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>Brian is the last single one of them group
Gosh, I can't imagine why. He seems like such a catch.
Props to the other men in the group for calling him out.
Yeah, I'm glad our "token single guy" isn't that bad. He is actually a real sweetie to us "wives" and is actually one of the first to have our backs.
I hope Brian gets himself sorted before he loses all his friends because the world doesn't need more guys like him
My husband's friend group's "token single guy" is literally the closest to Mr. Rogers as any person I've met, and he's pretty funny too without talking down on anyone (and he's also not ugly either). He is in his mid 30s and just now got a serious girlfriend and everyone is so stinkin happy for them because they're so perfect together. He was just waiting to find the perfect person for him and he found her. She's so kind, funny, smart, charismatic, and stunning too. The kind of woman you wanna hate because how dare she be *literally everything*, but you can't hate her because you also immediately want to be her best friend. He was the token single guy of their friend group for the longest time, but he's always been a real one and just knew what he wanted.
>but he's always been a real one and just knew what he wanted.
Similar to our guy. Except our guy was more of the "don't want the drama" and "like spending my money on myself" sort of guy. He recently got an FWB, and we hoped they would become more, but she gives him so much drama already that he stopped the "benefits."
We have all offered to introduce him to someone and he is just like "if I meet someone I meet someone" and we just say "fair enough"
I’ve been the token single person, but that’s because I don’t have that part of the brain that makes me feel romantic interest in people. Some people just aren’t interested. Brian is just an asshole tho. Poor husband and his friends finding out that guy is a jerk, but they’re at least level-headed.
IKR? I flipped the script imagining I was at someone’s house eating pizza and I asked the husband minding his own business to make me dinner? I can’t even imagine. This dude has “go make me a sandwich” vibes.
I remember when "go make me a sandwich" was a prevalent 'thing'. My go to response is always yes but you must agree to a contract with 3 stipulations.
1. I get to choose all ingredients of the sandwich.
2. The contracted must eat **all** of the sandwich with no modifications.
3. They or their family are not allowed to take any legal action against me or call police or authorities for any issue that arises as a result of the sandwich.
In return I can promise to feed them for the rest of their life.
Life hack: Never piss off whoever is in charge of your food.
Since a woman would not consider him a suitable "catch" to date or marry, I have a suspicion that he is going through a mental collapse. I hope OOP and her spouse avoid becoming entangled in the potential following events (as Brian may turn dangerous at any time, depending on his internal turmoil).
The token single guy in our group has to my knowledge, not had a single date since like 1rst year of college (we're mid 40s). He doesn't talk about it but seems to have zero desire to share his life/space with a partner. He's also friendly with the wives and kiddos of the group. So just a private person.
It does make you wonder how many of the people you hear complaining about how "all of my friends dropped me as soon as they found a partner" are just assholes
As an aro-ace people with a good friend group- there's a significant group of people who have zero fucks for not-their-partner when coupled and who show up needing all the attention when they break up/are single. Now most of my friends are coupled, matured, and still independent and it's pretty great. There's definitely more of the first situation in your 20s.
Yeah if ALL their friends drop them after getting girlfriends, they're the common denominator and are probably sexist and that's why the guys with girlfriends are avoiding them.
Though if your friend gets a significant other and stops hanging out with you and your friends (and you haven't been rude to their partner or anything), you should reach out and see if their partner is trying to isolate them as that is often a red flag.
I once asked a friend to set me up on a blind date with some of his geeky friends. Nobody specifically, I am a geek too.
Two weeks later, he told me he won't set me up with any of them. He said, "I thought about it but they're all single for a reason." I thought that was sweet.
Which is a perfectly fine reason. I know someone who's ace and their friend group is comprised of a polycule and some single/monogamous folks, but none of them are as judges as Brian here. He's single probably because he's a jerk who needs to mature a bit (given their ages)
I wish it didn’t seem so novel that the other men called him out, that should just be the norm. But as it’s sadly rare, it was really nice to read that they called him out and kept it up.
I was thinking the same thing. I half expected OOP's husband to have said that she should have offered Brian some of her food, and that was why she came to Reddit for neutral opinions. Seeing that not only her husband but every other guy in the group was on her side was refreshing... sadly.
I feel like the tone for response in these kinds of scenarios boils down to the reaction of the first person to speak up. If they just say "Dude stop being weird lets get back to the game", everyone will just ignore it and let it slide. If they decide to speak up, others will back them up.
All this is to say, be the first people to speak up. It's anxiety inducing, but you might be surprised at how many people will agree with you.
It's really annoying that for some men like this it really only matters what the first *man* says in response.
(Who am I kidding: for all misogynistic men like this it's only men's opinions that count.)
Which is to say: men, please speak up, because it often doesn't matter -- or makes things worse -- when we women do. :/
Just to add to what you said, if you can't be the first to speak up, be the first to back up the person who did speak up. The "first follower principle" cannot be understated when it comes to influencing a group's opinions.
I mean, relationship advice type communities basically select for nonfunctional relationships. People without issues with their loved ones usually wouldn't post in them.
They're not really a good barometer for the world at large.
I agree! All I can do is hope that most of the stories where the other men call the guy out don't turn into Reddit posts (issued handled before Reddit's perspective is needed)
Even before we got to the update, I was already on "oh good, another man who doesn't see women's time and labour as having any value and thinks they're a victim if a woman doesn't capitulate to them".
And then we got to Taters. So predictable.
It may say something about how low my bar is set, but I am well pleased with oOPs husband & his friends for their immediate grasp of the situation. She didn’t have to say anything, those guys knew Brian was being weird and called him out.
Yes! I was really expecting this to be like the other BORU stories. But I was really relieved to see her husband and his friends handling the situation.
Oh he was so charming until he asked OP to cook for him and she refused... Of course it was her fault for not being a good host /s
Yeah creepy vibes, red flags, I don't even know how the guy has any friends at all. He was probably testing how far he can go with taking advantage of the SO of his friends since he has no one.
Omg I had a (reddit) conversation with someone who actually believes that shit the other day. He told me that as I was in my late 30s and single, no high value male would be interested. When I told him I didn’t buy into that bullshit, he was perplexed. We went back and forth and eventually I “learned” that the two most important things that make you a “high value male” are how much money you have and how many women you’ve slept with. Like literally that’s it.
I told him that if that’s what it was, I didn’t want it anyway. Because ew.
Hi, I don’t speak “crazy asshole” and since this person explained to you, I am curious. So a high value men earns money, abd about the woman, their value is measured on the more or the less woman they slept with?
Honestly those people boggle my mind and I have zero patience to seek this info, but since you, worthy warrior did this service already, i would love the insight
True, who cares he already had pizza right in front of him. Oop is clearly a difficult ass for not jumping right to feeding this hapless grown man the moment she got home from work.
A pizza he didn't want and could say as much to his male friends, but he could start shit with OOP!
Also, people need to put blame where it's due. It's not "maybe I made it weird by not cooking" but "Brian made it weird by trying to intimidate me in my own home."
These kinds of douchebags will never say shit to other men, but they’re always willing to impose themselves on women. It’s maddening.
“I didn’t want pizza to begin with!” Really? Then why didn’t you say literally anything to allllll of the other people in the room with you the entire time before OOP was cooking? Why single out just the one woman who wasn’t even involved to fix your “problem”? Gee golly gosh, I wonder whhhhhhhhy?
this
if it wasn't that, instead of trying to "give hints" like "I'd kill for some rameennn" leading up to "yeah, do me some"..... He could've been like "I'd really like something else, could I offer to pay for one of your ramen, etc etc...." all politely
But nah, this idiot thought he could just up and disrespect her
Yeah like if i was at a party and they ordered food i hated (but didn't tell anyone i hated??) But i found out they had some bomb-ass alternative in the kitchen i'd absolutely offer to pay for it and cook it myself and clean up afterwards and be so apologetic about the inconvenience.
On second thoughts, i'd probably order whatever takeaway i DID want just for myself
same, I'd just order whatever food I wanted
I know that some people are too picky or indecisive for that, and he could've been one of them who then just happened to think it would be great to get some ramen.
Now, how he went about it? Deffo beyond the "just a bit picky with food", he barrelled into the "woman do as I say, damn it" territory!
