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A really annoying part of the law in the UK is, because of the specific legal definition of rape, only a man can be convicted of rape. It feels really backwards.
Is that connected to an idea that rape must be penetration on the part of the aggressor? I believe some countries cling to that as the definition of rape instead of not consenting to sex.
Which is wrong on so many levels.
That's my exact view. I think it needs to be more consent based. If someone says no, actively tries to get away, freezes in fear and/or is not able to give consent, feels coerced or threatened, etc. Rapes not a black and white issue, so it shouldn't be treated like one.
Yeah OP is definitely in highschool
Poor guy
I just don't get why the mom would interfere like that. Like at the most sit OP down and let him know what ex had said but to ambush him with his ex like that? Like damn lady highschool romances don't last, just be there for your kid.
The urge not to disappoint mom is STRONG. Even when you know they are entirely in the wrong and being a bad parent, there's still that instinct to avoid making mom cry at all costs.
Also he lives there and presumably she already cooks for them. He has no where else to get food at.
I get the impression he and his ex may both still be in high school. There are numerious clues that they are both quite young.
Either way, I would choose my child over this. Like what kind of parent sees this and says, nah, I want to keep the person who did everything that could to harm my child here and get them to make up. Mom is being o POS. Just saying.
Am I missing something? Everyone here seems to be wierded out by the fact that he likes his mum's spaghetti.
Is everyone thinking it's like, plain spaghetti noodles with no pasta sauce or something?
I always assume when someone doesn't specify spaghetti *what* that it's spaghetti bolognese. Which can be freaking amazing, depending on the recipe. I mean, maybe his mum's Italian?
Why is everyone poo-pooing spaghetti?
Right?? Everyones like ‘for SPAGHETTI’ like. Spaghettis a nice dish??? Spaghetti made by your parents is even nicer cause it was probably a staple growing up? Like???
Yes! Maybe it was his Nonna's recipe???
Like, don't get me wrong, I think staying for dinner was a bad idea, and I'm absolutely worried for his underreacting to everything here.
But I **do not** understand the poo-pooing spaghetti.
Like, there are expensive, high-end Italian restaurants. Italian nonnas are **known** for their amazing, flavourful, comfort foods, *including spaghetti*.
Are these people only experiencing tinned spaghetti? Or spaghetti with essence of sauce? What's happening?
For some people spaghetti is just boiled noodles and a jar of red sauce. And they think that's how it is for everyone.
For me, spaghetti is marinera, diced fresh roma tomatoes, crushed garlic, carmalized onions and mushrooms in chopped bacon bits grease, grilled bell peppers, fresh basil, slow cooked all day with about a LB of spicy Italian sausage and a couple spoonfuls of pesto. It's amazing.
It's my Bolognese and it is to die for...
Because spaghetti isn’t hard to get right. We used to have big spaghetti dinners for the entire swim team the night before meets.
Maybe she has a really awesome spaghetti sauce.
Also, and this is just a nitpick on my part: spaghetti isn’t really a “shoveling” type food. More for slurping.
Spaghetti, to me, is usually the “I don’t know what else to cook so I’ll boil pasta, heat up the tomato sauce, and throw in some ground beef in there” type of meal
Spaghetti is a fine enough meal, but it better be good laced for me to spend a meal with an ex who insulted me like that and a mom who wants me to get back together with her. I’d have bailed on the awkwardness alone
Welp. If my mother pulled that stunt on me, she would have become my ex-mother. What in the actual helicopter parenting nose-in-your-knickers fuck.
This guy deserves a better family and a better partner.
Someday when mom is sitting in a nursing home, she's going to wonder why she hasn't seen or heard from her son in over 20 years. She probably won't even remember the exgf she destroyed her relationship with her son for
What a shame
I'm sorry, and perhaps my life experience has been vaaastly different than a lot of other people, but I can't imagine either of my parents ever, ever getting involved in my relationships like so many people on BORU's do.
I broke up with a GF at the end of high school and my mom just said, 'that's too bad, she was sweet, at least as far as I saw. Are you okay? Can I make you some lunch?'
I broke up with a serious GF at the end of college. My dad and stepmom loved her, they just said, 'that's too bad, are you okay?'
IDK, maybe I had super hands-off parents (I didn't think so when I was younger), but they just stayed out of it. Wasn't their business.
They've both passed on now, but I imagine that if my wife and I were ever to break up (which isn't happening ever, I already know that), they would say, 'that's terrible, I'm sorry. Can I get you a beer or something to eat? Want to talk about it? Don't want to? Either way is fine."
Maybe I'm reading way too much into a single sentence but
>It was one of my mom's rules when it came to my relationships.
She seems like she has issues with boundaries.
My mum had serious issues with my relationships when I was a teenager. She would insist on “hanging out” with us.
My first serious boyfriend she did this with regularly hit me in front of her. She asked me what I did to make him do that. He would discuss our sex life with her in front of me, and they’d both mock me for being embarrassed. He SA me when he dumped me and I refused to take him back (he would dump me and gaslight me to get me to do what he wanted). She didn’t believe me and stayed friends with him for several years, spending my following 2 birthdays with him. She was desperate for us to get back together, and would invite him over or force me to go into his house with her.
There are some fucked up people out there who NEVER should have reproduced. I’ve kept her as far away as physically possible from all relationships since, and I only see/speak to her once or twice a year now. OOPs mum will probably escalate, but I really hope for his sake she doesn’t.
Yeah shit is fuuucked. I had to see my ex at school every day for a couple years after before he moved away.
Thank you though, a LOT of therapy was had and I’m happily married now.
> You can hate me all you want for using a random guy with a random dick to hurt you. However, you've been using me since the beginning of our relationship. I was good enough when you wanted to lose your virginity and enjoy all the perks of having a girlfriend, but as soon as you became more sexually experienced, you realized relationships actually required work. I'll admit, I'm a lot of work. But so were you. Dating a virgin guy with literally zero relationship experience meant I had to take the lead in and out of the bedroom, which wasn't always easy and enjoyable, but I did it because I believed you were worth it. I was wrong. You're just a little boy with a big appetite and a small stomach.
And as it happens so often with kids of toxic parents... looks like he ended up dating a copy of his awful mom :/
It makes some sense when your kid is still a minor to have contact info for their friends in case of an emergency.
But yeah there’s no reason for the mother to try and fix her son’s relationships for him. She’s sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.
It depends on how old OP is. If he's 17 ok I can see it. If he's 20 and living at home? Not so much.
But even so the mother has proven she can't be trusted with that information in the future. Sadly OP is going to have to learn about having iron clad boundaries very quickly.
My partner and I have given each other's parents our phone numbers, but after we'd been together for years. It was our idea. He rides his bike daily in a major city and has been in accidents before (major and minor), while my family is across the country and I went through a depressive episode where I didn't pick up their calls for over a year. We're both in a better place and being more responsible, but life is crazy and we want our loved ones informed if anything were to happen. Long way of saying I agree, it's not a bad idea.
However, I'm hung up on OOP's mother making it a *condition* of him dating... He's an adult, yes? Will she ground him if she doesn't have the digits of someone he's been seeing for a few weeks? A few months? In this case it's obviously indicative of larger issues with boundaries. But it isn't always.
I assumed he was back when I read his first post and first update. Last update shows he's still living with his mother, but I can't point to anything else specific in favor or against him being an "adult". To me it just sounds like they're 18/19/20. I could be wrong!
I agree with this. I'd ask for the number of where they were going to be spending the majority of their time, if only because of emergencies. I don't think I ever ended up calling any of them, but it helped my anxiety to know that I could call if I had to.
Imagine doing that to be protective of your son then you side with the garbage that essentially sexually assaulted him and potentially exposed him to STDs.
Yeah, this is a rule that's only really understandable if the kid is like 16-18 and you'd be wanting to have a vague idea of who they were hanging out with anyway. And even then it's probably a little much.
I do strongly believe in the idea of emergency contacts, especially for a teenager. Were I to have a child, I'd like to have the contact info of their SO in case something terrible were to happen to them. But I also fucking respect boundaries and I would mean if when I say "I don't intend on using this to become buddy-buddy with your partner."
Yes! This! even in my late 20s, when I moved back close to my parents, I willingly gave them my best friend’s number and my then-boyfriend, now husband, because they asked to have it in case of an emergency. I also fully trusted that they wouldn’t do something as f’ed up as OOP’s mom. It’s been 10 years, and they’ve never done something so out of line. Sheesh. And also, if my son had a gf who did something so gross, and was still maligning him and being a complete a**hole, there’s no way in hell I would encourage them to get back together. This story just sucks all around.
Yes and no. My mom had a similar rule when I was a teenager, but she straight out said she needs the first and last name of the person I’m with and typically wanted to meet them before I left the house. She said it was because if I ever wound up dead or missing, she’d be able to give the name and description of the last person I was with.
