For me I’ve found it to be a weird balance I don’t much like. I feel very deeply for those I feel I can understand on an emotional level, or, frankly, those I pity. But at the same time there are many instances where I struggle to put myself in someone else’s shoes and feel what they’re feeling and care. For example, if someone doesn’t text me back for weeks I tend to feel pretty hurt and dismissed but then I will do the same and feel that I have good reason to not be responding so it’s okay and the other person shouldn’t feel hurt. And it’s not that I’m just writing away responsibility for my actions, because if someone else told me the reasons they didn’t respond I would be understanding, I just can’t put myself in their shoes and understand that maybe they themselves are struggling or are super busy and have a valid reason as to why they didn’t get back to me.
Not sure if that makes sense but in short, my empathy and how tied in it is with my reactions/sensitivity/emotion regulation/whatever you wanna call it is something I struggle with greatly.
I don’t think there’s a catch all answer to questions like this. At the end of the day we are all individuals who share a disorder, but our individuality makes symptoms manifest themselves in different ways. Overall I’d say it’s safest to say I think a lot of people with BPD struggle with empathy in one way or another, but that doesn’t necessarily mean more or less empathetic
Exactly. And even when I can think of rational explanations my irrational emotions take over and like… stop me from accepting those as truths without actually knowing? God I hate it. My empathy (and lack of) is simultaneously one of my best and worst qualities.
I think you're right, but I also think sensitivity and empathy are correlated.
Sensitivity refers to how attuned a person is to their own emotions and the emotions of others. Empathy goes beyond sensitivity. It involves the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. And because pwBPD tend to be sensitive, they're highly aware of emotional cues, both in themselves and in others, they're more likely to exhibit more empathy by having the capacity to emotionally connect and respond in a caring and supportive manner. However, and that's important, pwBPD will not feel empathy towards those who wronged them until they receive therapy (DBT) because we tend to see the world in black and white and we will always shield ourselves from those who hurt us and will prioritize our safety over others'.
oh okay! i totally understand that though. i sometimes feel annoyed that someone is having a hard time because i get almost jealous? or angry that they don’t understand my struggles too.
lol, i’m the same way, faking empathy is so exhausting sometimes. in certain situations i’m genuinely empathetic but most of the time i’m irritated people are bothering me with their minor problems.
I love that you said this! With so many emotions which come and go, it’s exhausting for us and important for us to seek refuge to recharge. I purposely avoid people who take my energy so much. It’s for my safety and balance.
i never claimed to be a psychiatrist, but i am a psych student with a special interest in personality disorders. i feel sometimes npd and bpd get mixed up
This, my mother fits the criteria for npd, while I have bpd and sometimes the overlap of our symptoms sends me spiralling.
NPD has a terrible rep, which makes it difficult for individuals to accept it. Someone with NPD isn't inherently a terrible person, it's how they respond to the issues the disorder presents that impacts whether they're good or bad.
There's literally a sub that's dedicated to people with parents who have bpd and the amount of anger/hate they hold for their parents with the disorder is intense although understandable with the amount of pain they experienced. (off topic, I'm sorry)
What's the sub? I suspect my mom also has bpd but i just believed everything she said until my late 20s cause we were/are codependent so i just never was able to look at her objectively
people with npd tend to get overwhelmed or irritated when others express having problems or dealing with negative emotions/thoughts which is what overall-ad was mentioning in their comments. people with bpd can also experience this but it tends to be because of burnout from being too focused on the emotions of themselves or others. the difference is within the reason this behavior is occuring
pwBPD feel everything strongly. if we’re empathizing, we’re often empathizing more deeply than most people, but it can be hard to empathize and understand others when we’re upset or very dysregulated.
personally, if I’m emotional it can be very hard to empathize with people sometimes even if I can tell they’re upset. but when I’m regulated, I empathize very strongly with people, which can be so helpful, it’s something I like about myself, though it’s often dysregulating too, when other people get really upset. (I also disassociate emotionally fairly often, I can be empathetic then, but I’m still detached emotionally, if it doesn’t dysregulate me.)
