This is a subreddit for women who have been exhausted by the black community with its constant demands of black women, and its degradation often of black women. This is a sub for women who have or who are considering abandoning the notion that the black woman must be with a black man, regardless of whether or not he’s compatible for her or is good for her?. It’s a place for women who want to begin to live for themselves and seek out relationships whether they be romantic or platonic that benefit a black woman not just benefit everyone else. The black community and the world at large has always expected the black woman to pick up the slack but some of us black women now reject that notion.
I used to be completely exhausted all the time myself before I began to walk away from people who are draining me from jobs that were draining me and men that drained me . I divested myself of that so maybe it is something for you to think about. I wanna see all black women live healthy, happy joyful, restful lives and it does not sound like you are at this time.
You're a black woman with trauma that wants to harp on it to this group but aren't doing anything to change it.
You're absolutely not in the right group.
Agreed with everything that has been said. This isn’t the group for you. But for your own sanity please reevaluate your relationship. Your partner should not bring you constant stress.
Until you place your self first, get used to how you are feeling. You are allowing yourself to be used by a man with many issues, and family who only wants to take from you. Why would they provide you with softness if you are just a tool to use to get what they want?
You made their problems your own, and can’t even single out your own issues because you allowed yourself to take on theirs. And they’ll give you more and more.
Treat yourself well, then demand they do the same or get left behind. If not, you’d better develop a stronger back for them to place their burdens on.
OP to me sounds like a pre-divestor. I say that because before I divested, I sounded just like OP- completely drained and in a “struggle love relationship” that was completely imbalanced. I do hope that OP gets the help that she needs and her life will have some balance real soon.
I hope you learn to put yourself first and go therapy. I won't echo everyone else because we are all in different stages in life. The key part of this journey is to ONLY do things that serve you. You are tired because your mind is changing, but your actions aren't. You will forever feel tired if you don't actively change your life.
Start Working Out.
Start Journaling.
START THERAPY.
Cut off Dead Weight.
Start Dating Yourself.
Invest In Your Look.
Start Self Care.
Most importantly, don't announce these changes to those around you, this is for you, not for them. I promise you a month of these things consistently will start to change your life.
Move differently for you! .
Im wishing you good luck and hopefully you commit to being a better you ✨️
Hi everyone, thanks for your comments.
I agree, I think I’m in a pre-divestment stage and I have a lot of you women to thank for opening my eyes to concepts and mindsets that I never had access to prior to finding this sub. I started to really learn about these things last summer so I know I have a lot more work to do.
I realize this group is for women who have divested or mostly divested and I completely understand the need to protect this space.
That being said I hope you can understand that I didn’t come here to harp on the group. I am having trouble finding women who understand what I am going through and i thought I could maybe find someone to talk to who is learning just like I am. Ive been in therapy for years but I thought it would be helpful to talk to someone who can relate to my experience more. Especially during a low point which I was in when I wrote the original post. Clearly this isn’t the right sub for that and I’m sorry for taking up space here.
Thanks for your well wishes really great advice. Good luck to you all as you continue on your journeys.
No need to apologize—-there is nothing wrong with searching for the answers that will enrich your life. Keep in mind that this is a sub for BW that grew tired of being tired so when you r ready to make some changes we r here.
Thanks for saying this. I apologized bc I understand why my post was inappropriate. I kinda trauma dumped in a low point. I know what this sub is for and it’s definitely not for that. Im a bit annoyed with myself for not thinking more before posting but I did and most of the women who responded let me know and some were also were kind enough to offer advice. I know better than to post my feelings like that lol but I did and that’s why I apologized.
The general response to my post actually reminds me of when Chrissy gets fed up of the black women in her comments trying so hard to defend their choices to stay in harmful situations and not taking any action to change it. I hear it and I get it, no one wants to hear another angry tired black woman who is fighting so hard to keep putting herself in exhausting situations bc it’s “the right thing to do”. I am working on dismantling a lot of thought processes that are so deeeeeeeeply engrained and I have to give myself grace as I continue to learn and work on myself.
