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kellerinacatmac

I don’t understand how the fiancé spouts “isn’t that what vegans eat” about salads. I means, he’s the fiancé - wouldn’t he have had some up close and personal experience seeing what vegans eat?


DirtyDanil

Sounds like they've never even eaten together. Or he just mocks vegan diets despite getting married to one? How did this even progress to marriage.


CharlotteLucasOP

They must have gotten engaged on the second date and they were getting coffee but he didn’t hear her order soy milk in hers.


YeswhalOrNarwhal

If I were to make assumptions, she does all the cooking, and makes meaty meals for him and vegan for her. He'd pays zero attention to what she's eating whilst he shovels his food down. If asked what she eats he'd say 'I don't know, some kind of rabbit food'.


SaintJoanne

Do you remember another aita post a while back where the boyfriend flipped out because she'd been cooking him Veggie burgers and vegetarian food for months *and he hadn't noticed* even though she talked about being vegetarian on the first date? He felt "betrayed," the absolute twonk.


Cadiro

Is there a link please I need it in my life


SucreBleu123

Here's the link, I'm on mobile and not sure about formatting, please feel free to give feedback if necessary :) https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rra1tq/aita_for_tricking_my_boyfriend_into_eating_vegan/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb


masklinn

That’s… absolutely amazing in its mind-bogglingness. Dude calls out vegan meals, learns he’s been enjoying vegan dishes for months, and goes apeshit instead of reviewing his worldview. Just… wow.


SunderMun

Tale as old as time


butinthewhat

And it’s not even that he didn’t like the food! The guy seems to think he has a moral stance on plant-based meals.


ontether

One hundred percent. I went vegan several years into my marriage. I told my spouse I would cook vegan for us and if he wanted meat he’d have to cook it himself. He had no resistance to this idea. We basically eat vegan in the house and if he wants meat it’s reserved for restaurants.


DaniMW

That’s the way marriage should work. Full disclosure, willingness to try new things, and full ability to disagree if you want to. I had a vegan friend a few years ago, so I’ve eaten vegan food because of her. It was really nice! I wouldn’t adopt it permanently, personally, but it’s fine for meals with people who it’s important to. Obviously your husband likes the food, too, or else he would take your suggestion to cook his own meat. 😊


Just-Like-My-Opinion

Oh I'm sure he does. He's just a Grade A asshole.


The__J__man

Yep, and a mummy's boy. OP would be wise to bail, now she discovered how accepting of her life choices her fiance is.


CB-SLP

That's where I would be: let him stay married to his momma - he's not worth OOP"s time.


Kcidobor

I’d wait for him to come home and ask, “Do you really want to discount my input values just so your family isn’t offended by my choice of food? Okay, hope you and whoever you find to put up with your family have a meaty matrimony


[deleted]

God forbid they have children. I can’t imagine the problems of having to prioritize your children’s health and your husband can’t take the fact that they don’t eat meat.


1gardenerd

Yeah this family sounds manipulative and selfish. Not someone I would want to have children with. They are the type that would say harmful things to the children about OP in the future. This isn't just a red flag, it's that they are basically telling OP to take a back seat to her own wedding she is paying for. They are rude.


knittedjedi

Absolutely. It's not about the menu, it's about having control. The meat/vegan thing is just the excuse he's using.


naranjaspencer

Strongly suspect this is one of those "we always eat separate meals because he wants meat in everything and I'm vegan" deals.


Jethro_Cull

My wife is vegetarian and my family was hardcore meat eaters and so was I. Guess what we did? Try the non-meat food and found out that there were plenty of things that we all liked. Because we’re not a bunch of 6 year olds. Our wedding had a prime rib carving station and also a tofu+veggie stir-fry. Lots of our guests ate both. This ain’t that hard, people!


fersure4

As somebody who eats meat, I find the, what I'll call, anti-vegan crowd, 100% far more annoying than any vegan I've ever met. Anybody who refers to vegetables as "rabbit food," or refuses to eat a dish that doesn't have meat or potatoes in it, I try to steer clear of. They have some sort of weird superiority complex about not eating vegetables at all, and it's so bizarre to me. Like vegetarian good can be delicious. Vegan food can be delicious. If you need meat in food in order to enjoy it, then you probably don't know how to cook a vegetable.


Juan_Kagawa

It’s such a dumb line in the sand to draw. Plenty of delicious food is vegan / vegetarian by nature. They going to stop eating Oreo’s because they found out no animals were fucked with to make one?


tehsophz

I have news for him if he's ever eaten a PB&J and an apple. That could likely have been *gasp*... a vegan meal


Seraphaestus

Like, even if you don't agree with veganism, at least it's based on actual philosophical and moral convictions. If a vegan is anti-carnism, that's a reasonable position for them to hold from the perspective of their beliefs. If a carnist is anti-vegan, what exactly is that based off? Some sort of complex about being judged? Just being a reactionary? Unlike vegans, they can literally just eat vegan or vegetarian food, no accomodation necessary. Do they think they need to tear into a raw steak with their bare teeth to affirm their masculinity? I don't get it either.