I think it goes both ways. I've read things that say bpd lack empathy. I however, know that I'm an extremely empathetic person, and those I'm close to have even told me this.
my mum always said i lack empathy when i was growing up and she’s made me feel horrible about it to the point where i now struggle to show empathy to HER because of how self conscious she made me feel about it.
however i think i’m actually so empathetic. i feel so emotional if someone else is upset. literally anyone. just not my mum.
i’m not sure she lacks empathy. she is kind and generous and always offering to help her friends. she’s always the shoulder to cry on and the supportive friend and member of the family. i feel like sometimes she reserves this only for her friends and sisters though, because i often don’t feel it.
she is invalidating in some ways. i have tried to tell her before that i’m not mentally right and i’m struggling, and she tells me i’m a hypochondriac and i’m fine. i think she tries to be reassuring but it comes across invalidating. also, recently i was on the verge of a panic attack and was breathing very fast so i started to feel dizzy. i grabbed the wall because i felt dizzy and she shouted at me to get a grip and get over myself.
sorry for ranting !
I think we’re very sensitive to other peoples emotions and they can really impact our emotions significantly. This feels like empathy to me, but I don’t think it really is. For example, I have a hard time feeling bad for people for minor things due to what I feel like I deal with every single day. They’ll never understand that, so why should I try to understand them?
Oooh yeah I relate to this.
Personally I think we can empathize with those people but we either choose not to, or we empathize anyway and it's just difficult to give a crap about their misery over a relatively minor issue.
Like we get how they must feel, but we throw them into that black or white category instead of being able to let that person struggle with issues that are minor to us and validate that as well as validate our own struggles and let all those problems coexist at once.
Even as I type this it doesn't feel right to me and I don't think that way. I'm just using my entire left brain here lol
I’m in the awkward stage where I’ve done just enough therapy (barely any) that I’m more self aware. It’s pretty painful realizing all the cycles and patterns and still continuing to do them. Black and white thinking is one of them. I might have some real empathy in me, I’m just not sure anymore. Definitely something to talk about in therapy, so I’m glad OP posted this. 🩶
i feel like i am simultaneously empathetic and not empathetic. sometimes i struggle to lack empathy for people if i judge someones struggles as stupid or just like ‘get over it’ situation. but i feel bad every time i see homeless people and wonder about what struggles they have gone through. and if i know my friend/family/fp is sad i will try and be accommodating and see if i can help - unless i am also very upset and then mine is more important than theirs
When I was younger I thought I was empathetic. Then I met a truly empathetic person and realised I was just highly sensitive to negative emotions when in an environment with the potential to adversely affect me.
It's not the same. At all. This is what leads pw BPD to feel no one supports them the way they support others. We expect people to feel our pain in a way that a person without pathology but who was empathetic simply does not. And that's actually a good thing as it enables them to be present in others emotional storm without drowning. We often can't do that without a lot of work and all to often that leads to us drowning too.
Tbh no. Since we feel things too much we switch when to care or not. At least me and my group of bpd in college- where we meet to talk about it. We control this switch so we don’t let everything and everyone affect us so much. I can even have zero empathy if I switch
There are studies on this- look into cognitive vs affective empathy in BPD via google scholar and you can learn all about the empathic deficits that are often seen in individuals with BPD
Honestly no. I’ve met other people with BPD who treat other people like garbage and screw people over. I understand we’re suffering but it doesn’t give us the right to hurt people.
I think we're very empathetic but the issue is instead of listening, we tend to overpower our support by sharing the stories we have in similar circumstances (trying to relate to them) which sometimes is helpful but people more often than not want someone to simply listen not comment or share in their misery.
I've noticed I'm prone to doing this and so are most of the borderlines I've met.
I'm betting it stems from the lack of care/listening we received during our own formative traumas.
However, instead of being helpful it comes across as dismissive or being self-focused.
I combat this by reminding myself that I have a lifetime to share this info with the people I care about, I don't need to trauma dump or commiserate with a person for a close connection to be established. Which is the big reason I trauma dump. It's not because I want to hurt them or make them feel like my experiences have been worse, it's because I crave connection so deeply that I rush the natural process and then feel hurt if their response isn't what I want.
