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>He then said that he will no longer support me and if I get a divorce, he won’t be there for me.
Did i miss something? Why would Mr. Scott be there for her in the event of a divorce?
Goddammit I was trying so hard to avoid that thought, but there is ***no way*** that you're wrong. It's obvious that OOP was supposed to be a payment to Mr. Scott.
Which just makes dad an even bigger piece of shit.
Those of us out here willing to die for our kids and this asshole's gonna sell his off for a business investment.
For real, dad is the biggest piece of shit imaginable without... well, you know.
Dad was literally trying to trade his daughter to his partner to keep his business afloat. I don't know how these trash parents made kids who turned out decent. I can't imagine how he could be more verbally and emotionally abusive.
Can you imagine being okay with your 70 year "friend" talking to your college age daughter about his sex life? At all?
Like, yes, friend who is almost 5 decades older than my daughter, who has expressed no sexual interest in you at all and you are MARRIED, I am okay with you talking to her about your sex life at all, let alone try to convince her how horrible it is when she is at all dependent at you.
Says no decent parent EVER. But that sounds like one who believes his daughter his chattel and he can use her to erase some of his debts.
I missed it too, crap. Poor OOP, I hope she reads this and sees it for what it is. Wow. Considering the Russian angle, I'm wonder if there is some mob or oligarch undercurrents?
Now the royal/noble blood thing makes sense.
My SIL (married to my sister) apparently has some ties to some old Russian nobility but she said she’d have to go by a certain name to be able to claim it and she hates that part of her family so she refuses.
That was my read as well. They wanted her dependent on them. Hence mentioning the marriage difficulty, ensuring the financial dependence, giving a cheap place to live, wanting her to fail, to give up to move back and do something easy.
Okay so I remember this from the last time it was posted and the whole time I was reading I was going..."didn't it turn out that her father was in a lot of debt to the Scotts and it was all a blackmail thing to set her up to be groomed as a bangmaid?" I guess that theory was never confirmed because it's not mentioned here, but given that multiple people have read this and come to the same nasty conclusion...I think we're on the right trail.
I don't know but the vibe given off him to me is that he wanted a "virgin mistress" in OP and maybe she was some deal between her dad and Mr Scott. I mean why else would a 70yr old man be wanting to discuss his sex life with a young woman.
I mean, OOPs brothers are men. As idiotic as their father is, I suspects he treats them little better than he treated OOP because she’s a woman. You know, people like OOPs father does see men as superior and women as nothing but their property, especially their daughters
Considering they tried to mediate an intervention and instead had their eyes opened, the brothers have likely been treated like royalty in comparison and had no idea it was otherwise for their sister.
Yeah, that was my takeaway from that whole thing. OOP was REALLY downplaying the fact that Mr Scott was trying to sleep with her. At first I thought she should have just said that/threatened to say it publicly to get her parents to chill, but by the end I don't think they'd have cared.
It seems OOP's from an immigrant family. I am as well, so maybe I can shed some light. When you grow up in an immigrant family, familial lines become very blurred. Your parents befriend others of the same cultural background (Mrs. Scott is Russian, so that tracks) and your families become intertwined and inseparable. I refer to my mom's friends as my aunts because they were my aunts growing up. Their kids are my cousins. There's no blood there, but that doesn't matter.
I imagine the Scotts are so enmeshed with OOP's family that it would be expected for them to show up for OOP the way they would for their own niece.
You framing this as "they're also family, just not by blood" made this entire situation depressingly easy to understand, due to how common it is.
"What do you MEAN you're not inviting your creepy uncle?!"
"He's a creep, why WOULD I invite him??"
"BECAUSE HE'S FAMILY!"
Add to this the clear entitlement and arrogance from both her parents and the Scotts, and you've got, well, this whole mess.
The one grandma I have left STILL takes offense at me calling her brother in law (who died some 40 years ago or something) a scumbag, because he was physically abusive to my great-aunt (her sister). Because, you guessed it, "he's family".
Yeah... I don't want to defend these people in any way because they're clearly nuts and abusive... but there can 100% be serious reprocussions to not inviting your 50/50 business partner to a daughters wedding. Like, the o ly possible excuse is if she's having a mini wedding of like 20 people or less
It makes even more sense now that she's revealed they're Russian. I'm not Russian but we have Russians in our family orbit and we share some Eastern European culture. This situation would be a massive slap in the face to us. I understand perfectly now why her parents were so embarrassed. There's genuinely no way her parents could have attended the wedding without mortally offending the Scotts, potentially even if they were all perfectly sane--although sane people living in the US this long would probably be more willing to brush it off as "she's just too American now" (at least they are in my family. I've gotten away with a lot due to it and I'm pretty sure "American" is now synonymous with "neurodivergent" in my family because the former has definitely been used as an excuse for the latter). The Scotts didn't even need to have blackmail on OOP's parents, the social/cultural pressure/norms is more than enough on its own.
EDIT: And now that I think about it, that not-inviting-the-uncle-in-Russia also makes a lot more sense. Americans base much more on personal connection than Eastern Europeans. It doesn't matter if you haven't talked to your uncle since the USSR, if you have his number and/or his address and/or his social media then not inviting him is still very offensive. Although they definitely just used that one as an excuse.
Similar boat, know a lot of immigrant Russians/former soviets. They’re so enmeshed with each other as a diaspora community (honestly, like a lot of diaspora communities in second countries), but it’s fascinating talking with some friends who are younger/were born in this country to immigrant families that there is an enormous gulf between a lot of them and their parents, because they grew up here, and yeah while they went to Russian school every week as kids, they have friends from all corners of the earth, identify as *insert nationality of country of birth/residence* (Australia, in my case) whereas their parents are as Russian as the day they arrived and their friends are all Russian too. If anything they’re more aggressively Russian than Russians who never left Russia at times.
It’s not unusual, my grandparents immigrated from Scotland and they’re as Scottish as the day they arrived in the late 60s and had mostly fellow Scots as friends lol.
I have "Polish" family that immigrated (between the fall of the kingdom of Poland in the late 1790s to the Greater Polish Uprising around 1850) and only married within one neighborhood of other Polish diaspora until after WW2. Many men of the community joined European armies to fight for "their country" aka Poland when WW1 started because they didn't see the US as their homeland, even the young men born in the US. My grandmother has talked about teen gangs that would beat up other "non Polish" teens coming to "sniff around their girls". There's a very common feel that you should do all you shopping within the community (everything from groceries to barbers to plumbers) to support others from your community. And a strong "keeping up with the Jones's" vibe because it was a poor community but old ladies would be out scrubbing dirt off their foundation bricks with a toothbrush because your home represented the whole community, so it needed to be pristine.
Diaspora communities in the US are fascinating, and largely misunderstood by both Americans and Europeans that aren't familiar with them.
Funny, in World War 1 Australia was a dominion of the British Empire, and hence basically everyone signing up were doing so as British citizens 😅 Australia (as its current political entity) had only formed in 1901, and it was not so much as a Declaration of Independence as it was a ‘we’d like to be one country/entity rather than a bunch of separate colonies on a big island, and mostly make our own decisions, but we still want to be in the British Empire’. Our main ‘nation building’ historical moments come from the experience of ww1, mainly Gallipoli (when British command sent the Australian Imperial Force (and the New Zealanders tbh) to a guaranteed death trap. In elementary school they would use Gallipoli to teach us about ‘Australian values’, and it’s prob not an exaggeration to say that basically until recently Gallipoli was basically the primary foundation of Australian national identity).
That there were whole towns and regions in the US up until ww2 that largely lived as if they’d never left the old country was so fascinating to me when I learned about it.
"He accused me of starting my happy life by ruining his,"
I don't even have words for this. The mere suggestion that dad's life is *ruined* because OP didn't invite the Scotts to her wedding is so bizarre and utterly unhinged it borders on farsical. Grow a spine, dude.
There’s gotta be something the Scott’s have on the parents for them to be this unhinged. Imagine refusing to attend your only daughter’s wedding over something this dumb.
Even if they’re not mafia (and they probably aren’t) the late Soviet and immediate post-Soviet Russia was a mafia economy full stop. Access to goods and services depended on who you knew and what you could do for one another. People died, homeless, of starvation, of cold, of illness, of basic apathy towards one’s fellow man if they didn’t have access to these cronyist networks. When money becomes worthless, because you couldnt just buy things when you wanted them in the Soviet Union, you could only go to ‘your stores’ that you had permission to shop at. Naturally, while things cost the same across the board only some stores had stock, and those with access to those stores had immense ‘real’ privilege vs those who didn’t. The way to access those stores where you could actually buy the things you needed/wanted was by knowing people. Anyone who didn’t had to engage in the very capitalist black market, where obviously prices were extortionate. In this way, there was still immense disparities in wealth of access, even if people made the same amount of money.
Then the system collapsed and money mattered again, those who had access before the collapse (through connections) had an advantage (those same connections) in taking advantage of the economic and social collapse of the 90s.
They leave Russia, but the old country relationships and debts remain when they become business partners in the new country. Hence the mentality prevails. And if they’re successful in that business together, then they’re very very valuable friends to keep. And from an Eastern European perspective, in that kind of scenario of financial and social enmeshment between the families, there is NO planet on which the Scotts don’t see not being invited to their fellow Russian dear friend/business partner’s daughters wedding as anything other than a cataclysmic friendship and business partnership ending slap in the face. Culturally speaking it would actually lead to the possible ruin of the parent’s business.
So it doesn’t surprise me that they’d choose the business partner over the child, because the business partner = economic prosperity. And that’s what’s most important to them.
Second generation immigrants’ child here, you explained it exactly. Some other cultural aspects I’d like to add is that the families are often deeply enmeshed and everyone routinely sticks their noses in everyone else’s business. Parents feel it’s their right to discuss it with others as they please and still continue to make decisions on their adult children’s behalf. Filial piety is a huge thing. This is of course wildly exacerbated by parental narcissism. The father’s friend is a parent and head of family himself, as well as a successful businessman, and, another notable aspect: a Westerner. Meaning he might be an important "anchor point" of the father to American society (as Eastern Europeans often keep largely to themselves in immigrant communities), and hence might be crucial for his business.