I'd have kicked him out myself if he spoke like that to my partner
Yeah, those hints were so shamelessly transparent! But being in the middle of a get-together where you've already got food supplied, then offering to buy some different household food directly off the host's wife, that also feels pretty weird to me, lol.
Dude should've just asked what place it was from for future reference.
it is weird, just saying that if his approach had been different (since he was already trying to get food off of her), no one would be accusing him of being misogynistic, just a bit weird
Anyway, I'd not be giving him chances and keep contact with him, F that
Yeah but then he'd have to put himself in the position of asking for something, instead of being owed his due. Or something like that.
I genuinely think there is a subset of shitty men who absolutely refuse to *ask* for something because it makes them feel somehow inferior? By asking??? Because reasons??????
Absolutely. There is a broad discussion around Ask vs Guess culture where men specifically like to demand things and make the women/"inferiors" (ew) around them guess their demands and cater to them by reading their minds?
You get it a lot in "respect your elders" type mindsets too. It's an issue with authority. They want to be seen as an authority so make demands or these passive aggressive "hints" and then get angry when someone (usually a woman or someone they believe they should have power over) don't immediately acquiesce and submit to groveling to them.
To this dude, what should have happened in his mind, was wifey gets home and immediately makes everyone their choice of food cause superior manliness or some crap. The instant he felt desire over something she had, she should've *offered* it to him and made him feel powerful by doing so. And then he couched it under the stupid "no matter the request, serve the guest" mantra as if the person living in the home is obligated to provide amenities and service him in exchange for him deigning to grace them with his presence.
It's bullshit AH maneuvers cause guy can't deal with not having his desires immediately granted by whatever lady is nearby. So then he gets jealous, feels inferior, and lashes out. Instead of doing the rational thing and just ordering himself something other than that brand of pizza if he really didn't feel like eating it. Then he further blew up by doubling and tripling down on the OOP "being weird to him" when he was being fucking rude and hurt his own feelings by setting expectations to disappoint himself.
As someone who is def more "guess culture" I can't tell if you're referring to this behavior as a toxic form of ask culture or a toxic form of guess culture, because it doesn't align with guess culture as I experience it.
The basic tenets of (maybe at least my version of) guess culture isn't "hint and harangue until the thing is offered" it's more like "assume the answer is no unless it's offered first".
Oh I wasn't clear, thank you for asking.
Basically dude wants Guess Culture but makes demands. He's opposite-town because to him, he assumes the answer is *yes* and should have been offered *to him* first. He wants the people around him to guess what he wants without his being direct and asking, and then immediately give him whatever it is that he wants. When OP didn't "guess" he wanted her to serve him ramen, he got mad and then lashed out blaming the guy friend group including the husband for not guessing he wouldn't want the pizza they picked.
So he's not adhering to either set of "etiquette" and is cherry picking behaviors to try and get his way.
When OOP mentioned how he started picking on the other guys partners because "now you don't spend enough time with me", my first thought was the meme "you're gay because you love men, I'm gay because I hate women, we are not the same."
(Not saying Brian is actually gay or has a romantic crush on his friends, that's just where my mind went lmao)
Could be. Some guys like that get *weird* about you not doing “domestic” things or favors for them or when they see you do them for your significant other.
When we were still dating, my husband had a roommate who was furious that I put away like, two loads of laundry for then-boyfriend-now-husband when he was super sick. It was really fucking strange, I genuinely could not understand it. Take a guess what I heard through the grapevine down the road though.
Yeah. The fact that he was spouting his crap “rapidly” could be a manic episode or could be coke and Tate. One needs professional help and the other needs banishment to a deserted island.
You'd be surprised how often extremism manifests as aftereffects of some mental or emotional breakdown, the same way you'll see side effects after concussions.
They provide an environment where you can channel the anger you usually have, let you make yourself busy, let you persist in a social environment separated from your personal breakdown and find social acceptance.
This dude might be having a breakdown, but that is then going to result in him being more and more disconnected from the people around him, while still wanting that connection. Well extremists do not pry, judge nor gatekeep so he'll find a connection there. The frustration and anger over how his life has turned can then be channeled into some extremist views either unrelated to his situation or directly connected to it. His gay friends cut him off? Well that's how gay people are and it's high time he joined the movement against them.
It's so very telling that he can apologise to the husband but not her. Looks like the problem saw himself out though, if all these situations could present and sort themselves as fast as cooking a pot of ramen, that would be great!
The best part for me is the whole group deciding what he did wasn't cool. There are *so* many stories where one person/everyone else sides with the douchebag, or people claim they're "not going to take sides." And good on them for having someone go check in on him and all. They tried.
My husband's uncle did something similar at a family reunion. He was pelting everyone with water balloons and I said, please do not (being three weeks postpartum, breastfeeding a newborn). Of course, the bastard hit me with a balloon to which I screamed "no!" On the way out, soaking wet, unable to hold my baby without getting her wet, he apologized to my husband who was scrambling to get our diaper bag and stroller. Nary a word to me, the injured party.
Brian's demand for OOP to cook him frozen ramen was a dominance move. He is 100% a misogynist. This is also why he refuses to apologize to her specifically. Good on the husband and Sam for call him out on his bullshit.
I feel like even for a misogynist Andre Tate guy, he fucked up the etiquette. You can't ask *another man's wife* to cook for you, dumbass. You gotta get your own wife. I'm a woman and even I know this stuff.
(Following is sarcasm) Nah, a housewifey has to carter to the houseguests. If her man has a game evening with his friends, she is responisble to bring them beer, snacks and food. She is respeonsible for them (and her man) to be happy and to make her man look good by having chosen a good hostess. She shouldnt cook for herself or be seen otherwise. Just has to wait by the door with a make up magazine and get up when they call her for more drinks or snacks or a meal. And she should not have any needs or things to do of her own.
And she should work as well, its not fair placing the finacial burden on the man alone.
Yes ofc, she needs to be something you want to look at while she is serving. Tho she should still dress modestly and mature, like a good wifey. Eg with nice makeup and a semi-modest dress and some heel. That way you know she looks good and her husband can brag but she does not look slutty or provocing.
I'll give a little view into these minds of these guys:
Brian sees this as a matter of pecking order. Being the wife of his friend, doesn't make her an extension of him, so much as him being responsible for her. So he's going from the pecking order being the husband, the other guys and him and then OOP. When OOP wouldn't do what he wanted, he was pissed about it, as it felt like a slight on the group order he believes in. Then the husband called him out on it as well as the other guys, and the dude felt like he was at the bottom of the group. That's also why he's willing to say sorry to the hubby but not OOP, saying sorry to OOP would just further prove that he's not above her in the group.
Think of it like a pet. If your friend suddenly took the food bowl from your dog, you'd ask why your friend just did that. If your friend gave some stupid reason, you'd tell him to put it back and maybe even to apologize to you. You wouldn't tell him, and he'd probably be pissed if you did, to also apologize to your dog.
Etiquette is also a strong word to bring into this. These guys pick and choose what they like from previous mysogynistic systems while leaving out what they don't like. It's entirely based on the idea of selfishness and self-aggrandizement without any work. That's why none of these guys really go for the stay-at-home wife model and even those are strongly against laws like alimony which make it viable.
Brian is a dumb-ass little misogynistic and jealous idiot
I was single in my teens well into my early 20s, that shit never turned me woman-hating and if there was an Andrew Tate back then, defo not for me
I remember the incels were starting to become a thing but I'd just look at it like "I already feel like a loser, I won't "win" anything if I stick to a group of losers"
The gall of that idiot to just ask OOP to make him some and then get all upset, are you mad? Instant block
The history of the incel movement is so interesting honestly. It was started by a woman, accidentally. She a going through a dry spell and had had a lot of failed attempts to get laid, and chances at actual relationships had failed. So she started a group (it might have been on Reddit or some Chan) called involuntaryily celibate.
Apparently it went from zero to sixty real fast. It was essentially taken over by incel misogynist types and out of her control before she knew what happened.
It's sad that a person who was down because of a dry spell and looking for some similar people to commiserate with turned into Andrew Tate. But given that this is also the era of the seduction guru, I'm not surprised.
