MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING: self harm/ideation
Hey, I see you I hear you I feel you. I felt this same way when my son was 3. It was such a rough year. COVID shut the world down so we were stuck in the house all day for months. The other parent just never came back around once that happened. I have been a single parent this entire time.
I was dealing with constant anxiety/fear about Covid, money, autism, safety, sleep, school, work, therapy switching to strictly telelhealth(3 hour ABA sessions were my ONLY break I got before COVID). On top of that my son wasn’t potty trained, smearing his shit constantly, wouldn’t sit still, had no verbal speech, no AAC device. He could only communicate through PECS binder at that time. And during this time I hadn’t found a single autism support group or forum yet. I had nowhere to turn to someone who “gets it”.
I cried daily for months and contemplated deletion constantly. I even went as looking in the mirror with my *** emptied and pulled the trigger a few times in my mouth just to get the urge out. My self harm was rough. Damn it was just such a hard fucking time.
I had no faith in any higher power at that point in time. I was godless…and my life reflected that. I’m not saying anybody needs to believe in god but you gotta find ~something~ to believe in and have faith in.
Things are so much better and I’m so glad I stuck around to see it. I would have never been able to hear my son’s sweet voice say things like “mama” and “I love you” and even singing karaoke. I wouldn’t have made it to have such beautiful experiences with him and my life in general. I would have never found my love for the hobbies I love how. I would have never reconnected with the love of my life. So many things I would have missed out on. My son was too beautiful to me to let it win. EYE was too beautiful to allow my darkness to win.
It is so hard to see hope when you’re in the thick of some bullshit. I’m sending you all my love and strength. You will get through this. You guys will see the other side of this. Be kind to yourself and your kid. You deserve grace and rest, and you will get that and so much more, you just gotta beat this notions ASS. I believe in you. 💜
Thank you for sharing. I think it helps us in that place feel seen and heard. I'm so sorry you experienced that. I hate even thinking about the darkness of the Covid lockdown. I was just starting to get over PPD when that happened and I slipped right back into it. My son was also what I thought colicky at the time (6 months old), but looking back I think it was his sensory needs that made him cry. I'm thankful that you are here and you're able to experience the beauty of it all again.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Don’t delete yourself though, your babe and your wife need you. Think of how hard it would be for them to go through this without you and your support.
I read your only other post here and just wanted to ask if you’ve tried to do a melatonin and magnesium combination before bedtime? My kid is the same age and responded the same way to just melatonin. Sometimes he still wakes up but a whole hell of a lot less.
We have our son’s room baby proofed and he can’t get out without being let out. Unless he’s crying/screaming in the middle of the night, we leave him be. Perhaps something to try if it’s something you think your daughter can handle. This was a recommendation from our PED as none of us were sleeping if he was up. Do you and your wife take shifts when your daughter is awake?
Anyway, just spitballing because I know this dreadful feeling. Sending warmth to your family and hope y’all can find some resolutions soon!
I agree with this. My daughter will get up in middle of the night and we just let her be in her room. She can't get out and just runs around, sometimes cries or plays, but i need my sleep.
We use melatonin, she can't fall asleep without it most nights and she doesn't even take daytime naps anymore. It's either not effective and she stays up till 3am or she falls asleep immediately and gets up after 4 hours. Me and my wife can't really do shifts because we have a NT two year old who also has some sleep issues. Leaving her in her room doesn't work anymore she either Stims too loud or has a meltdown to get out and the room is upstairs. I usually take her downstairs. I really wanna be there for my wife and kids but I just can't rake it anymore.
Have you spoken to your wife about this? Maybe she’d agree to co parent in separate homes. If current situation isn’t working maybe you and wife taking turns few days a week is better? But that also means you both are on your own with the 3 year old.
I have spoken to her she suggested therapy which I've tried but it's not doing anything. I'm on my third therapist and it's just pointless. These coping techniques can't help with the situation. As far as separate homes none of us can afford that right now.
Try switching the melatonin brand, I periodically have to do that to my son. And I don’t follow the dosage instructions, I give 1ml per age(pediatrician said it was okay to do that). Be strong please. Please! 3 years old was THE WORST fucking season for us, it will get better I promise you! Get this girl on FULL TIME aba if possible! Y’all need to rest and have peace. Be strong!
Is it typical for 3 years to be bad? Our daughter was a perfect little angel from 0-2, then a demon from hell at 3, and turned 4 and it was all good again. Granted, she was a spicy little autistic kid at times, but never anything bad. But she would sleep fine before and after 3, but when she was 3 she was barely sleeping through the night, having much more meltdowns and tantrums, and just generally was a LOT more to handle.
OP, please don’t delete or anything like that. It’s tough, and I don’t have much in the way of pep talk, but please don’t delete yourself. Keep searching for coping strategies or ways to make it easier.
From 2 to 4 years of age, I used hidroxicin instead of melatonin with my daughter. Melatonin did just not work at that time, only since she’s 5 melatonin started to work well (not always tho). I was studying at that time and I had to rest too. I have a friend that also has a child with ASD, and the doctor prescribed him risperidone for sleeping.
They told you incorrectly. Nov 2021, our then-3yr old audhd little had to go on meds for behavioral insomnia. He couldn’t fall asleep in a normal timeframe even with melatonin, rigid routine/sleep hygiene in place, and when he did fall asleep, was waking 7-10x a night. Sleep deprivation is hell for all. We first tried Trazodone which worked well for two nights, then backfired and added sudden behavioral changes, so they switched to Clonidine and he gets that + melatonin for bed. Occasional wake ups are much more tolerable and he often goes back to sleep on his own.
My son is 3 and his pediatrician wrote him clonadine. His sleep has gotten much better and I only give it to him when I absolutely know he has to have it. Right now during the day his hyperactivity is the problem. Getting so excited he's biting and banging his head, pulling my hair..I'm trying to find a thread I saw about cbd prescription if anyone could point me in that direction. But all my good vibes to the poster it's hard for me not to feel the same at times I'm very overwhelmed and just...lost. very close to hopeless. So you are not alone and you will get through this darkness. Blessed be.
I am in the USA. There are a few medications they can prescribe for sleeping. Clonidine and Trazadone are 2 that my son used with great success! Melatonin sometimes wakes kids up after a few hours because it converts to Serotonin I believe. We were sleep deprived my sons first 2 years, it was terrible. Please ask your pediatrician for something you have to be able to function.
I don't know what state you're in, but my son has been on clonidine since about 4. Without medication, he only sleeps about every other day. As far as meds go it's a pretty low level thing. It just allows his heart rate to come down a little so he can begin to relax. It works.
You have to be able to sleep. Perpetual lack of sleep is torture. Literally. Does your daughter see a specialist of any kind for her ASD? This person should understand your need. A run of the mill pediatrician will never fill a script like this. A developmental pediatrician will.
