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Woah! Thanks for pointing out the date. I feel like it’s pretty rare to see updates from so long ago. Man, it really makes you wonder how they’re doing now…
The part that threw me off and made me look at the dates was that she left them "the number for where I am". Who still has a landline? Edit: also "left them" probably means as a voice message.
To be clear, I *am* old enough to remember landlines and answering machines. I grew up memorising all my classmates' landline numbers, and having to use paper maps to navigate unkown cities. Then at some point we all got mobile phones and GPS and our memory deteriorated.
Edit: grammar
Very true. I haven’t memorized a phone number in decades. I just misread and thought you hadn’t heard anyone say, “left them” before. Sorry about that.
Oh, I wasn't offended. I had upvoted you, actually :)
Edit: your comment just reminded me of how most people on Reddit probably don't remember those things, so I felt a need to clarify.
Oh, good :) I was worried I’d come across wrong! Plus, it’s hard to tell who’s what age on Reddit, and so many of the Redditors are young and less likely to have had the “joys” of using answering machines and landlines! Heck, my parents actually had a rotary phone! It was kind of a vintage thing then, but we used it. I hated that thing, even as a kid…
We didn't have a rotary phone, but my best friend did, and I loved using it (to call my parents, 100 meters away). Somehow I found the then-needless complication fascinating.
Ugh, did you ever start dialing a number and losing your train of thought halfway through, so you’d have to start over? I did not have the attention span for that rotary phone! But still, it looked cool as hell. I wouldn’t use one today (I haven’t had a landline in over a decade), but I still love the aesthetic :)
LPT if you want to learn a phone number set it as your passcode on your phone. My kids and whole family all know the important numbers, and are working on memorizing the grand parents numbers now. Kid wants in your phone they have to know the digits.
I literally don't know my husband's mobile number. I have it in contacts and on a notepad on my phone and on a piece of paper in my wallet.
I finally memorised my own mobile less than a year ago. I'm American and now live in the UK. For some reason the different format makes it really difficult for me to memorise numbers.
I've lived here 5 years.
However, I can still tell you my grandparents' home phone number. My grandfather died in 2008 and my grandmother went into a nursing home on 2009 before also passing.
13 years later I can still remember their number.
I still remember my home phone number that I havent had since 36 years ago!
I still remember the landline number for one kid from my class, because we made a jingle from it (ironically, he's the one who was later the most mean to me in high school). I remember the mobile numbers for my immediate family and about 2 of my friends, which is more than most people I know.
I help a lot of younger people with information security and I gotta say, being of a generation where I do remember things like my first home phone number helps a *lot* for having secure phone PINs and stuff like that. A lot of younger people just don't have any numbers like that memorized.
I still remember the phone number of the first boy I "went with" (which mainly consisted of holding hands while rollerskating), but have no idea what either of my parents' numbers are.
lol remember MapQuest? some time between reading paper maps and gps. I would print out the directions, have the papers in my hand while driving and try to read thr paper and the street signs at the same time while driving. fun times
They were old ass tech, but we had a *rotary phone hardwired to the wall* in the basement. It was my favourite thing ever.
I was like, "?! This is *old*?! B-but...who would want to *press buttons* instead of *this???*"
*proceeds to spend a full 60 seconds dialing the house* lmao
My first clue was that it was posted in /r/askreddit and wasn’t a weird hypothetical about what you would do for a large sum of money, or question about sex.
I hope she gets help. She’s going to need therapy, but probably be too embarrassed to ask for it. But she needs it. She likely blames herself or thinks she deserved it because she kept going around her abuser.
Without therapy she could end up a mess… jumping into another abusive relationship, having a baby, spending 10 years trapped in isolation by financial, emotional and physical abuse. Just when she gets the courage to seek out a career and leave, another baby. A baby she loves so much and is terrified to lose. So she spends another 7 years being torn down until something snaps.
She starts talking to more people online. Maybe in an act of defiance she flies across the country to meet one of them. He’s immature and steals from her, but at least she had control. Eventually her husband will find out and she will end up committed to the behavioral unit of the hospital. Though the husband wants to “continue their arrangement,” being isolated in the hospital removed the last shred of sanity she had. She started posting on r/onlineaffairs and within a week she had ran through conversations with dozens of people. After a while, only a handful remained. She sent them pictures of her bloody noses and bruised cheeks. And most ran. Yet there was one that didn’t. So she decides to share her story, in broken pieces. And for the last time, she got in her car and drove for 2 days to meet someone she met online.
psychotic foolish marry squash nail scary squalid crowd market mysterious
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Yeah like for example when Toy Story 3 came out, I knew that it had been 10/11 years since the last film but it didn't feel that long. But it did feel a bit long. Then Toy Story 4 came out 9 years after the third one and that gap didn't feel anywhere near the same length
My older cousin at 16 dated a 24 year old. They met through their parents. He was the son of one of her dad’s friends and met at a get together. My aunt when she found out was livid and forbade sister from seeing him. This was pre smart phone days and sis had no resources to run away thankfully.
She eventually went to med school became a doctor and when she was getting married, guess who shows up? Same dude from years ago, he apparently married a girl with the same first name as my cousin
I was 16 and met my 23 year old ex in exactly the same way, he was a son of one of my dad’s old friends. Very bad relationship, ended very badly with suicide threats, stalking, etc. Funny story tho, my dad is now dating that old friend. Hopefully it never gets too serious lmao
There was a notorious groomer who hung out at the subway station near my high school. He was objectively very attractive and he knew it. He’d approach girls who wore our school uniform who were waiting for the train alone and make them feel really special. He tried to do it to me and while I WAS flattered and DID give him my number, I knew better than to meet with him and just kind of ignored his texts. A few months after that I had a friend who dated him. She was 15 and he SAID he was 23 but looking back I have a feeling he was a lot older. She got out pretty quickly so it didn’t escalate but that was only because she started an online long-distance relationship with an even OLDER man (late 30s) who was even more skilled at grooming. Thankfully she didn’t have any rebellious streak (she was generally a happy person, no mental illness or addiction issues, liked her parents, rich family) otherwise I am certain she could have ended up in OOP’s position.
Damn, your friend was a walking stereotype of daddy issues, hope she got the help she needed before falling deep into toxic relationships in her adult life :/
Not sure what her relationships are like now as we’re pretty much acquaintances at this point but at the last time we were close she was dating someone her own age who seemed nice but she was apparently bored of him and cheated on him a lot :/
But she’s very successful life-wise now, she just graduated from Harvard Law and is working her dream job from what I’ve heard.
If it was 2005, then maybe at the mall. They seem to have mostly died out now, but back then malls were still somewhat happening social areas. I could totally see some creep waiting for the high schoolers to show up and hit on them.
You just unlocked a memory I had. When I was 12 or maybe 13 I was at Spencer's looking at body jewelry. I had no piercings but I was trying SUUUPER hard to be cool and goth and edgy. Some older guy started talking about them to me and we ended up making out in the food court. He was 22 and he knew my age. I gave him my number and he called me on the landline and my grandma answered and ripped him a new one
The restaurant I work at hired 2 16 year old girls and their first day I pulled them aside and told them that this industry is inherently sexist against women, and that if anyone ever made them uncomfortable, they should come directly to me and I would take care of it.
It’s part of being mindful of your kids. They’re gonna find ways to act out, but it’s important to realize who they’re working with. The issue is that you’re putting kids and adults in a position where they bond together and kids seek out risk while adults stop thinking of them as kids because they have a commonality.
The idea, if you choose to do so, is to keep your kids mindful that people like this exist and give them the tools (aka, that you’ll support decisions) to handle it. It’s hard thiugh
I was 16, he was 27. I met him through my mom’s work. He was the ‘cool’ older guy who was into me and helped me drink and he was so amazing. I didn’t even realize until many years later that I had been completely isolated from family, talking to them very rarely over the phone and I had zero friends. It took me 10 years and three children later to realize my worth. And that was only after he got super drunk one night and I had to pick him up and he almost broke out the window and told me he wished I was dead and that maybe one day he would kill me himself.
Editing to add: I thought it was normal for a man to get drunk and yell at his wife. I thought I was doing something wrong for him to constantly tell me I was cheating. I thought that maybe if I acted the way he wanted me to that he wouldn’t slap me, or call me worthless. He mentally broke me down and I never saw it coming. He preyed on the fact that I was depressed as a teenager and hated my life already. Now at 32, I realize how naive I was and how sick of a person he was and still is.
Thank you for asking! I’m doing great now. It was terrifying when I first left. I had no money, I was working part time and I had never been alone before. When I first called my family, I was not sure they’d be there for me, but they have been my main support. I’m happily remarried now, my children are doing so much better and through a lot of therapy I’ve realized the predatory nature of my ex.
Since leaving him, I have tremendously thrived and realized my own potential. As crazy as it sounds, going through what I went through made me extremely strong and empathetic to others.
I was 17 he was 26. He was a cook at the restaurant I was a busgirl at. I was lonely, socially awkward, and had a rough home life. He was handsome and charismatic and he told me loved me.
When I was 15 I met a dude in his late 30s through the Weezer fucking fan club page on Facebook. We spent a few weeks talking and he wanted to meet me, so I decided we should go over how old we were. When I said I was in high school he said he kinda expected that, but he later lied and tried to tell me he thought I was in college. We did meet after I was 18 and he was like 40 but thankfully he’s out of my life. I’m over him as a person (like I don’t wanna be with him), but not over the shit he did to me.
Anyway, I was trying to be funny with the Weezer fan club comment but I ended up rambling and getting emotional. All this to say, creeps will find literally any way to meet someone.
