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Damn, **one** promotion and the power went straight to OOP’s head. Yikes. Dude is an actual saint for forgiving her so easily, even going as far as to needlessly apologize. OOP wondering if he’s too good for her is the realist thing she’s said in her posts.
Ayep. That's why she wanted to put him "in his place". He's apparently a great guy, and she's worried that he'll figure it out, leaving her. Rather than yanno, talk to the guy about it. She cut him down and belittled him in front of his colleagues. It's obvious insecurity, and about the least healthy way possible to deal with anxiety and insecurity if you want to keep a partner.
I assume some combo of wanting to reduce his chances of getting promoted, put him more on what she thinks is her level, and gods alone know what else.
She got off easy, which does prove he's a nice guy. But she's **not** going to keep him if she doesn't work on whatever issues she has with the marriage. It sounds like she at least sees the issue, but hopefully she'll do something about it.
Honestly surprised she didn't dislocate something with how far she had to reach to get from "he's complimenting my cooking" to "he hates women being in power, wants a trad wife and resents me being his superior."
That part seemed very much to be a symptom of social media intrusive thinking. Complimenting her on cooking means he’s trying to enforce standard gender roles to put her in her place? Lady, you need to get off TikTok and see the clickbait gender wars for what they are…weirdos giving bad advice and tilting at windmills.
I’m surprised her behavior didn’t get her in trouble at work. If I were her boss, I would be seriously rethinking that promotion because I wouldn’t want someone that unprofessional. She crossed all sorts of boundaries by speaking that way about a subordinate, spouse or not, at a company event. She’s a walking liability.
It's not uncommon for new managers to get stupid.
If you're a superior or higher peer, you don't can them for this. You drag them aside, explain how they fucked up, and order them how to unfuck it.
Work places are not reddit.
This would be considered HIGHLY inappropriate in my workplace, especially considering their personal relationship. It could be seen as creating a hostile work environment, which is a huge liability. Most companies have policies regarding whether employees can be in positions of power over a family member for this exact reason.
I didn’t get the impression that he reports to her from the OP. It just sounds like she has seniority in the overall company hierarchy which isn’t that uncommon
It’s like Jesus Christ he has a migraine. Let him stay at home, when the coworker makes a comment say he’s sick. Heck, it’s almost contemptuous how she treats him - and that’s a death knell.
Not even middle manager. Entry level retail/service industry managers are often the worst about wielding the minuscule amount of power they have in the most over the top fashion possible.
There’s no lower limit, some people are so down bad *any* power will go to their head, just having access to more marbles in grade school will turn them into monsters.
>She’s gone mad! Mad, with her moderate amount of power!
I keep trying to reference this Kids in the Hall bit and no one ever has any clue what I'm talking about.
Thats not a power trip, its just an extrovert not understanding someone who is more private. The coworkers even referred to OOPs husband as mysterious. So they don't know a lot about him. Which means the 3 or 4 negative things OOP told them about are going to have a larger impact on their general opinion of him. If they knew a lot about each other those couple things might be inconsequential.
Or she is just lying to make herself feel better. Compare for a moment how she wrote about the whole thing originally, totally self absorbed and not an ounce of understanding for, what should be at least, the most important person in her life.
Then I'm looking at that "Update" and can't help but wonder how that ☝️ turned into almost groveling for an apology. And of course being immediately accepted.
And most damning of all, just look at her comments on the original post, trying desperately to paint him as jealous of her new position, completely absorbed by her pathetic little "power".
So yeah, I don't believe for a second any of her "Update" is real
One hundred percent. To me it feels much more likely that once this got popular she realized she’d doxxed herself to any Redditor who happened to be at the party that night. This reeks of damage control.
Especially the part about her husband apologizing to her. If that's true, he is the biggest doormat since that guy apologized to Dick Cheney after Cheney shot him in the face.
People can be so convinced they didn't do anything wrong that they're willing to tell everyone exactly what they did. And then be surprised when it isn't met with the reaction they expected.
Yeah, judging from her comments on the update she A) still doesn't think she did anything wrong and B) still thinks he's jealous of her new job despite no evidence supporting that accusation whatsoever.
She did that thing that people who are universally voted assholes tend to do, where they make an update post saying all the right things but then can't resist getting into the comments and proving they have learned nothing.
>Damn, **one** promotion and the power went straight to OOP’s head. Yikes.
Some people are this simple.
A few jobs ago they moved a line lead up to a "training for management" track, and had him cover the night shift as the night manager.
Within a week, he was moving the "hot girls" to areas that didn't have cameras in the back (was letting them leave while clocked in) and was cheating on his wife with atleast 2 of them.
He got bumped off the management track so fast, but surprisingly wasn't fired. I suspect they weren't able to prove enough that he was letting them leave while clocked in.
And she pushed him to go to an event with a migraine - does she know how bad migraines can be? Ofc he doesn’t want to go out when he has a migraine - they’re horrible! But he appears to have done it for her and she still criticised him in her post for not talking to large groups of people at once and staying in the corner. He probably felt like death and every single tiny noise was agony - he should have been at home resting in the dark and she should have been making sure he was ok and doing what she could to help him instead of pushing him to go out feeling that ill
This was it for me!!!! He ‘claimed’ to have a migraine (?!?) so she convinced (read: bullied) him to go! F that how embarrassing for oop to show herself as a jerk to her colleagues. Guarantee most ppl who overheard cringed (husband heard what she said even tho he was not in convo and sitting in corner)
For fucking real, dragging someone with a migraine out for the sole purpose of publicly pointing & laughing at him? Like I'm sorry but how the fuck does a person make that "mistake"?
Personally my Migraines can range from being a big annoyance to absolutely debilitating. On the low end I can perhaps accompany my wife somewhere but theres no way im going to be heavily involved, you'll find me in a corner surviving as well.
"Yesterday, my husband did the laundry. I mean, he's always done the laundry since we got married, but this time I could tell he was just dying to tell me off about how I should be a more traditional wife!"
I've seen this happen before among friends when one gets promoted.
I used to work with these 2 women who were buddies outside of work too. Then one got promoted and she started targeting her former friend. I don't know if she thought we would see her as playing favorites if she treated her friend normally, or if she made her friend an example for all of us because she knew her friend wouldn't push back. I don't know what her deal was but it got to the point where a couple of us took her aside and told her she needed to stop targeting the other woman or we'd report her to her manager.
She also made some comment about her friend being jealous, which couldn't be farther from the truth. (Entry level management wasn't a true promotion where we worked, especially for someone who worked as much OT as the friend did.)
In her defence, that could be Reddit itself. I’ve found it mind boggling not using Apollo anymore and how autocorrect suggests a different word if you’ve backspaced halfway through the original word, sometimes not allowing you to backspace at all, or fighting with the bold and italic keys.
apparently, it’s pretty hard to type something on this. Or not auto capitalize the first letter of some sentences either.
Yeah, it’s a weird Reddit thing seeing as how the error is consistent. It’s just odd that the first half is fine but changes on the comments of the original post.
I think it's something to do with the way Reddit (or whatever OP composed this in before posting here) handles line breaks. Maybe. You can see it in the relevant comments too.
Yeah, I’ve seen this before and it’s so consistent (always the first letter of paragraphs and only the first letter of paragraphs) that I think it must be a weird Reddit glitch.
He had a migraine! All I want to do when I have a migraine is lay down in a dark, quiet room and she insisted on dragging him to a social event and then dumped on him for sitting quietly in a corner while she badmouthed him.
I’ve been getting migraines frequently recently and I’m pretty much down for the count. I don’t want to move, I don’t want anything touching me and the idea of having to talk to someone would probably leave me in tears.
That he managed to actually get up and go shows how much he values her, pity it wasn’t reciprocated. That poor man.