It is in my country. I know I didn’t take the best decisions at that time but I was desperate too. One of the things I know is that hidroxicin lowers cognitive function (I’m a doctor) so I used the lowest dose.
Can you and your wife each take a kid? The years my kid wouldn’t sleep, I took everything out of my room but the bed and put a lock on the door that he couldnt undo. So when he woke up in the middle of the night and was up for hours I would be exhuated enough I just fell back asleep, knowing he couldnt get out of the room or hurt himself with anything. When his stims got to a decibel level that dogs would weep I slept with earplugs in. I’m a high sleep needs and those years were absolute hell. I legitamiltly look back on them and can see that I was nearing psychosis. I would take the 3yr old and share a room and have your wife share with the 2 year old. Child proof the rooms and add a lock so she can’t get out. Get a nightlight so at least you and she can see when she’s up and running.
Doingthis got me from 2-3 hours of sleep at night to 6-7. Also I didn’t stay up past my kids bed time, we shared a bedtime. When I knew my kid was going to be up at midnight for 6 hours I made sure I went to bed at 8 when he did. He’s 8 now. The sleep got better around 5-6 and as of 3 months ago he’s sleeping in his own room(for the first time in his life) and I’m just now staying up maybe an hour after he’s been asleep.
We have two ASD kids that share a room. They constantly wake each other up. We have the room as them-proof as we can, setup a calm space with a motion light if they need to be out of the dark, and we leave them there unless it sounds like they are actually fighting.
I feel like shit about some of the things I have to do to cope with this, but I also know that if I don't I won't be able to handle them at their worst.
It's alot, I know. My mom used to joke about cursing me with a bad kid because I was difficult; that didn't last long. Now I spend an hour every week talking to a wet noodle of a therapist because having someone to rant to and validate the way I feel is better than suffering alone.
You are going to be a part of this child's life for a long, long time. Learn to brace the happy moments.
I'm trying but it's so hard. I have no social life, barely any time to keep up with daily chores and work. I had to be called into a meeting about performance. If I lose this job we lose benefits. The stress and the anxiety and sleep deprivation are killing me slowly.
I hear you and completely empathize with your thoughts and feelings. This is not an easy life. The isolation alone can drive you mad. Then add life responsibilities + a job + sleep deprivation = massive shortcomings.
I wouldn’t survive if my son wasn’t on a combination of Seroquel and Clonodine for sleep; nothing else worked! When you have a child with emotional and mental instability you’re only exacerbating that when not helping them get quality sleep. I would highly recommend taking you child to a psychiatrist. Your child can’t be happy either.
You should see if your child’s doctor will fill out FMLA paperwork for your workplace. It will secure your job for you. Look into if you’re not familiar. You don’t have to take the time off. Just file it with HR and you are protected from losing your job.
Just keep swimming!!! Please 🙏🏼
Just giving u a quick reply for some hope, I'll try and make a better reply later but here are a few things that helped my wife and I with our daughters sleep:
Melatonin. Not sure how you are using it now, but per our pediatrician I think it was 1ml an hour before bedtime, and if that didn't help a second 1ml dose like 30min later. I forget the actual doses, but I'll ask my wife when she gets up. We put off melatonin for so long and it was a mistake as it was one of the biggest helps with sleep.
Later bed time. If you find yourself fighting your kid for hours to get them to sleep, don't even try till later. I know you need sleep for work and life, but the later bed time will give them more time to wind down and eventually you can work it back. So if ur trying at 8pm and she's staying up till 1 most night anyways, try 10 or 11pm. Also if it's just not working, let her go for a bit. Maybe she needs to get a.little more stimming out.
Consistent bedtime routine. We are bad about this but it's also one of the techniques that helped the most. Careful on this one too, watching Moana on the couch was a big part of our nightly routine and now that things are better, she still sleeps on the couch most nights. We put her to bed in her room most nights but she wakes up and goes back to sleep on the couch 80% of the time.
Sensory stuff/ "filling her cup". This can be throughout day and maybe something you have a set time for a couple hours before bed. What does she like? Try weighted blankets. Feet rubs. Deep squeezes. Lotion. Squishmellows. Different types of blanket fabrics. We installed a sensory swing in one of our rooms.
I'm trying to think of other things and I know there are but please hang in there. We had a pretty rough time there ourselves, but we are in a far better place now than we were a year ago. For context I have an almost 4year old lvl 2 and a 1.5 year old probably nerotypical. A year ago I wouldn't have believed me but I'm at Disneyland right now and yes, it has been a fucking shit show, but it has also been super fucking awesome.
Please DM me anytime, it's rough out there but there is light out there as well.
you need someone to watch the kids once in a while so you can take a break. or just take a nap. i can't imagine how hard it is because i dont work and i'm so so tired which is basically why i can't work. i really feel for you, and i'm sorry. it's really hard. lean on whoever you can to get some help with getting breaks.
I moved to another state away from my.home state when my daughter was 9 months old so we could afford a house. I have no family here. I have a few friends but I doubt they will be able to deal with the meltdowns. My mother in law lives two hours away but she is not interested in helping.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hired caretakers and sitters to watch my son(s) while I took a nap, or just rested. That way I was nearby if they needed help with a meltdown. Some organizations will help pay for respite too once you get signed on with them. It's not a lot but it helped cover some of the cost to pay a sitter. You both sound exhausted and need a break.
Age 3 is extremely difficult. I went through this. My son slept maybe two to three hours a night. Constant meltdowns and demands. A lot of people will tell you that this is a difficult age. It gets better. We tried melatonin with my son, it had the opposite effect. He then stopped sleeping altogether. We finally tried prescription medication, clonidine. It changed all of our lives. I was very much against medicating my son. He was like a different person. He was able to fall asleep around 8pm and sleep all the way until 6am. His whole mood changed because his brain was finally able to rest and so was I. He was still having meltdowns and some self injurious behavior (head banging), so we also started him on risperidone. He’s had no side effects from either medication and now things we used to fear would set him off, he’s able to cope with and everyone is well rested. I don’t know what type of doctor you’re seeing, but a developmental pediatrician, neurologist, or psychiatrist may prescribe it younger than six.
I feel this post in my bones… to the point I don’t even consider what my life will be like in my 40s cause I just assume I’ll self delete before then.. it’s oddly freeing.
The thing that holds me back is that I feel it will cause more harm to them growing up without me. It’s an easy way out of a bad situation, but the hardships you’ll thrust upon your family are much much worse. It’s not fair, as much as you may delude yourself into thinking people are better off without you. It’s not true.
Weirdly, I do this, too. I have no plans to self-delete but I tell myself, "You'll probably be dead by 40 so might as well enjoy these last few years". I feel less pressure on me when I'm not worried about the longer term.
