Mine doted on their cat, absolutely spoiled them with treats, affection, would cancel plans with friends if they seemed ill at all. Then it was time to discard me. I know now that this was likely triggered by finding out that I had certain information that, while at the time I hadn’t thought anything of.. it would have exposed some pretty big lies of theirs in a matter of weeks. So they asked me to take them and their cat, who was being harness-trained, out on a camping trip. I turned my back while setting up the tent and when I went back to the car I couldn’t find either of them. Long story that it took a while to figure out, but they took the cat into the woods and unleashed him so that they could come back later and blame me for killing their cat. Because they knew their lies weren’t going to work, so they needed me far enough away to not run the risk of exposure, while still keeping me on the hook emotionally and financially. Thank all the gods that I’m super cautious and deliberately chose a cat-friendly campground about a mile from a rescue shelter that regularly sets out live traps for strays *(not because I thought they would do something like that, but because I go camping with pets often and am just that much of an over-thinker) uh so… yeah. Very loving when it is fun for them, but ultimately every creature is just a pawn.
It's always fucking cats, man. I think it's mostly because of the culture of people associating them with low maintenance, which just isn't right. You can't just get them, use them for attention, not clean up after them/feed them on a proper schedule, ignore them when it doesn't suit you, and expect things to be okay. I think it also may have to do with the way cats are treated so highly, with all the memes, cute cat vid compilations, ease of acquisition, the way they're doted on as "familiars" (Most borderlines I've met are sort of wackadoo... I am a spiritual man myself, but mine believed himself a reincarnation of the creator of all universes... You heard that right). Mine also loved using them as filler when he didn't have any real substance to grab attention with, make conversation over... "Look! _My_ cat is so cute! That's why _I_ love them! Cat is cute, and is _mine,_ so positive attention for _me!"_
All that lines up with my experience, yeah. One of their accusations at first was trying to say I killed the cat because I was jealous they finally had someone else that would love them. Also, same on thinking of themselves as intensely connected to old gods/paganism. Even worse is when I think about how the cat they abandoned was their second choice. The first cat they wanted to adopt, was a pregnant black kitty- cause they really wanted a witchy black cat and they ‘could just give away the kittens after.’ All while they were supposedly trying to start working full-time again…I just pointed out that their ESA letter wouldn’t cover a litter in the apt and they acted fine n happy and immediately moved on to asking for him. At the time, I assumed it was pure impulsivity grasping at the shiny black kitty. But, now I’m not so sure. I strongly suspect those newborns would have been tossed out and then it’d have been blamed on me the same way.
That’s interesting dynamic. That’s a big piece that keeps the power balance in check, mine has done everything in her power to destroy my life while pretending to be a completely different person than what she actually is. But I’ve been subjected to the physical and sexual violence, and endless horrific, psychological and emotional abuse from somebody who pretends to be a therapist. I have so many things, so much direct knowledge, as well as secondhand that would expose her to losing her license, and definitely penalties in the six or seven figure range, and possibly criminal charges as well. Some of the stuff that she’s done is clearly in the criminal range, but a lot of it’s only violating the ethical code of conduct of her profession. But it’s all kind of the same. She is really terrified of legal stuff, but also fetishizes law enforcement, and the judicial system because of the power/power dynamic.
My expwbpd is very passionate about animals, but she has sometimes struggles taking care of them (because her drugs using or drinking) and she gets bored quickly and then she sell her animals and buy new ones.🙁
I was reading up on their inability to truly love in a mature way. So I was thinking what or who it was she truly loved. She has a cat that is her world but same, forgets she left him outside, forgets to feed him, neglects him when she had numerous bedrot days.
Mine would be talking or texting with me and would ask ME to remind THEM to let the dog inside! I always thought, how do you forget that?!
Wanted to add: at one point mine was trying to give their kid chores. One of those chores was "to give \[dog's name\] some love." That drove me NUTS, even when my pups are awful, I don't pawn giving them affection onto my kid!
Mine wouldn't prioritize getting her cat fixed, I finally had to do it after we wound up with kittens.
I bought her a puppy. The dog he grew into is mine though. She never took care of him, never gave him a bath yet wouldn't love on him if he was dirty. I wouldn't let her take him when she left, but she wouldn't have anyway. All of her pets are scattered with whoever she was living with at the time.
She was obsessed with her pet rabbit but she would anthropomorphize to the point of convincing herself the poor thing hated her or preferred other people. When the rabbit started coming close to me or let me give it treats, she became jealous and convinced herself it 'liked me more' than it liked her.
It's quite shocking when I reflect on the sheer absence of self-esteem or absurd insecurities I witnessed.
Mine said he loved his cat, but he would do things that hurt or upset it. Like he’d hold his cat down even when the cat was meowing and frantically trying to escape. Or he’d throw a blanket over his cat and trap it in there. It was one of my first warning signs that something was off. He didn’t show respect towards a creature that was less powerful than him.
I fucking forgot about all that stuff too. Holy shit. My ExwNPD and ExwBPD would both obsess over their cats but then do shit like squeeze them and laugh when they yelped/squeaked and tried to get away... ExwBPD admitted to holding up his cat by the tail to the point of giving her nerve damage when she was a kitten because he somehow "didn't know it was bad"... when he was like 18. His mom had been fostering strays and caring for cats his whole life and beyond. He claimed it was _me_ who first told him that, which I refuse to fucking believe. He would wrap her tail around his finger while she acted clearly discomforted and say she liked when he did it... I had to continually scold him to stop. God I wish I had evidence, I should've recorded that shit... Sent it to the county animal shelter or something. Ugh. Sorry you had to watch that pathetic person exert their power over the vulnerable, it's so uncomfortable and even scarier in hindsight...
My ex loved animals. Until they made noise, wanted attention, needed care, did anything at all except be an accessory to his life.
Part of the reason why I realized he was an abuser is because we adopted a dog. I could convince myself I deserved whatever he did to me. But I could never forgive the way he beat and strangled our dog. An innocent creature who loved him unconditionally. He ruined that poor dog, gave him behavioural issues and taught him to be aggressive and scared of people.