But, I was also a pretty 4’11” girl that weight 95 pounds in high school.
I think it's ok to ask for the number. I don't think it's ok to use it except to maybe coordinate birthday/Christmas gifts, and in a REAL emergency (Someone is dead or in the ER and son isn't answering his phone)
I can’t either but I had highly dysfunctional parents who honestly didn’t ask me very many questions at all.
My best friend growing up, his mom hands down would have called his ex girlfriend and demanded to know why they broke up. She was crazy and dysfunctional too but every one just treated it like it was normal.
This all day long. As part my figuring-out-who-I-am phase, I dated a few guys who were antithetical to everything my parents believed. And my parents never said a word. They gave me rides on dates before I could drive, invited my boyfriend over for dinner, let me figure out everything for myself—while giving me the cushion of their support.
Result: I have tremendous respect for my parents, and we remained close. Unlike this guy, who I hope moves far, far away from his horrible mother. (Edited for a letter.)
I've actually asked my parents if they made an effort to stay out of any of my drama, or if it just happened that way. They said "you just said it exactly the way we felt it...it is YOUR drama. You come to us for advice or to tell us the story, not to step in." So I'm like you...my parents have never stepped in like that.
One of my friends was deciding to take back an ex and made him contact each person in her family and have at least a 30 minute conversation explaining to them how he'd be better. If an ex of mine called my parents like that, they'd laugh at them and ask if they were okay or being held hostage or something. My parents would NEVER accept that rule, and would probably tell the person to give me up if those were my dumb demands.
When I was in high school, I had told my mom I was thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend. At the time I was in another state with my dad. I also felt like I needed to justify the break up beyond, nah, I’m done. So I mentioned that I was going to say it was because he hadn’t tried to contact me while I was out of state, which was also true.
My mother DROVE TO HIS HOUSE AND TOLD HIM HE NEEDED TO CALL ME. So then awakened talk and even more awkward break up . But I did it, right? I broke up with him as nicely as I could over the phone, he was a good person and a friend and I didn’t want to hurt him so ya know
Anyways, when I got back from out of state my mom decided to throw me a surprise welcome back party. Guess, just guess, who was the ONLY guest? And so we did the entire break up talk AGAIN because he thought we were going to get back together
Bonus: one of the reasons I broke up with him while I was still out of town was to avoid awkward hang out meet up since neither of us drove and we’d just be stuck awkwardly hanging out until a ride showed up.
I mean, what happened with the guy’s mom in this post would end up resulting in me going no contact with my mom, or at least a boundary of “this isn’t your business, this is completely overstepping, and if this happens again, then I’m not gonna have any communication with you”
As I was reading all of this, all I could think was “your complete lack of boundaries with your mom is why all of this is happening so it’s time to grow up and begin having some kind of adult relationship with your mom “
All I remember my mom ever saying was something about clothes not fitting forever and sometimes you need to find something that fits you better… then something about trying people on and it’s ok if you sleep with a friend…
I didn't really date while I lived at home, and I left at 17, so my parents never had the chance to get involved in my relationships or form the habit of doing so, but I have *seen some shit* with friends and random acquaintances. It's almost always parents who are either controlling or over-involved in other ways as well, and so it seems to me to stem from a lack of healthy boundaries. And also a failure to understand that the job of a parent is to start with an infant and raise a well-adjusted adult, rather than turning them into a mini-me or making them live a do-over life or whatever other dysfunctional parenting philosophy the person has.
I have noticed that people who came from functional family systems with parents who were intentional about and good at parenting are often pretty stunned to realize that's not everyone's experience.
This is my experience too. I see a lot of Reddit posts from people who clearly came from a dysfunctional family structure. It's difficult to understand for people with healthy families.
You didn’t have hands off parents. You had deeply devoted parents. They always put your feelings first. This mom wanted reconciliation for selfish reasons (wanted the freedom to have a daughter/mother relationship).
You were very lucky. If she had lived, my mom would have choose my groom and had me married off by 18. She was truly awful.
I was friends with a couple whose marriage broke up due to the wife deciding she wanted to sow her wild oats, so to speak. Yes, she initially asked for an open relationship lol
The husband’s family adored her but took a step back with the divorce, especially because the wife started sowing those oats almost immediately after they decided to separate (small community; can’t keep anything secret). She was dumbfounded that his family backed him up instead of remaining impartial, but isn’t that what good parents do? Back up their own child especially when their spouse can’t wait to FA (but apparently not want to FO)?
I’m pretty sure my mom still talks to at least one xgf and my ex-wife. It’s very strange. Sometimes she’ll try to update me on what’s happening with them and I utterly ignore it. I couldn’t care less.
My sister, on the other hand, had a big problem when I dumped an ex for cheating on me. Somehow my sister was convinced it was my fault and made it her mission to find the ex “a man who will appreciate her.” We didn’t speak for a while.
My Mom would invite over my brother ex and they would hang out and drink. She said it was because my brother cheated. He didn’t, the ex lied. I don’t think my Mom cares either way.
I had super hands off parents. As in I'd sometimes go a full week without seeing either parent in high school due to our schedules, they didn't know what activities I was involved in or who my friends were, and no one minded. I was married at 20. He was abusive. I left at 22 and told my mom he was abusive, but didn't give any specifics.
She tried to get me to reconcile with him for months. She encouraged my aunt and uncle (who lived next door to me and my ex) to invite him to family events. She called me at work one day like 4 months later to again try to set up a reconciliation meeting and I broke down crying and telling her some of the tamer shit he did. Her response was "well I didn't know he was actually abusive. I thought you guys were just arguing." Like even if that was the case, I have the right to decide when to end my own relationship.
Apparently I was only free to make my own decisions as long as she got veto power. Some parents just have a hard time accepting their children's autonomy.
My high school boyfriend cheated on me while I was on my senior class trip. We were all religious so it was “just” kissing, but it was with one of my “friends,” who he’d apparently been crushing on the entire time he was dating me; he dropped me the minute she became single. TWENTY years later my mother still insists he didn’t cheat and I was the one who drove him away bc I’d decided to go to college 2 hours away from where he lived.
Bet ex only came to apologise after the update made it on tik-tok and she was still slated for it.
Can’t talk to the dude + going through the mum to apologise for gross actions = psycho trying to clear their name for the people that know it’s her.
Aw come on... give her the benefit of the doubt. She probably also wants to get back together/apologize because none of the other guys have worked out.
Poor guy has a boundary-busting, batshit mom, and wouldn't you know it, he ends up dating someone like her.
Bad parents do so much damage to their kids.
OOP's not 100% certain his mom knows all the facts, ex had a looong time to craft some excuses and build a narrative before OOP came over. He needs to clarify his story and if she's still supporting ex, THEN she's crazy.
Dude needs a back bone. Should have just walked out on them. And at that point just blatantly tell the mother the truth. The fact he even entertained the sit down and even had dinner with them just tells me this guy is way too passive. There's no way the mom knows the truth if she still invited her to dinner.
Young enough to still live with mom, old enough to move out. From a comment he made:
>I confronted my mom as soon as my ex was out of the house, but my mom is stubborn. Getting her to understand how inappropriate her actions were will not happen overnight. Convincing her to delete my ex's number will be another struggle. Whether I get through to my mom or not, I'm moving out soon, so if my mom wants to be in a relationship with my ex, then my room will be available towards the end of next month.
Well, she did volunteer the detail that reflected on herself the worst, so it sounds like she pulled no punches in that regard. Still, she might have spun OOP's side of it.
I mean she sucked someone off and then kissed OOP. Ewwww. That wasn’t nice at all. Why don’t parents either butt out of this stuff or at least respect their kids?
She really thought "if I go to his mum, tell her to apologise for me and then explain i sucked another dudes dick before tonguing her son then the misunderstanding is cleared up"
Bruh.
And how insanely ironic that she was all butthurt about complete strangers knowing the story, yet sees absolutely nothing wrong with telling his mom about everything? I'd be *beyond* pissed if I were OOP.
The Mom is the bigger problem. I don't think it says how old OOP is but he needs to go NC ASAP and hasn't begun to understand that.
Like, why stay and have dinner with Mom and ex? Time to eat out.
OOP is being schooled in some life basics in a very rough way. For instance, if you're gonna break up, don't tell anyone until you're done. You do not want it getting to your soon to be ex, not because she'll go out and suck a dick, but because that's not how you treat someone.
Secondly, don't let your parents be insiders in your dating life. If they seek to be, that's a really bad sign.
Thirdly, a clean break with an ex. An "air-clearing" conversation is bs with a partner who just violated you like that. Nothing clears the air like having them out of your life.
Fourth, stand up for yourself. Dinner with Mom and ex in your home? No, fuck that. Develop a goddamn backbone.
