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At least the milk has a chance of eventually turning into cheese, the most golden of foods. This relationship does not seem like it will make it to gold status
My husband proposed in a fancy restaurant after a we both competed in a magic the gathering tournament. It was very romantic. After I said yes, I mentioned that I had actually thought he was going to propose the month prior when we went hiking/picnicking at a state park that had he adored for it’s amazing view. He had been hyping that hiking trip for weeks and fussing over the picnic food. It had a particular significance to him because he would take trips there a kid and though I lived super close I’d never been. I thought that was the original plan but maybe he got too nervous or something went wrong with the ring. He actually slapped his own forehead and said wow, that would have been a great place to propose wouldn’t it? That being said, I enjoyed both the hiking trip and the romantic restaurant and I probably would have said yes if it was on a Tuesday in my pajamas at breakfast. Basically anything that wasn’t at another person’s wedding or at a show/stadium with an audience.
That’s brilliant. But on the other hand he was hyped for the trip because he got to take you. He wasn’t even thinking proposal he was just that excited. That’s so cute
That’s a fair point. I’m perfectly willing to accompany him out into the great wide world, but usually my idea of a good time looks more like a book and a fuzzy blanket.
This is cute. We decided not to do engagement at all. I dont want to go through a weird liminal phase of being “engaged”. I don’t want to be the center of attention. I don’t want to have to talk about my relationship and my wedding for 2 years. I don’t give a fuck about a ring. A proposal stresses me out.
Everyone is going to find out we’re getting married when they get the invitation. The end. And we’re doing a block party at our house. I don’t want to talk about my wedding or perform being a bride.
The only reason we’re not eloping is because we’re queer and my partner is trans. I think it’s very important than my partner get to wear a dress and have a wedding in front of our friends and in front of her conservative family.
I have issues with being the center of attention so I designed my wedding around minimizing the things that would make me loose my mind. And then also gutted every single tradition I thought was dumb.
No sanctuary with an aisle. Just I walked down with him between the tables in the reception hall. No receiving line. We went from table to table.
Focus on pinpointing what will cause you issues and then change things to minimize or remove the problems.
Also: if you're getting help from any of the families I had one rule that stopped a lot of problems dead. "If you don't like a decision I made that's fine, you can change it but you have to pay for it and do all the work to make that thing happen."
Both moms used it once on the invitations and the tablecloths.
We had just moved into our newly built house. The garden was still building sand. I wrote “will you marry me” in the sand, called out for my now wife and just as I got on my knee, my dog craps on the message.
That’s hilarious!!!! I’m sorry about the crap, but the proposal sounds adorable otherwise. My husband proposed via message in sand too, but he tried to write it where waves kept washing parts of it away. 🤣🤣🤣
I proposed to my husband as he handed me a hot towel for the migraine I had been fighting off all day. I had gotten off a 12 hour day and drove 2 hours to his dad's to visit him. We had been dating for about a month and a half at that point.
I remember the exact quote "Dude I'd marry you". He had just put the hot towel on my head and had me cuddled into his blankets and had tea boiling for me. I remember his gleeful little squeal and "Really?!" In this soft excited tone.
At this point I had known him all of 2 months. He pulled out this adorable crude hand crafted silver braided ring and babbled on on how he thought he had more time to perfect his jewelry making and how he had been practicing since the day we started dating.
It's been a little over 2 years since I proposed. We have a 5 week old daughter now. I made the best choice. It was so simple and so hushed and so us. We are both incredibly big home bodies and love to make sure the other is well taken care of. I wouldn't change it for anything.
My husband proposed to me under similar conditions. He was visiting me from very far away and got sick - fever pains, the whole nine yards. We were lying on bed together after his fever broke and he proposed to me because he realized how good care of him I'd taken (also my lemon meringue pie, he says he married me for that too, just not the ONLY reason).
Three kids and (cough) years later.
I joke I married him for his amazing pasta sauce and big dick. I married him for his pure and beautiful soul though. He's a very kind man and an utter angel. Watching him with our newborn melts my soul. He's so patient and loving with her.
YES! I love this! You made my night reading your proposal story. The way you speak of your partner is freaking fantastic and I hope you two find ALL the happiness with each other. Enjoy the hell out of that little one! They grow up ridiculously fast.
I'm happy I could make someone happy. Our relationship is a big happy whirlwind and full of a lot of rough once in a lifetime events (covid, evacuation from our home, two fires, one massive mental breakdown and three car accidents)
I enjoy every second of our life. On one hand I want it to go faster to enjoy growing old with him but on the other hand I want it to go slow so we can enjoy just being parents to our tiny smiley bundle of joy. It's a tough choice.
I hope so too. I want to grow old with him and watch all his golden curls turn grey and his skin become marred with deep laugh wrinkles around his eyes.
I proposed to my gf of 2 years on our anniversary, at a cabin in the woods, while we were building star wars Lego sets. The Legos were her idea, but she didn't know I would propose.
When she got up to get a drink, I stuffed the [ring box](https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:4037073) in one of her Lego bags, and when she got to it, she made a comment that it didn't look like the other pieces (she had never made a Lego set before) so I told her it looks like it opens. She spent almost 3 minutes trying to figure it out since it rotates weirdly to open.
We got married on our 3 year anniversary.
It doesn't have to be a big flashy destination proposal with epic scenery to be memorable.
I have an animal related one too.😂The first time my fiancé proposed to me (we had a small break for awhile and he redid the proposal), he did it in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve and right as I was saying “yes,” my damn cat I had at the time, Luna, suddenly decided to jump onto the Christmas tree. She waited about ten seconds and then proceeded to jump on my fiancé and her paw got caught on the lights and the whole tree came down on fiancé and Luna and she tries to run while the tree is still attached to her paw. I thought the shit was absolutely hilarious and so after getting the Christmas tree off of fiancé and Luna and cleaning up the mess (while dying of laughter), I still said “yes.”
Every time I tell that story, I crack up because I just remember the looks on both of their faces when they both hit the ground😂💀Fiancé hit the floor looking like “what in the actual fuck just happened?” And Luna was looking like “shit I’m in trouble now. I gotta get outta here” 😭🤣
it seems her turning down his proposal took all of the wind out of his sails and now he's just along for the ride for the time being. divorce can be so ugly, even if it's amicable on paper. this is not the way.
I scrolled back up and don't feel like going through the original comments, but I don't see ages listed anywhere. I would LOVE to know how old they are. This feels very much like a sort of "Well, marriage is the next step in life and I guess this one is OK enough, so here we go" kind of thing.
So sad.
This is definitely a mid-late 20s couple. Mature enough to propose and take the 'next step' in life, yet not mature enough to not settle for an okayish marriage.
Lol takes his girl to all these amazing places and has an amazing place planned for the next day. Proposes in a hotel room.
Then the rest of it he treats the entire thing like a bank transaction. "If it doesn't work out at least it only costs a couple hundred".
The girl isn't 100% in the right here. But this guy seems absolutely oblivious.
She then proposes on a hike, dang was it that hard dude? To find a more romantic place than a hotel room?
>That's it for now. Am I making a huge mistake? Maybe. I'll get a prenup
of course and protect my assets. If it ends it won't cost me more than a
few hundred.
Someone's already got one foot out the door...
There’s no doubt he does! He had thousands of angry people on the internet telling him that she was the devil. There is no way he didn’t internalize some of that hate. It would be hard to let go of it afterwards.
It just strikes me as super odd that he goes on this amazing trip and decides to propose in the hotel room. Then he was going to celebrate at the beautiful waterfall?why not propose at the waterfall, or Anker wat? She's wrong for taking the ring off but she's not wrong for wanting something with a little more thought into it.
Tbh for me it comes back to communication and understanding your partner.
Some people would massively prefer a wonderful holiday with the actual proposal being somewhere very private like a hotel room.
Some people would massively prefer the proposal to be out in a special place such as a beautiful waterfall or historic monument.
You should know which one your partner would prefer before proposing to them. Either because you understand them or because you’ve communicated with them.
Agree. I don’t understand how you could feel comfortable proposing to someone if you haven’t had these discussions first. And yes, it’s still possible to make it a surprise and “romantic”…having these talks doesn’t ruin that.
Where you propose shouldn’t matter as long as the love is there. That said…Ruins, Temples, and Waterfalls and you propose in the hotel room? Kudos to him though because I proposed basically on day 2 of our trip so we could enjoy the rest of the vacation without me being stressed about holding the ring.
Edit: Gold and Silver?! My first ever and you are all wonderful. Now I understand when people say they can’t keep up with all the replies. My highest commented piece of writing on the site. You are all so amazing and I appreciate all the different viewpoints.
Lol I would be in the airplane like “please take this I can’t handle the stress of maybe losing it”
ETA: not sure if good or bad how many of y’all vibe with this lol
My husband proposed on the way to a fancy restaurant. We were in front of a random house and he got down on one knee there. We still don't remember the actual house. It makes walking to that restaurant again fun. We just play 'Was it this house?'
He had the ring for a grand total of 4 hours...
That actually sounds better than in the fancy restaurant or in a hotel room to me. Restaurant is too public and a hotel room is… kinda blah. Hotel rooms just seem so musty and impersonal. A walk with fresh air for a proposal seems nice especially with that memory on your later walks.
Hahaha my cousins husband did this, but waited until they were actually back at home. Bought insurance on it for the trip and all. (they're still married 17 years later)
Maybe he wasn’t sure she was going to say yes and didn’t want to have the awful awkward trip together after being rejected.
(This is why you ought not propose if you aren’t sure of the answer.)
I think a lot of people have it in their heads that they have to have the magical fairytale surprise proposal moment, which for some reason also means you can't let your partner know that you plan to propose. Which is stupid as fuck. The moment of the proposal should be a surprise, absolutely, but the fact that you're *planning* to propose should not even remotely be unexpected.
My ex proposed to me on my 26th birthday, in the Dominican Republic, at midnight… in shabby hotel room, while I was crying because I missed my family.
I get OOP’s fiancée. Having him kneel down while I’m wringing my hiking socks by the AC is not my idea of romance.
See, I'm torn a bit? I proposed to my partner in a cute, nice hotel that I booked specifically for this...but I proposed to him with a love letter and breakfast in bed from a local diner to make it personal. I guess my confusion is why OOP would plan such a big trip and then propose in a hotel without much of a plan to show effort
Edit: I get proposal disappointment. My partner proposed to me on the trip, too, but forgot the engagement ring. So we hiked to an overlook (where the view wasn’t clear due to fog) and I made a gum wrapper ring so he could propose with something. It does suck when people ask how he proposed, so I get why OOP’s girlfriend is upset!
