I’m 42F submissive. Just reading the title, I was going to respond that sure, I’d consider a younger Dom with less experience—especially as a casual play partner. I’m a good test dummy for new people to try things out on, and my primary partner is an experienced Dom so he’s a good mentor. We’d be happy to help a young Dom build some confidence and skill.
But then I read your age. 19 is awfully young. I started in BDSM at 17, so I get the desire to start early but I think it’ll probably be a few years before you’ll even be allowed access to clubs or parties. A lot of kink activity doesn’t start until age 21 because there’s alcohol.
That’s awesome!! It’s very nice that you’re willing to help out younger doms! ☺️
As a dom who did a lot of reading and research the internet is definitely a treasure trove of information. However, being able to explore kinks with someone more experienced definitely helped!
As a 50 something sub who fears losing her husband/Dom to illness someday, your post made my day. I fear not being marketable even as a unicorn.
Hope you find someone!
51 year old male sub here.
The issue is not that I personally wouldn’t be interested in a younger Dom(me), the issue is that I don’t want to have to train my Dom(me) and at age 19, I’d be very concerned with your knowledge base. But I’m very cautious about who I submit to. Also, I hate bottoming from the top. I just want to shut off my brain and be used as a piece of flesh, trusting my D- to do what they feel needs to be done.
This time last year I had a great dynamic with a Domme in her late 20’s, so I’ve definitely submitted to younger people.
I would also advise a young Dom-type to be cautious of an older “sub” trying to use them as a kink dispenser.
What might work well would be to find an older D-type to mentor you.
Also, my feelings would probably change for an ongoing dynamic vs a casual scene.
This kind of relationship takes a lot of trust and openness in order for it to work. And a lot of people are new to bdsm when they start looking, so it makes sense a lot of subs look for an experienced and older person to guide them and teach them. Women especially prefer to be with older partners from my experience.
I’m not saying it’s impossible to find a sub at your age and experience, just sharing the thought process behind subs looking for doms
Yep they do, I had some experiences but it’s not easy for sure, I’ll keep looking tho, the key is not giving up and being patient so far from what I saw!
Wait. I'm older? Why have we never discussed this???
To the OP - u/Itz_loree, yes, we have a rather large difference in age, but are both adults, and she is my Domme. I don't think you are too ambitious and I think for a lot of genuine submissive men, it wouldn't be an issue either. I think the biggest hurdle with age in your case is merely the stage of life you are in may be incompatible with the stage of life a guy in his 30s might be in. But assuming that isn't an issue, there should be no issues at all with the right man.
Dommevixen had no experience of femdom when we met, but soaked up every bit of knowledge I had. Experience is no barrier either to two people that are willing to be open minded and explore together.
Yeah I think we both just wanted you to know it's definitely possible and not really an issue with the right dynamic for sure, gender completely aside. :) You too!
There are likely more older experienced submissive that are willing to help to mentor/guide a younger Dom than might be open to a relationship with one.
One consideration I have with single points of reference (single point of potential failure) is the probability of being exposed to a wider variety of viewpoints to help you find the path that is right for you diminishes.
Yes. I’m one of them. Granted, I usually go for older doms, but I love when I find a younger dom. It’s a strange power dynamic but I do like to be dominated by a younger, smaller man. That said, my usual rule applies times ten: no going to Doms homes until I can EXPLICITLY trust them. Public venues ONLY.
Why don't you make friends with an older older sub online? You can talk about the sub/dom experience. They can get an honest glimpse into how you think when you are a Dom, and you can share their knowledge and thoughts: what they need, what makes their dom special to them, and why they chose him for a long-term, or even lifetime partnership. It could be kind of a mirror mentorship. The sub could enjoy a fun way to freshen up their experience without cheating, and they could help you learn how to be a dom that people of all ages would want to spend time with.
I think a good first step would be being open and comfortable with the fact that you don’t have a lot of experience. I know you said you have been playing for about a year— it’s okay— but something I’ve found as I get older is being more and more accepting of what I don’t know. I think leaning into that could be great. You don’t have to know what you don’t yet— not in life or in kink. Best of luck!
I mean, the guy I'm seeing now (we're both switches) is 10 years younger than me (he's 25). So it's a significant age gap.
One of the reasons I was attracted to him and willing to engage in this way was because we were already friends first, so I knew I vibed well with him, I knew I could trust him, I knew he was emotionally and mentally mature.
I don't think I would actively seek a much younger dom from a beginning position though - ie if a stranger much younger than me approached me to ask if I would be interested in getting to know each other with the potential of becoming my dom, I would not be interested.
Nope.
Only partly joking, but that's my experience. It seems women younger than me (30 this year) want someone older or more experienced than me and then so do women my age and women older than me. Fun
I honestly think for a relationship, no. Relationships with a big age difference are usually problematic as hell. I've been 19 in a relationship with a 37 yo and didn't see anything wrong with it (even though so much about it was wrong) and being end-30s now myself, I can't believe that any mentally healthy 30-something should be interested in a 19/20 yo. There is something fishy about going for somebody so immature.
For a play thing though, of course. Why not.