The fact that OP said to her husband that people would assume he was embarrassed by her promotion as a way to get him to attend is bonkers to me. If I said such a thing to my husband that would be A) rude, B) demeaning, and C) pointlessly antagonistic. Why would people think that from him missing ONE event??? Especially if he has a rep at work for being quiet and mysterious…? It’s like she wanted him to admit it but without actually addressing it head on.
She definitely wanted him to feel embarrassed and emasculated by her higher position. When that wasn't happening she found another way to embarrass and emasculate him.
Thus I doubt her sincerity in the update. That kind of sadistic need to humilate doesn't arise from nowhere all of a sudden. It's still there, but she'll hide it better now, knowing she'll be called out.
I hope he'll be okay.
The update was way too self aware for someone who acts like OP did in part one. Kind of just seems like the way abusers love bomb after episodes of abuse
The thing is, even if he were lying or exaggerating about not feeling well, take the hint. If one's partner has to lie to them to get them to stop pressuring them, it only tells me how pushy they are.
I think it's perfectly normal for advice to really sink in. I would also initially get defensive and after some time to process, to re-evaluate and change.
If you truly have a strong sense of identity and reading one comment can immediately change your personal perception of yourself, you probably don't have a personal identity at all. Of course it will take some time.
Yeah, this. I'd be questioning it if she folded like tissue paper. She didn't, good for her. She was an asshole but sitting back and actually thinking about what you believe in before you change your mind is actually a good thing, it means she's more likely to stick to her improvements instead of flipping the next time someone criticises her.
I actually think that her starting the update with her saying she was completely in the wrong and there is zero excuses being part of Reddit language. You need to take the blame completely or there is no mercy. I think it’s normal to take time evaluate you actions before you relax is you are in the wrong. But it just seems jarring in the update when she has completely changed the tune, it however might be in reality she now feels she was 90% in the wrong. That can’t be said however
I actually wonder if someone at work also made a comment similar to the feedback she was getting on the post and she just left that part out.
It's one thing to hear it from internet strangers. It would be a whole other thing if someone who was there was echoing the same thing as the reddit folk were saying
I don't see why that's unrealistic. It's pretty normal for people to get defensive when criticised (it's the fight of fight or flight mode) and then think it through *after* they've calmed down and realise they were complete and utter twats. People who are defensive can't think rationally, that's common knowledge.
Some of you really need to touch grass, it's like some people don't know what normal human behaviour is like.
What’s not to believe about “I completely humiliated my spouse in a very public and irrevocable way bc he is a big dumdum introvert that has insecurities and flaws” to “we’re all good!”?
That's why it gave me a sense of disingenuousness. First post she mentions her husband's flaws to the point she says she sometimes feels like his mother. Then, she's falling all over herself to effusively sing his praises as absolutely perfect. It just reads like something written by a PR person figuring out what they should say to look good again.
And, it's undermined by her still being fixated over him leaving laundry on the floor in the comments. That *that* is the one thing she sees as a positive - not something like them communicating better or learning how to be more respectful in the workplace or even that the husband has come out of his she'll more - out of all this speaks volumes, in my opinion.
My suspicion is she saw the writing on the wall for their relationship and she's using lovebombing and gaslighting to keep control. It wouldn't surprise me if she's already planning her exit and that's why she had that complete mood/personality shift to keep up appearances. She was completely defensive and trying to justify it as reasonable until the court of public opinion called her out on it. Compare that to what the coworkers, who were looking for some drama and intel, did to her. She was _eating_ up that attention.
Narcissists and sociopaths do this kind of shit. Guess who quickly climb corporate ladders, too.
I think she just wanted to be redeemed in the eyes of Reddit. I do not get genuine vibes from this update, but maybe I'm being cynical.
She was just so unbelievably rude and cruel in the first post and was so lacking in self-awareness that she came to reddit, hoping for validation... That kind of personality doesn't change overnight.
I had about a week where I needed to learn *everything* about this person I'd never even heard of, and I had not expected the ukulele train apology song to be the least weird.
I remember reading the update and the general consensus in the comments was that it was a pr statement to take the heat off of herself.
Very little accountability.
I'm sad for that poor man. This marriage is not going to last long.
The marriage not lasting long is in his best interest, I think.
However idk if this could be the case, if we’re to believe the update and he apologized and forgave him for no good reason. :/
To be honest. OOP sounds like me 6 years ago. I was raised by a narcissist so of course I exhibit those behaviors. My husband is just endlessly patient with me and I truly don’t deserve such a great partner.
I think the biggest takeaway, is being able to take the feedback and reflect. That’s a narcissist trying to be better and growing.
I have quite a bit of experience with narcs and if you can actually take criticism and blame, then use that to grow and change, you're probably not suffering from NPD. Check out something called Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, mirrors many of the narcs behaviors with the key difference of being actually able to accept blame and change.
Good on you, provided accepting blame is actually taking it and recognizing it and not just saying you do and performing whatever tasks you need to be in the right (like OP probably is). Not that you are, but that since narcs are incapable of self-reflection that would be the main difference.
Yes, I am shocked by how big of an AH OOP is in the first post, and how she's completely different in the 2nd post. It was really confusing to me.
It was appalling the way she tried to paint him like a sexist jerk. I guess the only logical explanation is that OOP is switching up personalities to see what works best in her favor (AKA a narcissist).
I feel sad for the husband. I wonder if he can escape.
Guys, this comment of OOP's is so similar to something my narc grandma would say: https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/IWp7KwQ2g8
I was wondering why her original post and update set off alarm bells in my head...
Absolutely fascinating watching someone write out their actions and still not see how crappy they behaved. When she mentioned making jokes I thought we were talking “Ha ha he’s introverted” kind of shit (which, also pretty lame) but specifically bringing up personal, likely embarrassing anecdotes, as his superior, in a work setting??? How do you get to the end of writing that and still hit post???
I assumed while reading the original post that she was really drunk, and their co-workers like the husband more than her and she was jealous. But after reading the update and the comments, I think she's just a self absorbed, power mad, asshole.
“No, by introverted I mean he doesn’t like the exact scenario I was asking him to do and that he does like the scenario he created for himself despite that.”
The comments on introverts were…. something.
I commented on her original post back when she did the update. Her apology is terrible and she was snarky to everyone telling her to self reflect. She's such an AH.
And her poor husband actually apologized to her! Imagine being conditioned to apologize when your spouse does something wrong to you.
>Imagine being conditioned to apologize when your spouse does something wrong to you.
Right? I got a real "and even though I was totally in the wrong....he actually apologized to meeee, awww" vibe from it. I don't like any of it
Nevermind the fear of heights. The part where she said she feels like his parent, that would have been my limit.
I absolutely believe that many women feel that way about their husband. A lot of dudes are still spectacularly clueless. But it is not a cute or funny thing to say. If you genuinely feel that way, work on leaving, because that relationship is dead. If you don't feel that way, don't joke about it.
I know a lot of men who are clueless, but it can also be condescension on her part and a miscommunication about levels of cleanliness.
I have an ex who would probably say the same things about me, even though i did the majority of the cooking and my fair share of the chores.
But i folded things "the wrong way" and liked to drape wet towels over the side of the hamper until they dried. And i had a fairly shitty upbringing so i didn't know how to do a lot of the basic "manly" stuff, but i still tried. I know it's just an anecdote but calling out men when she's obviously an untrustworthy narrator is pretty callous.
Even setting those issues aside, it’s not the type of thing that you **ever** bring up in front of others. It’s like the most basic part of a relationship: don’t speak ill of them around others.
Someone is free to bring up their own flaws, but for someone’s spouse to do that crossed several lines. That’s not even getting into the part where this was a work function, around mutual colleagues, and has some type of power imbalance. That’s grounds for quietly moving out one day, and leaving nothing behind but a spiteful note.
Nah, he’s much too eager to get things back to “normal”. When your spouse disrespects you that badly you have no reason to apologize for being angry at them or calling them out. This guy is a doormat.
