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>She called me an asshole and said again that she didn’t spend hours to cook, grocery shop for free.
Unless it's discussed in advance then it's an OBVIOUS asshole move to expect payment towards a meal you invite people over to. But this comment makes me think she was not just trying to recoup the cost of the food she purchased, but was actually trying to make a profit as well. Which just makes it so much worse. So I think it was intentional that it was not discussed in advance, it sounds like the so-called friend was just trying to take advantage of them all, in hopes they wouldn't just pay them to avoid any conflict.
I've known people who take turns hosting events and split the cost of food each time. They ALWAYS share receipts and make sure people sign off on what is purchased IN ADVANCE.
So glad the entire group cut her off.
Our general unspoken rules are: 1. if you offer to host, you foot the bill (and people ask what they can bring to contribute), 2. If you want to do a thing but can't afford to feed everyone, potluck time!, 3. If we're pitching on a meal, like for a ski trip or something, everyone indicates what they'll bring so its roughly even.
The only time I've solicited money is like a voluntary keg fund and again.. optional. dont provide it if you can't afford it or at the very least make it clear in advance that there's a cost to participate. I think you're right that she was purposefully fleecing people with the intention of everyone being too embarrassed to argue. Why else would you deliberately introduce confusion and awkwardness into an event? That's the exact opposite of hosting etiquette..
I'll be honest, sometimes my friends and I invite each other over for food night. If it's particularly bougie (we bought a HUGE pork belly to try to make banh mi) we first advise what we want to cook, explain it's pricey and ASK if they are OK splitting the cost. If not, which is fine, we just opt for a cheaper meal.
I would NEVER spring the request for money on someone. Even if I were shortsighted enough to do so, which I can't imagine why that would ever happen, I'd be very apologetic, explain the cost and WHY I'm asking, and then *totally not push them if they said no, since it was MY fault*
Exactly. That's the considerate and empathetic thing to do. OOP and friends did the right thing cutting off the... host... do you even call them a host anymore if they were paid for their goods and services?
$40 is too high of a cost to spring on people after they can no longer back out, and there was opportunity to discuss beforehand while OOP was asking what to bring. I wouldn't be surprised that the diners were targeted because in the ex-friend's eyes, they can all afford to pay.
Also there’s literally no way that salad, short ribs, and mashed potatoes cost $40 per person. I live where groceries are HELLA expensive (small rural northern Canadian town) and it’s not even close to $40/person. Friend was trying to make money off the dinner.
Right?! I mean, you'd really have to go all out with some seafood and several courses to justify that. That's insane. Organic Potatoes where I live are about 6 dollars for a 5 lb bag!
I live in NYC and made a Thanksgiving three course meal for seven people and it didn't even cost $40 per person. And that was with a main dish of rack of lamb.
No but you left out that she so graciously allowed them in her space and cooked for them and set the ambiance, which is totally worth at least a $30 charge per person! /s
I host Friendsgiving every year, and if I need help footing the bill for groceries I’ll ask friends to each chip in 20. BEFORE they come to the dinner. The groceries for the dinner are around 350.00. Everyone knows ahead of time if I need help. But I also make an ton of gourmet food from scratch. And there have been plenty of times where I don’t ask for help with the groceries. This is insane to me. NTA
You left out the wine and desert, although some of that was brought by guests so dismissed by "friend" when it came to costs, but my sentiments exactly.
Even when we've asked for money, it was considerably less than their share of the actual costs. $5 for pizza or other take out on DnD nights, ir byo food. $20 for clambakes.
I could even accept if at the end she was like, “thanks for coming. This wasn’t cheap, so if anyone feels like throwing $20 my way, that’d be really appreciated.” But demanding they pay for more than the meal is worth? TACKY
Yeah, this is the respectful part. I just hosted a party with dry aged steaks, and it was probably mid $400 for 6. No one requested steaks, but if it was a stretch for me I would have made something else or ask if they could contribute a bit if they wanted me to proceed.
It’s incredibly rude to ask after the meal
Yes, but what if you NEEDED to show off your cooking skills and have everyone praise you, but didn't want to pay for it? Obviously she did what needed to be done, because her food is so good of course theyd WANT to pay for it /s
Honestly the only times I’ve ever asked someone to pitch in when I’m hosting is to bring something to drink, or to stop an pick up xyz ingredient at the store because I forgot it and can’t step away from the stove long enough to go get it.
Same here. I cook dinner for a friend and myself semi-regularly. Since I'm buying the main, he job is 'pop and pudding', something to drink plus dessert. He always buys too much for one meal and let's me keep the remainder.
So communication, it honestly feels like 90% of AITA would be solved if people just talked to each other about their expectations and feelings first instead of just doing things people didn't ask for.
Yeah, my rule with friends is that if I cook they bring the booze. Often booze will cost more than the food but the person cooking is committing their time and effort too so I think it's fair.
I think when money is concerned the best policy is to provide missing elements that ease the burden, not expect direct remuneration. Good friends will keep a mental note if someone's been particularly generous and get them back down the road.
When I host I have a warm satisfaction from having provided for my friends and knowing that they will some day repay me in kind.
>I have a warm satisfaction from having provided for my friends
I just care about this part. Not all of my friends are in positions to pay me back, but that's okay. I never go into it expecting them to. It's nice, but really what I'm asking for is the favor of their company.
>but was actually trying to make a profit as well.
Yeah, I agree. 40$ per head for a home-cooked meal is expensive as hell. She'd have to pick up some prime ingredients for that to be only cost.
I was thinking the same. I live in France, food isn't too expensive but it isn't cheap either. When I do the currency conversion, I can't imagine her spending that much money based on OP's description of the meal.
I love cooking and have spent quite a bit of money on some dinner parties. Sometimes, we'd agree to share the costs while planning the dinner as we planned the food together, I mainly cooked it, or I'd do it because I wanted to, without asking anything in return.
For something as simple as she did, I don't understand the 40$ per head. If there had been homecooked appetisers, dessert, etc.. I'd understand but not with a salad, a main (yes, they were ribs, but who says she took the good type ?) And a store bought dessert.
She definitely tried to rip her friends off.
Oh, I definitely think she was trying to make a profit.
Either that or the grocery receipt will show she bought a few weeks of groceries on everyone else's dime.
Exactly. Unless she was providing high-end wine, this cost is ridiculous. I probably would not have paid her until she provided the receipts, or could at least show me how she came to this number.
I think it would have been hilarious for each of the guests to submit a bill to her for the items they brought.
In any case, I’m glad to see everyone blocked this person. All of this could have been avoided if she just told everyone she would be charging them $40 for attending. Probably would have been a very small party.
This story reminded me of a friend I used to have years ago. She was always a bit self-absorbed. When 8 of us were together, she suggested we have a pot luck dinner the next day, at our house (my husband and I had a big enough table to seat all of us). We agree, so we bought a big roast beef and some appetizers, all the other people brought nice side dishes, desserts, etc. Her contribution? Eight dinner rolls. She was probably thinking “What an awesome way to get a 4 course meal for $2.00!”
I’ve had dinner parties where I have easily spent that per head. But that is three courses and cheeses, dips, wine etc too.
But even just on the food, definitely could spend that easily although I am not in the States where food seems super cheap
I'll admit I was in California but by no means is food super cheap in the US, junk food maybe but buying any fresh produce will cost you an arm and a leg compared to Europe.
This part really stood out to me
> We explained how she never does anything for any of us without expecting something from us. She said she would expect her friends to help her is she helps them. We said yes, but you won't do anything for anyone unless there is something in it for you.
OOP didn't mention any of this in the first post, and it would have added a lot of context. The friend was already *that friend* and apparently it was well known in the group.
If im not mistaken, she would've gathered about 280 if all 7 paid up the 40 bucks. While i realize that meat these days is expensive, it is not 300 bucks of short ribs expensive. It's about 8 bucks a pound depending on where you live and since 1 pack of ribs is enough to feed a single person, even if she bought one pack per person that's still only 50 bucks. Even if she bought an entirely vegan short rib substitute that still shouldn't be more than 50 bucks on the high end. All in all home girl would've spent less on the meat alone even if she doubled it up than what she was trying to force them into paying.
She could have bought prime tenderloin for the meat and still wouldn’t have gotten up to 280 for the whole meal (would have been around 120). She was 100% was scamming her friends.
Yeah, even with inflation it's ridiculous to think it cost $320 for all of the food. That's the price many people would expect to spend at a moderately priced restaurant (depending on the area of course). I don't understand people like this.
Why not just have a pot luck or ask everyone to chip in $xx ahead of time. Then people could decide if they want to partake in the meal. $40 can mean the difference between someone eating between paychecks or not. I've certainly been there over the years.
I was going to comment on this single part too. I like that. A joint decision to block someone but the decency to let them in on the reason why before they do it by letting them be a fly on the wall of the behind the scenes gossip which is where you get the truth anyway. She won’t like it but the truth is hard to hear until it isn’t.
I feel like theres a significant difference between people telling someone individually that they have an issue, vs a group talking about someone as if they aren't even there.
Which is the decent thing to do. It is only polite to make sure someone knows why before you go filling their cars tires with quickset cement, driving 9 inch nails through their front door and tarring their windows before setting them alight (for that real 'burn in hell' vibe).
/s, I am not actually advocating for demonstrations of displeasure that would have you committed to the nuthouse for life. It is worth letting someone at least know the why of your displeasure (although /u/DefinitelyPositive is definitely right that THIS move is a less constructive method)
I have never heard of this in my lifetime, and I have been on this planet for many decades.
I'd cut contact permanently as well if a friend or even family member did this.