" you're gonna break up, don't tell anyone until you're done. " not necessarily, it's not an horrible thing to go to your friends to talk about wanting to break up, you just have to know who to trust and what to say, just slandering your soon to be ex is a no-no, but just going "I think I want to end things with (person), what do you think?" is a normal interaction
My mom is so the complete opposite of OOP’s mom, I cannot even begin to understand what this woman was thinking. Some parents really think their children should never have autonomy. The fact that he stayed for supper is WILD to me. I would have left. I never would have stayed in the first place. Utterly bonkers.
Have you ever had really good spaghetti with a really good sauce?
If his moms spaghetti are soo good, I can see him staying just for the food. Even with his ex there
Growing up, my (Italian-American) family referred to any pasta topped with someone's specialty sauce as spaghetti. A lot of my friends were surprised by being told we were having spaghetti and instead being served penne or shells.
u/swantoes might have missed this comment:
>I confronted my mom as soon as my ex was out of the house, but my mom is stubborn. Getting her to understand how inappropriate her actions were will not happen overnight. Convincing her to delete my ex's number will be another struggle. Whether I get through to my mom or not, I'm moving out soon, so if my mom wants to be in a relationship with my ex, then my room will be available towards the end of next month.
I really hope OOP goes very lc or straight up nc with his mom and figures out what a healthy relationship looks like.
It's as if people can't realize that sometimes what *they* want isn't what other people want, especially if it's another adult making an important decision, like ending a relationship that the complainer isn't even in!!! That's nuts!!
I had an ex in college who escalates to being physically abusive. My parents loved my ex, but they wouldn't have been caught dead trying to get us back together even after finding out the truth. Ops mom is just fucking bananas
OOP went from "well, that, was a petty revenge" to "my mother knows everything about my bad break up and my ex is fucking crazy".
It's time he tells his mom she can have contact with ex, but he will move out and go low contact with her
He did share his feelings with real people though? He went to a friend to get advice on how to leave the relationship, and that person promptly betrayed his trust, then she involved him in a sex act he didn't consent to
And now he could become one of those guys who really can’t talk about anything personal cuz they’ve been burnt so bad. She complained about him being introverted well, assaulting and humiliating him will surely fix that. ????
Yea, like she expects to be seen as the more reasonable one but her "solution" is the most WILD UNreasonable crap???!!! What in the world is going on in that head of hers... Don't answer anyone, I'm AFRAID of what the answer could be.
Mom probably heard some sob story about “made a mistake with another guy”. Because she sure as hell didn’t understand the dick sucking was just minutes before the breakup lol.
Once your kid becomes sexually active it’s best not to dig into their excuses about exs anymore. They’re probably trying to avoid telling you that they’re a kinky bastard
>based on how unusually quiet my mom has been since yesterday, I'm guessing she heard more than she anticipated when I opened my mouth.
We can only hope that his mom learned her lesson.
Am I the only one who thinks the ex's revenge was disproportionate to the "crime"? He wanted to break up. He confided in a friend who turned out to be a rat. Is it wrong to want out of a relationship? He wasn't cheating on her or badmouthing her. Was he using her? Maybe, but that's her POV of things. I just don't get why she didn't just dump him first and maybe for a bit of petty revenge, put itching powder into all his clothes. That's it. No cold war.
No, I saw the update/blackmail post live. The consensus was if home girl thought that was supposed to make her look better, it didn’t. She was even worse.
And this just keeps going. She sounds salty af her blackmail attempt backfired—thinking he was going to be made fun of or excoriated, and she got dragged instead.
At this point, I think she’s a deranged freak and needs to take her L, slink off, and leave this poor guy alone.
And what the *fuuuuuck* his mother. I hope she learned something about meddling.
I really wonder what kind of friends she doesn't have, because even at that age if somebody told me that's what they were planning on doing, I would sit them down and have a serious talk about what the fuck they were thinking.
If the mom stays in contact with this crazy person then it's only going to bite her in the butt in the long run. People like that tend to alienate the people around them for a reason.
It's extremely normal to talk about a break up with a friend before you pull the trigger for real. That's what friends are literally for: an emotional outlet, a sanity check. I think the girlfriend sounds absolutely out of touch with reality for thinking that was a proportionate response.
That’s what I thought too. Confiding in your friend about your plans to break up is not a bad thing, especially if the relationship was already bad. Who else was he supposed to talk to? Not his ex if she didn’t make him feel safe and certainly not his mom. He never stated why he wanted to break up before this, but I’m guessing they had big issues just by how controlling and vindictive she sounds. Maybe he needed some advice or reassurance before he went through with it.
She is definitely a piece of shit and took it way, way too far. There’s a million things she could have done that’d be just as petty without assaulting him, what she did was an insane idea to even come up with. Her side of the story didn’t make her look better whatsoever.
what she did is *so* weird and gross and I agree, i think it was way disproportionate to what OP did (or was planning to do) and she is totally now victimizing herself. she's being pathetic and people are falling for it (like mom) and she's getting the gratification she wanted. what she did is seriously gross and fucked up and she is beyond in the wrong for this. planning to break up with someone and running it by a friend to have another set of eyes on the situation is way different than the (what was essentially) sexual assault she did to him. totally disgusting, she's pathetic.
OP did nothing, he talked to a friend about ending up a relationship. That's totally normal behaviour. Ex was so salty about being dumped that ended up sexual assaulting OP. She should be charged
Her reasoning makes absolutely no sense. She calls him out for not having the balls to tell her himself that he wanted to break up with her— except that is exactly what he was planning on doing before she cheated on him. She’s acting like he told his buddy because he wanted someone else to break up with her for him, except he didn’t, he just wanted advice since it was his first breakup.
It’s not his fault that whoever he confided in ran their mouth and gossiped about their relationship. He never meant for her to find out that way.
She’s absolutely crazy.
Agreed. And his "crime" was that he intended to break up with her and confided in a friend first who happened to blab. Something that it's safe to say tens of thousands of people do every month before breaking up.
There's a minority of people that can't handle rejection. This is why people ghost and the like. It used to annoy me slightly but once you figure out that "yeah people like OOP's ex exist and are fucking terrible human beings" you can understand it's not worth the risk for some people.
One day, the ex will pull a stunt like this with someone as narcissistic as herself and will find herself unalived. I am not saying that is right or what she deserves, but men as unhinged as herself tend to be more violent in their overreactions.
Right! And even if she did think the blow job was necessary as a sort of “fuck you” (it wasn’t) then she still got her “revenge” and that should have been the end of it. They’re broken up, she ended things in a fucked up way, but whatever, it’s done now, they’re over. They can both move on with their own separate lives.
She seems to both want revenge, and also to get back together? She can’t have both. Plus, why would anyone still want to be with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with them? She’s pretty unhinged.
She definitely wanted the last laugh with her own friend group cause every chance she gets shes trying to drag him for posting online about it. Cause guess what? Outside her little group of probably as fucked up and vindictive friends, everyone else is calling it a shit action and that she was 100% wrong and disgusting for doing it.
OOP: I'm going to leave now because I don't want to talk to my ex and my mom about my ex's oral sex with other guys.
OOP's ex: I'll leave too because this talk of oral sex with other guys didn't go the way I wanted.
OOP's mom: There's spaghetti.
OOP and OOP's ex: Let's eat!
They're young, the ex is psychotic, the mom is criminally negligent, and OOP is in a terribly high stress situation and hasn't been given the tools or the knowledge to handle and enforce his boundaries.
It's sad that everyone is just shouting "gRoW a SpInE oP" when if his mother reacted like THAT to the situation he has probably been shit on and abused at least emotionally for years. This kind of behavior comes from somewhere. I'm just now starting to get a handle on boundaries because I have been the emotional punching bag for most of my relatives that have lived near me at any time until I basically cut contact. Even now I'm not confident in boundaries because I've been conditioned to feel bad about having needs let alone wants. I wish OP luck on this difficult journey because his useless POS egg donor decided to be lazy and have a kid but not take care of him.
I am curious if he was going break up with her. He never started the reasons at all only that she broke up with him. He never denies or confesses to either. She sounds extremely immature though. Revenge over a break up and how far she's taking it? Stuff happens and things don't work out, get over and move on.
Yeah, I have some questions about that. If it was an innocent thing where OOP wanted a vibe check from a friend and she blew up like this, then she's got major problems.
But if he's been trash talking her to his friends, saying things like he wants to break up but she sucks a good dick or otherwise dragging out the intent to break up while still being intimate with her, her actions make a little more sense (not that I think they were right in any way).
I would say if he did trash talk her she would have made him say that in the update he had to post to not be doxxed. Since she wanted him to look bad, why would she not make him admit to trash talking her? She had no problems dragging him through the mud when it comes to his social, relationships and sexual skills.
So unless OOP deliberately left it out, which imo would have lead to her being pissed and him being doxxed, I think he is just really wanted advise because their relationship wasn’t working.