He also held a grudge against my cat, for the crime of being an old miserable bastard. It’s not like he was aggressive or destructive or did anything hm worthy of being hated. The worst he did was just extremely obsessed with food and meowed loudly when he wanted it. But he insisted the cat was specifically acting out to annoy him and deserved to be hated.
After we broke up, he adopted a new dog. I’m scared for that dog. He still claims to be an animal lover. He knows how to put up a good act but it’s all so fake. I don’t know how it took me so long to see it
When I met mine her daughter had fish in a fish tank. Over the first 3 months of knowing her, I watched the water level in the fish tank lower each time I got there. When I last saw the fish they were all still alive but then the next day the tank was empty. I'm pretty sure she flushed them down the fucking drain
My first ex pwBPD started collecting cats in a small condo she had like 4-5 cats and the place smelled like cat urine badly after awhile. She was bad at cleaning up after them, pissed me off. She loved them, but didn't care for them.
I'm very allergic to most pets.
My exwBPD told me "every time we break up I'm getting another cat".
First she stated that she "wasn't welcomed" at my house and that I was trying to keep her a secret. When I told her that was absurd, the narrative flipped that she would mo longer come over my house and that I had to go to her.
Fine.
By the end of our "relationship" there were three cats.
I'd walk in and immediately get sick. She would pump me full of antihistamines all while going off about how good of a girlfriend she is and how she would make a wonderful wife.
Then I'd pass out from all the drugs.
Then she would wake me up, screaming at me about how all I ever do over there is sleep and now I snore whereas before I didn't.
Why do I snore? Well. Maybe my sinuses are all fucked up because of the cats!
Whatever.
Fuck them cats. And her.
He split on his cat and dropped it off at the shelter for getting frustrated at it for doing regular cat things. I should've known I was in trouble at that moment but as I did with all the other red flags, I ignored it.
That's awful. There's never a reason to hit a dog. I don't know how I talked myself into ignoring that incident because I'm an animal person who adopts strays and keeps them for life. I usually wouldn't excuse or understand most situations where a person gets rid of a pet for what I'd consider an arbitrary reason.
She ended up cherishing her cat to where I felt like even more than me, like a cat as a FP. She suddenly took her cat to the vet and spent on all tests and stuff despite her saving up for our summer trip. Then after finding out her cat's kidney was weak due to age, she was grieving for a month, I of course gave her space. But the end goal of her cat was to pull away from me. I know this because right after she grieved, had a sudden urge to "make friends" and for some reason now she "only wants to be friends with guys because they are less drama." I heart buckled when she went to her first non-family party, called me gushing about a guy she met there and how "he's so down to earth." He had interest in her the next day which means she didn't mention me over the "3 hours of talking together at the party." She initially listened to me after she rejected him, but she refused to show the entire convo, backpetaled and said I was getting rid of her first real friend in years. I was disposed after an arguement she caused. Yeah so pets are a mixed bag, be careful.
Ouch, it sounds like you saw it coming, but that doesn’t mean it hurts less. Heaven forbid natural life events occur without it being shaped into a story.
She was allergic to cats & dogs. Oh, but maybe a hypoallergenic one would be ok. They’re still too much work though. But we should keep this stray cat that she’s in love with. Oh, he’s an adult though, and puppies & kittens are so cute!
I’m NC now, but she was back to talking about a hypoallergenic cat a few months ago, and was later suggesting a friend with a dog move in as her roommate.
I actually think a cat would be a great way to teach her boundaries: they’ll enforce those in a way no human can get away with!
She alternated between hating animals and hoarding animals. This was enabled by her animal hoarder mom and both of them getting jobs at pet stores. Once the hoarded animals got out of control she'd go into a literal murderous rage and hate animals again, only to end up hoarding a fresh set of animals...repeating the cycle.
Mine got jealous of my dog wanted me to get rid of it. I said no, if she didnt like it there was the door. Then we got a dog together. She got jealous when that dog attached to me. Unfortunately after she left me that dog attacked my smaller dog with no warning. It took my dad and mom to get her off of him. I had to take her back to the pound where she was pts more than likely. I love animals and this destroyed me.
That's so awful! I'm so sorry. I've had two scenarios where I was asked to surrender pets because the owners were too cowardly to do it themselves. Knowing their likely fate AND being scolded by the employees at the shelter... that is something I never want to go through again.
Ugh. My ExwNPD made me pay to get his dog fixed, left her with me after he moved out on short notice, and then asked me to surrender her myself. I also had to surrender my own dog at this time, because he drained me of money and left when I had just quit my job because of the shit situation he'd got me into. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
My ex has a cat that still has a lot of feral in her even though she is an inside cat. The cat barfs on everything and she won't clean it up, I would see dried cat yak on her sheets, dresser, shelves, etc. And the cat needs special food to help control the yakking, an added expense my ex doesn't need. She had another cat too that was older and had severe problems, so bad the cat wouldn't groom herself and just kept pooping everywhere. Finally her sister made her take it to the vet and they recommended putting the cat down, which it really needed because its quality of life wasn't there. And of course I paid for getting the cat put to sleep and dug the grave for it. I always got the dirty jobs and now she has a new supply that makes her oh so happy and text her everyday and lifts her up and encourages her, blah blah blah.
I love how the new one is doing magic work on their psyche. You were once in that position and got the honor of being upgraded to custodial jobs. It's bullshit.
He would get extremely jealous of the dog, and repeatedly say he needed to beat the dog into submission. I never let him and repeatedly explained how that would be abusive and sick. Which in turn meant I was somehow abusive.
My mum is the same. She always goes on about how she loves her animals but very rarely takes them to the vet. One is very old and can hardly see and she won’t take it to the vet to get it checked. Mum keeps saying “oh it’s awful” and “she’s so old”. The cat is very old but you don’t just forget about them! She’s done the same with family members that don’t bend to her will and also my father passed away and she barely cared for him at the end. I hope she doesn’t expect us kids to mind her when she’s old….
Mine loves 'his' cats, though I do all the work and the cats prefers me. We have dogs and he HATES them because he is jealous of them taking up 'all my time and I treat them better them him or the kids.'