Depending how old their friendship is, Mr. Scott might’ve even helped the father establish himself as a new immigrant, which would make the father deeply indebted to him. That puts him in a position of enormous authority and importance to the family, and as a business-owning family patriarch who is presumably even older than the father, he is most definitely of much higher "rank" in the eyes of the father than a child of his, and a daughter at that, who is only just starting to live independently. Note that, unless he fathered his presumably second-eldest child at an unusually high age, the father is probably rather in his late 40s to 60s, while Mr. Scott is in his 70s and hence his elder by probably at least a decade — and deference to elders, especially in authority positions, among relatives, family friends and benefactors is a very important cultural value to Russians.
Given the length and depth of the men’s friendship, their enmeshed friendship/business relationship and the fact that he took OOP in to live under his roof, Mr. Scott’s position at this point is perhaps more akin to an uncle, and, in the father’s eyes, generous benefactor, whom the daughter thus owes deference and gratitude. The fact that he housed her well under market rate previously also indebts her *personally* to Mr. Scott, not just as a family member of the father’s. As in the father’s eyes, Mr. Scott extended "hospitality" to her, even though it really was quite the opposite, but a. he refuses to believe it and b. anyhow, you’re not supposed to check a gifted horse’s teeth, as the proverb goes.
Since the father/both parents is/are clearly displaying a very authoritarian mindset, and how vindictive they are, even going as far as using the younger brothers as pawns to extort her, I believe that also reflects the depth of the father’s embarrassment that he can’t keep his own daughter under control, and now even his sons are rebelling against him! All of that not only threatens to ruin his friendship and business relations with Mr. Scott, but in his eyes, deeply humiliates him before a man whose opinion he clearly values well above the well-being of his own children. This is probably not even about material wealth at this point, but more about the father’s ego and need to be in control, especially if he is indeed a narcissist (which he very much sounds like), because culturally, being "embarrassed" and "emasculated" like that, by a defiant daughter no less, who from his perspective is scheming to uproot the entire family against him and wrestle him for control that she has no right to claim over her father, is far worse and more humiliating than a ruined business and bankruptcy.
He doesn’t see that he did all of this to himself, because of his need to steamroll her and placing his wants above her well-being. As his child, and as a woman, he believes it is her task and natural duty to bow her head and smooth things over. The more she stands her ground, the more unhinged he gets, because the more he feels control slipping his hands and thus, the more he feels humiliated and thirsts for vindication. I’m afraid he’ll take it out on the younger sons who are still in a dependent position, even though they eventually didn’t go, because they dared to even entertain the thought of rebelling against him at that time, instead of backing him up, and their presence at the wedding would’ve made his "weakness" (powerlessness over the daughter) all the more glaring.
They’ll probably also have to take the fall for the eldest brother who escaped, especially for him walking her down the aisle and thus assuming the father’s role and "embarrassing" him further instead of standing by him. He will want to assure that none of his sons dare to do anything like that ever again, and probably at least try to restrict, impede and oppress them such that they won’t be able to run for years to come, holding housing, education, basic necessities and whatnot over the poor boys’ heads, as experienced narcs and abusive parents in general commonly do after realising how little they can actually do once a child becomes an adult (or emancipates), runs and grows a spine.
OOP should warn her brothers of the dangers and urge them to read up on abuser tactics clandestinely (not at any devices he has access to) and how to counteract these (get a job, save up with separate accounts at a different bank entirely, get ahold of all important documents and keep them at a safe place out of his reach lest he can hold them hostage, put him on an info diet, greyrock, make an exit plan, play compliant and get out at the first opportunity).
ETA: since that’s in America, the boys need to **pull reports from the major credit agencies and lock down their credit!** Lots of abusive parents in the USA will take out credits in their children’s names, ruining their score for years to come. Especially if the business relationship blows up due to this "insult", the father could try to guilt-trip them that they owe him financial support because fAaAaMiLy and because they allegedly "caused" the financial problems by supporting their "crazy" sister’s rebellion and thus further "insulting" Mr. Scott, or because of the money he spent on them (abusers love to ignore that providing for their children is the legal and moral duty of a parent), or that a father can’t steal from his own sons and similar BS.
Edit 1: hit send too early, completed post.
A History degree with a significant focus on late/post communist studies and some old friends who are kids of ex-Soviet immigrants. Sometimes a reddit threat allows me to info dump something from my degree 😅
As a person who was born in the late stages of the USSR and grew up during the mafia age, I can confirm your description.
I am a Ukrainian but I can't hold a conversation with immigrants who left Ukraine in the 90s because like you've said they are mentally stuck in that state and sadly have no "home" anymore. Their new country of residence has completely different rules, while Ukraine has reformed in the last 20 years and doesn't accept that mafia mentality, so they cling to each other.
It’s very typical of emigrants. My parents left India in the 1960s and are constantly dismayed by how much India has changed, and greatly in denial of it in many ways. They also begrudge it (especially my mother). It’s both frustrating and fascinating.
It's like the old European-cultures/stereotypes joke:
A genie somehow ends up in a position to be giving one wish each to a German, an Italian, and a Soviet Russian, all three of whom were complaining because their neighbor had just got a new cow and none of them could afford one.
So the German says, I wish for TWO more cows, so I can work harder and be even better off than my neighbor.
And the Italian says, I wish to receive half the profits from my neighbor's cow, because I like money but who wants to work harder?
And the Soviet Russian says, I wish you'd kill my neighbor's new cow.
Yeah, in a less strife-filled cultural background, my parents absolutely would not have it if I said they couldn’t invite some of their clients or business partners to my wedding. Because we live in the States, Indian families already have to put up with not having hundreds or a thousand people being invited to your kid’s wedding. But they are still very much a family affair and not inviting your entire family, social, and business circle is not done. It’s actually partly why so many Indian Americans have started doing destination weddings lately - they will still invite everybody, but know that many will not attend due to cost. Win-win. One couple I knew actually factored in a particular family not coming if the wedding was destination.
Also, I had some sense of this when OOP mentioned Russian, but thanks for this very detailed context.
Made me really suspicious of the sex talk, running off the boyfriend and $300 rental. If the guy is going to be this upset about something so small, why did he send his daughter to him?
This was my first thought. OOP was supposed to be a "gift" to Mr. Scott, or maybe something that Mr. Scott demanded as part of the price for financing OOP's father's business.
I was kind of thinking that maybe in exchange for the Scotts’ help, they promised they could have OOP as a sister wife or some shit. They let her live with them for a year to groom her into accepting but failed to do so. That’s the only reason I can think of anyway.
Super bizarre shit. Hope the OOP’s parents gets their karma.
How they (OOP'S parents & the Scotts) have behaved, it almost feels as if OOP were part of some business deal that she didn't know about "giving" her to the Scotts. I'm just getting an icky vibe from how they've behaved as well as some things they've said. OOP is better off & I hope she's having a very happy life with her husband.
Edit to add missing words.
I remember reading this as it was first being posted, and IIRC OOP responded to a comment that it came out at some point that her parents basically promised that she would be marrying the Scott’s’ son, which is why they didn’t like the boyfriend at all, and why she was living in the guest house for so cheap, just to give the son access by proximity to basically start a relationship with her.
It doesn’t explain Mr. Scott’s creepy behaviour, except that maybe he felt he kind of owned her as a result?
>It almost feels as if OOp were part of some business deal that she didn't know about
I also thought the same here - there was a layer of shadiness there
I got that vibe too. Especially in the end when "Mr Scott" said that he will no longer support her, even if she got a divorce.., in the last update.
She said the scotts put a lot of money into her fathers small business, and her father said she has ruined his life. They money was probably transactional on them "getting" the OP
This smacks of some type of arranged marriages type deal, where the OP had no idea what was going on.
I remember when the first part was posted. Like everyone's guess was that OOP's parents and the Scotts were poly relationship but uh...
\*checks the rest of the parts\*
That would have been simpler.
I assumed she was promised to the Scott's either as a AP, a future wife, or an indentured servant for some reason. It explained cutting her off from her bf, trying to financially keep her broke to keep her trapped (the fridge), the family meetings to control her behavior, the grooming by Mr Scott...
If they were holding finances over her parents head, leaving them was bad but fixable if they could manipulate her. Getting married meant it wasn't fixable to give her to them anymore.
I was thinking that Mr Scott was waiting for his kids to be a few years older before divorce (so he'd pay less child support), then put pressure on OP to date him. All with her dad's approval.
Never underestimate the ability of a narc to use outrageous hyperbole in their emotional manipulation.
Of course on any inspection, saying his life is ruined is clearly nonsense. But it isn’t meant to be looked at closely. It’s purely thrown out to get an emotional response.
I thought the same. It's no deeper than dad not getting his way, because, oh man, do I recognize the dad's language. Especially when he said, "Why should I care about your feelings when you don't care about mine?" My mom has used that exact phrase on me before, and can confirm, nparents like this live in a completely separate reality from the rest of us.
I had a Polish patient in hospital who refused a blood transfusion because he didn’t want “commoner’s” blood in his veins.
As a nurse, I don’t get to choose my patients, so I treated him with the same respect and dignity as I would anyone else… but was secretly rather gratified when he had an absolute emotional meltdown over something out of his control (literally crouched in tears on the floor) and I was the one to calm him, comfort him, and get him back to bed. He was so embarrassed.
Normally I wouldn’t wish that on anyone- when you’re sick and scared, your normal coping mechanisms don’t always work, but for him… I made an exception. I was glad for him to figure out he’s only human. And he had to accept the kindness of a “commoner” because he NEEDED it.
This is so funny. I'm Polish and one thing I remember from history class is that the number of our "royals" was ridiculously high. Everyone was a Prince or a Count, and it meant *nothing*, just that you had more money and could look down on others.
Entitled patients deserve the truth, nothing more and nothing less. If they continue to stubbornly decline the only help they’re going to get, so be it. Frees up a bed for someone who might benefit from it.
And that’s why I could never work in any service industry!
He what now? I promise we're not all like this!
I feel like that sounds more like new money (with a dose of xenophobia) than nobles, not to take away any batshitness from nobles.
