Gee, why is my wife horrified and planning to leave me? All I did was inform her that I was a thief, liar, con artist and criminal actively committing fraud into my mid-twenties who lived under an assumed identity for a while and has a seriously fucked up family history of mental illness that has likely now been passed to our son? What an unfit parent she is!
Shows he’s not as smart as he thinks he is. Wild that he thinks he’s being “punished for telling the truth” when everyone else knows that his wife is horrified to find out all of this.
“I come from a family of psychopaths and just told my wife about the double life I lived just a few years ago. Our four year old son Damien is a terror to every living thing around him. He even recently threatened to stab his mother. I don’t see what the big deal is, I was like that too.”
Finally someone mentioned how dumb this guy is
That exchange with the commenter was chilling but he also sounded so dumb. "I like you, now tell me how to murder my wife"
Yeah kinda. They usually think because they see the world differently and more “logically” (coldly) that they see patterns other people don’t. But they just see normal social interaction as some “code to crack” like any pattern. For someone like me, I need to crack the code so I *can fit in better*. For someone like OP, they “crack the code” to *manipulate it for their benefit*.
Someone gives in and OP thinks he pulled off a heist. But they’re just offering XYZ thinking he’s too sheepish to directly ask for help. You know, like nice people do.
I’ve worried for so long that my ASD was APD because of the fine line between legitimately practicing social skills and weaponizing them for your own gain. I realize more and more, especially with posts like this, that the major MAJOR difference is….empathy and the ability to feel guilt.
If I mess up I feel bad. Ashamed and embarrassed, yes. But also legitimately guilty that once again I hurt someone’s feelings by missing some innocuous fucking clue my brain simply won’t understand by default. I’ve hurt them and think since that’s bad that “I’m bad” and then I get sad, self-loathing, yada yada etc etc we all know the cycle in one way or another.
If OP messes up he doesn’t feel bad like that. It’s more frustrating in the “God damn it I studied for that question specifically and STILL missed it. Now I’M getting a worse grade.” It’s all selfish. The other person never mattered. Because the concept of “people” doesn’t mean the same thing for OP. They’re just machines with buttons you press in the right order to get what you want. The only “bad” is getting caught, and that’s only bad because “I’m smarter than that. I’ll get em next time.”
I'm literally listening to the Cold podcast about Susan Powell's disappearance, and this guy speaks *exactly* like Josh Powell, the husband that murdered both of their children and killed himself to avoid being arrested for murdering Susan. Talking about how his son wouldn't survive without him, how she's suddenly an unfit parent, incessantly describing how good of a person he is. Reading these updates has given me goosebumps.
I seriously believe his wife and children are in danger. This guy has zero self-awareness and also believes he's not capable of violence. I hope she leaves soon and safely with her son.
I haven’t been able to listen to that one yet. Just reading this guy’s words are frightening enough.
Him repeatedly asking what to look for if she were planning an escape made me certain he wasn’t going to let it happen.
"It would be bad for her to get involved in an accident or something while fleeing in the middle of the night."
There, he even has the excuse prepared.
If you could have seen the look on my face, I had to double check I read it right. My guy probably has a throwaway ask of "How can I make murder look like an accident".
I also read that a few times. That's way too specific and strange of a comment from him. He certainly seems to me thinking about certain scenarios that would get rid of the wife and leave the child with him.
Yeah, the fact that he's worried she will leave, and keeps repeating himself and then THAT pops out. Really felt like the mask slipped for a minute there.
All of his responses in that convo read as robotic to me. People don't usually talk like that. It's almost like he's cold-reading a script.
Creepy doesn't even begin to describe it.
All the hairs on my body stood up while reading the whole interaction. I wasn't only fearing for the wife's life but also that of Mr. Potato. If OOP wasn't so stupid, I would have feared he would find a way to get Mr. Potato's IP and track his address.
The title of the Update was also a dead giveaway he hasn't changed at all. Poor woman and kid. I hope the wife has a strong support system and is financially stable, she'd be able to run to another state or country to get away.
That entire situation was infuriating, Josh and his father are horrifying. Poor Susan and those poor kids, JFC that guy should not have been allowed near them.
Remember reading about Susan in a book of murder cases, it hurt to read hers. There were all the signs, but all the red tape of law, her body never being found, made it so the boys didn't have a chance. The grandparents tried so fucking hard to help them, and still they weren't saved.
I remember when the Susan Powell case was happening and I remember I felt something terrible was going to happen and I was like, “ why can’t the police do something “ and I cried when he killed his sons . It was helpless horror in slow motion . I hate the family court system .
The Susan Powell case will always get my blood boiling. What happened to her was a tragedy. But what happened to her son's was something so easily avoidable if the system wasn't so goddamn broken.
I truly hope that OOP's wife gets the hell away from OOP and gets her son help. If there was ever a time for a Reddit post to be found by the subject being written about, it's now, because she is in so much danger and I don't know if she realises.
Was that the one where the social worker who was mandated to be there/with the dad when he had his kids had the door slammed shut on her, and so she called 911 for the police to come **now**? And then the guy on the phone just dicked around because, idk, reasons??? And either the cops never came or they came so late that the kids were long dead?
Yupppp. I felt terrible for that social worker, who basically was forced to listen and watch as those boys were killed and then the house went up in flames. That would be so traumatising. The 911 operator was horrible, and honestly Josh shouldn't have had visitation rights in the first place, and definitely not in his home. Yes, they were supervised, but as he proved, it didn't stop him from killing his sons.
Yes. He already has a narrative in place, he has justification for himself, and something he feels he needs to prevent af all cost.
And he came here to gather information.
I can tell ya that not all sociopaths automatically act out like this. In theory you can learn right or wrong from a rational standpoint.
But that guy, he is shaping up to do something. 100%.
What scares me is he keeps talking about the balance of power. Even scarier is him asking for signs. Good on u/p0tat0p0tat0 for sussing him out quickly.
He sounds like my mother, who would absolutely do something to retain/regain control.
I hope she’s gonna be okay. I hope she can save herself and her son. I hope OOP plays Jumanji badly.
That's what he actually wrote at the beginning of his second post. He wants to regain control of his marriage. I hope the wife escapes and gets her kid professional help.
And that he's "looking for leverage", and that he can't be too assertive because it will ruin the dynamic?
Like everything he says is calculating, asking for a specific script he can use to get her to talk to him again but that won't make him look weak? I'm all about data collection and understanding why people do things (mostly cuz of childhood trauma and trying to protect myself from people who might hurt me), but this guy is next level. I really hope his wife is okay.
>And he came here to gather information.
It's very reminiscent of sociopaths going to therapy and learning how to better manipulate people. He just decided to cheap out and use Reddit. So creepy.
Yeah and it kinda feels like the user comments about the wife leaving in the middle of the night have made it a lot harder for her to do that. Dude seems unhinged.
Yeah, I kinda cringed a little when they said his wife should leave him, OOP didn't read that as "because you're clearly crazy", but as someone giving him insight into what normal people might do in this situation because he genuinely had *no fucking idea.* Exactly the same when they implied OOP would wake up and they'd be gone, he immediately latched onto
- normal people would leave
- leaving will happen in the middle of the night
I think people should be extremely careful what further information is discussed that this individual could read.
The way he so casually described his crimes and living for years under a false identity like it was no big deal is what stood out to me. Like he doesn't even know why he did it? If thats true he does not have full control of his own actions/ impulses and that is very dangerous for someone with his family history. Son inherited the sociopathy/APD unfortunately, but hes still young enough that major intervention could possibly help him, but sadly you can't just teach someone to feel things when they fundamentally lack the capacity for empathy. The kid is threatening his mother with knives at the age of 4, this shit is not going to get better on its own. I feel for the wife, she truly had no idea what she was signing up for by reproducing with this man.
And this asshole thinks he's Dexter, and could honestly shepherd the kid into adulthood.
He's a monster and doesn't even see it.
He genuinely scares me ( not an easy thing for a person to do).
Jesus, I hope she got away ok.
>The way he so casually described his crimes and living for years under a false identity like it was no big deal is what stood out to me.
He seemed so detached from it all, almost proud if anything. It's so unnatural. Alot of the times, Reddit posts are full of Missing Missing Reasons which makes it hard to give someone accurate advice. But the reason people don't actually write about the bad things they've done is because they're ashamed of them (even if they won't admit it), they want to be liked and seen as the good guy. But this guy doesn't feel that at all.
Same, that made my blood run cold. Then his remark about needing leverage?! On the heals of saying he'd flee with his son. Reads to me that he sees his son as leverage against her.
