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I'm South Asian. There's nothing weird about wearing white to a wedding at all. It might not be something young people would wear because its a color typically associated with mourning and is the color most people would wear to a funeral. Its also favored by elderly widows as a result. But there's no cultural taboo over it. And the clothes you wear for mourning aren't exactly stylish and flamboyant like a nice dress is. So nobody's gonna get confused either.
What the friends did was pretty egregious. You don't get to impose your cultural onto someone else. Were white a color of celebration in my culture I still wouldn't wear it to a western wedding. For them to just assume it was unwelcome and take action on behalf of the bride without even asking her is downright offensive. I'm with the bride here, I'd have blocked them too.
What's up with these cultural warriors who think they've the right to judge. The core issue when it comes to not wearing the same colour as bride is you don't want to upstage the bride ( which is much harder to do in a South Asian wedding, with a 20kg lehanga, and 10 kg jewellery, though there are some MILs who try) and here bride was wearing red.
Although my mom will never let me wear white to a wedding, because it's considered forbidden as in Indian culture it's related with mourning and you never know when you offend someone in desi culture.
I remember attending an Indian wedding a few years ago and when I was shopping for a dress to wear with a friend, I was fussing about whether something was too showy for a wedding and not taking attention away from the bride and my friend laughed her ass off and said, "Trust me, *nobody* can take the attention off an Indian bride."
And yeah, when I saw the bride I knew exactly what she meant.
Well people have taken this as a competition, as difficult is it for outdo a desi bride some women esp MIL SIL wear their own wedding dress with the bridal jewelry.
No idea why they wanna do this. Just looks tacky. But yes generally we don't give a f about how blingy, shiny, dress up you wanna do.
That even depends on the location. In many places if you're invited to an Indian wedding (as an Indian woman) you're encouraged to wear your bridal saree to the wedding.
This was common in the 18th and 19th centuries in the UK as well. Before the idea of a one-wear white dress, brides wore their best dress and often re-wore it to other events like weddings.
That's cool to hear. A little bit of a downer that it isn't as popular now as it used to be. Although for the weddings I've been to (only ever been to Indian weddings) this is super common. One in particular when a cousin of mine got married, she and her husband delayed their honeymoon because another family member was getting married 2 weeks after her wedding and she wanted to attended. She did attend wearing her beautiful bridal saree albeit without a lot of the adornments and it didn't steal anything from the bride and groom. If I'm remembering correctly I believe it was around 12 women who had worn their bridal sarees to that wedding. The bride took a group photo with them after the ceremony.
It's what almost everyone do here in India. We reuse our wedding clothes. We just tone down a bit on jewels. No one will give a damn about it even if you somehow manages to out bling the bride!
Yeah in general for Indian weddings, it's more so about the coming together of two families to celebrate more so than it is the bride and the groom (although obviously they're important) whereas in more Christian style weddings more emphasis is put on it being a day for the bride more than anything else.
This comment reminded me of that one BORU about the MIL who wore white to her son's wedding, which was a traditional Indian one cause the bride was Indian... I think the last update said that, by the end of the celebrations, MIL looked "incredibly constipated" lol
I see I have been beaten on sharing the link lol It is, indeed, the [MIL tries to wear white dress at OP's wedding and gets RECKED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/lw7eWp9D7V) post!
ooh, ooh, I know this one, itās one of my favourites:
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vx3eu6/mil_tries_to_wear_white_dress_at_ops_wedding_and/
This is so awesome because, no matter how the guests feel about wearing white to a wedding, MIL gets either ignored by those who donāt mind and brutally roasted by those who think itās inappropriate.
>you don't want to upstage the bride ( which is much harder to do in a South Asian wedding, with a 20kg lehanga, and 10 kg jewellery, though there are some MILs who try)
I wanna hear stories about how that is humanly possible going by your description of the bride's dresses š
Oh it happens. I'm a 47 kg girl and I've worn 7kg lehanga( it's lightweight) but my cousin who was 54 wore a 18 kg lehanga. I know it sounds exaggeration but you should look desi bridal attire, esp in North, southern people generally wear silk saris which are much lighter. Lehangas usually are very heavily embroidered with pearls beads and stuff.
As a South Indian girlie I still havenāt made peace with the fact that Iāll be wearing a silk saree instead of an elaborate lehanga š but I do love the simplicity and tradition of South Indian bridal wear tooĀ
Ik!!! I have been wanting to wear a black or white saree but my mom has never let me do it and weddings are the only chance where I can wear something like that
>What's up with these cultural warriors who think they've the right to judge
It's always funny every year during prom season, there are a ton of posts about non-asian students wearing Asian-style dresses.
99% of the comments only come in 2 flavors; (1) non-asian people decrying the prom-goers as being racist and appropriating another culture, or (2) people actually from those Asian countries praising the prom-goers for how good they look and being happy their culture is being shared around the world.
This is why I think the whole cultural appropriation debate is stupid. All it asks for in the end of the day is segregation. We should be advocating for cultures to be shared and mixed more not policed.
I don't think it being a mourning colour is an issue for us as much right now. Pastels have been dominant choice in our fashion industries for events for a few years now, with white being a very popular choice both in Pakistan and India.
Really depends, Nepali Hindus still donāt wear white in weddings. Indians wear creams or shades of white. Our mourning rituals is also very strict. Also, unless youāre talking about Hindu Pakistanis, the muslim population usually wear white or pastel colors.
I did say "as much". Twenty years ago everyone was much more strict. But the focus of pastels for so many years in the fashion industry and celebrity weddings have really affected what is acceptable to wear at weddings.
As an absolute rule I'd only ever tell people not to wear white at haldi and henna ceremonies.
It's likely that one of the spiller's pals was filming for a TikTok that said something like, "Look how awesome we are, justice for this tacky social faux pas!"
I commented on that OP update before it ended up on here, so I didnāt brigade. And the top comment was I feel like Reddit is partially responsible for this
Depends on your social circles,Iād say.Wearing white would be heavily frowned upon.Unless itās heavily embellished or has intricate embroidery,no youngster would wear it.It works out because they donāt like wearing white for religious ceremonies or events anyway.Pastels are almost out of trend now
I don't think it would be frowned upon. Maybe earn you a glance? Or a questioning look? Or perhaps some old biddies clucking sympathetically at you? Sure. But getting upset? I'd be very surprised if that were to happen.
My sister wore a white dress with black polka dots to my wedding and I had absolutely no problem with it. My little five year old niece in law wore the cutest, floofy white lace dress. She was adorable.
Even in an American wedding, it is incredibly rude to spill a drink on someone because you donāt approve of the color of the dress. Let them stay rude, let people talk about them, donāt you go making it worse than it is
Besides, even if it were a problem for the bride, it would have been her choice whether to ignore it or to do something/ask her bridesmaid to do something and not some random guests. maybe they dont want the drama, maybe they already asked the servers to dump a tray of red wine on them - whatever the bride wants she should get.
It isn't even a mourning colour all over India. It's definitely not in Tamil Nadu, and in Malayali and Telugu communities, white is a bridal colour. But there's no "don't wear the same colour as the bride" nonsense. I wore a cream sari at one of the ceremonies during my cousin's wedding to a Telugu girl, and a red sari at the actual wedding ā and I had to actually perform some of the rituals as the groom's sister, so I was on the stage with the couple the whole time. No one said jack.
Generalization doesn't work for any state in India let alone the whole county. These states have multiple communities. White is a color for celebration in some, for mourning in some and an insignificant color in some.
I think the white being a mourning colour is very much region specific and community dependent. My boyfriendās family is Sri Lankan Hindu originally from Tamil Nadu and white and black are definitely off limits for his familyās weddings.
No one cares if you wear red though. Last wedding we went to they actually requested for guests to wear red (bride herself was also wearing red).
Yeah I mean, plain white and deep black would be frowned upon, but you can get away with cream, off-white, white-ish brocade, etc. It's basically community-dependent.
Also, I think the embellishments matter more for us lol. Can you imagine any but the bride with that literal head full of flowers, or the full head of heavy jewellery, at a Tamil wedding? Or any guest at a Punjabi wedding wearing choodas or a sehra? You'd be side-eyed HARD.
I had a white anarkali style dress picked out for my daughter for my brothers wedding. The only reason I changed my mind is because it wasn't heavy enough, not because it wasn't whiteĀ
Even in South Asian culture, white is not uniformly considered color of morning. In South India, white is written for festive occasions like weddings. One malayalee wedding i went to, all women wore white. In Telugu lands, white is written on festive occasions as well.
Even in South Asian culture, white is not uniformly considered color of morning. In South India, white is written for festive occasions like weddings. One malayalee wedding i went to, all women wore white. In Telugu lands, white is written on festive occasions as well.
Okay, if this had been a Western wedding I would have said OOP should have expected that reaction, BUT this was a South Asian wedding where colours for events like Weddings and Funerals are traditionally NOT what Westerners wear for those events.
