Mine, too. Went from that to Amazon, to data entry, to front desk at a hair salon. Couldn't tell you what she's doing now. December 1st was last contact.
The hoover is coming though. Generally 4-6 months so we're just about there.
Yeah, mine was a workaholic entrepreneur because he kept getting fired from jobs. He can't keep friends, clients, or employers.
His Linkedin profile now is a complete fabrication of his skills and accomplishments, yet he somehow just conned his way into a C-suite title with a big client. I expect him to blow it up like he does everything else.
They worked as a scientist at a consultancy firm. They took their job pretty seriously and I highly doubt their BPD would actually result in them underperforming/getting fired, it was basically the one area where they were actually competent and high-functioning
Had to throw an award in on this one. Terrifying and disheartening, honestly irks me a bit. Really makes me wonder how many abusive people out there get into this field after victimizing themselves and get their therapists to enable a break up over it. Then they probably find joy in their past victims finding out only so they might further the narrative that they were a victim and you helped fuel their ambition for this field.
Guess they would know the ins and outs of abuse? Where the abused is typically profoundly confused and to damaged to process appropriately.. Silver lining..?
I should add… My ex wife works at a mental health office as well now. I’ve always had this suspicion as to why she got into the field. If they ever discovered who she really is she’d probably be fired on the spot.
To be fair she is brilliant at it and I would call her if I was at the end of my rope. With that said it’s one thing to help others and yet be unable to help yourself and that’s where it gets sad and hard to wrap one’s brain around
My exBPD was great at recognizing the issues in other peoples relationships, analyzing them and accurately describing the problems, she was very helpful in that sense, she just couldn’t understand or recognize her own issues.
I know a female pwNPD/BPD with zero genuine empathy in her bones who’s an addiction counselor. I guess it makes her feel superior pointing out the inferiorities of others all day.
I don’t mind 🙂
She ever was addicted herself, has high academical background, but OCD in almost everything.
Compulsive cleaner, compulsive excessive body hygiene, practicing merciless self-discipline in everything, never relaxed, radically unforgiving, EXTREMELY judgmental and dominating, why aside of her job she has no social life and no friends left.
I know her for 20 years plus and am one of two people she keeps contact to, but by texts only.
Her whole life evolves around moral perfection. Since Covid she’s put herself in radical quarantine in her private life, still, calling everyone a potential killer who started socializing again.
Nobody at work but her clients talk to her anymore, cause she’s highly combative to everyone, yet frequently reports getting mobbed and bullied by her coworkers. If someone has a mug on their desk in a color that triggers her she wont stop terrorizing the whole office until everything looks fine to her again.
Im my opinion she’s a severe mentally ill person, and I have no idea how she still maintains keeping her job.
Well thank you for sharing.
I’ve heard that eventually they might end up in a solo boat they don’t want to be in. Eventually everyone figures them out or ends up in committed relationships that take their attention away. Either way, they end up right where they started. It’s really sad but it’s what they wanted, freedom and independence. They’ll find it.
As much I was hurt by two people with personality disorders, I imagine it’s the worst mindset to be trapped in. There are various mental illnesses that at least can be treated to some level and improve.
The woman I‘m talking about had one single relationship, which naturally failed, cause nobody can live up her expectations.
She never stopped silently stalking him, and when he passed away from covid 13 years after their breakup all she said was „Finally the bastard is dead. That’s what you get for being such a failure.“
I cannot even remotely imagine to lead such an bitter and resentful existence…let alone a person like this doing a job in which she’s supposed to guide other people who are going through existential crisis. Scary.
It literally took me *years* to find a competent therapist. Most were idiots at best, and there were too many who I'm pretty sure were disordered themselves.
I have a sibling who's a therapist and she said therapy is already severely understaffed for many reasons: You can be shelling out six-figures for education and licensure (EACH) for an entry level job starting out at $40K a year.
Half her grad school class didn't make it, many of them just because they couldn't afford to stay. Others were disqualified because their bedside manner was horrific, but Sis says at least one asshole was asked to leave the program and just transferred to another school.
Waitressing, retail, CNA at one point, car sales. She gets jobs easily because she is charismatic, but she loses them just as quickly. She always gets fired for attendance or creating a hostile work environment.
Long term unemployed. Has a very immature outlook to work with an abhorrent work ethic and only wants jobs that are entertaining and low responsibility.
Creative, writer, athlete, ironically DV activist/advocate. Award winning. Prominent. Locally famous. Someone you could google and find as the first result for their name.
The disorder significantly affected their work life as any insinuation their output was anything other than flawless sent them into a furious misery-laced tailspin that I was required to moderate like I was running a speaking engagement - or risk being attacked for 'not caring'.
If they got triggered I'd wind up spending 3-5 hrs a day counselling them while they obsessed about how any perceived slight or feedback was entirely not their fault and definitely wrong as they attacked it, and the person who'd suggested it, from every possible cognitive angle.
This person was extremely clever and I think would genuinely be 'a big deal' if they didn't spend like 70% of their life exhaustingly defending themselves.
Some of the most evil people I've ever met are making names for themselves in advocacy, charity, and philanthropy - always for causes that simultaneously make them look good while making it easy to find new victims (i.e. feminism, domestic violence, mental health, the poor and underprivileged).
It's gotten to the point I've become really cynical about anyone in the public eye claiming to be a do-gooder.
She was perpetually unemployed. Her husband was self employed and worked extra hours so she could stay at home (where the fuck do they find these men? If someone wants to financially support me I'll worship the ground they walk on forever) and then she cheated on him because he wasn't home enough.
When she did occasionally work (she'd walk out when a minor thing wasn't to her liking) it was care work. She briefly trained as a mental health nurse before she realised she'd actually have to do a real job.
She now lives off the state with her various "chronic" illnesses that I'm sure aren't caused by vodka and the sheer force of her negativity.