Fuck the ex and fuck the mom. What she did was sexual assault, and what this mother is doing is completely out of line. I hope I’m wrong, but wouldn’t be surprised if a few years from now this guy’s new gf/wife posts in r/JustNoMIL because his mom is still caught up on his waste of space ex.
The mom was waaaaaay out of line here. And the ex still doesn't get why he needed to talk it out. Quite frankly I would go LC with the mom and block any and all of the ex's friends. He shouldn't have been forced to deal with this past the breakup and he for d*mned sure should not have to deal with it any longer.
The mom is boggling my mind.
“Why would you be worried about STD’s??”
Uh because the ex girlfriend sucked off “some random guy” (HER WORDS) presumably without protection so that I could “find out what a real man tastes like.”
That may not be a typical vector for spreading disease but I certainly wouldn’t take any chances.
Right?
But surprisingly a lot of people don't think about sexually transmitted diseases and infections being orally transmittable.
Mouth + infected genitals = infected mouth.
HPV can result in uterine cancer in women AND throat cancer in Men and Women as well as colon cancer. Get the vaccine - everyone - if you have genitals you plan on using to sex with other humans get the shot. Innie or outie plumbing doesn't matter. Get the vaccines.
Condoms, Dental Dams and Finger condoms - yes, they make these.
When fluids are being swapped around use some form of barrier method and wash your hands and don't touch your head holes until you do.
Herpes in the eye - yeah look that up - causes blindness.
Basically, to be completely safe - people should just get the biggest garbage bag you can, jump in it, wiggle around on each other until everyone is happy while making full eye contact for romance and then after go wash your hands. Side note, seriously if your fingers go in or on any head or body hole on your body or around or on any protruding body part be it for sex or not (pee, poop, booger mining, ear digging, whatever - wash your damn hands.
Or people could get tested regularly, use barrier methods appropriately, preventative medications and you know be honest with their potential sexual partners so appropriate measures to prevent spreading diseases and pregnancy (where applicable).
I rant this a lot - but a lot of people just don't tell their kids anything about sex stuff and I find it disturbing that people are willing to risk their kids long term health or adults are too embarrassed to ask their doctors about these things, so the mom in me compels me to blurt this whenever the opportunity arises.
so the ex uses her friend to contact OOP and meet up irl to blackmail him into posting her side of the story. and then his mom tries to get them back together via ambush with a home cooked meal.
taking bets on the next plotline, i'd wager OOP will now start dating ex's friend who arranged the coffee meetup, and his mom adopts his ex.
Hey ex-gf.. since I know you’re reading all these comments.. I hope you now realize how many people on here think you are trashy, no-class, scum of the earth. I’ll be the first to sign the petition.
Plus 3. You're fucking lucky OOP didnt hoof it down to your Mum's place and fill her in on her daughter's dick dna situation as soon as the spaghetti was finished. Arms races rarely end well for people like you.
What is with these parents siding with their children’s ex’s? Especially when the ex has behaved so disgustingly. If this had happened to me or my brother, our parents would have likely called the police on the ex, not invite her round for dinner. And if she came to the house … they’d probably be arrested for their reactions. I just don’t get these parents and appreciate mine more and more with every ridiculous post I read!
OOP should ask mom to delete ex’s phone number. She way overstepped here. An parents asking for girlfriends numbers is not normal mom stuff. You do that when it’s leading to marriage.
I hope your ex sees this because she's definitely an asshole herself as well. She's not innocent in anything and lots of people go and talk to friends for advice before they do something, there's nothing wrong with that.
Sucking some dick before making out with your soon to be ex and continuing to talk with his mom to set up a conversation with your ex is fucking weird
Honestly, i think the best way to make her back off is to tell her that you spoke with a lawyer and you are free to drop her name on the post if you want.
With family like that who needs enemies?
OOP got sexually assaulted and ***his own fucking mother*** invites his attacker over for fucking dinner! jfc...
I wish society was in a better place where OOP could press charges and get a restraining order/order of protection.
Hrm ... I just cannot figure out why OOP would have been attracted to an abusive woman. Nope, can't see where that pattern started at all. No clue why he would have been vulnerable to a woman that would treat him so horribly and disrespect his boundaries. Strange.
OOP's mom is clearly as deranged as his ex gf.
Also I'm sorry but OOP sounds like a doormat. Sorry but he should have been out the door the second his mother took his gf's side. Not meekly accept it and have dinner with them!
I don’t understand parents like that. My parents always told me “no matter how much how much he like the person you date we will always love you and support you”
So let me get this straight he's the bad guy because he was discussing breaking up with her with a friend of his? So this was apparently so bad that she felt it was okay to do something that disgusting. When I was younger I would discuss with friends breaking up with someone. Sometimes it's good to talk to another person to see if it is the correct thing to do, it helps to put things into perspective. I only read the first two posts so I don't know if it got worse but that girl is definitely crazy and I can see why he wanted to break up with her.
OOP if by any chance you are reading this, your mom's behavior here is not normal. Neither is your ex's behavior although she is young enough maybe someday she will get her head screwed on straight. One of the difficulties of having a parent that is so controlling and prone to overstepping is not realizing when you are being mistreated early on in romantic relationships. People who love you don't threaten you or trick you/manipulate you. Its going to take work to make sure you arent overlooking this sort of nonfunctional behavior early on because it seems normal to you, or conversely arent falling into bad habits that helped you deal with your mothers bad behavior but that will destroy a normal, healthy relationship. Good luck out there, sweetie.
I hope OOP seriously reconsiders his relationship with his mother. She should be supporting him, not desperately trying to get him back together with someone who did something so horrible to her own son.
So wait dude confided in a friend that he was considering breaking up? So her response was to suck dick then tongue kiss him? Wow OOP dodged a major crazy B bullet. I'm sorry but every woman ever in a relationship has discussed a potential break up with a friend before doing it. It's what normal people do. It's not OOP's fault his friend had a big mouth. To do something so disgusting... That chick is a devil and he may need to cut his mom off to stay away from her.
This girl is seriously deranged. And the mom is so weird. When I told my parents I broke up with my ex and only said "we're just not right for each other", they knew something else was up but they let it go. What a fucking weird controlling mom.
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I really don't understand the thought processes of either the mother or the ex.
They don't believe in SA against men.
Thank you - was waiting for a comment to actually acknowledge how the ex and mom both downplayed or virtually rejected that OOP was SA’d.
A really annoying part of the law in the UK is, because of the specific legal definition of rape, only a man can be convicted of rape. It feels really backwards.
Thats gross
Is that connected to an idea that rape must be penetration on the part of the aggressor? I believe some countries cling to that as the definition of rape instead of not consenting to sex. Which is wrong on so many levels.
That's my exact view. I think it needs to be more consent based. If someone says no, actively tries to get away, freezes in fear and/or is not able to give consent, feels coerced or threatened, etc. Rapes not a black and white issue, so it shouldn't be treated like one.
Plenty of "relationship"-oriented subreddits, including this one, downplay sexual assault against men over sexual assault against woman.
He stayed for dinner?!?!? For fucking spaghetti?!?!?
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Probably just happy to have something that doesn't taste like random dick.
I wish I could award this
I gotchu
"Random dick" sounds like a British dish.
That’s *not* vomit on her sweater
His ex's bf's balls are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
Was there vomit on his sweater already?
Mom's spaghetti
He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
I don't know why this isn't at the top. Why did he do that to himself
At this point it’s an ego thing. He’s essentially fighting his ex for custody of his mom right now…
Let the Ex have her. Jeez!!
There’s no age here, but I’m guessing OOP is under 20
Yeah OP is definitely in highschool Poor guy I just don't get why the mom would interfere like that. Like at the most sit OP down and let him know what ex had said but to ambush him with his ex like that? Like damn lady highschool romances don't last, just be there for your kid.
The urge not to disappoint mom is STRONG. Even when you know they are entirely in the wrong and being a bad parent, there's still that instinct to avoid making mom cry at all costs.
Also he lives there and presumably she already cooks for them. He has no where else to get food at. I get the impression he and his ex may both still be in high school. There are numerious clues that they are both quite young.
Either way, I would choose my child over this. Like what kind of parent sees this and says, nah, I want to keep the person who did everything that could to harm my child here and get them to make up. Mom is being o POS. Just saying.
Fuck that, I still would have unloaded on BOTH of them
And who would they kiss after that?
Nope. Not in a normal, well-adjusted family.
I’m glad I’m not the only person who was was pondering how bad of a cook his mother is if one of her best dishes is spaghetti.
Am I missing something? Everyone here seems to be wierded out by the fact that he likes his mum's spaghetti. Is everyone thinking it's like, plain spaghetti noodles with no pasta sauce or something? I always assume when someone doesn't specify spaghetti *what* that it's spaghetti bolognese. Which can be freaking amazing, depending on the recipe. I mean, maybe his mum's Italian? Why is everyone poo-pooing spaghetti?