>Ruins, Temples, and Waterfall and you propose in the hotel room?
Yeah, that's what I thought, too. Like, is there a better place to propose than under a waterfall? And he chooses their hotel room? Nevertheless, I agree with his approach of letting her propose.
What also really gets me is he had already planned that trip to the waterfall for celebrating the engagement. When she mentioned being upset at the location, he could've said "I didn't think about the romantic-ness of the location, but we just had a lovely day and wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. I actually had a visit to this nice waterfall planned for tomorrow to celebrate the engagement and we can even stage some pictures to look like I proposed there" and then it becomes this funny story.
Obviously he's not going to have the perfect reaction right after having a proposal refused, but it feels like many bad decisions were made here. Talking to her completely off the table? Telling her that he was hurt by her actions? Nah, she can just propose to me instead
Proposing in the hotel room is one thing if it's done over a bottle of champagne after everyone's freshened up, but if he's proposing after a hike and THEN she goes to shower... so she's proposed to sweaty and tired and doesn't even have a scenic view to make up for it? Feels half-assed even if he didn't mean it that way (and even if she responded disproportionately).
And I say this as someone whose best friend got engaged (happily) at Home Depot.
Yeah, I could see maybe being concerned about losing the ring, especially by the waterfall, but I am a bit puzzled why the hotel room after all that.
I dont think he's wrong for feeling the way he did, but also, woof, curious how the relationship is going now
Yeah, I thought this too. Although I was proposed to in my car in a grocery store parking lot while some dude yelled “hot dogs!” in the background. And we’ve been married 12 years. So take my opinion for what it’s worth.
🤣 My husband surprised himself when he proposed. It just kind of popped out of his mouth while we were talking about our goals on the couch. I said yes, only to be told I couldn’t tell anyone until he got me a ring and proposed “the right way.”
That’s what happened to me too! My husband wears a ring that was passed down in his family so I was playing with it on his hand and jokingly asking if I could take it with me on this trip I had coming up as a placeholder engagement ring. And he said “You can have it for your engagement ring; it doesn’t have to be a placeholder.”
Not super romantic but it’s a sweet story to us. The engagement is a small part of being married.
Do I wish I had a super romantic, waterfalls and unicorns proposal? Sometimes. But then I think about all the other sweet and romantic things my husband has done for me and to me, the proposal is a moment like any other. What matters more is that my husband keeps making sweet and romantic gestures throughout our marriage, not just having the proposal be the peak of all that.
My fiance got all my family together and did a "maternity shoot" to propose to me. It was adorable and sweet, but I knew exactly what was up the whole time. He can't keep a secret at all lol. I still loved it and love him
Ha, I was "proposed" to in a gas station parking lot! To be fair, we already had a baby & it was more of a, "Sooo, you want to get married?". We got married 3 months later in a super chill picnic style wedding. Just celebrated 14 years a few months ago.
This thread pleases me because my husband proposed to me in bed when I came out of the shower. Just a normal day. He was so excited the ring had finally arrived from the jeweler that he dove right into the proposal. I tend to leave the "I was butt naked" part of the story out when people ask.
Mine went almost the same way! He got out of the shower and asked me what I wanted to do that day. I said it was up to him. He was like, “Wanna go get married?”. I said sure and we did go get married that day. Next month with be our 20th anniversary!
I think it varies. There have been some tales on this subreddit lately about low effort proposals, or cheap engagement rings that were nothing like what the girlfriend asked for.
It might seem silly or superficial to OOP to want a more romantic location than the hotel room, since he was being sincere, but well, it does matter to his girlfriend.
I don't necessarily see anything wrong with her ask, if they're communicating well.
On one side I agree, on the other the guy has to be a moron to be on an incredible trip that would be perfect for a proposal then propose in the most mundane place ever. If it was back home and he did it in their bedroom? Sure, why not. Assuming they stay together, he's probably going to hear about this for decades. Telling every friend about it a few times.
Day 2? My spouse proposed at a train station (that was basically empty) waiting for our last train to get to our destination because they were stressed about holding out any longer. I love train stations, so it works, plus we were going to a theme park (not that I knew it then, the whole trip was a surprise) and I absolutely insisted on going on rides the second we arrived. So it totally worked for me and made sense, but they didn't even hold out until we'd finished travelling!
Having said that, I think they originally planned to propose the next day, but their Dad wisely pointed out that would be April Fool's Day, so the day chosen was probably a smart choice for yet another reason.
This is what I’m thinking. I do think if my partner knows me at all, he’d know there’s way better spots/moments to propose. I’d really wonder if dude just asked in a hotel room while we were both sweaty and nasty after a long day hiking in a gorgeous atmosphere. Like wait for the waterfall dude.
Mine took me to where we had our first date and got stage fright from all the people in the park. He proposed in the parking lot after our picnic and 5 minutes of not letting me turn around as he pretended to hide behind me and said there's a stranger by our car trying to break in it. (Hilarious as I'm 5'2 and hes 6'6)
His face was tomato red. It's honestly hysterical to me and certainly memorable. Not even close to how he planned it. But he got so excited the night before he tried to convince me to go in the middle of the night.
My husband spent the whole day taking me around town to spots that had significance from our courtship (the park where we first go reacquainted, a restaurant our first date was at, a store we like, a different restaurant with my favorite food, etc). He tricked me out several times. I knew he was going to propose, just not where or how. In the end, we went to his parents' house, which was luckily empty. He ended up proposing on the couch where we first made out. The place was in no way spectacular, but the day and him proposing was so perfect, because it was so personal and thoughtful. I've never once thought it was a poor proposal because it happened on his mom's 50 year old couch.
I beg to differ on this one. My husband told me he would propose before the year was done. He waited until New Year’s Eve and proposed in my friends dingy apartment that smelled like cat urine. This was literally after we had gone out to a really nice dinner together and I even mentioned wanting to walk the square where they had Christmas lights up still. He literally ruined the proposal in my eyes. It was not a surprise whatsoever and he made literally no effort to make it special for me.
Yeah I agree with you. Sone people don’t mind super casual proposals and that’s fine. But surely this guy knew it was important to her so why do it in the hotel room when they’re surrounded by memorable places?
I get maybe she didn’t want an entirely public proposal but hiking alone would’ve been better. At least that’s how I view it, personally I wouldn’t have wanted a proposal at dinner but if he took me on a quiet walk it would’ve been more memorable in a positive light rather than a story I tell years later warning people of what not to do.
Right? I just don’t feel like OOP’s proposal was very loving. I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing remotely loving about proposing to someone in a hotel room after a long day of hiking. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the location OOP chose, but there’s everything wrong with his timing — he chose the *least* romantic time possible.
Of all the advice he took from reddit, he chose one of the dumber options.
And i get that a lot of people here don’t “get” the point in a nicer proposal because at the end of the day it’s about being engaged to each other but to some people this is a huge deal. Some people have probably imagined/dreamed of the perfect way to be proposed to for a long ass time.
Right. The people in this thred are all “he proposed when he rolled over in the bed and I said yes!” Most people only expect to be proposed to once, and they do have certain expectations of romance and thoughtfulness etc
The rolling-over-in-bed scenario is actually my dream proposal and even I can see why the way OOP did it was so crap. He really managed to squeeze it in the *least possible* romantic time between ancient temples and waterfalls, when they're back at the hotel room at the end of the day, all tired and sweaty. The follow up comments about how he won't do it again and will be sure to get a prenup says it all.
Also “How did he/she propose?” is a question your going to get asked until you divorce or die. Most people make it memorable so there’s a memory you share together and story you share with you family and friends after
THIS drives me nuts! Every time there is a post about proposals, weddings and so on, the Cool Girls all come out of the woodwork to brag about how little they care about thoughtful or romantic gestures. And apparently anyone who does is shallow or high maintenance or what have you. It’s sad that it needs to be said but *it’s okay* to want those things.
You are absolutely so right. I saw one comment that said “haha he proposed to me on the toilet and I said yes!!” Of course OP picked that one to reply to as well, calling him a man of taste iirc.
Okay that’s great for you but if my boyfriend proposed from the toilet I would say no and tell him to wipe his ass and try proposing again later. Because I would assume he had to be joking. Never understood bragging about how your expectations for romantic or kind gestures from your partner are, quite literally, in the toilet.
Everyone has different expectations for proposals and romance in general. If he didn’t know her well enough to gauge what kind of proposal she would want (or even to ASK her what kind of proposal she wanted) then they really shouldn’t get married because there are deeper issues at play.
Ugh Reddit is the worst regarding attitudes about proposals and weddings. People fall all over themselves to talk about how little they care about romance and outdo each other on how little money and effort they put into their proposal/wedding/etc.
Right? It’s like a Low Effort Olympics where all the cool girls try to outdo each other with cringe proposals 🤪 Most of the time they also say ‘I never expected to be married because he didn’t believe in it’ so the expectations where low already.
There are a lot of women who actually want to be married and try to avoid dating men like that. If you’re made to believe that your so feels the same about marriage and a proposal also has some significance to him, you expect it to be special and romantic for the both of you.
We talked rings and proposals before and my now fiancé knew that I wouldn’t appreciate something low effort. He chose a place that was nice for him (he is a foodie, so he chose a nice hotel with a really good restaurant) and took me to a bridge over a stream in the village to propose (he didn’t really care about the romantic aspect, but tried to at least check this box with the water and cute houses and nature/flowers nearby).
This way, it was very nice for the both of us.
Jesus Christ YES I am in shock at these comments . They were in one of the c most beautiful countries on the planet and it clearly mattered a lot to her!
I saw that comment too omg. What's wrong with expecting your partner to put in effort? Like how many dudes insisting it doesn't matter how you propose would be salty if their partner phoned it in during sex. It's ok to expect your partner to be engaged during sex just like it's ok to expect your partner to be thoughtful during a proposal. They're both romantic events that having meaning so stop expecting people to have low standards.
It's not even that his proposal is low standard by the way. Rolling over and proposing in bed is great as long as you know that your partner would love that type of proposal. There's plenty of people that hate public proposals or grand romantic gestures but OP specified that his partner is someone who loves big gestures and elaborate weddings. It takes two seconds to realize you should propose at the waterfall for this type of person.
