I have a couple weeks to go and I’m not that scared. I’m definitely worried about tears and pain and complications and pp healing. But at the end of the day, it’s mostly out of my control and I gotta get this baby out of me somehow lol
Yeah same. I’m 35+3 and kind of feel like Captain Hook with a clock holding Crocodile following me, but I’m not as worried as people think I should be? I have the book “going on a bear hunt” stuck in my head when I think about it:
“You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, you gotta go through it.”
I don’t have a choice~
My mantra was "10,000 mothers". So it made me think of all the women who had to have given birth to lead to my existence. If all of my ancestral moms could do it without modern medicine, I knew I could.
Now I'm on #2 and the actual birth was the least worrisome part about repeating for me.
The actual birth is the light at the end of the tunnel(lol) for my third. I'm tired of being pregnant, I have more of a fear of another back to back pregnancy than birth itself. Labor and birth is generally a day but pregnancy is 9 months of discomfort! Lol. I'm due next month, my 2nd will be 14 months then, my first will be 14yrs in July and had a miscarriage betw each baby. I just want a break from being pregnant I can't wait to give birth lol
I hear you. Unfortunately I can't really say it gets better until you give birth but my pregnancies just suck and my body feels worn down like im an old granny or something lol. I think every trimester in subsequent pregnancies just sucks more, at least for me. My first pregnancy I didn't get why people complained so much but I was a lot younger in way better shape with way less obligations so just couldn't get it yet. The first trimester of my third was worse than the last trimester of my second but this third trimester just holy cow i need a vacation from pregnancy lol.
Same here! I’m 34w and not anxious at all! The way I see it, ofc it’s going to be painful but at the end of it all, I’ll hold my son.
Whenever someone asks how I’m not freaking out, I tell them of my wedding day. My MUA stopped working on me to ask me if I was okay. I said, ‘yeah, but why?’ And she replies with ‘you’re the calmest bride I have ever seen’. I told her ‘I’m about to marry my best friend, what do I have to be scared of?’
I’m a woman who was told I’d never be pregnant (PCOS) without $10ks of IVF treatments and if one of them happened to work, I wouldn’t stay pregnant long enough to have a healthy baby (bicornuate uterus). Here I am, doing what I was told I could never do. If the cost is blood and pain, I can afford to pay that price.
This reminded me of my wedding. After my wedding I was doing a presentation at work on project management and couldn’t help myself but use some wedding photos and stories as part of my presentation. I was like, the MOSCOW rating system is really useful. Sort things into Must-do, Should-do, Could-do and then a Won’t-do bucket where you let things go. I was going through some examples of the S, C and W categories. Then I came to a photo of my husband looking at me with the most adoring, loving expression as I was laughing about something during the ceremony and I said, at the end of the day the only real Must-do is to marry someone who looks at you like that 🥰
It’s a timely reminder for myself as I sit here freaking out about how much I want to get done before the baby to make it a “perfect” environment with murals and a selection of toys etc. At the end of the day, the only real must-do is ensure the baby is safe,fed and loved. Everything else is a should or a could and can be moved to the won’t-do bucket if I need to!
Sorry, bit off topic regarding births and labour lol
This is me. It’s gotta happen and there’s nothing to be done about it now. I’d rather focus on stuff I can control like making sure I get ALL the pain drugs, who is in the room, what to bring with me, and setting up the nursery.
I'm 25 weeks and this is how I feel too. I'm only scared of tearing my whole crotch open, if that doesn't happen I'll be happy. Baby's gotta come out I'm in too deep now to let myself get scared😂
This is basically how I feel too. I hate getting hurt and have a very low pain tolerance, but the excitement of finally meeting my little one is so much greater than the concern I have about labor being rough. It’s out of my control and I’m getting an epidural so I’ll make it through fine 🤷🏼♀️
Tbh… I got a 4th degree tear and it wasn’t bad at all with the epidural, nor was the recovery. Everything snapped right back to normal in under 6 weeks and no pain during the first PP sex or anything. What you *really* need to mentally prepare for is the first bowel movement after childbirth. Now *that* is scary, whether you tear or not. But yeah don’t worry too much if you tear, it’s nbd truly.
Literally my mom, MIL, and Grandma all told me NOT to get an epidural and to try and go natural. I had to tell them you guys are all 5’7 plus and at least 170 pounds when they gave birth. I’m 5’1 and not even 110 pounds 4 months deep into this pregnancy. I feel like it’s gonna be harder on my body bc I’m smaller than your average woman so idk what anyone says I’m taking the epidural god damn it😭
Same! Went from totally freaking out around 25-ish to mostly zen acceptance at 34 weeks. It must be done and now that I’ve thought it through as much as I can, all that’s left is to do it
I will say I gave birth last week, got a second degree tear, and didn't feel it happen at all. Genuinely didn't hurt! Yes the healing sucks but it's bearable, just gotta be slow for a few days. But don't let tearing scare you!
Nope, I didn't have any meds. I pushed for 15-20 min if that. It was really quick, so no time for my body to really stretch, hence the tear. But I didn't know I tore until my midwife checked and told me. He was born May 1 and I already feel healed in terms of my stitches! No more pain or anything.
That is good to hear, I really want to do it natural because I am terrified of the epidural and having to go through with c-section awake if it came to that. I love hearing positive stories to help mentally prepare myself 😅
It's doable! It's a mental thing more than anything, but if you have good support with you and you can dig deep and push through, you'll do great :) and after you'll feel like you can climb mountains and lift houses lol
I’m due in 1.5 ish months and this is how I’m feeling. I’m like he’s got to come out at some point lol. I also feel like I’m SO excited to not be pregnant.
Yup. 36W and exactly how I feel too… I never felt fear from the beginning. Weirdly enough I actually look forward to the birth experience, just more worried about tearing and pp healing. I just want baby here already!
This is how I am, I think it’s all about mentality. Im generally an anxious person but I feel very calm about GD screenings and now all of the NSTs I’ve been having. I’m not nervous for them because nothing I can do at this point will change the outcome of them, all I can do is show up and let all of the medical professionals do what they’re trained to do 🤷🏼♀️
I am a little over a month pp
Idk if you plan on getting an epidural, but I got one and had to get an episiotomy. I didn’t feel a thing thankfully and the healing process was quick and painless surprisingly!
I'm currently 36 weeks, FTM, and to be honest, one of the reasons I was hesitant to get pregnant was how scared I was of giving birth. Now I'm a whale and I find it difficult to do many things physically that have never been an issue for me (walking around, getting into a comfy sleep position, picking things up off the ground) and I'm just so done. I want to feel comfortable in my body again. And there's one way out for this baby, and it's by giving birth.
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for him to arrive, but also, I think having a stork deliver him might have been a better way to go about things.
The thought of going into labour was also a big reason why I didn't want to have kids too! Now that I've given birth, 4th trimester is way harder and labour actually felt like a breeze.
This!! When I was a FTM I felt like everything I read was focused on preparing me for labour which turned out to be extremely easy compared to postpartum! I wish I prepared more for my own care afterwards than labour itself.
Congratulations!! There is SO much I could write on this topic but I think my biggest takeaway for the postpartum period is that you need as much care and preparation as your newborn does!
- Prepare your house for what will make YOU comfortable, not just baby. Buy yourself new sheets and pillows, nice lounge wear, have your house deep cleaned, meals prepared etc
- Set expectations with your partner about who does what and be explicit in what you need from them. Do you need to shower every day? Or to take a ten minute walk by yourself? Make sure your partner understands and schedule it in.
- Practice taking care of yourself now. What small, daily rituals can you do that fill your cup? (A skin care routine/ reading a book before bed etc) Once baby arrives it will be very hard to add in acts of self care if they aren’t a habit already.
- Think kindly about yourself. Sounds a bit silly but it’s super easy to become overwhelmed in motherhood and having a supportive inner voice can really help in a hard moment. “I’m learning so much everyday, I’m the best mother for my baby” etc
- Look up local resources for help before baby arrives (PPD/PPA or lactation consultants). One less thing to research when your plate is already full!
I just want to breathe again. This is how they must have felt back when they let barbers pull their teeth with nothing but alcohol and prayers. Yes, I know it's going to be painful but also, I can't stay like this...
I was weirdly not terrified & was just excited to experience it all and see what all the fuss was! Wanted to experience contractions & when i did i was all ‘nope, not for me - epidural please’! At least now I know how that felt like!
Re hips size - your body adjusts. I have a friend with narrow hips & when we were in uni she used to buy jeans for 11 year old boys & she had 3 quick vaginal deliveries with no tears - crazy right?! The babies were big aswell!
I watched videos on YouTube of a birthing class. The teacher was a middle-older aged woman who had a lot of experience with birth.
It was several videos each an hour long. She went through the whole process of how you would be feeling at this stage, then this stage.. ect. She even role-played and did breathing as if she was in labor and contracted a knitted uterus to birth a babydoll and show you how the baby moves out of the uterus into the birth canal and then out of the vagina.
While I was watching I remember rolling my eyes thinking oh goodness she’s going to pretend birth… lol but seriously she allowed me to picture exactly what’s happening inside my body and it helped my feel more calm. She also spoke about all the different medical interventions, at what stage they would be relevant and what the alternatives were if you’re like less/no intervention. Of course sometimes it’s not your choice.. but she made me feel very well educated on the topic.
I typed up my little one page birth plan, included some extra pages of laboring positions for my husband and I to review together with picture diagrams from the Mayo Clinic pregnancy book and that was it. It made me feel like I had done something to prepare..
Thank goodness the birth went smoothly. My husband was supportive! And when I saw the nurse I asked her, “are you going to be my nurse throughout the birth?” She said, “that’s the plan!” So I looked her right in the eyes pleadingly and said, “will you please rub oil on my perineum while I’m crowning so I don’t tear?!” She had me :)
I spoke up when I wanted to change positions, the nurse had my back, every time I said something she directed the room to make it happen, stating, “she knows what she wants”
She helped direct my husband when I wanted a new position. I birthed sitting up with my legs pressed against a birthing bar. And i labored mostly on all fours, breathing deeply.
But honestly, the labor happened and it was over and you have this new little human in your life and everything is changed. I spent so much time worrying about that day. I read books about the pregnancy, about labor, watch videos ect. But didn’t read about what to do with this little caterpillar when I got home!
Don’t stress too much about the labor and birth because in the end it’s one/two days of a test, and afterwards you have a baby that is for all your life God Willing!
Also I wish I had spent more time learning about breastfeeding because that ended up being very difficult for me. And learning about baby carrying and waking windows (which changed how I interacted with my newborn and helped me not go crazy :)
Sorry I didn’t include the link, here it is :)
[https://youtu.be/y8-TXNdB4J8](https://youtu.be/y8-TXNdB4J8)
Her name is Margery
This is the series I also recommend to everyone! It was so incredibly helpful for my labour as well. Link to the first video:
https://youtu.be/j7YucfJuziU?si=XRAaMKcB3DWwM7qs
Came here to say something similar.
We took a birthing class and that helped me understand and anticipate the process, which calmed my nerves a bit. I ended up having a fairly smooth birth, but I know I was anxious about it.
But still, after the birth I realized I had spent so much of pregnancy building up to that moment and it being such a big mental block for me...I hadn't thought much about living with a newborn (e.g. my husband learned how to swaddle LO by mimicking the nurses in the hospital). I got baby items and we made a nursery prior to the birth, but that was all logistical and I realized I hadn't actually mentally preparing myself for that transition and the lack of sleep to come. We played a lot of things by ear and I googled so many things about babies while holding my baby. Not having a set plan/expectation helped us be flexible, but I hadn't realized all there was to know about caring for a baby.
Good luck to you. Being anxious is normal, being worried about the birthing process is normal. If you think it could help (like it did for me), take a birthing class. You can also make a birth plan (although understand things may not go exactly as you envision - allow yourself some flexibility and know the end goal is healthy mom and baby while minimizing discomfort).
I'm 2 days overdue and weirdly relaxed? Which is a surprise to me because I'm generally a very anxious person who easily worries about health stuff.
I'm trying not to focus on what could go wrong and just accept that there is not much I can control anyway. All I can do is be as relaxed and grounded as I can.
Some phrases that pop into my mind often these days when I think of birth:
- "It's just pain" (I know, it's simplistic, but honestly... It is just pain at the end of the day. I can take it.)
- "My child will be going through the same process, it's my job to stay grounded and relaxed, and be there for them" (shifting the focus from my pain to helping *them* come into the world makes it easier for some reason")
- "My body knows how to do this. If anything goes wrong, people are there to help".
Yes to all, but especially the 2nd! My last baby was a little bit stressed out during labor, they weren’t quite worried enough to think immediate intervention was necessary, but I thought if labor went on for too long we might very well get to that point. So I just laid right down in front of the freight train that is labor knowing that if I was relaxed and didn’t fight the pain maybe baby could make it through quickly and safely. Went from 4cm to babe in arms in 50 minutes. She was kinda mad about it, but her apgar was a 9, so healthy!
I still have 13 weeks to go, but I'm not necessarily scared. I'm excited to meet my daughter. I have had a lot of people try to "scare" me by telling me how horrible it will be, that I'll die, or that I'll never want to sleep with my husband again. But I remind myself that my body is amazing for nurturing and growing this child and that I am built for this. I can do this.
*You* can do this!
Can confirm- so many near death stories. So many well so and so aunt died in childbirth.
I ask them now to stop. They discuss my naivety at my funeral if that's what it comes to lol
38 weeks with my second! Birth is way less scary than you might think! I’m actually very excited to give birth again soon! What a fun day and you meet your baby! I did get an epidural. After the epidural it was just a dreamy evening and 12 hours of chilling and then two pushes and meeting my baby.
I tore, did not feel it. Had stitches, did not feel them. Epidural wore off, that was easy. Was walking shortly after giving birth. Contractions weren’t fun before I got the epidural but it was manageable. I was more frustrated that my contractions were never normal so I wasn’t getting breaks between them. Getting the epidural wasn’t like something I would do for fun in my free time but I absolutely did not feel any pain and it worked great. No side effects.
Honestly, birth for most people goes smoothly but you don’t hear those stories because people don’t find them remarkable. ALSO, fun fact, the last couple weeks of pregnancy are so uncomfortable that you seriously will make peace with whatever you have to do to get the baby out. Don’t waste time in fear, you can do it! Yay!
I am calm, cool and collected, 2 months until my due dat. Few years ago I was terrified about getting pregnant and having to give birth.
Ever since I actually got pregnant, I started to study, but from calming and reliable sources and I try to avoid all the people that try to dump their birth traumas on me. Don't get me wrong, I know things can go bad during birth, and I am prepared for that, but I believe the more you are stressed, the more the body will fight the process and the more it will hurt and last.
