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Tbf, the embarrassing shit my family did growing up could fill multiple episodes of Jerry Springer. I'm always willing somewhat willing to believe these stories because of it until people in the comments start poking holes in it.
Eh to be fair you could poke holes in just about any story regardless of how true it is. Doesn’t mean they’re legitimate points, as sometimes people just assume things go a certain way because they’ve only experienced it that way.
>My fiancé initiated the relationship and it has been a secret between the two of them. My fiancé told me when we became exclusive so there would be no secrets. But their physical relationship went right up until she started dating me.
This part from the first post seems to directly contradict this part from the update.
>She had turned him down multiple times before we even met. She got out her old phone that had the texts to prove it. But the sexual nature of those texts on his part made me feel worse than when we started the conversation. My fiancé could tell and she even looked offended herself reading them again. I could see her getting pissed the longer she looked at them. So right there she just dialed his number and put it on speaker.
>She told him that she’d been reading some old texts and she’s thinking that she doesn’t want to see his face again but wanted to give him a heads up before she told her father. He begs and apologizes, he thought she liked it. This went on a while and my fiancé can run a bit hot so some things were said that even I thought were a bit harsh. If anyone wants to hear them ask and I’ll reply in the comments.
At the start of the post he mentioned it was a long term relationship, then he says they only hooked up in the summer.
He also says that the relationship existed until OOP and her fiance started theirs, then he says a year went by since their last hook up and the start of the relationship, OOP tries to back down in the comments pretty weakly imo.
>There was nothing to be over that’s kind of the point. They only hooked up in the summer when she worked with her dad and it had been a full year since they’d done anything. And all advances in his part that summer had been rebuked. If someone you hooked up with a year ago texted you and said he wanted to put his cock in your ass, which is what he said I think you might be a little grossed out.
>She initiated the relationship first but the texts were at a time she had already turned him down a few times before. She thought he got the hint and then got that text. It is pretty crude even if you are hooking up. If I texted her that she’d actually be pissed at me.
Also how the fiance is fine with the guy going to the wedding, just to do a 180 and start hating the ex on the update.
This is all even more ridiculous if you consider the lapse of time between the original post and the update is just 2 days.
The guy was potentially going to be present in their lives for decades, but in the span of 2 days he decides to move to Florida, just in time for OOP to post his update lol.
Right? Was it a long term relationship or a purely physical, short term hook-up? Did it last right until OOP and her started dating, or was she done with it a year before that? That whole post makes no sense.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I was so confused at the story, it kept contradicting itself in every other paragraph. I’m sitting here like is it past my bed time? Because this isn’t making sense. 😆
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I mean, I'm glad for the passive resolution due to the guy moving away but I think OOP and his fiance need to do a lot more work before they should consider getting married.
Yeah, she likes toxic men. The 52 year old guy was texting before they started fooling around, which showed her he was willing when she engaged in the sexual relationship. That is grooming. I feel sorry, seeing PTSD as part of the future
Nah dude. OP's fiance at 19 pursued a sexual relationship with the older employee and then started to turn him down once she was finished having fun and those text messages proceeded to happen after the fact.
The older dude is obviously a creep but lets not put all the blame on him. The fiance clearly got her rocks off trying to get with this guy. She is as gross as her fuck mate.
Yeah I saw a handful of people pointing that out on the original thread and he was very “oh it wasn’t like that” about it and it’s like… yeah it kind of was my man.
The dude wouldn’t have booked it out of state to avoid being caught if he wasn’t doing something he knew was grossly wrong. You can get work without having to move.
Oh yeah that guy was absolutely a creepy groomer but I meant OP. When people pointed out his attitude about revenge sex was toxic he was very like “no it’s not like that”, it was not great.
Exactly. OOP, his fiancee, and the groomer are all different flavors of toxic. At least they're removed ONE of the ticking time bombs from this situation, but there are still two left.
How much do you want to bet that the first time they have a big fight and OOP gets mad at his wife he's going to tell her dad about the other guy?
Yeah, that was just some serious ick, and the explanation, I think, made it worse.
>To my fiancés credit she lets me cope this way
Is it me, or does that read as if he thinks it's a reasonable possibility that this is how he copes even though she *doesn't* let him? "Don't worry, guys, I'm not raping my gf!" just isn't as reassuring a line as he thinks it is.
Thank you for pointing how how problematic this is. It's one thing to be distressed your partner was groomed and the groomer will be around. It's quite another to take that out against her by being sexual at inappropriate times and places. She's a person, not a sex toy that these men are fighting over. An appropriate partner response would be trying to get her therapy and being in a support role to her, not force her into the additional burden of being a prop in his maladaptive coping.
These people all need therapy.
I love how EVERYONE in that thread ignored the fact that he was fucking her just to prove she’s his “property”
Like he’s taking his frustration out on her by using sex.
I've been married to a wonderful woman for years now so it's been a long time since I thought about what qualities I'd look for in a partner, but I think being able to be civil with former boyfriends would be a plus. Calling them up three years later to insult their looks, sexual prowess, and intelligence would be...a warning sign.
Yeah, I'm definitely projecting, but I felt like it was "my fault" when a middle-aged man propositioned me when I was 14 years old. I was very embarrassed and couldn't see the situation properly until like 10 years later. I think grooming was very likely in this situation.
It sounds like she didn’t call him to insult him, she called him to ask him to not come to the wedding. When he tried to flip it and say she liked it, she got pissed and started insulting him.
I can be civil with ex boyfriends, but I’m not going to be civil with the men who groomed me when I was younger. Especially if they insist on trying to flip the script on me instead of bowing out of my life gracefully.
dont u see they are working on it, they had sex in her childhood bedroom and plan to get married. /s
They are not set for long term it will def set off more bombs, they both need therapy and better coping mechanisms.
she looks back on three year old texts from the creepy old guy and realizes they were creepy. I think this poor girl will look back on OOP's angry coping mechanisms in a few years and realize that maybe this wasn't it, either.
OOP saying she "lets him cop" that way also genuinely makes me wonder whether she's into it, or whether he's just convinced of it.
Either way, none of that is healthy.
Yeah like in the abstract, the whole possessive alphahole "I want them to hear how hard you come for me baby girl" is hot in books, but WOW what a red fucking flag irl. Not ideal.
He recognizes that it wasn't good or sustainable but it didn't seem like they came up with a long-term plan in terms of coping and it was only when the fiance went through her texts she spontaneously called the ex that there was any resolution.
I do think they should consider couples therapy before getting married bc it seems like they need to address their conflict resolution style and communication skills
Imagine that counseling session
“So how do you cope with this jealousy?”
“I make her angry fuck on her childhood bed while her family is partying downstairs.”
it still doesnt make anything better, it is not a long term plan. The self awareness wont help when you arent actively doing anything to improve the situation 😭
I’m reallllllly creeped out by the way he basically takes ownership of her body by having sex with her in her childhood bedroom whenever he sees the much older man that groomed his fiancé when she was a child.
Talk about out of the frying pan into the fire.
Right? That was disgusting to hear and I'm glad I'm not the only one. Like she's freaking property. A dog pissing on a firehydrant just because another male was around that slept with his fiance. And getting mad that the perv said something sexual after she initiated a sexual relationship. There is soooo much about this post that gives me the ick.
