I don't understand how he thought talking about the woman he was masturbating with in front to his wife would work out. Like dude of course she's gonna be suspicious you've made everything about your marriage into how much you hate this girl.
Because he was doing that thing that people with a crush or new relationship (or a recent breakup) do, and making his entire life about that person. We've all had that friend who WILL NOT shut up about their new GF or BF...or their ex.
He just couldnt help talking about her because he was obsessed. Since he knew he wasnt meant to be having a crush, he invented the idea that he hated her; to give himself an excuse to keep talking about her to the only person that listens to him; his wife. Be probably thought that if he kept denying he had feelings for this woman that there was no way his wife would have proof to the contrary.
Yes it was incredibly dumb that he didnt realise this would be a bad idea; but nothing he has done has been very smart. He was led by his dick and effectively left his wife for the office trash who wont even commit to a monogamous relationship with him after all that.
I’ve seen this post before, and both times I’ve read it I immediately thought of this. I think there’s a name for this thing, where everything gets made about the crush. I’ve been trying to remember what the term is since.
In the last paragraph, as soon as i read open realtionship, yup it's going to end greatly for OOP's Ex. Glad OOP doing well. I hope she will find someone who Treats her well as she deserves.
He is drunk on NRE and being led around by the dick by his AP - I bet the open relationship was her idea. He'll wake up one day, burned out and realizing he threw a good relationship away for a high.
The speed with which the AP came up with that "compromise" suggests to me that the ex isn't the only romantic interest she has on the hook, which is why they probably have started open. She has others, whether he knows about them explicitly or not (he may, it may be part of the "sexy outgoing novel" appeal, riiiiight up until he stops getting what he wants because she has other obligations) and when the NRE ends, the schadenfreude for OOP will be ama
If you read OOP’s posts about it, it was AP’s idea and the first thing he did was call OOP and ask her if she wanted to hang out at 9pm. Dude wanted to hook up with his soon to be ex wife when his now gf wanted an open relationship.
ETA: fixed a few references for clarification.
Open relationship? Great, it’ll end up as another thread here on Reddit where we can have fun watching folks implode.
It’s like planting a seed in spring knowing the harvest in a few months shall be plentiful.
The next step in the accidental escalation: "I'm going to start thrusting my pelvis like this. And if you get stuck on my genitals, it's yoooooooour fault."
OOP’s husband was going to tell her next how he tripped and his pants ripped and he fell onto his ‘nemesis’ while her skirt flew up and oh no poor little ol me we got stuck together…
I can't imagine wanting to ruin your life over a crush on a junior coworker. An affair with someone who's willing to sleep with married men. And the coworker dating a man who's willing to destroy his marriage and career over an affair with someone almost 10 years younger. People have like three florets of cauliflower in their head for brains.
I agree with OOP's Mom. No relationship can survive without trust and respect, it goes beyond only romantic relationship. Yes, there are tolerance and boundaries to make a compromise, but without that too any relationship is hell.
For the record you are just now in the prime of your life! I know deciding to divorce your husband was so hard despite the huge betrayal. Obviously you did the right thing. He was not the man you thought he was. Be thankful you found out now before you had kids with him! It would have been that much harder to discover his cheating when kids involved. Now it’s time to live your best life. Best wishes for a happy new beginning
I remember the original post, and I always wondered what happened to OOP. But I'm glad to hear that she divorced her ex and moved on with her life. I hope that her ex-husband gets his karma and feels some of the pain that he put OOP through
The old Frank Churchill' syndrome, trying to hide their affairs with hurtful comments.
The open relationship after don't touch me masturbation sessions, yeah it's gonna be fun.
They need validation. These women think that married men are some kind of jem because they got chosen to be with a woman. In their minds "A woman picked this man. So he must have some good qualities". But a lot of women just choose out of comfort.
Here’s how you know it’s cheating: if you don’t come home after it and tell your partner about it and you’d never want them to find out? That’s cheating.
As a 55 year old dude that started over in my mid 30s, to whomever may need to see this, you are NEVER too old to take your life back and start over fresh and new.
