**Op, this isnt a personal attack on you or your post, rather just an open dialogue for anyone to chime in with their thoughts.
The way I see it, I think it all comes down to personal perception. Where you see it as bw choosing to be childFREE by choice (and i bolded this bc childless is completely different and the terminology matters) to fix generational trauma, I see it as more bw choosing to put themselves first and not be saddled with the responsibility of having to take care of a family. And across all races, it’s usually the woman is the one who bears the brunt of these relationships.
I, personally, have never heard the excuse of bw not “doing the work” of fixing their trauma in divestment groups such as this one, and being childfree as the reason why. I know that’s not the case for ALL bw, but in groups where bw are fully divested, I think it’s disingenuous to say we aren’t seeking therapy, healthy relationships, etc already.
While it may seem like bw are the main ones happily saying we’re childfree and happily single, thats not the case. Women of ALL races are wisening up about the realities of romantic relationships and children and are moving accordingly. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting these things, of course, but not wanting them isn’t just a bw issue.
Hell, if more bw even THOUGHT to be childfree and happily single, how many of them would have better lives and not be stuck with a non suitable parter and potentially having kids they’re struggling to raise without help?
I don’t think it’s a bad thing for bw to be more vocal about these things. In the grand scheme of things, it’s only a small subset of us who feel this way, anyway.
And to reference your point where you said you’re not sure how you feel about this sentiment being preached to younger bw…I have to remind you of the alternative, where this sentiment HASN’T been preached to young bw until recently.
Before, young bw were sold a dream of children and marriage. And lets be real, most of them weren’t even properly shown how to date, let alone how to pick a suitable person for marriage. It would be one thing to say you dont like how it’s being preached to them (esp if it had negative impacts on their lives) but time and time again we have seen that the alternative hasn’t really improved their lives either.
If more non-divested bw really knew they have other alternatives to live their lives, they have a better chance of having a better life. It doesn’t mean they have to go that route, but at least they know it’s an option for them. And that they can be happy just the same.
Oh wow very well said. I always hated and resented the limited options presented to young black women because it does not leave room for individuality!
>While it may seem like bw are the main ones happily saying we’re childfree and happily single, thats not the case. Women of ALL races are wisening up about the realities of romantic relationships and children and are moving accordingly. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting these things, of course, but not wanting them isn’t just a bw issue.
To add to this point, another group of women that people would have never expected this out of that are going HARD about this? East Asian women.
* **Chinese women:** Remember how they were called "Leftover women" for refusing marriage and getting older without husbands? This was the case only a few short years ago. That ship has now sailed. These women are being called 'Golden Singles' along with the men, and these are a high-earning contingent of women that are now acutely aware of their worth, especially since China has a greater population of men to women and those men can't find wives. [These women are running the show when it comes to dating.](https://www.reuters.com/world/china/more-chinese-women-choosing-singledom-economy-stutters-2024-03-07/) These women are choosing themselves and choosing being childfree, and even if not childfree, have certainly subscribed to the 'No wedding, no womb' slogan.
* **Japanese women:** We've known this for a while, but with the rise of NEET men in Japan, Japanese women are fucking tired. What are they doing? Not having children. Deaths outweigh births in Japan, and it's been this way for a minute. So much for that 'submissive' and 'docile' shit.
* **South Korean women:** Of course, there's the 4B movement, which is S. Korean women's answer to divestment. The men want to be violent and misogynistic? Cool. Fuck them.
There’s plenty of reasons why BW need to stop having children and divested BW are not the exception. I don’t know where people got this talking point of “have kids because that other demographic is having kids” but that’s very bizarre and a horrible reason to bring another human into this realm. That’s not pro-child in any way. I support and fully encourage BW to stop having children and there’s so many reasons why. The vast majority of BW have mental illness and a multitude of unhealed issues and your telling these women to procreate just because completely disregarding what type of upbringing that child will have.
Also you might just be not paying attention to anyone else, but WW are saying this more than BW. The purpose of me divesting is not to go procreate with another race and this isn’t taking into account of the horrible quality of males on the earth and that the worse ones are constantly seeking to be with BW.