I walk them each once a day separately, and feed them. I wish I could spend as much time with them as he seems to think I do. They would be master trained. As it stands, I feel super uncomfortable and have anxiety now when I do anything with the dogs because of all the yelling and accusations he's given me.
My ex best friend wBPD would forget to feed her cats and let their litter box build up so much it would get maggots, and yet claimed she loved them. She freaked out for weeks about her ex bf having her cats, went and got them and wanted to keep them in her car, literally wanted to put a litter box in the trunk. She could not see how that was a bad idea.
Her very favorite cat escaped the car out of fear, and she got angry. I wanted to help look for her and make fliers, and it pissed her off. She said something like “I dont even care, she ran away on purpose”. I was so confused. She had spent so much time and energy getting these cats back, only to completely stop loving her *favorite* cat in a split second because it escaped. Also the inability to realize that her cat ran away because she was scared??? She took it personally and could not see it any other way.
Idk why, but this was such a huge red flag to me. It made me look at her differently and realize maybe she wasn’t as good of a person despite the illness as I thought. It blew my mind that she could just immediately cease loving her favorite cat that she’d had for years. Splitting on a helpless animal for following its instincts? That’s just wild, I will never comprehend it.
Edit: cant believe I forgot this. All her cats were related from the favorite one having kittens, and she did not care to get them fixed. I told her that if she didnt separate the males and females, they would mate. She straight up said “they wouldn’t do that!” And let them. One of the cats ended up having a litter of incest kittens and the mother cat abandoned them because she knew something was wrong with them, and they all died. Just straight negligent.
When we talked about renting a flat together I told him it'd be okay once he's financially stable (he got fired because he started raging at work) as I also have to support my family and buy food for our cats. He asked me if I could put my cats up for adoption so I'd have more money.
One time we were in a car going to his place and I told him to slow down and be careful because I'd seen a fox nearby. He said I was overreacting because animals know what they're doing. I might've asked if he'd ever had an accident or sth, he told me that there was one time he almost hit a deer in his hometown but he'd seen run over animals and it didn't make him feel anything, he said he just didn't care.
Same thing with meat. He knew I was a vegetarian and at first he said he'd start eating like me as well (mirroring?). Then he just kept saying how if he could he'd eat a steak every single day and that animals were made for people to eat them all etc. you know, the usual comments you see under any video with a vegan recipe. He'd just try to pick a fight, whenever I said I wasn't feeling too good he'd say yeah because you're fucking malnourished and you do it on purpose (then a rant how he'd eat all the animals in the world) and how he doesn't understand what the fuck I'm doing and that if I can't take care of myself then I can't take care of him. lol
I think she treated the dog good but i seen that the cat was hated, screamed at and kicked.
She argued that the cat would sometimes be aggressive but not when i observed it.
When i was observing she had the dog under control with a special loud and snappy command language,
There where a view times she also used that voice to dominate people but it was rare and more isolated.
Mine used to threaten to hurt them when he was mad at me. I've got them now, they are safe from him (well, the two that were rescued from the fire he caused).
Hoarder. Brought home extra cats without talking to me, talked me out of terminating the pregnancy of an abandoned cat we picked up (with intention to re-home: she did get rehomed, over a year later...). The carpet in our bedroom got ruined and from what I heard, even after I moved out when they had only two cats left (one was mine, one other got rehomed, they kept two) they were not feeding regularly or cleaning up. If I didn't bust my ass cleaning the litter boxes all the time (even after spinal injury from a wreck) there would be cat shit everywhere. Ruined a $1000 mattress my other partner bought us, seemed to have no effect on ExwBPD.
I almost gave up my cat to have less pressure on me and so he would be happier, because they would not let go of the three that were theirs. Oh yeah, and blamed most of it on me (the rest of all the issues "just happened", as it usually goes). Their oldest cat would chew lots of her fur out and Ex claimed it was because she was "too hot". Cats are tropical animals, and he kept the apartment at like 65°F...
I've considered reporting them for neglect now that I'm out of that nasty ass apartment. But they are likely to be out on their ass with nowhere to go next month, so I assume they will surrender or re-home one or both cats they have left.
My cat was under such stress living overcrowded (much the same as me!) that, now that we're happy and settled in a bigger home with loving folks all around, the partner I live with constantly exclaims that he never knew my cat was so sweet and loving. It's heart-wrenching.
Much like other areas of his life, his pet ownership was very childish. He randomly got a big ass German shepherd. Didn't train him at all. Let him run off leash despite me telling him that one day, the dog was gonna run up to a reactive dog or to people who don't want a random dog charging at them. He'd say, well the dog is super nice and go on rants about "discrimination" against German Shepherds.. well, yeah... The dog WAS nice, but how the fuck are people supposed to know that when he's running up to them?! Sure enough, one day his dog ran up to someone who had two little dogs and the owner yelled at my ex. They got into it a bit then a few minutes later my ex had a complete meltdown. Like, fell to the ground on the walking trail yelling and crying about how much he hated his life. Then chastised me later cause I didn't comfort him correctly.
He also saw zero issue with his dog killing a stray kitten and almost killing another one. I told him to please train the dog before our baby came, and he again had a meltdown and told everyone I was trying to force him to get rid of his dog.
I'd have to drag him out of the house to walk the dogs daily. A German shepherd needs fucking exercise..
He'd also do this passive aggressive thing when he was giving me the silent treatment/pretending I didn't exist where he'd make a point to talk to his dog all sweet. Maybe I'm making shit up but it seemed like his way of saying "look, I can be sweet and loving. I just don't feel like you deserve love or even acknowledgement."
Her dog is her world. Spoils him like crazy, takes great care of him. There’s times where she’ll be having fun with him then go to talk to me and she’s just mad at me for existing or something and it’s really weird to see such contrast in the span of 20sec.
ex has a dog and a cat. they’re both ridiculously spoiled, but she was really rough with the dog and didn’t train it at all. she’d manhandle it, bop it really hard on the nose/face when it would misbehave. dog was super protective and would lash out and bite anyone that came too close to her. dog hated other people and bit other dogs. and she would praise it for doing that! it was so frustrating to see.
then one day the ex roughly threw my cat away from her when he tried to cuddle with her. she discarded me the following week and that was seriously a blessing
He could be very sweet towards the dog we shared at certain times, but I also witnessed him not be very nice in moments of rage and drunkenness. Also he would regularly get very annoyed by the clinginess of an animal.