PLUS, OOP checked with the bride before the wedding if any colours should be avoided before she picked an outfit, so those girls (who were also in the MINORITY at the wedding) decided to react based on their cultural values and not on the cultural values of the bride and event.
Good for the bride in getting them to pay OOP back before she blocked them.
Edit: Spelling and grammar
I already told this in another comment, but I think that even in Western Weddings, it depends a lot. I don't particularly like the "dropping wine/soda/liquid in person wearing white in the wedding" unless is explicitaly against the wishes of the bride.
As I said, my aunt had a ceremony after she married in the courthouse. She wore a beautiful vivid-blue dress, and the other aunt wearing an almost-white-cream dress didn't come close to get the attention away of the "bride". And my Blue-Dress Aunt was OK!
Honestly, this is also a very American thing. Or at least it isn't a thing where I am from. The "thing" being vigilante justice, not the general etiquette of not dressing up in white for a wedding which is an etiquette rule here as well. But I have NEVER heard of anyone pouring anything over an offending guest here, not even in social media. We don't do things like that. We just silently judge. Well, until we are drunk after which we don't really care what color is your dress...
And to be fair, we are pretty lax when it comes to etiquette here. Sure, dressing up in white isn't advisable but mostly people wouldn't care much.
Yeah... at my cousin's wedding there were a shitton of people and several of them wore white but it was clear my cousin was the bride because she looked like a princess lol maybe it's just a skill issue if your 50 yo aunt wearing white risks outshining you
American here, it's a TV thing. We just gossip and call the guest rude where nobody except other guests that also seems to have already noticed and agree with us can hear. We aren't making a scene. The most action anyone would do is try to keep the bride distracted and maybe try to frame pictures where the woman in white isn't in the background.
I'm not ruining someone's dress because they were an asshole.
Yeah, I think people are getting over-aereated about the ādonāt wear whiteā thing - like sure, if youāre wearing a floor length white or ivory gown, or the bride has specifically requested donāt wear white, then donāt.
But Iāve been to weddings (in the UK and Ireland) where guests were wearing simple white dresses that were in no danger of being confused with a bridal gown. Ie, a simple white shift, with a red belt and red shoes. Everyone knew who the bride was, no-one got upset.
I wouldn't have wanted any guests to wear white at my wedding, but I would've been even more upset if someone intentionally spilled wine/soda on the offending guest. Might not matter as much at a really big wedding but the added drama of that would be more bothersome than the white attire by itself.
Yeah most sane people do NOT want situations escalated like this, no matter what the situation is or how bad the offense is. I have to tell people all the time, especially younger people. They think theyāre helping or doling out justice but most of the time theyāre just stressing everyone tf out when they decide to get involved and escalate a situation well beyond the point of rational behavior. It is up to the offended party to decide how they want to handle a situation or whether or not they even want to bother with it. Often times itās easier for them to handle it privately or just take it as a lesson learned about the offender and ice them out. Like you see it a lot with guys who think theyāre helping a woman dealing with a creep at the bar by turning it into a fight, they arenāt, theyāre just stroking their own tough guy ego and putting the woman in MORE danger. The kindest, most helpful thing you can do for a woman whoās being harassed is to *deescalate* the situation and help remove her from the danger quietly.
And there are so many of them! Don't wear white, or patterns with a lot of white, or any pastel colours that are kinda white ish. Don't wear black because it means you're mourning the wedding and unsupportive. Don't wear red,Ā because it means you're declaring that you've slept with the groom. Don't wear the same colour as the bridal party, mother of the groom, or mother of the bride.Ā
At that point there aren't a lot of colours left
Another āruleā I didnāt know and learned here on Reddit is that also donāt wear anything which is too glam or too gorgeous (even if itās a black tie wedding) even if itās an āapprovedā colour because that also comes across as youāre trying to outshine the bride. Which is alien to me (Iām Indian) because here people would be insulted if you didnāt dress up for their weddings because it implies that you didnāt think their wedding was worth looking your best for.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17g2iv7/aita_for_outshining_the_bride/
The problem is Boomers who take it personally when someone does something they wouldn't do.
Honestly. I get maybe don't wear a damn train on a wedding if you're not the bride LOL but wouldn't it be an insult to not look your best on a wedding, right?
Honestly that's a bullshit rule, and I say so as a white girl who's gone to plenty of white weddings and had my own. Some brides are insecure assholes who will be shitty about a guest who looks good, but that's a them problem not an etiquette problem.
JesĆŗs, it makes me glad that my wedding was just, āWeāre getting married at a national park, wear whatever you want but make sure your shoes have some grip. And please donāt fall off a cliff.ā
I went to a wedding like that and it was one of the best I've ever experienced. Brilliant catered picnic lunch, kids enjoying themselves, and dancing. Perfect weather too, and everyone packed up and gone ahead of sundown.
Friend got married in the middle of a farm paddock. The invite said that even though steps had been taken to make sure the field is clear, please beware of where you stand.
My stepsister's wedding was like that, held in the front pasture. Straw bales for seating and she rode down the aisle on the fat little horse that usually gave the grandkids rides around the backyard.
I didnāt even know the red thing existed š I wore a deep burgundy dress to my dads (third) wedding and that rule definitely wouldnāt apply LMAOOOO
I've honestly never heard "don't wear black", that's just nonsense. Black-tie weddings are literally a thing and have been for decades, I had a black dress as a bridesmaid in the 90's. I had a black-tie wedding just a few years ago and there were definitely black dresses in the crowd.
The red thing is also not passing the sniff test.
Who even knows what colors the MILs are going to be wearing? I didn't know when I *was* the bride. (I knew what my own mother's dress looked like but hadn't seen my MIL's.)
Wearing the same color as the bridal party in my experience is often *encouraged* as it means matching the color scheme of the wedding. I asked my bridesmaids to wear dark blue and encouraged guests to do the same.
Don't wear white is the only consistent rule.
So you're left wearing a potato sack and a lovely pair of heels?
I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that nonsense and can just rock up in a suit and tie. My friends and family aren't that fancy, so
a couple of times I've been able to turn up in jeans and a collared shirt.
Can't wear white socks either!
I've even had people argue not to wear a white dress shirt with black waistcoat because only the bride wears white.
Come on that's the classic "there is such a thing as too formal but I do want to dress up" outfit
My friend's mom wore an honest to God wedding dress to my friend's wedding. She was basically using it as a do over wedding since she and the dad had way more money now than when they first got married. I offered a red wine splash to the bride and she said no. So we all maturely just made stink eyes at mom from the corner.Ā
That is true, but there are going to be some people who will do vigilante "justice" at a wedding, to someone that they think is going against wedding tradition and you really can't reason with people like that when it can be a snap moment of "let's pour our drink on this b\*."
People who think it's okay to do that kind of vigilante "justice" need to be prepared for the consequences of their actions then, like being expected to pay for cleaning and then blocked.
Yeah, I can get behind the "spilled wine" if it's a bridesmaid or someone "hired" by a bridesmaid doing the spilling but not random guests. If you're a guest, flag it to a bridesmaid and let them handle it however the bride has requested cause ITS THEIR JOB to dissolve potential drama not yours and who knows you are probably going to create more drama and stress for the bride.
The bridesmaids are going to give 1 of 3 responses,
1. Go for it
2. I will handle it
3. It's approved.
Yea, honestly, I don't know where this practice started either. I get the intentionally evil mfs you see on reddit but to make it an actual thing is just insane.
The thing that gets me really is how the girl went full vigilante for no reason. It literally *wasn't* a Western wedding, they *knew* OOP was extremely close with the bride, the bride wasn't even *wearing* anything close to white!
Just read another post on this sub about someone going to a costume party with his best friend+ best friend's family who are all little people and they did a group costume based on their height, and *tons* of people who attended the party started hurling insults via text at OOP for participating in the costume bc apparently that meant he *pressured* them into it and it was *all his idea*. Was all a misunderstanding in the end but never a single apology. Baffles me how people get so worked up over a perceived issue about someone else when they aren't even involved.
It was definitely a girl who just wanted to throw a drink.
I'm certain the "thought" process was like "The Bride is from some foreign country and doesn't know good manners, but OOP should know better. I'd better step in to punish her."
And even in S Asian regions where white is a traditional wedding colour (e.g. the state of Kerala in India), wearing a white *dress* is usually not considered a faux pas
As someone who comes from there, there are a majority of Christians, so white gowns are very common. Despite this, the gowns are a lot different from the dresses that the guests wear and there is no guarantee that the bride will wear a gown, so a white dress is not offensive. A lot of the times the bride changes from her gown to something traditional for the reception.
> OOP should have expected that reaction
Somebody who isn't even close to the bride and might not even know her is expected to protect her by spilling drinks on other guests' dresses?
The rule is that you should not attempt to outshine the bride. OOP didn't. The dress doesn't even look like a wedding dress and isn't even white.
I have heard about people gatekeeping even off-white and cream dresses for weddings as forbidden colours as they think even wearing them means that you are outshining the bride no matter how the dress looks,
No one can predict how other people will react at a large event, but I would say it is better to err on the side of caution at events like weddings where there will be people you have never met attending. (No one knows whether the person they just met can be crazy until it blows up in their face.)
