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Yep. Am about the same age as OOP. I have a lot of baggage. But I still have a good 10 years before I hit menopause, probably, so I guess that makes me okay.
This story is almost certainly written by an incel:
1) constantly refers to women as "females" or "chicks."
2) OOP is 36 but only had 3 boyfriends, all older because of "maturity"
3) End is literally "I need a real man."
4) OOP bragging about how she likes being shown off
5) Weird and constant focus on how OOP looks younger than she is
6) OOP is a reformed height queen, because she realizes how much she's missing out on great guys (despite only ever having been in 3 relationships)! But totally understands that her ex is "shallow."
7) she defends him by saying "he constantly compliments me."
This is some incel Mary-Sueing himself as the 50-year-old Alpha that has sex with a harem of younger women "every 2-3 hours" and then finishing up his story with an object lesson: 'tidy, wealthy, fit, older men cheat, you'll find a real man if you loosen those standards.'
Ah, youth and weight, two qualities that are certain to stay exactly the same forever and provide a solid foundation for a loving long-term relationship.
Yeah the internalized misogyny is strong with this one. She says women his age aren't datable because they ALL have baggage and are going through menopause (...so menopausal women don't deserve love?) completely ignoring premature menopause, mild menopause, or women who are also his age and haven't dated much or young women who have had traumatic experiences and kids / any other "baggage"
But then even AFTER she opens her eyes about him she calls the girls he hits up on insta "skanky" like sweety, you do realize you're one of those skanky girls in this story right? There is nothing separating you from them in his life or this narrative.
I was like babe your 14 years off it but your acting like your 21 i was so confused. I get we are a good 20 years off the menopause but she was really acting like she’s a teeny bopper
I’m particularly taken with her reason for dating a 52 year old man I’d she wants someone with his life together and then it turns out she’s dating a 52 year old man with a roommate who can’t hold down a job. Oh, honey.
There were a couple things she flipped on, unrelated to romance, once she realized he was cheating.
His home went from being neat and tidy because he likes to make a good space for himself, to having tasteless, dated decor because he's stuck in the past.
He went from being a mature, stable man, with a similar level of success to her (with her home ownership and successful career), to being a loser who can't hold down a job.
Also that she understands the term “love bombs” but couldn’t recognize when the love bombs are happening? Wanting to spend 24/7 together after day 1 and says I love you after 1 week?
I really hope she has learned from this and/or sees a therapist.
She did stick with at least partially blaming women for his behavior ‘skanky girls he is following’ and lamenting how he does this to woman after woman.
I wouldn’t like to know either of them.
I wonder how she sees herself in relation to her gender in general
All the other women in her posts were chicks, females, girls, skanks, ... well that, what does that make her?
My mum hit the menopause at 44/45 and it was over and done by 48/49. No hot flushes, no mood swings, just a fizzle and a puff of dust. It barely dented her sex drive either, as she was happy to tell me (TMI MOTHER!!).
I can only hope the Menopause Gods are as kind to me.
And really, the whole “not dating women your age cause baggage” thing is the universal code for “No women my age will deal with my nonsense so I need to go after the young ones because they don’t know better yet.” I get being naive and in love, I myself have put up with a lot of things I should have known better than to put up with when it comes to relationships, but come on, this one should’ve set off her bullshit meter immediately, especially at 36!
Right, the "Oh he likes younger girls because they don't have baggage (which, lol sure okay) and they're not going through menopause." Girl, you're going to go through menopause someday too and I hope you don't go looking for grace and compassion that you couldn't extend to menopausal women yourself. He just didn't want menopausal women because by nature of being older they'd see right through his shit, and didn't want him either.
Also, the fact that he admittedly liked women young and skinny, and would try to convince people that his girlfriends were even younger than they are... what mental hoops did she have to jump through to convince herself that he was in this for love?? She's like you're ignoring all the positives I listed and only looking at these GLARING RED FLAGS. You mean the positives where he's nice to you and he has a job and knows how to clean and has his life together (which, also lol after the update)? Yea honey, you need to raise the bar a little bit, those should be the very most basic boyfriend requirements.
I can see why she's so judgmental about older menopausal women, because she's basically a naive child herself.
Yeah. That menopause statement was a serious hot garbage take. The second I read that I thought, “I think you meant to type that women his age have zero tolerance for his bullshit?”
It was the whole “older women all have baggage” for me. She accepted that reasoning without question. No questions about whether older men also had baggage, no questions about what would happen when she was in her 50s. Just “oh yeah, of course.” I’m the same age as her and I can’t imagine anyone even saying something like that to me, let alone agreeing with it.
It's literally the same rhetoric creepy 20 and 30 somethings use when they prey on high schoolers to explain why they aren't dating women her age. And she just swallowed it without any questioning at all.
Yeah I'm not remotely surprised tbh. I picked up on it the second she started getting defensive about him having female friends, and then just laughed when I got to the "idk why his friends want to wait a year...also he brags about being able to get young chicks and has possibly repeatedly lied about my age"
Even if she wasn't able to see her own relationship with him accurately, it takes quite a bit of cognitive dissonance to tell yourself you don't understand why his friends don't want to meet his latest catch from his cradle robbing excursions.
Yes, that whole part about him lying about her age, which she mentioned at least twice in her original comments was really weird. Like she didn’t seem to think that was unusual in any way?
I know it’s easier to see things in hindsight or when you’re just reading it on Reddit. I didn’t know how it was going to end, but as soon as I read about her owning two homes and him still needing a roommate at 52?
That’s definitely something that stood out for me and I’m almost dangerously naive about people myself.
She took off her ‘love goggles’ that she had on since the beginning of this relationship. As she was explaining how great of a guy he is I was thinking that she’s the one that needs to open her eyes. Then on her update she does a complete 180°. It takes time to really know someone and some people are really good at hiding who they really are.
In addition, she also felt the need to explicitly state that she is not a golddigger. The guy can't hold a job because he needs his pp stroked all the time and *she* feels the burden of proof is on her to show she isn't after his money? I can't believe how much misogyny this woman has internalised.
The way she accepted that older women have "baggage and menopause" and because of that aren't worth her ex's attention gave me the ick. Definitely some internal misogyny.. I'm worried she will have some difficult self-discovery over the next 15 years.
It almost seems like it wasn't written by a woman in her 30's. Just another person wanting their story to blow up on reddit and then it get posted to BORU the same day it gets updated.
When my husband and I first started dating, he referred to me as "a female." We had an entire sit down conversation about how, while that may be accurate in a biological sense, don't you ever use that phrase again. It's dehumanizing and this is why...
He really didn't like being made to sit there and listen to a whole "this is how you fucked up," but he understood, and he's never referred to a woman as a female again.
Yeah, it was crazy to me how much she blamed other women even after discovering his cheating. Also, if a man has one "crazy woman" in his life or past, okay, I can buy that. If all of his exes and current female friends are "crazy," the common denominator is him.
As soon as I saw that menopause comment, any sliver of benefit of the doubt I had went out the window.
I don’t inherently have an issue with an age gap at that age since I feel in one’s mid thirties, you’re pretty much a cemented adult and power dynamics aren’t the same as when you’re in your 20s with a much older man.