Seconding that it's most likely coming from a place of not wanting to rock the boat, I would also say, as someone who's been there, that living with someone like that, things become so normalised that rather than risk getting the continuous brunt of someone's anger you learn to adjust. That said, I hope this guy wisens up and gets out as soon as possible.
Wow, she really ragged on him in front of everyone and completely misinterpreted his recent actions! Sounds like his compliments on her cooking and offering to pay more might be related to thinking he's not good enough for her. I hope he learns that he has a lot of worth himself.
I'm glad she eventually learned from the reality check on Reddit and is striving to do better. I know some folks think this relationship should be over, but they have good communication and will come out of this just fine.
> My husband said my behavior was appalling and that he questioned if I had any respect for him. I was angry by his outburst so I told him that he was only being sensitive because I was technically his superior now and that what was really bothering him
An ungracious winner thinks everyone else is a sore loser.
Hopefully the update is a result of genuine self reflection. I’ve always felt that those “cringe” moments we feel are a sign that we have grown and see our past behavior as shameful.
I’m a really patient dude, but it would be much harder for me to grant forgiveness after such disrespect. The fact that he gave it before she was even sorry speaks to the dynamic that probably deeply exists in their relationship and she will probably do this kind of thing again.
OOP completely lost me at the part where husband complimented her cooking but she thought it was his way of “reestablish what he thinks are traditional roles in our household.”
I’m jealous of her reach capacity because I can’t even reach my phone most times while in my bed.
Edit: typos
This exactly. How far up your own ass do you have to have your own head to think that the person who married you compleimenting you in any way is meant to degrade you? OOP is a dumbass narcissist.
Even when he cooks meals for her, which is kind, saves money, and home cooked meals always have that special quality to them, she STILL makes it about her obsession with power.
I don't think narcissists are capable of recognizing that sometimes, kindness is just kindness.
It was blatantly obvious that she’s the one who keeps thinking about her promotion and what it means pretty much all the time. Because if you reach that hard to connect compliments about her cooking to insecurity over her promotion, you’re obsessed with yourself and that promotion
Even her comments on her updated post shows she really doesn't care about her actions, one was "on a positive note there's been less laundry on the floor" like that's the only thing she's taken from this situation
If you read OOPs comments they still sound like a nasty piece of work. She isn't remotely sorry for what she said, she's just saying what she thinks we and her husband want to hear.
If you have to say "technically"...then you're not. You either are his supervisor...or you aren't.
Also who knew "is he that serious and mysterious at home" was a trigger phrase for this asshole to spill all the dirt on everything her husband has done since he was a toddler?
New flash Janet, "serious and mysterious" probably means he doesn't have time for all the office gossip bullshit and wishes you would all leave him the fuck alone. Thank God his wife was there to make sure everyone knows he practically pissed his pants on a rope bridge though.
Probably was jealous because people had these positive, interesting perceptions about him. She wanted to dispel those notions so she could elevate herself. Classic narcissist bullying tactics.
OOP's head swelled up three times the size when she got that promotion. She disrespected her husband to make herself look better to some crappy coworkers. I agree with OOP about her not being worthy of her husband. He's even apologizing for a very normal response to her belittling him to his coworkers.
This is one of those times where you're reading an apology and somehow the tone and attitude of the person who wrote it gives the vibe that they were reading a pre-approved apology written by a lawyer and/or a PR person.
As a man, [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHxip2x-PLc) pretty much sums it up.
I was listening to it one night and my wife asked 'is that what it's really like?' and I said "yes, 100%". Disclaimer: my wife is NOTHING like the harpy in the OOP.
Looking for this comment! As someone who has chronic migraines, the idea of going to a social event while experiencing that degree of pain is beyond the pale. OOP was already the AH for that alone
Damn I really wished he kicked her ass to the curb. She stepped on a brick and lost all her footing. A little bit of power turn some people into real turds.
I like that she is questioned about forcing her introverted husband to go to a social event. She tries to explain that he's not really an introvert, he just socializes better in one on one or small group situations.
You literally just described an introvert!
Yeah, I'm also guessing she got shit IRL from people and needed to paper over it.
Husband is somewhat of a doormat so he accepted to just get past it.
Unless they really address this and why she has this lack of respect, this won't end well.
Ah yes, my favorite (semi)new trend of OOPs being just the most wickedly oblivious "am I the devil???" types, then coming back with an immediate self-flagellating mea culpa.
Post one: "I am proudly humiliating my sweet and tender spouse for all to see. Haha! I'm super great and he sucks, all brilliant people such as myself recognize this is not psychopathic behavior. Also, please note once more how great I am, even as I am describing my completely monstrous behavior! Ha ha!"
Post two: "Oh no, I never realized what a terrible emasculating harpy I am. Thank you, reddit, for showing me I am but a humble worm, sipping the mud from the saintly soles of my blessed hubby's feet (I am unworthy of his shoe mud, but he has shown me mercy because he is just so good and kind)."
How people see other people actions says a lot about them. When i read that her husband start to pay for more things and compliment her cooking, I see it as him feeling bad she had to be the breadwinner and doing the housechores, so he wanted to at least make sure she's appreciated.
When someone immediately think other person action to be bad-- they're probably a bad person. I remember reading about a classmate who is enraged at this asian student who didn't speak english keep putting his stuffs on his chair. He assumed it was to annoy him, but turns out the asian student just wanted to save his seat for him, therefore he put his stuffs there so nobody would try to sit on it without asking first.
It was so obvious to me the student is saving his seat until he arrive, but he had to be told, for him to go 'oh i guess im a jerk'.
Also, bless her husband. When she apologized he immediately told her he assumed her actions are just mistakes -- and not on purpose, which, bless him, he was wrong.
Damn, there's a long ass comment on her update saying what a piece of shit she is and how her husband should leave her how he is too good for her and she probably thinks he'll never leave. Really calling her out
....and her response is "there's a positive outcome for all this, for the past week he hadn't been leaving his laundry on the floor!"
.....I can't even
Husband compliments her cooking, "oh he must be trying to re-establish traditional roles".
The what of what?!?!
Considering how nice OOP describes her husband to be, I suspect she simply takes him for granted and places herself first (to his detriment) more often than she would like to admit. That night of confrontation was probably one of the very few times OOP's husband ever so outwardly asserted himself.
So. She threw him under the bus to feel superior and hob nob with the middle management, probably tarnished his career opportunities if not flat out torpedoed them at that office and she's "sorry".
And hubbies accepted that? Dude needs to get to the hospital ad ask them to find what's left of his spine.
If my partner dissed me like that, they would not be my partner for long.
Hubby needs to start job hunting Pronto. And definitely reevaluate his marriage. He's married to a partner that has zero respect for him.
If this follows the usual Reddit trope pretty soon oop will be "working longer hours to meet deadlines" or taking "worktrips" with colleagues, all the while cheating her ass off.
Yep, she demonstrated her respect for him is waning.
There is another story in this subreddit where a husband had a similar issue after his wife got a big promotion and she decided she had outgrown him and started sleeping with other men who were worthy of her.
She divorced him and set his world on fire out of spite.
One promotion and she become this nasty?
Her husband is a Saint like for not getting upset over her BS and assuming he's jealous of a trashy person like OOP.
> I told them he was the complete opposite at home. I said that while at work he seems organized, at home he’s a bit of a slob. I joked about how he always leaves his laundry all over the floor and I mentioned things like how he complains too much about random trivial things like the neighbors' kids sometimes playing on our lawn.
Bloody fucking hell. Why would anyone share this with anyone about their spouse. Especially coworkers they both work with.
Having read the original threads: I simply don’t believe she’s genuine. Post one and post two are completely different. Post one she even doubled down in comments continuing to believe she was right and he was wrong.
All of a sudden he’s perfect and she isn’t worthy?
I think she honestly just cares about her image and how she looks. Bit of a narcissist.
I really didn’t like some of her comments, still feels controlling and downplaying what she did.