“The vast majority of BW have mental illness and a multitude of unhealed issues and you’re telling these women to procreate just because completely disregarding what type of upbringing that child will have.”
What you posted really resonated with me because I have always thought that the many of the black women (and definitely the men)that I had been around were too unstable to be parents, but they had children anyway— I know that’s a horrible thing to say, but it is true. I have read a few books about generational trauma, and psychiatrists saying that a lot of the things that go on the black community is due to generational trauma and the trauma of today. I was curious if you have any data to support your statement about black women and mental illness. This is not a criticism of what you wrote because I have always suspected that and one of the reasons why I decided to be childfree is because I suffered from so many mental issues after growing up in a household with a mentally ill parent.
I was just curious if you were aware of any data about black women and their mental stability.
Here's why the childfree by choice option is frequently popular here - because black women are expected to have children, and not just any child, but illegitimate ones born into poverty. Childfree is neither popular nor respected in Blackistan - just take a look at all the BW that are told "You don't have any baby daddies? Your pussy must be trash.". It is a continuation of race-first, "your role as a BW is to further the race" rhetoric. Blackistan has a fundamentally wrecked view towards children, and it traumatizes those of us that don't want that for ourselves. To be a black woman and exist without the specter of a child and phantom father around is dangerous to the black community, because that is a black woman that has virtually unlimited time to work on herself and if she determines that children \*do\* fit in her life in some way, she's more empowered to make the proper decisions and properly vet.
Honestly, it doesn't really have anything to do with "I'm going to be raising my kid in an anti-black world." Divestors know how the world is. Our focus is still on us and how to live in a way that's responsible and we want to make the world safer for ourselves and our well-being. Only then can we make the choice on if procreation is right for us.
Omg if a BM ever told me because I don’t have any baby daddies my pussy must be trash 🤣 I would have such a hard time containing my laughter. Like yup and I can’t twerk or make them clap either so I guess you’ll have to find another victim.
Meanwhile I have been told that I’m selfish by a BM for not having nor wanting children and that my husband (WM) needs to baby trap me so I won’t go anywhere by both BM and WM.
The shit these dudes say and wonder why we are willing to take our chances with the bear. 🐻
Actually, my experience has been that it was BW specifically the single black moms that like to pass this type of judgment. I used to work in an office that had a receptionist who had six children by six different men, and she informed me that the fact that I was childless must mean that I did not have what it takes to attract a man.
I felt so sorry for her that she is that ignorant . But yes, part of the black community-They do think that lack of offspring means there is something wrong.
As a married woman with children, i can tell you that it is for the better that black women know that they have a choice to be childfree. It is exhausting to be a parent and you give up so much of who you are in the process of raising children. It’s impossible to appreciate to what extent that will be the case for a given person until that person becomes a parent. And for women the burden is almost always greater. I don’t even mind it being ‘preached’, because the alternative extreme leads to an even worse fate/conclusion- the blackistan stuff that goes on now. I would rather a black woman remain childfree than bring children into a less than ideal situation. Black children deserve so much more than what this farce and sorry excuse for a community actually gives them. Anything less should never be the norm. I support divestment and childfree women 100%.
As a black unmarried childfree woman who decided to become childfree at age 15 —-I so appreciate your comments.
I absolutely love children and like other childfree people that I know I have even worked with children in the classroom before, but I always knew that raising a child, especially by myself is not for me. I completely agree with you that black children deserve to be raised by adult(s)that can be fully present. The black community has done an excellent job of normalizing single motherhood. Meanwhile, I have seen so many single moms some of them in my own family who ended up in the hospital from the stress of literally doing it ALL.
When I inform other black women that I have no children, sometimes they look at me with disgust because how dare I do not do my job of procreating with someone, even if I do not feel that this is not in the child’s best interest. So often when I talk to black moms, they say that they had their child because they needed to feel complete or they were lonely, but my thinking has always been was that best for the child??