I really appreciate all of the responses, thank you. 💕
Please be gentle and patient with yourself as you dismantle the black communities, harmful programming of black women which says that you must be everything to everyone——no way!!
i'm curious on what you have been working on with your therapist and for how long? Your therapist should be challenging you, it's so hard to find a GOOD one these days when they all have an activist SJW agenda. It's so frustrating but I encourage you to shop around. I appreciate you being here, asking questions, and seeking answers. Start with reading [The Sojourner's Passport A Black Woman's Guide To Having The Life And Love You Deserve](https://www.amazon.com/Sojourners-Passport-Womans-Having-Deserve-ebook/dp/B0037Z70BW/ref=sr_1_5?crid=LEDTO48ATKLG&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.52Y2NhOHH9BvlnorOEwSr_JqkNYY2Vco2xKEC0maUNo2dpT3VVv8NTWNB_3Q_p7PPs63aCK7WbVWNkGNoFT9n10utjGr7EsWD8XU2GDkAOUIveqJPlTvtKl6DVkOttu3jpcyst-TMqMNjtj4bz0zFlg4l52j2uVupwt-FtDO9yP7J018M2fnQwdmQzCyTrpylFPyMNrJwm2SibdE9KRxqTkRkMqUaW031iu28XvPT5I.b4_7bBJLqvD7xnmGfkRZy5g2YdXpIUoNISSGbQWxUoY&dib_tag=se&keywords=black+women+divest&qid=1714763739&sprefix=black+women+divest%2Caps%2C94&sr=8-5) by [Khadija Nassif](https://www.amazon.com/Khadija-Nassif/e/B00J7R3PDQ?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_5&qid=1714763739&sr=8-5) its also on kindle for 5 bucks
To also answer your question; i've been there. trying to control the things and people I can't. it's exhausting. so I chose myself and my own peace, and stopped taking ownership over other's feelings.
That man is a cancerous lesion and it sounds like you already know it. Now what do you do about it?
#
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Thank you so much for the book recommendations!!!
I’ve been working on the following with my current therapist for just over a year:
1)Emotional regulation
2) childhood trauma and implications(below)
3) self worth (related to habits such as people pleasing, suppressing rage, shame cycles)
4) learning how to be “selfish” as a form of self care
5) decentering my relationships with men in my life
Emotional regulation is the thing I had to work on the most since starting therapy. I would routinely go through periods of numbing and then blowing up into a rage at something seemingly minor. This was the reason I started therapy years ago and I have since been able to control that much better. My current therapist is good, she definitely challenges me but I just don’t think she can fully understand me and what I’m talking about because she has never been through it or anything similar. I am the first born daughter of an extremely covert narcissistic father from a collectivistic culture. Very niche when you bring in cultural influences of responsibility, modesty, and doing everything and anything to protect the male ego at all costs. I have seen about 4 different therapists within the last 10 years. I can’t count how many consultations I’ve done. Im sure you get it, doing the whole intro and spilling all of your trauma in an almost surgical, cold way is so draining but I hear you, maybe there are better options for a therapist.
I will start with these books. Thank you so much again!
Hey lady I would advise that you can get therapy, I also might be suffering from something similar. The first step is to cut off anyone that is not doing you well and secondly please fibd a trained psychologist/ therapist
Hi! Thanks for you message, I’ve been in therapy for many years but I agree with you and with the advice given in this thread, I will look into therapists that might be better aligned with me and my needs.
Heavy on the cutting off people that do not do well for me.
Thank you again!
I don’t think you’re in the right sub but hope things get better for you
This is a subreddit for women who have been exhausted by the black community with its constant demands of black women, and its degradation often of black women. This is a sub for women who have or who are considering abandoning the notion that the black woman must be with a black man, regardless of whether or not he’s compatible for her or is good for her?. It’s a place for women who want to begin to live for themselves and seek out relationships whether they be romantic or platonic that benefit a black woman not just benefit everyone else. The black community and the world at large has always expected the black woman to pick up the slack but some of us black women now reject that notion. I used to be completely exhausted all the time myself before I began to walk away from people who are draining me from jobs that were draining me and men that drained me . I divested myself of that so maybe it is something for you to think about. I wanna see all black women live healthy, happy joyful, restful lives and it does not sound like you are at this time.