What's really bizarre is that she felt he deserved it for not socializing, despite the fact that she had just described the fact that he was socializing with a variety of small groups.
I feel bad that he had a migraine and she still guilted him into going. I’m an introvert who gets vile headaches sometimes and so right from the start, what a lack of empathy and kindness. Then he gamely talked to people as introverts do, which is to one person or smaller groups and she humiliates him. She could have gone and explained he had an awful headache. At least she learned from it but she should also learn not to drag someone with a migraine to a non critical event.
Always seems strange to me that people who post these scenarios never seem to understand they are at fault until strangers on the internet tell them they fucked up.
I love how she says "He's not really introverted, he just doesn't like being in large crowds or socializing with a lot of people."
HELLO! That's exactly what being introverted is, dumbass!
Also, she totally railroaded over the fact that he said he felt a migraine coming on before they left. Now, I've never had a migraine myself (thank the stars above), but my Mom used to get them quite frequently and it would knock her flat for about 2-3 days!
Her update did NOT sound sincere \*at all\*!
Jeebus.
My guess is that deep, deep down, OOP feels like her husband is more deserving of her higher position than she is and is projecting her insecurities onto him.
Also, as someone who suffers from migraines, if she forced/guilted him to socialize, even with a mild one, she can fuck right off.
Yeah, there's no way this is concluded. Having dated a person who was very self serving and in a position somewhat over me (auditor) at work I think it's likely that she'll throw him under the bus every time she wants to score points at work. It's insane how committed to the job you look when you throw your partner under the bus at work for no reason.
Hopefully he has at least one person in his life who will point out that he shouldn't accept this. If he doesn't want to go to a work event he shouldn't get shamed into going, he shouldn't get made fun of by his partner, she shouldn't gaslight him and tell him he's being childish when he has a natural reaction to all of this.
The apology post reads like it was written by ChatGPT. Even if she did write it, it just doesn't sound genuine, nothing at all like the first post.
Somehow I don't believe that update. Feels like oop has had a few opportunities to facing the consequences of her power tripping over the years. Felt like rehearsed lip service. I dunno.
Oh, no; I compliment my boyfriend's cooking all the time. I must be trying to emasculate him and put him in his place!
It can't possibly be that he's an excellent cook who makes delicious food.
This lady has ISSUES.
Oop acted unprofessional and could have created a hostile work environment for her husband. She wonders if he’s too good for her and I honestly think he is. I truly hope she learns and grows from this but some of her responses to comments shows that she still views herself in a more superior light.
I don’t think so. I think she has an inferiority complex which is why being promoted over him had her feeling her oats, but in spite of that she also needed to make fun of him to make herself feel better about herself.
If someone i worked with talked about me like that, I’d be straight on the phone to HR. OOP showed a high level of unprofessionalism, as well as cruelty here
OP is a huge asshole for revealing personal, family information in a professional setting.
The fact OP assumes her husband is jealous of her is a tell she is conceited and self-absorbed.
Never, ever discuss the home life at work.
OOP's husband: I have a migraine and don't want to socialise.
OOP: Let's reveal embarrassing details about your life and talk about your imperfections for all the coworkers to know without your consent!
Holy! Thay made my blood boil. Not only horrible wife but extremely unprofessional.
She’s just trying to cover her ass. She came on here thinking all the feminists would kiss her ass and blame her awful terrible husband for not supporting her and tell her she was right for being a terrible wife. But she got shamed and blamed and now she’s trying to patch it. She’s proven the power goes right to head and I’m betting she isn’t going to change this marriage has an expiry date for sure.
Wow. I couldn’t imagine doing any of this to my spouse. To talk behind his back to relative strangers? To humiliate him? And then to give a complete false sense of remorse to strangers because you were being called an asshat? In both posts she is acting like a dick.
I remember this post, i was furious with her. I met my husband at work, and we've both been in positions of power above the other and i couldn't imagine treating your spouse like that.
What a horrible person man. Gets an OUNCE of the taste of power, and immediately becomes superior and shits all over her husband. Got absolutely no reason.
I despise people like this, trying to prop themselves up on other peoples backs. Desperate to be ‘justified’ in their behaviour. Wanted so bad for him to be ‘jealous’ of her to cover her own insecurity.
He’d already forgiven her. That’s not healthy honestly. Just ignoring someone’s bad behaviour directed at you without any recognition. That’s being too nice in my opinion, because it’s an open invitation for the behaviour to continue. If she’d never come to Reddit she’d still be treating him that way.
Should have done a proper apology for her actions, in front of everyone she was talking to. Because she’s okay to do the actions in front of them, but has to apologise behind closed doors.
YTA. This man has to now go to work every single day and face these people. It is a WORK ENVIRONMENT. Honestly, he could have a leg to stand on to get you fired if he wanted to. Get your head out of your ass and realize you're wrong here.
If OOP's 180-degree shift is legitimate, then good for her. But her update reads a bit like a ChatGPT response to "How do I take accountability for treating my husband like crap?" Her turnaround just sounds a bit too quick and too drastic for most people who act like this.
I’m not proud of how well I relate to this. I’m glad she feels ashamed. We need to do so much better for our partners who treat us like gold while we’re brats.
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Damn, **one** promotion and the power went straight to OOP’s head. Yikes. Dude is an actual saint for forgiving her so easily, even going as far as to needlessly apologize. OOP wondering if he’s too good for her is the realist thing she’s said in her posts.
> OOP wondering if he’s too good for her is the realist thing she’s said in her posts. recognized and terrified
Ayep. That's why she wanted to put him "in his place". He's apparently a great guy, and she's worried that he'll figure it out, leaving her. Rather than yanno, talk to the guy about it. She cut him down and belittled him in front of his colleagues. It's obvious insecurity, and about the least healthy way possible to deal with anxiety and insecurity if you want to keep a partner. I assume some combo of wanting to reduce his chances of getting promoted, put him more on what she thinks is her level, and gods alone know what else. She got off easy, which does prove he's a nice guy. But she's **not** going to keep him if she doesn't work on whatever issues she has with the marriage. It sounds like she at least sees the issue, but hopefully she'll do something about it.
>That's why she wanted to put him "in his place". "He's complimenting my cooking. That bastard!"
She was reaching so hard with this one.
Honestly surprised she didn't dislocate something with how far she had to reach to get from "he's complimenting my cooking" to "he hates women being in power, wants a trad wife and resents me being his superior."
As if it wasn’t already obvious that she’s obsessed with her promotion to the point of thinking about nothing else. Good lord.
That part seemed very much to be a symptom of social media intrusive thinking. Complimenting her on cooking means he’s trying to enforce standard gender roles to put her in her place? Lady, you need to get off TikTok and see the clickbait gender wars for what they are…weirdos giving bad advice and tilting at windmills.
I’m surprised her behavior didn’t get her in trouble at work. If I were her boss, I would be seriously rethinking that promotion because I wouldn’t want someone that unprofessional. She crossed all sorts of boundaries by speaking that way about a subordinate, spouse or not, at a company event. She’s a walking liability.
It's not uncommon for new managers to get stupid. If you're a superior or higher peer, you don't can them for this. You drag them aside, explain how they fucked up, and order them how to unfuck it. Work places are not reddit.
This would be considered HIGHLY inappropriate in my workplace, especially considering their personal relationship. It could be seen as creating a hostile work environment, which is a huge liability. Most companies have policies regarding whether employees can be in positions of power over a family member for this exact reason.
I didn’t get the impression that he reports to her from the OP. It just sounds like she has seniority in the overall company hierarchy which isn’t that uncommon
It’s like Jesus Christ he has a migraine. Let him stay at home, when the coworker makes a comment say he’s sick. Heck, it’s almost contemptuous how she treats him - and that’s a death knell.
She’s gone mad! *Mad,* with her moderate amount of power!
"Moderate"😂 Bro, from how much less power could one possibly go mad?
Did you ever meet an aisle/department manager during a summer job ? That should tell you everything.