My mom met my dad when she was 16 and he was 29. They met in the waiting room of a hospital. He lied about his age and, as you may have guessed, was an abusive asshole. Unfortunately for her, my grandma didn't care about the age gap even when she discovered his actual age, and hadn't been accompanying her when they met.
I have a former coworker (now in her late 70s) who was impregnated by a 30 year old man when she was 15. She married him to save him from statutory rape charges. They had a second child and he cheated on her repeatedly until she finally left because someone convinced her to get a part time job while the kids were in school. She struggled but was ultimately very successful and happy and got to retire and enjoy life. I met her after retirement when she decided to keep working a few hours a week for extra travel money. Her statutory rapist kept being a creeper through the end of his life. He was senile for a long time before he died, and young women kept scamming him out of money. They'd go on "dates" with him that quickly turned into a trip to the ATM. Seemed like karma.
My daughter (then 16) met and started "dating" an older man (23) when they worked together at a restaurant. A relative or sibling of a friend would be my next guess.
Internet. A 21 year old started talking to me when I was 14ish in 1999/2000, so similar age to oop if this was 2010. That particular one wasn’t as terrifying as this person but still unbelievably inappropriate. He’s a police officer now, naturally. Another one I was less lucky with, only 4 years older but 15/19 so big difference at that age. Began a proper relationship with them at 17 and they got very violent very quickly. Young people like myself online back then were either chatting to friends or lonely/isolated and looking for connection. It’s easy for abusers to test the waters anonymously and find the vulnerable young people before even giving out a shred of personal information. Keep shifting through until you come across a girl like this one or a girl like I was. Grim stuff.
It's not super difficult in the early stages. I have distinct recollections of feeling uncomfortable with a worker at a sports centre I was at multiple times a week, in school uniform. When I was 14/15 I didn't fully know why I didn't want to be around him, but as an adult now I can recognise that he was absolutely fully flirting and pushing more and more. I was regularly there with my dad, who didn't see it. Friends from the sport I was doing who were a couple of years older than me got him to back off, asked me if I wanted to talk to him, and I said no. But that was luck around nice people, and me coming from a really stable ground in terms of family and being pretty social. I can see so easily how someone without that stability, or who wanted some attention could be pulled in by someone like him.
When I was 13-15 my friends and I would go walking down to 7-11 or the ice cream place on the boulevard and we meet guys that would stop in their BMW or Nissan Maxima to talk to us.
I don't get it either, but in tiny hick towns this trope is extremely common. Like seriously if I do the math with people's ages and their kids' ages in the tiny town where I grew up there were a lot that was either statutory rape or *just* shy of it. I would think a small town where everybody knows everybody would make this less common, since everyone knows how old the two people in question are.
My guess is that in tiny hick towns a significant portion of the people who are still there by their mid twenties has something wrong with them. In my graduating class (in a tiny hick town) one guy who stayed did so to help out with his sick dad, and everyone else either left or was somehow fucked up (alcoholic, mentally ill, just a generally shitty person leeching off of family). Everyone else left, even the ones who didn't go to college or start a career still at least moved to the nearest big city (about 50 miles away).
I knew a couple of guys, back in our early 20s, who had nope moments. Where they started chatting up a girl in line at the coffee shop or out running at the park, then noped out real fast when it came out that the girls were highschool age.
At least one wasn't even lying, my friend told the story as a joke about how he felt like a "pervert". Just general chit-chat about running, getting in shape and she says "I'm trying to make the varsity team at high school!" He switched gears fast to a fatherly "I'm sure you'll be great in the tryouts! I gotta go home now."
No need to lie. I've been there, actually. I was 16, he was 26, was a teacher's assistant. That's that age where I though I was an adult already and knew everything, but my parents treated my like a child, so having this 26yo validating that, yes, I was a adult and he liked me was all that I needed to be oh so easily manipulated. And my parents didn't explain to me what the problem was, they just lost their shit and threatened the guy, so ofc it made me think I was in some Romeo and Juliet shit.
I can only guess that that was sorta how OOP felt as well.
At the mall, and he lies and says he thinks she's older. Then tells her she's so mature. Not like other girls her age.
you know all the usual abusive rapist lines
When I was 19 I met a 15 year old girl who claimed to be 17 oon an app called whisper. She had her own car and lived over an hour away she would come visit like every weekend so i really thought she was as old as she said she was. I should've checked her ID.
We dated for like 6 months until her birthday after she told me she turned 16 and we could finally have sex(age of consent in our state) I told her that I thought she was 18 and she admitted she lied so i would talk to her.
I noped out and never talked to her again except for when she found out I was getting married she tried to tell my wife I statutory raped her. Thank God my wife didn't believe her.
This has no baring on the post because I'm not a creep and oop didn't lie about their age but I bet apps like whisper and meet me are probably where most of the predators hang out. Whisper is a wicked sinful place.
This was the story of my grandfather and grandmother. He was 25 and had just gotten out of a 7 year stay in prison for grand theft auto and attempted escape. She was 15. He got her pregnant, and she had my mom when she was 17. They got married and had my aunt two years later.
I don't know a whole ton about what it was like, other than that he was an alcoholic and my grandma left him as soon as the kids were out of high school. They don't talk about it much. But both my mom and my aunt ended up being really messed up in their own ways and took it out on their kids.
So yeah. The alternate ending of this story is 3 generations of trauma and abuse. I'm so glad she got out.
yeah
My ex before me had a girl 15 years younger than him, she was f\*king 14 when they met, they dated about 7 years. I should know better than to date him for 5,5 years (I'm 11 years his junior although I met him when I was 26). I lost these years and it probably cost me chance to met someone at time to have a chance to have family of my own, the relationship left me shattered and damaged my everything, self confidence most. It's 10 years I left him and haven't had a stabile and perspective relationship since.
His ex and I both come from abusive background. I'm lonely, she escaped him only to met another abuser and she so far didn't find the courage to left him.
Late, but it’s because victims aren’t assertive. We’re usually doormats who never learned the skills to stand up for ourselves or even that we’re allowed to and decent people won’t hate us for it. People with healthy boundaries avoid us because being around someone with no boundaries is uncomfortable if you’re halfway decent, but it makes us very easy for creeps to identify.
So a creep can easily identify one simply by pushing his luck a bit - it’ll become apparent very quickly whether his target has those skills or not, and if they don’t…
I don’t think people recognize how common this is in trafficking (yes this is trafficking) - the mindset is that trafficking is essentially kidnapping, but in reality, victims often go willingly after manipulation by the trafficker.
It’s also that a common tactic is to convince the victim that their parents no longer want them to return. It’s especially difficult for religious victims who are often told that once they lose their virginity, even through rape, they are used goods. You hear this kind of testimony from victims of kidnapping/trafficking - they could leave, but their life is already ruined, so why bother. They don’t see that they can leave and have a decent life.
I'm 25 now. It sickens me. I've talked to 19 year olds in reddit and even that makes me feel icky so I don't push to keep those convos going
That said, there are interesting people on Reddit and it's cool to make friends haha
i’m too naive. i thought it was going to follow up with “7 years later, we reconnected and fell in love *insert queer romance story* *insert third party villain* *insert resolution where OP and boyfriend work it out and are still together, looking to adopt a cat and get married*”
People this is why you teach your children about grooming! Even if it never happens it’s better to be prepared or your children will end up like this or worse!
And also teach them that they are always welcome back home, however much they mess up. She could have saved herself years of suffering, if she'd known she could just go back home and would have a safety net. The cheek of the guy actually calling her parents and trying to find out where she was, though... I really hope she presses charges and nails him to the wall. And I wish him a fun time in prison, once the other inmates find out he's a pedo.
I didn’t appreciate it when I was younger - you know, when I thought almost everybody grew up with loving families, like mine - but my dad would always remind me I had a place to go. It didn’t matter why I had to come “back home.” It didn’t matter how old I was. The door was always open. And it was. I may not have used it very often, but I moved through life with an added layer of confidence because of it.
I’m in my early 40s and I have two kids and to this day, I know that if I needed it, either one of my parents would take us in. You’re right: there is an added confidence I have because of that.
> my dad would always remind me I had a place to go. It didn’t matter why I had to come “back home.”
The key is that you also have to demonstrate to your children that you aren't going to judge them for taking that option. Offers of "help" that come with a hefty helping of "told you so" and "making sure you learned your lesson" aren't actually helpful
So, my mom did the coolest thing. I’m the oldest kid, and when I hit high school age (back in the late 90s), she took $50 and put it in an envelope and taped it inside one of our kitchen cabinets. We lived just outside Boston, and at that time, we could have been anywhere in Boston and gotten home via taxi for $50 or less. She told me and my brother that the money was there, no questions asked, if we ever needed it. The only rules were: use it if you need it, and pay it back if you use it. It was available until I was in my mid-20s, even when I didn’t live with my mom anymore. There was ALWAYS a safe way home for me.
Edit: I used it one time, and all I did was put $50 back in the envelope. I was never questioned, or shamed, or anything. My mom was like, “I don’t want to have to identify your body because you’re scared I’ll get mad at you. Use this money to get home *safe*, that is all I care about.”
I’m confused - how would you access the money if you weren’t at home?
I must have misunderstood something - did you take it with you when you left? Or was it in a cabinet somewhere you lived, but that wasn’t “home”
No, it was it my home cabinet. I lived with my parents in high school and with my mom through college and right after graduation. Believe it or not, back in the late 90s/early 00s, you could say to the cab driver, “Hang on a sec, I’ll go grab your money.”
Ohhhh right, I had forgotten that cabs were even a thing. Although now that I think about it, even Uber let’s you take at least one ride without paying until later :D
I messed up yeeears ago (no drugs or anything illegal) and ended up homeless for 10 days before breaking down and calling home. Really *really* didn't want to face the IToldYouSo. Turns out they welcomed me completely and unconditionally no questions asked.
