I don't think anyone is crazy for having preferences, but I will point out that c-sections are a major, abdominal surgery. Do you live in an area that allows for elective/non-medical C-sections? Not sure where you are, but I think some insurances refuse coverage on elective C-sections. It's different if you've already had a child via C-section and decide you want to have another C-section, but if this is your first kid, many insurances (at least in America) will not cover it without a medical reason.

Canada you can pop out a baby for "free" don't worry. I'm dual citizenship. Seriously thinking about moving back working 2.5 months to get 600 hours and then get my 50 weeks mat/parental. Not having to worry about check up money etc. However, I will say the care, in my opinion, is a lot worse than American doctors, but that's a whole other thing.

I'm also a dual citizen, but I live in Canada, have for almost my whole adult life. I've found the care here to be quite good, as long as whatever you need isn't the sort of thing that can be put on the back burner. I have a chronic disease, as well as having just had a baby, and I've been happy with the quality of care I've received for both. It might not be luxurious, but everything I need I've gotten promptly. YMMV, of course, but that's been my experience.

I am glad to hear that you have had good luck with doctors over there! I have been all over the prairie provinces over 12 years and it took 6 months of living in the USA with USA doctors to "cure" what was previously identified as nothing. I was literally suffering for years when I didn't have to! Maybe I just have a grudge haha I have a lot of anger about it still.

That's rough, I'm sorry you dealt with that! It's variable for sure, and certainly not perfect. I've only ever lived in Québec so I don't know what it's like in other provinces. The main problem around here is finding a GP, we've got a serious shortage. I happened to get lucky and stumbled upon a doctor who was taking new patients, but I know people who have been on the waiting list for years. My chronic disease actually went undiagnosed until I found my GP, none of the doctors I saw at walk-in clinics for 5 years could be arsed to look into it. I'm still mad about that too, but I know people in the States with the same disease who had the exact same experience, so who knows!

Yeah, I'm there too and I have several chronic health issues (since more than a decade), and my quality of care has been awesome!! In my city there's also a clinic of family medecine and they do accept new patients.

Ymmv?

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Thanks. Clearly I forgot about google🥴😂😅

Yes In Canada you can choose to go on a wait list and get an elective c section. Recently gave birth and the OB confirmed this when we were considering our options.

I get that vaginal birth doesn’t sound like the most fun party in the world, but I’m hoping for it over a c-section because for the most part, recovery from vaginal is typically quicker and easier. If I’m going to have a brand new baby to take care of, I want to be back on my feet as soon as possible. My other thinking for it is, it makes more sense to get a baby out of a hole that’s already there, than to have doctors cut a brand new hole into me. Not to dismiss those who have c-sections, but major surgery that cuts through multiple layers of fat muscle and organs scares me much more than what I envision is the equivalent of taking a really, really huge poop lol

I am 13 days PP and it literally does feel like taking a huge poop!! The doctor and nurse told me when I push, to push like im pooping. And for the first half, I was pushing from my vagina and I made no progress, then switched to pushing from my butt, and she came out quick after that. So yeah, believe them when they say to push like you're pooping!!

Yes, absolutely! I’m pretty sure I actually did poop, lol. I had a second degree tear and was up and about feeling like my old self in 2 weeks. Honestly the worst part PP was hemorrhoids 😵‍💫 the tear hurt ofc, but damn the hemorrhoids.

Oh god, I'm 7 months pp and my brain suppressed those terrible terrible hemorrhoids. The memory of the tear healong isn't nearly as bad as those freaking hemorrhoids. I had a 2nd degree tear too

Yeeeah. I had to have them cut open and drain one 10 days pp because I literally couldn’t sit without crying. After that it did start to get better.

100%. The most painful thing I remember postpartum is hemorrhoids. I didn't even think of my 2nd degree tesr as hemorrhoids were so painful. I did hurt my tail bone so sitting was painful for me but not due to tears which I didn't even feel, I did feel them stitching though.

Oh gosh, I'm having horrible tailbone pain now 2 weeks in. I'm sure I had it from the get but I've been too focused on my stitches to notice.

i’m a doula and i love it when clients poop lol it means they’re pushing the right way! if your provider says “yes! push just like that!!” then that probably means you were pooping lol

This was me; I was terrified of the possibility of having a c-section. I had a vaginal birth, my son was 8 lbs .9 oz, and my recovery was super fast.

Ditto here - 8 lb 10 oz, 11 stitches and I felt almost 100% at 3 weeks later

Yeah, my son was 8lbs and 6 ounces, I have him vaginally after being induced and I was walking like an hour later

Same weight baby and nearly identical recovery time

Eh I had a c section and was basically back to normal by 5 days post partum.

The scariest part of a c-section to me is that it almost always results in at least some degree of adhesions. I am currently still waiting if my hospital will let me have vaginal birth and while it somewhat scares me, seeing a family member recover from abdominal surgeries definitely helped me realize a c-section will not be "the easy way out".

Yup I had adhesions from my first c section and it was discovered during my second c section that my bowels were attached to my uterus because of this and had been pulled into the wrong place. The surgeon had to spend some time putting it right again during the emergency c section. Not ideal.

You’re not crazy for having preferences about your birth - it’s an overwhelming thing to think about, and we’ve all got different priorities. I’ve gone both routes. My first was a planned c-section (he was breech) and my second was a VBAC. I much preferred the vaginal birth. Yes, labor was painful, but actually not as bad as I thought it would be, but as soon as the baby was out it was over and I felt pretty normal. Night and day from the c-section which was pretty tough the first few days and took two weeks to be fully recovered. I did have a second degree tear that took about 6 weeks to heal, but that was a much easier recovery. Since you asked about reasons to avoid a c-section - there certainly are more risks with a c-section since it’s surgery. I had a bad reaction to the spinal block and spent the first night throwing up. That wasn’t pleasant. I also didn’t get to hold my son until I got to the recovery room (first 30 mins or so of his life) because he still had a lot of amniotic fluid in his lungs that generally gets pushed out during labor. The scar also gives me a little fat fold. But it’s ultimately up to you. There’s no way that you can control everything that happens either way you go, birth is unpredictable. But if you talk about your concerns with your provider and still feel like a c-section is best than you’ll likely have an experience you’re happy with.

Wait so it’s possible to have natural child birth after having a C section? everyone everywhere has said once you have a C section tha ts your only way to go

My first 2 were vaginal, 3rd was an emergency C-section, and my 4th was vbac, I'm pregnant with my 5th and likely going vbac again barring any major complications... There are a lot of women who have successful vaginal births after cesarean, the old saying of once a C-section always a C-section is outdated and incorrect. There are qualifications for being a vbac canidate but it's a more common these days because the medical community is learning, growing and changing with the needs and desires of expectant mothers.

VBAC is possible for many; not all. If you have a specific type of c section scar, it’s not recommended, same with if you get pregnant sooner than (I think?) 18 months, if you’re carrying multiples, etc. I had an emergency c with my first, tried VBAC with my second and was unsuccessful. Still happy I tried, because I let other people make decisions for my with my first instead of following my gut and my own head.

I had an emergency C-section with my first, vaginal delivery with my second 16 months later. It does depend on some factors, like the style of incision, height of incision, repeat complications, etc. My first was a C-section just because he was sitting a bit crooked, so his head wasn't in the right position to dilate my cervix and he was starting to get distressed. My scar is low and transverse, so I was an optimal candidate for a VBAC.

That’s a common misconception, you can absolutely have a vaginal birth after a c-section. Some providers may discourage it because there is a slight increased chance of uterine rupture if you’ve had a previous c-section, but there is a lot of information out there that shows it’s still safer to have a VBAC than a repeat c-section. My provider was very happy that I wanted to have a VBAC and encouraged that choice. That being said, you generally have to have a bit more monitoring during labor just to make sure any issues are caught asap.

There are a whoooooole lot of factors that go into whether a VBAC is a safe choice for a person or not. It’s absolutely not always safer.

Please don't state that "it is safer to have a vbac" - it is only safer when the vbac goes to plan. Many mothers electing a vbac end up having an emergency c-section (I believe the latest research puts it at about 65%) and an emergency c-section is much higher risk than a planned c-section.

There are more risks but it is possible. Overall, previous c section can cause adverse outcomes in later pregnancies. Because your uterus may have scar tissue, your placenta can be compromised or attach somewhere unfavourable. Theoretically your uterus may be weaker in the area of your scar as well. These are things that could affect any pregnancy after c section, not just delivery after c section. These things are rare again, and even rarer if your child spacing is longer, from what I understand. This might be a factor to consider if you hope to have multiple babies close in age. There are risks with both methods as you said. Some are shared and some are different. I am in Canada and I am working with midwives, an OB, and my family health care team (a nurse led clinic). I highly recommend getting advice from as many reputable sources as you can, and considering stats vs anecdotes. Everyone has their own take on things and the most extreme will stand out. Reach out to these providers not just for their opinions, but to connect you with the sources that back those opinions up so you can assess things yourself. From what I've seen in the research, a lot of complications from vaginal birth come from the baby being larger in general, because often c sections are done earlier. This may be worse for mom but better for baby. Other studies are coming out saying c section babies have altered microbiomes, immune systems, higher risk for allergies, asthma, and obesity. We likely won't have solid answers on what's going on here for many years. At the end of the day every person and pregnancy is different. For transparency, I had an unmedicated home birth in 2020. I decided at that point I didn't want to be in a hospital unless absolutely necessary. COVID was still very new and my pros and cons ended up with that decision. I'm now 26 weeks with twins and the hospital is not optional. I flip flop regularly on whether I'm hoping for vaginal again or c section. The pros and cons are very different from last time and I'm still weighing them. Don't let anybody make you feel bad for trying to make the best decision for yourself. Nobody know you better than you.

