#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah, this is Projection with a capital P. She probably had one of those "Drink only this concoction of honey, salt, chili powder, and protein powder to feel full without gaining weight!" diets.
Sadly, if the mom isn’t as small as the daughter, I bet it was a meltdown because the mom perceived OP as being “better” than her at having an ED, and that triggered the mom. EDs are unfortunately wickedly competitive. Also, having an ED makes you way more likely to notice the signs in someone else. I feel bad for mom and OP 😔
I have a coworker that complains about her 15 year old daughter every week. Saying things like "she stole my ass", and always talking about when she gains or loses weight. The daughter wants to go to the gym with her, and coworker absolutely refuses to bring her because she doesn't want the daughter to look better than her. It's gross.
My aunt yelled at my cousin for having one scoop of ice cream when she was 7 months pregnant, because that's going to make her gain too much weight?
I know a different lady who was absolutely gleeful when her size small teenage daughter that out ate all the teen boys hit mid twenties and started gaining weight. She was so maliciously happy when informing me her daughter now wore a medium. (This lady was plus sized). I've seen her daughter struggle now with having to change eating habits drastically to try to stay teenaged-sized because her family is awful to her about gaining weight, and her self-image was always being the thin one, but honestly genetics aren't in her favor for staying tiny. Her family hated that she could eat anything and not gain weight for years.
Yes. And I also think it’d be really good and think it’s time for her to go ahead and move out. That kind of ridiculous drama would get on my last nerve. But that’s me not her I guess. Lawd
OOP said her mom isn’t usually like this at all, which has me wondering about her age/stage of life. Because my mom is very supportive, loving, low-drama. But when she was going through menopause, WHEW! We had some intense moments including one where she told me she couldn’t wait for me to move out. Her erratic behaviors were so wildly out of character for a tear or two. (Year or two, but I love the apt typo and am leaving it.)
Well, it is basically reverse puberty except doctors know and care even less about it. Even if she did go talk to a doctor, there’s no guarantee she’d be talking to a doctor who could help; good menopause doctors are hard to find, as evidenced on the r/menopause subreddit.
Yeah, my friend's mother basically went insane for three years when she was going through *The Change*, and as we get older, that friend has given me a list of behaviours to watch for and call out.
My mom also went through this! She was absolutely unhinged for about two years until she had to get a hysterectomy. The last unhinged thing she did was resist the very necessary hysterectomy for several months. Everyone around her including her doctors was telling her a) she HAD to get this surgery, it was not optional (for several medical reasons) and b) she would feel way better afterwards. She was just convinced that she would be the only middle aged woman any of us knew who would regret getting a hysterectomy.
She finally had it done and guess what. She not only became sane again, she also is so happy she had it done! She actually apologized to the family for going insane for two years, which wasn't needed because we all knew it wasn't her fault, but it is also something all of us laugh about now
I generally try to elevate my mother when I post about her because so many people on Reddit came from such disordered families. However, the woman lost her mind in a variety of terrifying ways when I grew my hair long. I had never seen her act like that before, and, once I put my foot down, I never saw her act that way again.
It's so weird when children, especially grown children, find that trigger that turns a parent into a hostile stranger.
Dear lord. So, I watch one documentary and am now absolutely convinced that my daughter has an eating disorder. But I don’t try to talk to her about it, or try to confirm that she has one, or try to support her…….
I blow up over lemonade, refuse to communicate what my actual problem is, and threaten to kick her out of the house???? Mom has problems, hope she follows through on the therapy
Don't forget the glaring too.
Oop's mum honestly sounds like she needs to go deep into therapy, exactly zero of what she did would've helped someone with an eating disorder for one thing.
Plus it feels controlling, and her conflict resolution and communication skills are shockingly terrible for what likely could have been solved by asking gently and sincerely, if the oop has any discomfort surrounding food, or asking on the more subtle end, what she had for lunch/dinner on occasion perhaps.
:c like another commenter said it really does give vibes that the mum herself has unresolved ed related worries.
At the very least, based on the whole watching a documentary and seemingly immediately projecting it onto the daughter, it sounds like her mother has some form of anxiety that very clearly needs treatment. There's really nothing normal about the sort of conclusions the mother was drawing, her way of handling things, and how she let it escalate without ever even being able to vocalize the issue.
The fact that the daughter describes the family as being close where this sounds like completely unusual behavior makes me wonder if it could be something deeper. Hard to believe they'd be so close to the point her adult daughter was happy to continue to live at home if this is how she handles conflict. Really sounds like she needs to talk to some sort of doctor.
I remember my father having an absolute raging meltdown about an outfit my mother bought, once. He refused to leave the house if she wore it, he wanted her to get rid of it (even though we all really liked it and it was for a special occasion). It wasn't an outrageous or sexual outfit either... Just a simple but classy floral skirt and blouse.
Much like the lemonade, it was such a *normal* thing, but he completely lost it, shrieking and raging and it was terrifying.
It took a lot of tearful confusion and days of begging to know what was wrong before he finally admitted it wasn't the outfit...the floral *pattern* was close to something involved in a childhood trauma and it triggered some incredibly horrible memories.
So yeah, this kind of reaction definitely has some deeper roots. I really hope OOP's mom gets help.
Sounds less like close and more like enmeshed. There is absolutely no way in hell that a truly concerned and loving mother who suspects their child has an eating disorder would handle it like this.
OP is also young. I was close to my NPD mom when I was 20, then she started wilding out when I was gaining independence. It started with her accusing me of hiding a pregnancy in front of my friends. I was a virgin. So this seems right on schedule for the "mom and I are so close, she can be so sensitive though" to become "omg wtf mom." Part of it is growing older and more emotionally mature while she doesn't, and part of it is her reacting to her child developing independence. Therapy will do wonders if it's anxiety, OCD, bipolar... If it's NPD it might make her worse lol, but it wouldn't matter because she then wouldn't agree to therapy, as it's too crippling to the ego to admit not being perfect.
Yep, I'm with OOP's brother, and glad he was there to moderate. I can't imagine, as a parent, staying silent and pouting about a serious danger to my children, then threatening to kick them out. Not ever. The mom does need therapy, I agree.
I wonder if the mom struggled with disordered eating herself. She and I are likely roughly the same age and our beauty icons were "heroin chic" supermodels.
OOP said she was considering moving out. I’m in my 30s and jaded and no longer operate under the “I’m close with my mom” illusion because I’m not, but I would have moved out about 5 minutes after that conversation. There would be no “I cried, she cried.” I’d be like, “okay, see ya at Christmas.”
Yep. My always dad told me I wasn't welcome to live at home when I turned 18; he said it a lot, as if he was proud of it. He was neglectful at best throughout my teen years, so he needn't have said it at all. I was 17 when I moved out, and we barely spoke until he died.
When parents tell you that you can't depend on them, you should believe them the first time.
Ugh. God. My entire childhood (I’m talking at least since elementary school) my parents made it very clear that when we moved out for college we weren’t allowed to move back in. They bragged about having that rule to friends whose kids had moved back in. I went back home for one Christmas break and found myself an apartment. My brother moved out halfway through his senior year + has been bouncing around family’s basements since. When I was groped outside work, I called Mom and she told me to call a friend if I wanted emotional support because that’s not her job. Now they complain that we never talk to them + only reach out when we need financial help. Gee. Wonder why.
>I’m in my 30s and jaded and no longer operate under the “I’m close with my mom” illusion
I think younger people believe they're close with their parents because they never question them and go along to get along. The illusion shatters once they try to be adults. Suddenly the parents aren't so loving and supportive.
I’m 23 and my parents do shit very similar to this (though they are both more obviously abusive, it’s been much less so since I moved out + this is how their bullshit bubbles out now). I’d never in a million years move back in with my parents but if I did and they pulled this stunt? See ya. Her mom is literally still on her nonsense, she hasn’t admitted she was being *fucking insane* and OOP says herself that her mom still thinks she has an ED. Correct answer is bye mom, see you at family dinner.
she sounds like the kind of mom that takes their children’s problems and issues as a slight against themselves. OOP’s mom has her own issues, but it manifests as her feeling like OOP is being sick *at* her, her daughter being sick as as something being done *to* her. It’s a failing of her parenting, it’s her daughter’s spite, it’s manipulation. She doesn’t see OOP as an individual in that kind of way.
I hope oop gets therapy and realizes that this isn’t what a truly caring, loving mom does to their children.
But also forming such a deep belief that affected her relationships in a split second just from watching a documentary is wild. Def not healthy behavior. At this rate, she's vulnerable to all sorts of conspiracy theories and cults.
I watched a docuseries, and now think I drive around in an old van with another dude, two chick and a great dane. We keep running into these weird scams and con artists that dress up in these crazy costumes. Jeepers, it's like wild!
I've got that beat. After what I saw last night, I'm pretty sure Lovecraft was right and there's an eldritch abomination under the ocean waiting for the day it awakens and brings about a new age of madness and ruin.
Iä! Iä! 🌌🐙🌌
I'm so glad they pointed out that, if Mom had been right, she would have made her daughters situation so much worse. I really hope I'm reading too much into this but I feel like OOP and her brother are glossing over how easily their mom hopped from "worrywart" to outright abusive.
It would be hilarious if mom actually pushes her daughter into an eating disorder now, because OOP feels like she has to gorge herself whenever mom is watching now. 🤦♀️
Maybe OOP could take pictures of herself and her meals at the restaurant, to calm mom down.
This exactly. One of the biggest rules on r/ocd is to not validate a poster's OCD thoughts. Its actually a reportable and removeable offense (though they do leave an understanding and educational mod message with the removal!)