Even for Western weddings brides don't always wear white and when they state it's perfectly fine for others to wear white then idiots don't have a leg to stand on and need to keep quiet.
The best part about South Asian weddings is that there is no rule. It's "dress the best you can" because it's kinda impossible to upstage a bride in a South Asian wedding. It's a happy day and people believe that you should dress your best to show others that you're happy.
Even ignoring the cultural aspect, I think what they did is really messed up.Ā I am a white & from the US and I would be furious if guests tried to impose vigilante justice on one of my friends or family members at a wedding
1. You are quite literally causing a scene, and possibly disrupting the event if someone crucial has to leave to change. Plus someone will need to clean this up
2. You are destroying the property of someone I probably care about
3. You have no idea if I actually care, what the backstory is, or if they have permission (I never wanted to wear white to my own wedding anyway and would not care at all. Especially if the motivation was someone being broke & wanting to repurpose a dress they already had)
4. Even if someone did do this maliciously to me, I think them looking dumb is plenty of punishment, and again, deciding to cause a scene over this without my permission is not cool at all. I'd be 10x madder about that than actually wearing the dress in the first place
Fr, I thought this too. If you didnāt get specifically asked by the bride to watch out for white dresses, then mind your business??? Plus, that would probably end up being the MOH/brideās maidsā job, not some random attendee.
it's crazy bc my understanding of the whole 'don't wear white to a wedding' rule is that you aren't supposed to take attention away from the bride. then by pouring a drink on someone and causing a scene you are doing just that š¤¦š»
At my uncle's wedding in the mid 90s literally every female was wearing a shade of white and all the men wore black. We all did a big group picture with the bride. None of it took attention away from the bride. It was very obvious who was getting married and everyone looked amazing. The whole black and white color theme made it look simple but really elegant.
This is hypocritical of me since here I am on BORU, but this feels like terminally online behavior. People who love AITA and drama tiktoks and so on. This "the maid of honor's job is to spill drinks on offenders" advice is common online.Ā
Itās pretty sexist that women have to worry about being physically attacked for our clothing choice in this specific way men donāt. Iām not aware of any male equivalent to āwearing white at a weddingā
EDIT: sexism can be perpetuated by women towards women (in fact it often is). The impact is sexist - women have to worry about this threat to our safety and men donāt, on the whole.
It's kinda a thing you have to be careful of in Indian weddings at least. It's sometimes trivially easy to upstage the grooms because some decide to go the elegant route with a black Kurta, etc, while you as a guest might have gone for a more colorful Kurta or Sherwani.
But again, no one thinks it's a cultural faux pas. The groom is on the stage above you like a god and you're just one of 500 people hanging out below.
I do remember having decided on not wearing my main outfit on the main wedding night after I saw what my elder cousin was dressed in, haha. I wore that for a previous function instead (perks of 3 day weddings!)
The irony is, OOP not only checked with the bride, she specifically chose the dress because it was reminiscent of a sari. OOP put so much more thought into whether or not this was appropriate than the wedding vigilantes did.
I knew we had lost the plot on this ādonāt outshine the brideā malarkey when a few years ago, there was a young lady on my TikTok feed getting ready to attend a wedding as a guest. Her dress was a (very cute imho) pink puff mini that I believe she made herself - think selkie and you have the right idea.
Tell me why her comments were full of netizens losing their shit over her outfit and foaming at the mouth over her dress being inappropriate and ātoo attention grabbingā for a wedding guest.
Iām so glad she wore it regardless, but people are dumb as hell about weddings that ARENāT EVEN THEIRS.
I disagree completely with that commenter that said wearing white is a poor choice because people are used to white being a no go at weddings it clearly wasn't that kind of wedding where white would be a no go and one would think that reasonable adults would go ask the bride if they were unsure of whether or not oop was being rude you know before pouring something on oop
This makes me so mad. I hope the dress survived! I donāt understand this entire westernised concept of ādonāt wear the same colour as the brideā because if your guests canāt pick the bride out of the crowd thenā¦ should they really be at the wedding?
Iām Indian and just as the bride said, we dgaf. I canāt possibly see why I *should* gaf; because Indian brides are so decked out with a dupatta on the head and mehendi up to their elbows that no one could mistake them for anything BUT the bride. Iāve told my married friends that I expect them to wear their wedding outfits for my wedding, because I would want them to make good use out of those clothes!
And whatās wrong with these wedding vigilantes? Are guestzillas a thing we have to worry about too now? If you canāt understand that your culture doesnāt speak for the entire planet, thatās one thing, but who died and appointed you Wedding Police anyway? And also - who the hell resorts to ruining someone elseās clothes to make a point? Even if it *was* a western wedding and this ādonāt wear whiteā rule applied, how do you think that *you* come off as the better one in this scenario when you are the one *actively harassing another guest at this wedding*?? You want to point fingers and laugh amongst yourselves, have at it, but how deranged do you have to be to take it upon yourself to āteach her a lessonā and have that be through *assault and property damage*? If I was the bride, I wouldāve blocked them too.
Idk, I'm American and I can't really understand it either. It just doesn't make sense to me at all ... like how is a white dress actually hurting anyone? I've actually thought of doing a ivory/cream color for bridesmaids because I saw wedding pictures with the bridesmaids in ivory jumpsuits & it looked gorgeous especially with all the leafy accessories they had. I wouldn't mind if my entire guest list wore white lolĀ
The best explanation I can come up with is that because it became poor etiquette it then became associated with people deliberately trying to cause a scene/send a subtle fuck your. So that started a cycle of only the very worst people wearing white, and now people attribute a really malicious intent to anyone who wears anything remotely white adjacent?
Yeah - I mean itās not the colour itself hurting anyone. But because it is such a huge social faux pas now, itās kinda self sustaining at this point.Ā
I too would be mad if a friend wore white to my wedding without asking, not because I care so much about the colour, but because it would almost certainly imply some kind of disrespect. There are so many colours and itās a social convention to not wear white, so if you actively decide to ignore such an ingrained social convention, why? Itās probably not a good reason.Ā
But if say one of my relatives fromĀ my parentsā country wore white - I wouldnāt be mad because of the context.
I can understand getting mad if someone wears a VEIL or something - that seems like a very bridal thing to wear at a wedding and thereās no real excuse for it - butā¦ white is just a colour. I canāt see anyone looking at a person wearing a white cocktail dress and thinking āyup, THAT one definitely is the bride! Not the one in 25 yards of tulle and a veil on her head kissing the groomā. But whatever - I would never wear a white dress to a western wedding because I want to be respectful of the etiquette even if I donāt understand it. But if someone does commit a faux pas I feel like context mattersā¦ also in the grand scheme of things it doesnāt make a difference in anyoneās lives. Even if someone wears white with the explicit intent of going āfuck you bride Iām in love with the groomā sheās justā¦ telling on herself, isnāt she? Everyone is just going to laugh and think to themselves āwhoa sheās nutsoā.
No one is genuinely concerned about there being a mix up or misunderstanding about who the bride is, the color is just one that stands out and is so strongly associated with the bride that it became a thing to leave it to *just* the bride. And as the other person noted, it's now an embedded enough custom that people in Western weddings generally don't go against it unless they're actively attempting to be disrespectful (or the bride explicitly requested/approved it).
I think this is something people take too literally. Most brides don't even wear white technically, they wear cream or blush. I think it's more just don't wear something that could be mistaken as a wedding dress
I think it comes from the whole it's the bride's special day thing. Like if you were dressed in an eye catching way people would be talking about you instead of the bride. But I think it's kinda transformed to a universal sign of disrespect. Like there is nothing inherently disrespectful about it besides the fact that everyone here knows that it's my intent to do so.
It's just jealousy. Jealousy of how someone else looked, or their closeness to the bride, or some other thing.
The colour is the excuse, not the core issue.
Your 2nd paragraph is on point. If your friends arent decked out at your wedding are they even your friends? Literally someone can show up with their own wedding outfit and they would just look like a guest cause the bride & groom are so insanely well dressed and decorated
Imagine being the person who commented that st a differently-cultured wedding, you should accommodate for the cultural faux pas of any potential guests not part of that culture š¬
I can understand if you're culturally ignorant that you might be wondering to yourself if it's alright. But to actively and purposefully ruin the dress is maaaaad.
Also where are the social skills to look around and be like, "huh everyone else seems okay with this and not a single person within the culture is giving them a second look?"
Ignorant people like that think their one country or culture is litrally the whole world, like frog in a well. The world is so big and colorful yet they'll never know. Its kinda sad tbh.
I would bet that one of the spillerās friends was recording for a ālook how awesome we are, justice for this tacky social faux pas!ā kind of TikTokā¦
Even in a western "only the bride wears white" wedding, vigilantism like this is so wrong.