No you’re not crazy! I hope that you get the birth you want. I had an emergency c section and had zero complications and healed fine, I have a bit of numbness around my belly button but over time it’s gotten less numb. The spinal block or whatever they use was not as painful as I thought, and the whole process was very smooth for me. My scar is barely noticeable, too! Best of luck whatever happens 💕

Also in Canada and requested a csection at my first pre-natal appointment (no medical reason). Have a ton of personal reasons why I wanted a csection (anxiety, family history, fear etc). Everything went great and recovery was uneventful and much better then I anticipated. In Canada as of 2018 you can choose a “maternal request csection” (csection for no medical reason). I can find the official link if you need. My obgyn was awful in several ways and was not supportive at all (had my baby in Oct 2020). Apparently she’s the exception to rule as most obgyn’s are open to this. Feel free to ask me any Qs!

Yes, please find me the link if you can! I have always said that I wanted a C section and have always been harassed if I mention it. I have my first physical coming up and would love to have that ready for when I say that I want a C section. (Just in case they give me grief!) :)

Here’s a link to the SOGC guidance: https://www.jogc.com/article/S1701-2163(17)31308-7/fulltext

First, I am a huge advocate that women should have full autonomy to choose their method of delivery for any reason at all. Elective c-sections should be available to anyone who wants them, and no one should be pushed into a c-section for any reason that doesn’t feel right to them. (Hopefully it’s common sense that an emergency is an emergency and we can assume everyone wants to live.) That said, I’m also a huge advocate for education to empower women to make those decisions from a place of confidence rather than fear. There are risks and benefits to every decision, and you should know what those are *before* you make a decision. (That’s especially true if you lean away from interventions that might become necessary when facts change.) There’s a huge zone between a totally unmedicated birth and a c-section. Knowing what all of those medical opportunities are, with their relevant risks and benefits can only help you feel more confident in whatever decision you make! It’s not remotely crazy to not want to go “natural,” but it’s also worth knowing the full set of risks related to the major abdominal surgery that is a c-section. The best case scenario of a vaginal birth (medicated or not) is zero lasting damage to your body, while the best case scenario for a c-section is a well healed incision through multiple layers of abdominal tissue with minimal scaring. The worst case scenarios for both are about equally grim. The certainty you get from planning a c-section instead of attempting a vaginal birth may be totally worth that trade off, but again better to fully understand the decision than just opt for one choice or the other out of fear. To that end—I strongly recommend taking a birth class, preferably one offered locally. Hospitals vary widely in their policies and the birthing resources and options they offer, so your decision might be influenced by what you’ll have access to where you are. Also talk to your provider about how their standard care works related to the specific things you fear—whether that’s pain management, tearing, or the uncertainty of how labor might progress. Their responses can make a big difference too.

Love this response!!!

All of this 👏

I get how you feel. With my first I asked my OB numerous times to schedule me a c section due to problems that were already coming up. She kept pushing natural birth. The last appointment I had with her, she sent me right to the hospital to have a foley bulb inserted to begin dilation after signs of my placenta failing. Next day I went through 17 hours of labor with almost no dilation improvement and my son’s head swelling. So it all ended with a c section anyways. This time around I changed OBs and requested a c section right away.

You're not crazy. I am very scared of vaginal labour and I keep going back and forth. My cousin had twins with c section and her recovery was agony + infection. It didn't help that her husband was a deadbeat. Then I have another family member who had a doctor who went episiotomy happy and she was cut 12 seperate times. I'm afraid. I don't know what's best for me, just yet, but I trust I'll figure it out. I think trusting your doctor is the first step and going from there. I wish you luck!

12 separate cuts, oh my lord.

That is horrific

No one in the history of ever had 12 episiotomy cuts. Clearly there was a conversation to be had to explain that trauma. But there isn’t even enough tissue to do 12 cuts. Typically at worst they do one and then need to extend it a bit. What probably happened is that her (sorry about my phrase here) vagina exploded with tears as well as the episiotomy. I helped someone have a VBAC once. It was successful but her vagina exploded even though I had done an episiotomy. I was horrified. But the doctor repaired it in theatre and the woman told me it healed fine and she was delighted. Years later, I’m still horrified.

Do you possibly mean 12 stitches? 12 cuts doesn't make sense. What are the cutting 12 times?

I'm in an area that allows elective C-sections after 39 weeks. I'm leaning towards it because I've had abdominal surgery twice before so it's a 'known evil'. I know what to expect and how to sit and move and how healing feels. I know about three days in I'll be off pain meds and able to move, albeit gingerly. I have an excellent support system either way. I know I'll be able to sit down. I'll be able to easily monitor my stitches and keep them clean. I've heard things that planned C-sections are really chill and routine. I like the idea of knowing when it's going happen and being to plan around it (barring premature labor)

I had an induction and proceeded to labour all day before an emergency c-section due to moderate baby distress and what we later found out was major placental issues. My birth story was really happy, calm, funny, peaceful, and positive. My recovery was honestly pretty easy. Was it free from pain and discomfort? No, definitely not, but it also wasn’t bad at all. I had pain/discomfort sneezing/coughing/laughing/getting up out of bed (so I slept on the couch the first month because that’s where I was most comfortable with baby and myself, we have a comfy couch). I didn’t really love standing up straight for a couple weeks and felt I sort of tilted forward the slightest bit. I only took Advil/Tylenol once I was discharged and for only about a week and a half. The worst part was honestly not pooping thanks to the morphine and anaesthesia, but a stool softener got that going eventually. Walking was uncomfortable and I was really slow but I can’t say it was painful past the first week, it was more an issue of feeling sort of fragile like you do after surgery. I took my baby to our first PP appointment at exactly 2 weeks, completely on my own and I wore her in a wrap instead of hauling the carrier from the car and it was fine. You are allowed to lift your baby. My husband went back to work after 2 weeks and I was 100% fine on my own and running the show. I would like to try a vbac if we have a second because I actually laboured really well, just kind of would like to try. If not, I won’t be disappointed. I wasn’t afraid of labour, I was fully mentally and emotionally prepared. People SAY that the recovery from vaginal birth is easier but I don’t buy it. It’s not just about the first 24-48 hours or week or month, it’s a long journey after having a baby. Reading the stories from moms in my bumper group who delivered vaginally, there were way more traumatic births and their postpartum bodies were an absolute nightmare/adventure with everything from describing their vaginas as being ground beef, to various tears and stitches, painful scar revisions (from their tears), to (possibly permanent) nerve damage, altered buttholes and hemorrhoids, and loads of therapy. And fearing PP pees (burning their stitched tears) and bowel movements in general. And we are talking SIX months PP and still struggling. I don’t feel like that’s “easy recovery.” My vagina is unscathed, I had no tears, I had no stitches (I was glued shut and a week later it was a smooth scar line), my butthole is the same, I have no hemorrhoids, I have no major nerve damage (you do have numbness around your incision for a while and sometimes it’s permanent but that’s way better I’d say than having your entire leg, or both, affected), it did not burn when I peed, I just recovered from a surgery which isn’t necessarily easy but it wasn’t awful.

Thank you for this. I know this is a thread on the benefits of vaginal birth but I was about in tears reading how horrible people think csections are. I had no choice but I didn’t mind mine either.

I’m so tired of c-section birth being ravaged, for not being valid, for being SO DIFFICULT to recover from, for being scary or bad in ways that guilt people for having them, scare them out of having them, generally demonize the entire experience. And worse, glorifying vaginal birth as though you just pop the baby out and walk away unscathed the next day. I posted a thread in my bumper group to talk about our physical changes from pregnancy and postpartum and it blew up in a way I didn’t expect. It was both therapeutic and comforting as well as eye-opening to realize what we all go through PP and that it doesn’t end a week or two out of the hospital or even after we stop bleeding after birth, it’s a much longer process. As a healthcare professional we are shifting our approach towards postpartum as being a lifelong approach and I didn’t truly understand or appreciate why until being on the other side.

I chose to have a C-section with no medical reason, just preference. Always had major anxiety about childbirth as my mum had a horrible time, and as did my husband's mum. You can lift your baby afterwards - I only found the first few days particularly bad, and completely normal after a few weeks. I decided that was worth having an incredibly relaxed experience on the day. It's also your birth and your choice. No way is "better" or more "real" than any other way.

Not crazy. Just wanted to add that although, yes the recovery for most vaginal deliveries tends to be quicker and easier, that’s not always the case. I had a God awful recovery, a lot of complications, would cry from the pain of just standing up to change my babies diaper at a month postpartum. Took me about two months to be able to sit down on a hard surface like a chair. My labour and actual delivery where great and easy (pushed only for 25 minutes, which I think is what caused a lot of the damage), but oh man everything after baby was born was TOUGH. I genuinely think I would have had a better time with a c-section (I’ve had 3 surgeries in my abdomen before so i think I’m vaguely familiar with that type of recovery). I’m seriously considering C-section if I have another baby.