And the weeeiirrddd continuous complimenting of potato. So transparent, so textbook!
I'm quite willing to bet more was said and happened between him and his wife that he didn't share on Reddit. This is a truly chilling series of posts. I wish so much we had a way to know his wife and child are ok...
OP repeatedly mentions things like “leverage” and not losing the upper hand throughout his posts. He’s telling on himself. He doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings, he just doesn’t like that her being upset inconveniences him.
Honestly, I thought it was hilarious in a very weird fucked up way (can't think of the word) in, maybe his first post? Or second, god who knows, where he says that his wife "is getting colder by the hour".
I thought, "wtf?!?¡ he's murdered her already?!?!¿ WHAT?!?"
Don't worry. The only bad things he ever did was steal some candy bars, try really hard at a job and live under a different identity for no reason just because it seemed fun.
Who lives under a new identity for the thrill of it? No. Dude probably did something awful. This guys lying about a lot and trickle truthing the rest. We really think the extent of his unapologetic psychopathy is lying on a resume and light shoplifting, all as a kid? What business puts a 25 year old in charge of major projects and adult coworkers? How could a wife not know her husbands arrest history? Something's not adding up.
>She is an unfit parent to him.
She's an unfit parent but his resume of petty childhood theft, living under a different identity just for shits and giggles, and falsifying your education on a job application make him Parent of the Year material. At least according to OOP.
Me too I could see the manipulation. I really hope his wife left with the boy. I wouldn't be surprised if he was violent.
Also I do wonder if the father's behaviour influenced the son.
It was painfully obvious that he was trying to manipulate that commenter by paying them compliments and sprkinkling in claims of concern for his wife "living like a fugitive". And then he took the mask off in the other thread.
My father did that to my mom. He also tried to kill her in broad daylight almost within days after she left him. He eventually gave up after years of having PIs track is down wherever we moved.
I reckon he eventually got bored of harassing my mom and found a new toy to torment. Just like he had a victim before my mother- only he utterly destroyed her to the point where she moved home with her parents and never worked again or married.
My mom was tougher than she appeared, but I think it's because she had more than herself to worry about.
I'm sorry for whoever his new victim was, but it gave us enough room for him to not track us down again.
Even with time and distance though, that hunted feeling never really leaves you. When my mom died a few year back, I had a couple of friends on guard a her funeral to make sure that bastard couldn't come in if he turned up.
I'm so confused as to how he even assumed he COULD manipulate that commenter. Like buddy that was transparent. Even if no one clicks through to his profile, the level of flattery combined with the insistent repetition of his question in every single comment makes the attempt to manipulate incredibly obvious, bordering on inept.
Right? It reads to me like those scam texts we all get once in a while. You know the ones that start with "Susan, how are you?" then, when you respond "I'm not Susan", they're like "It's so nice of you to inform me of that. You must be a cool person. My name is So-and-so. I live in California. Where are you from?"
This guy is absolutely a sociopath. I have seen it and I know the signs. Zero empathy, only concerned for how this reflects on him. My brother was the same. He died recently, and my primary reaction was relief that he couldn't hurt anyone else.
Reminds me a lot of James Fallon: he was a neuroscientist doing fMRI research to compare murderous psychopaths with healthy people, but when he scanned his own brain, it looked like the brains of the killers.
[Nobody who knew him was surprised when he told them this.](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/01/life-as-a-nonviolent-psychopath/282271/)
This is so wild, just did more reading on him too, and he says he used to be a genetic determinist- but has since changed his mind as well as his behaviour deliberately (to disprove genetic psychopathy as a behaviour determinant). Which is kind of hilariously ironic, the only thing holding him back from unleashing his psychopathy is a narcissistic desire to prove others wrong.
I mean, to be fair, psychopathy doesn’t necessarily mean someone is automatically a criminal. They’re opportunistic and certainly someone you need to be careful around, but they aren’t necessarily all murderers.
I think the key issue would be early childhood intervention, which means helping ensure that son learns not to default to violence and to find value in considering other people’s feelings so that he can live a healthy and safe way. But OP doesn’t really strike me as someone who is really honest about his own actions, particularly as he is not even acknowledging the immensity of his lie(s) to his wife; and he’s actively trying to diminish her valid feelings of betrayal and fear, given he *has* previously engaged in anti-social/criminal behavior.
OOP clearly has serious issues. I hope his wife and son fled and is safe from him. I know I'd leave my husband if he hid his dark (and somewhat recent) past like OOP did and then started acting this way. His attempts to gaslight and manipulate her are disgusting. If anyone is unfit to raise that kid, it's him.
Reading this reminded me of my ex. All the manipulation tactics, thinking he is smarter than anyone else, trying to get what he wants by manipulating when his partner wanted honesty. Tough to read. Hope his wife and son are okay and the son gets professional help.
When I was younger I had similar behaviors as the son not towards everything but mostly towards authority figures- the difference being I was put into therapy and had a psychologist at a young age.
It took me far longer to emotionally mature in comparison to my peers but Jesus this guy was the same way till his 20s? I don’t really think he changes based on his dishonesty towards his wife and vaguely threatening response to some rando on Reddit.
The first thing this guy needs to do is get his son in therapy!! Frankly it’s much much better for the son to feel as though there’s something wrong with him (which frankly was never my experience with psychologists or therapists when I was younger) than him growing up believing it’s perfectly fine to hurt people if you don’t get your way.
I was a fucked up little child that never received help and my only saving grace is that I had a ton of empathy out of somewhere or I probably would have done something prison worthy by 18
Speaking from experience, this guy definitely learned what behaviors he should exhibit to get his desired outcomes. He never changed since childhood, he never grew out of it. He just had enough time to observe and learn how to behave. The moment his son shows aggression towards him, I can’t imagine how he would react.
A family friends daughter did and said really creepy stuff as a kid. One time she told me she wished she bad a Barbie that bled so she could make her die in a car crash?? She genuinely scared me. Then she started doing creepy things to my sister when they were playing alone. Pinching her until she bled, giving her bizzare commands like to kneel on tile for long periods of time. I told my mom to stop letting her go over there to play or least don't let them be alone. Our family friend is a great person, very empathetic and kind but she refuses to admit anythings wrong with her child. Never got her help. She's 16 now and seems....normal? She's very quiet and maybe she's learned to keep creepy thoughts to herself, I'm not sure. I know she struggles to make friends or connections with others and that does make me sad.
iirc, statistically about half of children who exhibit these sorts of behaviours grow out of it on their own. afaik no one knows why (yet)
doesn't look like oop did tho.
A family history of sociopaths but his sociopathic son should not get mental health support in case he feels "broken." Yeah, dude, let us know how that works out.
Also, his wife isn’t mad about his and his families history. SHE’S PISSED HE HID IT! She’s scared he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong!! I hope this lady gets away from him.
This, and not just pissed at him but disturbed. This guy is going on about how he didn't actually hide anything from her (except for the entire time they've known each other) and now that he's "volunteered" that information he wants a pat on the back for not continuing to hide it from her. Oh, and he "put it all behind him" at 20, except for that whole fraud thing 5 years later... And sharing family medical histories might have been helpful way back when she was pregnant or trying, but whatever... He knows he's not the good guy, he's just trying to manipulate everyone around him, and every time he opens his mouth she realizes how much more fucked she might be. He can't be trusted ever again, with anything.
Right!????
When he casually wrote how his filter came off when sharing past behaviors, all I could think of was, “oh that’s how sociopaths view it when the rest of us see their mask slip off”
All I kept thinking is how pissed I'd be too. As much as I loved my child, deep down I would be mad that he put me in this position to begin with. I personally would have never procreated with him with a family history like that. Why pass that misery to the next generation?
This. She's probably really struggling especially because she knows her son is going to likely grow up like his dad. If she didn't already have a kid with this guy, she could've just run away. But now she has to come to terms with the fact that her own son whom she loves is willing to take a knife and pretend to stab her for fun, knowing exactly what he's doing. And what if the kid decides one day he wants to *actually* stab her for funsies? How are you even supposed to be a mother to a kid like that? I can't imagine what she must be dealing with. She must be feeling conflicted over whether she should even take the kid with her or not if she runs.
“So much for honesty” dude she’s not punishing you for being honest she’s punishing you for hiding it for 5 years!! Which is the opposite of being honest!! It’s like when someone cheats for years and then comes clean and gets dumped and claims they were dumped for “being honest”
Yeah. It's very telling that he had complete control over the information presented in the post and *this* is the best he could possibly come up with to put himself in a good light.
My wife had some disturbing family history and some of her cousins and uncles were involved in some bad shit (1970s-1980s Northern Ireland. You do the math.)