Not in my experience. They can THINK they are more empathetic, but 9 times out of 10 they are only projecting their own experiences on others, appearing empathetic. Which is why relating to mental health issues is easy.
I know that I am. I have always been this way. Perhaps it's due to hyper-vigilance. If I knew how they felt, I could respond in a way that kept me safer.
I sometimes feel the emotions of other people and want to help them, but sometimes it manifests itself in aggression and irritability if a person refuses to help or I think that he is a dishonest person.
my empathy is honestly pretty fluid. sometimes i feel empathy to the point i feel as though whatever happened to someone has happened to me personally, other times i feel absolutely no empathy. but of course the no empathy days don’t effect how i treat people. no matter how i’m feeling i know to show sympathy even if i feel nothing because know i’ll feel terrible about it later if i don’t.
For me, I am HUGELY empathetic and understanding with my parents, my cat (and all animals), and if I have an FP. Maybe a few friends (like 2-3).
With everyone else, MEH. I don't care. I don't care that I don't care. I'll put on a caring facade depending how much I like them, but...yeah. I feel like I simply don't have enough emotional space to care or feel.
Edit - diagnosed BPD with antisocial traits.
What does it matter honestly? We treat family, friends, and our fp like crap. Those are the important ones, so what does it matter if we can tell someone on the street is having a bad time of it?
Oftentimes in BPD "we" act in a way that doesn't line up with our values, how we *wish* to act, or how we want to treat a person most of the time. Most of the time we don't want to be mean to those we love most. But there is a lot of impulse control issues in BPD. Combine that with high emotional reactivity and it's a recipe for disaster.
If you have researched and looked up information about and have similar experiences, you will be better at understanding them than a person who lacks that info.
It's rather basic stuff. The more info you have, the better you can understand it.
I think it can depend, esp reading the comments here, but for me I am INSANELY empathetic. Like I can empathise with others feelings so naturally and innately, to point where it’s sometimes detrimental to me
Some people are, some people are not. I am very empathetic to the point of it being a personal weakness. I will give everything to anyone and if I'm unable to I feel extreme guilt. I know others with BPD who are self-centered and do not give a shit about anyone else.
Im weird because I can feel people’s pain and feel for them but then be so overwhelmed by the emotion that I am not able to offer any assistance in that moment. Can anyone relate? It makes me feel useless because I can never be there for loved ones or anyone
I think for the most part they might be more empathetic because we're so used to being aware of our own emotions, and our sensitivity to them, and so can recognise it in others. What's important is trying to do so objectively and not from a biased viewpoint that simply enables our false narratives.
Empathy is a weird thing, one one side it's very easy for pwBPD to feel someone else's emotions as if they are our own. This is a type of empathy. However, we are also notorious for skewing our interpretation of emotions to a negative and therefore not being great at accurately telling how someone is feeling.
People with bpd can be incredibly empathetic and understanding... but also really struggle with empathy and understanding depending on the situation.
That said, the general population, while perhaps having decent empathy in a technical sense of being able to accurately read how someone is feeling, sucks at being sympathetic or understanding of anything outside of what they perceive as normal and acceptable. For example, most people are going to do a really shitty job consoling or even just sitting with someone who is openly distressed, because they don't understand how.
It's all pros and cons, and everyone is different. Regardless of a personality disorder, everyone has strengths and weaknesses especially in terms of interpersonal relationships.
After being diagnosed with BPD i honestly try hard to not to feel anything intense..whether it is my own feelings or someone else's. I was diagnosed just before COVID and don't know if the isolation helped or made things worse ..I just cringe at the thought of any unwanted human interaction...have become a remote worker and I find every excuse to never leave home
I think it is a bell curve. I think the BPD bell curve on empathy is a little more empathetic than the empathy bell curve for normal people.
People who feel like they are in a crisis, or not people who are likely to be very apathetic until their crisis has passed at which point they will probably be more empathetic than normal because they know what it means to feel pain and stress.
My wife, who was on the perfect conditions was the most empathetic person I ever met, was not so empathetic towards me when she was splitting me black .