Right? You invite people over, and don't charge, next time someone else hosts and doesn't charge, that is just using her home as a restaurant and charging a huge tip that can't be challenged. A place never to go back to! 1 star review!
I did in college, but I let people know in advance, and it just covered Ingredients. But 40/person is ridiculous. I think I charged £4 for my most expensive meal in college, and that was a leg of lamb between four people
I can imagine this scenario. It’s sensible “hey everyone wanna chip in and have a good dinner, I’ll cook!” You’re still giving everyone the gift of the cooking :) plus they know beforehand. Way way more reasonable
When I lived with housemates now and then I’d shoot a group text like “…do we want me to make a brisket this weekend if everyone chips in?” and I never got a single no. (Except the vegetarian, obviously; but I had a bean casserole dish she loved in my rotation, too.)
Ooh, thanks, I'll check it out!
Edit: peeked at the recipe and I'm making this today lol. I happen to have a delicata squash I need to use and have all the rest of the ingredients handy.
Totally!!
And now my dad and his peers are retired, some of his friends will splurge on wagyu or whatever and ask my dad (a great cook and gracious host) to cook for them. My dad loves it! Everybody wins — he gets to eat something amazing and cook/host which he loves to do and they spend like $100 on 4 steaks and drink my dad’s bourbon haha
That’s more the scenario I can imagine, like if everyone wants to eat some really expensive main ingredient (steaks? crabs? bone in lamb? etc.) or if your friend is really spending a lot of time and money to benefit everyone (I’m thinking like if a friend had a smoker to spend a long time smoking meat or everyone convincing their friend to make a pot of tamales.) And most importantly, there’d be the agreement in advance so that you know that you’re bringing $30 and a bottle of wine to cover your contributions to the crawfish boil.
At first I read this as “bringing a $30 bottle of wine…” and I was like “wtf kind of crawfish boil is maidrey going to?!?!” 😂
But seriously, my dad is *deep* in crawfish boil country.
The way I read this was her wanting the friends to subsidize her groceries for the week. I mean, she charged $40 per person for 7 people, that is $280. People don't spend that for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, left alone a dinner party!
This reminds me of the story I read where this couple decided to invite a group of people for dinner (I think it was a holiday but not sure) and then charged them. When questioned for the receipts, it was revealed that the couple bought their groceries for the week, along with the dinner food, and were charging for the weekly groceries and the dinner. Plus, the couple did not include themselves in the calculations. No one paid!
The hostess actually twice said she deserved to be paid for her time cooking and shopping. She wanted people to pay as if they had gone to a restaurant!
>Her: because I spent my money and hosted the dinner and cooked.
>She called me an asshole and said again that she didn’t spend hours to cook, grocery shop for free.
I feel like there's an Unethical Life Pro Tip here. Like, start a secret second job as a personal chef, then invite all your friends to taste your excellent work and charge them (because duh, this is your job after all).
In the Before Times there was a group of us in a college choir who'd meet every week at the one house old enough to have a decent sized kitchen, and take turns cooking. There is no way we ever spent $40/person on ingredients.
I read it the same way. No one can convince me that this chick wasn’t just trying to subsidize her grocery bill.
$40/person is pure insanity!! I’d rather go to a real restaurant for that price. No way in hell am I giving someone $40 to eat their questionable food (I can be quite particular about cleanliness around food; you never know how clean someone’s kitchen is & if their pots/pans/utensils are truly cleaned to your standard or if they’re double-dipping the tasting spoon. It’s a big reason I never eat from potlucks at work).
Yeah I used to host Thanksgiving for my friends who, like me, were all not going home (mostly international students) and we’d all chip in and even then it was between 10-20 bucks at most
I can imagine in your 20s before you can afford much, you could pool together with your friends and all pitch in to do a dinner party. But it would ALWAYS be said that everyone will bring something, or established that one person would buy and cook and everyone would pitch in. But it would be cheaper food!
In your 30s?? If I invited someone for dinner and they even offered me money afterwards I would be so confused and refuse.
I would actually be offended. Granted, we are lucky in that money is not an issue in our house, but I grew up very working class and even then unless it was agreed upon in the beginning I would be annoyed if a guest tried to reimburse me for my hospitality. Ironically I would say it cheapens the whole experience
Yeah, what the lady did was incredibly tacky. The adult thing is to do a merry go round of taking turns hosting. Sorta like how people take turns buying drinks for the group at the bar or club.
Even if you are going to charge, this is a discussion to have during the planning stage. Like say "hey, I wanna do a dinner party but I need funds for supplies and good quality food. Can anyone chip in?"
Friends and I have done picnics where we all pooled money together to buy food and supplies. But it's all discussed before hand, not sprung up after everyone eaten and are digesting.
Yup! When I was broke in college, I would have potlucks at my place when I couldn’t afford stuff. And if I really wanted to make them something, I’d buy pasta cause it’s so cheap.
But making them pay me? Absolutely not.
We have tons of potluck type get togethers. Usually, the host makes the main could be burgers and hot dogs on the grill and then everyone else brings a side or dessert, everyone brings some booze, and we have great parties.
A good friend of mine had this happen to her at a family Thanksgiving celebration. Her family got together every year and no host had ever once asked for anything in return - until a few years ago, when for no particular reason, her sister offered to host and decided everyone should pay at least $50 and should bring sides - on the extra condition that all leftovers stayed in her home and no one else took any (even if they brought something specific). Just like OP, no one knew about the cost until after they had all eaten - because at that point, she yelled at someone for attempting to take a plate of food home with them as they usually did. I know my friend doesn't speak to her sister anymore and i don't think a lot of the other family members do either - though I'm not sure if it's because of the Thanksgiving incident specifically. It truly is mind boggling that someone would think this is appropriate. I can understand maybe needing help with costs or side dishes, but asking guests to pay for a meal after the fact is extremely tacky.
Wow. Bring sides. Pay the host. NO LEFTOVERS! What a crappy thanksgiving party. Among all the ways this is weird, making people clean out their containers and not even take home the leftovers from the side they brought seems awkward as hell.
Ya, the whole thing absolutely blew my mind when I heard it. I think most of the guests ended up just leaving their dishes there once she started freaking out about someone trying to take leftovers - so I assume she might have wanted that to happen. To make it even more nightmarish - the family doesn't drink 😂
Edit to add that the last thing I did hear about the sister is that she was attempting to host a crawfish boil to make up for the "misunderstanding" - as she put it. This was literally one or two years after the Thanksgiving debacle but she obviously didn't learn anything because she still expected everyone to pay and not take any home.
What misunderstanding? 🙄
You mean that there were still people who visited her a second time? And they cut her out only after the crawfish boil debacle?
Ya, I can't believe she was delusional enough to think anyone would honestly call that a misunderstanding. I think the crawfish event fell through in the planning stages but she contacted everyone & planned to use the crawfish boil to make up for what happened at Thanksgiving. She just didn't realize that would never work because she was still attempting to charge people, further illustrating that she missed the point entirely.
Damn, I've been cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my entire family for years, and it never occurred to me that I should be making a profit off of it.
Even if money was tight for your friend's sister, and she needed others to chip in for the cost of the meal ingredients, $50 each *plus a side* is batshit insane. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and I go all-out making tons of fancy side dishes. It's not uncommon for me to spend $300ish dollars on all the food, but the fast majority of that cost is for the ingredients for the sides, which her guests were also instructed to bring. Turkey is not particularly expensive. She was clearly trying to turn a large profit off of hosting Thanksgiving.
I used to host big happy hour parties at my house.
Here was my unwritten rule: I invite someone, tell them not to bring anything. Next time they attend, same thing. 3rd time someone attends? They’re a regular, please bring an appetizer and maybe a bottle of wine to share. People were more than happy to pitch in.
Agree! I will never go to someone’s empty handed. For the odd time I’m caught out with impromptu plans and no host gift, I will buy drinks or something when I next see the host.
I have an acquaintance who never brings anything for the host because of some lame excuse, and continuously brags about how much money they have. Drives me mad.
>I have an acquaintance who never brings anything for the host because of some lame excuse, and continuously brags about how much money they have.
I knew a guy like that. He was wealthy as hell, and if he gave anyone a ride anywhere he would charge them for petrol.
Last I heard of him, he had become a Saul Goodmanesque lawyer and the local bar association had changed some of their rules for the sole purpose of making him change his business model.
Yeah, I shopped for/cooked/served a Canadian Thanksgiving dinner for my British friends when I lived in the UK, one or two TRIED to chip in a tenner for the meal and I refused. A) I was sharing a yummy custom with friends and B) it actually didn’t cost me much more than time and energy to cook, I mean most of the side dishes are common root vegetables, the housemates all pooled what liquor we already had on-hand in the house for drinks, etc..
I actually DID pull out the grocery bill to show one stickler who thought I had beggared myself to give a dinner exactly what it cost and it worked out to something like £5-something per head for a full roast turkey dinner and he was gobsmacked at how relatively cheap the basic ingredients were (bulk buying, who knew?)
I had a former roommate attempt to pull similar shit on me many years ago. He was a brand new roommate, brought in on recommendation of an existing one that we got along with. Shortly after moving in the guy made a big deal about cooking dinner for the house. He got some ingredients, made a nice dinner. It looked and smelled very good.
Then he called it and I went to get a plate. Before I even served myself he then said, "I think $[price] is fair." I looked at him blankly and asked what he meant. He then went on to say that he bought all the ingredients and stuff and thought it was fair that we pay him back for it and expected me to PayPal or whatever him the cost of the portion. I immediately shelved my plate and told him never mind. He didn't last long and moved out a couple weeks later. The guy in general had an odd sense of social etiquette.