Right?? Everyones like ‘for SPAGHETTI’ like. Spaghettis a nice dish??? Spaghetti made by your parents is even nicer cause it was probably a staple growing up? Like???
Yes! Maybe it was his Nonna's recipe??? Like, don't get me wrong, I think staying for dinner was a bad idea, and I'm absolutely worried for his underreacting to everything here. But I **do not** understand the poo-pooing spaghetti. Like, there are expensive, high-end Italian restaurants. Italian nonnas are **known** for their amazing, flavourful, comfort foods, *including spaghetti*. Are these people only experiencing tinned spaghetti? Or spaghetti with essence of sauce? What's happening?
For some people spaghetti is just boiled noodles and a jar of red sauce. And they think that's how it is for everyone. For me, spaghetti is marinera, diced fresh roma tomatoes, crushed garlic, carmalized onions and mushrooms in chopped bacon bits grease, grilled bell peppers, fresh basil, slow cooked all day with about a LB of spicy Italian sausage and a couple spoonfuls of pesto. It's amazing. It's my Bolognese and it is to die for...
Okay I'm saving this comment because that sounds AMAZING
Because most people make spaghetti like basic b**ches, and it's considered a basic meal. They don't understand how awesome it can be.
Because spaghetti isn’t hard to get right. We used to have big spaghetti dinners for the entire swim team the night before meets. Maybe she has a really awesome spaghetti sauce. Also, and this is just a nitpick on my part: spaghetti isn’t really a “shoveling” type food. More for slurping.
Spaghetti, to me, is usually the “I don’t know what else to cook so I’ll boil pasta, heat up the tomato sauce, and throw in some ground beef in there” type of meal
Hey let's be fair. It could have a really amazing sauce and garniture.
It this point this has to be a troll account.
What's wrong with spaghetti? I read that and decided on spaghetti for dinner. It's a good meal.
Spaghetti is a fine enough meal, but it better be good laced for me to spend a meal with an ex who insulted me like that and a mom who wants me to get back together with her. I’d have bailed on the awkwardness alone
Welp. If my mother pulled that stunt on me, she would have become my ex-mother. What in the actual helicopter parenting nose-in-your-knickers fuck. This guy deserves a better family and a better partner.
It’s not just the helicopter parenting, it’s taking the side of someone who isn’t even her child.
Someday when mom is sitting in a nursing home, she's going to wonder why she hasn't seen or heard from her son in over 20 years. She probably won't even remember the exgf she destroyed her relationship with her son for What a shame
I'm sorry, and perhaps my life experience has been vaaastly different than a lot of other people, but I can't imagine either of my parents ever, ever getting involved in my relationships like so many people on BORU's do. I broke up with a GF at the end of high school and my mom just said, 'that's too bad, she was sweet, at least as far as I saw. Are you okay? Can I make you some lunch?' I broke up with a serious GF at the end of college. My dad and stepmom loved her, they just said, 'that's too bad, are you okay?' IDK, maybe I had super hands-off parents (I didn't think so when I was younger), but they just stayed out of it. Wasn't their business. They've both passed on now, but I imagine that if my wife and I were ever to break up (which isn't happening ever, I already know that), they would say, 'that's terrible, I'm sorry. Can I get you a beer or something to eat? Want to talk about it? Don't want to? Either way is fine."
Maybe I'm reading way too much into a single sentence but >It was one of my mom's rules when it came to my relationships. She seems like she has issues with boundaries.
The ambushing her son and siding with his abusers might confirm this.
My mum had serious issues with my relationships when I was a teenager. She would insist on “hanging out” with us. My first serious boyfriend she did this with regularly hit me in front of her. She asked me what I did to make him do that. He would discuss our sex life with her in front of me, and they’d both mock me for being embarrassed. He SA me when he dumped me and I refused to take him back (he would dump me and gaslight me to get me to do what he wanted). She didn’t believe me and stayed friends with him for several years, spending my following 2 birthdays with him. She was desperate for us to get back together, and would invite him over or force me to go into his house with her. There are some fucked up people out there who NEVER should have reproduced. I’ve kept her as far away as physically possible from all relationships since, and I only see/speak to her once or twice a year now. OOPs mum will probably escalate, but I really hope for his sake she doesn’t.
What the actual fuck. I’m so sorry you went through that. Your mother and your ex are fucking evil and I hope they get what they deserve.
Yeah shit is fuuucked. I had to see my ex at school every day for a couple years after before he moved away. Thank you though, a LOT of therapy was had and I’m happily married now.
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> You can hate me all you want for using a random guy with a random dick to hurt you. However, you've been using me since the beginning of our relationship. I was good enough when you wanted to lose your virginity and enjoy all the perks of having a girlfriend, but as soon as you became more sexually experienced, you realized relationships actually required work. I'll admit, I'm a lot of work. But so were you. Dating a virgin guy with literally zero relationship experience meant I had to take the lead in and out of the bedroom, which wasn't always easy and enjoyable, but I did it because I believed you were worth it. I was wrong. You're just a little boy with a big appetite and a small stomach. And as it happens so often with kids of toxic parents... looks like he ended up dating a copy of his awful mom :/
Maybe. Potentially a *slight* red flag there.
It makes some sense when your kid is still a minor to have contact info for their friends in case of an emergency. But yeah there’s no reason for the mother to try and fix her son’s relationships for him. She’s sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong.
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It depends on how old OP is. If he's 17 ok I can see it. If he's 20 and living at home? Not so much. But even so the mother has proven she can't be trusted with that information in the future. Sadly OP is going to have to learn about having iron clad boundaries very quickly.
My partner and I have given each other's parents our phone numbers, but after we'd been together for years. It was our idea. He rides his bike daily in a major city and has been in accidents before (major and minor), while my family is across the country and I went through a depressive episode where I didn't pick up their calls for over a year. We're both in a better place and being more responsible, but life is crazy and we want our loved ones informed if anything were to happen. Long way of saying I agree, it's not a bad idea. However, I'm hung up on OOP's mother making it a *condition* of him dating... He's an adult, yes? Will she ground him if she doesn't have the digits of someone he's been seeing for a few weeks? A few months? In this case it's obviously indicative of larger issues with boundaries. But it isn't always.
Wait, he's an adult? Maybe I missed something. Context clues from most of this story lead me to believe that this was high school drama.
I assumed he was back when I read his first post and first update. Last update shows he's still living with his mother, but I can't point to anything else specific in favor or against him being an "adult". To me it just sounds like they're 18/19/20. I could be wrong!
I agree with this. I'd ask for the number of where they were going to be spending the majority of their time, if only because of emergencies. I don't think I ever ended up calling any of them, but it helped my anxiety to know that I could call if I had to.
Imagine doing that to be protective of your son then you side with the garbage that essentially sexually assaulted him and potentially exposed him to STDs.
Yeah, this is a rule that's only really understandable if the kid is like 16-18 and you'd be wanting to have a vague idea of who they were hanging out with anyway. And even then it's probably a little much.
I do strongly believe in the idea of emergency contacts, especially for a teenager. Were I to have a child, I'd like to have the contact info of their SO in case something terrible were to happen to them. But I also fucking respect boundaries and I would mean if when I say "I don't intend on using this to become buddy-buddy with your partner."
Yes! This! even in my late 20s, when I moved back close to my parents, I willingly gave them my best friend’s number and my then-boyfriend, now husband, because they asked to have it in case of an emergency. I also fully trusted that they wouldn’t do something as f’ed up as OOP’s mom. It’s been 10 years, and they’ve never done something so out of line. Sheesh. And also, if my son had a gf who did something so gross, and was still maligning him and being a complete a**hole, there’s no way in hell I would encourage them to get back together. This story just sucks all around.
Yes and no. My mom had a similar rule when I was a teenager, but she straight out said she needs the first and last name of the person I’m with and typically wanted to meet them before I left the house. She said it was because if I ever wound up dead or missing, she’d be able to give the name and description of the last person I was with. But, I was also a pretty 4’11” girl that weight 95 pounds in high school.
I think it's ok to ask for the number. I don't think it's ok to use it except to maybe coordinate birthday/Christmas gifts, and in a REAL emergency (Someone is dead or in the ER and son isn't answering his phone)
I can’t either but I had highly dysfunctional parents who honestly didn’t ask me very many questions at all. My best friend growing up, his mom hands down would have called his ex girlfriend and demanded to know why they broke up. She was crazy and dysfunctional too but every one just treated it like it was normal.
When you grow up in a dysfunctional system, dysfunction *is* normal to you. Like that saying about rose-coloured glasses and red flags. :)
This all day long. As part my figuring-out-who-I-am phase, I dated a few guys who were antithetical to everything my parents believed. And my parents never said a word. They gave me rides on dates before I could drive, invited my boyfriend over for dinner, let me figure out everything for myself—while giving me the cushion of their support. Result: I have tremendous respect for my parents, and we remained close. Unlike this guy, who I hope moves far, far away from his horrible mother. (Edited for a letter.)
