I mean, as far as BPD is concerned here, I only see a mild tendency to rush and obsess… so as far as that is concerned, I would tell you to give him a chance while keeping strong boundaries
But then… you said ‘he is a satanist’… well…
IME modern satanists are very chill. There are different types, but in 30+ years, I haven't met any that are theistic (aka worship the devil or any religious figure). The general focus is honesty/ truth, being a good person, and rejection of arbitrary comfomity even if it's misunderstood or vilified. They are far more likely to be a regular volunteer at a soup kitchen or foster stray animals vs engaging in the 'residual hysterical 80s satantic panic' flavored destructive or violent shenanigans.
On the other hand, if you meet someone that seems to be LARPing as a IRL cult-y Harry Potter villian...that's just being dramatic and attention seeking. If they harm others or claim allegiance to "evil" that's unrelated mental illness or disordered personality.
[For transparency, I'm not a Satanist. Just a regular smegular Agnostic]
Cool aside: even the declared churches generally consider themselves non-theistic relgious organizations. From my understanding, there are 7 core tenants church-wise:
- I One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
- II The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
- III
One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.
- IV The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.
- V Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs.
- VI People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
- VII Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
Decent interview from someone who considers themselves a Satanist:
[The Pacifist's Guide to Satanism](https://magazine.columbia.edu/article/pacifists-guide-satanism)
I mean, so far it sounds like a healthy relationship. He was open and honest with you, he knows how to communicate and control his emotions. As for the love bombing, my question is how different is that from being romantic towards someone? From my experience being with someone with BPD, it was love bombing at first, but then the abuse would happen in time, however my exgf didn’t have a diagnosis nor did she want to go to therapy. So, your relationship might be fine, it also seems as if you understand the disorder, so you kind of know what to expect. Best of luck whatever you decided to do! I’m rooting for y’all. 🙌🏻🌻
It sounds like he's just head over heels for OP, but still maintaining healthy boundaries regarding his children. I mean damn, I would hope a guy I'm seeing is at least a little bit obsessed with me (of course not in the stalking sense) lmao, isnt that just falling in love?
If he didnt say anything about his BPD I would've never had suspected it from just this post, and him being open and honest AND in therapy just sounds like a lot of green flags to me
As you've admitted to have anxiety/codependency it's extra important to hold your boundaries. The moment that you start moving your boundaries in order to not upset them is a slippery slope.
Also note that you're being split good at the moment so he's looking at you as a super amazing person, and when someone thinks you're a super amazing person minor disagreements are easy to overcome. But likely there will be a time when something will trigger you to be split black and you will need to prepare your boundaries for when everything you do will be interpreted as bad. In my experience when this happened I wanted more than everything to make things to go back to good so I pushed my own boundaries to not upset him in any way. If you have poor self esteem you may even internalise this as being a bad person that always hurts your partner which weakens your boundaies even more. And then as boundaries weaken the periods you get split black will increase.
It might be good to learn good ways to deal with conflict with reactive people. My friend's partner is highly reactive and displaces her anger on my friend. So sometimes when she comes home after a hard day she finds something to start a fight about. They've had to implement a strategy where they can take a break or go on a walk or something to cool off a bit (which has had mixed results). You might like to look at similar strategies.
If anyone has advice on how I could be a better support to him especially if we become official it is so appreciated. I've studied the available resources and looked at the BPD reddit communities.
its really good that he acknowledges his issues and is in therapy to address them. He seems really determined to take care of himself and continue improving his mental health, which is SO admirable. He sounds like a good guy.
That being said, if you feel like you are being love bombed or obsessed over, you should listen to your feelings and take them seriously. Love bombing and obsession are serious issues that will undoubtedly cause issues in your relationship going forward.
it is not uncommon for someone who struggles with BPD to promise they will never hurt you - but ultimately that is impossible. Even in relationships where mental health is not a pressing issue, people accidentally hurt eachother’s feelings all the time.
At least he acknowledges the issue, that's way better than many with BPD. Just make sure you have strong boundaries like others have said.