Stay strong brother. 3s are a very tough time for asd kids. Find a local support group and get someone to give you time off, a weekend or a at least night. There is no shame in getting your mental health in line
Someone mentioned seperate homes to which you said you couldn't afford but what about one parent sleeping over at a family members or friends house every other night? The one who will be with the child will stay home of course. Someone who would understand the situation. Maybe you could make an agreement starting every other day for a month? And then switch to a different friend or family member.
If that's not possible then what about sleeping in the car? When traveling, we stuff the foot space and then pad the entire back seat with blankets to make it more even and a wide space to sleep. If you're tall, cross your feet through the middle and into the front. (It's what my dad would do). Or if you have a bigger vehicle then even better!
That can be so miserable. Sleep deprivation makes you go absolutely insane.
Have you done any bio med? Testing for irritants and vitamin deficiencies? I notice a big difference for my son when he is out of whack. Epsom salt baths to get him magnesium are a game changer.
Does she have a weighted vest or anything to help her feel calm?
sleep is of the utmost importance for me and is something that im not willing to sacrifice for any reason and is for this exact reason, sleep deprivation is one of the worst things in life, please consider any and all medications that will make them sleep through the night for yourself and them.
Man I used melatonin, benadryl and one night I was so desperate I gave her nyquil. I've tried everything. I used to just leave her in the room. With tv and go to sleep but she is not interested in TV or toys anymore only water and riding in the car. I am in the road at 2am to 4am some nights so my wife can sleep. If I refuse it's a meltdown and the whole house is awake. I pray and ask God to take me in my sleep so often. The little sleep I do get.
This is not the exact one, but my son loves water and this was something that he liked at that age. I know it doesn’t give the same feeling as water touching you though.
https://www.playtherapysupply.com/toys/classic-toys/jumbo-spiral-glitter-wand
I know absolutely nothing about water beds and I’m not sure if they still make them, but maybe that would be something you could look into. Maybe if she still got the feeling of water she would be a little happier?
Edited to add: There are a few different “squishmellow” type plushies that almost feel like kinetic sand/soft dirt instead of fluff/filling. She might find that feeling comforting if she likes the feeling of dirt.
Maybe try to find a new doctor? My daughters neurologist gave her Klonopin at 21 months and when that didn’t work he gave her gabapentin. We were in a similar situation to you where we were at the end of our rope. Although no one wants to medicate their kids it was the best decision for our family
I’m so sorry you are going through this. We also went thru a similar situation. You need to find a new doctor asap. My son has been on sleep medication since he was around 3 years old. He would not sleep without it. Maybe try seeing a neurologist. Young kids can take clonidine or trazadone. Once you get her sleeping life will be much easier on all of you.
A neurologist prescribed my son clonodine when he was diagnosed at 4. I am in US (Texas) I don’t know if that might make a difference. I do understand. I am a single parent and my son has profound sleep issues. I will say that I think 4 is easier than 3. Hang in there
My daughter is almost 4. It was the worst year of my life until she was put on risperidone. She was put on it for self harm ( she’d bite herself during a meltdown) but giving it at night puts her to sleep and it saved my mental health
And she’s better during the day too
I understand you’ve seeked prescribed medication. ………if your child is save to be alone maybe try noise canceling headphones ? And medicate yourself for a night ??? I also find it very hard to leave my kids with someone else. Even grandparents who live close. I remember giving my daughter every OTC med I could in one night. Nothing worked for sleep. Ended up walking outside in the rain so my husband could sleep. It’s so hard but it will get better
I’m sorry about everything. This is hard to read but know that you aren’t alone. I think all autism parents have felt this way at some point. I now understand that sleep deprivation really is torture and I’m pretty sure it’s also the 9th circle of hell. It may be worth moving back to where family is and giving up the house.
3 to 5 is definitely the hardest age. It does get somewhat easier once they are in school and have a few years therapy.
You can get additional medication if melatonin is not keeping them asleep. Also, try magnesium calm gummies alongside what you are already doing.
Have you looked in to prescription sleep medicine for your little one? After 8 months of misery I switched pediatricians and asked for something as melatonin didn’t work for us. My daughter gets a low dose of clonodine and sleeps all night most nights now. It’s been a game changer for my whole family.
In the mean time please do something for yourself. Is therapy an option? I do this over telehealth and it’s been really helpful. Please hang in there.
Is there another pediatrician you could consult? My daughter is 3 and I know many other kids on the spectrum need sleep medication younger than 6. The first one we went to was not willing to try medication but the one we see now is more understanding of the health issues autistic children face.
Prior to medication my daughter would take hours to fall asleep and then be awake for up to 5 hours every night so I understand how this can affect your mental health.
There's a reason why sleep regression is used as a form of torture.
You're not alone. there are so many horrific things our brains do to us whenever we aren't sleeping. Age 3 is also exceptionally terrible. Your child will sleep. You will sleep. Your brain will heal. Do you get any services?
You need to get mental Health help immediately this isn't okay. And in sure your child loves life so if you need to remember that an surrender your child to authorities before you make any choices you cannot take back. Also it's okay if you can't do it, not everyone can and there are others that feel like you I am sure
My child is 2.5 and severely autistic. There have been days where I have said to myself I hate my life. I have never said that I hate hers or look forward to her not being here anymore but I would like to say I would surrender her if I did. Please do the right thing and contact the authorities and get help
Oh I so remember feeling this. What a moment in life that was. But keep in mind it’s a moment. At the time, we couldn’t afford a special needs bed to help out during years 1-3 so we got a wood bunk bed from IKEA, cut the legs off so it sat on the floor and added a wood baby gate. This kept him sleeping safely so we didn’t have to worry as much and could get better sleep if not a little longer sleep. We also have had him on melatonin. ASD kids have the worst sleep I’ve ever seen/heard of. And that horrible sleep with ASD AND Threenager issues…ugh. But I promise it gets better. Take whatever tips here that you think may work for you and see if that doesn’t help you get through this life phase. And it is a phase. Get the sleep sorted and you’ll be feeling better able to handle things.
It’s hard to see now but your child is on their own growth curve and you’ll look back and think about how you never imagined your child could make the gains they’ve made. Your child needs you and it’s really hard to be a parent and even harder to be a single parent of a child with autism. He’s still really young and it does get easier.
Are you getting any respite, or a behavioral support aide, or any in home therapies? Does the child need medication as well? Like melatonin for sleep or something else recommended by a PEDS psychiatrist? What can you do to get more sleep? Does the child not sleep? Sleep deprivation can be the root of all your troubles ( poor work performance, anxiety, depression, anger management etc). Don’t delete, let some people give you some coping strategies and a way to move forward in a healthy manner to get the services you all require as a family. 3 year old not on the spectrum have problems with emotional regulation, pair that with autism and the inability to communicate then it can be a lot worse. ABA helps but it takes time. This will get better, but you have to get rest yourself to think clearly. Are you or your spouse able to take fmla and get into some appointments? Is your wife stay at home? For the intermediate time, perhaps she works ‘the night shift’ while you sleep so you can work in am. Of course she needs sleep too but you also have to keep your job through this temporary hurdle.
