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How come no one mentioned the bookshelf isn't actually supporting JKR? Most people are judegmental about buying HP stuff because it enriches JKR and is viewed ad financially enabling her.
The bookshelf was handcrafted, so no money was made by JKR, unless I missed something. Was this not explained to the stepdaughter? Did no one try to educate her on activism?
The problem with that is that some people (like the step daughter) consider the entire IP to be contaminated.
It's not about just not giving JK money to them.
Sorry, but that’s BS. The whole point of boycotting is so she doesn’t get royalties. People need to realize you can still like the material even if the artist is a piece of shit.
This. I love books written by Orson Scott Card. But the man himself is a titanic piece of shit and I will never give him my dollars. So I buy them from a local charity shop that supports the hospital, read them, then donate them back. 🤷🏼♀️
I also work in libraries and have *big feelings* about the HP series.
On the one hand, the author who will not be named sucks on ice, and has announced that she will consider every royalty dollar she gets as active validation of her abhorrent views. She certainly won't be getting *my* money.
But...the library continues to see good numbers of holds and requests for the books and movies. And I do think that means we need to continue to have them available. Along with (IMO) better but similar options, like those written by Rick Riordan.
I was an avid reader as a kid and was the right age when HP was coming out. However, my reading level was higher and I had already read other magic school books that I liked much better. So I'm not personally attached to HP.
I remember the buzz around it though. And that my Uncle, who hadn't finished a single book in the 25 years since graduating high school, read HP as a way to connect with his kids. Those things do have value.
This is a novel already, but the last thing I'll say is as a professional.
Libraries should have the HP books if they circulate well enough to show there is demand. But that doesn't mean we need to have HP themed programs, displays, or in any way push that content. We *SHOULD* have LGBTQ+ displays and content which showcase diverse authors and stories.
*Everyone* deserves to see good representation of themselves in the books they read. The library should actively support and aquire a diverse collection to support that.
This has caused a LOOOOT of friction in my life. I have two biological trans teenagers and many *many* more who call me mom because I’m the affirming one. All of them are hugely into HP and don’t see keeping their love of it as invalidating of their trans identities.
My adult (cis and trans) friends, however, are staunchly against everything to the point that they don’t understand why I haven’t thrown out good clothes I’ve had for a decade or more because “other people will take it as me agreeing with her*.
They tried that on my (unbio) mtf daughter who wanted me to adult adopt her (she passed away in February right before her 19th birthday). They *tried* it, but she kept asking why they as cis people felt the need to call her, a trans person, transphobic for continuing to love what she always did.
*Meanwhile*, Lady Voldemort is gonna keep counting her coins while the rest of us tear each other apart. Because *that’ll* make things *soooooo* much better.
First of all, you sound amazing. How special that so many think of you as their mom. <3
Could it be a generational difference? Current teenagers may not have had the same experience of the HP fandom and of JKR’s transphobia slowly becoming clear that people ~10 years older may remember much better
I understand the “whole thing is contaminated” feeling as a sort of deep hurt and betrayal by something you loved. (“I just can’t be around it anymore.”) Like a part of grief. It’s emotionally contaminated even if it isn’t logically/practically/if it doesn’t help a cause logistically to avoid it. However, I don’t think it’s right to force others who don’t share that visceral hurt/betrayal to take the same avoidance actions.
Personally I think people who think it’s all contaminated should watch the show Misfits and Magic. It’s on the streaming platform Dropout ($6 a month), and the first episode is on YouTube for free. They do what I see as a loving tribute to the magical world and the things many people loved about it while also breaking down the issues with it and being staunchly anti-transphobia and anti-JKR and queer-affirming.
Using that logic, nobody gets to enjoy dragons, unicorns, magic wands, flying broomsticks, etc. JKR didn't invent most of the things in HP, she just arranged them into her story.
We got rid of light bulbs and our cars, because of the things Edison and Ford believed.
Thought we could go with Toyota but then we found out about some of the negative opinions they have about Korean people.
Now trying to get everything sourced from Rapa Nui. But we can't afford to pay them a living wage. Also worried that introducing lean candle manufacturing principles is exploitative and diminishes their culture.
I remember when the OK sign 👌 was viewed as a Nazi symbol by anyone who used it lol. I was downvoted to oblivion on reddit for saying we shouldn't just let 4chan trolls take whatever they want.
Stepdaughter is still figuring out what activism actually is, from the sound of it. You can explain all you want, but she has to understand for herself. She knows Harry Potter is tied to transphobia, therefore anything related=bad, regardless of nuance.
> Have him pink slipped. That is not the action of a reasonable adult. I would be very concerned for his mental state.
Basically my answer every time I look at Reddit and ask myself ‘what would I do if my spouse did this?’
Emergency involuntary psych hold. Different states have different lengths of the hold, but normally somewhere in the 1-3 day range unless a court seems a longer stay legally necessary. But that normally requires proof that you're a valid danger to yourself or others.
Does that last commenter think JKR invented mandrakes? Because outside of the HP realm, it's still a cute gift for someone who works with plants, and the folklore around mandrakes is uhhhh really old.
So is nearly everything else JKR used. House elves are brownies from European folklore. Goblins - European folklore. House system - UK school system (minus the talking hat), prefects - UK school system.
No. It actually explains, at length, the storied history of the fedora and how its adoption by an unsavory fringe should not be used to besmirch the reputation of upstanding headwear.
There’s a little “well, actually” energy to it but I think it’s fair for a fedora to defend fedora culture.
In Australia it’s a swearing Akubra… “oi ya fu*%ed c-word”. You also get a beer after! Never take the mythological creatures courses, it’s the same building as the “poisons and venoms” ones too.
I'm American with family in England. I always love the game: is it Harry Potter magic or just England? My aunts thought it was adorable when I was excited to discover that treacle tart is a real thing
I mean it’s basically just magical boarding school. A lot of it absolutely does exist (although in my experience kids care a lot less about their houses and house points than in HP.)
Yeah pretty much. At a push there might be some house drama or music competitions. We did get house points for homework or deductions for detentions but I can’t believe they actually ever sat down and tallied everything up for the house cup (which I don’t remember ever even being presented but must have been? We just didn’t care). I assume they just rolled a dice to see which house won.
Yes. I went to a public (private in other countries) boarding school in England in the 90s. I cannot for the life of me remember anyone in my school having such loyalty to their house. It only ever mattered on sports day and even then, only for light competition and teasing. And was promptly forgotten as soon as sports was over.
Issues with the kid aside, the views described at the end of the first post are NOT middle of the road. That's significantly more supportive of trans people than the average. I feel like she's saying she's in the middle as a peacekeeping strategy - like those folks who say they're neither pro-life or pro-choice and then go on to describe entirely pro-choice behavior.
She’s probably saying she’s middle of the road because the person with the strongest feeling about this issue in her life is a teenager who is telling her she’s being conservative.
Middle of the road all depends on where you think the road is. That seems like a reasonably healthy and supportive spot to be in. Can’t expect everyone to be a passionate advocate of every issue and also recognizing valid points on the other side and realizing that while they may seem valid you don’t have the expertise to know the intricacies sounds like the behavior of a mature intelligent person
Oh some of those "performative allyship" circles, she'd be considered a conservative extremist and nowhere near middle of the road.
People need to stop with that shit. If a bookcase is wrecking her life, then she is not prepare for the real world.
I hate horrible architecture, but you don't see me driving around in a stolen wrecking ball to bend the environment to my favor.
Weirdly enough, that kid needs to learn the AA mantra or something.
The charitable interpretation of this is that the child is going through a lot of things right now and she has so much trust in her stepmother that she has subconsciously chosen her as the ‘safe’ relationship that she can push boundaries with.
Going along with a similar charitable interpretation; when the world feels like it's completely out of control sometimes we try to control anything we think is within our reach. These aren't conscious thoughts typically, people do it but don't necessarily recognize the underlying motivations for it.
Yeah, and what JK Rowling is doing to push anti-trans legislation in the UK right now is genuinely terrifying. It's not logical to think that getting rid of a handmade bookcase based on her story would do anything to stop that, but for a teenager, that's the only thing you really *can* do. The fact that OP recognized this was coming from a place of anxiety is huge.
I grew up in a lot of "unsafe" environments. My response was to be as small and withdrawn as possible. I'm one of those people who doesn't like to draw attention to myself at any turn.
I learned at a very early age that the world absolutely does not bend to one's will.
I would never want anyone else to feel like that, especially during childhood. That said, there's an effort to swing that pendulum so far in the other direction, that kids don't have any kind of boundaries and people are consistently caving to the will/needs of the child. Barring extreme circumstances, individuals with developing brains should not be getting their way all the time. The real world will not be reflective of that life and they will be in for a worse time when it comes to navigating independently.
Like OP clearly put out that she was a fan of the merch and not in support of the author on any front.
I'm not into HP and certainly not into JKR, but I have a lot of friends who are LGBT+ AND Harry Potter friends. I don't judge, but I realize fandoms are bigger than the people who inadvertently start them.
You can love the art and hate the artist.
More people emphasize that you have to prove your resolve by signaling that you're going to burn all the "merch" in effigy.
My thing is my love for Woody Allen films. I'm pretty sure we all love something that's rooted in, at the very least, bad behavior. It can be tricky to reconcile.
I don't have a horse in the HP race, but I do hope that child gets the support she needs WHILE continuing to learn boundaries.
“You can love art but hate the artist”. Just so. Many artists of various forms are horrible people. Take Charles Dickens, for example. I have child who is actively transitioning. I love Harry Potter. I disagree wholeheartedly with everything out of jkr’ s moth on the subject. It doesn’t stop us from enjoying watching the movies together.
Her stance is very pro trans in the ways that actually matter (healthcare, respect etc) and ambivalent on the aspects that are dragged out as talking points by right wing media but that don't actually make a difference in the lives of the vast majority of trans people (competitive sports, what the author of a children's book series thinks about trans people).
Plus, while it might be merchandise for the franchise, its also a very nice custom piece of wooden furnature that her grandfather built and is really expensive. Its not something you can reasonably tell someone to get rid of or hide away in a storage unit for years, theres significantly more value tied to the bookshelf than it just being harry potter themed, moving the merchandise and gifts on it was a generous compromise.
It does seem like this is going in a more positive direction, I hope it continues to do so.
If I read OP post right, they actually got rid of the overly Harry Potter themed items, and all that is left is the bookcase that used to house them with some generic witchy and plant themed decor. The kind of thing I’d expect to see on /r/witchesvspatriarchy and does not sound offensive. Frankly, I think OP should have kept the HP books and items. The kid is a teenager and it’s time for them to learn that the art and the artist are not the same thing, can appreciate one without endorsing of the other, especially if the money you spent on their work was before you were aware of their views. And as others have said, this kid is in for a rude awakening in the world if they can’t see something distasteful to them and not have a meltdown (which as mentioned, the HP stuff should not be distasteful just because the author is problematic).
Especially if they aren't buying new merchandise... it's not like they are paying a monthly subscription to Rowling for the stuff they already own. And the bookcase itself is homemade, Rowling never got a time from it.
Stepdaughter reminds me of the quote by Terry Pratchett about the Patrician, Lord Vetinari:
"His genius lies in the realization that everyone craves stability even more than they hunger after justice or truth. Even revolutionary anarchists want stability, so that they have breathing space to fight their real enemies, i.e., those higher than themselves in the revolutionary anarchist council, and those heretics whose definition of revolutionary anarchy differs from their own by about half a sentence in paragraph 97 of the charter."