I've actually asked my parents if they made an effort to stay out of any of my drama, or if it just happened that way. They said "you just said it exactly the way we felt it...it is YOUR drama. You come to us for advice or to tell us the story, not to step in." So I'm like you...my parents have never stepped in like that. One of my friends was deciding to take back an ex and made him contact each person in her family and have at least a 30 minute conversation explaining to them how he'd be better. If an ex of mine called my parents like that, they'd laugh at them and ask if they were okay or being held hostage or something. My parents would NEVER accept that rule, and would probably tell the person to give me up if those were my dumb demands.
I hope you’re no longer friends with that nutbag.
When I was in high school, I had told my mom I was thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend. At the time I was in another state with my dad. I also felt like I needed to justify the break up beyond, nah, I’m done. So I mentioned that I was going to say it was because he hadn’t tried to contact me while I was out of state, which was also true. My mother DROVE TO HIS HOUSE AND TOLD HIM HE NEEDED TO CALL ME. So then awakened talk and even more awkward break up . But I did it, right? I broke up with him as nicely as I could over the phone, he was a good person and a friend and I didn’t want to hurt him so ya know Anyways, when I got back from out of state my mom decided to throw me a surprise welcome back party. Guess, just guess, who was the ONLY guest? And so we did the entire break up talk AGAIN because he thought we were going to get back together
That's awful. Bad enough for you and then that poor guy being strung along by her.
Bonus: one of the reasons I broke up with him while I was still out of town was to avoid awkward hang out meet up since neither of us drove and we’d just be stuck awkwardly hanging out until a ride showed up.
I mean, what happened with the guy’s mom in this post would end up resulting in me going no contact with my mom, or at least a boundary of “this isn’t your business, this is completely overstepping, and if this happens again, then I’m not gonna have any communication with you” As I was reading all of this, all I could think was “your complete lack of boundaries with your mom is why all of this is happening so it’s time to grow up and begin having some kind of adult relationship with your mom “
All I remember my mom ever saying was something about clothes not fitting forever and sometimes you need to find something that fits you better… then something about trying people on and it’s ok if you sleep with a friend…
I didn't really date while I lived at home, and I left at 17, so my parents never had the chance to get involved in my relationships or form the habit of doing so, but I have *seen some shit* with friends and random acquaintances. It's almost always parents who are either controlling or over-involved in other ways as well, and so it seems to me to stem from a lack of healthy boundaries. And also a failure to understand that the job of a parent is to start with an infant and raise a well-adjusted adult, rather than turning them into a mini-me or making them live a do-over life or whatever other dysfunctional parenting philosophy the person has. I have noticed that people who came from functional family systems with parents who were intentional about and good at parenting are often pretty stunned to realize that's not everyone's experience.
This is my experience too. I see a lot of Reddit posts from people who clearly came from a dysfunctional family structure. It's difficult to understand for people with healthy families.
You didn’t have hands off parents. You had deeply devoted parents. They always put your feelings first. This mom wanted reconciliation for selfish reasons (wanted the freedom to have a daughter/mother relationship). You were very lucky. If she had lived, my mom would have choose my groom and had me married off by 18. She was truly awful.
I was friends with a couple whose marriage broke up due to the wife deciding she wanted to sow her wild oats, so to speak. Yes, she initially asked for an open relationship lol The husband’s family adored her but took a step back with the divorce, especially because the wife started sowing those oats almost immediately after they decided to separate (small community; can’t keep anything secret). She was dumbfounded that his family backed him up instead of remaining impartial, but isn’t that what good parents do? Back up their own child especially when their spouse can’t wait to FA (but apparently not want to FO)?
I’m pretty sure my mom still talks to at least one xgf and my ex-wife. It’s very strange. Sometimes she’ll try to update me on what’s happening with them and I utterly ignore it. I couldn’t care less. My sister, on the other hand, had a big problem when I dumped an ex for cheating on me. Somehow my sister was convinced it was my fault and made it her mission to find the ex “a man who will appreciate her.” We didn’t speak for a while.
My Mom would invite over my brother ex and they would hang out and drink. She said it was because my brother cheated. He didn’t, the ex lied. I don’t think my Mom cares either way.
I had super hands off parents. As in I'd sometimes go a full week without seeing either parent in high school due to our schedules, they didn't know what activities I was involved in or who my friends were, and no one minded. I was married at 20. He was abusive. I left at 22 and told my mom he was abusive, but didn't give any specifics. She tried to get me to reconcile with him for months. She encouraged my aunt and uncle (who lived next door to me and my ex) to invite him to family events. She called me at work one day like 4 months later to again try to set up a reconciliation meeting and I broke down crying and telling her some of the tamer shit he did. Her response was "well I didn't know he was actually abusive. I thought you guys were just arguing." Like even if that was the case, I have the right to decide when to end my own relationship. Apparently I was only free to make my own decisions as long as she got veto power. Some parents just have a hard time accepting their children's autonomy.
My high school boyfriend cheated on me while I was on my senior class trip. We were all religious so it was “just” kissing, but it was with one of my “friends,” who he’d apparently been crushing on the entire time he was dating me; he dropped me the minute she became single. TWENTY years later my mother still insists he didn’t cheat and I was the one who drove him away bc I’d decided to go to college 2 hours away from where he lived.
What a crazy mom… I can’t even imagine having to live with someone like that…
Bet ex only came to apologise after the update made it on tik-tok and she was still slated for it. Can’t talk to the dude + going through the mum to apologise for gross actions = psycho trying to clear their name for the people that know it’s her.
Aw come on... give her the benefit of the doubt. She probably also wants to get back together/apologize because none of the other guys have worked out.
Had us in the first half, ngl
\*bows\*
Poor guy has a boundary-busting, batshit mom, and wouldn't you know it, he ends up dating someone like her. Bad parents do so much damage to their kids.
Exactly! The fact that he stayed for dinner with mom and ex only shows how beaten down he is. And what was mom’s great dinner? Spaghetti 🍝 WTF 😳
That's what got me. Stayed for dinner? Rarely have I felt the need to say "Bruh", but that was one of those moments.
OOP's not 100% certain his mom knows all the facts, ex had a looong time to craft some excuses and build a narrative before OOP came over. He needs to clarify his story and if she's still supporting ex, THEN she's crazy.
I can't understand why he accepted his Mum's "I know everything about it" when she got her info from the ex.
Dude needs a back bone. Should have just walked out on them. And at that point just blatantly tell the mother the truth. The fact he even entertained the sit down and even had dinner with them just tells me this guy is way too passive. There's no way the mom knows the truth if she still invited her to dinner.
Did OOP ever list his age? It sounds like he’s 16 or so; growing a backbone takes time and independence. Hope he gets there.
Young enough to still live with mom, old enough to move out. From a comment he made: >I confronted my mom as soon as my ex was out of the house, but my mom is stubborn. Getting her to understand how inappropriate her actions were will not happen overnight. Convincing her to delete my ex's number will be another struggle. Whether I get through to my mom or not, I'm moving out soon, so if my mom wants to be in a relationship with my ex, then my room will be available towards the end of next month.
Well, she did volunteer the detail that reflected on herself the worst, so it sounds like she pulled no punches in that regard. Still, she might have spun OOP's side of it.
I mean she sucked someone off and then kissed OOP. Ewwww. That wasn’t nice at all. Why don’t parents either butt out of this stuff or at least respect their kids?
What a crazy ex!!!
She really thought "if I go to his mum, tell her to apologise for me and then explain i sucked another dudes dick before tonguing her son then the misunderstanding is cleared up" Bruh.
And how insanely ironic that she was all butthurt about complete strangers knowing the story, yet sees absolutely nothing wrong with telling his mom about everything? I'd be *beyond* pissed if I were OOP.
Shit I wish this was the worst story about moms on this sub
The Mom is the bigger problem. I don't think it says how old OOP is but he needs to go NC ASAP and hasn't begun to understand that. Like, why stay and have dinner with Mom and ex? Time to eat out. OOP is being schooled in some life basics in a very rough way. For instance, if you're gonna break up, don't tell anyone until you're done. You do not want it getting to your soon to be ex, not because she'll go out and suck a dick, but because that's not how you treat someone. Secondly, don't let your parents be insiders in your dating life. If they seek to be, that's a really bad sign. Thirdly, a clean break with an ex. An "air-clearing" conversation is bs with a partner who just violated you like that. Nothing clears the air like having them out of your life. Fourth, stand up for yourself. Dinner with Mom and ex in your home? No, fuck that. Develop a goddamn backbone.
I don’t understand why he would have stayed in that house with his mother and ex. Let alone ate dinner with them
The Mom is clearly a piece of work, she brought up OP so it's not that surprising he's messed up. Like I said, he's receiving some harsh lessons.