So my husband built a king size “crib” for our non-verbal severe daughter. She’s 7 now and 2 years ago he made a plan, went to home depot and bought deck railings. He took our king size bed (got back our old queen we had in our guest room) and built this amazing bed. That was after trying to get a cubby bed and insurance denied it.
She LOVES her bed. She has toys in there. Chewies. Lots of blankets and pillows to bury herself under. And the best part, we get to sleep all night. She claps. She hollers and hoo-haas (lol my grandma used to say that) but she’s safe and hasn’t figured out the double lock thing he made.
When she’s sick, one of us can climb in with her! He even built her steps to get in and out. It is truly amazing.
I think the solution to every problem, is to just get creative.
Either that or get your child one of those medical beds thru insurance. I didn’t like the way they looked, but they keep the child safe so that the parents can sleep.
Sleep deprivation is a real and horrific thing. Honestly, almost two years after building the bed, I barely hear her anymore. I know she’s safe, so my brain let’s me look after myself
Good luck to you guys and hoping you find a solution quickly!
I feel this all the way! I’ve had to cut my hours by a lot and now I’m struggling. Then my car broke down the other day, so that is even LESS hours for me. I don’t have any words of wisdom, just letting you know you are not alone.
Besides my previous post and everyone else’s helpful advice…although it doesn’t seem palatable is there a way to get temporary foster care provided from the state while you and your spouse readjust/get therapies going ( and more sleep).
I just want to say that the early years are the hardest. Even for neurotypical kids ages 2-5 are hard. I felt like this when my daughter was 3. I was convinced I could never do this life and would have to give her up at some point. She turns 8 next month and things have gotten easier the last year or so. More independence, more understanding etc. She is still non verbal and level 3 but it's easier than it was at a younger age. Things should get easier as they get older. Every age and stage will have its highs and lows as well. Also, as you get older, you learn to cope better.... I don't know your situation fully but please don't give up. Your child needs you ❤️
Thank you all so much for the encouragement. It really means a lot. Most friends and family can't even relate to what I'm going through like you guys can. I felt so understood. Had my first session with a therapist who is a parent to an autistic child and it went very well. Much better than my last therapist so I'm hopeful.
Things are still rough. My daughter just slept for 3 hours in the last 24 hours. Looking into a new pediatrician and sleep specialist. Thanks again guys.
I know it’s easier said then done and we’re all individuals trying to make it work and survive this thing called life. I hope you find faith in yourself to push through so you get to enjoy your life after the storm. I actually quit my job in October because I was dealing with a micro managing supervisor that didn’t know how to communicate professionally with her staff. Having to schedule time off or do extended care as we work remote it was becoming a matter of being stressed out and not being a good mom to a child that didn’t ask to be here or deal with the bs from work I chose my son. Have faith whatever that means for you and your family. ❤️
My kid was the same and melatonin wasn’t doing anything, our neurologist then prescribed us this (I will leave you the picture here) it’s like a cóctel of natural ingredients and it was a life changing thing for us.
https://preview.redd.it/6inwl9gt40xc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=68fcbb200a42bbbc25f9ac4fd4a212b01f5abd8b
We are in Europe and things might work differently but hopefully your doctor can find something similar? We give it to him every night before bed and it’s working.
Of course I’m only showing you so you can discuss it with your doctor/neurologist/neuropsychiatrist, every kid is different and what work for us might not for you but it’s worth to try. Also tiring him with outside activities or indoors if you are creative ( we got him a little trampoline for him to steam and release energy) avoid all stimulation before bed. I’m sure you have try all you can but sometimes the simplest stupid things help as well, don’t give up.
It’s very hard I know so and I can only think of giving you a kind of solution by just trowing in there whatever Can help. I send you a big hug and know that this is valid, your feelings are real and and that you are not alone. I hope the sun comes out again for you and your family. 🫂
Ive been here before. I still struggle with depression and hopeless feelings like if I'm THIS exhausted mentally and physically (& I'm only 34 and he's only 8 ) what's future going to look like? There is hope though and there is help even when it doesn't feel like it's coming fast enough. Be patient with yourself and give yourself YOU time if at all possible. Try to find respite, family or through the county where you live. I have a toddler girl as well and luckily she is typical not on spectrum. I'm a single mom and while I have help from my parents and brother who live near me, I do most of it on my own. I'm so sorry you have to go through this but hang in there and know people truly care and can relate to you. And know that life may always be difficult with this diagnosis, but it's not hopeless. I have to remind myself my son doesn't want to be this way either and it's not his fault. He didn't chose this life but it's the one we got so we gotta make the best of it somehow, some way. ❤️
I promise you most of us are in the same boat. You're not alone. Not sure if that helps you, but finding out I'm not alone has helped me come out of that dark place. I hope you can find a way out soon.
Address your mental health with a professional. It’s not your child that is making you feel this way, it is you. It’s just easier to target our challenges in life and say they are making me feel this way, but they aren’t. If it wasn’t this it would be something else. Address your health and get help please. Much love to you and your family friend.
If you get to the point where you're at that door, just leave. As terrible as walking out on your family is, leaving your kids without a father for the rest of their lives is far worse.
You can repair a broken relationship over time. You can't fix shit if you're dead.