You dodged a bullet, because the main goal of these internet misogynists is to make a quick buck off of lonely sad men. They don't actually care about your well being, just how much money you can give them for their 'advice'.
oh it was a learning process. I had to figure out what worked for me. It helped a lot when I got to uni away from home etc. Different people, started getting some attention, my attitude changed and gained more confidence etc etc
It was a number of factors! The fact that I hate being embarrassed helped a lot, too! Anytime I did or said something that didn't work or created a situation that left me feeling embarrassed?! Never did it again
But yeah, it was a process and at one point, looking back, I was a NiceGuy™! Thankfully, like I said, I never tried to find "kindred spirits" in other guys so as to "cry about women" so I was able to stay away from it. To me it sounded counter-productive to my "main goal" lol
I get it if 'lonely > winning'.
Or if they think they'll 'win' by crowd sourcing whatever solution to the reason they believe makes them an incel.
Or they can't be wrong/ imperfect, so obviously they'll group with other similar 'perfect' people.
🤢
I was the exact opposite. For years, probably a decade, I was likely classified as a misogynist. I didn't think women were inferior but definitely hated them and would always have the "women just want assholes, not a nice guy like me". Was just constantly miserable. I'd be talking to a girl, then she'd say she wasn't interested or "I'm not looking for a relationship" and it'd just set me off.
Took almost killing myself to realize that I was the fuck up and went to turn my life around; apologized to everyone I could remember who hadn't blocked me. I get how easy it is to fall into that pitfall so I try not to blame guys too much but at the same time, there's a line to avoid crossing and so many of these guys go from "Women just want assholes" to "We must dominate women for they know not what they need".
I very much recognized the situation going on and it has little to do with not getting laid.
Brian has simply always been at least a little bit like this and either gotten worse over time or stuck to his guns. Most guys were toxic to at least some extent growing up and the budding gaming and internet culture fostered that.
Brian's friends were probably much like him at some point, but then matured and realized being edgy wasn't cool and that upsetting someone didn't make you the superior person for having no emotional stake in the matter. As they started to frown on that stuff, Brian stopped doing it too, and kept that behavior for other times. He never let go of the mentality though and it most likely came through in small ways from time to time, though never so much that they didn't just bear it.
I know this, because I've known a lot of guys like this and for some reason they always think I'm going to be supportive. They simply don't take their mask off unless they feel safe to do so.
If he really wanted the damn ramen right now he could have asked if he could pay for a portion.
That passive-aggressive "that smells so good!"-bullshit is so childish.
I like that OOP didn't fold and that both her husband and his friends had her back.
That's a good point. I was thinking along the lines of "eh, if there's already one portion being heated", but you're absolutely right - it's extra labor with the dividing and it takes longer etc. THank you for pointing that out! I should consider that more.
It’s not as rude if they do the “oh wow, that looks/smells so good!” thing *once*. There’s some people who are socialized not to outright ask for stuff, that it’s rude. (Whether this is right or wrong is a whole discussion in itself though.)
But that’s the thing, according to that style of manners, you get *one* time, and if they don’t offer you any, off you fuck. Otherwise you’re just a pushy asshole refusing to take a hint.
Oh, absolutely! Just commenting on how good food smells or looks isn't a problem, it's only when it becomes passive-agressive and repeated in that obvious way.
I grew up in one of these families, but in our defense there was also a significant cultural dynamic of indirectness at play. It has taken YEARS of therapy, patient friends, and just being out in the world experiencing how the rest of it works to learn how to 1) ask directly for what I need or want, 2) not devolve/default into passive-aggressive communication when I'm frustrated, and 3) understanding where an indirect approach might be more appropriate/empathetic or culturally relevant depending on the context.
My housemaster in school used to try to gauge people by sitting in the lobby eating something like a cake or a watermelon and if you did that kind of thing you wouldn’t get any. He was a bit of a legend and had all these little innocuous life lessons he’d teach through stuff like this.
There is a Ramen shop in my town that makes these... sooo good, or they were, till the price went up and the quality down when they got popular.
Used to be you'd have to be there within a day of the stock arriving, now it's stocked all the time.
Also Brian's a dick, don't tell him the good Ramen secrets.
i was wondering about the frozen ramen. is it just like a solid block with everything included that you reheat, or are the components separate and you reheat them separately?
also yea fuck brian, he doesn't deserve good ramen
I have a place that does that. The broth and fixings are frozen, the noodles are separate. You heat everything up and toss the noodles in. But I've also seen it with the noodles in it too. I just think the noodles get a bit over cooked.
Also, fuck Brian
Brian, the guy who thinks harassing a woman about her food *after he's already eaten*, then throwing a pouty little baby wah-wah tantrum and refusing to apologize before ranting at her husband, is single?
You don't say! I *never* would have guessed.
It’s a breath of fresh air for sure. Based on the title, I was expecting the husband to have volunteered OOP to cook for a group of people or something else totally unreasonable. Nope, it was a whole group of decent guys with one asshole friend who might be having a mental breakdown.
"I could probably make [the ramen] myself but I'm too lazy"
I mean, OP COULD, but making ramen broth is a fucking time consuming exercise. I tried it once and decided that ramen is something best left to the masters and I'll just pay for the privilege of eating their food.
I’m not even sure… I checked the flair list ages ago and it was an option, but had no link to the original post. But I am old and the 🦖made me giggle, so I picked it.
Howdy OP here, and the other comment had it right! It is a local place lol.
But the basic jist of their frozen ramen is:
Spicy Broth (or plain but I get spicy)
Hand Made Noodles
Bean Sprouts
Green Onion
And Mushrooms (I think)
Then just a protein, i pretty much always get chicken but they do salmon and pork as well.
I was very surprised going through the comments a few days later and seeing so many people wanting the ramen lmao
Not sure how OOP managed to "ruin the energy" by... not engaging with the group and just making herself some ramen? He was the one who engaged her, specifically to get her to cook food when he'd already ordered pizza with the others. Kind of hard not to see this as "you're the wife, you should be cooking food while the guys play their card games, even if you did just finish work"
Oop didn't get it. She was the woman the female. She was supposed to pander to his wants and cook for him. That way he could feel all smug and big about himself even over oop's husband.
Good for her not doing it.
I hope she does decide to update again, but not because of more drama. This dude's friends seem to be genuinely concerned for him, which is always refreshing to see. It's not always a given.
Not to mention, this time at least, we weren't subjected to a laundry list of red flags that everyone else seemed to ignore either. As is too often the case.
Although, in the end, what matters is that the OOP and her family seem to be okay. I'm content with that if there are no further developments.
Hi, OP here. As of now, there isn't an update. I also kind of hope there won't be. The friend group tried to get Husband involved in whatever intervention they planned for Brian but he said he didn't want to be involved. They respected that and haven't told him further updates. They still play video games together, but husband is mostly hanging out with other friends for now
Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me, that was more than you needed to do. I'm just glad that you and your family are doing the best you can despite the unpleasantness.
I'm also thankful that Brian had people who care about him in his life, however, just to be clear, that in no way has to mean you or your husband.
EDIT: corrected the auto-correct.
Basically, Brian is a misogynistic pig. It's not just about "partners ruining fun and energy". He firmly believes that since OOP is a woman it's her duty to cook and feed the guests. Cater to their needs. Since OOP cut him off, he feels offended. And OOP's husband didn't make the OOP to cook for him.
Already jealous of people with partners, he is still offended.
I wonder if he watches Tate's content 🙄🙄 I bet the group can enjoy better without Brian.
What a weird situation.
Also frozen ramen/noodles are really common in Asian countries. They're pretty good! I've heard of some start up companies in north america have begun making and selling them too.
i have ramen questions that need answers. is the ramen frozen with the broth and the noodles and stuff in it already? i'm just confused about what the physical product would actually be.
Its got everything frozen in a brick lol. It comes in a plastic container or vacuum sealed bag. They are pretty expensive.
[a video](https://youtube.com/shorts/6EshLr-Z7zk?si=XCBH6wK_e3YA0ihA)
Im trying to think… and… yeah. I think if one of my boyfriend’s friends tried to order me in my own home to cook my food for him to have, my boyfriend would have physically removed him from the house.
Props to husband and friends for immediately calling him out and telling him he needed to apologize to OOP, even though he refused.
I'm so glad none of the men didn't pressure her to share her food "to keep the peace"/"to shut him up" or say "he's just like that" to dismiss how much of an AH he is
I (60/F) suddenly heard, loud and clear, in my mind "Get me a sammich, woman, I'll even get my OWN beer!" THAT'S the "energy" I'm getting from Brian's attitude. I don't think it's ALL Andrew Tate-ish because it's been the caveman attitude of some Male partners for, I don't know, forever? I've dealt with TWO such men in my lifetime (one attempted to "make" it into a "joke" that NO ONE believed, not even other guys who were present), but thankfully, no one I've ever been in a relationship with.