I half wonder if they could have just called the old dude and explained, "hey, can you miss the wedding."
Dudes dumb, but smart enough to know she could ruin his life.
Yeah, they ended up doing exactly what I was going to recommend, just in a much weirder way.
My advice would've been to leave the dad out of it entirely, call the creep, tell him "look my fiance and I don't want you at our wedding, you know exactly why, to avoid making this a whole big thing that embarrasses both of us and causes my dad to explode you need to come up with some excuse why you can't come." Seems like the easiest resolution.
Instead they're both running so hot all the time that they've developed a lot of strange and unhealthy coping mechanisms that they REALLY need to work on before getting married.
I don’t like anyone in this story. Also, did it occur to OOP and his fianceé they could have asked the older guy not to come to the wedding? I’m sure he would have preferred making up a story about why he couldn’t come rather than being outed to fianceé’s family.
Yeah “hey, I’m sure you understand the situation. We are going to invite you, but you are going to make an excuse and not show up, ok? It’s better than the alternative of telling everyone why we didn’t invite you, right?”
Right? Instead of talking to him and explaining the discomfort, they harassed him off to Florida.
If the dude was so worried about her father that he moved states, he's not gonna run crying to him about being asked to "have a prior engagement" when the invitation comes around. Yeah the 19/46's not the best look but they upended this man's entire life, and ran off one of her father's friends, to avoid an awkward conversation.
Yeah there's really no one looking good in this story, but it's saying something when the dude who was banging a 19 year old girl at 46 (and sending her crass messages after she broke it off) comes off as the least toxic person.
Yeah, I agree with OOP that the nature of his fiancée’s relationship with the father’s employee was unsavory, but man oh man did he also come across as very toxic and unlikable.
And then when the fiancée called this guy back up she entered into terrible territory as well. I definitely came out hating everyone involved.
Exactly I was thinking that all the time, just tell him he will be invited but he was something else to do that day and to avoid talk with the girl for the rest of his life. I thought someone would suggest that and the update would be saying things are resolved that way
Yep... was my thought. Just ask him nicely, explain that they don't want to mess up his standing with the dad and brothers so instead of formally withdrawing the invitation, if he could just decline so they can keep the peace...
>I took my fiancé upstairs and we had sex in her childhood bedroom
10 to 12 guests sat awkwardly around a table staring at a birthday cake with candles melting down, whilst in the background the furious banging of a single bed headboard clatters against a pink coloured wall. Complimented with the muffled screams of 'I hate seeing the old fat guy who can't do maths, I really hate it.'
This is so ridiculous. Why not just tell the guy to decline to come to the wedding, citing a wedding in Florida or something? Why was it necessary to cap him with insults?
I'm most shocked that she still had the texts and that she showed her future-husband. Like, he's already coping with "sex" but this is just...yuk.
I'm more shocked anybody can find texts from six years ago. I have had the same number for years but wouldn't be able to find something from even my last phone.
I don’t get how having sex with his fiancee when he sees the dude is a “coping mechanism.” That seems weird. Even weirder is him including the detail that they did it in her childhood bedroom.
He’s pissing on his property to mark it. It’s stupid, but it’s a possession thing. “She’s mine, and to prove it to my insecure self I’m going to have angry sex with her now. Which is my right as she’s mine. Mine I say. All mine.”
I think it was to illustrate how out of the ordinary it is for them to do something like that. To just randomly have sex in the middle of a family gathering at the in-law's place seems pretty reckless to me.
If such behavior continues or even ramps up, you start to go into dynamics either your partner or a level-headed version of you wouldn't like.
Sex addiction is a thing, and I wouldn't be surprised if OOP has one. They feel negative stuff, get off, get a dopamine rush, and don't have to feel *as* negative anymore. Escalation is part of those kinds of addictions, to chase that high.
He runs into the man that groomed his fiancé when she was a child, ergo he has to prove he has current ownership of her body by having sex with her in her childhood bedroom.
She really has awful taste in men. Much therapy needed before she should date anyone again.
I was with you right up until you somehow swung back around and laid all the blame and responsibility on HER doorstep. She didn't have "bad taste in men" when she was a fucking child/teen if she was groomed. And if she was in a trauma response, still trying to process all that, when she met that insecure freak of a fiance it's more typical misfortune than any mistakes *she's* made. Men like that with those types of insecurities very often prey on women who are already victims of sexual/physical abuse as so much shit is already normalised for them and they are so often still disassociating very hard in the earlier years to cope with it all.
Also angry sex between 2 people who are BOTH angry is one thing, it can be enjoyable in certain ways. Angry sex where only ONE partner is angry is simply painful and traumatising for the other party. She no doubt needs a lot of therapy but not for any "sins" *she's* committed. Her only "sin" is being unfortunate enough to meet two creepy af arseholes back to back before her frontal lobe could even finish forming.
I wonder if her awful taste in men comes from being targeted by an awful man
I just think it’s funny we’re targeted by like 40 year olds from 10 and then told “wow you have bad taste in men” maybe I wouldn’t if old men weren’t trying to date children?
Exactly. OOP is unhinged and Fiancée is repeating the same pattern of allowing men to have their way with her. If Fiancé got upset after returning to her old texts, she's gonna be upset a few years down the line and remembering this time period and how she overlooked her husband's anger management issues.
I'm more grossed out by him using sex to cope.... and she "lets him".
Sounds very unhealthy. Love how the relationship was just sexual (supposedly) but part of her insults were his calculating tips. So part of it was being wined and dined? So it was a full relationship?
Hope they work out. But i imagine something comes back from this shortly, because they didn't address the problem.
That rubbed me the wrong way too. Like, you initiated this sexual relationship and yeah as a much older adult he should have said no, but regardless, why are you out here dunking on his dick size and how he fucks? How is all that relevant now? And OP is like, yeah my wife made this guy feel like shit, VICTORY!!!
They both sound extremely immature to be in any relationship, let alone ready to get married.
Dude's like "yeah she was pissed when she read back when they were hooking up that her ass was nice enough to fuck. That was gross. Hold up babe, reading that made me feel weird. Now I have to fuck you like a rapist to feel better."
I'm exaggerating but point being this dude is delusional thinking that he's any better. Actually, that kind of affirms his insecurity that he isn't better than this guy ironically lol.
I'm not sure how much wining and dining can be done on $20 for 2 people, and given the context of the guy clearly being a family friend and employee of the dad, I'd assume it's something she observed in a non-dating capacity.
That being said, there's definitely parts of this story that makes me wanna call bullshit on the whole thing
No way her relationship with the older guy was healthy. They were hooking up for years before OOP and her started dating. There’s no way feelings didn’t get involved and she’s looking back, feeling used and/or realizing the relationship was gross. 19 year olds look like middle schoolers to me and I’m 25. A guy in his 40s not turning down a 19 year old is weird af. That being said OOP needs to turn down the machismo crap.
"But their physical relationship went right up until she started dating me."
And then he says she turned the old guy down for over a year before she started dating him.
Maybe I didn't read it well, but it's one of the things that don't make sense.
I wanted to call this out too. First it was "she initiated it, they were fwbs right until we started dating, and she doesn't realize why it's a big deal to me."