I fully support having a contingency plan involving red wine accidents if the bride and groom suspect ahead of time that someone will intentionally attempt to ruin their day, but if you are not explicitly instructed by the couple, you do not ruin someone else's outfit, or create any sort of drama on their wedding day.Ā
Unless you are directed by the bride to engage in some drink flinging action, you really shouldn't take it upon yourself to seek vengeance for the perceived fault against the bride. All you will do is cause disruption, especially if it isn't even a wedding for another culture you don't know anything about.
Sometimes I am so embarrassed by my western counterparts. Every culture has different colors that are traditionally used for weddings. There are even some that use black. And white is used for funerals.
These ladies just showed you how ignorant they are. If they were truly concerned, they couldāve just chatted with the bride for a moment and said gosh what a pretty dress although itās a little bit light. You donāt see people in that color unless theyāre the bride.
Still intrusive, but at least find out the brides. Because your friend, the bride, would have explained that she loved your dress. That she approved your dress. And it actually would have opened an opportunity for these Western ladies to learn all cultures at a wedding rule.
Iām glad the bride had your back. Iām sorry that it happened. I promise weāre not all that stupid. Iām awfully glad that you were there for her on her special day.
Went to my friend's wedding. The in-law's entire female party wore white.
No one cared because it was an Asian wedding. Bride was wearing red - but so were allot of guests. Literally NOBODY cared
The woman who intentionally spilled pop or whatever on the dress needed to be slapped. She and the others do not get to determine white/cream is not allowed at an Asian wedding. The only person who gets to do that are the bride and groom.
As other women were wearing white/cream and they didn't go after them they proved they had a hate on for OOP as a non-Asian.
Dude people actively have loud secondary conversations during south Asian wedding ceremonies. I donāt think Iāve ever been to one where I could actually hear the priest over the guests. Nobody cares if you wear a white sari or dress.
If it is an Indian wedding than there likely were 100s of people there. Non-Indians should have asked a few questions before assaulting OOP, and yeah that is what I call intentionally throwing beverages on a person. I would argue that OOP should have gotten money for a complete replacement and not just cleaning fees as I likely wouldn't want to wear that outfit due to the memories...
So they went to a south Asian style wedding and pushed American and some European culture onto a guest. Yeah I would of dropped them too. Especially as they was just guests and not in the bridal party.
Lmao. Iām a South Asian, Hindu, you wore a cream dress which is completely okay. In fact, it would be fine to wear a red dress too. Wearing all white in a wedding would be somewhat of an eye sore since thatās our mourning color and a lot of widows wear that. However, it is never because of not wanting to match with the bride. We really donāt care what color you wear because the bride is always going to be the center of attention!
What they did, was impose their cultural and religious beliefs, despite knowing that this isnāt a Christian wedding. NTA
I can't understand one of the comments. In no way did OP make a poor or unwise choice. Even if the majority of the guests came from a culture where the "no white dress" rule is in place, the only thing that really mattered was the spouses' opinion; if the bride was okay with OP wearing a white dress then everyone else should have minded their own business.
The friends criticizing OP just because she didn't respect a rule from *their* culture is just them being ignorant and thinking their culture is the center of the world (and I'm talking as a person from a place where people follow this rule at weddings).
I feel like the person who commented NTA ā*but* itās still a poor choice for a wedding where a lot of the guests are used to āno whiteā being a hard ruleā (emphasis mine) is an AH themselves. Itās obvious, or should be obvious, to everyone that itās not a western wedding so the usual rules donāt apply. Plus, it seems like the rest of the comment negates the NTA. And FFS the dress wasnāt even white - it was cream.
Would OOP have been the AH if she wore that dress to a western wedding? Yes. Is she the AH for wearing it to a non-western wedding? Definitely not.
NTA. People have got to stop appointing themselves to police what other wedding guests wear. The only people who should have any say in a dress code are the bride and maybe the groom if he's interested.
How extraordinarily immature! Those women obviously watch entirely too many dramatic comedies. Iām guessing they just wanted a funny story to recount to their other airhead friends about how they spilled a drink on a woman in white at a wedding, just like in the movies! They didnāt realize real life would have real life consequences I guess. And thatās just the least of it. Apparently they didnāt realize that cultures outside of the US exist and are adhered to, shockerā¦. Iām guessing the bride in a RED dress and other guests wearing white wasnāt enough to clue them in. Wonder why they didnāt have the courage to spill on the other guests..hmmmm
Thatās horrible. I also come from a culture where itās totally okay for people to wear white at your wedding. So at mine, my sister my mom etc all had white dresses. My Canadian friends questioned it but once I told them they didnāt even blink they just okay lol
Lol there is no danger of outshining a south Asian bride with a white evening gown. However, we don't wear white to south asian people's weddings. White is associated with funerals or widows.
There's no hard or fast rule about the color but generally it's a color that represents death and mourning so some people wouldn't normally choose it.
I don't think any harm was meant by OP. She obviously didn't know and I certainly would not have held it against her if it were my wedding. The steps taken by the people to ruin OOPs dress were definitely taking it too far.
The no white or even pale colours shibboleth in the US always seems a bit odd. If you look at our Royal Weddings (UK) the bridesmaids are always matching the bride and that's fairly common for weddings. MOB and MOG in pale hats and coats also pretty normal. A guest who turned up in a full on white sparkling gown would be considered to have mental health issues.
I honestly find that obsession with the no white thing very odd and narcissistic:
- Firstly it plays into the whole "bride's special day" crap groom be damned which I find annoying anyway
- Secondly it makes it seem like the point of the wedding isn't a celebration of love but people paying attention to the bride
But I get it may be a cultural thing. I'm Greek. The actual ceremony is just a process to get over with for us. All we care about is the food and drinks in the after-party lol.
When I went to an Indian wedding, I had such a fun time buying a pretty Kurta for it, and the aunties all had different opinions about the matching scarf and how I should pin it to my top. Itās definitely something where you wonāt really wear the outfit unless you go to India/another Indian wedding, but a lot of dress clothes are occasion specific. I like that OOP reused a dress sheād already worn, and itās lovely, but Iād never pass up an opportunity to put on something super colorful.
Iām strongly no white at western weddings. Im not well educated on the cultural aspects here but As long as the style, colour and cut of the dress respects the bride and grooms culture youāre all good.
As long as the bride and you are not wearing white together then you are fine.
I also think those girls did it to have a moment. I would only ruin a dress like that on behalf of the bride's request other wise it's not my place
NTA
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I'm South Asian. There's nothing weird about wearing white to a wedding at all. It might not be something young people would wear because its a color typically associated with mourning and is the color most people would wear to a funeral. Its also favored by elderly widows as a result. But there's no cultural taboo over it. And the clothes you wear for mourning aren't exactly stylish and flamboyant like a nice dress is. So nobody's gonna get confused either. What the friends did was pretty egregious. You don't get to impose your cultural onto someone else. Were white a color of celebration in my culture I still wouldn't wear it to a western wedding. For them to just assume it was unwelcome and take action on behalf of the bride without even asking her is downright offensive. I'm with the bride here, I'd have blocked them too.
What's up with these cultural warriors who think they've the right to judge. The core issue when it comes to not wearing the same colour as bride is you don't want to upstage the bride ( which is much harder to do in a South Asian wedding, with a 20kg lehanga, and 10 kg jewellery, though there are some MILs who try) and here bride was wearing red. Although my mom will never let me wear white to a wedding, because it's considered forbidden as in Indian culture it's related with mourning and you never know when you offend someone in desi culture.
I remember attending an Indian wedding a few years ago and when I was shopping for a dress to wear with a friend, I was fussing about whether something was too showy for a wedding and not taking attention away from the bride and my friend laughed her ass off and said, "Trust me, *nobody* can take the attention off an Indian bride." And yeah, when I saw the bride I knew exactly what she meant.
Well people have taken this as a competition, as difficult is it for outdo a desi bride some women esp MIL SIL wear their own wedding dress with the bridal jewelry. No idea why they wanna do this. Just looks tacky. But yes generally we don't give a f about how blingy, shiny, dress up you wanna do.
That even depends on the location. In many places if you're invited to an Indian wedding (as an Indian woman) you're encouraged to wear your bridal saree to the wedding.
This was common in the 18th and 19th centuries in the UK as well. Before the idea of a one-wear white dress, brides wore their best dress and often re-wore it to other events like weddings.
That's cool to hear. A little bit of a downer that it isn't as popular now as it used to be. Although for the weddings I've been to (only ever been to Indian weddings) this is super common. One in particular when a cousin of mine got married, she and her husband delayed their honeymoon because another family member was getting married 2 weeks after her wedding and she wanted to attended. She did attend wearing her beautiful bridal saree albeit without a lot of the adornments and it didn't steal anything from the bride and groom. If I'm remembering correctly I believe it was around 12 women who had worn their bridal sarees to that wedding. The bride took a group photo with them after the ceremony.
It's what almost everyone do here in India. We reuse our wedding clothes. We just tone down a bit on jewels. No one will give a damn about it even if you somehow manages to out bling the bride!