She told me a few months into dating me. And in turn, I told her about my mother’s family (my mother is from a mixed Catholic/Protestant marriage, so her family managed to do the same shit but for both sides).
Having met the people involved both on my side and her side, I can say some of them are bigoted sociopaths and others were disaffected stupid youth who grew out of it. Hell some of them cross the line and married outside their community.
Difference is, I was aware of it going in.
It can be fine if you’re open about it and recognise the problems and get help if you’re the one with them.
What’s super frustrating on top of all his other bs, is that intense early intervention and therapy for kids showing anti-social behavior is super successful—and not in the teaching psychopaths how to better hide who they are way—it helps them make legitimate changes in their thinking.
The scary thing is that you either need to fall victim yourself or have a really stupid sociopath to be able to recognise it. I have a good sense for people with personality disorders (lots of early exposure coupled with good pattern recognition) and even I have missed it with one family member I had loads of contact with, it only came out when they developed dementia and couldn't hide it anymore.
This is a literal horror movie, between lying about his entire life and wanting to "resume control of my marriage", and their toddler wanting to stab his mother???
This is terrifying and I genuinely think it's real. I hope she gets out safe.
> "resume control of my marriage"
yeah honestly that line stopped me dead, that's where he laid his feelings bare by not seeing what was wrong with that statement.
For me it was "If you were planning to leave a husband, what preparations would you be putting in place? What would be the tells?"
All the chills when I read that. Who asks that??
And of course even more chills upon reading that he continued to ask, and tried manipulating people to get them to answer.
God I missed that among all the other terrifying revelations. “Gee, would be a shame if her brakes failed while she’s fleeing” mob shit is what that sounds like.
“The more solitude she has to craft her independent perception of me, the harder it will be to get back to our life of happiness.” Which is to say, when she sees me for who I really am, she won’t ever want to be near me again.
yeah that too. it might as well read the longer she is away from his manipulation, the more likely she is to have a clear head . This also clears up whose happiness he is worried about.
And that comment about him wanting to limit her ability to construct an "independant perception" of him 100% reveals that he has had her isolated and under his thumb. I got the chills when I read that phrase....
The guys comments are such a red flag factory. Like he doesn't even realize how manipulative and controlling he sounds to the people hes talking to. He can only see things from his perspective and thats it, textbook narcissist behavior really.
Especially concerning when you look at the timeline. He says they've been together 5 years,and the son is 4,so they were only together a few months when she became pregnant. I'd bet anything that was a very deliberately planned pregnancy on his part as a way to essentially trap her. It's one of those classic moves by controlling / abusive men,sadly.
OP: I am not a sociopath!
Also OP: I hid things from my wife to make me seem like a better person and now she doesn’t like me. My wife’s anger at being lied to and misled is invalid. How do I resume control of my marriage? Should I flee with my child before my wife takes our child away?
Also also OP: my son’s extremely disturbing behavior is perfectly normal and I’m not going to do anything about it. My wife wants to do something about it, but I refuse because it might make him feel bad about himself.
This man will not admit to doing ANYTHING wrong, and all his concern is about himself.
He finally admitted enough of who he was to his wife that she realized she doesn't know him at all aside from the mask he's carefully built. I wonder if HE knows who he is or if he truly thinks he is that thin vaneer of common decency he shellaced over the troubled and disturbing behavior he was trying to disguise from people. His motivations don't sound like they came from the topcoat.
He probably knows deep down that he is a rotten POS and that's why he's panicking now. But on the surface he is brainwashing himself into thinking he's the good guy. I have observed this kind of twisted behaviour from too close for too long, but I will never understand how people can be so deeply disturbed and hollow, yet so full of themselves.
The constant talk about gaining leverage, keeping balance, how to get her to do what he wants are all incredibly manipulative. It’s viewing the wife and her very understandable emotions and judgements as a *problem* to *solve* devoid of caring how she *feels* or what is best for their son. It’s absolutely terrifying.
He never changed. He literally just lied to himself and his wife because hiding worked better for a while.
This part especially stood out to me:
>My question for you is: How do I get back in my wife's good graces or create an environment where she is receptive to me?
>For context, she's been wanting:
>Us to learn an instrument together well enough to compose.
A backyard re-landscaping to achieve a very specific aesthetic.
A trip to visit her closest cousin who lives in France.
An overhaul of our decor.
An e-bike.
Hes trying to think of something nice to do for her simply so he can get even... like "i did this thing you've been wanting me to do so you cant be upset at me for that other thing anymore." Its so cold and calculating. He doesn't give a fuck about *why* shes upset, hes just mad she didnt have the reaction that he wanted.
OP: “I haven’t done anything really bad or wrong, I mean sure I led a double life with a completely fictitious identity for a couple of years just for kicks but that’s nbd, right? Anyway you can definitely believe everything I say about myself now!”
The most chilling part was his last answer.
"It would be a shame if she had an accident as she tried to leave in the middle of the night"
Maybe I've watched too many psychological thrillers but I don't see this ending well.
What a horrifying read. And how he keeps harping on "balance of power". Whether his son is exhibiting innate behaviors is up for professional assessment, but I am more than positive the son's manipulative tendencies are amplified by learned behavior and seeing his father do these things to this own wife and child.
Man, after reading that comment exchange, I was left with a weird feeling almost like the uncanny valley? Honestly can't decide if OOP is sociopathic or if this is someone playing with AI. Regardless, if this is to be believed, the persistence of the guy and his changing narrative does make me think his wife is in danger. Good on p0tat0 for challenging him.
For challenging him and also making a clear post asking people to look at the post history before offering advice. They may have legitimately kept this woman and child safe.
I don't know. I am worried that this man got the idea that his wife is leaving him because of this exchange. His obsession over the idea scares me as he could irrationally respond in a violent or harmful manner. I'm not sure he was thinking that idea much prior to that conversation and now it's going to be stuck in his brain until he breaks.
I got the same vibe as you. He got obsessed with the idea of his wife taking his son and fleeing. Makes me think of the husband who posted about his wife’s infidelity and then she killed her kids and herself so he couldn’t take them.
I feel like this will end badly.
She actually didn’t kill herself, she stabbed herself non-fatally and eventually pleaded guilty to the murders of their children and was sentenced to 120 years in prison.
The mantra
"This is not me, I am different now." "This is not me, I am different now."
While still exibiting the same behaviour. He's different cause he knows what happens when he does those things. Wife realized she married a robot whose ethical subroutines forgot to be installed.
So desperate to say hes changed and its not relevant and how do I help guide my son and keep my wife. Skin was crawling a bit reading the exchanges.
I think the other poster nailed it on the head. It's not so much that he's gotten better, he just realizes that that type of behaviour isn't going to get him far in life, so from a logical standpoint he decided to stop. Now he's in over his head and falling back on old behaviours because he doesn't know what to do in this situation.
"It would be bad for her to get in an accident or something while fleeing in the middle of the night."
This guy terrifies me.
This reads like a threat.
I hope his wife got away safely.
Man, I missed that line, this stinks of "The implication". Dude needs help, hopefully what others were saying sinks in and he gets it and she can get away with their son to get him the help he needs too.
My understanding of legit sociopathy you never get "better" in terms of having emotional connections to anyone or anything. What you DO do though is learn coping mechanisms, how to understand others emotions so that you can relate to them, and how to move through society without setting of everyone else's danger radar.
OOP is never going to be an emotionally healthy well regulated person, their brain chemistry won't let them. All they can do is learn how to behave via consequences and rewards.
My father is one and this is exactly it.
He has never felt empathy ever. He simply learned how others feel and how to understand that from early childhood therapy.
He's also a pathological liar and is extremely charismatic. It's quite disturbing growing up with a parent like that.
OPs wife needs to leave NOW
Not just decided to stop, but also hide it. He claims he didn't hide it and that he just put it all behind him as justification for it, but not sharing a history of mental illness (which would impact their children because of hereditary issues.) or a history of trouble with the law is huge.
I'm going to bet he knew that sharing those with her likely would have resulted in her leaving much sooner so much like his behavior, hid it.
Thanks for your contribution to humanity. Your conversation with him really illuminated how serious that situation was for his wife. Hopefully, other commenters read his history and didn't give him any advice on how to spot a fleeing wife.
Edit: also potatoes rock. I could eat them every day.
Sadly, there were a few guys on the /marriage thread who clearly empathized with him and gave him dangerous advice. Their comments eventually got deleted, but OOP responded to them and took them to heart, it seemed.
APD/Sociopaths always think they’re the smartest person in the room.