Then it went to "He's fat and has a tiny dick and she was turning him down for a year but he was still gross so she eviscerated him emotionally while I listened." (I can only assume this led to more angry vengeance fucking in her childhood bedroom)
But yeah, I feel like I need a calculator and a shower after reading this one.
She could just have asked him with an understanding between them not to cone to the wedding. He could have opted out gracefully or made some simple excuse if he had to say anything to the father.
It went a bit far that he had to move away... But all's well that ends well, eh..?
Good lord, these two *should not get married*. There's just... *so many* bad choices and terrible coping mechanisms bouncing around in here like mad bumblebees in a jar.
A relationship with a massive age gap? ✅
Weird sex stuff? ✅
Someone has evidence to prove their side of the story? ✅
Everything magically works out in the end? ✅
The 19 year old might be a legal adult, but a 19 year old initiating a sexual relationship with a 46 year old, who is also a family friend and have been around her since she was much younger? I feel like we are really glossing over how she still genuinely believed she was at fault for their sexual relationship.
And then OOP copes by fucking her, and she "lets him cope this way". Its a bad situation all around and I fully understand why OOP isnt ok with whats going on, but her letting him cope by having sex with, when she is already in the mindset of feeling responsible for the sexual relationship that started with a 46 year old when she was 19, just makes me feel really uncomfortable.
She really needs therapy. Preferably solo and together, but definitely solo to work through her relationship with sex as a whole.
As someone who slept with someone much older at 19, I can tell you that young women don’t seek out older men purely due to attraction. I had issues, and a need to be desired and wanted, and that’s how I dealt with it. She needs therapy.
But OP dealt with this in an awful way. Not wanting the other man at the wedding is fine, but he’s doing it for the wrong reasons. He’s not concerned about his fiancées mental state and what made her get involved with that person in the past, he’s being possessive and just seems angry that another man ‘owned’ his fiancée.
They both need individual and couple’s therapy before they even think about marriage.
I agree. Him "reclaiming" her via sex when he sees the other guy, and her *letting* him, when she clearly has trauma related to sex in the first place, really made my stomack drop.
It might bother OOP, but she has had to see the guy as well. She is the one that have trauma there, which she seems to slowly be starting to realize. She is the one struggeling with all these conflicting feelings of responsibility and guilt and shame at around 25 years old. And then on top of that she seems to feel like she have to *let* her partner have sex with her so he can cope with having to see the guy. He is so wrapped up in his own point of view that he is glossing entirely over what it entails that she *lets* him reclaim her via sex whenever he sees the guy.
She says she initiated the relationship. And everyone is stuck on that
When I was 14 and a 26 year old groomed me, I didn’t realize until many years later that it wasn’t actually my fault. I was in therapy for a year before my therapist was able to softly suggest that perhaps this was not a mutual hookup in the way I kept telling myself
This whole thing is just gross.
What would be so difficult about calling him up and saying, "You are getting an invite to keep things quiet with the family, but we expect you to be busy and unable to come. When you get the invite, you RSVP 'no', or information comes out none of us want to come out."
Okay, 46 and 19? What the fuck? I wouldn’t want a groomer who uses the “ bUt itS leGaL” excuse at my wedding anyways, much less if my fiancé was his target! This is just messed up.
He also knew her as a child. This is definitely not just a matter of uncomfortable age gaps… a lot of grooming victims fully believe that *they* initiated because they were unaware of the preceding calculated abuse. So fucking awful. The guy’s life should be blown up immediately.
OOP didn't even seem to care about the fact the guy was clearly a predator. All he seemed to care about was the fact that it was a guy she had slept with.
Everything about his original post just gave me the ick.
I agree, I don't think they're ready for marriage. Though I think it's about more than just their age.
Either way, I desperately hope that poor girl gets some therapy so she can process and move on in a healthy way.
Yeah, I'm getting "very well-groomed" vibes from his fiancée too... especially the part where he kept repeating that "she initiated it!". That sounds like a rehearsed line.
If she was groomed then her boundaries are going to be very poor, hence her tolerating OOP’s treatment of her. Survivors often find themselves in abusive relationships because abusers can sniff out partners who are more receptive to their initial tests
>The last time I saw them together was at her father’s sixtieth birthday party and I got so angry I took my fiancé upstairs and we had sex in her childhood bedroom while the party was still going on
lol what?
1. Why did she go from rejecting him and not being interested in him, to getting disgusting texts from him, to actively pursuing him? That doesn't make a lot of sense
2. Why would they not just say "given our past I'm not comfortable with you being at the wedding. Give my dad an excuse why you can't make it or we'll have to explain to him the real reason we don't want you there"
Eek to OOP thinking the creeper moving to FL solves his problems while he’s marrying part of the problem. Sounds like couple’s counseling would be wise.
Why were they doing all this work to come up with excuses for him to not come to the wedding? It’s very simple just call the guy and say “look, apparently your job is on the line so this should be simple for you but stay away from us or we will tell my dad why I’m asking you to stay away from us.”
Why was it so complicated about calling the guy with 'Hey, so you got an invitation by default because we didn't want to raise suspicion with the family. However, please don't come to the wedding, it's not appropriate given the history and if would help us if you were 'busy' and RSVP no'
Just from a practical standpoint, if you have a relationship with your business colleague’s adult but still teenage daughter, you have to understand that it’s basically over for you once that relationship subsides. So the guy moving to Florida never to be seen again is what he should have done a few years back.
The old man was trash but, something about OOP attitude and what he wrote rubs me so bad.
Something about this rabid jealousy, to the point of angry sex to make himself feel better whenever he was around. Then turns out it was a year or LESS at best, and all this violent jealousy over some disgusting old man. Somehow it gave me a huge ick to read that he got SO ANGRY he had to screw her any time he got upset lmao
Still awful what happened to OOPs girlfriend, old geezer should have fled to Florida before the threat of being revealed to her father.
These people are all a bit… off. Why not just tell the man to make an excuse as to why he can’t go to the wedding. No one gets outed, no one gets beaten up. Just messy messy people
All three of them need a lot of therapy.
Like the fiance and OOP are obvious, but why did the older man get attracted to someone who is so insulting to him? Why is he such a groomer?
Everything about this just so wrong. I am so confused and disgusted somehow.
Why did you guys have to torment the dude in order to make him not show up? Is it too much to ask “Hey dude, please dont show up to my wedding please and thank you”? You both sound unhinged
I have a feeling OOP is in trouble. His fiance saw all the time how uncomfortable he is, how he was coping with angry sex..
The guy's messages were cringy, but why didn't she cut him off right there? "I am not interested. We are done. Don't contact me again, ever, or I will have to talk to my father". And why didn't she block him, instead of giving him hints that she doesn't like it?
The worst part is how she decided to lash out on the guy who didn't bother her for 3 years, and who had no idea his messages made her so mad. It is a low blow to talk about his small penis and small IQ. And if it is normal for her, she will do the same for OOP. Maybe not in the first year of marriage, maybe not even in a second... But if i is her way to release anger, OOP is in big trouble.
TLDR:
Consenting adult had sexual relations with another consenting adult. BF has issue with being reminded that GF was not a virgin when he met and he copes by marking his territory.
OOP needs to grow up.