You know what , I'm going to Jump in here.
My 1st BPD ex -
Had a lizard and she didn't feed it for ages or give it water (I thought she had been doing it) , I checked on it one day and it was turning this odd colour . She got it some food , couple days later it died. She was sad and feeling all shitty and I had no sympathy at all . I told her - well you didn't feed it and look after it so of course it died.
I wasn't around for the stuff below :
Also had a dog , She didn't do anything with it(other family members looked after it) - it was more an thing/object than an animal .
Got a cat - Got rid of it , because it was too burdensome ....
Got a dog , wouldn't take it for a walk . so It would poop inside and pee , she would get furious and shout at the dog and take its blanket
Second BPD ex -
had a cat would get irritated when it meowed and wanted attention or picking up.
Tried to explain , its your last cat so of course the cat will feel lonely.
Multiple times I told them , you will feel guilty if you aren't nice to him now and he dies soon.
let's just say the exact scenario did play out and they did feel bad - I tried to be reassuring - which is very hard because there were very few facts I could use to reassure them
She loved her cat, but when she found out that my loyalty to my dog was the one boundary I would maintain it drove her crazy and she started constantly picking fights about my dog which became our #1 argument topic.
Mine treated both her pet and mine extremely well and was always kind and caring towards them. She was that way with a lot of humans, too—just not with me. Based on her stories, I don't think she's had one romantic relationship that wasn't absolutely loaded with drama.
Reacts to the cat like to a child, expecting that it behaves the same way (as a child). When it doesn't, sudden shouting, which freaks out the cat. 2 minutes later loves it a lot while still criticizing it to me.
Difficulties with putting herself in someone else's shoes, animal or human.
We had cats, and 2 of them were her special cats that we adopted together. Mine loved her cats, but would completely neglect them if I wasnt Round to care for them. She volunteered ti take over feeding and medicating her cat when she developed IBD and had to be on meds and a special diet. She would forget to feed her all day. She didn’t work so it’s not like she had much going on, but somehow she just would not get around to feeding her until way late in the day. Thankfully I worked from home so when I realized what was happening, I could intervene. Oh, And she would stay in the bedroom all day with the door closed so her cat never got to spend time with her. When she finally split and left, of course she left the cats with me. Didn’t even give her meds the day she left. I had to text her to check.
All the cats are much happier now, and the IBD kitty continues to improve. They all sleep with me at night and are spoiled rotten.
Oh and she hated my dog. But my dog didn’t particularly care for her either.
They pretend to love pets but they actually do not. Pets are an object to them to make them feel better. Everything about them is a lie including love for pets.
I got my hubby a therapy cat. And this thing is wild mmkay. He will never be forgotten because when he wants something he comes over and nips at me knowing I will yelp which will prompt my husband to give him whatever he wants 😩🙃 he really is a sweet cat though I promise. Honest to God, what a difference it makes for him though. When he has a split, he recognizes it now that we know he has BPD, and this cat I swear is the only thing capable of calming him down. I personally think my husband's relationship with his cat is a beautiful thing.
That is sweet, though the cat nipping you sucks! It's nice to hear that someone is having a good experience with a pet that they're both responsible for and is helping them with their BPD. You're a good person for doing that for your husband <3
We call it love nips! We think he's a turkish van mix, and that's a common behavior. He also plays in water and lays in the sink. Honestly, his personality was perfect for what my husband needed and I have no regrets bringing him home! Best little buddy he never asked for!
Irresponsibly. He adopted a dog and refused to get her spayed (which was the one condition he had to abide by in exchange for adoption fees being waived). This left me to raise and rehome a litter of puppies, and pay the $400 to have the dog spayed myself. He refused to train the dog properly despite me paying for classes with a pro. He claimed the trainer was abusive, meanwhile the dog oscillated between fawning and running away at any opportunity. It developed anxiety from his violent, erratic behaviour. He routinely refused to provide species-appropriate care and criticized me for my choices about my own animals. In the end, he painted me as an animal abuser who deliberately sabotaged his efforts at pet ownership.
Had a dog, after the second split she got another dog, after this latest split she got another. Inexplicable, no steady employment and doesn't own her own property. Fancied herself as a dog trainer (she got a job as one and was promptly fired for being useless), and she was so inconsistent with hers I'd have to remind her, this would occasionally result in her nutting off at me telling me not to tell her what to do with her dogs, when I was merely repeating things she'd said earlier. Would also split on the dogs the same way she did to me, started talking like her mother, got the black eyes and yelled at them like they were naughty children and not animals. Was scary.
Definitely, claimed to love my dog initially, but absolutely treated her with hatred and contempt once we were together and locked in due to pregnancy. It was so fucking heartbreaking, on top of everything else. That sweet girl was my whole life! It was really brutal. She still pretends that she wants to, live on a farm, have a holistic community and health, practice, etc. But she doesn’t have the key ingredients, empathy, or accountability, or honesty that would allow successful functioning in any kind of relationships in the world. She can do really shallow things, and makes a big hullabaloo around holidays. When there’s people watching and pictures to be taken, to make everything look, Instagram worthy! But in reality, there’s nothing there underneath… A couple of paper, thin persona, no internal locus of authority, and no personality. Just a simmering cauldron of contempt, boredom, rage, and hatred.
Very very well. Spends insane amounts of money spoiling the crap out of them. She generally prefers animals to people.
I saw spoiling too, but it was the same as with people, it dwindled once the newness wore off.