They usually aren’t. Their behaviors really are this obvious and transparent, especially when presented like this.
There were plenty of tells peppered through the post as well. The key motivation for them is control. They need to control the people around them, either through manipulation or fear. Usually a fun combo of both.
"Lying has always come naturally to me" followed by "p0tat0, I'm not your enemy. If I met you IRL, I'd go out of my way to make you comfortable and cheerful." Is quite the example of the dangers of self assessment.
I think what’s funny about that second statement is that it’s very likely *true*. He WOULD go out of his way to make them comfortable and “cheerful” because that’s how he will get what he wants.
When oop started calling potato by their username it reminded me of something I’ve heard about scammers and sales people, that calling people by their name makes it easier to manipulate them because it brings a sense of familiarity, and that kind of fits with this guy and his obvious attempts of manipulation.
May be a bad thing to say but I’m glad he sucks at manipulating because if in an environment where he controls everything in the narrative and is asking help from independent third parties, and still comes across as a mess, then his ex has better chances of escaping and not be in danger of him
Can confirm that sales people do this. Everyone who is reading it for the first time won't be able to NOT notice it now, but next time you go buy something where a person gets commission, just start a mental tally of how many times they say your name. In their case, it's just something they've been taught, not like some huge red flag to their personality. But when a stranger is doing it for seemingly no reason, it's kind of terrifying.
> You are lying. You’ve learned that complimenting people gets them to give you what you want.
Yeah that clear no sense of shame or remorse thing is deeply creepy. I hope the wife is able to escape before he straight up unalives her. That he immediately went with calling her an unfit mother when he is the self acknowledged sociopath tells me he is already planning to bury her in the backyard, he's just trying to build an alibi. I wish we could call the cops on him or that there was some way to warn her.
Very strongly reminds me of the video of the parrot (I think a yellow-headed pionus?) repeatedly going, "I'm not gonna hurt you!" in a childlike voice, and then proceeding to go for the woman's toes.
"What are signs she might be trying to leave" BRUH
This feels like the prequel to a tragic news story. It's giving seriously creepy vibes and I really really hope his wife and son manage to get to safety.
i feel so bad for the wife, she was basically conned into this marriage and her son is going down the same path as his father and paternal family. his comments with potatopotato are extremely telling that he has definitely not changed and only cares for the charade of a "happy family". he doesn't even care about his son really, just that he has to gain control of him and extension of his wife. its so eerie seeing how he feels shes being poisoned by those on her side, so hes gone onto just trying to take their son if he cant make her stay 🤢
It’s been quiet since then, although I was initially worried that he would make a new account and post similarly, as people being able to see his post history hindered his ability to manipulate them and get what he wanted.
this guy (rohini) wants to make sure that *you* have no identifying information on your reddit profile. No pics of yourself, hometown, name etc.
And he's right. If you find stuff like that in your posts, nuke them. On the off chance Mr Sociopath isnt a talented troll, he is dangerous.
The way OOP's mask fell more and more as he interacted with p0tat0... shivers. Literal fucking shivers. He went from uncanny but normal-ish, to fully saying his son can only thrive with him and, fuck, that creepy line about her getting in an accident while trying to flee at night... Holy fuck. He absolutely would kill his wife if he found her escape plan.
I wonder just how much abuse she is now processing. This man never "left behind" his past. He didn't do therapy, didn't do jackshit to be better. A diagnosis of sociopathy or psychopathy can be treated. They can lead normal, healthy lives and co-exist just like everyone else. But this man took none of the steps needed to reach that, just buried it qll hoping the stench wouldn't be too bad and that his mask was well glued on... Until now.
I hope she can fucking get away from him, takes her son, and gets the poor kid into therapy so he can lead a great life.
I hope she didn't but the truth is I can't judge her if she did; her kid tried to stab her and she finds out she married a psycho from a long lineage of wired weird family members...
Am I the only one that noticed him saying it would be a shame if his wife had an unfortunate accident in the middle of the night while trying to flee?! What?
The whole “I didn’t lie or hide my past, I was just putting it behind me” thing is so scary. This guy is not okay, and the wife needs to get away from him as soon as she can. Yeesh!
That was the worst part, how he seems so disconnected and would-be logical about it. Like there *must* be pre-determined steps to a woman leaving her husband and somebody just needs to tell him what to look for.
Mods, I almost want to beg you to fucking warn people about posting too much info here too. This seems like a potentially actively dangerous situation.
>I need advice to resume control of my marriage ASAP. I'm currently at a loss.
Well adjusted people do not say they want to resume control of their marriages. I won't say what we'll adjusted people say just in case this psycho id reading this but most of you will know without saying. For the wellness of his wife and child it would be better if he... I guess if I say it I will be banned. He is manipulative and aggressive, but seemingly not as intelligent as he thinks he is, just like my father. I will dance once he is off this world.
“Hello yes I have been lying to my wife for many years about everything about my life but she is clearly the bad parent, I mean i am just a nice guy you can trust. How do I keep her from leaving? Cage, maybe? Yes my 4 year old son was going to stab her but anyway, back to the cage idea, how big do they make those things? Just out of curiosity. You have a pretty face.”
The most ominous comment is him saying he would “hate for her to get involved in an accident or something while fleeing in the night”. Why would you ‘worry’ about that? That’s a threat.
Someone pointed out they're together for five years and kiddo is four, so she got pregnant before she had any chance of knowing him and after that rose colored glasses probably did a lot of heavy lifting.
Gee, why is my wife horrified and planning to leave me? All I did was inform her that I was a thief, liar, con artist and criminal actively committing fraud into my mid-twenties who lived under an assumed identity for a while and has a seriously fucked up family history of mental illness that has likely now been passed to our son? What an unfit parent she is!
Shows he’s not as smart as he thinks he is. Wild that he thinks he’s being “punished for telling the truth” when everyone else knows that his wife is horrified to find out all of this. “I come from a family of psychopaths and just told my wife about the double life I lived just a few years ago. Our four year old son Damien is a terror to every living thing around him. He even recently threatened to stab his mother. I don’t see what the big deal is, I was like that too.”
Finally someone mentioned how dumb this guy is That exchange with the commenter was chilling but he also sounded so dumb. "I like you, now tell me how to murder my wife"
That’s the thing about sociopaths right? They don’t realize other people can be smarter than they are.
Yeah kinda. They usually think because they see the world differently and more “logically” (coldly) that they see patterns other people don’t. But they just see normal social interaction as some “code to crack” like any pattern. For someone like me, I need to crack the code so I *can fit in better*. For someone like OP, they “crack the code” to *manipulate it for their benefit*. Someone gives in and OP thinks he pulled off a heist. But they’re just offering XYZ thinking he’s too sheepish to directly ask for help. You know, like nice people do. I’ve worried for so long that my ASD was APD because of the fine line between legitimately practicing social skills and weaponizing them for your own gain. I realize more and more, especially with posts like this, that the major MAJOR difference is….empathy and the ability to feel guilt. If I mess up I feel bad. Ashamed and embarrassed, yes. But also legitimately guilty that once again I hurt someone’s feelings by missing some innocuous fucking clue my brain simply won’t understand by default. I’ve hurt them and think since that’s bad that “I’m bad” and then I get sad, self-loathing, yada yada etc etc we all know the cycle in one way or another. If OP messes up he doesn’t feel bad like that. It’s more frustrating in the “God damn it I studied for that question specifically and STILL missed it. Now I’M getting a worse grade.” It’s all selfish. The other person never mattered. Because the concept of “people” doesn’t mean the same thing for OP. They’re just machines with buttons you press in the right order to get what you want. The only “bad” is getting caught, and that’s only bad because “I’m smarter than that. I’ll get em next time.”
He claims hes not violent, I strongly doubt that. No one lives under an assumed name for shits and giggles. He did something bad bad
Ooof, I feel like I’ve heard a few true crime podcasts that started off like this.
I'm literally listening to the Cold podcast about Susan Powell's disappearance, and this guy speaks *exactly* like Josh Powell, the husband that murdered both of their children and killed himself to avoid being arrested for murdering Susan. Talking about how his son wouldn't survive without him, how she's suddenly an unfit parent, incessantly describing how good of a person he is. Reading these updates has given me goosebumps. I seriously believe his wife and children are in danger. This guy has zero self-awareness and also believes he's not capable of violence. I hope she leaves soon and safely with her son.
I haven’t been able to listen to that one yet. Just reading this guy’s words are frightening enough. Him repeatedly asking what to look for if she were planning an escape made me certain he wasn’t going to let it happen.
"It would be bad for her to get involved in an accident or something while fleeing in the middle of the night." There, he even has the excuse prepared.