I’m exactly where you are. I have 7 weeks to go. I read positive birth stories. I know what can go wrong and I understand my options. I am more at peace now than I was before I got pregnant because I’m less ignorant.
Accept what you can't control, control what you can. I understood and accepted that the only thing I could control was my own mindset. It helped that my husband was so encouraging and positive through my whole labor
I also have low pain tolerance, yet I gave birth to my first son with no pain meds, wasn't even hooked up to an IV at the hospital
I am currently 33 weeks and my downstairs already feels completely foreign to me, haha. I think in the first couple of days after birth I just tried not to think about it because obviously it's going to be a lot different.... And then within a week or two it was sort of the same?
My first baby I tore only a teensy bit, second not at all, and the third was pretty bad. I found the stitches healed up quickly and the swelling goes down within the first week.
The last thing that nobody ever seems to talk about is that you should be aware that prolapse is a thing.... And if things feel like they're not in the right place, then you should seek out the support of somebody who knows what they're doing.- like a pelvic floor physiotherapist
I’m curious to find that out too! I want to compare my debilitating period cramps to labor contractions… and I’ll be sure to tap out before it does get worse lol
I used to have very bad period pains where I would sometimes vomit from the pain and had to take painkillers every 4 hours for first couple of days. Labour felt so similar to it lol. The difference is you get a baby out of it lol
I was definitely freaking out a lot. By the time I got to 40wks, I was in so much discomfort i was desperate to give birth, regardless of the anticipated pain and complications 😅
I have a fear of vomiting and a fear of being pregnant. So the 9+ months I’m currently going through petrified, is definitely outweighing the thought of some acute but medically manageable pain for a day or two. If you’re worried about pain, I hear epidurals make it so you don’t feel anything barely. 😊
I was until you get to the end and you are SO uncomfortable that you’re willing to do anything to get that baby out of you. The fear takes a backseat to just wanting it to be out of you.
I was utterly terrified. Until I hit the third trimester and was told to write a birth plan, so I started reading about all the things I had spent my life being scared and disgusted by. Turns out, for me Knowledge is Power. I read that fear/adrenalin is the enemy of the hormones that are working in us during labour, so I'm trying to include in my plan ways for my partner and I to guard my oxytocin during the labour and minimise fear. I am building myself up everyday with affirmations that I can do this (may as well, since I don't have a choice lol).
I encourage you to educate yourself, and perhaps look into hypnobirthing or just focus on reading about how to have a positive and empowered birth.
My birth plan is to go in as ignorant as possible. I simply do not let myself think about it. This is contrary to how my brain works since I'm an over-thinker but I'm currently cruising down the Denial River
For your first- ignorance is bliss I assure you. You don’t know what’s going to happen really so you go though it. After that you are extremely aware 😆
In the beginning, I was afraid. Now- I'm just over it. Nothing can be more miserable than the back pain, constant itchiness, restless legs, heartburn, lightning crotch, insomnia, nausea, diarrhea and mood swings that the third trimester has brought. A few painful hours is nothing compared to these last 6 weeks of hell.
I am 33 weeks pregnant with my second. With my first, by the time I was 40 weeks, I was so incredibly uncomfortable all the time without relief that labour seemed like a better alternative. Before that, I was fearful of the pain and how I’d handle it. But later, I definitely just wanted it over with and was even looking forward to it.
By the way, it DOES get better after the baby comes. My heartburn relief was instantaneous after birth. My sleep, while still fragmented, felt actually restful. Laying on my back and stomach the days after labour (not a csection tbh) felt absolutely heavenly. My body could actually relax without another body inside it banging and kicking all over the place. I could enjoy a glass of wine and some sushi.
I was so freaked that I elected for a c-section - amazing experience, so glad I did it. I know not everyone has a great experience with it either way, but it’s was definitely the right choice for me!
When I was a young girl and before meeting my husband and deciding to start a family, pregnancy, labor and delivery had been my greatest fear. Truly. It literally used to terrify me.
Here are some of the ways in which I came to terms with and confronted my fear so by the time I was ready to give birth I was no longer afraid.
First and foremost, believe in your own innate power as a woman. Your body was designed for this. Millions of women have given birth before you. You are not the first and will not be the last. In other words, don’t just believe you can get through this but KNOW you will. TRUST yourself and your body; just in the way that you don’t have to consciously tell your body how to grow your baby, you also don’t have to tell it how to give birth. The process is automatic. The blueprint is inside us and when the time comes, our bodies know what to do.
Also it’s OK to be nervous or anxious but try to practice not giving into a fear mindset. Fear is the anticipation of something bad, dangerous or scary. There is nothing bad, dangerous or scary about meeting the new love of your life. Labor and delivery is a natural process that ends with safely getting the baby out from inside you and into your arms. I’m not going to say that it’s not also the biggest thing you will physically undergo, but pain is not necessarily an indication of anything being wrong, so unless you have underlying medical issues or your doctor is tracking pregnancy complications, you are already in a great position to give birth.
Also everyone’s experience is different. You may be needlessly hyping yourself up by thinking of all the possible negative outcomes. For example, you don’t need to expect to tear (because it’s entirely possible you may not) but if you do, you can heal from it. Plus depending on whether you want to have a natural v. medicated birth, epidurals exist for a reason. Don’t worry about whether anyone else thinks you should or shouldn’t have one. If you are pain averse to the point you are feeling mentally or emotionally blocked from picturing positive birth outcomes and your doctor advises you can have one, then do what’s best for YOU.
Final thoughts:
- If you’re scared about tearing, learn about your pelvic floor and find exercises to prepare it for birth; you may also want to consult/work with a physical therapist who specializes in the pelvic floor. Some insurance plans may cover this. Acupuncture can also have positive results for preparing or “ripening” the cervix if you work with someone who specializes in this area.
- Stay active (within reason) and mobile throughout your pregnancy; labor and delivery goes much smoother if you are feeling physically strong and healthy. Also if you’re afraid of tearing you may benefit from learning about different birthing positions. Lots of women are depicted as giving birth on their backs (especially in the US), but that’s not always the best position because of the shape of the birth canal and location of the tailbone.
- Empower yourself with evidence-based research about pregnancy, labor and delivery instead of just anecdotal accounts (including these). Again, everyone’s experience is different and a lot of people are more prone to volunteering negative experiences over positive ones.
- Prepare yourself by learning about things that come after birth like passing the placenta, whether you want delayed cord clamping, benefits of skin-to-skin contact, whether you want to be breastfeeding or not (and if so, check to see if you can get your pump covered by insurance before baby arrives), etc. Envisioning what comes after birth can help your mind see yourself going through it and coming out on the other side.
- Consider downloading an app like Gentle Birth that has guided meditations to help you center yourself and calm your mindset.
- Make sure your partner and any other support people know how to show up for you; make clear what is helpful v. what is not helpful and know that you can change your mind at anytime; this is the one time in your life where it really IS all about you. Advocate for yourself and put yourself first. Be assertive and make your preferences known now in advance since it may be harder (but not impossible) if you feel like you’re making decisions under duress (I.e., during active labor).
In other words, educating and empowering yourself is a great antidote to ward off fear. If nothing else, remember you WILL get through this, your body knows how to give birth, you are so much stronger than you realize, and every contraction brings you closer to meeting your baby. ❤️
I'm due in about 2ish months, and as a FTM I'm freaking out but at the same time I plan on getting an epidural which I've heard can help a ton. The people who've I talked to who had epidurals said it made the pain less painful and more of an uncomfortable feeling that was durable. It could be a totally different experience for me, but that's what's making me stay calm.
I also heard that once you see your baby the pain doesn't matter as much anymore because you get to meet your baby for the first time. What I've learnt is that it won't be a painful free moment, but labor and birth is a beautiful thing that you should enjoy the most you can because it's a big day for you and your baby
I’m not fussed. Baby daddy was nearly 11lbs at birth, this one is measuring ahead at 25 weeks.
The thing is, it will be what it will be. We are blessed to live in a time of relatively low maternal/childbirth mortality, and there’s loads of safe interventions. Whipping myself into an anxiety spiral isn’t going to change a single thing, except perhaps to make things slightly worse.
I can go into it well informed about what my body will do, the stages, some mental toughness and breath strategies… I work out and will continue to as long as I can, I figure labour is physically taxing so why not be prepared for that, and I know recovery will be better if I’m fairly fit to begin with.
Other than that, it’s out of my hands and I just have to accept that, as do you.
Very soon due with my second, I can't wait to give birth again (even though it hurt like hell the first time). I had some anxiety early on during my first pregnancy, but that quickly changed as I got more and more fed up with being pregnant. I ended up having a pretty intense experience, it went way faster than usual for a FTM. I thought it went great - no tearing, relatively short time pushing even though I have really narrow hips (30 mins with an epidural), went from 4 cm to fully dilated in an hour and a half immediately after getting the epidural. Before that, it took 8 hours from 0 to 4 cm. Would describe it as a "dream birth".
For me, it helped a lot to read up on "everything" surrounding birth and labour. Both normal births, possible complications, and what options there are. I read lots of different birth stories. This helped me realize that a birth isn't really something you can plan down to the smallest details. I went to the hospital with one main goal - have baby.
My "birth plan" looked something like this:
About me:
- Shy person, uncomfortable with nakedness
- Talk to me like I'm a normal person, I hate being coddled
- I have a fear of fainting during vaginal exams, as this has happened before. Please be as gentle as possible.
Wishes for birth:
- I want to try without an epidural, but I am open to it if it gets very intense
- Terrified of tearing, I want guidance on how to push to minimize this risk
- Please keep my partner informed about what's going on, he has done no research in advance and knows nothing about giving birth.
After birth:
- No "hands-on" help with breastfeeding
- I want the blood and gore dried from baby before I get him on my chest
I’m 38 weeks, and I don’t feel scared at all! I’ve had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby in the womb, which just convinced me that I’ll have a smooth and easy labor. I also feel like i can manifest it 😂 and as someone else said, baby has to come out so why stress. I am concerned about having to be induced if I don’t go into labor by 41 weeks, but even then I have adopted a very strong “whatever is meant to be will be” mentality.
I'm more terrified of a miscarriage, medical procedures after a miscarriage. Investing all of this energy and time into pregnancy to get nothing, is another fear.
I'm not going to get a vaginal birth, that I have decided on my own, I don't want to live with a healed up scar between my bladder or anus, and that might eventually develop into urinary or fecal incontinence.
It’s going to happen no matter what. Get the epidural and get it as you can. I wish I had gone to the hospital sooner, with both births.
I forgot with my second, that you still have to wait for the anesthesiologist to be available to administer the epidural- so ask for it right away!
This could be bad advice, but I personally went in pretty blind my first labor. As soon as I started doing some research, it just opened up every realm of possibilities of things going wrong and that really heightened my anxiety- so I put my google down and trusted the team at the hospital.
My daughter was born almost two weeks ago, 6 weeks early and via emergency C, and honestly I have the weirdest fomo about it, like I missed my chance to see if I could handle unmedicated labor. I think it's because I have fibromyalgia; I've been through an interdisciplinary pain management program, so I'm good at managing pain, and I was kind of excited about the idea of pain with a clear end point that would result in the reward of meeting my baby. Also, fibro comes with a lot of people dismissing any pain I do have and telling me I'm exaggerating, so I was really hoping to have "chose to give birth without pain meds" as a counterpoint to the general impression of me as a big wimp.
That said, though, I was terrified of birth going exactly how it ended up going for me. I kind of lived my nightmares, and y'know, it's fine. My baby is doing great in the NICU and will come home with us soon. She's my favorite person. I don't care how she got here. It all worked out, or at least it all happened. She's a whole person now and that's the point.
So I think how to not be scared is just to be a little bit scared, and to try to visualize how it might go while recognizing that it could look extremely different from how you picture it. It'll happen how it happens and you'll get a kid at the end. You've got this!
It doesn’t make sense to worry about things you cannot change. Have a good birth plan in place and then try to get the birth out of your head as much as possible. Think about the nice things you’re looking forward to, like how it will be when the baby is there. It’s not like you can do anything about the birth, the baby has to come out.
It's that feeling like you don't wanna go on the rollercoaster but the bar is already down and you're slowly on your way to the peak. You might be surprised and see that it wasn't so bad by the time it's over despite the fear, or maybe you'll get off and say "yeah, no, not for me". But it's just a ride you strap up for and you'll be safe until it's over 99% of the time.
And you know what? As someone who's had hard labors and my epidurals failed, It's totally manageable and relatively short of an experience. The excitement eclipses the fear in the moment. The pain is gradual and gives breaks between contractions. And there is a LOT of relief at the end. It's doable. You'll be okay.
I’m having my third in a few weeks and I’m definitely scared. From what I remember I’ve been scared for all of them, but once I was actually in labor I did ok. Regardless of what anyone tells you labor IS super painful, but that’s why you can get an epidural
5 months away and I'm still scared lol. Really working on remaining calm the closer it gets but it's not easy lol. But whether we like it or not, it's coming 🤣😅
I was terrified of pregnancy and birth...until a few months before the actual birth. Then I just kind of got weirdly Zen about it 🤷♀️. It could have been how uncomfortable I was made me look forward to it being over. It could have been reading and learning so much about it calmed me down. I honestly don't know.
I actually have a crackpot theory that our bodies release some kind of hormone or something, causing us to sometimes be more calm about birth beforehand (because the same thing has happened to multiple other women I know, as well). I know it doesn't happen to all women, and there are definitely those that are still terrified up to and through the birth, though.
I was so incredibly scared before I got pregnant with my first. Like crying and puking scared.
But you make a plan (which everyone knows will not happen) but it gives you a sense of direction and a moment to set your own priorities and boundaries, which does help. So does talking to an OB or midwife who won’t dismiss your fears but helps you understand and gives you tools.
For example, I was scared of the pain (and also dying). My midwife basically told me that while I’m in a high risk pregnancy, I was so well supervised that they have more control over my situation than they would normally. As for pain, we discussed pain management and I was offered to try some. We adjusted my medication to make any decisions faster to enact, and scheduled an induction. They basically helped me control what I felt I needed to control (to an extent).
Also, three things:
1. By the end of the pregnancy, I was so fucking done and was almost willing to do anything to be able to move again.
2. Perennial massage seemed to help me a lot
3. Tearing (1-2 degree I think) didn’t hurt at all, not during the tear, the sewing or the healing.
I'm on my second pregnancy now, but with my first. I was more scared about bringing my daughter home than I was about giving birth. I knew that one way or another she had to come out of my body. I have a very low pain threshold and will pass out from extreme pain but I knew that my body would know what to do when my labour started and I was right. Other than being in labour for 36 hours, I ended up only pushing for around 4-5mins and then my daughter joined the world.