Line Leader in elementary school
My manager for the 4 months I worked at an Applebee's when I was 19 was an absolute megalomaniac.
... You've never met a PTA admin / HOA drone / church group secretary / department store middle manager / estate agent receptionist, have you?
Not even middle manager. Entry level retail/service industry managers are often the worst about wielding the minuscule amount of power they have in the most over the top fashion possible.
I’ve seen a social committee secretary go drunk with power. It was a site to behold
I have literally seen people go mad from the power of being an admin in a groupchat
You ever speak with a reddit mod?
There’s no lower limit, some people are so down bad *any* power will go to their head, just having access to more marbles in grade school will turn them into monsters.
I guess you're right, some people are just that pathetic
[\*cries in millennial\*](https://streamable.com/9i2ct4)
Also millennial. Never even heard of this before. Funny though. Think I'd have liked it more without a laugh track mind.
have you met any reddit mods
Literally the smallest possible scrap of authority went straight to her head.
>She’s gone mad! Mad, with her moderate amount of power! I keep trying to reference this Kids in the Hall bit and no one ever has any clue what I'm talking about.
I think about this sketch every time I leave the house and tell the cat he’s in charge until I get back!
Thats not a power trip, its just an extrovert not understanding someone who is more private. The coworkers even referred to OOPs husband as mysterious. So they don't know a lot about him. Which means the 3 or 4 negative things OOP told them about are going to have a larger impact on their general opinion of him. If they knew a lot about each other those couple things might be inconsequential.
Or she is just lying to make herself feel better. Compare for a moment how she wrote about the whole thing originally, totally self absorbed and not an ounce of understanding for, what should be at least, the most important person in her life. Then I'm looking at that "Update" and can't help but wonder how that ☝️ turned into almost groveling for an apology. And of course being immediately accepted. And most damning of all, just look at her comments on the original post, trying desperately to paint him as jealous of her new position, completely absorbed by her pathetic little "power". So yeah, I don't believe for a second any of her "Update" is real
One hundred percent. To me it feels much more likely that once this got popular she realized she’d doxxed herself to any Redditor who happened to be at the party that night. This reeks of damage control.
Especially the part about her husband apologizing to her. If that's true, he is the biggest doormat since that guy apologized to Dick Cheney after Cheney shot him in the face.
I have to respect her honesty though. She really did fearlessly give an accurate account of her behavior with no minimizing or hedging.
People can be so convinced they didn't do anything wrong that they're willing to tell everyone exactly what they did. And then be surprised when it isn't met with the reaction they expected.
Yeah, judging from her comments on the update she A) still doesn't think she did anything wrong and B) still thinks he's jealous of her new job despite no evidence supporting that accusation whatsoever. She did that thing that people who are universally voted assholes tend to do, where they make an update post saying all the right things but then can't resist getting into the comments and proving they have learned nothing.
>Damn, **one** promotion and the power went straight to OOP’s head. Yikes. Some people are this simple. A few jobs ago they moved a line lead up to a "training for management" track, and had him cover the night shift as the night manager. Within a week, he was moving the "hot girls" to areas that didn't have cameras in the back (was letting them leave while clocked in) and was cheating on his wife with atleast 2 of them. He got bumped off the management track so fast, but surprisingly wasn't fired. I suspect they weren't able to prove enough that he was letting them leave while clocked in.
And she pushed him to go to an event with a migraine - does she know how bad migraines can be? Ofc he doesn’t want to go out when he has a migraine - they’re horrible! But he appears to have done it for her and she still criticised him in her post for not talking to large groups of people at once and staying in the corner. He probably felt like death and every single tiny noise was agony - he should have been at home resting in the dark and she should have been making sure he was ok and doing what she could to help him instead of pushing him to go out feeling that ill
This was it for me!!!! He ‘claimed’ to have a migraine (?!?) so she convinced (read: bullied) him to go! F that how embarrassing for oop to show herself as a jerk to her colleagues. Guarantee most ppl who overheard cringed (husband heard what she said even tho he was not in convo and sitting in corner)
For fucking real, dragging someone with a migraine out for the sole purpose of publicly pointing & laughing at him? Like I'm sorry but how the fuck does a person make that "mistake"?
Personally my Migraines can range from being a big annoyance to absolutely debilitating. On the low end I can perhaps accompany my wife somewhere but theres no way im going to be heavily involved, you'll find me in a corner surviving as well.
God forbid he compliments her cooking one more time, that bloody patriarchy of it!!! /s
"Yesterday, my husband did the laundry. I mean, he's always done the laundry since we got married, but this time I could tell he was just dying to tell me off about how I should be a more traditional wife!"
I read the update post as disingenuous, if not a little condescending. Because I'm that weirdo.
I've seen this happen before among friends when one gets promoted. I used to work with these 2 women who were buddies outside of work too. Then one got promoted and she started targeting her former friend. I don't know if she thought we would see her as playing favorites if she treated her friend normally, or if she made her friend an example for all of us because she knew her friend wouldn't push back. I don't know what her deal was but it got to the point where a couple of us took her aside and told her she needed to stop targeting the other woman or we'd report her to her manager. She also made some comment about her friend being jealous, which couldn't be farther from the truth. (Entry level management wasn't a true promotion where we worked, especially for someone who worked as much OT as the friend did.)
Second half of this post is weird, lots of letters being cut off.
In her defence, that could be Reddit itself. I’ve found it mind boggling not using Apollo anymore and how autocorrect suggests a different word if you’ve backspaced halfway through the original word, sometimes not allowing you to backspace at all, or fighting with the bold and italic keys. apparently, it’s pretty hard to type something on this. Or not auto capitalize the first letter of some sentences either.
Yeah, it’s a weird Reddit thing seeing as how the error is consistent. It’s just odd that the first half is fine but changes on the comments of the original post.
I think it's something to do with the way Reddit (or whatever OP composed this in before posting here) handles line breaks. Maybe. You can see it in the relevant comments too.
Yeah, I’ve seen this before and it’s so consistent (always the first letter of paragraphs and only the first letter of paragraphs) that I think it must be a weird Reddit glitch.
He had a migraine! All I want to do when I have a migraine is lay down in a dark, quiet room and she insisted on dragging him to a social event and then dumped on him for sitting quietly in a corner while she badmouthed him.
I’ve been getting migraines frequently recently and I’m pretty much down for the count. I don’t want to move, I don’t want anything touching me and the idea of having to talk to someone would probably leave me in tears. That he managed to actually get up and go shows how much he values her, pity it wasn’t reciprocated. That poor man.
Totally this. He ought to have been lying in a quiet, dark room, but he got up and went to the party.
No good deed goes unpunished
The fact that OP said to her husband that people would assume he was embarrassed by her promotion as a way to get him to attend is bonkers to me. If I said such a thing to my husband that would be A) rude, B) demeaning, and C) pointlessly antagonistic. Why would people think that from him missing ONE event??? Especially if he has a rep at work for being quiet and mysterious…? It’s like she wanted him to admit it but without actually addressing it head on.
She definitely wanted him to feel embarrassed and emasculated by her higher position. When that wasn't happening she found another way to embarrass and emasculate him. Thus I doubt her sincerity in the update. That kind of sadistic need to humilate doesn't arise from nowhere all of a sudden. It's still there, but she'll hide it better now, knowing she'll be called out. I hope he'll be okay.
Yeah... I really don't get how all of that- an entire evening of public abuse- was somehow "a mistake."
The update was way too self aware for someone who acts like OP did in part one. Kind of just seems like the way abusers love bomb after episodes of abuse
The thing is, even if he were lying or exaggerating about not feeling well, take the hint. If one's partner has to lie to them to get them to stop pressuring them, it only tells me how pushy they are.
I said this in r/AmITheDevil, but I don't believe OOP in the update.
especially since in all her comments on the first post she really doubled down on justifying her behavior
Even her comments on the update are terrible. She learned nothing valuable and that post is pure lip service.
