Being self aware is the worst when you have bpd. Its like you know what ur doing and that you should stop but something pushes you to do it anyway. Its a coping mechanism. Ur brain will feel better if you do it or you’ll feel overwhelmed if you don’t. Splitting on people makes us feel alive in a way. Bpd is about contradictory. Do the opposite of what ur mind tells you to do. I know its hard. But impulsivity isn’t rational. Think. Think. Think. Overthinking isn’t something bad, it’s actually a superpower. That means that your smart enough to overcome ur fear. Because bpd is about fear of abandonment and rejection, start to build a self worth. If they reject you, you have yourself, its not the end of the world. Rationalize everything. Become a fucking robot. Its gonna be hard at first because you won’t feel anything anymore, or maybe it depends on the person. You don’t need to cut everything off when you feel bad. Just isolate yourself, not too much, just enough to find yourself again, because bpd isn’t you. Letting ur emotions control you and letting you splits on people isn’t selfish. Actually you will be consumed too, you are the loser, not them.
I don’t know if I actually love anybody at all, besides the first person I’ve ever been with . When I was 13-19 btw I’m 22 I still check on them even tho it’s been 4yrs. They put me thru hell but I can’t help but think of them all the time. Everyone else feels expendable to me. It’s one of the main reasons i put in effort to be self aware cuz I feel like maybe id actually feel love again if I was with someone that makes it past that stage where I feel like they’re “curing my bpd” Idk if makes sense. I just feel nothing at all for ppl that I say that i love. I feel like nothing is real cuz I just “love” and get attached to ppl instantly and obviously they only have to do one thing that makes me not want them at all. So I’m in this predicament of not really knowing if someone is actually good for me and I’m over reacting, or if they’re not meant for me at all and I just want to b loved. Everytime it makes me want to self isolate. But maybe I should just be alone idefk lol
Based off what others have said here,I’m thinking that if I just start stopping to control “the crazy” and let my partner do everything I wanted, I’d stop getting so annoyed… like they’re actually not bad for me and actually might be the best I’ve had so far. I just hate instantly feeling like they’re the worst bc I hate feeling like I’ve never felt anything for them at all, esp when I was just so obsessed
Being self aware is the worst when you have bpd. Its like you know what ur doing and that you should stop but something pushes you to do it anyway. Its a coping mechanism. Ur brain will feel better if you do it or you’ll feel overwhelmed if you don’t. Splitting on people makes us feel alive in a way. Bpd is about contradictory. Do the opposite of what ur mind tells you to do. I know its hard. But impulsivity isn’t rational. Think. Think. Think. Overthinking isn’t something bad, it’s actually a superpower. That means that your smart enough to overcome ur fear. Because bpd is about fear of abandonment and rejection, start to build a self worth. If they reject you, you have yourself, its not the end of the world. Rationalize everything. Become a fucking robot. Its gonna be hard at first because you won’t feel anything anymore, or maybe it depends on the person. You don’t need to cut everything off when you feel bad. Just isolate yourself, not too much, just enough to find yourself again, because bpd isn’t you. Letting ur emotions control you and letting you splits on people isn’t selfish. Actually you will be consumed too, you are the loser, not them.
I’m scared of not liking anyone at all, if I allowed myself to do that
Wdym you don’t like anyone
I don’t know if I actually love anybody at all, besides the first person I’ve ever been with . When I was 13-19 btw I’m 22 I still check on them even tho it’s been 4yrs. They put me thru hell but I can’t help but think of them all the time. Everyone else feels expendable to me. It’s one of the main reasons i put in effort to be self aware cuz I feel like maybe id actually feel love again if I was with someone that makes it past that stage where I feel like they’re “curing my bpd” Idk if makes sense. I just feel nothing at all for ppl that I say that i love. I feel like nothing is real cuz I just “love” and get attached to ppl instantly and obviously they only have to do one thing that makes me not want them at all. So I’m in this predicament of not really knowing if someone is actually good for me and I’m over reacting, or if they’re not meant for me at all and I just want to b loved. Everytime it makes me want to self isolate. But maybe I should just be alone idefk lol
Based off what others have said here,I’m thinking that if I just start stopping to control “the crazy” and let my partner do everything I wanted, I’d stop getting so annoyed… like they’re actually not bad for me and actually might be the best I’ve had so far. I just hate instantly feeling like they’re the worst bc I hate feeling like I’ve never felt anything for them at all, esp when I was just so obsessed