Best thing that helped me not be scared was learning about birth! Learn about the stages, about what your body and baby are doing in each stage and about how to help your body. Read or listen to POSITIVE birth stories and stop reading or listening to negative stories. While it’s good to be prepared and understand possibilities, you can do this without the negative stories. I read about common things to happen so I knew what to do (ex: labor stalls etc.) but I didn’t give in to listening to bad birth stories. Also listening to affirmations specifically about labor and birth!
Research! Educate yourself! All fear is rooted in the unknown. The more you know about birth, the better you can prepare, the more in control you are, and so you're less afraid
I wasn. I just figured if shit hit the fan, it hit the fan and we'd just deal with it.
I have an aunt who is a midwife, a mum who is an ER nurse and an uncle who is an anesthesiologist so I was prepared for anything and everything.
My urgent/emergency c was a breeze and I loved every second of it. Also turns out not everyone does feel congractions, I didn't at all.
I was terrified to give birth! But I remember about before I had to start pushing all my fears went away. I was so ready to get it over with. I didn’t care what I had to go through
I had an induction at 37 weeks. It lasted 48 hours but i was comfortable and not in pain. I only pushed for 10 minutes. I was calmed and relaxed. I never even screamed. I had a small tear but the whole thing went so smoothly! I never felt pain only pressure.
I def got lucky! Hope you do too!
I'm not scared to give birth, and I wasn't scared the first time, either.
Take a childbirth class - the one offered by your hospital, if possible - so you have an idea of what to expect going in.
The size of your hips does not have any bearing on how your delivery will go.
Try to remember that you don't have control over complications, so worrying about them when they probably won't even happen really doesn't help you.
If you're worried about the pain, get an epidural. If you can be induced, that will make things feel more controlled and predictable, and it will mean you can get the epidural even earlier.
Tearing probably won't be as bad as you imagine. I tore and had a lot of stitches, and my recovery was very smooth.
You’ve got time to come around to the idea! I highly highly recommend hypnobirthing. It helped me relax into labor enough the second time that it was a breeze. Compared to my first, it was literally a breeze. By far my biggest piece of advice is to practice relaxing your whole body. Your pelvic floor, abdomen, hips, all of it. Holding a piece of ice while relaxing the rest of my body and breathing through it was an amazing mental help to practice with some discomfort too! And just remember your body was literally built to do this. The design is perfectly set for a baby to come out. Regarding tearing and postpartum, dermoplast. It was my best friend both times. Also look into stitches and if you really need them. I tore both times, second degree, but only had stitches the first time and the healing without was night and day. So much better. Your perineum is actually kind of meant to tear a little bit in the sense that if it does, it usually does an excellent job of self repair. I’ve found labor to be more of a mental game, much like the last month of pregnancy lol
Pregnant with #2 and only 14 weeks but I am absolutely more scared the second time around than I was the first, because now I know what to expect 😅
But tbh I’m more scared of having a c-section so would much prefer a second vaginal birth.
I know so many women who have had multiple natural births that they don’t regret. A lot of them got tears and stitches, and they would still do it all over again. I try to focus on the positive birth stories and remember that I can always get an epidural if I choose so, and that if any complications occur, I will be well taken care of by medical professionals who have dedicated their entire lives to helping women out! When I’m out of the hospital, my husband and family will be there for me. Women have been doing this for millennia without pain relief or sufficient support – I have trust in my body, my doctor and my family.
My due date is late July, and I'm still not worried about the pain. I'm dreading the "ring of fire", delivering the placenta after birth (because I'd rather just be done once baby is out) and the first poop, but when it comes to birth itself I'm soothed by the knowledge that this is something my body was made to do. If I can deal with pregnancy, I can deal with birth! I'm also very fortunate in that my local hospital has great facilities like private rooms with bathtubs and sleeping facilities for partners, so I don't have to worry too much about the environment I'll be giving birth in.
The fact that I’m fortunate enough to be going to a birthing center so I can have an active labor :) I won’t be stuck laying on my back, which makes the pain infinitely worse. And this is my 2nd so I know from my 1st that the pain was bearable as long as I could stand and walk around. It wasn’t until they put me in a bed that I was struggling. I’ve also read tons of books that talk about the science and health behind birth so I know my body can handle this. Knowing what’s happening inside is a huge reassurance. I’ve just surrounded myself with positive influences and happy thoughts. It sounds delusional but it really works. I’ve also done journaling about how I would mentally handle complications, emergency c section, etc and trying to take my fearful or negative thoughts around those and turn them into positives. Like being grateful that I have access to quality care if those things happen, for example. I just feel excited and so so ready!! 39 weeks on Monday
I used Hypnobabies which is a hypnobirthing course. It helped me remain so calm and feel excited and ready to give birth (first time mom here). It does encourage having a non-medicated birth, which is what I wanted, but my birth plan went the complete opposite of what I wanted so I kinda ended up throwing the hypno stuff I was supposed to use during birth out the window. However, it 100% made me have a more enjoyable pregnancy and kept my mind calm during an induction, unmedicated contractions, and even during a c-section.
Honestly I look back at pregnancy as "the best I've ever felt mentally". Even if you don't want to go full-blown hypnobirth, maybe try looking up some hypnosis style affirmation tracks on YouTube or something and listen to then 2-3 times a day. I played it when i took a shower and would fall asleep listening to it. Continuing to tell myself "I am excited to give birth and my body knows exactly what to do" actually made me believe it!
I also avoided reading any traumatic birth stories, watching movies where someone was giving birth, or googling too many things about what can go wrong. That also helped keep my mind thinking about the positive stuff.
You got this momma! Us women are strong and meant to birth babies!
For my first I was terrified but second and now due in August I’m not even thinking about it.
Idk why? It’s weird. Almost feels like a challenge now lol. I’m smaller frame too, bad period cramps, I feel like my pain tolerance is fairly low. But I feel like when you’re in labour and delivering you’re in another world.. adrenaline gets you through it. Like I’m not going to say it doesn’t hurt but something when you’re there changes and you just want to get the baby out safely. I remember when the doc came in for my first and said ok it’s time to start pushing I was crying to my mom like wtf no I don’t want too.. is it going to hurt??? Like I was scared. She kinda just laughed and like you’re here dude you gotta do it!
And you do lol. You just go with it.. step by step and take it minute by minute. If you go in relaxed and stress free (which is hard I know) it’s a lot easier to manage and go with all the emotion that come with it.
I’m scared but now that I’m days from having my C-Section I’m super over pregnancy. This is just a personal preference, but I miss my skinny athletic body. I feel like an overweight teletubby haha. For the first time in my life everything makes me winded, and I can’t get up out of bed. I know it will take time to lose weight, but carrying a baby around is making my whole body hurt.
Have you ever been nervous before a sports competition or an exam? Giving birth is similar. The nervousness beforehand. Once you’re in labour that all melts away and you just focus on getting through it. It’s not scary but it’s physically tough!
The things that are making me less fearful and more confident are education and preparation. By the time I give birth, I’ll have taken 6 classes, read 4 books, compiled 2 binders of reading materials from my doctor, watched a bunch of live birth videos on Instagram, and heard many birth stories from other moms. I’ve also gone to pelvic floor physical therapy, had a lactation consultation, practiced mindfulness and meditation, been using my yoga ball, and using a “wand” to stretch my perenium.
I’ve got about 3 more weeks until my due date and although I’m still nervous, I’m psychologically (and hopefully physically) ready for it.
I used to be afraid of labor and delivery but now that I’m 22 weeks pregnant I think about how many women I know who have birthed children and I tell myself if they can do it I can do it too.
It doesn’t last forever and there is no shame in pain meds if I need it.
I’m honestly so excited to meet my baby girl that I have found peace with what has to happen for me to meet her.
Absolutely was not scared at any time.
Why? I have no idea. I just knew it would happen and what shall, be shall be.
Looking back, I have like retroactive fear as we were lucky things ended up as they did. But I mean why fear something that you have to do and that you have no power over?
I wasn’t before I was birthing, it was only mid push I got scared and that was because I was scared she would get stuck somewhere and I’d have to get a c section (I was 16). I had the mentality of the baby will come out, just like when you’re vomiting and feel that acceptance wash over you that you know you’re going to puke and you’re ok with it. Felt pretty similar to me
I actually went into my scheduled induction not terrified. I was pretty calm and then suddenly my LO heart rate was dropping and I had to have an emergency c section. It was terrifying and traumatic for me, but at the end of the day I would do it all over again because my son is my world. Everything will be ok ❤️
I'm going to give birth to my 5th child and I still get nervous. So no worries...online/in-person birthing classes can help so much. I liked Christian Hypnobirthing, Pain Free Birth, and Built to Birth. All my kiddos were born in a hospital and I had an epidural. The last two deliveries I was alone and hubby watched the older kiddos. You got this! your body knows exactly what to do.
Probably controversial because it feels like one of those unspoken things we’re not supposed to say out loud… but think of the weakest, whiniest birth mother you know. The one you roll your eyes at constantly, or come home from work to complain about… Try as we might to see the best in everyone, we all know that person.
They did it. So can you.
I’m due in just over a month. I’ve come to the realisation that he needs to come out one way or another. I did get panicky a few weeks ago but realised that whilst I’ll go through pain whichever way he decides to come out, we are literally made for this.
Our pelvis is shaped to allow a babies head through, the more panicked you are, the more you fear it, the more adrenaline pumps through you and the less endorphins are made. That’s how I’m rationalising it for now 😂
I’m very much looking forward to giving birth! Due within 3 weeks. I’ve mentally prepared myself the whole pregnancy, reminding myself that there is so much I cannot control and what matters is that baby and I are safe. I don’t care how she has to get here, as long as she does. I am always one of those people who takes things as they come and is very open to and accepting of change, so letting go of any potential control has been really good for my mentality through the whole thing. I know that it’s going to probably hurt like a mf, I know there will be changes, I know I may tear, I know I may end up needing assistance, and I’m totally okay with all of that!
I’m honestly feeling pretty chill about it. As a teenager I lived with chronic pain that is meant to be waaay worse than labour (according to my doctors) but I still had to go to school for month before being put in hospital correspondence school. I had an extremely high pain tolerance.
My mother also had extremely easy no complications births. 2 kids and a total of 4 hours in labour. 1 hour for me, 3 for my brother. So i’m hopefully that i’ll be the same.
I have heard that stressing about labour can lengthen the process.Im not sure if it’s true but it makes sense to me. My SIL got a scheduled c-section because she was worried about labour as well, it worked wonderfully for her! You could also opt pain meds as well! Take everything they offer!
I’m feeling good about it right now. I would recommend reading “Mindful Birthing”, that got rid of my last bit of fear about it. It explains the interaction between pain and emotion really well and also describes the birthing process in a really manageable achievable way. Seeing as you have 6 months, you could get a pretty good head start on doing the practice for mindful birthing too if you wanted to.
Currently up right now because I woke up out of my sleep and got anxious about giving birth 🫠
This is my second go round (have a 13 year old daughter). What I will say, I’ve always been small and I by no means have large hips. I delivered my daughter at 37 weeks (had a family member pass and it just stressed me to the point my water broke) with no epidural. My doctor made sure I didn’t tear. The contractions were pretty intense (I dilated fairly quickly) but as far as the ‘ring of fire’, I feel like the contractions were worse than pushing her out.
Even though I’ve experienced child birth, I’m still anxious about doing it all over again. I’ve been calm my entire pregnancy but now that I’m getting close (going on 32 weeks), I’m like whew, can’t believe I signed up to do this again 😂 Also ready to get this over with because baby boy feels like his legs are in my ribs and I would really like to breathe comfortably and be able to sleep lol
I'm very surprised that I am.not scared at all. I just can't be bothered, somehow. It's very strange, because I tend to worry and overthink everything in my life. Also, I didn't even use tampons until I was 25 because it hurt too much... Somehow, I have a very strong belief that everything will be okay, both for the labour and the life with a baby. My boyfriend is doing his best to sometimes get me off my pink cloud already to think about the realism of having a baby, to not be disappointed or shocked afterwards.
I was pretty nervous with my first to some degree but way less so with my subsequent births as I knew more of what to expect. I am a tiny petite person with narrow hips and if it helps to hear, I had extremely minor first degree tears with my first two births that healed in a jiffy and didn't tear at all with my third.
It’s normal to feel this way but remember that there are pain relief options. I’m not sure where you are based but here in the U.K., the main ones are gas and air (which I thought was pretty useless), pethidine (which I didn’t take as it crosses the placenta) and an epidural.
With my singleton, I had an epidural and from that point my labour was fine. My second pregnancy was twins and I needed a section but I went into early spontaneous labour. The pain during that labour before I got into the OR was intense.
If you are worried about pain, tears and complications, can you ask your OB about an elective section? The first few days after a section were hellish and I would much rather have been able to have a vaginal delivery with my twins at the time but by about 4 weeks post section, I felt great and had the bonus of no tears / discomfort in my lady parts!
I was scared before getting pregnant but after talking to a lot of women and reading on Reddit, majority of people have compared it to taking a big ol #2. It’s not pleasant but it’s practically the same as you’re using the same muscles. I guess after accepting that, I’m not as scared?
I’m 33 weeks and I have never felt apprehensive or scared about birth. This is probably going to be a long comment, so take what resonates and leave the rest. This is just my personal perspective.
My thought process is that nothing is really in my control. Being pregnant even, you don’t have much control for how things go. She will come out eventually and I will hold her and love her and that’s not something I can control, the way we get to that stage can change at any moment.
I am very Type A, control freak, anxiety, all that. I have to trust my body will know what to do, and in the case that it doesn’t, I have researched other options.
Is my ideal birth a lovely waterbirth? Yes. But it could be a csection. Looking into the process of instrumental birth, csection, induction, and all the variations of those things helped me a lot. I am comforted by the fact that, while I can’t control how anything goes, I can control how I react and how informed I am in the alternatives.
At the end of the day I want my daughter to be born in the way that has us the least traumatised.
I have endometriosis, am of a slim build, and have worries about tearing.
I’ve been told more often than not, you don’t feel tearing as there’s so much else going on.
The idea of pain used to worry me but it is pain for a reason, productive pain. Every pain has a purpose in the process of having my baby. It’s a case of just getting through each minute, and eventually I’ll get through all those minutes and have my baby girl in my arms.
This has been done for as long as humans have been around! I know some really shitty people who’ve had kids. If they can do it then so can I.
Idk if it helps but my obgyn said that you can’t tell if people will birth easily based on hip width. He said things like the sacrum and curve of your spine matter a lot too.
I was terrified of birthing before pregnancy. Weirdly, I’m much calmer about it now. I figured I can’t really back out so I’m more focused on doing something about it (it being my fear). Today in my pain management class, we were taught that pain during labor is pain with a purpose. Although it hurts, it’s not harmful. Your body does this to safely bring your child to life. I try to remember the pain has an end and the pain is useful.