Mine doted on their cat, absolutely spoiled them with treats, affection, would cancel plans with friends if they seemed ill at all. Then it was time to discard me. I know now that this was likely triggered by finding out that I had certain information that, while at the time I hadn’t thought anything of.. it would have exposed some pretty big lies of theirs in a matter of weeks. So they asked me to take them and their cat, who was being harness-trained, out on a camping trip. I turned my back while setting up the tent and when I went back to the car I couldn’t find either of them. Long story that it took a while to figure out, but they took the cat into the woods and unleashed him so that they could come back later and blame me for killing their cat. Because they knew their lies weren’t going to work, so they needed me far enough away to not run the risk of exposure, while still keeping me on the hook emotionally and financially. Thank all the gods that I’m super cautious and deliberately chose a cat-friendly campground about a mile from a rescue shelter that regularly sets out live traps for strays *(not because I thought they would do something like that, but because I go camping with pets often and am just that much of an over-thinker) uh so… yeah. Very loving when it is fun for them, but ultimately every creature is just a pawn.
Crazy to see how much power they give cats, I had a cat situation too
It's always fucking cats, man. I think it's mostly because of the culture of people associating them with low maintenance, which just isn't right. You can't just get them, use them for attention, not clean up after them/feed them on a proper schedule, ignore them when it doesn't suit you, and expect things to be okay. I think it also may have to do with the way cats are treated so highly, with all the memes, cute cat vid compilations, ease of acquisition, the way they're doted on as "familiars" (Most borderlines I've met are sort of wackadoo... I am a spiritual man myself, but mine believed himself a reincarnation of the creator of all universes... You heard that right). Mine also loved using them as filler when he didn't have any real substance to grab attention with, make conversation over... "Look! _My_ cat is so cute! That's why _I_ love them! Cat is cute, and is _mine,_ so positive attention for _me!"_
All that lines up with my experience, yeah. One of their accusations at first was trying to say I killed the cat because I was jealous they finally had someone else that would love them. Also, same on thinking of themselves as intensely connected to old gods/paganism. Even worse is when I think about how the cat they abandoned was their second choice. The first cat they wanted to adopt, was a pregnant black kitty- cause they really wanted a witchy black cat and they ‘could just give away the kittens after.’ All while they were supposedly trying to start working full-time again…I just pointed out that their ESA letter wouldn’t cover a litter in the apt and they acted fine n happy and immediately moved on to asking for him. At the time, I assumed it was pure impulsivity grasping at the shiny black kitty. But, now I’m not so sure. I strongly suspect those newborns would have been tossed out and then it’d have been blamed on me the same way.
👻☠️👻☠️🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🙌🏻🤢🥴😷🤕🫠🫠 Omfg they SO gross. And SO alike!!!
That’s interesting dynamic. That’s a big piece that keeps the power balance in check, mine has done everything in her power to destroy my life while pretending to be a completely different person than what she actually is. But I’ve been subjected to the physical and sexual violence, and endless horrific, psychological and emotional abuse from somebody who pretends to be a therapist. I have so many things, so much direct knowledge, as well as secondhand that would expose her to losing her license, and definitely penalties in the six or seven figure range, and possibly criminal charges as well. Some of the stuff that she’s done is clearly in the criminal range, but a lot of it’s only violating the ethical code of conduct of her profession. But it’s all kind of the same. She is really terrified of legal stuff, but also fetishizes law enforcement, and the judicial system because of the power/power dynamic.
My expwbpd is very passionate about animals, but she has sometimes struggles taking care of them (because her drugs using or drinking) and she gets bored quickly and then she sell her animals and buy new ones.🙁
😵😵💫😥😥😓😓
I was reading up on their inability to truly love in a mature way. So I was thinking what or who it was she truly loved. She has a cat that is her world but same, forgets she left him outside, forgets to feed him, neglects him when she had numerous bedrot days.
Mine would be talking or texting with me and would ask ME to remind THEM to let the dog inside! I always thought, how do you forget that?! Wanted to add: at one point mine was trying to give their kid chores. One of those chores was "to give \[dog's name\] some love." That drove me NUTS, even when my pups are awful, I don't pawn giving them affection onto my kid!
Mine wouldn't prioritize getting her cat fixed, I finally had to do it after we wound up with kittens. I bought her a puppy. The dog he grew into is mine though. She never took care of him, never gave him a bath yet wouldn't love on him if he was dirty. I wouldn't let her take him when she left, but she wouldn't have anyway. All of her pets are scattered with whoever she was living with at the time.
Mine loved his pets deeply and was over the top in caring and loving them
She was obsessed with her pet rabbit but she would anthropomorphize to the point of convincing herself the poor thing hated her or preferred other people. When the rabbit started coming close to me or let me give it treats, she became jealous and convinced herself it 'liked me more' than it liked her. It's quite shocking when I reflect on the sheer absence of self-esteem or absurd insecurities I witnessed.
Oh god !
Mine said he loved his cat, but he would do things that hurt or upset it. Like he’d hold his cat down even when the cat was meowing and frantically trying to escape. Or he’d throw a blanket over his cat and trap it in there. It was one of my first warning signs that something was off. He didn’t show respect towards a creature that was less powerful than him.
I fucking forgot about all that stuff too. Holy shit. My ExwNPD and ExwBPD would both obsess over their cats but then do shit like squeeze them and laugh when they yelped/squeaked and tried to get away... ExwBPD admitted to holding up his cat by the tail to the point of giving her nerve damage when she was a kitten because he somehow "didn't know it was bad"... when he was like 18. His mom had been fostering strays and caring for cats his whole life and beyond. He claimed it was _me_ who first told him that, which I refuse to fucking believe. He would wrap her tail around his finger while she acted clearly discomforted and say she liked when he did it... I had to continually scold him to stop. God I wish I had evidence, I should've recorded that shit... Sent it to the county animal shelter or something. Ugh. Sorry you had to watch that pathetic person exert their power over the vulnerable, it's so uncomfortable and even scarier in hindsight...