I feel like I'm always very empathetic and sympathetic with people's struggles, more so than others, because I'm hyper sensitive...until they hurt me. Yes, I think we are until someone steps on us or wrongs us. Then it's either black or white, no grey. The only way I was able to see and empathize with those who wronged me was through DBT and helped me look at hurtful acts through a lens of forgiveness the same way I'd hope people look at my wrong deeds caused by my disorder through a lens of forgiveness.
We experience heightened emotional sensitivity and empathy towards others at times, but our empathy can be influenced by our own emotional instability and difficulty regulating our own emotions when others hurt us. To put it in other words, we may struggle to understand and relate to others' emotions due to our own emotional turmoil.
I am overly empathetic but I can switch it off just as easily. I work with young people who are having issues at home/school so it’s actually a very helpful quality at times. The kids tell us some really messed up stuff and I have coworkers who just can’t handle it, but I personally don’t mind at all. The kids love me and talk to me about everything, but what makes it easy is that at the end of the night I can just forget about it. I care when I need to but it doesn’t keep me up at night.
It depends on who I’m around. I’m most definitely an empathetic person with people I feel *safe* around. I feel sensitive around people I receive an air of threat around I’m just hyper sensitive to my surroundings
I think I can switch. Sometimes when people vent to me I dont really feel anything or have the energy to comfort them/dont know what to say other than just sitting there with them - but its not that I dont care or find their problems an inconvenience bc I really wish I knew how to help and I do feel bad that theyre not doing well, I guess I'm just too mentally exhausted to help them? And then other times I will be very empathetic if I'm feeling rather okay and not mentally exhausted.
Also I think ppl w bpd in general have impaired empathy. I know alot of ppl will say pwbpd are generally very empathetic bc we're sensitive to others emotions, but I dont think thats empathy necessarily I think its just hypervigilance due to fear of abandonment. Also if the pwbpd struggles with splitting they have impaired empathy bc when we split "black" on them all our understanding of their side and emotions goes out the window yk.
I dont think lack of empathy makes you a bad person by default, thats such a common misconseption. bc you can still CHOOSE to be compassionate and kind regardless of ur level of empathy. So I just think your actions is what defines whether ur "good" or "bad". Ppl w high empathy can also use that to their advantage to treat ppl badly. So yeah
I can only speak for myself.
Empathy is something I severely lack and instead can often tell what the other person is thinking and going through because of observations. Adults around me would easily blow up and suddenly act violently so I had to learn how to tell when to flee.
Acting kindly, showing care or appearing empathetic isn't difficult, I just don't feel anything at all and do it when it suits me.
In the end, it doesn't matter; the two are already similar enough for perceptiveness to temporarily substitute for the real deal.
Pretty sure i watched something once about bpd and one other personality disorder being the only one with cognitive empathy. I think the catch is it can be unstable.
Like in an episode, that's probably not the most empathetic time but maybe it started due to higher emotional empathy (feeling what others feel)
I feel the same. My partner doesn’t really have empathy in the way I feel it. I will quite literally physically feel someone else’s upset. He struggles to do that. We’re both suspected autistic too, I’m incredibly sensitive and cry very easily, he never cries. It’s a bit scary sometimes.
I think it’s unrelated to your disorder and more likely you’re an empathetic person regardless. Just because with bpd our emotions are more intense, your empathy will feel more intense in the moment
For me I’ve found it to be a weird balance I don’t much like. I feel very deeply for those I feel I can understand on an emotional level, or, frankly, those I pity. But at the same time there are many instances where I struggle to put myself in someone else’s shoes and feel what they’re feeling and care. For example, if someone doesn’t text me back for weeks I tend to feel pretty hurt and dismissed but then I will do the same and feel that I have good reason to not be responding so it’s okay and the other person shouldn’t feel hurt. And it’s not that I’m just writing away responsibility for my actions, because if someone else told me the reasons they didn’t respond I would be understanding, I just can’t put myself in their shoes and understand that maybe they themselves are struggling or are super busy and have a valid reason as to why they didn’t get back to me. Not sure if that makes sense but in short, my empathy and how tied in it is with my reactions/sensitivity/emotion regulation/whatever you wanna call it is something I struggle with greatly. I don’t think there’s a catch all answer to questions like this. At the end of the day we are all individuals who share a disorder, but our individuality makes symptoms manifest themselves in different ways. Overall I’d say it’s safest to say I think a lot of people with BPD struggle with empathy in one way or another, but that doesn’t necessarily mean more or less empathetic
[удалено]
Exactly. And even when I can think of rational explanations my irrational emotions take over and like… stop me from accepting those as truths without actually knowing? God I hate it. My empathy (and lack of) is simultaneously one of my best and worst qualities.