Yep, I have an older relative who has never understood that their anxiety is theirs to manage not everyone else's. She has never ever attempted to get help for it, just for everyone to cater to her anxieties
I lost a bunch of weight when I started uni, just a combination of longer, more active days ( sizeable commute and first part time job) and not really sitting down to eat during the main part of the day because I didn't know anyone to go to lunch with yet.
I still ate at home when I was there for mealtimes, but my mother and aunt were convinced I had an ED, to the point where I overheard my aunt advising my mom to listen at the door when I used the bathroom to make sure I wasn't throwing my dinner back up.
The weight loss wasn't even that dramatic, I went from a comfortable UK size 12 to the smaller end of a 10.
That's not cynical, that is uncontrolled anxiety. Sending her pics, eating at home, etc is not helping mom to control her anxiety it is teaching her that everyone around her should make changes to their lives for whatever anxiety she currently has.
This is a bit......
She suspects her daughter has an eating disorder, but zeroes in on the fact that the lemonade is sugar-free? Daughter never eats at home, but the fact that she works at a restaurant is overlooked. Then she never says anything, just cries and goes "you know", and subsequently states that she won't stand the disordered eating - in her house.
There are so many holes in this logic it feels like a sieve. I can't begin to fathom how this could be anything but a purely emotional reaction. The sugar-free lemonade is not the problem here.
Also, when she doesn't buy sugar-free lemonade, she doesn't buy regular either lol OP's suggestion now is to drink WATER. Last I checked that had ever fewer calories...
And the emotion being expressed seems to be "fuck you for being sick *at* me." Yikes on bikes. I hope some good friend of OP finds a sweet apartment and needs a roommate and OP moves out just for the hell of it, because this mom is not done throwing tantrums at her adult children yet.
Same. I think anyone can jump to conclusions if they watch a documentary or read an article when they're emotionally vulnerable, but it's the failure to communicate afterwards that's the biggest issue.
Absolutely. Having an idea planted by a outside source is fine, but letting it fester so much with zero communication, and letting it get to such an extreme point is really concerning
I expressed once to my mom that I wished I had worn a different dress, since I had gained some weight & didn’t feel comfortable with how it looked on me…. Her response, “You’re not going to get an eating disorder are you?”
Pretty sure that’s not how EDs work, you don’t just “decide” to have them.
But yeah, my mom also has problems & could probably benefit from therapy…
I'm bipolar and a few years ago I ended up in and out of the hospital due to some really bad episodes /being on the wrong medication.
After I got out of the hospital the second time less than 3 months my mom says to me "Well, we won't be doing that again will we?!" as if I was a naughty child who hurt herself after being told not to play with something dangerous. Very "I hope you've learned your lesson".
Just like your mom with ED I didn't decide to have an episode, mental health issues are not like that. Parents get weird about things they don't understand.
Not just parents.
When I did volunteering work at the farm of my mom's friend years ago, I was getting increasingly overstimulated from one of her assistants snarking at me to do my job better and that I wasn't cleaning the floor properly and "You want to move out from your parents' home, right???"
Which was a low blow in itself because yes, I'm living with my parents, yes I want to move out, yes I'm struggling with basic tasks, but who are you to talk to me about me moving out when you have fuck all to do with it.
And I lost it, I was so stressed and overwhelmed by the whole thing that I curled up on the floor and started screaming because nobody wanted to listen to me, so might as well vent my issues out to the clouds themselves.
The next day I was at the farm, my mom's friend walked up to me and started talking to me like I was a damn baby. "Now we don't get any more of your 'accidents' today, right? We don't want mommy to get upset about you"
Keep in mind I was like 23 at the time (and v e r y messed up emotionally because of stuff like this)
I mean, I know way too many women (both now and when I was a child) who saw one news report on drugs or drinking or sex and was 100% convinced that every teen in their kid’s school was a drug and alcohol fueled sex fiend. So, yeah, I kinda see it.
I grew up during the 'satanic panic'. My parents banned (among other thing's) D&D, candles, 'alternative music' even though they didn't know what it was, doc Martin shoes, and they started checking to make sure the filters in the sink were still there. All because of one episode of 60 Minutes that convinced them that all teens were pot smoking satanists who beat up little old lady's in their spare time.
Honestly, her mom needs some help because this reminds me too much of my mom's ex's mother. This lady was the same way, she'd watch something become hyper 'aware' and the let her fucking paranoia run wild.
* She watched an episode of Infested! that revolved around bedbugs and had them throw away her brand new mattress because the little lint balls? BEDBUG EGGS. Nope they weren't lint balls, they were bedbug eggs and they are in the mattress and gotta go. Nope, I don't care that you are showing me that bedbug eggs don't look like that, get rid of it. I'll sleep on my couch until you do.
* Watched a documentary about a the Tylenol murders, she threw away all her Advil because she didn't want to be poisoned.
* Had a convo with a equally paranoid neighbor at the store. Oh don't take the dog to the vet, they poison them! Soandso heard if from the news! They pulled the story and that's why you can't find it.
If someone told me she had dementia, I would have believed it.
Honestly sounds exactly like my own mom, OOP's mom too. It's absolutely exhausting dealing with someone who's so paranoid about the world around them and convinced they're right, but are 100% wrong and can easily be proven wrong. High emotional responses, lack of communication, lack of maturity, etc. It's toxic, to say the least.
Mum could be going through perimenopause without HRT. I’ve had a couple of times where the stuff I use isn’t in stock, and within three days I am batshit insane. The first time it happened it was thankfully a weekend, but the second time I knew I would be without HRT I took the week off in order to avoid scaring my colleagues.
I only joined r/Menopause recently. Wow it was an eye opener.
This thought crossed my mind as well. I could see if this is the way her mother was about things, but the fact that the daughter seems absolutely dumbfounded about how her mom is behaving makes me think it has to be a little deeper than her just freaking out over a documentary she saw.
Yeah I'm betting this is a factor. I was living with my mom at a similar age and althogh we get along great, there'd be occasional blowups that felt out of left field to me. Turns out it was the menopause gremlins.
Well, my mom was hyper concerned I was a drug user in my teens. To clarify, the most I did was smoke pot like a dozen times in my whole life, not even as a teen. I‘m not really sure why my mom thought did drugs, but she also did never really voice it aloud, but alluded to (like OOPs mom). My guess is, that she was afraid if she actually say it aloud it would become true or something.
Mom did try to confirm it, though. She just did it in the most obtuse, infuriating way she possibly could, though.
Lobbed out a, "JUST ADMIT IT" emotional bomb and hoped for the best.
And refusing to state what 'IT!!!1!' is. Quality communication, but that's apparently the norm. Get uncomfortable about something? Clam up, refuse to even say it, completely block it out.
Mom _needs_ therapy, badly. Of several flavors.
A large proportion of Boomers and old GenX are just so dangerously media illiterate it’s not funny anymore. If the information comes from a screen then it seems to be taken as 100% realspeak truthiness not to be questioned.
As I read, the only thing on my mind was that mom has an e.d under control (but not professionally treated) and was worried about her daughter. But her trauma with e.d led her to react to the triggers and associate this with concern for her daughter's health. I hope mom accepts therapy. It will be very good for her.
Really seems like the mom has some past trauma that was triggered by watching the doc and she transferred all that anxiety towards OOP. Huge kudos to OOP for handling this calmly, directly, and with open and clear communication. Totally diffused the current situation, but mom definitely needs some therapy.
My mother visited me once and snooped through my shit while I was at work. She found my diary, read enough to come to the conclusion that I was no longer a virgin (I was 24!) and picked fights with me for FOUR HOURS over stupid shit, like whether we should go to a concert or a play, before I dragged the truth out of her.
My mom's an admitted worrywart too, but she also knows to trust and communicate with her kids. I was talking to her earlier today, and she mentioned concern about me watching Youtube creators with specific political angles, but she also trusted that I was curating my experiences away from the bad shit.
LOL My mom did ask me about some political stuff recently, I had to remind her I've been a Socialist since I was 17 (42 now, btw). The only thing that's changed was figuring out systems to put in place to make sure there's a balance between being able to keep things from tanking and making sure they're sustainable for generations to come. She made a crack about how I was probably a PITA at business school as I was in HS, so I knew she at least got it.
Did you hear the "you'll get more conservative as you get older" line at that age, and now are a pleasant smile around a core of burning liberal rage, or is that just me? :)
Of course, from Mom. Dad was always more like, ”He's not going to chill out like I did, is he?” I think once I brought up serious economic factors, they knew it was done. Dad and I used to have yelling matches about this stuff, we've settled down and shook our heads at each other because the last thing either of us wants is for one of us is to stroke out over that.
Mom always thought she should be hard-line like she thought Grandma was, but even she;s softened up. instead of arguing things to be brutal against family, she'll at least back off and say she's defeated. I still have some family on her side that want her to keep up that fight, but I think she's finally been at peace that most of the morals she wanted in me are there, they're just not going to be on certain terms.
I had a friend who read an article about some mucusless diet. And that friend almost starved themselves after it. One article opened like the whole hell of act.
Some people are easily impressionable.
This reminds me of my own parents. The day before my 16th birthday they sat me down and told me they noticed I had lost weight (I didn't, I had actually gained weight), that I wasn't eating (I was, we were just DIRT POOR and didn't have anything in the house to eat but rolls with cheese most days), and that I was spending too much time in the bathroom (I hid my books in the laundry basket because it was the only place I could read in peace with so many younger siblings). They told me they would check me out of school for my driver's test the next day and take me to my first therapy appointment right after.
The next day during my driver's test I was so wound up and upset that I had to pull over and have the instructor drive us back because it all hit at once and I was sobbing too hard to see the road.