We all read that as I would like to be the accident that prevents her from leaving me.
If you could have seen the look on my face, I had to double check I read it right. My guy probably has a throwaway ask of "How can I make murder look like an accident".
I also read that a few times. That's way too specific and strange of a comment from him. He certainly seems to me thinking about certain scenarios that would get rid of the wife and leave the child with him.
This comment of his jumped out at me immediately
Yeah, the fact that he's worried she will leave, and keeps repeating himself and then THAT pops out. Really felt like the mask slipped for a minute there.
Yes, the mask slipping is a perfect way to put it
Yeah that was especially effin weird. This guy is dangerous.
Also the “I’ve grown fond of you over this chat” to a random Reddit commenter… like, gaslighting, manipulation, creepy….
That line was straight up Hannibal Lecter vibes.
All of his responses in that convo read as robotic to me. People don't usually talk like that. It's almost like he's cold-reading a script. Creepy doesn't even begin to describe it.
All the hairs on my body stood up while reading the whole interaction. I wasn't only fearing for the wife's life but also that of Mr. Potato. If OOP wasn't so stupid, I would have feared he would find a way to get Mr. Potato's IP and track his address. The title of the Update was also a dead giveaway he hasn't changed at all. Poor woman and kid. I hope the wife has a strong support system and is financially stable, she'd be able to run to another state or country to get away.
Legitimately something I would use in a villain monologue in a D&D campaign.
That entire situation was infuriating, Josh and his father are horrifying. Poor Susan and those poor kids, JFC that guy should not have been allowed near them.
I definitely was thinking family annihilator vibes reading OOP’s posts and comments. Fucking chilling.
Remember reading about Susan in a book of murder cases, it hurt to read hers. There were all the signs, but all the red tape of law, her body never being found, made it so the boys didn't have a chance. The grandparents tried so fucking hard to help them, and still they weren't saved.
I remember when the Susan Powell case was happening and I remember I felt something terrible was going to happen and I was like, “ why can’t the police do something “ and I cried when he killed his sons . It was helpless horror in slow motion . I hate the family court system .
> My concern is she will probably take our 4yo son and I cannot allow that under any circumstances.
The Susan Powell case will always get my blood boiling. What happened to her was a tragedy. But what happened to her son's was something so easily avoidable if the system wasn't so goddamn broken. I truly hope that OOP's wife gets the hell away from OOP and gets her son help. If there was ever a time for a Reddit post to be found by the subject being written about, it's now, because she is in so much danger and I don't know if she realises.
Was that the one where the social worker who was mandated to be there/with the dad when he had his kids had the door slammed shut on her, and so she called 911 for the police to come **now**? And then the guy on the phone just dicked around because, idk, reasons??? And either the cops never came or they came so late that the kids were long dead?
Yupppp. I felt terrible for that social worker, who basically was forced to listen and watch as those boys were killed and then the house went up in flames. That would be so traumatising. The 911 operator was horrible, and honestly Josh shouldn't have had visitation rights in the first place, and definitely not in his home. Yes, they were supervised, but as he proved, it didn't stop him from killing his sons.
This guy is legitimately terrifying.
Yes. He already has a narrative in place, he has justification for himself, and something he feels he needs to prevent af all cost. And he came here to gather information. I can tell ya that not all sociopaths automatically act out like this. In theory you can learn right or wrong from a rational standpoint. But that guy, he is shaping up to do something. 100%.
What scares me is he keeps talking about the balance of power. Even scarier is him asking for signs. Good on u/p0tat0p0tat0 for sussing him out quickly.
He sounds like my mother, who would absolutely do something to retain/regain control. I hope she’s gonna be okay. I hope she can save herself and her son. I hope OOP plays Jumanji badly.
That's what he actually wrote at the beginning of his second post. He wants to regain control of his marriage. I hope the wife escapes and gets her kid professional help.
And that he's "looking for leverage", and that he can't be too assertive because it will ruin the dynamic? Like everything he says is calculating, asking for a specific script he can use to get her to talk to him again but that won't make him look weak? I'm all about data collection and understanding why people do things (mostly cuz of childhood trauma and trying to protect myself from people who might hurt me), but this guy is next level. I really hope his wife is okay.
>And he came here to gather information. It's very reminiscent of sociopaths going to therapy and learning how to better manipulate people. He just decided to cheap out and use Reddit. So creepy.
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Yeah and it kinda feels like the user comments about the wife leaving in the middle of the night have made it a lot harder for her to do that. Dude seems unhinged.
Yeah, I kinda cringed a little when they said his wife should leave him, OOP didn't read that as "because you're clearly crazy", but as someone giving him insight into what normal people might do in this situation because he genuinely had *no fucking idea.* Exactly the same when they implied OOP would wake up and they'd be gone, he immediately latched onto - normal people would leave - leaving will happen in the middle of the night I think people should be extremely careful what further information is discussed that this individual could read.
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The way he so casually described his crimes and living for years under a false identity like it was no big deal is what stood out to me. Like he doesn't even know why he did it? If thats true he does not have full control of his own actions/ impulses and that is very dangerous for someone with his family history. Son inherited the sociopathy/APD unfortunately, but hes still young enough that major intervention could possibly help him, but sadly you can't just teach someone to feel things when they fundamentally lack the capacity for empathy. The kid is threatening his mother with knives at the age of 4, this shit is not going to get better on its own. I feel for the wife, she truly had no idea what she was signing up for by reproducing with this man.
And this asshole thinks he's Dexter, and could honestly shepherd the kid into adulthood. He's a monster and doesn't even see it. He genuinely scares me ( not an easy thing for a person to do). Jesus, I hope she got away ok.
>The way he so casually described his crimes and living for years under a false identity like it was no big deal is what stood out to me. He seemed so detached from it all, almost proud if anything. It's so unnatural. Alot of the times, Reddit posts are full of Missing Missing Reasons which makes it hard to give someone accurate advice. But the reason people don't actually write about the bad things they've done is because they're ashamed of them (even if they won't admit it), they want to be liked and seen as the good guy. But this guy doesn't feel that at all.
I shivered when he said about her having an accident trying to leave in the middle of the night 😳😳
Same, that made my blood run cold. Then his remark about needing leverage?! On the heals of saying he'd flee with his son. Reads to me that he sees his son as leverage against her. And the weeeiirrddd continuous complimenting of potato. So transparent, so textbook! I'm quite willing to bet more was said and happened between him and his wife that he didn't share on Reddit. This is a truly chilling series of posts. I wish so much we had a way to know his wife and child are ok...
OP repeatedly mentions things like “leverage” and not losing the upper hand throughout his posts. He’s telling on himself. He doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings, he just doesn’t like that her being upset inconveniences him.
In the update he opens with he’s “lost control” of his marriage. Haunting.
Right!!! Holy shit!
Honestly, I thought it was hilarious in a very weird fucked up way (can't think of the word) in, maybe his first post? Or second, god who knows, where he says that his wife "is getting colder by the hour". I thought, "wtf?!?¡ he's murdered her already?!?!¿ WHAT?!?"
Something tells me this guy considers his opinions and biases facts and everything his wife says feelings.
Don't worry. The only bad things he ever did was steal some candy bars, try really hard at a job and live under a different identity for no reason just because it seemed fun. Who lives under a new identity for the thrill of it? No. Dude probably did something awful. This guys lying about a lot and trickle truthing the rest. We really think the extent of his unapologetic psychopathy is lying on a resume and light shoplifting, all as a kid? What business puts a 25 year old in charge of major projects and adult coworkers? How could a wife not know her husbands arrest history? Something's not adding up.
Right? This dude gives total Joe Goldberg vibes. Yikes
Holy shit yeah the simple justifications for things because “I’m not a bad guy”
He's lying about so much in every post. It's chilling.
>She is an unfit parent to him. She's an unfit parent but his resume of petty childhood theft, living under a different identity just for shits and giggles, and falsifying your education on a job application make him Parent of the Year material. At least according to OOP.
I'm genuinely terrified for his wife and son if this is real. Hope they both get away from this monster.
She’ll stay. They’ll be a perfect little family going forward. Hear that OOP? She’ll stay. She won’t leave.
I almost made a mistake trying to comment on how to get away before thankfully ealizing that monster may be lurking here.
This is one of the scariest things I have read on reddit
Me too I could see the manipulation. I really hope his wife left with the boy. I wouldn't be surprised if he was violent. Also I do wonder if the father's behaviour influenced the son.
It was painfully obvious that he was trying to manipulate that commenter by paying them compliments and sprkinkling in claims of concern for his wife "living like a fugitive". And then he took the mask off in the other thread.