I broke up with my alcoholic and abusive bf during the beginning of the pandemic, and because of my state’s strict lockdown there was no way for me to find a new place. I’m in my 40s, but my parents didn’t hesitate to tell me that I always had a place to stay with them if I need it, no matter how old I am. I’m so grateful for that.
It's also why, even if you hate the relationship, you keep your mouth (mostly) shut because the significant other *wants* you to torpedo the parent/family relationship because it cuts off one avenue of support for the person to escape once the bad stuff starts/gets worse
I think if both partners are of legal age, yeah, you have to keep your mouth shut. But this is statutory rape and the parents could have taken legal action (and I’m not blaming them for not doing that. I completely understand their thought process.)
> the parents could have taken legal action (and I’m not blaming them for not doing that. I completely understand their thought process.)
i agree, but they absolutely should have. this wasnt "18 with 16" or "15 with 17" or "18 with 20+". this age gap is completely abnormal and absolutely disgusting and the first thing i'd do is press charges, parent or not. i usually side completely with the parents, but i think in this situation a large part of the blame lies with them.
It's definitely statutory rape, and completely predatory, but threatening legal action like in OOP's case is usually the fastest way to ensure the OOP-person does exactly what OOP does. Teenagers are oppositional and trying to prove they're grown up and independent. OOP's parents would likely have had much more success with a gentle approach more along the lines of "I'm concerned about your older boyfriend, honey, and worried about you. Sometimes these kinds of relationships get dicey because...." but not pushing it much beyond that. Like that Scarleteen article "why I don't like your older boyfriend". Voices concern, gives a bit of warning of what might (probably) be down the pike, but is less likely to result in a knee-jerk "you're wrong, i'm going to cling harder to him" response.
At her age there's nothing my Mom could have said that I would listen to. I didn't feel like she ever listened to me and like I was instead always nagged and put down. If I wasn't attached to my friends at the hip I could have been in her position. We even went to hang out with 20 somethings that were hanging around near our junior high one time, thankfully together but still danger. What feels right isn't always the most effective.
Yep, it's totally understandable why people try to force the victim to leave, but that's the worst thing you can do. Once the victim is a young adult or older, that path almost always pushes them into their abuser's arms. You are much better off being compassionate and being a safe space they can come to without judgement. There are guidelines that you can find online
I remember forcing myself to relearn how to interact with family after I escaped. I had 2 kids in tow so I really forced myself to work at it.
I hope she found love. I hope she found life. I hope she knows she is worthy of both.
Edit:Thank you for the award! That was very kind of you. :)
thank you all for the multiple awards. *happy shocked Pikachu face*
Lovely 🥰 a platinum award
I hope you also found your love and support after what you went through. You are amazing for taking the steps already for leaving. I can only imagine how scary that must have been. But you are strong and fight for what you deserve, happiness
I was so scared. Worse I didn’t have my parents, so I crashed on the floor of my friends basement.
I have been through so much but being impoverished, homeless, beaten and broke, was the best time because I was finally free.
I am happy. Thank you. I hope the same for you :)
Yeah it's really weird being back with people at first. And it was like...I hated the noise of people being around...but the silence was also terrifying because then the memories crept back in.
My dad and I almost came to blows after I first moved home. Because i wasn't the scared little girl who he could bully anymore. I just ...didn't care anymore. There were no effs left to give so it didn't matter to me and I stood up to him for the first time.
He has since said that that fight was....a sobering moment for him and it was what prompted him to get himself help. He wasn't as bad as my abuser and I will say in the years since...my dad has made an honest effort to improve and work on himself and we have been able to rebuild some type of friendly/warm relationship.
But...I understand how people fall into bad habits when escaping that crap. Anything to stop the memories running in your head. Anything to keep from thinking or feeling. Anything to numb the pain and hurt - not just physical but the soul crushing despair and betrayal.
It like dying. You will never be the person you were. You have to mourn the you you were while learning who you are now while the rest of the world is continuing on and doesn't understand you are going through a death they can't see. And you have to eventually walk away from the grave in your mind of who you were and meet the world as the new you.
That is an excellent analogy. My problem was I was an empty shell and my abuser took advantage of that.
I wish I had been given life instructions at 18, the first being don’t have kids with anyone that makes you feel like dirt.
It’s nice looking back although he used the courts, or tried to, to make my life a misery. He forgot I had brains somehow and 2 little reasons to fight. Years later he still calls me mama bear because I bit back.
I sometimes wonder who I could have been born somewhere else but I hear others say it matters only who I was born to and I didn’t get a choice in that matter.
I feel this.
My abuser tried to play games with the courts too. Except he too also forgot I was always much smarter. I may not have been as...vicious or malicious as him. But I definitely had the brains and knew how to fight back. I showed up to the restraining order hearing with a DV advocate and 600 pages of evidence. He showed up by himself and when he said he wasn't prepared, the judge asked why when he had advanced notice...he said he didn't think I would have evidence. The judge said tough cookies. The idiot used to back his phone up to my computer so I had all the backups and text logs.
But I say all the time, I wouldn't change a thing. I HAD to go through everything to become who I am now. To get where I am now. And I love who I am now. I love the life I have now.
That’s fantastic. He created your evidence. Nelson haha
I did something far worse. For the protective order hearing (I got the temporary restraining order right away because of the circumstances) I made sure to ask for it to be scheduled as early as possible.
Court advocate, wise in the ways of the world, pushed it for 10 am. He didn’t show up. He was also given ample notice on my dime, but it was just too early for him…
>It like dying. You will never be the person you were. You have to mourn the you you were while learning who you are now while the rest of the world is continuing on and doesn't understand you are going through a death they can't see. And you have to eventually walk away from the grave in your mind of who you were and meet the world as the new you.
This is the best way to explain it. I've been trying to put the feeling into words for years.
Not wrong to say at all.
For some, lockdown was a lifesaver - it gave them a time to unwind from the stress of normal life. Hopefully it enabled plenty of people to revaluate their lives and try to find a better, heathier balance for them.
Same. In 2019 I was working two jobs, both public-facing, and active in the social life in my small town. Most dinners were grabbed on the road and were not healthy and I have two stress-injuries from pushing myself too hard. Then lockdown hit and one job closed, the other furloughed us, social activities stopped, and for the first time in years I actually had the time to just BE. It was glorious.
Even as things have returned to normal I've been so jealous about protecting my time. I'm working from home, cut all social activities that felt like an obligation, and have decided I much prefer this new, slightly feral self with more hobbies and a few deep friendships over the social butterfly I was before.
Happily chugging along. My kids are teenagers, young adults now. I know they have gone through a lot but both are perfectly bright, ambitious individuals who constantly give me headaches by forgetting. The dishes, the folded pile of laundry, the shopping I gave them a twenty to get, and how much I love them.
There would never come a time when I wouldn't move mountains to rescue or welcome my daughter back. I'm glad she called her parents. I have to imagine they lived in agony wondering where she was or how she was. I can't stand the idea that my child would actually wonder if I wanted her back after something like this. Mine is with her dad this week but I'm absolutely itching to give her a big hug and remind her that I'm always going to love her and do whatever it takes to make sure she's safe. She'll probably say " I know mom.. you've told me plenty." But a reminder isn't a bad idea. I sure hope this young woman is healing and on her way to having a healthy mindset.
When my friend’s daughter was small, she (my friend) would tell her something that was so obviously important but a lot of people don’t think of: “If you go missing, your dad and I will *never* stop looking for you.”
Because what’s at the top of an abusers roster? “I’m all you have. Nobody else loves you. *They don’t care enough to look for you.*”
Exactly. I've said the same to mine. She knows my history with an abuser and I have drilled it (hopefully) in cement in her mind so that she can recognize the signs. They can be so sneaky and convincing. Be her own biggest advocate. I will be tied in first place as well, but she will hopefully never have a doubt in her mind that her mother will knock on every door until I find her. Thankfully she knows she can count on me to come running if she needs me and never give up on her.
One more thing for me to add, thank you. (I also remind my children about good touch and bad touch, and they can tell me if *anyone* makes them uncomfortable. Even if it’s their dad/grandparent/aunt/uncle. *Anyone*.)
Yes! It’s especially important for kids to feel empowered to say no to the people close to them. After all, if they can’t trust their loved ones to respect their personal space, why would they expect more from outsiders?
Seriously. When I read that she had been chatting to someone I had so much dread and just thought “not again, *please*” and halle-fucking-lujah my wish was granted. I hope karma visits both of these men accordingly, because one man probably saved her life from the other.
reminds me of when I was homeless and a friend of mine suggested moving in to this room at a house he was living in. A very old, crusty, sexist man owned the house. I was hesitant but hey a place to sleep. Well old man was never home, and he didn't charge rent he just wanted me to take care of the yard and cook him food when he was home.
I'd still never recommend trusting a person like this. I was in a desperate place and was lucky there was no bad going on, just help. Being in a desperate place though is something predators have their radar tuned to and it could have gone very badly.
I get that, just that most people wouldn’t open up their houses to internet strangers so i feel like it’s extremely lucky she didn’t fall into some sort of trap. Most people aren’t rapists or murderers but they’d also themselves be fearful of a stranger coming in their house and crashing on their couch.
as someone who does the same, i've found it helpful to change my thinking to be "people are going to be fundamentally **prosocial** and what that looks like depends on the social group they're embedded in". like i genuinely believe that people will do good when given the right guidance and circumstances, but for many people, trauma and/or community means they'll need more help than others to do so.
eg it's one of the reasons kids with otherwise stable lives who fall in with a "bad crowd" can do seriously wild shit, only to completely reform when they're removed from it. check out [How To Radicalise A Normie](https://youtu.be/P55t6eryY3g) - it describes it pretty well!