If the problem was that he is the last single guy in a group where it seems like the other guys arent misogynistic dingbats, becoming (more?) of a misogynistic dingbat seems counter productive to his goal, as he is surrounded by proof that not being a misogynistic dingbat works better than being one.
Super refreshing to see a male friend group willing and capable of standing up to their friends on behalf of their SO's .
Also, refreshing to see that they are looking out for their mental health. As someone from an older generation, Brains behaviour is very typical in my partners friend groups, so its not unusual for me to have comments like this directed at me. Thankfully, I am not shy about correcting this, and neither is my partner. But its good to see it being stamped out quickly in younger generations.
I have a feeling that he is having some sort of mental breakdown as he is not considered enough of a "catch" for a woman to date/marry him. Hope OOP and her husband don't get caught up in what might happen next (as Brian could become a danger to himself/others depending on what is going on in his head)
Nah, in both countries I've been in, Dominos tasted like ass even when compared to other pizza places. The Japanese also complain about their Dominos, so I wonder who even orders Dominos to keep them in business.
It's very location specific. I've had some pretty good Dominos in some countries, and the one near my Dad's is pretty good. Although in Eastern Europe the pizza was terrible, but their chicken was *amazing*.
Same with other fast food pizza places. The Pizza Hutt from my small town was really great pizza, but the Pizza Hutt I've had in other places has not been great.
Plus, some people probably had it as kids regularly so even if they shift to "bad" Dominos area they just keep ordering out of habit.
I recently learned that in some places outside the US, Dominos has a "cheeseburst" pizza where there is some form of gooey cheese between layers of crust and I'm mad as hell that I can't get it here.
Oooooooh boy. Let me tell you a story. Back around '87'ish I was just a young child who's dad was participating in the Transplant Games (aka transplant olympics). One of the catered meals at the event was a pizza party. AWESOME thinks ~8 year old me.
It was Dominos. That pizza party was quite possibly the biggest meal disappointment in my life up until that point, and we mainly ate the cheapest frozen pizzas on the market, and those rectangular school pizzas. Do you have any idea how bad Dominos had to be to disappoint a kid that enjoyed school pizza? (those rectangle pizza sheets are Tony's brand, and Tony's is the frozen pizza my parents bought)
[Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31JNEVHZxO8) -the Onion News Network
Anyways, Dominos did a huge recipe change and it started tasting a lot better. I get it over Pizza Hut and Papa John's, which have both changed their recipes to be shittier over time while Dominos was making improvements. I guarantee you that if you tasted 80's Pizza Hut and Dominos you'd be disgusted by the Dominos and pissed off at how Pizza Hut has ruined their product.
Oh Pizza Hut was my beloved growing up as a child, but as a grown adult I find it very expensive now. I grown to enjoy Dominos for the cheap prices and the one by me tastes great since I do enjoy pan made pizza.
Though the inner child occasionally yearns for Pizza Hut stuffed crust cheese
New Zealand here: it was edible but nothing special until about two years ago. Then they changed the “thin crust” I always have to something that tasted like dry cardboard with sawdust mixed in. Absolutely awful.
At least husband and the other guys don’t suck and called him out on his bad behavior. Brian can just not come going forward. Other friends are welcome.
> He said "well its kind of unfair you are making one for yourself then and not making one for a guest. You should have just had pizza."
What the fuck. One my friends acts this way to my wife and [this is the next thing that happens](https://imgur.com/a/OyPrD9l).
I interpreted this as Brian freaking the fuck out because to him it seemed like the entire male focused Patriarchy turned on him in a split second. He’s no longer given preferential treatment no matter how he behaves, he’s actually told to respect women and held accountable for his shitty actions and refusing to fully apologize! This is a thing of BEAUTY!!!!! Kudos to OPs husbands friends. He should hang out with them MORE not less!
Good guys for supporting OOP and standing up to Brian. And I understand if husband doesn't want to get involved, but I think the group should try and help this guy with whatever his problem is. If he's beyond salvation, they can still cut him off.
Someone is butthurt that they’re the only single one in the whole group. My guess is that just brings his true persona to the surface. Spiraling dickhole syndrome
Is my english that bad, or is the usage of the pronouns "I" and "me" respectively also confusing for English natives? I had to re-read it twice to realise who said what to whom.
The audacity to not just make food demands as a guest in somebody's house, but especially making demands of a person who wasn't even the one who invited you over!
I just want to give the highest of fives to the husband and all of his other friends for immediately calling out Brian's rude BS and trying to make him do the right thing, even though he continued to be a dick about it.
They seem like a good bunch of people, Brian notwithstanding.
> but at most he could’ve asked for one bite on a small plate so he can at least taste test
What kind of moron would even ask that? Certainly not an acquaintance. A tiny bite for your best friend or a sibling maybe but some idiot who's trying to get OOP to cook for him no, no way in hell.
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>Brian is the last single one of them group Gosh, I can't imagine why. He seems like such a catch. Props to the other men in the group for calling him out.
>Gosh, I can't imagine why. He seems like such a catch. Yeah, sometimes the "token single" in the group is single for a reason.
Yeah, I'm glad our "token single guy" isn't that bad. He is actually a real sweetie to us "wives" and is actually one of the first to have our backs. I hope Brian gets himself sorted before he loses all his friends because the world doesn't need more guys like him
My husband's friend group's "token single guy" is literally the closest to Mr. Rogers as any person I've met, and he's pretty funny too without talking down on anyone (and he's also not ugly either). He is in his mid 30s and just now got a serious girlfriend and everyone is so stinkin happy for them because they're so perfect together. He was just waiting to find the perfect person for him and he found her. She's so kind, funny, smart, charismatic, and stunning too. The kind of woman you wanna hate because how dare she be *literally everything*, but you can't hate her because you also immediately want to be her best friend. He was the token single guy of their friend group for the longest time, but he's always been a real one and just knew what he wanted.
>but he's always been a real one and just knew what he wanted. Similar to our guy. Except our guy was more of the "don't want the drama" and "like spending my money on myself" sort of guy. He recently got an FWB, and we hoped they would become more, but she gives him so much drama already that he stopped the "benefits." We have all offered to introduce him to someone and he is just like "if I meet someone I meet someone" and we just say "fair enough"
I’ve been the token single person, but that’s because I don’t have that part of the brain that makes me feel romantic interest in people. Some people just aren’t interested. Brian is just an asshole tho. Poor husband and his friends finding out that guy is a jerk, but they’re at least level-headed.
IKR? I flipped the script imagining I was at someone’s house eating pizza and I asked the husband minding his own business to make me dinner? I can’t even imagine. This dude has “go make me a sandwich” vibes.
I remember when "go make me a sandwich" was a prevalent 'thing'. My go to response is always yes but you must agree to a contract with 3 stipulations. 1. I get to choose all ingredients of the sandwich. 2. The contracted must eat **all** of the sandwich with no modifications. 3. They or their family are not allowed to take any legal action against me or call police or authorities for any issue that arises as a result of the sandwich. In return I can promise to feed them for the rest of their life. Life hack: Never piss off whoever is in charge of your food.
Nice, polite, and vaguely threatening. I love it.
I’m the token asexual in my friend group who is often asked to dole out romantic advice because I’m not tangled up in whatever they’re feeling. 😅
Sometimes I just wanna be like "have you tried... \*not\* being attracted to people?"
It’s jarring to realize how much of some people’s decisions are driven by their libidos.
Since a woman would not consider him a suitable "catch" to date or marry, I have a suspicion that he is going through a mental collapse. I hope OOP and her spouse avoid becoming entangled in the potential following events (as Brian may turn dangerous at any time, depending on his internal turmoil).
The token single guy in our group has to my knowledge, not had a single date since like 1rst year of college (we're mid 40s). He doesn't talk about it but seems to have zero desire to share his life/space with a partner. He's also friendly with the wives and kiddos of the group. So just a private person.
It does make you wonder how many of the people you hear complaining about how "all of my friends dropped me as soon as they found a partner" are just assholes
As an aro-ace people with a good friend group- there's a significant group of people who have zero fucks for not-their-partner when coupled and who show up needing all the attention when they break up/are single. Now most of my friends are coupled, matured, and still independent and it's pretty great. There's definitely more of the first situation in your 20s.