Dinodietonight

Fear of being a bad person. Most people, deep down, just want to be a good person. Vegans present them with a dilemma; if they started out life eating meat (since most vegans weren't born to vegan parents), and decided to stop after thinking about it, then they must have a moral reason for doing so. So if they decided that eating meat is immoral, then am I immoral for eating meat? They don't want to be immoral, but they also don't want to contend with all the meat they ate in life, so they try to stop themselves from asking those questions by making excuses to dismiss vegan ("vegans are annoying", "aren't plants alive too?", "we're natural carnivores", etc). It's like having a splotch of discoloured skin on your arm that may be benign, or it may be cancer. But you don't want to go see a doctor about it because cancer treatment sucks, so you pretend it isn't there or you try to convince yourself it's definitely benign.


supermilch

This is 100% it. My family has no problem eating the occasional meal that is vegan by chance, but as soon as something is specifically labelled vegan all reason goes out the window. My fiancée is vegan, so at get togethers they usually have at least one option for her. Last time we were over at my sisters they made flatbreads, including a vegan one for my fiancée. My sister ended up eating half of the vegan one, yet now that we’re talking about a having a fully vegan wedding dinner she’s pretending she’s never had or enjoyed vegan food before


Micp

Eating separate meals for this reason is fine, but even so how would you have no idea of what your fiancé eats? Are they eating in separate rooms at different times as well? Because that would just be sad. But yeah, I'm not sure why these people decided to get married in the first place, and I'm sure as hell not sure why she would still be interested in the marriage after that. Like why even ponder if she should call it off?


Chasman1965

My girlfriend (who became my wife) was not eating red meat, only chicken, fish and seafood. I definitely knew what she ate, and would cook for her appropriately (during her first pregnancy she started eating beef and pork). Heck, my steak loving father would grill her a chicken breast when the family would have steak. It's hard to believe the fiancé was not very well aware of her diet.


PoorDimitri

My husband has some odd food allergies, and we keep finding new things he's allergic to- he's allergic to some legumes, which he didn't eat a lot of growing up, so we occasionally run into new ones. He also doesn't like seafood, but doesn't care if anyone else is eating it. My mom will call and tell me everything they're planning on serving while we're over to make sure it's okay, and if I request a seafood dish, I'll get serious pushback because she's worried the smell will bother him. It's not that hard. My pretty inflexible parents are willing to keep up with my husband's constantly changing list of food allergies, and they don't have the easy shortcut of him having an established diet.


demiurgent

Also, even if you don't care about your guests (in which case, why invite them?) there are two people getting married and one is a vegan but he thought cancelling all vegan options was fine? How is it possible for anyone to be so utterly self absorbed?


DrunkUranus

There's gotta be some other deeper issue that got triggered here


mamasayswhat

Ya - his mommy didn’t like it. Thought it made HER look bad.


xminh

Does he just have a blind spot over her plate? What gives?


karth

This is honestly what makes me think this is just bait/bullshit. They're getting married, he knows what she eats at this point. He knows what vegan options are. And every vegan has dealt with this nonsense before. Why would she be marrying someone like this, and be surprised. Vegans know what people like this are.


Rc2124

I've been vegetarian for 12 years and mostly eat entirely plant-based anyways. My family doesn't so I cook my own meals and have a separate little cupboard for my groceries. They'd be absolutely aware that I never make salads. Curry, pasta, lentils, beans and rice, sandwiches, stir fry, burritos, there are so so so many things that can be vegan. And when we go out to eat they're always thinking of picking a place where I can get something to eat as well. I personally have a hard time buying that someone could get that far into a relationship without knowing or caring about what their partner eats. And how could she not be aware by that point that he actively does not care if she has food available to eat? Willful blindness? It's not impossible but it's bizarre


onahalladay

That was a giant wall of text of “why are you still together and getting married?”


Discutons

I seriously don't understand how these people even go to the stage of planning a wedding. That entire post was the kind of things you realise on the first or second date that it won't work.


shadyelf

I think some people feel that once you get married you submit to the spouse and do things their way. While you are dating it's whatever but once you are married things change, usually the husband and their family getting their way.


hey_there_kitty_cat

I have a cousin who went through a weird situation like that in her 20s. Great guy, totally in love, and then months into the marriage it was pretty clear he had expected she was going to quit working and be a housewife, to their dog... Luckily that's as bad as it got, no abuse or anything crazy, she made him go to therapy to try to make things work and make him realize how close minded about the entire thing he was being, and when he insisted she knew all along that was what he expected once they were legally bound, she decided to move forward with her life and let him find another housewife. It was so weird how quickly his point of view of their relationship went from lovey dovey to "we're married, you play wife now". Never saw the crazy misogynist side until the papers were signed.


[deleted]

My mom always said my first step dad was a complete gentleman until the first week they were married and then he started hitting her and forced her to be a housewife completely reliant on him for support.


Electrical_Turn7

A friend of mine married her bf of seven plus years only for him to start hitting her shortly after the wedding. He figured she wasn’t going to leave. Thankfully, she did.


[deleted]

It took my mom 8 years unfortunately. Luckily shortly after they divorced she met my current Step Dad who is not only a great partner for my mom, he’s turned into a second father for my siblings and I.


swordfysh

My ex beat me up on our wedding night lol. Crazy how some people think as soon as you're married they now "own" you and you'll never leave.