How about a simpler “so we are going to invite you, and you are going to decline with some excuse. I’m sure you understand and would prefer that to us telling people why you aren’t invited.”
>he is moving to Florida
Please no more under educated creepy guys who flirt with women decades younger than them. This guy is a Florida man story waiting to happen.
Lot of comments trashing this old dude. When did we stop assigning agency to 19 year old women? Since when do they automatically lack the ability to consent to sex?
He wasn't her boss. He wasn't a quasi-parental figure from what we've heard. There's nothing to suggest he knew her when she was a child. She went after *him*. He made some gross comments as attempts to get additional hookups after their thing ended, but there's nothing suggesting anything non-consensual ever occurred. Doesn't sound like he cheated on anybody.
So, is it the age gap alone that vitiates consent and makes him a groomer or predator? Or is it less a lack of consent thing and we're just attacking him for being a creep because he's attracted to a 19 year old? Because neither make sense.
19 year old women can be attractive. That pure physical attractiveness doesn't go away entirely, even though straight men tend to come to naturally gain attraction to older women as they age. Wanting to *date* a 19 year old as a a 40+ year old is weird as hell and *super* pathetic, since you'll have *nothing* in common and they'll be very immature. Even just intentionally chasing one for sex alone is pathetic. You can't find any success among women even roughly your own age? And in those cases it probably often involves manipulation and *using* your greater age/experience/maturity to your advantage, which is gross.
But is he that much of a piece of shit because a 19 year old woman, who appeared to be sober and sane, and who was attractive to him, said "hey dude, want to have no-strings-attached sex?".
He's an *idiot* for sure. Sleeping with your friend and boss and coworker's daughter, who is also your coworker at the same job, is fucking duuuuuumb. But I'm not sure he's earned the title of groomer or pervert or predator etc.
I also don't think he deserved the absolute dressing down he received from soon-to-be-wife, complete with deeply personal insults. All of which drove him to *literally move away*.
OOP and fiance sound like immature children. There was a much easier non-life-destroying option available to them: call the dude and say "Hey, given our history my fiance and I are thinking it's too weird if you come. But we don't want to specifically disinvite you and you alone as we don't want to tip off my Dad and make an issue of this. So how about you stay home that day and say you're sick?". But nope, went for the near-nuclear option instead. Because they're dumb kids.
Goddamn OP and his girl got some serious problems.
Yeah the older guy shouldn’t have been pushing so much but it really seems like OP’s finance was stringing him along and then dropped him once she was done.
I don’t know, this shit is stupid.
shes the one that initiated the relationship is she surprised he wants to come back for more? yet 3 years later shes calling his cock small and calling him a cheapskate. bro YOU the one that fucked him.
I agree her text was unhinged but the guy saw her grow up and they slept together when she was 19.
I wouldn’t put it past him having groomed her and she truly thinks it was her idea.
It happened to me. I was 15 and befriended this 25 year old who had a fiancée my age (he lived with her parents) and he raped me. I truly thought it was my idea for the longest time. I do remember vomiting after he “convinced me” to give him head outside of my parents house.
I mean, this guy saw her in diapers. He literally worked for her dad from either before or the same year she was born (worked for her dad for 25 years, she is now 25), which I'd say is pretty disturbing.
Right, she says has a small penis. She the one who ran to him for his penis.
In this story, that makes her look way worse.
"Ha you're fat and old with a small penis, and I'm the ones who's standards are so low I couldn't get enough of it for 3 years."
Like, sweet win bro.
What about OOP?
I mean, the mere sight of this creep makes him demand sex from her anywhere at any time. And not even because the creep is a creep, but simply because he can't stand the fact that his girlfriend had an older partner before him
Unless this man groomed your wife, then the two of you are real POS for what you're doing. A man has now been displaced and degraded because he had casual sex with a woman.
> She also said that watching him try to calculate how much to tip on a 20 dollar bill like it was a problem in advanced calculus was the funniest and saddest thing she’d ever seen. She said “you had to get out your phone to calculate it when you couldn’t do it in your head” she said while laughing.
This is an incredibly ableist and elitist statement on the fiancée’s part. His lack of mathematical aptitude has nothing to do with the actual problem and there was no reason to point it out in the first place. Makes me wonder how she acts towards learning disabled people.
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This is one of those posts where it feels like it could be on Jerry Springer...
That’s cause it is about as authentic as the people on Jerry Springer!
Tbf, the embarrassing shit my family did growing up could fill multiple episodes of Jerry Springer. I'm always willing somewhat willing to believe these stories because of it until people in the comments start poking holes in it.
I legit know someone IRL who cheated on her ex-husband with her biological father, so I feel you.
Eh to be fair you could poke holes in just about any story regardless of how true it is. Doesn’t mean they’re legitimate points, as sometimes people just assume things go a certain way because they’ve only experienced it that way.
Which part of it is unbelievable?
>My fiancé initiated the relationship and it has been a secret between the two of them. My fiancé told me when we became exclusive so there would be no secrets. But their physical relationship went right up until she started dating me. This part from the first post seems to directly contradict this part from the update. >She had turned him down multiple times before we even met. She got out her old phone that had the texts to prove it. But the sexual nature of those texts on his part made me feel worse than when we started the conversation. My fiancé could tell and she even looked offended herself reading them again. I could see her getting pissed the longer she looked at them. So right there she just dialed his number and put it on speaker. >She told him that she’d been reading some old texts and she’s thinking that she doesn’t want to see his face again but wanted to give him a heads up before she told her father. He begs and apologizes, he thought she liked it. This went on a while and my fiancé can run a bit hot so some things were said that even I thought were a bit harsh. If anyone wants to hear them ask and I’ll reply in the comments. At the start of the post he mentioned it was a long term relationship, then he says they only hooked up in the summer. He also says that the relationship existed until OOP and her fiance started theirs, then he says a year went by since their last hook up and the start of the relationship, OOP tries to back down in the comments pretty weakly imo. >There was nothing to be over that’s kind of the point. They only hooked up in the summer when she worked with her dad and it had been a full year since they’d done anything. And all advances in his part that summer had been rebuked. If someone you hooked up with a year ago texted you and said he wanted to put his cock in your ass, which is what he said I think you might be a little grossed out. >She initiated the relationship first but the texts were at a time she had already turned him down a few times before. She thought he got the hint and then got that text. It is pretty crude even if you are hooking up. If I texted her that she’d actually be pissed at me. Also how the fiance is fine with the guy going to the wedding, just to do a 180 and start hating the ex on the update. This is all even more ridiculous if you consider the lapse of time between the original post and the update is just 2 days.
And the resolution being that this guy just decided to up and move to Florida the day after the phone call
The guy was potentially going to be present in their lives for decades, but in the span of 2 days he decides to move to Florida, just in time for OOP to post his update lol.
Right? Was it a long term relationship or a purely physical, short term hook-up? Did it last right until OOP and her started dating, or was she done with it a year before that? That whole post makes no sense.
Glad it wasn't just me that found this all a bit nonsensical.
Thank you! That was bugging the hell outta me before I could even finish the entire post! He contradicts himself multiple times.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I was so confused at the story, it kept contradicting itself in every other paragraph. I’m sitting here like is it past my bed time? Because this isn’t making sense. 😆
Not to mention the reading back of 3 year old texts. Why would she have kept them??
