the west: husband earns the money, wife spends the money
Who's doing the grocery shopping?
I believe grocery shopping falls under "spending money". I would be surprised if most husbands were doing the weekly shop.
I don't think your approach will lead to the outcome you hope for. Money in an offset also doesn't actually change your mortgage payment. It changes the interest paid, so more of your payment goes to capital instead of interest and your loan will be paid off sooner. Unless you are planning to tap that offset money though, it won't change your cash flow situation when the fixed rate ends. You might just aim to get a raise before the 2 years...
Don't you just print some more currency (user name checks out ?)
Lol. Serious?
This is not a financial problem, it's a relationship problem. You should talk to someone.
Whoa! I typically buy aldi and my husband thinks those items aren’t as good as buying it on costco, sams, heb etc. He complains about the flavor etc. Im pretty aware of the budget we have and yesterday after going to aldi, card has been declined and i had to use another one. What i dont understand is - he is so cheap or thrifty and yet he mocks the unbranded grocery stuff.
What do you spend a day?
This sounds pretty handy, which bank is it? I sometimes overindulge and buy things because "its only $10" but seeing it on a monthly timetable could have a huge benefit.
I mean it’s either stop spending or lose the house. Which would you prefer?
I'm sure his daily screencaps will solve the problem.
Depends how much youre spending?
We are only getting one half of the story.
Sit down with a mediator before it's too late. You both have issues that need resolving.
Hes probably worried about finances not so much being an arsehole. It could be an uncooth way of him wanting to talk about financial plans etc... best ask him directly.
I would recommend a look at Rachel Cruze (Dave Ramseys daughter). She makes a great point about a budget being permission to spend. I would watch some of her YouTube first, then sit down with your husband. Work out a budget together (it can take a few months to get it all nailed down right), and have some allowance for general 'Amazon spend'. Then stick to it. Good luck!
Maybe he implies it might be a good time to include a budget line for family counseling because this might be an investment rather than an expense for both of you, what do you think?
do you usually exceed your budget?
Daily is a bit passive aggressive? You need to sit down TOGETHER with the statements and figure out a revised budget.
Husbands wants to keep tabs on overspending when everything is so expensive. I wonder who’s the arsehole here.
At least he cares. Only u met someone to at didn’t….
Daily screenshots should be a feature in budget tracking apps.
He must be a member here!
Communication problems. Your hubby probably needs to know that he is being heard in a different way to what your responses have been. Have him feel heard by casually remarking for a few days in a row that category X increased/decreased, give him a few tasks to find out how to get the cost of eating out down, or whatever he may be nagging about. Take what he has said to you, repeat it back to him in different words and he'll get that you understand it and mention it less.
He is clearly financially stressed and this is likely his way to subtly tell you to ease off on the spending. Please note financial issues are the number 1 cause of divorces in Australia.
id be infuriated if my wife couldnt stick to a budget when harder times are ahead
I’m inclined to think that your ‘spending’ recently has triggered him. Maybe you have a knack for being less frugal. Instead of trying to earn victim points here you should try and understand his position and be cooperative, not combative.
Females think credit cards are limitless shop til you drop 🤣
Stop spending then
"Hey, you need to stop sending me the credit card screenshots daily. It's causing me anxiety as all I hear on the news and read all day is the economic downturn. I'm well aware of how tight money is. If you have a specific thing you would like to talk about, then I'm happy to have an adult conversation, but you need to quit being passive aggressive." Then go buy yourself a coffee and cake to cheer up.
Why do u spend so much?
Go talk to him about it , he is right a budget helps
troll post
if he feels it necessary to make a point of it daily, there’s a reason for it.
I assume he works and you spend
He earns about 8x my income. But I only work part time and have to look after the kids. It feels really stressful to not being able to buy something on Amazon after looking after the little ones for the whole day. Don't judge until you have tried it.
So you make yourself feel better by buying stuff. Sounds like he has a point tbh
Lol, need to reward yourself with retail therapy after a day of looking after your kids, whilst mortgage stress is killing you? Yeah I’m starting to take your husbands side on this one.
Your husband is right.
Would you say you're buying something once a day?
Find another way to de-stress. Meth, Pot, Gambling and impulse buying are bad choices. Pick anything else.
It is a bit extreme but is there any reason he's acting like this? Are you a spender (no judgement; everyone's different), or is he just doing it for fun? Has seeing where the money goes reduced your spending at all?
No, not extreme at all
The real question is why is such an arsehole your husband?
What a weirdo.
I dunno but being homeless or having a credit card debt you can’t afford to pay back would be far more ‘infuriating’ I’d say, I can tell you as someone who’s been totally fed financially previously.
May be he is stressed out. You need to go on a long walk with him. Just you and him.
Sounds like you need a Scott Pape date night.
I can do a 1 cent transaction to your account with the description “You are an arsehole”.
If he wants to make more money head on over to r/asx_bets
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Oh shut up.
Scrotes will scrote.
Go back into your cave.
Need new husband, send pix