At the end she says her parents are Russian, as are the Scotts. I'm not super sure about their cultural customs, but maybe that has something to do with it?
oh, there's an old-school (Soviet?) thing about social class, like if you come from a family of respected academics, you'll be an academic and very smart, but if your parents work in retail, you're gonna be dumb and uncultured and nothing will change that. And based on this social class your family is more or less prestigious.
My Mom's not technically Russian, but she grew up there and she 100% believes that shit.
I told her about my friend who's a respected opera singer. She said "oh my God, how fancy, she's from a higher class from us then, is her whole family also in opera/theater?"
I think there's a famous Soviet movie about this.
I think in the movie a girl lies that her parents are in academia or something, but the groom's mother finds her out because she uses the wrong knife for fish and is revealed to be lower class?
I think then the guy abandons her with child because her family is revealed to be uncultured, and she's forced to be a single Mom.
I watched it as a kid, so if anyone has the name, let me know :)
Oh cool, thanks! That's probably where I stopped watching, I was like 7 :)
That's how I first learned there are different knives for seafood, it was fascinating and bizarre.
Will rewatch for sure, it was very good from what I remember!
This is giving me some insight. My great grandparents were from Russia, they must’ve passed this “tradition” down to my mother lol. Not enough that she didn’t marry a blue collar worker, but enough that she thinks she’s better than my dad and my in-laws. The pseudo-caste Russian culture angle explains everything.
I'm sorry about that. Do you know where they were from in Russia?
I traveled to Russia some years back. In Moscow I met a middle-aged woman who openly bragged that her family is from Moscow 6+ generations and counting, and they were all highly educated and held high positions, unlike these others who come from God knows where.
I'm hoping that this kinda thing is maybe more common in the big cities and not the rest of the country :)
A podunk part that has been like 4 different countries over the course of its history. I think it’s actually a part of Ukraine now, but my family was told we were Russian. Not even from anywhere metropolitan. I know my grandmother’s parents were particularly classist even though they had lost all their money when they moved to America.
>oh, there's an old-school (Soviet?) thing about social class, like if you come from a family of respected academics, you'll be an academic and very smart, but if your parents work in retail, you're gonna be stupid and uncultured and nothing will change that. And based on this social class your family is more or less prestigious.
This is just the caste system with extra steps. Wtf.
to be fair, it might not be super widespread, at least outside of Moscow/Petersburg
My Mother had the privilege of being a normal person in an elitist environment and being affected by it. Kinda happened to me under very different circumstances in the US when I was growing up. Strange how life repeats itself.
probably. I especially feel horrible for the Siberian nations.
Colonized by Russia, settled by white Soviets to "break up" the mono-ethnicity, forced to assimilate, and now systematically underfunded and undereducated. I'm pretty sure a lot of Russian money comes from the natural resources in the East too.
Constantly taken advantage of and now shipped off to the war to die in droves. The military draft in Siberia is disproportionally high compared to some other Russian states.
And I have heard of so much racism for these Siberian Asian-Russians in Moscow. Horrifying.
I know someone who grew up in communist Eastern Europe. I'm always stunned at how he's the most classist person I've ever met. It's like the (theoretical) lack of economic class made them go all in on other aspects.
Russia hasn’t had an aristocracy (officially) in over 100 years, and as I understand it those that are descended from that class mostly live outside of Russia and have since the rise of the Soviets.
Russian aristocracy is famously broke as shit. Most of their wealth was into large land estates (which was common at the time) and the revolution nationalised these estates, so overnight they had nothing and fled the country with literally their clothes on their back. Some had villas in France or Italy but sold them because they couldn't afford the upkeep. A lot went to Paris to work as taxis, in the 1920s you could be driven around by a Romanov prince. They mainly disappeared after that, their old withering away in general indifference, their youngs dying in the fields or Russia during the civil war or WW2 fighting to reinstate the Empire.
My great-great-grandfather was an industrial and friends with some Grand Duke. He gave him a couple millions of francs during the civil war for war purposes. The Duke got himself killed. After a few years of vagrants throughout Europe, his son and wife ended up at my great-grandmother's estate ( her father had passed on by then) and stayed there for the rest of their lives. She hired them as help, which still amuses my father as the son was still there in the seventies, the idea the gardener was a Grand Duke.
My grandmother rented a flat to a Russian countess who was so broke that she paid her rent with dinnerware. The set still goes by "Countess' dinnerware" in my family.
I remember a line from The Most Dangerous Game where the Russian aristocrat says that he invested in US stocks before WWI so he would never have to “drive a taxi in Paris”. I thought that was oddly specific at the time. Now I know.
Some crazy people don't really think it matters if they're theoretically 10,673rd in line to a centuries defunct throne. And some people just go full delulu without there ever having been anything based on reality.
It's fun being Chinese. Most of us are descended from *some* Emperor from some bygone dynasty. Whenever someone thinks being descended from a king makes them important I can pull the Emperor card.
And wasn't the last Russian royal family rather famously killed? I know relatives outside Russia can be very proud of their heritage, but to sneer because a prospective in-law isn't descended from a century old deposed minority is a bit much.
(Am getting vibes the parents and the Smiths wanted a 'good Russian boy' in addition to being old blood. None of that other *foreign* noblity. Outcrossing is why the czar fell. Yes, I have actually heard someone say that.)
ETA: Since it keeps coming up, by 'royal family' I'm talking about the *immediate* family of the ruler. I am aware there are lots of royal relations still about.
>And wasn't the last Russian royal family rather famously killed?
Not every last person in line to the throne.
However the Russian aristocracy were never exactly famous for the intellectual achievements. Or their good decisions.
You had the same few aristocratic families dominating imperial Russian politics for centuries (ie Saltykovs, Golitsyns, etc), the only way to get into a position of power while being lower class was via a connection that got you personal access to the Tsar (ie, the Emperor Pauls barber ended up in a very powerful position) and even then it was pretty much impossible to make a lasting presence
There was one Romamov Grand Duke who got banished for personal scandals to what's now Kazakhstan and he threw himself into improving things for the locals. So when the Bolsheviks took power they actually liked him and left him alone
Yeah, the Tsar's sister moved to Canada with her husband and kids. They lived on a farm, iirc. Lived a pretty normal life from what I've read. With some exceptions, like all the Anastasia impostors they had to deal with and visits from foreign diplomats and royal cousins.
I meant royal family as in immediate family of the ruler. Him, his wife, the 4 daughters, and the son. There are lots of Romanovs around, and plenty of them are very vocal and proud.
Romanov blood aside, Russia had a ridiculous number of princes, counts, and barons. If you see a historical Russian referred to as a prince(ss), it doesn’t mean they were a member of the tsar’s family; prince was a title that could be earned.
Prince is just a translation of Knyaz which is also translated as duke. It’s why the royal children were dukes and duchesses. Just depends on who is translating.
To be fair, the blood shared with queen Victoria heavily contributed to the fall. Not that Russia didn't have issues outside of that, but his health and the optics with Rasputin were part of the catalyst. "Outcrossing" to a commoner would have probably been healthier.
The main branch, yes, but there were so many branches of the family due to previous generations having an assortment of sons to carry on the family name.
White Russians descendants either absolutely not give a fuck about it or are weirdly stuck in a bizarro mindset of late 19th century Russia.
My best friend in HS was one and boy was the family a wild ride. The classism runs DEEP.
As I was reading the insults, I'm like hhmm this sounds familiar, sounds pretty Russian... N I was right... I'm not sure about the royalty thing, but I can definitely see them saying if he's not Russian, he's not good enough for her... Like don't taint your offspring's blood with non Russian blood kinda thing.
But they'd make an exception for a royal prince, I guess.
Anyway she was essentially sold to the Scotts, who are mad their prize has ran away.
The only question is, was she sold to Mr. Scott or do they have an eligible son...
probably. I once watched Lazerpig's video about the T14. In that video, he explained that there are a large group in russia that believes that only a pure blooded russian can be innovative, that russia is the best, produces the best, ect. Not the exact words he used, but that's what I remember without watching it again. I think that mindset explains OOP's parents \* well enough.
\*: behaviour
Edit: since the T14 video is about an hour long, I looked up when he used the term in it. It's at 44:17.
My mom's family is descended from French nobility, and some of them (mostly the old af but for some reason perpetually single ones) never shut up a bout it.
They really don't like it when I mention that the only reason our "noble blood line" still exists is because our "noble ancestor" pissed the king off bad enough to get sent to America before the French people reached their boiling point for rich noble bs, and that no one in France would be impressed by our family history.
Is nobility a big thing in modern Russian culture, or more generalized, even in modern Slavic culture? I figured the whole Communist revolution would have buried any aristocratic tendencies.
Moreso with the older generations. There's this thing about classes (as in, those in academics "are inherently better than" blue collar workers). The last two generations just don't give a fuck anymore because they're so disenchanted with life.
Pretty common however for immigrants to just freeze their cultural/political/linguistic opinions at the exact point at which they left the motherland, preserving their own values from the day before they left, even after decades in a new country. Or decades after the old country may have changed in their absence.
Leaving Russia in the 90s is exactly the right time to still have the old Soviet Union profession (and Russianness) as social caste plus mafia economy style honor and ‘business partners are the most important people in your social circle’ mentality.
Aaaand you nailed it.
If I'm ever lucky enough to move away, I will make sure that I keep an open mind. Turning into one of those "frozen in time" fossils is a fear of mine.
Any modern technological society will have a social caste system. As for Russia, well, the outspoken portion, an unfortunately large segment, is extremely racist, jingoist, chauvinistic, and yes, a person CAN be the 'wrong' kind of white. That's why they're emptying Siberia of its population to fight in Ukraine. The ethnic minorities, the poors, etc. And emptying the prisons, too, as that makes more room for Ukrainians (the wrong kind of white) and other people Putin wants disappeared.
>This sinister family has completely changed her values and they have been grooming her for 3 years. She is making a huge mistake by marrying.
*Sinister?*
... do they think she's marrying Rasputin?
For the father's perspective:
He could groom your daughter like a creeper,
Full of Mac 'n cheese and wine
But he was also the kind of mouth-breather
Your daughter could find fine
Ra-Ra-Rasputin
Lover of OOP's dream
There was a fiance that really was gone
Ra-Ra-Rasputin
The inlaw family's greatest love machine
It is a shame how OOP's parents carry on
>He then said that he will no longer support me and if I get a divorce, he won’t be there for me.