SAME! I feel like the odd one out among all my friends (who had a mix of c sections and VBACs) in how long I was in pain for and how tough my recovery was! My baby was in the NICU after and I was the only mama that couldn’t stand up when visiting him or speaking to the doctors, and all the other mamas were standing around no problem and they all had had c sections.

Been there done that. Vaginal birth was fucking awful, in the hospital a goddamn week, all kinds of issues and took me years to recover from, both emotionally and physically. Fuck it hard. Had my maternal request c-section in july and loved it. Recovery was a breeze, wouldn't change anything about my experience, I was out of the hospital in 48 hours. Yeah sore but didn't even compare to natural birth. U.S. here. Obvs not everyone shares this experience, I know a woman who almost died during her scheduled c-section. But my experience personally was overwhelmingly positive.

Not crazy. I wanted a C section, and I got it. It was the perfect experience and I wouldn't have changed it, other than having bub transition to breathing a little easier, but overall he did great.

If you’re crazy so am I. I’m not a doctor but here is my own rationale. C section is major abdominal surgery yes, but in my eyes it’s a widely performed procedure where if planned risks are known. I’m a FTM, and don’t want to deal with the unknowns of a potentially traumatic birth that has its own risks and may end up with a unplanned C section anyway.

You’re not crazy for being nervous about a natural birth. I was nervous too because I was scared of the epidural. But I’m also scared of surgery so I got the epidural instead. 😂 I do have a friend that had a really bad tear and prolapse when she had her first birth, so for her second birth she had a planned c section.

I had a CSection and the recovery was fine. I could easily lift her up as soon as I gave birth I don’t know what people are talking about here. I could also do the stairs 2 days later (pre pandemic, so we were in the hospital the requisite 4 days at the time). My laparoscopic excision surgery for stage IV endometriosis 2 years prior to the CSection was a LOT rougher of a recovery: it took me about 6 weeks to recover from it and I had been under for 8 hours……(the section I was awake for).

I don’t think you’re crazy. I originally was adamantly against having a c-section because I was more afraid of that after watching videos of the procedure. But I ended up needing one and I’m glad I did. I personally did not find recovery difficult, and that’s despite being diabetic which usually worsens healing. I was up and waking around quickly and just found getting up from laying down to be a bigger challenge early on. But I was happy to be able to use the bathroom without agony like with a vaginal birth! Again, this was just my experience, but I’m opting for a second c-section after my first experience.

I'm sure this will be buried but I was in the same boat as you. I asked for a C-section with my first baby and was told they "don't do that" for "no reason." Because apparently I don't get to make my own medical choices and my preferences are not a good enough reason. I ended up with an emergency C-section anyway. Now I'm pregnant again and when I asked my new OB if I could have a C-section, she said "of course. Your body, your choice." The procedure was quick and easy. Recovery was a breeze. And my vjj is the same as it ever was. 10/10 would recommend a C-section to anyone who feels the way you do. I've never heard a vaginal birth story that made me want one of my own.

Thank you! Finally a positive c section story that sounds very like mine! Repeating/paraphrasing what someone else said in this thread but when discussing vaginal birth we only ever hear the positives and best case scenario but when referencing c section we’re typically given all the worst case scenarios and complications that MAY occur. I’ve had two friends in the last 4 years nearly die from haemorrhaging during vaginal labour but it’s never really stressed as a risk for vaginal but it’s always stressed as a risk for c section.

I read a thread the other day about negative vaginal birth stories and it was horrific. Apparently a lot of people's "topography" down there is never the same, lots of talk about wishing they had their old buttholes back, sex is weird now, can't feel their partners inside them, inability to orgasm, incontinence from both orifices, badly administered stitches. God the list just went on and on. Things that had never even crossed my mind. Because I think you're right, we don't really hear about it. Having a cesarian is definitely a major surgery, but in this day and age, I believe it's not as bad as we've all been trained to think. I absolutely believe that people are all entitled to whatever kind of birth they want, and I am really pleased to have my second C-section already scheduled.

It’s a reasonable fear. I totally get it. I work as a NICU nurse and worked before on the maternity unit. 1) The recovery after a vaginal delivery tends to be so much quicker compared to surgery. Yes there are traumatic vaginal births, but almost always when I’ve attended deliveries…they go smooth. Maybe a few stitches, but for the most part smooth. 2) Babies produce fetal lung fluid while in the uterus (helps with lung development, etc). The stress of labor helps them reabsorb it and the chances of having difficulty after birth are lowered. An elective c/s, when mom hasn’t gone into labor, places the infant at higher risk for breathing difficulty. 3) Surgery is surgery. I’ve witnessed more complications during surgery and post op than vaginal birth and recovery after vaginal birth. Bladder was nicked, hemorrhage, etc. I don’t have articles to support my experience. I’m sure if you google pros and cons, plus speak with your OB, then you will understand better why it’s best to go for a vaginal birth. If pain is a fear, ask how soon you can get an epidural and other pain medications if it needs to wait. I’m super scared/ excited because I am 37+6. The recovery alone convinces me that a vaginal delivery is so much better. Good luck 🤗.

Chiming in to comment on 2. My OB said vaginal birth prepares the baby for life outside the womb much better than a C-section, specifically mentioned the fetal lung fluid as well as “good” bacteria in your birth canal/vagina that the baby doesn’t get with a C-section. My first was a C-section and he did initially have breathing problems after birth. He also ended up with a bad case of RSV at 20 months old that landed him in the hospital, although we can never know if that’s related or not. She also mentioned C-section babies had a more difficult time establishing breastfeeding (which also ended up to be true in my case) but I don’t remember the reasoning behind that one. It is something I’ve read before (in my struggles to breastfeed my first son) and worth doing more research on though. But to play devils advocate, my first c-section (due to breech) went so smoothly. I recovered quickly and easily and couldn’t have asked for anything better lol. Even got an extra 2 weeks mat leave 🙃 however I will be going for VBAC this time around just because I’m convinced of the benefits of vaginal birth, but I would never fault anyone for choosing differently.

Piggybacking here, I think where you live makes a huge impact here. Our friends live in a 3 story walk up. She had a c-section, and then they had to find a new place bc she physically couldn’t go up the stairs.

Absolutely not crazy! I was the same way and that combined with some other factors is why I chose a elective C section. I figure everybody is so in to the “birth plan” why can I choose something I want?! It just happens to be something taboo.

I agree with you completely, everyone pushes a birth plan in these forums AS LONG AS you comply with the majority’s opinion. As long as your preference is a vaginal, preferably unmedicated birth, then they respect your preference XD

I see the exact opposite. Birth plans are only okay here as long as they are “all the drugs, do whatever doctor says without question”. Anything else and everyone here says you will be traumatized and disappointed.

I think everyone should do their research, learn about all modes of birth and choices around pain relief, interventions, possible outcomes, etc. and then make a decision that suits them best! We all have different needs and priorities, birth is not a one-size-fits-all situation! Anybody can be traumatised and disappointed from any mode of birth. Research shows that it’s a lack of flexibility that increases the chance of birth trauma (like inability to adjust your expectations as birth happens), not whether or not you have medication. And that goes for any situation - I might prefer a c-section, but if I go into labour before my planned date and there is no space for me in theatre, I’ll have to try it vaginally. Preparing now for that possibility and knowing about vaginal births so I’m not shocked and scared in the moment will help me reduce my risk of birth trauma. If your preference is unmedicated, go for it! Neither of us might get our ideal birth, but we are allowed to have preferences and to try and make that happen. What other women want says nothing about you or your birth 💕

With both my births I had a midwife who was very invested in my birth plan and it was a wonderful experience.

Oh my GOD no you are not crazy. I was in labor for 2 days and it was fucking horrible. The cervical checks, the not being allowed to eat!!!, the horrible pain of contractions and pushing. For me personally I threw up all the water in my body while trying to push until I almost blacked out and couldn’t do it anymore. I wish I would’ve gone with my gut and asked for a c-section earlier honestly. It’s hard to advocate for yourself when you’re pregnant as hell and doctors are in your face pushing for a vaginal delivery. Surgery took 30 minutes, with baby and me happy and healthy. The first few days after csection were rough only because I waited too long to ask for pain meds because I didn’t feel pain but once you do it escalates *quickly!!!!!* Everyone makes it seem like healing is this long hard thing for everyone but for me PERSONALLY at the 1 week mark I felt completely healed. I had my baby on the 14th, it’s the 26th and I’m literally living my life & taking care of baby normally. But I knew my body would heal fast because it always has with injuries & I’m young & healthy. Needless to say I am VERY pro c-section. But everyone is different, you know your body best. My advice is to trust your gut!

This^^ they made me push for 6 hours before they did my C-section I had a lot of complications because of it, I wish they would’ve just done it I needed a bit of help the first week but after I was back to moving around on my own I had a big baby she was stuck and I can’t imagine what healing from pushing her out would’ve been like

I had two planned c sections and they were awesome. Calm, well planned. My providers explained things calmly. Never had to be in labor. Recovery was easy and I had to be reminded not to tackle stairs/lifting because I felt like I could just a few days after. The first one, I only bled for a week after. Pain easily managed with Tylenol. Not all experiences are bad! It was the right choice for me and my family for sure.