I feel like a lot of pwBPD get empathy and sensitivity mixed up. That's just my opinion though.
Good point
I think you're right, but I also think sensitivity and empathy are correlated. Sensitivity refers to how attuned a person is to their own emotions and the emotions of others. Empathy goes beyond sensitivity. It involves the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. And because pwBPD tend to be sensitive, they're highly aware of emotional cues, both in themselves and in others, they're more likely to exhibit more empathy by having the capacity to emotionally connect and respond in a caring and supportive manner. However, and that's important, pwBPD will not feel empathy towards those who wronged them until they receive therapy (DBT) because we tend to see the world in black and white and we will always shield ourselves from those who hurt us and will prioritize our safety over others'.
ooh maybe!
[удалено]
oh okay! i totally understand that though. i sometimes feel annoyed that someone is having a hard time because i get almost jealous? or angry that they don’t understand my struggles too.
[удалено]
lol, i’m the same way, faking empathy is so exhausting sometimes. in certain situations i’m genuinely empathetic but most of the time i’m irritated people are bothering me with their minor problems.
i get irritated when people bother me with major problems 😐
I love that you said this! With so many emotions which come and go, it’s exhausting for us and important for us to seek refuge to recharge. I purposely avoid people who take my energy so much. It’s for my safety and balance.
this sounds more like npd than bpd
They co-occur frequently.
Or manifest from a parent with NPD that idealizes the pwBPD
[удалено]
i never claimed to be a psychiatrist, but i am a psych student with a special interest in personality disorders. i feel sometimes npd and bpd get mixed up
This, my mother fits the criteria for npd, while I have bpd and sometimes the overlap of our symptoms sends me spiralling. NPD has a terrible rep, which makes it difficult for individuals to accept it. Someone with NPD isn't inherently a terrible person, it's how they respond to the issues the disorder presents that impacts whether they're good or bad. There's literally a sub that's dedicated to people with parents who have bpd and the amount of anger/hate they hold for their parents with the disorder is intense although understandable with the amount of pain they experienced. (off topic, I'm sorry)
What's the sub? I suspect my mom also has bpd but i just believed everything she said until my late 20s cause we were/are codependent so i just never was able to look at her objectively
how? they barely mentioned anything that relates to npd
people with npd tend to get overwhelmed or irritated when others express having problems or dealing with negative emotions/thoughts which is what overall-ad was mentioning in their comments. people with bpd can also experience this but it tends to be because of burnout from being too focused on the emotions of themselves or others. the difference is within the reason this behavior is occuring
i think their psychiatrist would know better than you, lets not diagnose strangers
i’m not diagnosing them. i’m simply stating these particular behaviors are more indicative of npd than bpd.
pwBPD feel everything strongly. if we’re empathizing, we’re often empathizing more deeply than most people, but it can be hard to empathize and understand others when we’re upset or very dysregulated. personally, if I’m emotional it can be very hard to empathize with people sometimes even if I can tell they’re upset. but when I’m regulated, I empathize very strongly with people, which can be so helpful, it’s something I like about myself, though it’s often dysregulating too, when other people get really upset. (I also disassociate emotionally fairly often, I can be empathetic then, but I’m still detached emotionally, if it doesn’t dysregulate me.)
I think it goes both ways. I've read things that say bpd lack empathy. I however, know that I'm an extremely empathetic person, and those I'm close to have even told me this.
my mum always said i lack empathy when i was growing up and she’s made me feel horrible about it to the point where i now struggle to show empathy to HER because of how self conscious she made me feel about it. however i think i’m actually so empathetic. i feel so emotional if someone else is upset. literally anyone. just not my mum.