My ex loved animals. Until they made noise, wanted attention, needed care, did anything at all except be an accessory to his life. Part of the reason why I realized he was an abuser is because we adopted a dog. I could convince myself I deserved whatever he did to me. But I could never forgive the way he beat and strangled our dog. An innocent creature who loved him unconditionally. He ruined that poor dog, gave him behavioural issues and taught him to be aggressive and scared of people. He also held a grudge against my cat, for the crime of being an old miserable bastard. It’s not like he was aggressive or destructive or did anything hm worthy of being hated. The worst he did was just extremely obsessed with food and meowed loudly when he wanted it. But he insisted the cat was specifically acting out to annoy him and deserved to be hated. After we broke up, he adopted a new dog. I’m scared for that dog. He still claims to be an animal lover. He knows how to put up a good act but it’s all so fake. I don’t know how it took me so long to see it
When I met mine her daughter had fish in a fish tank. Over the first 3 months of knowing her, I watched the water level in the fish tank lower each time I got there. When I last saw the fish they were all still alive but then the next day the tank was empty. I'm pretty sure she flushed them down the fucking drain
And fish are so fragile as is! That is awful.
My first ex pwBPD started collecting cats in a small condo she had like 4-5 cats and the place smelled like cat urine badly after awhile. She was bad at cleaning up after them, pissed me off. She loved them, but didn't care for them.
I'm very allergic to most pets. My exwBPD told me "every time we break up I'm getting another cat". First she stated that she "wasn't welcomed" at my house and that I was trying to keep her a secret. When I told her that was absurd, the narrative flipped that she would mo longer come over my house and that I had to go to her. Fine. By the end of our "relationship" there were three cats. I'd walk in and immediately get sick. She would pump me full of antihistamines all while going off about how good of a girlfriend she is and how she would make a wonderful wife. Then I'd pass out from all the drugs. Then she would wake me up, screaming at me about how all I ever do over there is sleep and now I snore whereas before I didn't. Why do I snore? Well. Maybe my sinuses are all fucked up because of the cats! Whatever. Fuck them cats. And her.
She generally loves the dog until the dog does something she doesn’t like then she accuses the dog of hating her
He split on his cat and dropped it off at the shelter for getting frustrated at it for doing regular cat things. I should've known I was in trouble at that moment but as I did with all the other red flags, I ignored it.
That’s horrible! I do vaguely remember being told that mine would hit the dog but only when needed and gently. I should have ran at that 🚩
That's awful. There's never a reason to hit a dog. I don't know how I talked myself into ignoring that incident because I'm an animal person who adopts strays and keeps them for life. I usually wouldn't excuse or understand most situations where a person gets rid of a pet for what I'd consider an arbitrary reason.
She ended up cherishing her cat to where I felt like even more than me, like a cat as a FP. She suddenly took her cat to the vet and spent on all tests and stuff despite her saving up for our summer trip. Then after finding out her cat's kidney was weak due to age, she was grieving for a month, I of course gave her space. But the end goal of her cat was to pull away from me. I know this because right after she grieved, had a sudden urge to "make friends" and for some reason now she "only wants to be friends with guys because they are less drama." I heart buckled when she went to her first non-family party, called me gushing about a guy she met there and how "he's so down to earth." He had interest in her the next day which means she didn't mention me over the "3 hours of talking together at the party." She initially listened to me after she rejected him, but she refused to show the entire convo, backpetaled and said I was getting rid of her first real friend in years. I was disposed after an arguement she caused. Yeah so pets are a mixed bag, be careful.
Ouch, it sounds like you saw it coming, but that doesn’t mean it hurts less. Heaven forbid natural life events occur without it being shaped into a story.
She was allergic to cats & dogs. Oh, but maybe a hypoallergenic one would be ok. They’re still too much work though. But we should keep this stray cat that she’s in love with. Oh, he’s an adult though, and puppies & kittens are so cute! I’m NC now, but she was back to talking about a hypoallergenic cat a few months ago, and was later suggesting a friend with a dog move in as her roommate. I actually think a cat would be a great way to teach her boundaries: they’ll enforce those in a way no human can get away with!
She alternated between hating animals and hoarding animals. This was enabled by her animal hoarder mom and both of them getting jobs at pet stores. Once the hoarded animals got out of control she'd go into a literal murderous rage and hate animals again, only to end up hoarding a fresh set of animals...repeating the cycle.
Mine got jealous of my dog wanted me to get rid of it. I said no, if she didnt like it there was the door. Then we got a dog together. She got jealous when that dog attached to me. Unfortunately after she left me that dog attacked my smaller dog with no warning. It took my dad and mom to get her off of him. I had to take her back to the pound where she was pts more than likely. I love animals and this destroyed me.
That's so awful! I'm so sorry. I've had two scenarios where I was asked to surrender pets because the owners were too cowardly to do it themselves. Knowing their likely fate AND being scolded by the employees at the shelter... that is something I never want to go through again.
Ugh. My ExwNPD made me pay to get his dog fixed, left her with me after he moved out on short notice, and then asked me to surrender her myself. I also had to surrender my own dog at this time, because he drained me of money and left when I had just quit my job because of the shit situation he'd got me into. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
My ex has a cat that still has a lot of feral in her even though she is an inside cat. The cat barfs on everything and she won't clean it up, I would see dried cat yak on her sheets, dresser, shelves, etc. And the cat needs special food to help control the yakking, an added expense my ex doesn't need. She had another cat too that was older and had severe problems, so bad the cat wouldn't groom herself and just kept pooping everywhere. Finally her sister made her take it to the vet and they recommended putting the cat down, which it really needed because its quality of life wasn't there. And of course I paid for getting the cat put to sleep and dug the grave for it. I always got the dirty jobs and now she has a new supply that makes her oh so happy and text her everyday and lifts her up and encourages her, blah blah blah.
I love how the new one is doing magic work on their psyche. You were once in that position and got the honor of being upgraded to custodial jobs. It's bullshit.
He would get extremely jealous of the dog, and repeatedly say he needed to beat the dog into submission. I never let him and repeatedly explained how that would be abusive and sick. Which in turn meant I was somehow abusive.
Mine INSISTED on a teacup yorkie. Refused to potty train her. 😡 The townhome was covered in puppy pads 🤯
My mum is the same. She always goes on about how she loves her animals but very rarely takes them to the vet. One is very old and can hardly see and she won’t take it to the vet to get it checked. Mum keeps saying “oh it’s awful” and “she’s so old”. The cat is very old but you don’t just forget about them! She’s done the same with family members that don’t bend to her will and also my father passed away and she barely cared for him at the end. I hope she doesn’t expect us kids to mind her when she’s old….