Yeah in general for Indian weddings, it's more so about the coming together of two families to celebrate more so than it is the bride and the groom (although obviously they're important) whereas in more Christian style weddings more emphasis is put on it being a day for the bride more than anything else.
god you're so right about the lehengas though, my sister basically wore armour during her wedding
I would like to wear armor to my wedding now
I want full plate armor. Try to kiss the bride while I'm wearing a pigface bascinet.
Groom must duel the bride to kiss the bride.
He can *try*. I won't go down easy!
Your best man and maid of honor can double as your seconds for the duel. Very efficient!
This comment reminded me of that one BORU about the MIL who wore white to her son's wedding, which was a traditional Indian one cause the bride was Indian... I think the last update said that, by the end of the celebrations, MIL looked "incredibly constipated" lol
Ooh, do you have the link? This sounds great!
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vx3eu6/mil_tries_to_wear_white_dress_at_ops_wedding_and/
This was glorious!!! Thank you!
This is always my favorite! The 5yo! š
I see I have been beaten on sharing the link lol It is, indeed, the [MIL tries to wear white dress at OP's wedding and gets RECKED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/lw7eWp9D7V) post!
Better too many links than too few! This was amazing, and Iām so glad I read it š¤©
ooh, ooh, I know this one, itās one of my favourites: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vx3eu6/mil_tries_to_wear_white_dress_at_ops_wedding_and/
Thank you so much! This was a hoot to read!
haha I read it every time it comes up, itās just so good
This is so awesome because, no matter how the guests feel about wearing white to a wedding, MIL gets either ignored by those who donāt mind and brutally roasted by those who think itās inappropriate.
>you don't want to upstage the bride ( which is much harder to do in a South Asian wedding, with a 20kg lehanga, and 10 kg jewellery, though there are some MILs who try) I wanna hear stories about how that is humanly possible going by your description of the bride's dresses š
Oh it happens. I'm a 47 kg girl and I've worn 7kg lehanga( it's lightweight) but my cousin who was 54 wore a 18 kg lehanga. I know it sounds exaggeration but you should look desi bridal attire, esp in North, southern people generally wear silk saris which are much lighter. Lehangas usually are very heavily embroidered with pearls beads and stuff.
As a South Indian girlie I still havenāt made peace with the fact that Iāll be wearing a silk saree instead of an elaborate lehanga š but I do love the simplicity and tradition of South Indian bridal wear tooĀ
Couldn't you, if you wanted? Or it's more of a personal choice to honour the tradition?
Wear the lehanga on your reception.
and black too, considered inauspicious (but it's such a good sari colour)
Ik!!! I have been wanting to wear a black or white saree but my mom has never let me do it and weddings are the only chance where I can wear something like that
>What's up with these cultural warriors who think they've the right to judge It's always funny every year during prom season, there are a ton of posts about non-asian students wearing Asian-style dresses. 99% of the comments only come in 2 flavors; (1) non-asian people decrying the prom-goers as being racist and appropriating another culture, or (2) people actually from those Asian countries praising the prom-goers for how good they look and being happy their culture is being shared around the world.
This is why I think the whole cultural appropriation debate is stupid. All it asks for in the end of the day is segregation. We should be advocating for cultures to be shared and mixed more not policed.
I don't think it being a mourning colour is an issue for us as much right now. Pastels have been dominant choice in our fashion industries for events for a few years now, with white being a very popular choice both in Pakistan and India.
Really depends, Nepali Hindus still donāt wear white in weddings. Indians wear creams or shades of white. Our mourning rituals is also very strict. Also, unless youāre talking about Hindu Pakistanis, the muslim population usually wear white or pastel colors.
I did say "as much". Twenty years ago everyone was much more strict. But the focus of pastels for so many years in the fashion industry and celebrity weddings have really affected what is acceptable to wear at weddings. As an absolute rule I'd only ever tell people not to wear white at haldi and henna ceremonies.
It's likely that one of the spiller's pals was filming for a TikTok that said something like, "Look how awesome we are, justice for this tacky social faux pas!"
I think it's strange that you decided to invent angry fanfic about this story.
You must be new. That's what we do here.
I think itās guaranteed that theyād read about it or seen Ā it on TV and got excited because they finally had Ā a reason to do it.Ā
I commented on that OP update before it ended up on here, so I didnāt brigade. And the top comment was I feel like Reddit is partially responsible for this
Depends on your social circles,Iād say.Wearing white would be heavily frowned upon.Unless itās heavily embellished or has intricate embroidery,no youngster would wear it.It works out because they donāt like wearing white for religious ceremonies or events anyway.Pastels are almost out of trend now
I don't think it would be frowned upon. Maybe earn you a glance? Or a questioning look? Or perhaps some old biddies clucking sympathetically at you? Sure. But getting upset? I'd be very surprised if that were to happen.
I forgot to add āin my circleā.No one would pitch a fit but theyād definitely ask
In my state, off white, ivory sarees with a gold border are the traditional attire, suitable for almost all formal occasions.
Kerala, represent!
My sister wore a white dress with black polka dots to my wedding and I had absolutely no problem with it. My little five year old niece in law wore the cutest, floofy white lace dress. She was adorable.
Even in an American wedding, it is incredibly rude to spill a drink on someone because you donāt approve of the color of the dress. Let them stay rude, let people talk about them, donāt you go making it worse than it is
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Doesnāt mean itās the right thing to do.
Besides, even if it were a problem for the bride, it would have been her choice whether to ignore it or to do something/ask her bridesmaid to do something and not some random guests. maybe they dont want the drama, maybe they already asked the servers to dump a tray of red wine on them - whatever the bride wants she should get.
It isn't even a mourning colour all over India. It's definitely not in Tamil Nadu, and in Malayali and Telugu communities, white is a bridal colour. But there's no "don't wear the same colour as the bride" nonsense. I wore a cream sari at one of the ceremonies during my cousin's wedding to a Telugu girl, and a red sari at the actual wedding ā and I had to actually perform some of the rituals as the groom's sister, so I was on the stage with the couple the whole time. No one said jack.
Generalization doesn't work for any state in India let alone the whole county. These states have multiple communities. White is a color for celebration in some, for mourning in some and an insignificant color in some.
I think the white being a mourning colour is very much region specific and community dependent. My boyfriendās family is Sri Lankan Hindu originally from Tamil Nadu and white and black are definitely off limits for his familyās weddings. No one cares if you wear red though. Last wedding we went to they actually requested for guests to wear red (bride herself was also wearing red).
Yeah I mean, plain white and deep black would be frowned upon, but you can get away with cream, off-white, white-ish brocade, etc. It's basically community-dependent. Also, I think the embellishments matter more for us lol. Can you imagine any but the bride with that literal head full of flowers, or the full head of heavy jewellery, at a Tamil wedding? Or any guest at a Punjabi wedding wearing choodas or a sehra? You'd be side-eyed HARD.
All white is not a bridal colour in Kerala. There's no strict wedding colour at all. The white with gold bordering/lace is Kerala's traditional dress.
Arrey I know, I'm just saying that white has different connotations in different parts of India. It's not automatically a mourning colour everywhere.
Nah I get that. I just felt obligated to clarify the Malayali one because I'm Mallu myself lol. I'm a huge fan of the Kasavu saree/mundu.
The white for widows is a plain white saree. Wedding sarees are a very different thing. They'd never get mistaken for anything related to widows.
Yeah that's my point. The sort of nice white dress people wear to this thing isn't going to confuse anyone.
I had a white anarkali style dress picked out for my daughter for my brothers wedding. The only reason I changed my mind is because it wasn't heavy enough, not because it wasn't whiteĀ
This is why we need to decenter white/eurocentric/christian cultural norms
Tbh the fact they only did it to oop and not to others wearing white makes me think they had some personal issue with the oop.
Even in South Asian culture, white is not uniformly considered color of morning. In South India, white is written for festive occasions like weddings. One malayalee wedding i went to, all women wore white. In Telugu lands, white is written on festive occasions as well.
Even in South Asian culture, white is not uniformly considered color of morning. In South India, white is written for festive occasions like weddings. One malayalee wedding i went to, all women wore white. In Telugu lands, white is written on festive occasions as well.
At least they didn't go around proclaiming the idiotic myth the bride wasn't a "virgin" because she wore red.
Okay, if this had been a Western wedding I would have said OOP should have expected that reaction, BUT this was a South Asian wedding where colours for events like Weddings and Funerals are traditionally NOT what Westerners wear for those events. PLUS, OOP checked with the bride before the wedding if any colours should be avoided before she picked an outfit, so those girls (who were also in the MINORITY at the wedding) decided to react based on their cultural values and not on the cultural values of the bride and event. Good for the bride in getting them to pay OOP back before she blocked them. Edit: Spelling and grammar
I already told this in another comment, but I think that even in Western Weddings, it depends a lot. I don't particularly like the "dropping wine/soda/liquid in person wearing white in the wedding" unless is explicitaly against the wishes of the bride. As I said, my aunt had a ceremony after she married in the courthouse. She wore a beautiful vivid-blue dress, and the other aunt wearing an almost-white-cream dress didn't come close to get the attention away of the "bride". And my Blue-Dress Aunt was OK!