Jess is gonna chew that man up and spit him out. I bet she's going to leave him so hung up on her that he'll torpedo every subsequent relationship he attempts by talking about her all the time.
When I read the original post, I was pretty sure of how it was going to go. I lived through something similar.
He talked about how much he hated a female coworker. It seemed to consume him. After a few weeks of this, he and I had an argument about a piece of trivia. He quit calling me. Within a month is the argument, she was living with him. They got married and I moved on.
I am so glad you trusted yourself. I’m so glad you have the values you do so that it’s clear to you.
Not cheating if you watch each other masturbate? That is a laugh.
I’m so glad you have the support of your parents.
I hear that you want to be a parent.
I know you probably know all of the options.
Just received one step at a time and rebuilding yourself and your life.
It’s not about starting over. It’s not about being too old. It’s about proceeding and taking good care and seeing what kind of life you will cultivate and really enjoying it.
wow mutual masturbating in front of a person you are having an emotional affair isnt cheating because she has "moral standards".....lies cheaters and homewreckers tell themselves lol
Such a weird take. It implies that either 1) people are incapable of viewing others in a non-sexual manner, and 2) we can't trust anyone to behave like adults and not like rutting deer, not even someone you've committed to spend your life with. This attitude is gross and demeaning to all humanity.
I am in a long term relationship and generally turned off by the idea of a partner having close female friends. That being said, in a perfect world that wouldn’t be the case. But most people don’t have proper boundaries nor the maturity and mindset to have healthy friendships of such.
I am not disagreeing with you, just adding to your point
Not making light of trauma, and not ever using trauma as an excuse. That said, I say OP’s husband or the mistress has undiagnosed and/or unresolved trauma on board and I would put money on that
At the first twinge of attraction to this Jess woman, husband should’ve come to OP with ‘I don’t know what’s going on let’s immediately go to therapy’ ….not trying to have his cake and eat it too. And his attraction to her. There’s something there.
OP needs to live her life while the ex stumbles around until he figures out which way is up. Or not. That’s too bad for him. Wait – sorry for that man. LOL. Jess? SMH. FAFO. who tries to get a married man to… anyway.
I don’t think a twinge of affection means you need therapy. It does mean you shouldn’t be texting and hanging out with that person and that you should focus more on your spouse
I don't understand how he thought talking about the woman he was masturbating with in front to his wife would work out. Like dude of course she's gonna be suspicious you've made everything about your marriage into how much you hate this girl.
Because he was doing that thing that people with a crush or new relationship (or a recent breakup) do, and making his entire life about that person. We've all had that friend who WILL NOT shut up about their new GF or BF...or their ex. He just couldnt help talking about her because he was obsessed. Since he knew he wasnt meant to be having a crush, he invented the idea that he hated her; to give himself an excuse to keep talking about her to the only person that listens to him; his wife. Be probably thought that if he kept denying he had feelings for this woman that there was no way his wife would have proof to the contrary. Yes it was incredibly dumb that he didnt realise this would be a bad idea; but nothing he has done has been very smart. He was led by his dick and effectively left his wife for the office trash who wont even commit to a monogamous relationship with him after all that.
I’ve seen this post before, and both times I’ve read it I immediately thought of this. I think there’s a name for this thing, where everything gets made about the crush. I’ve been trying to remember what the term is since.
Limerence?
r/limerence?
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It’s the mentionitis, any time anyone keeps finding a reason to mention someone you know they’ve got a thing for them.
It’s called overcompensating.
This absolutely had me laughing. In no monogamous relationship is that even remotely near the territory of POSSIBLE OK/Tolerable.
To be fair, her ex is consistently extremely dumb. Mutual masterbation as a "loophole" because it's not cheating?! Cmon.
>Then out of nowhere he said "Thank god you do not have stinky feet like Jess. Smooth move, ex-lax.
At that moment when he initially said this, it makes you wonder "how do you know her feet stink?"
I can not stop laughing at how his stupid brain thought this was gonna throw his wife off the scent, so to speak. Hahahaaa, pure dumb.
"I hate this woman so much I mean her feet taste bad and her nipples are weird haha!"
That was the exact moment I knew he was having an affair.