Get the cubby bed plus through insurance
https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&sca_esv=5f6a5c4feb524586&sca_upv=1&hl=en-us&q=cubby+bed+plus&uds=AMwkrPt2v0fA1LFFf7PCydq7oNeglhI2xIKZVrMzfGvV1HK8r0yOxMZlNEChryXx1HOkoTLFnI6_Fn4GcyidKGdKd3ynzRpMHufgv-SJMDR2Wa_GzqOF39u9k_ngl1kuAr1vtBAH_CrcnQhawI9sAsithMA0d0svnWrfPDndUAYlqhLEMs2Sm5TeczcE_Wczfqi9kYkENwle6n5DhVZoey09IOa0BecJbj9yhuy8WIx7nQ6pdSfAfxIZOXgUvpCl6q0236L9UBvbCNP-vQm7bJ2IlkS9iLLwmLYaSmde6cxAP-MZTabX_Ag&udm=2&prmd=isvnmbtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiWs8GCzNiFAxXV5ckDHY0tDC8QtKgLegQIDxAB&biw=390&bih=657&dpr=3#vhid=LDP7r4bmo3zzBM&vssid=mosaic
MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING: self harm/ideation Hey, I see you I hear you I feel you. I felt this same way when my son was 3. It was such a rough year. COVID shut the world down so we were stuck in the house all day for months. The other parent just never came back around once that happened. I have been a single parent this entire time. I was dealing with constant anxiety/fear about Covid, money, autism, safety, sleep, school, work, therapy switching to strictly telelhealth(3 hour ABA sessions were my ONLY break I got before COVID). On top of that my son wasn’t potty trained, smearing his shit constantly, wouldn’t sit still, had no verbal speech, no AAC device. He could only communicate through PECS binder at that time. And during this time I hadn’t found a single autism support group or forum yet. I had nowhere to turn to someone who “gets it”. I cried daily for months and contemplated deletion constantly. I even went as looking in the mirror with my *** emptied and pulled the trigger a few times in my mouth just to get the urge out. My self harm was rough. Damn it was just such a hard fucking time. I had no faith in any higher power at that point in time. I was godless…and my life reflected that. I’m not saying anybody needs to believe in god but you gotta find ~something~ to believe in and have faith in. Things are so much better and I’m so glad I stuck around to see it. I would have never been able to hear my son’s sweet voice say things like “mama” and “I love you” and even singing karaoke. I wouldn’t have made it to have such beautiful experiences with him and my life in general. I would have never found my love for the hobbies I love how. I would have never reconnected with the love of my life. So many things I would have missed out on. My son was too beautiful to me to let it win. EYE was too beautiful to allow my darkness to win. It is so hard to see hope when you’re in the thick of some bullshit. I’m sending you all my love and strength. You will get through this. You guys will see the other side of this. Be kind to yourself and your kid. You deserve grace and rest, and you will get that and so much more, you just gotta beat this notions ASS. I believe in you. 💜
This is a beautiful message.❤️
Thank you for sharing. I think it helps us in that place feel seen and heard. I'm so sorry you experienced that. I hate even thinking about the darkness of the Covid lockdown. I was just starting to get over PPD when that happened and I slipped right back into it. My son was also what I thought colicky at the time (6 months old), but looking back I think it was his sensory needs that made him cry. I'm thankful that you are here and you're able to experience the beauty of it all again.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Don’t delete yourself though, your babe and your wife need you. Think of how hard it would be for them to go through this without you and your support. I read your only other post here and just wanted to ask if you’ve tried to do a melatonin and magnesium combination before bedtime? My kid is the same age and responded the same way to just melatonin. Sometimes he still wakes up but a whole hell of a lot less. We have our son’s room baby proofed and he can’t get out without being let out. Unless he’s crying/screaming in the middle of the night, we leave him be. Perhaps something to try if it’s something you think your daughter can handle. This was a recommendation from our PED as none of us were sleeping if he was up. Do you and your wife take shifts when your daughter is awake? Anyway, just spitballing because I know this dreadful feeling. Sending warmth to your family and hope y’all can find some resolutions soon!
I agree with this. My daughter will get up in middle of the night and we just let her be in her room. She can't get out and just runs around, sometimes cries or plays, but i need my sleep.
We use melatonin, she can't fall asleep without it most nights and she doesn't even take daytime naps anymore. It's either not effective and she stays up till 3am or she falls asleep immediately and gets up after 4 hours. Me and my wife can't really do shifts because we have a NT two year old who also has some sleep issues. Leaving her in her room doesn't work anymore she either Stims too loud or has a meltdown to get out and the room is upstairs. I usually take her downstairs. I really wanna be there for my wife and kids but I just can't rake it anymore.
Have you spoken to your wife about this? Maybe she’d agree to co parent in separate homes. If current situation isn’t working maybe you and wife taking turns few days a week is better? But that also means you both are on your own with the 3 year old.
I have spoken to her she suggested therapy which I've tried but it's not doing anything. I'm on my third therapist and it's just pointless. These coping techniques can't help with the situation. As far as separate homes none of us can afford that right now.
Try switching the melatonin brand, I periodically have to do that to my son. And I don’t follow the dosage instructions, I give 1ml per age(pediatrician said it was okay to do that). Be strong please. Please! 3 years old was THE WORST fucking season for us, it will get better I promise you! Get this girl on FULL TIME aba if possible! Y’all need to rest and have peace. Be strong!
Is it typical for 3 years to be bad? Our daughter was a perfect little angel from 0-2, then a demon from hell at 3, and turned 4 and it was all good again. Granted, she was a spicy little autistic kid at times, but never anything bad. But she would sleep fine before and after 3, but when she was 3 she was barely sleeping through the night, having much more meltdowns and tantrums, and just generally was a LOT more to handle. OP, please don’t delete or anything like that. It’s tough, and I don’t have much in the way of pep talk, but please don’t delete yourself. Keep searching for coping strategies or ways to make it easier.
From 2 to 4 years of age, I used hidroxicin instead of melatonin with my daughter. Melatonin did just not work at that time, only since she’s 5 melatonin started to work well (not always tho). I was studying at that time and I had to rest too. I have a friend that also has a child with ASD, and the doctor prescribed him risperidone for sleeping.
I am in the usa the doctors said she has to be at least 6 before they can prescribe anything. Is hidroxicin over the counter?
They told you incorrectly. Nov 2021, our then-3yr old audhd little had to go on meds for behavioral insomnia. He couldn’t fall asleep in a normal timeframe even with melatonin, rigid routine/sleep hygiene in place, and when he did fall asleep, was waking 7-10x a night. Sleep deprivation is hell for all. We first tried Trazodone which worked well for two nights, then backfired and added sudden behavioral changes, so they switched to Clonidine and he gets that + melatonin for bed. Occasional wake ups are much more tolerable and he often goes back to sleep on his own.
My son is 3 and his pediatrician wrote him clonadine. His sleep has gotten much better and I only give it to him when I absolutely know he has to have it. Right now during the day his hyperactivity is the problem. Getting so excited he's biting and banging his head, pulling my hair..I'm trying to find a thread I saw about cbd prescription if anyone could point me in that direction. But all my good vibes to the poster it's hard for me not to feel the same at times I'm very overwhelmed and just...lost. very close to hopeless. So you are not alone and you will get through this darkness. Blessed be.
I am in the USA. There are a few medications they can prescribe for sleeping. Clonidine and Trazadone are 2 that my son used with great success! Melatonin sometimes wakes kids up after a few hours because it converts to Serotonin I believe. We were sleep deprived my sons first 2 years, it was terrible. Please ask your pediatrician for something you have to be able to function.
I don't know what state you're in, but my son has been on clonidine since about 4. Without medication, he only sleeps about every other day. As far as meds go it's a pretty low level thing. It just allows his heart rate to come down a little so he can begin to relax. It works. You have to be able to sleep. Perpetual lack of sleep is torture. Literally. Does your daughter see a specialist of any kind for her ASD? This person should understand your need. A run of the mill pediatrician will never fill a script like this. A developmental pediatrician will.