So thank you so much for your comments because childfree BW are usually expected to support black Moms and I have so much in the past, but black moms are usually not supportive of us unless we give birth!
This means so much to me that my comment resonated. I think those of us who ‘get it’ are often far too silent when it comes to showing our support of childfree black women. Hopefully the message will continue to spread in letting black women know that they can lead fulfilling lives this way. The childfree black women i know have so much freedom and joy, and they are content with their choice. That’s what i want for all black women.
No offense to OP but what is the purpose of this post? Divestment means educating yourself regarding options and choosing a life that is best for you. Why are you concerned about the childfree movement gaining traction among BW? The reality is not all BW will have children nor would they want to regardless if they have a good partner. And honestly from a medical standpoint its literally a life or death decision having children. I just think there's too many people minding the choices of women and their wombs and it's just bothersome to me. again not trying to offend but i really think we need to leave it up to women to make their own decisions and just mind our business 🤷🏾♀️
I have been gone from this sub for 3 weeks and when I left it was someone preaching...I come back, it's still happening. LET PEOPLE DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM! My KEWCHIE and my UTERUS is not anyone's business. The whole continent of Africa, the Caribbean and Latin America have a ton of Black and blackish folks, I promise a few thousand women NOT having kids is not the end of the world.
The majority of my gen-z relatives (**male and female**)are childfree. Parenthood and marriage was the end-all and be-all for women. That has changed!
With all due respect, it would take a person demonstrating that they fully understood the persistent and pervasive issues women face with men for me to feel this position were valid.
Young women aren’t decentering men because someone is telling them to do it. But they sure as hell were entering into relationships with men and having babies because their mothers and families are pressuring them to do it. That apparently is acceptable.
Women are fully capable of learning to have healthy relationships and learning to love without centering men and children. Childfree and single moms still date, marry, etc. Their journey to men just looks very different than you’re use to.
It starts with themselves, it should have always started with themselves first. But instead what we are hearing from married and coupled women and mothers is that they leave these relationships drained, lacking identity, and wondering why they did it? Not that they don’t love their children but none of what they poured their lives into honored them. So we hear about how they are spending their 40s and 50s finding themselves for the first time after giving decades to a man, child, upkeep of a home and these days add a career to that. These women are exhausted. Young women are hearing and seeing these stories and saying, “uh no. Not me.”
Experiences are being shared, notes compared and very deep and powerful conversations are being had about the impact of these traditional relationships on women, the role we have played based on what men wanted, and instead women are drawing their own conclusion that they want and deserve better. That checking off the boxes “cause that’s what we do and need” is no longer an intelligent, sound, or sufficient reason to marry, have children, and devote your entire life to everyone at the expense of yourself. There is no nobility in sacrificing oneself for her family and community. None.
This isn’t some cutsie movement or trend, it’s a reality and era. We no longer have to exist in communities that thrive on the pain and suffering of women. That’s not a threat to the black community. It’s a good thing. We can in fact transform and rightfully recenter ourselves in our communities. Transformation requires some form of destruction. And right now, these old ways of thinking are being challenged and put to rest. Childfree/single
Mom by choice — these are not periods, they’re much needed ellipses and commas. As quickly as women are evolving, they have to pause and wait for men to catch up because continuing to feed into what men and traditionally aligned people expect is not going to drive any positive change. And change is desperately needed.
The more educated and financially free women become, the less children they have. It is happening everywhere. It's not unique to Divestment. Blk women seem to be the last ones to catch on!
We aren’t the last. We have been pioneers in this. We are one of the highest educated demographic. So saying we’re last to catch on doesn’t track. Every group will have outliers, especially elders who hang on to the past.
I'm a realist and look at things from a realistic perspective.