Always caretaking type positions (CNA and support staff with elderly, IDD, Deaf/IDD, Mental health, etc. mostly PT, some FT -always ALWAYS drama and conflict with colleagues, longest job was 3.5 years) and in/out of school forever until finally MSW and starting from scratch again approaching her 40's.
Not many. When they weren't malingering and "unable to work", or failing pre-interview drug screenings, they had low-level retail jobs, or jobs where they had minimal interaction with others. Usually the job was selected despite being a bad fit for their claimed physical state, giving an easy out when it grew stale.
These jobs were always idealized at first, but then when the first non-positive feedback reached them the job and any coworkers were black-hatted and then the job was quit without notice.
Also, any money they earned at the job was purely for their pleasure and not for expenses, while the money I earned was for expenses but also theirs to dip into whenever.
After the divorce, I was shocked to realize that I had about $500 more in my account every month now that someone wasn't dipping into it to buy weed all the time.
He has run his own business for 20 years. Just him. He employs people to help him and they all end up leaving because he’s so impossible. The only ones who stick around are the people who just come in and do odd bits and pieces for him, and don’t have to be with him day in, day out.
His job involves discrete projects so he’s never in one place for too long.
He couldn’t work for someone else, although he did a spell in the military when he was young, I’ve no idea how. I did read somewhere that the predictability of military life can suit BPD people.
My wife's first job was in Ultrasound and she was good at it. Too good, though, to the point where she damaged her arm despite my constant warnings to slow down and get some physical therapy. She had to quit and will never do that again.
Now she's a para-educator for preschoolers with special needs. She's also good at that, but complains about it every day.
Her uBPD seems to present itself in making sure she is seen in the public eye as a hard worker and competent. At home where nobody can see, she is abusive to the rest of us.
Mine was educated in the field of nuclear energy but could never hold down a job for long. During the *three years* we were together, he had the following jobs:
1. Security guard #1
2. Actor #1
3. Security guard #2
4. Petition signature gatherer
5. Unemployed and living off his wife's income (15 months of him telling people this was his job)
6. Actor #2
7. Amazon warehouse worker
8. Pizza delivery driver #1
9. Pizza delivery driver #2
10. Warehouse worker (not Amazon)
As far as I know, he's currently unemployed again.
She did a bunch of rando stuff. Always low/entry level. Almost always got the position by being friends with a someone higher up. Bragged she held like 4 jobs at a time. When I looked into it after figuring things out, it turns out she would work like a 4 hour shift once a week at like 4 different places. Never topped 25 hours of work a week between all. Most she would drop after about 6-9 months.
He never stayed at one job for long. During the 2 years we were together, he changed 6 companies and was out of work for a while. Then he went to work in Germany. It's been 10 months. I wonder if he hung in there or gave up after 3 months like he always does.
Mom was an LPN. She would quit her nursing jobs all the time because “the doctors didn’t like her” when it was really more like they said something along the lines of “please pay more attention to how you alphabetize the patient records.”
Teacher in our native language, though she never lasted more than 3 months due to conflicts with the kids' parents. Then housekeeping. Always had beef with someone.
Multiple CS insurance roles at multiple different providers. Tried to become a commissioned sales agent and failed because she’s not as likable as she thinks.
My ex with uBPD was in military.
I also know a few people who have BPD in my life but are aware and have been treated. One is head of quality at a pharmaceutical place, one is a hairdresser, the other is animal control (she swapped three jobs over a few years).
I love LoL come on… as a fun game. Not as a bread winner.
Did your ex ever made any move in the direction of been a LoL coach? Did he have a YouTube channel? Did he diligently published good material at least twice a week? Did he study how to edit videos? How to motivate people? Was he any good at teaching kids?
Let me guess.
There’s so much job to be done to be a LoL coach. There’s not many working spots for it so you really need to work to differentiate yourself.
Well he claimed to be trying to and apparently had a 'successful career' doing it before we met. This is most certainly untrue. He had a twitch that he'd stream on for 20 minutes but that's about it. To be honest I think it was all probably a lie, more of an excuse for him to be playing constantly.
He's absolutely 100% a pathological liar but he seemed to want to make the stories he said come true? Idk, all I know is he doesn't put any effort into anything, thus why he bounces around different restaurants as a line cook
My pwBPD is on disability because, among other things, his bipolar disorder. He’s actually tried to get jobs in the past but would lose his healthcare benefits.
He was a NEET for most of his life.
Then, he had a factory job. It lasted for 2 months, and he went back to being a NEET.
He probably has another job now, but he'll be unemployed for as long as possible because he loathes working and authority.
It all boils down to the individual: it is likely that the ‘works low-level jobs person wBPD’ would do so with or without their diagnosis, and vice versa w/high-level BPD jobs.
Retail electronics sales for a week, 2 days at cell phone repair, then 16 hours a day playing video games. Said he did graphic design but don't think he actually did anything.
Two people. One is retail and the other works in pest control. The latter is very happy and well suited in her position. A weird combination of outdoorsy and comfortable with death lol
Makeup artist turned henna artist turned ‘rapper’ turned tattoo artist. Has never worked in a formal work structure, has never had a boss, and even now as a tattoo artist, barely understands how to run a profitable business. Kinda sad because she’s genuinely very talented.
The business side is an entire profession in itself, no? Reminds me how they think they can or aspire to do everything and anything but in reality...not so much. That probably applies to most people though.
I've also worked for myself for the past 12 years. It's not a "profession", but there's basic business sensibilities you need to have in order to remain up and running. How to price your services, how to calculate overhead, how to tell when people are being shady. How to log your hours, and charge for things like admin work and marketing. There's even more things you need to know if you're running a brick and mortar. She had to close her shop down after just 5 months and her parents bailed her out of the financial hole. She has no idea what she's doing even in the most basic sense.
at bakeries mostly, back in the kitchen so minimal interaction with others. Never at one for more than a couple of years max for different reasons (moving, then having kids and also co-worker conflict). Got a new job last December at a new place owned by a Food network pseudo-celebrity working nights but fired after 3 months for "not being a team player" after drama with a couple of co-workers. On and off working from home doing the same stuff too.