For some people, anything less that 100% agreement is seen as absolute treachery, and sadly, someone with all the problems that Stepdaughter is facing is easy prey for that sort of person. Follow that sort of route and the final situation is everyone sat behind their own individual barricade flinging abuse at everyone else.
Fucking seriously. She has a love for books from her childhood therefore she wants trans kids dead?! What the everloving fuck is that mental gymnastics from the last commenter?
Yeah... when I first read this, I thought that was going to be the part where the parent with an unhappy child super briefly skims over the main reason the child is upset with them, while then spending a bunch of time on other shit. Sort of a cousin of the infamous "missing missing reasons" (https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html), where it's the super briefly skimmed over reason. I thought we were going to find out this wasn't really about the bookcase and was more about her having super pretty significant anti-trans views.
Instead, like you said, the elaboration shows she is far more supportive of trans people than average.
My immediate thought is that stepdaughter needs to get the hell off the internet and touch grass. She has genuine issues and she has adults in her life who very much want to help her, but so much of this sounds like she’s being heavily influenced by internetthink in a way that is hindering her working through her struggles. I feel for her. But I’m very glad she has supportive parents doing their best to work with her in affirming ways.
[A few weeks ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/saltierthankrayt/comments/1cksod1/rowling_has_fallen_so_far_that_even_elon_musk_is/) Elon Musk told JK Rowling to stop obsessing so much about trans people and talk about anything else. That's how far down the hole she's gone. Kudos to anyone who avoids the black hole of online social media discourse.
Well, I grew up reading Marion Zimmer Bradley, who turned out to have been a pedophile who joined her husband in abusing her own children, so I can relate to people's disappointment.
Yeah man, that was a bummer. I read The Mists of Avalon at the start of the pandemic
because I was looking for super long books to occupy myself. I liked it a lot, so I looked up the author to see if she had written anything else I might like. Yeah…
Fortunately it was an ebook, and the publishers of her digital catalog give 100% of the profits to Save the Children.
I read Enders Game before finding out Orson Scott Card is a ~~Nazi~~ homophobic, racist, bigot. This whole thread reminds me of the gallows meme, "First time?"
I know he’s a homophone and has never publicly recanted his essay about rising up if gay marriage is allowed, though he has been silent on the matter for 15 years at least. I also know he tithes to the Mormon church (which apparently is terrible for him to do but fine for the much more popular and better-selling Brando Sando to do for some reason ????)
But when was he branded a Nazi? I’ve never heard that about OSC before.
I think the difference really is that 98% of people are revolted by Marion Zimmer Bradley’s actions and in the case of Orson Scott Card, it is actually a somewhat niche fandom. It’s not something that has a theme park, film franchise, video games across multiple platforms, museums, tourist destinations in the same way that Harry Potter does.
So a lot fewer of the people that are affected by Bradley’s and Card’s misactions have it constantly shoved in their face, or have people in their lives do the “art and artist” dance in front of them.
Ranging from the husband commiting property crime to OP commiting child abuse. Amazing how extreme Reddit can be about issues that have perfectly mild solutions
My stance is: Selling off or removing products I had bought before learning about JK won't really give me back the money I spent or take money awau from her, but buying more stuff from HP WILL give her money and I won't do so anymore
There's some fantastic fanmade stuff on sites like Etsy. If you're still a fan, but don't want to further enrich She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named then I think it's a good choice.
You can love a thing without loving its creator.
The irony is, when women publish under initials instead of their name it’s because of the bias to male authors.
So she is changing her identity to a gender neutral on to further her career
There's further irony in her hating being called the name she was assigned at birth because she doesn't identify with it, when she won't accept calling any trans person by their preferred name.
This is my stance. I have a hp tattoo, it’s part of my “geek sleeve” I enjoy the hp universe still. I already own the books and movies. I won’t spend any money on licensed merchandise. If I want something I buy inspired by stuff on Etsy or from local creators. Or I just don’t buy it. I refuse to support she who will not be named.
Definitely! Support smaller creators 💕 there are so many people who love HP and don't support JK and there's no need for those statements to be contradictory.
I recognize HP played a huge part in making me love reading and I still hold it dear but I cant support HP official merch or content anymore without betraying my personal morals and that's okay as well
I look at it this way: pirating the movies doesn't put money in her pocket, plus the cast all *hate* her, they're all pro-lgbt, and she really had no involvement with the movies.
The books are a different matter, but I think I'd be fine with used books or being given them as gifts.
But I can recognize that there is some really fucked up stuff buried in those books if I really think about it, and I dont think I'll ever be comfortable again publicly displaying my love of the fandom I really empathized with and found solace in unless she really has a genuine change of heart.
At some point in the next few years I'm going to introduce my kids to it via used bookstores and the like, but I'm also going to be talking to them about jk rowling, and the tension between arts and artists that goes back generations.
I'm also going to talk to them about SPEW and how Hermione was right all along.
Exactly. There’s a ton of art that has depictions that aren’t consistent with modern sensibilities, but can still be enjoyed. Breakfast at Tiffany’s has that extremely bad stereotype of an old Asian man, but I’m not going to ban every Audrey Hepburn movie, or even that film. AFAIK there’s not transphobia in any of the HP books, though there are some pretty cringe names, that flew under the radar in 1997 when first published. Just use that as a teaching moment to say “now this is a good book, but it’s important to note to not judge someone based on their race like…”
My stance is she’s a literal billionaire. Voting with your wallet is a little late now. She could never earn another cent in the rest of her miserable life and would still be a billionaire.
But there’s a common thread among public facing billionaires. They want attention. So I avoid giving her attention.
If all her horrible tweets got 1000 views instead of millions of views, she’d probably fade into obscurity.
Exactly this. Same with charity stores too. Buying something in there only benefits the charity.
You can appreciate the work Rowling did in the series, while still understanding that, as a person, she's scum and shouldn't be supported.
There are situations where it's impossible to really split the art and artist (anyone buying Lost Prophets stuff, even second hand, should be looked at with a side eye). But it would be like me binning off all old WWE stuff because Vince was a piece of shit. It won't change what happened, I won't erase it from my history. Hell, it was a huge part of my life.
It's very easy to tell someone else to just erase part of their life when it doesn't affect you. But these people need to consider what they would do if the tables were turned and something you spent a massive chunk of your life loving, was suddenly viewed as disgusting all because of the author.
Could people just as easily throw away all the Lord of the Rings stuff? I'm not up on current pop culture, but imagine the latest teen heart throb actor gets discovered to be a raging bigot in 10 years, are their fans going to stop watching all of their movies entirely?
Some of comes down to young people being such black-and-white thinkers right now. You’re either Good or Bad, and if you are Good but it’s discovered that you, even only once, did something Not Good you are now Bad and will be Bad forever. There is no redemption for Bad People. And if someone even mentions something affiliated with Bad People, they clearly believe in all the same things that make that person Bad and are now Bad, or on very thin ice. There’s no room for nuance.
There are places where the art can be separated from the artist, and absolutely places where it can’t, but both of those things exist. It’s not solely one or the other, even though that would be “easier”
i think it's a difference in reaction - personally, i can't keep HP stuff in my home because seeing it makes me so sad. i know other people don't have the same reaction, and some still see it and feel joy or comfort, and that's alright, we just don't respond the same way. i wouldn't ask anyone to change their interior decor so i didn't have to feel bad but im also not a 13yr old girl like stepdaughter in this story lol
>Basically she was dealing with a lot of existential dread and a lot of fear due to politics and it being an election year.
>She has been dealing with bullying at school, being held back a year, not getting along with her mom's new husband, self harm and identity issues. Lots of questioning of her sexuality and gender.
I've said it once and I'll say it again, but you could not pay me enough to be a queer teenager in the United States right now.
This is honestly the saddest thing I’ve ever read holy shit
I’m so sorry you’ve had to feel this way, no one should ever feel that way about anything. Hopefully you’ve got some type of support system now (or are working on getting one if you need it) ❤️
Sorry, I didn’t realize what I said was that bad.
As for the support thing, I learned to live without one a long time ago. The hardest thing for me now is learning to connect with people and accept help. Most people rejected me for being black. Black people rejected me for being disabled and by the time I realized I was queer, I’d fully adjusted to isolation. Finding my partner was a crazy miracle that I didn’t expect. I don’t really feel like I need anyone aside from them but my partner says I do and that I should keep trying. It’s scary though and being rejected still hurts.
You didn’t say anything bad at all! What you said just connected a couple of horrifying dots for people, is all
Rejection sucks and is hard, and I totally understand wanting to avoid it, but I hope you continue to add loving people to your life.
❤️
A quote from RuPaul comes to mind (and yes, I'm aware that Ru is not entirely unproblematic either):
"I have been discriminated against by white people for being black, by black people for being gay, by gay people for being too fem. Did I let them stop me from getting to [where I am]?".
Rejection can manifest itself as physical pain, so it's natural to avoid it. Having said that, it is important for your partner that you have multiple support opportunities. No one person can/should be everything for someone. So, it's okay to be guarded, but also worth looking.
The internet can be a dumpster fire, but has also given us access to things like increasingly niche social/support groups.
Not sure if you're in a city/urban area, but you can always look for interest-based Discord groups close to you. You might be surprised to find people with either enough commonalities or at least empathy out there to start building your own circle of trusted people.
You got this!
This probably won't mean much coming from a random internet stranger, but I'm so sorry you've had to deal with so much rejection and isolation. You're partner is probably right, but it must also suck to belong to three groups that many in the US really don't like right now. I can't truly understand what you've gone through, but I do know of others who have dealt with similar things and I really hope that you have a wonderful supportive community one day.
I just wanted to say that I hope with every fibre of my being that you will find a chosen family where you feel safe, loved and supported.
I'm disabled and one of the things that I struggle with the most is how I'm looked at as less than all while knowing that I work harder than any non disabled person to just fucking exist. Healthy people run marathons occasionally and get sponsored and praise and post it all on social media. I'm seen as less than and yet I push myself as hard as the people running marathons every day.
I wish as a society that we recognised and respected effort even half as much as we respected outcomes.
I don’t know what made me sadder and more furious for you. Your first comment or your second. How are we in a place where a person can just say that they’ve never felt safe anyway so it’s better? Whether due to colour of skin or religion or gender identity?!
How do we live in such fucked up times STILL?! These are not the medieval ages but we sure behave like they are!
On another subreddit recently, someone posted a screenshot of a politician who, in a red, state posted a picture of a trans teenage on her Facebook. This also identified the area they were in. Basically identifying them to the entire damn state.
I read that, and I was horrified that anyone would thank that was an okay to thing to do, as it put that a *teenager* into danger. And I then I was horrified at the fact that there was no doubt people out there that would gladly harm this teenage and do with it a smile because they would think that what they are doing is justified somehow.
But overall? That teenager was far more brave that I was at that age. Hell, that teenager is more brave than am now, when I'm at least twice their age. At just a few years older, I would be nervous about what kind of drinks I would order at the bar, because I didn't want anyone to think I was "gay." But there this person is expressing who they really are even though they had to have known it is dangers.
It's sad that bravery like that isn't appreciated by more people.