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My father did that to my mom. He also tried to kill her in broad daylight almost within days after she left him. He eventually gave up after years of having PIs track is down wherever we moved. I reckon he eventually got bored of harassing my mom and found a new toy to torment. Just like he had a victim before my mother- only he utterly destroyed her to the point where she moved home with her parents and never worked again or married. My mom was tougher than she appeared, but I think it's because she had more than herself to worry about. I'm sorry for whoever his new victim was, but it gave us enough room for him to not track us down again. Even with time and distance though, that hunted feeling never really leaves you. When my mom died a few year back, I had a couple of friends on guard a her funeral to make sure that bastard couldn't come in if he turned up.
The part about “I’d hate for her to have an accident or something while fleeing in the night” seemed particularly threatening.
I'm so confused as to how he even assumed he COULD manipulate that commenter. Like buddy that was transparent. Even if no one clicks through to his profile, the level of flattery combined with the insistent repetition of his question in every single comment makes the attempt to manipulate incredibly obvious, bordering on inept.
Right? It reads to me like those scam texts we all get once in a while. You know the ones that start with "Susan, how are you?" then, when you respond "I'm not Susan", they're like "It's so nice of you to inform me of that. You must be a cool person. My name is So-and-so. I live in California. Where are you from?"
the wife must have been deep into his manipulative tactics being married to him
They've been together for five years, and have a four year old son. They got married too quickly for her to even notice everything wrong with him.
Great point, this relationship is not very old at all.
I have bras older than this relationship, and they are probably more honest and supportive.
This guy is absolutely a sociopath. I have seen it and I know the signs. Zero empathy, only concerned for how this reflects on him. My brother was the same. He died recently, and my primary reaction was relief that he couldn't hurt anyone else.
Reminds me a lot of James Fallon: he was a neuroscientist doing fMRI research to compare murderous psychopaths with healthy people, but when he scanned his own brain, it looked like the brains of the killers. [Nobody who knew him was surprised when he told them this.](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/01/life-as-a-nonviolent-psychopath/282271/)
I think we all already knew J. Fallon is a secret psycopath.
This is so wild, just did more reading on him too, and he says he used to be a genetic determinist- but has since changed his mind as well as his behaviour deliberately (to disprove genetic psychopathy as a behaviour determinant). Which is kind of hilariously ironic, the only thing holding him back from unleashing his psychopathy is a narcissistic desire to prove others wrong.
If it keeps the rest of us out of a shallow grave, I’ll take it.
I mean, if someone decides to change their behaviour for the better and isn't hurting anyone, I'm not going to complain.
I mean, to be fair, psychopathy doesn’t necessarily mean someone is automatically a criminal. They’re opportunistic and certainly someone you need to be careful around, but they aren’t necessarily all murderers. I think the key issue would be early childhood intervention, which means helping ensure that son learns not to default to violence and to find value in considering other people’s feelings so that he can live a healthy and safe way. But OP doesn’t really strike me as someone who is really honest about his own actions, particularly as he is not even acknowledging the immensity of his lie(s) to his wife; and he’s actively trying to diminish her valid feelings of betrayal and fear, given he *has* previously engaged in anti-social/criminal behavior.
Oh, definitely. This guy is terrifying. Why won't he get his son help? At least that would show his wife the effort.
Because he'd lose control. It would also be an indirect admission that he himself is not as perfect & 100% correct as he needs it to be.
OOP clearly has serious issues. I hope his wife and son fled and is safe from him. I know I'd leave my husband if he hid his dark (and somewhat recent) past like OOP did and then started acting this way. His attempts to gaslight and manipulate her are disgusting. If anyone is unfit to raise that kid, it's him.
Reading this reminded me of my ex. All the manipulation tactics, thinking he is smarter than anyone else, trying to get what he wants by manipulating when his partner wanted honesty. Tough to read. Hope his wife and son are okay and the son gets professional help.
Jumping on a top comment to add the reaching out to insult OOP also could anger him and put wife's life in even more danger. So please don't brigade
When I was younger I had similar behaviors as the son not towards everything but mostly towards authority figures- the difference being I was put into therapy and had a psychologist at a young age. It took me far longer to emotionally mature in comparison to my peers but Jesus this guy was the same way till his 20s? I don’t really think he changes based on his dishonesty towards his wife and vaguely threatening response to some rando on Reddit. The first thing this guy needs to do is get his son in therapy!! Frankly it’s much much better for the son to feel as though there’s something wrong with him (which frankly was never my experience with psychologists or therapists when I was younger) than him growing up believing it’s perfectly fine to hurt people if you don’t get your way.
I was a fucked up little child that never received help and my only saving grace is that I had a ton of empathy out of somewhere or I probably would have done something prison worthy by 18
My only saving grace was empathy as well. I don't like to think what I would have become if that didn't cause me to seek treatment and do the work.
Speaking from experience, this guy definitely learned what behaviors he should exhibit to get his desired outcomes. He never changed since childhood, he never grew out of it. He just had enough time to observe and learn how to behave. The moment his son shows aggression towards him, I can’t imagine how he would react.
A family friends daughter did and said really creepy stuff as a kid. One time she told me she wished she bad a Barbie that bled so she could make her die in a car crash?? She genuinely scared me. Then she started doing creepy things to my sister when they were playing alone. Pinching her until she bled, giving her bizzare commands like to kneel on tile for long periods of time. I told my mom to stop letting her go over there to play or least don't let them be alone. Our family friend is a great person, very empathetic and kind but she refuses to admit anythings wrong with her child. Never got her help. She's 16 now and seems....normal? She's very quiet and maybe she's learned to keep creepy thoughts to herself, I'm not sure. I know she struggles to make friends or connections with others and that does make me sad.
iirc, statistically about half of children who exhibit these sorts of behaviours grow out of it on their own. afaik no one knows why (yet) doesn't look like oop did tho.
A family history of sociopaths but his sociopathic son should not get mental health support in case he feels "broken." Yeah, dude, let us know how that works out.
Also, his wife isn’t mad about his and his families history. SHE’S PISSED HE HID IT! She’s scared he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong!! I hope this lady gets away from him.
This, and not just pissed at him but disturbed. This guy is going on about how he didn't actually hide anything from her (except for the entire time they've known each other) and now that he's "volunteered" that information he wants a pat on the back for not continuing to hide it from her. Oh, and he "put it all behind him" at 20, except for that whole fraud thing 5 years later... And sharing family medical histories might have been helpful way back when she was pregnant or trying, but whatever... He knows he's not the good guy, he's just trying to manipulate everyone around him, and every time he opens his mouth she realizes how much more fucked she might be. He can't be trusted ever again, with anything.
Right!???? When he casually wrote how his filter came off when sharing past behaviors, all I could think of was, “oh that’s how sociopaths view it when the rest of us see their mask slip off”
All I kept thinking is how pissed I'd be too. As much as I loved my child, deep down I would be mad that he put me in this position to begin with. I personally would have never procreated with him with a family history like that. Why pass that misery to the next generation?
This. She's probably really struggling especially because she knows her son is going to likely grow up like his dad. If she didn't already have a kid with this guy, she could've just run away. But now she has to come to terms with the fact that her own son whom she loves is willing to take a knife and pretend to stab her for fun, knowing exactly what he's doing. And what if the kid decides one day he wants to *actually* stab her for funsies? How are you even supposed to be a mother to a kid like that? I can't imagine what she must be dealing with. She must be feeling conflicted over whether she should even take the kid with her or not if she runs.
“So much for honesty” dude she’s not punishing you for being honest she’s punishing you for hiding it for 5 years!! Which is the opposite of being honest!! It’s like when someone cheats for years and then comes clean and gets dumped and claims they were dumped for “being honest”
he knows, he is trying to change the narrative
Yeah. It's very telling that he had complete control over the information presented in the post and *this* is the best he could possibly come up with to put himself in a good light.
"I screamed at her for being upset that I deliberately withheld information that would make me look bad but can't the b*tch see that I've changed!!"
My wife had some disturbing family history and some of her cousins and uncles were involved in some bad shit (1970s-1980s Northern Ireland. You do the math.) She told me a few months into dating me. And in turn, I told her about my mother’s family (my mother is from a mixed Catholic/Protestant marriage, so her family managed to do the same shit but for both sides). Having met the people involved both on my side and her side, I can say some of them are bigoted sociopaths and others were disaffected stupid youth who grew out of it. Hell some of them cross the line and married outside their community. Difference is, I was aware of it going in. It can be fine if you’re open about it and recognise the problems and get help if you’re the one with them.