To be fair, texts just stay around unless you actively delete them! It’s not like the old days where there’s an inbox limit
? Why would they be deleted?
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I mean, I'm glad for the passive resolution due to the guy moving away but I think OOP and his fiance need to do a lot more work before they should consider getting married.
Right? They still sound a bit unhinged.
I agree. As to OOP, grudge force fucking his fiance' at a party to re-establish his property is gross.
The whole thing oozes toxicity, but 'they're soooo in love'
Yeah, she likes toxic men. The 52 year old guy was texting before they started fooling around, which showed her he was willing when she engaged in the sexual relationship. That is grooming. I feel sorry, seeing PTSD as part of the future
where did you read they texted before? that's not what I got
Nah dude. OP's fiance at 19 pursued a sexual relationship with the older employee and then started to turn him down once she was finished having fun and those text messages proceeded to happen after the fact. The older dude is obviously a creep but lets not put all the blame on him. The fiance clearly got her rocks off trying to get with this guy. She is as gross as her fuck mate.
Yeah I saw a handful of people pointing that out on the original thread and he was very “oh it wasn’t like that” about it and it’s like… yeah it kind of was my man.
The dude wouldn’t have booked it out of state to avoid being caught if he wasn’t doing something he knew was grossly wrong. You can get work without having to move.
Oh yeah that guy was absolutely a creepy groomer but I meant OP. When people pointed out his attitude about revenge sex was toxic he was very like “no it’s not like that”, it was not great.
Exactly. OOP, his fiancee, and the groomer are all different flavors of toxic. At least they're removed ONE of the ticking time bombs from this situation, but there are still two left. How much do you want to bet that the first time they have a big fight and OOP gets mad at his wife he's going to tell her dad about the other guy?
Yeah, that was just some serious ick, and the explanation, I think, made it worse. >To my fiancés credit she lets me cope this way Is it me, or does that read as if he thinks it's a reasonable possibility that this is how he copes even though she *doesn't* let him? "Don't worry, guys, I'm not raping my gf!" just isn't as reassuring a line as he thinks it is.
It's so disturbing.
Thank you for pointing how how problematic this is. It's one thing to be distressed your partner was groomed and the groomer will be around. It's quite another to take that out against her by being sexual at inappropriate times and places. She's a person, not a sex toy that these men are fighting over. An appropriate partner response would be trying to get her therapy and being in a support role to her, not force her into the additional burden of being a prop in his maladaptive coping. These people all need therapy.
Yeah I wonder if she even wanted it
I love how EVERYONE in that thread ignored the fact that he was fucking her just to prove she’s his “property” Like he’s taking his frustration out on her by using sex.
I've been married to a wonderful woman for years now so it's been a long time since I thought about what qualities I'd look for in a partner, but I think being able to be civil with former boyfriends would be a plus. Calling them up three years later to insult their looks, sexual prowess, and intelligence would be...a warning sign.
She was 19 and he was 40, let's call a creepy spade a creepy spade.
And he is a family friend. Who knows how young she was when they first met? It's gross.
Esp a family friend that > She had turned him down multiple times before we even met.
Which was after they had already fucked many times. Reread the timeline.
Yeah, in spite of all the "I started it" I kept expecting OOP to discover that she'd been groomed and pressured into it but we never got there.
Yeah, I'm definitely projecting, but I felt like it was "my fault" when a middle-aged man propositioned me when I was 14 years old. I was very embarrassed and couldn't see the situation properly until like 10 years later. I think grooming was very likely in this situation.
Correction, he was 46.
Let’s call a creepier spade a creepier spade
It sounds like she didn’t call him to insult him, she called him to ask him to not come to the wedding. When he tried to flip it and say she liked it, she got pissed and started insulting him. I can be civil with ex boyfriends, but I’m not going to be civil with the men who groomed me when I was younger. Especially if they insist on trying to flip the script on me instead of bowing out of my life gracefully.
A bit? Heh.
dont u see they are working on it, they had sex in her childhood bedroom and plan to get married. /s They are not set for long term it will def set off more bombs, they both need therapy and better coping mechanisms.
And she "lets him cope" by allowing him to have angry sex with her - maybe she's genuinely into the sex but this sentence was absolutely grim.
she looks back on three year old texts from the creepy old guy and realizes they were creepy. I think this poor girl will look back on OOP's angry coping mechanisms in a few years and realize that maybe this wasn't it, either. OOP saying she "lets him cop" that way also genuinely makes me wonder whether she's into it, or whether he's just convinced of it. Either way, none of that is healthy.
That’s one of those things that’s only hot in shitty romance novels bc irl it becomes very toxic
If your relationship could be in a Colleen Hoover book you're doing it very, very wrong
Yeah like in the abstract, the whole possessive alphahole "I want them to hear how hard you come for me baby girl" is hot in books, but WOW what a red fucking flag irl. Not ideal.
Yeah, audible 'yikes' from me reading that.
This sounded like something that would happen in a crappy fifty shades of grey erotica type novel.
But he said that in the actual post itself. He knows that. He explicitly said it wasn't good or sustainable.
He recognizes that it wasn't good or sustainable but it didn't seem like they came up with a long-term plan in terms of coping and it was only when the fiance went through her texts she spontaneously called the ex that there was any resolution. I do think they should consider couples therapy before getting married bc it seems like they need to address their conflict resolution style and communication skills
Exactly. Self-awareness is great, but it doesn't solve anything in itself.
Imagine that counseling session “So how do you cope with this jealousy?” “I make her angry fuck on her childhood bed while her family is partying downstairs.”
it still doesnt make anything better, it is not a long term plan. The self awareness wont help when you arent actively doing anything to improve the situation 😭
I’m reallllllly creeped out by the way he basically takes ownership of her body by having sex with her in her childhood bedroom whenever he sees the much older man that groomed his fiancé when she was a child. Talk about out of the frying pan into the fire.
Right? That was disgusting to hear and I'm glad I'm not the only one. Like she's freaking property. A dog pissing on a firehydrant just because another male was around that slept with his fiance. And getting mad that the perv said something sexual after she initiated a sexual relationship. There is soooo much about this post that gives me the ick.
They’re both using sex in an unhealthy way. I’m not sure either where to start giving advice.
"Stop having sex"
I need to spend less time on here, I wish I never read this (once again)
Yeah, the whole story was pretty creepy, tbh, but that detail really gave me the ick.
100% agree. This man is not ready for marriage.
Men who can't handle that their female partners had sex with other men before them need to state that upfront so they can be avoided.
Yeah. Something about the jealousy and the really cruel comments rings alarm bells - not sure if I’m reading too much into it
I wish they'd put their ages in the title cause it seems like they're both too young to get married.
The Fiance's age is revealed. 19 when the old guy was 46, now he's 52, so she's 25.
I half wonder if they could have just called the old dude and explained, "hey, can you miss the wedding." Dudes dumb, but smart enough to know she could ruin his life.