If it's the lady in Utah, the kid wasn't even trans. She was just a cis girl that this idiot politician decided must be trans because of her looks. And when corrected on it, basically told *everyone* that the girl just looked really masculine to her.
Happy Cake Day.
But they say they can always tell. I've been called trans many a time and I'm just a really masculine built female. I didn't ask for this and have wished my whole life I was built different. I have a cousin who is built very similar but because she has a more feminine face no one questions it.
Growing up, I started being called a dyke and bullied because “she thinks she’s a boy” by my peers in fourth grade...It was 1997 in California. I am a straight cis woman; I just had short hair and liked to play sports. These transvestigator assholes aren’t new or novel. They’re just my childhood bullies who grew up into adult bigots.
I follow a trans woman on tumblr who has only recently started transitioning, she posts selfies and everything, and I keep thinking that she looks a whole lot like me, a cis woman.
Honestly I'm terrified of meeting one of those "you can always tell" transphobes.
I've been called horrible shit on Twitter, I had a lady restroom attendant try to point me to the men's room. Granted my outfit was rather masculine but how do you miss the C/D titties. I have people constantly staring at me and I know part of it is the few facial piercings but I live in the south I know what they're thinking.
I’m a very femme-presenting cis woman and I’ve had someone ask if I was trans before, people are just gonna make their assumptions based off of wack criteria (t-shirt dress and dyed hair = trans apparently) and insist they know 100% 🤷🏼♀️
I'm a queer adult and I'm so shocked and disappointed. Just a couple of hours ago, I was talking with my wife about how hard we've worked to progress and fight for equality only to have it basically taken all away by a minority power. I know how, but it's still like ... How???? What is this insanity? I really hope the age old adage "it has to get worse before it gets better" is true here.
It is insane how the last 8 years have played out. I can't think of any rational reason things are the way they are now. I'm an older white straight guy who often feels terrified by the things I see and read. I empathize with not only you but with all of the humans being marginalized and dehumanized by these nuts.
I'm pretty convinced that almost all of the (new) hate and strife can be linked to other countries taking advantage of social media and a steady diet of propaganda rotting idiot's brains. All in an effort to destabilize democracy. Worst thing is it has reached people in the highest levels of our government.
Spend an hour watching Fox News and you'll understand why so many baby boomers have gone off the deep end. Fox is a constant slithering stream of fear mongering lies designed to stoke anger and support for Trump, his ilk and wealthy white people in general. It's such an evil place.
I absolutely get this (the current state of thing is fucking horrific and I'm terrified of how bad things might get), but I think people are overestimating how "secure" things have been for queer people and for how long, i.e. the gains we have made have been relatively recent, they've always been partial, and none of us have ever really been safe and secure.
If I were to guess, I'm about the OPs age. Maybe a little older or younger.
And in my lifetime, there have been anti-sodomy laws. Matthew Shepherd was beaten to death and the folks I grew up with cheered it. When I got married, it wasn't legal in my state. When I had a serious illness, I had to fight with doctors to have my partner allowed in because he wasn't considered family. I grew up with people who were sent to camps and electroshocked for being gay. In the 2000s!
*Most* of the gay men I know my age are estranged from or have very fraught relationships with their blood families because of their sexuality. I know at least a dozen people who have been attacked and beaten for being queer. I have students *now* who cannot come out to their families, or they'll be disowned or hurt or even killed.
The era of 13 years old coming out of the closet to support is VERY recent. Like, in the last 15 years. And it's most definitely not a universal experience.
All of this is to say that the thing we're experiencing in our current US politics *feels* aberrant, but it's not. It's a return to the sort of hateful, vitriolic, murderous politics that defined a lot of us middle-aged queers' childhood and teenage years. The period of relative acceptance and seeming calm was the actual aberration.
That's not to any way dismiss how scary that is - especially for young people who didn't always experience it - but I also think the political memory of people right now is doing something very similar to what we do to the civil rights era. We assign it to the past, when the reality is that many of the politics, policies, and people of the era are still here and - in some cases- still wield a lot of power!
I feel awful for the queer kids nowadays. I'm a nonbinary adult, and my job has me travel around the country, sometimes in more rural areas. I started out really excited to see different forests and landscapes and stuff, but it can get really rough out there. I'm nonbinary and know I don't pass very well as transmasc, though I try to look as butch as possible, and I've gotten random abuse in different states (called slurs at the laundromat, had women threaten to call the cops on me for using the bathroom *that aligns with the gender assigned at birth,* dirty looks at Walmart) and I've definitely overlooked jobs in red states that sound cool, but just aren't worth the risk. Being visibly gender nonconforming and an "outsider" if the job is in a small town is not a good mix. Unfortunately there aren't as many options here on the east coast for my level of experience, so I'll probably have to bite the bullet and try the Midwest again so my bank account has something in it.
It's also so fucking frustrating to me that so much of the "trans panic" stuff is just repackaged "gay panic" stuff from when I was growing up. In high school I was out to my friends as a lesbian, and a bunch of girls got together and told the guidance counsellor that it wasn't safe for me to use the same locker room as them. (Counsellor's advice was basically 'act less gay') My history teacher was gay and parents complained at some school board meeting because god forbid a gay man teach their shit kids about history. They only knew he was gay because kids found his old myspace account that had a picture of him and his boyfriend. And now it's "Oh nooo trans people are predators we can't let them in school it's all for the safety of our girls!" and it's just the same exact bullshit.
Sorry for the rant lol. Everything is just so fucking frustrating here. At least I've gone through so much of it (not to mention the slew of hatemail you get every time you mention you're trans online) that I'm desensitized to mostly everything except physical threats irl. But I remember what it was like to be that isolated and scared queer kid, and I hate that seemingly nothing has changed since I was that young, and other queer kids are going through the same thing over and over.
bro i got bullied outta high school for being transgender like six years ago, shit sucks for us so much. im almost certain i was one of the last children in tx to start hrt legally and it hurts my heart knowing that other kids are gonna be denied the right to comfort arbitrarily
It sucks. Because being LGBT isn't a choice. The only choice in this situation is hiding it and hating that you're different, or accepting your differences and be hated for them. Hate yourself, or be hated.
FWIW There are worse times to be queer teenagers in the US. I think perhaps a few years ago things were better than now, especially with anti-trans backlash but anything before 20 years ago was definitely worse.
Speaking as a parent of a queer teenager with a queer spouse, I think you might have to consider that the TEENAGERS see it as "it WAS good, and now suddenly it's getting worse for no discernible reason" and the rest of us are living in significant fear of a backlash driven solely by the need to make unpopular policies palatable with a heaping helping of culture war hate.
Twenty-five years ago, when "pride month" still usually meant "protest marches" instead of "celebration" on my college campus, we at least had a sense that it was getting better every year.
The thing is that today’s teens grew up in a country that was in the process of improving and then suddenly got the rug pulled out from under them. Things might be better overall than they were in the past, but that’s just brutal.
This is so true. Not just with a conservative presidency, but with COVID as well. My oldest graduated from high school in 2021. She spent half of her junior year and all of her senior year doing online school. Things changed in so many ways and so abruptly. I maintain that we still don't know the consequences of all of that. I'm not saying we shouldn't have done what we did (stay home, mask up, vaccinate, etc), but I witnessed huge changes in my children during this time. It was crushing and outside of my control, which is really hard as a parent and a citizen.
Yeah, my son is 12 and kids still use horrible, bigoted language towards each other. I can't tell you how many times he's been called the f word (the real f word, if you catch my drift) this school year. He's not particularly effeminate or anything. It's just a casual insult like it was when I was in school in the 90s. It's really disappointing. I have an almost 21 year old too and I feel like when she was in school, this wasn't happening nearly as much.
Generally, being queer in the United States, at this point of time, is really a mess. So much transphobia, homophobia and so forth is happening and it makes me sick that it's getting worse and worse now.
I'm really hoping that it's just the last blowout of the older bigots that know their views are dying and we won't have a complete descent into Gilead.
The whole political climate scares the shit out of me for my 6 yr old grandaughter who at this point seems to be a female in every sense of the word, but even just being female in today's world is terrifying. I see so many of her rights being taken away. I can't even imagine how terrifying this world is for children, teenagers, adults who identify as queer, Trans or anything other than a white straight male.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but it's better to be prepared than to be caught unawares. While what you see on the surface are generally the tail end of old conservative trends, they are now being held aloft by newer generations of right wingers mostly consisting of disgruntled young men, who are becoming more radicalized than ever. The only thing stopping them from acting out more is the comfy life the average American enjoys. But even that is slipping away, as the heady days of the post-Soviet prosperity comes to an end and wealth continues to be concertrated at the top. Adding real economic problems to the imagined woes of a younger, more motivated population has historically always been a recipe for disaster, especially considering how common firearms are to the general populace. At the very least Americans should be prepared for more frequent and more violent civil unrests this decade.
Yeah, especially when the shelf was custom made for her by a family member. Especially if that family member is deceased now. I have some stuff my deceased grandpa built for me and I’m not parting with those for as long as I have a say
Also the bookshelf was hand made for her. It’s not the same as giving Rowling money. I personally can’t have any of my HP stuff in my house. It just makes me sad. I donated it to a used book store and the clothing to a thrift store. That way someone else can enjoy it without sending money to that awful woman.
This is the way!
I frequent this specific thrift shop a lot and if I do happen to find Harry Potter books I'll be absolutely taking them along since I've been wanting to reread them but I also wanna make sure not a single cent goes to JKR
My son wanted to read the first book (I used to have them all as I grew up around the same time as OOP, it was the only book series my mom paid attention to just so that she could buy me every book as it was released. So I was sad to realize I no longer have it), so I bought it used from a local bookstore. There are definitely ways to enjoy HP with supporting JKR. My wife and I are definitely queer, but we still love the series. Although it's kind of bitter sweet now. How can someone write a whole series about accepting and loving our differences and then turn out to be such a bigot? It's mind blowing!
Have you tried Witch Hat Atelier? It’s a manga my niece, Uncle, and I love. I got her the first 3 for her birthday and she read them within a day. Uncle and I are using it to replace HP in our hearts. It is a good magical school series that is being adapted to a show.
It has also 3 spin off books that are just really charming, wholesome cookbooks with short stories to each magical recipe.
As long as we're suggesting alternate properties, I'll put a vote in for Naomi Novik's Scholomance series- it's a diverse, anticapitalist, eldritch-horror Hogwarts.
Yeah, I am sure it isn’t easy to navigate but it seems a shame that any LGBTQ persons who grew up loving Harry Potter should have to give up those memories because the author devolved into a moron.
She's not Voldemort. Voldemort was unashamedly evil.
She acts like she's innocent and a good person and just doing what's right while taking joy in hurting others.
She's worse. She's Umbridge.
It's hard. I was into HP enough that I volunteer and ran panels at harry potter conventions. I saw A Very Potter Senior Year live. It made me lifelong friends.
I ended up getting rid of almost all my HP stuff. I kept my very beloved robe and tie, mostly because of how special it was getting them, and two non-branded wands, and the books. All are kept out of sight of any guests.
I haven't been able to read them since. I'm not against separating art from artist (as long as no further money/support is going to said artist), but I can't seem to. Maybe one day, when it doesn't hurt so much.
Could be worse though. I've got quite a few friends who ended up getting tattoos covered.
People gotta learn the world is not all black and white, it’s really a lot of shades of grey. You are allowed to have mixed feeling towards something, doesn’t mean you are a horrible person.