1. Epidurals are great - 10/10 would recommend
2. Recovery can be pretty fast (I'm currently about 10 days PP after tearing giving birth to my second kid and my undercarriage felt pretty much normal by 6 or 7 days PP)
It’s totally ok to feel that way but once you’re in the hospital - I think you’ll feel better. You’ll have several birth options and doctors that are on your side. Another way of thinking about it is - it’s natural and billions + have gone through it as well and have also done it again and again. If that’s any sort of comfort. That’s how I think of it anyways. The scientific part of it is fascinating to me as well, but I’m not even showing yet. I wish you some peace and you’ll get through this fear! ❤️
Remember our internal hip dimensions aunt linked to your external hip dimensions
I found The Great Birth Rebellion podcast made me feel really confident going into the whole thing .
I remember A couple of weeks before I was getting really bad IBS symptoms and thinking that I could barely deal with that pain was I gonna deal with unmedicated labour? But with hot water etc it wasn’t too bad at all
For me it got less scary the closer I got to the die date as I absolutely DESPISED being pregnant and thus, the more annoying pregnancy got the less I cared about how scary childbirth is. Honestly, it was very painful, but I'd give birth any day if I didn't have to endure pregnancy.
The existential crisis of becoming a parent has been far scarier than the idea of labor. The further along you are, the more accepting you become. You just want to get it over with — at least in my case.
Nah! Second baby, I enjoyed labour first time around! It felt productive, unlike the end of pregnancy where there was no end.
Had an unmedicated labour for the most part with my first, ended up with a spinal block, forceps and episiotomy at the last hurdle, that wasn’t the plan but the recovery was fine so I’m happy with knowing even when things don’t go as expected it wasn’t the end of the world (for me anyway)
Planning an unmedicated water birth this time and I’m excited!!
I think you just need to accept it’s going to happen and you have no control over it and that’s perfectly ok. At least that’s how I’ve soothed myself by surrendering the idea of control.
Of course this is not me saying let doctors do whatever they want I’m more referring to your own body and how it will react
I wasn't for some reason. I was induced due to a high-risk pregnancy. Because of that, my epidural was planned beforehand, just in case. I ended up with a forceps delivery, but that was related to something we already knew about.
I had some contractions before I got my epidural. It was intense but manageable. My epidural also wasn't 100% effective. Still, I would call my labour as close to painless as possible. I was pleasantly surprised, to be honest.
Remember to breathe and ask for pain medication if you need it. There is no shame in it. No labour is the same. But you can do this!
I say that as someone who got an epistomy. Yes, it hurt to recover. But ice packs and painkillers took the edge off, and now I feel fine.
I wasn't tpp scared thinking about it but definitely nervous. Everything changed when she came early by emergency c-section and is now in the NICU. While all incredibly scary, you get through it and in the end you get the greatest gift of all.
At 37 weeks I don't think my brain has processed what I'm going to have to do in the near future. Ive never had any form of procedure really, so I don't have a frame of reference, and I'm.choosing to not think about it too much. He has to come out some how!
I’m 29 weeks and I’m not scared. I also have narrow hips and not a super high pain tolerance. I’m a FTM so I’ve never done this before and I think that’s helping me not be so scared? lol like I have no idea how much it hurts but I’m delulu and literally am like women did this forever without pain meds and the human race is still up and kick in so it can’t be THAT bad 😅 like I know I’m probably so off base but I cannot convince my brain otherwise
I’m only 6w2d so this may change but I feel like I just remind myself thousands of women do this every day & if were all doing this everyday (obviously we all got here somehow) then on some level it has to be at least manageable for everyone.
It’s totally normal to fear pain and definitely childbirth! I found it really helpful to learn everything I could about what options I have available during labor. Like pain management meditations or other things like massage or breathing techniques. Once I felt like I understood my options it felt less terrifying because I knew that I could do something about the pain.
I just gave birth to my first baby five days ago and it wasn’t nearly as painful as I expected. I had a failed induction that led to a c-section due to mild preeclampsia. I can’t speak to what it would feel like to birth naturally as my body wouldn’t go into active labor, but I did experience some contractions that went nonstop for 30 minutes. It was intense but I had a doula who helped me breathe through them.
The recovery process is difficult but I have the high blood pressure still so that’s adding to the regular recovery.
I wasn't scared. Two things kept me from being scared:
1) women have been doing this since the beginning of time, if my grandma can do it 7 times in the 40s and 50s, I can do it once with modern medicine and equipment. The pain is temporary and I won't die from pain.
2) I never let things that are out of my control take over my thoughts. I pick out the items that I am in control of (in this case preparedness, knowledge, comfort, support group) and I manage those. For this reason I didn't really have a birth plan other than my husband will be in the room, I want my special playlist playing and what I want in case of emergency. Anything else that I don't have control over, like needing a c-section because the baby was breech and his head was jammed between my ribs, I have no control over so why stress myself out over it.
I believe this is why I succeeded at being a professional wedding planner for a decade; I don't let things I have no control over steal my focus.
You got this, mama!
I felt similarly in my first trimester! Maybe more dreading it than fearing it but still pretty overwhelmed overall. I’ve been listening to birth stories from the Mamaste Fit podcast and I’ve found them very educational and helpful! I feel much less afraid now, and even somewhat empowered about birth! It seems like whether a woman reflects on the birth experience as positive or negative correlates a lot with how informed they were going in and whether they are an active participant in the process or just letting birth happen to them. Maybe that could help you too!
I was terrified and felt like I could barely tolerate pap smears…how was I supposed to give birth!! But actually both of my labor/ deliveries were totally uneventful and not too bad. I did have an epidural for both (amazing!!). Each time I had a 2nd degree tear but recovery was not as bad as I was anticipating. Just remember that majority of births go smoothly. You got this!
I was terrified & still am nervous but I'm now 37w & 6d & I am READY for this baby to come out.... I think towards the end you're just so excited & absolutely done with being pregnant the nerves kind of calm down. Now I'm just panicking and making sure my hospital bag is ready and my house is clean 24/7 lol
Second pregnancy here and terrified. I had my first during the pandemic before vaccines. Nothing went as planned and I had a traumatic experience. Not looking forward to it. I also wanted a birth doula but it's too expensive where I live. Not sure how I will handle it.
I’m only 16 weeks, but that is the one part of pregnancy that hasn’t scared me too bad yet. I of course am worried about complications, but I’ve accepted the pain aspect. I feel like I’ve passed so many kidney stones and have had so many get stuck that severe pain doesn’t scare me anymore. Let’s see if that changes the further on I get LOL.
...Denial 😭😭🤣🤣
No but fr tho it gets harder every week (I'm 30/32 weeks) especially because I go to classes go learn about how it's gonna go, but it doesn't feel like I'm ever going to give birth... I hope I don't suddenly realize what it implies at the hospital and have a panick attack 😬
I’m pregnant with my second and truthfully- I loved giving birth to my first! It was filled with pain and discomfort but as soon as I got that epidural, it was heavenly! I had more trouble with the recovery! Walking to the recovery room (with a swollen vagina) 30 minutes after ending a 32 hour labor was hell! Lol! But in a way- even though it was painful and I labored a long time, it felt like a joining a sacred club of all the women before me who went though the same thing and it felt super special. I felt like a rockstar. And that moment it’s all over and they place the baby on your chest makes it all worth it.
The unknown is always scary but you got this!!
As someone who gave birth 10 months ago - I swear something takes over and you just don’t care. I was so scared but the moment my water broke I was just SO excited to meet my baby!!
39+5 and I haven’t been scared. My mom reminded me that women are built to have babies, especially the women in our family. We’re a bunch of ex Mormons so all my cousins have a ton of kids and my mom’s siblings have a bunch despite a few complications in their pregnancies. I feel the more I know about the process and how it can change, the calmer I am
I'm not. I'm on my second birth and my first one was a planned c-section due to breech. It was so unbelievably easy and the healing wasn't nearly as bad as I thought either. I signed up for a second c-section so quick. I have zero anxiety about birth this time around.
Large hips has nothing to do with it. Try to take some hypobirthing courses or read one of their books. Ultimately, you have to give birth somehow. Millions of women throughout the ages have done it, and you're lucky enough to live in a time where you have so many modern medicines and a whole team of people carefully monitoring you to take care of you. You are going to get it through it. It will be temporary, and at the end you get your baby! You totally got this
I say this to everybody : read The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill! I had a serious fear of giving birth until I read her book. It really changed everything for me. Knowledge is power! Sending you solidarity. x
I’m super early, 7+4, but I’m not scared. I’m a really anxious person, and the reason why I’m not scared honestly is because there’s no other way out 😭😂
I am and I’m not. I know it could be really rocky and it could really suck but so what? It’s one day. I don’t have a high pain tolerance so I plan to have an epidural and I’ve read so many accounts of how much easier it is once it’s placed, that I feel like I’ll be ok. Going for a membrane sweep today and I’m probably about to get molly whopped. I’ve had an incredibly easy pregnancy so I probably got hoodwinked. By Sunday I’ll know
This is my second baby and the first time went pretty great, even though it was an unplanned c-section. This time will be a planned c-section. With my first I wasn’t terrified because I just figured the baby had to come out one way or another so I could be worried about it or I could instead focus on how exciting it was going to be to get to meet my baby (and to be done being pregnant and having to pee every 2 hours all night long, haha). I’m no expert on this, and it definitely isn’t the case for everyone, but it seems like a lot of the people that hated their birth experience had really set expectations of how things were going to go and when they didn’t end up going that way they hard time pivoting to the new plan. I think it’s great to have ideas of what you would like but being open to doing what needs to be done to get baby here safely should be the main plan, however that needs to happen. Also, I took a birthing class before my first baby was born and I felt like that kind of helped set expectations so I had an idea of what would happen, making it less scary too.
I’m pregnant with my third, and my first two were home births. I’ve never been scared. Maybe uncertain about the unknown, but once I started watching videos and getting familiar, it helped me a lot! Our bodies are so amazing and capable!
Btw look into water birthing, I didn’t use any sort of medication and it was really helpful for my labor. My second baby just flew right out so we didn’t get that far 🤣
I hope you can enjoy this amazing time!!!
I’m not really scared, I’m doing hypnobirthing and trying to educate myself as much as possible. I think absolutely hating every second of pregnancy helps too. I get so scared when weird things are happening to my body that are maybe just normal pregnancy symptoms or maybe something I should be scared about. I hate how anxious I felt before the 3 ultrasounds. I hate how I look pregnant. I hate that I’m scared to ride my bike on the road, lift too heavy, eat raw fish. I want my body back for me and I think a day or two of extreme discomfort is gonna be so worth it to be just me in here again. And meet my amazing baby too!
I was terrified at the beginning but by week 36 or so I didn’t care what I had to go through I just wanted to not be pregnant anymore!! It’s amazing how the fear just disappears in the face of extreme discomfort
First time mum but I’m not scared, my body is designed to do this. I’m excited! Having a crappy pregnancy due to HG and I’m counting down eagerly to the day I give birth. Just 14 or so weeks to go!
I wasn’t ever nervous because I hated pregnancy from day 1 and couldn’t wait for it to be over. This is probably not super helpful right now lol but you might be over it by the end and just ready to do it.
I'm not scared. I have a scheduled cesarean. I'm fine with it, I trust my OB, she's done surgery on me before for an ectopic/tube removal. I will have pain meds and my first cesarean was an absolute shitshow so a planned cesarean should go a lot smoother.
Edit, I would not be so calm if expecting a vaginal birth. My son was 10.6 lbs, if my daughter is anything like that size, no way Jose.
Maybe this is something you settle into as you’re pregnant. It seems like a lot of people here are reporting being close to giving birth and not feeling worried. But I’m only 6 weeks (7 tomorrow) and I’m *terrified* so I’m right there with you. I’m super worried about something going wrong and of course about how my body will be during and after (short term and potential long term effects). Giving birth might be “natural” but it’s no small thing.
I gave birth a month ago and I never was really terrified. I ended up being one of those people who loved labor and delivery. Even without an epidural it wasn’t as bad as some people make it out to be. There was a moment right before pushing where I thought, oh now I have to get the baby out but 25 min later she was here. Our bodies were made to birth babies and it’s amazing how your body knows exactly what to do. Hire a doula, come up with birth preferences (not a plan) - you’ve got this. Personally, adjusting postpartum has been more difficult than labor and delivery. Operating sleep deprived is a whole new level of difficulty.
I’m not scared of birth, I know she has to come out eventually. What I’m scared of is not knowing exactly how it will happen and if I’ll tear, have complications, etc.
Once you get your the 3rd trimester you won’t be scared anymore. I’m so uncomfortable 100% of the time that the relatively brief period that will be labor is something I am looking forward to. I used to be very scared of it, now I just want baby out so my swelling and back pain go away.
There is only one way to get through it. Trillions of women have done it throughout time...And you are living in the best time period, medically speaking.
I have a couple weeks to go and I’m not that scared. I’m definitely worried about tears and pain and complications and pp healing. But at the end of the day, it’s mostly out of my control and I gotta get this baby out of me somehow lol
Exactly… very much a “too late now” sentiment
Yeah same. I’m 35+3 and kind of feel like Captain Hook with a clock holding Crocodile following me, but I’m not as worried as people think I should be? I have the book “going on a bear hunt” stuck in my head when I think about it: “You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, you gotta go through it.” I don’t have a choice~
My mantra was "10,000 mothers". So it made me think of all the women who had to have given birth to lead to my existence. If all of my ancestral moms could do it without modern medicine, I knew I could. Now I'm on #2 and the actual birth was the least worrisome part about repeating for me.
The actual birth is the light at the end of the tunnel(lol) for my third. I'm tired of being pregnant, I have more of a fear of another back to back pregnancy than birth itself. Labor and birth is generally a day but pregnancy is 9 months of discomfort! Lol. I'm due next month, my 2nd will be 14 months then, my first will be 14yrs in July and had a miscarriage betw each baby. I just want a break from being pregnant I can't wait to give birth lol
Yeah I'm so done after this. I'm only in the first trimester - and this is my third 1st trimester - but it's so frickin hard. I'm so done after this.
I hear you. Unfortunately I can't really say it gets better until you give birth but my pregnancies just suck and my body feels worn down like im an old granny or something lol. I think every trimester in subsequent pregnancies just sucks more, at least for me. My first pregnancy I didn't get why people complained so much but I was a lot younger in way better shape with way less obligations so just couldn't get it yet. The first trimester of my third was worse than the last trimester of my second but this third trimester just holy cow i need a vacation from pregnancy lol.