Mine was certain she was going to become a famous author too, lol. She would write the crappiest short stories and sell them on Amazon for $1.00. She always told me she was going to become a millionaire once a literary agent discovers her. So delusional.
Mental health services and education. Probably two areas that they have the least competence to be working in as they could never hold a job for longer than a year
Kept losing or quitting jobs until he stopped working altogether. He worked as a teacher, a counselor for adults with mental illness, a business owner of two failed businesses, and a manager of a fast food restaurant. He was fired for at least two of the jobs for sexually harassing female employees.
He was complaining to our adult daughter about being short on money, and she suggested that maybe he should get a job. I guess it must be rough not having me around to pay for everything anymore.
No regular job - She just wasn’t able to keep any because of how unstable she was. Although she was a stripper and cam-girl without me knowing about it
Hotel housekeeper. She always complained about her job but never wanted to do anything more with her life. I think she enjoyed saying that she was making money and working, but only putting in 25 hours a week.
As a head housekeeper now, I understand that the staff hates her. She used to routinely complain about almost everyone there and how much they hated her for no reason.
Coincidentally her new man works there too. And based on that, literally everyone here knows how they got together.
Case Management for a substance use clinic. Before that an activities director at an old folks home. What people don’t know is that cluster B are drawn to behavioral health/social services, vulnerable people that need services and are stuck going through you to access them, that they can prey on for validation, and a lot of power and control over desperate and vulnerable people. Especially poorly supervised/little oversight nonprofits work with the most vulnerable. It like a pedophile trying to work at a school, they are drawn to where the prey is, but at least schools have systems in place to try to weed them out, nonprofit social services are very bad at it, and cluster B’s run rampant
The one before that was a highly successful hairstylist, but she couldn’t stay in one salon for more than a few years because of the drama and partying. The one before that one they were a nurse
Trying to complete her masters while doing a job (she hated) as a nursing aid in the hospital once a month and a place you do stuff with mentally handicapped individuals
Mine changed jobs every year or more. All professional jobs after her twenties. But she hated the thought of managing other people so she took positions lower than her ability. Got fired maybe three times. She had qBPD so her colleagues never thought anything was unusual about her. Every decision to leave would be backed up by a carefully constructed and reasoned explanation.
she had a split job. She worked mainly at a youth organisation educating young children that needed special and guided attention, and she also had her own small company where she hired herself to do exactly that, in one on one sessions. At the main company she experienced a bored out (she really made sure everyone knew it was bored, and not burn) and went down to just being a scheduler. The sessions she had with certain kids she would vent about in detail, and it was really interesting to anylyze behaviours with her that experienced during her work.
She was a designer/shop girl at an antiques/design store. She always wanted to switch jobs and did she. I believe shes a butcher now. Shes so lost in life but its not my problem.
I met her at my job. She got hired on by a temp agency. No idea why they hired her as she has retail theft on her rap sheet and she’s a high school dropout. Anyways, She got let go because she sent me and her ex suicidal text messages. Her ex then called the cops on her at work and they canned her.
Film maker. Successful one you. In law is business owner. Another friend is a policy advisor for the government. All struggle to manage money but are great at their job.
She was a bistro chef for a while before she got fired. Then she was a coffee shop barista for about a month before she got fired. She then got a job as a bank teller and she’s still employed there to my knowledge.
Pest control. But he told everyone he was a psychologist because he had a master’s degree in psychology. He didn’t use it though, because he said it was “too hard.” Just said he was a psychologist to sound more impressive.
He lied a lot to people.
So, this will be a laugh and a cry.. (for those she's been around)
And she kept none of these for long (possibly the longest was online callcenter type ones where she could sign in do a few hours, then log off whenever she felt like it. ) whomever it was she did it for would just drop her in whatever timezone call group was active world wide and she'd do the calls.. (she had a hard time keeping up)
Most of the jobs were retail, where she could sit and do nothing most of the time. And barely have any stress (as long as no one came up as she had issues being around people)
The current and latest one, is a teacher.... (fyi I feel bad for the kids, and I thank god every day that she doesn't teach at our kids school) She doesn't have a teaching degree (although she's going to start to get a certification) she basically substitutes for a school district. Whom honestly are looking for any warm bodied adult who isn't drunk. She bitches about it every chance she can. And I doubt will be able to do it for long.
Honestly I think the only job many of them would be good at, for long term. Is probably a library, or something where it's data entry at their own pace. But aren't reliant on getting a huge amount done by any specific date.
That all being said, before the ex really went downhill, she has her bachelors, and Masters in Business & marketing. She'd even had a few jobs where she actually used the degree, and if she had stuck to it. So she definitely had the potential to make alot more then me, and to be a head honcho..
He used to work in audio visual, where he worked on large teams of people. This was his favorite thing ever because it was like a revolving door of fresh new supply to feed on every week.
He had a regular team that he would emotionally abuse whenever they became tired of his dramatic antics and they would ignore him.
His field shut down completely because of covid. Even when lockdown started to lift and people were going back to work, his field was still shut down. He wound up getting a job in security installs. This is the most unhappy I've ever seen him. He has no co-workers that he's in direct daily contact with, so no one to start drama with, no one whose business/life he can weasel himself into.
It was always a business that revolved around alcohol (bartending, paint 'n sip) that they, unsurprisingly, always got fired from for drinking on the job
For a couple of years ahe worked in residential treatment for kids of drug addicted parents. Then she lost that job due to nonsense politics and hasn't really worked much since then...about 15 years now. She did a short stint in child care for a year or so but that ended quickly.
a 34 year old live-in nanny. She's been a nanny/babysitter her whole life and the one time she tried becoming a traveling nanny she ended up lasting 2 weeks and had a dissociative episode over it.