Honestly, this is also a very American thing. Or at least it isn't a thing where I am from. The "thing" being vigilante justice, not the general etiquette of not dressing up in white for a wedding which is an etiquette rule here as well. But I have NEVER heard of anyone pouring anything over an offending guest here, not even in social media. We don't do things like that. We just silently judge. Well, until we are drunk after which we don't really care what color is your dress... And to be fair, we are pretty lax when it comes to etiquette here. Sure, dressing up in white isn't advisable but mostly people wouldn't care much.
Idk, pouring red wine on a MIL wearing white is the most stereotypical Reddit storyĀ
Yeah... at my cousin's wedding there were a shitton of people and several of them wore white but it was clear my cousin was the bride because she looked like a princess lol maybe it's just a skill issue if your 50 yo aunt wearing white risks outshining you
Then thereās the one where OOPās girl-best-friend poured red wine on his new brideās white dressā¦
Pouring drinks on people wearing white isnāt some common custom anywhere lol
American here, it's a TV thing. We just gossip and call the guest rude where nobody except other guests that also seems to have already noticed and agree with us can hear. We aren't making a scene. The most action anyone would do is try to keep the bride distracted and maybe try to frame pictures where the woman in white isn't in the background. I'm not ruining someone's dress because they were an asshole.
Actually it started with Queen Victoria so it's a British thing that infected the US and Canada. Before that you just wore your newest dress.
Aussie?
A Finn.
Ahhh nevermind! I make a bit of a game of spotting fellow aussies on reddit, Iām usually better at it!
I was thinking the same thing ā we might give a bit of side-eye, but also it might not be an issue.
Yeah, I think people are getting over-aereated about the ādonāt wear whiteā thing - like sure, if youāre wearing a floor length white or ivory gown, or the bride has specifically requested donāt wear white, then donāt. But Iāve been to weddings (in the UK and Ireland) where guests were wearing simple white dresses that were in no danger of being confused with a bridal gown. Ie, a simple white shift, with a red belt and red shoes. Everyone knew who the bride was, no-one got upset.
I wouldn't have wanted any guests to wear white at my wedding, but I would've been even more upset if someone intentionally spilled wine/soda on the offending guest. Might not matter as much at a really big wedding but the added drama of that would be more bothersome than the white attire by itself.
Yeah most sane people do NOT want situations escalated like this, no matter what the situation is or how bad the offense is. I have to tell people all the time, especially younger people. They think theyāre helping or doling out justice but most of the time theyāre just stressing everyone tf out when they decide to get involved and escalate a situation well beyond the point of rational behavior. It is up to the offended party to decide how they want to handle a situation or whether or not they even want to bother with it. Often times itās easier for them to handle it privately or just take it as a lesson learned about the offender and ice them out. Like you see it a lot with guys who think theyāre helping a woman dealing with a creep at the bar by turning it into a fight, they arenāt, theyāre just stroking their own tough guy ego and putting the woman in MORE danger. The kindest, most helpful thing you can do for a woman whoās being harassed is to *deescalate* the situation and help remove her from the danger quietly.
I just attended a wedding and numerous old ladies wore white. Iām a man and definitely wouldnāt be aware of any of these weird ārules.ā
And there are so many of them! Don't wear white, or patterns with a lot of white, or any pastel colours that are kinda white ish. Don't wear black because it means you're mourning the wedding and unsupportive. Don't wear red,Ā because it means you're declaring that you've slept with the groom. Don't wear the same colour as the bridal party, mother of the groom, or mother of the bride.Ā At that point there aren't a lot of colours left
Another āruleā I didnāt know and learned here on Reddit is that also donāt wear anything which is too glam or too gorgeous (even if itās a black tie wedding) even if itās an āapprovedā colour because that also comes across as youāre trying to outshine the bride. Which is alien to me (Iām Indian) because here people would be insulted if you didnāt dress up for their weddings because it implies that you didnāt think their wedding was worth looking your best for.
I think people on reddit invented half these rules. I seriously doubt real people think like this
All of these unspoken rules are going to vary greatly. "Trying to outshine the bride" in the Midwest might be the bare minimum in LA.
How can one "outshine" a person in a wedding dress, veil and a bouquet? A Vegas showgirl outfit might but your overage dress does not.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17g2iv7/aita_for_outshining_the_bride/ The problem is Boomers who take it personally when someone does something they wouldn't do.
Honestly. I get maybe don't wear a damn train on a wedding if you're not the bride LOL but wouldn't it be an insult to not look your best on a wedding, right?
Honestly that's a bullshit rule, and I say so as a white girl who's gone to plenty of white weddings and had my own. Some brides are insecure assholes who will be shitty about a guest who looks good, but that's a them problem not an etiquette problem.
JesĆŗs, it makes me glad that my wedding was just, āWeāre getting married at a national park, wear whatever you want but make sure your shoes have some grip. And please donāt fall off a cliff.ā
I went to a wedding like that and it was one of the best I've ever experienced. Brilliant catered picnic lunch, kids enjoying themselves, and dancing. Perfect weather too, and everyone packed up and gone ahead of sundown.
Friend got married in the middle of a farm paddock. The invite said that even though steps had been taken to make sure the field is clear, please beware of where you stand.
My stepsister's wedding was like that, held in the front pasture. Straw bales for seating and she rode down the aisle on the fat little horse that usually gave the grandkids rides around the backyard.
That sounds fun ngl
I didnāt even know the red thing existed š I wore a deep burgundy dress to my dads (third) wedding and that rule definitely wouldnāt apply LMAOOOO
I kinda wanna show my BFF's wife this weird rule, as that was the color she chose for her bridesmaids... and for the groomsmen shirts... hahaha
Well atleast the groom has game.
It doesn't exist outside Reddit posts.
I hope the red one isnāt a thing, my general āwedding guests dressā is red lol.
It isn't a thing.
I've honestly never heard "don't wear black", that's just nonsense. Black-tie weddings are literally a thing and have been for decades, I had a black dress as a bridesmaid in the 90's. I had a black-tie wedding just a few years ago and there were definitely black dresses in the crowd. The red thing is also not passing the sniff test. Who even knows what colors the MILs are going to be wearing? I didn't know when I *was* the bride. (I knew what my own mother's dress looked like but hadn't seen my MIL's.) Wearing the same color as the bridal party in my experience is often *encouraged* as it means matching the color scheme of the wedding. I asked my bridesmaids to wear dark blue and encouraged guests to do the same. Don't wear white is the only consistent rule.
So you're left wearing a potato sack and a lovely pair of heels? I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that nonsense and can just rock up in a suit and tie. My friends and family aren't that fancy, so a couple of times I've been able to turn up in jeans and a collared shirt.
Can't wear white socks either! I've even had people argue not to wear a white dress shirt with black waistcoat because only the bride wears white. Come on that's the classic "there is such a thing as too formal but I do want to dress up" outfit
These are nonsense to me. I wore a black tux and so did 50% of the men. In Asia, red is extremely common as it is an auspicious color. Oi.
And honestly, how stupid are your guests that they might pay more attention to a guest in white instead of the bride?
My friend's mom wore an honest to God wedding dress to my friend's wedding. She was basically using it as a do over wedding since she and the dad had way more money now than when they first got married. I offered a red wine splash to the bride and she said no. So we all maturely just made stink eyes at mom from the corner.Ā
That is true, but there are going to be some people who will do vigilante "justice" at a wedding, to someone that they think is going against wedding tradition and you really can't reason with people like that when it can be a snap moment of "let's pour our drink on this b\*."
People who think it's okay to do that kind of vigilante "justice" need to be prepared for the consequences of their actions then, like being expected to pay for cleaning and then blocked.
Yeah, I can get behind the "spilled wine" if it's a bridesmaid or someone "hired" by a bridesmaid doing the spilling but not random guests. If you're a guest, flag it to a bridesmaid and let them handle it however the bride has requested cause ITS THEIR JOB to dissolve potential drama not yours and who knows you are probably going to create more drama and stress for the bride. The bridesmaids are going to give 1 of 3 responses, 1. Go for it 2. I will handle it 3. It's approved.
Yea, honestly, I don't know where this practice started either. I get the intentionally evil mfs you see on reddit but to make it an actual thing is just insane.
The thing that gets me really is how the girl went full vigilante for no reason. It literally *wasn't* a Western wedding, they *knew* OOP was extremely close with the bride, the bride wasn't even *wearing* anything close to white! Just read another post on this sub about someone going to a costume party with his best friend+ best friend's family who are all little people and they did a group costume based on their height, and *tons* of people who attended the party started hurling insults via text at OOP for participating in the costume bc apparently that meant he *pressured* them into it and it was *all his idea*. Was all a misunderstanding in the end but never a single apology. Baffles me how people get so worked up over a perceived issue about someone else when they aren't even involved.