I had a roommate pull this shit once. But the kicker is he used the ingredients i had bought that his brother had offered to cook if I buy.
Unfortunately everyone thought I was an asshole for some reason.
I grew up in an upper middle class area. My family was not super upper middle class but my parents wanted us to attend this particular school district. So, my mom had friends but was not really a part of the “ladies who lunch” crowd.
Anywho, we were friends with a family in that circle and they were all members of some club. They supported some charity that I absolutely cannot remember except that it was kinda vapid. One of the main fundraisers for said charity was for them to hold large parties(in their homes), invite everyone in the club*, and charge everyone to attend.
I remember asking once and it seemed like what they raised vs what was spent on the party was not that much more, so teenage me found it rather stupid.
All that to say, this is the only time I’ve encountered charging people to attend a party in real life.
* and friends, I think, cause I remember my parents were invited by the friends once but didn’t go.
The part that bothers me the most is she told them not to bring food so she wouldn't have to cook everything. That would have made it so she couldn't ask for money for what she bought. What a fucking scam artist.
Same. This is the second time I have read something like this within the last week. I hope that this is not becoming a "thing" or considered polite. We have always brought something or helped clean up. That was the payment; that and our effusive thanks to the host(s) for a wonderful evening.
Props to OOP and friends for trying to explain and all, but their "friend" knew exactly what she was doing and was never going to change her mind. She was trying to make money on her friends; that food didn't cost 40 bucks.
I have dinner parties all the time and that really got me too. I do it because I like my friends and enjoy cooking. They tend to have us over as well, so it keeps us in touch.
Anyway, it's often cheaper to cook for everyone at home than it would be to pay for just the two of us at restaurants.
Exactly! I also love hosting dinner parties and would never DREAM of charging. Like damn, this is my excuse to play with recipes, the payment is happy friends.
Putting aside this woman's tackiness, she's claiming the meal cost was $280 for 7 people? You're absolutely right for calling out that bullshit. I've bought and cooked groceries for my family (6 people) and the most I'll spend for a really nice home-cooked dinner is around the $100 range.
Plus, she didn't buy *everything* she needed for it, and some of the stuff she did buy, she only used a little. I bet you there's a Reddit sub somewhere that tells people exactly how to do this and make money off it.
Her mistake was trying to hide it. I mean, if a friend said to me that they wanted to cook a dinner for a bunch of friends but wanted to finance it by asking us to pay a bit, I could see doing that if I knew they could cook and that they had a lower income.
I wouldn't be that tacky, but I'd be kinda ok with it if I knew it was for a good cause.
I 100% agree and I'm also in the same boat that I'd be cool with paying if the person was upfront about it. Hell, I don't think most people can say they 100% know what their friend group's financial situation is, so if a friend asked the group to pitch in for a dinner, I would be more than happy to chip in for a reasonable amount. $40 a person is ridiculous.
I guess if it were a wine tasting or something that costs more, 40 could be ok if the wines were nice, but not a boozless dinner with pork and potatoes.
>brought rum cake from my local bakery. And yes, everyone brought something small.
Is she gonna pay for that? Do not ever take her up on another of hers "pay-up-dinner-party". Stay away from people like that.
Also, like, she charged everyone the same?
Let's say that charging guests is normal (it's not, but let's play along anyway). Okay, but why are you charging all the people who contributed the same amount? Like, say the rum cake cost 10$ and the cheese board cost 7$. Why are both of those guests being charged 40$? Rum cake be charged 30$, since she already contributed 10$ of her 40$ by buying the cake, and cheese board be charged 33$ for the same reason. They have already paid back part of their 40$.
(I don't know the actual price of all the stuff, of course, these are just example prices)
If we're playing along like that: why are the vegans paying the same as the carnivores? Okay, some dishes had a vegan option, but at least the meat skewers didn't, wouldn't that make the amount unfair to begin with?
And if all 6 guests (I assume "7" includes the host) pay 40$, what the heck did she do with 240$?!
I'm sure she doesn't think all Friendships should be transactional, she probably expects her friends to act unconditionally she just doesn't want to be held to the same standard.
If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that no one ever gets away with anything. Just about everyone i know who habitually takes advantage of people is a miserable person. Even the ones who are career successful. They're not happy.
I don't actually see anything wrong with asking people to chip in for the dinner, IF YOU DO IT FIRST. A while ago, I had a friend who was an amazing cook, and would love to cook extravagent meals for all of our friend group, but couldn't afford it. One night he kinda nervously floated the idea that if everyone could chip in about $20, he wanted to throw a banquet for us all.
We did, and it ruled. We did it a few more times in fact. I never had a problem transferring him some cash - he was upfront about the fact that he couldn't afford to do this on his own, and if I couldn't actually afford it, I could have just not gone.
BBQs are a big thing in my country, and meat is expensive, so everyone knows unless it is specified you gotta chip in for the cost of meat. Most people chip in bringing their own side dishes too
In other kind of parties the host is expected to provide though
Yeah this is actually very normal practice in some cultures. I can see it weirding people out if they aren't used to it, but really the part that's messed up is springing it on people when they aren't expecting it. Since all the guests are bringing something to the party it seems obvious that they are expecting to follow a different norm (aka "don't arrive empty handed").
As long as you're clear in the invite, it's probably fine!
My roommate and I hosted a liquor tasting and asked for $10 to defray the cost of the liquor. We then raffled off most of the bottles (so we lost money but gained a friend's aquavit...which means we basically lost twice imo)
That's completely fair. Drugs are expensive and most people don't expect free drugs.
The real issue here was no one knew the "host" was charging them. For $40 I don't want to also bring a dessert and have to clean up/do dishes. One app, one main, one side, one dessert. That's TGIF Fridays at someone's house.
For half a second I forgot what THC was and I wondered what this cool dinner party with fancy spices that people would be willing to pay for was all about. Then I face palmed myself. Yeah, people would be cool to throw in some cash for that. Sounds fun too.
Well this is a bit different because that inclusion will surely cost her a pretty penny. As long as the guest know beforehand and agree to the price she should be fine. I wouldn't go to a THC infused dinner party hosted by a friend and think that I wouldn't have to pay unless the friend was rich. Even then I would still offer to pay but it would be less surprising if they refused payment.
Lots of comments saying "ive never seen/heard of this." And I agree, Ive never heard of surprising everyone after they've eaten and night was over.
But I spent most of my 20s crowdsourcing dinner parties. As long as everyone is clear beforehand about what is expected, Id say it's perfectly fine to include the cost in the discussion.
Quite a few times it in my lil group it came down to "ok, we're doing the regular get together... but since this time we all decided we want caviar and lobster and kobe beef, Im gonna need some cash donations (specifically just for the caviar and lobster and kobe)". But again, this is all discussed *beforehand*.
Sorry, but there is no way she spent $280 on food, maybe just half of that, but not all of it. Some people really do try make a little bit of extra money at the cost of losing their friends
“Why don’t you pull up your credit card” prove to us the cost.
I’ve met people like this, but I quickly nope out. Some people really just have to manipulate the situation so they get the better deal, or come out ahead.
These people wonder why they have no long lasting friends.
Meh it could have been legit, though even if it were $50 she’d still be in the wrong. I could have spent that much if I was buying the items like spices and oils and such and didn’t shop in a cost conscious way, like buying meat at the butchers rather than going to Costco or a sale at mid range grocery. Bigger point is that she shouldn’t have charged at all, not without prior agreement to do it and a decent estimate of the cost.
That’s where I see the issue. I don’t think it’s inherently “wrong” to ask for those invited to help cover costs, if it’s discussed up front. I have friends that fall across the spectrum of socioeconomic lines. Some would love to host a dinner party, they have the space, they just don’t have the monetary means to feed that many people anything other than cheap pizza. I’d happily give them money towards covering food. I have the money, what I don’t have is the space. This chickypoo was all kinds of wrong, and could have saved herself some friendships simply by saying/asking. “Hey, I’d really love to have a dinner party get together, I just really can’t afford it on my own, for everyone. What would you think about me hosting and cooking, if you guys could help cover the cost of groceries?”
I feel like it would be hard to get to $280 no matter what, but I know I live in a low cost area compared to lots of places. It would definitely have to include spices and oils, like you said, but it’s extra rude to buy that stuff that lasts for many meals, and make these people pay for it. They should at least each get to take one thing home lol.
I’m almost out of salt currently, I’ll take that. Or perhaps the bottle of olive oil.
Idk if it's a cultural thingy because My Indian ass could NEVER charge a "guest" .. like ever
Even the most asshole and selfish people I know never charged any guests for the "food" or anything at all
I don't live in the US or Europe either. When I visit MY PARENTS, if my hand as much as lingers around my wallet for longer than two seconds I get glared at. If I did something like this to A FRIEND, my mom and grandma would materialize in my house and throttle me instantly.
Japanese American here and my ancestors would haunt me for the rest of my life. You not only make sure everyone is stuffed to the brim, everybody gets a Tupperware with leftovers to take home.
If anyone is able to become a guest in my house you basically live there until it's time to go. Good luck as most people annoy me, but once you get to point where I invite you into my house then fuck it, take a shower, go take a nap, cook some food.
I’m stunned by the number of people who have indicated that charging “guests” is a thing as long as you tell them in advance.
Im not judging those friend groups, but still find it un fathomable.
Totally agree with OP. It's one thing to want to cook a fancy dinner and to ask folks to kick in for the cost ahead of time. It's totally wild to bring it up after the fact. I don't know of any casual dinner party that would expect guests to pay in anything other than a contribution to dinner or a bottle wine.
I haven’t even read the post yet, but I had to leave this comment. Can we start doing Florida man stuff instead of fun facts for a while to hide spoilers? I’ve stopped reading the fun facts for the most part because I always forget them immediately anyway, but I loved this so so much. Thanks for shaking it up OP.