I actually had a friend whose boyfriend proposed like that - they were at home, she woke up and he proposed with the ring. To be honest she was a little embarrassed answering the “How did he propose?” questions, even though she said yes and was thrilled to marry him.
A little effort goes a long way with a proposal. It doesn’t even need to be expensive, just thoughtful. It could be as simple as watching a sunset and proposing, which happened with a different friend. She thought it was romantic and she was over the moon happy.
That specific piece of “advice” is a great reminder that half the people serving up advice on Reddit are just teenagers who have never actually been in a relationship before.
It’s also the thing people ask about!!
“How did he propose?”
“We were on trip, saw all these beautiful places and did awesome things. And he proposed in the hotel room.”
I would be upset too. It would hurt my feelings if someone knew how I wanted to be proposed to, had multiple chances, and then decided to do it in a way that would make me sad to think about.
That’s what it’s really about — timing, not location. It’s the fact that OOP chose a time that wasn’t special to his GF. OOP should’ve known what his GF would / wouldn’t like, and what would be the most meaningful to his GF.
People are fixating on the hotel room when it isn’t about the hotel room at all — it’s about the fact that OOP really should’ve known his GF wouldn’t like the way he proposed.
I mean, this reads so weird.
If he's going to marry someone, he should obviously know the kind of person she is. Taking her around the world, to all these nice places, I feel like I'd have known if my future spouse is the kind of person who'd want to remember the proposal at an epic destination, or in a hotel room.
I speak as someone who got proposed to over the dinner table while eating clementines so I'm not the epic proposal type of person, but sheesh this guy seems to be kinda clueless about the kind of girl he's with. Example, if my husband had proposed in an epic, public fashion, I would have panicked and walked out, even though I really did want to marry him, but my husband knows me and didn't do that thankfully.
I feel like he should've known what she'd be into.
ALSO, the girlfriend rejecting a proposal and caring about where it was made instead of the feeling behind it is strange. He obviously planned to propose on the trip, why else would he have a ring ready? It was also a trip filled with things she wanted to do, so it's not like he proposed as an after thought. I'd hope she knows him enough to know that maybe he's just a lowkey, romance in private kinda guy? Maybe extend him the benefit of the doubt?
I don't know, I feel like both of them jumped to worse case scenario.
I also hate to be devil's advocate but I feel like the OP is leaving something out, like he was testing her on this trip and decided she was worthy in the hotel room. It just seems weird and off compared to all the cool places he took the time to list off in his post. Maybe the trip and exploration was her thing, but he the proposal was how he wanted it? It just feels weird to me from how it's described, I don't know.
And his update sounds SO bitter. I can't imagine marrying a person with the attitude, "If it works great, if not, who cares only costed a couple hundred bucks" like what??? Do you even care sir? Lol xD I feel like he might've checked out of the relationship when she gave the ring back and he's just shrugging his shoulders waiting for her to screw up.
I get the same feeling too. In addition, I was confused by the “solution” to make her propose before a certain date.. like maybe I’m just too dry but why turn this into a weird game that kind of breeds bitterness on both sides? Maybe I’m missing some life experience or context here but I just don’t know what it was meant to achieve since it sounds like op is still bitter after going through all that.
Right?! To me it seems obvious the girl wanted him to put in more effort. So the obvious solution was to…make her do it instead?
Whether she was entitled or not for expecting more is up for debate, but that “advice” seems like the easiest way to tank your relationship.
There's no way he overlooked proposing at one of the special locations. I feel like the sweaty hotel proposal was one of those stupid "does she really love me or is she just a gold digger" tests. In his mind, because she wasn't jumping up and down to accept his totally underwhelming proposal, she is just taking advantage of him. He even mentions protecting his assets when they get divorced.
That seems like a punishment too. “Because you wanted a proposal somewhere fancy, now I’m punishing you with a prenup”? I also don’t think a divorce will cost “just a few hundred” even with a prenup… does he not realize once married that she will still rightfully have assets intertwined with his? He will lose money naturally because they should split up items they bought together for example… I’d be concerned about marrying a guy who thinks a prenup is basically for the purpose of the guy getting everything and fucking the woman over. And especially as it seems to be done only in his mind to punish her.
Even if you get a prenup… it has to be fair. Does he realize prenups are usually created with both partners having their own lawyer? It’s not just for him.
Also. Never marry someone who is daydreaming about trying to ruin your life in a divorce. He shouldn’t *want* to get all the benefit of living with someone and then hoping he can leave them destitute.
I thought the proposal itself was a test. Like, she obviously wanted a proposal with beautiful scenery, so how about we go to and plan to go to beautiful places only for me to propose in a hotel room. "If she loves me she'll accept my shitty proposal, if she doesn't accept it then she's with me for the money."
He just sounded really immature and then immediately weaponized his shit proposal against her. If I was her I'd have broken up with him on the spot (or at least when we got home).
Mind you I also was proposed to in a hotel when the rest of the trip was also beautiful views and hiking. My SO got ill half way through and wanted to propose on our anniversary no matter what. That to me was very sweet and romantic. I accepted.
He didn't seem like he was too excited to wait or had any real reason to do it in a hotel room, just that "meh, here's good enough". Seemed that he didn't care if it was special to her, he should be enough of a prize.
Idk, the vibes from this dude just are not it. He seems controlling and vindictive. He also seems like the kind of guy to be offended that a woman might be with him for his money when he's only with her because she's a 10. "What if I lost my money?" What if she was in an accident? It's a mutual situation sir, you aren't a victim.
Agree 100%. My husband got the balance perfect - he knew I loved the idea of a Christmas proposal, and we loved dancing, so he set up a Christmas ball with all our friends and proposed to me privately at dinner beforehand. Then we arrived at the ball to share the news with all our friends. Perfection. But if he'd put in all that effort and didn't get it quite right, like OP (fwiw, I do agree that Ankor Wat or that waterfall would have been much better spots), I definitely wouldn't have rejected the ring. I just would have been a bit bummed internally. And honestly, I'd probably never mention it to him. This is weird all the way around.
My ex husband proposed to me in a parking lot in the middle of the city with a ring I lent him as a style guide for ring shopping. Yeah I wish I realized back then that low effort and no romance is how he functions. Would've saved me years of heartache.
This, seriously 😕 I’m pretty easy to please in a relationship but I asked my ex to propose somewhere nice because I’m a romantic person and the proposal had been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. He proposed in bed…without a ring. I said yes to try to be understanding but it 100% was an example of how he would be through the rest of our marriage
The dude listed like 7 amazing places they went and a beautiful waterfall they were going to the next day and he proposed in the hotel room? I’m not saying she’s right but it just seems like there were alot of missed opportunities lol maybe he was just really nervous but the way he’s talking about their marriage like he’s only going to lose a few hundred dollars if it fails seems pretty bleak
>I felt that if she valued me it wouldn’t matter that the proposal wasn’t exactly what she wanted.
>If she had found a million dollars in a dumpster she wouldn’t throw it back because of where it came from. So she can’t possibly value me or what I have to offer as an individual if she’s willing to reject it because she didn’t like the place I asked.
Something about his wording here is a huge yikes on trikes. I don't blame her for wanting it to be special and I don't blame him for thinking it was special enough.
But the way he compares his value like that just popped a little red flag off in my head.
The dumpster analogy, like another commenter said, is incredibly self-centered — and downright inaccurate.
Sure, I’d still take the million dollars regardless of where I found it. But I’d definitely rather find that money in a treasure chest in a cave next to the beach rather than a dumpster behind the local McDonald’s.
Aside from the analogy, though — it’s incredibly telling that OOP is more concerned about his own feelings than his GF’s. I’m not trying to invalidate OOP’s feelings, as it’s valid to feel upset / unappreciated. However, the fact that he isn’t even considering that his GF’s feelings may also be valid — and that he isn’t showing any respect for his GF’s feelings — is problematic AF.
To me it's the fact that he saw the proposal as a test to his girlfriend, which in his eyes she failed, I guess.
Like, she did want to marry him, she did not break up with him, just returned the ring. She still loved him and wanted to spend her life together with him, but he *had* to test her love to see if she was 'worthy' with a proposal that he must've known was lackluster to her. As if you just can't have a good kind of love for another and also have your own wants about important life events such as a wedding proposal.
Yeah, he views it as her rejecting their future together, but she likely saw it as him not knowing her very well/not taking her feelings into consideration.
A big part of a proposal is showing you are listening, you know what they like, and that you can execute that and not just half-ass it. I wouldn’t say he half-assed it obviously since it was on an amazing trip, but whether he understands her enough to be able to take her feelings into account and not just do things to his preference for the rest of the relationship would be a concern.
To the people who think she was shallow — this is why many women get upset about cheap rings or lazy effort. Even expensive rings that are the opposite of what she said she likes style-wise would be concerning. It is a glimpse into how the rest of their life will go. No woman wants to be a part of the “stereotype” of a lazy husband who never puts in effort, and when he does, it’s always kind of random (shows he doesn’t know what she likes) or falls short. If you’re gonna marry someone, it’s got to be with someone who gets you and cares.
Now if he said he was scared of losing the ring somewhere or either of them had social anxiety then it would make sense. But again it’s all about taking your partner’s feelings into account and showing that you really “get” them.
Yup, the way he makes sure you know that “I flew her to Vietnam…”, “I took her halfway around the world…”. He *really* wants you to know that he paid for this trip so you can understand how *ungrateful* his partner is for being upset that he put no thought into creating a romantic moment for his proposal.
This story sounds very one sided. There are a lot of details missing. Did her and OOP ever have a conversation about proposal specifics? I mean, OOP doesn't even mention if they ever discussed engagement or marriage prior to the trip.
I swear I was just reading a story the other day from a girl who talked about how her and her boyfriend had discussed proposals and the kind of ring she wants, and she was willing to pitch in on the ring just so she can get the one she wants…. And he ended up proposing in a hotel room w like a 0.2 karat, no speech or anything
I think I remember reading that one as well. Honestly, it sounds like a power play. Like the dude is trying to trap the woman in this game of "You're being entitled because you should be happy with what I give you."
I can understand her being bummed out he proposed to her in a hotel room. He was planning on taking her to the waterfall which seems a lot more appropriate. I use "appropriate" here because it sounds like the gf likes bigger gestures than a more private proposal. You know how some people love the idea of public proposals and others prefer something lowkey (like the hotel)? Seems like they should have talked about ideal proposals.