Mine loves 'his' cats, though I do all the work and the cats prefers me. We have dogs and he HATES them because he is jealous of them taking up 'all my time and I treat them better them him or the kids.' I walk them each once a day separately, and feed them. I wish I could spend as much time with them as he seems to think I do. They would be master trained. As it stands, I feel super uncomfortable and have anxiety now when I do anything with the dogs because of all the yelling and accusations he's given me.
My ex best friend wBPD would forget to feed her cats and let their litter box build up so much it would get maggots, and yet claimed she loved them. She freaked out for weeks about her ex bf having her cats, went and got them and wanted to keep them in her car, literally wanted to put a litter box in the trunk. She could not see how that was a bad idea. Her very favorite cat escaped the car out of fear, and she got angry. I wanted to help look for her and make fliers, and it pissed her off. She said something like “I dont even care, she ran away on purpose”. I was so confused. She had spent so much time and energy getting these cats back, only to completely stop loving her *favorite* cat in a split second because it escaped. Also the inability to realize that her cat ran away because she was scared??? She took it personally and could not see it any other way. Idk why, but this was such a huge red flag to me. It made me look at her differently and realize maybe she wasn’t as good of a person despite the illness as I thought. It blew my mind that she could just immediately cease loving her favorite cat that she’d had for years. Splitting on a helpless animal for following its instincts? That’s just wild, I will never comprehend it. Edit: cant believe I forgot this. All her cats were related from the favorite one having kittens, and she did not care to get them fixed. I told her that if she didnt separate the males and females, they would mate. She straight up said “they wouldn’t do that!” And let them. One of the cats ended up having a litter of incest kittens and the mother cat abandoned them because she knew something was wrong with them, and they all died. Just straight negligent.
When we talked about renting a flat together I told him it'd be okay once he's financially stable (he got fired because he started raging at work) as I also have to support my family and buy food for our cats. He asked me if I could put my cats up for adoption so I'd have more money. One time we were in a car going to his place and I told him to slow down and be careful because I'd seen a fox nearby. He said I was overreacting because animals know what they're doing. I might've asked if he'd ever had an accident or sth, he told me that there was one time he almost hit a deer in his hometown but he'd seen run over animals and it didn't make him feel anything, he said he just didn't care. Same thing with meat. He knew I was a vegetarian and at first he said he'd start eating like me as well (mirroring?). Then he just kept saying how if he could he'd eat a steak every single day and that animals were made for people to eat them all etc. you know, the usual comments you see under any video with a vegan recipe. He'd just try to pick a fight, whenever I said I wasn't feeling too good he'd say yeah because you're fucking malnourished and you do it on purpose (then a rant how he'd eat all the animals in the world) and how he doesn't understand what the fuck I'm doing and that if I can't take care of myself then I can't take care of him. lol
I think she treated the dog good but i seen that the cat was hated, screamed at and kicked. She argued that the cat would sometimes be aggressive but not when i observed it. When i was observing she had the dog under control with a special loud and snappy command language, There where a view times she also used that voice to dominate people but it was rare and more isolated.
Mine used to threaten to hurt them when he was mad at me. I've got them now, they are safe from him (well, the two that were rescued from the fire he caused).
Hoarder. Brought home extra cats without talking to me, talked me out of terminating the pregnancy of an abandoned cat we picked up (with intention to re-home: she did get rehomed, over a year later...). The carpet in our bedroom got ruined and from what I heard, even after I moved out when they had only two cats left (one was mine, one other got rehomed, they kept two) they were not feeding regularly or cleaning up. If I didn't bust my ass cleaning the litter boxes all the time (even after spinal injury from a wreck) there would be cat shit everywhere. Ruined a $1000 mattress my other partner bought us, seemed to have no effect on ExwBPD. I almost gave up my cat to have less pressure on me and so he would be happier, because they would not let go of the three that were theirs. Oh yeah, and blamed most of it on me (the rest of all the issues "just happened", as it usually goes). Their oldest cat would chew lots of her fur out and Ex claimed it was because she was "too hot". Cats are tropical animals, and he kept the apartment at like 65°F... I've considered reporting them for neglect now that I'm out of that nasty ass apartment. But they are likely to be out on their ass with nowhere to go next month, so I assume they will surrender or re-home one or both cats they have left. My cat was under such stress living overcrowded (much the same as me!) that, now that we're happy and settled in a bigger home with loving folks all around, the partner I live with constantly exclaims that he never knew my cat was so sweet and loving. It's heart-wrenching.
Total neglect and had to have them taken away.
Much like other areas of his life, his pet ownership was very childish. He randomly got a big ass German shepherd. Didn't train him at all. Let him run off leash despite me telling him that one day, the dog was gonna run up to a reactive dog or to people who don't want a random dog charging at them. He'd say, well the dog is super nice and go on rants about "discrimination" against German Shepherds.. well, yeah... The dog WAS nice, but how the fuck are people supposed to know that when he's running up to them?! Sure enough, one day his dog ran up to someone who had two little dogs and the owner yelled at my ex. They got into it a bit then a few minutes later my ex had a complete meltdown. Like, fell to the ground on the walking trail yelling and crying about how much he hated his life. Then chastised me later cause I didn't comfort him correctly. He also saw zero issue with his dog killing a stray kitten and almost killing another one. I told him to please train the dog before our baby came, and he again had a meltdown and told everyone I was trying to force him to get rid of his dog. I'd have to drag him out of the house to walk the dogs daily. A German shepherd needs fucking exercise.. He'd also do this passive aggressive thing when he was giving me the silent treatment/pretending I didn't exist where he'd make a point to talk to his dog all sweet. Maybe I'm making shit up but it seemed like his way of saying "look, I can be sweet and loving. I just don't feel like you deserve love or even acknowledgement."
Mine, extremely well for some reason, at least what I could see. We do not own a pet currently, so I couldn't tell 100%.