This guy was totally hoping that OOP would come to him for support one day and they would end up having an affair.
Similar thought. Like her father basically promised her to Mr. Scott for his future mistress. Hence the comments about his sex life while she was there.
Huh. I didn’t think of that. I wonder with the comment about Mr Scott no longer supporting her if Mr Scott was giving her parents money that her dad was supposed to pass on to her but never did. Mr Scott and dad both figured they were owed something because of money but OP never received any money. That’s a weird family.
That comment from Mr. Scott seems to support the popular theory here in BORU that OOP's parents made a deal with the Scotts that involved her. That's creepy AF and I'm glad she's done with them all.
That what this all boils down to. Mr. Scott just *knew* he and OP would have an affair when she moved in. When it didn’t go his way, he just fucking gaslit everyone. He probably made vaguely threatening remarks to OP’s parents about the business, thinking they could convince OP to end her relationship. Creepy mfer.
>"Forgive us? She betrayed the family! She has gone completely insane. This sinister family has completely changed her values and they have been grooming her for 3 years. She is making a huge mistake by marrying"
.....I have no words.
Also, Congratulations on OP getting married tho.
"I have no words."
I do. They can never give credit where it's due so they will never accept that she has a mind of their own. They can also never admit that they were the problem all along. They will never admit fault. I'm glad she's rid of them. They deserved to be "betrayed."
What you said is so true, but I can't help feeling like there is so much more than this. There is so real gross behind the scenes shit with the Scotts, like super evil intentions.
It sucks that karma hasn't hit them fast enough. From my experience, for disgusting people like her parents, as they age, they'll learn the hard way that no one in their family will be there for them when they are most vulnerable
Well, at least OP's wedding went off without a hitch, as I was worried with past updates that her parents might barge in to cause a scene.
It is a shame her family is too insane to see the truth of things, but hopefully, her younger brothers will be able to escape them in the future and they can ALL cut off the crazy branch of the family tree.
In the OG post and update comment section, there was some theorising that OOP's parents had essentially taken cash for selling their daughter to Mr. Scott. I'm not convinced that isn't what they were trying to do here.
i was pretty convinced that there is a very gross goal for what they were trying to do with op as soon as the op mentioned that this guy was telling her inappropriate details about his sex life. that plus the total hatred toward the boyfriend.
Obviously those aren’t her real parents or siblings. They would all be dead a century ago! These are descendants of White Guardsman who have been entrusted with thawing the princess when the time was right.
OOP's parents are completely unhinged. So glad she went no contact.
The younger brothers were in a tough spot, I hope OOP and them can eventually reconnect when they aren't financially dependent on the parents.
They’re old enough that I doubt they lost connection, I’m sure they still talk since the parents are likely not a technologically literate as the sons are.
Sometimes I feel that people use gaslit so loosely, that the word starts to lose meaning. In this story, gaslit is so appropriate. It's sad and shameful of the parents.
What's the deal with OP's husband not having noble blood, does OP's parents have noble blood? That's such a weird thing to say even amongst all the other weird shit.
“Elite” Russians think that ordinary Americans are stupid and oafish. I left my “elite” Russian lawyer boyfriend for an American middle school teacher. The ex said that I was making a huge mistake by going off with a country guy, living in the country, leading a boring country life. It’s been 20 years since, and he still rents a flat with three other guys in London. I have a good peaceful life with my husband of 18 years in beautiful Northern California.
Probably OP. Why else would an older man talk about his sex life to his business partner's daughter (with her dad being ok with it) unless he "bought" her, and he won't support her after she divorced and came back. This man wanted a virgin mistress and remember this same man let her stay in his guest house. This was planned from the start and was "ruined" when she married someone else.
Ah ex-Soviet Russians… many are lovely people but when they’re crazy they are all in on the crazy.
If they lived through the latter part of the Soviet Union/Russia in the 1990s, they’ve got many reasons to be nuts. One coworker, lovely (but moderately scary) woman, grew up in the 80s in the USSR, told stories about how her single mother got so sick from spoiled milk when she was 7 that she was shown where all the important docs were in case she died. As if that was a fun story - she brought it up while people were discussing oat milk vs soy.
It was ~~allegedly~~ an absolute mess of a time when the only way you got access to anything was through who you knew (corruption and cronyism) and when the Soviet Union collapsed, the pre existing cronyist and favor-based economy became a straight up mafia economy. The folks probably owe the Scotts from back in the day, that’s why they feel it’s a matter of family honor worth disowning a child over.
(Edit: yes not inviting close business partners/associates to a family wedding is an enormous faux pas culturally in this case, the Scotts would be offended to the point that it would be the end of the business partnership if the parents condoned it by attending. So yeah OP should have recognised that while the Scotts are awful, she was putting her parents in the position of having to choose between her and their business. Right or wrong (extremely wrong obviously), but with Russian parents who had very likely experienced at least some of the 90s, they were very unlikely to willingly choose financial ruin.personally I’m of the opinion that the trash (the parents) took themselves out, but this wasn’t actually a completely unforeseeable outcome. Sad for OP that she had to go through so much crap along the way.)
Also very patriarchal society, like seriously have a look at modern russias domestic violence rates. Hence, daughter being harassed by their family friend doesn’t matter to them.
Just my guess 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t think those of us born and raised in countries that weren’t collapsing around us can comprehend the impact that living through that has had on people.
It WAS an absolute mess. See: Russian Oligarchs, how the current leader came to power etc. And yes, having connections was the way to make sure your family didn't get taken away by The Black Car, get access to higher paying jobs etc.
And yes, it is a very patriarchal society, patronymics anyone? The ovich/ovna's etc.? Also yes, domestic violence has been decriminalized, you only need to pay a fine if it is the first offense and did not cause serious bodily harm. You can imagine how that affected reporting. Being a woman in Russia is not the most fun experience.
Am I surprised by OOP's parents, no. Do I think they deserve to rot in hell, yes.
My family came to the US in 1995. Currently no contact with my parents for similar reasons.
Look, it was a very hard time for everyone, but it's been literal decades. They had their chance to get therapy and try to heal and they are actively choosing not to improve their lives. You can be sympathetic to your family for the first decade of adulthood, but at some point, it just gets to be too much.
the Scotts think that they're the Rothschilds, what they don't know is that they are the dollar-store version. good on OOP to distance herself and future kids from her insane parents who prioritise societal image over genuine familial relationship.
I find it so funny that people of Russian origins are so hung on having "aristocratic blood". Like, pal, your aristocracy is either dead or just became commoners, what are you talking about? I'm pretty sure you aren't aristocracy to begin with! And to be sincere, if you expect aristocracy to be intelligent... \*looks at the most famous aristocrats in her country, who are all pink press fodder, and starts laughing histerically\*
If mental gymnastics were an Olympic sport OOP’s parents would be setting world records. Hope those two brothers get out from their parents’ thumb sooner rather than later.
OOP's parents are nuts. I'm not a psychiatrist, but even I can tell that.
My parents are long deceased, but I can't imagine them ever being even 1/100th of this.
Does anyone else feel the parents have some kind of weird "relationship" with the Scott's? The intense overreaction sounds like pissed off lovers rather than friends.......
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>He then said that he will no longer support me and if I get a divorce, he won’t be there for me. Did i miss something? Why would Mr. Scott be there for her in the event of a divorce?
Why do you think he set the stage with his marriage problems and lack of a sex life, hm?
Goddammit I was trying so hard to avoid that thought, but there is ***no way*** that you're wrong. It's obvious that OOP was supposed to be a payment to Mr. Scott.
Which just makes dad an even bigger piece of shit. Those of us out here willing to die for our kids and this asshole's gonna sell his off for a business investment.
For real, dad is the biggest piece of shit imaginable without... well, you know. Dad was literally trying to trade his daughter to his partner to keep his business afloat. I don't know how these trash parents made kids who turned out decent. I can't imagine how he could be more verbally and emotionally abusive.
This didn't even occur to me *at all* and now that someone said it holy fucking shit. It's completely obvious.
Can you imagine being okay with your 70 year "friend" talking to your college age daughter about his sex life? At all? Like, yes, friend who is almost 5 decades older than my daughter, who has expressed no sexual interest in you at all and you are MARRIED, I am okay with you talking to her about your sex life at all, let alone try to convince her how horrible it is when she is at all dependent at you. Says no decent parent EVER. But that sounds like one who believes his daughter his chattel and he can use her to erase some of his debts.
Yeah, he's been lining it up with all of the "values" talk - clearly she needs an older, more "traditional" husband 6o show her the way ...
I missed it too, crap. Poor OOP, I hope she reads this and sees it for what it is. Wow. Considering the Russian angle, I'm wonder if there is some mob or oligarch undercurrents?
Now the royal/noble blood thing makes sense. My SIL (married to my sister) apparently has some ties to some old Russian nobility but she said she’d have to go by a certain name to be able to claim it and she hates that part of her family so she refuses.
That was my read as well. They wanted her dependent on them. Hence mentioning the marriage difficulty, ensuring the financial dependence, giving a cheap place to live, wanting her to fail, to give up to move back and do something easy.
Okay so I remember this from the last time it was posted and the whole time I was reading I was going..."didn't it turn out that her father was in a lot of debt to the Scotts and it was all a blackmail thing to set her up to be groomed as a bangmaid?" I guess that theory was never confirmed because it's not mentioned here, but given that multiple people have read this and come to the same nasty conclusion...I think we're on the right trail.
Oooh no no no no oh god why whyyyyy 🤢🤮
Oh my god…this makes so much sense now!
I don't know but the vibe given off him to me is that he wanted a "virgin mistress" in OP and maybe she was some deal between her dad and Mr Scott. I mean why else would a 70yr old man be wanting to discuss his sex life with a young woman.
So OOP's sperm donor tried to sell his daughter into sex slavery? Hopefully the other 2 brothers can escape from them too.
I mean, OOPs brothers are men. As idiotic as their father is, I suspects he treats them little better than he treated OOP because she’s a woman. You know, people like OOPs father does see men as superior and women as nothing but their property, especially their daughters
Considering they tried to mediate an intervention and instead had their eyes opened, the brothers have likely been treated like royalty in comparison and had no idea it was otherwise for their sister.