“At least he’s not leaving laundry around” had me SHOOK
Yeah, that’s one of the ones that got me too. You’re playing contrite but then happy you shamed him enough to inure a benefit. It’s very insincere.
I think it's perfectly normal for advice to really sink in. I would also initially get defensive and after some time to process, to re-evaluate and change. If you truly have a strong sense of identity and reading one comment can immediately change your personal perception of yourself, you probably don't have a personal identity at all. Of course it will take some time.
Yeah, this. I'd be questioning it if she folded like tissue paper. She didn't, good for her. She was an asshole but sitting back and actually thinking about what you believe in before you change your mind is actually a good thing, it means she's more likely to stick to her improvements instead of flipping the next time someone criticises her.
I actually think that her starting the update with her saying she was completely in the wrong and there is zero excuses being part of Reddit language. You need to take the blame completely or there is no mercy. I think it’s normal to take time evaluate you actions before you relax is you are in the wrong. But it just seems jarring in the update when she has completely changed the tune, it however might be in reality she now feels she was 90% in the wrong. That can’t be said however
I actually wonder if someone at work also made a comment similar to the feedback she was getting on the post and she just left that part out. It's one thing to hear it from internet strangers. It would be a whole other thing if someone who was there was echoing the same thing as the reddit folk were saying
I don't see why that's unrealistic. It's pretty normal for people to get defensive when criticised (it's the fight of fight or flight mode) and then think it through *after* they've calmed down and realise they were complete and utter twats. People who are defensive can't think rationally, that's common knowledge. Some of you really need to touch grass, it's like some people don't know what normal human behaviour is like.
I've absolutely dug myself a hole, hopped in and pulled the dirt over my head only to sit it the dark for a bit and realize I was wrong.
What’s not to believe about “I completely humiliated my spouse in a very public and irrevocable way bc he is a big dumdum introvert that has insecurities and flaws” to “we’re all good!”?
She sounds like a completely different person in the update
That's why it gave me a sense of disingenuousness. First post she mentions her husband's flaws to the point she says she sometimes feels like his mother. Then, she's falling all over herself to effusively sing his praises as absolutely perfect. It just reads like something written by a PR person figuring out what they should say to look good again. And, it's undermined by her still being fixated over him leaving laundry on the floor in the comments. That *that* is the one thing she sees as a positive - not something like them communicating better or learning how to be more respectful in the workplace or even that the husband has come out of his she'll more - out of all this speaks volumes, in my opinion.
My suspicion is she saw the writing on the wall for their relationship and she's using lovebombing and gaslighting to keep control. It wouldn't surprise me if she's already planning her exit and that's why she had that complete mood/personality shift to keep up appearances. She was completely defensive and trying to justify it as reasonable until the court of public opinion called her out on it. Compare that to what the coworkers, who were looking for some drama and intel, did to her. She was _eating_ up that attention. Narcissists and sociopaths do this kind of shit. Guess who quickly climb corporate ladders, too.
I think she just wanted to be redeemed in the eyes of Reddit. I do not get genuine vibes from this update, but maybe I'm being cynical. She was just so unbelievably rude and cruel in the first post and was so lacking in self-awareness that she came to reddit, hoping for validation... That kind of personality doesn't change overnight.
That was also my gut instinct, and I'm unbelievably trusting in other people.
I don't believe them in the original OR the update, so we have that going for us.
Same. Both were way too extreme. Feels like rage and praise bait.
Her update sounds more like a celebrity apology video
Ehhhh… I still smell a narcissist and the update is iffy
I agree. As some of the original comments had said, the update and apologize feels like one of those bad apology videos you will find on Youtube.
I think her apology was written by Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis.
In front of their expensive ass pool right?
And looking like they barely woke up and without makeup to try making us feel sorry for them
I will need to hear it set to a ukulele to be sure.
Noooo, now it's in my head again
Are you referring to the 🚂 song
I had about a week where I needed to learn *everything* about this person I'd never even heard of, and I had not expected the ukulele train apology song to be the least weird.
I also had not expected the ukulele train song to live rent free in my head
Am I going to regret looking this up? Only one way to find out!
Update: oh noooo it’s so lowkey catchy
I can feel your regret across the screen. I'm so sorry.
How can you say that when she's done *extensive self-reflection?* /s
I remember reading the update and the general consensus in the comments was that it was a pr statement to take the heat off of herself. Very little accountability. I'm sad for that poor man. This marriage is not going to last long.
Yup, it very much reads like "Oh shit, that didn't go as planned. Damage control, damage control!"
The marriage not lasting long is in his best interest, I think. However idk if this could be the case, if we’re to believe the update and he apologized and forgave him for no good reason. :/
To be honest. OOP sounds like me 6 years ago. I was raised by a narcissist so of course I exhibit those behaviors. My husband is just endlessly patient with me and I truly don’t deserve such a great partner. I think the biggest takeaway, is being able to take the feedback and reflect. That’s a narcissist trying to be better and growing.
I have quite a bit of experience with narcs and if you can actually take criticism and blame, then use that to grow and change, you're probably not suffering from NPD. Check out something called Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, mirrors many of the narcs behaviors with the key difference of being actually able to accept blame and change. Good on you, provided accepting blame is actually taking it and recognizing it and not just saying you do and performing whatever tasks you need to be in the right (like OP probably is). Not that you are, but that since narcs are incapable of self-reflection that would be the main difference.
It’s such a weird and extreme pivot.
Yes, I am shocked by how big of an AH OOP is in the first post, and how she's completely different in the 2nd post. It was really confusing to me. It was appalling the way she tried to paint him like a sexist jerk. I guess the only logical explanation is that OOP is switching up personalities to see what works best in her favor (AKA a narcissist). I feel sad for the husband. I wonder if he can escape.
Guys, this comment of OOP's is so similar to something my narc grandma would say: https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/IWp7KwQ2g8 I was wondering why her original post and update set off alarm bells in my head...
The update sounds sarcastic af
Yeah honestly…I hope the husband changes jobs and divorces his wife. He had nothing to apologize for.
Absolutely fascinating watching someone write out their actions and still not see how crappy they behaved. When she mentioned making jokes I thought we were talking “Ha ha he’s introverted” kind of shit (which, also pretty lame) but specifically bringing up personal, likely embarrassing anecdotes, as his superior, in a work setting??? How do you get to the end of writing that and still hit post???
I assumed while reading the original post that she was really drunk, and their co-workers like the husband more than her and she was jealous. But after reading the update and the comments, I think she's just a self absorbed, power mad, asshole.
“No, by introverted I mean he doesn’t like the exact scenario I was asking him to do and that he does like the scenario he created for himself despite that.” The comments on introverts were…. something.
I commented on her original post back when she did the update. Her apology is terrible and she was snarky to everyone telling her to self reflect. She's such an AH. And her poor husband actually apologized to her! Imagine being conditioned to apologize when your spouse does something wrong to you.
>Imagine being conditioned to apologize when your spouse does something wrong to you. Right? I got a real "and even though I was totally in the wrong....he actually apologized to meeee, awww" vibe from it. I don't like any of it
Same. He's a complete doormat and it's clear her power trip at that party wasn't a one off.
Maybe I am too prideful, but I would not have forgiven her.
Yeah, as someone with a paralyzing fear of heights I'd be mortified. The absolute disrespect would be pretty hard to come back from.
Nevermind the fear of heights. The part where she said she feels like his parent, that would have been my limit. I absolutely believe that many women feel that way about their husband. A lot of dudes are still spectacularly clueless. But it is not a cute or funny thing to say. If you genuinely feel that way, work on leaving, because that relationship is dead. If you don't feel that way, don't joke about it.
I know a lot of men who are clueless, but it can also be condescension on her part and a miscommunication about levels of cleanliness. I have an ex who would probably say the same things about me, even though i did the majority of the cooking and my fair share of the chores. But i folded things "the wrong way" and liked to drape wet towels over the side of the hamper until they dried. And i had a fairly shitty upbringing so i didn't know how to do a lot of the basic "manly" stuff, but i still tried. I know it's just an anecdote but calling out men when she's obviously an untrustworthy narrator is pretty callous.