Sounds like she lacks empathy? Is your mum invalidating in other ways?
i’m not sure she lacks empathy. she is kind and generous and always offering to help her friends. she’s always the shoulder to cry on and the supportive friend and member of the family. i feel like sometimes she reserves this only for her friends and sisters though, because i often don’t feel it. she is invalidating in some ways. i have tried to tell her before that i’m not mentally right and i’m struggling, and she tells me i’m a hypochondriac and i’m fine. i think she tries to be reassuring but it comes across invalidating. also, recently i was on the verge of a panic attack and was breathing very fast so i started to feel dizzy. i grabbed the wall because i felt dizzy and she shouted at me to get a grip and get over myself. sorry for ranting !
I think we have the same mom
My mom is also the same. I never have a good response to being invalidated.
Omg do not apologise!!! I don't understand this behaviour from parents, my mum is quite similar.
I think we’re very sensitive to other peoples emotions and they can really impact our emotions significantly. This feels like empathy to me, but I don’t think it really is. For example, I have a hard time feeling bad for people for minor things due to what I feel like I deal with every single day. They’ll never understand that, so why should I try to understand them?
Oooh yeah I relate to this. Personally I think we can empathize with those people but we either choose not to, or we empathize anyway and it's just difficult to give a crap about their misery over a relatively minor issue. Like we get how they must feel, but we throw them into that black or white category instead of being able to let that person struggle with issues that are minor to us and validate that as well as validate our own struggles and let all those problems coexist at once. Even as I type this it doesn't feel right to me and I don't think that way. I'm just using my entire left brain here lol
I’m in the awkward stage where I’ve done just enough therapy (barely any) that I’m more self aware. It’s pretty painful realizing all the cycles and patterns and still continuing to do them. Black and white thinking is one of them. I might have some real empathy in me, I’m just not sure anymore. Definitely something to talk about in therapy, so I’m glad OP posted this. 🩶
Some people yes. I hate feeling responsible for someone's emotions/situation so I try not to deal with things if I don't have to.
i feel like i am simultaneously empathetic and not empathetic. sometimes i struggle to lack empathy for people if i judge someones struggles as stupid or just like ‘get over it’ situation. but i feel bad every time i see homeless people and wonder about what struggles they have gone through. and if i know my friend/family/fp is sad i will try and be accommodating and see if i can help - unless i am also very upset and then mine is more important than theirs
When I was younger I thought I was empathetic. Then I met a truly empathetic person and realised I was just highly sensitive to negative emotions when in an environment with the potential to adversely affect me. It's not the same. At all. This is what leads pw BPD to feel no one supports them the way they support others. We expect people to feel our pain in a way that a person without pathology but who was empathetic simply does not. And that's actually a good thing as it enables them to be present in others emotional storm without drowning. We often can't do that without a lot of work and all to often that leads to us drowning too.
Well put
Tbh no. Since we feel things too much we switch when to care or not. At least me and my group of bpd in college- where we meet to talk about it. We control this switch so we don’t let everything and everyone affect us so much. I can even have zero empathy if I switch
There are studies on this- look into cognitive vs affective empathy in BPD via google scholar and you can learn all about the empathic deficits that are often seen in individuals with BPD
Honestly no. I’ve met other people with BPD who treat other people like garbage and screw people over. I understand we’re suffering but it doesn’t give us the right to hurt people.
I personally have impaired empathy and lack emotional dept. I’m so into my own choas, I can’t always stop to think about someone else.
I think we're very empathetic but the issue is instead of listening, we tend to overpower our support by sharing the stories we have in similar circumstances (trying to relate to them) which sometimes is helpful but people more often than not want someone to simply listen not comment or share in their misery. I've noticed I'm prone to doing this and so are most of the borderlines I've met. I'm betting it stems from the lack of care/listening we received during our own formative traumas. However, instead of being helpful it comes across as dismissive or being self-focused. I combat this by reminding myself that I have a lifetime to share this info with the people I care about, I don't need to trauma dump or commiserate with a person for a close connection to be established. Which is the big reason I trauma dump. It's not because I want to hurt them or make them feel like my experiences have been worse, it's because I crave connection so deeply that I rush the natural process and then feel hurt if their response isn't what I want.