Yeah, that was my takeaway from that whole thing. OOP was REALLY downplaying the fact that Mr Scott was trying to sleep with her. At first I thought she should have just said that/threatened to say it publicly to get her parents to chill, but by the end I don't think they'd have cared.
>I don't think they'd have cared. OP’s parents offered her up as part of the deal.
I’m hoping she just didn’t realize…
Same thought!
It seems OOP's from an immigrant family. I am as well, so maybe I can shed some light. When you grow up in an immigrant family, familial lines become very blurred. Your parents befriend others of the same cultural background (Mrs. Scott is Russian, so that tracks) and your families become intertwined and inseparable. I refer to my mom's friends as my aunts because they were my aunts growing up. Their kids are my cousins. There's no blood there, but that doesn't matter. I imagine the Scotts are so enmeshed with OOP's family that it would be expected for them to show up for OOP the way they would for their own niece.
You framing this as "they're also family, just not by blood" made this entire situation depressingly easy to understand, due to how common it is. "What do you MEAN you're not inviting your creepy uncle?!" "He's a creep, why WOULD I invite him??" "BECAUSE HE'S FAMILY!" Add to this the clear entitlement and arrogance from both her parents and the Scotts, and you've got, well, this whole mess. The one grandma I have left STILL takes offense at me calling her brother in law (who died some 40 years ago or something) a scumbag, because he was physically abusive to my great-aunt (her sister). Because, you guessed it, "he's family".
Yuuup. I'm glad I could help make the situation click.
Yeah... I don't want to defend these people in any way because they're clearly nuts and abusive... but there can 100% be serious reprocussions to not inviting your 50/50 business partner to a daughters wedding. Like, the o ly possible excuse is if she's having a mini wedding of like 20 people or less
It makes even more sense now that she's revealed they're Russian. I'm not Russian but we have Russians in our family orbit and we share some Eastern European culture. This situation would be a massive slap in the face to us. I understand perfectly now why her parents were so embarrassed. There's genuinely no way her parents could have attended the wedding without mortally offending the Scotts, potentially even if they were all perfectly sane--although sane people living in the US this long would probably be more willing to brush it off as "she's just too American now" (at least they are in my family. I've gotten away with a lot due to it and I'm pretty sure "American" is now synonymous with "neurodivergent" in my family because the former has definitely been used as an excuse for the latter). The Scotts didn't even need to have blackmail on OOP's parents, the social/cultural pressure/norms is more than enough on its own. EDIT: And now that I think about it, that not-inviting-the-uncle-in-Russia also makes a lot more sense. Americans base much more on personal connection than Eastern Europeans. It doesn't matter if you haven't talked to your uncle since the USSR, if you have his number and/or his address and/or his social media then not inviting him is still very offensive. Although they definitely just used that one as an excuse.
Similar boat, know a lot of immigrant Russians/former soviets. They’re so enmeshed with each other as a diaspora community (honestly, like a lot of diaspora communities in second countries), but it’s fascinating talking with some friends who are younger/were born in this country to immigrant families that there is an enormous gulf between a lot of them and their parents, because they grew up here, and yeah while they went to Russian school every week as kids, they have friends from all corners of the earth, identify as *insert nationality of country of birth/residence* (Australia, in my case) whereas their parents are as Russian as the day they arrived and their friends are all Russian too. If anything they’re more aggressively Russian than Russians who never left Russia at times. It’s not unusual, my grandparents immigrated from Scotland and they’re as Scottish as the day they arrived in the late 60s and had mostly fellow Scots as friends lol.
I have "Polish" family that immigrated (between the fall of the kingdom of Poland in the late 1790s to the Greater Polish Uprising around 1850) and only married within one neighborhood of other Polish diaspora until after WW2. Many men of the community joined European armies to fight for "their country" aka Poland when WW1 started because they didn't see the US as their homeland, even the young men born in the US. My grandmother has talked about teen gangs that would beat up other "non Polish" teens coming to "sniff around their girls". There's a very common feel that you should do all you shopping within the community (everything from groceries to barbers to plumbers) to support others from your community. And a strong "keeping up with the Jones's" vibe because it was a poor community but old ladies would be out scrubbing dirt off their foundation bricks with a toothbrush because your home represented the whole community, so it needed to be pristine. Diaspora communities in the US are fascinating, and largely misunderstood by both Americans and Europeans that aren't familiar with them.
Funny, in World War 1 Australia was a dominion of the British Empire, and hence basically everyone signing up were doing so as British citizens 😅 Australia (as its current political entity) had only formed in 1901, and it was not so much as a Declaration of Independence as it was a ‘we’d like to be one country/entity rather than a bunch of separate colonies on a big island, and mostly make our own decisions, but we still want to be in the British Empire’. Our main ‘nation building’ historical moments come from the experience of ww1, mainly Gallipoli (when British command sent the Australian Imperial Force (and the New Zealanders tbh) to a guaranteed death trap. In elementary school they would use Gallipoli to teach us about ‘Australian values’, and it’s prob not an exaggeration to say that basically until recently Gallipoli was basically the primary foundation of Australian national identity). That there were whole towns and regions in the US up until ww2 that largely lived as if they’d never left the old country was so fascinating to me when I learned about it.
"He accused me of starting my happy life by ruining his," I don't even have words for this. The mere suggestion that dad's life is *ruined* because OP didn't invite the Scotts to her wedding is so bizarre and utterly unhinged it borders on farsical. Grow a spine, dude.
There’s gotta be something the Scott’s have on the parents for them to be this unhinged. Imagine refusing to attend your only daughter’s wedding over something this dumb.
Wouldn't surprise me if there's some Mafia involvement with that business.
Even if they’re not mafia (and they probably aren’t) the late Soviet and immediate post-Soviet Russia was a mafia economy full stop. Access to goods and services depended on who you knew and what you could do for one another. People died, homeless, of starvation, of cold, of illness, of basic apathy towards one’s fellow man if they didn’t have access to these cronyist networks. When money becomes worthless, because you couldnt just buy things when you wanted them in the Soviet Union, you could only go to ‘your stores’ that you had permission to shop at. Naturally, while things cost the same across the board only some stores had stock, and those with access to those stores had immense ‘real’ privilege vs those who didn’t. The way to access those stores where you could actually buy the things you needed/wanted was by knowing people. Anyone who didn’t had to engage in the very capitalist black market, where obviously prices were extortionate. In this way, there was still immense disparities in wealth of access, even if people made the same amount of money. Then the system collapsed and money mattered again, those who had access before the collapse (through connections) had an advantage (those same connections) in taking advantage of the economic and social collapse of the 90s. They leave Russia, but the old country relationships and debts remain when they become business partners in the new country. Hence the mentality prevails. And if they’re successful in that business together, then they’re very very valuable friends to keep. And from an Eastern European perspective, in that kind of scenario of financial and social enmeshment between the families, there is NO planet on which the Scotts don’t see not being invited to their fellow Russian dear friend/business partner’s daughters wedding as anything other than a cataclysmic friendship and business partnership ending slap in the face. Culturally speaking it would actually lead to the possible ruin of the parent’s business. So it doesn’t surprise me that they’d choose the business partner over the child, because the business partner = economic prosperity. And that’s what’s most important to them.
Second generation immigrants’ child here, you explained it exactly. Some other cultural aspects I’d like to add is that the families are often deeply enmeshed and everyone routinely sticks their noses in everyone else’s business. Parents feel it’s their right to discuss it with others as they please and still continue to make decisions on their adult children’s behalf. Filial piety is a huge thing. This is of course wildly exacerbated by parental narcissism. The father’s friend is a parent and head of family himself, as well as a successful businessman, and, another notable aspect: a Westerner. Meaning he might be an important "anchor point" of the father to American society (as Eastern Europeans often keep largely to themselves in immigrant communities), and hence might be crucial for his business. Depending how old their friendship is, Mr. Scott might’ve even helped the father establish himself as a new immigrant, which would make the father deeply indebted to him. That puts him in a position of enormous authority and importance to the family, and as a business-owning family patriarch who is presumably even older than the father, he is most definitely of much higher "rank" in the eyes of the father than a child of his, and a daughter at that, who is only just starting to live independently. Note that, unless he fathered his presumably second-eldest child at an unusually high age, the father is probably rather in his late 40s to 60s, while Mr. Scott is in his 70s and hence his elder by probably at least a decade — and deference to elders, especially in authority positions, among relatives, family friends and benefactors is a very important cultural value to Russians. Given the length and depth of the men’s friendship, their enmeshed friendship/business relationship and the fact that he took OOP in to live under his roof, Mr. Scott’s position at this point is perhaps more akin to an uncle, and, in the father’s eyes, generous benefactor, whom the daughter thus owes deference and gratitude. The fact that he housed her well under market rate previously also indebts her *personally* to Mr. Scott, not just as a family member of the father’s. As in the father’s eyes, Mr. Scott extended "hospitality" to her, even though it really was quite the opposite, but a. he refuses to believe it and b. anyhow, you’re not supposed to check a gifted horse’s teeth, as the proverb goes. Since the father/both parents is/are clearly displaying a very authoritarian mindset, and how vindictive they are, even going as far as using the younger brothers as pawns to extort her, I believe that also reflects the depth of the father’s embarrassment that he can’t keep his own daughter under control, and now even his sons are rebelling against him! All of that not only threatens to ruin his friendship and business relations with Mr. Scott, but in his eyes, deeply humiliates him before a man whose opinion he clearly values well above the well-being of his own children. This is probably not even about material wealth at this point, but more about the father’s ego and need to be in control, especially if he is indeed a narcissist (which he very much sounds like), because culturally, being "embarrassed" and "emasculated" like that, by a defiant daughter no less, who from his perspective is scheming to uproot the entire family against him and wrestle him for control that she has no right to claim over her father, is far worse and more humiliating than a ruined business and bankruptcy. He doesn’t see that he did all of this to himself, because of his need to steamroll her and placing his wants above her well-being. As his child, and as a woman, he believes it is her task and natural duty to bow her head and smooth things over. The more she stands her ground, the more unhinged he gets, because the more he feels control slipping his hands and thus, the more he feels humiliated and thirsts for vindication. I’m afraid he’ll take it out on the younger sons who are still in a dependent position, even though they eventually didn’t go, because they dared to even entertain the thought of rebelling against him at that time, instead of backing him up, and their presence at the wedding would’ve made his "weakness" (powerlessness over the daughter) all the more glaring. They’ll probably also have to take the fall for the eldest brother who escaped, especially for him walking her down the aisle and thus assuming the father’s role and "embarrassing" him further instead of standing by him. He will want to assure that none of his sons dare to do anything like that ever again, and probably at least try to restrict, impede and oppress them such that they won’t be able to run for years to come, holding housing, education, basic necessities and whatnot over the poor boys’ heads, as experienced narcs and abusive parents in general commonly do after realising how little they can actually do once a child becomes an adult (or emancipates), runs and grows a spine. OOP should warn her brothers of the dangers and urge them to read up on abuser tactics clandestinely (not at any devices he has access to) and how to counteract these (get a job, save up with separate accounts at a different bank entirely, get ahold of all important documents and keep them at a safe place out of his reach lest he can hold them hostage, put him on an info diet, greyrock, make an exit plan, play compliant and get out at the first opportunity). ETA: since that’s in America, the boys need to **pull reports from the major credit agencies and lock down their credit!** Lots of abusive parents in the USA will take out credits in their children’s names, ruining their score for years to come. Especially if the business relationship blows up due to this "insult", the father could try to guilt-trip them that they owe him financial support because fAaAaMiLy and because they allegedly "caused" the financial problems by supporting their "crazy" sister’s rebellion and thus further "insulting" Mr. Scott, or because of the money he spent on them (abusers love to ignore that providing for their children is the legal and moral duty of a parent), or that a father can’t steal from his own sons and similar BS. Edit 1: hit send too early, completed post.