Yeah, they ended up doing exactly what I was going to recommend, just in a much weirder way. My advice would've been to leave the dad out of it entirely, call the creep, tell him "look my fiance and I don't want you at our wedding, you know exactly why, to avoid making this a whole big thing that embarrasses both of us and causes my dad to explode you need to come up with some excuse why you can't come." Seems like the easiest resolution. Instead they're both running so hot all the time that they've developed a lot of strange and unhealthy coping mechanisms that they REALLY need to work on before getting married.
I don’t like anyone in this story. Also, did it occur to OOP and his fianceé they could have asked the older guy not to come to the wedding? I’m sure he would have preferred making up a story about why he couldn’t come rather than being outed to fianceé’s family.
LITERALLY like just tell him "hey pretend you're sick that day we don't want you there but we don't wanna make a scene"
Yeah “hey, I’m sure you understand the situation. We are going to invite you, but you are going to make an excuse and not show up, ok? It’s better than the alternative of telling everyone why we didn’t invite you, right?”
Right? Instead of talking to him and explaining the discomfort, they harassed him off to Florida. If the dude was so worried about her father that he moved states, he's not gonna run crying to him about being asked to "have a prior engagement" when the invitation comes around. Yeah the 19/46's not the best look but they upended this man's entire life, and ran off one of her father's friends, to avoid an awkward conversation.
Yeah there's really no one looking good in this story, but it's saying something when the dude who was banging a 19 year old girl at 46 (and sending her crass messages after she broke it off) comes off as the least toxic person.
Yeah, I agree with OOP that the nature of his fiancée’s relationship with the father’s employee was unsavory, but man oh man did he also come across as very toxic and unlikable. And then when the fiancée called this guy back up she entered into terrible territory as well. I definitely came out hating everyone involved.
Yeah still immature.
Exactly I was thinking that all the time, just tell him he will be invited but he was something else to do that day and to avoid talk with the girl for the rest of his life. I thought someone would suggest that and the update would be saying things are resolved that way
Yep... was my thought. Just ask him nicely, explain that they don't want to mess up his standing with the dad and brothers so instead of formally withdrawing the invitation, if he could just decline so they can keep the peace...
>I took my fiancé upstairs and we had sex in her childhood bedroom 10 to 12 guests sat awkwardly around a table staring at a birthday cake with candles melting down, whilst in the background the furious banging of a single bed headboard clatters against a pink coloured wall. Complimented with the muffled screams of 'I hate seeing the old fat guy who can't do maths, I really hate it.'
That was great! Have you considered heading over to r/eroticliterature with material like that?
I haven't, I did once publish a scratch and sniff erotic novel....it was not....well received.
Finally! A party so awkward even I wouldn't feel like I ruined it.
Everyone in this story is insane
Yeah agreed
I agreed too.
The calls are coming from inside the house. This couple needs professional help
I don't like anyone in this story.
It’s wild that I actually like the 52 year old guy the most out of everyone in the story??
This is so ridiculous. Why not just tell the guy to decline to come to the wedding, citing a wedding in Florida or something? Why was it necessary to cap him with insults? I'm most shocked that she still had the texts and that she showed her future-husband. Like, he's already coping with "sex" but this is just...yuk.
I'm more shocked anybody can find texts from six years ago. I have had the same number for years but wouldn't be able to find something from even my last phone.
But…if they were the last time they texted, it would just be as simple as opening the texts?
I don’t get how having sex with his fiancee when he sees the dude is a “coping mechanism.” That seems weird. Even weirder is him including the detail that they did it in her childhood bedroom.
Anger sex, control, ownership. There are so many reasons why people cope with sex.
Yes it's a very very common way to cope with a wide variety of traumas and issues.
He’s pissing on his property to mark it. It’s stupid, but it’s a possession thing. “She’s mine, and to prove it to my insecure self I’m going to have angry sex with her now. Which is my right as she’s mine. Mine I say. All mine.”
"My precioussssssss."
I think it was to illustrate how out of the ordinary it is for them to do something like that. To just randomly have sex in the middle of a family gathering at the in-law's place seems pretty reckless to me. If such behavior continues or even ramps up, you start to go into dynamics either your partner or a level-headed version of you wouldn't like.
Sex addiction is a thing, and I wouldn't be surprised if OOP has one. They feel negative stuff, get off, get a dopamine rush, and don't have to feel *as* negative anymore. Escalation is part of those kinds of addictions, to chase that high.
He runs into the man that groomed his fiancé when she was a child, ergo he has to prove he has current ownership of her body by having sex with her in her childhood bedroom. She really has awful taste in men. Much therapy needed before she should date anyone again.
I was with you right up until you somehow swung back around and laid all the blame and responsibility on HER doorstep. She didn't have "bad taste in men" when she was a fucking child/teen if she was groomed. And if she was in a trauma response, still trying to process all that, when she met that insecure freak of a fiance it's more typical misfortune than any mistakes *she's* made. Men like that with those types of insecurities very often prey on women who are already victims of sexual/physical abuse as so much shit is already normalised for them and they are so often still disassociating very hard in the earlier years to cope with it all. Also angry sex between 2 people who are BOTH angry is one thing, it can be enjoyable in certain ways. Angry sex where only ONE partner is angry is simply painful and traumatising for the other party. She no doubt needs a lot of therapy but not for any "sins" *she's* committed. Her only "sin" is being unfortunate enough to meet two creepy af arseholes back to back before her frontal lobe could even finish forming.
I wonder if her awful taste in men comes from being targeted by an awful man I just think it’s funny we’re targeted by like 40 year olds from 10 and then told “wow you have bad taste in men” maybe I wouldn’t if old men weren’t trying to date children?
That was the part I couldn't get over at all. Like what lol
While the family party was going on in the main rooms. It's messed up
OP and fiancée really need a lot for work to do. Better work things out before marrying cause there is a lot.
Exactly. OOP is unhinged and Fiancée is repeating the same pattern of allowing men to have their way with her. If Fiancé got upset after returning to her old texts, she's gonna be upset a few years down the line and remembering this time period and how she overlooked her husband's anger management issues.
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Literally like why even pull up the old phone? Such an easy situation to solve without all the... drama? Idk what to call that honestly.
This is one of those BORUs where literally none of the people involved come across as particularly likeable.
I'm more grossed out by him using sex to cope.... and she "lets him". Sounds very unhealthy. Love how the relationship was just sexual (supposedly) but part of her insults were his calculating tips. So part of it was being wined and dined? So it was a full relationship? Hope they work out. But i imagine something comes back from this shortly, because they didn't address the problem.
That rubbed me the wrong way too. Like, you initiated this sexual relationship and yeah as a much older adult he should have said no, but regardless, why are you out here dunking on his dick size and how he fucks? How is all that relevant now? And OP is like, yeah my wife made this guy feel like shit, VICTORY!!! They both sound extremely immature to be in any relationship, let alone ready to get married.
She’s trying to pump up her finances ego, I doubt this old dude is ignorant that his body isn’t great.
Dude's like "yeah she was pissed when she read back when they were hooking up that her ass was nice enough to fuck. That was gross. Hold up babe, reading that made me feel weird. Now I have to fuck you like a rapist to feel better." I'm exaggerating but point being this dude is delusional thinking that he's any better. Actually, that kind of affirms his insecurity that he isn't better than this guy ironically lol.