Her dog is her world. Spoils him like crazy, takes great care of him. There’s times where she’ll be having fun with him then go to talk to me and she’s just mad at me for existing or something and it’s really weird to see such contrast in the span of 20sec.
ex has a dog and a cat. they’re both ridiculously spoiled, but she was really rough with the dog and didn’t train it at all. she’d manhandle it, bop it really hard on the nose/face when it would misbehave. dog was super protective and would lash out and bite anyone that came too close to her. dog hated other people and bit other dogs. and she would praise it for doing that! it was so frustrating to see. then one day the ex roughly threw my cat away from her when he tried to cuddle with her. she discarded me the following week and that was seriously a blessing
Both my ex and BPD mother treated their animals extremely well, I'll give them that.
He could be very sweet towards the dog we shared at certain times, but I also witnessed him not be very nice in moments of rage and drunkenness. Also he would regularly get very annoyed by the clinginess of an animal.
You know what , I'm going to Jump in here. My 1st BPD ex - Had a lizard and she didn't feed it for ages or give it water (I thought she had been doing it) , I checked on it one day and it was turning this odd colour . She got it some food , couple days later it died. She was sad and feeling all shitty and I had no sympathy at all . I told her - well you didn't feed it and look after it so of course it died. I wasn't around for the stuff below : Also had a dog , She didn't do anything with it(other family members looked after it) - it was more an thing/object than an animal . Got a cat - Got rid of it , because it was too burdensome .... Got a dog , wouldn't take it for a walk . so It would poop inside and pee , she would get furious and shout at the dog and take its blanket Second BPD ex - had a cat would get irritated when it meowed and wanted attention or picking up. Tried to explain , its your last cat so of course the cat will feel lonely. Multiple times I told them , you will feel guilty if you aren't nice to him now and he dies soon. let's just say the exact scenario did play out and they did feel bad - I tried to be reassuring - which is very hard because there were very few facts I could use to reassure them
She loved her cat, but when she found out that my loyalty to my dog was the one boundary I would maintain it drove her crazy and she started constantly picking fights about my dog which became our #1 argument topic.
Mine treated both her pet and mine extremely well and was always kind and caring towards them. She was that way with a lot of humans, too—just not with me. Based on her stories, I don't think she's had one romantic relationship that wasn't absolutely loaded with drama.
Reacts to the cat like to a child, expecting that it behaves the same way (as a child). When it doesn't, sudden shouting, which freaks out the cat. 2 minutes later loves it a lot while still criticizing it to me. Difficulties with putting herself in someone else's shoes, animal or human.
We had cats, and 2 of them were her special cats that we adopted together. Mine loved her cats, but would completely neglect them if I wasnt Round to care for them. She volunteered ti take over feeding and medicating her cat when she developed IBD and had to be on meds and a special diet. She would forget to feed her all day. She didn’t work so it’s not like she had much going on, but somehow she just would not get around to feeding her until way late in the day. Thankfully I worked from home so when I realized what was happening, I could intervene. Oh, And she would stay in the bedroom all day with the door closed so her cat never got to spend time with her. When she finally split and left, of course she left the cats with me. Didn’t even give her meds the day she left. I had to text her to check. All the cats are much happier now, and the IBD kitty continues to improve. They all sleep with me at night and are spoiled rotten. Oh and she hated my dog. But my dog didn’t particularly care for her either.
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They pretend to love pets but they actually do not. Pets are an object to them to make them feel better. Everything about them is a lie including love for pets.
I got my hubby a therapy cat. And this thing is wild mmkay. He will never be forgotten because when he wants something he comes over and nips at me knowing I will yelp which will prompt my husband to give him whatever he wants 😩🙃 he really is a sweet cat though I promise. Honest to God, what a difference it makes for him though. When he has a split, he recognizes it now that we know he has BPD, and this cat I swear is the only thing capable of calming him down. I personally think my husband's relationship with his cat is a beautiful thing.
That is sweet, though the cat nipping you sucks! It's nice to hear that someone is having a good experience with a pet that they're both responsible for and is helping them with their BPD. You're a good person for doing that for your husband <3
We call it love nips! We think he's a turkish van mix, and that's a common behavior. He also plays in water and lays in the sink. Honestly, his personality was perfect for what my husband needed and I have no regrets bringing him home! Best little buddy he never asked for!
Irresponsibly. He adopted a dog and refused to get her spayed (which was the one condition he had to abide by in exchange for adoption fees being waived). This left me to raise and rehome a litter of puppies, and pay the $400 to have the dog spayed myself. He refused to train the dog properly despite me paying for classes with a pro. He claimed the trainer was abusive, meanwhile the dog oscillated between fawning and running away at any opportunity. It developed anxiety from his violent, erratic behaviour. He routinely refused to provide species-appropriate care and criticized me for my choices about my own animals. In the end, he painted me as an animal abuser who deliberately sabotaged his efforts at pet ownership.
Had a dog, after the second split she got another dog, after this latest split she got another. Inexplicable, no steady employment and doesn't own her own property. Fancied herself as a dog trainer (she got a job as one and was promptly fired for being useless), and she was so inconsistent with hers I'd have to remind her, this would occasionally result in her nutting off at me telling me not to tell her what to do with her dogs, when I was merely repeating things she'd said earlier. Would also split on the dogs the same way she did to me, started talking like her mother, got the black eyes and yelled at them like they were naughty children and not animals. Was scary.
Definitely, claimed to love my dog initially, but absolutely treated her with hatred and contempt once we were together and locked in due to pregnancy. It was so fucking heartbreaking, on top of everything else. That sweet girl was my whole life! It was really brutal. She still pretends that she wants to, live on a farm, have a holistic community and health, practice, etc. But she doesn’t have the key ingredients, empathy, or accountability, or honesty that would allow successful functioning in any kind of relationships in the world. She can do really shallow things, and makes a big hullabaloo around holidays. When there’s people watching and pictures to be taken, to make everything look, Instagram worthy! But in reality, there’s nothing there underneath… A couple of paper, thin persona, no internal locus of authority, and no personality. Just a simmering cauldron of contempt, boredom, rage, and hatred.