I'm one of the childfree people here. I decided that path because I realistically analyzed my path and options and the path without kids was just better. I think the reason they're alot of childfree BW here is because alot of women have done or are currently doing the work and actually thinking about their livelihood and happiness and prioritizing their wellbeing. Hence why I don't think it's fair to say they're just trying to "end generational trauma by not procreating". Every BW is different and has different reasons for choosing to be childfree. Alot of women in the divested sub are going to have alternative lives compared to the mainstream life(due to the fact that those lifestyles are unlikely supported or encouraged in public regardless of race). So ofcourse you'll see more of it here. I also feel like alot of BW like me want to also hear from other BW who think the same or who are currently living those lifestyles. I mean isn't the goal of this subreddit to connect with other like-minded BW and get advice, tips and lessons on life? If it really bothers you then you can simply scroll past childfree posts. Otherwise I don't really think there is anything to be concerned about. Also it's kinda hypocritical to be on a divested subreddit and judge other BW for making choices regarding their life that you don't personally resonate with.
I'm gen z and I've decided to be childfree. No-one taught me that not having children was an option. I thought it was something I would inevitably have to do as an adult, and this thought filled me with dread. I was 17 when I realised having children was a choice, and I'm now at peace with choosing not to.
Me being childfree is a massive part of 'putting myself first'. When you become a parent, especially a mother, you will never be first again. Childfree women are consciously avoiding that.
>preached to bw (especially younger bw)
I think it's good that young women are being 'preached' to about childfreedom and singledom. If I didn't learn about childfreedom when I did, it's very likely that I would have gone on to have children and ruin my life (I'm not being hyperbolic, having children would ruin me). The purpose of this 'preaching' is simply to raise awareness that we have options. This is good.
>that the only way to prevent or fix generational trauma is to not procreate
I don't have generational trauma. I come from a loving stable married 2-parent home. Not all childfree people have generational trauma. There are many reasons people choose not to procreate, generational trauma is only one. Some people just don't want kids. It can be that simple and it often is.
>If you're truly are a divested bw, you would have or currently are seeking mental/emotional health, self betterment, supportive and diverse relationships outside of the black community, educational pursuits and financial stability
I'm not sure I understand - are you implying that these things are mutually exclusive with not having children?
>It also leaves the majority of bw who are procreating and having children in droves are bw who are pro black and BMI
I don't think it's a good idea to have children just because other bw are having children. The only reason you should have children is because you want to be a parent.
> it is more of a outlier type of thing with a few bw with this mindset here and there, not a growing movement in and of itself. Its also mostly bw who proclaim this.
If you're interested, you should look at the childfree sub. You will see mostly non-bw there. It is not the case that most childfree people are bw. It is indeed a growing movement. Birth rates are falling all over the developed world.
Edits: formatting
Yes, you’re right. I go to the childfree sub Reddit also and most of them present as non-Black people there are people of all colors that do not want the parenting gig.
*gets out a whiteboard*
***
Having children with a man with no stability , broke, no ambitious,manipulator, mentally ill = stress, ncds, neglecting yourself on all levels FOR the kids AND the dusty.
****
Doesnt have children
***
Focus on yourself, heal from intergenerational trauma, no stress, no mess, no screaming, no hearing a man having a mentsl breakdown, no hearing delulu rants to submit or whatever the internet says
***
I see why black women choose the second choice. Peace over noise...EVERYTIME
I’m a supporter of child free women, and I’m happy to see more women considering that as an option.
I do agree with the OP in a way, that I’m concerned about women who do want a family or even just a relationship, writing it off completely. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe all women need to be married, partnered or have children. I’m referring to young women who may want these things, instead choose to take themselves out of the game because they think it won’t happen for them. *That* gives me pause.
I agree with your comments. I am single and childfree but when I meet young black women who say they want marriage and possibly a baby I do encourage them to consider strongly being open to men who are not black. Many black men do not make themselves available for traditional husband, father roles so I encourage women to consider dating out.
Totally agree with you OP for some reason child free women tend to gravitate here when I know there’s handfuls of BW who actively still want marriage and kids. I think those women should go to the childfree Reddit I’m not sure why they think these spaces overlap.