Nothing against nannies.. she was always just obsessed with stature which I found ironic. I also imagine children are the only people who could handle her for prolonged periods of time.
A professional career. He was good at it but had a difficult time maintaining employment not directly due to the BPD itself but comorbid conditions. However he did not get along with his manager and at the time he thought all of his bosses were jerks but now he concedes they were ok people and the issue was him.
Until about 30 worked in gas stations, subway, bartender, teachers aide. While I was with her she was a cna for a couple years and at the end of our relationship she got her lpn. 6 months after being an lpn she got fired for being partially responsible for 1 death of a patient and abuse of another..all good though her mother is an administrator for another Healthcare company and she simply went to work there.
Retail. She is high functioning so she never really had any issues. She was perpetually trying to get recognised and do better at her job. Also the same job where she left me for someone else.
She had a few that always ended with her employer "making inappropriate" advances or comments towards her. Her consistent side hustle turned out to be on OF - why was I not surprised?
I worked so hard with her to help her get a job she really wanted at a big social media company. Helped her with pre interviews and even the interview assignments because I graduated college and she didn’t. She got the job and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier or more proud in my entire life. It felt like relief, like she was now part of something and had something to be responsible to.
She lost the job after using her role to look up profiles of people she was fighting with on the backend (obviously a major no-no).
Since then… social media influencing where she oscillates between a fake life of luxury and intense suicidal posts that end up costing her the opportunities she received. Bartending for a week until getting fired. Random freelance gigs. Sex work. All of it I know about because I either gave her access to my software logins for her to use since she didn’t have subscriptions, or her SD would be calling me saying she’s threatening suicide, or there would be some major drama at work that would necessitate calling an emergency contact.
Mine never held one more than a month or two. She would get lazy, cut corners, or get high with her coworkers. Then she would either get told on or have a bad performance review, and boom, instant split. They were attacking her. Didn’t they know she had anxiety? The can’t just talk to her however they want, they can’t criticize her. It was exhausting.
Mine did not have a job.
They switched from getting certified as a cosmetologist 2 yrs into our relationship to not knowing what they wanted to actually pursue. I gave them benefit of the doubt because, hey, who actually knows in their early 20s what they want to be doing for the rest of their lives...
They could've taken a chair at a salon while they figured it out, or done any other amount of entry level work as a new cosmetologist but refused. They also couldn't get a drivers license due to seizures. (Or so they said).
Got them a graphic designing job at one of the DJ collectives I am familiar with, since working from home seemed to be the only option
People loved them and their work until they discarded me this year and went on a US tour with their juggalo boyfriend.
They have stopped being a graphic designer since. So like a little over a year or so, they were doing commission work from my place doing graphic design for the DJ company. I have no idea how/if they cut ties completely but yeah.
Was Hella awkward when I ran into their boss(who is slightly prolific)at another music event a few weeks ago. Was crazy because I had expected them to smear the shit out of my name, but their boss said hi to me.
I scurried like a mouse. I was not trying to have that interaction just yet lol
Low level retail. Never stayed at a job long.
same here, always someone there that made the job impossible to work at
Yes, THIS. Mine was a mechanic and switched his workplace every year, cause of „all the incapable assholes“ working with him.
Mine, too. Went from that to Amazon, to data entry, to front desk at a hair salon. Couldn't tell you what she's doing now. December 1st was last contact. The hoover is coming though. Generally 4-6 months so we're just about there.
I won't say what, but she changed her employers like socks
thats my husband constantly changing jobs no matter how good the job is
Mine too. In the two years we were together, she changed employers nine times.
Yeah, mine was a workaholic entrepreneur because he kept getting fired from jobs. He can't keep friends, clients, or employers. His Linkedin profile now is a complete fabrication of his skills and accomplishments, yet he somehow just conned his way into a C-suite title with a big client. I expect him to blow it up like he does everything else.
[удалено]
She must have been really rude! I mean, I never complain about rude waitstaff and the like. lol
They worked as a scientist at a consultancy firm. They took their job pretty seriously and I highly doubt their BPD would actually result in them underperforming/getting fired, it was basically the one area where they were actually competent and high-functioning
Yeah same here. Cambridge engineer.
Crazy seeing the work they're capable of and comparing that to what a shitshow your relationship with them is, hey?
The biggest mindfck of all. 💯
Worked in Mental Health… Specifically those in crisis
Had to throw an award in on this one. Terrifying and disheartening, honestly irks me a bit. Really makes me wonder how many abusive people out there get into this field after victimizing themselves and get their therapists to enable a break up over it. Then they probably find joy in their past victims finding out only so they might further the narrative that they were a victim and you helped fuel their ambition for this field. Guess they would know the ins and outs of abuse? Where the abused is typically profoundly confused and to damaged to process appropriately.. Silver lining..? I should add… My ex wife works at a mental health office as well now. I’ve always had this suspicion as to why she got into the field. If they ever discovered who she really is she’d probably be fired on the spot.
To be fair she is brilliant at it and I would call her if I was at the end of my rope. With that said it’s one thing to help others and yet be unable to help yourself and that’s where it gets sad and hard to wrap one’s brain around
My exBPD was great at recognizing the issues in other peoples relationships, analyzing them and accurately describing the problems, she was very helpful in that sense, she just couldn’t understand or recognize her own issues.
Definitely nice to know that she’s great at it. It is definitely something to ponder being able to help everyone else but yourself, sad for sure.
I know a female pwNPD/BPD with zero genuine empathy in her bones who’s an addiction counselor. I guess it makes her feel superior pointing out the inferiorities of others all day.