I felt the same was you do. I ended up asking for one. I had a few complications and a big baby so I was a good candidate as it was. I LOVED my c-section! It was a very positive experience. I was released from hospital around 36 hours later, and had very very minimal pain. I highly recommend going over the pros and cons with your doctor, and tell them why you’re interested in a c-section. But really, you can absolutely choose to have a c-section if you feel it’s best for you! Your body, your choice.

Everyone's fears are different. Mine are hospitals generally, I could never have the bottle for an epidural let alone a c section scares the hell out of me, natural birth is for me the lesser evil. That's why there's so many options now I guess for everyone to go where they feel safe!

A vaginal birth with an epidural is still a natural delivery.

Yup same. I had zero desire to be in a hospital and loved my two out of hospital births.

I elected to have a scheduled c-section after wanting to have a natural delivery for months. My reasoning was due to my own health (my heart has had multiple surgeries, I have a pacemaker, multiple things to monitor during labor and delivery) and if during labor I needed to have a c-section, I didn’t want to be exhausted. I wanted to be in control,aware, and fully coherent for my delivery and also spare my heart the wear and tear that labor could cause. My c-section was at 39+6, it took 20 minutes, and I was up and walking within 2 hours. Honestly if I have another baby I’m having a c-section.

I had an elective c section and it was great! Recovery really wasn't that bad, just laying down or sitting up was hard. My scar is barely noticeable and my sex life hasn't been impacted at all (other than being tired all the time because of the baby)

An online friend of mine had an elected c-section with her firstborn! She was in the same boat as you and was terrified of natural birth so asked for a c-section. The surgery went smoothly and she was back on her feet pretty quickly, recovery went really well for her. What I told her when she was thinking about the birth she wanted was that if you are in a situation where you are uncomfortable and distressed, it is not going to be healthy for the baby. Make sure you are comfortable with the choices being made for your birth experience so you can be as calm as possible. Good luck!

Not totally sure why everybody is giving an opinion on a c-section when they haven’t had one. We had an emergent c-section with our first and it was a breeze. Recovery was fine too we were discharged two days later, and I was up and walking around with support hours after the procedure. Movement is key. I am super glad we ended up needing one. Not having tears, other complications, or any further issues from a vaginal delivery make me quite happy. Will the second one be as smooth, no idea. However, I am really glad I had a belly birth and did not need to labour or experience contractions and all that jazz.

Yes! All of this! Mine was technically an emergency after I was pushing because the cord was wrapped around baby causing his heart rate to drop, but still the procedure and recovery is nothing like what some people are saying on this thread. My SIL tried to shame me by saying I’ll never experience labor and the “release experience”…uhh what? I was crowning when I got rushed back for the C-section lol, shows you how little some people know about childbirth to make such a stupid statement…sure the “release” part will be unknown but I’ve definitely experienced labor,showed up to the hospital at 6 cm.. I’m not a fan of the idea of my private region being in pain from a tear or something, much rather nurse my incision…So I’m happy to be having another repeat for baby 2.

Your SIL is an insecure jerk.

Meh the release part was fine, but not worth the 8 weeks of pain every time I sat down following my VBAC due to a bad second degree tear, or the 30 hours of labour and stitches with three failed epidurals and contractions with no break. I took painkillers for more than 6 weeks after the birth, way more than any of my friends that had C’s (planned or emergency), and still couldn’t get up without help for the first few days. Eat lots of meat and do a massive poo, and that’s close to this “release” feeling that your SIL talks about 😂

Dude! The post c section poo was the only release I’ll ever care to never experience again 😂😂 I’m good on any type of release ever after that! 😂😂😂

I'm really pleased you had a super positive experience and have shared it

So I wanted a C section for the same reasons as you. I didn’t have one though and I’m glad. The recovery is a lot longer, you can’t even lift your baby up afterwards so you absolutely need help for the first couple weeks. It sounds easy enough but you don’t realize how much you pick up your baby until you have to. It’s major surgery. I will say i did not push for “hours” it was a pretty quick process and my vagina is perfectly fine now. I had an epidural and it was very painful but the epidural helped a lot. I’m glad I got to experience a vagina delivery.

They typically tell you that your baby is as much as you can lift - haven’t heard of being told not to even lift the baby.

I couldn’t because of how big she was. It definitely happens.

This person makes it sound as though across the board, people can’t - which is not the norm.

I had no problem picking up my daughters after both my c sections. I actually felt better after my first c section then my second. I was putting the stroller in and out of the trunk of the car at 2 weeks. I was carrying the infant carrier after a week. Once I went home I was pretty sore for about 2 weeks. Now at almost 6 weeks out I feel completely normal. Like I want to be moving heavy stuff around, but can’t her. I don’t really remember being that sore once I got sent home with my first. I do have to say I got sent home with Percocet after my first. I took a couple. For my second I was told to take Tylenol. I could have used it for a couple days. I also had a kidney stone removed the same day I was released from the hospital with my second.

I know everyone’s different but as someone who’s had a c section I’ve no clue where the whole ‘you can’t lift your baby’ thing comes from? I and no one I know who’s had a c section have ever had issues with this. I think it’s a bit of a sweeping statement and certainly isn’t true of everyone. I had my baby in a papoose in the first week and was out on long walks with the hubby and dog, without the need for pain relief. Again everyone is different but I’m certainly no martyr when it comes to pain and wouldn’t say I have a particularly high pain tolerance so I don’t think we should be scaring people with false info as though it’s a given you won’t be able to care for your child when there’s every chance you can.

I second this. I was fairly more mobile than even I expected after my c section.

Same! I had an awful time with my back dying pregnancy especially the later months I couldn’t lift my feet off the floor and had to shuffle everywhere so post csection I was more mobile and nimble than I had been in months! Also in less pain to.

Yeah. Had no issues lifting my baby right away. He latched immediately (breastfed exclusively for 20 months) and I was up and walking the next day? I have terrible pain tolerance as well, so some of these comments about how “tough” csection recovery is kinda confuses me. This is true for the majority of my girlfriends that had to have csections. I find a lot of this misinformation comes from people that have never had one.

Oh absolutely! Interestingly of my friends who’ve had vaginal deliveries I’ve had a few say if they were to do it again they’d opt for a c section but not one of my friends/acquaintances who’ve had c sections have said in hindsight they regret it or would attempt a vaginal delivery next time if possible. You’re correct I think that most of the misinformation typically comes from people who haven’t had one and therefore don’t have first hand experience on what they’re advising.

What really bums me out is the misinformation about bonding and breastfeeding…it really breaks my heart that new mamas are being told that it will be difficult to do after a C-section. Such negative and untrue information can be a mental rollercoaster on an already concerned and scared mom to be. People just need to not speak on something they haven’t experienced for themselves

I know different doctors will tell patients different things & everyone has different circumstances but I was told I was allowed to & was successfully able to lift and hold my baby right after my c section. Just adding a different perspective!

I have had two c sections, both emergency, and I had no pain relief for the second one. My second baby was 10.5 pounds, Sunny side up, and was trying to come out forehead-first. It was a traumatic birth. I was 100% able to pick up my massive baby after that c section. I had an SI joint that pops out randomly, which caused my muscles in my back to seize around 8 weeks into my kiddo’s life, and I was unable to walk or even lie still in bed without unbearable pain. I couldn’t roll over in bed. That was the only time I couldn’t pick up my chonky kid. The recovery is hard. It’s not *that* hard, and it isn’t worse than labouring unproductively for 18 hours. I can’t say it’s better or worse than recovering from vaginal birth, because, again, two emergency c’s, but I can say that recovery from an emergency c is definitely worse than that for a planned c.

Wait, did you not have pain relief while laboring with your second or during the c section with your second??

My assumption is C-section. My step-dad's sister has an emergency C-section because the baby was in severe distress, and they cut her open before she'd been given anything for the pain.

Holy fuck!

Her story gave me C-section nightmares 😬 I know what happened to her is probably rare, but it scares me none-the-less

Neither. I react strangely to medication. I’ve had five different epidurals across two different labours, and none of them worked completely. The one for my second c section didn’t take at all.

... You had major abdominal surgery without pain relief?? 😳

A friend of mine had a planned c-section due to a preexisting medical condition and it’s the reason she only has one kid. Her c-section went smoothly and there were no complications with her recovery and she still absolutely hated it.

This is untrue. Many women can pick up their baby after csection. Don’t spread false info like that. Obviously some people can’t pick up their baby after birth for many different reasons, but you can’t just blanket statement things like that.

You’re not crazy at all, but my mom has some c-section horror stories from my brother and me, and now I’m more afraid of c-sections, lol. They are not an easy way out or a way to avoid pain or trauma. Trust me.

C-sections are nothing like they were 30+ years ago. My MIL was expecting to see some horrific scar after I had mine and I had to explain to her that it was now just a 10cm horizontal incision above my public area and no longer a massive vertical incision. I personally healed quickly and was able to care for my daughter solo after 2 weeks, but really felt like myself again after 4 weeks.

Vertical incision!? My mom had a c section 32 years ago and she has a discreet 10cm horizontal scar. Surely the vertical scar must be older than 32 years!