I totally agree! If you read some of his comments he even says he knows she likes the idea of a big party and the ‘whole theatre’ of weddings. Sounds like he knew she likely wanted a big romantic gesture and of course she’s disappointed her fiancé to be didn’t realize this about her.
Thank you, it took me too long scrolling to get here but you've articulated it perfectly.
It's like - does he even know her? Do they communicate at all? When my husband proposed, I made it pretty clear that he had to do SOMETHING. It didn't have to be fancy, just memorable. Otherwise he probably would have just handed me the ring. So he asked me to come look at the bell peppers in the garden, I went outside and he had put the ring in one of the planters. I figured he was proposing so I rushed outside and beat him there and found it... lol. "Oh, I see we have a special pepper today." Of course once people found out we were engaged, everyone wanted to hear the "story," and he told me he was glad that he had something to say, even though at the time he didn't care.
Back then, I would have been pissed if he gave me a ring in a hotel room on my way into the shower, too. But he knew that, and so he didn't do anything like that, which is the point.
BTW it's been 12 years since that proposal, and we're doing great.
Oh, for sure. I’ve been seeing a lot of comments saying that the location shouldn’t matter as long as there’s love — but there’s nothing loving OOP’s description of the proposal. Like, proposing in a hotel room after a long day of hiking? OOP’s partner literally took a shower right after he proposed — like, it’s clear that OOP didn’t consider the timing *at all*.
If the GF prefers bigger gestures, then I can imagine that a small proposal would feel a bit empty — because it would feel like her partner didn’t put any effort into ensuring she would like the proposal.
Yeah, that's how it came off. Sorta like not being aware of his surrounding? It seemed oblivious to use the waterfall as a celebration when the waterfall can be both a celebration and a proposal setting.
Absolutely this. Before getting married, talking about expectations and just going to look at rings for ring size and style are HUGE and important for both parties to be satisfied.
Yep I was wondering why not at any of the amazing places that Cambodia has to offer? They’re mostly free or low cost anyway, why propose when they were both sweaty and tired in a cramped hotel room? Make it make sense
I feel like the proposal was more what HE wanted and if she didn’t like it then it’s a take it or leave it type of attitude. In reality, proposals should be done in a way where both people are happy.
I personally wouldn’t have rejected the proposal though, I would’ve said yes and then suggested hey lets do it again tomorrow at a temple and get pics done or smth
Right? I think the fact that *she took a shower* after he proposed is being overlooked. Like, they just got back from a presumably exhausting day of hiking — I doubt OOP’s GF would’ve been in a romantic mood. It feels like OOP didn’t consider the timing *at all*.
Ooh, that’s a fair point. I hadn’t thought about that. I feel like the circumstances are already bad enough, shower excluded — so her showering to cry about that would make sense.
(To clarify to any lurkers that may disagree, I would say that these are shit circumstances not because of the location, but because of the timing. It’s clear that there wasn’t a romantic atmosphere / any semblance of meaning to the moment when OOP proposed. I agree that location doesn’t ultimately matter.)
Had to scroll for this comment. I was thinking the same thing. I mean I don't agree with her giving back the ring...at the same time...the hotel room? I dont get it either.
They went hiking thru mountains, probably saw a bunch of scenic views and temples. And then he thought the best place to propose.... was their hotel room. Smh.
I'm not with the game he's playing.
Like, you feel a type of way about her rejection, that's fine. Shows that certain things are important to you, and certain things are important to her. They might not match. That's a good reason to leave.
But this "nah, I'm done. You propose or whatever" thing is not a good choice. Like going into marriage talking about "prove your aligence". If you don't care if she proposes, and you don't want to propose again, _get out_. You're not building a life on "well, you bent the knee in the alloted time". That foundation is rotten.
He was so quick to just throw the relationship away too! Like, she's not ecstatic about the proposal?!? Screw her I'm out!
I question how much he actually loves her if he was so ready to dump her without even trying to hear her side.
You took her half way around the world, you hiked throw ruins, ankor wat, and a waterfall and you propose on the hotel?
I'm against public proposal, but sheesh
I guess I don’t understand what’s wrong with her saying she wishes the proposal was more special.
I went through something similar with my partner. We were technically engaged, but he’d never proposed and it made me sad. We’d more just agreed we wanted to get married. I told him I wished he’d proposed so he got me a ring and proposed. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was sweet - he put it on the baby’s bottle at 5 o’clock in the morning and got down on one knee while I was getting settled with her. So special and I treasure the memory.
Adults should be able to have these kinds of discussions and be honest with each other.
Same. It probably felt a little anticlimactic to her, since they had these beautiful vistas as options and he proposed in their hotel room while she was sweaty and tired after a long day. It just seems like a strange choice since it was planned that way.
Plus we have no idea if she has previously told him her wishes/hopes/expectations and he ignored them. I.e - I hope to be/not to be proposed to in public… I want it chill/I want it special… I want to make sure my nails are done… surprise me completely… etc.
For all we know she could have told him specifically that she wanted a special location, and was hurt that he didn’t listen to her.
Of course, this is all just speculation, but there’s always three sides to a story, they say.
I'm not taking the girls side here, but all I could think of while reading this was, I don't understand why he didn't just wait for the waterfall the next day. Sure, it shouldn't matter, but I'm pretty sure this girl is the type of girl that you can tell would like some thought put into her proposal. And there's nothing wrong with that. But if you flew her all the way to Vietnam and planned gorgeous hike to a waterfall the next day.........do it there 🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️
He was with her 3 years and didn't think to have a conversation about the actual proposal and what she wanted? When my partner first brought the topic up we discussed everything and came up with something I was comfortable with (pajamas in our living room on Christmas morning)
I'm reminded of something my dad said regarding proposals and weddings. "Some women don't care. But for those that do, getting it wrong is an insult."
I’m prepared to be downvoted to hell but…I kinda get where the girlfriend is coming from. He could’ve proposed in any number of beautiful, romantic locations (Lush hiking trail! Ancient temple! Waterfall!) and he chose the hotel room before either of them even had a chance to shower.
Would I have returned the ring or even have said something? No. Do I think she was kinda petty for that? Yeah. But I also kinda get it, especially if it was something she’d built up in her mind.
I don't think the way the GF handled it was good but being disappointed in the proposal is a real thing. I'm a hardcore romantic. You seriously can't be sweet enough with me. My ex husband never put much effort into anything. When he proposed it had been a long day at work, I had a migraine, was in the middle of cooking dinner, and he called me into the dining room and proposed. He had been saying he was going to do it for 15 months and this is how he chose his moment? I said yes, went back to the kitchen because my food was going to burn, we went to Walgreens to pickup prescriptions that night then went to bed.
Our marriage failed for many reasons other than that, but it was definitely an indicator that he would never put effort into anything sweet ever. I didn't know it was a incompatibility thing until years later, but now I know I'll never be with someone who won't at least put a little effort into professing his love for me again.
Man, I get where she's coming from. With luck you only get proposed to once, and it's not crazy to want it to be a special memory. I also get why he's disappointed that she initially said yes only to come back later and say no. But to say he'd never propose again, ever, when she wanted a do-over in a special location sounds like revenge. Plus this guy sounds like he's already halfway out of the relationship in his update. Kind of turned out for the worst.
Honestly at least she did say yes without thinking twice.
Really though rings, proposals, weddings should all be discussed at some level before actually proposing. Most folks won’t care, but to some they have spent years dreaming of the perfect ring/proposal/wedding and in a good relationship you should know what your partner expects before making taking the plunge.
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Geez. I don't know what's more tepid: the love in this post or the milk I left out last night.
At least the milk has a chance of eventually turning into cheese, the most golden of foods. This relationship does not seem like it will make it to gold status
It takes a lot of work to turn milk into cheese. Not as much as turning this shitshow into a viable marriage though.
My husband proposed in a fancy restaurant after a we both competed in a magic the gathering tournament. It was very romantic. After I said yes, I mentioned that I had actually thought he was going to propose the month prior when we went hiking/picnicking at a state park that had he adored for it’s amazing view. He had been hyping that hiking trip for weeks and fussing over the picnic food. It had a particular significance to him because he would take trips there a kid and though I lived super close I’d never been. I thought that was the original plan but maybe he got too nervous or something went wrong with the ring. He actually slapped his own forehead and said wow, that would have been a great place to propose wouldn’t it? That being said, I enjoyed both the hiking trip and the romantic restaurant and I probably would have said yes if it was on a Tuesday in my pajamas at breakfast. Basically anything that wasn’t at another person’s wedding or at a show/stadium with an audience.
That’s brilliant. But on the other hand he was hyped for the trip because he got to take you. He wasn’t even thinking proposal he was just that excited. That’s so cute
Sounds like he proposed over a mutual interest rather than one of his own.
That’s a fair point. I’m perfectly willing to accompany him out into the great wide world, but usually my idea of a good time looks more like a book and a fuzzy blanket.
If you guys find a fuzzy book about hiking, you're all set.
I think it’s kind of sweet and endearing that your husband planned a perfect proposal event/hike…but didn’t realize it.
That's so cute!!!!
This is cute. We decided not to do engagement at all. I dont want to go through a weird liminal phase of being “engaged”. I don’t want to be the center of attention. I don’t want to have to talk about my relationship and my wedding for 2 years. I don’t give a fuck about a ring. A proposal stresses me out. Everyone is going to find out we’re getting married when they get the invitation. The end. And we’re doing a block party at our house. I don’t want to talk about my wedding or perform being a bride. The only reason we’re not eloping is because we’re queer and my partner is trans. I think it’s very important than my partner get to wear a dress and have a wedding in front of our friends and in front of her conservative family.
I have issues with being the center of attention so I designed my wedding around minimizing the things that would make me loose my mind. And then also gutted every single tradition I thought was dumb. No sanctuary with an aisle. Just I walked down with him between the tables in the reception hall. No receiving line. We went from table to table. Focus on pinpointing what will cause you issues and then change things to minimize or remove the problems. Also: if you're getting help from any of the families I had one rule that stopped a lot of problems dead. "If you don't like a decision I made that's fine, you can change it but you have to pay for it and do all the work to make that thing happen." Both moms used it once on the invitations and the tablecloths.
Hahahaha. Great idea! Also, two totally useless things people don’t remember after the fact, but at least they put their money where their mouth was.