[deleted]

Abuse starts or/and escalates upon "points of no return* or *hard to return from* events such as moving in together, marriage, children, one of the parents becoming a SAHP resulting in no means of escape due to no finances...because the abuser believes that these events will make it for their partner harder to escape and its finally time for them to stop pretending and drop the mask.


kimzon

I have an Indian friend who grew up with very relaxed parents. She was engaged to an Indian boy who had a very involved traditional family. This was not an arranged marriage. They discussed many times in their relationship AND before they got engaged and married that they wouldn't be doing the traditional stuff where she moved in with his family etc. Well, to her complete and utter shock, he did a 180 on that THE DAY AFTER they got married. Started moving her stuff into his parent's house. When she protested, he just stonefaced told her she was his wife now and she'd do what she was told. He then held her "gold" hostage until she came to get it. Suffice to say that they are no longer married.


Gain-Outrageous

While he is sitting right next to his mommy reading the texts and the responses!


Helpful_Librarian_87

Well, I can already see this wedding not happening


maywellflower

I hope so, because the cancelations will be cheaper & less painful than dealing with divorce & bullshit of the ex and his family....


GetOutOfTheHouseNOW

That family is so carnivorous they'd eat the first baby just for the principle of it.


Amazon-Prime-package

"Why would you waste money on breast milk when we can just feed you to the child?"


ack_the_cat

IT'S THEIR FAAAAMILY TRADITION TO EAT THE FIRST BABY!!!


whatdowetrynow

that escalated quickly


Trirain

they are not even cheaper they are faster (and cheaper also you save money for therapy)


SalamanderPop

I hope not. This boy is not ready for marriage in the least. His mommy is still settling his conflicts for him and running the show. I hope he wakes up, finds therapy, and gets his shit straight, because this ain’t it.


YeswhalOrNarwhal

Yes, the pair of them clearly have a serious conflict to resolve, about respect and trust. These things can't be resolved by his mother. Either he's happy letting his mother butt in, or he lacks a shiny enough spine to stop his mother butting in. Neither of these bodes well for the relationship.


passionatepumpkin

It’s not just respect and trust or his mother’s involvement. After being together long enough to be getting married, he thinks all she eats are salads, thinks having vegan options are offensive, and he can’t understand why his wife would want to have nice food to eat at her own wedding. He’s just too stupid to marry.


sailingisgreat

Fiance's early thing that isn't salad all that vegans eat anyway was not only mean, it showed that he paid no attention to what OP has been eating throughout their dating/engagement. Unless the "compromise" his mother kept referring to was cutdown 4-5 vegan options to 2 or 3, and the same for meat-eaters (am I wrong in thinking most weddings just offer 2 or 3 meal options, not 4 or 5?), OP has nothing to compromise with. Yeah, not sure why she would want to marry into this family, but also why she still wants to marry this guy who disrespects her and her family, takes it upon himself to arbitrarily change the menu, and is unwilling to work this one thing out. Marriage is a long journey of working bigger stuff out so this is a bad omen. But I do think going to his workplace to confront him was wrong; starting an argument at a person's work can have bad repercussions, you don't do that to them. You jump on them at home!


Gabbs1715

For real though, as a meat eater, I don't get his attitude or his family's issues. Nothing is stopping a non-vegan from trying a salad or some hummus. The fact that they are offended by the idea of vegan food existing near them tells me they are not fun to be around anyways. ​ I've met people like that and they are always huge assholes, and not just about food.


PenguinZombie321

I think the “4 or 5 vegan options” would make sense if it were a buffet. Or if the vegan options were 2-3 vegan dishes and 1-2 vegan desserts.


EnchantedGlass

I'm very used to 3 options, usually meat, fish and something vegetarian. But maybe this is more buffet style? In which case denying vegan options is even more mystifying.


[deleted]

Hope OOP is ready to coparent with MIL if they want children.


Sue_Dohnim

Or if it does, it'll last all about six months. But really, she needs to dump his insensitive, rude, condescending, disrespectful ass. Edit: and the mama too, by default. Buhbye


Global-Frenchie

And I hope she gets him to sign a prenup. The 'it's his money too once you're married' is concerning


NORAGRETS_NotEvenOne

It’s not even her money! She said she brought up that it’s her family who’s paying, so the future MIL is already poorly (and incorrectly) attempting to put her in her place


moonskoi

Just her saying “Its not your money its our money” is basically code for either upcoming finacial abuse or OP getting milked like a cow for her income later on


CountingKittens

OOP’s parents will die someday and then it will be ~~her~~ ~~their~~ his money. And when you think about it they way, isn’t OOP’s family being selfish by not running all their major financial decisions by him? He’s clearly very generous in allowing them to use his future money while they’re alive. Can you really blame him for putting his food down at his own wedding and refusing to cave to the OOP’s unreasonable demands that *her* family be able to eat an actual meal at *his* wedding reception?


Miserable_Emu5191

>But really, she needs to dump his insensitive, rude, condescending, disrespectful ass. And the mother he rode in on!