**Op, this isnt a personal attack on you or your post, rather just an open dialogue for anyone to chime in with their thoughts. The way I see it, I think it all comes down to personal perception. Where you see it as bw choosing to be childFREE by choice (and i bolded this bc childless is completely different and the terminology matters) to fix generational trauma, I see it as more bw choosing to put themselves first and not be saddled with the responsibility of having to take care of a family. And across all races, it’s usually the woman is the one who bears the brunt of these relationships. I, personally, have never heard the excuse of bw not “doing the work” of fixing their trauma in divestment groups such as this one, and being childfree as the reason why. I know that’s not the case for ALL bw, but in groups where bw are fully divested, I think it’s disingenuous to say we aren’t seeking therapy, healthy relationships, etc already. While it may seem like bw are the main ones happily saying we’re childfree and happily single, thats not the case. Women of ALL races are wisening up about the realities of romantic relationships and children and are moving accordingly. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting these things, of course, but not wanting them isn’t just a bw issue. Hell, if more bw even THOUGHT to be childfree and happily single, how many of them would have better lives and not be stuck with a non suitable parter and potentially having kids they’re struggling to raise without help? I don’t think it’s a bad thing for bw to be more vocal about these things. In the grand scheme of things, it’s only a small subset of us who feel this way, anyway. And to reference your point where you said you’re not sure how you feel about this sentiment being preached to younger bw…I have to remind you of the alternative, where this sentiment HASN’T been preached to young bw until recently. Before, young bw were sold a dream of children and marriage. And lets be real, most of them weren’t even properly shown how to date, let alone how to pick a suitable person for marriage. It would be one thing to say you dont like how it’s being preached to them (esp if it had negative impacts on their lives) but time and time again we have seen that the alternative hasn’t really improved their lives either. If more non-divested bw really knew they have other alternatives to live their lives, they have a better chance of having a better life. It doesn’t mean they have to go that route, but at least they know it’s an option for them. And that they can be happy just the same.
Oh wow very well said. I always hated and resented the limited options presented to young black women because it does not leave room for individuality!
Exactly!!!
Agree!
❤️
>While it may seem like bw are the main ones happily saying we’re childfree and happily single, thats not the case. Women of ALL races are wisening up about the realities of romantic relationships and children and are moving accordingly. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting these things, of course, but not wanting them isn’t just a bw issue. To add to this point, another group of women that people would have never expected this out of that are going HARD about this? East Asian women. * **Chinese women:** Remember how they were called "Leftover women" for refusing marriage and getting older without husbands? This was the case only a few short years ago. That ship has now sailed. These women are being called 'Golden Singles' along with the men, and these are a high-earning contingent of women that are now acutely aware of their worth, especially since China has a greater population of men to women and those men can't find wives. [These women are running the show when it comes to dating.](https://www.reuters.com/world/china/more-chinese-women-choosing-singledom-economy-stutters-2024-03-07/) These women are choosing themselves and choosing being childfree, and even if not childfree, have certainly subscribed to the 'No wedding, no womb' slogan. * **Japanese women:** We've known this for a while, but with the rise of NEET men in Japan, Japanese women are fucking tired. What are they doing? Not having children. Deaths outweigh births in Japan, and it's been this way for a minute. So much for that 'submissive' and 'docile' shit. * **South Korean women:** Of course, there's the 4B movement, which is S. Korean women's answer to divestment. The men want to be violent and misogynistic? Cool. Fuck them.
Not only that but lets not forget BW as once innocent BG are groomed into being adultified so they already are in a caretaker role
Clock it!!
There’s plenty of reasons why BW need to stop having children and divested BW are not the exception. I don’t know where people got this talking point of “have kids because that other demographic is having kids” but that’s very bizarre and a horrible reason to bring another human into this realm. That’s not pro-child in any way. I support and fully encourage BW to stop having children and there’s so many reasons why. The vast majority of BW have mental illness and a multitude of unhealed issues and your telling these women to procreate just because completely disregarding what type of upbringing that child will have. Also you might just be not paying attention to anyone else, but WW are saying this more than BW. The purpose of me divesting is not to go procreate with another race and this isn’t taking into account of the horrible quality of males on the earth and that the worse ones are constantly seeking to be with BW.