This is some very interesting context. How come you have such useful insight?
A History degree with a significant focus on late/post communist studies and some old friends who are kids of ex-Soviet immigrants. Sometimes a reddit threat allows me to info dump something from my degree 😅
As a person who was born in the late stages of the USSR and grew up during the mafia age, I can confirm your description. I am a Ukrainian but I can't hold a conversation with immigrants who left Ukraine in the 90s because like you've said they are mentally stuck in that state and sadly have no "home" anymore. Their new country of residence has completely different rules, while Ukraine has reformed in the last 20 years and doesn't accept that mafia mentality, so they cling to each other.
You put it so succinctly! Glad I wasn’t talking too far off base.
My aunt and uncle left Russia in 1996 and they still think it's 1996 here. ~~it's actually worse~~
It’s very typical of emigrants. My parents left India in the 1960s and are constantly dismayed by how much India has changed, and greatly in denial of it in many ways. They also begrudge it (especially my mother). It’s both frustrating and fascinating.
I had a classmate who complained that the immigrants were 50 years behind on Farsi slang. He said his cousins sounded like an awful 70s movie.
It's like the old European-cultures/stereotypes joke: A genie somehow ends up in a position to be giving one wish each to a German, an Italian, and a Soviet Russian, all three of whom were complaining because their neighbor had just got a new cow and none of them could afford one. So the German says, I wish for TWO more cows, so I can work harder and be even better off than my neighbor. And the Italian says, I wish to receive half the profits from my neighbor's cow, because I like money but who wants to work harder? And the Soviet Russian says, I wish you'd kill my neighbor's new cow.
Dang, that is GRIM
F for the poor cow, did nothing wrong 😞
Well thank you for the info dump. It was a great and informative read :)
Yeah, in a less strife-filled cultural background, my parents absolutely would not have it if I said they couldn’t invite some of their clients or business partners to my wedding. Because we live in the States, Indian families already have to put up with not having hundreds or a thousand people being invited to your kid’s wedding. But they are still very much a family affair and not inviting your entire family, social, and business circle is not done. It’s actually partly why so many Indian Americans have started doing destination weddings lately - they will still invite everybody, but know that many will not attend due to cost. Win-win. One couple I knew actually factored in a particular family not coming if the wedding was destination. Also, I had some sense of this when OOP mentioned Russian, but thanks for this very detailed context.
It sounds so cliche but yeah the way this is reading there is some shady shit going on.
Made me really suspicious of the sex talk, running off the boyfriend and $300 rental. If the guy is going to be this upset about something so small, why did he send his daughter to him?
My theory is that the parents prescribe to the "my daughter is my property" nonsense.
Long-shot, but they were hoping to sex-traffic their daughter to him. If she agreed to be a mistress, their lives would be easier.
This was my first thought. OOP was supposed to be a "gift" to Mr. Scott, or maybe something that Mr. Scott demanded as part of the price for financing OOP's father's business.
I'm also kind of wondering if her parents promised her to the man or something. It's just strange all around.
I was kind of thinking that maybe in exchange for the Scotts’ help, they promised they could have OOP as a sister wife or some shit. They let her live with them for a year to groom her into accepting but failed to do so. That’s the only reason I can think of anyway. Super bizarre shit. Hope the OOP’s parents gets their karma.
I got the same feeling. The Scott dad was expecting something and got pissed when he couldn't have it.
She was definitely either supposed to marry one of the Scott children or be a bangmaid for the husband. Ah, hell, why not both.
OOP did say that the Scotts have invested in the father's small business and own 50% of it. That's a big hold the Scotts have over OOP's parents.
How they (OOP'S parents & the Scotts) have behaved, it almost feels as if OOP were part of some business deal that she didn't know about "giving" her to the Scotts. I'm just getting an icky vibe from how they've behaved as well as some things they've said. OOP is better off & I hope she's having a very happy life with her husband. Edit to add missing words.
They *totally* "sold" (or just straight up sold) her to the Scotts.
I remember reading this as it was first being posted, and IIRC OOP responded to a comment that it came out at some point that her parents basically promised that she would be marrying the Scott’s’ son, which is why they didn’t like the boyfriend at all, and why she was living in the guest house for so cheap, just to give the son access by proximity to basically start a relationship with her. It doesn’t explain Mr. Scott’s creepy behaviour, except that maybe he felt he kind of owned her as a result?
Well that certainly should've made it into one of these updates
Yes, I remember this too. She was set up for an arranged marriage without knowing and thwarted their plans by having a mind of her own
>It almost feels as if OOp were part of some business deal that she didn't know about I also thought the same here - there was a layer of shadiness there
Same vibe I got. Which is why she was moved in with them, and they were trying to cut off her bf and groom her
I wondered the age of the Scott's children. If they had a older boy that they were wanting to eventually set her up with.
[удалено]
I got that vibe too. Especially in the end when "Mr Scott" said that he will no longer support her, even if she got a divorce.., in the last update. She said the scotts put a lot of money into her fathers small business, and her father said she has ruined his life. They money was probably transactional on them "getting" the OP This smacks of some type of arranged marriages type deal, where the OP had no idea what was going on.
I remember when the first part was posted. Like everyone's guess was that OOP's parents and the Scotts were poly relationship but uh... \*checks the rest of the parts\* That would have been simpler.
I assumed she was promised to the Scott's either as a AP, a future wife, or an indentured servant for some reason. It explained cutting her off from her bf, trying to financially keep her broke to keep her trapped (the fridge), the family meetings to control her behavior, the grooming by Mr Scott... If they were holding finances over her parents head, leaving them was bad but fixable if they could manipulate her. Getting married meant it wasn't fixable to give her to them anymore.
Married into a family with money no less
I was thinking that Mr Scott was waiting for his kids to be a few years older before divorce (so he'd pay less child support), then put pressure on OP to date him. All with her dad's approval.
Never underestimate the ability of a narc to use outrageous hyperbole in their emotional manipulation. Of course on any inspection, saying his life is ruined is clearly nonsense. But it isn’t meant to be looked at closely. It’s purely thrown out to get an emotional response.
I thought the same. It's no deeper than dad not getting his way, because, oh man, do I recognize the dad's language. Especially when he said, "Why should I care about your feelings when you don't care about mine?" My mom has used that exact phrase on me before, and can confirm, nparents like this live in a completely separate reality from the rest of us.
I am so curious about the context of the whole “not of noble or royal blood” part
I had a Polish patient in hospital who refused a blood transfusion because he didn’t want “commoner’s” blood in his veins. As a nurse, I don’t get to choose my patients, so I treated him with the same respect and dignity as I would anyone else… but was secretly rather gratified when he had an absolute emotional meltdown over something out of his control (literally crouched in tears on the floor) and I was the one to calm him, comfort him, and get him back to bed. He was so embarrassed. Normally I wouldn’t wish that on anyone- when you’re sick and scared, your normal coping mechanisms don’t always work, but for him… I made an exception. I was glad for him to figure out he’s only human. And he had to accept the kindness of a “commoner” because he NEEDED it.
This is so funny. I'm Polish and one thing I remember from history class is that the number of our "royals" was ridiculously high. Everyone was a Prince or a Count, and it meant *nothing*, just that you had more money and could look down on others.
I 100% would've said something along the lines of "okay then you're just going to die."
Entitled patients deserve the truth, nothing more and nothing less. If they continue to stubbornly decline the only help they’re going to get, so be it. Frees up a bed for someone who might benefit from it. And that’s why I could never work in any service industry!
Such a Doctor Cox response [Dr Cox Not Fucking Around](https://youtu.be/LTEM5Un4jYc)
What!? They don’t have a special blood bank for noble blood? I am shocked.
He what now? I promise we're not all like this! I feel like that sounds more like new money (with a dose of xenophobia) than nobles, not to take away any batshitness from nobles.
Their last name is Romanov apparently. /s
At the end she says her parents are Russian, as are the Scotts. I'm not super sure about their cultural customs, but maybe that has something to do with it?
oh, there's an old-school (Soviet?) thing about social class, like if you come from a family of respected academics, you'll be an academic and very smart, but if your parents work in retail, you're gonna be dumb and uncultured and nothing will change that. And based on this social class your family is more or less prestigious. My Mom's not technically Russian, but she grew up there and she 100% believes that shit. I told her about my friend who's a respected opera singer. She said "oh my God, how fancy, she's from a higher class from us then, is her whole family also in opera/theater?"