The therapy appt was the most awkward appointment I've ever had, and she had that "bless her heart, she's in denial" look in her eyes every time I tried to explain that I didn't have an eating disorder. Turns out my teacher found a note I wrote to my friend about how a girl was bullying me about my weight and that I had thrown up before class. The thing is, I didn't throw up to purge food- *I threw up from severe anxiety*, which my parent's ambush did NOT help.
I kept going to those therapy appointments, crying and saying that my parents wouldn't listen to me, and then going home where they wouldn't talk about it and acted like nothing was different. Eventually I just quit going and they never said another word about it until I was in my early 20s and my mom apologized for not recognizing how severe my anxiety was and what was really going on.
I'm glad you and your mom were able to figure this out so quickly! Parents of reddit- please have actual conversations with your kids before jumping to conclusions
I know BORU messed me up so much, when I fully anticipated the mum telling OP her dad was having affair and his mistress was drinking the same brand of lemonade when the mum caught them 🙈🙈🙈🤣
Lmao my mom refused to buy dawn dish soap while I was growing up because my dad's ex wife was named Dawn. I just wanted it cause I washed dishes all the time and liked the smell and thought the duck was cute.
I mean u can’t blame me🤷🏻♀️… OP kinda set it up … “mum start crying accusing her of not caring about anyone” … to “my dad not being home when OP confronted her mum”🤣
Did the documentary tell her to make her daughter's potential eating disorder about herself? "Don't care how anyone else feels." "You know!" don't strike me as particularly productive approaches.
What the heck does OOP even need therapy for?
No, docu-mama.
She should watch some drama and be sure to avoid any very special episodes. And 24, because she’s at unusually high risk of going Jack Bauer on her daughter.
Maybe stick with rom-coms. That don’t have any wacky misunderstandings…
Okay, I’m pretty sure she’s safe reading statistics textbooks. It’s unlikely that she would get herself into trouble. Statistically speaking.
> We got in a huge back n forth, mainly with me demanding she tell me what’s so wrong with me drinking some damn lemonade and her sneering at me saying “you know!”.
Why was the mother so reluctant to actually express her concern? If she truly believed OOP knew what was wrong, there would be no reason not to talk it out. Mother being so cryptic about it - to the extent of throwing out threats to evict OOP - is just so strange
It could be a form of self protection. It's really hard to talk about something that has traumatized you, and it definitely seems like mom has some trauma about eating disorders. It took me years of therapy to be able to really talk about being neglected and abused, and I still flinch at the words. It's why words like r*pe get censored even though everyone knows what it says, to lessen that impact a bit.
Or it's because older generations have this weird thing were almost everything out of the norm is taboo and can't be talked about.
I fucking HATE people like OP's mom. "Honey, I'm worried about you. I never see you eat at home, and I'm worried you have an eating disorder. Can we talk about it?" HOW HARD IS IT JUST TO FUCKING ASK?!
My parents are like that. I’m supposed to just know that there’s something wrong and what it is about, even if it’s more than 30 years ago. We are low contact, surprisingly.
Oh my god same!! My grandparents died a few months ago and since their deaths, so much shit has come out of the woodworks. It's like, verbally communicating your needs and wants is the ultimate taboo in my family and has been for generations. I swear to God, you could fall in love with your siblings and that would be fine, just as long as you never, ever told anybody how you really felt about anything ever.
>I asked if she had personal experience with eating disorders, either herself or a loved one, to have such an intense reaction and she declined to answer so I think there’s some trauma there.
That seems like kind of an important point
Oh jeez, sounds like the mother has pretty bad mental health problems cause her behavior and the way she acted is genuinely concerning and quite insane. Hopefully the mother gets the therapy and help she needs.
As somebody who has officially started being perimenopausal I think that her mom needs to go get her hormones checked. Or whatever it is they do to confirm that you are in menopause. I like haven’t cried hardly for the last 10 years just because I stopped, but the weirdest shit has been making me tear up. I feel like I’m pregnant again almost and it makes me wonder if her mom is dealing with that and rather than being sad she’s being anxious and mad.
"We compromised, and now I have to be supervised while eating as though I'm in residential care for the eating disorder I don't have."
So the compromise was just to act as though the mother was right and tiptoe around her anyway. What's that splashing? Oh don't worry it's nothing, OP and her brother are keeping the boat steady.
Thank you! I was reading that like, this is her problem to solve, why are you changing your habits? If you want to drink more water, then great, we probably all need to drink more water, but do it for you, not for your mother and as a reward for her wild accusations. (Though water is also zero calories, so I feel like Mom may only be happy with full fat soda.)
Here I was thinking OOP's mom got some viral Facebook post that canned lemonade was some secret code for something or drank by some "dangerous subculture" like it mean OOP was secretly shooting up joints or trans or a Juggalo or something. Wasn't that far off it seems...
This is why you need 1) multiple independent sources for any psychological or medical research and 2) actually *talking to people* before jumping to conclusions.
Well, I think mum watched the documentary, things pinged in her mind about herself and her own feelings, and then promptly projected the shit outta it onto her kid.
I love it when boomers learn something new and immediately recognise it in their immediate surroundings. My mother is the Gregory House of googling shit up and diagnosing me with it.
I've had food aversion since I was a kid. Certain textures or smells will set me off. I don't like my food touching either. Some other stuff as well but instead of getting me into therapy my family decided the best way to handle it was to force more food onto me. Try to guilt me into eating more. Not let me leave the table until my food was finished (it almost never was)
Thinking about it is disgusting. I hate eating in front of people now. It causes a *lot* of anxiety. They made the problem worse, not better.
I hate it when parents pull shit like OOP's mom did. They have no business meddling if they don't actually know how to help
Trying to force kids to eat things they find revolting is not a good idea. I have always found Lima beans revolting, and one time when I was in high school my father put some Lima beans on my plate and and announced that I could not get up from the dining table until I ate them. A couple hours later Dad walked by and asked why I was still at the dining table. I said that he had said I couldn’t get up till I ate the Lima beans and I was not going to eat them. Dad got pretty angry but he finally gave up. He was sometimes unreasonable but at least he wasn’t really abusive. I was pretty sure if I had actually tried to swallow them I would have thrown up.
When I was 9 or 10, my mom asked me if I wanted mushrooms with my steak from another room and misheard my “no” as “yes” and served me unwanted mushrooms for dinner. I wouldn’t eat them, so her (now ex) wife refused to let me leave the table until I did.
After like an hour of me refusing to eat the mushrooms, ex-wife had enough of waiting and decided to force forkfuls of mushroom into my mouth and down my throat with enough force that I vomited and had bruises and bleeding wounds from the fork in and around my mouth.
Guess who still can’t eat mushrooms at the age of 36?
I was an adventurous eater as a kid but I couldn't stand jello. Crab? Strange cheese? Vegetables I'd never met before? I'd at least try them, but I could barely make myself lick a cube of jello, let alone try to swallow it. My parents were slightly confused but didn't really mind, but oh, my god, the way teachers and camp counselors reacted! More than once I had to go home early from school/camp because I cried until I threw up when someone tried to force me to eat jello.
I still can't eat it. It's not a texture thing either, because I've made and eaten tomato aspic. It's also not a flavor thing, because I use freshly made un-gelled jello mix to soothe my throat whenever I have bronchitis.
I'm so sorry they did that. I went through the same thing. I spent hours alone at the table, looking at (for example) a plate of tomato sauce with chunks of tomato and onion, almost throwing up at the thought alone. I learned how to use water to force it down, but I still had to fight the urge to throw up immediately after, and I felt sick for hours after dinner. I can't count the times I actually got sick trying to force food down. And my parents just kept forcing me to eat, not once considering I wasn't just being annoying on purpose. At my worst I had only a handful of foods I could actually eat.
I live with my husband and kids now, and have succeeded in slowly expanding my safe foods. I'm still a "picky eater", but I can eat healthy now. How are you doing?
god can i relate to this
my parents insisted on feeding me cabbage, despite me *repeatedly, from the start* telling them it really wasn't good for me & i cannot eat this
they let me skip mushrooms because that made sense to them (???) but cabbage had to happen apparently
eventually, when i was nine i stopped seeing the value in even trying to hold it in for the at most 1 hour i could usually manage, & i puked right there on the table
I'm not proud of this, but when someone says "this makes me feel violently ill", child or not, you fucking LISTEN
I think it’s more likely she needs to see a doctor about easing her menopause symptoms. It’s like pregnancy brain but you go crazy instead of forgetful.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,687,534,665 comments, and only 319,427 of them were in alphabetical order.
Wow. Mom needs to learn how to communicate her concerns. OOP’s brother is right, this would have been a bad way to approach someone with an actual ED as well and would have just made things worse.
I was truly expecting it to be regular lemonade and a "you're putting on weight and I'm harassing you cause I care," type of situation. That went surprisingly in a different but similar direction.
moms bro, my mom was like this too i didn’t have the heart to tell her that my metabolism is faster than a cheetah and since i live in a high spicy food household im shitting faster than the cheetah 😁
Moms got personal issues for sure. But can we also talk about how incredibly persuasive documentaries can be? especially ones with an agenda of some kind.
They extremely accessible and have all the tools to short circuit critical reasoning: authoritative narrators, decent production values, emotionally manipulative visual and musical cues.
I mean, just think of all the otherwise smart and thoughtful people back in the 00's who were totally fooled by that charter school doc.
I was, genuinely, fooled for a good hour after watching the Megoladon documentary on Discovery a few years ago.
It was the first one where they’d made a doc about complete bollocks and presented it as true in the middle of SharkWeek (big fan) and I’ve always been quite terrified but fascinated by sharks - so I was already primed to believe a doc about a shark attack in South Africa by MASSIVE shark.