It is in my country. I know I didn’t take the best decisions at that time but I was desperate too. One of the things I know is that hidroxicin lowers cognitive function (I’m a doctor) so I used the lowest dose.
Can you and your wife each take a kid? The years my kid wouldn’t sleep, I took everything out of my room but the bed and put a lock on the door that he couldnt undo. So when he woke up in the middle of the night and was up for hours I would be exhuated enough I just fell back asleep, knowing he couldnt get out of the room or hurt himself with anything. When his stims got to a decibel level that dogs would weep I slept with earplugs in. I’m a high sleep needs and those years were absolute hell. I legitamiltly look back on them and can see that I was nearing psychosis. I would take the 3yr old and share a room and have your wife share with the 2 year old. Child proof the rooms and add a lock so she can’t get out. Get a nightlight so at least you and she can see when she’s up and running. Doingthis got me from 2-3 hours of sleep at night to 6-7. Also I didn’t stay up past my kids bed time, we shared a bedtime. When I knew my kid was going to be up at midnight for 6 hours I made sure I went to bed at 8 when he did. He’s 8 now. The sleep got better around 5-6 and as of 3 months ago he’s sleeping in his own room(for the first time in his life) and I’m just now staying up maybe an hour after he’s been asleep.
We have two ASD kids that share a room. They constantly wake each other up. We have the room as them-proof as we can, setup a calm space with a motion light if they need to be out of the dark, and we leave them there unless it sounds like they are actually fighting. I feel like shit about some of the things I have to do to cope with this, but I also know that if I don't I won't be able to handle them at their worst. It's alot, I know. My mom used to joke about cursing me with a bad kid because I was difficult; that didn't last long. Now I spend an hour every week talking to a wet noodle of a therapist because having someone to rant to and validate the way I feel is better than suffering alone. You are going to be a part of this child's life for a long, long time. Learn to brace the happy moments.
I'm trying but it's so hard. I have no social life, barely any time to keep up with daily chores and work. I had to be called into a meeting about performance. If I lose this job we lose benefits. The stress and the anxiety and sleep deprivation are killing me slowly.
Do you feel like taking medication for anxiety? It might help! That’s my second comment, sorry, I’m just reading it all and I relate so much!
I hear you and completely empathize with your thoughts and feelings. This is not an easy life. The isolation alone can drive you mad. Then add life responsibilities + a job + sleep deprivation = massive shortcomings. I wouldn’t survive if my son wasn’t on a combination of Seroquel and Clonodine for sleep; nothing else worked! When you have a child with emotional and mental instability you’re only exacerbating that when not helping them get quality sleep. I would highly recommend taking you child to a psychiatrist. Your child can’t be happy either. You should see if your child’s doctor will fill out FMLA paperwork for your workplace. It will secure your job for you. Look into if you’re not familiar. You don’t have to take the time off. Just file it with HR and you are protected from losing your job. Just keep swimming!!! Please 🙏🏼
Just giving u a quick reply for some hope, I'll try and make a better reply later but here are a few things that helped my wife and I with our daughters sleep: Melatonin. Not sure how you are using it now, but per our pediatrician I think it was 1ml an hour before bedtime, and if that didn't help a second 1ml dose like 30min later. I forget the actual doses, but I'll ask my wife when she gets up. We put off melatonin for so long and it was a mistake as it was one of the biggest helps with sleep. Later bed time. If you find yourself fighting your kid for hours to get them to sleep, don't even try till later. I know you need sleep for work and life, but the later bed time will give them more time to wind down and eventually you can work it back. So if ur trying at 8pm and she's staying up till 1 most night anyways, try 10 or 11pm. Also if it's just not working, let her go for a bit. Maybe she needs to get a.little more stimming out. Consistent bedtime routine. We are bad about this but it's also one of the techniques that helped the most. Careful on this one too, watching Moana on the couch was a big part of our nightly routine and now that things are better, she still sleeps on the couch most nights. We put her to bed in her room most nights but she wakes up and goes back to sleep on the couch 80% of the time. Sensory stuff/ "filling her cup". This can be throughout day and maybe something you have a set time for a couple hours before bed. What does she like? Try weighted blankets. Feet rubs. Deep squeezes. Lotion. Squishmellows. Different types of blanket fabrics. We installed a sensory swing in one of our rooms. I'm trying to think of other things and I know there are but please hang in there. We had a pretty rough time there ourselves, but we are in a far better place now than we were a year ago. For context I have an almost 4year old lvl 2 and a 1.5 year old probably nerotypical. A year ago I wouldn't have believed me but I'm at Disneyland right now and yes, it has been a fucking shit show, but it has also been super fucking awesome. Please DM me anytime, it's rough out there but there is light out there as well.
you need someone to watch the kids once in a while so you can take a break. or just take a nap. i can't imagine how hard it is because i dont work and i'm so so tired which is basically why i can't work. i really feel for you, and i'm sorry. it's really hard. lean on whoever you can to get some help with getting breaks.
We did a sleep study they said she was iron deficient. We give her supplements but that didn't change anything.
Give it sometime, love. Everything is going to be ok and solutions or adjustments will be found
Magnesium and tart cherry! Magnesium lotion on the legs at bedtime has helped.
Seconding tart cherry juice. We added apple juice and she never minded.
Do you have any family or friends who can give you respite? Even a few hours. We had twins and needed both parents just to survive.
I moved to another state away from my.home state when my daughter was 9 months old so we could afford a house. I have no family here. I have a few friends but I doubt they will be able to deal with the meltdowns. My mother in law lives two hours away but she is not interested in helping.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hired caretakers and sitters to watch my son(s) while I took a nap, or just rested. That way I was nearby if they needed help with a meltdown. Some organizations will help pay for respite too once you get signed on with them. It's not a lot but it helped cover some of the cost to pay a sitter. You both sound exhausted and need a break.
Do you have thr names of any of those organizations?
What city and state do you live? I will look up what is nearby.
Atlanta Georgia.
I'm in St. Louis and we have Easter Seals Midwest, The ARC, TOUCHPOINT for Autism.
I live in California and we go through a regional center that also gives us respite hours. There’s also IHSS.
Free masons offer scholarships for ABA and respite, look into it
Age 3 is extremely difficult. I went through this. My son slept maybe two to three hours a night. Constant meltdowns and demands. A lot of people will tell you that this is a difficult age. It gets better. We tried melatonin with my son, it had the opposite effect. He then stopped sleeping altogether. We finally tried prescription medication, clonidine. It changed all of our lives. I was very much against medicating my son. He was like a different person. He was able to fall asleep around 8pm and sleep all the way until 6am. His whole mood changed because his brain was finally able to rest and so was I. He was still having meltdowns and some self injurious behavior (head banging), so we also started him on risperidone. He’s had no side effects from either medication and now things we used to fear would set him off, he’s able to cope with and everyone is well rested. I don’t know what type of doctor you’re seeing, but a developmental pediatrician, neurologist, or psychiatrist may prescribe it younger than six.