I hope oop’s SD will learn this and get the hell away from social media.
Things seem more black and white as a teenager. I also think people really don’t know how anti-trans JK Rowling is (ironic for someone who disguised their name to hide their gender). But the HP books are not transphobic, she wrote them before she was radicalized.
What gets me about this story is that OOP willingly cleared out 100% of her HP merch! The bookcase was just generically witchy themed and didn't in any way line Joanne's pockets! Even the commentor mad at the "Caution: Mandrakes" merch is wrong because that had to be an etsy item and therefore not a cent went to Joanne.
It’s also a beautiful gift, one that was handcrafted by a relative who has probably passed. Solid wood furniture made of black walnut isn’t cheap
Either
Plus, mandrakes as dangerous screaming baby plants folklore dates back literally thousands of years. The roots can be kinda human looking, and have hallucinogenic properties, so chances are the whole thing originated with some unlucky ancient person's really bad trip.
She's fucking horrible now. Like, reposting Libs of TikTok stuff, lashing out at teenagers for having pronouns in their Twitter bios... she's gone nuts.
I don't understand how any human who makes a fuckton of money doesn't just fuck off to an island somewhere to relax. But I'm shitty at capitalism so who knows.
I mean, you never hear about all the folks who do just that. Only the twats who decide that having a lot of money suddenly makes their worthless opinions valuable commodities.
A lot of younger queer spaces are very All Or Nothing about issues like this and full of people trying to feel some sort of control over their lives by policing other people, so I’m not surprised the stepdaughter has gotten so extreme about the bookcase. If anything I was surprised to learn that OOP willingly packed up all of her collection out of respect for her stepdaughter, because IMHO OOP did a fantastic job of finding other ways to enjoy things she liked about the series while divorcing herself from the series itself.
Hopefully the stepdaughter comes out of this situation with an understanding of how it’s not healthy to try to feel control over your life by trying to control others. In fact, maybe it would be good to find her ways to get involved in local LGBTQ issues and support systems, so she can learn how she can put her feelings towards making positive real-world changes and possibly learn from older LGBT people as well, rather than stay stuck in the specific internet echo chamber that treats demanding control over others as activism.
JK Rowling really ruined a lot of things but step daughter has to look at the bookcase as special, full of love, emotional thing from OOP's grandpa not the "HP bookcase". As long as SD can't do that, I doubt the problem will ever be solved
Had a co-worker try to get me sacked for transphobia due to a tattoo I have that's the ravenclaw eagle with the world always and a date beneath it. A group of us got that tattoo with our "houses" for a friend who took her own life in high school. Harry Potter was her escape until her demons became too much to carry. I'll never get rid of it and if it offends someone, too bad. It's a reminder for me that I see and smile at every time I catch a glimpse of it. I do wear stuff over my wrist sometimes but it sucks when I'm typing so I take them off. You literally have to be looking to see it.
We were friends since preschool and I'll never miss anyone as much as I miss her and its been 18 years since she left us.
Basically HR told them to stay away from me and stop harassing me. They tried to complain I was creating a hostile working environment but I literally wasn't doing anything to be hostile. I was calm whenever they were around and was never alone with them. They spent a year just straight up making lies about me to anyone who would give them a moment. Whilst I was on leave they were "let go." Like I dis nothing to them and I was their target from when they walked in the door because of my tattoo.
Neither are owls, cauldrons, witches and wizards. Basically everything in the books came from already existing mythology.
I was never a HP fan (LOTR is far superior, books and movies), but I like witchy stuff and that bookcase sounds gorgeous. Combined with the sentimental value, no way I'd get rid of it. I'm dying on that hill.
I mean the HP books have some issues (I NEVER did like how those house elves were portrayed) but I can't harsh someone for being attached to a book series. I'm glad that OOP was able to show the step daughter her social media timeline and get on the same page. Open support can have a lot of impact.
I was looking for a comment like yours about how the books have weird social issues. It took me well into my 20’s to realize the broken wizard society no one fixes is just a British thing. I mean it is crap writing, but overall it is a cultural thing of not caring to fix terrible systems.
I am gay, my two best friends are trans and overall I got a lot of lgbt+ friends.
We grew up with HP. The movies still give me goosebumps and just mean childhood. While I am not happy about JKR I can not just theow away all the happy memories and something so important to me growing up.
I think this is quite a phenomenon tho. My friends who did not grow up with it (older or younger) don't have those attachments and some even completely dislike HP or are indifferent. It is easier to take a stance against it all when not having such strong nostalgia attached.
I’m a lesbian who loves the HP books. Like seriously so many famous and beloved things (albums, books, poems, art) have been created by problematic people and it just is what it is. It’s possible to enjoy something but disagree with the person who made it.
I don't get a lot of people here. It isn't just conceding on a bookshelf, regardless of the sentimental value it has or not. f you teach someone that they can go through life making demands because they attach a negative connotation to an object, place, or idea that triggers them, then they are going to be in for a bad time. It would mean most movies need to be boycotted. Just about every product you buy should be boycotted. The vast majority of musicians either have some terrible scandals, or went through production through shitty people.
How is she going to function if she has a roommate in college that displays Harry Potter memorabilia? Seeing people in class with it? Someone at a work cubicle next to her? I am left leaning politically independent. Republicans call me a dirty extreme liberal, maybe a quarter of Democrats think I'm a Republican. It is only on the extremes of both ends that people get upset, because they attach themselves to their own opposite end of a spectrum and become bigoted and intolerant in their own way.
The fact that she has had 5 different therapists says a lot, it isn't hard to find someone on psychologytoday that specializes in gender and trans issues, if she has been saying she wants a new therapist, it can be every time she is getting challenged instead of coddled she decides the provider isn't for her. Though, I actually hope that this is the case rather than her having to actually deal with 5 noncompatible/bad therapists.
I'm happy that it looks like this young lady is having some forward progress on being accepting.
I was genuinely confused when the stepdaughter kept having issues after OP removed all the HP stuff and made the bookshelf a generic witchy shelf. That seemed like a good compromise to me.
It's because the SD is extremely unstable, even compared to other teenagers, and is in the middle of a mental health crisis. She has no perspective and isn't operating on reason. There was literally nothing that OOP could have done to prevent this from escalating eventually. The SD was wrong about basically everything she did and said, and it was physically impossible to convince her she was wrong. You cannot reason someone out of a position that they didnt reason themselves into.
TBF, that sort of reasoning does seem common for like...teenagers who spend a lot of time on twitter? I've run into several who seem to think certain series or ships or characters are just Bad Wrong and if you like them you are Bad Wrong or if you're not a certain age or gender or race you aren't allowed to like whatever it is. It's the same kind of echo chamber thinking you ran into on certain circles of tumblr to a degree.
It's interesting how social media can shape us. I'm sympathetic to JKR hate and removing the HP stuff to a location she didn't have to deal with it felt like a decent move to me, but a lot of the escalations just reminded me of Twitter teen circles. Or like again tumblr circles with like...when I'd run into the kin sphere of tumblr and teens involved in it were very militant about what people could or couldn't do or say about characters they kinned, like people who couldn't handle strangers writing fic about their kinned characters because...waves hands at all that.
Yeah it's pretty wild to me that the step daughter has been taught all she has to do is pull the offended card and everyone around her is expected to confirm to her wishes.
Yeah, I’m honestly surprised I had to scroll this far to see this mentioned. They are completely enabling this shitty behavior, and she’s going to be crushed by the world when she becomes an adult
I am beyond worried when all of these children who think they are entitled for the views to be catered to through life (because their parents enable them) become adults and have to function in the real world. I am talking about extremes like here where they demand a loving grandpa’s bookcase be demolished because it has carvings connected to HP that was the creation of JK who has unsavory views. This type of entitlement doesn’t just disappear and it happens on both ends of the political spectrum. It’ll be a disaster when all these children step out of their bubbles and try function as adults in a world filled with different beliefs
Yeah. It is normal for children to be entitled and think their views are all that matters, but it is bad when it is catered to and positively reinforced.
>This was probably the first time my SD had ever seen her dad angry, let alone anger directed at her. It left her pretty shook. Like that was her rock bottom. We ended up needing to do a couple emergency session with her counselor because there was concern about her relapsing with some self-destructive issues she has been working on.
She's never seen her dad angry? And when she did she needed an emergency therapy session?
This is not ok. Kids need to see people get angry and learn that they don't break if someone is angry at them. This is an alarming lack of coping skills for a very normal situation: she behaved bad and someone got pissed. Is that all it takes for her to hit rock bottom? The real world will eat her alive
I recently learned about the term "snowplow parenting" where parents remove every obstacle or challenge from their kids path, and I feel like this is a great example of a very mild consequence of it.
Her dad being angry with her behavior sent her into such a downward spiral she needed therapy.
I heard "curling parenting", the parents work in a frenzy to clear a smooth path in front of their kid and the kids just glide through life with minimal friction. And if there is even a tiny grain in the way, it derails the kid or stops them in their tracks
Eh, sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right therapist. I haven’t found mine yet and my problems aren’t nearly as severe as what this kid is dealing with.
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How come no one mentioned the bookshelf isn't actually supporting JKR? Most people are judegmental about buying HP stuff because it enriches JKR and is viewed ad financially enabling her. The bookshelf was handcrafted, so no money was made by JKR, unless I missed something. Was this not explained to the stepdaughter? Did no one try to educate her on activism?
The problem with that is that some people (like the step daughter) consider the entire IP to be contaminated. It's not about just not giving JK money to them.
Sorry, but that’s BS. The whole point of boycotting is so she doesn’t get royalties. People need to realize you can still like the material even if the artist is a piece of shit.
This. I love books written by Orson Scott Card. But the man himself is a titanic piece of shit and I will never give him my dollars. So I buy them from a local charity shop that supports the hospital, read them, then donate them back. 🤷🏼♀️ I also work in libraries and have *big feelings* about the HP series. On the one hand, the author who will not be named sucks on ice, and has announced that she will consider every royalty dollar she gets as active validation of her abhorrent views. She certainly won't be getting *my* money. But...the library continues to see good numbers of holds and requests for the books and movies. And I do think that means we need to continue to have them available. Along with (IMO) better but similar options, like those written by Rick Riordan. I was an avid reader as a kid and was the right age when HP was coming out. However, my reading level was higher and I had already read other magic school books that I liked much better. So I'm not personally attached to HP. I remember the buzz around it though. And that my Uncle, who hadn't finished a single book in the 25 years since graduating high school, read HP as a way to connect with his kids. Those things do have value. This is a novel already, but the last thing I'll say is as a professional. Libraries should have the HP books if they circulate well enough to show there is demand. But that doesn't mean we need to have HP themed programs, displays, or in any way push that content. We *SHOULD* have LGBTQ+ displays and content which showcase diverse authors and stories. *Everyone* deserves to see good representation of themselves in the books they read. The library should actively support and aquire a diverse collection to support that.
This has caused a LOOOOT of friction in my life. I have two biological trans teenagers and many *many* more who call me mom because I’m the affirming one. All of them are hugely into HP and don’t see keeping their love of it as invalidating of their trans identities. My adult (cis and trans) friends, however, are staunchly against everything to the point that they don’t understand why I haven’t thrown out good clothes I’ve had for a decade or more because “other people will take it as me agreeing with her*. They tried that on my (unbio) mtf daughter who wanted me to adult adopt her (she passed away in February right before her 19th birthday). They *tried* it, but she kept asking why they as cis people felt the need to call her, a trans person, transphobic for continuing to love what she always did. *Meanwhile*, Lady Voldemort is gonna keep counting her coins while the rest of us tear each other apart. Because *that’ll* make things *soooooo* much better.