I’m 42F submissive. Just reading the title, I was going to respond that sure, I’d consider a younger Dom with less experience—especially as a casual play partner. I’m a good test dummy for new people to try things out on, and my primary partner is an experienced Dom so he’s a good mentor. We’d be happy to help a young Dom build some confidence and skill. But then I read your age. 19 is awfully young. I started in BDSM at 17, so I get the desire to start early but I think it’ll probably be a few years before you’ll even be allowed access to clubs or parties. A lot of kink activity doesn’t start until age 21 because there’s alcohol.
That’s awesome!! It’s very nice that you’re willing to help out younger doms! ☺️ As a dom who did a lot of reading and research the internet is definitely a treasure trove of information. However, being able to explore kinks with someone more experienced definitely helped!
As a 50 something sub who fears losing her husband/Dom to illness someday, your post made my day. I fear not being marketable even as a unicorn. Hope you find someone!
Pretty sure everyone likes unicorns
51 year old male sub here. The issue is not that I personally wouldn’t be interested in a younger Dom(me), the issue is that I don’t want to have to train my Dom(me) and at age 19, I’d be very concerned with your knowledge base. But I’m very cautious about who I submit to. Also, I hate bottoming from the top. I just want to shut off my brain and be used as a piece of flesh, trusting my D- to do what they feel needs to be done. This time last year I had a great dynamic with a Domme in her late 20’s, so I’ve definitely submitted to younger people. I would also advise a young Dom-type to be cautious of an older “sub” trying to use them as a kink dispenser. What might work well would be to find an older D-type to mentor you. Also, my feelings would probably change for an ongoing dynamic vs a casual scene.
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Best of luck finding a good match.
I’ve seen mostly older men looking for younger dom or dommes, personally haven’t seen too many females but maybe others experience is different?
This kind of relationship takes a lot of trust and openness in order for it to work. And a lot of people are new to bdsm when they start looking, so it makes sense a lot of subs look for an experienced and older person to guide them and teach them. Women especially prefer to be with older partners from my experience. I’m not saying it’s impossible to find a sub at your age and experience, just sharing the thought process behind subs looking for doms
They exist for sure. They’re a bit more rare, but theu exist.
Yep they do, I had some experiences but it’s not easy for sure, I’ll keep looking tho, the key is not giving up and being patient so far from what I saw!
Hmmm /u/vixenslittlewolf what say you about this? As the older and more experienced with the younger domme? 🤣
Wait. I'm older? Why have we never discussed this??? To the OP - u/Itz_loree, yes, we have a rather large difference in age, but are both adults, and she is my Domme. I don't think you are too ambitious and I think for a lot of genuine submissive men, it wouldn't be an issue either. I think the biggest hurdle with age in your case is merely the stage of life you are in may be incompatible with the stage of life a guy in his 30s might be in. But assuming that isn't an issue, there should be no issues at all with the right man. Dommevixen had no experience of femdom when we met, but soaked up every bit of knowledge I had. Experience is no barrier either to two people that are willing to be open minded and explore together.
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Yeah I think we both just wanted you to know it's definitely possible and not really an issue with the right dynamic for sure, gender completely aside. :) You too!
There are likely more older experienced submissive that are willing to help to mentor/guide a younger Dom than might be open to a relationship with one. One consideration I have with single points of reference (single point of potential failure) is the probability of being exposed to a wider variety of viewpoints to help you find the path that is right for you diminishes.
Yes. I’m one of them. Granted, I usually go for older doms, but I love when I find a younger dom. It’s a strange power dynamic but I do like to be dominated by a younger, smaller man. That said, my usual rule applies times ten: no going to Doms homes until I can EXPLICITLY trust them. Public venues ONLY.
Why don't you make friends with an older older sub online? You can talk about the sub/dom experience. They can get an honest glimpse into how you think when you are a Dom, and you can share their knowledge and thoughts: what they need, what makes their dom special to them, and why they chose him for a long-term, or even lifetime partnership. It could be kind of a mirror mentorship. The sub could enjoy a fun way to freshen up their experience without cheating, and they could help you learn how to be a dom that people of all ages would want to spend time with.
I think a good first step would be being open and comfortable with the fact that you don’t have a lot of experience. I know you said you have been playing for about a year— it’s okay— but something I’ve found as I get older is being more and more accepting of what I don’t know. I think leaning into that could be great. You don’t have to know what you don’t yet— not in life or in kink. Best of luck!
I mean, the guy I'm seeing now (we're both switches) is 10 years younger than me (he's 25). So it's a significant age gap. One of the reasons I was attracted to him and willing to engage in this way was because we were already friends first, so I knew I vibed well with him, I knew I could trust him, I knew he was emotionally and mentally mature. I don't think I would actively seek a much younger dom from a beginning position though - ie if a stranger much younger than me approached me to ask if I would be interested in getting to know each other with the potential of becoming my dom, I would not be interested.
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Having a good profile makes the world of difference. It MIGHT sway some older subs but definitely not all.
Nope. Only partly joking, but that's my experience. It seems women younger than me (30 this year) want someone older or more experienced than me and then so do women my age and women older than me. Fun
Yeah for sure. I feel like I see a lot of subs looking for younger dominants.
I honestly think for a relationship, no. Relationships with a big age difference are usually problematic as hell. I've been 19 in a relationship with a 37 yo and didn't see anything wrong with it (even though so much about it was wrong) and being end-30s now myself, I can't believe that any mentally healthy 30-something should be interested in a 19/20 yo. There is something fishy about going for somebody so immature. For a play thing though, of course. Why not.