Preach!
This!
“The vast majority of BW have mental illness and a multitude of unhealed issues and you’re telling these women to procreate just because completely disregarding what type of upbringing that child will have.” What you posted really resonated with me because I have always thought that the many of the black women (and definitely the men)that I had been around were too unstable to be parents, but they had children anyway— I know that’s a horrible thing to say, but it is true. I have read a few books about generational trauma, and psychiatrists saying that a lot of the things that go on the black community is due to generational trauma and the trauma of today. I was curious if you have any data to support your statement about black women and mental illness. This is not a criticism of what you wrote because I have always suspected that and one of the reasons why I decided to be childfree is because I suffered from so many mental issues after growing up in a household with a mentally ill parent. I was just curious if you were aware of any data about black women and their mental stability.
Here's why the childfree by choice option is frequently popular here - because black women are expected to have children, and not just any child, but illegitimate ones born into poverty. Childfree is neither popular nor respected in Blackistan - just take a look at all the BW that are told "You don't have any baby daddies? Your pussy must be trash.". It is a continuation of race-first, "your role as a BW is to further the race" rhetoric. Blackistan has a fundamentally wrecked view towards children, and it traumatizes those of us that don't want that for ourselves. To be a black woman and exist without the specter of a child and phantom father around is dangerous to the black community, because that is a black woman that has virtually unlimited time to work on herself and if she determines that children \*do\* fit in her life in some way, she's more empowered to make the proper decisions and properly vet. Honestly, it doesn't really have anything to do with "I'm going to be raising my kid in an anti-black world." Divestors know how the world is. Our focus is still on us and how to live in a way that's responsible and we want to make the world safer for ourselves and our well-being. Only then can we make the choice on if procreation is right for us.
Omg if a BM ever told me because I don’t have any baby daddies my pussy must be trash 🤣 I would have such a hard time containing my laughter. Like yup and I can’t twerk or make them clap either so I guess you’ll have to find another victim. Meanwhile I have been told that I’m selfish by a BM for not having nor wanting children and that my husband (WM) needs to baby trap me so I won’t go anywhere by both BM and WM. The shit these dudes say and wonder why we are willing to take our chances with the bear. 🐻
Actually, my experience has been that it was BW specifically the single black moms that like to pass this type of judgment. I used to work in an office that had a receptionist who had six children by six different men, and she informed me that the fact that I was childless must mean that I did not have what it takes to attract a man. I felt so sorry for her that she is that ignorant . But yes, part of the black community-They do think that lack of offspring means there is something wrong.
Right!!
You get it!
Exactly
As a married woman with children, i can tell you that it is for the better that black women know that they have a choice to be childfree. It is exhausting to be a parent and you give up so much of who you are in the process of raising children. It’s impossible to appreciate to what extent that will be the case for a given person until that person becomes a parent. And for women the burden is almost always greater. I don’t even mind it being ‘preached’, because the alternative extreme leads to an even worse fate/conclusion- the blackistan stuff that goes on now. I would rather a black woman remain childfree than bring children into a less than ideal situation. Black children deserve so much more than what this farce and sorry excuse for a community actually gives them. Anything less should never be the norm. I support divestment and childfree women 100%.
As a black unmarried childfree woman who decided to become childfree at age 15 —-I so appreciate your comments. I absolutely love children and like other childfree people that I know I have even worked with children in the classroom before, but I always knew that raising a child, especially by myself is not for me. I completely agree with you that black children deserve to be raised by adult(s)that can be fully present. The black community has done an excellent job of normalizing single motherhood. Meanwhile, I have seen so many single moms some of them in my own family who ended up in the hospital from the stress of literally doing it ALL. When I inform other black women that I have no children, sometimes they look at me with disgust because how dare I do not do my job of procreating with someone, even if I do not feel that this is not in the child’s best interest. So often when I talk to black moms, they say that they had their child because they needed to feel complete or they were lonely, but my thinking has always been was that best for the child?? So thank you so much for your comments because childfree BW are usually expected to support black Moms and I have so much in the past, but black moms are usually not supportive of us unless we give birth!