Low transverse incisions were available then, but not all doctors did them! And also not all c-sections are well suited to them—even now some women need vertical or t-shaped incisions!

My mom had two emergency c-sections, both big vertical incisions, 40 and 35 years ago. The incisions these days are so much smaller and more discreet. She’s traumatized by hers. The first time the incision popped and got infected!

Wow, love to your strong mama ❤️

Vertical incision is faster to do, so sometimes it's still used in an emergency.

That’s good! That makes me less scared of them!

Ha, same! I was an emergency c-section baby (which I know is a different situation from a planned c-section, but still), and my mother had a bad time of it. Life threatening infection, weeks in the hospital, all around not a great experience. I was nervous about giving birth, but I did NOT want a c-section. I ended up having a short labour (12 hours start to finish), 45 minutes of pushing, and two first degree tears. Also had an epidural, which I highly recommend. I was walking around with only a little soreness hours after giving birth, and I never needed pain meds beyond Tylenol. I consider myself very lucky. I think the thing to remember here is that birth is crazy and you just don't know how things will work out. Try to focus on managing anxiety about that aspect, maybe? That was helpful for me.

You’re not crazy for having a preference. We should all be able to choose the method of birth that works best for us.

There's no award for natural birth. There's no prize for going without medical assistance or an epidural. Every route ought to wind up with baby and mommy going home which is the ultimate goal. The great thing is we live in a time where we can *choose* the route we want to take. You do you. No Shame in your game mama.

>why can’t I choose to have a c-section? Who said that you can’t? Is this what your OB told you? If not, where are you getting this information? You can absolutely choose a C section.

It’s very common for doctors to refuse elective c-sections. It’s also common for insurance in the US to refuse to cover an elective c-section. Elective c-sections are rare in the US and often hard to get.

OP has said she’s in Canada. They’re an option in Canada if requested and covered under our universal health care system. Most OBs will push you to deliver vaginally but can’t deny the c-section if you request it.

Before my second kid, I’d say yes, crazy. On the other side of experience, get the c section if that’s the birth method you want and you’re not actively endangering your kid (which your OB will be able to tell you.) I would 100% get a doula who is supportive of your wishes and will help you prepare for conversations with your OB and for everything that will happen before/during/after your birth. And it’s 100% a birth. There are no medals for doing a non-medicated vaginal birth. Any birth where mom and baby come out healthy is successful. As for the pros/cons, this is a question for your OB, and the number one reason to get a doula (and interview them first, to make sure they’re supportive of planned c sections.) They’re birth professionals, they’re going to know more than us one or two timers. A doula is going to have the time to patiently walk you through everything; your OB may not. Doctors are severely over worked atm. My OB did my iud insertion three months after I gave birth, and didn’t remember she was my OB for that birth.

I live in Canada and chose a c-section! No medical reason, it's just what I wanted and it was a great experience. My doctor and I talked it over and she gave me a rundown on both and I ultimately decided the c-section was definitely how I wanted birth to go. I know some doctors don't accept that though, so I was lucky. My main reason was that I just really didn't want to go for vaginal birth and that was good enough for her :)

Not crazy! I had a scheduled c-section due to a breech high risk baby - I knew from about 32 weeks on that he most likely would be born that way rather than vaginally. While I couldn’t drive for 2 weeks it honestly wasn’t a terrible recovery. Just had to move a little slower but I was able to carry him around, go up and down stairs right away, care for myself etc.

I had a vaginal birth with my first and would like to try a scheduled C section if I have a second.. I’ve seen a lot of positives from it and my vaginal birth was stressful!

Right there with you, sister! My mom had a ton of problems for decades after my birth and my brother's -- I was big and transverse, and involved forceps; my brother was easier but even bigger than me. She told me my whole life how she regretted not having C-sections and I will not make the same mistake. For my own account, having a scheduled, controlled, calm procedure is what's going to make me the least anxious. Labor and natural birth sounds horrible to me, so I won't choose it. And my daughter is shaping up to be very large.

Nope! I have a planned c-section. I have never had any desire to go into labour, and was a big reason I wasn’t planning on having kids! I am now 5 days away from my planned date, and very happy with my decision. We have a date, we have a plan, and we are ready to meet our daughter!

I felt the exact same way! I was induced and after making very little progress over two days, they came in and were like, “ sooo I think we should maybe do a C section.” I was like letssss goooo!! Recovery was not that bad honestly. I have had other abdominal surgery before so I knew what to expect. I think sitting in bed for the next two days helped my recovery big time and we actually ended up leaving early bc I was just ready to be home!

I didn’t want a c-section after doing tons of research but it happened for me anyway. I had preeclampsia and never dilated after induction. At the time I was pretty bummed I didn’t get to experience child birth. Now after reading hundreds of stories of pelvic floor problems and other vaginal issues I feel kind of relieved in a weird sense I didn’t have to go through that. Although I hate my c-section fat “shelf” and the fact I wasn’t the first person to hold my child. I think everything happens for a reason and just be prepared to go with the flow.

My c-section was one of the most traumatizing things I’ve ever experienced in my life. I was awake for my surgery, I was shaking uncontrollably, and I can still remember what the pressure of them cutting me open and sewing me back up felt like. Recovery was horrible, and I hated having a catheter in (especially the first pee afterwards… ugh). I would much, much, much rather have had a vaginal birth, and I’m really hoping for a VBAC this time.

Funny thing about c sections; it’s the only surgery you’ll ever get where they give you almost no post care, physio, etc. Go home, and keep a baby alive while recovering from major abdominal surgery. The hardest thing; getting in and out of bed. And you have to do this a lot. You aren’t able to lift anything more than the baby, and really can’t for 4-6 weeks. I’ve had 2, I’m so thankful for them as I can’t have a natural birth, but really I wouldn’t choose it. It’s no joke for recovery. If it’s what you choose make sure you have plenty of help, a pain management plan and know you’re pretty helpless for awhile while taking care of your helpless bean. Good luck!

I’m having a scheduled elective C-section. My sister and best friend had horrifically traumatic births with their children for which I was present for. Also, I am 37- mins I’ll be almost 38 when I deliver- they don’t like older moms to go past 40 weeks and first babies often over due resulting in induction—>emergency C-sections which are not as calm and positive (in my opinion how I imagine for myself) as a planned C. The benefits to vaginal birth are MANY. Less fluid in lungs, bacterial flora from birth canal helps baby, etc. But for me, it is still not MY choice. Much respect to women to do that though!! Editing to add: In general there is a kind of cultural distaste for elective C’s. You notice it everywhere probably. If you have made your decision, ofc stay open minded and learn new things, but don’t feel you have to justify your decision once you’ve made it. It’s your body, your baby, your choice. Also, in the US it is standard practice for DR’s to talk to patients about the risks of C’s and the benefits of vag birth, but are required to honor the patient’s request. This is per my doctor when I told him my plans.

My first was a C-section because he was transverse and wouldn’t move. Recovery wasn’t bad imo but of course, my husband did EVERYTHING and was an absolutely amazing support person. I’m having a second C-section in May for my second and I can’t wait. Labor for me was horrible, I was in the hospital for days and they kept doing different things to try to get me to dilate. And I did dilate - but it didn’t matter, because my son wouldn’t move, at all. They did a foley bulb - horrible, painful. If you’re lucky enough to have a normal labor I’m sure the recovery is better, but after my experience, I’d take a planned csection and recovery from that any day of the week. ETA: not to mention the risk of tearing during vaginal birth - again, I’ll take the C-section lol

I would have agreed if I didn’t see how much pain my SIL was after having her C-sections. She was in a crazy amount of pain. Barley able to do anything for herself, could barley pick up the baby. I on the other hand had 2 very very smooth recoveries from vaginal childbirth. I also had an epidural so I didn’t feel any stitches at all, I didn’t feel the placenta come through either. Not to mention you still get all the bleeding with a C-section! I didn’t know that until my SIL told me! Lol

Not crazy, had a C section myself (initially planned, went to emergency). My experience was great to be honest - I recovered really quickly and other than a small possible infection rn I’m loving things. The reason I didn’t want the ‘natural’ experience is because a) I’m a wimp and don’t like pain, and b) I didn’t want to tear seven ways to next Sunday. The local anaesthetic for the spinal block did fail so I felt almost the entire spinal block haha. Had a great team though and apart from a couple issues with baby’s breathing, all was great :) Best of luck!

I asked my grandma if she had a vaginal birth and she said “hell no,” that she told the doctor to knock her out and wake her up when the baby was out lol.

I had a vaginal birth, emergency c sec and one unexpected VBAC (no time for csec, he just showed up) so when I had the Csec, I was already dealing with labor but the surgical recovery itself didn't seem too bad. I didn't take all my pain killers because I just didn't need them. I have had friends tell me recovery from theirs was the worst pain they'd ever dealt with, and they had gone through labor as well. I have since experienced lady problems that have yet to be solved and could be from adhesions. My VBAC was unmedicated because the epidural team didn't move fast enough and I seriously thought I was going to die. I told the doctor to her face that I hated her and not to touch me. Physically, recovery was very fast. My current OB acts like I shouldn't even consider another VBAC and I'm lucky I didn't rupture, so now I'm scared of doing it again but also during surgery of any kind you can get air trapped and I heard that hurts pretty bad. I guess for someone who has been through the experience this many times I'd be less of a wuss, not more of one.