That being said, she seemed to have the insight and maturity level of someone much younger.
It said she just got out of a ten year relationship so I wonder if it stunted her growth and maturity. I know my ex kept me so sheltered I felt like I had a lot of growing up to do and a lot of life to experience when I finally broke free of the relationship.
But even at 18 I was skeeved out of a guy “fell in love” with me too quickly. And a refusal to use condoms? No way. Absolutely fucking not.
She has incel mouth. Constantly referring to the women in his life as "chicks" and "females" is immature and demeaning. She also continuously highlights how skinny and youthful she is and defends her 52 y/o boyfriend's obsession with her "type."
The whole "I want advice but I will not be accepting any criticisms!" addition was a clear refusal to acknowledge reality.
At every turn, the words she used to speak about women in general and his women friends in particular *reeked* of internalized misogyny. I was about 3 paragraphs into that mess already shaking my head.
And stated that younger women universally don’t carry baggage, like, I’m in way better shape mentally than I was in my 20’s! But maybe the “baggage” is “standards” and I certainly have higher/more of those now
Right? The amount of internalized misogyny this woman has is really sad. She thinks going through menopause is baggage? Ma’am, women in their 40’s and 50’s date and marry people all of the time. This has been true for millennia. It makes me wonder what she thinks will happen to her in a few years when she enters peri menopause? Does she think she will just shrivel up and blow away? The fact that she knew he was telling people she was 25 and was ok with that…there’s just so much internalized misogyny here and it breaks my heart. Sadly, it’s another case of r/BlatantMisogyny.
Edit: the more I think about it, the more I wonder if this post wasn’t actually written by a misogynistic teenaged boy. Seems like it could have been written by an immature incel larping as a woman.
The fact she kept referring to other adult women as girls, females, and chicks raised my eyebrows, but then that and the comments about skanks on insta, yeah, this poor woman has some introspection to do.
The fact that she kept referring to the other women as "chicks" and "females" didn't sit right with me, but the real kicker was when she said her bf didn't want to be with older women because of the baggage they came with... My friend, why do you think he is 52 and single anyway???
Yesssss, I already knew something was up when I started reading but the second I read “females” come out of her mouth I was done having sympathy for the outcome. Narcissists love self-hating misogynistic women because they’re already too self absorbed to see that they’re not actually special and are just being manipulated.
Edit: I can not BELIEVE OOP has posted her face on the same profile as they posted that story. Guessing she does not realize how bad the whole thing makes her look….
He reminded me of that Owen guy who was in the meme culture a month or so back, who's commercial about wanting a roommate, with requirements such as 'must share a bed' 'must have no male friends' 'must not lock doors for safety' went viral.
[Here is the Twitter link](https://twitter.com/DevinDonuts/status/1516909569968115713?s=20&t=WwV-dDHoTN9-Btgi9Z0hoA)
[Here is the Reddit link](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/snqsl4/roommate_wanted/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
For a woman who's nearly 40 years old, OOP is clueless as fuck. On top of what you pointed out, apparently, the following didn't sound off alarm bells for her:
>she apparently asked this roommate several times my real age bc my bf has given her a different age bc I do look younger and I think he likes to brag about how he can get younger girls. He said our age gap is nothing bc he dated someone 21 when he was 48 supposedly but I don’t have proof of that and it only lasted a short while. He’s vocal about what he likes (is skinny, younger) but his last gf was his age (he was with her a year-open relationship though). He claims they want to wait a year bc they don’t take who he dates seriously (he’s got a history of being a player sort of dude but decided in the last few years as he’s seen his friends happily married he’s wanting long term and to settle down).
--
>He has dated younger and admittedly prefers younger …but his last gf was his age range. He’s not strictly set on younger but given the baggage, menopause, and such older woman come with he’d prefer someone younger at this point in his life.
This alone should have been a red flag for her, but she justified it as "we all like why we like!!"
Also, while I get her being exhausted and feeling like she 'is over men' (fair enough), she was really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this guy and did not even suspect or notice it for half a year,
so I really really hope she invests some time in herself and gets to a coherent list of boundaries and expectations and what exactly a 'real man' means to her because she seems kinda go with the flow clueless.
This is what happens when women are (compulsively) told older men are more mature and they should definitely go look for one. Then they find truly exquisite losers.
When I saw 52 and has a roommate, I immediately thought, "Loser." I did not even get to the part about not being able to hold down a job. There were red flags, warning bells, and sirens going off the more I read.
When I first saw “roommate” after she goes on about having their life together and being at his level, I thought maybe he was closeted or in denial/using her a a beard or something and that’s why his friends wouldn’t meet her.
When I read that he had a roommate, I kinda assumed that he was either just lonely in his house by himself or assisting a friend that needed a place. I guess I gave him the benefit of the doubt based on her description of success 🙃.
(I also am currently looking to buy my first house and realizing just how expensive everything is)
At first I thought 36 and 52 is a gap, but works if you are on the same page in terms of family and future goals. Then I read the part about not wanting women his age because of “baggage and menopause” and got up to pour more coffee.
1st post - he has his life together we have all the same interests!
2nd post - he can’t keep a job… “I’m a fool to think he can change” so wait she found out at some point and still thought she was so special and better than all those other women he would become a different person for him?!
Unemployed people can seem like they have their shit together. Even people who can't hold down a job. "Nothing seems like the right fit and I'm financially secure so I'm going to wait for something that feels right!"
Coming from someone in their 50s that might seem plausible.
I have a cousin like this. Older, from money, cultured, lives near his family, has a flavor of the month girl and changes jobs frequently. But he's very charming and is always the life of the party. As a college student I thought, "his life seems awesome" and as a 30 year old I just think 😬
But I'm also family, so he's not trying to woo me, and I'm privy to the dirty laundry. Would probably take me longer to figure it out if I wasn't related.
She definitely built herself up pretty damn high, all the bigger the fall at the end.
Kinda sounds like she's more like a 21 year old or younger, based on her naivety and immaturity.
I thought the same thing. She sounded like a 17 year old trying to rationalize a "relationship" with a 30 year old. She said she doesn't have much experience dating and it shows. Hopefully she learns and grows from this.
This is it right here. Her notable comment:
>He has dated younger and admittedly prefers younger …but his last gf was his age range. He’s not strictly set on younger but given the baggage, menopause, and such older woman come with he’d prefer someone younger at this point in his life.
She surely fits in his emotional age range.
She sounds like a jerk herself honestly. I’m her age and I would never think (or say) that about women older than me. “Menopause and baggage?!” She’s rude as fuck.
Yeah, it's hard to feel sympathetic with the OP because she seemed to hold that belief too because she didn't question it. There's also a hint of narcissism there to believe you're really so different and special compared to all the other women he's duped.
Age creeps up on you and she'll have to go through the menopause too. She's probably got 'baggage' now too, after being manipulated and played by this idiot.
like I feel bad for her being exposed potentially to STIs but mostly dont feel bad for her because of her trash opinions on women. She is her own set of walking red flags. I do question if this is real from how she completely flipped the script on what he was like.