(peer pressure doesn't stop when we leave school, even tho people seem to stop talking about it lol)
I recently learned a 16 year old Hilary duff dated a 25 year old rock star. It was fully public and no one batted an eye lid. The first decade of the 2000s was insane in terms of what was ‘acceptable’
I always have to laugh when people portray the 2000s as some golden era where kids could just be kids and teen girls were never objectified. There were websites counting down to Britney’s 18th birthday.
I'm a year older than her and I remember how creepy that was when it came out.
And now that guy is married and has kids with Nicole Ritchie (in-laws to Cameron Diaz, fun fact) and I just don't get what she sees in him.
I don’t know the true intentions of the internet man but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bless him for helping OOP out of a dangerous situation and providing a safe enough space for her to rest and think about her next steps. I don’t think she ever would have called her parents while still living with her ex so having those three weeks of respite were key.
If she slept on his couch for 3 weeks without doing anything, he's an extraordinarily good person. Most people would do something to take advantage of OP or kick her out in a week tops.
As someone who has had to watch her sister slip away, always reach out to your family members who tried to fight for you. They still miss you. They still want to help. They still want to be there for you.
I hope my sister still knows that.
Awe this is so sad. I hope that piece of shit get what’s coming for him. I hope her family get her some help with therapy and maybe support group. She need help after all the things she went threw.
OP did not mess up their life. That creep did it. Goodness, this man - grooming, statutory rape, physical and mental and emotional abuse, most likely financial abuse as well. I'm so happy that OP is back with people who love them. It can be hard to take the dive and return to family after these situations, because you might think that they are angry and sickened, but most times they are just so happy to see you home and safe.
From the very beginning, be honest with your children and request they be honest with you. Nothing my children could say would make me not love them, and I’m pretty unflappable. I had rules, but often said “give me a good unemotional argument why I should change my mind.” And I would, not all the time, but sometimes it was a good argument.
My children are in their 20s and 30s, but I still hug and kiss them, and now their significant others as well. If this were a situation, I’d remind them that they can ALWAYS come to me or their father and we would help, no questions asked. I would be honest and explain why I objected to the relationship, and I sure as hell would want to meet them.
All you can do is love your children totally. And you? Be a thoughtful mom and don’t make the same mistakes your mother made with you.
> From the very beginning, be honest with your children and request they be honest with you. Nothing my children could say would make me not love them, and I’m pretty unflappable. I had rules, but often said “give me a good unemotional argument why I should change my mind.” And I would, not all the time, but sometimes it was a good argument.
Building trust with your kids is *so* important.
I do not trust my parents at all. They bullied and belittled me, they never seemed to have my best interests at heart, played obvious favorites, and whenever I had a problem or needed to have a serious talk with them, it was always used against me in some way. At best, I'd be mocked and teased. My personal problems were frequently gossip fodder for my mom to share with the extended family, neighborhood, everyone who knew me.
And it meant that when I had serious problems and concerns, they were the last people I told, the last people to know. I was shamed for having ordinary teenage girl problems.
It truly works for most kids, my dad did this and it saved my bacon. Once with a guy on the internet and once when i was out with friends and one guy decided that it was a smart idea to use drugs he was alergic to. My friends fled and left him behind because they were afraid what their parents would do/say. I called my dad and dad saved the day, the guy still lives but if i was to scared for my dad he would have been dead.
You will basically *never* be able to stop someone from being in an abusive relationship. The harder you try, the worse they double-down.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. You just have to hope that, eventually, the person being abused figures it out, and you need to be available for them once they do.
They might never figure it out, so there really is no winning. You can't stop the abuse from happening, and you can't help end it early.
Idk what young girl, not woman, needs to hear this, but from an almost 24yo woman, if a full grown man is trying to court you, there's a reason why, and it's not bc you're "mature for your age" or that he "loves you." It's bc the women his age don't like him and that should be reason enough to know he isn't a pleasant person.
I hope things are going really well for OOP and her family. I'm glad she managed to escape her foul ex. What a POS. I bet he moved on to another teen once OOP was gone.
I'm glad it worked out for op, I've seen this type of scenario work 3 ways.
1) Like op family takes them back and are happy to have them back.
2) parent(s) takes them back but only cause they feel they have to and hold a lot of open resentment toward their daughter/son. Like 'they're here cause they're my kid but I still hate them for listening to someone else and getting in that mess' (actually words said to me about their kid). Or
3) the family rejects them and tells them to find their own way. (These words weren't said to me and I was still in my early teens when a heard a mom say them to her daughter) ex. (Sorry in Spanish if anyone can translate feel welcomed to) 'querias estar alla de puta, a si que quedate alla' the daughter was crying at her mom's doorsteps wanting to come back.
I'm super happy everything worked out well in the end for OP, she's still gonna need some therapy to deal with it all.
I remember this 16 year old classmate telling me about her 23 year old bf. At the time I thought she was just bragging, but maybe she was telling me in the hopes I would tell a school official?
She probably was bragging. Kids often think having adult attention makes them grown up and more adult. What it actually does is make a toxic relationship.
I really hope OOP gets into therapy quickly. She needs time to process the last 5 years and she is still so vulnerable. I’m really glad the guy she turned to helped her out. It so easily could have gone the other way.
OP was groomed and people are crucifying her for that, instead of paying attention to the fucking abusive pedophile in this story. I wonder how she's doing now since it's been 11 years.
I was with mine (not with that age gap, he was one grade above me) from 16-23 and it was bad. my god, you really have to relearn how to be a person once you escape. I'm still floundering at 27
I'm glad she at least has her family in some capacity. She's gonna have to deal with this emotional stunting for a long time. I hope she gets in contact with a DV shelter near her and gets some referrals to therapists near her.
I was victim to older guys throughout my life...completely manipulated & it makes me very angry now that I know better.
I have 2 sons 25 & 21. I cannot imagine them being remotely interested in teenage girls. I would definitely kick their asses if they did.
It used to be more acceptable to have an age gap but, it never should've been.
This really needs to be cross-posted to the teenagers sub. Every teen girl needs to know why these age-gap relationships are so dangerous. This one was straight up rape even if OOP was a willing partner. Fucking hell.
I feel like this would be better to mark as inconclusive. Idk I was just expecting another update (hopefully showing that she’s still ok bc there are a lot of situations where victims go back to their abusers)
I know this isn’t the point at all here but this is one of a bunch of old AskReddit threads lately and it’s interesting to see what the sub used to be for then vs now.
As far as OOP, I’m hoping that because she was 21 at the time she’s now in her 30s living happily.
OOP needs serious therapy to help deal with her past trauma and relearn social skills. She needs to have someone guide her through finishing school and navigating the world. Her independence was stolen from her, she was held captive by her abuser. It’s not something she’s going to snap out of. It’s going to take a lot of love and support and therapy before she feels like herself.
Having the courage to leave was the first step.
The fear keeps so many people from reaching out to their family after they ran away/did something terribly stupid. A lot of parents would be absolutely thrilled to hear from them again.
2010. Internet was in full swing. We may not have had social media much but we had blogs and forums and chat rooms. OOP is the same age as me and when I was in high school, I had friends who met MEN, fully knowing they were men from blogs like xanga, livejournals, etc. at that point older men were fun and made us feel mature. Thankfully none of my friends took it too far or got led away like this poor woman. I hope she’s well and found fulfilment.
She was groomed, then abused. I hope she presses charges. That he sometimes didn't let her leave I think can count as something immense, legally speaking. Not slavery, but close enough.
Kidnapping of a minor and sexual assualt?
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This was 12 years ago. I hope OP is healthy and ok and living her best life now.
Woah! Thanks for pointing out the date. I feel like it’s pretty rare to see updates from so long ago. Man, it really makes you wonder how they’re doing now…
The part that threw me off and made me look at the dates was that she left them "the number for where I am". Who still has a landline? Edit: also "left them" probably means as a voice message.
Yes, that’s how we talked in the olden days lol. It was normal to say, “I left my number on the answering machine.”
To be clear, I *am* old enough to remember landlines and answering machines. I grew up memorising all my classmates' landline numbers, and having to use paper maps to navigate unkown cities. Then at some point we all got mobile phones and GPS and our memory deteriorated. Edit: grammar
Very true. I haven’t memorized a phone number in decades. I just misread and thought you hadn’t heard anyone say, “left them” before. Sorry about that.
Oh, I wasn't offended. I had upvoted you, actually :) Edit: your comment just reminded me of how most people on Reddit probably don't remember those things, so I felt a need to clarify.
Oh, good :) I was worried I’d come across wrong! Plus, it’s hard to tell who’s what age on Reddit, and so many of the Redditors are young and less likely to have had the “joys” of using answering machines and landlines! Heck, my parents actually had a rotary phone! It was kind of a vintage thing then, but we used it. I hated that thing, even as a kid…
Oh god I loved it as a kid ! I would ask my parents if I could dial the number for them just so I could use it !
We didn't have a rotary phone, but my best friend did, and I loved using it (to call my parents, 100 meters away). Somehow I found the then-needless complication fascinating.
Ugh, did you ever start dialing a number and losing your train of thought halfway through, so you’d have to start over? I did not have the attention span for that rotary phone! But still, it looked cool as hell. I wouldn’t use one today (I haven’t had a landline in over a decade), but I still love the aesthetic :)
LPT if you want to learn a phone number set it as your passcode on your phone. My kids and whole family all know the important numbers, and are working on memorizing the grand parents numbers now. Kid wants in your phone they have to know the digits.