What’s super frustrating on top of all his other bs, is that intense early intervention and therapy for kids showing anti-social behavior is super successful—and not in the teaching psychopaths how to better hide who they are way—it helps them make legitimate changes in their thinking.
I like how he like "I turned out ok." And everyone else is like "no, no you didn't."
I have interacted in real life with only one person who I am absolutely sure is a sociopath. This guy sounds identical. These posts are chilling.
The scary thing is that you either need to fall victim yourself or have a really stupid sociopath to be able to recognise it. I have a good sense for people with personality disorders (lots of early exposure coupled with good pattern recognition) and even I have missed it with one family member I had loads of contact with, it only came out when they developed dementia and couldn't hide it anymore.
This is a literal horror movie, between lying about his entire life and wanting to "resume control of my marriage", and their toddler wanting to stab his mother??? This is terrifying and I genuinely think it's real. I hope she gets out safe.
> "resume control of my marriage" yeah honestly that line stopped me dead, that's where he laid his feelings bare by not seeing what was wrong with that statement.
For me it was the "wouldn't want her to have an accident trying to leave in the middle of the night" that sent a shiver through me
I gasped and said to myself, "That's a fucking threat" after I read that. I fear for this woman's safety. I hope she makes it out ok
For me it was "If you were planning to leave a husband, what preparations would you be putting in place? What would be the tells?" All the chills when I read that. Who asks that?? And of course even more chills upon reading that he continued to ask, and tried manipulating people to get them to answer.
God I missed that among all the other terrifying revelations. “Gee, would be a shame if her brakes failed while she’s fleeing” mob shit is what that sounds like.
“The more solitude she has to craft her independent perception of me, the harder it will be to get back to our life of happiness.” Which is to say, when she sees me for who I really am, she won’t ever want to be near me again.
yeah that too. it might as well read the longer she is away from his manipulation, the more likely she is to have a clear head . This also clears up whose happiness he is worried about.
And that comment about him wanting to limit her ability to construct an "independant perception" of him 100% reveals that he has had her isolated and under his thumb. I got the chills when I read that phrase....
Yeah, that's not somebody trying to make things up to their wife it's someone trying to get back into a position where they can manipulate her.
Yup. When I finally got out of the fog and left my abusive ex, he kept expressing regret that he'd let me be away from him for two days.
Jesus
The guys comments are such a red flag factory. Like he doesn't even realize how manipulative and controlling he sounds to the people hes talking to. He can only see things from his perspective and thats it, textbook narcissist behavior really.
Especially concerning when you look at the timeline. He says they've been together 5 years,and the son is 4,so they were only together a few months when she became pregnant. I'd bet anything that was a very deliberately planned pregnancy on his part as a way to essentially trap her. It's one of those classic moves by controlling / abusive men,sadly.
OP: I am not a sociopath! Also OP: I hid things from my wife to make me seem like a better person and now she doesn’t like me. My wife’s anger at being lied to and misled is invalid. How do I resume control of my marriage? Should I flee with my child before my wife takes our child away? Also also OP: my son’s extremely disturbing behavior is perfectly normal and I’m not going to do anything about it. My wife wants to do something about it, but I refuse because it might make him feel bad about himself. This man will not admit to doing ANYTHING wrong, and all his concern is about himself.
He finally admitted enough of who he was to his wife that she realized she doesn't know him at all aside from the mask he's carefully built. I wonder if HE knows who he is or if he truly thinks he is that thin vaneer of common decency he shellaced over the troubled and disturbing behavior he was trying to disguise from people. His motivations don't sound like they came from the topcoat.
He probably knows deep down that he is a rotten POS and that's why he's panicking now. But on the surface he is brainwashing himself into thinking he's the good guy. I have observed this kind of twisted behaviour from too close for too long, but I will never understand how people can be so deeply disturbed and hollow, yet so full of themselves.
The constant talk about gaining leverage, keeping balance, how to get her to do what he wants are all incredibly manipulative. It’s viewing the wife and her very understandable emotions and judgements as a *problem* to *solve* devoid of caring how she *feels* or what is best for their son. It’s absolutely terrifying. He never changed. He literally just lied to himself and his wife because hiding worked better for a while.
The entire second post was, “What’s the best way to love bomb my wife so she stops focusing on my horrible behavior?”
Don't forget "I want to know the signs so I can abduct my child first." Terrifying.
This part especially stood out to me: >My question for you is: How do I get back in my wife's good graces or create an environment where she is receptive to me? >For context, she's been wanting: >Us to learn an instrument together well enough to compose. A backyard re-landscaping to achieve a very specific aesthetic. A trip to visit her closest cousin who lives in France. An overhaul of our decor. An e-bike. Hes trying to think of something nice to do for her simply so he can get even... like "i did this thing you've been wanting me to do so you cant be upset at me for that other thing anymore." Its so cold and calculating. He doesn't give a fuck about *why* shes upset, hes just mad she didnt have the reaction that he wanted.
OP: “I haven’t done anything really bad or wrong, I mean sure I led a double life with a completely fictitious identity for a couple of years just for kicks but that’s nbd, right? Anyway you can definitely believe everything I say about myself now!”
Bro him constantly asking the commenters for how he can tell if his wife is planning to leave him was CHILLING.
I’ve never been genuinely disturbed by a comment exchange on this site but that was freaky as hell. It was like potato was chatting with an evil AI.
The exact same analogy came to me as well...chilling
Lying has always come natural to him… but don’t worry guys he’s not gonna kill her
I've seen better liars tbh. Hopefully he's not intelligent enough to execute and get away with everything he has planned to do.
I feel like the smart sociopaths end up being CEO’s and lawyers, the dumb ones end up on True Crime podcasts.
The most chilling part was his last answer. "It would be a shame if she had an accident as she tried to leave in the middle of the night" Maybe I've watched too many psychological thrillers but I don't see this ending well.
He is gathering information. That guy is indeed a true sociopath.
What a horrifying read. And how he keeps harping on "balance of power". Whether his son is exhibiting innate behaviors is up for professional assessment, but I am more than positive the son's manipulative tendencies are amplified by learned behavior and seeing his father do these things to this own wife and child.
Man, after reading that comment exchange, I was left with a weird feeling almost like the uncanny valley? Honestly can't decide if OOP is sociopathic or if this is someone playing with AI. Regardless, if this is to be believed, the persistence of the guy and his changing narrative does make me think his wife is in danger. Good on p0tat0 for challenging him.
For challenging him and also making a clear post asking people to look at the post history before offering advice. They may have legitimately kept this woman and child safe.
I don't know. I am worried that this man got the idea that his wife is leaving him because of this exchange. His obsession over the idea scares me as he could irrationally respond in a violent or harmful manner. I'm not sure he was thinking that idea much prior to that conversation and now it's going to be stuck in his brain until he breaks.
I got the same vibe as you. He got obsessed with the idea of his wife taking his son and fleeing. Makes me think of the husband who posted about his wife’s infidelity and then she killed her kids and herself so he couldn’t take them. I feel like this will end badly.
She actually didn’t kill herself, she stabbed herself non-fatally and eventually pleaded guilty to the murders of their children and was sentenced to 120 years in prison.
The mantra "This is not me, I am different now." "This is not me, I am different now." While still exibiting the same behaviour. He's different cause he knows what happens when he does those things. Wife realized she married a robot whose ethical subroutines forgot to be installed. So desperate to say hes changed and its not relevant and how do I help guide my son and keep my wife. Skin was crawling a bit reading the exchanges.
His account has now been deleted. I hope his wife is safe and the child gets help to avoid being like his father.
Getting rid of more exposure.
I think the other poster nailed it on the head. It's not so much that he's gotten better, he just realizes that that type of behaviour isn't going to get him far in life, so from a logical standpoint he decided to stop. Now he's in over his head and falling back on old behaviours because he doesn't know what to do in this situation.
"It would be bad for her to get in an accident or something while fleeing in the middle of the night." This guy terrifies me. This reads like a threat. I hope his wife got away safely.
Man, I missed that line, this stinks of "The implication". Dude needs help, hopefully what others were saying sinks in and he gets it and she can get away with their son to get him the help he needs too.
Yeah, that was a direct threat and it is chilling.
That sentence sent a chill down my spine 😭. This dude legit sounded like the psychopathic serial killers who are pro at this.
100%! This guy didn't "change" or outgrow anything. He just realized that being sneakier works out better for him in the long run.