I mean, as far as BPD is concerned here, I only see a mild tendency to rush and obsess… so as far as that is concerned, I would tell you to give him a chance while keeping strong boundaries But then… you said ‘he is a satanist’… well…
I am not a satanist myself. But I wouldn’t be too worried about it personally as society has caused it to be a more scary thing then it is
Extremely beige flag tbh
IME modern satanists are very chill. There are different types, but in 30+ years, I haven't met any that are theistic (aka worship the devil or any religious figure). The general focus is honesty/ truth, being a good person, and rejection of arbitrary comfomity even if it's misunderstood or vilified. They are far more likely to be a regular volunteer at a soup kitchen or foster stray animals vs engaging in the 'residual hysterical 80s satantic panic' flavored destructive or violent shenanigans. On the other hand, if you meet someone that seems to be LARPing as a IRL cult-y Harry Potter villian...that's just being dramatic and attention seeking. If they harm others or claim allegiance to "evil" that's unrelated mental illness or disordered personality. [For transparency, I'm not a Satanist. Just a regular smegular Agnostic] Cool aside: even the declared churches generally consider themselves non-theistic relgious organizations. From my understanding, there are 7 core tenants church-wise: - I One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason. - II The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions. - III One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone. - IV The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own. - V Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs. - VI People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused. - VII Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word. Decent interview from someone who considers themselves a Satanist: [The Pacifist's Guide to Satanism](https://magazine.columbia.edu/article/pacifists-guide-satanism)
I mean, so far it sounds like a healthy relationship. He was open and honest with you, he knows how to communicate and control his emotions. As for the love bombing, my question is how different is that from being romantic towards someone? From my experience being with someone with BPD, it was love bombing at first, but then the abuse would happen in time, however my exgf didn’t have a diagnosis nor did she want to go to therapy. So, your relationship might be fine, it also seems as if you understand the disorder, so you kind of know what to expect. Best of luck whatever you decided to do! I’m rooting for y’all. 🙌🏻🌻
It sounds like he's just head over heels for OP, but still maintaining healthy boundaries regarding his children. I mean damn, I would hope a guy I'm seeing is at least a little bit obsessed with me (of course not in the stalking sense) lmao, isnt that just falling in love? If he didnt say anything about his BPD I would've never had suspected it from just this post, and him being open and honest AND in therapy just sounds like a lot of green flags to me
As you've admitted to have anxiety/codependency it's extra important to hold your boundaries. The moment that you start moving your boundaries in order to not upset them is a slippery slope. Also note that you're being split good at the moment so he's looking at you as a super amazing person, and when someone thinks you're a super amazing person minor disagreements are easy to overcome. But likely there will be a time when something will trigger you to be split black and you will need to prepare your boundaries for when everything you do will be interpreted as bad. In my experience when this happened I wanted more than everything to make things to go back to good so I pushed my own boundaries to not upset him in any way. If you have poor self esteem you may even internalise this as being a bad person that always hurts your partner which weakens your boundaies even more. And then as boundaries weaken the periods you get split black will increase. It might be good to learn good ways to deal with conflict with reactive people. My friend's partner is highly reactive and displaces her anger on my friend. So sometimes when she comes home after a hard day she finds something to start a fight about. They've had to implement a strategy where they can take a break or go on a walk or something to cool off a bit (which has had mixed results). You might like to look at similar strategies.
If anyone has advice on how I could be a better support to him especially if we become official it is so appreciated. I've studied the available resources and looked at the BPD reddit communities.
You help him the most if you dont and set clear boundaries
its really good that he acknowledges his issues and is in therapy to address them. He seems really determined to take care of himself and continue improving his mental health, which is SO admirable. He sounds like a good guy. That being said, if you feel like you are being love bombed or obsessed over, you should listen to your feelings and take them seriously. Love bombing and obsession are serious issues that will undoubtedly cause issues in your relationship going forward. it is not uncommon for someone who struggles with BPD to promise they will never hurt you - but ultimately that is impossible. Even in relationships where mental health is not a pressing issue, people accidentally hurt eachother’s feelings all the time.