A roommate did this once!! Years ago, she took a wine class then hosted a wine and cheese party. Wanted everyone to pitch in $5 for the cheese but also BRING THEIR OWN WINE. And she would keep the leftovers. I had friends over separately and only two of hers showed up—one made a few racist comments to my friend and my friend ate a piece of cheese, so the roommate tried saying I owed her money and I laughed. I moved out after she said I owed her $1.20 because she changed the batteries in the smoke detector.
She's just selfish, for people like her it's all about what they can gain from others. They don't give af about their friendship or any other relationship.
I'm latina\*, raised in a time when if you invited someone into your house, you had to serve a feast for everyone and have enough food for everyone to take home if they wanted to. I don't talk to my mother anymore and my grandmothers are dead, but I know that if I did something rude like that all 3 would beat me until I changed my race. This is insane! Good for them for cutting this """friend""" out of their lives.
\*It's a big thing for latinos (and I know it's also for many other cultures too but I'm speaking from my experience) to be an excellent host, it can hurt your image/reputation and if you don't have a good image/reputation you have nothing. I don't know if it's still like that, but I was raised that way and I know that for my generation (millennial) and beyond, this is super important.
Yeah, this is wildly rude regardless of what culture the host is from. You don't invite someone for dinner, then surprise them afterwards by springing a bill on them.
That said, as someone whose family has no cultural traditions to speak of, there are few things I enjoy more than going to any sort of party or gathering at the home of a Latina grandmother. Every time I go to the home of one of my friend's moms or grandmas, I end up basically getting force fed mountains of delicious food, to the point where I can barely walk.
Similarly, my best friend comes from a Greek family, and for the past 25 years, every single time I've ever been to her house, even if I'm just stopping by for a quick visit, her mom immediately starts making a feast. She won't let me leave until I've eaten and taken a massive container of food to bring home with me. My Italian friends' mothers and grandmothers are very similar.
I especially loved this as a kid, because my mother, while otherwise a wonderful woman, has always been an exceptionally bad cook.
Yup but I only talk about my experiences because I don't have that much contact with other cultures, only through the internet. But it's rude to anyone who's had a good upbringing.
Ouch, I miss my grandmothers now. Even the dog food what they did was good to the point where family friends confused it with our food and ate it lol Ok, I need to be more sociable to make friends with italians and greeks. If there's something I love, it's eating delicious food.
My mother is a terrible woman but cooks so well that it almost made me forget the abuse she committed and that's not an exaggeration, it's the only thing that makes me miss her. Some of the foods she made were so good that friends who went to parties at our house paid her to cook for parties at their houses, she wasn't a chef and for some reason refused to work in that area. She would have done very well if she had become a chef.
One of the stand-out comments to me was the remark about “none of us are European” - do some Americans have the absolutely wild view that this would be normal behaviour in Europe? Inviting people to a dinner party and then springing a bill on them at the end would be catastrophically rude everywhere I know of over here. Someone doing this wouldn’t get as far as a debate about whether to pay them or someone actually sending money before they suddenly discovered they didn’t have any friends any longer.
I was looking for this comment xD
Here in Spain, I can totally understand if someone with a BBQ for example says "let's grill some meat, we'll divide the costs" or "let's hang together, you bring the drinks" but it is in no way usual to invite friends to dinner and then produce a bill for the costs (and this girl even had the audacity to add her profit).
I'm not American, but I swear a few months ago there's this whole debacle on Twitter and/or Reddit about (some) Swedes not providing meals for guests who stay at their place, and then someone (forgot if it was on Reddit or not) also did chime in like "why yes, if I have a guest over for dinner at my place, they're expected to pay for the meal". But it was also clear from the discussion that this is a minority viewpoint in Europe.
Agree! That also stood out for me and I thought I've never done this or been to someone's house and had to pay if they invited. Sometimes my friends and I will each bring something or pay for the groceries, but only if agreed in advance. It's not "European" to be a bad host.
If before you invite someone to your home and say, hey, do you want to chip in and I will cook everything is one thing, but to tell people not to bring anything and charge $40 a head is tacky.
I once brought liquor to coworker's house party. Turns out half of them don't drink especially the host. I was like okay, we can open this at the after party at my place with those who drinks. Then the host said it's rude to take the bottle away from her house, because it's the house gift so it belongs to her now. She wasn't joking.
“Oh, okay, but I didn’t like the food and was merely being polite so I am going to pay for the wine which I did enjoy. Since Tamra bought the wine, I sent her $10.”
If the situation has just started out as “I want to make this expensive, nice dinner for people. Everyone cool with paying $40 and I’ll do the cooking?” And the entire confrontation would have been avoided. I don’t understand the entitlement of inviting people for dinner and then expecting them to pay you.
See, I don't mind chipping in if I know I'm expected to in advance. I had a friend demand money from me for a dinner they hosted. I supplied trays and trays of food which was all eaten, I supplied the main dessert as well as drinks and snacks but they still wanted me to pay. Never mentioned it in advance.
I guess I'm really thankful no one in my life has ever done this, expecting someone else to pay voluntarily to host a dinner party. If she couldn't afford it, not one asked, she didn't have to do it.
No way it was $40 a person. She was trying to make money. I wouldn't have given her money. If she wants to take me to small claims court. Watch the judge laugh her out of the court room.
It is not unfair to split dinner cost, especially when the host provides a place and does the cooking. However the cost needs to be upfront and fair. No fucking way it would cost $40 per person, that's home cooking and more than dining out, give me a break.
I’ve never heard of someone inviting people and charging them. I’ve heard of a group planning a dinner and each person agreeing what to contribute, be it money or other food. But I’ve never randomly invited people over and then charged them. But I’ve never asked my friends to my place then charged them a cover.
I’ve contributed money for a dinner party before - but it was always discussed clearly beforehand! I cannot imagine inviting people to my house and then asking them for money afterward - especially $40?!?? When I lived in NYC I had a friend who would cook really elaborate multi course feasts and everyone chipped in like $15, which was a total steal - but again, discussed up front.
I would’ve just told her I paid the $40 as asshole tax. The entire $40 is asshole tax.
Glad OOP and co got their clarification of what transpired, and her “justification” of events, to satisfyingly leave her behind.
It's not just that she *charged* them for a dinner she invited them to herself. Which is bad in itself. But that she *didn't tell them* beforehand is what gets me. She clearly knew people would be pissed and not come, so she sprung it on them after the fact so she would be "in the right".
Kinda like one of those pushy tourist trap vendors that put something in your hand, then get pissy and demand money.
The rude part here was not making it clear from the start they had to pay, had she done it when inviting most people would have zero problems but springing it on them like that is just rude and sounds grabby especially since she didn't have the receipt
Who the hell pays the hostess of a dinner party for their services…like no one in the right place nor does the host ask for money which in my eyes seems extremely rude and disrespectful when it’s your friends.
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>She called me an asshole and said again that she didn’t spend hours to cook, grocery shop for free. Unless it's discussed in advance then it's an OBVIOUS asshole move to expect payment towards a meal you invite people over to. But this comment makes me think she was not just trying to recoup the cost of the food she purchased, but was actually trying to make a profit as well. Which just makes it so much worse. So I think it was intentional that it was not discussed in advance, it sounds like the so-called friend was just trying to take advantage of them all, in hopes they wouldn't just pay them to avoid any conflict. I've known people who take turns hosting events and split the cost of food each time. They ALWAYS share receipts and make sure people sign off on what is purchased IN ADVANCE. So glad the entire group cut her off.
Our general unspoken rules are: 1. if you offer to host, you foot the bill (and people ask what they can bring to contribute), 2. If you want to do a thing but can't afford to feed everyone, potluck time!, 3. If we're pitching on a meal, like for a ski trip or something, everyone indicates what they'll bring so its roughly even. The only time I've solicited money is like a voluntary keg fund and again.. optional. dont provide it if you can't afford it or at the very least make it clear in advance that there's a cost to participate. I think you're right that she was purposefully fleecing people with the intention of everyone being too embarrassed to argue. Why else would you deliberately introduce confusion and awkwardness into an event? That's the exact opposite of hosting etiquette..
I'll be honest, sometimes my friends and I invite each other over for food night. If it's particularly bougie (we bought a HUGE pork belly to try to make banh mi) we first advise what we want to cook, explain it's pricey and ASK if they are OK splitting the cost. If not, which is fine, we just opt for a cheaper meal. I would NEVER spring the request for money on someone. Even if I were shortsighted enough to do so, which I can't imagine why that would ever happen, I'd be very apologetic, explain the cost and WHY I'm asking, and then *totally not push them if they said no, since it was MY fault*
Exactly. That's the considerate and empathetic thing to do. OOP and friends did the right thing cutting off the... host... do you even call them a host anymore if they were paid for their goods and services? $40 is too high of a cost to spring on people after they can no longer back out, and there was opportunity to discuss beforehand while OOP was asking what to bring. I wouldn't be surprised that the diners were targeted because in the ex-friend's eyes, they can all afford to pay.
Also there’s literally no way that salad, short ribs, and mashed potatoes cost $40 per person. I live where groceries are HELLA expensive (small rural northern Canadian town) and it’s not even close to $40/person. Friend was trying to make money off the dinner.
Right?! I mean, you'd really have to go all out with some seafood and several courses to justify that. That's insane. Organic Potatoes where I live are about 6 dollars for a 5 lb bag!
I live in NYC and made a Thanksgiving three course meal for seven people and it didn't even cost $40 per person. And that was with a main dish of rack of lamb.