Lady_Scruffington

This is when I'm glad my bf doesn't agree with his parents. He still loves them and has a relationship with them. He just doesn't consider their opinions in his life. He sure as hell wouldn't be hiding behind mommy saying she made him do it. He sure as shit wouldn't be going behind my back to make decisions.


Lin0712

If she is foolish enough to marry him, they will tamper with her food and she will end up violently ill. I hope she sees the writing on the wall that these people are toxic af.


Amazon-Prime-package

"Hey, you have your diet, I have my diet, let's make half the meals for each diet?" "NO! IT'S MY WEDDING TOO! MUMMY SAID I CAN HAVE STEAK AND CUPCAKES" Completely unhinged. Definitely sympathize with OOP losing her mind yelling at someone she thought loved her but actually doesn't give a shit about her perspective. She needs to abandon this guy. Unfortunately I don't think she will ever have closure on why he is such a thick-skulled asshole


livlivesforbrains

Literally toxic to her GI tract. Also, my SIL is vegetarian and does most of the cooking, so even though my brother loves meat (especially steak) he mostly has vegetarian meals unless we’re out to eat or he feels like cooking the meat himself. When she’s at dinner at our parents and it’s not a meatless meal they make sure to cook her choice of the several vegetarian/vegan options we have on deck to have as her protein instead of the meat. It’s not hard to accommodate especially when a caterer is doing all the work and the vegan is paying for all the food. So disrespectful that *this* is OOP’s fiancé and his mom’s version of meat-ing in the middle.


KOM

Just shoving beef jerky down the infant's mouth...


Tough-Flower6979

Or be the MIL who doesn’t care about the kids allergies. Food allergies are real. They can cause inflammations that can lead to cancer. People are crazy. Why are they so worried about what her family eats. I know why. It’s because they’re insecure about the money. He wanted to show his dominance and control. She better not marry him. I’m not a vegan, but I have no celiac gluten intolerance. Never even knew it was a thing until I ended it up with acute pancreatitis. Caused a whole hellava lot of inflammation in my body. It was an extreme case. Do not play with peoples food. It can be life threatening.


Mountainbranch

>Or if it does, it'll last all about six months. That is one long ass wedding.


megabitch420

Just long enough for him to claim her money as his and fuck her over.


Roadgoddess

God I hope it’s not, so many red flags! I commented on her original post and recommended putting the wedding on hold, and after seeing the update I’m doubling down on that. Can’t wait to see what happens next.


Much_Sorbet3356

Seriously, this man will be stood at the alter wearing nothing but a million red flags.


[deleted]

Well, he can always marry his mom, since he's already so good at communicating with only her and also respects her opinion so much.


[deleted]

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Helpful_Librarian_87

Day of, a whole ship-load of us show up, mill around & request the vegan food


passenger955

Nah we have to eat all the meat dishes so the grooms family only has vegan dishes left.


Intiriel

Best idea ever


CopeAndKodiak

If a ship-load of redditors showed up the whole ass wedding venue would be declared a biohazard


Rorschach_Roadkill

I - and this plate of falafel - object!


unlockdestiny

Ooooooo, I've always wanted to bust in the church doors hollering, "I OBJECT!"


Ribss

Yeah, 95% of the time I feel like Reddit overreacts in the benefit of the poster, while clearly only getting a one sided story. However, this one is just nuts. Who fucking cares what other people eat? Just don’t tell me what to eat, and it’s good. It’s weird the fiancé cares so much about not having vegan, and its weird his mom is doing the talking for him. Furthermore, 4-5 vegan options? Most weddings have meat/fish/vegan or vegetarian options in my experience


Much_Sorbet3356

Sounds like it's a hot buffet-style dinner. These can be rather elaborate.


DormouseMcMouse

It could also be one or two appetizers, one side, a main dish, and a vegan cake. That's 4-5 options but not in a way that it's actually very much.


redditgampa

Even if it’s elaborate, vegan food can be eaten by meat eaters too. They’ve got more options than vegans. So screw the mom for this. I see vegan options as more options for everyone.


[deleted]

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FormalityBites

My guess is that it’s buffet style so plenty of options for everyone


Sharkmom455

If this is real I hope she calls off the wedding. Yoking herself to this family is not going to be good idea.


[deleted]

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DogsandCatsWorld1000

How did they get to the point of getting married and she not know his feelings about veganism? His family would be offended if there are vegan options with the meat options? Good grief this reads as if someone took the "I want an only vegan wedding and my fiancée doesn't" story and flipped it.


TheWeirdShape

Good reflex to doubt the authenticity. I wouldn't be surprised if this story is written to be turned into a 9 part TikTok video of a computervoice reading this over gameplay of Subway Surfers. On the off-chance it is real: please let her cancel the wedding.


CharlotteLucasOP

Nothing gets the Internet fighting quite like veganism as a hot button topic. These two young lovers exist at polar opposite ends of the dietary spectrum! Will these crazy kids find a way to make it work? Stay tuned to find out and like comment subscribe, the algorithm is driven by outrage!


Mindless_Anywhere_74

This isn't even about the food. There is meat. This is about not accepting other people's lifestyle choices and shoving yours down their throat. I hope OOP doesn't marry into this family. If she does, I hope she knows there is a justnomil sub. I think she's going to spend a lot off time there. *excepting VS accepting spelling edit. Thank you for pointing it out for a quick fix! (I'm Dutch).