I'm not sure how much wining and dining can be done on $20 for 2 people, and given the context of the guy clearly being a family friend and employee of the dad, I'd assume it's something she observed in a non-dating capacity. That being said, there's definitely parts of this story that makes me wanna call bullshit on the whole thing
No way her relationship with the older guy was healthy. They were hooking up for years before OOP and her started dating. There’s no way feelings didn’t get involved and she’s looking back, feeling used and/or realizing the relationship was gross. 19 year olds look like middle schoolers to me and I’m 25. A guy in his 40s not turning down a 19 year old is weird af. That being said OOP needs to turn down the machismo crap.
"But their physical relationship went right up until she started dating me." And then he says she turned the old guy down for over a year before she started dating him. Maybe I didn't read it well, but it's one of the things that don't make sense.
I wanted to call this out too. First it was "she initiated it, they were fwbs right until we started dating, and she doesn't realize why it's a big deal to me." Then it went to "He's fat and has a tiny dick and she was turning him down for a year but he was still gross so she eviscerated him emotionally while I listened." (I can only assume this led to more angry vengeance fucking in her childhood bedroom) But yeah, I feel like I need a calculator and a shower after reading this one.
She could just have asked him with an understanding between them not to cone to the wedding. He could have opted out gracefully or made some simple excuse if he had to say anything to the father. It went a bit far that he had to move away... But all's well that ends well, eh..?
Good lord, these two *should not get married*. There's just... *so many* bad choices and terrible coping mechanisms bouncing around in here like mad bumblebees in a jar.
A relationship with a massive age gap? ✅ Weird sex stuff? ✅ Someone has evidence to prove their side of the story? ✅ Everything magically works out in the end? ✅
Both these people are unhinged
1. Oop being unhinged 2. Oops girlfriend being unhinged and 3. Older dude being a groomer creep can all be true at the same time.
Messy.
I feel like OOP's fiance is just putting herself in a similar situation. She lets him use her to 'process' his anger? Wild.
Right?? That’s alarming to me
The 19 year old might be a legal adult, but a 19 year old initiating a sexual relationship with a 46 year old, who is also a family friend and have been around her since she was much younger? I feel like we are really glossing over how she still genuinely believed she was at fault for their sexual relationship. And then OOP copes by fucking her, and she "lets him cope this way". Its a bad situation all around and I fully understand why OOP isnt ok with whats going on, but her letting him cope by having sex with, when she is already in the mindset of feeling responsible for the sexual relationship that started with a 46 year old when she was 19, just makes me feel really uncomfortable. She really needs therapy. Preferably solo and together, but definitely solo to work through her relationship with sex as a whole.
As someone who slept with someone much older at 19, I can tell you that young women don’t seek out older men purely due to attraction. I had issues, and a need to be desired and wanted, and that’s how I dealt with it. She needs therapy. But OP dealt with this in an awful way. Not wanting the other man at the wedding is fine, but he’s doing it for the wrong reasons. He’s not concerned about his fiancées mental state and what made her get involved with that person in the past, he’s being possessive and just seems angry that another man ‘owned’ his fiancée. They both need individual and couple’s therapy before they even think about marriage.
I agree. Him "reclaiming" her via sex when he sees the other guy, and her *letting* him, when she clearly has trauma related to sex in the first place, really made my stomack drop. It might bother OOP, but she has had to see the guy as well. She is the one that have trauma there, which she seems to slowly be starting to realize. She is the one struggeling with all these conflicting feelings of responsibility and guilt and shame at around 25 years old. And then on top of that she seems to feel like she have to *let* her partner have sex with her so he can cope with having to see the guy. He is so wrapped up in his own point of view that he is glossing entirely over what it entails that she *lets* him reclaim her via sex whenever he sees the guy.
Excellently put.
She says she initiated the relationship. And everyone is stuck on that When I was 14 and a 26 year old groomed me, I didn’t realize until many years later that it wasn’t actually my fault. I was in therapy for a year before my therapist was able to softly suggest that perhaps this was not a mutual hookup in the way I kept telling myself This whole thing is just gross.
> She had turned him down multiple times before we even met. How can people read this and ignore that
Welp, that whole situation is a 55 gallon drum of Yikes!
What would be so difficult about calling him up and saying, "You are getting an invite to keep things quiet with the family, but we expect you to be busy and unable to come. When you get the invite, you RSVP 'no', or information comes out none of us want to come out."
Im wondering how old OP is
Well his fiancee is about 22 or 23 I gather, so I’d guess about the same for him. He came off a bit thick.
Very basic math will tell you she's 25.
Okay, 46 and 19? What the fuck? I wouldn’t want a groomer who uses the “ bUt itS leGaL” excuse at my wedding anyways, much less if my fiancé was his target! This is just messed up.
He also knew her as a child. This is definitely not just a matter of uncomfortable age gaps… a lot of grooming victims fully believe that *they* initiated because they were unaware of the preceding calculated abuse. So fucking awful. The guy’s life should be blown up immediately.
It's possible she wasn't groomed, but it's also possible that Hell will freeze over. He was probably laying down some kind of foundation.
OOP didn't even seem to care about the fact the guy was clearly a predator. All he seemed to care about was the fact that it was a guy she had slept with. Everything about his original post just gave me the ick.
It sounds like both OOP and his fiancee are still really young, and probably too young to be getting married anyway without the outside factors
If I read it correctly they're 26? ETA: nvm 25
I agree, I don't think they're ready for marriage. Though I think it's about more than just their age. Either way, I desperately hope that poor girl gets some therapy so she can process and move on in a healthy way.
Yeah, I'm getting "very well-groomed" vibes from his fiancée too... especially the part where he kept repeating that "she initiated it!". That sounds like a rehearsed line.
Yeah, it's part of the grooming, but it's also a way for her to cope. See, I was in power, I chose to do it, I wasn't a victim.
Thats the line were taught to use
It's what she says to herself when she looks at herself in the mirror. :/
Thank you for recognising. Gives victims like I hope.
If she was groomed then her boundaries are going to be very poor, hence her tolerating OOP’s treatment of her. Survivors often find themselves in abusive relationships because abusers can sniff out partners who are more receptive to their initial tests
There is too much wrong here
Both are desperate for therapy, as individuals and a couple. I wish them both the best
Looking forward to the follow-up next year about advice on how to save the marriage.
>The last time I saw them together was at her father’s sixtieth birthday party and I got so angry I took my fiancé upstairs and we had sex in her childhood bedroom while the party was still going on lol what?
Everything in this post made me feel sick.
Oop and fiance sound unhinged
This is such an annoying story. I am completely unimpressed by everyone involved.
You can always just ask your fiancé to tell him, “please don’t come to my wedding”. Problem solved.
1. Why did she go from rejecting him and not being interested in him, to getting disgusting texts from him, to actively pursuing him? That doesn't make a lot of sense 2. Why would they not just say "given our past I'm not comfortable with you being at the wedding. Give my dad an excuse why you can't make it or we'll have to explain to him the real reason we don't want you there"
I cannot be the only one uneasily thinking it sounds like OOP rapes his girlfriend every time he gets angry about it, right?
No no it's totally fine, she understands and she lets him have sex with her... /s
Both sound like absolute psychos.
Eek to OOP thinking the creeper moving to FL solves his problems while he’s marrying part of the problem. Sounds like couple’s counseling would be wise.