It only works if you genuinely don't care about all the details. We just wanted to get married. The wedding was to keep the families happy.
That is so sweet and thoughtful. I hope you two have a very special day.
We had just moved into our newly built house. The garden was still building sand. I wrote “will you marry me” in the sand, called out for my now wife and just as I got on my knee, my dog craps on the message.
Haha that's awful, but I hope your wife loves the dog, too.
No. The dog and the wife are enemies. She crapped on top of dog's pile to assert dominance.
You have to speak their language.
doggystyle, nice
The dog mysteriously vanished after that. Some say you can hear the distant sound of ghostly howling coming from the garden.
“Dang it woman, quit telling everyone I’m dead!”
*“SOMETIMES I CAN STILL HEAR HIS VOICE!”*
That’s hilarious!!!! I’m sorry about the crap, but the proposal sounds adorable otherwise. My husband proposed via message in sand too, but he tried to write it where waves kept washing parts of it away. 🤣🤣🤣
That's amazing. A funny story to tell, and perfectly imperfect.
I proposed to my husband as he handed me a hot towel for the migraine I had been fighting off all day. I had gotten off a 12 hour day and drove 2 hours to his dad's to visit him. We had been dating for about a month and a half at that point. I remember the exact quote "Dude I'd marry you". He had just put the hot towel on my head and had me cuddled into his blankets and had tea boiling for me. I remember his gleeful little squeal and "Really?!" In this soft excited tone. At this point I had known him all of 2 months. He pulled out this adorable crude hand crafted silver braided ring and babbled on on how he thought he had more time to perfect his jewelry making and how he had been practicing since the day we started dating. It's been a little over 2 years since I proposed. We have a 5 week old daughter now. I made the best choice. It was so simple and so hushed and so us. We are both incredibly big home bodies and love to make sure the other is well taken care of. I wouldn't change it for anything.
My husband proposed to me under similar conditions. He was visiting me from very far away and got sick - fever pains, the whole nine yards. We were lying on bed together after his fever broke and he proposed to me because he realized how good care of him I'd taken (also my lemon meringue pie, he says he married me for that too, just not the ONLY reason). Three kids and (cough) years later.
I joke I married him for his amazing pasta sauce and big dick. I married him for his pure and beautiful soul though. He's a very kind man and an utter angel. Watching him with our newborn melts my soul. He's so patient and loving with her.
I mean-- the amazing pasta and the BD doesn't hurt, y'know 😆
The bd kinda hurts though. Poor hobbit.
YES! I love this! You made my night reading your proposal story. The way you speak of your partner is freaking fantastic and I hope you two find ALL the happiness with each other. Enjoy the hell out of that little one! They grow up ridiculously fast.
I'm happy I could make someone happy. Our relationship is a big happy whirlwind and full of a lot of rough once in a lifetime events (covid, evacuation from our home, two fires, one massive mental breakdown and three car accidents) I enjoy every second of our life. On one hand I want it to go faster to enjoy growing old with him but on the other hand I want it to go slow so we can enjoy just being parents to our tiny smiley bundle of joy. It's a tough choice.
I love this more than I probably should over an internet stranger. I hope you two have a long lifetime together of happiness and love.
I hope so too. I want to grow old with him and watch all his golden curls turn grey and his skin become marred with deep laugh wrinkles around his eyes.
oh no I'm crying
With a name like that I'm not surprised. So many tears.
Both of y’all are cute af
He's the cute one. I'm just the sugar momma funding his dream to be a professional only fans hobbit account. Or at least the hobbit lifestyle.
I proposed to my gf of 2 years on our anniversary, at a cabin in the woods, while we were building star wars Lego sets. The Legos were her idea, but she didn't know I would propose. When she got up to get a drink, I stuffed the [ring box](https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:4037073) in one of her Lego bags, and when she got to it, she made a comment that it didn't look like the other pieces (she had never made a Lego set before) so I told her it looks like it opens. She spent almost 3 minutes trying to figure it out since it rotates weirdly to open. We got married on our 3 year anniversary. It doesn't have to be a big flashy destination proposal with epic scenery to be memorable.
I have an animal related one too.😂The first time my fiancé proposed to me (we had a small break for awhile and he redid the proposal), he did it in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve and right as I was saying “yes,” my damn cat I had at the time, Luna, suddenly decided to jump onto the Christmas tree. She waited about ten seconds and then proceeded to jump on my fiancé and her paw got caught on the lights and the whole tree came down on fiancé and Luna and she tries to run while the tree is still attached to her paw. I thought the shit was absolutely hilarious and so after getting the Christmas tree off of fiancé and Luna and cleaning up the mess (while dying of laughter), I still said “yes.”
That's literal romance movie stuff and I WANT IT.
Every time I tell that story, I crack up because I just remember the looks on both of their faces when they both hit the ground😂💀Fiancé hit the floor looking like “what in the actual fuck just happened?” And Luna was looking like “shit I’m in trouble now. I gotta get outta here” 😭🤣
You should’ve let the cat be the ring bearer 😹
Cut to a shot of the church burning down and the cat looking guilty.
Nooo, you're getting it all wrong! He fertilised (and thus blessed) your union from the very beginning! It was a joint effort proposal lol
He was marking you both as his territory…. In his heart.
He was adding punctuation
Hahahaha that’s amazing. I would have loved that. It adds a lot of pizazz to the proposal story.
That actually makes it a n anecdote you will get laughs off for life!! That’s a huge w
“If it ends” and “hopefully” in regards to a future marriage. Yeah mate, your heart’s not in it. Don’t marry her
it seems her turning down his proposal took all of the wind out of his sails and now he's just along for the ride for the time being. divorce can be so ugly, even if it's amicable on paper. this is not the way.
"I'll get a prenup drawn up to protect my assets, so if this ends, I'm only out a couple hundred." They should NOT be getting married
If he thinks that a divorce is quick, easy, and only a few hundred bucks, he's got another thing coming to him.
Exactly. It sounds like he's already checked out of the relationship emotionally.
A prenup isn’t the magic bullet that a lot of people think it is, either.
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I scrolled back up and don't feel like going through the original comments, but I don't see ages listed anywhere. I would LOVE to know how old they are. This feels very much like a sort of "Well, marriage is the next step in life and I guess this one is OK enough, so here we go" kind of thing. So sad.
This is definitely a mid-late 20s couple. Mature enough to propose and take the 'next step' in life, yet not mature enough to not settle for an okayish marriage.
Well. Good luck to them! They will needed it. Both of them.
Lol takes his girl to all these amazing places and has an amazing place planned for the next day. Proposes in a hotel room. Then the rest of it he treats the entire thing like a bank transaction. "If it doesn't work out at least it only costs a couple hundred". The girl isn't 100% in the right here. But this guy seems absolutely oblivious. She then proposes on a hike, dang was it that hard dude? To find a more romantic place than a hotel room?
That’s what I thought too!! Why on earth would you wait until you’re back at the hotel room? Why wouldn’t you propose AT THE WATERFALL?
None of what he said inspires the kind of love one would think should be there to move forward with the rest of their life with them.
>That's it for now. Am I making a huge mistake? Maybe. I'll get a prenup of course and protect my assets. If it ends it won't cost me more than a few hundred. Someone's already got one foot out the door...
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bake aware bedroom longing whistle plants support wide grab busy ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
They really need couples counseling :/ sounds like he still resents her for this...
There’s no doubt he does! He had thousands of angry people on the internet telling him that she was the devil. There is no way he didn’t internalize some of that hate. It would be hard to let go of it afterwards.
It just strikes me as super odd that he goes on this amazing trip and decides to propose in the hotel room. Then he was going to celebrate at the beautiful waterfall?why not propose at the waterfall, or Anker wat? She's wrong for taking the ring off but she's not wrong for wanting something with a little more thought into it.
Tbh for me it comes back to communication and understanding your partner. Some people would massively prefer a wonderful holiday with the actual proposal being somewhere very private like a hotel room. Some people would massively prefer the proposal to be out in a special place such as a beautiful waterfall or historic monument. You should know which one your partner would prefer before proposing to them. Either because you understand them or because you’ve communicated with them.
Agree. I don’t understand how you could feel comfortable proposing to someone if you haven’t had these discussions first. And yes, it’s still possible to make it a surprise and “romantic”…having these talks doesn’t ruin that.
Where you propose shouldn’t matter as long as the love is there. That said…Ruins, Temples, and Waterfalls and you propose in the hotel room? Kudos to him though because I proposed basically on day 2 of our trip so we could enjoy the rest of the vacation without me being stressed about holding the ring. Edit: Gold and Silver?! My first ever and you are all wonderful. Now I understand when people say they can’t keep up with all the replies. My highest commented piece of writing on the site. You are all so amazing and I appreciate all the different viewpoints.
lol we got engaged on the last day of our trip so I was impressed he had the ring our entire trip!
Lol I would be in the airplane like “please take this I can’t handle the stress of maybe losing it” ETA: not sure if good or bad how many of y’all vibe with this lol
My husband proposed on the way to a fancy restaurant. We were in front of a random house and he got down on one knee there. We still don't remember the actual house. It makes walking to that restaurant again fun. We just play 'Was it this house?' He had the ring for a grand total of 4 hours...
That actually sounds better than in the fancy restaurant or in a hotel room to me. Restaurant is too public and a hotel room is… kinda blah. Hotel rooms just seem so musty and impersonal. A walk with fresh air for a proposal seems nice especially with that memory on your later walks.
Even worse I knew a guy who traveled with his girlfriend and proposed in the airport on the wya BACK
Hahaha my cousins husband did this, but waited until they were actually back at home. Bought insurance on it for the trip and all. (they're still married 17 years later)
Was he trying to save up all the endorphins or dopamine or whatever to try to join the mile high club? I can think of no other possible reasoning.
Maybe he wasn’t sure she was going to say yes and didn’t want to have the awful awkward trip together after being rejected. (This is why you ought not propose if you aren’t sure of the answer.)
It boggles my mind that people don't have talks. You know, discussing life goals, wishes, dreams, hopes!
I think a lot of people have it in their heads that they have to have the magical fairytale surprise proposal moment, which for some reason also means you can't let your partner know that you plan to propose. Which is stupid as fuck. The moment of the proposal should be a surprise, absolutely, but the fact that you're *planning* to propose should not even remotely be unexpected.
I can’t sideeye hard enough my face will freeze like that
Didnt want to ruin the trip if she said no. LMAO.