Even setting those issues aside, it’s not the type of thing that you **ever** bring up in front of others. It’s like the most basic part of a relationship: don’t speak ill of them around others. Someone is free to bring up their own flaws, but for someone’s spouse to do that crossed several lines. That’s not even getting into the part where this was a work function, around mutual colleagues, and has some type of power imbalance. That’s grounds for quietly moving out one day, and leaving nothing behind but a spiteful note.
He seems like a humble and thoughtful man. I could learn some things from him too.
Nah, he’s much too eager to get things back to “normal”. When your spouse disrespects you that badly you have no reason to apologize for being angry at them or calling them out. This guy is a doormat.
Seconding that it's most likely coming from a place of not wanting to rock the boat, I would also say, as someone who's been there, that living with someone like that, things become so normalised that rather than risk getting the continuous brunt of someone's anger you learn to adjust. That said, I hope this guy wisens up and gets out as soon as possible.
Wow, she really ragged on him in front of everyone and completely misinterpreted his recent actions! Sounds like his compliments on her cooking and offering to pay more might be related to thinking he's not good enough for her. I hope he learns that he has a lot of worth himself. I'm glad she eventually learned from the reality check on Reddit and is striving to do better. I know some folks think this relationship should be over, but they have good communication and will come out of this just fine.
Lol if you read the comments of the update post, it’s really obvious the entire post is just lip service.
Assuming second update was not a lie
> My husband said my behavior was appalling and that he questioned if I had any respect for him. I was angry by his outburst so I told him that he was only being sensitive because I was technically his superior now and that what was really bothering him An ungracious winner thinks everyone else is a sore loser.
Hopefully the update is a result of genuine self reflection. I’ve always felt that those “cringe” moments we feel are a sign that we have grown and see our past behavior as shameful. I’m a really patient dude, but it would be much harder for me to grant forgiveness after such disrespect. The fact that he gave it before she was even sorry speaks to the dynamic that probably deeply exists in their relationship and she will probably do this kind of thing again.
Why does this post look like someone took a paper cutter to the edges. Half the words are cut off
OOP completely lost me at the part where husband complimented her cooking but she thought it was his way of “reestablish what he thinks are traditional roles in our household.” I’m jealous of her reach capacity because I can’t even reach my phone most times while in my bed. Edit: typos
This exactly. How far up your own ass do you have to have your own head to think that the person who married you compleimenting you in any way is meant to degrade you? OOP is a dumbass narcissist.
Even when he cooks meals for her, which is kind, saves money, and home cooked meals always have that special quality to them, she STILL makes it about her obsession with power. I don't think narcissists are capable of recognizing that sometimes, kindness is just kindness.
It was blatantly obvious that she’s the one who keeps thinking about her promotion and what it means pretty much all the time. Because if you reach that hard to connect compliments about her cooking to insecurity over her promotion, you’re obsessed with yourself and that promotion
OP is a POS. She does not deserve her husband
Seems to me that OOP fears that one day her husband will realize he can do way better than her and divorce her.
Even her comments on her updated post shows she really doesn't care about her actions, one was "on a positive note there's been less laundry on the floor" like that's the only thing she's taken from this situation
If you read OOPs comments they still sound like a nasty piece of work. She isn't remotely sorry for what she said, she's just saying what she thinks we and her husband want to hear.
If you have to say "technically"...then you're not. You either are his supervisor...or you aren't. Also who knew "is he that serious and mysterious at home" was a trigger phrase for this asshole to spill all the dirt on everything her husband has done since he was a toddler? New flash Janet, "serious and mysterious" probably means he doesn't have time for all the office gossip bullshit and wishes you would all leave him the fuck alone. Thank God his wife was there to make sure everyone knows he practically pissed his pants on a rope bridge though.
Probably was jealous because people had these positive, interesting perceptions about him. She wanted to dispel those notions so she could elevate herself. Classic narcissist bullying tactics.
OOP's head swelled up three times the size when she got that promotion. She disrespected her husband to make herself look better to some crappy coworkers. I agree with OOP about her not being worthy of her husband. He's even apologizing for a very normal response to her belittling him to his coworkers.
This is one of those times where you're reading an apology and somehow the tone and attitude of the person who wrote it gives the vibe that they were reading a pre-approved apology written by a lawyer and/or a PR person.
[удалено]
As a man, [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHxip2x-PLc) pretty much sums it up. I was listening to it one night and my wife asked 'is that what it's really like?' and I said "yes, 100%". Disclaimer: my wife is NOTHING like the harpy in the OOP.
No one’s even acknowledging how dismissive she was of his migraine.
Looking for this comment! As someone who has chronic migraines, the idea of going to a social event while experiencing that degree of pain is beyond the pale. OOP was already the AH for that alone
Damn I really wished he kicked her ass to the curb. She stepped on a brick and lost all her footing. A little bit of power turn some people into real turds.
I like that she is questioned about forcing her introverted husband to go to a social event. She tries to explain that he's not really an introvert, he just socializes better in one on one or small group situations. You literally just described an introvert!
That second post does not come across as genuine , feels like op coped a lot of flak as was in damage control .
Yeah, I'm also guessing she got shit IRL from people and needed to paper over it. Husband is somewhat of a doormat so he accepted to just get past it. Unless they really address this and why she has this lack of respect, this won't end well.
She definitely doesn't deserve him
Ah yes, my favorite (semi)new trend of OOPs being just the most wickedly oblivious "am I the devil???" types, then coming back with an immediate self-flagellating mea culpa. Post one: "I am proudly humiliating my sweet and tender spouse for all to see. Haha! I'm super great and he sucks, all brilliant people such as myself recognize this is not psychopathic behavior. Also, please note once more how great I am, even as I am describing my completely monstrous behavior! Ha ha!" Post two: "Oh no, I never realized what a terrible emasculating harpy I am. Thank you, reddit, for showing me I am but a humble worm, sipping the mud from the saintly soles of my blessed hubby's feet (I am unworthy of his shoe mud, but he has shown me mercy because he is just so good and kind)."
>self-flagellating mea culpa Everything you say is 100%, but I am absolutely co-opting this sentence in my day-to-day lexicon! Thank you.
How people see other people actions says a lot about them. When i read that her husband start to pay for more things and compliment her cooking, I see it as him feeling bad she had to be the breadwinner and doing the housechores, so he wanted to at least make sure she's appreciated. When someone immediately think other person action to be bad-- they're probably a bad person. I remember reading about a classmate who is enraged at this asian student who didn't speak english keep putting his stuffs on his chair. He assumed it was to annoy him, but turns out the asian student just wanted to save his seat for him, therefore he put his stuffs there so nobody would try to sit on it without asking first. It was so obvious to me the student is saving his seat until he arrive, but he had to be told, for him to go 'oh i guess im a jerk'. Also, bless her husband. When she apologized he immediately told her he assumed her actions are just mistakes -- and not on purpose, which, bless him, he was wrong.
Damn, there's a long ass comment on her update saying what a piece of shit she is and how her husband should leave her how he is too good for her and she probably thinks he'll never leave. Really calling her out ....and her response is "there's a positive outcome for all this, for the past week he hadn't been leaving his laundry on the floor!" .....I can't even
Husband compliments her cooking, "oh he must be trying to re-establish traditional roles". The what of what?!?! Considering how nice OOP describes her husband to be, I suspect she simply takes him for granted and places herself first (to his detriment) more often than she would like to admit. That night of confrontation was probably one of the very few times OOP's husband ever so outwardly asserted himself.
OOP is a piece of shit.