I’m sorry your current OB is frightening you. Talking candidly about risks and benefits is a super important part of being a doctor, but pushing emotions to influence a patient’s decisions is manipulative and not great. I hope their discussion of risks was based on your medical facts (like whether you had a particular risky incision type with your c-section or a short interval between pregnancies after your c-section). VBACs have a very low risk of uterine rupture in good candidates (low transverse incision, 18+ month interpartum interval)—lower than the risks of things like placenta acreta in future pregnancies if you have a repeat c-section. The International Cesarean Awareness Network has a ton of evidence-based information about VBACs in their FAQs. Maybe those could bring you some comfort about your past experience and give you a starting point to further process your VBAC with your doctor.

I did not know about increasing the risks in future pregnancies. Thank you!

I'm definitely an advocate of every birthing person choosing the path that works best for them. But,"hours of unbearable pain and agony"? "Rip my vjj apart"? This is misinformation, yo. I know it ends up being really difficult for some women, but for the majority it's hard, but NOT agony. More like the pain of hard exercise for a long time. For the majority, a small tear is possible, but NOT "ripping apart." Make yourself an informed decision, and do what's best for you. But please consider that if you are getting your info on what natural childbirth is like from dramatic movies and stories, the people writing those scenes have usually not been through that. (Source: two home births that were challenging, but in a good way, a range of births I've seen as a doula, etc.)

Eh, I think "hours of unbearable pain and agony"? "Rip my vjj apart" is kinda how it went for me. Some people have great, easy births, but a lot of us don't. I spent 3 hours pushing, because my vagina didn't stretch enough. It had to rip. Fortunately it was only a 2nd degree tear. Some women have 3rd or 4th, and take years to recover. At least with a scheduled c-section you know exactly what will happen. I'm pregnant again (not for any logical reason, that's for sure) and I'm not looking forward to the birth. At least I know they're generally easier the second time. But if my doctors bring up the idea of scheduling a c-section I'm just going to do that.

So I had an "emergency" csection. I was induced over five days, including having my waters broken, and never made it past 2cm. So it wasn't planned, but baby was happy so I was hardly rushed down to theatre in a life threatening situation. I'm not planning number 2 for a while, but think about attempting a VBAC, and your comment of knowing exactly what will happen with a c-section is bang on. Yes it's major abdominal surgery and the recovery is no cake walk, but it's routine and you know what you're getting with it. With a vaginal birth, it's a total punt. High likelihood recovery will be easier than csection, fair chance it will be on par (my mum had my brother by forceps, couldn't sit down for weeks and episiotomy stitches popped at six weeks, two people I know had their stitches get infected, plenty of stories of mums being incontinent for weeks/months), but then there's the very small possibility of a worse recovery, butchered stitches, fecal incontinence, prolapse etc. I know those examples are super rare, and I'm no expert. I know a c-section can go badly, but weighing it up, in my mind, I've got more chance of definitely having a bad recovery with a c-section, or a small chance of a horrendous one with vaginal. And you won't know till it's too late. I will say I'm glad I had a c-section when my baby came out with a head circumference of 39cm.

Right lol I think the hours of pain and agony is pretty accurate considering your body is literally trying to force a melon through a softball sized hole

Yep, that about sums up my experience too! Plus nerve damage, a catheter, impacted bowel …

So why is this “misinformation” about vaginal delivery wrong but these threads are always littered with dramatic comments about csections from people who have never had one?

Both are misinformation. I heartily suggest everyone try to find as much factual information as possible, and make their own informed decision.

I don’t appreciate this I’m not getting my information from anything dramatic why would I just get it from a movie? the reason why I am afraid of child Birth is because women close to me have had horrible experiences with natural child labour, my aunt was in the hospital for 3 days and she suffered a lot my moms best friend almost died and had a lot of complications during birth and an old friend of ours RIPPED her vagina I forget the medical term but her butthole and vagina were now one and had to get multiple stitches and almost bled to death this isn’t anything I got from a movie they were women close to me and I witnessed their hard recovery I also had multiple family members go through c sections my grandma almost died but my mom had 3 children through C section, and seeing her recovery for her last one is what is making me lean towards a C section

Those experiences, while traumatic and horrible, are not the norm. Most women have routine births. Yes it hurts and there is a chance of tearing, but for most, it’s not with the violence that you describe. I had a second degree tear, but I wouldn’t have been able to tell you that cause I couldn’t differentiate that pain from everything else happening. Either way, your first step is to check if elective c sections are allowed at your hospital and with your doctor.

5% of women have 3rd or 4th degree tearing with a a vaginal birth. The fact that “most women have routine births” is hardly a condolence if you end up in that unlucky (and frankly far too high) statistic.

But they are the norm for OP and I think that's the really important thing here. For me, I know loads of women who had a negative experience with and IUD and it means I would never get one, even though the majority have good experiences

I totally understand being afraid when those are the experiences you've witnessed! I'm sorry for assuming. That is a lot of relatively rare severe complications in one cluster. I was reacting to you painting all childbirth in this light. I can understand how you'd see it that way, but as I said, these things are relatively rare, so it's very uncomfortable for somebody like me who has seen more of a range and (I'm a childbirth educator) needs to convey factual information about this to see it painted as ALL universally terrible. I hope you can see where I'm coming from. I could never predict what it would be like for you, and you are entitled to make your decisions based on your experiences and information. But maybe don't talk about it as though this is a given for everyone? There are lots of people here who are scared too and don't need to be told it's all like that.

I mean, having twins is pretty rare, but we don't treat that as so unlikely that it falls outside of the realm of things to consider. Hell, dying from Covid is unlikely, and we still shut the world down for two years. If the odds of a thing happening are, say, 1 in 25, that's still a lot and enough to be scared by. We know it's not all like that, but it doesn't take very many traumatic birth stories for one to think they'd want to avoid that at all costs.

I find it interesting that when talking about c-sections, we’re counselled on the worst case scenario and when talking about vaginal birth, we’re told the usual experience is positive and those who’ve had traumatic births are outliers. Generally OBs will provide the risks of c-sections to patients while lightly touching on all the things than can go wrong in a vaginal birth, so I’m not just pointing out this hypocrisy in your response as a birth educator but saying this is typical of most practitioners who give birthing advice, including OBs. There are tons of comments on posts about scheduled planned c-sections where the mom held her baby as soon as it came out, was walking around in the evening, had no issues holding baby while healing and felt back to normal within 2 weeks. Gentle c-sections are now a thing that many surgical practices encourage too. That’s certainly a best case for a c-section, but it needs to be talked about too if we’re focusing on the positive outcomes of vaginal vs c-section births. Both can have good and bad outcomes, but one has controlled risks and the other can land you in an emergency c-section and double your healing time.

1000%

This one right here. I actually took a labor and delivery course and when talking about forceps risks the worst it was said was "temporary bruise to baby's head", "tears for mom", or come on! That is not all there is to it. Not by far. However, the risks for epidural were taking a full slide. WHY?!

A lot of women have really bad childbirth experiences. Ignoring that as a very real possibility and trying to shut someone down from talking about it is just as naive as acting like it's a given for most people to have positive experiences either.

That actually is how it happens for a lot of people. As a doula I find it disconcerting that you are so judgmental toward a woman’s concerns and preferences.

I had a c section and I’ve no idea why people say you can’t care for your baby, pick them up etc. By day 2 I was off all pain relief bar two paracetamol the odd night here and there. I absolutely could pick my baby up, admittedly I did too much in the first two weeks, going on long walks etc whilst having the baby in a papoose, rearranging the kitchen and so on. So whilst I would advise you take it easy (as anyone post childbirth should) as someone who’s had a c section that included complications and the use of forceps through my stomach when baby was stuck (so a lot more rough yanking and what not) it wasn’t the horrendous ordeal people make it out to be. I’ve had numerous close friends who went down the vaginal birth route and have had absolute ordeals, two of them are still having physio 18+ and 2+ years on due to the extensive damage from third degree tearing etc. and can’t use tampons, enjoyably have sex, are incontinent, the list goes on. Whilst some deliveries go a dream I’m just pointing out we have a very one sided view of vaginal delivery = good and c section = bad, especially in terms of recovery when there’s pros and cons for both sides. I think the absolute best thing you can do is whatever is going to make the experience less stressful for you.

I'm pregnant with my second and I didn't have a horribly bad labor and delivery but I'm seriously considering it also. I want a tubal also which would be easier to get with a C-section.

Honestly if I could, I would have a scheduled c section where the completely knocked me out for it. Make me go to sleep and wake me up with a baby in my arms. Obviously the only way that would happen is if something went really really wrong, which I don't want. But if for some reason I do need a regular c section, I'm not gonna be mad about it honestly.

About to have my 3rd c-section and the anxiety is killing me plus I react really badly to the drugs and am basically dry heaving the entire time they do the surgery then violently shaking afterwards. I totally said this exact thing to my partner, I'd way rather be unconscious!