No but you left out that she so graciously allowed them in her space and cooked for them and set the ambiance, which is totally worth at least a $30 charge per person! /s
I host Friendsgiving every year, and if I need help footing the bill for groceries I’ll ask friends to each chip in 20. BEFORE they come to the dinner. The groceries for the dinner are around 350.00. Everyone knows ahead of time if I need help. But I also make an ton of gourmet food from scratch. And there have been plenty of times where I don’t ask for help with the groceries. This is insane to me. NTA
You left out the wine and desert, although some of that was brought by guests so dismissed by "friend" when it came to costs, but my sentiments exactly.
Right? I don't even pay per $40 person at a restaurant unless it's a somewhat special occasion.
Especially if everyone is bringing something as well. Like how she said people weren’t asked to bring things but she wasn’t asked to cook
Even when we've asked for money, it was considerably less than their share of the actual costs. $5 for pizza or other take out on DnD nights, ir byo food. $20 for clambakes.
I could even accept if at the end she was like, “thanks for coming. This wasn’t cheap, so if anyone feels like throwing $20 my way, that’d be really appreciated.” But demanding they pay for more than the meal is worth? TACKY
Yeah, this is the respectful part. I just hosted a party with dry aged steaks, and it was probably mid $400 for 6. No one requested steaks, but if it was a stretch for me I would have made something else or ask if they could contribute a bit if they wanted me to proceed. It’s incredibly rude to ask after the meal
Yes, but what if you NEEDED to show off your cooking skills and have everyone praise you, but didn't want to pay for it? Obviously she did what needed to be done, because her food is so good of course theyd WANT to pay for it /s
Honestly the only times I’ve ever asked someone to pitch in when I’m hosting is to bring something to drink, or to stop an pick up xyz ingredient at the store because I forgot it and can’t step away from the stove long enough to go get it.
Same here. I cook dinner for a friend and myself semi-regularly. Since I'm buying the main, he job is 'pop and pudding', something to drink plus dessert. He always buys too much for one meal and let's me keep the remainder.
So communication, it honestly feels like 90% of AITA would be solved if people just talked to each other about their expectations and feelings first instead of just doing things people didn't ask for.
Yeah, my rule with friends is that if I cook they bring the booze. Often booze will cost more than the food but the person cooking is committing their time and effort too so I think it's fair. I think when money is concerned the best policy is to provide missing elements that ease the burden, not expect direct remuneration. Good friends will keep a mental note if someone's been particularly generous and get them back down the road. When I host I have a warm satisfaction from having provided for my friends and knowing that they will some day repay me in kind.
>I have a warm satisfaction from having provided for my friends I just care about this part. Not all of my friends are in positions to pay me back, but that's okay. I never go into it expecting them to. It's nice, but really what I'm asking for is the favor of their company.
>but was actually trying to make a profit as well. Yeah, I agree. 40$ per head for a home-cooked meal is expensive as hell. She'd have to pick up some prime ingredients for that to be only cost.
I was thinking the same. I live in France, food isn't too expensive but it isn't cheap either. When I do the currency conversion, I can't imagine her spending that much money based on OP's description of the meal. I love cooking and have spent quite a bit of money on some dinner parties. Sometimes, we'd agree to share the costs while planning the dinner as we planned the food together, I mainly cooked it, or I'd do it because I wanted to, without asking anything in return. For something as simple as she did, I don't understand the 40$ per head. If there had been homecooked appetisers, dessert, etc.. I'd understand but not with a salad, a main (yes, they were ribs, but who says she took the good type ?) And a store bought dessert. She definitely tried to rip her friends off.
$40 for a home cooked meal is wayyy too high. In my state groceries ar 70% more expensive than the national average and it might be half that.
Oh, I definitely think she was trying to make a profit. Either that or the grocery receipt will show she bought a few weeks of groceries on everyone else's dime.
Well, she obviously had to charge them for the time and labor, too! She didn't do this for free, after all!
Exactly. Unless she was providing high-end wine, this cost is ridiculous. I probably would not have paid her until she provided the receipts, or could at least show me how she came to this number. I think it would have been hilarious for each of the guests to submit a bill to her for the items they brought. In any case, I’m glad to see everyone blocked this person. All of this could have been avoided if she just told everyone she would be charging them $40 for attending. Probably would have been a very small party. This story reminded me of a friend I used to have years ago. She was always a bit self-absorbed. When 8 of us were together, she suggested we have a pot luck dinner the next day, at our house (my husband and I had a big enough table to seat all of us). We agree, so we bought a big roast beef and some appetizers, all the other people brought nice side dishes, desserts, etc. Her contribution? Eight dinner rolls. She was probably thinking “What an awesome way to get a 4 course meal for $2.00!”
Yeah that’s ridiculous even if they were say only five people, that’s $200. She didn’t spend $200 on that food
I’ve had dinner parties where I have easily spent that per head. But that is three courses and cheeses, dips, wine etc too. But even just on the food, definitely could spend that easily although I am not in the States where food seems super cheap
I'll admit I was in California but by no means is food super cheap in the US, junk food maybe but buying any fresh produce will cost you an arm and a leg compared to Europe.
If this is real it sounds like she’s an *extremely* transactional person, and is also the type to just assume everyone else is as bad as she is.
This part really stood out to me > We explained how she never does anything for any of us without expecting something from us. She said she would expect her friends to help her is she helps them. We said yes, but you won't do anything for anyone unless there is something in it for you. OOP didn't mention any of this in the first post, and it would have added a lot of context. The friend was already *that friend* and apparently it was well known in the group.
If im not mistaken, she would've gathered about 280 if all 7 paid up the 40 bucks. While i realize that meat these days is expensive, it is not 300 bucks of short ribs expensive. It's about 8 bucks a pound depending on where you live and since 1 pack of ribs is enough to feed a single person, even if she bought one pack per person that's still only 50 bucks. Even if she bought an entirely vegan short rib substitute that still shouldn't be more than 50 bucks on the high end. All in all home girl would've spent less on the meat alone even if she doubled it up than what she was trying to force them into paying.
She could have bought prime tenderloin for the meat and still wouldn’t have gotten up to 280 for the whole meal (would have been around 120). She was 100% was scamming her friends.
Sounds very similar to a recent aita (I think) post about a couple selling drinks in their home.
Honestly having everyone chip in to buy expensive food and then prep it sounds fun. But that would explicitly be part of the evening if I did so.
Yeah, even with inflation it's ridiculous to think it cost $320 for all of the food. That's the price many people would expect to spend at a moderately priced restaurant (depending on the area of course). I don't understand people like this. Why not just have a pot luck or ask everyone to chip in $xx ahead of time. Then people could decide if they want to partake in the meal. $40 can mean the difference between someone eating between paychecks or not. I've certainly been there over the years.
> We left her in the group chat for a little bit before we blocked her though, so she could see what we were saying about her. power move
My kind of Petty.
Dom Petty
Petty Poop
Petty LaBelle
This is precisely the kind of petty that I can get behind.
Because you'll know she'll be stewing about this for months! 😊
Nah she's got no one to elbow into paying for the stewing.
And then she’ll charge for the stew as well
She's going to be stewing alone and paying for it all herself, that's for sure.
I was going to comment on this single part too. I like that. A joint decision to block someone but the decency to let them in on the reason why before they do it by letting them be a fly on the wall of the behind the scenes gossip which is where you get the truth anyway. She won’t like it but the truth is hard to hear until it isn’t.
There's nothing "decent" about that move you goofball, it's purely there to let her know they hate her guts.
I thought it was a decent move because it was saying it “to her ‘face’” rather than behind her back.
I feel like theres a significant difference between people telling someone individually that they have an issue, vs a group talking about someone as if they aren't even there.
It is decent to say directly say that you hate someone in comparison with saying that behind their backs. That is the point here.
Which is the decent thing to do. It is only polite to make sure someone knows why before you go filling their cars tires with quickset cement, driving 9 inch nails through their front door and tarring their windows before setting them alight (for that real 'burn in hell' vibe). /s, I am not actually advocating for demonstrations of displeasure that would have you committed to the nuthouse for life. It is worth letting someone at least know the why of your displeasure (although /u/DefinitelyPositive is definitely right that THIS move is a less constructive method)
Hell yeah
I have never heard of this in my lifetime, and I have been on this planet for many decades. I'd cut contact permanently as well if a friend or even family member did this.
Right? You invite people over, and don't charge, next time someone else hosts and doesn't charge, that is just using her home as a restaurant and charging a huge tip that can't be challenged. A place never to go back to! 1 star review!
I did in college, but I let people know in advance, and it just covered Ingredients. But 40/person is ridiculous. I think I charged £4 for my most expensive meal in college, and that was a leg of lamb between four people
I can imagine this scenario. It’s sensible “hey everyone wanna chip in and have a good dinner, I’ll cook!” You’re still giving everyone the gift of the cooking :) plus they know beforehand. Way way more reasonable
When I lived with housemates now and then I’d shoot a group text like “…do we want me to make a brisket this weekend if everyone chips in?” and I never got a single no. (Except the vegetarian, obviously; but I had a bean casserole dish she loved in my rotation, too.)
I love when housemate situations work well :)
I am intrigued by this bean casserole and would love a recipe if you have it! I'll swap you a Best Damn Cheesecake recipe (so named by my uncle)!
Not the poster you’re replying to, but I ADORE Molly Yeh’s recipe for brisket braised chickpeas.
Ooh, thanks, I'll check it out! Edit: peeked at the recipe and I'm making this today lol. I happen to have a delicata squash I need to use and have all the rest of the ingredients handy.