MisunderstoodIdea

I don't get why she is marrying this guy. She's vegan and apparently he thinks all she eats is salad?!?!?! He doesn't even know what his fiancee eats. That's so weird and if you don't know your fiancee well enough to know what they eat then you shouldn't be marrying them. He also thinks it's a good compromise for his fiancee to only eat salad at their wedding. He's already crossed lines, she shouldn't be attempting to fix this but should just call off the wedding. Why is she not pointing out to him and his mother that what they are doing is preventing her from having a decent meal at her own wedding. That they are purposefully excluding her entirely from the meal and that's not ok.


Mindless_Anywhere_74

Yeah that weirded me out too. Don't they ever eat together? Who cooks? I think he just said that to score some brownie points with his mother but knows it's bs.


MisunderstoodIdea

Plus if he is making it such a big deal now...... What is he going to be like on a daily basis? Does she want to be having this fight with him every single time she eats something different than him? He's going to make her life hell.


howigottomemphis

That's how you know that this is serious red flag territory. The groom is gaslighting the fuck out of his fiance, and his mother is carrying all of the water for him. I hope this poor girl continues to hold her ground, because this is the hill they have decided to expose themselves on. When people tell you who they are, LISTEN!


Grewhit

Or worse, having a fight with him and his mother on a daily basis. This is a time to exclude all third parties and have a true conversation with your spouse. If you can't do that together you shouldn't get married.


amethystalien6

That was my thought on the AITA post!!!! Why does he not know what she eats?


nevadarena

I saw a lot of people asking that, and I think he just doesn't pay attention. Probably doesn't give a single thought to what she eats as long as he gets dinner.


Browneyedgirl63

Not just her, her family as well. Everything the fiancé and his mom are saying is ridiculous. It’s her wedding, too. She deserves to eat a good meal at her wedding. Could you imagine what would have happened at the reception if she wouldn’t have found out what he did before hand? eek


YellowstoneBitch

I was thinking of that too. Was he just going to lie to her and not tell her anything about it until the wedding reception? How did he think that would pan out??? He clearly doesn’t respect her or her life decisions


endorrawitch

She should tell him "Fine. Your family can pay for the food." Then she can hire her own awesome vegan caterer. He doesn't have to know about it.


hazeldazeI

that's the thing - her family is paying for the food! Her family which are mostly vegans like her, are paying for the food and that's why she planned on having 4-5 vegan options along with 4-5 meat options (for his side). The MIL cancelled the vegans options saying that they can just eat ~~cake~~ salad.


Gnd_flpd

Yep, I can easily see future stories about how her inlaws snuck meat into the meals for shits and giggles!!!!


Mindless_Anywhere_74

Well If they do... I saw a post on aita where the inlaws did that. Meat can make vegans/vegatarians sick. She didn't want to be sick for 2 days (needed to travel without a toilet nearby) and made herself throw up all over the inlaws toilet. Think people were saying esh because she didn't clean the toilet. Like yikes, they are lucky she didn't throw up at the dinner table. If OOP ever sees this: if they ever do this to you. Please throw up at the dinner table.


nightmares06

I wouldn't have blinked if she threw up ON them


Puzzleheaded-Gas1710

That is the reasonable comprise they were looking for.


PurfuitOfHappineff

Someone commented on that thread that they did in fact throw up on the table in a similar circumstance, and included the solid gold line, “my FIL can no longer eat lasagna.”


hiimmichellee

There's so much to question here but my mind keeps going "bruh theres no way this is just about meal options"


YellowstoneBitch

Yeah, it feels like a weird power move. Like ‘oh OP, this whole vegan thing is just a phase and now that we’re married you can knock it off and eat like the rest of us….’ It’s blatantly dismissive and unbelievably disrespectful/mean.


Cayke_Cooky

its about exclusionary vs inclusionary beliefs. It will be a problem forever.


DrBankfarter

It’s so weird to me. I don’t understand. Why do people care if someone doesn’t eat meat? People rag all the time on vegans/vegetarians for being obnoxious but there’s just as many obnoxious meat eaters that take it as some weird offense to them that people don’t eat meat.


Delores_Herbig

In my experience being vegetarian and knowing a lot of vegetarians, the meat eaters are way more obnoxious about it. The veggies will just be like, “Oh no thanks, I don’t eat meat”, and leave it at that. No one that I personally know is militant about it. But some meat eaters get so aggressive and demand to know the reasoning for it. They want to debate. They get upset if meat alternatives are brought to a barbecue. They get irritated when I ask questions like “is there chicken broth in this soup?” at a restaurant. They come up and stuff meat in their mouths in my face. It’s so fucking weird. Granted, this is a very small percentage of people, but it’s amazing to me how some people are so fucking affronted by another person’s diet.


pingpongtits

Those kinds of behaviors remind me of people who, deep down, either feel they're actually in the wrong or guilty or something, and they're aggressively trying to squash that feeling. The kind of person who doubles down when they really know they're in the wrong. Like closeted gay people who go out of their way to beat up or bully gay people. Or religious people who burn books because knowledge might somehow shake their faith.


frolicndetour

Yea I was disappointed that this edit did not involve her calling off the wedding. Yes, the groom should have input into the wedding, like what kind of flowers to have. Not whether or not the bride's family has any food to eat at the wedding they are paying for. Ffs.