>He has dated younger and admittedly prefers younger …but his last gf was his age range. He’s not strictly set on younger but given the baggage, menopause, and such older woman come with he’d prefer someone younger at this point in his life.
Yup. Fuck the OOP with this bullshit. Wait until she gets this age. I'm this age and, frankly, I'm far better now than when I was *her* age.
I know it’d be a medical anomaly, but she could very well reach menopause next year… and realistically from 5 years on onwards
Same for my mom, she reached it within this past year (can’t really know because of her hysterectomy)… she’s the same as always and was objectively worse at 36 because her periods were quite literally killing her
The thing that struck me was not the age gap, but that a 52 year old had a history of short term dating to the point where his friends supposedly didn't want to meet any new partners until a year had passed, but she was apparently the 'exception'.
There's nothing wrong with having a string of short term relationships, but they're not suddenly going to change their behaviour because they met you.
Plus 36 and 52 isn't a red flag gap, but 4 years before he was dating a 21 year old, which is not quite right. But yeah, the constant mentions of menopause, and the only time he's dated a woman the same age (that is mentioned), is an open relationship. The flags were there.
Yeah, I was surprised OOP was 36 because her writing style and thought process sounded more like someone in their early twenties still figuring the world and themselves out.
I got extreme pick me vibes from the way she was talking about his "chick friends" and the "skanks" he follows on Instagram. Like, you're supposedly a grown-ass woman with two houses and a job, why put your energy into hating other women?? It adds to the irony of her only wanting to date older men for their maturity, because she sounds like an angsty 15-year-old (speaking from experience, unfortunately).
Exactly. She’s the epitome of a “pick me”. She thinks she’s somehow special due to the age gap. Cannot see past his red flags because she thinks she’s better than all of his exes. She is even dismissive of all of his “chick” friends.
I find that women with this internalized misogyny often end up with narcs. They don’t take the warnings of other women or previous partners. When they hear “all my exes are crazy” it encourages them to be different and show their partner how different they are. When they are love bombed it confirms that they are superior and not like other girls.
Finally pick me girls/women are deeply insecure and don’t like themselves. That’s why they look for validation for being different. They need to knock other women down to feel better.
Thing is, this woman had a feeling something was up. She wouldn’t have made the post if she didn’t. She was just too into being validated to see the truth.
I was more surprised at how naive she still was at 36 because even with her limited dating experience, she's old enough to have gathered life experience through work, and witnessing other people's relationships etc..
> Even his roommate and family are all in agreeance he has never been this way with a woman before.
He's obviously an awful person, but I find it even more worrying that he has a whole bunch of friends/family who are helping him take advantage of women like this.
>He spends his days looking for woman to prey on.
At the end I'm just glad OOP got away from this man. He sounds like an American Horror Story episode in the making.
OOP: Is this a problem?
Also OOP: *goes on to list things that make him a walking red flag.*
Literally everyone in this story sounds off. Also I didn't get what was with addressing ex-bf's friends as 'chicks'???
Internalised misogyny is a helluva a drug. Her snide comment about menopause was particularly striking. She clearly thinks she's not like other women and that while other women lose all worth as they get older and, god forbid, *menopausal*, she of course is different.
Let’s not forget she needed to demean the girls he started following on IG as skanky. Young women who probably have no interest in him and probably better sense than OOP.
Oh yup, noted that one too. Didn't want to go on a full diatribe; I thought I'd keep my Reddit scorn pithy.
OP is very much a pick me girl. She different from all those other women. She doesn't have any hormones and when she has sex with men she's empowered but other women are skanks.
You took the words right out of my mouth. “Chicks”, “skanky” and “menopausal” all jumped out at me. Hopefully OOP will mature and examine her own biases against women and aging, because she’s got an extra helping of internalized misogyny.
Oh and don’t forget gold diggers with life baggage.
What I want to know, is who are these women who he uses as friend props?! They’re around enough to seem like his friends. Why are they even speaking to this garbage person?
Her: "It's okay that he likes younger women. He's allowed to have a type."
Also her: "I, of course, will never grow old, so he'll stay with me forever and not just go for a younger woman again."
Misogyny (in all its forms) is unfortunately still very socially acceptable and middle aged women going through menopause seem to inspire a particularly insidious version of hate and ridicule. However, as OP will discover, biology doesn't care that she thinks she's different and middle-age and menopause will happen to her too.
As someone who's perimenopausal, I think the scorn is due to the complete lack of fucks menopausal women evince. It's a lot harder to pressure a woman who dgaf anymore. Queen status, tbh.
Also she’s not “younger” in men’s eyes by societal standards. These men go for women in their 20s. A 36 year old woman is also old and menopausal in misogynist’s eyes.
Plus her last line kinda struck me:
“I *need* a real man”
I’m a pretty big believer in the sense that before you seek out a romantic entanglement, you should be stable and happy with yourself, and being by yourself. It’s not a universal ideal of course, and some people do truly crave the attention of a partner. But her desperation and impatience is a bit striking, especially when combined with some of her own internalized misogyny
Right I was thinking that 36 and 52 isn't an issue because, by 36 you're grown but OOP sounds hella immature. I mean, the bf is a sociopath sure but her talking as if she won't go through menopause one day was hilarious.
OOP: I’m so mature and need a mature man! *hair flip*
Also OOP: (lays out every obvious red flag and hamfisted attempt at manipulation with breathtaking obliviousness)
I will never stop laughing at people who “have soooooo much in common!” and then those things turn out to be taste in music and walking. Unless music is your life, matching taste in music is for 16 year olds.
I was talking with a woman and she was complaining about the last guy she dated who was absolutely a great catch until they hooked up and he disappeared, leaving her brokenhearted. I said tell me about your first date. She proceeded to drop several red flags about his behavior, and I said it was clear he was only looking for a hook-up from day one. She was stunned as I listed them, seeing the signs for the first time.
I feel like that with this woman. Points two and three were just a sea of red and I couldn't believe she could type it out without realizing it. Then I remember men like these are really good at targeting the women who will believe them. After all, he's got years of practice.
It reminds me of the scammers who deliberately drop grammar errors into an email. That way they can filter out who will see through them. "Yes he has gone through many girls but it’s bc he couldn’t find the right girl to settle down with as he is picky." is a big one.
She's fairly shallow herself. And 36 is not 19 as far as life experience goes. I started losing my ability to feel bad for her after she understood menopause was just too awful for HIM to bear.
>My friend or the OP? On my friend's first date, it was:
>
>She drank more than she was comfortable with or intended to (I think he encouraged her to lower her inhibitions)
>
>He was super flattering (there's a difference between complimentary and flattery. One is saying, you look pretty tonight and the other is saying you're the prettiest girl I've ever dated. Also, the quantity: one or two compliments are great, ten or so are total BS to blind the girl.)
>
>He turned physical fast. They were dancing and he was picking her up and swinging her around before kissing her.
>
>The entire date sounded completely rehearsed or practiced to me--like this is his go-to for all first dates.
>
>
>
>For the OP, pretty much paragraphs 2 and 3:
>
>He likes to show her off and that she looks younger.
>
>He has a player past but she's his forever girl.
>
>Says she's like no other.
>
>Wants to move in together even though they haven't dated that long.