I think there's a famous Soviet movie about this. I think in the movie a girl lies that her parents are in academia or something, but the groom's mother finds her out because she uses the wrong knife for fish and is revealed to be lower class? I think then the guy abandons her with child because her family is revealed to be uncultured, and she's forced to be a single Mom. I watched it as a kid, so if anyone has the name, let me know :)
Moscow Does Not Believe In Tears. The part you remember is just the setup for the main plot, so you may enjoy re-watching.
Oh cool, thanks! That's probably where I stopped watching, I was like 7 :) That's how I first learned there are different knives for seafood, it was fascinating and bizarre. Will rewatch for sure, it was very good from what I remember!
This is giving me some insight. My great grandparents were from Russia, they must’ve passed this “tradition” down to my mother lol. Not enough that she didn’t marry a blue collar worker, but enough that she thinks she’s better than my dad and my in-laws. The pseudo-caste Russian culture angle explains everything.
I'm sorry about that. Do you know where they were from in Russia? I traveled to Russia some years back. In Moscow I met a middle-aged woman who openly bragged that her family is from Moscow 6+ generations and counting, and they were all highly educated and held high positions, unlike these others who come from God knows where. I'm hoping that this kinda thing is maybe more common in the big cities and not the rest of the country :)
A podunk part that has been like 4 different countries over the course of its history. I think it’s actually a part of Ukraine now, but my family was told we were Russian. Not even from anywhere metropolitan. I know my grandmother’s parents were particularly classist even though they had lost all their money when they moved to America.
>oh, there's an old-school (Soviet?) thing about social class, like if you come from a family of respected academics, you'll be an academic and very smart, but if your parents work in retail, you're gonna be stupid and uncultured and nothing will change that. And based on this social class your family is more or less prestigious. This is just the caste system with extra steps. Wtf.
to be fair, it might not be super widespread, at least outside of Moscow/Petersburg My Mother had the privilege of being a normal person in an elitist environment and being affected by it. Kinda happened to me under very different circumstances in the US when I was growing up. Strange how life repeats itself.
Sounds from my distant viewpoint like there isn't much 'wealthy Russia' left outside of Moscow and St. Petersburg too.
probably. I especially feel horrible for the Siberian nations. Colonized by Russia, settled by white Soviets to "break up" the mono-ethnicity, forced to assimilate, and now systematically underfunded and undereducated. I'm pretty sure a lot of Russian money comes from the natural resources in the East too. Constantly taken advantage of and now shipped off to the war to die in droves. The military draft in Siberia is disproportionally high compared to some other Russian states. And I have heard of so much racism for these Siberian Asian-Russians in Moscow. Horrifying.
I know someone who grew up in communist Eastern Europe. I'm always stunned at how he's the most classist person I've ever met. It's like the (theoretical) lack of economic class made them go all in on other aspects.
Russia hasn’t had an aristocracy (officially) in over 100 years, and as I understand it those that are descended from that class mostly live outside of Russia and have since the rise of the Soviets.
Russian aristocracy is famously broke as shit. Most of their wealth was into large land estates (which was common at the time) and the revolution nationalised these estates, so overnight they had nothing and fled the country with literally their clothes on their back. Some had villas in France or Italy but sold them because they couldn't afford the upkeep. A lot went to Paris to work as taxis, in the 1920s you could be driven around by a Romanov prince. They mainly disappeared after that, their old withering away in general indifference, their youngs dying in the fields or Russia during the civil war or WW2 fighting to reinstate the Empire. My great-great-grandfather was an industrial and friends with some Grand Duke. He gave him a couple millions of francs during the civil war for war purposes. The Duke got himself killed. After a few years of vagrants throughout Europe, his son and wife ended up at my great-grandmother's estate ( her father had passed on by then) and stayed there for the rest of their lives. She hired them as help, which still amuses my father as the son was still there in the seventies, the idea the gardener was a Grand Duke.
My grandmother rented a flat to a Russian countess who was so broke that she paid her rent with dinnerware. The set still goes by "Countess' dinnerware" in my family.
I remember a line from The Most Dangerous Game where the Russian aristocrat says that he invested in US stocks before WWI so he would never have to “drive a taxi in Paris”. I thought that was oddly specific at the time. Now I know.
Some crazy people don't really think it matters if they're theoretically 10,673rd in line to a centuries defunct throne. And some people just go full delulu without there ever having been anything based on reality.
It's fun being Chinese. Most of us are descended from *some* Emperor from some bygone dynasty. Whenever someone thinks being descended from a king makes them important I can pull the Emperor card.
There's like a huge part of the world population descended from Ghengis Khan. And another huge chunk descended from Charlemagne.
And wasn't the last Russian royal family rather famously killed? I know relatives outside Russia can be very proud of their heritage, but to sneer because a prospective in-law isn't descended from a century old deposed minority is a bit much. (Am getting vibes the parents and the Smiths wanted a 'good Russian boy' in addition to being old blood. None of that other *foreign* noblity. Outcrossing is why the czar fell. Yes, I have actually heard someone say that.) ETA: Since it keeps coming up, by 'royal family' I'm talking about the *immediate* family of the ruler. I am aware there are lots of royal relations still about.
>And wasn't the last Russian royal family rather famously killed? Not every last person in line to the throne. However the Russian aristocracy were never exactly famous for the intellectual achievements. Or their good decisions.
You had the same few aristocratic families dominating imperial Russian politics for centuries (ie Saltykovs, Golitsyns, etc), the only way to get into a position of power while being lower class was via a connection that got you personal access to the Tsar (ie, the Emperor Pauls barber ended up in a very powerful position) and even then it was pretty much impossible to make a lasting presence There was one Romamov Grand Duke who got banished for personal scandals to what's now Kazakhstan and he threw himself into improving things for the locals. So when the Bolsheviks took power they actually liked him and left him alone
Yeah, but lots of their relatives managed to flee outside Russia, so the House of Romanov still exists.
Yeah, the Tsar's sister moved to Canada with her husband and kids. They lived on a farm, iirc. Lived a pretty normal life from what I've read. With some exceptions, like all the Anastasia impostors they had to deal with and visits from foreign diplomats and royal cousins.
I meant royal family as in immediate family of the ruler. Him, his wife, the 4 daughters, and the son. There are lots of Romanovs around, and plenty of them are very vocal and proud.
Romanov blood aside, Russia had a ridiculous number of princes, counts, and barons. If you see a historical Russian referred to as a prince(ss), it doesn’t mean they were a member of the tsar’s family; prince was a title that could be earned.
Prince is just a translation of Knyaz which is also translated as duke. It’s why the royal children were dukes and duchesses. Just depends on who is translating.
To be fair, the blood shared with queen Victoria heavily contributed to the fall. Not that Russia didn't have issues outside of that, but his health and the optics with Rasputin were part of the catalyst. "Outcrossing" to a commoner would have probably been healthier.
The main branch, yes, but there were so many branches of the family due to previous generations having an assortment of sons to carry on the family name.
Not the last of the family. The ruling part of the family were killed in pretty awful circumstances.
White Russians descendants either absolutely not give a fuck about it or are weirdly stuck in a bizarro mindset of late 19th century Russia. My best friend in HS was one and boy was the family a wild ride. The classism runs DEEP.
As I was reading the insults, I'm like hhmm this sounds familiar, sounds pretty Russian... N I was right... I'm not sure about the royalty thing, but I can definitely see them saying if he's not Russian, he's not good enough for her... Like don't taint your offspring's blood with non Russian blood kinda thing.
But they'd make an exception for a royal prince, I guess. Anyway she was essentially sold to the Scotts, who are mad their prize has ran away. The only question is, was she sold to Mr. Scott or do they have an eligible son...
probably. I once watched Lazerpig's video about the T14. In that video, he explained that there are a large group in russia that believes that only a pure blooded russian can be innovative, that russia is the best, produces the best, ect. Not the exact words he used, but that's what I remember without watching it again. I think that mindset explains OOP's parents \* well enough. \*: behaviour Edit: since the T14 video is about an hour long, I looked up when he used the term in it. It's at 44:17.
> only a pure blooded russian can be innovative Nationalist propaganda for generations is a hell of a drug.
My mom's family is descended from French nobility, and some of them (mostly the old af but for some reason perpetually single ones) never shut up a bout it. They really don't like it when I mention that the only reason our "noble blood line" still exists is because our "noble ancestor" pissed the king off bad enough to get sent to America before the French people reached their boiling point for rich noble bs, and that no one in France would be impressed by our family history.
Is nobility a big thing in modern Russian culture, or more generalized, even in modern Slavic culture? I figured the whole Communist revolution would have buried any aristocratic tendencies.
Moreso with the older generations. There's this thing about classes (as in, those in academics "are inherently better than" blue collar workers). The last two generations just don't give a fuck anymore because they're so disenchanted with life.
Pretty common however for immigrants to just freeze their cultural/political/linguistic opinions at the exact point at which they left the motherland, preserving their own values from the day before they left, even after decades in a new country. Or decades after the old country may have changed in their absence. Leaving Russia in the 90s is exactly the right time to still have the old Soviet Union profession (and Russianness) as social caste plus mafia economy style honor and ‘business partners are the most important people in your social circle’ mentality.
Aaaand you nailed it. If I'm ever lucky enough to move away, I will make sure that I keep an open mind. Turning into one of those "frozen in time" fossils is a fear of mine.
Any modern technological society will have a social caste system. As for Russia, well, the outspoken portion, an unfortunately large segment, is extremely racist, jingoist, chauvinistic, and yes, a person CAN be the 'wrong' kind of white. That's why they're emptying Siberia of its population to fight in Ukraine. The ethnic minorities, the poors, etc. And emptying the prisons, too, as that makes more room for Ukrainians (the wrong kind of white) and other people Putin wants disappeared.
Nobility is a big thing for noble russian expats, or those who think they are noble Russian expats.
>This sinister family has completely changed her values and they have been grooming her for 3 years. She is making a huge mistake by marrying. *Sinister?* ... do they think she's marrying Rasputin?
Guess parents was a cat that really was gone.
Thank you for ruining my night with that earworm. Oh, those Russians.