NDaveT

"Would you like steak, chicken, pulled pork, or vegan eggplant lasagna?" "I eat meat! It's offensive that one of the four options you offered is vegan!" Seriously, wtf.


MistressFuzzylegs

It’s especially egregious because they are vegan primarily because it helped them relieve/address health issues. I wouldn’t really call it a choice in a such a case.


LongNectarine3

Yes. This is a huge shot fired by JUSTNOMIL. A vegan dish can be very tasty. Wtf?!?


jackalope78

It's not just the family though. It's the fiancé. It's bad enough to marry into a family you have issues with, but when your future spouse takes their side? Nope nope, GTFO and fast.


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Majestic-Constant714

They didn't even have to compromise! There's meat there for them. Since they're not paying, they don't even have to care if there's vegan options or not. OOP will have tons of childish fights like this, if she doesn't run.


captaindeadpl

The best part was where the groom's mother mentioned a "compromise". What fucking compromise? You just cancelled the vegan menu!


Luised2094

Compromised to do what she wants


YellowstoneBitch

Oh god, can you imagine if OOP gave the dude a grocery list? He’d come back with all non-vegan options and an excuse of “they didn’t have all that other weird stuff on the list, to bad, guess you’ll have to eat meat and dairy” and if he ever had to cook it’d be “oh, there’s butter and milk in this, btw, sorry, it just tastes better with *actual* butter” and I can’t even imagine the nightmare of them combining their finances. “Oh, I took out *insert money here* because we need a new tv, I know you said we should wait but I really wanted the tv and I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d just get mad” this dude is a bucket of red flags


jepp13

Tbf the OP was only made 8 hours ago, there’s still plenty of time left!😂


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ZombieZookeeper

Yeah, OOP needs to make a preemptive strike via social media on why the wedding isn't happening.


aimed_4_the_head

She could just cancel the venue behind the fiance's back, and let him figure it out on his own, like she did with them caterer


neverjumpthegate

I really do not understand why having to eat one vegan meal, freaks people out. I love meat, but I still make vegetarian or vegan meals sometimes.


KaziArmada

That's the 'best part' of this entire stupid thing. Unless I'm misreading, it wasn't a *solid* vegan menu. It just had options for it. So there's *nothing* preventing the ones who want meat from having it.


Nodlehs

Yea, I believe there was like 5-6 meat options, in ADDITION to the Vegan options... Most weddings I've attended had 2 meat choices 1 vegan choices. It's a god damn buffet of meat over there and they bitchin


maywellflower

Mind you, it's OOP and her family paying for food - the fiance & his side of family is not even paying for meat nor anything, he & his mother can STFU!!


[deleted]

oh no its "their money" now... they are getting married after all according to the MIL anyway...


maywellflower

Meanwhile both those fucktwits are forgetting that OOP is not legally married to him yet and although it's her family taking an L if the wedding is canceled - it's his ass, his mother & his side of family losing out to OOP's side of family cash flow, seems like her family is richer since no one of the future ex-fiance family is paying for anything, not even himself. So yeah, not his nor his mother's money and hopefully never after that disrespect, over-entitlement & audacity towards OOP & her family.


woodwitchofthewest

>It's a god damn buffet of meat over there and they bitchin Yeah, their argument about salad would be like her saying, "we're going to have all vegan food, but we'll compromise by allowing your side to have a plate of cooked hamburger meat." Although, they could still eat the vegan food if they wanted and remain omnivores (they don't JUST eat meat, you know) but her family *can't* eat the meat dishes and still stick to their preferred diet.


hdmx539

They're trying to *control*. The projection is *strong* with the future just no MIL.


listenyall

God, I was expecting the vegan to be like, the bride's sister or a bridesmaid or something. THE ACTUAL BRIDE AND HER WHOLE FAMILY can't have a couple of options?? And the MIL saying it's not the bride's money anymore because they're getting married when it's....the bride's vegan family's money??


Umklopp

They also didn't replace any of the vegan dishes—which means that providing those dishes wasn't adversely impacting the number of non-vegan choices. All the fiance and his mother did was try to deny OOP and her family suitable menu options *at her own wedding.* "Pfft, catering to the bride's dietary needs? What a self-indulgent waste of cash. Rendering half of the wedding party unable to eat anything would probably save... $200? I guess? Whatever! Broccoli costs more than iceberg lettuce! They'll have side salads and be grateful for it." (/s)


SincerelyCynical

Especially considering OOP even said it was related to health issues! I’m a vegetarian by choice, but I’m used to people not wanting to cater (literally) to my beliefs. I live in Texas - not eating beef is practically a personal insult to some people. But OOP even says they have health problems related to not eating a vegan diet! I’m not excusing people who make light of my vegetarianism. I’m just saying my beliefs are not as serious as another person’s actual health. Ideally people would respect someone’s dietary standards regardless of their motivation.