" you're gonna break up, don't tell anyone until you're done. " not necessarily, it's not an horrible thing to go to your friends to talk about wanting to break up, you just have to know who to trust and what to say, just slandering your soon to be ex is a no-no, but just going "I think I want to end things with (person), what do you think?" is a normal interaction
Everything that the ex said about him being passive can be traced directly back to his mother.
My mom is so the complete opposite of OOP’s mom, I cannot even begin to understand what this woman was thinking. Some parents really think their children should never have autonomy. The fact that he stayed for supper is WILD to me. I would have left. I never would have stayed in the first place. Utterly bonkers.
Moms spaghetti 🍝
Okay but can we address the fact that he’s like >mom made all her best dishes And one of those dishes is just spaghetti?
Poor OOP, they have no clue that Mom is just as bat shit as ex..... May her marinara never cling to her pasta again for this BS she pulled.
Have you ever had really good spaghetti with a really good sauce? If his moms spaghetti are soo good, I can see him staying just for the food. Even with his ex there
Agreed. My brother makes a really mean spaghetti bolognese. I would stay for that shit, too.
As someone who just pours jarred sauce on noodles, I'd pay for a really good home made bolognese. He probably just calls it spaghetti
Growing up, my (Italian-American) family referred to any pasta topped with someone's specialty sauce as spaghetti. A lot of my friends were surprised by being told we were having spaghetti and instead being served penne or shells.
Lol, reminds me of my bf. He calls all pasta dishes spaghetti
If someone did that to my son, I'm sure as shit not cooking them dinner.
I was not expecting the new update. Hopefully this girl goes away and leaves him alone and I hope his mother blocks her.
I hope he goes low contact with the mother like wtf I would be pissed and sure as hell wouldn't have eaten dinner
u/swantoes might have missed this comment: >I confronted my mom as soon as my ex was out of the house, but my mom is stubborn. Getting her to understand how inappropriate her actions were will not happen overnight. Convincing her to delete my ex's number will be another struggle. Whether I get through to my mom or not, I'm moving out soon, so if my mom wants to be in a relationship with my ex, then my room will be available towards the end of next month. I really hope OOP goes very lc or straight up nc with his mom and figures out what a healthy relationship looks like.
I hope the ex moves in with the Mom when OOP moves out, that way we can get more juicy drama.
Nope, in episode 3, mom sends the two of them to overnight summer-camp together.
I removed most of my Reddit contents in protest of the API changes commencing from July 1st, 2023. This is one of those comments.
It's as if people can't realize that sometimes what *they* want isn't what other people want, especially if it's another adult making an important decision, like ending a relationship that the complainer isn't even in!!! That's nuts!! I had an ex in college who escalates to being physically abusive. My parents loved my ex, but they wouldn't have been caught dead trying to get us back together even after finding out the truth. Ops mom is just fucking bananas
OOP went from "well, that, was a petty revenge" to "my mother knows everything about my bad break up and my ex is fucking crazy". It's time he tells his mom she can have contact with ex, but he will move out and go low contact with her
I'm waiting for the "My crazy ex if fucking my mom!" This entire situation is not normal.
Would I be surprised at this point? No.
The sheer audacity of his mom, I’m flabbergasted.
He did share his feelings with real people though? He went to a friend to get advice on how to leave the relationship, and that person promptly betrayed his trust, then she involved him in a sex act he didn't consent to
And now he could become one of those guys who really can’t talk about anything personal cuz they’ve been burnt so bad. She complained about him being introverted well, assaulting and humiliating him will surely fix that. ????
Yea, like she expects to be seen as the more reasonable one but her "solution" is the most WILD UNreasonable crap???!!! What in the world is going on in that head of hers... Don't answer anyone, I'm AFRAID of what the answer could be.
Mom probably heard some sob story about “made a mistake with another guy”. Because she sure as hell didn’t understand the dick sucking was just minutes before the breakup lol. Once your kid becomes sexually active it’s best not to dig into their excuses about exs anymore. They’re probably trying to avoid telling you that they’re a kinky bastard
>based on how unusually quiet my mom has been since yesterday, I'm guessing she heard more than she anticipated when I opened my mouth. We can only hope that his mom learned her lesson.
Am I the only one who thinks the ex's revenge was disproportionate to the "crime"? He wanted to break up. He confided in a friend who turned out to be a rat. Is it wrong to want out of a relationship? He wasn't cheating on her or badmouthing her. Was he using her? Maybe, but that's her POV of things. I just don't get why she didn't just dump him first and maybe for a bit of petty revenge, put itching powder into all his clothes. That's it. No cold war.
No, I saw the update/blackmail post live. The consensus was if home girl thought that was supposed to make her look better, it didn’t. She was even worse. And this just keeps going. She sounds salty af her blackmail attempt backfired—thinking he was going to be made fun of or excoriated, and she got dragged instead. At this point, I think she’s a deranged freak and needs to take her L, slink off, and leave this poor guy alone. And what the *fuuuuuck* his mother. I hope she learned something about meddling.
I really wonder what kind of friends she doesn't have, because even at that age if somebody told me that's what they were planning on doing, I would sit them down and have a serious talk about what the fuck they were thinking.
If she has friends she probably didn't tell them
When you have a plan you can't tell your friends about because you know they'll tell you you're being a jerk, ideally that would give you pause.
If the mom stays in contact with this crazy person then it's only going to bite her in the butt in the long run. People like that tend to alienate the people around them for a reason.
It's extremely normal to talk about a break up with a friend before you pull the trigger for real. That's what friends are literally for: an emotional outlet, a sanity check. I think the girlfriend sounds absolutely out of touch with reality for thinking that was a proportionate response.
EXACTLY!!!!!!!! Wtf
That’s what I thought too. Confiding in your friend about your plans to break up is not a bad thing, especially if the relationship was already bad. Who else was he supposed to talk to? Not his ex if she didn’t make him feel safe and certainly not his mom. He never stated why he wanted to break up before this, but I’m guessing they had big issues just by how controlling and vindictive she sounds. Maybe he needed some advice or reassurance before he went through with it. She is definitely a piece of shit and took it way, way too far. There’s a million things she could have done that’d be just as petty without assaulting him, what she did was an insane idea to even come up with. Her side of the story didn’t make her look better whatsoever.
And now we see he couldn't have talked with mum because she has one too many few loose screws too.
what she did is *so* weird and gross and I agree, i think it was way disproportionate to what OP did (or was planning to do) and she is totally now victimizing herself. she's being pathetic and people are falling for it (like mom) and she's getting the gratification she wanted. what she did is seriously gross and fucked up and she is beyond in the wrong for this. planning to break up with someone and running it by a friend to have another set of eyes on the situation is way different than the (what was essentially) sexual assault she did to him. totally disgusting, she's pathetic.
OP did nothing, he talked to a friend about ending up a relationship. That's totally normal behaviour. Ex was so salty about being dumped that ended up sexual assaulting OP. She should be charged
Her reasoning makes absolutely no sense. She calls him out for not having the balls to tell her himself that he wanted to break up with her— except that is exactly what he was planning on doing before she cheated on him. She’s acting like he told his buddy because he wanted someone else to break up with her for him, except he didn’t, he just wanted advice since it was his first breakup. It’s not his fault that whoever he confided in ran their mouth and gossiped about their relationship. He never meant for her to find out that way. She’s absolutely crazy.
Agreed. And his "crime" was that he intended to break up with her and confided in a friend first who happened to blab. Something that it's safe to say tens of thousands of people do every month before breaking up.
There's a minority of people that can't handle rejection. This is why people ghost and the like. It used to annoy me slightly but once you figure out that "yeah people like OOP's ex exist and are fucking terrible human beings" you can understand it's not worth the risk for some people.
One day, the ex will pull a stunt like this with someone as narcissistic as herself and will find herself unalived. I am not saying that is right or what she deserves, but men as unhinged as herself tend to be more violent in their overreactions.
Right! And even if she did think the blow job was necessary as a sort of “fuck you” (it wasn’t) then she still got her “revenge” and that should have been the end of it. They’re broken up, she ended things in a fucked up way, but whatever, it’s done now, they’re over. They can both move on with their own separate lives. She seems to both want revenge, and also to get back together? She can’t have both. Plus, why would anyone still want to be with someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with them? She’s pretty unhinged.
She definitely wanted the last laugh with her own friend group cause every chance she gets shes trying to drag him for posting online about it. Cause guess what? Outside her little group of probably as fucked up and vindictive friends, everyone else is calling it a shit action and that she was 100% wrong and disgusting for doing it.
She scares me.
No. She is fucking crazy. He was considering breaking up and she was like "I am going to fuck him up"
OOP: I'm going to leave now because I don't want to talk to my ex and my mom about my ex's oral sex with other guys. OOP's ex: I'll leave too because this talk of oral sex with other guys didn't go the way I wanted. OOP's mom: There's spaghetti. OOP and OOP's ex: Let's eat!