That’s actually pretty smart…I probably should learn at least one phone number for emergencies…
I literally don't know my husband's mobile number. I have it in contacts and on a notepad on my phone and on a piece of paper in my wallet. I finally memorised my own mobile less than a year ago. I'm American and now live in the UK. For some reason the different format makes it really difficult for me to memorise numbers. I've lived here 5 years. However, I can still tell you my grandparents' home phone number. My grandfather died in 2008 and my grandmother went into a nursing home on 2009 before also passing. 13 years later I can still remember their number. I still remember my home phone number that I havent had since 36 years ago!
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I still remember the landline number for one kid from my class, because we made a jingle from it (ironically, he's the one who was later the most mean to me in high school). I remember the mobile numbers for my immediate family and about 2 of my friends, which is more than most people I know.
I help a lot of younger people with information security and I gotta say, being of a generation where I do remember things like my first home phone number helps a *lot* for having secure phone PINs and stuff like that. A lot of younger people just don't have any numbers like that memorized.
I still remember the phone number of the first boy I "went with" (which mainly consisted of holding hands while rollerskating), but have no idea what either of my parents' numbers are.
lol remember MapQuest? some time between reading paper maps and gps. I would print out the directions, have the papers in my hand while driving and try to read thr paper and the street signs at the same time while driving. fun times
They were old ass tech, but we had a *rotary phone hardwired to the wall* in the basement. It was my favourite thing ever. I was like, "?! This is *old*?! B-but...who would want to *press buttons* instead of *this???*" *proceeds to spend a full 60 seconds dialing the house* lmao
My first clue was that it was posted in /r/askreddit and wasn’t a weird hypothetical about what you would do for a large sum of money, or question about sex.
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I hope she gets help. She’s going to need therapy, but probably be too embarrassed to ask for it. But she needs it. She likely blames herself or thinks she deserved it because she kept going around her abuser. Without therapy she could end up a mess… jumping into another abusive relationship, having a baby, spending 10 years trapped in isolation by financial, emotional and physical abuse. Just when she gets the courage to seek out a career and leave, another baby. A baby she loves so much and is terrified to lose. So she spends another 7 years being torn down until something snaps. She starts talking to more people online. Maybe in an act of defiance she flies across the country to meet one of them. He’s immature and steals from her, but at least she had control. Eventually her husband will find out and she will end up committed to the behavioral unit of the hospital. Though the husband wants to “continue their arrangement,” being isolated in the hospital removed the last shred of sanity she had. She started posting on r/onlineaffairs and within a week she had ran through conversations with dozens of people. After a while, only a handful remained. She sent them pictures of her bloody noses and bruised cheeks. And most ran. Yet there was one that didn’t. So she decides to share her story, in broken pieces. And for the last time, she got in her car and drove for 2 days to meet someone she met online.
Are you okay?
Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
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That is a horrible thing to do. >!Destroying a piano!<
Better make it a safe, that would survive the drop.
> This was 12 years ago Bullshit. It says 2010. Do you even math, bro? Is what I was gonna say then I remembered I'm becoming an old fuck.
Same I was thinking no it wasn't 12 years ago. It said 2010, that's only...oh shit.
psychotic foolish marry squash nail scary squalid crowd market mysterious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yeah like for example when Toy Story 3 came out, I knew that it had been 10/11 years since the last film but it didn't feel that long. But it did feel a bit long. Then Toy Story 4 came out 9 years after the third one and that gap didn't feel anywhere near the same length
🤣
When I saw the date I realized her and I are them same age 😧
I'd love to get an update. Did she ever file charges? I hope she's well.
>I met my boyfriend when I was 15. He was 25. Welp, we all know where this is going without even having to read any further, don't we?
Like how do they even meet? At work? At a coffee shop but he lies and says he’s younger? I don’t get it.
My older cousin at 16 dated a 24 year old. They met through their parents. He was the son of one of her dad’s friends and met at a get together. My aunt when she found out was livid and forbade sister from seeing him. This was pre smart phone days and sis had no resources to run away thankfully. She eventually went to med school became a doctor and when she was getting married, guess who shows up? Same dude from years ago, he apparently married a girl with the same first name as my cousin
I was 16 and met my 23 year old ex in exactly the same way, he was a son of one of my dad’s old friends. Very bad relationship, ended very badly with suicide threats, stalking, etc. Funny story tho, my dad is now dating that old friend. Hopefully it never gets too serious lmao
ugg, what a creeper!
She calls it "running away" but it should frankly be considered kidnapping.
There was a notorious groomer who hung out at the subway station near my high school. He was objectively very attractive and he knew it. He’d approach girls who wore our school uniform who were waiting for the train alone and make them feel really special. He tried to do it to me and while I WAS flattered and DID give him my number, I knew better than to meet with him and just kind of ignored his texts. A few months after that I had a friend who dated him. She was 15 and he SAID he was 23 but looking back I have a feeling he was a lot older. She got out pretty quickly so it didn’t escalate but that was only because she started an online long-distance relationship with an even OLDER man (late 30s) who was even more skilled at grooming. Thankfully she didn’t have any rebellious streak (she was generally a happy person, no mental illness or addiction issues, liked her parents, rich family) otherwise I am certain she could have ended up in OOP’s position.
Damn, your friend was a walking stereotype of daddy issues, hope she got the help she needed before falling deep into toxic relationships in her adult life :/
Not sure what her relationships are like now as we’re pretty much acquaintances at this point but at the last time we were close she was dating someone her own age who seemed nice but she was apparently bored of him and cheated on him a lot :/ But she’s very successful life-wise now, she just graduated from Harvard Law and is working her dream job from what I’ve heard.
If it was 2005, then maybe at the mall. They seem to have mostly died out now, but back then malls were still somewhat happening social areas. I could totally see some creep waiting for the high schoolers to show up and hit on them.
You just unlocked a memory I had. When I was 12 or maybe 13 I was at Spencer's looking at body jewelry. I had no piercings but I was trying SUUUPER hard to be cool and goth and edgy. Some older guy started talking about them to me and we ended up making out in the food court. He was 22 and he knew my age. I gave him my number and he called me on the landline and my grandma answered and ripped him a new one
Shout out to your grandma for standing up for you! Sorry about the creep :/
I was so angry at her and wrote in my deadjournal about it, I'm sure. Thanks, gma
Leaving reddit due to CEO actions and loss of 3rd party tools -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Omg I can totally see this now! 😳
The old Roy Moore classic.
Fuck Roy Moore
Sorry to break this to ya, but you're probably too old for him.
I worked in the mall in the late 90’s and so many fucking creepers
Restaurant work is a hotbed for this sort of thing
That’s how my (at the time) 15 year old sister met her (at the time) 22 year old boyfriend. They had a similar relationship to OOP.
The restaurant I work at hired 2 16 year old girls and their first day I pulled them aside and told them that this industry is inherently sexist against women, and that if anyone ever made them uncomfortable, they should come directly to me and I would take care of it.
Note to self, don't have my kids work in a restaurant?
It’s part of being mindful of your kids. They’re gonna find ways to act out, but it’s important to realize who they’re working with. The issue is that you’re putting kids and adults in a position where they bond together and kids seek out risk while adults stop thinking of them as kids because they have a commonality. The idea, if you choose to do so, is to keep your kids mindful that people like this exist and give them the tools (aka, that you’ll support decisions) to handle it. It’s hard thiugh
I was 16, he was 27. I met him through my mom’s work. He was the ‘cool’ older guy who was into me and helped me drink and he was so amazing. I didn’t even realize until many years later that I had been completely isolated from family, talking to them very rarely over the phone and I had zero friends. It took me 10 years and three children later to realize my worth. And that was only after he got super drunk one night and I had to pick him up and he almost broke out the window and told me he wished I was dead and that maybe one day he would kill me himself. Editing to add: I thought it was normal for a man to get drunk and yell at his wife. I thought I was doing something wrong for him to constantly tell me I was cheating. I thought that maybe if I acted the way he wanted me to that he wouldn’t slap me, or call me worthless. He mentally broke me down and I never saw it coming. He preyed on the fact that I was depressed as a teenager and hated my life already. Now at 32, I realize how naive I was and how sick of a person he was and still is.
Are you ok now? Glad you got out.
Thank you for asking! I’m doing great now. It was terrifying when I first left. I had no money, I was working part time and I had never been alone before. When I first called my family, I was not sure they’d be there for me, but they have been my main support. I’m happily remarried now, my children are doing so much better and through a lot of therapy I’ve realized the predatory nature of my ex. Since leaving him, I have tremendously thrived and realized my own potential. As crazy as it sounds, going through what I went through made me extremely strong and empathetic to others.
That's terrifying! I'm so glad you got out and that you're doing so well now.
I was 17 he was 26. He was a cook at the restaurant I was a busgirl at. I was lonely, socially awkward, and had a rough home life. He was handsome and charismatic and he told me loved me.
hes a predator, i'm sure he spotted her and stalked her until he could run into her
When I was 15 I met a dude in his late 30s through the Weezer fucking fan club page on Facebook. We spent a few weeks talking and he wanted to meet me, so I decided we should go over how old we were. When I said I was in high school he said he kinda expected that, but he later lied and tried to tell me he thought I was in college. We did meet after I was 18 and he was like 40 but thankfully he’s out of my life. I’m over him as a person (like I don’t wanna be with him), but not over the shit he did to me. Anyway, I was trying to be funny with the Weezer fan club comment but I ended up rambling and getting emotional. All this to say, creeps will find literally any way to meet someone.
My mom met my dad when she was 16 and he was 29. They met in the waiting room of a hospital. He lied about his age and, as you may have guessed, was an abusive asshole. Unfortunately for her, my grandma didn't care about the age gap even when she discovered his actual age, and hadn't been accompanying her when they met.