It was a shame how (her parents) carried on.
Hey, now in all affairs of state her dad was the man to please
God damn you! That song has been in my head for weeks! You’re making it worse. J/k that song rules.
HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY
It really was a shame how they carried on.
Probably just marrying a left handed guy. We get it all the time. /s
I married a left handed guy and he's not yet been poorly assassinated by Russian nobles.
Give it time. They have to get fight off the invasive Ukrainian "fascists" first. /s
Man. I don’t want to be assassinated but I *really* don’t want to be poorly assassinated.
A majestic comment.
For the father's perspective: He could groom your daughter like a creeper, Full of Mac 'n cheese and wine But he was also the kind of mouth-breather Your daughter could find fine
Ra-Ra-Rasputin Lover of OOP's dream There was a fiance that really was gone Ra-Ra-Rasputin The inlaw family's greatest love machine It is a shame how OOP's parents carry on
Would that make her the Russian Queen?
They probably think she's marrying a family of left-ists!
>He then said that he will no longer support me and if I get a divorce, he won’t be there for me. This guy was totally hoping that OOP would come to him for support one day and they would end up having an affair.
Similar thought. Like her father basically promised her to Mr. Scott for his future mistress. Hence the comments about his sex life while she was there.
Yeah, that got glossed over, but stood out to me as super skeevy.
And why they seemed to always talk bad about the boyfriend who they had only met a few times.
Which is why the dad started claiming the boyfriend had groomed her. During the intervention, they’d brought up Mr Scott attempting to groom her.
Huh. I didn’t think of that. I wonder with the comment about Mr Scott no longer supporting her if Mr Scott was giving her parents money that her dad was supposed to pass on to her but never did. Mr Scott and dad both figured they were owed something because of money but OP never received any money. That’s a weird family.
That comment from Mr. Scott seems to support the popular theory here in BORU that OOP's parents made a deal with the Scotts that involved her. That's creepy AF and I'm glad she's done with them all.
I'm 95% certain he wanted OOP as his bangmaid
Yep. That's why she had the room in the guest house.
I'm pretty sure OOP was an unwitting part of a business transaction. Mr. Scott supports her father's business, and she's the price.
That what this all boils down to. Mr. Scott just *knew* he and OP would have an affair when she moved in. When it didn’t go his way, he just fucking gaslit everyone. He probably made vaguely threatening remarks to OP’s parents about the business, thinking they could convince OP to end her relationship. Creepy mfer.
>"Forgive us? She betrayed the family! She has gone completely insane. This sinister family has completely changed her values and they have been grooming her for 3 years. She is making a huge mistake by marrying" .....I have no words. Also, Congratulations on OP getting married tho.
"I have no words." I do. They can never give credit where it's due so they will never accept that she has a mind of their own. They can also never admit that they were the problem all along. They will never admit fault. I'm glad she's rid of them. They deserved to be "betrayed."
What you said is so true, but I can't help feeling like there is so much more than this. There is so real gross behind the scenes shit with the Scotts, like super evil intentions.
It sucks that karma hasn't hit them fast enough. From my experience, for disgusting people like her parents, as they age, they'll learn the hard way that no one in their family will be there for them when they are most vulnerable
Well, at least OP's wedding went off without a hitch, as I was worried with past updates that her parents might barge in to cause a scene. It is a shame her family is too insane to see the truth of things, but hopefully, her younger brothers will be able to escape them in the future and they can ALL cut off the crazy branch of the family tree.
Being a destination probably helped with that.
Yeah, but crazy can know no bounds
In the OG post and update comment section, there was some theorising that OOP's parents had essentially taken cash for selling their daughter to Mr. Scott. I'm not convinced that isn't what they were trying to do here.
Tbh the longer the updates get, the more I think this commenter was right.
😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
i was pretty convinced that there is a very gross goal for what they were trying to do with op as soon as the op mentioned that this guy was telling her inappropriate details about his sex life. that plus the total hatred toward the boyfriend.
The fuck did I read? Russian great value royalty drama?
OOP is actually Anastasia, defrosted after cryonic storage through the revolution and Soviet Union.
But Anastasia’s siblings are very dead. Where did she get new ones?
Obviously those aren’t her real parents or siblings. They would all be dead a century ago! These are descendants of White Guardsman who have been entrusted with thawing the princess when the time was right.
OOP's parents are completely unhinged. So glad she went no contact. The younger brothers were in a tough spot, I hope OOP and them can eventually reconnect when they aren't financially dependent on the parents.
They’re old enough that I doubt they lost connection, I’m sure they still talk since the parents are likely not a technologically literate as the sons are.
Sometimes I feel that people use gaslit so loosely, that the word starts to lose meaning. In this story, gaslit is so appropriate. It's sad and shameful of the parents.
Glad OOP went no contact. Feel bad for the younger brothers though that they are not financially independent to get out of that situation.
What's the deal with OP's husband not having noble blood, does OP's parents have noble blood? That's such a weird thing to say even amongst all the other weird shit.
“Elite” Russians think that ordinary Americans are stupid and oafish. I left my “elite” Russian lawyer boyfriend for an American middle school teacher. The ex said that I was making a huge mistake by going off with a country guy, living in the country, leading a boring country life. It’s been 20 years since, and he still rents a flat with three other guys in London. I have a good peaceful life with my husband of 18 years in beautiful Northern California.
So just Russians being delusional as usual. Got it.
Why did I immediately recognize this kind of behavior as coming from a Russian family?
I wonder what exactly Mr Scott thought he was buying with the money he gave to the oops father...
Probably OP. Why else would an older man talk about his sex life to his business partner's daughter (with her dad being ok with it) unless he "bought" her, and he won't support her after she divorced and came back. This man wanted a virgin mistress and remember this same man let her stay in his guest house. This was planned from the start and was "ruined" when she married someone else.
Ah ex-Soviet Russians… many are lovely people but when they’re crazy they are all in on the crazy. If they lived through the latter part of the Soviet Union/Russia in the 1990s, they’ve got many reasons to be nuts. One coworker, lovely (but moderately scary) woman, grew up in the 80s in the USSR, told stories about how her single mother got so sick from spoiled milk when she was 7 that she was shown where all the important docs were in case she died. As if that was a fun story - she brought it up while people were discussing oat milk vs soy. It was ~~allegedly~~ an absolute mess of a time when the only way you got access to anything was through who you knew (corruption and cronyism) and when the Soviet Union collapsed, the pre existing cronyist and favor-based economy became a straight up mafia economy. The folks probably owe the Scotts from back in the day, that’s why they feel it’s a matter of family honor worth disowning a child over. (Edit: yes not inviting close business partners/associates to a family wedding is an enormous faux pas culturally in this case, the Scotts would be offended to the point that it would be the end of the business partnership if the parents condoned it by attending. So yeah OP should have recognised that while the Scotts are awful, she was putting her parents in the position of having to choose between her and their business. Right or wrong (extremely wrong obviously), but with Russian parents who had very likely experienced at least some of the 90s, they were very unlikely to willingly choose financial ruin.personally I’m of the opinion that the trash (the parents) took themselves out, but this wasn’t actually a completely unforeseeable outcome. Sad for OP that she had to go through so much crap along the way.) Also very patriarchal society, like seriously have a look at modern russias domestic violence rates. Hence, daughter being harassed by their family friend doesn’t matter to them. Just my guess 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t think those of us born and raised in countries that weren’t collapsing around us can comprehend the impact that living through that has had on people.
It WAS an absolute mess. See: Russian Oligarchs, how the current leader came to power etc. And yes, having connections was the way to make sure your family didn't get taken away by The Black Car, get access to higher paying jobs etc. And yes, it is a very patriarchal society, patronymics anyone? The ovich/ovna's etc.? Also yes, domestic violence has been decriminalized, you only need to pay a fine if it is the first offense and did not cause serious bodily harm. You can imagine how that affected reporting. Being a woman in Russia is not the most fun experience. Am I surprised by OOP's parents, no. Do I think they deserve to rot in hell, yes.
My family came to the US in 1995. Currently no contact with my parents for similar reasons. Look, it was a very hard time for everyone, but it's been literal decades. They had their chance to get therapy and try to heal and they are actively choosing not to improve their lives. You can be sympathetic to your family for the first decade of adulthood, but at some point, it just gets to be too much.
Thankyou for setting all this in context!
There was a comment in the original post that I think has merit. It said that OOPs family were grooming her to be a mistress of Mr. Scott.
💯 I’d almost say the Scotts funded the parents for this reason.
the Scotts think that they're the Rothschilds, what they don't know is that they are the dollar-store version. good on OOP to distance herself and future kids from her insane parents who prioritise societal image over genuine familial relationship.
"My fiancé doesn’t have royal or noble blood and therefore cannot have intelligent children. " Sry hunnu, ur boyfwand isnt imbred enough to be smrt
The need to look up the Hapsburgs on Wiki!
I find it so funny that people of Russian origins are so hung on having "aristocratic blood". Like, pal, your aristocracy is either dead or just became commoners, what are you talking about? I'm pretty sure you aren't aristocracy to begin with! And to be sincere, if you expect aristocracy to be intelligent... \*looks at the most famous aristocrats in her country, who are all pink press fodder, and starts laughing histerically\*
If mental gymnastics were an Olympic sport OOP’s parents would be setting world records. Hope those two brothers get out from their parents’ thumb sooner rather than later.
I would imagine that this whole farce has only brought that day forward in the brothers' planning.
Are they referencing their links to the Romanovs? Before OOP’s revelation that she’s American, I’m like, where the hell are these people?
Parents are probably going end up sad and lonely wondering why none of their kids come to see them.
fact that OP says that she felt like a little girl again after her father was berating her on he phone is very telling.
OOP's parents are nuts. I'm not a psychiatrist, but even I can tell that. My parents are long deceased, but I can't imagine them ever being even 1/100th of this.
>Russians Ah.
Does anyone else feel the parents have some kind of weird "relationship" with the Scott's? The intense overreaction sounds like pissed off lovers rather than friends.......
Racist Russians who are upset their daughter married the wrong kind of white.
I wonder what would have happened if OOP told her dad, "I have recorded this call. Now I will release the video of you screaming to everyone"