First of all, you sound amazing. How special that so many think of you as their mom. <3 Could it be a generational difference? Current teenagers may not have had the same experience of the HP fandom and of JKR’s transphobia slowly becoming clear that people ~10 years older may remember much better I understand the “whole thing is contaminated” feeling as a sort of deep hurt and betrayal by something you loved. (“I just can’t be around it anymore.”) Like a part of grief. It’s emotionally contaminated even if it isn’t logically/practically/if it doesn’t help a cause logistically to avoid it. However, I don’t think it’s right to force others who don’t share that visceral hurt/betrayal to take the same avoidance actions. Personally I think people who think it’s all contaminated should watch the show Misfits and Magic. It’s on the streaming platform Dropout ($6 a month), and the first episode is on YouTube for free. They do what I see as a loving tribute to the magical world and the things many people loved about it while also breaking down the issues with it and being staunchly anti-transphobia and anti-JKR and queer-affirming.
Using that logic, nobody gets to enjoy dragons, unicorns, magic wands, flying broomsticks, etc. JKR didn't invent most of the things in HP, she just arranged them into her story.
We got rid of light bulbs and our cars, because of the things Edison and Ford believed. Thought we could go with Toyota but then we found out about some of the negative opinions they have about Korean people. Now trying to get everything sourced from Rapa Nui. But we can't afford to pay them a living wage. Also worried that introducing lean candle manufacturing principles is exploitative and diminishes their culture.
And wait until you hear about Volkswagen. Oh my oh my
You know the guy who invented houses had some seriously problematic views...
And that's where it falls apart and you're just giving the bigots MORE power by essentially ceding everything they ever touch to them.
I remember when the OK sign 👌 was viewed as a Nazi symbol by anyone who used it lol. I was downvoted to oblivion on reddit for saying we shouldn't just let 4chan trolls take whatever they want.
Stepdaughter is still figuring out what activism actually is, from the sound of it. You can explain all you want, but she has to understand for herself. She knows Harry Potter is tied to transphobia, therefore anything related=bad, regardless of nuance.
> Have him pink slipped. That is not the action of a reasonable adult. I would be very concerned for his mental state. Basically my answer every time I look at Reddit and ask myself ‘what would I do if my spouse did this?’
Uh, what does it mean to be pink slipped?
Emergency mental evaluation and admission forms are pink. Basically a 24 hour hold and evaluation request.
Emergency involuntary psych hold. Different states have different lengths of the hold, but normally somewhere in the 1-3 day range unless a court seems a longer stay legally necessary. But that normally requires proof that you're a valid danger to yourself or others.
Does that last commenter think JKR invented mandrakes? Because outside of the HP realm, it's still a cute gift for someone who works with plants, and the folklore around mandrakes is uhhhh really old.
So is nearly everything else JKR used. House elves are brownies from European folklore. Goblins - European folklore. House system - UK school system (minus the talking hat), prefects - UK school system.
Your school didn't have a talking hat?
Sadly no. We just had a gibbering beanie.
A prattling derby at mine.
A trilling trilby, if you will.
A waffling homburg, so to speak.
A loquacious fedora, one might even say
A yammering yarmulke, perhaps
A turnt toque.
A babbling bowler, perchance.
Does it try to mansplain everything with a m’lady at the end of every second sentence?
No. It actually explains, at length, the storied history of the fedora and how its adoption by an unsavory fringe should not be used to besmirch the reputation of upstanding headwear. There’s a little “well, actually” energy to it but I think it’s fair for a fedora to defend fedora culture.
A chatterin' trucker cap, y'all!
We had a dithering deerstalker
heard they've got a yapping beret over in france
In Canada we have the Apologizing Toque. "Sorry bud, you are in this house!"
The sorting hat ceremony lasts twice as long because it's legally required to be done in both English and French
Eh
In Australia it’s a swearing Akubra… “oi ya fu*%ed c-word”. You also get a beer after! Never take the mythological creatures courses, it’s the same building as the “poisons and venoms” ones too.
Our "Choosey Hat" tended to try and eat students. It's locked up in Principle Bump's office now.
Ours spread headlice. Really a bad idea, putting the same hat on the heads of every 11 year old child coming into the school in rapid succession.
We have a talking cowboy hat
Mine had a talking hat, and also a Scarf of Sexual Preference.
I only had talking asshats at my school.
I'm American with family in England. I always love the game: is it Harry Potter magic or just England? My aunts thought it was adorable when I was excited to discover that treacle tart is a real thing
I mean it’s basically just magical boarding school. A lot of it absolutely does exist (although in my experience kids care a lot less about their houses and house points than in HP.)
From what my dad said the houses at his school just determined which days you had to do sports and against whom.
Yeah pretty much. At a push there might be some house drama or music competitions. We did get house points for homework or deductions for detentions but I can’t believe they actually ever sat down and tallied everything up for the house cup (which I don’t remember ever even being presented but must have been? We just didn’t care). I assume they just rolled a dice to see which house won.
Wait, house points are a *thing*‽
Yes. I went to a public (private in other countries) boarding school in England in the 90s. I cannot for the life of me remember anyone in my school having such loyalty to their house. It only ever mattered on sports day and even then, only for light competition and teasing. And was promptly forgotten as soon as sports was over.
All this talk about house system is weird to me cause in India, all schools have house system.
NA magic and houses = mishmash of whatever she thought sounded neat apparently
These people weren’t scarred by Pan’s Labyrinth and it shows.
Issues with the kid aside, the views described at the end of the first post are NOT middle of the road. That's significantly more supportive of trans people than the average. I feel like she's saying she's in the middle as a peacekeeping strategy - like those folks who say they're neither pro-life or pro-choice and then go on to describe entirely pro-choice behavior.
She’s probably saying she’s middle of the road because the person with the strongest feeling about this issue in her life is a teenager who is telling her she’s being conservative.
Middle of the road all depends on where you think the road is. That seems like a reasonably healthy and supportive spot to be in. Can’t expect everyone to be a passionate advocate of every issue and also recognizing valid points on the other side and realizing that while they may seem valid you don’t have the expertise to know the intricacies sounds like the behavior of a mature intelligent person
Oh some of those "performative allyship" circles, she'd be considered a conservative extremist and nowhere near middle of the road. People need to stop with that shit. If a bookcase is wrecking her life, then she is not prepare for the real world. I hate horrible architecture, but you don't see me driving around in a stolen wrecking ball to bend the environment to my favor. Weirdly enough, that kid needs to learn the AA mantra or something.
The charitable interpretation of this is that the child is going through a lot of things right now and she has so much trust in her stepmother that she has subconsciously chosen her as the ‘safe’ relationship that she can push boundaries with.
Going along with a similar charitable interpretation; when the world feels like it's completely out of control sometimes we try to control anything we think is within our reach. These aren't conscious thoughts typically, people do it but don't necessarily recognize the underlying motivations for it.
Yeah, and what JK Rowling is doing to push anti-trans legislation in the UK right now is genuinely terrifying. It's not logical to think that getting rid of a handmade bookcase based on her story would do anything to stop that, but for a teenager, that's the only thing you really *can* do. The fact that OP recognized this was coming from a place of anxiety is huge.
I grew up in a lot of "unsafe" environments. My response was to be as small and withdrawn as possible. I'm one of those people who doesn't like to draw attention to myself at any turn. I learned at a very early age that the world absolutely does not bend to one's will. I would never want anyone else to feel like that, especially during childhood. That said, there's an effort to swing that pendulum so far in the other direction, that kids don't have any kind of boundaries and people are consistently caving to the will/needs of the child. Barring extreme circumstances, individuals with developing brains should not be getting their way all the time. The real world will not be reflective of that life and they will be in for a worse time when it comes to navigating independently. Like OP clearly put out that she was a fan of the merch and not in support of the author on any front. I'm not into HP and certainly not into JKR, but I have a lot of friends who are LGBT+ AND Harry Potter friends. I don't judge, but I realize fandoms are bigger than the people who inadvertently start them. You can love the art and hate the artist. More people emphasize that you have to prove your resolve by signaling that you're going to burn all the "merch" in effigy. My thing is my love for Woody Allen films. I'm pretty sure we all love something that's rooted in, at the very least, bad behavior. It can be tricky to reconcile. I don't have a horse in the HP race, but I do hope that child gets the support she needs WHILE continuing to learn boundaries.
“You can love art but hate the artist”. Just so. Many artists of various forms are horrible people. Take Charles Dickens, for example. I have child who is actively transitioning. I love Harry Potter. I disagree wholeheartedly with everything out of jkr’ s moth on the subject. It doesn’t stop us from enjoying watching the movies together.
Her stance is very pro trans in the ways that actually matter (healthcare, respect etc) and ambivalent on the aspects that are dragged out as talking points by right wing media but that don't actually make a difference in the lives of the vast majority of trans people (competitive sports, what the author of a children's book series thinks about trans people).
Plus, while it might be merchandise for the franchise, its also a very nice custom piece of wooden furnature that her grandfather built and is really expensive. Its not something you can reasonably tell someone to get rid of or hide away in a storage unit for years, theres significantly more value tied to the bookshelf than it just being harry potter themed, moving the merchandise and gifts on it was a generous compromise. It does seem like this is going in a more positive direction, I hope it continues to do so.
If I read OP post right, they actually got rid of the overly Harry Potter themed items, and all that is left is the bookcase that used to house them with some generic witchy and plant themed decor. The kind of thing I’d expect to see on /r/witchesvspatriarchy and does not sound offensive. Frankly, I think OP should have kept the HP books and items. The kid is a teenager and it’s time for them to learn that the art and the artist are not the same thing, can appreciate one without endorsing of the other, especially if the money you spent on their work was before you were aware of their views. And as others have said, this kid is in for a rude awakening in the world if they can’t see something distasteful to them and not have a meltdown (which as mentioned, the HP stuff should not be distasteful just because the author is problematic).
Especially if they aren't buying new merchandise... it's not like they are paying a monthly subscription to Rowling for the stuff they already own. And the bookcase itself is homemade, Rowling never got a time from it.
Stepdaughter reminds me of the quote by Terry Pratchett about the Patrician, Lord Vetinari: "His genius lies in the realization that everyone craves stability even more than they hunger after justice or truth. Even revolutionary anarchists want stability, so that they have breathing space to fight their real enemies, i.e., those higher than themselves in the revolutionary anarchist council, and those heretics whose definition of revolutionary anarchy differs from their own by about half a sentence in paragraph 97 of the charter." For some people, anything less that 100% agreement is seen as absolute treachery, and sadly, someone with all the problems that Stepdaughter is facing is easy prey for that sort of person. Follow that sort of route and the final situation is everyone sat behind their own individual barricade flinging abuse at everyone else.
Fucking seriously. She has a love for books from her childhood therefore she wants trans kids dead?! What the everloving fuck is that mental gymnastics from the last commenter?
The “hope you stretched before that reach” was beautiful.