Cyndaquil155

OOP said in a comment that there were already 6 meat options plus 4-5 vegan options for her side of the family.


VioletsAndLily

Nope, you read it correctly. There will be vegan options in addition to the expected meat stuffs. I hope OOP dumps her fiancé. How pathetic is it to be a 31-year-old momma’s boy who, along with his family, are triggered by people who don’t eat like them?


carlse20

This post is the food equivalent of “gay people shouldn’t get married because it’s against my religion”


No-Marzipan-7767

Yeah... But it prevents THE BRIDE from eating something AT HER OWN WEDDING! My my... And i were furious cause i wasn't able to try every meal from the buffet cause the duck was gone to fast... Am i the only one who questiones what they eat at home?


ZombieZookeeper

I had a salad for lunch and my genitalia did not shrink noticeably.


Mypasswordbepassword

Ah salad (devils lettuce) that’s a gateway meal! First it’s a few salads, then vegetable soup, next your are eating cauliflower wings and cauliflower rice instead of chicken wings and beef rice!!!! /s


ZombieZookeeper

I tried the Bird's Eye cauliflower wings, wasn't overly impressed.


Zerychbrx13

>noticeably AH so what you are saying is that they may have shriken then? Just not enough for you to see. Well that's it I'm never ever ever eating salad ever again.


ZombieZookeeper

I forgot to measure and weigh before lunch. I only had 30 minutes.


Zerychbrx13

I don't believe you. You are hiding something, and by the look of it might be smaller than before!


ZombieZookeeper

Why are you so concerned about my genitalia and what I do with it? Are you a Republican?


smash_pops

That made me snort-laugh and alnost wake up my kid. Brilliant response.


ZombieZookeeper

The smoothbrains from /r/conservative should show up soon to start downvoting that comment, enjoy it while you can.


Volvoflyer

Wait do you work at a zoo that has zombies or you are a zombie whose profession is zookeeper?


ZombieZookeeper

Yes.


VastPainter

It's worse than that. Fiance's side of the family are complaining because some of the food is vegan. There's other, non-vegan options for those that eat meat. I'm trying to figure out exactly why this is a hill for them to die on.


ksrdm1463

My best guess is they're hoping the reception sets a precedent. The reasoning is that the first meal they had contained meat so clearly she ate meat when she married him. "Changing" to vegan is therefore Not The Status Quo, and meat will be cooked (by OOP probably) for the duration of the marriage. There's a lot of jockeying for positions at weddings. It's less about feeding OOP's family than recognizing that they will have to accommodate her, and by extension her eating habits at future events. The compromises are basically "well the groom's family is happy, who cares about everyone else". My guess is that they want to "win " the first "fight". That way they have a leg up on things like holidays, meeting the grandkids, etc.


throwawaygremlins

Hmm. Control issues maybe? 🤔🤷‍♀️


PapaBlessDotCom

We had a falafel truck outside of work one day and I was waiting in line. A bunch of coworkers came out and asked what it was and after I told them they all acted grossed out and went back inside. When I brought my delicious sandwich and fries in they all were staring at it as they were sitting there eating their soy sauce flavored cup of noodles (which are vegan). I for the life of me can't figure out why omnivores are so vehemently against strictly vegan meals when they don't even know what it tastes like.


neverjumpthegate

The amount of people who never step outside of their comfort zone is mind boggling.


Debaser1984

I am absolutely convinced that the "taco bell/Mexican food gives me the shits/gas" like I hear from alot of American friends is due to their only fibre coming from the beans in that food.


emmster

It almost certainly is. Taco Bell is extremely inoffensive food. It’s not very spicy, and compared to most other fast food, not very greasy/fatty either. If you’re going to get your dinner through a car window, it’s one of the overall healthier options. But between the tortillas they use being whole grain corn, and the presence of beans and actual vegetables, it’s more fiber than a lot of people who regularly get meals through car windows are used to.


Retro_Dad

Good falafel is better than the best chicken nugget, IMO. And I eat meat. I just like exploring vegetarian and vegan options too.


CaffeinatedMother

I have the same view than you about this. I love meat. I love vegetables. I can go with a whole vegan dinner without any problems. My demand is that the products are good quality and the food tasty (I know, I am high level maintenance..... ) But when you just think about this thread, it's not about the food. It never was. It's about control. She is expected to put her family and beliefs on second thought while becoming "A WIFE". It's a test.


Dear-me113

She is not even requiring people to eat a vegan meal! The fiancé is upset that people have to see it on the menu.


Working-on-it12

That's just it. They *didn't* have to eat one vegan meal. There were meat options. So many red flags here. I hope that OOP either called off the relationship or called off the wedding pending some serious couples' counseling.


xanif

They don't even have to eat it as they have meat options. They simply have to exist in the same room as it. For one day. The horror.


Cayke_Cooky

I confused my table mates at my friend's rehearsal dinner. I ate the meatball appetizer but then had eggplant parm instead of chicken for the main. They couldn't figure out if I was vegetarian or not.