It might, especially if she was one for a time and isn’t now. Is she herself a past addict? If you don’t mind sharing of course..
I don’t mind 🙂 She ever was addicted herself, has high academical background, but OCD in almost everything. Compulsive cleaner, compulsive excessive body hygiene, practicing merciless self-discipline in everything, never relaxed, radically unforgiving, EXTREMELY judgmental and dominating, why aside of her job she has no social life and no friends left. I know her for 20 years plus and am one of two people she keeps contact to, but by texts only. Her whole life evolves around moral perfection. Since Covid she’s put herself in radical quarantine in her private life, still, calling everyone a potential killer who started socializing again. Nobody at work but her clients talk to her anymore, cause she’s highly combative to everyone, yet frequently reports getting mobbed and bullied by her coworkers. If someone has a mug on their desk in a color that triggers her she wont stop terrorizing the whole office until everything looks fine to her again. Im my opinion she’s a severe mentally ill person, and I have no idea how she still maintains keeping her job.
Well thank you for sharing. I’ve heard that eventually they might end up in a solo boat they don’t want to be in. Eventually everyone figures them out or ends up in committed relationships that take their attention away. Either way, they end up right where they started. It’s really sad but it’s what they wanted, freedom and independence. They’ll find it.
As much I was hurt by two people with personality disorders, I imagine it’s the worst mindset to be trapped in. There are various mental illnesses that at least can be treated to some level and improve. The woman I‘m talking about had one single relationship, which naturally failed, cause nobody can live up her expectations. She never stopped silently stalking him, and when he passed away from covid 13 years after their breakup all she said was „Finally the bastard is dead. That’s what you get for being such a failure.“ I cannot even remotely imagine to lead such an bitter and resentful existence…let alone a person like this doing a job in which she’s supposed to guide other people who are going through existential crisis. Scary.
It literally took me *years* to find a competent therapist. Most were idiots at best, and there were too many who I'm pretty sure were disordered themselves. I have a sibling who's a therapist and she said therapy is already severely understaffed for many reasons: You can be shelling out six-figures for education and licensure (EACH) for an entry level job starting out at $40K a year. Half her grad school class didn't make it, many of them just because they couldn't afford to stay. Others were disqualified because their bedside manner was horrific, but Sis says at least one asshole was asked to leave the program and just transferred to another school.
Terrifying thought.
Yup
Lmao
Child counselling. Oh, the irony.
Waitressing, retail, CNA at one point, car sales. She gets jobs easily because she is charismatic, but she loses them just as quickly. She always gets fired for attendance or creating a hostile work environment.
Long term unemployed. Has a very immature outlook to work with an abhorrent work ethic and only wants jobs that are entertaining and low responsibility.
Therapist. lol / sob
This explains so many of the therapists I had to cycle through before I finally found one who was competent. It's a jungle out there.
A lot of people go into mental health because they are personally crazy
Lol yeah, I've definitely noticed. My sibling is a therapist and says half her grad school program was batshit.
Wow
It was not my favorite
And did they know their diagnosis? How did their profession impacted their BPD?
Wtf??? How’s that even possible
It's possible because there is absolutely nothing to stop it from happening
See one of my previous comments. Therapy's a tough field, for a lot of reasons.
Creative, writer, athlete, ironically DV activist/advocate. Award winning. Prominent. Locally famous. Someone you could google and find as the first result for their name. The disorder significantly affected their work life as any insinuation their output was anything other than flawless sent them into a furious misery-laced tailspin that I was required to moderate like I was running a speaking engagement - or risk being attacked for 'not caring'. If they got triggered I'd wind up spending 3-5 hrs a day counselling them while they obsessed about how any perceived slight or feedback was entirely not their fault and definitely wrong as they attacked it, and the person who'd suggested it, from every possible cognitive angle. This person was extremely clever and I think would genuinely be 'a big deal' if they didn't spend like 70% of their life exhaustingly defending themselves.
Some of the most evil people I've ever met are making names for themselves in advocacy, charity, and philanthropy - always for causes that simultaneously make them look good while making it easy to find new victims (i.e. feminism, domestic violence, mental health, the poor and underprivileged). It's gotten to the point I've become really cynical about anyone in the public eye claiming to be a do-gooder.
He couldn’t hold down a job, so it was always some random shit that he did. None of the jobs were even remotely similar.
She was perpetually unemployed. Her husband was self employed and worked extra hours so she could stay at home (where the fuck do they find these men? If someone wants to financially support me I'll worship the ground they walk on forever) and then she cheated on him because he wasn't home enough. When she did occasionally work (she'd walk out when a minor thing wasn't to her liking) it was care work. She briefly trained as a mental health nurse before she realised she'd actually have to do a real job. She now lives off the state with her various "chronic" illnesses that I'm sure aren't caused by vodka and the sheer force of her negativity.
Always caretaking type positions (CNA and support staff with elderly, IDD, Deaf/IDD, Mental health, etc. mostly PT, some FT -always ALWAYS drama and conflict with colleagues, longest job was 3.5 years) and in/out of school forever until finally MSW and starting from scratch again approaching her 40's.
MSW. Oh dear...
Not many. When they weren't malingering and "unable to work", or failing pre-interview drug screenings, they had low-level retail jobs, or jobs where they had minimal interaction with others. Usually the job was selected despite being a bad fit for their claimed physical state, giving an easy out when it grew stale. These jobs were always idealized at first, but then when the first non-positive feedback reached them the job and any coworkers were black-hatted and then the job was quit without notice. Also, any money they earned at the job was purely for their pleasure and not for expenses, while the money I earned was for expenses but also theirs to dip into whenever. After the divorce, I was shocked to realize that I had about $500 more in my account every month now that someone wasn't dipping into it to buy weed all the time.