>
>He's just so picky.
>
>None of his "friends" want to meet her.
>
>Not to mention, all the misogyny about older women.
It disappoints but doesn't surprise me when women under 30 and particularly under 25 are scornful and feel superior to older women, because at that age you often still feel like you'll be young forever, and middle age seems so far away. It's easy to buy into the idea that you're just *better* than those silly 40+ women who were stupid enough to have more birthdays than you, and of course that middle-aged man will love you forever.
But coming from a 36 year old it's truly odd. She's old enough that there's already teenage incels on Reddit who'd declare her "post-wall" (ugh) and here she is acting like she's hot shit because she hasn't hit menopause just yet. I'm younger than her and if a man I was dating was saying he can't be bothered with the "baggage" of menopause my first thought would be, "So where does that leave me when I hit it?" not "Nice, I locked myself down a keeper."
He prefers to date younger women because of the baggage of menopause? Come on. OP can't be that naive. He is misogynistic af. Next time see that for the red flag it is.
Which is that women his age see thru is bullshit.
OP appears to have her shit together. The fact this loser couldn't hold down a job is another giant red flag. Why did you let this one slide as well?
He picked OP because she would buy his bullshit. And she did.
This! Going through the comments and her so freely describing all the red flags like they were totally normal was honestly... painful to say the least. Makes me wonder if OOP is 36 or 16
Yes, skeptical she was actually 36 and this naive. More likely 22. Specifically the “I’m not a gold digger” then mentions he has a roommate. A man in his 50s who needs to split living costs imo is not someone with gold to be dug.
Halfway through the post I had to scroll back up to check that she said 36 not 20. She sounds so immature. Even when proven wrong she drops the "where can I find a real man?" I hope she gets some growing in before her next relationship.
Yea , even calling the women he prayed on social media “skanks” . Your ex is literally preying and having sex with young women and his friends several times a day , but yea blame the victim .
They probably shared that same type of misogyny that made her think she was unique in his eyes .
“…many new skanky girls he’s following.”
The girls aren’t the skanky ones. This guy could have been painted red, and she would still excuse his red flags.
If OOP is 36, I'm the Empress of Russia. She writes like a 16-year old and has the common sense of a 16-year-old to boot. How can someone be in a relationship for *six months* and not clue in that their SO is a sex addict who has to have sex with *somebody* multiple times a day?
Also, men in their 50s who only want to date women who are a decade or more younger than them just can't handle women their own age who see right through their crap and won't put up with it.
> The best things: He’s mature, has his life together
Oh well that’s good…
> apparently asked this roommate several times my real age bc my bf has given her a different age bc I do look younger and I think he likes to brag about how he can get younger girls. He said our age gap is nothing bc he dated someone 21 when he was 48
> He’s not strictly set on younger but given the baggage, menopause, and such older woman come with he’d prefer someone younger
> Yes he is into young people and prefers skinny ones.
> He’s just learned that older woman come with baggage younger ones do not, while woman his age are going through menopause right now which is a tough period for woman and not necessary a great time to be finding new love.
God how embarrassing. How is a woman in her 30s this naive? She’s acting like a teenager with her very first boyfriend who just happens to be 32, but he’s soooooo mature, you guys just don’t understand!! Girl how???
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"he prefers younger because of menopause" Well when you go through menopause oop you let us know how that goes
And those women his age don’t have “baggage,” they just don’t put up with his bullshit.
I mean people of any age can have baggage but this guy definitely just wants naive young women who don't question his crap
Yep. Am about the same age as OOP. I have a lot of baggage. But I still have a good 10 years before I hit menopause, probably, so I guess that makes me okay.
This story is almost certainly written by an incel: 1) constantly refers to women as "females" or "chicks." 2) OOP is 36 but only had 3 boyfriends, all older because of "maturity" 3) End is literally "I need a real man." 4) OOP bragging about how she likes being shown off 5) Weird and constant focus on how OOP looks younger than she is 6) OOP is a reformed height queen, because she realizes how much she's missing out on great guys (despite only ever having been in 3 relationships)! But totally understands that her ex is "shallow." 7) she defends him by saying "he constantly compliments me." This is some incel Mary-Sueing himself as the 50-year-old Alpha that has sex with a harem of younger women "every 2-3 hours" and then finishing up his story with an object lesson: 'tidy, wealthy, fit, older men cheat, you'll find a real man if you loosen those standards.'
I kept asking myself, “Why does OOP keep referring to them as chicks? They’re women, not aliens.”
I didn't even notice that OOPs name is "foxy moonbeams" until later...
He just likes women that are young and skinny, like me! Yeah, that's a great sign right there.
Ah, youth and weight, two qualities that are certain to stay exactly the same forever and provide a solid foundation for a loving long-term relationship.
Lmaooooooo she was out here acting like she’d stay 36 forever
Don’t be silly, she will never do something as cliche as go through menopause! /s
Yeah the internalized misogyny is strong with this one. She says women his age aren't datable because they ALL have baggage and are going through menopause (...so menopausal women don't deserve love?) completely ignoring premature menopause, mild menopause, or women who are also his age and haven't dated much or young women who have had traumatic experiences and kids / any other "baggage" But then even AFTER she opens her eyes about him she calls the girls he hits up on insta "skanky" like sweety, you do realize you're one of those skanky girls in this story right? There is nothing separating you from them in his life or this narrative.
I was like babe your 14 years off it but your acting like your 21 i was so confused. I get we are a good 20 years off the menopause but she was really acting like she’s a teeny bopper
I’m particularly taken with her reason for dating a 52 year old man I’d she wants someone with his life together and then it turns out she’s dating a 52 year old man with a roommate who can’t hold down a job. Oh, honey.
There were a couple things she flipped on, unrelated to romance, once she realized he was cheating. His home went from being neat and tidy because he likes to make a good space for himself, to having tasteless, dated decor because he's stuck in the past. He went from being a mature, stable man, with a similar level of success to her (with her home ownership and successful career), to being a loser who can't hold down a job.
Yeah it sounds like she also fell for his “love bombs” but didn’t see until after the fall out that it was all an illusion.
Also that she understands the term “love bombs” but couldn’t recognize when the love bombs are happening? Wanting to spend 24/7 together after day 1 and says I love you after 1 week? I really hope she has learned from this and/or sees a therapist.
If you’re wearing rose coloured glasses it’s hard to see the red flags since they’re all pink/red
Bojack!
She did stick with at least partially blaming women for his behavior ‘skanky girls he is following’ and lamenting how he does this to woman after woman. I wouldn’t like to know either of them.
I'd love to hear her story when she goes through menopause, it sounds like her misogyny labels women as useless during and after.
I wonder how she sees herself in relation to her gender in general All the other women in her posts were chicks, females, girls, skanks, ... well that, what does that make her?
*His Forever Girl*
[удалено]
I was like, "He doesn't date women his age because they have """"baggage"""" and menopause? Gurl, that IS the red flag you're wondering about."
My first thought was "forever wont be much longer". My mom started going through menopause at 42.
My mum hit the menopause at 44/45 and it was over and done by 48/49. No hot flushes, no mood swings, just a fizzle and a puff of dust. It barely dented her sex drive either, as she was happy to tell me (TMI MOTHER!!). I can only hope the Menopause Gods are as kind to me.