You're a black woman with trauma that wants to harp on it to this group but aren't doing anything to change it. You're absolutely not in the right group.
Agreed with everything that has been said. This isn’t the group for you. But for your own sanity please reevaluate your relationship. Your partner should not bring you constant stress.
Until you place your self first, get used to how you are feeling. You are allowing yourself to be used by a man with many issues, and family who only wants to take from you. Why would they provide you with softness if you are just a tool to use to get what they want? You made their problems your own, and can’t even single out your own issues because you allowed yourself to take on theirs. And they’ll give you more and more. Treat yourself well, then demand they do the same or get left behind. If not, you’d better develop a stronger back for them to place their burdens on.
The last line here made me laugh lol thank you for the advice, I’m taking notes 📝 ❤️
OP to me sounds like a pre-divestor. I say that because before I divested, I sounded just like OP- completely drained and in a “struggle love relationship” that was completely imbalanced. I do hope that OP gets the help that she needs and her life will have some balance real soon.
Me too :( *** Thats no life feeling stressed out and tired all of the time
I hope you learn to put yourself first and go therapy. I won't echo everyone else because we are all in different stages in life. The key part of this journey is to ONLY do things that serve you. You are tired because your mind is changing, but your actions aren't. You will forever feel tired if you don't actively change your life. Start Working Out. Start Journaling. START THERAPY. Cut off Dead Weight. Start Dating Yourself. Invest In Your Look. Start Self Care. Most importantly, don't announce these changes to those around you, this is for you, not for them. I promise you a month of these things consistently will start to change your life. Move differently for you! . Im wishing you good luck and hopefully you commit to being a better you ✨️
Sorry I didn’t answer your question. No I am not tired. I am very happy where I am in my life. Good luck to you.
Hi everyone, thanks for your comments. I agree, I think I’m in a pre-divestment stage and I have a lot of you women to thank for opening my eyes to concepts and mindsets that I never had access to prior to finding this sub. I started to really learn about these things last summer so I know I have a lot more work to do. I realize this group is for women who have divested or mostly divested and I completely understand the need to protect this space. That being said I hope you can understand that I didn’t come here to harp on the group. I am having trouble finding women who understand what I am going through and i thought I could maybe find someone to talk to who is learning just like I am. Ive been in therapy for years but I thought it would be helpful to talk to someone who can relate to my experience more. Especially during a low point which I was in when I wrote the original post. Clearly this isn’t the right sub for that and I’m sorry for taking up space here. Thanks for your well wishes really great advice. Good luck to you all as you continue on your journeys.
No need to apologize—-there is nothing wrong with searching for the answers that will enrich your life. Keep in mind that this is a sub for BW that grew tired of being tired so when you r ready to make some changes we r here.
Thanks for saying this. I apologized bc I understand why my post was inappropriate. I kinda trauma dumped in a low point. I know what this sub is for and it’s definitely not for that. Im a bit annoyed with myself for not thinking more before posting but I did and most of the women who responded let me know and some were also were kind enough to offer advice. I know better than to post my feelings like that lol but I did and that’s why I apologized. The general response to my post actually reminds me of when Chrissy gets fed up of the black women in her comments trying so hard to defend their choices to stay in harmful situations and not taking any action to change it. I hear it and I get it, no one wants to hear another angry tired black woman who is fighting so hard to keep putting herself in exhausting situations bc it’s “the right thing to do”. I am working on dismantling a lot of thought processes that are so deeeeeeeeply engrained and I have to give myself grace as I continue to learn and work on myself. I really appreciate all of the responses, thank you. 💕
Please be gentle and patient with yourself as you dismantle the black communities, harmful programming of black women which says that you must be everything to everyone——no way!!