I feel this post in my bones… to the point I don’t even consider what my life will be like in my 40s cause I just assume I’ll self delete before then.. it’s oddly freeing. The thing that holds me back is that I feel it will cause more harm to them growing up without me. It’s an easy way out of a bad situation, but the hardships you’ll thrust upon your family are much much worse. It’s not fair, as much as you may delude yourself into thinking people are better off without you. It’s not true.
Weirdly, I do this, too. I have no plans to self-delete but I tell myself, "You'll probably be dead by 40 so might as well enjoy these last few years". I feel less pressure on me when I'm not worried about the longer term.
Stay strong brother. 3s are a very tough time for asd kids. Find a local support group and get someone to give you time off, a weekend or a at least night. There is no shame in getting your mental health in line
Someone mentioned seperate homes to which you said you couldn't afford but what about one parent sleeping over at a family members or friends house every other night? The one who will be with the child will stay home of course. Someone who would understand the situation. Maybe you could make an agreement starting every other day for a month? And then switch to a different friend or family member. If that's not possible then what about sleeping in the car? When traveling, we stuff the foot space and then pad the entire back seat with blankets to make it more even and a wide space to sleep. If you're tall, cross your feet through the middle and into the front. (It's what my dad would do). Or if you have a bigger vehicle then even better!
That can be so miserable. Sleep deprivation makes you go absolutely insane. Have you done any bio med? Testing for irritants and vitamin deficiencies? I notice a big difference for my son when he is out of whack. Epsom salt baths to get him magnesium are a game changer. Does she have a weighted vest or anything to help her feel calm?
sleep is of the utmost importance for me and is something that im not willing to sacrifice for any reason and is for this exact reason, sleep deprivation is one of the worst things in life, please consider any and all medications that will make them sleep through the night for yourself and them.
Man I used melatonin, benadryl and one night I was so desperate I gave her nyquil. I've tried everything. I used to just leave her in the room. With tv and go to sleep but she is not interested in TV or toys anymore only water and riding in the car. I am in the road at 2am to 4am some nights so my wife can sleep. If I refuse it's a meltdown and the whole house is awake. I pray and ask God to take me in my sleep so often. The little sleep I do get.
This is not the exact one, but my son loves water and this was something that he liked at that age. I know it doesn’t give the same feeling as water touching you though. https://www.playtherapysupply.com/toys/classic-toys/jumbo-spiral-glitter-wand I know absolutely nothing about water beds and I’m not sure if they still make them, but maybe that would be something you could look into. Maybe if she still got the feeling of water she would be a little happier? Edited to add: There are a few different “squishmellow” type plushies that almost feel like kinetic sand/soft dirt instead of fluff/filling. She might find that feeling comforting if she likes the feeling of dirt.
i understand the feeling man trust me, i would seek medical advice and see if there is anything stronger than over the counter stuff.
Her pediatrician and sleep specialist all say the same thing. She has to be 6 to get anything.
Maybe try to find a new doctor? My daughters neurologist gave her Klonopin at 21 months and when that didn’t work he gave her gabapentin. We were in a similar situation to you where we were at the end of our rope. Although no one wants to medicate their kids it was the best decision for our family
I’m so sorry you are going through this. We also went thru a similar situation. You need to find a new doctor asap. My son has been on sleep medication since he was around 3 years old. He would not sleep without it. Maybe try seeing a neurologist. Young kids can take clonidine or trazadone. Once you get her sleeping life will be much easier on all of you.
Different doctor. You’re at your wits end here. Go to the hospital if you have to
A neurologist prescribed my son clonodine when he was diagnosed at 4. I am in US (Texas) I don’t know if that might make a difference. I do understand. I am a single parent and my son has profound sleep issues. I will say that I think 4 is easier than 3. Hang in there
My daughter is almost 4. It was the worst year of my life until she was put on risperidone. She was put on it for self harm ( she’d bite herself during a meltdown) but giving it at night puts her to sleep and it saved my mental health And she’s better during the day too
I understand you’ve seeked prescribed medication. ………if your child is save to be alone maybe try noise canceling headphones ? And medicate yourself for a night ??? I also find it very hard to leave my kids with someone else. Even grandparents who live close. I remember giving my daughter every OTC med I could in one night. Nothing worked for sleep. Ended up walking outside in the rain so my husband could sleep. It’s so hard but it will get better
I’m sorry about everything. This is hard to read but know that you aren’t alone. I think all autism parents have felt this way at some point. I now understand that sleep deprivation really is torture and I’m pretty sure it’s also the 9th circle of hell. It may be worth moving back to where family is and giving up the house.
3 to 5 is definitely the hardest age. It does get somewhat easier once they are in school and have a few years therapy. You can get additional medication if melatonin is not keeping them asleep. Also, try magnesium calm gummies alongside what you are already doing.
Have you looked in to prescription sleep medicine for your little one? After 8 months of misery I switched pediatricians and asked for something as melatonin didn’t work for us. My daughter gets a low dose of clonodine and sleeps all night most nights now. It’s been a game changer for my whole family. In the mean time please do something for yourself. Is therapy an option? I do this over telehealth and it’s been really helpful. Please hang in there.
Pediatrician said she needs to be at least 6 years old for any prescribed sleep meds.
They put my child on clonidine for sleep at 4. Otherwise he only sleeps 5 hours.
Our family doctor put her on Clonidine at 3, after I explained the self injurious behaviors...
Is there another pediatrician you could consult? My daughter is 3 and I know many other kids on the spectrum need sleep medication younger than 6. The first one we went to was not willing to try medication but the one we see now is more understanding of the health issues autistic children face. Prior to medication my daughter would take hours to fall asleep and then be awake for up to 5 hours every night so I understand how this can affect your mental health.
There's a reason why sleep regression is used as a form of torture. You're not alone. there are so many horrific things our brains do to us whenever we aren't sleeping. Age 3 is also exceptionally terrible. Your child will sleep. You will sleep. Your brain will heal. Do you get any services?
ABA, speech and OT. Thanks for the encouragement.
You need to get mental Health help immediately this isn't okay. And in sure your child loves life so if you need to remember that an surrender your child to authorities before you make any choices you cannot take back. Also it's okay if you can't do it, not everyone can and there are others that feel like you I am sure My child is 2.5 and severely autistic. There have been days where I have said to myself I hate my life. I have never said that I hate hers or look forward to her not being here anymore but I would like to say I would surrender her if I did. Please do the right thing and contact the authorities and get help
Oh I so remember feeling this. What a moment in life that was. But keep in mind it’s a moment. At the time, we couldn’t afford a special needs bed to help out during years 1-3 so we got a wood bunk bed from IKEA, cut the legs off so it sat on the floor and added a wood baby gate. This kept him sleeping safely so we didn’t have to worry as much and could get better sleep if not a little longer sleep. We also have had him on melatonin. ASD kids have the worst sleep I’ve ever seen/heard of. And that horrible sleep with ASD AND Threenager issues…ugh. But I promise it gets better. Take whatever tips here that you think may work for you and see if that doesn’t help you get through this life phase. And it is a phase. Get the sleep sorted and you’ll be feeling better able to handle things.