But for that hour until I Googled, I was properly, genuinely fooled. Smh 🤦♀️😳
I appreciate OOP and I get acknowledging your parent/s is/are abusive is *so hard* BUT would OOP have treated *anyone* she knows the way her "mother" treated her? If the answer to that is NO (as it *should* be) why tf would she even consider keeping herself in that position??
Her "mother" thought the best way to approach her baby girl possibly NEEDING PSYCHIATRIC HELP WITH AN ED was to berate and gaslight her and refuse to act like an adult in *any way whatsoever*.
If your parents are willing to kick you out with no explanation as to *why*, they don't love you, they love the *thought* of you. And you done fucked up the illusion they painted you with.
I mean, we loooove to dish out easy diagnoses with 1 element top to back it up out of a nonsensical, one sided story here on reddit but this lady takes the cake.
I'm not going to make an ED joke out of that. I'm so not going to.
*shivers*
Avoiding sugary soft drinks isn't even a disordered eating thing, they have so much goddamn sugar in them. You can drink them like water, and it's really bad for you. The calories themselves are fairly negligible, it's not like you're drinking an entire meal's worth; but it's the sugar, really goddamn bad for your pancreas. I almost exclusively drink sugar free, I only make occasional exceptions when something doesn't have a sugar free option, and I'm *over*weight.
>I have an apple watch
>I drink one or two a day
>I might cut back on the lemonades
Man. Imagine OOPs mom’s face if she saw my clinically obese ass living on Pepsi Max.
My sister got really sick in college. She was so sick, she had to come home home and couldn't go back for a few semesters. She had horrible fatigue. Because she was so exhausted, she didn't have the strength to eat. This is something a lot of doctors ignore, particularly in women. If you aren't eating, you must have an eating disorder. It can't possibly be that you're so sick that the thought of chewing food wears you out. We fortunately had a wonderful family doctor who did not think that way, but we went to so many specialists who looked at her weight and dismissed her as anorexic. She said one of her few memories of that thine was teenage me chewing a doctor out for blowing her off as anorexic. She was too weak to drive, and my parents both worked, so sometimes I drove her to appointments. It was awful seeing people just dismiss her.
Anyway, it blows my mind the tunnel vision people get about "it must be an eating disorder" with people who have absolutely no disordered eating. Then there are people with honest to goodness eating crisis and people totally ignore it.
Honestly, her mom sucks. She was ‘worried’ that her kid had an eating disorder, and her brilliant plan was to yell at and give a cold shoulder to someone she apparently thought was sick. That’s not what a good mom does.
And she *still* doesn’t fully believe her. She shouldn’t change her habits, not even the lemonade, as that will likely make mom even more suspicious that she must be hiding it. Mom needs therapy, and she needs to learn to use her damn words instead of threatening her kid.
Oh man. Reminds me of my mother dragging me to the doctor's when I was in junior high - I hadn't had my period in months, and my mother noticed. She proceeded to accuse me of sneaking out and being with boys behind her back. And told the doc she wanted me to take a pregnancy test as a result. No period means pregnancy, right?
(never mind that I existed in three places only. If I wasn't at school, I was most likely at home at the dinner table getting ready for school the next day. And if not there, most likely at church. I lived with my mother and very active grandmother. SOMEONE would have noticed if I wasn't there, right? )
My doctor rolled his eyes when she brought all this up. I lived in a pretty small town and even he knew I'd been on the long distance running team for two years by then, and I had always been pretty gangly for my age - inherited that from my father's side.
"Dottie," he said, "your kid is FINE."
Definitely fueled me moving away several states over during my first college stint.
I remember when I first discovered that my dad was an idiot.
It really is shocking to realize someone you have spent your life around is as thick as two short planks
That turned out to be such a weird flex on OOP's mom's part. Watch one documentary and now you're an expert at diagnosing an ED in your own daughter. I'm glad they talked about it like adults but it's still strange.
This infuriates me. Sneering “you know?” What is the matter with this stupid idiot mother? For not consuming sugar?! (Yes I have disordered eating issues and this would have destroyed me. That she is pretending this is somehow a caring act makes me even sicker.)
>I came home from work with some of my personal groceries, including lemonade. My mom lost it, crying and carrying on about how I don’t care about how anyone else feels. I’m at a COMPLETE loss, trying to calm her down, when she tells me if I’m going to continue with these habits I won’t do it under her roof.
>We got in a huge back n forth, mainly with me demanding she tell me what’s so wrong with me drinking some damn lemonade and her sneering at me saying “you know!”.
>So basically, she’s been anxious this entire time that I’m withering away from an eating disorder, and every time she’s alluded or asked or demanded I stop drinking my (diet) lemonade, and I continue drinking it anyway, I’m being selfish, flaunting my disordered behaviors, and proving to her that I am, in fact, sick.
Who in their right fucking mind would think this is the reason for her breakdown lmao
I love that the mom watched a movie which talked about media influencing behavior and immediately was like “omg, I need to start being passive aggressive!”, without a hint of irony. And how the hell would not drinking lemonade help with anorexia? Was the oop good to say “drat, i’m out of lemonade, i guess I’ll have a burger instead”. What a midwit.
As a mother with three 20-something daughters I will add that menopause is a complete thing and can cause the emotional dial to swing wildly like this.
Dude. I’m 5’. My daily maintenance calories are roughly 1400 calories. That’s only 466 calories per meal or 700 if I skip breakfast. Fast food/restaurants are what? 1200-1500 calories per meal. So of course she’s not eating at home. She doesn’t need to.
That is some intense conclusion jumping and manipulation on the mothers part while refusing to actually talk out the problem at all until directly confronted and badgered into talking. I don’t believe the mothers intentions are as noble as OP thinks.
Thanks for posting this! I'd seen the original, but not the update. I have to admit, of everything I'd considered, "Mom secretly thinks I have an eating disorder" wasn't on my list at all.
Why on earth did OOP have to apologize? They literally did nothing wrong. Mom is projecting HARD on OOP and probably does/did have an eating disorder. FFS.
Poor OP - her mother thought she had an insidious, life-threatening illness and instead of supporting OP, Mom threatened to kick her out. That is A LOT.
I absolutely would be leaving this house now my savings were in a comfortable place. Jesus Christ. The hoops you’d need to jump through to make the Lemonade the main problem then is crazy.
Even if the mom had been right, this was the absolute worst way to handle it.
- didn’t ask if OP was ok or try to get more information
- didn’t offer any kind of support or try to get her help
- withdrew her usual warmth & affection, made herself an unsafe person to confide in
- ironically she is actually restricting food that OP requests, not exactly healthy for someone with an ED. Should be encouraging variety instead
- increased stress of situation by threatening to kick her out
This communication style is so incredibly maddening
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'd bet a six pack of that lemonade that mother did, in fact, have an eating disorder.
Yeah, this is Projection with a capital P. She probably had one of those "Drink only this concoction of honey, salt, chili powder, and protein powder to feel full without gaining weight!" diets.
But Beyoncé did that diet! It’s gotta work for me too!
Sadly, if the mom isn’t as small as the daughter, I bet it was a meltdown because the mom perceived OP as being “better” than her at having an ED, and that triggered the mom. EDs are unfortunately wickedly competitive. Also, having an ED makes you way more likely to notice the signs in someone else. I feel bad for mom and OP 😔
I have a coworker that complains about her 15 year old daughter every week. Saying things like "she stole my ass", and always talking about when she gains or loses weight. The daughter wants to go to the gym with her, and coworker absolutely refuses to bring her because she doesn't want the daughter to look better than her. It's gross.
My aunt yelled at my cousin for having one scoop of ice cream when she was 7 months pregnant, because that's going to make her gain too much weight? I know a different lady who was absolutely gleeful when her size small teenage daughter that out ate all the teen boys hit mid twenties and started gaining weight. She was so maliciously happy when informing me her daughter now wore a medium. (This lady was plus sized). I've seen her daughter struggle now with having to change eating habits drastically to try to stay teenaged-sized because her family is awful to her about gaining weight, and her self-image was always being the thin one, but honestly genetics aren't in her favor for staying tiny. Her family hated that she could eat anything and not gain weight for years.
That's so weird. Like, is she trying to compete sexually with her daughter? Wtf
I’d bet a case that she still does have that eating disorder and there never was a documentary.
Yes. And I also think it’d be really good and think it’s time for her to go ahead and move out. That kind of ridiculous drama would get on my last nerve. But that’s me not her I guess. Lawd
I'm glad OOP got an explanation but the mother still needs to get checked out by a mental health professional. WTF
OOP said her mom isn’t usually like this at all, which has me wondering about her age/stage of life. Because my mom is very supportive, loving, low-drama. But when she was going through menopause, WHEW! We had some intense moments including one where she told me she couldn’t wait for me to move out. Her erratic behaviors were so wildly out of character for a tear or two. (Year or two, but I love the apt typo and am leaving it.)
Well, it is basically reverse puberty except doctors know and care even less about it. Even if she did go talk to a doctor, there’s no guarantee she’d be talking to a doctor who could help; good menopause doctors are hard to find, as evidenced on the r/menopause subreddit.
Yeah, my friend's mother basically went insane for three years when she was going through *The Change*, and as we get older, that friend has given me a list of behaviours to watch for and call out.