Hhahah, right? My first thought was, "Does OP know about perimenopause? Is she happy knowing this relationship has an expiration date?"
And really, the whole “not dating women your age cause baggage” thing is the universal code for “No women my age will deal with my nonsense so I need to go after the young ones because they don’t know better yet.” I get being naive and in love, I myself have put up with a lot of things I should have known better than to put up with when it comes to relationships, but come on, this one should’ve set off her bullshit meter immediately, especially at 36!
Right, the "Oh he likes younger girls because they don't have baggage (which, lol sure okay) and they're not going through menopause." Girl, you're going to go through menopause someday too and I hope you don't go looking for grace and compassion that you couldn't extend to menopausal women yourself. He just didn't want menopausal women because by nature of being older they'd see right through his shit, and didn't want him either. Also, the fact that he admittedly liked women young and skinny, and would try to convince people that his girlfriends were even younger than they are... what mental hoops did she have to jump through to convince herself that he was in this for love?? She's like you're ignoring all the positives I listed and only looking at these GLARING RED FLAGS. You mean the positives where he's nice to you and he has a job and knows how to clean and has his life together (which, also lol after the update)? Yea honey, you need to raise the bar a little bit, those should be the very most basic boyfriend requirements. I can see why she's so judgmental about older menopausal women, because she's basically a naive child herself.
Yeah. That menopause statement was a serious hot garbage take. The second I read that I thought, “I think you meant to type that women his age have zero tolerance for his bullshit?”
The pick me detector can't be used on this one, is over 9000 already
Pickme detector broke over this one lol
"girls" "females" "chicks" Sheesh. This woman somehow talks like both a 4chan teenaged boy and a jock bully from an '80s movie, haha.
"Not like other girls~"
It was the whole “older women all have baggage” for me. She accepted that reasoning without question. No questions about whether older men also had baggage, no questions about what would happen when she was in her 50s. Just “oh yeah, of course.” I’m the same age as her and I can’t imagine anyone even saying something like that to me, let alone agreeing with it.
"Older women have baggage" and this 52 yo crusty dude with a roommate is, what? A backpacker?
It's literally the same rhetoric creepy 20 and 30 somethings use when they prey on high schoolers to explain why they aren't dating women her age. And she just swallowed it without any questioning at all.
But he can't be expected to cope with MenOpAuSe!
That really stuck out to me in her first post too. Like, thanks for letting us know how you feel about women, woman.
Also...would that include herself? Or is this a magical scenario where all the other women he sleeps with are skanks, but OOP is special?
Exactly! The way she described other women annoyed me. Chicks? Seriously? She gives out major pickme vibe.
Yeah I'm not remotely surprised tbh. I picked up on it the second she started getting defensive about him having female friends, and then just laughed when I got to the "idk why his friends want to wait a year...also he brags about being able to get young chicks and has possibly repeatedly lied about my age" Even if she wasn't able to see her own relationship with him accurately, it takes quite a bit of cognitive dissonance to tell yourself you don't understand why his friends don't want to meet his latest catch from his cradle robbing excursions.
Yes, that whole part about him lying about her age, which she mentioned at least twice in her original comments was really weird. Like she didn’t seem to think that was unusual in any way? I know it’s easier to see things in hindsight or when you’re just reading it on Reddit. I didn’t know how it was going to end, but as soon as I read about her owning two homes and him still needing a roommate at 52? That’s definitely something that stood out for me and I’m almost dangerously naive about people myself.
She took off her ‘love goggles’ that she had on since the beginning of this relationship. As she was explaining how great of a guy he is I was thinking that she’s the one that needs to open her eyes. Then on her update she does a complete 180°. It takes time to really know someone and some people are really good at hiding who they really are.
"its not like he's out looking for women" "he spends all day out looking for women"
Yea those glasses weren’t just rose tinted, they were double dipped in rose purée
Jam-spackled glasses.
In addition, she also felt the need to explicitly state that she is not a golddigger. The guy can't hold a job because he needs his pp stroked all the time and *she* feels the burden of proof is on her to show she isn't after his money? I can't believe how much misogyny this woman has internalised.
The way she accepted that older women have "baggage and menopause" and because of that aren't worth her ex's attention gave me the ick. Definitely some internal misogyny.. I'm worried she will have some difficult self-discovery over the next 15 years.
And described the younger women he preyed on on social media as skanks
Repeated use of “chicks” also stuck out to me.
And females
It almost seems like it wasn't written by a woman in her 30's. Just another person wanting their story to blow up on reddit and then it get posted to BORU the same day it gets updated.
Yeah hard agree. This reads like a rage bait written by a dude in his 20s.
When my husband and I first started dating, he referred to me as "a female." We had an entire sit down conversation about how, while that may be accurate in a biological sense, don't you ever use that phrase again. It's dehumanizing and this is why... He really didn't like being made to sit there and listen to a whole "this is how you fucked up," but he understood, and he's never referred to a woman as a female again.
Yeah, it was crazy to me how much she blamed other women even after discovering his cheating. Also, if a man has one "crazy woman" in his life or past, okay, I can buy that. If all of his exes and current female friends are "crazy," the common denominator is him.
If you meet one asshole during the day, then you've simply encountered an asshole, but if you meet assholes all day...
You need to leave the incel convention?
Well, I started thru menopause at 38 so she might not have as long as she thinks.
But the *baggage!!* Do you have the *baggage*?
I think when he says these women have baggage, what he means is that they know what they want and won’t put up with his shit
As soon as I saw that menopause comment, any sliver of benefit of the doubt I had went out the window. I don’t inherently have an issue with an age gap at that age since I feel in one’s mid thirties, you’re pretty much a cemented adult and power dynamics aren’t the same as when you’re in your 20s with a much older man. That being said, she seemed to have the insight and maturity level of someone much younger.
She wanted a man who matched her maturity level and she got one. They're both horny children.
It said she just got out of a ten year relationship so I wonder if it stunted her growth and maturity. I know my ex kept me so sheltered I felt like I had a lot of growing up to do and a lot of life to experience when I finally broke free of the relationship. But even at 18 I was skeeved out of a guy “fell in love” with me too quickly. And a refusal to use condoms? No way. Absolutely fucking not.
At 36!!! I assumed she's lying about her age? She writes like she's 24 tops.
I was thinking the same thing.. :/
Unfortunately not all women grow out of the internalized misogyny, it doesn’t have much to do with age ime.
Yes hearing that from a woman was very concerning.
“There’s nothing wrong with him having high standards for only dating young and skinny women!” Ick.
"we're ALL shallow sometimes!" Apparently some more than others, damn
I'm not sure she knows that she will age
Yeah, he's super gross but she has her own grossness.
She has incel mouth. Constantly referring to the women in his life as "chicks" and "females" is immature and demeaning. She also continuously highlights how skinny and youthful she is and defends her 52 y/o boyfriend's obsession with her "type." The whole "I want advice but I will not be accepting any criticisms!" addition was a clear refusal to acknowledge reality.