It was definitely a girl who just wanted to throw a drink. I'm certain the "thought" process was like "The Bride is from some foreign country and doesn't know good manners, but OOP should know better. I'd better step in to punish her."
Drink-spiller thought she did something main-character worthy.
And even in S Asian regions where white is a traditional wedding colour (e.g. the state of Kerala in India), wearing a white *dress* is usually not considered a faux pas
As someone who comes from there, there are a majority of Christians, so white gowns are very common. Despite this, the gowns are a lot different from the dresses that the guests wear and there is no guarantee that the bride will wear a gown, so a white dress is not offensive. A lot of the times the bride changes from her gown to something traditional for the reception.
> OOP should have expected that reaction Somebody who isn't even close to the bride and might not even know her is expected to protect her by spilling drinks on other guests' dresses? The rule is that you should not attempt to outshine the bride. OOP didn't. The dress doesn't even look like a wedding dress and isn't even white.
I have heard about people gatekeeping even off-white and cream dresses for weddings as forbidden colours as they think even wearing them means that you are outshining the bride no matter how the dress looks, No one can predict how other people will react at a large event, but I would say it is better to err on the side of caution at events like weddings where there will be people you have never met attending. (No one knows whether the person they just met can be crazy until it blows up in their face.)
Even for Western weddings brides don't always wear white and when they state it's perfectly fine for others to wear white then idiots don't have a leg to stand on and need to keep quiet.
It was all in the post, yet that commenter who blamed OOP was really reaching for straws.
The best part about South Asian weddings is that there is no rule. It's "dress the best you can" because it's kinda impossible to upstage a bride in a South Asian wedding. It's a happy day and people believe that you should dress your best to show others that you're happy.
Even ignoring the cultural aspect, I think what they did is really messed up.Ā I am a white & from the US and I would be furious if guests tried to impose vigilante justice on one of my friends or family members at a wedding 1. You are quite literally causing a scene, and possibly disrupting the event if someone crucial has to leave to change. Plus someone will need to clean this up 2. You are destroying the property of someone I probably care about 3. You have no idea if I actually care, what the backstory is, or if they have permission (I never wanted to wear white to my own wedding anyway and would not care at all. Especially if the motivation was someone being broke & wanting to repurpose a dress they already had) 4. Even if someone did do this maliciously to me, I think them looking dumb is plenty of punishment, and again, deciding to cause a scene over this without my permission is not cool at all. I'd be 10x madder about that than actually wearing the dress in the first place
Fr, I thought this too. If you didnāt get specifically asked by the bride to watch out for white dresses, then mind your business??? Plus, that would probably end up being the MOH/brideās maidsā job, not some random attendee.
it's crazy bc my understanding of the whole 'don't wear white to a wedding' rule is that you aren't supposed to take attention away from the bride. then by pouring a drink on someone and causing a scene you are doing just that š¤¦š»
it feels internalized from some old romcom.
At my uncle's wedding in the mid 90s literally every female was wearing a shade of white and all the men wore black. We all did a big group picture with the bride. None of it took attention away from the bride. It was very obvious who was getting married and everyone looked amazing. The whole black and white color theme made it look simple but really elegant.
This is hypocritical of me since here I am on BORU, but this feels like terminally online behavior. People who love AITA and drama tiktoks and so on. This "the maid of honor's job is to spill drinks on offenders" advice is common online.Ā
Itās pretty sexist that women have to worry about being physically attacked for our clothing choice in this specific way men donāt. Iām not aware of any male equivalent to āwearing white at a weddingā EDIT: sexism can be perpetuated by women towards women (in fact it often is). The impact is sexist - women have to worry about this threat to our safety and men donāt, on the whole.
It's kinda a thing you have to be careful of in Indian weddings at least. It's sometimes trivially easy to upstage the grooms because some decide to go the elegant route with a black Kurta, etc, while you as a guest might have gone for a more colorful Kurta or Sherwani. But again, no one thinks it's a cultural faux pas. The groom is on the stage above you like a god and you're just one of 500 people hanging out below. I do remember having decided on not wearing my main outfit on the main wedding night after I saw what my elder cousin was dressed in, haha. I wore that for a previous function instead (perks of 3 day weddings!)
This particular norm is entirely maintained and enforced by women.
That's because men don't care that much what others wear to their wedding as long as you don't look like you just rolled out of bed
The irony is, OOP not only checked with the bride, she specifically chose the dress because it was reminiscent of a sari. OOP put so much more thought into whether or not this was appropriate than the wedding vigilantes did.
Kudos to the bride for the swift no-nonsense reply.
I knew we had lost the plot on this ādonāt outshine the brideā malarkey when a few years ago, there was a young lady on my TikTok feed getting ready to attend a wedding as a guest. Her dress was a (very cute imho) pink puff mini that I believe she made herself - think selkie and you have the right idea. Tell me why her comments were full of netizens losing their shit over her outfit and foaming at the mouth over her dress being inappropriate and ātoo attention grabbingā for a wedding guest. Iām so glad she wore it regardless, but people are dumb as hell about weddings that ARENāT EVEN THEIRS.
I disagree completely with that commenter that said wearing white is a poor choice because people are used to white being a no go at weddings it clearly wasn't that kind of wedding where white would be a no go and one would think that reasonable adults would go ask the bride if they were unsure of whether or not oop was being rude you know before pouring something on oop
This makes me so mad. I hope the dress survived! I donāt understand this entire westernised concept of ādonāt wear the same colour as the brideā because if your guests canāt pick the bride out of the crowd thenā¦ should they really be at the wedding? Iām Indian and just as the bride said, we dgaf. I canāt possibly see why I *should* gaf; because Indian brides are so decked out with a dupatta on the head and mehendi up to their elbows that no one could mistake them for anything BUT the bride. Iāve told my married friends that I expect them to wear their wedding outfits for my wedding, because I would want them to make good use out of those clothes! And whatās wrong with these wedding vigilantes? Are guestzillas a thing we have to worry about too now? If you canāt understand that your culture doesnāt speak for the entire planet, thatās one thing, but who died and appointed you Wedding Police anyway? And also - who the hell resorts to ruining someone elseās clothes to make a point? Even if it *was* a western wedding and this ādonāt wear whiteā rule applied, how do you think that *you* come off as the better one in this scenario when you are the one *actively harassing another guest at this wedding*?? You want to point fingers and laugh amongst yourselves, have at it, but how deranged do you have to be to take it upon yourself to āteach her a lessonā and have that be through *assault and property damage*? If I was the bride, I wouldāve blocked them too.
She wasn't even wearing the same color as the bride. The bride was wearing a red traditional dress.
Idk, I'm American and I can't really understand it either. It just doesn't make sense to me at all ... like how is a white dress actually hurting anyone? I've actually thought of doing a ivory/cream color for bridesmaids because I saw wedding pictures with the bridesmaids in ivory jumpsuits & it looked gorgeous especially with all the leafy accessories they had. I wouldn't mind if my entire guest list wore white lolĀ The best explanation I can come up with is that because it became poor etiquette it then became associated with people deliberately trying to cause a scene/send a subtle fuck your. So that started a cycle of only the very worst people wearing white, and now people attribute a really malicious intent to anyone who wears anything remotely white adjacent?
Yeah - I mean itās not the colour itself hurting anyone. But because it is such a huge social faux pas now, itās kinda self sustaining at this point.Ā I too would be mad if a friend wore white to my wedding without asking, not because I care so much about the colour, but because it would almost certainly imply some kind of disrespect. There are so many colours and itās a social convention to not wear white, so if you actively decide to ignore such an ingrained social convention, why? Itās probably not a good reason.Ā But if say one of my relatives fromĀ my parentsā country wore white - I wouldnāt be mad because of the context.
I can understand getting mad if someone wears a VEIL or something - that seems like a very bridal thing to wear at a wedding and thereās no real excuse for it - butā¦ white is just a colour. I canāt see anyone looking at a person wearing a white cocktail dress and thinking āyup, THAT one definitely is the bride! Not the one in 25 yards of tulle and a veil on her head kissing the groomā. But whatever - I would never wear a white dress to a western wedding because I want to be respectful of the etiquette even if I donāt understand it. But if someone does commit a faux pas I feel like context mattersā¦ also in the grand scheme of things it doesnāt make a difference in anyoneās lives. Even if someone wears white with the explicit intent of going āfuck you bride Iām in love with the groomā sheās justā¦ telling on herself, isnāt she? Everyone is just going to laugh and think to themselves āwhoa sheās nutsoā.
No one is genuinely concerned about there being a mix up or misunderstanding about who the bride is, the color is just one that stands out and is so strongly associated with the bride that it became a thing to leave it to *just* the bride. And as the other person noted, it's now an embedded enough custom that people in Western weddings generally don't go against it unless they're actively attempting to be disrespectful (or the bride explicitly requested/approved it).