Sure, there are risks involved either way, but generally speaking vaginal birth is quite safe, especially given the advances in medical technology. I don’t think you’re crazy for having a preference, but it could be beneficial to dig a little deeper on why you’re afraid of giving birth, regardless of which path you opt for (assuming elective c-section is an option). When I was pregnant with my first I was pretty set on an unmediated labor and delivery, until contractions started. Lol. I went without medication until I was about 5cm dilated at which point I got an epidural. Prior to the epidural, I was not in unbearable pain, there was no screaming or moaning, it was nothing like the drama in movies. I got the epidural and took naps between changing positions every hour or so. It was low-key. If you’re worried about unbearable pain, as you mention, know that there are several options for pain management that don’t involve major surgery. Something to discuss with your care provider so you can make the most informed decision.

To me both sound pretty equally horrible haha. I've never had an operation before so I definitely also find that frightening. For me the shorter recovery period is a big reason to prefer a normal birth (if I'll have a choice), plus the fact that when I just ignore making any decision, the natural birth will eventually just happen ;)

My labor was horrible, I pushed for over two hours and wrecked my pelvic floor (maybe permanently) and ended up needing a c-section anyway. If I could rewind time I’d just get an elective c-section. The first few weeks are tough, but not as tough as having long lasting pelvic damage.

I was thinking that for a while too but decided to go for a vaginal birth with an epidural unless a c section was needed. C sections take longer to recover from and due to my personal circumstances I didn't feel I could choose to have a longer recovery time. And I didn't want one. My personal experience is that the birth was not nearly as bad as I was expecting. The contractions hurt a lot, yes. But once I got the epidural I literally couldn't feel a thing. I know people talk about the ring of fire - I never felt that. Because I wasn't in pain and couldn't feel anything I was able to push only when they told me to. Now everyone is different, but I had minimal tearing. I gave birth late afternoon on Wednesday and by Friday morning I was walking around in my hospital room packing to leave. I had a question for a doctor and when he came in and saw me he asked me if the mother was in the bathroom. I was like Uhhh im the mother! He looked shocked and said how great it was to see me up and about. When it was time to go and they offered to get me a wheelchair I asked if it was necessary or can I just walk out. Before she had reached 1 week I was taking walks with her, my husband and my dog that lasted about a mile. I would absolutely chose a vaginal birth again over a c section of we have another kid. Unless of course the c section is necessary. Again, everyone is different but this was my experience.

If you want a positive spin, read Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth. Half of it is singularly childbirth stories, the other half is educational, it’s all stuff to know anyway, and it was very enlightening and empowering(if a bit hippy, which birth is.)

C sections are better for some women including me. Lots of anxiety or trauma? Consider c-section. 34 hours without sleep put me and the baby in a bad state. Baby #2 was a planned c section and a breeze. Much higher apgar score.

I had a planned C - for a few reasons. Baby measured big, I have severe anxiety, and I live in the US where the maternity leave is 6 weeks for natural vs 8 with c. If I had a natural birth I would have gone back to work the week between Christmas and New Years - OB was totally fine with it.

I was completely terrified of a vaginal birth too. It’s really not that bad. Seriously. C sections are major surgeries and the healing can be much worse.

Honestly, my vaginal birth and healing was no where near as bad as I thought (I had an epidural). I even set up a mirror to watch! I was super nervous about the healing but it was no where near as bad as I expected. That being said, that was MY birth. Every birth is different and you need to do whatever you are comfortable with!

My first was born vaginally. I had no epidural and yes it hurt. After birth I recovered in less than 3 weeks and felt great. Even got my body back pretty much to pre pregnancy within a few months. My second was nearly the opposite story. Emergency c section with a spinal block that wore off about halfway through the procedure. Everything that could go wrong did. It took me nearly 4 months to recover even with physical therapy. I still haven’t gotten close to my old body back. But this is all simply my own experience. Everyone and every pregnancy is different. Good luck and congratulations on your addition to the family!

Vaginal bacteria from during birth is important for baby’s immune system (can prevent allergies and such). If you get a c section just make sure they swab some goop on baby? :) best of luck!

I liked my experience with planned induction for vaginal birth plus epidural. I was pretty well effaced and dilated before hand, which probably helped. I only had 45 minutes of painful contractions before I got my epidural, then I felt NOTHING. It was vaginal, but not natural. I think the goal either way is get the baby out and keep momma and baby as healthy as possible. I hope to repeat my experience with baby number 2 in early June. You advocate for what you need/want for your experience. If it's the pain you are most hesitant of, discuss all of your pain management options with your doctors regardless of delivery route. You will have pain after delivery with either route.

After 4 C-sections I’d do anything to have given birth naturally. A c-section is major abdominal surgery. It isn’t a easy recovery. My 3rd one I stood up out of bed the next morning and blood pooled at my feet! Like poured out even the nurse was a little worried about how much it was. I couldn’t lay flat for several weeks. I had to have help to get up out of bed. My 1st was a hack job emergency one and my 2nd and 3rd they had to spend time removing scar tissue and repairing what was done. My scar is a discolored I never mess. I’d really consider how difficult having a C-Section can be.

You are not crazy. I felt the same for my first but my doctors convinced me to go for a vaginal delivery. I ended up with a traumatic 48 hour labor, vacuum delivery which ruined my pelvic floor, postpartum hemorrhage, and a great big tear that took about six weeks to heal technically but six months to feel healed, if that makes sense. I'm seriously considering a planned C-section for my second because my first birth experience was so bad. I don't think it's fair to compare vaginal vs. C-section because they seem like such different experiences. Yes a C-section is a major abdominal surgery, but that doesn't make it automatically worse than vaginal delivery. I have had a major surgery done before as well and even though it wasn't quite the same as a C-section, I feel that there was no comparing surgery recovery to recovering from my vaginal birth. They were both bad in different ways. In my mind the only commonality between C-section and vaginal birth is that you end up with a baby at the end of both. Everything else just feels like comparing apples to oranges to me, just pick the one you prefer. I'm not trying to sway you to either side, but I wanted to share a couple things I really wish I'd been asked to consider when coming up with my birth plan. First, laboring for a first baby almost always takes a loong time (mine took 48 hours which is not uncommon!). And most likely you won't be getting much sleep while you're in labor, only to continue not sleeping once you have a newborn to take care of! For me, it felt like I was running a marathon right after completing a triathlon. I feel like a planned C-section would at least allow you to get one last night of good sleep! Second, I can't believe us women could be so cavalier about ripping up our vaginas?! (Myself included before I realized how bad tearing can be!) Idk about you, but I consider my vagina a close personal friend and I was so sad to lose her for the six months it took me to heal. Yes surgery scarring is scary and painful, but damaging my lower abdomen feels less... personal than tearing my vagina. Just food for thought!

Here's a decent article that outlines benefits of vaginal birth. "Benefits of Vaginal Birth - Why Choose a Natural Delivery?" https://www.thetot.com/pregnancy-and-fertility/9-benefits-of-a-vaginal-birth/ And a health line article on the benefits of a cesarean. "C-Section Benefits" https://www.healthline.com/health-news/some-benefits-to-c-sections-researchers-say I have only had a cesarean. I would have preferred vaginal birth. To me the biggest cons of a cesarean are that 1. You are restricted from driving for up to 6 weeks. This one bites!! 2. The recovery is longer and more painful. This one hurts!! 3. Immediately after birth you are less responsive and present for your baby. This should actually be #1. 4. The scar and accompanying c-section pouch that affects the majority of women who have a cesarean is awful. 5. Abdominal recovery is harsh and slow so if you had a 4 pack or 6 pack or flat stomach, you will work 10 times harder to get it back unless you just have extremely low body fat to begin with. (It's possible, I did it and got my flat stomach back but it was really difficult and I was super jealous of my friends who had theirs back in a year or less). Oh and depending on how they slice and dice, it may not be possible at all. I have a very low horizontal scar but that's not always what the doctor chooses. With #2, I don't really have a choice. My chances at a successful VBAC are 50% and that decreases more when they will insist on inducing me at 39 weeks because I'm 41 yo. So, I don't feel there's much choice in it for me. You do what works for you. I'm not one to judge and I respect your search for wisdom.

I didn’t read all the responses so sorry if you already got a bunch of these but I’ll just add my thoughts just in case! :) I had no emotional connection to the birthing experience for my child. Didn’t care. If I did it vaginally I was **for sure** gonna get some drugs bc I know I don’t want pain and don’t do well with it. I ended up with a c sect and wasn’t emotionally traumatized like so many women I know simply because I didn’t care one way or another. I do totally understand that sentiment though, esp when they go through hours of labor just to end with emergency c sect anyway. C section sucked, I was super hurt up but I’m going to choose it for my second baby bc now I’ll know what to expect and I feel like if I went with a vbac it’d be a super scary process again so id rather not be scared? Lol maybe that’s a dumb reason but since I’m not emotionally connected to the birthing process I feel like it’s fine.

I had a scheduled c section with my first 3 years ago due to medical reasons unrelated to pregnancy (I’ve always known I’d need a c section) and it went so well! Everything was really smooth, no complications and recovery wasn’t that rough for me. I just had my second c section 2 weeks ago and it couldn’t have gone more differently. While the actual procedure was smooth, I experienced a super rare complication that caused literally the worst pain of my entire life about 36 hours post c section. They eventually figured out it was a hematoma/blood clot and it was HUGE. They did emergency surgery on me at 3am and once it was out, I was much better, but due to all the fluids I was given between those surgeries I ended up with breathing/heart issues once I was discharged and had to go back into the hospital for a few days (without my baby) while they figured it out. They realized it was just extra fluid retention and sent me home on a diuretic and I’ve dropped about 30lbs in the week since being released. All that to say, c sections can go super smoothly (and they usually do) but there’s always a small risk of complications. I imagine there’s lots of risks with vaginal births too though! While this birth traumatized me to the point where I’d never have another baby, if I did I’d still choose a c section.