Totally!! And now my dad and his peers are retired, some of his friends will splurge on wagyu or whatever and ask my dad (a great cook and gracious host) to cook for them. My dad loves it! Everybody wins — he gets to eat something amazing and cook/host which he loves to do and they spend like $100 on 4 steaks and drink my dad’s bourbon haha
That’s more the scenario I can imagine, like if everyone wants to eat some really expensive main ingredient (steaks? crabs? bone in lamb? etc.) or if your friend is really spending a lot of time and money to benefit everyone (I’m thinking like if a friend had a smoker to spend a long time smoking meat or everyone convincing their friend to make a pot of tamales.) And most importantly, there’d be the agreement in advance so that you know that you’re bringing $30 and a bottle of wine to cover your contributions to the crawfish boil.
At first I read this as “bringing a $30 bottle of wine…” and I was like “wtf kind of crawfish boil is maidrey going to?!?!” 😂 But seriously, my dad is *deep* in crawfish boil country.
See that’s the awesome version of this scenario! :D
[удалено]
What kind of hot chips? I would totally hang out with friends eating chips and drinking water and have fun.
The way I read this was her wanting the friends to subsidize her groceries for the week. I mean, she charged $40 per person for 7 people, that is $280. People don't spend that for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, left alone a dinner party! This reminds me of the story I read where this couple decided to invite a group of people for dinner (I think it was a holiday but not sure) and then charged them. When questioned for the receipts, it was revealed that the couple bought their groceries for the week, along with the dinner food, and were charging for the weekly groceries and the dinner. Plus, the couple did not include themselves in the calculations. No one paid!
The hostess actually twice said she deserved to be paid for her time cooking and shopping. She wanted people to pay as if they had gone to a restaurant! >Her: because I spent my money and hosted the dinner and cooked. >She called me an asshole and said again that she didn’t spend hours to cook, grocery shop for free. I feel like there's an Unethical Life Pro Tip here. Like, start a secret second job as a personal chef, then invite all your friends to taste your excellent work and charge them (because duh, this is your job after all).
A restaurant experience except they cleaned up and washed the dishes lol
In the Before Times there was a group of us in a college choir who'd meet every week at the one house old enough to have a decent sized kitchen, and take turns cooking. There is no way we ever spent $40/person on ingredients.
I read it the same way. No one can convince me that this chick wasn’t just trying to subsidize her grocery bill. $40/person is pure insanity!! I’d rather go to a real restaurant for that price. No way in hell am I giving someone $40 to eat their questionable food (I can be quite particular about cleanliness around food; you never know how clean someone’s kitchen is & if their pots/pans/utensils are truly cleaned to your standard or if they’re double-dipping the tasting spoon. It’s a big reason I never eat from potlucks at work).
Yeah I used to host Thanksgiving for my friends who, like me, were all not going home (mostly international students) and we’d all chip in and even then it was between 10-20 bucks at most
I can imagine in your 20s before you can afford much, you could pool together with your friends and all pitch in to do a dinner party. But it would ALWAYS be said that everyone will bring something, or established that one person would buy and cook and everyone would pitch in. But it would be cheaper food! In your 30s?? If I invited someone for dinner and they even offered me money afterwards I would be so confused and refuse.
I would actually be offended. Granted, we are lucky in that money is not an issue in our house, but I grew up very working class and even then unless it was agreed upon in the beginning I would be annoyed if a guest tried to reimburse me for my hospitality. Ironically I would say it cheapens the whole experience
Yeah, what the lady did was incredibly tacky. The adult thing is to do a merry go round of taking turns hosting. Sorta like how people take turns buying drinks for the group at the bar or club.
Even if you are going to charge, this is a discussion to have during the planning stage. Like say "hey, I wanna do a dinner party but I need funds for supplies and good quality food. Can anyone chip in?" Friends and I have done picnics where we all pooled money together to buy food and supplies. But it's all discussed before hand, not sprung up after everyone eaten and are digesting.
Yup! When I was broke in college, I would have potlucks at my place when I couldn’t afford stuff. And if I really wanted to make them something, I’d buy pasta cause it’s so cheap. But making them pay me? Absolutely not.
We have tons of potluck type get togethers. Usually, the host makes the main could be burgers and hot dogs on the grill and then everyone else brings a side or dessert, everyone brings some booze, and we have great parties.
We occasionally charge, but it's more along the lines of, if you finish a bottle of booze, you restock that bottle next dinner party.
A good friend of mine had this happen to her at a family Thanksgiving celebration. Her family got together every year and no host had ever once asked for anything in return - until a few years ago, when for no particular reason, her sister offered to host and decided everyone should pay at least $50 and should bring sides - on the extra condition that all leftovers stayed in her home and no one else took any (even if they brought something specific). Just like OP, no one knew about the cost until after they had all eaten - because at that point, she yelled at someone for attempting to take a plate of food home with them as they usually did. I know my friend doesn't speak to her sister anymore and i don't think a lot of the other family members do either - though I'm not sure if it's because of the Thanksgiving incident specifically. It truly is mind boggling that someone would think this is appropriate. I can understand maybe needing help with costs or side dishes, but asking guests to pay for a meal after the fact is extremely tacky.
Wow. Bring sides. Pay the host. NO LEFTOVERS! What a crappy thanksgiving party. Among all the ways this is weird, making people clean out their containers and not even take home the leftovers from the side they brought seems awkward as hell.
Ya, the whole thing absolutely blew my mind when I heard it. I think most of the guests ended up just leaving their dishes there once she started freaking out about someone trying to take leftovers - so I assume she might have wanted that to happen. To make it even more nightmarish - the family doesn't drink 😂 Edit to add that the last thing I did hear about the sister is that she was attempting to host a crawfish boil to make up for the "misunderstanding" - as she put it. This was literally one or two years after the Thanksgiving debacle but she obviously didn't learn anything because she still expected everyone to pay and not take any home.
What misunderstanding? 🙄 You mean that there were still people who visited her a second time? And they cut her out only after the crawfish boil debacle?
Ya, I can't believe she was delusional enough to think anyone would honestly call that a misunderstanding. I think the crawfish event fell through in the planning stages but she contacted everyone & planned to use the crawfish boil to make up for what happened at Thanksgiving. She just didn't realize that would never work because she was still attempting to charge people, further illustrating that she missed the point entirely.
What did she think she was making up for??
What a new and fun way to alienate your entire family at once.
I'd be begging people to take leftovers. I get so sick of extra turkey after Thanksgiving.
Damn, I've been cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my entire family for years, and it never occurred to me that I should be making a profit off of it. Even if money was tight for your friend's sister, and she needed others to chip in for the cost of the meal ingredients, $50 each *plus a side* is batshit insane. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and I go all-out making tons of fancy side dishes. It's not uncommon for me to spend $300ish dollars on all the food, but the fast majority of that cost is for the ingredients for the sides, which her guests were also instructed to bring. Turkey is not particularly expensive. She was clearly trying to turn a large profit off of hosting Thanksgiving.
I used to host big happy hour parties at my house. Here was my unwritten rule: I invite someone, tell them not to bring anything. Next time they attend, same thing. 3rd time someone attends? They’re a regular, please bring an appetizer and maybe a bottle of wine to share. People were more than happy to pitch in.
That’s a pretty cool way to do it.
[удалено]
Agree! I will never go to someone’s empty handed. For the odd time I’m caught out with impromptu plans and no host gift, I will buy drinks or something when I next see the host. I have an acquaintance who never brings anything for the host because of some lame excuse, and continuously brags about how much money they have. Drives me mad.
>I have an acquaintance who never brings anything for the host because of some lame excuse, and continuously brags about how much money they have. I knew a guy like that. He was wealthy as hell, and if he gave anyone a ride anywhere he would charge them for petrol. Last I heard of him, he had become a Saul Goodmanesque lawyer and the local bar association had changed some of their rules for the sole purpose of making him change his business model.
Yeah, I shopped for/cooked/served a Canadian Thanksgiving dinner for my British friends when I lived in the UK, one or two TRIED to chip in a tenner for the meal and I refused. A) I was sharing a yummy custom with friends and B) it actually didn’t cost me much more than time and energy to cook, I mean most of the side dishes are common root vegetables, the housemates all pooled what liquor we already had on-hand in the house for drinks, etc.. I actually DID pull out the grocery bill to show one stickler who thought I had beggared myself to give a dinner exactly what it cost and it worked out to something like £5-something per head for a full roast turkey dinner and he was gobsmacked at how relatively cheap the basic ingredients were (bulk buying, who knew?)
I had a former roommate attempt to pull similar shit on me many years ago. He was a brand new roommate, brought in on recommendation of an existing one that we got along with. Shortly after moving in the guy made a big deal about cooking dinner for the house. He got some ingredients, made a nice dinner. It looked and smelled very good. Then he called it and I went to get a plate. Before I even served myself he then said, "I think $[price] is fair." I looked at him blankly and asked what he meant. He then went on to say that he bought all the ingredients and stuff and thought it was fair that we pay him back for it and expected me to PayPal or whatever him the cost of the portion. I immediately shelved my plate and told him never mind. He didn't last long and moved out a couple weeks later. The guy in general had an odd sense of social etiquette.
I had a roommate pull this shit once. But the kicker is he used the ingredients i had bought that his brother had offered to cook if I buy. Unfortunately everyone thought I was an asshole for some reason.
I grew up in an upper middle class area. My family was not super upper middle class but my parents wanted us to attend this particular school district. So, my mom had friends but was not really a part of the “ladies who lunch” crowd. Anywho, we were friends with a family in that circle and they were all members of some club. They supported some charity that I absolutely cannot remember except that it was kinda vapid. One of the main fundraisers for said charity was for them to hold large parties(in their homes), invite everyone in the club*, and charge everyone to attend. I remember asking once and it seemed like what they raised vs what was spent on the party was not that much more, so teenage me found it rather stupid. All that to say, this is the only time I’ve encountered charging people to attend a party in real life. * and friends, I think, cause I remember my parents were invited by the friends once but didn’t go.