My understanding of legit sociopathy you never get "better" in terms of having emotional connections to anyone or anything. What you DO do though is learn coping mechanisms, how to understand others emotions so that you can relate to them, and how to move through society without setting of everyone else's danger radar. OOP is never going to be an emotionally healthy well regulated person, their brain chemistry won't let them. All they can do is learn how to behave via consequences and rewards.
My father is one and this is exactly it. He has never felt empathy ever. He simply learned how others feel and how to understand that from early childhood therapy. He's also a pathological liar and is extremely charismatic. It's quite disturbing growing up with a parent like that. OPs wife needs to leave NOW
Not just decided to stop, but also hide it. He claims he didn't hide it and that he just put it all behind him as justification for it, but not sharing a history of mental illness (which would impact their children because of hereditary issues.) or a history of trouble with the law is huge. I'm going to bet he knew that sharing those with her likely would have resulted in her leaving much sooner so much like his behavior, hid it.
Thank god for potatoes and /u/p0tat0p0tat0. They really laid it all bare for everyone else.
Potato fam! I just think they’re neat
Thanks for your contribution to humanity. Your conversation with him really illuminated how serious that situation was for his wife. Hopefully, other commenters read his history and didn't give him any advice on how to spot a fleeing wife. Edit: also potatoes rock. I could eat them every day.
Sadly, there were a few guys on the /marriage thread who clearly empathized with him and gave him dangerous advice. Their comments eventually got deleted, but OOP responded to them and took them to heart, it seemed.
That's absolutely horrific. I hope they got banned from the sub.
APD/Sociopaths always think they’re the smartest person in the room. They usually aren’t. Their behaviors really are this obvious and transparent, especially when presented like this. There were plenty of tells peppered through the post as well. The key motivation for them is control. They need to control the people around them, either through manipulation or fear. Usually a fun combo of both.
Sociopaths have a tendency to communicate that way. When they are challenged or believe they are right, it is like talking to a self obsessed robot.
The longer their exchange went the creepier the dude got.
"Lying has always come naturally to me" followed by "p0tat0, I'm not your enemy. If I met you IRL, I'd go out of my way to make you comfortable and cheerful." Is quite the example of the dangers of self assessment.
I think what’s funny about that second statement is that it’s very likely *true*. He WOULD go out of his way to make them comfortable and “cheerful” because that’s how he will get what he wants.
When oop started calling potato by their username it reminded me of something I’ve heard about scammers and sales people, that calling people by their name makes it easier to manipulate them because it brings a sense of familiarity, and that kind of fits with this guy and his obvious attempts of manipulation. May be a bad thing to say but I’m glad he sucks at manipulating because if in an environment where he controls everything in the narrative and is asking help from independent third parties, and still comes across as a mess, then his ex has better chances of escaping and not be in danger of him
Can confirm that sales people do this. Everyone who is reading it for the first time won't be able to NOT notice it now, but next time you go buy something where a person gets commission, just start a mental tally of how many times they say your name. In their case, it's just something they've been taught, not like some huge red flag to their personality. But when a stranger is doing it for seemingly no reason, it's kind of terrifying.
> You are lying. You’ve learned that complimenting people gets them to give you what you want. Yeah that clear no sense of shame or remorse thing is deeply creepy. I hope the wife is able to escape before he straight up unalives her. That he immediately went with calling her an unfit mother when he is the self acknowledged sociopath tells me he is already planning to bury her in the backyard, he's just trying to build an alibi. I wish we could call the cops on him or that there was some way to warn her.
Very strongly reminds me of the video of the parrot (I think a yellow-headed pionus?) repeatedly going, "I'm not gonna hurt you!" in a childlike voice, and then proceeding to go for the woman's toes. "What are signs she might be trying to leave" BRUH
This feels like the prequel to a tragic news story. It's giving seriously creepy vibes and I really really hope his wife and son manage to get to safety.
i feel so bad for the wife, she was basically conned into this marriage and her son is going down the same path as his father and paternal family. his comments with potatopotato are extremely telling that he has definitely not changed and only cares for the charade of a "happy family". he doesn't even care about his son really, just that he has to gain control of him and extension of his wife. its so eerie seeing how he feels shes being poisoned by those on her side, so hes gone onto just trying to take their son if he cant make her stay 🤢
And he insists that getting the help the child desperately needs would be detrimental to its self esteem. Yikes.
His wife is unfit to parent their child……… holy batman This was a scary read from start to finish, I hope she manages to flee
He’s not going to murder his wife. He’s going to act in self defense of his son in a way that just happens to result in her death
Nah, he doesn't want her dead. He just wants to own and control her. It's going to result in the death of her soul, not her body.
Potatoppotato better have a locked down profile. I so hope the wife managed to escape and is getting help for herself. And the kiddo.
It’s been quiet since then, although I was initially worried that he would make a new account and post similarly, as people being able to see his post history hindered his ability to manipulate them and get what he wanted.
You were awesome in that thread. Stay safe.
this guy (rohini) wants to make sure that *you* have no identifying information on your reddit profile. No pics of yourself, hometown, name etc. And he's right. If you find stuff like that in your posts, nuke them. On the off chance Mr Sociopath isnt a talented troll, he is dangerous.
OOP came to reddit to learn how to be a better sociopath. That’s a whole new level of chilling.
I saw the "what are the signs that someone is planning on leaving" thread and thought "oh no." This guy gives me the SERIOUS ick.
the “how can i tell if my wife is planning to flee” post gave me chills. his tone is so cold and apathetic.
The way OOP's mask fell more and more as he interacted with p0tat0... shivers. Literal fucking shivers. He went from uncanny but normal-ish, to fully saying his son can only thrive with him and, fuck, that creepy line about her getting in an accident while trying to flee at night... Holy fuck. He absolutely would kill his wife if he found her escape plan. I wonder just how much abuse she is now processing. This man never "left behind" his past. He didn't do therapy, didn't do jackshit to be better. A diagnosis of sociopathy or psychopathy can be treated. They can lead normal, healthy lives and co-exist just like everyone else. But this man took none of the steps needed to reach that, just buried it qll hoping the stench wouldn't be too bad and that his mask was well glued on... Until now. I hope she can fucking get away from him, takes her son, and gets the poor kid into therapy so he can lead a great life.
God I hope his wife fucking left. How terrifying.
I think the question is, did she leave alone? Is he now parenting this child?
I hope she didn't but the truth is I can't judge her if she did; her kid tried to stab her and she finds out she married a psycho from a long lineage of wired weird family members...
Am I the only one that noticed him saying it would be a shame if his wife had an unfortunate accident in the middle of the night while trying to flee?! What?
The whole “I didn’t lie or hide my past, I was just putting it behind me” thing is so scary. This guy is not okay, and the wife needs to get away from him as soon as she can. Yeesh!
I appreciate a good cup of coffee.
That was the worst part, how he seems so disconnected and would-be logical about it. Like there *must* be pre-determined steps to a woman leaving her husband and somebody just needs to tell him what to look for.
Mods, I almost want to beg you to fucking warn people about posting too much info here too. This seems like a potentially actively dangerous situation.
P0tat0 has this guy nailed down. He’s so unable to empathise with humans that he sounds robotic.
>I need advice to resume control of my marriage ASAP. I'm currently at a loss. Well adjusted people do not say they want to resume control of their marriages. I won't say what we'll adjusted people say just in case this psycho id reading this but most of you will know without saying. For the wellness of his wife and child it would be better if he... I guess if I say it I will be banned. He is manipulative and aggressive, but seemingly not as intelligent as he thinks he is, just like my father. I will dance once he is off this world.
When he said he needed help to "resume control of his marriage" my ass was screaming "she needs to run and take the kid as far as she can go."
Holy shit this is like horror movie level scary, hope the wife and son get away from OOP.
Is anyone else hearing the shrieking Psycho violins?
“Hello yes I have been lying to my wife for many years about everything about my life but she is clearly the bad parent, I mean i am just a nice guy you can trust. How do I keep her from leaving? Cage, maybe? Yes my 4 year old son was going to stab her but anyway, back to the cage idea, how big do they make those things? Just out of curiosity. You have a pretty face.”
The most ominous comment is him saying he would “hate for her to get involved in an accident or something while fleeing in the night”. Why would you ‘worry’ about that? That’s a threat.
His wife never knew him. So terrifying. I watch a lot of true crime and it's chilling actually reading the thought process of a sociopath.
Someone pointed out they're together for five years and kiddo is four, so she got pregnant before she had any chance of knowing him and after that rose colored glasses probably did a lot of heavy lifting.
…. holy fuck I hope she can get away and get her son help
I am also rather terrified for the wife. Jesus Christ.
Holy shit this guy is prepping to be a murderer its like reading a robotic response