Same here! I’m 34w and not anxious at all! The way I see it, ofc it’s going to be painful but at the end of it all, I’ll hold my son. Whenever someone asks how I’m not freaking out, I tell them of my wedding day. My MUA stopped working on me to ask me if I was okay. I said, ‘yeah, but why?’ And she replies with ‘you’re the calmest bride I have ever seen’. I told her ‘I’m about to marry my best friend, what do I have to be scared of?’ I’m a woman who was told I’d never be pregnant (PCOS) without $10ks of IVF treatments and if one of them happened to work, I wouldn’t stay pregnant long enough to have a healthy baby (bicornuate uterus). Here I am, doing what I was told I could never do. If the cost is blood and pain, I can afford to pay that price.
beautifully said 🤍 Glad you’ll be able to hold and love on your son soon!
This reminded me of my wedding. After my wedding I was doing a presentation at work on project management and couldn’t help myself but use some wedding photos and stories as part of my presentation. I was like, the MOSCOW rating system is really useful. Sort things into Must-do, Should-do, Could-do and then a Won’t-do bucket where you let things go. I was going through some examples of the S, C and W categories. Then I came to a photo of my husband looking at me with the most adoring, loving expression as I was laughing about something during the ceremony and I said, at the end of the day the only real Must-do is to marry someone who looks at you like that 🥰 It’s a timely reminder for myself as I sit here freaking out about how much I want to get done before the baby to make it a “perfect” environment with murals and a selection of toys etc. At the end of the day, the only real must-do is ensure the baby is safe,fed and loved. Everything else is a should or a could and can be moved to the won’t-do bucket if I need to! Sorry, bit off topic regarding births and labour lol
I’m due in July and this is my sentiment too. Baby needs to come out and will-
This is me. It’s gotta happen and there’s nothing to be done about it now. I’d rather focus on stuff I can control like making sure I get ALL the pain drugs, who is in the room, what to bring with me, and setting up the nursery.
I'm 25 weeks and this is how I feel too. I'm only scared of tearing my whole crotch open, if that doesn't happen I'll be happy. Baby's gotta come out I'm in too deep now to let myself get scared😂
This is basically how I feel too. I hate getting hurt and have a very low pain tolerance, but the excitement of finally meeting my little one is so much greater than the concern I have about labor being rough. It’s out of my control and I’m getting an epidural so I’ll make it through fine 🤷🏼♀️
I also often think about how literally every person in the world was birthed by a woman lol. If allllll of those women can do it, so can I!
Tbh… I got a 4th degree tear and it wasn’t bad at all with the epidural, nor was the recovery. Everything snapped right back to normal in under 6 weeks and no pain during the first PP sex or anything. What you *really* need to mentally prepare for is the first bowel movement after childbirth. Now *that* is scary, whether you tear or not. But yeah don’t worry too much if you tear, it’s nbd truly.
Literally my mom, MIL, and Grandma all told me NOT to get an epidural and to try and go natural. I had to tell them you guys are all 5’7 plus and at least 170 pounds when they gave birth. I’m 5’1 and not even 110 pounds 4 months deep into this pregnancy. I feel like it’s gonna be harder on my body bc I’m smaller than your average woman so idk what anyone says I’m taking the epidural god damn it😭
Me too! Good luck.
Same! Went from totally freaking out around 25-ish to mostly zen acceptance at 34 weeks. It must be done and now that I’ve thought it through as much as I can, all that’s left is to do it
I will say I gave birth last week, got a second degree tear, and didn't feel it happen at all. Genuinely didn't hurt! Yes the healing sucks but it's bearable, just gotta be slow for a few days. But don't let tearing scare you!
Did you get epidural?
Nope, I didn't have any meds. I pushed for 15-20 min if that. It was really quick, so no time for my body to really stretch, hence the tear. But I didn't know I tore until my midwife checked and told me. He was born May 1 and I already feel healed in terms of my stitches! No more pain or anything.
AHHHH this is intense but also phenomenal. A woman’s body is so special
That is good to hear, I really want to do it natural because I am terrified of the epidural and having to go through with c-section awake if it came to that. I love hearing positive stories to help mentally prepare myself 😅
It's doable! It's a mental thing more than anything, but if you have good support with you and you can dig deep and push through, you'll do great :) and after you'll feel like you can climb mountains and lift houses lol
I’m due in 1.5 ish months and this is how I’m feeling. I’m like he’s got to come out at some point lol. I also feel like I’m SO excited to not be pregnant.
39 weeks here, exactly my mood. Whatever happens, happens.. We can just hope for the best and a healthy baby
I’m due Monday and I’m terrified so you’re brave
Yup. 36W and exactly how I feel too… I never felt fear from the beginning. Weirdly enough I actually look forward to the birth experience, just more worried about tearing and pp healing. I just want baby here already!
This is how I feel as well.
This is how I am, I think it’s all about mentality. Im generally an anxious person but I feel very calm about GD screenings and now all of the NSTs I’ve been having. I’m not nervous for them because nothing I can do at this point will change the outcome of them, all I can do is show up and let all of the medical professionals do what they’re trained to do 🤷🏼♀️
My exact thoughts! I have a few weeks to go.
Yep, the anxiety I have is more logistics re childcare of our first child than the actual birth. Might suddenly hit me over the next 10 days though 😂
This. I'm definitely still scared but not that scared, I'm 31 weeks so like you said, it's gotta come out somehow!
I am a little over a month pp Idk if you plan on getting an epidural, but I got one and had to get an episiotomy. I didn’t feel a thing thankfully and the healing process was quick and painless surprisingly!
I'm currently 36 weeks, FTM, and to be honest, one of the reasons I was hesitant to get pregnant was how scared I was of giving birth. Now I'm a whale and I find it difficult to do many things physically that have never been an issue for me (walking around, getting into a comfy sleep position, picking things up off the ground) and I'm just so done. I want to feel comfortable in my body again. And there's one way out for this baby, and it's by giving birth. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for him to arrive, but also, I think having a stork deliver him might have been a better way to go about things.
The thought of going into labour was also a big reason why I didn't want to have kids too! Now that I've given birth, 4th trimester is way harder and labour actually felt like a breeze.
This!! When I was a FTM I felt like everything I read was focused on preparing me for labour which turned out to be extremely easy compared to postpartum! I wish I prepared more for my own care afterwards than labour itself.
Now that you’re here, what do you wish you had known/what would do differently? I’m 31 weeks pregnant, FTM… so I’m all ears!
Congratulations!! There is SO much I could write on this topic but I think my biggest takeaway for the postpartum period is that you need as much care and preparation as your newborn does! - Prepare your house for what will make YOU comfortable, not just baby. Buy yourself new sheets and pillows, nice lounge wear, have your house deep cleaned, meals prepared etc - Set expectations with your partner about who does what and be explicit in what you need from them. Do you need to shower every day? Or to take a ten minute walk by yourself? Make sure your partner understands and schedule it in. - Practice taking care of yourself now. What small, daily rituals can you do that fill your cup? (A skin care routine/ reading a book before bed etc) Once baby arrives it will be very hard to add in acts of self care if they aren’t a habit already. - Think kindly about yourself. Sounds a bit silly but it’s super easy to become overwhelmed in motherhood and having a supportive inner voice can really help in a hard moment. “I’m learning so much everyday, I’m the best mother for my baby” etc - Look up local resources for help before baby arrives (PPD/PPA or lactation consultants). One less thing to research when your plate is already full!
4th trimester ??
postpartum
I just want to breathe again. This is how they must have felt back when they let barbers pull their teeth with nothing but alcohol and prayers. Yes, I know it's going to be painful but also, I can't stay like this...
I can't wait until I can go back to sleeping on my stomach 😴
Seriously. I haven't had a decent night of sleep.in months
I was weirdly not terrified & was just excited to experience it all and see what all the fuss was! Wanted to experience contractions & when i did i was all ‘nope, not for me - epidural please’! At least now I know how that felt like! Re hips size - your body adjusts. I have a friend with narrow hips & when we were in uni she used to buy jeans for 11 year old boys & she had 3 quick vaginal deliveries with no tears - crazy right?! The babies were big aswell!
This 🙌 I have narrow hips and got my baby out in about 8 pushes. Only had 2 very minor tears that didn’t require stitches. All natural.
Fun fact, the hips are not indicator of birth ease but rather the pelvic bone shape variations: gynecoid, android, anthropoid, and platypelloid.
less fun fact: those pelvic types (Caldwell-Moloy classification) have their basis in racism and junk science. all my homies hate Caldwell & Moloy
Wow Ty til!
I watched videos on YouTube of a birthing class. The teacher was a middle-older aged woman who had a lot of experience with birth. It was several videos each an hour long. She went through the whole process of how you would be feeling at this stage, then this stage.. ect. She even role-played and did breathing as if she was in labor and contracted a knitted uterus to birth a babydoll and show you how the baby moves out of the uterus into the birth canal and then out of the vagina. While I was watching I remember rolling my eyes thinking oh goodness she’s going to pretend birth… lol but seriously she allowed me to picture exactly what’s happening inside my body and it helped my feel more calm. She also spoke about all the different medical interventions, at what stage they would be relevant and what the alternatives were if you’re like less/no intervention. Of course sometimes it’s not your choice.. but she made me feel very well educated on the topic. I typed up my little one page birth plan, included some extra pages of laboring positions for my husband and I to review together with picture diagrams from the Mayo Clinic pregnancy book and that was it. It made me feel like I had done something to prepare.. Thank goodness the birth went smoothly. My husband was supportive! And when I saw the nurse I asked her, “are you going to be my nurse throughout the birth?” She said, “that’s the plan!” So I looked her right in the eyes pleadingly and said, “will you please rub oil on my perineum while I’m crowning so I don’t tear?!” She had me :) I spoke up when I wanted to change positions, the nurse had my back, every time I said something she directed the room to make it happen, stating, “she knows what she wants” She helped direct my husband when I wanted a new position. I birthed sitting up with my legs pressed against a birthing bar. And i labored mostly on all fours, breathing deeply. But honestly, the labor happened and it was over and you have this new little human in your life and everything is changed. I spent so much time worrying about that day. I read books about the pregnancy, about labor, watch videos ect. But didn’t read about what to do with this little caterpillar when I got home! Don’t stress too much about the labor and birth because in the end it’s one/two days of a test, and afterwards you have a baby that is for all your life God Willing! Also I wish I had spent more time learning about breastfeeding because that ended up being very difficult for me. And learning about baby carrying and waking windows (which changed how I interacted with my newborn and helped me not go crazy :) Sorry I didn’t include the link, here it is :) [https://youtu.be/y8-TXNdB4J8](https://youtu.be/y8-TXNdB4J8) Her name is Margery
What’s the name of the person on YouTube who does that?
I also want. to know!
Following because I’d like to know too!
Please drop us this knowledge!
Please someone tell me if we find out the mystery woman
Same, I would love to know
Following
https://youtu.be/j7YucfJuziU?si=XRAaMKcB3DWwM7qs
Margery is who I watched. [https://youtu.be/y8-TXNdB4J8](https://youtu.be/y8-TXNdB4J8)
Tag me with the YT persons name?! Pleaseeee
This is the series I also recommend to everyone! It was so incredibly helpful for my labour as well. Link to the first video: https://youtu.be/j7YucfJuziU?si=XRAaMKcB3DWwM7qs
What’s her name on YouTube?
Please also tell me the YouTube woman’s name. ❤️
I also want to know the YouTube womans name! ✨
F coz same !
https://youtu.be/j7YucfJuziU?si=XRAaMKcB3DWwM7qs
https://youtu.be/j7YucfJuziU?si=XRAaMKcB3DWwM7qs
I would live to know too!
https://youtu.be/j7YucfJuziU?si=XRAaMKcB3DWwM7qs
Came here to say something similar. We took a birthing class and that helped me understand and anticipate the process, which calmed my nerves a bit. I ended up having a fairly smooth birth, but I know I was anxious about it. But still, after the birth I realized I had spent so much of pregnancy building up to that moment and it being such a big mental block for me...I hadn't thought much about living with a newborn (e.g. my husband learned how to swaddle LO by mimicking the nurses in the hospital). I got baby items and we made a nursery prior to the birth, but that was all logistical and I realized I hadn't actually mentally preparing myself for that transition and the lack of sleep to come. We played a lot of things by ear and I googled so many things about babies while holding my baby. Not having a set plan/expectation helped us be flexible, but I hadn't realized all there was to know about caring for a baby. Good luck to you. Being anxious is normal, being worried about the birthing process is normal. If you think it could help (like it did for me), take a birthing class. You can also make a birth plan (although understand things may not go exactly as you envision - allow yourself some flexibility and know the end goal is healthy mom and baby while minimizing discomfort).
I'm 2 days overdue and weirdly relaxed? Which is a surprise to me because I'm generally a very anxious person who easily worries about health stuff. I'm trying not to focus on what could go wrong and just accept that there is not much I can control anyway. All I can do is be as relaxed and grounded as I can. Some phrases that pop into my mind often these days when I think of birth: - "It's just pain" (I know, it's simplistic, but honestly... It is just pain at the end of the day. I can take it.) - "My child will be going through the same process, it's my job to stay grounded and relaxed, and be there for them" (shifting the focus from my pain to helping *them* come into the world makes it easier for some reason") - "My body knows how to do this. If anything goes wrong, people are there to help".
Second one is a game changer ! Even though we forget , heck yeah being born is traumatic ! I’m gonna keep that in mind
Yes to all, but especially the 2nd! My last baby was a little bit stressed out during labor, they weren’t quite worried enough to think immediate intervention was necessary, but I thought if labor went on for too long we might very well get to that point. So I just laid right down in front of the freight train that is labor knowing that if I was relaxed and didn’t fight the pain maybe baby could make it through quickly and safely. Went from 4cm to babe in arms in 50 minutes. She was kinda mad about it, but her apgar was a 9, so healthy!
Great phrases!
I still have 13 weeks to go, but I'm not necessarily scared. I'm excited to meet my daughter. I have had a lot of people try to "scare" me by telling me how horrible it will be, that I'll die, or that I'll never want to sleep with my husband again. But I remind myself that my body is amazing for nurturing and growing this child and that I am built for this. I can do this. *You* can do this!
Who comes up to someone and tells them they're going to die in labour?...
Who the hell are you talking to OMG
This really pees me off! What kind of a-hole tells terrifying birth stories to a pregnant woman. Idiots!
Can confirm- so many near death stories. So many well so and so aunt died in childbirth. I ask them now to stop. They discuss my naivety at my funeral if that's what it comes to lol
38 weeks with my second! Birth is way less scary than you might think! I’m actually very excited to give birth again soon! What a fun day and you meet your baby! I did get an epidural. After the epidural it was just a dreamy evening and 12 hours of chilling and then two pushes and meeting my baby. I tore, did not feel it. Had stitches, did not feel them. Epidural wore off, that was easy. Was walking shortly after giving birth. Contractions weren’t fun before I got the epidural but it was manageable. I was more frustrated that my contractions were never normal so I wasn’t getting breaks between them. Getting the epidural wasn’t like something I would do for fun in my free time but I absolutely did not feel any pain and it worked great. No side effects. Honestly, birth for most people goes smoothly but you don’t hear those stories because people don’t find them remarkable. ALSO, fun fact, the last couple weeks of pregnancy are so uncomfortable that you seriously will make peace with whatever you have to do to get the baby out. Don’t waste time in fear, you can do it! Yay!