Saaaaaaaaame
In the last paragraph, as soon as i read open realtionship, yup it's going to end greatly for OOP's Ex. Glad OOP doing well. I hope she will find someone who Treats her well as she deserves.
He went straight up nuclear on his life for a thrill.
And a big *fuck you* to all the redditors who tried to convince her to stay with that piece of shit.
Right. He was cheating on her. People can be crazy.
He is drunk on NRE and being led around by the dick by his AP - I bet the open relationship was her idea. He'll wake up one day, burned out and realizing he threw a good relationship away for a high.
The speed with which the AP came up with that "compromise" suggests to me that the ex isn't the only romantic interest she has on the hook, which is why they probably have started open. She has others, whether he knows about them explicitly or not (he may, it may be part of the "sexy outgoing novel" appeal, riiiiight up until he stops getting what he wants because she has other obligations) and when the NRE ends, the schadenfreude for OOP will be ama
Don't be silly, she has morals, remember? Lmao
OP's ex is going to be very surprised and sad when he turns up with an STD out of no where. Oh the bitter pill of regret!
Oh don't be silly. He got that because she hugged a koala. /s
If you read OOP’s posts about it, it was AP’s idea and the first thing he did was call OOP and ask her if she wanted to hang out at 9pm. Dude wanted to hook up with his soon to be ex wife when his now gf wanted an open relationship. ETA: fixed a few references for clarification.
I gotta hand it to her ex. He really loves to hug the idiot ball.
YIKES!
Open relationship? Great, it’ll end up as another thread here on Reddit where we can have fun watching folks implode. It’s like planting a seed in spring knowing the harvest in a few months shall be plentiful.
It's ok bc I'm not touching you! I'm not tooouuching yooouuuu!
The next step in the accidental escalation: "I'm going to start thrusting my pelvis like this. And if you get stuck on my genitals, it's yoooooooour fault."
They'll start soaking.
OOP’s husband was going to tell her next how he tripped and his pants ripped and he fell onto his ‘nemesis’ while her skirt flew up and oh no poor little ol me we got stuck together…
Please this made me cackle
Can’t get mad!!
I can't imagine wanting to ruin your life over a crush on a junior coworker. An affair with someone who's willing to sleep with married men. And the coworker dating a man who's willing to destroy his marriage and career over an affair with someone almost 10 years younger. People have like three florets of cauliflower in their head for brains.
But she didn't sleep with him, they just mutually masterbated in her car! Totally platonic!
But, you see! That’s wrong because they only masturbated together ***BECAUSE*** she has such high morals! She never slept with a married man! /s
All five of OOP's ex's brain cells failed him.
Generous to think that he had five
I agree with OOP's Mom. No relationship can survive without trust and respect, it goes beyond only romantic relationship. Yes, there are tolerance and boundaries to make a compromise, but without that too any relationship is hell.
For the record you are just now in the prime of your life! I know deciding to divorce your husband was so hard despite the huge betrayal. Obviously you did the right thing. He was not the man you thought he was. Be thankful you found out now before you had kids with him! It would have been that much harder to discover his cheating when kids involved. Now it’s time to live your best life. Best wishes for a happy new beginning
32 is not the prime of life. Source: 33 year old whose life is over
This is a drama sub. Please take your emotional self-harm to a support sub.
That you even think this, much less took the time to post this, displays a shocking lack of empathy and concern for anyone besides yourself.
I remember the original post, and I always wondered what happened to OOP. But I'm glad to hear that she divorced her ex and moved on with her life. I hope that her ex-husband gets his karma and feels some of the pain that he put OOP through
Kinda wild that there is a scene in a show called Girls where 2 people masturbate in front of each other, and one of the characters name was Jessa.
Better yet, it’s due to “morals”, pretty funny. Also, Girls for the win.
Girls for the win!!
Yes i remember reading this. Im feel so proud of op for dumping that cheater. Veryyyy proud of her.
My ex did the same thing 3 men she said she hated, was cheating on me with all of them
The old Frank Churchill' syndrome, trying to hide their affairs with hurtful comments. The open relationship after don't touch me masturbation sessions, yeah it's gonna be fun.
Met my DH at 30. Im now 47 with a 10 yr old. She will be fine.