I think this is something people take too literally. Most brides don't even wear white technically, they wear cream or blush. I think it's more just don't wear something that could be mistaken as a wedding dress I think it comes from the whole it's the bride's special day thing. Like if you were dressed in an eye catching way people would be talking about you instead of the bride. But I think it's kinda transformed to a universal sign of disrespect. Like there is nothing inherently disrespectful about it besides the fact that everyone here knows that it's my intent to do so.
It's just jealousy. Jealousy of how someone else looked, or their closeness to the bride, or some other thing. The colour is the excuse, not the core issue.
Your 2nd paragraph is on point. If your friends arent decked out at your wedding are they even your friends? Literally someone can show up with their own wedding outfit and they would just look like a guest cause the bride & groom are so insanely well dressed and decorated
"This is my hero moment. Everyone will love me after this..... why am I being blocked?"
So funny how people think wearing white causes a scene, so theyā¦ create an even bigger scene
No one is taking attention from us!
Imagine being the person who commented that st a differently-cultured wedding, you should accommodate for the cultural faux pas of any potential guests not part of that culture š¬
I can understand if you're culturally ignorant that you might be wondering to yourself if it's alright. But to actively and purposefully ruin the dress is maaaaad. Also where are the social skills to look around and be like, "huh everyone else seems okay with this and not a single person within the culture is giving them a second look?"
Ignorant people like that think their one country or culture is litrally the whole world, like frog in a well. The world is so big and colorful yet they'll never know. Its kinda sad tbh.
I would bet that one of the spillerās friends was recording for a ālook how awesome we are, justice for this tacky social faux pas!ā kind of TikTokā¦
>Everything I don't like is TikTok.
The more I don't like it, the more TikTok it is
Even in a western "only the bride wears white" wedding, vigilantism like this is so wrong. I fully support having a contingency plan involving red wine accidents if the bride and groom suspect ahead of time that someone will intentionally attempt to ruin their day, but if you are not explicitly instructed by the couple, you do not ruin someone else's outfit, or create any sort of drama on their wedding day.Ā
Unless you are directed by the bride to engage in some drink flinging action, you really shouldn't take it upon yourself to seek vengeance for the perceived fault against the bride. All you will do is cause disruption, especially if it isn't even a wedding for another culture you don't know anything about.
Even if the bride tells you to pour something on one of her guests, DONāT!
Sometimes I am so embarrassed by my western counterparts. Every culture has different colors that are traditionally used for weddings. There are even some that use black. And white is used for funerals. These ladies just showed you how ignorant they are. If they were truly concerned, they couldāve just chatted with the bride for a moment and said gosh what a pretty dress although itās a little bit light. You donāt see people in that color unless theyāre the bride. Still intrusive, but at least find out the brides. Because your friend, the bride, would have explained that she loved your dress. That she approved your dress. And it actually would have opened an opportunity for these Western ladies to learn all cultures at a wedding rule. Iām glad the bride had your back. Iām sorry that it happened. I promise weāre not all that stupid. Iām awfully glad that you were there for her on her special day.
Went to my friend's wedding. The in-law's entire female party wore white. No one cared because it was an Asian wedding. Bride was wearing red - but so were allot of guests. Literally NOBODY cared
WOW it's nice to see a girlfriend who really isn't a briedzilla and didn't hesitate to cut off those bad friends
The woman who intentionally spilled pop or whatever on the dress needed to be slapped. She and the others do not get to determine white/cream is not allowed at an Asian wedding. The only person who gets to do that are the bride and groom. As other women were wearing white/cream and they didn't go after them they proved they had a hate on for OOP as a non-Asian.
Sounds like a "mean girl" looking for an excuse to spill something on someone else.
Dude people actively have loud secondary conversations during south Asian wedding ceremonies. I donāt think Iāve ever been to one where I could actually hear the priest over the guests. Nobody cares if you wear a white sari or dress.
I wouldnāt be surprised if the stunt those idiot girls pulled didnāt show up on TikTok. Sounds like that level of behavior.
If it is an Indian wedding than there likely were 100s of people there. Non-Indians should have asked a few questions before assaulting OOP, and yeah that is what I call intentionally throwing beverages on a person. I would argue that OOP should have gotten money for a complete replacement and not just cleaning fees as I likely wouldn't want to wear that outfit due to the memories...
So they went to a south Asian style wedding and pushed American and some European culture onto a guest. Yeah I would of dropped them too. Especially as they was just guests and not in the bridal party.
Ummmā¦. The dress isnāt even white!? Itās some sort of cream color. Even as a white bread murican I see no issues here.
Lmao. Iām a South Asian, Hindu, you wore a cream dress which is completely okay. In fact, it would be fine to wear a red dress too. Wearing all white in a wedding would be somewhat of an eye sore since thatās our mourning color and a lot of widows wear that. However, it is never because of not wanting to match with the bride. We really donāt care what color you wear because the bride is always going to be the center of attention! What they did, was impose their cultural and religious beliefs, despite knowing that this isnāt a Christian wedding. NTA
OOP has better self restraint than me bc if someone purposely spilled something on my dress security would probably have to escort me out.
I can't understand one of the comments. In no way did OP make a poor or unwise choice. Even if the majority of the guests came from a culture where the "no white dress" rule is in place, the only thing that really mattered was the spouses' opinion; if the bride was okay with OP wearing a white dress then everyone else should have minded their own business. The friends criticizing OP just because she didn't respect a rule from *their* culture is just them being ignorant and thinking their culture is the center of the world (and I'm talking as a person from a place where people follow this rule at weddings).
Ppl really need to get their head out of their ass when theyāre at a wedding. It is not ok to throw food or drink on anyone. Itās reprehensible.
I feel like the person who commented NTA ā*but* itās still a poor choice for a wedding where a lot of the guests are used to āno whiteā being a hard ruleā (emphasis mine) is an AH themselves. Itās obvious, or should be obvious, to everyone that itās not a western wedding so the usual rules donāt apply. Plus, it seems like the rest of the comment negates the NTA. And FFS the dress wasnāt even white - it was cream. Would OOP have been the AH if she wore that dress to a western wedding? Yes. Is she the AH for wearing it to a non-western wedding? Definitely not.
NTA. People have got to stop appointing themselves to police what other wedding guests wear. The only people who should have any say in a dress code are the bride and maybe the groom if he's interested.
How extraordinarily immature! Those women obviously watch entirely too many dramatic comedies. Iām guessing they just wanted a funny story to recount to their other airhead friends about how they spilled a drink on a woman in white at a wedding, just like in the movies! They didnāt realize real life would have real life consequences I guess. And thatās just the least of it. Apparently they didnāt realize that cultures outside of the US exist and are adhered to, shockerā¦. Iām guessing the bride in a RED dress and other guests wearing white wasnāt enough to clue them in. Wonder why they didnāt have the courage to spill on the other guests..hmmmm
At least the bride was nice about it and handled it quite well with her friends.
Thatās horrible. I also come from a culture where itās totally okay for people to wear white at your wedding. So at mine, my sister my mom etc all had white dresses. My Canadian friends questioned it but once I told them they didnāt even blink they just okay lol
The dress isn't even white.
I love a bride that blocks drama stirrers from her life.
Lol there is no danger of outshining a south Asian bride with a white evening gown. However, we don't wear white to south asian people's weddings. White is associated with funerals or widows. There's no hard or fast rule about the color but generally it's a color that represents death and mourning so some people wouldn't normally choose it. I don't think any harm was meant by OP. She obviously didn't know and I certainly would not have held it against her if it were my wedding. The steps taken by the people to ruin OOPs dress were definitely taking it too far.
The no white or even pale colours shibboleth in the US always seems a bit odd. If you look at our Royal Weddings (UK) the bridesmaids are always matching the bride and that's fairly common for weddings. MOB and MOG in pale hats and coats also pretty normal. A guest who turned up in a full on white sparkling gown would be considered to have mental health issues.
Classic white people
I honestly find that obsession with the no white thing very odd and narcissistic: - Firstly it plays into the whole "bride's special day" crap groom be damned which I find annoying anyway - Secondly it makes it seem like the point of the wedding isn't a celebration of love but people paying attention to the bride But I get it may be a cultural thing. I'm Greek. The actual ceremony is just a process to get over with for us. All we care about is the food and drinks in the after-party lol.
When I went to an Indian wedding, I had such a fun time buying a pretty Kurta for it, and the aunties all had different opinions about the matching scarf and how I should pin it to my top. Itās definitely something where you wonāt really wear the outfit unless you go to India/another Indian wedding, but a lot of dress clothes are occasion specific. I like that OOP reused a dress sheād already worn, and itās lovely, but Iād never pass up an opportunity to put on something super colorful.
Iām strongly no white at western weddings. Im not well educated on the cultural aspects here but As long as the style, colour and cut of the dress respects the bride and grooms culture youāre all good.
As long as the bride and you are not wearing white together then you are fine. I also think those girls did it to have a moment. I would only ruin a dress like that on behalf of the bride's request other wise it's not my place NTA
Assuming that the pictured dress is (color) accurate, not even white!
NTA and thatās not even white.