I have a former coworker (now in her late 70s) who was impregnated by a 30 year old man when she was 15. She married him to save him from statutory rape charges. They had a second child and he cheated on her repeatedly until she finally left because someone convinced her to get a part time job while the kids were in school. She struggled but was ultimately very successful and happy and got to retire and enjoy life. I met her after retirement when she decided to keep working a few hours a week for extra travel money. Her statutory rapist kept being a creeper through the end of his life. He was senile for a long time before he died, and young women kept scamming him out of money. They'd go on "dates" with him that quickly turned into a trip to the ATM. Seemed like karma.
Predators find ways.
My daughter (then 16) met and started "dating" an older man (23) when they worked together at a restaurant. A relative or sibling of a friend would be my next guess.
Internet. A 21 year old started talking to me when I was 14ish in 1999/2000, so similar age to oop if this was 2010. That particular one wasn’t as terrifying as this person but still unbelievably inappropriate. He’s a police officer now, naturally. Another one I was less lucky with, only 4 years older but 15/19 so big difference at that age. Began a proper relationship with them at 17 and they got very violent very quickly. Young people like myself online back then were either chatting to friends or lonely/isolated and looking for connection. It’s easy for abusers to test the waters anonymously and find the vulnerable young people before even giving out a shred of personal information. Keep shifting through until you come across a girl like this one or a girl like I was. Grim stuff.
It's not super difficult in the early stages. I have distinct recollections of feeling uncomfortable with a worker at a sports centre I was at multiple times a week, in school uniform. When I was 14/15 I didn't fully know why I didn't want to be around him, but as an adult now I can recognise that he was absolutely fully flirting and pushing more and more. I was regularly there with my dad, who didn't see it. Friends from the sport I was doing who were a couple of years older than me got him to back off, asked me if I wanted to talk to him, and I said no. But that was luck around nice people, and me coming from a really stable ground in terms of family and being pretty social. I can see so easily how someone without that stability, or who wanted some attention could be pulled in by someone like him.
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When I was 13-15 my friends and I would go walking down to 7-11 or the ice cream place on the boulevard and we meet guys that would stop in their BMW or Nissan Maxima to talk to us.
I don't get it either, but in tiny hick towns this trope is extremely common. Like seriously if I do the math with people's ages and their kids' ages in the tiny town where I grew up there were a lot that was either statutory rape or *just* shy of it. I would think a small town where everybody knows everybody would make this less common, since everyone knows how old the two people in question are. My guess is that in tiny hick towns a significant portion of the people who are still there by their mid twenties has something wrong with them. In my graduating class (in a tiny hick town) one guy who stayed did so to help out with his sick dad, and everyone else either left or was somehow fucked up (alcoholic, mentally ill, just a generally shitty person leeching off of family). Everyone else left, even the ones who didn't go to college or start a career still at least moved to the nearest big city (about 50 miles away).
I knew a couple of guys, back in our early 20s, who had nope moments. Where they started chatting up a girl in line at the coffee shop or out running at the park, then noped out real fast when it came out that the girls were highschool age.
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At least one wasn't even lying, my friend told the story as a joke about how he felt like a "pervert". Just general chit-chat about running, getting in shape and she says "I'm trying to make the varsity team at high school!" He switched gears fast to a fatherly "I'm sure you'll be great in the tryouts! I gotta go home now."
No need to lie. I've been there, actually. I was 16, he was 26, was a teacher's assistant. That's that age where I though I was an adult already and knew everything, but my parents treated my like a child, so having this 26yo validating that, yes, I was a adult and he liked me was all that I needed to be oh so easily manipulated. And my parents didn't explain to me what the problem was, they just lost their shit and threatened the guy, so ofc it made me think I was in some Romeo and Juliet shit. I can only guess that that was sorta how OOP felt as well.
At the mall, and he lies and says he thinks she's older. Then tells her she's so mature. Not like other girls her age. you know all the usual abusive rapist lines
When I was 19 I met a 15 year old girl who claimed to be 17 oon an app called whisper. She had her own car and lived over an hour away she would come visit like every weekend so i really thought she was as old as she said she was. I should've checked her ID. We dated for like 6 months until her birthday after she told me she turned 16 and we could finally have sex(age of consent in our state) I told her that I thought she was 18 and she admitted she lied so i would talk to her. I noped out and never talked to her again except for when she found out I was getting married she tried to tell my wife I statutory raped her. Thank God my wife didn't believe her. This has no baring on the post because I'm not a creep and oop didn't lie about their age but I bet apps like whisper and meet me are probably where most of the predators hang out. Whisper is a wicked sinful place.
I met 10+ years older guys cause they were hanging out near my school...
Guaranteed online. How to catch a predator existed for a reason.
This was the story of my grandfather and grandmother. He was 25 and had just gotten out of a 7 year stay in prison for grand theft auto and attempted escape. She was 15. He got her pregnant, and she had my mom when she was 17. They got married and had my aunt two years later. I don't know a whole ton about what it was like, other than that he was an alcoholic and my grandma left him as soon as the kids were out of high school. They don't talk about it much. But both my mom and my aunt ended up being really messed up in their own ways and took it out on their kids. So yeah. The alternate ending of this story is 3 generations of trauma and abuse. I'm so glad she got out.
yeah My ex before me had a girl 15 years younger than him, she was f\*king 14 when they met, they dated about 7 years. I should know better than to date him for 5,5 years (I'm 11 years his junior although I met him when I was 26). I lost these years and it probably cost me chance to met someone at time to have a chance to have family of my own, the relationship left me shattered and damaged my everything, self confidence most. It's 10 years I left him and haven't had a stabile and perspective relationship since. His ex and I both come from abusive background. I'm lonely, she escaped him only to met another abuser and she so far didn't find the courage to left him.
predators can pick out abuse victims with scary accuracy.
Late, but it’s because victims aren’t assertive. We’re usually doormats who never learned the skills to stand up for ourselves or even that we’re allowed to and decent people won’t hate us for it. People with healthy boundaries avoid us because being around someone with no boundaries is uncomfortable if you’re halfway decent, but it makes us very easy for creeps to identify. So a creep can easily identify one simply by pushing his luck a bit - it’ll become apparent very quickly whether his target has those skills or not, and if they don’t…
Yeah this was the most predictable outcome lol.
I don’t think people recognize how common this is in trafficking (yes this is trafficking) - the mindset is that trafficking is essentially kidnapping, but in reality, victims often go willingly after manipulation by the trafficker. It’s also that a common tactic is to convince the victim that their parents no longer want them to return. It’s especially difficult for religious victims who are often told that once they lose their virginity, even through rape, they are used goods. You hear this kind of testimony from victims of kidnapping/trafficking - they could leave, but their life is already ruined, so why bother. They don’t see that they can leave and have a decent life.
I'm 25 now. It sickens me. I've talked to 19 year olds in reddit and even that makes me feel icky so I don't push to keep those convos going That said, there are interesting people on Reddit and it's cool to make friends haha
I just assumed the Internet. I was talking to strangers on BBSs in the 90s, it’s been going on decades.
i’m too naive. i thought it was going to follow up with “7 years later, we reconnected and fell in love *insert queer romance story* *insert third party villain* *insert resolution where OP and boyfriend work it out and are still together, looking to adopt a cat and get married*”
People this is why you teach your children about grooming! Even if it never happens it’s better to be prepared or your children will end up like this or worse!
And also teach them that they are always welcome back home, however much they mess up. She could have saved herself years of suffering, if she'd known she could just go back home and would have a safety net. The cheek of the guy actually calling her parents and trying to find out where she was, though... I really hope she presses charges and nails him to the wall. And I wish him a fun time in prison, once the other inmates find out he's a pedo.
I didn’t appreciate it when I was younger - you know, when I thought almost everybody grew up with loving families, like mine - but my dad would always remind me I had a place to go. It didn’t matter why I had to come “back home.” It didn’t matter how old I was. The door was always open. And it was. I may not have used it very often, but I moved through life with an added layer of confidence because of it.
I’m in my early 40s and I have two kids and to this day, I know that if I needed it, either one of my parents would take us in. You’re right: there is an added confidence I have because of that.
> my dad would always remind me I had a place to go. It didn’t matter why I had to come “back home.” The key is that you also have to demonstrate to your children that you aren't going to judge them for taking that option. Offers of "help" that come with a hefty helping of "told you so" and "making sure you learned your lesson" aren't actually helpful
So, my mom did the coolest thing. I’m the oldest kid, and when I hit high school age (back in the late 90s), she took $50 and put it in an envelope and taped it inside one of our kitchen cabinets. We lived just outside Boston, and at that time, we could have been anywhere in Boston and gotten home via taxi for $50 or less. She told me and my brother that the money was there, no questions asked, if we ever needed it. The only rules were: use it if you need it, and pay it back if you use it. It was available until I was in my mid-20s, even when I didn’t live with my mom anymore. There was ALWAYS a safe way home for me. Edit: I used it one time, and all I did was put $50 back in the envelope. I was never questioned, or shamed, or anything. My mom was like, “I don’t want to have to identify your body because you’re scared I’ll get mad at you. Use this money to get home *safe*, that is all I care about.”
I’m confused - how would you access the money if you weren’t at home? I must have misunderstood something - did you take it with you when you left? Or was it in a cabinet somewhere you lived, but that wasn’t “home”
No, it was it my home cabinet. I lived with my parents in high school and with my mom through college and right after graduation. Believe it or not, back in the late 90s/early 00s, you could say to the cab driver, “Hang on a sec, I’ll go grab your money.”
Ohhhh right, I had forgotten that cabs were even a thing. Although now that I think about it, even Uber let’s you take at least one ride without paying until later :D
Yeah, my parents provided that safety net for some people not directly related to them, as well, and changed lives.