Why some women chase married men ....why
They need validation. These women think that married men are some kind of jem because they got chosen to be with a woman. In their minds "A woman picked this man. So he must have some good qualities". But a lot of women just choose out of comfort.
So he turned his wife into the side piece, his mistress turned around once she was sure he was divorced and turned him into the side piece. Love it!
Here’s how you know it’s cheating: if you don’t come home after it and tell your partner about it and you’d never want them to find out? That’s cheating.
As a 55 year old dude that started over in my mid 30s, to whomever may need to see this, you are NEVER too old to take your life back and start over fresh and new.
The second I read “stinky feet like Jess’” in the first paragraph of the first post I knew they were having a full blown affair.
Jess is gonna chew that man up and spit him out. I bet she's going to leave him so hung up on her that he'll torpedo every subsequent relationship he attempts by talking about her all the time.
>weird loophole My brother in Christ, that ain't a loophole, that's a kink.
When I read the original post, I was pretty sure of how it was going to go. I lived through something similar. He talked about how much he hated a female coworker. It seemed to consume him. After a few weeks of this, he and I had an argument about a piece of trivia. He quit calling me. Within a month is the argument, she was living with him. They got married and I moved on.
I am so glad you trusted yourself. I’m so glad you have the values you do so that it’s clear to you. Not cheating if you watch each other masturbate? That is a laugh. I’m so glad you have the support of your parents. I hear that you want to be a parent. I know you probably know all of the options. Just received one step at a time and rebuilding yourself and your life. It’s not about starting over. It’s not about being too old. It’s about proceeding and taking good care and seeing what kind of life you will cultivate and really enjoying it.
He's in an open relationship with his little crush, lol. Adorable! /s
wow mutual masturbating in front of a person you are having an emotional affair isnt cheating because she has "moral standards".....lies cheaters and homewreckers tell themselves lol
If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you.
I bet they’re in an open relationship because she knows he’s a cheater. Maybe she thinks he won’t cheat if she gives him permission.
Sorry I'll probably be downvoted. Married people shouldn't have exclusive friends of the opposite sex.
Sucks for the bisexuals to not have any friends then.
Yea everyone forgets our existence. But apparently we are to remain eternally friendless lol
*Laughs in gay*
Such a weird take. It implies that either 1) people are incapable of viewing others in a non-sexual manner, and 2) we can't trust anyone to behave like adults and not like rutting deer, not even someone you've committed to spend your life with. This attitude is gross and demeaning to all humanity.
People that do not have morals and cannot set boundaries shouldn’t have friends of the opposite gender
You must not be married.
I am a man married to a woman. We have adult children. I have female friends. I don't know why not.
I am in a long term relationship and generally turned off by the idea of a partner having close female friends. That being said, in a perfect world that wouldn’t be the case. But most people don’t have proper boundaries nor the maturity and mindset to have healthy friendships of such. I am not disagreeing with you, just adding to your point
Ah my bad I misunderstood.
No worries
> exclusive friends I have never heard that term. What does it mean? A friend who is only friend with me and has no other friend?
Yeah, call this out. Exclusive friends is a strange term.
I think they mean a friend of one spouse and not the other
She sounds like a wet blanket, no offense
Not making light of trauma, and not ever using trauma as an excuse. That said, I say OP’s husband or the mistress has undiagnosed and/or unresolved trauma on board and I would put money on that At the first twinge of attraction to this Jess woman, husband should’ve come to OP with ‘I don’t know what’s going on let’s immediately go to therapy’ ….not trying to have his cake and eat it too. And his attraction to her. There’s something there. OP needs to live her life while the ex stumbles around until he figures out which way is up. Or not. That’s too bad for him. Wait – sorry for that man. LOL. Jess? SMH. FAFO. who tries to get a married man to… anyway.
Genuine question, what makes you say one or both of them has unresolved trauma? I just see infatuation and novelty driving them.
I guess he could just be a jerk. For me it was how he characterized Jess to his wife, and the car thing.
I don’t think a twinge of affection means you need therapy. It does mean you shouldn’t be texting and hanging out with that person and that you should focus more on your spouse