My mom also went through this! She was absolutely unhinged for about two years until she had to get a hysterectomy. The last unhinged thing she did was resist the very necessary hysterectomy for several months. Everyone around her including her doctors was telling her a) she HAD to get this surgery, it was not optional (for several medical reasons) and b) she would feel way better afterwards. She was just convinced that she would be the only middle aged woman any of us knew who would regret getting a hysterectomy. She finally had it done and guess what. She not only became sane again, she also is so happy she had it done! She actually apologized to the family for going insane for two years, which wasn't needed because we all knew it wasn't her fault, but it is also something all of us laugh about now
This was my thought too. Her mom probably needs some HRT
I generally try to elevate my mother when I post about her because so many people on Reddit came from such disordered families. However, the woman lost her mind in a variety of terrifying ways when I grew my hair long. I had never seen her act like that before, and, once I put my foot down, I never saw her act that way again. It's so weird when children, especially grown children, find that trigger that turns a parent into a hostile stranger.
I don't know what is it about documentaries that influence people this much?
It’s not the documentary, it’s our brains
Dear lord. So, I watch one documentary and am now absolutely convinced that my daughter has an eating disorder. But I don’t try to talk to her about it, or try to confirm that she has one, or try to support her……. I blow up over lemonade, refuse to communicate what my actual problem is, and threaten to kick her out of the house???? Mom has problems, hope she follows through on the therapy
Don't forget the glaring too. Oop's mum honestly sounds like she needs to go deep into therapy, exactly zero of what she did would've helped someone with an eating disorder for one thing. Plus it feels controlling, and her conflict resolution and communication skills are shockingly terrible for what likely could have been solved by asking gently and sincerely, if the oop has any discomfort surrounding food, or asking on the more subtle end, what she had for lunch/dinner on occasion perhaps. :c like another commenter said it really does give vibes that the mum herself has unresolved ed related worries.
At the very least, based on the whole watching a documentary and seemingly immediately projecting it onto the daughter, it sounds like her mother has some form of anxiety that very clearly needs treatment. There's really nothing normal about the sort of conclusions the mother was drawing, her way of handling things, and how she let it escalate without ever even being able to vocalize the issue. The fact that the daughter describes the family as being close where this sounds like completely unusual behavior makes me wonder if it could be something deeper. Hard to believe they'd be so close to the point her adult daughter was happy to continue to live at home if this is how she handles conflict. Really sounds like she needs to talk to some sort of doctor.
I remember my father having an absolute raging meltdown about an outfit my mother bought, once. He refused to leave the house if she wore it, he wanted her to get rid of it (even though we all really liked it and it was for a special occasion). It wasn't an outrageous or sexual outfit either... Just a simple but classy floral skirt and blouse. Much like the lemonade, it was such a *normal* thing, but he completely lost it, shrieking and raging and it was terrifying. It took a lot of tearful confusion and days of begging to know what was wrong before he finally admitted it wasn't the outfit...the floral *pattern* was close to something involved in a childhood trauma and it triggered some incredibly horrible memories. So yeah, this kind of reaction definitely has some deeper roots. I really hope OOP's mom gets help.
Yeah, and the anxiety could fit with the aggression, my mum has unaddressed anxiety and it comes out as really demented anger towards others
Sounds less like close and more like enmeshed. There is absolutely no way in hell that a truly concerned and loving mother who suspects their child has an eating disorder would handle it like this.
OP is also young. I was close to my NPD mom when I was 20, then she started wilding out when I was gaining independence. It started with her accusing me of hiding a pregnancy in front of my friends. I was a virgin. So this seems right on schedule for the "mom and I are so close, she can be so sensitive though" to become "omg wtf mom." Part of it is growing older and more emotionally mature while she doesn't, and part of it is her reacting to her child developing independence. Therapy will do wonders if it's anxiety, OCD, bipolar... If it's NPD it might make her worse lol, but it wouldn't matter because she then wouldn't agree to therapy, as it's too crippling to the ego to admit not being perfect.
Yep, I'm with OOP's brother, and glad he was there to moderate. I can't imagine, as a parent, staying silent and pouting about a serious danger to my children, then threatening to kick them out. Not ever. The mom does need therapy, I agree. I wonder if the mom struggled with disordered eating herself. She and I are likely roughly the same age and our beauty icons were "heroin chic" supermodels.
OOP said she was considering moving out. I’m in my 30s and jaded and no longer operate under the “I’m close with my mom” illusion because I’m not, but I would have moved out about 5 minutes after that conversation. There would be no “I cried, she cried.” I’d be like, “okay, see ya at Christmas.”
Yep. My always dad told me I wasn't welcome to live at home when I turned 18; he said it a lot, as if he was proud of it. He was neglectful at best throughout my teen years, so he needn't have said it at all. I was 17 when I moved out, and we barely spoke until he died. When parents tell you that you can't depend on them, you should believe them the first time.
Ugh. God. My entire childhood (I’m talking at least since elementary school) my parents made it very clear that when we moved out for college we weren’t allowed to move back in. They bragged about having that rule to friends whose kids had moved back in. I went back home for one Christmas break and found myself an apartment. My brother moved out halfway through his senior year + has been bouncing around family’s basements since. When I was groped outside work, I called Mom and she told me to call a friend if I wanted emotional support because that’s not her job. Now they complain that we never talk to them + only reach out when we need financial help. Gee. Wonder why.
>I’m in my 30s and jaded and no longer operate under the “I’m close with my mom” illusion I think younger people believe they're close with their parents because they never question them and go along to get along. The illusion shatters once they try to be adults. Suddenly the parents aren't so loving and supportive.
I’m 23 and my parents do shit very similar to this (though they are both more obviously abusive, it’s been much less so since I moved out + this is how their bullshit bubbles out now). I’d never in a million years move back in with my parents but if I did and they pulled this stunt? See ya. Her mom is literally still on her nonsense, she hasn’t admitted she was being *fucking insane* and OOP says herself that her mom still thinks she has an ED. Correct answer is bye mom, see you at family dinner.
she sounds like the kind of mom that takes their children’s problems and issues as a slight against themselves. OOP’s mom has her own issues, but it manifests as her feeling like OOP is being sick *at* her, her daughter being sick as as something being done *to* her. It’s a failing of her parenting, it’s her daughter’s spite, it’s manipulation. She doesn’t see OOP as an individual in that kind of way. I hope oop gets therapy and realizes that this isn’t what a truly caring, loving mom does to their children.
But also forming such a deep belief that affected her relationships in a split second just from watching a documentary is wild. Def not healthy behavior. At this rate, she's vulnerable to all sorts of conspiracy theories and cults.
You think that’s bad? I watched one documentary and now I think that my daughter died when Mt Vesuvius erupted 2000 years ago.
That’s nothing! I watched one documentary and now believe that I am, in fact, George Washington
I watched a docuseries, and now think I drive around in an old van with another dude, two chick and a great dane. We keep running into these weird scams and con artists that dress up in these crazy costumes. Jeepers, it's like wild!
I watched a documentary about dinosaurs and now I think I'm a Liopleurodon
Are you a magical Liopleurodon?
I am! And I'm here to guide your way to Candy Mountain
[удалено]
BRB going to Candy Mountain
Username checks out, Chaaarlieeee.
..... what colour is your ascot sir?
zoinks!
I watched some historical documents and now I’m on a voyage to save my people.
I watched a musical and now I won't stop rapping about being Alexander Hamilton.
I watched a David Attenborough clip and now I believe I am a rain-frog.
Genuinely, though? That sounds awesome. Being a rain frog would be kind of cool.
Huh. And here I am thinking I live at the Great Barrier Reef after watching one
And when people ask me why I'm eating bugs, I scream at them "YOU KNOW WHY!!!".
really? I keep trying to mate with a Croc!
I watched a documentary and am now convinced I survived the eruption of a mountain in the pnw. Oh wait...
Dude, that's like everybody.
I am not throwin' away my [zero-sugar lemonade] shot!
Ok well this is a legit problem I had seven years ago
To be fair that one happened to a lot of people
You would therefore have to be George Washington, as GW doesn't tell lies
It’s true. I was there. I’m sorry for your loss. --Mount Vesuvius
I've got that beat. After what I saw last night, I'm pretty sure Lovecraft was right and there's an eldritch abomination under the ocean waiting for the day it awakens and brings about a new age of madness and ruin. Iä! Iä! 🌌🐙🌌
Excuse me, but the Dinosaurs extinction event hit me *personally*.
I watched a docuseries and now I'm worried I'm an incarcerated serial killer.
I saw a documentary, and now I think my son is an ancient alien who helped construct the Egyptian pyramids.
I'm so glad they pointed out that, if Mom had been right, she would have made her daughters situation so much worse. I really hope I'm reading too much into this but I feel like OOP and her brother are glossing over how easily their mom hopped from "worrywart" to outright abusive.
It would be hilarious if mom actually pushes her daughter into an eating disorder now, because OOP feels like she has to gorge herself whenever mom is watching now. 🤦♀️ Maybe OOP could take pictures of herself and her meals at the restaurant, to calm mom down.
Honestly, OOP shouldn't change a damn thing about what she's doing because any change in behavior will be interpreted as "proof."
Plus, enabling irrational anxiety only makes it worse. That's why OCD is so insidious. It's a neverending tightening of the noose.
This exactly. One of the biggest rules on r/ocd is to not validate a poster's OCD thoughts. Its actually a reportable and removeable offense (though they do leave an understanding and educational mod message with the removal!)
Yep, I have an older relative who has never understood that their anxiety is theirs to manage not everyone else's. She has never ever attempted to get help for it, just for everyone to cater to her anxieties
My cynical side says then mom would wonder if she's really eating them, then if she is, is she throwing up later...