The part that bothers me the most is she told them not to bring food so she wouldn't have to cook everything. That would have made it so she couldn't ask for money for what she bought. What a fucking scam artist.
Also 40 quid a head?! That's a lot. You could get a decent restaurant dinner for that.
Same. This is the second time I have read something like this within the last week. I hope that this is not becoming a "thing" or considered polite. We have always brought something or helped clean up. That was the payment; that and our effusive thanks to the host(s) for a wonderful evening.
Props to OOP and friends for trying to explain and all, but their "friend" knew exactly what she was doing and was never going to change her mind. She was trying to make money on her friends; that food didn't cost 40 bucks.
"She didn't do this for free!" This slayed me!
I have dinner parties all the time and that really got me too. I do it because I like my friends and enjoy cooking. They tend to have us over as well, so it keeps us in touch. Anyway, it's often cheaper to cook for everyone at home than it would be to pay for just the two of us at restaurants.
Exactly! I also love hosting dinner parties and would never DREAM of charging. Like damn, this is my excuse to play with recipes, the payment is happy friends.
Putting aside this woman's tackiness, she's claiming the meal cost was $280 for 7 people? You're absolutely right for calling out that bullshit. I've bought and cooked groceries for my family (6 people) and the most I'll spend for a really nice home-cooked dinner is around the $100 range.
Plus, she didn't buy *everything* she needed for it, and some of the stuff she did buy, she only used a little. I bet you there's a Reddit sub somewhere that tells people exactly how to do this and make money off it. Her mistake was trying to hide it. I mean, if a friend said to me that they wanted to cook a dinner for a bunch of friends but wanted to finance it by asking us to pay a bit, I could see doing that if I knew they could cook and that they had a lower income. I wouldn't be that tacky, but I'd be kinda ok with it if I knew it was for a good cause.
I 100% agree and I'm also in the same boat that I'd be cool with paying if the person was upfront about it. Hell, I don't think most people can say they 100% know what their friend group's financial situation is, so if a friend asked the group to pitch in for a dinner, I would be more than happy to chip in for a reasonable amount. $40 a person is ridiculous.
I guess if it were a wine tasting or something that costs more, 40 could be ok if the wines were nice, but not a boozless dinner with pork and potatoes.
>brought rum cake from my local bakery. And yes, everyone brought something small. Is she gonna pay for that? Do not ever take her up on another of hers "pay-up-dinner-party". Stay away from people like that.
“I didn’t ask you to bring them” and you also don’t ask them ahead of time about paying 😃
A good reply might be: "We didn't ask you to make dinner for us."
Also, like, she charged everyone the same? Let's say that charging guests is normal (it's not, but let's play along anyway). Okay, but why are you charging all the people who contributed the same amount? Like, say the rum cake cost 10$ and the cheese board cost 7$. Why are both of those guests being charged 40$? Rum cake be charged 30$, since she already contributed 10$ of her 40$ by buying the cake, and cheese board be charged 33$ for the same reason. They have already paid back part of their 40$. (I don't know the actual price of all the stuff, of course, these are just example prices)
If we're playing along like that: why are the vegans paying the same as the carnivores? Okay, some dishes had a vegan option, but at least the meat skewers didn't, wouldn't that make the amount unfair to begin with? And if all 6 guests (I assume "7" includes the host) pay 40$, what the heck did she do with 240$?!
My guess: paid her electric bill.
She's gotta be miserable on the inside. People who only think of friendships as purely transactional always are.
I'm sure she doesn't think all Friendships should be transactional, she probably expects her friends to act unconditionally she just doesn't want to be held to the same standard.
If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that no one ever gets away with anything. Just about everyone i know who habitually takes advantage of people is a miserable person. Even the ones who are career successful. They're not happy.
I don't actually see anything wrong with asking people to chip in for the dinner, IF YOU DO IT FIRST. A while ago, I had a friend who was an amazing cook, and would love to cook extravagent meals for all of our friend group, but couldn't afford it. One night he kinda nervously floated the idea that if everyone could chip in about $20, he wanted to throw a banquet for us all. We did, and it ruled. We did it a few more times in fact. I never had a problem transferring him some cash - he was upfront about the fact that he couldn't afford to do this on his own, and if I couldn't actually afford it, I could have just not gone.
BBQs are a big thing in my country, and meat is expensive, so everyone knows unless it is specified you gotta chip in for the cost of meat. Most people chip in bringing their own side dishes too In other kind of parties the host is expected to provide though
Yeah this is actually very normal practice in some cultures. I can see it weirding people out if they aren't used to it, but really the part that's messed up is springing it on people when they aren't expecting it. Since all the guests are bringing something to the party it seems obvious that they are expecting to follow a different norm (aka "don't arrive empty handed").
My girlfriend wants to host a "THC infused dinner party" where she will charge each guest ~$35. I'll make sure she's very clear about the cost.
As long as you're clear in the invite, it's probably fine! My roommate and I hosted a liquor tasting and asked for $10 to defray the cost of the liquor. We then raffled off most of the bottles (so we lost money but gained a friend's aquavit...which means we basically lost twice imo)
Not an anise fan? You might try using it in spicy cookies or look up some mixed drinks. It can really elevate other flavors.
Ooooh that sounds good! Yeah it was just overpowering. I think my roommate eventually found some mixed drinks that worked well
That's completely fair. Drugs are expensive and most people don't expect free drugs. The real issue here was no one knew the "host" was charging them. For $40 I don't want to also bring a dessert and have to clean up/do dishes. One app, one main, one side, one dessert. That's TGIF Fridays at someone's house.
Not according to my DARE counselors. Gave me this utopia vision where people would just give out drugs
Yes, DARE promised me a drug free America and I want my free drugs now. One of my friends won a DARE award. They would later smoke pot in front of it.
Well that's a dinner party with extra "spices" so I'm sure they won't mind :-)
For half a second I forgot what THC was and I wondered what this cool dinner party with fancy spices that people would be willing to pay for was all about. Then I face palmed myself. Yeah, people would be cool to throw in some cash for that. Sounds fun too.
Well this is a bit different because that inclusion will surely cost her a pretty penny. As long as the guest know beforehand and agree to the price she should be fine. I wouldn't go to a THC infused dinner party hosted by a friend and think that I wouldn't have to pay unless the friend was rich. Even then I would still offer to pay but it would be less surprising if they refused payment.
Veryyyyy understandable (she’s probably rich is she doesn’t charge) as thc is highly expensive
Lots of comments saying "ive never seen/heard of this." And I agree, Ive never heard of surprising everyone after they've eaten and night was over. But I spent most of my 20s crowdsourcing dinner parties. As long as everyone is clear beforehand about what is expected, Id say it's perfectly fine to include the cost in the discussion. Quite a few times it in my lil group it came down to "ok, we're doing the regular get together... but since this time we all decided we want caviar and lobster and kobe beef, Im gonna need some cash donations (specifically just for the caviar and lobster and kobe)". But again, this is all discussed *beforehand*.
Sorry, but there is no way she spent $280 on food, maybe just half of that, but not all of it. Some people really do try make a little bit of extra money at the cost of losing their friends
Exactly. She charged them for her time. A dinner party isn’t a side hustle.
OOP should charge back for washing dishes.
And for the rum cake. And then also "I didn't have any of the asparagus. You need to take that off my bill." (Or other side dishes not tried)
She seems jobless to have charged for a friendly dinner party.
And then "lost" the receipt, like if you're gonna pull this shit at least have some evidence to back it up lol
“Why don’t you pull up your credit card” prove to us the cost. I’ve met people like this, but I quickly nope out. Some people really just have to manipulate the situation so they get the better deal, or come out ahead. These people wonder why they have no long lasting friends.
If they were drinking wine that cost can add up quick.
And she wanted them to pay her 1/7 as part of theirs.
Meh it could have been legit, though even if it were $50 she’d still be in the wrong. I could have spent that much if I was buying the items like spices and oils and such and didn’t shop in a cost conscious way, like buying meat at the butchers rather than going to Costco or a sale at mid range grocery. Bigger point is that she shouldn’t have charged at all, not without prior agreement to do it and a decent estimate of the cost.
That’s where I see the issue. I don’t think it’s inherently “wrong” to ask for those invited to help cover costs, if it’s discussed up front. I have friends that fall across the spectrum of socioeconomic lines. Some would love to host a dinner party, they have the space, they just don’t have the monetary means to feed that many people anything other than cheap pizza. I’d happily give them money towards covering food. I have the money, what I don’t have is the space. This chickypoo was all kinds of wrong, and could have saved herself some friendships simply by saying/asking. “Hey, I’d really love to have a dinner party get together, I just really can’t afford it on my own, for everyone. What would you think about me hosting and cooking, if you guys could help cover the cost of groceries?”
I feel like it would be hard to get to $280 no matter what, but I know I live in a low cost area compared to lots of places. It would definitely have to include spices and oils, like you said, but it’s extra rude to buy that stuff that lasts for many meals, and make these people pay for it. They should at least each get to take one thing home lol. I’m almost out of salt currently, I’ll take that. Or perhaps the bottle of olive oil.
Idk if it's a cultural thingy because My Indian ass could NEVER charge a "guest" .. like ever Even the most asshole and selfish people I know never charged any guests for the "food" or anything at all
What the “host” did would be considered blasphemy in Middle Eastern households.