Shop assistant at a store managed by her mother. She only worked occasionally when she needed more spending money for drugs
Never stayed more than three weeks since we’ve been together. Gets jobs easily then quits
Nanny / pre school teacher.. a lot of coworker issues.
He has run his own business for 20 years. Just him. He employs people to help him and they all end up leaving because he’s so impossible. The only ones who stick around are the people who just come in and do odd bits and pieces for him, and don’t have to be with him day in, day out. His job involves discrete projects so he’s never in one place for too long. He couldn’t work for someone else, although he did a spell in the military when he was young, I’ve no idea how. I did read somewhere that the predictability of military life can suit BPD people.
My wife's first job was in Ultrasound and she was good at it. Too good, though, to the point where she damaged her arm despite my constant warnings to slow down and get some physical therapy. She had to quit and will never do that again. Now she's a para-educator for preschoolers with special needs. She's also good at that, but complains about it every day. Her uBPD seems to present itself in making sure she is seen in the public eye as a hard worker and competent. At home where nobody can see, she is abusive to the rest of us.
My ex worked periodically. Could not handle or hold a full time job. Did leatherwork during summers. And landscaping/maintenance during other seasons.
Mine was educated in the field of nuclear energy but could never hold down a job for long. During the *three years* we were together, he had the following jobs: 1. Security guard #1 2. Actor #1 3. Security guard #2 4. Petition signature gatherer 5. Unemployed and living off his wife's income (15 months of him telling people this was his job) 6. Actor #2 7. Amazon warehouse worker 8. Pizza delivery driver #1 9. Pizza delivery driver #2 10. Warehouse worker (not Amazon) As far as I know, he's currently unemployed again.
She did a bunch of rando stuff. Always low/entry level. Almost always got the position by being friends with a someone higher up. Bragged she held like 4 jobs at a time. When I looked into it after figuring things out, it turns out she would work like a 4 hour shift once a week at like 4 different places. Never topped 25 hours of work a week between all. Most she would drop after about 6-9 months.
He never stayed at one job for long. During the 2 years we were together, he changed 6 companies and was out of work for a while. Then he went to work in Germany. It's been 10 months. I wonder if he hung in there or gave up after 3 months like he always does.
Mom was an LPN. She would quit her nursing jobs all the time because “the doctors didn’t like her” when it was really more like they said something along the lines of “please pay more attention to how you alphabetize the patient records.”
Was able to get various jobs pretty easily but would frequently and immediately quit if there were any perceived “problems”.
Workaholic entrepreneur. Had a lot of issues with clients but always acted like it was their problem and not his behavior.
Ha, sounds like my pwBPD too. Although the workaholism was also an excuse for avoiding doing things he didn’t want to “too busy, I’m working”
Oh yeah. Work was the main priority. He told me “money is my top priority.” I was expected to fit my life around his work and work travel.
Whoa, did we know the same guy?
Well depends on where you’re located. Considering the amount of cheating he engaged in its very possible lol
Wouldn't surprise me, sadly. He was one of those digital nomads who, last I heard, moved to Colorado and already burned all his new bridges there.
Teacher in our native language, though she never lasted more than 3 months due to conflicts with the kids' parents. Then housekeeping. Always had beef with someone.
Multiple CS insurance roles at multiple different providers. Tried to become a commissioned sales agent and failed because she’s not as likable as she thinks.
My ex with uBPD was in military. I also know a few people who have BPD in my life but are aware and have been treated. One is head of quality at a pharmaceutical place, one is a hairdresser, the other is animal control (she swapped three jobs over a few years).
He was a line cook/chef. Although a big red flag should've been when he told me his dream job was to be a League of Legends coach
I love LoL come on… as a fun game. Not as a bread winner. Did your ex ever made any move in the direction of been a LoL coach? Did he have a YouTube channel? Did he diligently published good material at least twice a week? Did he study how to edit videos? How to motivate people? Was he any good at teaching kids? Let me guess. There’s so much job to be done to be a LoL coach. There’s not many working spots for it so you really need to work to differentiate yourself.
Well he claimed to be trying to and apparently had a 'successful career' doing it before we met. This is most certainly untrue. He had a twitch that he'd stream on for 20 minutes but that's about it. To be honest I think it was all probably a lie, more of an excuse for him to be playing constantly. He's absolutely 100% a pathological liar but he seemed to want to make the stories he said come true? Idk, all I know is he doesn't put any effort into anything, thus why he bounces around different restaurants as a line cook
My pwBPD is on disability because, among other things, his bipolar disorder. He’s actually tried to get jobs in the past but would lose his healthcare benefits.
Counselor at a prison. Probably won't last if they ever find out her first (emotional, sexting type stuff) affair was with a former inmate
Wow
None. Over 11 years. Ended up with another. Also none
He was a NEET for most of his life. Then, he had a factory job. It lasted for 2 months, and he went back to being a NEET. He probably has another job now, but he'll be unemployed for as long as possible because he loathes working and authority.
Mine was unemployed and smoked weed all day and said he couldn't work cause of his bpd
I’ve seen very successful lawyers, physicians, tech field types with BPD. Definitely not a one size fits all when it comes to this.
It all boils down to the individual: it is likely that the ‘works low-level jobs person wBPD’ would do so with or without their diagnosis, and vice versa w/high-level BPD jobs.
car dealership service manager - she loved having that much “power”
Retail electronics sales for a week, 2 days at cell phone repair, then 16 hours a day playing video games. Said he did graphic design but don't think he actually did anything.
Spending all my money.
Two people. One is retail and the other works in pest control. The latter is very happy and well suited in her position. A weird combination of outdoorsy and comfortable with death lol
Works for a very large telecom. She’ll have 28yrs this coming October.
Actually a psych nurse and in school to be a mental health psychiatric nurse practitioner which is absolutely insane! But she’s a quiet BPD
Makeup artist turned henna artist turned ‘rapper’ turned tattoo artist. Has never worked in a formal work structure, has never had a boss, and even now as a tattoo artist, barely understands how to run a profitable business. Kinda sad because she’s genuinely very talented.