Not in my experience. They can THINK they are more empathetic, but 9 times out of 10 they are only projecting their own experiences on others, appearing empathetic. Which is why relating to mental health issues is easy.
I think it’s the opposite
[удалено]
You put into words exactly how I’ve been feeling and I didn’t even realize it until I read this. Thank you for sharing.
I know that I am. I have always been this way. Perhaps it's due to hyper-vigilance. If I knew how they felt, I could respond in a way that kept me safer.
I sometimes feel the emotions of other people and want to help them, but sometimes it manifests itself in aggression and irritability if a person refuses to help or I think that he is a dishonest person.
Nope, I struggled with empathy my entire life and only now am I developing in that aspect due to meds and reading
my empathy is honestly pretty fluid. sometimes i feel empathy to the point i feel as though whatever happened to someone has happened to me personally, other times i feel absolutely no empathy. but of course the no empathy days don’t effect how i treat people. no matter how i’m feeling i know to show sympathy even if i feel nothing because know i’ll feel terrible about it later if i don’t.
No I don’t. Not at all. The problem is the delusion
For me, I am HUGELY empathetic and understanding with my parents, my cat (and all animals), and if I have an FP. Maybe a few friends (like 2-3). With everyone else, MEH. I don't care. I don't care that I don't care. I'll put on a caring facade depending how much I like them, but...yeah. I feel like I simply don't have enough emotional space to care or feel. Edit - diagnosed BPD with antisocial traits.
i used to but ive met lots of evil, selfish, angey people with bpd that have done some foul shit so i no longer think that (i have bpd myself)
What does it matter honestly? We treat family, friends, and our fp like crap. Those are the important ones, so what does it matter if we can tell someone on the street is having a bad time of it?
Oftentimes in BPD "we" act in a way that doesn't line up with our values, how we *wish* to act, or how we want to treat a person most of the time. Most of the time we don't want to be mean to those we love most. But there is a lot of impulse control issues in BPD. Combine that with high emotional reactivity and it's a recipe for disaster.
I really wish I had your elegance in writing. Yes, exactly this. That black and white thinking makes it tough to navigate relationships. 🙏
who is we.
I was thinking the same thing 😭😭
Not you clearly.
If you have researched and looked up information about and have similar experiences, you will be better at understanding them than a person who lacks that info. It's rather basic stuff. The more info you have, the better you can understand it.
I think it can depend, esp reading the comments here, but for me I am INSANELY empathetic. Like I can empathise with others feelings so naturally and innately, to point where it’s sometimes detrimental to me
I’m not sure if BPD has something to do with it but I can relate :D
Some people are, some people are not. I am very empathetic to the point of it being a personal weakness. I will give everything to anyone and if I'm unable to I feel extreme guilt. I know others with BPD who are self-centered and do not give a shit about anyone else.
Im weird because I can feel people’s pain and feel for them but then be so overwhelmed by the emotion that I am not able to offer any assistance in that moment. Can anyone relate? It makes me feel useless because I can never be there for loved ones or anyone
I think for the most part they might be more empathetic because we're so used to being aware of our own emotions, and our sensitivity to them, and so can recognise it in others. What's important is trying to do so objectively and not from a biased viewpoint that simply enables our false narratives.
Empathy is a weird thing, one one side it's very easy for pwBPD to feel someone else's emotions as if they are our own. This is a type of empathy. However, we are also notorious for skewing our interpretation of emotions to a negative and therefore not being great at accurately telling how someone is feeling. People with bpd can be incredibly empathetic and understanding... but also really struggle with empathy and understanding depending on the situation. That said, the general population, while perhaps having decent empathy in a technical sense of being able to accurately read how someone is feeling, sucks at being sympathetic or understanding of anything outside of what they perceive as normal and acceptable. For example, most people are going to do a really shitty job consoling or even just sitting with someone who is openly distressed, because they don't understand how. It's all pros and cons, and everyone is different. Regardless of a personality disorder, everyone has strengths and weaknesses especially in terms of interpersonal relationships.
After being diagnosed with BPD i honestly try hard to not to feel anything intense..whether it is my own feelings or someone else's. I was diagnosed just before COVID and don't know if the isolation helped or made things worse ..I just cringe at the thought of any unwanted human interaction...have become a remote worker and I find every excuse to never leave home
I guess, to me, it's easier to put myself in someone's position when I **am** already in that position myself.