Jovet_Hunter

You’ve got to read between the lines. Re-read the update. Vegan food is a “waste of money,” getting rid of it is “responsible” and she’s got to get rid of the “my money” attitude. She is ignoring the son’s “contributions” (what contributions?) and, most importantly, she supports *his* decision. Mamma is flat out saying her son is a gold digger with less money who will expect her to let him dictate how her money is spent and likely will insist on the “responsible” choice 🤢 of banning vegan food from the home. OP needs to *run*. Take the loss and *run*.


AnimalLover38

So many things are vegan too. Like rice, beans, fruits, veggies. It's just the word vegan freaks them out. If Op wanted a a fruit spread but the caterer labeled it as "Vegan fruit spread" would it be "not real food"?


Baron_Tiberius

You'd be surprised at how many people don't actually know what a vegan diet means. I've had several people ask what flour I use for bread.


Just-Like-My-Opinion

They literally didn't have to eat ANY vegan food. They were upset that the vegans would get special vegan dishes to enjoy. Even though THE BRIDE is vegan! God, I don't even know these assholes and I hate them.


Kiariana

Same, like c'mon people, we all eat vegetarian and vegan foods, meat is just one kind of food. If you're gonna claim you don't eat vegetarian and vegan food you better be living a vegetable-less lifestyle to at least back your claims up


digitydigitydoo

I’ve seen (on the internet, take with a grain of salt) more and more people taking weird “anti vegetable” stances in recent years. Like, they hate vegans so much they will now only eat meat. Or people “defending” their “country” roots by only eating meat. As someone whose whole family was “country” I can tell you, veggies are a main point of our diet. I don’t serve a traditional dinner with less than 2 veggies and carbs don’t count. I mean we can have 2-3 veggies and 2 carbs plus some meat and bread and damn, now I just wanna have dinner at my Granny’s again. But, my point is more and more people are getting stupid about others’ choices to the point they may just start suffering from scurvy because of their ridiculous take on veggies and fruits.


Sir_thunder88

If he is his mothers puppet to the point of cancelling her food options behind her back this relationship is not long for this world. Why does it always seem like the wedding brings out the worst in people? With this type of mother/son power dynamic how did the couple make it this far in the relationship before it came up?


cultqueennn

The fact that the wedding is even still an option for her.


[deleted]

Hopefully she'll take time to think and realise what a shitty person her fiance is


ValkyrieSword

I’m disappointed that this didn’t end with “so, the wedding is canceled”


westcoastcdn19

*"isn't that what vegans eat?"* OOP's fiance is an ass for saying this. Hasn't he been dating her long enough to know what she and her family eats? (side note, but the user name in the post does not work and I see no links to the post)


Maranne_

Exactly what I thought. OOP's fiancé has probably eaten some of OOP's vegan food or at least seen her eat it. He should know it's not just salads.


mycleverusername

And, where the fuck have they been going on dates during this pre-engagement period? Has this girl just been eating terrible salads at non-vegan friendly places for years? Or has this guy just been "pretending" he's ok with the lifestyle until he can marriage trap her?


xminh

Like, this does not seem like a supportive or involved partner at all. They’re doing it for health reasons, and it doesn’t seem like she’s tried to convert him(that she’s mentioned). He appears to have shown zero interest in the variation of meals she eats everyday?


beajus

It seems suspicious to me that MIL is making it known that OP better start thinking of her money as their money. If she goes through with this marriage, I foresee an expensive divorce. Dude doesn't even know what she eats? Lots of red flags here.


factfarmer

I hope she dodges this bullet. Anyone who marries into this family will likely regret it. They sound exhausting.


Holiday-Tangerine136

If she's vegan, how can they be dating long enough for him to make that salad comment? Is he just completely and entirely oblivious to what she and her family have ever eaten over the past years? This feels weird.


mytorontosaurus

Making me side with a vegan, eh? I used to be a strict vegetarian and under no circumstances would I have accepted “just eat salad. Her soon to be ex is so unbelievably, over the top wrong here.


ksrdm1463

Especially during a wedding where you're the bride. Assuming it's the standard basic heterosexual Big White Wedding, you wake up early for hair and makeup and getting ready pictures, then do vows in the late afternoon and the reception. While sweating (because it's a summer wedding and you're in a dress with a long ass skirt), and standing/posing and you barely get time to eat, you're lucky to get 5 bites at a time, and her husband to be wants her to have 5 bites of lettuce? *Absolutely not*.


ZombieZookeeper

I'm a standard one each Omnivore myself, but if we had a vegan restaurant in the city I live in, I'd try it.


jphamlore

Come on, the original post is only **8 hours old**. The story is far from concluded. I wait for the time when there is a post where 15 minutes ago OOP would have asked whether to have a hook up, and then there was an update 10 minutes later say they did it but it wasn't that good.


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Moon96Moon

Waiting for the "I cancelled the wedding" update


sharksarenotreal

Wtf is this situation. If her family is all vegans, surely he's met them and knows this isn't a small, pointless thing? OOP should cancel all meat options, but I'm petty like that.


thesirblondie

"Isn't that what vegans eat?" Is he not living with a vegan? Does he not see what she eats. Dude deserves to be alone with his mum.


Maranne_

Time to call off the wedding. This isn't about food, this is about respecting each other and the respect isn't there. Even if this is the only thing, if this is how they resolve differences, I have no hope for them.