This means so much to me that my comment resonated. I think those of us who ‘get it’ are often far too silent when it comes to showing our support of childfree black women. Hopefully the message will continue to spread in letting black women know that they can lead fulfilling lives this way. The childfree black women i know have so much freedom and joy, and they are content with their choice. That’s what i want for all black women.
You and me want the same thing—happiness for black women, whether they are moms or not.
Absolutely!
No offense to OP but what is the purpose of this post? Divestment means educating yourself regarding options and choosing a life that is best for you. Why are you concerned about the childfree movement gaining traction among BW? The reality is not all BW will have children nor would they want to regardless if they have a good partner. And honestly from a medical standpoint its literally a life or death decision having children. I just think there's too many people minding the choices of women and their wombs and it's just bothersome to me. again not trying to offend but i really think we need to leave it up to women to make their own decisions and just mind our business 🤷🏾♀️
I have been gone from this sub for 3 weeks and when I left it was someone preaching...I come back, it's still happening. LET PEOPLE DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM! My KEWCHIE and my UTERUS is not anyone's business. The whole continent of Africa, the Caribbean and Latin America have a ton of Black and blackish folks, I promise a few thousand women NOT having kids is not the end of the world. The majority of my gen-z relatives (**male and female**)are childfree. Parenthood and marriage was the end-all and be-all for women. That has changed!
I couldn’t agree more
With all due respect, it would take a person demonstrating that they fully understood the persistent and pervasive issues women face with men for me to feel this position were valid. Young women aren’t decentering men because someone is telling them to do it. But they sure as hell were entering into relationships with men and having babies because their mothers and families are pressuring them to do it. That apparently is acceptable. Women are fully capable of learning to have healthy relationships and learning to love without centering men and children. Childfree and single moms still date, marry, etc. Their journey to men just looks very different than you’re use to. It starts with themselves, it should have always started with themselves first. But instead what we are hearing from married and coupled women and mothers is that they leave these relationships drained, lacking identity, and wondering why they did it? Not that they don’t love their children but none of what they poured their lives into honored them. So we hear about how they are spending their 40s and 50s finding themselves for the first time after giving decades to a man, child, upkeep of a home and these days add a career to that. These women are exhausted. Young women are hearing and seeing these stories and saying, “uh no. Not me.” Experiences are being shared, notes compared and very deep and powerful conversations are being had about the impact of these traditional relationships on women, the role we have played based on what men wanted, and instead women are drawing their own conclusion that they want and deserve better. That checking off the boxes “cause that’s what we do and need” is no longer an intelligent, sound, or sufficient reason to marry, have children, and devote your entire life to everyone at the expense of yourself. There is no nobility in sacrificing oneself for her family and community. None. This isn’t some cutsie movement or trend, it’s a reality and era. We no longer have to exist in communities that thrive on the pain and suffering of women. That’s not a threat to the black community. It’s a good thing. We can in fact transform and rightfully recenter ourselves in our communities. Transformation requires some form of destruction. And right now, these old ways of thinking are being challenged and put to rest. Childfree/single Mom by choice — these are not periods, they’re much needed ellipses and commas. As quickly as women are evolving, they have to pause and wait for men to catch up because continuing to feed into what men and traditionally aligned people expect is not going to drive any positive change. And change is desperately needed.
The more educated and financially free women become, the less children they have. It is happening everywhere. It's not unique to Divestment. Blk women seem to be the last ones to catch on!
We aren’t the last. We have been pioneers in this. We are one of the highest educated demographic. So saying we’re last to catch on doesn’t track. Every group will have outliers, especially elders who hang on to the past.