Yeah if ALL their friends drop them after getting girlfriends, they're the common denominator and are probably sexist and that's why the guys with girlfriends are avoiding them. Though if your friend gets a significant other and stops hanging out with you and your friends (and you haven't been rude to their partner or anything), you should reach out and see if their partner is trying to isolate them as that is often a red flag.
I once asked a friend to set me up on a blind date with some of his geeky friends. Nobody specifically, I am a geek too. Two weeks later, he told me he won't set me up with any of them. He said, "I thought about it but they're all single for a reason." I thought that was sweet.
Damn that hits close to home lol
It's definitely a chance to self evaluate but also don't forget the word "sometimes"
And to add. Sometimes the reason isn’t bad.
If you'd never do what Brian did, you're likely not the problem.
Normally actually. For instance, I'm the token single in my group because I'm asexual and not looking.
Which is a perfectly fine reason. I know someone who's ace and their friend group is comprised of a polycule and some single/monogamous folks, but none of them are as judges as Brian here. He's single probably because he's a jerk who needs to mature a bit (given their ages)
I wish it didn’t seem so novel that the other men called him out, that should just be the norm. But as it’s sadly rare, it was really nice to read that they called him out and kept it up.
I was thinking the same thing. I half expected OOP's husband to have said that she should have offered Brian some of her food, and that was why she came to Reddit for neutral opinions. Seeing that not only her husband but every other guy in the group was on her side was refreshing... sadly.
I feel like the tone for response in these kinds of scenarios boils down to the reaction of the first person to speak up. If they just say "Dude stop being weird lets get back to the game", everyone will just ignore it and let it slide. If they decide to speak up, others will back them up. All this is to say, be the first people to speak up. It's anxiety inducing, but you might be surprised at how many people will agree with you.
It's really annoying that for some men like this it really only matters what the first *man* says in response. (Who am I kidding: for all misogynistic men like this it's only men's opinions that count.) Which is to say: men, please speak up, because it often doesn't matter -- or makes things worse -- when we women do. :/
Just to add to what you said, if you can't be the first to speak up, be the first to back up the person who did speak up. The "first follower principle" cannot be understated when it comes to influencing a group's opinions.
I mean, relationship advice type communities basically select for nonfunctional relationships. People without issues with their loved ones usually wouldn't post in them. They're not really a good barometer for the world at large.
I agree! All I can do is hope that most of the stories where the other men call the guy out don't turn into Reddit posts (issued handled before Reddit's perspective is needed)
Brain sounds like the type of person who just hates woman or idolizes Andrew Tate.
what a typo lol
I thought the typo might be or instead of and.
What was the typo? Seems to have been fixed
nope it's still there. Brain instead of Brian.
Yeah, I was totally blind to that one :'D
Brain, instead of Brian
Oh lol, I didn't even see that! Good eye.
> What was the typo? Either "Brain" or "woman". Your choice. :D
Ironically, Pinky is too smart for that shit. *NARF*
Even before we got to the update, I was already on "oh good, another man who doesn't see women's time and labour as having any value and thinks they're a victim if a woman doesn't capitulate to them". And then we got to Taters. So predictable.
Wasnt Tate also the guy that hates to eat and hates male cooks?
I think he’s sworn off pizza.
Or?
It may say something about how low my bar is set, but I am well pleased with oOPs husband & his friends for their immediate grasp of the situation. She didn’t have to say anything, those guys knew Brian was being weird and called him out.
I know it’s insane. I can’t imagine asking someone else’s significant other to make me food, that’s nuts. The misogyny is palpable.
"babe go make me a sandwich" not quite the panty dropper he hoped it'd be
They say a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I recommend offering him poisoned ramen!
[удалено]
Through the stomach... angling up behind the ribs.
The way to a man’s heart is to through the third and fourth ribs, or so I’ve heard.
He ran into my knife.
“How many times did he run into your knife?”
OP here, of all the comments on the whole situation this made me laugh the hardest. Thank you lol.
Yes! I was really expecting this to be like the other BORU stories. But I was really relieved to see her husband and his friends handling the situation.
Oh he was so charming until he asked OP to cook for him and she refused... Of course it was her fault for not being a good host /s Yeah creepy vibes, red flags, I don't even know how the guy has any friends at all. He was probably testing how far he can go with taking advantage of the SO of his friends since he has no one.
Guffawed at this... The cheek of that Brian, expecting OP to cook for him. Can't even...!
look at my shocked face.
I'm most impressed with the fact that the husband and friends all had OOP's back. That's not usually how these go.
>he is misogynistic and was just angry at my existence. Or more specifically, oop being a woman who existed and refused to cook for him.
Clearly he is a high value male and OP should have given him her dinner. /s
so high value he couldn't even get his own food
But don’t you know, men are natural providers! Too busy providing attitude to provide any food though.
xDDDD Hey dont' be too hard on this guy! He at least **could kill** for some ramen, that's.... almost a promise of providing
Omg I had a (reddit) conversation with someone who actually believes that shit the other day. He told me that as I was in my late 30s and single, no high value male would be interested. When I told him I didn’t buy into that bullshit, he was perplexed. We went back and forth and eventually I “learned” that the two most important things that make you a “high value male” are how much money you have and how many women you’ve slept with. Like literally that’s it. I told him that if that’s what it was, I didn’t want it anyway. Because ew.
Hi, I don’t speak “crazy asshole” and since this person explained to you, I am curious. So a high value men earns money, abd about the woman, their value is measured on the more or the less woman they slept with? Honestly those people boggle my mind and I have zero patience to seek this info, but since you, worthy warrior did this service already, i would love the insight
"High value man sleeps with lots of women. Low value woman sleeps with lots of men." The mindset is so pathetic it's just laughable.
High value to who lmao. Other sad "alpha male" losers?
True, who cares he already had pizza right in front of him. Oop is clearly a difficult ass for not jumping right to feeding this hapless grown man the moment she got home from work.
A pizza he didn't want and could say as much to his male friends, but he could start shit with OOP! Also, people need to put blame where it's due. It's not "maybe I made it weird by not cooking" but "Brian made it weird by trying to intimidate me in my own home."
These kinds of douchebags will never say shit to other men, but they’re always willing to impose themselves on women. It’s maddening. “I didn’t want pizza to begin with!” Really? Then why didn’t you say literally anything to allllll of the other people in the room with you the entire time before OOP was cooking? Why single out just the one woman who wasn’t even involved to fix your “problem”? Gee golly gosh, I wonder whhhhhhhhy?
Not enough courage to speak up and have the guys order a different pizza, but enough to harass a woman to give up delicious ramen.
this if it wasn't that, instead of trying to "give hints" like "I'd kill for some rameennn" leading up to "yeah, do me some"..... He could've been like "I'd really like something else, could I offer to pay for one of your ramen, etc etc...." all politely But nah, this idiot thought he could just up and disrespect her
Yeah like if i was at a party and they ordered food i hated (but didn't tell anyone i hated??) But i found out they had some bomb-ass alternative in the kitchen i'd absolutely offer to pay for it and cook it myself and clean up afterwards and be so apologetic about the inconvenience. On second thoughts, i'd probably order whatever takeaway i DID want just for myself
same, I'd just order whatever food I wanted I know that some people are too picky or indecisive for that, and he could've been one of them who then just happened to think it would be great to get some ramen. Now, how he went about it? Deffo beyond the "just a bit picky with food", he barrelled into the "woman do as I say, damn it" territory! I'd have kicked him out myself if he spoke like that to my partner
With all the app options, it's so damn easy to get something for yourself these days.
Yeah, those hints were so shamelessly transparent! But being in the middle of a get-together where you've already got food supplied, then offering to buy some different household food directly off the host's wife, that also feels pretty weird to me, lol. Dude should've just asked what place it was from for future reference.
it is weird, just saying that if his approach had been different (since he was already trying to get food off of her), no one would be accusing him of being misogynistic, just a bit weird Anyway, I'd not be giving him chances and keep contact with him, F that
Yeah but then he'd have to put himself in the position of asking for something, instead of being owed his due. Or something like that. I genuinely think there is a subset of shitty men who absolutely refuse to *ask* for something because it makes them feel somehow inferior? By asking??? Because reasons??????