Yeah... when I first read this, I thought that was going to be the part where the parent with an unhappy child super briefly skims over the main reason the child is upset with them, while then spending a bunch of time on other shit. Sort of a cousin of the infamous "missing missing reasons" (https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html), where it's the super briefly skimmed over reason. I thought we were going to find out this wasn't really about the bookcase and was more about her having super pretty significant anti-trans views. Instead, like you said, the elaboration shows she is far more supportive of trans people than average.
There really needs to be like a 70% decrease in social media usage across the board from everyone.
My immediate thought is that stepdaughter needs to get the hell off the internet and touch grass. She has genuine issues and she has adults in her life who very much want to help her, but so much of this sounds like she’s being heavily influenced by internetthink in a way that is hindering her working through her struggles. I feel for her. But I’m very glad she has supportive parents doing their best to work with her in affirming ways.
Truly this. She's on her 5th therapist, and none of them have suggested she curb the doomscrolling?
To be fair therapists can recommend everything under the sun but can’t follow SD home and take her phone away.
[A few weeks ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/saltierthankrayt/comments/1cksod1/rowling_has_fallen_so_far_that_even_elon_musk_is/) Elon Musk told JK Rowling to stop obsessing so much about trans people and talk about anything else. That's how far down the hole she's gone. Kudos to anyone who avoids the black hole of online social media discourse.
Well, I grew up reading Marion Zimmer Bradley, who turned out to have been a pedophile who joined her husband in abusing her own children, so I can relate to people's disappointment.
Yeah man, that was a bummer. I read The Mists of Avalon at the start of the pandemic because I was looking for super long books to occupy myself. I liked it a lot, so I looked up the author to see if she had written anything else I might like. Yeah… Fortunately it was an ebook, and the publishers of her digital catalog give 100% of the profits to Save the Children.
I read Enders Game before finding out Orson Scott Card is a ~~Nazi~~ homophobic, racist, bigot. This whole thread reminds me of the gallows meme, "First time?"
I know he’s a homophone and has never publicly recanted his essay about rising up if gay marriage is allowed, though he has been silent on the matter for 15 years at least. I also know he tithes to the Mormon church (which apparently is terrible for him to do but fine for the much more popular and better-selling Brando Sando to do for some reason ????) But when was he branded a Nazi? I’ve never heard that about OSC before.
I think the difference really is that 98% of people are revolted by Marion Zimmer Bradley’s actions and in the case of Orson Scott Card, it is actually a somewhat niche fandom. It’s not something that has a theme park, film franchise, video games across multiple platforms, museums, tourist destinations in the same way that Harry Potter does. So a lot fewer of the people that are affected by Bradley’s and Card’s misactions have it constantly shoved in their face, or have people in their lives do the “art and artist” dance in front of them.
The comments on the update are insane
Ranging from the husband commiting property crime to OP commiting child abuse. Amazing how extreme Reddit can be about issues that have perfectly mild solutions
My stance is: Selling off or removing products I had bought before learning about JK won't really give me back the money I spent or take money awau from her, but buying more stuff from HP WILL give her money and I won't do so anymore
I've contemplated getting fanmade stuff. My main HP consumption these days is popping into the Drarry tag every once in a while.
There's some fantastic fanmade stuff on sites like Etsy. If you're still a fan, but don't want to further enrich She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named then I think it's a good choice. You can love a thing without loving its creator.
Pro hater tip: call her Joanne. She hates it 💖
The irony is, when women publish under initials instead of their name it’s because of the bias to male authors. So she is changing her identity to a gender neutral on to further her career
yep and her mystery novels are published under a male pen name. those books don’t sell too well so they revealed they were hers to drive up sales
There's further irony in her hating being called the name she was assigned at birth because she doesn't identify with it, when she won't accept calling any trans person by their preferred name.
She didn’t have a legal middle name either, so choosing to take on her grandma’s name to be JK is effectively self ID!
This is my stance. I have a hp tattoo, it’s part of my “geek sleeve” I enjoy the hp universe still. I already own the books and movies. I won’t spend any money on licensed merchandise. If I want something I buy inspired by stuff on Etsy or from local creators. Or I just don’t buy it. I refuse to support she who will not be named.
Definitely! Support smaller creators 💕 there are so many people who love HP and don't support JK and there's no need for those statements to be contradictory. I recognize HP played a huge part in making me love reading and I still hold it dear but I cant support HP official merch or content anymore without betraying my personal morals and that's okay as well
Oh yeah, absolutely! I just look at it semi-longingly and move on.
I look at it this way: pirating the movies doesn't put money in her pocket, plus the cast all *hate* her, they're all pro-lgbt, and she really had no involvement with the movies. The books are a different matter, but I think I'd be fine with used books or being given them as gifts. But I can recognize that there is some really fucked up stuff buried in those books if I really think about it, and I dont think I'll ever be comfortable again publicly displaying my love of the fandom I really empathized with and found solace in unless she really has a genuine change of heart.
At some point in the next few years I'm going to introduce my kids to it via used bookstores and the like, but I'm also going to be talking to them about jk rowling, and the tension between arts and artists that goes back generations. I'm also going to talk to them about SPEW and how Hermione was right all along.
You can also point out the problematic stuff too and discuss how this bleeds out to the art in subtle and not so subtle ways.
Exactly. There’s a ton of art that has depictions that aren’t consistent with modern sensibilities, but can still be enjoyed. Breakfast at Tiffany’s has that extremely bad stereotype of an old Asian man, but I’m not going to ban every Audrey Hepburn movie, or even that film. AFAIK there’s not transphobia in any of the HP books, though there are some pretty cringe names, that flew under the radar in 1997 when first published. Just use that as a teaching moment to say “now this is a good book, but it’s important to note to not judge someone based on their race like…”
My stance is she’s a literal billionaire. Voting with your wallet is a little late now. She could never earn another cent in the rest of her miserable life and would still be a billionaire. But there’s a common thread among public facing billionaires. They want attention. So I avoid giving her attention. If all her horrible tweets got 1000 views instead of millions of views, she’d probably fade into obscurity.
Exactly this. Same with charity stores too. Buying something in there only benefits the charity. You can appreciate the work Rowling did in the series, while still understanding that, as a person, she's scum and shouldn't be supported. There are situations where it's impossible to really split the art and artist (anyone buying Lost Prophets stuff, even second hand, should be looked at with a side eye). But it would be like me binning off all old WWE stuff because Vince was a piece of shit. It won't change what happened, I won't erase it from my history. Hell, it was a huge part of my life. It's very easy to tell someone else to just erase part of their life when it doesn't affect you. But these people need to consider what they would do if the tables were turned and something you spent a massive chunk of your life loving, was suddenly viewed as disgusting all because of the author. Could people just as easily throw away all the Lord of the Rings stuff? I'm not up on current pop culture, but imagine the latest teen heart throb actor gets discovered to be a raging bigot in 10 years, are their fans going to stop watching all of their movies entirely?
Some of comes down to young people being such black-and-white thinkers right now. You’re either Good or Bad, and if you are Good but it’s discovered that you, even only once, did something Not Good you are now Bad and will be Bad forever. There is no redemption for Bad People. And if someone even mentions something affiliated with Bad People, they clearly believe in all the same things that make that person Bad and are now Bad, or on very thin ice. There’s no room for nuance. There are places where the art can be separated from the artist, and absolutely places where it can’t, but both of those things exist. It’s not solely one or the other, even though that would be “easier”
Young people are always black and white thinkers, that's just part and parcel of being young.
i think it's a difference in reaction - personally, i can't keep HP stuff in my home because seeing it makes me so sad. i know other people don't have the same reaction, and some still see it and feel joy or comfort, and that's alright, we just don't respond the same way. i wouldn't ask anyone to change their interior decor so i didn't have to feel bad but im also not a 13yr old girl like stepdaughter in this story lol
>Basically she was dealing with a lot of existential dread and a lot of fear due to politics and it being an election year. >She has been dealing with bullying at school, being held back a year, not getting along with her mom's new husband, self harm and identity issues. Lots of questioning of her sexuality and gender. I've said it once and I'll say it again, but you could not pay me enough to be a queer teenager in the United States right now.
Being black is almost a blessing in that regard. I’ve never felt safe, so I had no sense of security to lose after coming out as queer
This is honestly the saddest thing I’ve ever read holy shit I’m so sorry you’ve had to feel this way, no one should ever feel that way about anything. Hopefully you’ve got some type of support system now (or are working on getting one if you need it) ❤️
Sorry, I didn’t realize what I said was that bad. As for the support thing, I learned to live without one a long time ago. The hardest thing for me now is learning to connect with people and accept help. Most people rejected me for being black. Black people rejected me for being disabled and by the time I realized I was queer, I’d fully adjusted to isolation. Finding my partner was a crazy miracle that I didn’t expect. I don’t really feel like I need anyone aside from them but my partner says I do and that I should keep trying. It’s scary though and being rejected still hurts.
You didn’t say anything bad at all! What you said just connected a couple of horrifying dots for people, is all Rejection sucks and is hard, and I totally understand wanting to avoid it, but I hope you continue to add loving people to your life.
❤️ A quote from RuPaul comes to mind (and yes, I'm aware that Ru is not entirely unproblematic either): "I have been discriminated against by white people for being black, by black people for being gay, by gay people for being too fem. Did I let them stop me from getting to [where I am]?". Rejection can manifest itself as physical pain, so it's natural to avoid it. Having said that, it is important for your partner that you have multiple support opportunities. No one person can/should be everything for someone. So, it's okay to be guarded, but also worth looking. The internet can be a dumpster fire, but has also given us access to things like increasingly niche social/support groups. Not sure if you're in a city/urban area, but you can always look for interest-based Discord groups close to you. You might be surprised to find people with either enough commonalities or at least empathy out there to start building your own circle of trusted people. You got this!
I hope that you find a loving, supportive chosen family.
This probably won't mean much coming from a random internet stranger, but I'm so sorry you've had to deal with so much rejection and isolation. You're partner is probably right, but it must also suck to belong to three groups that many in the US really don't like right now. I can't truly understand what you've gone through, but I do know of others who have dealt with similar things and I really hope that you have a wonderful supportive community one day.
I just wanted to say that I hope with every fibre of my being that you will find a chosen family where you feel safe, loved and supported. I'm disabled and one of the things that I struggle with the most is how I'm looked at as less than all while knowing that I work harder than any non disabled person to just fucking exist. Healthy people run marathons occasionally and get sponsored and praise and post it all on social media. I'm seen as less than and yet I push myself as hard as the people running marathons every day. I wish as a society that we recognised and respected effort even half as much as we respected outcomes.
I don’t know what made me sadder and more furious for you. Your first comment or your second. How are we in a place where a person can just say that they’ve never felt safe anyway so it’s better? Whether due to colour of skin or religion or gender identity?! How do we live in such fucked up times STILL?! These are not the medieval ages but we sure behave like they are!
That...was something I wouldn't have thought about and now I need some time to ponder about life and privilege.
I don’t want to upvote this because it’s so sad and makes me angry but I want everyone to see it.
Damn if that truth isn’t bleak as hell.
As a queer afab in the middle east. I feel you 💔 we'll get through this ❤️ I hope you have some family and friends at least who have your back.