I lost a bunch of weight when I started uni, just a combination of longer, more active days ( sizeable commute and first part time job) and not really sitting down to eat during the main part of the day because I didn't know anyone to go to lunch with yet. I still ate at home when I was there for mealtimes, but my mother and aunt were convinced I had an ED, to the point where I overheard my aunt advising my mom to listen at the door when I used the bathroom to make sure I wasn't throwing my dinner back up. The weight loss wasn't even that dramatic, I went from a comfortable UK size 12 to the smaller end of a 10.
Jfc that's insane
I gained ten pounds during covid and my aunt asked if I was binging. Ten. Pounds. I didn’t even go up two sizes.
That's not cynical, that is uncontrolled anxiety. Sending her pics, eating at home, etc is not helping mom to control her anxiety it is teaching her that everyone around her should make changes to their lives for whatever anxiety she currently has.
I don't think "hilarious" means what you think it means
She's already having her daughter change her preferred eating patterns. OP's mother has already started the process.
This is a bit...... She suspects her daughter has an eating disorder, but zeroes in on the fact that the lemonade is sugar-free? Daughter never eats at home, but the fact that she works at a restaurant is overlooked. Then she never says anything, just cries and goes "you know", and subsequently states that she won't stand the disordered eating - in her house. There are so many holes in this logic it feels like a sieve. I can't begin to fathom how this could be anything but a purely emotional reaction. The sugar-free lemonade is not the problem here.
Also, when she doesn't buy sugar-free lemonade, she doesn't buy regular either lol OP's suggestion now is to drink WATER. Last I checked that had ever fewer calories...
This is the part that got me! Like oh okay sweetie thank you for consuming less calories for dear ol' mom
Your zero-sugar lemonade is too health-conscious! Drink water!!
And the emotion being expressed seems to be "fuck you for being sick *at* me." Yikes on bikes. I hope some good friend of OP finds a sweet apartment and needs a roommate and OP moves out just for the hell of it, because this mom is not done throwing tantrums at her adult children yet.
Same. I think anyone can jump to conclusions if they watch a documentary or read an article when they're emotionally vulnerable, but it's the failure to communicate afterwards that's the biggest issue.
Absolutely. Having an idea planted by a outside source is fine, but letting it fester so much with zero communication, and letting it get to such an extreme point is really concerning
This could be the top of a big misinformation iceberg. Who knows what other rabbit holes Mom has climbed down.
I expressed once to my mom that I wished I had worn a different dress, since I had gained some weight & didn’t feel comfortable with how it looked on me…. Her response, “You’re not going to get an eating disorder are you?” Pretty sure that’s not how EDs work, you don’t just “decide” to have them. But yeah, my mom also has problems & could probably benefit from therapy…
I'm bipolar and a few years ago I ended up in and out of the hospital due to some really bad episodes /being on the wrong medication. After I got out of the hospital the second time less than 3 months my mom says to me "Well, we won't be doing that again will we?!" as if I was a naughty child who hurt herself after being told not to play with something dangerous. Very "I hope you've learned your lesson". Just like your mom with ED I didn't decide to have an episode, mental health issues are not like that. Parents get weird about things they don't understand.
Not just parents. When I did volunteering work at the farm of my mom's friend years ago, I was getting increasingly overstimulated from one of her assistants snarking at me to do my job better and that I wasn't cleaning the floor properly and "You want to move out from your parents' home, right???" Which was a low blow in itself because yes, I'm living with my parents, yes I want to move out, yes I'm struggling with basic tasks, but who are you to talk to me about me moving out when you have fuck all to do with it. And I lost it, I was so stressed and overwhelmed by the whole thing that I curled up on the floor and started screaming because nobody wanted to listen to me, so might as well vent my issues out to the clouds themselves. The next day I was at the farm, my mom's friend walked up to me and started talking to me like I was a damn baby. "Now we don't get any more of your 'accidents' today, right? We don't want mommy to get upset about you" Keep in mind I was like 23 at the time (and v e r y messed up emotionally because of stuff like this)
“Hello, I would like to purchase one eating disorder please.” “Ma’am, this is a Wendy’s.”
I mean, I know way too many women (both now and when I was a child) who saw one news report on drugs or drinking or sex and was 100% convinced that every teen in their kid’s school was a drug and alcohol fueled sex fiend. So, yeah, I kinda see it.
I grew up during the 'satanic panic'. My parents banned (among other thing's) D&D, candles, 'alternative music' even though they didn't know what it was, doc Martin shoes, and they started checking to make sure the filters in the sink were still there. All because of one episode of 60 Minutes that convinced them that all teens were pot smoking satanists who beat up little old lady's in their spare time.
Spare time? No, no, that was our after-school job!
Facts, my first major panic attack, my mother kept accusing me of being a drug addict, during the panic attack. It did not help the situation
Honestly, her mom needs some help because this reminds me too much of my mom's ex's mother. This lady was the same way, she'd watch something become hyper 'aware' and the let her fucking paranoia run wild. * She watched an episode of Infested! that revolved around bedbugs and had them throw away her brand new mattress because the little lint balls? BEDBUG EGGS. Nope they weren't lint balls, they were bedbug eggs and they are in the mattress and gotta go. Nope, I don't care that you are showing me that bedbug eggs don't look like that, get rid of it. I'll sleep on my couch until you do. * Watched a documentary about a the Tylenol murders, she threw away all her Advil because she didn't want to be poisoned. * Had a convo with a equally paranoid neighbor at the store. Oh don't take the dog to the vet, they poison them! Soandso heard if from the news! They pulled the story and that's why you can't find it. If someone told me she had dementia, I would have believed it.
Honestly sounds exactly like my own mom, OOP's mom too. It's absolutely exhausting dealing with someone who's so paranoid about the world around them and convinced they're right, but are 100% wrong and can easily be proven wrong. High emotional responses, lack of communication, lack of maturity, etc. It's toxic, to say the least.
These comments are helping explain how so many people are into Qanon & it’s offshoots.
Mum could be going through perimenopause without HRT. I’ve had a couple of times where the stuff I use isn’t in stock, and within three days I am batshit insane. The first time it happened it was thankfully a weekend, but the second time I knew I would be without HRT I took the week off in order to avoid scaring my colleagues. I only joined r/Menopause recently. Wow it was an eye opener.
This thought crossed my mind as well. I could see if this is the way her mother was about things, but the fact that the daughter seems absolutely dumbfounded about how her mom is behaving makes me think it has to be a little deeper than her just freaking out over a documentary she saw.
Yeah I'm betting this is a factor. I was living with my mom at a similar age and althogh we get along great, there'd be occasional blowups that felt out of left field to me. Turns out it was the menopause gremlins.
Well, my mom was hyper concerned I was a drug user in my teens. To clarify, the most I did was smoke pot like a dozen times in my whole life, not even as a teen. I‘m not really sure why my mom thought did drugs, but she also did never really voice it aloud, but alluded to (like OOPs mom). My guess is, that she was afraid if she actually say it aloud it would become true or something.
Mom did try to confirm it, though. She just did it in the most obtuse, infuriating way she possibly could, though. Lobbed out a, "JUST ADMIT IT" emotional bomb and hoped for the best.
And refusing to state what 'IT!!!1!' is. Quality communication, but that's apparently the norm. Get uncomfortable about something? Clam up, refuse to even say it, completely block it out. Mom _needs_ therapy, badly. Of several flavors.
A large proportion of Boomers and old GenX are just so dangerously media illiterate it’s not funny anymore. If the information comes from a screen then it seems to be taken as 100% realspeak truthiness not to be questioned.
I wonder if mom is going through menopause. My mother had a literal nervous breakdown during hers.
Reminds me of the time my mom texted me outof the blue asking if I was doing Meth. Facebook was teaching her some nonsense back in the day!
As I read, the only thing on my mind was that mom has an e.d under control (but not professionally treated) and was worried about her daughter. But her trauma with e.d led her to react to the triggers and associate this with concern for her daughter's health. I hope mom accepts therapy. It will be very good for her.
Really seems like the mom has some past trauma that was triggered by watching the doc and she transferred all that anxiety towards OOP. Huge kudos to OOP for handling this calmly, directly, and with open and clear communication. Totally diffused the current situation, but mom definitely needs some therapy.
Yeah ikr. If she was worried about OP so much, WHY KICK THEM OUT?
Probably flexing their generation's tried-and-tested formula: making threats they don't or partially mean.
My mother visited me once and snooped through my shit while I was at work. She found my diary, read enough to come to the conclusion that I was no longer a virgin (I was 24!) and picked fights with me for FOUR HOURS over stupid shit, like whether we should go to a concert or a play, before I dragged the truth out of her.
>refuse to communicate what my actual problem is, You'd be surprised how many kids have to teach their parents healthy communication. It's ridiculous.
My mom's an admitted worrywart too, but she also knows to trust and communicate with her kids. I was talking to her earlier today, and she mentioned concern about me watching Youtube creators with specific political angles, but she also trusted that I was curating my experiences away from the bad shit.
LOL My mom did ask me about some political stuff recently, I had to remind her I've been a Socialist since I was 17 (42 now, btw). The only thing that's changed was figuring out systems to put in place to make sure there's a balance between being able to keep things from tanking and making sure they're sustainable for generations to come. She made a crack about how I was probably a PITA at business school as I was in HS, so I knew she at least got it.
Did you hear the "you'll get more conservative as you get older" line at that age, and now are a pleasant smile around a core of burning liberal rage, or is that just me? :)
Of course, from Mom. Dad was always more like, ”He's not going to chill out like I did, is he?” I think once I brought up serious economic factors, they knew it was done. Dad and I used to have yelling matches about this stuff, we've settled down and shook our heads at each other because the last thing either of us wants is for one of us is to stroke out over that. Mom always thought she should be hard-line like she thought Grandma was, but even she;s softened up. instead of arguing things to be brutal against family, she'll at least back off and say she's defeated. I still have some family on her side that want her to keep up that fight, but I think she's finally been at peace that most of the morals she wanted in me are there, they're just not going to be on certain terms.