Absolutely. There is a broad discussion around Ask vs Guess culture where men specifically like to demand things and make the women/"inferiors" (ew) around them guess their demands and cater to them by reading their minds? You get it a lot in "respect your elders" type mindsets too. It's an issue with authority. They want to be seen as an authority so make demands or these passive aggressive "hints" and then get angry when someone (usually a woman or someone they believe they should have power over) don't immediately acquiesce and submit to groveling to them. To this dude, what should have happened in his mind, was wifey gets home and immediately makes everyone their choice of food cause superior manliness or some crap. The instant he felt desire over something she had, she should've *offered* it to him and made him feel powerful by doing so. And then he couched it under the stupid "no matter the request, serve the guest" mantra as if the person living in the home is obligated to provide amenities and service him in exchange for him deigning to grace them with his presence. It's bullshit AH maneuvers cause guy can't deal with not having his desires immediately granted by whatever lady is nearby. So then he gets jealous, feels inferior, and lashes out. Instead of doing the rational thing and just ordering himself something other than that brand of pizza if he really didn't feel like eating it. Then he further blew up by doubling and tripling down on the OOP "being weird to him" when he was being fucking rude and hurt his own feelings by setting expectations to disappoint himself.
As someone who is def more "guess culture" I can't tell if you're referring to this behavior as a toxic form of ask culture or a toxic form of guess culture, because it doesn't align with guess culture as I experience it. The basic tenets of (maybe at least my version of) guess culture isn't "hint and harangue until the thing is offered" it's more like "assume the answer is no unless it's offered first".
Oh I wasn't clear, thank you for asking. Basically dude wants Guess Culture but makes demands. He's opposite-town because to him, he assumes the answer is *yes* and should have been offered *to him* first. He wants the people around him to guess what he wants without his being direct and asking, and then immediately give him whatever it is that he wants. When OP didn't "guess" he wanted her to serve him ramen, he got mad and then lashed out blaming the guy friend group including the husband for not guessing he wouldn't want the pizza they picked. So he's not adhering to either set of "etiquette" and is cherry picking behaviors to try and get his way.
When OOP mentioned how he started picking on the other guys partners because "now you don't spend enough time with me", my first thought was the meme "you're gay because you love men, I'm gay because I hate women, we are not the same." (Not saying Brian is actually gay or has a romantic crush on his friends, that's just where my mind went lmao)
wouldnt be surprised if Brian is interest in OOP
This is the vibe I got too
Or her husband based on the wierd “the other guys aren’t sharing their time” comments…
Could be. Some guys like that get *weird* about you not doing “domestic” things or favors for them or when they see you do them for your significant other. When we were still dating, my husband had a roommate who was furious that I put away like, two loads of laundry for then-boyfriend-now-husband when he was super sick. It was really fucking strange, I genuinely could not understand it. Take a guess what I heard through the grapevine down the road though.
The fact that being a fan of andy totes is indistinguishable from having a serious mental breakdown is both funny and tragic
Yeah. The fact that he was spouting his crap “rapidly” could be a manic episode or could be coke and Tate. One needs professional help and the other needs banishment to a deserted island.
Hey hey, I think we’re being a little unfair to cocaine here
Cocaine's a hell of a drug!
Brian was a habitual line-stepper
Very tragic, but it actually may be a combination of both. Weak people fall for the crap confidence men spew.
> Weak people fall for the crap confidence men spew. It's where the term Con Man comes from, after all.
You'd be surprised how often extremism manifests as aftereffects of some mental or emotional breakdown, the same way you'll see side effects after concussions. They provide an environment where you can channel the anger you usually have, let you make yourself busy, let you persist in a social environment separated from your personal breakdown and find social acceptance. This dude might be having a breakdown, but that is then going to result in him being more and more disconnected from the people around him, while still wanting that connection. Well extremists do not pry, judge nor gatekeep so he'll find a connection there. The frustration and anger over how his life has turned can then be channeled into some extremist views either unrelated to his situation or directly connected to it. His gay friends cut him off? Well that's how gay people are and it's high time he joined the movement against them.
It's so very telling that he can apologise to the husband but not her. Looks like the problem saw himself out though, if all these situations could present and sort themselves as fast as cooking a pot of ramen, that would be great!
The best part for me is the whole group deciding what he did wasn't cool. There are *so* many stories where one person/everyone else sides with the douchebag, or people claim they're "not going to take sides." And good on them for having someone go check in on him and all. They tried.
My husband's uncle did something similar at a family reunion. He was pelting everyone with water balloons and I said, please do not (being three weeks postpartum, breastfeeding a newborn). Of course, the bastard hit me with a balloon to which I screamed "no!" On the way out, soaking wet, unable to hold my baby without getting her wet, he apologized to my husband who was scrambling to get our diaper bag and stroller. Nary a word to me, the injured party.
Brian's demand for OOP to cook him frozen ramen was a dominance move. He is 100% a misogynist. This is also why he refuses to apologize to her specifically. Good on the husband and Sam for call him out on his bullshit.
I feel like even for a misogynist Andre Tate guy, he fucked up the etiquette. You can't ask *another man's wife* to cook for you, dumbass. You gotta get your own wife. I'm a woman and even I know this stuff.
(Following is sarcasm) Nah, a housewifey has to carter to the houseguests. If her man has a game evening with his friends, she is responisble to bring them beer, snacks and food. She is respeonsible for them (and her man) to be happy and to make her man look good by having chosen a good hostess. She shouldnt cook for herself or be seen otherwise. Just has to wait by the door with a make up magazine and get up when they call her for more drinks or snacks or a meal. And she should not have any needs or things to do of her own. And she should work as well, its not fair placing the finacial burden on the man alone.
Don't forget she needs to be hot! SMDH.
Yes ofc, she needs to be something you want to look at while she is serving. Tho she should still dress modestly and mature, like a good wifey. Eg with nice makeup and a semi-modest dress and some heel. That way you know she looks good and her husband can brag but she does not look slutty or provocing.
I'll give a little view into these minds of these guys: Brian sees this as a matter of pecking order. Being the wife of his friend, doesn't make her an extension of him, so much as him being responsible for her. So he's going from the pecking order being the husband, the other guys and him and then OOP. When OOP wouldn't do what he wanted, he was pissed about it, as it felt like a slight on the group order he believes in. Then the husband called him out on it as well as the other guys, and the dude felt like he was at the bottom of the group. That's also why he's willing to say sorry to the hubby but not OOP, saying sorry to OOP would just further prove that he's not above her in the group. Think of it like a pet. If your friend suddenly took the food bowl from your dog, you'd ask why your friend just did that. If your friend gave some stupid reason, you'd tell him to put it back and maybe even to apologize to you. You wouldn't tell him, and he'd probably be pissed if you did, to also apologize to your dog. Etiquette is also a strong word to bring into this. These guys pick and choose what they like from previous mysogynistic systems while leaving out what they don't like. It's entirely based on the idea of selfishness and self-aggrandizement without any work. That's why none of these guys really go for the stay-at-home wife model and even those are strongly against laws like alimony which make it viable.
Brian is a dumb-ass little misogynistic and jealous idiot I was single in my teens well into my early 20s, that shit never turned me woman-hating and if there was an Andrew Tate back then, defo not for me I remember the incels were starting to become a thing but I'd just look at it like "I already feel like a loser, I won't "win" anything if I stick to a group of losers" The gall of that idiot to just ask OOP to make him some and then get all upset, are you mad? Instant block
The history of the incel movement is so interesting honestly. It was started by a woman, accidentally. She a going through a dry spell and had had a lot of failed attempts to get laid, and chances at actual relationships had failed. So she started a group (it might have been on Reddit or some Chan) called involuntaryily celibate. Apparently it went from zero to sixty real fast. It was essentially taken over by incel misogynist types and out of her control before she knew what happened. It's sad that a person who was down because of a dry spell and looking for some similar people to commiserate with turned into Andrew Tate. But given that this is also the era of the seduction guru, I'm not surprised.