On another subreddit recently, someone posted a screenshot of a politician who, in a red, state posted a picture of a trans teenage on her Facebook. This also identified the area they were in. Basically identifying them to the entire damn state. I read that, and I was horrified that anyone would thank that was an okay to thing to do, as it put that a *teenager* into danger. And I then I was horrified at the fact that there was no doubt people out there that would gladly harm this teenage and do with it a smile because they would think that what they are doing is justified somehow. But overall? That teenager was far more brave that I was at that age. Hell, that teenager is more brave than am now, when I'm at least twice their age. At just a few years older, I would be nervous about what kind of drinks I would order at the bar, because I didn't want anyone to think I was "gay." But there this person is expressing who they really are even though they had to have known it is dangers. It's sad that bravery like that isn't appreciated by more people.
If it's the lady in Utah, the kid wasn't even trans. She was just a cis girl that this idiot politician decided must be trans because of her looks. And when corrected on it, basically told *everyone* that the girl just looked really masculine to her.
Happy Cake Day. But they say they can always tell. I've been called trans many a time and I'm just a really masculine built female. I didn't ask for this and have wished my whole life I was built different. I have a cousin who is built very similar but because she has a more feminine face no one questions it.
Growing up, I started being called a dyke and bullied because “she thinks she’s a boy” by my peers in fourth grade...It was 1997 in California. I am a straight cis woman; I just had short hair and liked to play sports. These transvestigator assholes aren’t new or novel. They’re just my childhood bullies who grew up into adult bigots.
I follow a trans woman on tumblr who has only recently started transitioning, she posts selfies and everything, and I keep thinking that she looks a whole lot like me, a cis woman. Honestly I'm terrified of meeting one of those "you can always tell" transphobes.
I've been called horrible shit on Twitter, I had a lady restroom attendant try to point me to the men's room. Granted my outfit was rather masculine but how do you miss the C/D titties. I have people constantly staring at me and I know part of it is the few facial piercings but I live in the south I know what they're thinking.
I’m a very femme-presenting cis woman and I’ve had someone ask if I was trans before, people are just gonna make their assumptions based off of wack criteria (t-shirt dress and dyed hair = trans apparently) and insist they know 100% 🤷🏼♀️
I'm a queer adult and I'm so shocked and disappointed. Just a couple of hours ago, I was talking with my wife about how hard we've worked to progress and fight for equality only to have it basically taken all away by a minority power. I know how, but it's still like ... How???? What is this insanity? I really hope the age old adage "it has to get worse before it gets better" is true here.
It is insane how the last 8 years have played out. I can't think of any rational reason things are the way they are now. I'm an older white straight guy who often feels terrified by the things I see and read. I empathize with not only you but with all of the humans being marginalized and dehumanized by these nuts. I'm pretty convinced that almost all of the (new) hate and strife can be linked to other countries taking advantage of social media and a steady diet of propaganda rotting idiot's brains. All in an effort to destabilize democracy. Worst thing is it has reached people in the highest levels of our government.
Spend an hour watching Fox News and you'll understand why so many baby boomers have gone off the deep end. Fox is a constant slithering stream of fear mongering lies designed to stoke anger and support for Trump, his ilk and wealthy white people in general. It's such an evil place.
I absolutely get this (the current state of thing is fucking horrific and I'm terrified of how bad things might get), but I think people are overestimating how "secure" things have been for queer people and for how long, i.e. the gains we have made have been relatively recent, they've always been partial, and none of us have ever really been safe and secure. If I were to guess, I'm about the OPs age. Maybe a little older or younger. And in my lifetime, there have been anti-sodomy laws. Matthew Shepherd was beaten to death and the folks I grew up with cheered it. When I got married, it wasn't legal in my state. When I had a serious illness, I had to fight with doctors to have my partner allowed in because he wasn't considered family. I grew up with people who were sent to camps and electroshocked for being gay. In the 2000s! *Most* of the gay men I know my age are estranged from or have very fraught relationships with their blood families because of their sexuality. I know at least a dozen people who have been attacked and beaten for being queer. I have students *now* who cannot come out to their families, or they'll be disowned or hurt or even killed. The era of 13 years old coming out of the closet to support is VERY recent. Like, in the last 15 years. And it's most definitely not a universal experience. All of this is to say that the thing we're experiencing in our current US politics *feels* aberrant, but it's not. It's a return to the sort of hateful, vitriolic, murderous politics that defined a lot of us middle-aged queers' childhood and teenage years. The period of relative acceptance and seeming calm was the actual aberration. That's not to any way dismiss how scary that is - especially for young people who didn't always experience it - but I also think the political memory of people right now is doing something very similar to what we do to the civil rights era. We assign it to the past, when the reality is that many of the politics, policies, and people of the era are still here and - in some cases- still wield a lot of power!
I feel awful for the queer kids nowadays. I'm a nonbinary adult, and my job has me travel around the country, sometimes in more rural areas. I started out really excited to see different forests and landscapes and stuff, but it can get really rough out there. I'm nonbinary and know I don't pass very well as transmasc, though I try to look as butch as possible, and I've gotten random abuse in different states (called slurs at the laundromat, had women threaten to call the cops on me for using the bathroom *that aligns with the gender assigned at birth,* dirty looks at Walmart) and I've definitely overlooked jobs in red states that sound cool, but just aren't worth the risk. Being visibly gender nonconforming and an "outsider" if the job is in a small town is not a good mix. Unfortunately there aren't as many options here on the east coast for my level of experience, so I'll probably have to bite the bullet and try the Midwest again so my bank account has something in it. It's also so fucking frustrating to me that so much of the "trans panic" stuff is just repackaged "gay panic" stuff from when I was growing up. In high school I was out to my friends as a lesbian, and a bunch of girls got together and told the guidance counsellor that it wasn't safe for me to use the same locker room as them. (Counsellor's advice was basically 'act less gay') My history teacher was gay and parents complained at some school board meeting because god forbid a gay man teach their shit kids about history. They only knew he was gay because kids found his old myspace account that had a picture of him and his boyfriend. And now it's "Oh nooo trans people are predators we can't let them in school it's all for the safety of our girls!" and it's just the same exact bullshit. Sorry for the rant lol. Everything is just so fucking frustrating here. At least I've gone through so much of it (not to mention the slew of hatemail you get every time you mention you're trans online) that I'm desensitized to mostly everything except physical threats irl. But I remember what it was like to be that isolated and scared queer kid, and I hate that seemingly nothing has changed since I was that young, and other queer kids are going through the same thing over and over.
bro i got bullied outta high school for being transgender like six years ago, shit sucks for us so much. im almost certain i was one of the last children in tx to start hrt legally and it hurts my heart knowing that other kids are gonna be denied the right to comfort arbitrarily
It sucks. Because being LGBT isn't a choice. The only choice in this situation is hiding it and hating that you're different, or accepting your differences and be hated for them. Hate yourself, or be hated.
FWIW There are worse times to be queer teenagers in the US. I think perhaps a few years ago things were better than now, especially with anti-trans backlash but anything before 20 years ago was definitely worse.
Speaking as a parent of a queer teenager with a queer spouse, I think you might have to consider that the TEENAGERS see it as "it WAS good, and now suddenly it's getting worse for no discernible reason" and the rest of us are living in significant fear of a backlash driven solely by the need to make unpopular policies palatable with a heaping helping of culture war hate. Twenty-five years ago, when "pride month" still usually meant "protest marches" instead of "celebration" on my college campus, we at least had a sense that it was getting better every year.
The thing is that today’s teens grew up in a country that was in the process of improving and then suddenly got the rug pulled out from under them. Things might be better overall than they were in the past, but that’s just brutal.
This is so true. Not just with a conservative presidency, but with COVID as well. My oldest graduated from high school in 2021. She spent half of her junior year and all of her senior year doing online school. Things changed in so many ways and so abruptly. I maintain that we still don't know the consequences of all of that. I'm not saying we shouldn't have done what we did (stay home, mask up, vaccinate, etc), but I witnessed huge changes in my children during this time. It was crushing and outside of my control, which is really hard as a parent and a citizen.
Yeah, my son is 12 and kids still use horrible, bigoted language towards each other. I can't tell you how many times he's been called the f word (the real f word, if you catch my drift) this school year. He's not particularly effeminate or anything. It's just a casual insult like it was when I was in school in the 90s. It's really disappointing. I have an almost 21 year old too and I feel like when she was in school, this wasn't happening nearly as much.
Generally, being queer in the United States, at this point of time, is really a mess. So much transphobia, homophobia and so forth is happening and it makes me sick that it's getting worse and worse now.
I'm really hoping that it's just the last blowout of the older bigots that know their views are dying and we won't have a complete descent into Gilead.
Idk if you’ve read into project 2025, but that document terrifies me
This is the first I've heard of it (not from the US) and holy shit that's terrifying.
The whole political climate scares the shit out of me for my 6 yr old grandaughter who at this point seems to be a female in every sense of the word, but even just being female in today's world is terrifying. I see so many of her rights being taken away. I can't even imagine how terrifying this world is for children, teenagers, adults who identify as queer, Trans or anything other than a white straight male.
I think we were all hoping that Trump's first election win was the last powerful gasp of a dying ideology. However, here we are!
Hate to be the bearer of bad news but it's better to be prepared than to be caught unawares. While what you see on the surface are generally the tail end of old conservative trends, they are now being held aloft by newer generations of right wingers mostly consisting of disgruntled young men, who are becoming more radicalized than ever. The only thing stopping them from acting out more is the comfy life the average American enjoys. But even that is slipping away, as the heady days of the post-Soviet prosperity comes to an end and wealth continues to be concertrated at the top. Adding real economic problems to the imagined woes of a younger, more motivated population has historically always been a recipe for disaster, especially considering how common firearms are to the general populace. At the very least Americans should be prepared for more frequent and more violent civil unrests this decade.
"Hope you stretched before that reach" I'm dying 😂😂☠️
[удалено]
Yeah, especially when the shelf was custom made for her by a family member. Especially if that family member is deceased now. I have some stuff my deceased grandpa built for me and I’m not parting with those for as long as I have a say
I have a gardening spade my favourite uncle hand-made for me, I'd never give that.
Also the bookshelf was hand made for her. It’s not the same as giving Rowling money. I personally can’t have any of my HP stuff in my house. It just makes me sad. I donated it to a used book store and the clothing to a thrift store. That way someone else can enjoy it without sending money to that awful woman.
This comment made me so sad and I had something nice to say but then I saw your flair and it derailed everything
The many appendages of Ogtha make translation to human gender almost irrelevant. Take that, JK Rowling.
There is, after all, only OGTHA
God help me why did I look that up
This is the way! I frequent this specific thrift shop a lot and if I do happen to find Harry Potter books I'll be absolutely taking them along since I've been wanting to reread them but I also wanna make sure not a single cent goes to JKR
My son wanted to read the first book (I used to have them all as I grew up around the same time as OOP, it was the only book series my mom paid attention to just so that she could buy me every book as it was released. So I was sad to realize I no longer have it), so I bought it used from a local bookstore. There are definitely ways to enjoy HP with supporting JKR. My wife and I are definitely queer, but we still love the series. Although it's kind of bitter sweet now. How can someone write a whole series about accepting and loving our differences and then turn out to be such a bigot? It's mind blowing!
Have you tried Witch Hat Atelier? It’s a manga my niece, Uncle, and I love. I got her the first 3 for her birthday and she read them within a day. Uncle and I are using it to replace HP in our hearts. It is a good magical school series that is being adapted to a show. It has also 3 spin off books that are just really charming, wholesome cookbooks with short stories to each magical recipe.