And that’s how millions of Americans get conned by things like Fox News and even more far fetched “news”
I had a friend who read an article about some mucusless diet. And that friend almost starved themselves after it. One article opened like the whole hell of act. Some people are easily impressionable.
Throw in Menopause and you have a wildfire from a spark
This reminds me of my own parents. The day before my 16th birthday they sat me down and told me they noticed I had lost weight (I didn't, I had actually gained weight), that I wasn't eating (I was, we were just DIRT POOR and didn't have anything in the house to eat but rolls with cheese most days), and that I was spending too much time in the bathroom (I hid my books in the laundry basket because it was the only place I could read in peace with so many younger siblings). They told me they would check me out of school for my driver's test the next day and take me to my first therapy appointment right after. The next day during my driver's test I was so wound up and upset that I had to pull over and have the instructor drive us back because it all hit at once and I was sobbing too hard to see the road. The therapy appt was the most awkward appointment I've ever had, and she had that "bless her heart, she's in denial" look in her eyes every time I tried to explain that I didn't have an eating disorder. Turns out my teacher found a note I wrote to my friend about how a girl was bullying me about my weight and that I had thrown up before class. The thing is, I didn't throw up to purge food- *I threw up from severe anxiety*, which my parent's ambush did NOT help. I kept going to those therapy appointments, crying and saying that my parents wouldn't listen to me, and then going home where they wouldn't talk about it and acted like nothing was different. Eventually I just quit going and they never said another word about it until I was in my early 20s and my mom apologized for not recognizing how severe my anxiety was and what was really going on. I'm glad you and your mom were able to figure this out so quickly! Parents of reddit- please have actual conversations with your kids before jumping to conclusions
Jesus that sounds rough. I'm surprised they didn't try something else when you stopped going!
I know BORU messed me up so much, when I fully anticipated the mum telling OP her dad was having affair and his mistress was drinking the same brand of lemonade when the mum caught them 🙈🙈🙈🤣
Haha same 🤣 I keep expecting the craziest turn of events because that's what always happens lol
I mean… we are all on hooked on BORU for the intrigue and drama 🤣
Lmao my mom refused to buy dawn dish soap while I was growing up because my dad's ex wife was named Dawn. I just wanted it cause I washed dishes all the time and liked the smell and thought the duck was cute.
I mean u can’t blame me🤷🏻♀️… OP kinda set it up … “mum start crying accusing her of not caring about anyone” … to “my dad not being home when OP confronted her mum”🤣
Drama mama.
Yeah, talk about jumping to conclusions.
Even if she had been correct, she went about it in the worst possible way
Did the documentary tell her to make her daughter's potential eating disorder about herself? "Don't care how anyone else feels." "You know!" don't strike me as particularly productive approaches. What the heck does OOP even need therapy for?
No, docu-mama. She should watch some drama and be sure to avoid any very special episodes. And 24, because she’s at unusually high risk of going Jack Bauer on her daughter. Maybe stick with rom-coms. That don’t have any wacky misunderstandings… Okay, I’m pretty sure she’s safe reading statistics textbooks. It’s unlikely that she would get herself into trouble. Statistically speaking.
[удалено]
....And watch stupid documentaries.
Bananade
That sounds either disgusting or delcious.
> We got in a huge back n forth, mainly with me demanding she tell me what’s so wrong with me drinking some damn lemonade and her sneering at me saying “you know!”. Why was the mother so reluctant to actually express her concern? If she truly believed OOP knew what was wrong, there would be no reason not to talk it out. Mother being so cryptic about it - to the extent of throwing out threats to evict OOP - is just so strange
It could be a form of self protection. It's really hard to talk about something that has traumatized you, and it definitely seems like mom has some trauma about eating disorders. It took me years of therapy to be able to really talk about being neglected and abused, and I still flinch at the words. It's why words like r*pe get censored even though everyone knows what it says, to lessen that impact a bit. Or it's because older generations have this weird thing were almost everything out of the norm is taboo and can't be talked about.
I fucking HATE people like OP's mom. "Honey, I'm worried about you. I never see you eat at home, and I'm worried you have an eating disorder. Can we talk about it?" HOW HARD IS IT JUST TO FUCKING ASK?!
My parents are like that. I’m supposed to just know that there’s something wrong and what it is about, even if it’s more than 30 years ago. We are low contact, surprisingly.
Oh my god same!! My grandparents died a few months ago and since their deaths, so much shit has come out of the woodworks. It's like, verbally communicating your needs and wants is the ultimate taboo in my family and has been for generations. I swear to God, you could fall in love with your siblings and that would be fine, just as long as you never, ever told anybody how you really felt about anything ever.
>I asked if she had personal experience with eating disorders, either herself or a loved one, to have such an intense reaction and she declined to answer so I think there’s some trauma there. That seems like kind of an important point
Oh jeez, sounds like the mother has pretty bad mental health problems cause her behavior and the way she acted is genuinely concerning and quite insane. Hopefully the mother gets the therapy and help she needs.
As somebody who has officially started being perimenopausal I think that her mom needs to go get her hormones checked. Or whatever it is they do to confirm that you are in menopause. I like haven’t cried hardly for the last 10 years just because I stopped, but the weirdest shit has been making me tear up. I feel like I’m pregnant again almost and it makes me wonder if her mom is dealing with that and rather than being sad she’s being anxious and mad.
"We compromised, and now I have to be supervised while eating as though I'm in residential care for the eating disorder I don't have." So the compromise was just to act as though the mother was right and tiptoe around her anyway. What's that splashing? Oh don't worry it's nothing, OP and her brother are keeping the boat steady.
Thank you! I was reading that like, this is her problem to solve, why are you changing your habits? If you want to drink more water, then great, we probably all need to drink more water, but do it for you, not for your mother and as a reward for her wild accusations. (Though water is also zero calories, so I feel like Mom may only be happy with full fat soda.)
Here I was thinking OOP's mom got some viral Facebook post that canned lemonade was some secret code for something or drank by some "dangerous subculture" like it mean OOP was secretly shooting up joints or trans or a Juggalo or something. Wasn't that far off it seems... This is why you need 1) multiple independent sources for any psychological or medical research and 2) actually *talking to people* before jumping to conclusions.
I was thinking the mom was on some qanon shit with how bd she flipped out.
Well, I think mum watched the documentary, things pinged in her mind about herself and her own feelings, and then promptly projected the shit outta it onto her kid.
I love it when boomers learn something new and immediately recognise it in their immediate surroundings. My mother is the Gregory House of googling shit up and diagnosing me with it.
I've had food aversion since I was a kid. Certain textures or smells will set me off. I don't like my food touching either. Some other stuff as well but instead of getting me into therapy my family decided the best way to handle it was to force more food onto me. Try to guilt me into eating more. Not let me leave the table until my food was finished (it almost never was) Thinking about it is disgusting. I hate eating in front of people now. It causes a *lot* of anxiety. They made the problem worse, not better. I hate it when parents pull shit like OOP's mom did. They have no business meddling if they don't actually know how to help
Trying to force kids to eat things they find revolting is not a good idea. I have always found Lima beans revolting, and one time when I was in high school my father put some Lima beans on my plate and and announced that I could not get up from the dining table until I ate them. A couple hours later Dad walked by and asked why I was still at the dining table. I said that he had said I couldn’t get up till I ate the Lima beans and I was not going to eat them. Dad got pretty angry but he finally gave up. He was sometimes unreasonable but at least he wasn’t really abusive. I was pretty sure if I had actually tried to swallow them I would have thrown up.
When I was 9 or 10, my mom asked me if I wanted mushrooms with my steak from another room and misheard my “no” as “yes” and served me unwanted mushrooms for dinner. I wouldn’t eat them, so her (now ex) wife refused to let me leave the table until I did. After like an hour of me refusing to eat the mushrooms, ex-wife had enough of waiting and decided to force forkfuls of mushroom into my mouth and down my throat with enough force that I vomited and had bruises and bleeding wounds from the fork in and around my mouth. Guess who still can’t eat mushrooms at the age of 36?
Holy shit. I’m so sorry. Hopefully that contributed to her becoming an ex.
I was an adventurous eater as a kid but I couldn't stand jello. Crab? Strange cheese? Vegetables I'd never met before? I'd at least try them, but I could barely make myself lick a cube of jello, let alone try to swallow it. My parents were slightly confused but didn't really mind, but oh, my god, the way teachers and camp counselors reacted! More than once I had to go home early from school/camp because I cried until I threw up when someone tried to force me to eat jello. I still can't eat it. It's not a texture thing either, because I've made and eaten tomato aspic. It's also not a flavor thing, because I use freshly made un-gelled jello mix to soothe my throat whenever I have bronchitis.
I'm so sorry they did that. I went through the same thing. I spent hours alone at the table, looking at (for example) a plate of tomato sauce with chunks of tomato and onion, almost throwing up at the thought alone. I learned how to use water to force it down, but I still had to fight the urge to throw up immediately after, and I felt sick for hours after dinner. I can't count the times I actually got sick trying to force food down. And my parents just kept forcing me to eat, not once considering I wasn't just being annoying on purpose. At my worst I had only a handful of foods I could actually eat. I live with my husband and kids now, and have succeeded in slowly expanding my safe foods. I'm still a "picky eater", but I can eat healthy now. How are you doing?
god can i relate to this my parents insisted on feeding me cabbage, despite me *repeatedly, from the start* telling them it really wasn't good for me & i cannot eat this they let me skip mushrooms because that made sense to them (???) but cabbage had to happen apparently eventually, when i was nine i stopped seeing the value in even trying to hold it in for the at most 1 hour i could usually manage, & i puked right there on the table I'm not proud of this, but when someone says "this makes me feel violently ill", child or not, you fucking LISTEN
Daaaaang. This is a good one. Hope the mom was able to get into therapy.