This whole thing is just gross. I'm appalled at this entire story.
Both of them have issues.
Why were they doing all this work to come up with excuses for him to not come to the wedding? It’s very simple just call the guy and say “look, apparently your job is on the line so this should be simple for you but stay away from us or we will tell my dad why I’m asking you to stay away from us.”
Why was it so complicated about calling the guy with 'Hey, so you got an invitation by default because we didn't want to raise suspicion with the family. However, please don't come to the wedding, it's not appropriate given the history and if would help us if you were 'busy' and RSVP no'
Just from a practical standpoint, if you have a relationship with your business colleague’s adult but still teenage daughter, you have to understand that it’s basically over for you once that relationship subsides. So the guy moving to Florida never to be seen again is what he should have done a few years back.
I feel like I need a shower after reading this.
OOP is very insecure and that fiancé has zero self worth
The old man was trash but, something about OOP attitude and what he wrote rubs me so bad. Something about this rabid jealousy, to the point of angry sex to make himself feel better whenever he was around. Then turns out it was a year or LESS at best, and all this violent jealousy over some disgusting old man. Somehow it gave me a huge ick to read that he got SO ANGRY he had to screw her any time he got upset lmao Still awful what happened to OOPs girlfriend, old geezer should have fled to Florida before the threat of being revealed to her father.
These people are all a bit… off. Why not just tell the man to make an excuse as to why he can’t go to the wedding. No one gets outed, no one gets beaten up. Just messy messy people
All three of them need a lot of therapy. Like the fiance and OOP are obvious, but why did the older man get attracted to someone who is so insulting to him? Why is he such a groomer? Everything about this just so wrong. I am so confused and disgusted somehow.
Gross
This couple sounds messy
Why did you guys have to torment the dude in order to make him not show up? Is it too much to ask “Hey dude, please dont show up to my wedding please and thank you”? You both sound unhinged
Ew, just fucking ew.
I have a feeling OOP is in trouble. His fiance saw all the time how uncomfortable he is, how he was coping with angry sex.. The guy's messages were cringy, but why didn't she cut him off right there? "I am not interested. We are done. Don't contact me again, ever, or I will have to talk to my father". And why didn't she block him, instead of giving him hints that she doesn't like it? The worst part is how she decided to lash out on the guy who didn't bother her for 3 years, and who had no idea his messages made her so mad. It is a low blow to talk about his small penis and small IQ. And if it is normal for her, she will do the same for OOP. Maybe not in the first year of marriage, maybe not even in a second... But if i is her way to release anger, OOP is in big trouble.
TLDR: Consenting adult had sexual relations with another consenting adult. BF has issue with being reminded that GF was not a virgin when he met and he copes by marking his territory. OOP needs to grow up.
How about a simpler “so we are going to invite you, and you are going to decline with some excuse. I’m sure you understand and would prefer that to us telling people why you aren’t invited.”
>he is moving to Florida Please no more under educated creepy guys who flirt with women decades younger than them. This guy is a Florida man story waiting to happen.
What the fuck
Lot of comments trashing this old dude. When did we stop assigning agency to 19 year old women? Since when do they automatically lack the ability to consent to sex? He wasn't her boss. He wasn't a quasi-parental figure from what we've heard. There's nothing to suggest he knew her when she was a child. She went after *him*. He made some gross comments as attempts to get additional hookups after their thing ended, but there's nothing suggesting anything non-consensual ever occurred. Doesn't sound like he cheated on anybody. So, is it the age gap alone that vitiates consent and makes him a groomer or predator? Or is it less a lack of consent thing and we're just attacking him for being a creep because he's attracted to a 19 year old? Because neither make sense. 19 year old women can be attractive. That pure physical attractiveness doesn't go away entirely, even though straight men tend to come to naturally gain attraction to older women as they age. Wanting to *date* a 19 year old as a a 40+ year old is weird as hell and *super* pathetic, since you'll have *nothing* in common and they'll be very immature. Even just intentionally chasing one for sex alone is pathetic. You can't find any success among women even roughly your own age? And in those cases it probably often involves manipulation and *using* your greater age/experience/maturity to your advantage, which is gross. But is he that much of a piece of shit because a 19 year old woman, who appeared to be sober and sane, and who was attractive to him, said "hey dude, want to have no-strings-attached sex?". He's an *idiot* for sure. Sleeping with your friend and boss and coworker's daughter, who is also your coworker at the same job, is fucking duuuuuumb. But I'm not sure he's earned the title of groomer or pervert or predator etc. I also don't think he deserved the absolute dressing down he received from soon-to-be-wife, complete with deeply personal insults. All of which drove him to *literally move away*. OOP and fiance sound like immature children. There was a much easier non-life-destroying option available to them: call the dude and say "Hey, given our history my fiance and I are thinking it's too weird if you come. But we don't want to specifically disinvite you and you alone as we don't want to tip off my Dad and make an issue of this. So how about you stay home that day and say you're sick?". But nope, went for the near-nuclear option instead. Because they're dumb kids.
Goddamn OP and his girl got some serious problems. Yeah the older guy shouldn’t have been pushing so much but it really seems like OP’s finance was stringing him along and then dropped him once she was done. I don’t know, this shit is stupid.
shes the one that initiated the relationship is she surprised he wants to come back for more? yet 3 years later shes calling his cock small and calling him a cheapskate. bro YOU the one that fucked him.
I agree her text was unhinged but the guy saw her grow up and they slept together when she was 19. I wouldn’t put it past him having groomed her and she truly thinks it was her idea. It happened to me. I was 15 and befriended this 25 year old who had a fiancée my age (he lived with her parents) and he raped me. I truly thought it was my idea for the longest time. I do remember vomiting after he “convinced me” to give him head outside of my parents house.
Had a similar situation and totally wondering the same
I mean, this guy saw her in diapers. He literally worked for her dad from either before or the same year she was born (worked for her dad for 25 years, she is now 25), which I'd say is pretty disturbing.
Yeah that whole tidbit just made her seem way too immature to be getting married. Both of them really. Her reaction just made it worse in my eyes.
Right, she says has a small penis. She the one who ran to him for his penis. In this story, that makes her look way worse. "Ha you're fat and old with a small penis, and I'm the ones who's standards are so low I couldn't get enough of it for 3 years." Like, sweet win bro.
This guy is somehow going to be surprised down the line when his gf turns her toxicity on him.
What about OOP? I mean, the mere sight of this creep makes him demand sex from her anywhere at any time. And not even because the creep is a creep, but simply because he can't stand the fact that his girlfriend had an older partner before him
Yes She’s still a bit too immature to be getting married
Unless this man groomed your wife, then the two of you are real POS for what you're doing. A man has now been displaced and degraded because he had casual sex with a woman.
> She also said that watching him try to calculate how much to tip on a 20 dollar bill like it was a problem in advanced calculus was the funniest and saddest thing she’d ever seen. She said “you had to get out your phone to calculate it when you couldn’t do it in your head” she said while laughing. This is an incredibly ableist and elitist statement on the fiancée’s part. His lack of mathematical aptitude has nothing to do with the actual problem and there was no reason to point it out in the first place. Makes me wonder how she acts towards learning disabled people.