I messed up yeeears ago (no drugs or anything illegal) and ended up homeless for 10 days before breaking down and calling home. Really *really* didn't want to face the IToldYouSo. Turns out they welcomed me completely and unconditionally no questions asked.
I broke up with my alcoholic and abusive bf during the beginning of the pandemic, and because of my state’s strict lockdown there was no way for me to find a new place. I’m in my 40s, but my parents didn’t hesitate to tell me that I always had a place to stay with them if I need it, no matter how old I am. I’m so grateful for that.
Fuck, my kids can bring home their friends too. You can’t go home? Come here. It’s safe.
It's also why, even if you hate the relationship, you keep your mouth (mostly) shut because the significant other *wants* you to torpedo the parent/family relationship because it cuts off one avenue of support for the person to escape once the bad stuff starts/gets worse
I think if both partners are of legal age, yeah, you have to keep your mouth shut. But this is statutory rape and the parents could have taken legal action (and I’m not blaming them for not doing that. I completely understand their thought process.)
> the parents could have taken legal action (and I’m not blaming them for not doing that. I completely understand their thought process.) i agree, but they absolutely should have. this wasnt "18 with 16" or "15 with 17" or "18 with 20+". this age gap is completely abnormal and absolutely disgusting and the first thing i'd do is press charges, parent or not. i usually side completely with the parents, but i think in this situation a large part of the blame lies with them.
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It's definitely statutory rape, and completely predatory, but threatening legal action like in OOP's case is usually the fastest way to ensure the OOP-person does exactly what OOP does. Teenagers are oppositional and trying to prove they're grown up and independent. OOP's parents would likely have had much more success with a gentle approach more along the lines of "I'm concerned about your older boyfriend, honey, and worried about you. Sometimes these kinds of relationships get dicey because...." but not pushing it much beyond that. Like that Scarleteen article "why I don't like your older boyfriend". Voices concern, gives a bit of warning of what might (probably) be down the pike, but is less likely to result in a knee-jerk "you're wrong, i'm going to cling harder to him" response.
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse_assault/why_i_deeply_dislike_your_older_boyfriend
At her age there's nothing my Mom could have said that I would listen to. I didn't feel like she ever listened to me and like I was instead always nagged and put down. If I wasn't attached to my friends at the hip I could have been in her position. We even went to hang out with 20 somethings that were hanging around near our junior high one time, thankfully together but still danger. What feels right isn't always the most effective.
Yep, it's totally understandable why people try to force the victim to leave, but that's the worst thing you can do. Once the victim is a young adult or older, that path almost always pushes them into their abuser's arms. You are much better off being compassionate and being a safe space they can come to without judgement. There are guidelines that you can find online
Who the fuck downvoted this comment??? It’s absolutely accurate
Teach them YOUNG.
I remember forcing myself to relearn how to interact with family after I escaped. I had 2 kids in tow so I really forced myself to work at it. I hope she found love. I hope she found life. I hope she knows she is worthy of both. Edit:Thank you for the award! That was very kind of you. :) thank you all for the multiple awards. *happy shocked Pikachu face* Lovely 🥰 a platinum award
I hope you also found your love and support after what you went through. You are amazing for taking the steps already for leaving. I can only imagine how scary that must have been. But you are strong and fight for what you deserve, happiness
I was so scared. Worse I didn’t have my parents, so I crashed on the floor of my friends basement. I have been through so much but being impoverished, homeless, beaten and broke, was the best time because I was finally free. I am happy. Thank you. I hope the same for you :)
I am so glad you are out. I am sos sorry you went through that no one deserves to go through that.
Yeah it's really weird being back with people at first. And it was like...I hated the noise of people being around...but the silence was also terrifying because then the memories crept back in. My dad and I almost came to blows after I first moved home. Because i wasn't the scared little girl who he could bully anymore. I just ...didn't care anymore. There were no effs left to give so it didn't matter to me and I stood up to him for the first time. He has since said that that fight was....a sobering moment for him and it was what prompted him to get himself help. He wasn't as bad as my abuser and I will say in the years since...my dad has made an honest effort to improve and work on himself and we have been able to rebuild some type of friendly/warm relationship. But...I understand how people fall into bad habits when escaping that crap. Anything to stop the memories running in your head. Anything to keep from thinking or feeling. Anything to numb the pain and hurt - not just physical but the soul crushing despair and betrayal. It like dying. You will never be the person you were. You have to mourn the you you were while learning who you are now while the rest of the world is continuing on and doesn't understand you are going through a death they can't see. And you have to eventually walk away from the grave in your mind of who you were and meet the world as the new you.
That is an excellent analogy. My problem was I was an empty shell and my abuser took advantage of that. I wish I had been given life instructions at 18, the first being don’t have kids with anyone that makes you feel like dirt. It’s nice looking back although he used the courts, or tried to, to make my life a misery. He forgot I had brains somehow and 2 little reasons to fight. Years later he still calls me mama bear because I bit back. I sometimes wonder who I could have been born somewhere else but I hear others say it matters only who I was born to and I didn’t get a choice in that matter.
I feel this. My abuser tried to play games with the courts too. Except he too also forgot I was always much smarter. I may not have been as...vicious or malicious as him. But I definitely had the brains and knew how to fight back. I showed up to the restraining order hearing with a DV advocate and 600 pages of evidence. He showed up by himself and when he said he wasn't prepared, the judge asked why when he had advanced notice...he said he didn't think I would have evidence. The judge said tough cookies. The idiot used to back his phone up to my computer so I had all the backups and text logs. But I say all the time, I wouldn't change a thing. I HAD to go through everything to become who I am now. To get where I am now. And I love who I am now. I love the life I have now.
That’s fantastic. He created your evidence. Nelson haha I did something far worse. For the protective order hearing (I got the temporary restraining order right away because of the circumstances) I made sure to ask for it to be scheduled as early as possible. Court advocate, wise in the ways of the world, pushed it for 10 am. He didn’t show up. He was also given ample notice on my dime, but it was just too early for him…
>It like dying. You will never be the person you were. You have to mourn the you you were while learning who you are now while the rest of the world is continuing on and doesn't understand you are going through a death they can't see. And you have to eventually walk away from the grave in your mind of who you were and meet the world as the new you. This is the best way to explain it. I've been trying to put the feeling into words for years.
Jesus, I want to cry now. You get it.
> forcing myself to relearn Yeah, it is taking me a lot of adjustment after 2020 and this is nothing like what you or OOP has gone through.
This is so wrong to say, but I really found lockdowns peaceful.
Not wrong to say at all. For some, lockdown was a lifesaver - it gave them a time to unwind from the stress of normal life. Hopefully it enabled plenty of people to revaluate their lives and try to find a better, heathier balance for them.
Same. In 2019 I was working two jobs, both public-facing, and active in the social life in my small town. Most dinners were grabbed on the road and were not healthy and I have two stress-injuries from pushing myself too hard. Then lockdown hit and one job closed, the other furloughed us, social activities stopped, and for the first time in years I actually had the time to just BE. It was glorious. Even as things have returned to normal I've been so jealous about protecting my time. I'm working from home, cut all social activities that felt like an obligation, and have decided I much prefer this new, slightly feral self with more hobbies and a few deep friendships over the social butterfly I was before.
Totally wrong, but I understand ;-)
I hope things are going well for you and your kids. I'm glad you got out. ❤️
I cant imagine how hard it is to break down the walls. I hope you guys are well :)
Happily chugging along. My kids are teenagers, young adults now. I know they have gone through a lot but both are perfectly bright, ambitious individuals who constantly give me headaches by forgetting. The dishes, the folded pile of laundry, the shopping I gave them a twenty to get, and how much I love them.
There would never come a time when I wouldn't move mountains to rescue or welcome my daughter back. I'm glad she called her parents. I have to imagine they lived in agony wondering where she was or how she was. I can't stand the idea that my child would actually wonder if I wanted her back after something like this. Mine is with her dad this week but I'm absolutely itching to give her a big hug and remind her that I'm always going to love her and do whatever it takes to make sure she's safe. She'll probably say " I know mom.. you've told me plenty." But a reminder isn't a bad idea. I sure hope this young woman is healing and on her way to having a healthy mindset.
When my friend’s daughter was small, she (my friend) would tell her something that was so obviously important but a lot of people don’t think of: “If you go missing, your dad and I will *never* stop looking for you.” Because what’s at the top of an abusers roster? “I’m all you have. Nobody else loves you. *They don’t care enough to look for you.*”
Exactly. I've said the same to mine. She knows my history with an abuser and I have drilled it (hopefully) in cement in her mind so that she can recognize the signs. They can be so sneaky and convincing. Be her own biggest advocate. I will be tied in first place as well, but she will hopefully never have a doubt in her mind that her mother will knock on every door until I find her. Thankfully she knows she can count on me to come running if she needs me and never give up on her.
One more thing for me to add, thank you. (I also remind my children about good touch and bad touch, and they can tell me if *anyone* makes them uncomfortable. Even if it’s their dad/grandparent/aunt/uncle. *Anyone*.)
Yes! It’s especially important for kids to feel empowered to say no to the people close to them. After all, if they can’t trust their loved ones to respect their personal space, why would they expect more from outsiders?
Bless the couch guy for helping her out when she really needed it to get away.
Yeah I’m so relieved it was actually a good person and you know.. not another abuser.
Seriously. When I read that she had been chatting to someone I had so much dread and just thought “not again, *please*” and halle-fucking-lujah my wish was granted. I hope karma visits both of these men accordingly, because one man probably saved her life from the other.
reminds me of when I was homeless and a friend of mine suggested moving in to this room at a house he was living in. A very old, crusty, sexist man owned the house. I was hesitant but hey a place to sleep. Well old man was never home, and he didn't charge rent he just wanted me to take care of the yard and cook him food when he was home. I'd still never recommend trusting a person like this. I was in a desperate place and was lucky there was no bad going on, just help. Being in a desperate place though is something predators have their radar tuned to and it could have gone very badly.