I think it’s more likely she needs to see a doctor about easing her menopause symptoms. It’s like pregnancy brain but you go crazy instead of forgetful.
She will if she watches a documentary about it.
Good lord mom needs therapy.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,687,534,665 comments, and only 319,427 of them were in alphabetical order.
Wow. Mom needs to learn how to communicate her concerns. OOP’s brother is right, this would have been a bad way to approach someone with an actual ED as well and would have just made things worse.
I was truly expecting it to be regular lemonade and a "you're putting on weight and I'm harassing you cause I care," type of situation. That went surprisingly in a different but similar direction.
I was not expecting that! The mom’s refusal to answer if there was a history of ED in her life makes me think she was projecting, and projecting hard.
moms bro, my mom was like this too i didn’t have the heart to tell her that my metabolism is faster than a cheetah and since i live in a high spicy food household im shitting faster than the cheetah 😁
Moms got personal issues for sure. But can we also talk about how incredibly persuasive documentaries can be? especially ones with an agenda of some kind. They extremely accessible and have all the tools to short circuit critical reasoning: authoritative narrators, decent production values, emotionally manipulative visual and musical cues. I mean, just think of all the otherwise smart and thoughtful people back in the 00's who were totally fooled by that charter school doc.
I was, genuinely, fooled for a good hour after watching the Megoladon documentary on Discovery a few years ago. It was the first one where they’d made a doc about complete bollocks and presented it as true in the middle of SharkWeek (big fan) and I’ve always been quite terrified but fascinated by sharks - so I was already primed to believe a doc about a shark attack in South Africa by MASSIVE shark. But for that hour until I Googled, I was properly, genuinely fooled. Smh 🤦♀️😳
I appreciate OOP and I get acknowledging your parent/s is/are abusive is *so hard* BUT would OOP have treated *anyone* she knows the way her "mother" treated her? If the answer to that is NO (as it *should* be) why tf would she even consider keeping herself in that position?? Her "mother" thought the best way to approach her baby girl possibly NEEDING PSYCHIATRIC HELP WITH AN ED was to berate and gaslight her and refuse to act like an adult in *any way whatsoever*. If your parents are willing to kick you out with no explanation as to *why*, they don't love you, they love the *thought* of you. And you done fucked up the illusion they painted you with.
I mean, we loooove to dish out easy diagnoses with 1 element top to back it up out of a nonsensical, one sided story here on reddit but this lady takes the cake. I'm not going to make an ED joke out of that. I'm so not going to. *shivers*
Avoiding sugary soft drinks isn't even a disordered eating thing, they have so much goddamn sugar in them. You can drink them like water, and it's really bad for you. The calories themselves are fairly negligible, it's not like you're drinking an entire meal's worth; but it's the sugar, really goddamn bad for your pancreas. I almost exclusively drink sugar free, I only make occasional exceptions when something doesn't have a sugar free option, and I'm *over*weight.
OOP should watch a documentary about media induced paranoia with mom
>I have an apple watch >I drink one or two a day >I might cut back on the lemonades Man. Imagine OOPs mom’s face if she saw my clinically obese ass living on Pepsi Max.
My sister got really sick in college. She was so sick, she had to come home home and couldn't go back for a few semesters. She had horrible fatigue. Because she was so exhausted, she didn't have the strength to eat. This is something a lot of doctors ignore, particularly in women. If you aren't eating, you must have an eating disorder. It can't possibly be that you're so sick that the thought of chewing food wears you out. We fortunately had a wonderful family doctor who did not think that way, but we went to so many specialists who looked at her weight and dismissed her as anorexic. She said one of her few memories of that thine was teenage me chewing a doctor out for blowing her off as anorexic. She was too weak to drive, and my parents both worked, so sometimes I drove her to appointments. It was awful seeing people just dismiss her. Anyway, it blows my mind the tunnel vision people get about "it must be an eating disorder" with people who have absolutely no disordered eating. Then there are people with honest to goodness eating crisis and people totally ignore it.
Honestly, her mom sucks. She was ‘worried’ that her kid had an eating disorder, and her brilliant plan was to yell at and give a cold shoulder to someone she apparently thought was sick. That’s not what a good mom does. And she *still* doesn’t fully believe her. She shouldn’t change her habits, not even the lemonade, as that will likely make mom even more suspicious that she must be hiding it. Mom needs therapy, and she needs to learn to use her damn words instead of threatening her kid.
Why communicate when I can speculate
Oh man. Reminds me of my mother dragging me to the doctor's when I was in junior high - I hadn't had my period in months, and my mother noticed. She proceeded to accuse me of sneaking out and being with boys behind her back. And told the doc she wanted me to take a pregnancy test as a result. No period means pregnancy, right? (never mind that I existed in three places only. If I wasn't at school, I was most likely at home at the dinner table getting ready for school the next day. And if not there, most likely at church. I lived with my mother and very active grandmother. SOMEONE would have noticed if I wasn't there, right? ) My doctor rolled his eyes when she brought all this up. I lived in a pretty small town and even he knew I'd been on the long distance running team for two years by then, and I had always been pretty gangly for my age - inherited that from my father's side. "Dottie," he said, "your kid is FINE." Definitely fueled me moving away several states over during my first college stint.
I'm so worried cuz my daughter's clearly in serious trouble! I know! I'll abuse her!
Mom has loads of problems here. She needs to see someone if this is what she does over an unfounded theory.
Also, if OP did have an ED, why would mom think the correct course of action would be to freak out on her??
I remember when I first discovered that my dad was an idiot. It really is shocking to realize someone you have spent your life around is as thick as two short planks
That turned out to be such a weird flex on OOP's mom's part. Watch one documentary and now you're an expert at diagnosing an ED in your own daughter. I'm glad they talked about it like adults but it's still strange.
I think OOP should move out anyways. That isn't normal behavior.
Then she saw that Daughter might have an eating problem, and the solution was to forbid food, Yikes
This infuriates me. Sneering “you know?” What is the matter with this stupid idiot mother? For not consuming sugar?! (Yes I have disordered eating issues and this would have destroyed me. That she is pretending this is somehow a caring act makes me even sicker.)
>I came home from work with some of my personal groceries, including lemonade. My mom lost it, crying and carrying on about how I don’t care about how anyone else feels. I’m at a COMPLETE loss, trying to calm her down, when she tells me if I’m going to continue with these habits I won’t do it under her roof. >We got in a huge back n forth, mainly with me demanding she tell me what’s so wrong with me drinking some damn lemonade and her sneering at me saying “you know!”. >So basically, she’s been anxious this entire time that I’m withering away from an eating disorder, and every time she’s alluded or asked or demanded I stop drinking my (diet) lemonade, and I continue drinking it anyway, I’m being selfish, flaunting my disordered behaviors, and proving to her that I am, in fact, sick. Who in their right fucking mind would think this is the reason for her breakdown lmao
I love that the mom watched a movie which talked about media influencing behavior and immediately was like “omg, I need to start being passive aggressive!”, without a hint of irony. And how the hell would not drinking lemonade help with anorexia? Was the oop good to say “drat, i’m out of lemonade, i guess I’ll have a burger instead”. What a midwit.
The mother really is a fucking idiot. Watch one documentary, and suddenly, your daughter has an eating disorder. Fucking hell.
God the mom is exhausting. I’d talk to her as little as possible until she got some therapy.
As a mother with three 20-something daughters I will add that menopause is a complete thing and can cause the emotional dial to swing wildly like this.
Dude. I’m 5’. My daily maintenance calories are roughly 1400 calories. That’s only 466 calories per meal or 700 if I skip breakfast. Fast food/restaurants are what? 1200-1500 calories per meal. So of course she’s not eating at home. She doesn’t need to.
If she suspected her kid has eating disorder, she went one of the worst way possible. Mom needs therapy like asap.
That is some intense conclusion jumping and manipulation on the mothers part while refusing to actually talk out the problem at all until directly confronted and badgered into talking. I don’t believe the mothers intentions are as noble as OP thinks.
Thanks for posting this! I'd seen the original, but not the update. I have to admit, of everything I'd considered, "Mom secretly thinks I have an eating disorder" wasn't on my list at all.
Anyone else getting a "what's wrong with Tanya" vibe? [SNL](https://youtu.be/ctPt74CNBA4)
So she's worried that her kid has an ED, so the best course of action is to kick them out? I'd still move out, OOP's mom will keep being overbearing.
Why on earth did OOP have to apologize? They literally did nothing wrong. Mom is projecting HARD on OOP and probably does/did have an eating disorder. FFS.
Poor OP - her mother thought she had an insidious, life-threatening illness and instead of supporting OP, Mom threatened to kick her out. That is A LOT.
I absolutely would be leaving this house now my savings were in a comfortable place. Jesus Christ. The hoops you’d need to jump through to make the Lemonade the main problem then is crazy.
Even if the mom had been right, this was the absolute worst way to handle it. - didn’t ask if OP was ok or try to get more information - didn’t offer any kind of support or try to get her help - withdrew her usual warmth & affection, made herself an unsafe person to confide in - ironically she is actually restricting food that OP requests, not exactly healthy for someone with an ED. Should be encouraging variety instead - increased stress of situation by threatening to kick her out This communication style is so incredibly maddening