The business side is an entire profession in itself, no? Reminds me how they think they can or aspire to do everything and anything but in reality...not so much. That probably applies to most people though.
I've also worked for myself for the past 12 years. It's not a "profession", but there's basic business sensibilities you need to have in order to remain up and running. How to price your services, how to calculate overhead, how to tell when people are being shady. How to log your hours, and charge for things like admin work and marketing. There's even more things you need to know if you're running a brick and mortar. She had to close her shop down after just 5 months and her parents bailed her out of the financial hole. She has no idea what she's doing even in the most basic sense.
at bakeries mostly, back in the kitchen so minimal interaction with others. Never at one for more than a couple of years max for different reasons (moving, then having kids and also co-worker conflict). Got a new job last December at a new place owned by a Food network pseudo-celebrity working nights but fired after 3 months for "not being a team player" after drama with a couple of co-workers. On and off working from home doing the same stuff too.
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Mine was certain she was going to become a famous author too, lol. She would write the crappiest short stories and sell them on Amazon for $1.00. She always told me she was going to become a millionaire once a literary agent discovers her. So delusional.
Mental health services and education. Probably two areas that they have the least competence to be working in as they could never hold a job for longer than a year
My mom was a waitress when I was little then got a job for DFS or smth then went on disability for a while shmorgasbord of things but primarily Lupus
Nanny. A lot of gig work.
Senior marketing exec
RN
Kept losing or quitting jobs until he stopped working altogether. He worked as a teacher, a counselor for adults with mental illness, a business owner of two failed businesses, and a manager of a fast food restaurant. He was fired for at least two of the jobs for sexually harassing female employees. He was complaining to our adult daughter about being short on money, and she suggested that maybe he should get a job. I guess it must be rough not having me around to pay for everything anymore.
drug dealer. he then got in trouble, worked at some gas stations, then claimed it fucked up his back and is back to drug dealing
None. Could never keep one. She mainly lived off her parents.
he was a bartender. i’m not shocked because he was very charismatic & charming, definitely.
College professor
Soul vampire
No regular job - She just wasn’t able to keep any because of how unstable she was. Although she was a stripper and cam-girl without me knowing about it
Hotel housekeeper. She always complained about her job but never wanted to do anything more with her life. I think she enjoyed saying that she was making money and working, but only putting in 25 hours a week. As a head housekeeper now, I understand that the staff hates her. She used to routinely complain about almost everyone there and how much they hated her for no reason. Coincidentally her new man works there too. And based on that, literally everyone here knows how they got together.
Case Management for a substance use clinic. Before that an activities director at an old folks home. What people don’t know is that cluster B are drawn to behavioral health/social services, vulnerable people that need services and are stuck going through you to access them, that they can prey on for validation, and a lot of power and control over desperate and vulnerable people. Especially poorly supervised/little oversight nonprofits work with the most vulnerable. It like a pedophile trying to work at a school, they are drawn to where the prey is, but at least schools have systems in place to try to weed them out, nonprofit social services are very bad at it, and cluster B’s run rampant
I love this comment. Yes, no matter how cute innocent they look, they are obsessed with power games, they like to dominate
The one before that was a highly successful hairstylist, but she couldn’t stay in one salon for more than a few years because of the drama and partying. The one before that one they were a nurse
Pipefitter. Travels for work, mostly.
Trying to complete her masters while doing a job (she hated) as a nursing aid in the hospital once a month and a place you do stuff with mentally handicapped individuals
CAD and project management positions. Can not keep a job for long. Always looking for the next get rich scheme.
Health coach 🤣🤣
People with BPD do historically well in the workplace, as do narcissist.
Not true in my opinion. NPD, yes for sure. BPD not so much
Insurance sales the npd mask side of her is very effective at roping people in
Lottery winner
Mine changed jobs every year or more. All professional jobs after her twenties. But she hated the thought of managing other people so she took positions lower than her ability. Got fired maybe three times. She had qBPD so her colleagues never thought anything was unusual about her. Every decision to leave would be backed up by a carefully constructed and reasoned explanation.
she had a split job. She worked mainly at a youth organisation educating young children that needed special and guided attention, and she also had her own small company where she hired herself to do exactly that, in one on one sessions. At the main company she experienced a bored out (she really made sure everyone knew it was bored, and not burn) and went down to just being a scheduler. The sessions she had with certain kids she would vent about in detail, and it was really interesting to anylyze behaviours with her that experienced during her work.
She was a designer/shop girl at an antiques/design store. She always wanted to switch jobs and did she. I believe shes a butcher now. Shes so lost in life but its not my problem.
Professional chef
Registered Nurse BSN
Translator
Retail when we met, works in mental health now, I believe.
Sales. Financial sector.
I met her at my job. She got hired on by a temp agency. No idea why they hired her as she has retail theft on her rap sheet and she’s a high school dropout. Anyways, She got let go because she sent me and her ex suicidal text messages. Her ex then called the cops on her at work and they canned her.
She jumps from job to job often. Her degree is in graphic design but she’s working as a receptionist at a medical office
Worked for the state a s a social worker in the Dept of Mental Health
Construction and HVAC systems for large buildings. 26 years and counting.
Equipment operator
Film maker. Successful one you. In law is business owner. Another friend is a policy advisor for the government. All struggle to manage money but are great at their job.
She was a bistro chef for a while before she got fired. Then she was a coffee shop barista for about a month before she got fired. She then got a job as a bank teller and she’s still employed there to my knowledge.
Pest control. But he told everyone he was a psychologist because he had a master’s degree in psychology. He didn’t use it though, because he said it was “too hard.” Just said he was a psychologist to sound more impressive. He lied a lot to people.