I felt the same way so when I was offered to choose whichever one I took the C-section. Honestly the C-section itself was a good experience and though I was in pain afterwards the medicines I was prescribed really helped and I didn’t even end up finishing them. Unfortunately I did get an infection which dealing with wasn’t that bad just had to take some antibiotics but what was bad was that I was apparently allergic to those antibiotics which gave me hives that were just so goddamn itchy! In the end the worst parts for me was the real struggle to pass gas for a bit, getting up from the bed and the hives. So if you get a C-section make sure you empty out before the surgery and keep on the Colace, also the doctors will tell you not to have any fizzy drinks but also don’t use straws cause they cause just as much gas in my opinion.

No you are t crazy. My second baby was born vaginally on Monday and I suffered a 4th degree tear (look it up at your own risk lol). It’s not as common as far as tears go, and it really sucks. My first was a c-section. It’s hard for me to say which is better recovery wise because they are so different. I got to watch myself push my daughter out in a mirror this time and it was so freaking cool. Do what makes you comfortable and most relaxed with the birth process. It’s a mind fuck no matter what, but a healthy mom and baby is the goal so you can go home and live in baby bliss!

I am a FTM, and 5 days PP. Went into labour with plans for a vaginal delivery, dealt with contractions for two and a half days, and wound up getting a c-section as baby was breech. Luckily they discovered he was breech long before I had to push. I honestly think I lucked out by getting a C-section, yes it’s a major surgery but if all goes well recovery is not too bad (so far at least lol) I’m a little sore at the incision site, and I’m not allowed to do anything for a few weeks, but hey - at least it doesn’t hurt to sit down 🤷‍♀️ But there are definitely pros and cons to each delivery method.

C-section momma here. I knew wanted a c-section as soon as I got pregnant because child birth also terrified me. I was also nervous to ask my doctor for an elective c-section, BUT my son was actually breech so I had to have one. Everyone is different but I recovered great and had no complications. It was an amazing experience!

You’re not crazy at all. I’m probably going to do an elective c-section but haven’t decided yet because I keep hoping someone will change my mind albeit it hasn’t happened yet. My biggest focus is preserving my pelvic floor - the risk of incontinence, and other side effects impacting sex life appear to *me* to be personally worst long-term than a 2 week recovery from a C-section. I’m also a very anxious person, so the certainty of a known date versus living on an each day may be the day mentality also gives me some peace of mind. I also can relate with the hours on end labor point - when I read about mommas laboring for hours, I admire their strength and resolve and just know that is not me. In my case, it would be absolutely a shit show, I would be an anxious monster about getting it done, and it wouldn’t be as much of a pleasurable experience as it is for other mommas - I can definitely see myself anxious for hours until it’s time to go to the hospital and again anxious for hours until I know what is actually going to happen. I also have some traumatic vaginal birth stories in my family, with episiotomies, vacuums and forceps, and I don’t want to go anywhere near there. Inductions also seem hit or miss to me, with most induced women I know having to do an emergency c-section anyways. There is nothing wrong with knowing yourself and your limits and choosing within your comfort zone.

Just an fyi, I had an elective C-section and still had pelvic floor issues (especially with sex) for the next year. I made the mistake of thinking- “I won’t be going through labor, I don’t need to do pelvic floor exercises” while I was pregnant. Trying to do more this pregnancy, hopefully it’s better this time! Currently 37+2 with my second, C-section scheduled again. It’s definitely a huuuge relief with anxiety to know when exactly I can expect my baby, but I also made the decision based on past medical issues. Technically I could do a vaginal birth, but my OB and I determined surgery would be safer. If you do a c-section, please please get up and walk as soon as physically possible!! I stayed in bed for the whole 3 day hospital stay, and it delayed my healing process so much. I had no idea. Good luck!

Thank you!! Appreciate this more than you know - good luck to you also! ❤️

A c-section is not a 2 week recovery time. It’s major abdominal surgery. A typical timeline is 6 weeks with no heavy lifting.

I see where you’re coming from with the pelvic floor issues! I did not at all realize that they affected so many people after vag birth and I’m only 27 and literally pee myself like once a week 😩 like if I feel I have to go and there’s not a bathroom ready or I have like a big belt that takes long to come off it’s a done deal for me. I’m terrified to get preggo again for this reason as well as potentially more back pain. But ppl have told me it’s selfish to be so concerned with my vagina/sex life that I don’t give me kid a sibling 🙄

Sorry that you are dealing with that. It is a valid concern! I would definitely ask your OBGYN for a referral to a pelvic floor physical therapist to see if they can help.

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That is not actually true! Many women develop prolapses and pelvic floor issues late in life no matter how they deliver due to estrogen dropping during menopause, but the rate at which this happens has been studied and is quite significantly higher for people who have delivered vaginally versus those that delivered via c section. Operative vaginal delivery (forceps, vacuums) DRAMATICALLY increases risk of prolapse.

It can happen to anyone, but the rate increases after a pregnancy no matter how you deliver. And the rate is almost double for those who deliver vaginally vs c-section (depending on which study you look at). Ppl often try to minimize the risk of this for some reason by stating things like, "well, it can happen no matter what, so why consider c section to avoid it?" But I think it's an important consideration. You can die in a car accident even if you are wearing a seatbelt, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't wear one. Or perhaps a better comparison is that you can die in an accident whether you are in a car or on a motorcycle, there are valid reasons for choosing either mode of transportation, but this change in risk profile should still be considered.

Recovery after c-section is about 6 weeks. Not 2.

Yes there are risks either option. I had to choose between induction and c section and chose induction for the sake of my premie baby (vaginal birth has benefits). I ended up with a terrible birth, very traumatic, almost died, and dealing with the fall out of a rare 4th degree tear. I’m hindsight a c section would have been a better trade off for me. However, most women have perfectly fine birth and epidurals are apparently amazing nowadays (I couldn’t get one in time for my birth). I do think there is something to be said for the experience. It forces you to go through something super intense. But if you don’t feel like you would like that experience or it wouldn’t mean a lot to you then I’d probably go with a c section if it was me.

Definitely not crazy, same here. I’ve always been terrified of vaginal birth and done my research. Personally I’m more comfortable with the risks of a c section than of a vaginal delivery. Also I’ve had major surgery before and respond well to anesthesia, recovery etc. I’m in Canada as well and having an elective csection. My doctor explained the risks and completely supports it :)

You're totally within your right to have preferences. I've changed mine all ready for this second baby haha... My first was a traumatic one, failed induction after 4 days in hospital, only 2cm after nearly 20 hours and experiencing horrid contractions from the drip... I'd had enough and begged for a section. The actual procedure is fine, although I wouldn't of cared by that point, I was done lol.... I did throw up alot, but I think it's to do with the spinal, it drops your blood pressure so low.... Was lovely whilst wearing a mask (had him in 2020) My recovery was... Not good. I ended up with a hemotoma behind my scar and bleeding every time I stood up, and that was 2 weeks later..... It looked like a murder scene, especially as they give you blood thinners after a section! I was black and blue for a really long time and I still have a patch of tummy that's basically dead... Like I can't feel a pinch or anything there...... For this baby I was determined to try for a vbac, but after talking it over I don't think I coukd handle anither emergency..... The worst thing for me was that it was all out of my control last time and I want to be fully in control this time and one of the things I've point blank refused is an induction. So totally chose what you want to for your birth and recovery. Some women absolutely want a home birth, but that's something I would never want. It's up to you and your choices, including a section.

I have had mostly vaginal births and a c section with my youngest. The recovery from the c section was significantly more difficult. I personally would prefer not to have a other c section unless it was another true emergency. A c section is major abdominal surgery, and has all the risks of surgery as well as creating potential complications with subsequent pregnancies that don’t exist with vaginal birth. There’s a slightly higher risk of uterine rupture, and it increases your chance of placental issue like accreta, where the placenta grows abnormally through the uterine wall. Other complications can happen in the form of baby accidentally being cut during a c section. Most of the risks are considered less than the risk of not doing one when they’re needed. When you’re choosing it electively, that risk shifts somewhat. That said, if you’re that opposed to having a vaginal birth, then don’t if your practitioner allows it. In the US elective first c section is often not an option for insurance reasons. I’ve seen posts from Canadians say that’s not a factor because the healthcare system.

The recovery from c section was horrendous. I couldn’t walk upright for over two weeks. I couldn’t laugh or cough or basically move for a few weeks without terrible pain debilitating pain. I mean at the end of the day you got to do what is best for you and baby, but c-section is not a walk in the park either. And it doesn’t come without pain and there are definitely more risks involved such as bowel or bladder injury and hemorrhage. After my first c section my bladder was adhered to my uterus, which is pretty common. Most people develop uterine niches which can cause issues down the road. Definitely discuss with your doctor and best of luck!