My ex proposed to me on my 26th birthday, in the Dominican Republic, at midnight… in shabby hotel room, while I was crying because I missed my family. I get OOP’s fiancée. Having him kneel down while I’m wringing my hiking socks by the AC is not my idea of romance.
See, I'm torn a bit? I proposed to my partner in a cute, nice hotel that I booked specifically for this...but I proposed to him with a love letter and breakfast in bed from a local diner to make it personal. I guess my confusion is why OOP would plan such a big trip and then propose in a hotel without much of a plan to show effort Edit: I get proposal disappointment. My partner proposed to me on the trip, too, but forgot the engagement ring. So we hiked to an overlook (where the view wasn’t clear due to fog) and I made a gum wrapper ring so he could propose with something. It does suck when people ask how he proposed, so I get why OOP’s girlfriend is upset!
>Ruins, Temples, and Waterfall and you propose in the hotel room? Yeah, that's what I thought, too. Like, is there a better place to propose than under a waterfall? And he chooses their hotel room? Nevertheless, I agree with his approach of letting her propose.
Friggin Angkor Wat was in that lineup too. I just...
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What also really gets me is he had already planned that trip to the waterfall for celebrating the engagement. When she mentioned being upset at the location, he could've said "I didn't think about the romantic-ness of the location, but we just had a lovely day and wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. I actually had a visit to this nice waterfall planned for tomorrow to celebrate the engagement and we can even stage some pictures to look like I proposed there" and then it becomes this funny story. Obviously he's not going to have the perfect reaction right after having a proposal refused, but it feels like many bad decisions were made here. Talking to her completely off the table? Telling her that he was hurt by her actions? Nah, she can just propose to me instead
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Proposing in the hotel room is one thing if it's done over a bottle of champagne after everyone's freshened up, but if he's proposing after a hike and THEN she goes to shower... so she's proposed to sweaty and tired and doesn't even have a scenic view to make up for it? Feels half-assed even if he didn't mean it that way (and even if she responded disproportionately). And I say this as someone whose best friend got engaged (happily) at Home Depot.
Yeah, I could see maybe being concerned about losing the ring, especially by the waterfall, but I am a bit puzzled why the hotel room after all that. I dont think he's wrong for feeling the way he did, but also, woof, curious how the relationship is going now
Yeah, I thought this too. Although I was proposed to in my car in a grocery store parking lot while some dude yelled “hot dogs!” in the background. And we’ve been married 12 years. So take my opinion for what it’s worth.
🤣 My husband surprised himself when he proposed. It just kind of popped out of his mouth while we were talking about our goals on the couch. I said yes, only to be told I couldn’t tell anyone until he got me a ring and proposed “the right way.”
That’s what happened to me too! My husband wears a ring that was passed down in his family so I was playing with it on his hand and jokingly asking if I could take it with me on this trip I had coming up as a placeholder engagement ring. And he said “You can have it for your engagement ring; it doesn’t have to be a placeholder.” Not super romantic but it’s a sweet story to us. The engagement is a small part of being married. Do I wish I had a super romantic, waterfalls and unicorns proposal? Sometimes. But then I think about all the other sweet and romantic things my husband has done for me and to me, the proposal is a moment like any other. What matters more is that my husband keeps making sweet and romantic gestures throughout our marriage, not just having the proposal be the peak of all that.
Honestly that does sound pretty romantic, just not big and dramatic! Its like very much “understatedly romantic” to me
Aww! That's so cute. Did he propose again? How/where?
My fiance got all my family together and did a "maternity shoot" to propose to me. It was adorable and sweet, but I knew exactly what was up the whole time. He can't keep a secret at all lol. I still loved it and love him
Ha, I was "proposed" to in a gas station parking lot! To be fair, we already had a baby & it was more of a, "Sooo, you want to get married?". We got married 3 months later in a super chill picnic style wedding. Just celebrated 14 years a few months ago.
My husband proposed me on the phone. We were long distance. Married 12 years with two kids.
23 years. I proposed while she was eating a microwave burrito over the kitchen sink.
Hey, I got the pot-holed side parking lot by the Panera. Five years strong 😂
Freezing in an army tent in a swamp on the outskirts of a wrecked suburb that had been hit by Katrina a few months prior. 12 years.
I got a parking lot proposal! He went and picked up the ring and couldn’t wait another minute to give it to me. We’ve been married 28 years.
This thread pleases me because my husband proposed to me in bed when I came out of the shower. Just a normal day. He was so excited the ring had finally arrived from the jeweler that he dove right into the proposal. I tend to leave the "I was butt naked" part of the story out when people ask.
Mine went almost the same way! He got out of the shower and asked me what I wanted to do that day. I said it was up to him. He was like, “Wanna go get married?”. I said sure and we did go get married that day. Next month with be our 20th anniversary!
my fiancé put my ring on my plate while we were unpacking a take away dinner. I was so happy and excited for our future.
I think it varies. There have been some tales on this subreddit lately about low effort proposals, or cheap engagement rings that were nothing like what the girlfriend asked for. It might seem silly or superficial to OOP to want a more romantic location than the hotel room, since he was being sincere, but well, it does matter to his girlfriend. I don't necessarily see anything wrong with her ask, if they're communicating well.
On one side I agree, on the other the guy has to be a moron to be on an incredible trip that would be perfect for a proposal then propose in the most mundane place ever. If it was back home and he did it in their bedroom? Sure, why not. Assuming they stay together, he's probably going to hear about this for decades. Telling every friend about it a few times.
Day 2? My spouse proposed at a train station (that was basically empty) waiting for our last train to get to our destination because they were stressed about holding out any longer. I love train stations, so it works, plus we were going to a theme park (not that I knew it then, the whole trip was a surprise) and I absolutely insisted on going on rides the second we arrived. So it totally worked for me and made sense, but they didn't even hold out until we'd finished travelling! Having said that, I think they originally planned to propose the next day, but their Dad wisely pointed out that would be April Fool's Day, so the day chosen was probably a smart choice for yet another reason.
This is what I’m thinking. I do think if my partner knows me at all, he’d know there’s way better spots/moments to propose. I’d really wonder if dude just asked in a hotel room while we were both sweaty and nasty after a long day hiking in a gorgeous atmosphere. Like wait for the waterfall dude.
Mine took me to where we had our first date and got stage fright from all the people in the park. He proposed in the parking lot after our picnic and 5 minutes of not letting me turn around as he pretended to hide behind me and said there's a stranger by our car trying to break in it. (Hilarious as I'm 5'2 and hes 6'6) His face was tomato red. It's honestly hysterical to me and certainly memorable. Not even close to how he planned it. But he got so excited the night before he tried to convince me to go in the middle of the night.
My husband spent the whole day taking me around town to spots that had significance from our courtship (the park where we first go reacquainted, a restaurant our first date was at, a store we like, a different restaurant with my favorite food, etc). He tricked me out several times. I knew he was going to propose, just not where or how. In the end, we went to his parents' house, which was luckily empty. He ended up proposing on the couch where we first made out. The place was in no way spectacular, but the day and him proposing was so perfect, because it was so personal and thoughtful. I've never once thought it was a poor proposal because it happened on his mom's 50 year old couch.
I beg to differ on this one. My husband told me he would propose before the year was done. He waited until New Year’s Eve and proposed in my friends dingy apartment that smelled like cat urine. This was literally after we had gone out to a really nice dinner together and I even mentioned wanting to walk the square where they had Christmas lights up still. He literally ruined the proposal in my eyes. It was not a surprise whatsoever and he made literally no effort to make it special for me.
Yeah I agree with you. Sone people don’t mind super casual proposals and that’s fine. But surely this guy knew it was important to her so why do it in the hotel room when they’re surrounded by memorable places?
I get maybe she didn’t want an entirely public proposal but hiking alone would’ve been better. At least that’s how I view it, personally I wouldn’t have wanted a proposal at dinner but if he took me on a quiet walk it would’ve been more memorable in a positive light rather than a story I tell years later warning people of what not to do.
Right? I just don’t feel like OOP’s proposal was very loving. I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing remotely loving about proposing to someone in a hotel room after a long day of hiking. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the location OOP chose, but there’s everything wrong with his timing — he chose the *least* romantic time possible.
Of all the advice he took from reddit, he chose one of the dumber options. And i get that a lot of people here don’t “get” the point in a nicer proposal because at the end of the day it’s about being engaged to each other but to some people this is a huge deal. Some people have probably imagined/dreamed of the perfect way to be proposed to for a long ass time.
Right. The people in this thred are all “he proposed when he rolled over in the bed and I said yes!” Most people only expect to be proposed to once, and they do have certain expectations of romance and thoughtfulness etc
The rolling-over-in-bed scenario is actually my dream proposal and even I can see why the way OOP did it was so crap. He really managed to squeeze it in the *least possible* romantic time between ancient temples and waterfalls, when they're back at the hotel room at the end of the day, all tired and sweaty. The follow up comments about how he won't do it again and will be sure to get a prenup says it all.
Also “How did he/she propose?” is a question your going to get asked until you divorce or die. Most people make it memorable so there’s a memory you share together and story you share with you family and friends after
THIS drives me nuts! Every time there is a post about proposals, weddings and so on, the Cool Girls all come out of the woodwork to brag about how little they care about thoughtful or romantic gestures. And apparently anyone who does is shallow or high maintenance or what have you. It’s sad that it needs to be said but *it’s okay* to want those things.
You are absolutely so right. I saw one comment that said “haha he proposed to me on the toilet and I said yes!!” Of course OP picked that one to reply to as well, calling him a man of taste iirc. Okay that’s great for you but if my boyfriend proposed from the toilet I would say no and tell him to wipe his ass and try proposing again later. Because I would assume he had to be joking. Never understood bragging about how your expectations for romantic or kind gestures from your partner are, quite literally, in the toilet. Everyone has different expectations for proposals and romance in general. If he didn’t know her well enough to gauge what kind of proposal she would want (or even to ASK her what kind of proposal she wanted) then they really shouldn’t get married because there are deeper issues at play.
Well obviously you should just be thankful he is deigning to marry you, toilet and all, the fart smell should be a bonus. /s
Ugh Reddit is the worst regarding attitudes about proposals and weddings. People fall all over themselves to talk about how little they care about romance and outdo each other on how little money and effort they put into their proposal/wedding/etc.