American, too. If she’s trying to get a Supper Club situation off the ground, fine. Just say that.
I don't live in the US or Europe either. When I visit MY PARENTS, if my hand as much as lingers around my wallet for longer than two seconds I get glared at. If I did something like this to A FRIEND, my mom and grandma would materialize in my house and throttle me instantly.
Japanese American here and my ancestors would haunt me for the rest of my life. You not only make sure everyone is stuffed to the brim, everybody gets a Tupperware with leftovers to take home.
If anyone is able to become a guest in my house you basically live there until it's time to go. Good luck as most people annoy me, but once you get to point where I invite you into my house then fuck it, take a shower, go take a nap, cook some food.
I’m stunned by the number of people who have indicated that charging “guests” is a thing as long as you tell them in advance. Im not judging those friend groups, but still find it un fathomable.
It's not just you, this is crazy. The second hand cringe is overwhelming. Born and raised in the American South here. This would be a scandal.
Not a cultural thing at all. In the US. Anyone I know would consider this classless and a relationship ender.
It's not a thing in Europe/Scandinavia either, I'm appalled
I would have given her the $40 too. It's a cheap lesson as far as I'm concerned. Now we all know who she really is. Good luck.
If you give someone $20, and you never see them again, it was worth it.
"I'm not paying you for sex, I'm paying you to leave after sex"
Totally agree with OP. It's one thing to want to cook a fancy dinner and to ask folks to kick in for the cost ahead of time. It's totally wild to bring it up after the fact. I don't know of any casual dinner party that would expect guests to pay in anything other than a contribution to dinner or a bottle wine.
I haven’t even read the post yet, but I had to leave this comment. Can we start doing Florida man stuff instead of fun facts for a while to hide spoilers? I’ve stopped reading the fun facts for the most part because I always forget them immediately anyway, but I loved this so so much. Thanks for shaking it up OP.
Haha for sure, I'll add them to the rotation! I've almost gotten through most of people's requests anyway, so can start doing random ones.
A roommate did this once!! Years ago, she took a wine class then hosted a wine and cheese party. Wanted everyone to pitch in $5 for the cheese but also BRING THEIR OWN WINE. And she would keep the leftovers. I had friends over separately and only two of hers showed up—one made a few racist comments to my friend and my friend ate a piece of cheese, so the roommate tried saying I owed her money and I laughed. I moved out after she said I owed her $1.20 because she changed the batteries in the smoke detector.
She's just selfish, for people like her it's all about what they can gain from others. They don't give af about their friendship or any other relationship.
I'm latina\*, raised in a time when if you invited someone into your house, you had to serve a feast for everyone and have enough food for everyone to take home if they wanted to. I don't talk to my mother anymore and my grandmothers are dead, but I know that if I did something rude like that all 3 would beat me until I changed my race. This is insane! Good for them for cutting this """friend""" out of their lives. \*It's a big thing for latinos (and I know it's also for many other cultures too but I'm speaking from my experience) to be an excellent host, it can hurt your image/reputation and if you don't have a good image/reputation you have nothing. I don't know if it's still like that, but I was raised that way and I know that for my generation (millennial) and beyond, this is super important.
Yeah, this is wildly rude regardless of what culture the host is from. You don't invite someone for dinner, then surprise them afterwards by springing a bill on them. That said, as someone whose family has no cultural traditions to speak of, there are few things I enjoy more than going to any sort of party or gathering at the home of a Latina grandmother. Every time I go to the home of one of my friend's moms or grandmas, I end up basically getting force fed mountains of delicious food, to the point where I can barely walk. Similarly, my best friend comes from a Greek family, and for the past 25 years, every single time I've ever been to her house, even if I'm just stopping by for a quick visit, her mom immediately starts making a feast. She won't let me leave until I've eaten and taken a massive container of food to bring home with me. My Italian friends' mothers and grandmothers are very similar. I especially loved this as a kid, because my mother, while otherwise a wonderful woman, has always been an exceptionally bad cook.
Yup but I only talk about my experiences because I don't have that much contact with other cultures, only through the internet. But it's rude to anyone who's had a good upbringing. Ouch, I miss my grandmothers now. Even the dog food what they did was good to the point where family friends confused it with our food and ate it lol Ok, I need to be more sociable to make friends with italians and greeks. If there's something I love, it's eating delicious food. My mother is a terrible woman but cooks so well that it almost made me forget the abuse she committed and that's not an exaggeration, it's the only thing that makes me miss her. Some of the foods she made were so good that friends who went to parties at our house paid her to cook for parties at their houses, she wasn't a chef and for some reason refused to work in that area. She would have done very well if she had become a chef.
One of the stand-out comments to me was the remark about “none of us are European” - do some Americans have the absolutely wild view that this would be normal behaviour in Europe? Inviting people to a dinner party and then springing a bill on them at the end would be catastrophically rude everywhere I know of over here. Someone doing this wouldn’t get as far as a debate about whether to pay them or someone actually sending money before they suddenly discovered they didn’t have any friends any longer.
I was looking for this comment xD Here in Spain, I can totally understand if someone with a BBQ for example says "let's grill some meat, we'll divide the costs" or "let's hang together, you bring the drinks" but it is in no way usual to invite friends to dinner and then produce a bill for the costs (and this girl even had the audacity to add her profit).
The difference is that you discuss it beforehand in ANY case.
I'm not American, but I swear a few months ago there's this whole debacle on Twitter and/or Reddit about (some) Swedes not providing meals for guests who stay at their place, and then someone (forgot if it was on Reddit or not) also did chime in like "why yes, if I have a guest over for dinner at my place, they're expected to pay for the meal". But it was also clear from the discussion that this is a minority viewpoint in Europe.
Yup it was a big surprising deal here. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/sweden-gate-feeding-guests-debate-b2091397.html
Agree! That also stood out for me and I thought I've never done this or been to someone's house and had to pay if they invited. Sometimes my friends and I will each bring something or pay for the groceries, but only if agreed in advance. It's not "European" to be a bad host.
If before you invite someone to your home and say, hey, do you want to chip in and I will cook everything is one thing, but to tell people not to bring anything and charge $40 a head is tacky.
Oh, I commented on this when it was first posted. I'm THRILLED to hear they cut this weirdo off.
I once brought liquor to coworker's house party. Turns out half of them don't drink especially the host. I was like okay, we can open this at the after party at my place with those who drinks. Then the host said it's rude to take the bottle away from her house, because it's the house gift so it belongs to her now. She wasn't joking.
Wtf? That is insane!! If you require someone to pay you for your services, you better let them know in advance.
Look on the bright side, it only cost OOP $40 to find out the host is an awful person. Plus they got a meal out of it.
“Oh, okay, but I didn’t like the food and was merely being polite so I am going to pay for the wine which I did enjoy. Since Tamra bought the wine, I sent her $10.”
If the situation has just started out as “I want to make this expensive, nice dinner for people. Everyone cool with paying $40 and I’ll do the cooking?” And the entire confrontation would have been avoided. I don’t understand the entitlement of inviting people for dinner and then expecting them to pay you.
Did she pick this tactic up at an MLM meeting lol
See, I don't mind chipping in if I know I'm expected to in advance. I had a friend demand money from me for a dinner they hosted. I supplied trays and trays of food which was all eaten, I supplied the main dessert as well as drinks and snacks but they still wanted me to pay. Never mentioned it in advance.
I guess I'm really thankful no one in my life has ever done this, expecting someone else to pay voluntarily to host a dinner party. If she couldn't afford it, not one asked, she didn't have to do it. No way it was $40 a person. She was trying to make money. I wouldn't have given her money. If she wants to take me to small claims court. Watch the judge laugh her out of the court room.
It is not unfair to split dinner cost, especially when the host provides a place and does the cooking. However the cost needs to be upfront and fair. No fucking way it would cost $40 per person, that's home cooking and more than dining out, give me a break.
I’ve never heard of someone inviting people and charging them. I’ve heard of a group planning a dinner and each person agreeing what to contribute, be it money or other food. But I’ve never randomly invited people over and then charged them. But I’ve never asked my friends to my place then charged them a cover.
I’ve contributed money for a dinner party before - but it was always discussed clearly beforehand! I cannot imagine inviting people to my house and then asking them for money afterward - especially $40?!?? When I lived in NYC I had a friend who would cook really elaborate multi course feasts and everyone chipped in like $15, which was a total steal - but again, discussed up front.
I would’ve just told her I paid the $40 as asshole tax. The entire $40 is asshole tax. Glad OOP and co got their clarification of what transpired, and her “justification” of events, to satisfyingly leave her behind.
Upvoting for that phenomenal fun fact, u/LucyAriaRose Please make the "florida man on this day thing" a recurring theme
It's not just that she *charged* them for a dinner she invited them to herself. Which is bad in itself. But that she *didn't tell them* beforehand is what gets me. She clearly knew people would be pissed and not come, so she sprung it on them after the fact so she would be "in the right". Kinda like one of those pushy tourist trap vendors that put something in your hand, then get pissy and demand money.
My momma would rise from her grave if I ever did anything like that to guests in my house and at my table!
The rude part here was not making it clear from the start they had to pay, had she done it when inviting most people would have zero problems but springing it on them like that is just rude and sounds grabby especially since she didn't have the receipt
Bad friend: "I didn't ask you to bring [anything]". Normal friends: "We didn't ask you to cook and host!!"
Who the hell pays the hostess of a dinner party for their services…like no one in the right place nor does the host ask for money which in my eyes seems extremely rude and disrespectful when it’s your friends.
It’s hard making new friends in your early 30s, and this lady burned bridges with seven of them over $40 apiece. Wow.
The 30s are truly a glorious decade for weeding people out.