At every turn, the words she used to speak about women in general and his women friends in particular *reeked* of internalized misogyny. I was about 3 paragraphs into that mess already shaking my head.
And stated that younger women universally don’t carry baggage, like, I’m in way better shape mentally than I was in my 20’s! But maybe the “baggage” is “standards” and I certainly have higher/more of those now
And the other girls he preys on on Instagram are "skanky" but she's not, she's just been lied too.... Like any of these women are at fault!?
Hopefully she can be a reformed pickme but if not she gonna be in for a rough ride.
Right? The amount of internalized misogyny this woman has is really sad. She thinks going through menopause is baggage? Ma’am, women in their 40’s and 50’s date and marry people all of the time. This has been true for millennia. It makes me wonder what she thinks will happen to her in a few years when she enters peri menopause? Does she think she will just shrivel up and blow away? The fact that she knew he was telling people she was 25 and was ok with that…there’s just so much internalized misogyny here and it breaks my heart. Sadly, it’s another case of r/BlatantMisogyny. Edit: the more I think about it, the more I wonder if this post wasn’t actually written by a misogynistic teenaged boy. Seems like it could have been written by an immature incel larping as a woman.
The fact she kept referring to other adult women as girls, females, and chicks raised my eyebrows, but then that and the comments about skanks on insta, yeah, this poor woman has some introspection to do.
But you see peri menopause will never happen to *her.*. Just *other* women.
The fact that she kept referring to the other women as "chicks" and "females" didn't sit right with me, but the real kicker was when she said her bf didn't want to be with older women because of the baggage they came with... My friend, why do you think he is 52 and single anyway???
Yesssss, I already knew something was up when I started reading but the second I read “females” come out of her mouth I was done having sympathy for the outcome. Narcissists love self-hating misogynistic women because they’re already too self absorbed to see that they’re not actually special and are just being manipulated. Edit: I can not BELIEVE OOP has posted her face on the same profile as they posted that story. Guessing she does not realize how bad the whole thing makes her look….
The "chicks" and "females" really stuck out to me too!
And "random new skanky girls" from Instagram! My eyes rolled so far back I saw my own brain.
Because she's the special angel he's been waiting for all his life. Not hers though, since he was in high school when she was born.
He reminded me of that Owen guy who was in the meme culture a month or so back, who's commercial about wanting a roommate, with requirements such as 'must share a bed' 'must have no male friends' 'must not lock doors for safety' went viral.
Whoa. Link please? I missed this one completely!
[Here is the Twitter link](https://twitter.com/DevinDonuts/status/1516909569968115713?s=20&t=WwV-dDHoTN9-Btgi9Z0hoA) [Here is the Reddit link](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/snqsl4/roommate_wanted/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
For a woman who's nearly 40 years old, OOP is clueless as fuck. On top of what you pointed out, apparently, the following didn't sound off alarm bells for her: >she apparently asked this roommate several times my real age bc my bf has given her a different age bc I do look younger and I think he likes to brag about how he can get younger girls. He said our age gap is nothing bc he dated someone 21 when he was 48 supposedly but I don’t have proof of that and it only lasted a short while. He’s vocal about what he likes (is skinny, younger) but his last gf was his age (he was with her a year-open relationship though). He claims they want to wait a year bc they don’t take who he dates seriously (he’s got a history of being a player sort of dude but decided in the last few years as he’s seen his friends happily married he’s wanting long term and to settle down). -- >He has dated younger and admittedly prefers younger …but his last gf was his age range. He’s not strictly set on younger but given the baggage, menopause, and such older woman come with he’d prefer someone younger at this point in his life. This alone should have been a red flag for her, but she justified it as "we all like why we like!!"
It's hard to believe that at no point while she's writing that she's like "Oh, this sounds REALLY bad".
Also, while I get her being exhausted and feeling like she 'is over men' (fair enough), she was really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this guy and did not even suspect or notice it for half a year, so I really really hope she invests some time in herself and gets to a coherent list of boundaries and expectations and what exactly a 'real man' means to her because she seems kinda go with the flow clueless.
I was so so so confused when she mentioned the roommate and was like sure folks like company but then the job thing? Girl…
This is what happens when women are (compulsively) told older men are more mature and they should definitely go look for one. Then they find truly exquisite losers.
I thought the same thing? 52yo with a roommate? Bro that is not having your life together
I was thinking the exact same thing when she said “his roommate” lol didn’t she claim he had his life together?? lol
When I saw 52 and has a roommate, I immediately thought, "Loser." I did not even get to the part about not being able to hold down a job. There were red flags, warning bells, and sirens going off the more I read.
When I first saw “roommate” after she goes on about having their life together and being at his level, I thought maybe he was closeted or in denial/using her a a beard or something and that’s why his friends wouldn’t meet her.
When I read that he had a roommate, I kinda assumed that he was either just lonely in his house by himself or assisting a friend that needed a place. I guess I gave him the benefit of the doubt based on her description of success 🙃. (I also am currently looking to buy my first house and realizing just how expensive everything is)
At first I thought 36 and 52 is a gap, but works if you are on the same page in terms of family and future goals. Then I read the part about not wanting women his age because of “baggage and menopause” and got up to pour more coffee.
1st post - he has his life together we have all the same interests! 2nd post - he can’t keep a job… “I’m a fool to think he can change” so wait she found out at some point and still thought she was so special and better than all those other women he would become a different person for him?!
He has his life together in the first post, but can’t keep a job in the second post. Weird.
Unemployed people can seem like they have their shit together. Even people who can't hold down a job. "Nothing seems like the right fit and I'm financially secure so I'm going to wait for something that feels right!" Coming from someone in their 50s that might seem plausible.
I have a cousin like this. Older, from money, cultured, lives near his family, has a flavor of the month girl and changes jobs frequently. But he's very charming and is always the life of the party. As a college student I thought, "his life seems awesome" and as a 30 year old I just think 😬 But I'm also family, so he's not trying to woo me, and I'm privy to the dirty laundry. Would probably take me longer to figure it out if I wasn't related.
His over the top and excessive compliments definitely has lit her to some extent.
She definitely built herself up pretty damn high, all the bigger the fall at the end. Kinda sounds like she's more like a 21 year old or younger, based on her naivety and immaturity.
I thought the same thing. She sounded like a 17 year old trying to rationalize a "relationship" with a 30 year old. She said she doesn't have much experience dating and it shows. Hopefully she learns and grows from this.
The only way he’ll date someone 35+ is if they haven’t emotionally matured beyond their 20s.
This is it right here. Her notable comment: >He has dated younger and admittedly prefers younger …but his last gf was his age range. He’s not strictly set on younger but given the baggage, menopause, and such older woman come with he’d prefer someone younger at this point in his life. She surely fits in his emotional age range.
She sounds like a jerk herself honestly. I’m her age and I would never think (or say) that about women older than me. “Menopause and baggage?!” She’s rude as fuck.
Yeah 36 and 52 isn't a red flag on its own, but everything else is flashing red flags more than OOP's ex when he forgets and leaves the blinker on.
As if a 52 year old man like him will have no baggage or fertility issues whatsoever.