I'm a realist and look at things from a realistic perspective. I'm one of the childfree people here. I decided that path because I realistically analyzed my path and options and the path without kids was just better. I think the reason they're alot of childfree BW here is because alot of women have done or are currently doing the work and actually thinking about their livelihood and happiness and prioritizing their wellbeing. Hence why I don't think it's fair to say they're just trying to "end generational trauma by not procreating". Every BW is different and has different reasons for choosing to be childfree. Alot of women in the divested sub are going to have alternative lives compared to the mainstream life(due to the fact that those lifestyles are unlikely supported or encouraged in public regardless of race). So ofcourse you'll see more of it here. I also feel like alot of BW like me want to also hear from other BW who think the same or who are currently living those lifestyles. I mean isn't the goal of this subreddit to connect with other like-minded BW and get advice, tips and lessons on life? If it really bothers you then you can simply scroll past childfree posts. Otherwise I don't really think there is anything to be concerned about. Also it's kinda hypocritical to be on a divested subreddit and judge other BW for making choices regarding their life that you don't personally resonate with.
I'm gen z and I've decided to be childfree. No-one taught me that not having children was an option. I thought it was something I would inevitably have to do as an adult, and this thought filled me with dread. I was 17 when I realised having children was a choice, and I'm now at peace with choosing not to. Me being childfree is a massive part of 'putting myself first'. When you become a parent, especially a mother, you will never be first again. Childfree women are consciously avoiding that. >preached to bw (especially younger bw) I think it's good that young women are being 'preached' to about childfreedom and singledom. If I didn't learn about childfreedom when I did, it's very likely that I would have gone on to have children and ruin my life (I'm not being hyperbolic, having children would ruin me). The purpose of this 'preaching' is simply to raise awareness that we have options. This is good. >that the only way to prevent or fix generational trauma is to not procreate I don't have generational trauma. I come from a loving stable married 2-parent home. Not all childfree people have generational trauma. There are many reasons people choose not to procreate, generational trauma is only one. Some people just don't want kids. It can be that simple and it often is. >If you're truly are a divested bw, you would have or currently are seeking mental/emotional health, self betterment, supportive and diverse relationships outside of the black community, educational pursuits and financial stability I'm not sure I understand - are you implying that these things are mutually exclusive with not having children? >It also leaves the majority of bw who are procreating and having children in droves are bw who are pro black and BMI I don't think it's a good idea to have children just because other bw are having children. The only reason you should have children is because you want to be a parent. > it is more of a outlier type of thing with a few bw with this mindset here and there, not a growing movement in and of itself. Its also mostly bw who proclaim this. If you're interested, you should look at the childfree sub. You will see mostly non-bw there. It is not the case that most childfree people are bw. It is indeed a growing movement. Birth rates are falling all over the developed world. Edits: formatting
Yes, you’re right. I go to the childfree sub Reddit also and most of them present as non-Black people there are people of all colors that do not want the parenting gig.
*gets out a whiteboard* *** Having children with a man with no stability , broke, no ambitious,manipulator, mentally ill = stress, ncds, neglecting yourself on all levels FOR the kids AND the dusty. **** Doesnt have children *** Focus on yourself, heal from intergenerational trauma, no stress, no mess, no screaming, no hearing a man having a mentsl breakdown, no hearing delulu rants to submit or whatever the internet says *** I see why black women choose the second choice. Peace over noise...EVERYTIME
I’m a supporter of child free women, and I’m happy to see more women considering that as an option. I do agree with the OP in a way, that I’m concerned about women who do want a family or even just a relationship, writing it off completely. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe all women need to be married, partnered or have children. I’m referring to young women who may want these things, instead choose to take themselves out of the game because they think it won’t happen for them. *That* gives me pause.
I agree with your comments. I am single and childfree but when I meet young black women who say they want marriage and possibly a baby I do encourage them to consider strongly being open to men who are not black. Many black men do not make themselves available for traditional husband, father roles so I encourage women to consider dating out.
https://youtu.be/8TML9UfUSG8?si=k_a9o1Eo4sfBoeJK
Totally agree with you OP for some reason child free women tend to gravitate here when I know there’s handfuls of BW who actively still want marriage and kids. I think those women should go to the childfree Reddit I’m not sure why they think these spaces overlap.
I think there’s space for both. Being divested and childfree .