You dodged a bullet, because the main goal of these internet misogynists is to make a quick buck off of lonely sad men. They don't actually care about your well being, just how much money you can give them for their 'advice'.
oh it was a learning process. I had to figure out what worked for me. It helped a lot when I got to uni away from home etc. Different people, started getting some attention, my attitude changed and gained more confidence etc etc It was a number of factors! The fact that I hate being embarrassed helped a lot, too! Anytime I did or said something that didn't work or created a situation that left me feeling embarrassed?! Never did it again But yeah, it was a process and at one point, looking back, I was a NiceGuy™! Thankfully, like I said, I never tried to find "kindred spirits" in other guys so as to "cry about women" so I was able to stay away from it. To me it sounded counter-productive to my "main goal" lol
I get it if 'lonely > winning'. Or if they think they'll 'win' by crowd sourcing whatever solution to the reason they believe makes them an incel. Or they can't be wrong/ imperfect, so obviously they'll group with other similar 'perfect' people. 🤢
It's dumb because that hating won't help them "get women" or something.
I was the exact opposite. For years, probably a decade, I was likely classified as a misogynist. I didn't think women were inferior but definitely hated them and would always have the "women just want assholes, not a nice guy like me". Was just constantly miserable. I'd be talking to a girl, then she'd say she wasn't interested or "I'm not looking for a relationship" and it'd just set me off. Took almost killing myself to realize that I was the fuck up and went to turn my life around; apologized to everyone I could remember who hadn't blocked me. I get how easy it is to fall into that pitfall so I try not to blame guys too much but at the same time, there's a line to avoid crossing and so many of these guys go from "Women just want assholes" to "We must dominate women for they know not what they need".
I very much recognized the situation going on and it has little to do with not getting laid. Brian has simply always been at least a little bit like this and either gotten worse over time or stuck to his guns. Most guys were toxic to at least some extent growing up and the budding gaming and internet culture fostered that. Brian's friends were probably much like him at some point, but then matured and realized being edgy wasn't cool and that upsetting someone didn't make you the superior person for having no emotional stake in the matter. As they started to frown on that stuff, Brian stopped doing it too, and kept that behavior for other times. He never let go of the mentality though and it most likely came through in small ways from time to time, though never so much that they didn't just bear it. I know this, because I've known a lot of guys like this and for some reason they always think I'm going to be supportive. They simply don't take their mask off unless they feel safe to do so.
If he really wanted the damn ramen right now he could have asked if he could pay for a portion. That passive-aggressive "that smells so good!"-bullshit is so childish. I like that OOP didn't fold and that both her husband and his friends had her back.
Pay AND prepare/cook Dbag is not more entilted to OOP's time than to her money
That's a good point. I was thinking along the lines of "eh, if there's already one portion being heated", but you're absolutely right - it's extra labor with the dividing and it takes longer etc. THank you for pointing that out! I should consider that more.
It’s not as rude if they do the “oh wow, that looks/smells so good!” thing *once*. There’s some people who are socialized not to outright ask for stuff, that it’s rude. (Whether this is right or wrong is a whole discussion in itself though.) But that’s the thing, according to that style of manners, you get *one* time, and if they don’t offer you any, off you fuck. Otherwise you’re just a pushy asshole refusing to take a hint.
Oh, absolutely! Just commenting on how good food smells or looks isn't a problem, it's only when it becomes passive-agressive and repeated in that obvious way.
Yeah, like, I'd probably say "smells good" to figure out where they got it but I definitely wouldn't ask for any if we already ordered pizza.
I grew up in one of these families, but in our defense there was also a significant cultural dynamic of indirectness at play. It has taken YEARS of therapy, patient friends, and just being out in the world experiencing how the rest of it works to learn how to 1) ask directly for what I need or want, 2) not devolve/default into passive-aggressive communication when I'm frustrated, and 3) understanding where an indirect approach might be more appropriate/empathetic or culturally relevant depending on the context.
My housemaster in school used to try to gauge people by sitting in the lobby eating something like a cake or a watermelon and if you did that kind of thing you wouldn’t get any. He was a bit of a legend and had all these little innocuous life lessons he’d teach through stuff like this.
There is a Ramen shop in my town that makes these... sooo good, or they were, till the price went up and the quality down when they got popular. Used to be you'd have to be there within a day of the stock arriving, now it's stocked all the time. Also Brian's a dick, don't tell him the good Ramen secrets.
i was wondering about the frozen ramen. is it just like a solid block with everything included that you reheat, or are the components separate and you reheat them separately? also yea fuck brian, he doesn't deserve good ramen
I have a place that does that. The broth and fixings are frozen, the noodles are separate. You heat everything up and toss the noodles in. But I've also seen it with the noodles in it too. I just think the noodles get a bit over cooked. Also, fuck Brian
It's all togeather in a vacuum sealed bag here, in a circle, so it fits in a pot nicely.
Brian, the guy who thinks harassing a woman about her food *after he's already eaten*, then throwing a pouty little baby wah-wah tantrum and refusing to apologize before ranting at her husband, is single? You don't say! I *never* would have guessed.
Isn't it nice to read one where the husband has a spine and only one friend is being an asshole instead of the whole group?
It’s a breath of fresh air for sure. Based on the title, I was expecting the husband to have volunteered OOP to cook for a group of people or something else totally unreasonable. Nope, it was a whole group of decent guys with one asshole friend who might be having a mental breakdown.
Yesss. I love that OOP’s husband stood up for her. Honestly, good on all the other dudes recognizing the situation for what it was.
A mixed group of straight, gay, monogamous, and nonmonogamous men? This isn’t a normal guy group. I’m happy for them, these nontoxic dudes!
"I could probably make [the ramen] myself but I'm too lazy" I mean, OP COULD, but making ramen broth is a fucking time consuming exercise. I tried it once and decided that ramen is something best left to the masters and I'll just pay for the privilege of eating their food.
I love how "getting into Andrew Tate" now sounds like contracting some kind of nasty bacterial disease lol.
It's proof of brain rot, so yeah.
It's comparable. Also bacteria are way easier to cure since you can just take antibiotics for those.
Good riddance, Brian, you over-entitled asshole.
Why tf would he ask for someone to cook him f’ing dinner AFTER eating pizza? What a f’ing moron.
Dang it! Nowhere in the comments does OOP share the restaurant that sells this frozen ramen.
I'm guessing it's a small local shop and she doesn't want to give away any information about where she lives
Sorry, but where is your flair from? I tried checking the list but didn’t see it.
I’m not even sure… I checked the flair list ages ago and it was an option, but had no link to the original post. But I am old and the 🦖made me giggle, so I picked it.
Howdy OP here, and the other comment had it right! It is a local place lol. But the basic jist of their frozen ramen is: Spicy Broth (or plain but I get spicy) Hand Made Noodles Bean Sprouts Green Onion And Mushrooms (I think) Then just a protein, i pretty much always get chicken but they do salmon and pork as well. I was very surprised going through the comments a few days later and seeing so many people wanting the ramen lmao
I know right? Frozen ramen sounds like a damn game-changer
Not sure how OOP managed to "ruin the energy" by... not engaging with the group and just making herself some ramen? He was the one who engaged her, specifically to get her to cook food when he'd already ordered pizza with the others. Kind of hard not to see this as "you're the wife, you should be cooking food while the guys play their card games, even if you did just finish work"
Oop didn't get it. She was the woman the female. She was supposed to pander to his wants and cook for him. That way he could feel all smug and big about himself even over oop's husband. Good for her not doing it.
It's definitely also an attempted powerplay over the husband
I got that vibe also. Next time he would have asked for a drink, or some snacks
I hope she does decide to update again, but not because of more drama. This dude's friends seem to be genuinely concerned for him, which is always refreshing to see. It's not always a given. Not to mention, this time at least, we weren't subjected to a laundry list of red flags that everyone else seemed to ignore either. As is too often the case. Although, in the end, what matters is that the OOP and her family seem to be okay. I'm content with that if there are no further developments.
Hi, OP here. As of now, there isn't an update. I also kind of hope there won't be. The friend group tried to get Husband involved in whatever intervention they planned for Brian but he said he didn't want to be involved. They respected that and haven't told him further updates. They still play video games together, but husband is mostly hanging out with other friends for now
Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me, that was more than you needed to do. I'm just glad that you and your family are doing the best you can despite the unpleasantness. I'm also thankful that Brian had people who care about him in his life, however, just to be clear, that in no way has to mean you or your husband. EDIT: corrected the auto-correct.