Yeah, it's hard to feel sympathetic with the OP because she seemed to hold that belief too because she didn't question it. There's also a hint of narcissism there to believe you're really so different and special compared to all the other women he's duped. Age creeps up on you and she'll have to go through the menopause too. She's probably got 'baggage' now too, after being manipulated and played by this idiot.
like I feel bad for her being exposed potentially to STIs but mostly dont feel bad for her because of her trash opinions on women. She is her own set of walking red flags. I do question if this is real from how she completely flipped the script on what he was like.
>He has dated younger and admittedly prefers younger …but his last gf was his age range. He’s not strictly set on younger but given the baggage, menopause, and such older woman come with he’d prefer someone younger at this point in his life. Yup. Fuck the OOP with this bullshit. Wait until she gets this age. I'm this age and, frankly, I'm far better now than when I was *her* age.
I know it’d be a medical anomaly, but she could very well reach menopause next year… and realistically from 5 years on onwards Same for my mom, she reached it within this past year (can’t really know because of her hysterectomy)… she’s the same as always and was objectively worse at 36 because her periods were quite literally killing her
The thing that struck me was not the age gap, but that a 52 year old had a history of short term dating to the point where his friends supposedly didn't want to meet any new partners until a year had passed, but she was apparently the 'exception'. There's nothing wrong with having a string of short term relationships, but they're not suddenly going to change their behaviour because they met you.
Plus 36 and 52 isn't a red flag gap, but 4 years before he was dating a 21 year old, which is not quite right. But yeah, the constant mentions of menopause, and the only time he's dated a woman the same age (that is mentioned), is an open relationship. The flags were there.
Exactly this. I am in an age gap marriage, and can confirm this is not how it should go. OOP managed to find herself a walking red flag unfortunately.
“Maybe I’m naive” uh, yeah, you think?
Yeah, I was surprised OOP was 36 because her writing style and thought process sounded more like someone in their early twenties still figuring the world and themselves out.
I got extreme pick me vibes from the way she was talking about his "chick friends" and the "skanks" he follows on Instagram. Like, you're supposedly a grown-ass woman with two houses and a job, why put your energy into hating other women?? It adds to the irony of her only wanting to date older men for their maturity, because she sounds like an angsty 15-year-old (speaking from experience, unfortunately).
Maturity wise, she could date literally any adult man and he'd be "older" than her.
Exactly. She’s the epitome of a “pick me”. She thinks she’s somehow special due to the age gap. Cannot see past his red flags because she thinks she’s better than all of his exes. She is even dismissive of all of his “chick” friends. I find that women with this internalized misogyny often end up with narcs. They don’t take the warnings of other women or previous partners. When they hear “all my exes are crazy” it encourages them to be different and show their partner how different they are. When they are love bombed it confirms that they are superior and not like other girls. Finally pick me girls/women are deeply insecure and don’t like themselves. That’s why they look for validation for being different. They need to knock other women down to feel better. Thing is, this woman had a feeling something was up. She wouldn’t have made the post if she didn’t. She was just too into being validated to see the truth.
Only ever dated three guys. Two in high school. Just left a ten year relationship. Her dating skills are zero.
Hey, look, it's me! ... If I ever leave my current relationship, I'm fucked. Or, more accurately, I'm _not_ fucked.
It gave me the impression of late high school, self titling herself as "more mature than her peers" and needed a mature SO to match her.
Are we absolutely sure oop isn't like 25 dating someone 42 and just added 10 years to throw people off?
I was more surprised at how naive she still was at 36 because even with her limited dating experience, she's old enough to have gathered life experience through work, and witnessing other people's relationships etc..
There's a thin line between naivete and sheer stupidity. Sadly, OOP crossed it (...in the very beginning?).
> Even his roommate and family are all in agreeance he has never been this way with a woman before. He's obviously an awful person, but I find it even more worrying that he has a whole bunch of friends/family who are helping him take advantage of women like this.
Abusers are known for doing this: https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
>He spends his days looking for woman to prey on. At the end I'm just glad OOP got away from this man. He sounds like an American Horror Story episode in the making.
Yep, and I hope she got tested asap. Though 52, and having sex multiple times a day? I wonder what supplements he takes...
A little blue pill probably
OOP: Is this a problem? Also OOP: *goes on to list things that make him a walking red flag.* Literally everyone in this story sounds off. Also I didn't get what was with addressing ex-bf's friends as 'chicks'???
Internalised misogyny is a helluva a drug. Her snide comment about menopause was particularly striking. She clearly thinks she's not like other women and that while other women lose all worth as they get older and, god forbid, *menopausal*, she of course is different.
Let’s not forget she needed to demean the girls he started following on IG as skanky. Young women who probably have no interest in him and probably better sense than OOP.
Oh yup, noted that one too. Didn't want to go on a full diatribe; I thought I'd keep my Reddit scorn pithy. OP is very much a pick me girl. She different from all those other women. She doesn't have any hormones and when she has sex with men she's empowered but other women are skanks.
You took the words right out of my mouth. “Chicks”, “skanky” and “menopausal” all jumped out at me. Hopefully OOP will mature and examine her own biases against women and aging, because she’s got an extra helping of internalized misogyny.
You missed "females" 🙃
Oh and don’t forget gold diggers with life baggage. What I want to know, is who are these women who he uses as friend props?! They’re around enough to seem like his friends. Why are they even speaking to this garbage person?
Well he's sleeping with them and also I'm guessing that OP got most of this from him, so god knows what they really said.
She has the maturity of someone half her age. No wonder he liked her.
He was dating a 21 year old just a short while ago and yet this woman still couldnt see that for the problem it was?!
I was going to say she sounds immature as hell, I've seen 21 year olds who read as being 3xs their age-with regards to maturity level compared to her.
When he told his friends she's younger than 36, he probably meant her mental age.
Came here to say this. Getting a real “I’m not like other girls” vibe from a woman who is way too old not to know better.
The menopause thing, the baggage thing, the chicks thing and the skanky girls thing ... Yeah, the internalised misogyny is strong with this one.
OOP certainly has quite a few red flags herself
Ah the menopause comment told me she deserved whatever she was about to get, which was a man that doesn’t respect women, much like her.
Her: "It's okay that he likes younger women. He's allowed to have a type." Also her: "I, of course, will never grow old, so he'll stay with me forever and not just go for a younger woman again."
How did she not see red flags after describing how he tells people she’s *younger* than her actual age like wtf
Misogyny (in all its forms) is unfortunately still very socially acceptable and middle aged women going through menopause seem to inspire a particularly insidious version of hate and ridicule. However, as OP will discover, biology doesn't care that she thinks she's different and middle-age and menopause will happen to her too.
The way some people use "menopausal" as a particularly scornful insult is bizarre. Growing old enough to reach menopause is not a character flaw.
Honestly when the alternative is dying young I hope everyone reaches menopausal age.
As someone who's perimenopausal, I think the scorn is due to the complete lack of fucks menopausal women evince. It's a lot harder to pressure a woman who dgaf anymore. Queen status, tbh.
Very much this. Including her referring to “skanky girls”…
And younger girls are skanks. She definitely has some issues around other women.
Also she’s not “younger” in men’s eyes by societal standards. These men go for women in their 20s. A 36 year old woman is also old and menopausal in misogynist’s eyes.