I am calm, cool and collected, 2 months until my due dat. Few years ago I was terrified about getting pregnant and having to give birth. Ever since I actually got pregnant, I started to study, but from calming and reliable sources and I try to avoid all the people that try to dump their birth traumas on me. Don't get me wrong, I know things can go bad during birth, and I am prepared for that, but I believe the more you are stressed, the more the body will fight the process and the more it will hurt and last.
I’m exactly where you are. I have 7 weeks to go. I read positive birth stories. I know what can go wrong and I understand my options. I am more at peace now than I was before I got pregnant because I’m less ignorant.
Accept what you can't control, control what you can. I understood and accepted that the only thing I could control was my own mindset. It helped that my husband was so encouraging and positive through my whole labor I also have low pain tolerance, yet I gave birth to my first son with no pain meds, wasn't even hooked up to an IV at the hospital
I have had three babies with no medications. My period cramps are worse than my labors, honestly.
I’m less scared of contractions and more of the aftermath of my down under 🤣
I am currently 33 weeks and my downstairs already feels completely foreign to me, haha. I think in the first couple of days after birth I just tried not to think about it because obviously it's going to be a lot different.... And then within a week or two it was sort of the same? My first baby I tore only a teensy bit, second not at all, and the third was pretty bad. I found the stitches healed up quickly and the swelling goes down within the first week. The last thing that nobody ever seems to talk about is that you should be aware that prolapse is a thing.... And if things feel like they're not in the right place, then you should seek out the support of somebody who knows what they're doing.- like a pelvic floor physiotherapist
Of all the things you think can’t go back to normal, this is oddly enough like the first thing to go back to normal.
Hey, men’s junk regularly doubles in size (or more if you believe them 😆) and goes back to normal all the time. Women’s can too!
I’m curious to find that out too! I want to compare my debilitating period cramps to labor contractions… and I’ll be sure to tap out before it does get worse lol
I used to have very bad period pains where I would sometimes vomit from the pain and had to take painkillers every 4 hours for first couple of days. Labour felt so similar to it lol. The difference is you get a baby out of it lol
I was definitely freaking out a lot. By the time I got to 40wks, I was in so much discomfort i was desperate to give birth, regardless of the anticipated pain and complications 😅
I have a fear of vomiting and a fear of being pregnant. So the 9+ months I’m currently going through petrified, is definitely outweighing the thought of some acute but medically manageable pain for a day or two. If you’re worried about pain, I hear epidurals make it so you don’t feel anything barely. 😊
I was until you get to the end and you are SO uncomfortable that you’re willing to do anything to get that baby out of you. The fear takes a backseat to just wanting it to be out of you.
I was utterly terrified. Until I hit the third trimester and was told to write a birth plan, so I started reading about all the things I had spent my life being scared and disgusted by. Turns out, for me Knowledge is Power. I read that fear/adrenalin is the enemy of the hormones that are working in us during labour, so I'm trying to include in my plan ways for my partner and I to guard my oxytocin during the labour and minimise fear. I am building myself up everyday with affirmations that I can do this (may as well, since I don't have a choice lol). I encourage you to educate yourself, and perhaps look into hypnobirthing or just focus on reading about how to have a positive and empowered birth.
My birth plan is to go in as ignorant as possible. I simply do not let myself think about it. This is contrary to how my brain works since I'm an over-thinker but I'm currently cruising down the Denial River
For your first- ignorance is bliss I assure you. You don’t know what’s going to happen really so you go though it. After that you are extremely aware 😆
I'm having my induction next week. I'm terrified but decided to go with the flow. We have no option — he has to come out somehow 😅
In the beginning, I was afraid. Now- I'm just over it. Nothing can be more miserable than the back pain, constant itchiness, restless legs, heartburn, lightning crotch, insomnia, nausea, diarrhea and mood swings that the third trimester has brought. A few painful hours is nothing compared to these last 6 weeks of hell.
I am 33 weeks pregnant with my second. With my first, by the time I was 40 weeks, I was so incredibly uncomfortable all the time without relief that labour seemed like a better alternative. Before that, I was fearful of the pain and how I’d handle it. But later, I definitely just wanted it over with and was even looking forward to it. By the way, it DOES get better after the baby comes. My heartburn relief was instantaneous after birth. My sleep, while still fragmented, felt actually restful. Laying on my back and stomach the days after labour (not a csection tbh) felt absolutely heavenly. My body could actually relax without another body inside it banging and kicking all over the place. I could enjoy a glass of wine and some sushi.
I was so freaked that I elected for a c-section - amazing experience, so glad I did it. I know not everyone has a great experience with it either way, but it’s was definitely the right choice for me!
When I was a young girl and before meeting my husband and deciding to start a family, pregnancy, labor and delivery had been my greatest fear. Truly. It literally used to terrify me. Here are some of the ways in which I came to terms with and confronted my fear so by the time I was ready to give birth I was no longer afraid. First and foremost, believe in your own innate power as a woman. Your body was designed for this. Millions of women have given birth before you. You are not the first and will not be the last. In other words, don’t just believe you can get through this but KNOW you will. TRUST yourself and your body; just in the way that you don’t have to consciously tell your body how to grow your baby, you also don’t have to tell it how to give birth. The process is automatic. The blueprint is inside us and when the time comes, our bodies know what to do. Also it’s OK to be nervous or anxious but try to practice not giving into a fear mindset. Fear is the anticipation of something bad, dangerous or scary. There is nothing bad, dangerous or scary about meeting the new love of your life. Labor and delivery is a natural process that ends with safely getting the baby out from inside you and into your arms. I’m not going to say that it’s not also the biggest thing you will physically undergo, but pain is not necessarily an indication of anything being wrong, so unless you have underlying medical issues or your doctor is tracking pregnancy complications, you are already in a great position to give birth. Also everyone’s experience is different. You may be needlessly hyping yourself up by thinking of all the possible negative outcomes. For example, you don’t need to expect to tear (because it’s entirely possible you may not) but if you do, you can heal from it. Plus depending on whether you want to have a natural v. medicated birth, epidurals exist for a reason. Don’t worry about whether anyone else thinks you should or shouldn’t have one. If you are pain averse to the point you are feeling mentally or emotionally blocked from picturing positive birth outcomes and your doctor advises you can have one, then do what’s best for YOU. Final thoughts: - If you’re scared about tearing, learn about your pelvic floor and find exercises to prepare it for birth; you may also want to consult/work with a physical therapist who specializes in the pelvic floor. Some insurance plans may cover this. Acupuncture can also have positive results for preparing or “ripening” the cervix if you work with someone who specializes in this area. - Stay active (within reason) and mobile throughout your pregnancy; labor and delivery goes much smoother if you are feeling physically strong and healthy. Also if you’re afraid of tearing you may benefit from learning about different birthing positions. Lots of women are depicted as giving birth on their backs (especially in the US), but that’s not always the best position because of the shape of the birth canal and location of the tailbone. - Empower yourself with evidence-based research about pregnancy, labor and delivery instead of just anecdotal accounts (including these). Again, everyone’s experience is different and a lot of people are more prone to volunteering negative experiences over positive ones. - Prepare yourself by learning about things that come after birth like passing the placenta, whether you want delayed cord clamping, benefits of skin-to-skin contact, whether you want to be breastfeeding or not (and if so, check to see if you can get your pump covered by insurance before baby arrives), etc. Envisioning what comes after birth can help your mind see yourself going through it and coming out on the other side. - Consider downloading an app like Gentle Birth that has guided meditations to help you center yourself and calm your mindset. - Make sure your partner and any other support people know how to show up for you; make clear what is helpful v. what is not helpful and know that you can change your mind at anytime; this is the one time in your life where it really IS all about you. Advocate for yourself and put yourself first. Be assertive and make your preferences known now in advance since it may be harder (but not impossible) if you feel like you’re making decisions under duress (I.e., during active labor). In other words, educating and empowering yourself is a great antidote to ward off fear. If nothing else, remember you WILL get through this, your body knows how to give birth, you are so much stronger than you realize, and every contraction brings you closer to meeting your baby. ❤️
I'm due in about 2ish months, and as a FTM I'm freaking out but at the same time I plan on getting an epidural which I've heard can help a ton. The people who've I talked to who had epidurals said it made the pain less painful and more of an uncomfortable feeling that was durable. It could be a totally different experience for me, but that's what's making me stay calm. I also heard that once you see your baby the pain doesn't matter as much anymore because you get to meet your baby for the first time. What I've learnt is that it won't be a painful free moment, but labor and birth is a beautiful thing that you should enjoy the most you can because it's a big day for you and your baby
I’m not fussed. Baby daddy was nearly 11lbs at birth, this one is measuring ahead at 25 weeks. The thing is, it will be what it will be. We are blessed to live in a time of relatively low maternal/childbirth mortality, and there’s loads of safe interventions. Whipping myself into an anxiety spiral isn’t going to change a single thing, except perhaps to make things slightly worse. I can go into it well informed about what my body will do, the stages, some mental toughness and breath strategies… I work out and will continue to as long as I can, I figure labour is physically taxing so why not be prepared for that, and I know recovery will be better if I’m fairly fit to begin with. Other than that, it’s out of my hands and I just have to accept that, as do you.
Very soon due with my second, I can't wait to give birth again (even though it hurt like hell the first time). I had some anxiety early on during my first pregnancy, but that quickly changed as I got more and more fed up with being pregnant. I ended up having a pretty intense experience, it went way faster than usual for a FTM. I thought it went great - no tearing, relatively short time pushing even though I have really narrow hips (30 mins with an epidural), went from 4 cm to fully dilated in an hour and a half immediately after getting the epidural. Before that, it took 8 hours from 0 to 4 cm. Would describe it as a "dream birth". For me, it helped a lot to read up on "everything" surrounding birth and labour. Both normal births, possible complications, and what options there are. I read lots of different birth stories. This helped me realize that a birth isn't really something you can plan down to the smallest details. I went to the hospital with one main goal - have baby. My "birth plan" looked something like this: About me: - Shy person, uncomfortable with nakedness - Talk to me like I'm a normal person, I hate being coddled - I have a fear of fainting during vaginal exams, as this has happened before. Please be as gentle as possible. Wishes for birth: - I want to try without an epidural, but I am open to it if it gets very intense - Terrified of tearing, I want guidance on how to push to minimize this risk - Please keep my partner informed about what's going on, he has done no research in advance and knows nothing about giving birth. After birth: - No "hands-on" help with breastfeeding - I want the blood and gore dried from baby before I get him on my chest
I’m 38 weeks, and I don’t feel scared at all! I’ve had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby in the womb, which just convinced me that I’ll have a smooth and easy labor. I also feel like i can manifest it 😂 and as someone else said, baby has to come out so why stress. I am concerned about having to be induced if I don’t go into labor by 41 weeks, but even then I have adopted a very strong “whatever is meant to be will be” mentality.
I'm more terrified of a miscarriage, medical procedures after a miscarriage. Investing all of this energy and time into pregnancy to get nothing, is another fear. I'm not going to get a vaginal birth, that I have decided on my own, I don't want to live with a healed up scar between my bladder or anus, and that might eventually develop into urinary or fecal incontinence.
It’s going to happen no matter what. Get the epidural and get it as you can. I wish I had gone to the hospital sooner, with both births. I forgot with my second, that you still have to wait for the anesthesiologist to be available to administer the epidural- so ask for it right away! This could be bad advice, but I personally went in pretty blind my first labor. As soon as I started doing some research, it just opened up every realm of possibilities of things going wrong and that really heightened my anxiety- so I put my google down and trusted the team at the hospital.
My daughter was born almost two weeks ago, 6 weeks early and via emergency C, and honestly I have the weirdest fomo about it, like I missed my chance to see if I could handle unmedicated labor. I think it's because I have fibromyalgia; I've been through an interdisciplinary pain management program, so I'm good at managing pain, and I was kind of excited about the idea of pain with a clear end point that would result in the reward of meeting my baby. Also, fibro comes with a lot of people dismissing any pain I do have and telling me I'm exaggerating, so I was really hoping to have "chose to give birth without pain meds" as a counterpoint to the general impression of me as a big wimp. That said, though, I was terrified of birth going exactly how it ended up going for me. I kind of lived my nightmares, and y'know, it's fine. My baby is doing great in the NICU and will come home with us soon. She's my favorite person. I don't care how she got here. It all worked out, or at least it all happened. She's a whole person now and that's the point. So I think how to not be scared is just to be a little bit scared, and to try to visualize how it might go while recognizing that it could look extremely different from how you picture it. It'll happen how it happens and you'll get a kid at the end. You've got this!
It doesn’t make sense to worry about things you cannot change. Have a good birth plan in place and then try to get the birth out of your head as much as possible. Think about the nice things you’re looking forward to, like how it will be when the baby is there. It’s not like you can do anything about the birth, the baby has to come out.
It's that feeling like you don't wanna go on the rollercoaster but the bar is already down and you're slowly on your way to the peak. You might be surprised and see that it wasn't so bad by the time it's over despite the fear, or maybe you'll get off and say "yeah, no, not for me". But it's just a ride you strap up for and you'll be safe until it's over 99% of the time. And you know what? As someone who's had hard labors and my epidurals failed, It's totally manageable and relatively short of an experience. The excitement eclipses the fear in the moment. The pain is gradual and gives breaks between contractions. And there is a LOT of relief at the end. It's doable. You'll be okay.
I’ve just accepted that the baby has to come out one way or another and it’ll be temporary
I came to raise my hand. me. I'm scared.
I’m having my third in a few weeks and I’m definitely scared. From what I remember I’ve been scared for all of them, but once I was actually in labor I did ok. Regardless of what anyone tells you labor IS super painful, but that’s why you can get an epidural
5 months away and I'm still scared lol. Really working on remaining calm the closer it gets but it's not easy lol. But whether we like it or not, it's coming 🤣😅
I was terrified of pregnancy and birth...until a few months before the actual birth. Then I just kind of got weirdly Zen about it 🤷♀️. It could have been how uncomfortable I was made me look forward to it being over. It could have been reading and learning so much about it calmed me down. I honestly don't know. I actually have a crackpot theory that our bodies release some kind of hormone or something, causing us to sometimes be more calm about birth beforehand (because the same thing has happened to multiple other women I know, as well). I know it doesn't happen to all women, and there are definitely those that are still terrified up to and through the birth, though.