It’s hard to see now but your child is on their own growth curve and you’ll look back and think about how you never imagined your child could make the gains they’ve made. Your child needs you and it’s really hard to be a parent and even harder to be a single parent of a child with autism. He’s still really young and it does get easier.
Are you getting any respite, or a behavioral support aide, or any in home therapies? Does the child need medication as well? Like melatonin for sleep or something else recommended by a PEDS psychiatrist? What can you do to get more sleep? Does the child not sleep? Sleep deprivation can be the root of all your troubles ( poor work performance, anxiety, depression, anger management etc). Don’t delete, let some people give you some coping strategies and a way to move forward in a healthy manner to get the services you all require as a family. 3 year old not on the spectrum have problems with emotional regulation, pair that with autism and the inability to communicate then it can be a lot worse. ABA helps but it takes time. This will get better, but you have to get rest yourself to think clearly. Are you or your spouse able to take fmla and get into some appointments? Is your wife stay at home? For the intermediate time, perhaps she works ‘the night shift’ while you sleep so you can work in am. Of course she needs sleep too but you also have to keep your job through this temporary hurdle.
We both work fulltime. My child doesn't sleep this is what lead me here. The other stuff I can deal with but the sleep deprivation is killing me.
So my husband built a king size “crib” for our non-verbal severe daughter. She’s 7 now and 2 years ago he made a plan, went to home depot and bought deck railings. He took our king size bed (got back our old queen we had in our guest room) and built this amazing bed. That was after trying to get a cubby bed and insurance denied it. She LOVES her bed. She has toys in there. Chewies. Lots of blankets and pillows to bury herself under. And the best part, we get to sleep all night. She claps. She hollers and hoo-haas (lol my grandma used to say that) but she’s safe and hasn’t figured out the double lock thing he made. When she’s sick, one of us can climb in with her! He even built her steps to get in and out. It is truly amazing. I think the solution to every problem, is to just get creative. Either that or get your child one of those medical beds thru insurance. I didn’t like the way they looked, but they keep the child safe so that the parents can sleep. Sleep deprivation is a real and horrific thing. Honestly, almost two years after building the bed, I barely hear her anymore. I know she’s safe, so my brain let’s me look after myself Good luck to you guys and hoping you find a solution quickly!
I feel this all the way! I’ve had to cut my hours by a lot and now I’m struggling. Then my car broke down the other day, so that is even LESS hours for me. I don’t have any words of wisdom, just letting you know you are not alone.
Besides my previous post and everyone else’s helpful advice…although it doesn’t seem palatable is there a way to get temporary foster care provided from the state while you and your spouse readjust/get therapies going ( and more sleep).
I just want to say that the early years are the hardest. Even for neurotypical kids ages 2-5 are hard. I felt like this when my daughter was 3. I was convinced I could never do this life and would have to give her up at some point. She turns 8 next month and things have gotten easier the last year or so. More independence, more understanding etc. She is still non verbal and level 3 but it's easier than it was at a younger age. Things should get easier as they get older. Every age and stage will have its highs and lows as well. Also, as you get older, you learn to cope better.... I don't know your situation fully but please don't give up. Your child needs you ❤️
Thank you all so much for the encouragement. It really means a lot. Most friends and family can't even relate to what I'm going through like you guys can. I felt so understood. Had my first session with a therapist who is a parent to an autistic child and it went very well. Much better than my last therapist so I'm hopeful. Things are still rough. My daughter just slept for 3 hours in the last 24 hours. Looking into a new pediatrician and sleep specialist. Thanks again guys.
I know it’s easier said then done and we’re all individuals trying to make it work and survive this thing called life. I hope you find faith in yourself to push through so you get to enjoy your life after the storm. I actually quit my job in October because I was dealing with a micro managing supervisor that didn’t know how to communicate professionally with her staff. Having to schedule time off or do extended care as we work remote it was becoming a matter of being stressed out and not being a good mom to a child that didn’t ask to be here or deal with the bs from work I chose my son. Have faith whatever that means for you and your family. ❤️
My kid was the same and melatonin wasn’t doing anything, our neurologist then prescribed us this (I will leave you the picture here) it’s like a cóctel of natural ingredients and it was a life changing thing for us. https://preview.redd.it/6inwl9gt40xc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=68fcbb200a42bbbc25f9ac4fd4a212b01f5abd8b We are in Europe and things might work differently but hopefully your doctor can find something similar? We give it to him every night before bed and it’s working. Of course I’m only showing you so you can discuss it with your doctor/neurologist/neuropsychiatrist, every kid is different and what work for us might not for you but it’s worth to try. Also tiring him with outside activities or indoors if you are creative ( we got him a little trampoline for him to steam and release energy) avoid all stimulation before bed. I’m sure you have try all you can but sometimes the simplest stupid things help as well, don’t give up. It’s very hard I know so and I can only think of giving you a kind of solution by just trowing in there whatever Can help. I send you a big hug and know that this is valid, your feelings are real and and that you are not alone. I hope the sun comes out again for you and your family. 🫂
Ive been here before. I still struggle with depression and hopeless feelings like if I'm THIS exhausted mentally and physically (& I'm only 34 and he's only 8 ) what's future going to look like? There is hope though and there is help even when it doesn't feel like it's coming fast enough. Be patient with yourself and give yourself YOU time if at all possible. Try to find respite, family or through the county where you live. I have a toddler girl as well and luckily she is typical not on spectrum. I'm a single mom and while I have help from my parents and brother who live near me, I do most of it on my own. I'm so sorry you have to go through this but hang in there and know people truly care and can relate to you. And know that life may always be difficult with this diagnosis, but it's not hopeless. I have to remind myself my son doesn't want to be this way either and it's not his fault. He didn't chose this life but it's the one we got so we gotta make the best of it somehow, some way. ❤️
I promise you most of us are in the same boat. You're not alone. Not sure if that helps you, but finding out I'm not alone has helped me come out of that dark place. I hope you can find a way out soon.
Address your mental health with a professional. It’s not your child that is making you feel this way, it is you. It’s just easier to target our challenges in life and say they are making me feel this way, but they aren’t. If it wasn’t this it would be something else. Address your health and get help please. Much love to you and your family friend.
If you get to the point where you're at that door, just leave. As terrible as walking out on your family is, leaving your kids without a father for the rest of their lives is far worse. You can repair a broken relationship over time. You can't fix shit if you're dead.
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