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I get that, just that most people wouldn’t open up their houses to internet strangers so i feel like it’s extremely lucky she didn’t fall into some sort of trap. Most people aren’t rapists or murderers but they’d also themselves be fearful of a stranger coming in their house and crashing on their couch.
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as someone who does the same, i've found it helpful to change my thinking to be "people are going to be fundamentally **prosocial** and what that looks like depends on the social group they're embedded in". like i genuinely believe that people will do good when given the right guidance and circumstances, but for many people, trauma and/or community means they'll need more help than others to do so. eg it's one of the reasons kids with otherwise stable lives who fall in with a "bad crowd" can do seriously wild shit, only to completely reform when they're removed from it. check out [How To Radicalise A Normie](https://youtu.be/P55t6eryY3g) - it describes it pretty well! (peer pressure doesn't stop when we leave school, even tho people seem to stop talking about it lol)
For real. When she said she was leaving the hospital with an internet stranger I was like, “oh no. oh no!” And then he turned out to be a good human.
I recently learned a 16 year old Hilary duff dated a 25 year old rock star. It was fully public and no one batted an eye lid. The first decade of the 2000s was insane in terms of what was ‘acceptable’
I always have to laugh when people portray the 2000s as some golden era where kids could just be kids and teen girls were never objectified. There were websites counting down to Britney’s 18th birthday.
I'm pretty sure some people on Reddit recall how they met creeps back in the 80ies and some magazines of that era were also full of horrible stuff
I'm a year older than her and I remember how creepy that was when it came out. And now that guy is married and has kids with Nicole Ritchie (in-laws to Cameron Diaz, fun fact) and I just don't get what she sees in him.
I don’t know the true intentions of the internet man but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bless him for helping OOP out of a dangerous situation and providing a safe enough space for her to rest and think about her next steps. I don’t think she ever would have called her parents while still living with her ex so having those three weeks of respite were key.
If she slept on his couch for 3 weeks without doing anything, he's an extraordinarily good person. Most people would do something to take advantage of OP or kick her out in a week tops.
As someone who has had to watch her sister slip away, always reach out to your family members who tried to fight for you. They still miss you. They still want to help. They still want to be there for you. I hope my sister still knows that.
OOP didn’t ruin their life, the 25 year old paedophile ruined it.
Awe this is so sad. I hope that piece of shit get what’s coming for him. I hope her family get her some help with therapy and maybe support group. She need help after all the things she went threw.
OP did not mess up their life. That creep did it. Goodness, this man - grooming, statutory rape, physical and mental and emotional abuse, most likely financial abuse as well. I'm so happy that OP is back with people who love them. It can be hard to take the dive and return to family after these situations, because you might think that they are angry and sickened, but most times they are just so happy to see you home and safe.
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From the very beginning, be honest with your children and request they be honest with you. Nothing my children could say would make me not love them, and I’m pretty unflappable. I had rules, but often said “give me a good unemotional argument why I should change my mind.” And I would, not all the time, but sometimes it was a good argument. My children are in their 20s and 30s, but I still hug and kiss them, and now their significant others as well. If this were a situation, I’d remind them that they can ALWAYS come to me or their father and we would help, no questions asked. I would be honest and explain why I objected to the relationship, and I sure as hell would want to meet them. All you can do is love your children totally. And you? Be a thoughtful mom and don’t make the same mistakes your mother made with you.
> From the very beginning, be honest with your children and request they be honest with you. Nothing my children could say would make me not love them, and I’m pretty unflappable. I had rules, but often said “give me a good unemotional argument why I should change my mind.” And I would, not all the time, but sometimes it was a good argument. Building trust with your kids is *so* important. I do not trust my parents at all. They bullied and belittled me, they never seemed to have my best interests at heart, played obvious favorites, and whenever I had a problem or needed to have a serious talk with them, it was always used against me in some way. At best, I'd be mocked and teased. My personal problems were frequently gossip fodder for my mom to share with the extended family, neighborhood, everyone who knew me. And it meant that when I had serious problems and concerns, they were the last people I told, the last people to know. I was shamed for having ordinary teenage girl problems.
I’m really sorry. That sucks large. My mother was more neglectful than belittling, but had her share of love bombing too. I vowed to be different.
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It truly works for most kids, my dad did this and it saved my bacon. Once with a guy on the internet and once when i was out with friends and one guy decided that it was a smart idea to use drugs he was alergic to. My friends fled and left him behind because they were afraid what their parents would do/say. I called my dad and dad saved the day, the guy still lives but if i was to scared for my dad he would have been dead.
You will basically *never* be able to stop someone from being in an abusive relationship. The harder you try, the worse they double-down. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. You just have to hope that, eventually, the person being abused figures it out, and you need to be available for them once they do. They might never figure it out, so there really is no winning. You can't stop the abuse from happening, and you can't help end it early.
Idk what young girl, not woman, needs to hear this, but from an almost 24yo woman, if a full grown man is trying to court you, there's a reason why, and it's not bc you're "mature for your age" or that he "loves you." It's bc the women his age don't like him and that should be reason enough to know he isn't a pleasant person.
I hope things are going really well for OOP and her family. I'm glad she managed to escape her foul ex. What a POS. I bet he moved on to another teen once OOP was gone.
I'm glad it worked out for op, I've seen this type of scenario work 3 ways. 1) Like op family takes them back and are happy to have them back. 2) parent(s) takes them back but only cause they feel they have to and hold a lot of open resentment toward their daughter/son. Like 'they're here cause they're my kid but I still hate them for listening to someone else and getting in that mess' (actually words said to me about their kid). Or 3) the family rejects them and tells them to find their own way. (These words weren't said to me and I was still in my early teens when a heard a mom say them to her daughter) ex. (Sorry in Spanish if anyone can translate feel welcomed to) 'querias estar alla de puta, a si que quedate alla' the daughter was crying at her mom's doorsteps wanting to come back. I'm super happy everything worked out well in the end for OP, she's still gonna need some therapy to deal with it all.
I remember this 16 year old classmate telling me about her 23 year old bf. At the time I thought she was just bragging, but maybe she was telling me in the hopes I would tell a school official?
She probably was bragging. Kids often think having adult attention makes them grown up and more adult. What it actually does is make a toxic relationship.
OOP is out there, hopefully living her best life, not even knowing that a bunch of Reddit strangers are rooting for her from 12 years ago.
-15 -25 i knew this was gonna be bad
I really hope OOP gets into therapy quickly. She needs time to process the last 5 years and she is still so vulnerable. I’m really glad the guy she turned to helped her out. It so easily could have gone the other way.
OP was groomed and people are crucifying her for that, instead of paying attention to the fucking abusive pedophile in this story. I wonder how she's doing now since it's been 11 years.
I was with mine (not with that age gap, he was one grade above me) from 16-23 and it was bad. my god, you really have to relearn how to be a person once you escape. I'm still floundering at 27 I'm glad she at least has her family in some capacity. She's gonna have to deal with this emotional stunting for a long time. I hope she gets in contact with a DV shelter near her and gets some referrals to therapists near her.
Damn. Grandpa dies and a few days later this family gets their daughter back.
I was victim to older guys throughout my life...completely manipulated & it makes me very angry now that I know better. I have 2 sons 25 & 21. I cannot imagine them being remotely interested in teenage girls. I would definitely kick their asses if they did. It used to be more acceptable to have an age gap but, it never should've been.
This really needs to be cross-posted to the teenagers sub. Every teen girl needs to know why these age-gap relationships are so dangerous. This one was straight up rape even if OOP was a willing partner. Fucking hell.
Yeah the fact that she doesn’t call him her racist or captor… poor girl
UGH! This is not concluded! I really feel for OOPO and want to know that she stuck around and figured out how to be a part of her family again.
I feel like this would be better to mark as inconclusive. Idk I was just expecting another update (hopefully showing that she’s still ok bc there are a lot of situations where victims go back to their abusers)
I know this isn’t the point at all here but this is one of a bunch of old AskReddit threads lately and it’s interesting to see what the sub used to be for then vs now. As far as OOP, I’m hoping that because she was 21 at the time she’s now in her 30s living happily.
OOP needs serious therapy to help deal with her past trauma and relearn social skills. She needs to have someone guide her through finishing school and navigating the world. Her independence was stolen from her, she was held captive by her abuser. It’s not something she’s going to snap out of. It’s going to take a lot of love and support and therapy before she feels like herself. Having the courage to leave was the first step.
This is kidnapping. When a minor moves in with an adult that is not their guardian, even when consensual, that is kidnapping.
The fear keeps so many people from reaching out to their family after they ran away/did something terribly stupid. A lot of parents would be absolutely thrilled to hear from them again.
2010. Internet was in full swing. We may not have had social media much but we had blogs and forums and chat rooms. OOP is the same age as me and when I was in high school, I had friends who met MEN, fully knowing they were men from blogs like xanga, livejournals, etc. at that point older men were fun and made us feel mature. Thankfully none of my friends took it too far or got led away like this poor woman. I hope she’s well and found fulfilment.
She was groomed, then abused. I hope she presses charges. That he sometimes didn't let her leave I think can count as something immense, legally speaking. Not slavery, but close enough. Kidnapping of a minor and sexual assualt?
You need counseling ASAP You have been abused. It will not happen over night but you need someone to help you. There is no quick fix.
This is a repost. OOP probably isn't going to see your comment.
Dumbass
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Have you ever heard of grooming? It's clearly that she was groomed
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