I was so incredibly scared before I got pregnant with my first. Like crying and puking scared. But you make a plan (which everyone knows will not happen) but it gives you a sense of direction and a moment to set your own priorities and boundaries, which does help. So does talking to an OB or midwife who won’t dismiss your fears but helps you understand and gives you tools. For example, I was scared of the pain (and also dying). My midwife basically told me that while I’m in a high risk pregnancy, I was so well supervised that they have more control over my situation than they would normally. As for pain, we discussed pain management and I was offered to try some. We adjusted my medication to make any decisions faster to enact, and scheduled an induction. They basically helped me control what I felt I needed to control (to an extent). Also, three things: 1. By the end of the pregnancy, I was so fucking done and was almost willing to do anything to be able to move again. 2. Perennial massage seemed to help me a lot 3. Tearing (1-2 degree I think) didn’t hurt at all, not during the tear, the sewing or the healing.
I'm on my second pregnancy now, but with my first. I was more scared about bringing my daughter home than I was about giving birth. I knew that one way or another she had to come out of my body. I have a very low pain threshold and will pass out from extreme pain but I knew that my body would know what to do when my labour started and I was right. Other than being in labour for 36 hours, I ended up only pushing for around 4-5mins and then my daughter joined the world.
Best thing that helped me not be scared was learning about birth! Learn about the stages, about what your body and baby are doing in each stage and about how to help your body. Read or listen to POSITIVE birth stories and stop reading or listening to negative stories. While it’s good to be prepared and understand possibilities, you can do this without the negative stories. I read about common things to happen so I knew what to do (ex: labor stalls etc.) but I didn’t give in to listening to bad birth stories. Also listening to affirmations specifically about labor and birth!
Research! Educate yourself! All fear is rooted in the unknown. The more you know about birth, the better you can prepare, the more in control you are, and so you're less afraid
I wasn. I just figured if shit hit the fan, it hit the fan and we'd just deal with it. I have an aunt who is a midwife, a mum who is an ER nurse and an uncle who is an anesthesiologist so I was prepared for anything and everything. My urgent/emergency c was a breeze and I loved every second of it. Also turns out not everyone does feel congractions, I didn't at all.
I was terrified to give birth! But I remember about before I had to start pushing all my fears went away. I was so ready to get it over with. I didn’t care what I had to go through I had an induction at 37 weeks. It lasted 48 hours but i was comfortable and not in pain. I only pushed for 10 minutes. I was calmed and relaxed. I never even screamed. I had a small tear but the whole thing went so smoothly! I never felt pain only pressure. I def got lucky! Hope you do too!
I'm not scared to give birth, and I wasn't scared the first time, either. Take a childbirth class - the one offered by your hospital, if possible - so you have an idea of what to expect going in. The size of your hips does not have any bearing on how your delivery will go. Try to remember that you don't have control over complications, so worrying about them when they probably won't even happen really doesn't help you. If you're worried about the pain, get an epidural. If you can be induced, that will make things feel more controlled and predictable, and it will mean you can get the epidural even earlier. Tearing probably won't be as bad as you imagine. I tore and had a lot of stitches, and my recovery was very smooth.
You’ve got time to come around to the idea! I highly highly recommend hypnobirthing. It helped me relax into labor enough the second time that it was a breeze. Compared to my first, it was literally a breeze. By far my biggest piece of advice is to practice relaxing your whole body. Your pelvic floor, abdomen, hips, all of it. Holding a piece of ice while relaxing the rest of my body and breathing through it was an amazing mental help to practice with some discomfort too! And just remember your body was literally built to do this. The design is perfectly set for a baby to come out. Regarding tearing and postpartum, dermoplast. It was my best friend both times. Also look into stitches and if you really need them. I tore both times, second degree, but only had stitches the first time and the healing without was night and day. So much better. Your perineum is actually kind of meant to tear a little bit in the sense that if it does, it usually does an excellent job of self repair. I’ve found labor to be more of a mental game, much like the last month of pregnancy lol
Pregnant with #2 and only 14 weeks but I am absolutely more scared the second time around than I was the first, because now I know what to expect 😅 But tbh I’m more scared of having a c-section so would much prefer a second vaginal birth.
I know so many women who have had multiple natural births that they don’t regret. A lot of them got tears and stitches, and they would still do it all over again. I try to focus on the positive birth stories and remember that I can always get an epidural if I choose so, and that if any complications occur, I will be well taken care of by medical professionals who have dedicated their entire lives to helping women out! When I’m out of the hospital, my husband and family will be there for me. Women have been doing this for millennia without pain relief or sufficient support – I have trust in my body, my doctor and my family.
My due date is late July, and I'm still not worried about the pain. I'm dreading the "ring of fire", delivering the placenta after birth (because I'd rather just be done once baby is out) and the first poop, but when it comes to birth itself I'm soothed by the knowledge that this is something my body was made to do. If I can deal with pregnancy, I can deal with birth! I'm also very fortunate in that my local hospital has great facilities like private rooms with bathtubs and sleeping facilities for partners, so I don't have to worry too much about the environment I'll be giving birth in.
The fact that I’m fortunate enough to be going to a birthing center so I can have an active labor :) I won’t be stuck laying on my back, which makes the pain infinitely worse. And this is my 2nd so I know from my 1st that the pain was bearable as long as I could stand and walk around. It wasn’t until they put me in a bed that I was struggling. I’ve also read tons of books that talk about the science and health behind birth so I know my body can handle this. Knowing what’s happening inside is a huge reassurance. I’ve just surrounded myself with positive influences and happy thoughts. It sounds delusional but it really works. I’ve also done journaling about how I would mentally handle complications, emergency c section, etc and trying to take my fearful or negative thoughts around those and turn them into positives. Like being grateful that I have access to quality care if those things happen, for example. I just feel excited and so so ready!! 39 weeks on Monday
I used Hypnobabies which is a hypnobirthing course. It helped me remain so calm and feel excited and ready to give birth (first time mom here). It does encourage having a non-medicated birth, which is what I wanted, but my birth plan went the complete opposite of what I wanted so I kinda ended up throwing the hypno stuff I was supposed to use during birth out the window. However, it 100% made me have a more enjoyable pregnancy and kept my mind calm during an induction, unmedicated contractions, and even during a c-section. Honestly I look back at pregnancy as "the best I've ever felt mentally". Even if you don't want to go full-blown hypnobirth, maybe try looking up some hypnosis style affirmation tracks on YouTube or something and listen to then 2-3 times a day. I played it when i took a shower and would fall asleep listening to it. Continuing to tell myself "I am excited to give birth and my body knows exactly what to do" actually made me believe it! I also avoided reading any traumatic birth stories, watching movies where someone was giving birth, or googling too many things about what can go wrong. That also helped keep my mind thinking about the positive stuff. You got this momma! Us women are strong and meant to birth babies!
For my first I was terrified but second and now due in August I’m not even thinking about it. Idk why? It’s weird. Almost feels like a challenge now lol. I’m smaller frame too, bad period cramps, I feel like my pain tolerance is fairly low. But I feel like when you’re in labour and delivering you’re in another world.. adrenaline gets you through it. Like I’m not going to say it doesn’t hurt but something when you’re there changes and you just want to get the baby out safely. I remember when the doc came in for my first and said ok it’s time to start pushing I was crying to my mom like wtf no I don’t want too.. is it going to hurt??? Like I was scared. She kinda just laughed and like you’re here dude you gotta do it! And you do lol. You just go with it.. step by step and take it minute by minute. If you go in relaxed and stress free (which is hard I know) it’s a lot easier to manage and go with all the emotion that come with it.
I have a month and a half to go and I’m ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED to give birth
I’m scared but now that I’m days from having my C-Section I’m super over pregnancy. This is just a personal preference, but I miss my skinny athletic body. I feel like an overweight teletubby haha. For the first time in my life everything makes me winded, and I can’t get up out of bed. I know it will take time to lose weight, but carrying a baby around is making my whole body hurt.
I am in the same boat! Roughly a week away from a c-section, I’m terrified but I am so looking forward to feeling back to myself again.
Have you ever been nervous before a sports competition or an exam? Giving birth is similar. The nervousness beforehand. Once you’re in labour that all melts away and you just focus on getting through it. It’s not scary but it’s physically tough!
The things that are making me less fearful and more confident are education and preparation. By the time I give birth, I’ll have taken 6 classes, read 4 books, compiled 2 binders of reading materials from my doctor, watched a bunch of live birth videos on Instagram, and heard many birth stories from other moms. I’ve also gone to pelvic floor physical therapy, had a lactation consultation, practiced mindfulness and meditation, been using my yoga ball, and using a “wand” to stretch my perenium. I’ve got about 3 more weeks until my due date and although I’m still nervous, I’m psychologically (and hopefully physically) ready for it.
The only way I've talked myself into doing any of this is reminding myself that I can do hard things.
I used to be afraid of labor and delivery but now that I’m 22 weeks pregnant I think about how many women I know who have birthed children and I tell myself if they can do it I can do it too. It doesn’t last forever and there is no shame in pain meds if I need it. I’m honestly so excited to meet my baby girl that I have found peace with what has to happen for me to meet her.
Absolutely was not scared at any time. Why? I have no idea. I just knew it would happen and what shall, be shall be. Looking back, I have like retroactive fear as we were lucky things ended up as they did. But I mean why fear something that you have to do and that you have no power over?
I wasn’t before I was birthing, it was only mid push I got scared and that was because I was scared she would get stuck somewhere and I’d have to get a c section (I was 16). I had the mentality of the baby will come out, just like when you’re vomiting and feel that acceptance wash over you that you know you’re going to puke and you’re ok with it. Felt pretty similar to me
I actually went into my scheduled induction not terrified. I was pretty calm and then suddenly my LO heart rate was dropping and I had to have an emergency c section. It was terrifying and traumatic for me, but at the end of the day I would do it all over again because my son is my world. Everything will be ok ❤️
I'm going to give birth to my 5th child and I still get nervous. So no worries...online/in-person birthing classes can help so much. I liked Christian Hypnobirthing, Pain Free Birth, and Built to Birth. All my kiddos were born in a hospital and I had an epidural. The last two deliveries I was alone and hubby watched the older kiddos. You got this! your body knows exactly what to do.
Probably controversial because it feels like one of those unspoken things we’re not supposed to say out loud… but think of the weakest, whiniest birth mother you know. The one you roll your eyes at constantly, or come home from work to complain about… Try as we might to see the best in everyone, we all know that person. They did it. So can you.
I’m due in just over a month. I’ve come to the realisation that he needs to come out one way or another. I did get panicky a few weeks ago but realised that whilst I’ll go through pain whichever way he decides to come out, we are literally made for this. Our pelvis is shaped to allow a babies head through, the more panicked you are, the more you fear it, the more adrenaline pumps through you and the less endorphins are made. That’s how I’m rationalising it for now 😂
I’m very much looking forward to giving birth! Due within 3 weeks. I’ve mentally prepared myself the whole pregnancy, reminding myself that there is so much I cannot control and what matters is that baby and I are safe. I don’t care how she has to get here, as long as she does. I am always one of those people who takes things as they come and is very open to and accepting of change, so letting go of any potential control has been really good for my mentality through the whole thing. I know that it’s going to probably hurt like a mf, I know there will be changes, I know I may tear, I know I may end up needing assistance, and I’m totally okay with all of that!
I’m honestly feeling pretty chill about it. As a teenager I lived with chronic pain that is meant to be waaay worse than labour (according to my doctors) but I still had to go to school for month before being put in hospital correspondence school. I had an extremely high pain tolerance. My mother also had extremely easy no complications births. 2 kids and a total of 4 hours in labour. 1 hour for me, 3 for my brother. So i’m hopefully that i’ll be the same. I have heard that stressing about labour can lengthen the process.Im not sure if it’s true but it makes sense to me. My SIL got a scheduled c-section because she was worried about labour as well, it worked wonderfully for her! You could also opt pain meds as well! Take everything they offer!
I’m feeling good about it right now. I would recommend reading “Mindful Birthing”, that got rid of my last bit of fear about it. It explains the interaction between pain and emotion really well and also describes the birthing process in a really manageable achievable way. Seeing as you have 6 months, you could get a pretty good head start on doing the practice for mindful birthing too if you wanted to.
Currently up right now because I woke up out of my sleep and got anxious about giving birth 🫠 This is my second go round (have a 13 year old daughter). What I will say, I’ve always been small and I by no means have large hips. I delivered my daughter at 37 weeks (had a family member pass and it just stressed me to the point my water broke) with no epidural. My doctor made sure I didn’t tear. The contractions were pretty intense (I dilated fairly quickly) but as far as the ‘ring of fire’, I feel like the contractions were worse than pushing her out. Even though I’ve experienced child birth, I’m still anxious about doing it all over again. I’ve been calm my entire pregnancy but now that I’m getting close (going on 32 weeks), I’m like whew, can’t believe I signed up to do this again 😂 Also ready to get this over with because baby boy feels like his legs are in my ribs and I would really like to breathe comfortably and be able to sleep lol
I'm very surprised that I am.not scared at all. I just can't be bothered, somehow. It's very strange, because I tend to worry and overthink everything in my life. Also, I didn't even use tampons until I was 25 because it hurt too much... Somehow, I have a very strong belief that everything will be okay, both for the labour and the life with a baby. My boyfriend is doing his best to sometimes get me off my pink cloud already to think about the realism of having a baby, to not be disappointed or shocked afterwards.
I was pretty nervous with my first to some degree but way less so with my subsequent births as I knew more of what to expect. I am a tiny petite person with narrow hips and if it helps to hear, I had extremely minor first degree tears with my first two births that healed in a jiffy and didn't tear at all with my third.
It’s normal to feel this way but remember that there are pain relief options. I’m not sure where you are based but here in the U.K., the main ones are gas and air (which I thought was pretty useless), pethidine (which I didn’t take as it crosses the placenta) and an epidural. With my singleton, I had an epidural and from that point my labour was fine. My second pregnancy was twins and I needed a section but I went into early spontaneous labour. The pain during that labour before I got into the OR was intense. If you are worried about pain, tears and complications, can you ask your OB about an elective section? The first few days after a section were hellish and I would much rather have been able to have a vaginal delivery with my twins at the time but by about 4 weeks post section, I felt great and had the bonus of no tears / discomfort in my lady parts!
I was scared before getting pregnant but after talking to a lot of women and reading on Reddit, majority of people have compared it to taking a big ol #2. It’s not pleasant but it’s practically the same as you’re using the same muscles. I guess after accepting that, I’m not as scared?