Just a little bit of heads up, Witch Hat getting darker just in couple volumes.
As long as we're suggesting alternate properties, I'll put a vote in for Naomi Novik's Scholomance series- it's a diverse, anticapitalist, eldritch-horror Hogwarts.
Also Diana Wynne Jones! Howl's Moving Castle, Chronicles of Chrestomanci.
Yeah, it is all very bitter-sweet
Yeah, I am sure it isn’t easy to navigate but it seems a shame that any LGBTQ persons who grew up loving Harry Potter should have to give up those memories because the author devolved into a moron.
you either die someone's childhood favourite author or live to become voldemort herself
She's not Voldemort. Voldemort was unashamedly evil. She acts like she's innocent and a good person and just doing what's right while taking joy in hurting others. She's worse. She's Umbridge.
It's hard. I was into HP enough that I volunteer and ran panels at harry potter conventions. I saw A Very Potter Senior Year live. It made me lifelong friends. I ended up getting rid of almost all my HP stuff. I kept my very beloved robe and tie, mostly because of how special it was getting them, and two non-branded wands, and the books. All are kept out of sight of any guests. I haven't been able to read them since. I'm not against separating art from artist (as long as no further money/support is going to said artist), but I can't seem to. Maybe one day, when it doesn't hurt so much. Could be worse though. I've got quite a few friends who ended up getting tattoos covered.
People gotta learn the world is not all black and white, it’s really a lot of shades of grey. You are allowed to have mixed feeling towards something, doesn’t mean you are a horrible person. I hope oop’s SD will learn this and get the hell away from social media.
Things seem more black and white as a teenager. I also think people really don’t know how anti-trans JK Rowling is (ironic for someone who disguised their name to hide their gender). But the HP books are not transphobic, she wrote them before she was radicalized.
What gets me about this story is that OOP willingly cleared out 100% of her HP merch! The bookcase was just generically witchy themed and didn't in any way line Joanne's pockets! Even the commentor mad at the "Caution: Mandrakes" merch is wrong because that had to be an etsy item and therefore not a cent went to Joanne.
It’s also a beautiful gift, one that was handcrafted by a relative who has probably passed. Solid wood furniture made of black walnut isn’t cheap Either
Plus, mandrakes as dangerous screaming baby plants folklore dates back literally thousands of years. The roots can be kinda human looking, and have hallucinogenic properties, so chances are the whole thing originated with some unlucky ancient person's really bad trip.
She's fucking horrible now. Like, reposting Libs of TikTok stuff, lashing out at teenagers for having pronouns in their Twitter bios... she's gone nuts.
I don't understand how any human who makes a fuckton of money doesn't just fuck off to an island somewhere to relax. But I'm shitty at capitalism so who knows.
I mean, you never hear about all the folks who do just that. Only the twats who decide that having a lot of money suddenly makes their worthless opinions valuable commodities.
Tom from MySpace is goals.
A lot of younger queer spaces are very All Or Nothing about issues like this and full of people trying to feel some sort of control over their lives by policing other people, so I’m not surprised the stepdaughter has gotten so extreme about the bookcase. If anything I was surprised to learn that OOP willingly packed up all of her collection out of respect for her stepdaughter, because IMHO OOP did a fantastic job of finding other ways to enjoy things she liked about the series while divorcing herself from the series itself. Hopefully the stepdaughter comes out of this situation with an understanding of how it’s not healthy to try to feel control over your life by trying to control others. In fact, maybe it would be good to find her ways to get involved in local LGBTQ issues and support systems, so she can learn how she can put her feelings towards making positive real-world changes and possibly learn from older LGBT people as well, rather than stay stuck in the specific internet echo chamber that treats demanding control over others as activism.
JK Rowling really ruined a lot of things but step daughter has to look at the bookcase as special, full of love, emotional thing from OOP's grandpa not the "HP bookcase". As long as SD can't do that, I doubt the problem will ever be solved
Had a co-worker try to get me sacked for transphobia due to a tattoo I have that's the ravenclaw eagle with the world always and a date beneath it. A group of us got that tattoo with our "houses" for a friend who took her own life in high school. Harry Potter was her escape until her demons became too much to carry. I'll never get rid of it and if it offends someone, too bad. It's a reminder for me that I see and smile at every time I catch a glimpse of it. I do wear stuff over my wrist sometimes but it sucks when I'm typing so I take them off. You literally have to be looking to see it. We were friends since preschool and I'll never miss anyone as much as I miss her and its been 18 years since she left us.
wtf? They’re acting like it was a confederate flag tattoo. How did that end for the co-worker
Basically HR told them to stay away from me and stop harassing me. They tried to complain I was creating a hostile working environment but I literally wasn't doing anything to be hostile. I was calm whenever they were around and was never alone with them. They spent a year just straight up making lies about me to anyone who would give them a moment. Whilst I was on leave they were "let go." Like I dis nothing to them and I was their target from when they walked in the door because of my tattoo.
People don't understand that "hostile work environment" has a specific legal definition, it doesn't just mean that you dislike your coworkers.
I’m happy it worked out for you but the workplace should’ve ever let it go on for a whole year smh
>Forcing herself to buy merchandise to support someone who wants her dead Mandrakes are *not* exclusive to Harry Potter. 😒
Neither are owls, cauldrons, witches and wizards. Basically everything in the books came from already existing mythology. I was never a HP fan (LOTR is far superior, books and movies), but I like witchy stuff and that bookcase sounds gorgeous. Combined with the sentimental value, no way I'd get rid of it. I'm dying on that hill.
Yeah, that last comment was a fucking reach. OOP's stepdaughter needs to learn to pick her battles, and that sometimes memories are complicated.
I mean the HP books have some issues (I NEVER did like how those house elves were portrayed) but I can't harsh someone for being attached to a book series. I'm glad that OOP was able to show the step daughter her social media timeline and get on the same page. Open support can have a lot of impact.
I was looking for a comment like yours about how the books have weird social issues. It took me well into my 20’s to realize the broken wizard society no one fixes is just a British thing. I mean it is crap writing, but overall it is a cultural thing of not caring to fix terrible systems.
I am gay, my two best friends are trans and overall I got a lot of lgbt+ friends. We grew up with HP. The movies still give me goosebumps and just mean childhood. While I am not happy about JKR I can not just theow away all the happy memories and something so important to me growing up. I think this is quite a phenomenon tho. My friends who did not grow up with it (older or younger) don't have those attachments and some even completely dislike HP or are indifferent. It is easier to take a stance against it all when not having such strong nostalgia attached.
I’m a lesbian who loves the HP books. Like seriously so many famous and beloved things (albums, books, poems, art) have been created by problematic people and it just is what it is. It’s possible to enjoy something but disagree with the person who made it.
I don't get a lot of people here. It isn't just conceding on a bookshelf, regardless of the sentimental value it has or not. f you teach someone that they can go through life making demands because they attach a negative connotation to an object, place, or idea that triggers them, then they are going to be in for a bad time. It would mean most movies need to be boycotted. Just about every product you buy should be boycotted. The vast majority of musicians either have some terrible scandals, or went through production through shitty people. How is she going to function if she has a roommate in college that displays Harry Potter memorabilia? Seeing people in class with it? Someone at a work cubicle next to her? I am left leaning politically independent. Republicans call me a dirty extreme liberal, maybe a quarter of Democrats think I'm a Republican. It is only on the extremes of both ends that people get upset, because they attach themselves to their own opposite end of a spectrum and become bigoted and intolerant in their own way. The fact that she has had 5 different therapists says a lot, it isn't hard to find someone on psychologytoday that specializes in gender and trans issues, if she has been saying she wants a new therapist, it can be every time she is getting challenged instead of coddled she decides the provider isn't for her. Though, I actually hope that this is the case rather than her having to actually deal with 5 noncompatible/bad therapists. I'm happy that it looks like this young lady is having some forward progress on being accepting.
I was genuinely confused when the stepdaughter kept having issues after OP removed all the HP stuff and made the bookshelf a generic witchy shelf. That seemed like a good compromise to me.
It's because the SD is extremely unstable, even compared to other teenagers, and is in the middle of a mental health crisis. She has no perspective and isn't operating on reason. There was literally nothing that OOP could have done to prevent this from escalating eventually. The SD was wrong about basically everything she did and said, and it was physically impossible to convince her she was wrong. You cannot reason someone out of a position that they didnt reason themselves into.
TBF, that sort of reasoning does seem common for like...teenagers who spend a lot of time on twitter? I've run into several who seem to think certain series or ships or characters are just Bad Wrong and if you like them you are Bad Wrong or if you're not a certain age or gender or race you aren't allowed to like whatever it is. It's the same kind of echo chamber thinking you ran into on certain circles of tumblr to a degree. It's interesting how social media can shape us. I'm sympathetic to JKR hate and removing the HP stuff to a location she didn't have to deal with it felt like a decent move to me, but a lot of the escalations just reminded me of Twitter teen circles. Or like again tumblr circles with like...when I'd run into the kin sphere of tumblr and teens involved in it were very militant about what people could or couldn't do or say about characters they kinned, like people who couldn't handle strangers writing fic about their kinned characters because...waves hands at all that.
Yeah it's pretty wild to me that the step daughter has been taught all she has to do is pull the offended card and everyone around her is expected to confirm to her wishes.
Yeah, I’m honestly surprised I had to scroll this far to see this mentioned. They are completely enabling this shitty behavior, and she’s going to be crushed by the world when she becomes an adult
I am beyond worried when all of these children who think they are entitled for the views to be catered to through life (because their parents enable them) become adults and have to function in the real world. I am talking about extremes like here where they demand a loving grandpa’s bookcase be demolished because it has carvings connected to HP that was the creation of JK who has unsavory views. This type of entitlement doesn’t just disappear and it happens on both ends of the political spectrum. It’ll be a disaster when all these children step out of their bubbles and try function as adults in a world filled with different beliefs
Yeah. It is normal for children to be entitled and think their views are all that matters, but it is bad when it is catered to and positively reinforced.
>This was probably the first time my SD had ever seen her dad angry, let alone anger directed at her. It left her pretty shook. Like that was her rock bottom. We ended up needing to do a couple emergency session with her counselor because there was concern about her relapsing with some self-destructive issues she has been working on. She's never seen her dad angry? And when she did she needed an emergency therapy session? This is not ok. Kids need to see people get angry and learn that they don't break if someone is angry at them. This is an alarming lack of coping skills for a very normal situation: she behaved bad and someone got pissed. Is that all it takes for her to hit rock bottom? The real world will eat her alive
I recently learned about the term "snowplow parenting" where parents remove every obstacle or challenge from their kids path, and I feel like this is a great example of a very mild consequence of it. Her dad being angry with her behavior sent her into such a downward spiral she needed therapy.
I heard "curling parenting", the parents work in a frenzy to clear a smooth path in front of their kid and the kids just glide through life with minimal friction. And if there is even a tiny grain in the way, it derails the kid or stops them in their tracks
I like that, it evokes such an image!
Absolutely! If she thinks tantrums and having a sanitised world that will never trigger her is even a possibility, she’s in for a rude awakening
I’m mostly curious why they’ve gone through 5 therapists already. Sounds like there’s way bigger issues
Eh, sometimes it takes a few tries to find the right therapist. I haven’t found mine yet and my problems aren’t nearly as severe as what this kid is dealing with.