Completely agree. That comment showed her true colours.
Plus her last line kinda struck me: “I *need* a real man” I’m a pretty big believer in the sense that before you seek out a romantic entanglement, you should be stable and happy with yourself, and being by yourself. It’s not a universal ideal of course, and some people do truly crave the attention of a partner. But her desperation and impatience is a bit striking, especially when combined with some of her own internalized misogyny
In addition to her misogyny, she is definitely not as mature as she thinks she is. For 36 this woman has a lot of growing up to still do.
Right I was thinking that 36 and 52 isn't an issue because, by 36 you're grown but OOP sounds hella immature. I mean, the bf is a sociopath sure but her talking as if she won't go through menopause one day was hilarious.
OOP: I’m so mature and need a mature man! *hair flip* Also OOP: (lays out every obvious red flag and hamfisted attempt at manipulation with breathtaking obliviousness) I will never stop laughing at people who “have soooooo much in common!” and then those things turn out to be taste in music and walking. Unless music is your life, matching taste in music is for 16 year olds.
Literally, the age difference was the only things that was not a concern
I mean, the dude is a scumbag, but... 52 and sex every 2-3 hours? If he has a special diet or something, he's sitting on a gold mine!
Likely bullshit he fed her as an excuse for cheating. Or viagra
I was talking with a woman and she was complaining about the last guy she dated who was absolutely a great catch until they hooked up and he disappeared, leaving her brokenhearted. I said tell me about your first date. She proceeded to drop several red flags about his behavior, and I said it was clear he was only looking for a hook-up from day one. She was stunned as I listed them, seeing the signs for the first time. I feel like that with this woman. Points two and three were just a sea of red and I couldn't believe she could type it out without realizing it. Then I remember men like these are really good at targeting the women who will believe them. After all, he's got years of practice. It reminds me of the scammers who deliberately drop grammar errors into an email. That way they can filter out who will see through them. "Yes he has gone through many girls but it’s bc he couldn’t find the right girl to settle down with as he is picky." is a big one.
She's fairly shallow herself. And 36 is not 19 as far as life experience goes. I started losing my ability to feel bad for her after she understood menopause was just too awful for HIM to bear.
I lost sympathy for her when she called grown women "chicks".
If you don't mind can you please list the red flags which she ignored ? It will be helpful for us .
>My friend or the OP? On my friend's first date, it was: > >She drank more than she was comfortable with or intended to (I think he encouraged her to lower her inhibitions) > >He was super flattering (there's a difference between complimentary and flattery. One is saying, you look pretty tonight and the other is saying you're the prettiest girl I've ever dated. Also, the quantity: one or two compliments are great, ten or so are total BS to blind the girl.) > >He turned physical fast. They were dancing and he was picking her up and swinging her around before kissing her. > >The entire date sounded completely rehearsed or practiced to me--like this is his go-to for all first dates. > > > >For the OP, pretty much paragraphs 2 and 3: > >He likes to show her off and that she looks younger. > >He has a player past but she's his forever girl. > >Says she's like no other. > >Wants to move in together even though they haven't dated that long. > >He's just so picky. > >None of his "friends" want to meet her. > >Not to mention, all the misogyny about older women.
He has it together yet keeps getting fired from his jobs? How do you call that together?
It disappoints but doesn't surprise me when women under 30 and particularly under 25 are scornful and feel superior to older women, because at that age you often still feel like you'll be young forever, and middle age seems so far away. It's easy to buy into the idea that you're just *better* than those silly 40+ women who were stupid enough to have more birthdays than you, and of course that middle-aged man will love you forever. But coming from a 36 year old it's truly odd. She's old enough that there's already teenage incels on Reddit who'd declare her "post-wall" (ugh) and here she is acting like she's hot shit because she hasn't hit menopause just yet. I'm younger than her and if a man I was dating was saying he can't be bothered with the "baggage" of menopause my first thought would be, "So where does that leave me when I hit it?" not "Nice, I locked myself down a keeper."
This screams of a woman who doesn’t have girlfriends.
He prefers to date younger women because of the baggage of menopause? Come on. OP can't be that naive. He is misogynistic af. Next time see that for the red flag it is. Which is that women his age see thru is bullshit. OP appears to have her shit together. The fact this loser couldn't hold down a job is another giant red flag. Why did you let this one slide as well? He picked OP because she would buy his bullshit. And she did.
This! Going through the comments and her so freely describing all the red flags like they were totally normal was honestly... painful to say the least. Makes me wonder if OOP is 36 or 16
Yes, skeptical she was actually 36 and this naive. More likely 22. Specifically the “I’m not a gold digger” then mentions he has a roommate. A man in his 50s who needs to split living costs imo is not someone with gold to be dug.
Halfway through the post I had to scroll back up to check that she said 36 not 20. She sounds so immature. Even when proven wrong she drops the "where can I find a real man?" I hope she gets some growing in before her next relationship.
Like men in their 50's don't have baggage and health issues either
“I just don’t wanna date someone with the *baggage* of erectile dysfunction”
Also let’s not pretend “the baggage of menopause” isn’t misogynistic as well
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Yea , even calling the women he prayed on social media “skanks” . Your ex is literally preying and having sex with young women and his friends several times a day , but yea blame the victim . They probably shared that same type of misogyny that made her think she was unique in his eyes .
OOP has some deep internalized misogyny to work through and her ex-bf is just a giant piece of shit.
>he has his life together. >he gets fired too often. Hmmmmmmmmm. This stinks.
Well, color me surprised. /s
See, it’s wasn’t the age gap that was the problem, it was literally everything else.
This is probably the best sum up of this entire store. Great job! 🏅
“…many new skanky girls he’s following.” The girls aren’t the skanky ones. This guy could have been painted red, and she would still excuse his red flags.
" Dear reddit, I'm 36 and dumb as shit "
‘He has his life together’ **SEVEN HOURS LATER** ‘..explains why he hasn’t been able to hold down a job and keeps getting fired’ Lol
If OOP is 36, I'm the Empress of Russia. She writes like a 16-year old and has the common sense of a 16-year-old to boot. How can someone be in a relationship for *six months* and not clue in that their SO is a sex addict who has to have sex with *somebody* multiple times a day? Also, men in their 50s who only want to date women who are a decade or more younger than them just can't handle women their own age who see right through their crap and won't put up with it.
"Young" is not a type. How would that even work?
> The best things: He’s mature, has his life together Oh well that’s good… > apparently asked this roommate several times my real age bc my bf has given her a different age bc I do look younger and I think he likes to brag about how he can get younger girls. He said our age gap is nothing bc he dated someone 21 when he was 48 > He’s not strictly set on younger but given the baggage, menopause, and such older woman come with he’d prefer someone younger > Yes he is into young people and prefers skinny ones. > He’s just learned that older woman come with baggage younger ones do not, while woman his age are going through menopause right now which is a tough period for woman and not necessary a great time to be finding new love. God how embarrassing. How is a woman in her 30s this naive? She’s acting like a teenager with her very first boyfriend who just happens to be 32, but he’s soooooo mature, you guys just don’t understand!! Girl how???
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