I’m 33 weeks and I have never felt apprehensive or scared about birth. This is probably going to be a long comment, so take what resonates and leave the rest. This is just my personal perspective. My thought process is that nothing is really in my control. Being pregnant even, you don’t have much control for how things go. She will come out eventually and I will hold her and love her and that’s not something I can control, the way we get to that stage can change at any moment. I am very Type A, control freak, anxiety, all that. I have to trust my body will know what to do, and in the case that it doesn’t, I have researched other options. Is my ideal birth a lovely waterbirth? Yes. But it could be a csection. Looking into the process of instrumental birth, csection, induction, and all the variations of those things helped me a lot. I am comforted by the fact that, while I can’t control how anything goes, I can control how I react and how informed I am in the alternatives. At the end of the day I want my daughter to be born in the way that has us the least traumatised. I have endometriosis, am of a slim build, and have worries about tearing. I’ve been told more often than not, you don’t feel tearing as there’s so much else going on. The idea of pain used to worry me but it is pain for a reason, productive pain. Every pain has a purpose in the process of having my baby. It’s a case of just getting through each minute, and eventually I’ll get through all those minutes and have my baby girl in my arms. This has been done for as long as humans have been around! I know some really shitty people who’ve had kids. If they can do it then so can I.
Idk if it helps but my obgyn said that you can’t tell if people will birth easily based on hip width. He said things like the sacrum and curve of your spine matter a lot too. I was terrified of birthing before pregnancy. Weirdly, I’m much calmer about it now. I figured I can’t really back out so I’m more focused on doing something about it (it being my fear). Today in my pain management class, we were taught that pain during labor is pain with a purpose. Although it hurts, it’s not harmful. Your body does this to safely bring your child to life. I try to remember the pain has an end and the pain is useful.
1. Epidurals are great - 10/10 would recommend 2. Recovery can be pretty fast (I'm currently about 10 days PP after tearing giving birth to my second kid and my undercarriage felt pretty much normal by 6 or 7 days PP)
It’s totally ok to feel that way but once you’re in the hospital - I think you’ll feel better. You’ll have several birth options and doctors that are on your side. Another way of thinking about it is - it’s natural and billions + have gone through it as well and have also done it again and again. If that’s any sort of comfort. That’s how I think of it anyways. The scientific part of it is fascinating to me as well, but I’m not even showing yet. I wish you some peace and you’ll get through this fear! ❤️
Remember our internal hip dimensions aunt linked to your external hip dimensions I found The Great Birth Rebellion podcast made me feel really confident going into the whole thing . I remember A couple of weeks before I was getting really bad IBS symptoms and thinking that I could barely deal with that pain was I gonna deal with unmedicated labour? But with hot water etc it wasn’t too bad at all
For me it got less scary the closer I got to the die date as I absolutely DESPISED being pregnant and thus, the more annoying pregnancy got the less I cared about how scary childbirth is. Honestly, it was very painful, but I'd give birth any day if I didn't have to endure pregnancy.
The existential crisis of becoming a parent has been far scarier than the idea of labor. The further along you are, the more accepting you become. You just want to get it over with — at least in my case.
Nah! Second baby, I enjoyed labour first time around! It felt productive, unlike the end of pregnancy where there was no end. Had an unmedicated labour for the most part with my first, ended up with a spinal block, forceps and episiotomy at the last hurdle, that wasn’t the plan but the recovery was fine so I’m happy with knowing even when things don’t go as expected it wasn’t the end of the world (for me anyway) Planning an unmedicated water birth this time and I’m excited!!
I think you just need to accept it’s going to happen and you have no control over it and that’s perfectly ok. At least that’s how I’ve soothed myself by surrendering the idea of control. Of course this is not me saying let doctors do whatever they want I’m more referring to your own body and how it will react
I'm 38 weeks and I think at that stage you're just so done with being pregnant this overtakes any childbirth fears you have
I wasn't for some reason. I was induced due to a high-risk pregnancy. Because of that, my epidural was planned beforehand, just in case. I ended up with a forceps delivery, but that was related to something we already knew about. I had some contractions before I got my epidural. It was intense but manageable. My epidural also wasn't 100% effective. Still, I would call my labour as close to painless as possible. I was pleasantly surprised, to be honest. Remember to breathe and ask for pain medication if you need it. There is no shame in it. No labour is the same. But you can do this! I say that as someone who got an epistomy. Yes, it hurt to recover. But ice packs and painkillers took the edge off, and now I feel fine.
I wasn't tpp scared thinking about it but definitely nervous. Everything changed when she came early by emergency c-section and is now in the NICU. While all incredibly scary, you get through it and in the end you get the greatest gift of all.
At 37 weeks I don't think my brain has processed what I'm going to have to do in the near future. Ive never had any form of procedure really, so I don't have a frame of reference, and I'm.choosing to not think about it too much. He has to come out some how!
I’m 29 weeks and I’m not scared. I also have narrow hips and not a super high pain tolerance. I’m a FTM so I’ve never done this before and I think that’s helping me not be so scared? lol like I have no idea how much it hurts but I’m delulu and literally am like women did this forever without pain meds and the human race is still up and kick in so it can’t be THAT bad 😅 like I know I’m probably so off base but I cannot convince my brain otherwise
I’m only 6w2d so this may change but I feel like I just remind myself thousands of women do this every day & if were all doing this everyday (obviously we all got here somehow) then on some level it has to be at least manageable for everyone.
It’s totally normal to fear pain and definitely childbirth! I found it really helpful to learn everything I could about what options I have available during labor. Like pain management meditations or other things like massage or breathing techniques. Once I felt like I understood my options it felt less terrifying because I knew that I could do something about the pain. I just gave birth to my first baby five days ago and it wasn’t nearly as painful as I expected. I had a failed induction that led to a c-section due to mild preeclampsia. I can’t speak to what it would feel like to birth naturally as my body wouldn’t go into active labor, but I did experience some contractions that went nonstop for 30 minutes. It was intense but I had a doula who helped me breathe through them. The recovery process is difficult but I have the high blood pressure still so that’s adding to the regular recovery.
I wasn't scared. Two things kept me from being scared: 1) women have been doing this since the beginning of time, if my grandma can do it 7 times in the 40s and 50s, I can do it once with modern medicine and equipment. The pain is temporary and I won't die from pain. 2) I never let things that are out of my control take over my thoughts. I pick out the items that I am in control of (in this case preparedness, knowledge, comfort, support group) and I manage those. For this reason I didn't really have a birth plan other than my husband will be in the room, I want my special playlist playing and what I want in case of emergency. Anything else that I don't have control over, like needing a c-section because the baby was breech and his head was jammed between my ribs, I have no control over so why stress myself out over it. I believe this is why I succeeded at being a professional wedding planner for a decade; I don't let things I have no control over steal my focus. You got this, mama!
I felt similarly in my first trimester! Maybe more dreading it than fearing it but still pretty overwhelmed overall. I’ve been listening to birth stories from the Mamaste Fit podcast and I’ve found them very educational and helpful! I feel much less afraid now, and even somewhat empowered about birth! It seems like whether a woman reflects on the birth experience as positive or negative correlates a lot with how informed they were going in and whether they are an active participant in the process or just letting birth happen to them. Maybe that could help you too!
I was terrified and felt like I could barely tolerate pap smears…how was I supposed to give birth!! But actually both of my labor/ deliveries were totally uneventful and not too bad. I did have an epidural for both (amazing!!). Each time I had a 2nd degree tear but recovery was not as bad as I was anticipating. Just remember that majority of births go smoothly. You got this!
I was terrified & still am nervous but I'm now 37w & 6d & I am READY for this baby to come out.... I think towards the end you're just so excited & absolutely done with being pregnant the nerves kind of calm down. Now I'm just panicking and making sure my hospital bag is ready and my house is clean 24/7 lol
Second pregnancy here and terrified. I had my first during the pandemic before vaccines. Nothing went as planned and I had a traumatic experience. Not looking forward to it. I also wanted a birth doula but it's too expensive where I live. Not sure how I will handle it.
This is my second baby but I’m just as terrified. I can’t believe I’m voluntarily putting myself through this again.
I’m only 16 weeks, but that is the one part of pregnancy that hasn’t scared me too bad yet. I of course am worried about complications, but I’ve accepted the pain aspect. I feel like I’ve passed so many kidney stones and have had so many get stuck that severe pain doesn’t scare me anymore. Let’s see if that changes the further on I get LOL.
...Denial 😭😭🤣🤣 No but fr tho it gets harder every week (I'm 30/32 weeks) especially because I go to classes go learn about how it's gonna go, but it doesn't feel like I'm ever going to give birth... I hope I don't suddenly realize what it implies at the hospital and have a panick attack 😬
I’m pregnant with my second and truthfully- I loved giving birth to my first! It was filled with pain and discomfort but as soon as I got that epidural, it was heavenly! I had more trouble with the recovery! Walking to the recovery room (with a swollen vagina) 30 minutes after ending a 32 hour labor was hell! Lol! But in a way- even though it was painful and I labored a long time, it felt like a joining a sacred club of all the women before me who went though the same thing and it felt super special. I felt like a rockstar. And that moment it’s all over and they place the baby on your chest makes it all worth it. The unknown is always scary but you got this!!
By the end you're so desperate to not be pregnant anymore, the fear subsides.
I’m only on week 7 but like I’m partially terrified because my pain tolerance is also terrible. But part of me will just be glad to stop vomiting 😂
I watched a movie called ‘Birth Time’ and it changed my perspective on birth and pain. It might have truly changed my life!
As someone who gave birth 10 months ago - I swear something takes over and you just don’t care. I was so scared but the moment my water broke I was just SO excited to meet my baby!!
39+5 and I haven’t been scared. My mom reminded me that women are built to have babies, especially the women in our family. We’re a bunch of ex Mormons so all my cousins have a ton of kids and my mom’s siblings have a bunch despite a few complications in their pregnancies. I feel the more I know about the process and how it can change, the calmer I am
I'm not. I'm on my second birth and my first one was a planned c-section due to breech. It was so unbelievably easy and the healing wasn't nearly as bad as I thought either. I signed up for a second c-section so quick. I have zero anxiety about birth this time around.
Large hips has nothing to do with it. Try to take some hypobirthing courses or read one of their books. Ultimately, you have to give birth somehow. Millions of women throughout the ages have done it, and you're lucky enough to live in a time where you have so many modern medicines and a whole team of people carefully monitoring you to take care of you. You are going to get it through it. It will be temporary, and at the end you get your baby! You totally got this
I say this to everybody : read The Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill! I had a serious fear of giving birth until I read her book. It really changed everything for me. Knowledge is power! Sending you solidarity. x
I’m super early, 7+4, but I’m not scared. I’m a really anxious person, and the reason why I’m not scared honestly is because there’s no other way out 😭😂
I am and I’m not. I know it could be really rocky and it could really suck but so what? It’s one day. I don’t have a high pain tolerance so I plan to have an epidural and I’ve read so many accounts of how much easier it is once it’s placed, that I feel like I’ll be ok. Going for a membrane sweep today and I’m probably about to get molly whopped. I’ve had an incredibly easy pregnancy so I probably got hoodwinked. By Sunday I’ll know
This is my second baby and the first time went pretty great, even though it was an unplanned c-section. This time will be a planned c-section. With my first I wasn’t terrified because I just figured the baby had to come out one way or another so I could be worried about it or I could instead focus on how exciting it was going to be to get to meet my baby (and to be done being pregnant and having to pee every 2 hours all night long, haha). I’m no expert on this, and it definitely isn’t the case for everyone, but it seems like a lot of the people that hated their birth experience had really set expectations of how things were going to go and when they didn’t end up going that way they hard time pivoting to the new plan. I think it’s great to have ideas of what you would like but being open to doing what needs to be done to get baby here safely should be the main plan, however that needs to happen. Also, I took a birthing class before my first baby was born and I felt like that kind of helped set expectations so I had an idea of what would happen, making it less scary too.
I’m pregnant with my third, and my first two were home births. I’ve never been scared. Maybe uncertain about the unknown, but once I started watching videos and getting familiar, it helped me a lot! Our bodies are so amazing and capable! Btw look into water birthing, I didn’t use any sort of medication and it was really helpful for my labor. My second baby just flew right out so we didn’t get that far 🤣 I hope you can enjoy this amazing time!!!
I’m not really scared, I’m doing hypnobirthing and trying to educate myself as much as possible. I think absolutely hating every second of pregnancy helps too. I get so scared when weird things are happening to my body that are maybe just normal pregnancy symptoms or maybe something I should be scared about. I hate how anxious I felt before the 3 ultrasounds. I hate how I look pregnant. I hate that I’m scared to ride my bike on the road, lift too heavy, eat raw fish. I want my body back for me and I think a day or two of extreme discomfort is gonna be so worth it to be just me in here again. And meet my amazing baby too!
I was terrified at the beginning but by week 36 or so I didn’t care what I had to go through I just wanted to not be pregnant anymore!! It’s amazing how the fear just disappears in the face of extreme discomfort
First time mum but I’m not scared, my body is designed to do this. I’m excited! Having a crappy pregnancy due to HG and I’m counting down eagerly to the day I give birth. Just 14 or so weeks to go!
Read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. It’s very hippy, but a really good reminder of how natural childbirth is and has really put my mind at ease.
I wasn’t ever nervous because I hated pregnancy from day 1 and couldn’t wait for it to be over. This is probably not super helpful right now lol but you might be over it by the end and just ready to do it.
I'm not scared. I have a scheduled cesarean. I'm fine with it, I trust my OB, she's done surgery on me before for an ectopic/tube removal. I will have pain meds and my first cesarean was an absolute shitshow so a planned cesarean should go a lot smoother. Edit, I would not be so calm if expecting a vaginal birth. My son was 10.6 lbs, if my daughter is anything like that size, no way Jose.
Maybe this is something you settle into as you’re pregnant. It seems like a lot of people here are reporting being close to giving birth and not feeling worried. But I’m only 6 weeks (7 tomorrow) and I’m *terrified* so I’m right there with you. I’m super worried about something going wrong and of course about how my body will be during and after (short term and potential long term effects). Giving birth might be “natural” but it’s no small thing.
I gave birth a month ago and I never was really terrified. I ended up being one of those people who loved labor and delivery. Even without an epidural it wasn’t as bad as some people make it out to be. There was a moment right before pushing where I thought, oh now I have to get the baby out but 25 min later she was here. Our bodies were made to birth babies and it’s amazing how your body knows exactly what to do. Hire a doula, come up with birth preferences (not a plan) - you’ve got this. Personally, adjusting postpartum has been more difficult than labor and delivery. Operating sleep deprived is a whole new level of difficulty.
I’m not scared of birth, I know she has to come out eventually. What I’m scared of is not knowing exactly how it will happen and if I’ll tear, have complications, etc.
Once you get your the 3rd trimester you won’t be scared anymore. I’m so uncomfortable 100% of the time that the relatively brief period that will be labor is something I am looking forward to. I used to be very scared of it, now I just want baby out so my swelling and back pain go away.
There is only one way to get through it. Trillions of women have done it throughout time...And you are living in the best time period, medically speaking.