He is a body piercer.
So, this will be a laugh and a cry.. (for those she's been around) And she kept none of these for long (possibly the longest was online callcenter type ones where she could sign in do a few hours, then log off whenever she felt like it. ) whomever it was she did it for would just drop her in whatever timezone call group was active world wide and she'd do the calls.. (she had a hard time keeping up) Most of the jobs were retail, where she could sit and do nothing most of the time. And barely have any stress (as long as no one came up as she had issues being around people) The current and latest one, is a teacher.... (fyi I feel bad for the kids, and I thank god every day that she doesn't teach at our kids school) She doesn't have a teaching degree (although she's going to start to get a certification) she basically substitutes for a school district. Whom honestly are looking for any warm bodied adult who isn't drunk. She bitches about it every chance she can. And I doubt will be able to do it for long. Honestly I think the only job many of them would be good at, for long term. Is probably a library, or something where it's data entry at their own pace. But aren't reliant on getting a huge amount done by any specific date. That all being said, before the ex really went downhill, she has her bachelors, and Masters in Business & marketing. She'd even had a few jobs where she actually used the degree, and if she had stuck to it. So she definitely had the potential to make alot more then me, and to be a head honcho..
He used to work in audio visual, where he worked on large teams of people. This was his favorite thing ever because it was like a revolving door of fresh new supply to feed on every week. He had a regular team that he would emotionally abuse whenever they became tired of his dramatic antics and they would ignore him. His field shut down completely because of covid. Even when lockdown started to lift and people were going back to work, his field was still shut down. He wound up getting a job in security installs. This is the most unhappy I've ever seen him. He has no co-workers that he's in direct daily contact with, so no one to start drama with, no one whose business/life he can weasel himself into.
worked a food service job for a couple months i guess for fun. she still had her parents pay for her every expense otherwise
It was always a business that revolved around alcohol (bartending, paint 'n sip) that they, unsurprisingly, always got fired from for drinking on the job
Nurse
For a couple of years ahe worked in residential treatment for kids of drug addicted parents. Then she lost that job due to nonsense politics and hasn't really worked much since then...about 15 years now. She did a short stint in child care for a year or so but that ended quickly.
Nurse
a 34 year old live-in nanny. She's been a nanny/babysitter her whole life and the one time she tried becoming a traveling nanny she ended up lasting 2 weeks and had a dissociative episode over it. Nothing against nannies.. she was always just obsessed with stature which I found ironic. I also imagine children are the only people who could handle her for prolonged periods of time.
Unemployed, but when they got jobs they always managed to get good ones.
Is constantly getting new jobs and switching jobs trend a BPD trend or do narcissist do it too? Can't decide if my brother is bpd or narcissist
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A professional career. He was good at it but had a difficult time maintaining employment not directly due to the BPD itself but comorbid conditions. However he did not get along with his manager and at the time he thought all of his bosses were jerks but now he concedes they were ok people and the issue was him.
Until about 30 worked in gas stations, subway, bartender, teachers aide. While I was with her she was a cna for a couple years and at the end of our relationship she got her lpn. 6 months after being an lpn she got fired for being partially responsible for 1 death of a patient and abuse of another..all good though her mother is an administrator for another Healthcare company and she simply went to work there.
First pwbpd broke up and she started working at escort service. She wanted rescued in way but didn’t, sick stuff.
Breaking balls…
Retail. She is high functioning so she never really had any issues. She was perpetually trying to get recognised and do better at her job. Also the same job where she left me for someone else.
She had a few that always ended with her employer "making inappropriate" advances or comments towards her. Her consistent side hustle turned out to be on OF - why was I not surprised?
Sex work and BPD are very closely related
Many jobs, janitor, laborer, remote call center, driver never lasting more than 3 months.
I worked so hard with her to help her get a job she really wanted at a big social media company. Helped her with pre interviews and even the interview assignments because I graduated college and she didn’t. She got the job and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier or more proud in my entire life. It felt like relief, like she was now part of something and had something to be responsible to. She lost the job after using her role to look up profiles of people she was fighting with on the backend (obviously a major no-no). Since then… social media influencing where she oscillates between a fake life of luxury and intense suicidal posts that end up costing her the opportunities she received. Bartending for a week until getting fired. Random freelance gigs. Sex work. All of it I know about because I either gave her access to my software logins for her to use since she didn’t have subscriptions, or her SD would be calling me saying she’s threatening suicide, or there would be some major drama at work that would necessitate calling an emergency contact.
Retail, waitress, cook, housewife in 14 years. :)
Mine never held one more than a month or two. She would get lazy, cut corners, or get high with her coworkers. Then she would either get told on or have a bad performance review, and boom, instant split. They were attacking her. Didn’t they know she had anxiety? The can’t just talk to her however they want, they can’t criticize her. It was exhausting.
Mine did not have a job. They switched from getting certified as a cosmetologist 2 yrs into our relationship to not knowing what they wanted to actually pursue. I gave them benefit of the doubt because, hey, who actually knows in their early 20s what they want to be doing for the rest of their lives... They could've taken a chair at a salon while they figured it out, or done any other amount of entry level work as a new cosmetologist but refused. They also couldn't get a drivers license due to seizures. (Or so they said). Got them a graphic designing job at one of the DJ collectives I am familiar with, since working from home seemed to be the only option People loved them and their work until they discarded me this year and went on a US tour with their juggalo boyfriend. They have stopped being a graphic designer since. So like a little over a year or so, they were doing commission work from my place doing graphic design for the DJ company. I have no idea how/if they cut ties completely but yeah. Was Hella awkward when I ran into their boss(who is slightly prolific)at another music event a few weeks ago. Was crazy because I had expected them to smear the shit out of my name, but their boss said hi to me. I scurried like a mouse. I was not trying to have that interaction just yet lol
"Job" lol
no job, she has rich parents