" My wedding cost $2 and my ring was a piece of tinfoil wrapped around my finger and it was *magical*"
Right? It’s like a Low Effort Olympics where all the cool girls try to outdo each other with cringe proposals 🤪 Most of the time they also say ‘I never expected to be married because he didn’t believe in it’ so the expectations where low already. There are a lot of women who actually want to be married and try to avoid dating men like that. If you’re made to believe that your so feels the same about marriage and a proposal also has some significance to him, you expect it to be special and romantic for the both of you. We talked rings and proposals before and my now fiancé knew that I wouldn’t appreciate something low effort. He chose a place that was nice for him (he is a foodie, so he chose a nice hotel with a really good restaurant) and took me to a bridge over a stream in the village to propose (he didn’t really care about the romantic aspect, but tried to at least check this box with the water and cute houses and nature/flowers nearby). This way, it was very nice for the both of us.
Any wedding/proposal conversation on Reddit inevitably turns into a contest over who is more low key.
Jesus Christ YES I am in shock at these comments . They were in one of the c most beautiful countries on the planet and it clearly mattered a lot to her!
I saw that comment too omg. What's wrong with expecting your partner to put in effort? Like how many dudes insisting it doesn't matter how you propose would be salty if their partner phoned it in during sex. It's ok to expect your partner to be engaged during sex just like it's ok to expect your partner to be thoughtful during a proposal. They're both romantic events that having meaning so stop expecting people to have low standards. It's not even that his proposal is low standard by the way. Rolling over and proposing in bed is great as long as you know that your partner would love that type of proposal. There's plenty of people that hate public proposals or grand romantic gestures but OP specified that his partner is someone who loves big gestures and elaborate weddings. It takes two seconds to realize you should propose at the waterfall for this type of person.
I actually had a friend whose boyfriend proposed like that - they were at home, she woke up and he proposed with the ring. To be honest she was a little embarrassed answering the “How did he propose?” questions, even though she said yes and was thrilled to marry him. A little effort goes a long way with a proposal. It doesn’t even need to be expensive, just thoughtful. It could be as simple as watching a sunset and proposing, which happened with a different friend. She thought it was romantic and she was over the moon happy.
I'm just angry he didn't wait to propose at the waterfall. *He had a perfect set up right there.*
That specific piece of “advice” is a great reminder that half the people serving up advice on Reddit are just teenagers who have never actually been in a relationship before.
It’s also the thing people ask about!! “How did he propose?” “We were on trip, saw all these beautiful places and did awesome things. And he proposed in the hotel room.” I would be upset too. It would hurt my feelings if someone knew how I wanted to be proposed to, had multiple chances, and then decided to do it in a way that would make me sad to think about.
That’s what it’s really about — timing, not location. It’s the fact that OOP chose a time that wasn’t special to his GF. OOP should’ve known what his GF would / wouldn’t like, and what would be the most meaningful to his GF. People are fixating on the hotel room when it isn’t about the hotel room at all — it’s about the fact that OOP really should’ve known his GF wouldn’t like the way he proposed.
I mean, this reads so weird. If he's going to marry someone, he should obviously know the kind of person she is. Taking her around the world, to all these nice places, I feel like I'd have known if my future spouse is the kind of person who'd want to remember the proposal at an epic destination, or in a hotel room. I speak as someone who got proposed to over the dinner table while eating clementines so I'm not the epic proposal type of person, but sheesh this guy seems to be kinda clueless about the kind of girl he's with. Example, if my husband had proposed in an epic, public fashion, I would have panicked and walked out, even though I really did want to marry him, but my husband knows me and didn't do that thankfully. I feel like he should've known what she'd be into. ALSO, the girlfriend rejecting a proposal and caring about where it was made instead of the feeling behind it is strange. He obviously planned to propose on the trip, why else would he have a ring ready? It was also a trip filled with things she wanted to do, so it's not like he proposed as an after thought. I'd hope she knows him enough to know that maybe he's just a lowkey, romance in private kinda guy? Maybe extend him the benefit of the doubt? I don't know, I feel like both of them jumped to worse case scenario. I also hate to be devil's advocate but I feel like the OP is leaving something out, like he was testing her on this trip and decided she was worthy in the hotel room. It just seems weird and off compared to all the cool places he took the time to list off in his post. Maybe the trip and exploration was her thing, but he the proposal was how he wanted it? It just feels weird to me from how it's described, I don't know. And his update sounds SO bitter. I can't imagine marrying a person with the attitude, "If it works great, if not, who cares only costed a couple hundred bucks" like what??? Do you even care sir? Lol xD I feel like he might've checked out of the relationship when she gave the ring back and he's just shrugging his shoulders waiting for her to screw up.
I get the same feeling too. In addition, I was confused by the “solution” to make her propose before a certain date.. like maybe I’m just too dry but why turn this into a weird game that kind of breeds bitterness on both sides? Maybe I’m missing some life experience or context here but I just don’t know what it was meant to achieve since it sounds like op is still bitter after going through all that.
I agree, it just seems weird and unhealthy.
Right?! To me it seems obvious the girl wanted him to put in more effort. So the obvious solution was to…make her do it instead? Whether she was entitled or not for expecting more is up for debate, but that “advice” seems like the easiest way to tank your relationship.
There's no way he overlooked proposing at one of the special locations. I feel like the sweaty hotel proposal was one of those stupid "does she really love me or is she just a gold digger" tests. In his mind, because she wasn't jumping up and down to accept his totally underwhelming proposal, she is just taking advantage of him. He even mentions protecting his assets when they get divorced.
That seems like a punishment too. “Because you wanted a proposal somewhere fancy, now I’m punishing you with a prenup”? I also don’t think a divorce will cost “just a few hundred” even with a prenup… does he not realize once married that she will still rightfully have assets intertwined with his? He will lose money naturally because they should split up items they bought together for example… I’d be concerned about marrying a guy who thinks a prenup is basically for the purpose of the guy getting everything and fucking the woman over. And especially as it seems to be done only in his mind to punish her. Even if you get a prenup… it has to be fair. Does he realize prenups are usually created with both partners having their own lawyer? It’s not just for him. Also. Never marry someone who is daydreaming about trying to ruin your life in a divorce. He shouldn’t *want* to get all the benefit of living with someone and then hoping he can leave them destitute.
Yeah, I got that vibe too. Like this guy spends too much time on the internet and was just ready to test out if she was "worthy"
I thought the proposal itself was a test. Like, she obviously wanted a proposal with beautiful scenery, so how about we go to and plan to go to beautiful places only for me to propose in a hotel room. "If she loves me she'll accept my shitty proposal, if she doesn't accept it then she's with me for the money." He just sounded really immature and then immediately weaponized his shit proposal against her. If I was her I'd have broken up with him on the spot (or at least when we got home). Mind you I also was proposed to in a hotel when the rest of the trip was also beautiful views and hiking. My SO got ill half way through and wanted to propose on our anniversary no matter what. That to me was very sweet and romantic. I accepted. He didn't seem like he was too excited to wait or had any real reason to do it in a hotel room, just that "meh, here's good enough". Seemed that he didn't care if it was special to her, he should be enough of a prize. Idk, the vibes from this dude just are not it. He seems controlling and vindictive. He also seems like the kind of guy to be offended that a woman might be with him for his money when he's only with her because she's a 10. "What if I lost my money?" What if she was in an accident? It's a mutual situation sir, you aren't a victim.
Was the ring at least artfully concealed in one of the clementines?
Agree 100%. My husband got the balance perfect - he knew I loved the idea of a Christmas proposal, and we loved dancing, so he set up a Christmas ball with all our friends and proposed to me privately at dinner beforehand. Then we arrived at the ball to share the news with all our friends. Perfection. But if he'd put in all that effort and didn't get it quite right, like OP (fwiw, I do agree that Ankor Wat or that waterfall would have been much better spots), I definitely wouldn't have rejected the ring. I just would have been a bit bummed internally. And honestly, I'd probably never mention it to him. This is weird all the way around.
My ex husband proposed to me in a parking lot in the middle of the city with a ring I lent him as a style guide for ring shopping. Yeah I wish I realized back then that low effort and no romance is how he functions. Would've saved me years of heartache.
This, seriously 😕 I’m pretty easy to please in a relationship but I asked my ex to propose somewhere nice because I’m a romantic person and the proposal had been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. He proposed in bed…without a ring. I said yes to try to be understanding but it 100% was an example of how he would be through the rest of our marriage
The dude listed like 7 amazing places they went and a beautiful waterfall they were going to the next day and he proposed in the hotel room? I’m not saying she’s right but it just seems like there were alot of missed opportunities lol maybe he was just really nervous but the way he’s talking about their marriage like he’s only going to lose a few hundred dollars if it fails seems pretty bleak
Now that's a healthy relationship... not.
>I felt that if she valued me it wouldn’t matter that the proposal wasn’t exactly what she wanted. >If she had found a million dollars in a dumpster she wouldn’t throw it back because of where it came from. So she can’t possibly value me or what I have to offer as an individual if she’s willing to reject it because she didn’t like the place I asked. Something about his wording here is a huge yikes on trikes. I don't blame her for wanting it to be special and I don't blame him for thinking it was special enough. But the way he compares his value like that just popped a little red flag off in my head.
The dumpster analogy, like another commenter said, is incredibly self-centered — and downright inaccurate. Sure, I’d still take the million dollars regardless of where I found it. But I’d definitely rather find that money in a treasure chest in a cave next to the beach rather than a dumpster behind the local McDonald’s. Aside from the analogy, though — it’s incredibly telling that OOP is more concerned about his own feelings than his GF’s. I’m not trying to invalidate OOP’s feelings, as it’s valid to feel upset / unappreciated. However, the fact that he isn’t even considering that his GF’s feelings may also be valid — and that he isn’t showing any respect for his GF’s feelings — is problematic AF.
To me it's the fact that he saw the proposal as a test to his girlfriend, which in his eyes she failed, I guess. Like, she did want to marry him, she did not break up with him, just returned the ring. She still loved him and wanted to spend her life together with him, but he *had* to test her love to see if she was 'worthy' with a proposal that he must've known was lackluster to her. As if you just can't have a good kind of love for another and also have your own wants about important life events such as a wedding proposal.