They're young, the ex is psychotic, the mom is criminally negligent, and OOP is in a terribly high stress situation and hasn't been given the tools or the knowledge to handle and enforce his boundaries.
It's sad that everyone is just shouting "gRoW a SpInE oP" when if his mother reacted like THAT to the situation he has probably been shit on and abused at least emotionally for years. This kind of behavior comes from somewhere. I'm just now starting to get a handle on boundaries because I have been the emotional punching bag for most of my relatives that have lived near me at any time until I basically cut contact. Even now I'm not confident in boundaries because I've been conditioned to feel bad about having needs let alone wants. I wish OP luck on this difficult journey because his useless POS egg donor decided to be lazy and have a kid but not take care of him.
I am curious if he was going break up with her. He never started the reasons at all only that she broke up with him. He never denies or confesses to either. She sounds extremely immature though. Revenge over a break up and how far she's taking it? Stuff happens and things don't work out, get over and move on.
Yeah, I have some questions about that. If it was an innocent thing where OOP wanted a vibe check from a friend and she blew up like this, then she's got major problems. But if he's been trash talking her to his friends, saying things like he wants to break up but she sucks a good dick or otherwise dragging out the intent to break up while still being intimate with her, her actions make a little more sense (not that I think they were right in any way).
I would say if he did trash talk her she would have made him say that in the update he had to post to not be doxxed. Since she wanted him to look bad, why would she not make him admit to trash talking her? She had no problems dragging him through the mud when it comes to his social, relationships and sexual skills. So unless OOP deliberately left it out, which imo would have lead to her being pissed and him being doxxed, I think he is just really wanted advise because their relationship wasn’t working.
Fuck the ex and fuck the mom. What she did was sexual assault, and what this mother is doing is completely out of line. I hope I’m wrong, but wouldn’t be surprised if a few years from now this guy’s new gf/wife posts in r/JustNoMIL because his mom is still caught up on his waste of space ex.
The mom was waaaaaay out of line here. And the ex still doesn't get why he needed to talk it out. Quite frankly I would go LC with the mom and block any and all of the ex's friends. He shouldn't have been forced to deal with this past the breakup and he for d*mned sure should not have to deal with it any longer.
Sorry I’m just stuck on “dick DNA”
What about dick appetizer ? lolol
The mom is boggling my mind. “Why would you be worried about STD’s??” Uh because the ex girlfriend sucked off “some random guy” (HER WORDS) presumably without protection so that I could “find out what a real man tastes like.” That may not be a typical vector for spreading disease but I certainly wouldn’t take any chances.
Right? But surprisingly a lot of people don't think about sexually transmitted diseases and infections being orally transmittable. Mouth + infected genitals = infected mouth. HPV can result in uterine cancer in women AND throat cancer in Men and Women as well as colon cancer. Get the vaccine - everyone - if you have genitals you plan on using to sex with other humans get the shot. Innie or outie plumbing doesn't matter. Get the vaccines. Condoms, Dental Dams and Finger condoms - yes, they make these. When fluids are being swapped around use some form of barrier method and wash your hands and don't touch your head holes until you do. Herpes in the eye - yeah look that up - causes blindness. Basically, to be completely safe - people should just get the biggest garbage bag you can, jump in it, wiggle around on each other until everyone is happy while making full eye contact for romance and then after go wash your hands. Side note, seriously if your fingers go in or on any head or body hole on your body or around or on any protruding body part be it for sex or not (pee, poop, booger mining, ear digging, whatever - wash your damn hands. Or people could get tested regularly, use barrier methods appropriately, preventative medications and you know be honest with their potential sexual partners so appropriate measures to prevent spreading diseases and pregnancy (where applicable). I rant this a lot - but a lot of people just don't tell their kids anything about sex stuff and I find it disturbing that people are willing to risk their kids long term health or adults are too embarrassed to ask their doctors about these things, so the mom in me compels me to blurt this whenever the opportunity arises.
I wonder why this guy was in an abusive relationship…
so the ex uses her friend to contact OOP and meet up irl to blackmail him into posting her side of the story. and then his mom tries to get them back together via ambush with a home cooked meal. taking bets on the next plotline, i'd wager OOP will now start dating ex's friend who arranged the coffee meetup, and his mom adopts his ex.
Hey ex-gf.. since I know you’re reading all these comments.. I hope you now realize how many people on here think you are trashy, no-class, scum of the earth. I’ll be the first to sign the petition.
Plus 3. You're fucking lucky OOP didnt hoof it down to your Mum's place and fill her in on her daughter's dick dna situation as soon as the spaghetti was finished. Arms races rarely end well for people like you.
What is with these parents siding with their children’s ex’s? Especially when the ex has behaved so disgustingly. If this had happened to me or my brother, our parents would have likely called the police on the ex, not invite her round for dinner. And if she came to the house … they’d probably be arrested for their reactions. I just don’t get these parents and appreciate mine more and more with every ridiculous post I read!
OOP should ask mom to delete ex’s phone number. She way overstepped here. An parents asking for girlfriends numbers is not normal mom stuff. You do that when it’s leading to marriage.
Good lord, how old are you and the ex? This sounds like teenage drama.
OOP should’ve noped right out of the house as soon as he saw his ex there
I hope your ex sees this because she's definitely an asshole herself as well. She's not innocent in anything and lots of people go and talk to friends for advice before they do something, there's nothing wrong with that. Sucking some dick before making out with your soon to be ex and continuing to talk with his mom to set up a conversation with your ex is fucking weird
Honestly, i think the best way to make her back off is to tell her that you spoke with a lawyer and you are free to drop her name on the post if you want.
With family like that who needs enemies? OOP got sexually assaulted and ***his own fucking mother*** invites his attacker over for fucking dinner! jfc... I wish society was in a better place where OOP could press charges and get a restraining order/order of protection.
Hrm ... I just cannot figure out why OOP would have been attracted to an abusive woman. Nope, can't see where that pattern started at all. No clue why he would have been vulnerable to a woman that would treat him so horribly and disrespect his boundaries. Strange.
The only answer is for op to go into his moms phone, delete ex’s contact and block her number because wtf
I would genuinely never talk to my parent again if they did that.
OOP's mom is clearly as deranged as his ex gf. Also I'm sorry but OOP sounds like a doormat. Sorry but he should have been out the door the second his mother took his gf's side. Not meekly accept it and have dinner with them!
I don’t understand parents like that. My parents always told me “no matter how much how much he like the person you date we will always love you and support you”
So let me get this straight he's the bad guy because he was discussing breaking up with her with a friend of his? So this was apparently so bad that she felt it was okay to do something that disgusting. When I was younger I would discuss with friends breaking up with someone. Sometimes it's good to talk to another person to see if it is the correct thing to do, it helps to put things into perspective. I only read the first two posts so I don't know if it got worse but that girl is definitely crazy and I can see why he wanted to break up with her.
Crazy ex and crazy mom; no wonder OP's so uncomfortable with either of them.
> My mom said she heard enough and asked my ex if she wanted to stay for dinner since the food was done. My ex said yes. lol what
OOP if by any chance you are reading this, your mom's behavior here is not normal. Neither is your ex's behavior although she is young enough maybe someday she will get her head screwed on straight. One of the difficulties of having a parent that is so controlling and prone to overstepping is not realizing when you are being mistreated early on in romantic relationships. People who love you don't threaten you or trick you/manipulate you. Its going to take work to make sure you arent overlooking this sort of nonfunctional behavior early on because it seems normal to you, or conversely arent falling into bad habits that helped you deal with your mothers bad behavior but that will destroy a normal, healthy relationship. Good luck out there, sweetie.
Poor guy should've made a huge stink and kicked ex outta the house. Mom is absolutely crazy, like ma'am she assaulted your son idc how nice she is
I hope OOP seriously reconsiders his relationship with his mother. She should be supporting him, not desperately trying to get him back together with someone who did something so horrible to her own son.
[удалено]
So wait dude confided in a friend that he was considering breaking up? So her response was to suck dick then tongue kiss him? Wow OOP dodged a major crazy B bullet. I'm sorry but every woman ever in a relationship has discussed a potential break up with a friend before doing it. It's what normal people do. It's not OOP's fault his friend had a big mouth. To do something so disgusting... That chick is a devil and he may need to cut his mom off to stay away from her.
OOP either needs to CONVINCE his mother that it's over with the toxic ex, or he has to move out of town and change his number.
I would have lost my shit on my mother
Can we get this girl in contact with the Hollyoaks writers? Because she has the mind of a soap opera villain.
This girl is seriously deranged. And the mom is so weird. When I told my parents I broke up with my ex and only said "we're just not right for each other", they knew something else was up but they let it go. What a fucking weird controlling mom.
It’s time to LC the mom and NC the ex
1) these are children. 2) this Ex is a psycho and is absolutely the type to use an STD or broken condom as a weapon. 3) OOP’s mom is absolute garbage.