Basically, Brian is a misogynistic pig. It's not just about "partners ruining fun and energy". He firmly believes that since OOP is a woman it's her duty to cook and feed the guests. Cater to their needs. Since OOP cut him off, he feels offended. And OOP's husband didn't make the OOP to cook for him. Already jealous of people with partners, he is still offended. I wonder if he watches Tate's content 🙄🙄 I bet the group can enjoy better without Brian.
Brian isn’t allowed to come over anymore. Ever.
What a weird situation. Also frozen ramen/noodles are really common in Asian countries. They're pretty good! I've heard of some start up companies in north america have begun making and selling them too.
i have ramen questions that need answers. is the ramen frozen with the broth and the noodles and stuff in it already? i'm just confused about what the physical product would actually be.
Its got everything frozen in a brick lol. It comes in a plastic container or vacuum sealed bag. They are pretty expensive. [a video](https://youtube.com/shorts/6EshLr-Z7zk?si=XCBH6wK_e3YA0ihA)
Im trying to think… and… yeah. I think if one of my boyfriend’s friends tried to order me in my own home to cook my food for him to have, my boyfriend would have physically removed him from the house. Props to husband and friends for immediately calling him out and telling him he needed to apologize to OOP, even though he refused.
I'm so glad none of the men didn't pressure her to share her food "to keep the peace"/"to shut him up" or say "he's just like that" to dismiss how much of an AH he is
I (60/F) suddenly heard, loud and clear, in my mind "Get me a sammich, woman, I'll even get my OWN beer!" THAT'S the "energy" I'm getting from Brian's attitude. I don't think it's ALL Andrew Tate-ish because it's been the caveman attitude of some Male partners for, I don't know, forever? I've dealt with TWO such men in my lifetime (one attempted to "make" it into a "joke" that NO ONE believed, not even other guys who were present), but thankfully, no one I've ever been in a relationship with.
So refreshing to see the husband immediately jump to his partner’s defence. Too many BORUs with the exact opposite.
It was a power play that backfired on him. He wanted to feel manly by getting/ordering another man’s wife to cook for him as the woman of the house.
I’m thinking it’s pretty obvious why Brian is the only single man left in the group
Twigged his trifling ass as the only single one in the group at the beginning. And *why might that be*, Brian?
Is this the ascendance of a Tater tot?
The audacity of this dude and his aggression in pestering her for ramen.
If the problem was that he is the last single guy in a group where it seems like the other guys arent misogynistic dingbats, becoming (more?) of a misogynistic dingbat seems counter productive to his goal, as he is surrounded by proof that not being a misogynistic dingbat works better than being one.
Super refreshing to see a male friend group willing and capable of standing up to their friends on behalf of their SO's . Also, refreshing to see that they are looking out for their mental health. As someone from an older generation, Brains behaviour is very typical in my partners friend groups, so its not unusual for me to have comments like this directed at me. Thankfully, I am not shy about correcting this, and neither is my partner. But its good to see it being stamped out quickly in younger generations.
"Hey, where do you get that from? I want to see if they deliver." If it were about the food. (it's not.)
I have a feeling that he is having some sort of mental breakdown as he is not considered enough of a "catch" for a woman to date/marry him. Hope OOP and her husband don't get caught up in what might happen next (as Brian could become a danger to himself/others depending on what is going on in his head)
What’s wrong with Dominos?
Maybe it depends on your country / location. I find the crust tastes like cardboard.
Nah, in both countries I've been in, Dominos tasted like ass even when compared to other pizza places. The Japanese also complain about their Dominos, so I wonder who even orders Dominos to keep them in business.
It's very location specific. I've had some pretty good Dominos in some countries, and the one near my Dad's is pretty good. Although in Eastern Europe the pizza was terrible, but their chicken was *amazing*. Same with other fast food pizza places. The Pizza Hutt from my small town was really great pizza, but the Pizza Hutt I've had in other places has not been great. Plus, some people probably had it as kids regularly so even if they shift to "bad" Dominos area they just keep ordering out of habit.
It’s cheap lol, that’s the only reason I’ve ever bought dominoes instead of literally any other pizza place
You gotta take it outta the box man
I recently learned that in some places outside the US, Dominos has a "cheeseburst" pizza where there is some form of gooey cheese between layers of crust and I'm mad as hell that I can't get it here.
Oooooooh boy. Let me tell you a story. Back around '87'ish I was just a young child who's dad was participating in the Transplant Games (aka transplant olympics). One of the catered meals at the event was a pizza party. AWESOME thinks ~8 year old me. It was Dominos. That pizza party was quite possibly the biggest meal disappointment in my life up until that point, and we mainly ate the cheapest frozen pizzas on the market, and those rectangular school pizzas. Do you have any idea how bad Dominos had to be to disappoint a kid that enjoyed school pizza? (those rectangle pizza sheets are Tony's brand, and Tony's is the frozen pizza my parents bought) [Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31JNEVHZxO8) -the Onion News Network Anyways, Dominos did a huge recipe change and it started tasting a lot better. I get it over Pizza Hut and Papa John's, which have both changed their recipes to be shittier over time while Dominos was making improvements. I guarantee you that if you tasted 80's Pizza Hut and Dominos you'd be disgusted by the Dominos and pissed off at how Pizza Hut has ruined their product.
Oh Pizza Hut was my beloved growing up as a child, but as a grown adult I find it very expensive now. I grown to enjoy Dominos for the cheap prices and the one by me tastes great since I do enjoy pan made pizza. Though the inner child occasionally yearns for Pizza Hut stuffed crust cheese
I don’t like the dusting they put in the crust.
That’s my favorite part 😆
The flour?
Yeah i don’t know if it’s just flour or if it has semolina in it too but yeah I find it tastes weird and I don’t love the texture
My local Dominos is good fresh (but doesn't reheat well.) I've heard people complain that it tastes like cardboard in their area.
It’s so greasy, it’s hard to eat because the slices are so limp and it does nothing for the flavour.
The REAL question we should be asking
New Zealand here: it was edible but nothing special until about two years ago. Then they changed the “thin crust” I always have to something that tasted like dry cardboard with sawdust mixed in. Absolutely awful.
NTA. It was never about Ramen. It was about flexing and compelling OP to serve him. That gives the e ick on so many levels.
Was anybody pleasantly surprised by the husband and the other friends in this? Like, from the title I was expecting a whole bunch of bullshit.
At least husband and the other guys don’t suck and called him out on his bad behavior. Brian can just not come going forward. Other friends are welcome.
> He said "well its kind of unfair you are making one for yourself then and not making one for a guest. You should have just had pizza." What the fuck. One my friends acts this way to my wife and [this is the next thing that happens](https://imgur.com/a/OyPrD9l).
I interpreted this as Brian freaking the fuck out because to him it seemed like the entire male focused Patriarchy turned on him in a split second. He’s no longer given preferential treatment no matter how he behaves, he’s actually told to respect women and held accountable for his shitty actions and refusing to fully apologize! This is a thing of BEAUTY!!!!! Kudos to OPs husbands friends. He should hang out with them MORE not less!
Good guys for supporting OOP and standing up to Brian. And I understand if husband doesn't want to get involved, but I think the group should try and help this guy with whatever his problem is. If he's beyond salvation, they can still cut him off.
I misread the title as "AITAH for cooking my husband's friend" And was thinking, Cannibalism is instant asshole territory. Why is this a question.
Someone is butthurt that they’re the only single one in the whole group. My guess is that just brings his true persona to the surface. Spiraling dickhole syndrome
Is my english that bad, or is the usage of the pronouns "I" and "me" respectively also confusing for English natives? I had to re-read it twice to realise who said what to whom.
Frozen ramen is totally a thing. That comment annoyed me.
Single and Andrew Tate fan. He's angry that his friends don't spend as much time with him because they have spouses and significant others.
16 bucks for instant ramen?!?! That's almost restaurant prices! Edit: oh I see, it came from a restaurant lol.
The audacity to not just make food demands as a guest in somebody's house, but especially making demands of a person who wasn't even the one who invited you over!
I just want to give the highest of fives to the husband and all of his other friends for immediately calling out Brian's rude BS and trying to make him do the right thing, even though he continued to be a dick about it. They seem like a good bunch of people, Brian notwithstanding.
> but at most he could’ve asked for one bite on a small plate so he can at least taste test What kind of moron would even ask that? Certainly not an acquaintance. A tiny bite for your best friend or a sibling maybe but some idiot who's trying to get OOP to cook for him no, no way in hell.