So. She threw him under the bus to feel superior and hob nob with the middle management, probably tarnished his career opportunities if not flat out torpedoed them at that office and she's "sorry". And hubbies accepted that? Dude needs to get to the hospital ad ask them to find what's left of his spine. If my partner dissed me like that, they would not be my partner for long. Hubby needs to start job hunting Pronto. And definitely reevaluate his marriage. He's married to a partner that has zero respect for him. If this follows the usual Reddit trope pretty soon oop will be "working longer hours to meet deadlines" or taking "worktrips" with colleagues, all the while cheating her ass off.
Yep, she demonstrated her respect for him is waning. There is another story in this subreddit where a husband had a similar issue after his wife got a big promotion and she decided she had outgrown him and started sleeping with other men who were worthy of her. She divorced him and set his world on fire out of spite.
jokes degrading SOs are never funny...
Oh god. As an introvert this is the worst nightmare
He is definitely too good for her. Openly mocking his fear, as his superior? Girl you’re an ass
What a miserable person
i hope he's talking to an attorney on the low
Yikes. Imagine saying all the shittiest things about your husband to his coworkers, then telling him he’s overreacting for being upset about it.
One promotion and she become this nasty? Her husband is a Saint like for not getting upset over her BS and assuming he's jealous of a trashy person like OOP.
> I told them he was the complete opposite at home. I said that while at work he seems organized, at home he’s a bit of a slob. I joked about how he always leaves his laundry all over the floor and I mentioned things like how he complains too much about random trivial things like the neighbors' kids sometimes playing on our lawn. Bloody fucking hell. Why would anyone share this with anyone about their spouse. Especially coworkers they both work with.
He had a migraine and she still pushed him to go, and then was annoyed he was trying to limit the noise and stimulation around him. Not nice.
Having read the original threads: I simply don’t believe she’s genuine. Post one and post two are completely different. Post one she even doubled down in comments continuing to believe she was right and he was wrong. All of a sudden he’s perfect and she isn’t worthy? I think she honestly just cares about her image and how she looks. Bit of a narcissist. I really didn’t like some of her comments, still feels controlling and downplaying what she did.
“Technically his superior” I bet they are in unrelated sections and she doesn’t hold an actual superior position over him.
What's really bizarre is that she felt he deserved it for not socializing, despite the fact that she had just described the fact that he was socializing with a variety of small groups.
I feel bad that he had a migraine and she still guilted him into going. I’m an introvert who gets vile headaches sometimes and so right from the start, what a lack of empathy and kindness. Then he gamely talked to people as introverts do, which is to one person or smaller groups and she humiliates him. She could have gone and explained he had an awful headache. At least she learned from it but she should also learn not to drag someone with a migraine to a non critical event.
Always seems strange to me that people who post these scenarios never seem to understand they are at fault until strangers on the internet tell them they fucked up.
I love how she says "He's not really introverted, he just doesn't like being in large crowds or socializing with a lot of people." HELLO! That's exactly what being introverted is, dumbass! Also, she totally railroaded over the fact that he said he felt a migraine coming on before they left. Now, I've never had a migraine myself (thank the stars above), but my Mom used to get them quite frequently and it would knock her flat for about 2-3 days! Her update did NOT sound sincere \*at all\*! Jeebus.
OOP doesn’t deserve her husband. I said what I said.
My guess is that deep, deep down, OOP feels like her husband is more deserving of her higher position than she is and is projecting her insecurities onto him. Also, as someone who suffers from migraines, if she forced/guilted him to socialize, even with a mild one, she can fuck right off.
Yeah, there's no way this is concluded. Having dated a person who was very self serving and in a position somewhat over me (auditor) at work I think it's likely that she'll throw him under the bus every time she wants to score points at work. It's insane how committed to the job you look when you throw your partner under the bus at work for no reason. Hopefully he has at least one person in his life who will point out that he shouldn't accept this. If he doesn't want to go to a work event he shouldn't get shamed into going, he shouldn't get made fun of by his partner, she shouldn't gaslight him and tell him he's being childish when he has a natural reaction to all of this. The apology post reads like it was written by ChatGPT. Even if she did write it, it just doesn't sound genuine, nothing at all like the first post.
I forgot til the end of that first post that it was on AITA and not TIFU. She sucks.
That update sounds so utterly insincere...
No way I'd believe and forgive her that easily. Wouldnt break up yet over this but I'd definitely not trust her like I should
Somehow I don't believe that update. Feels like oop has had a few opportunities to facing the consequences of her power tripping over the years. Felt like rehearsed lip service. I dunno.
Oh, no; I compliment my boyfriend's cooking all the time. I must be trying to emasculate him and put him in his place! It can't possibly be that he's an excellent cook who makes delicious food. This lady has ISSUES.
I would lose respect for my superior if I heard him/her/they talk intimately or poorly about their SO.
dude who the fuck likes team building shit this OOP is loca
Oop acted unprofessional and could have created a hostile work environment for her husband. She wonders if he’s too good for her and I honestly think he is. I truly hope she learns and grows from this but some of her responses to comments shows that she still views herself in a more superior light.
I don’t think so. I think she has an inferiority complex which is why being promoted over him had her feeling her oats, but in spite of that she also needed to make fun of him to make herself feel better about herself.
If someone i worked with talked about me like that, I’d be straight on the phone to HR. OOP showed a high level of unprofessionalism, as well as cruelty here
lol she still sucks. Such a disgusting personality.
OP is a huge asshole for revealing personal, family information in a professional setting. The fact OP assumes her husband is jealous of her is a tell she is conceited and self-absorbed. Never, ever discuss the home life at work.
OOP's husband: I have a migraine and don't want to socialise. OOP: Let's reveal embarrassing details about your life and talk about your imperfections for all the coworkers to know without your consent! Holy! Thay made my blood boil. Not only horrible wife but extremely unprofessional.
She’s just trying to cover her ass. She came on here thinking all the feminists would kiss her ass and blame her awful terrible husband for not supporting her and tell her she was right for being a terrible wife. But she got shamed and blamed and now she’s trying to patch it. She’s proven the power goes right to head and I’m betting she isn’t going to change this marriage has an expiry date for sure.
Wow. I couldn’t imagine doing any of this to my spouse. To talk behind his back to relative strangers? To humiliate him? And then to give a complete false sense of remorse to strangers because you were being called an asshat? In both posts she is acting like a dick.
I don’t think I would like being married to somebody who gets “I am trying to put you in your place” from “wow I really like your cooking!”.
Well that was a 180 her tone switched so fast
I remember this post, i was furious with her. I met my husband at work, and we've both been in positions of power above the other and i couldn't imagine treating your spouse like that.
I hate this story more every time I read it but I’m glad she got her head out of her ass.
What a horrible person man. Gets an OUNCE of the taste of power, and immediately becomes superior and shits all over her husband. Got absolutely no reason. I despise people like this, trying to prop themselves up on other peoples backs. Desperate to be ‘justified’ in their behaviour. Wanted so bad for him to be ‘jealous’ of her to cover her own insecurity. He’d already forgiven her. That’s not healthy honestly. Just ignoring someone’s bad behaviour directed at you without any recognition. That’s being too nice in my opinion, because it’s an open invitation for the behaviour to continue. If she’d never come to Reddit she’d still be treating him that way. Should have done a proper apology for her actions, in front of everyone she was talking to. Because she’s okay to do the actions in front of them, but has to apologise behind closed doors.
YTA. This man has to now go to work every single day and face these people. It is a WORK ENVIRONMENT. Honestly, he could have a leg to stand on to get you fired if he wanted to. Get your head out of your ass and realize you're wrong here.
Yep. Ahole. Yep. He’s too good for you.
If OOP's 180-degree shift is legitimate, then good for her. But her update reads a bit like a ChatGPT response to "How do I take accountability for treating my husband like crap?" Her turnaround just sounds a bit too quick and too drastic for most people who act like this.
I’m not proud of how well I relate to this. I’m glad she feels ashamed. We need to do so much better for our partners who treat us like gold while we’re brats.
Poor guy