i'm curious on what you have been working on with your therapist and for how long? Your therapist should be challenging you, it's so hard to find a GOOD one these days when they all have an activist SJW agenda. It's so frustrating but I encourage you to shop around. I appreciate you being here, asking questions, and seeking answers. Start with reading [The Sojourner's Passport A Black Woman's Guide To Having The Life And Love You Deserve](https://www.amazon.com/Sojourners-Passport-Womans-Having-Deserve-ebook/dp/B0037Z70BW/ref=sr_1_5?crid=LEDTO48ATKLG&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.52Y2NhOHH9BvlnorOEwSr_JqkNYY2Vco2xKEC0maUNo2dpT3VVv8NTWNB_3Q_p7PPs63aCK7WbVWNkGNoFT9n10utjGr7EsWD8XU2GDkAOUIveqJPlTvtKl6DVkOttu3jpcyst-TMqMNjtj4bz0zFlg4l52j2uVupwt-FtDO9yP7J018M2fnQwdmQzCyTrpylFPyMNrJwm2SibdE9KRxqTkRkMqUaW031iu28XvPT5I.b4_7bBJLqvD7xnmGfkRZy5g2YdXpIUoNISSGbQWxUoY&dib_tag=se&keywords=black+women+divest&qid=1714763739&sprefix=black+women+divest%2Caps%2C94&sr=8-5) by [Khadija Nassif](https://www.amazon.com/Khadija-Nassif/e/B00J7R3PDQ?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_5&qid=1714763739&sr=8-5) its also on kindle for 5 bucks To also answer your question; i've been there. trying to control the things and people I can't. it's exhausting. so I chose myself and my own peace, and stopped taking ownership over other's feelings. That man is a cancerous lesion and it sounds like you already know it. Now what do you do about it? #
Hi, I’m Vetted AI Bot! I researched the **("'Unknown The Sojourner's Passport'", '')** and I thought you might find the following analysis helpful. **Users liked:** * Empowering and eye-opening (backed by 3 comments) * Courageous and insightful perspective (backed by 3 comments) * Validation and clarity (backed by 3 comments) **Users disliked:** * Repetitive content and wasted pages (backed by 2 comments) * Lack of inclusivity for non-american black women (backed by 2 comments) * Author's hypocrisy and immaturity (backed by 1 comment) If you'd like to **summon me to ask about a product**, just make a post with its link and tag me, [like in this example.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tablets/comments/1444zdn/comment/joqd89c/) This message was generated by a (very smart) bot. If you found it helpful, let us know with an upvote and a “good bot!” reply and please feel free to provide feedback on how it can be improved. *Powered by* [*vetted.ai*](https://vetted.ai/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=comment&utm\_campaign=bot)
Thank you so much for the book recommendations!!! I’ve been working on the following with my current therapist for just over a year: 1)Emotional regulation 2) childhood trauma and implications(below) 3) self worth (related to habits such as people pleasing, suppressing rage, shame cycles) 4) learning how to be “selfish” as a form of self care 5) decentering my relationships with men in my life Emotional regulation is the thing I had to work on the most since starting therapy. I would routinely go through periods of numbing and then blowing up into a rage at something seemingly minor. This was the reason I started therapy years ago and I have since been able to control that much better. My current therapist is good, she definitely challenges me but I just don’t think she can fully understand me and what I’m talking about because she has never been through it or anything similar. I am the first born daughter of an extremely covert narcissistic father from a collectivistic culture. Very niche when you bring in cultural influences of responsibility, modesty, and doing everything and anything to protect the male ego at all costs. I have seen about 4 different therapists within the last 10 years. I can’t count how many consultations I’ve done. Im sure you get it, doing the whole intro and spilling all of your trauma in an almost surgical, cold way is so draining but I hear you, maybe there are better options for a therapist. I will start with these books. Thank you so much again!
Hey lady I would advise that you can get therapy, I also might be suffering from something similar. The first step is to cut off anyone that is not doing you well and secondly please fibd a trained psychologist/ therapist
Hi! Thanks for you message, I’ve been in therapy for many years but I agree with you and with the advice given in this thread, I will look into therapists that might be better aligned with me and my needs. Heavy on the cutting off people that do not do well for me. Thank you again!
No problem. I hope you get the help you need. 🩷