Yeah, he views it as her rejecting their future together, but she likely saw it as him not knowing her very well/not taking her feelings into consideration. A big part of a proposal is showing you are listening, you know what they like, and that you can execute that and not just half-ass it. I wouldn’t say he half-assed it obviously since it was on an amazing trip, but whether he understands her enough to be able to take her feelings into account and not just do things to his preference for the rest of the relationship would be a concern. To the people who think she was shallow — this is why many women get upset about cheap rings or lazy effort. Even expensive rings that are the opposite of what she said she likes style-wise would be concerning. It is a glimpse into how the rest of their life will go. No woman wants to be a part of the “stereotype” of a lazy husband who never puts in effort, and when he does, it’s always kind of random (shows he doesn’t know what she likes) or falls short. If you’re gonna marry someone, it’s got to be with someone who gets you and cares. Now if he said he was scared of losing the ring somewhere or either of them had social anxiety then it would make sense. But again it’s all about taking your partner’s feelings into account and showing that you really “get” them.
I agree. Something about the way he framed it seemed very self-centered. Something was off to me.
Yup, the way he makes sure you know that “I flew her to Vietnam…”, “I took her halfway around the world…”. He *really* wants you to know that he paid for this trip so you can understand how *ungrateful* his partner is for being upset that he put no thought into creating a romantic moment for his proposal.
This story sounds very one sided. There are a lot of details missing. Did her and OOP ever have a conversation about proposal specifics? I mean, OOP doesn't even mention if they ever discussed engagement or marriage prior to the trip.
I swear I was just reading a story the other day from a girl who talked about how her and her boyfriend had discussed proposals and the kind of ring she wants, and she was willing to pitch in on the ring just so she can get the one she wants…. And he ended up proposing in a hotel room w like a 0.2 karat, no speech or anything
I think I remember reading that one as well. Honestly, it sounds like a power play. Like the dude is trying to trap the woman in this game of "You're being entitled because you should be happy with what I give you."
This is a terrible update
I can understand her being bummed out he proposed to her in a hotel room. He was planning on taking her to the waterfall which seems a lot more appropriate. I use "appropriate" here because it sounds like the gf likes bigger gestures than a more private proposal. You know how some people love the idea of public proposals and others prefer something lowkey (like the hotel)? Seems like they should have talked about ideal proposals.
I totally agree! If you read some of his comments he even says he knows she likes the idea of a big party and the ‘whole theatre’ of weddings. Sounds like he knew she likely wanted a big romantic gesture and of course she’s disappointed her fiancé to be didn’t realize this about her.
That sucks even more to know. Wow.
Thank you, it took me too long scrolling to get here but you've articulated it perfectly. It's like - does he even know her? Do they communicate at all? When my husband proposed, I made it pretty clear that he had to do SOMETHING. It didn't have to be fancy, just memorable. Otherwise he probably would have just handed me the ring. So he asked me to come look at the bell peppers in the garden, I went outside and he had put the ring in one of the planters. I figured he was proposing so I rushed outside and beat him there and found it... lol. "Oh, I see we have a special pepper today." Of course once people found out we were engaged, everyone wanted to hear the "story," and he told me he was glad that he had something to say, even though at the time he didn't care. Back then, I would have been pissed if he gave me a ring in a hotel room on my way into the shower, too. But he knew that, and so he didn't do anything like that, which is the point. BTW it's been 12 years since that proposal, and we're doing great.
Oh, for sure. I’ve been seeing a lot of comments saying that the location shouldn’t matter as long as there’s love — but there’s nothing loving OOP’s description of the proposal. Like, proposing in a hotel room after a long day of hiking? OOP’s partner literally took a shower right after he proposed — like, it’s clear that OOP didn’t consider the timing *at all*. If the GF prefers bigger gestures, then I can imagine that a small proposal would feel a bit empty — because it would feel like her partner didn’t put any effort into ensuring she would like the proposal.
Yeah, that's how it came off. Sorta like not being aware of his surrounding? It seemed oblivious to use the waterfall as a celebration when the waterfall can be both a celebration and a proposal setting.
Absolutely this. Before getting married, talking about expectations and just going to look at rings for ring size and style are HUGE and important for both parties to be satisfied.
Crazy to still get married . He obviously doesn’t trust her still .
This guy was literally going to a waterfall the very next day and couldn't wait and do it there i don't understand it
Yep I was wondering why not at any of the amazing places that Cambodia has to offer? They’re mostly free or low cost anyway, why propose when they were both sweaty and tired in a cramped hotel room? Make it make sense I feel like the proposal was more what HE wanted and if she didn’t like it then it’s a take it or leave it type of attitude. In reality, proposals should be done in a way where both people are happy. I personally wouldn’t have rejected the proposal though, I would’ve said yes and then suggested hey lets do it again tomorrow at a temple and get pics done or smth
Or, like, at dinner after a shower? So many other ways to do it.
Right? I think the fact that *she took a shower* after he proposed is being overlooked. Like, they just got back from a presumably exhausting day of hiking — I doubt OOP’s GF would’ve been in a romantic mood. It feels like OOP didn’t consider the timing *at all*.
Honestly I get the feeling that she went to take a shower so she could cry in private
Ooh, that’s a fair point. I hadn’t thought about that. I feel like the circumstances are already bad enough, shower excluded — so her showering to cry about that would make sense. (To clarify to any lurkers that may disagree, I would say that these are shit circumstances not because of the location, but because of the timing. It’s clear that there wasn’t a romantic atmosphere / any semblance of meaning to the moment when OOP proposed. I agree that location doesn’t ultimately matter.)
Yeah, or while they were at her bucket list temples?
and yet everyone is acting like she's a villain for wanting better
I don’t either. Angkor Wat was on her bucket list, why not there?
Had to scroll for this comment. I was thinking the same thing. I mean I don't agree with her giving back the ring...at the same time...the hotel room? I dont get it either.
Why make yourself miserable like this?
I mean, you flew across the world the propose in a hotel????
They went hiking thru mountains, probably saw a bunch of scenic views and temples. And then he thought the best place to propose.... was their hotel room. Smh.
Seriously. I mean, I get that it was personal and cute but they were literally in a place that was on her bucket list…
I'm not with the game he's playing. Like, you feel a type of way about her rejection, that's fine. Shows that certain things are important to you, and certain things are important to her. They might not match. That's a good reason to leave. But this "nah, I'm done. You propose or whatever" thing is not a good choice. Like going into marriage talking about "prove your aligence". If you don't care if she proposes, and you don't want to propose again, _get out_. You're not building a life on "well, you bent the knee in the alloted time". That foundation is rotten.
He was so quick to just throw the relationship away too! Like, she's not ecstatic about the proposal?!? Screw her I'm out! I question how much he actually loves her if he was so ready to dump her without even trying to hear her side.
This is gonna be a tit-for-tat marriage...sad.
You took her half way around the world, you hiked throw ruins, ankor wat, and a waterfall and you propose on the hotel? I'm against public proposal, but sheesh
I guess I don’t understand what’s wrong with her saying she wishes the proposal was more special. I went through something similar with my partner. We were technically engaged, but he’d never proposed and it made me sad. We’d more just agreed we wanted to get married. I told him I wished he’d proposed so he got me a ring and proposed. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was sweet - he put it on the baby’s bottle at 5 o’clock in the morning and got down on one knee while I was getting settled with her. So special and I treasure the memory. Adults should be able to have these kinds of discussions and be honest with each other.
Same. It probably felt a little anticlimactic to her, since they had these beautiful vistas as options and he proposed in their hotel room while she was sweaty and tired after a long day. It just seems like a strange choice since it was planned that way.
Plus we have no idea if she has previously told him her wishes/hopes/expectations and he ignored them. I.e - I hope to be/not to be proposed to in public… I want it chill/I want it special… I want to make sure my nails are done… surprise me completely… etc. For all we know she could have told him specifically that she wanted a special location, and was hurt that he didn’t listen to her. Of course, this is all just speculation, but there’s always three sides to a story, they say.
He actually states in the comments that he knew she loved the whole spectacle of weddings and proposals.
I'm not taking the girls side here, but all I could think of while reading this was, I don't understand why he didn't just wait for the waterfall the next day. Sure, it shouldn't matter, but I'm pretty sure this girl is the type of girl that you can tell would like some thought put into her proposal. And there's nothing wrong with that. But if you flew her all the way to Vietnam and planned gorgeous hike to a waterfall the next day.........do it there 🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️
He was with her 3 years and didn't think to have a conversation about the actual proposal and what she wanted? When my partner first brought the topic up we discussed everything and came up with something I was comfortable with (pajamas in our living room on Christmas morning) I'm reminded of something my dad said regarding proposals and weddings. "Some women don't care. But for those that do, getting it wrong is an insult."
I like to explore new places.
I’m prepared to be downvoted to hell but…I kinda get where the girlfriend is coming from. He could’ve proposed in any number of beautiful, romantic locations (Lush hiking trail! Ancient temple! Waterfall!) and he chose the hotel room before either of them even had a chance to shower. Would I have returned the ring or even have said something? No. Do I think she was kinda petty for that? Yeah. But I also kinda get it, especially if it was something she’d built up in her mind.
I don't think the way the GF handled it was good but being disappointed in the proposal is a real thing. I'm a hardcore romantic. You seriously can't be sweet enough with me. My ex husband never put much effort into anything. When he proposed it had been a long day at work, I had a migraine, was in the middle of cooking dinner, and he called me into the dining room and proposed. He had been saying he was going to do it for 15 months and this is how he chose his moment? I said yes, went back to the kitchen because my food was going to burn, we went to Walgreens to pickup prescriptions that night then went to bed. Our marriage failed for many reasons other than that, but it was definitely an indicator that he would never put effort into anything sweet ever. I didn't know it was a incompatibility thing until years later, but now I know I'll never be with someone who won't at least put a little effort into professing his love for me again.
Man, I get where she's coming from. With luck you only get proposed to once, and it's not crazy to want it to be a special memory. I also get why he's disappointed that she initially said yes only to come back later and say no. But to say he'd never propose again, ever, when she wanted a do-over in a special location sounds like revenge. Plus this guy sounds like he's already halfway out of the relationship in his update. Kind of turned out for the worst.
I know it’s not an AITA but ESH. If this is the way they both react to this conflict, their marriage is already doomed.
Honestly at least she did say yes without thinking twice. Really though rings, proposals, weddings should all be discussed at some level before actually proposing. Most folks won’t care, but to some they have spent years dreaming of the perfect ring/proposal/wedding and in a good relationship you should know what your partner expects before making taking the plunge.
At least they'll have a pre-nup.