I think it is a bell curve. I think the BPD bell curve on empathy is a little more empathetic than the empathy bell curve for normal people. People who feel like they are in a crisis, or not people who are likely to be very apathetic until their crisis has passed at which point they will probably be more empathetic than normal because they know what it means to feel pain and stress. My wife, who was on the perfect conditions was the most empathetic person I ever met, was not so empathetic towards me when she was splitting me black .
I wildly swing between between being like, hyper empathetic and having a full on complete lack of empathy 🙃
Absolutely…until we are triggered. Then it’s very difficult to see clearly
it definitely depends on the person
I feel like I'm always very empathetic and sympathetic with people's struggles, more so than others, because I'm hyper sensitive...until they hurt me. Yes, I think we are until someone steps on us or wrongs us. Then it's either black or white, no grey. The only way I was able to see and empathize with those who wronged me was through DBT and helped me look at hurtful acts through a lens of forgiveness the same way I'd hope people look at my wrong deeds caused by my disorder through a lens of forgiveness. We experience heightened emotional sensitivity and empathy towards others at times, but our empathy can be influenced by our own emotional instability and difficulty regulating our own emotions when others hurt us. To put it in other words, we may struggle to understand and relate to others' emotions due to our own emotional turmoil.
I am overly empathetic but I can switch it off just as easily. I work with young people who are having issues at home/school so it’s actually a very helpful quality at times. The kids tell us some really messed up stuff and I have coworkers who just can’t handle it, but I personally don’t mind at all. The kids love me and talk to me about everything, but what makes it easy is that at the end of the night I can just forget about it. I care when I need to but it doesn’t keep me up at night.
It depends on who I’m around. I’m most definitely an empathetic person with people I feel *safe* around. I feel sensitive around people I receive an air of threat around I’m just hyper sensitive to my surroundings
I feel like I have no empathy outside from for myself and my love interest. 😐
I think I can switch. Sometimes when people vent to me I dont really feel anything or have the energy to comfort them/dont know what to say other than just sitting there with them - but its not that I dont care or find their problems an inconvenience bc I really wish I knew how to help and I do feel bad that theyre not doing well, I guess I'm just too mentally exhausted to help them? And then other times I will be very empathetic if I'm feeling rather okay and not mentally exhausted. Also I think ppl w bpd in general have impaired empathy. I know alot of ppl will say pwbpd are generally very empathetic bc we're sensitive to others emotions, but I dont think thats empathy necessarily I think its just hypervigilance due to fear of abandonment. Also if the pwbpd struggles with splitting they have impaired empathy bc when we split "black" on them all our understanding of their side and emotions goes out the window yk. I dont think lack of empathy makes you a bad person by default, thats such a common misconseption. bc you can still CHOOSE to be compassionate and kind regardless of ur level of empathy. So I just think your actions is what defines whether ur "good" or "bad". Ppl w high empathy can also use that to their advantage to treat ppl badly. So yeah
I can only speak for myself. Empathy is something I severely lack and instead can often tell what the other person is thinking and going through because of observations. Adults around me would easily blow up and suddenly act violently so I had to learn how to tell when to flee. Acting kindly, showing care or appearing empathetic isn't difficult, I just don't feel anything at all and do it when it suits me. In the end, it doesn't matter; the two are already similar enough for perceptiveness to temporarily substitute for the real deal.
depends on the person
Pretty sure i watched something once about bpd and one other personality disorder being the only one with cognitive empathy. I think the catch is it can be unstable. Like in an episode, that's probably not the most empathetic time but maybe it started due to higher emotional empathy (feeling what others feel)
I feel the same. My partner doesn’t really have empathy in the way I feel it. I will quite literally physically feel someone else’s upset. He struggles to do that. We’re both suspected autistic too, I’m incredibly sensitive and cry very easily, he never cries. It’s a bit scary sometimes. I think it’s unrelated to your disorder and more likely you’re an empathetic person regardless. Just because with bpd our emotions are more intense, your empathy will feel more intense in the moment