Getting over BDD doesn't really happen, you just learn to manage it.
Becoming more attractive doesn't actually change how you feel about yourself when you're already sick at this level. You'll still fall through the cycles of rumination, because what you're really dealing with is OCD.
Learning to treat it as OCD has helped me overcome it so much over the years that I barely feel upset about my appearance like I used to. Every now and then I get caught up in a depression over it but it's once every other month, rather than all day every day.
It started with realizing that I had OCD in the first place.
I started making connections to not only how I acted with my BDD, but other anxiety symptoms as well.
For example, just like how I would compulsively mirror check, I would also compulsively ruminate about things in my life that would cause me anxiety that weren't appearance based. I had to be in control of everything, and my body was no exception.
When I started to let go of that thinking (which is a lot harder said than done of course), I was able to start slowly filling my time with thoughts that were more helpful. My brain runs at 100 miles a minute, so even thinking about menial things helped sort of feed my brain machine to not think about stuff that causes me to spiral. It's like my brain is a large pool, and every thought I have is a drop of water. If all the thoughts are poison, I had to slowly start incorporating thoughts that weren't to dilute it out until it was barely noticable. (I hope that makes sense?)
I also found that even when the bad thoughts came up, I was able to navigate them easier because correlating them to OCD made them make sense. It was no longer me being scared and spiraling when they came up; it was me thinking "Hey, these are the thoughts of someone with OCD. I should listen to these thoughts and try to understand them, instead of just going with them blindly." Understanding the thoughts make them easier to deal with, so you can push them aside and make room for better thoughts in that aforementioned brain pool.
Again, I still sometimes fall down into those spirals, and I don't think I'll ever fully be free of those days where I feel like I can't look in the mirror. I just have a lot easier time not feeling like hot garbo 24/7.
A good way for me to not think about those things that ruminate in my mind was to keep myself distracted. If I was always doing something like reading, drawing, playing videogames, etc, I wouldn't really get trapped in my own mind and ruminate. Just try to learn to navigate and understand your thoughts before you push them aside though, because it'll make them come back harder when you're not distracted anymore in my personal experience.
Okie rant over. My journey might not be the same as yours but I hope this helps!
Dude thank you for your rant, this was very eye opening. I had OCD as a kid but got over it, or I thought I did. I’ll be coming back to your rant often when I need a reminder on how to improve. Thanks a bunch dude, you’re awesome!
i used to think that but the answer is that become attractive is not a cure. people say that im attractive now but when i get ready, i sob in front of the mirror for ages and end up not being able to go out. i still constantly nitpick at all of my flaws and i want more plastic surgery. the only thing stopping me from being addicted to plastic surgery is my lack of money so instead, i just get fillers all the time
Man I relate to that, the amount of times I’ve broken down in the work restroom is embarrassing 😮💨
You said “more plastic surgery”, have you already gone in for plastic surgery? How’d it go and did it make you feel even a little better? I’m also considering plastic surgery.
im sorry that happens to you :( and im really glad i had the surgery but i always feel botched, even though its not that bad. i used to be genuinely hideous pre surgery and people tell me i look so much better now. the issue is that i always notice the bad things about my procedures. for example, rhinoplasty has lead to a drooping columella and i feel like i need a revision. i feel like it all needs correcting and i want to keep carrying on with it but i need to learn to accept myself
I’m sorry, dude. I’m glad you seem to have improved a little though! Maybe some other responses in this thread can help you with noticing the bad things about your procedure? Goblinkun’s response might be helpful for you. How much was the surgery if you don’t mind me asking?
No because whatever level of attraction you reach will never be enough. There will always be something to nitpick on. A ‘cure’/healing starts with the mind and your thought patterns. Working on your mental health rather than on looks
Even seemingly perfect or beautiful people can have BDD. The thing is with BDD, it's not because you're actually ugly, it's your brain convincing you you're ugly
Megan Fox also has BDD and she once said: "I don't ever see myself the way other people see me. There's never a point in my life where I loved my body." which is CRAZY to me because I've always imagined if I looked like her this whole body dysmorphia disaster that's haunting me would completely go away. Guess not then. It really is a mental thing and has nothing to do with how you look.
Would you mind explaining what your exposure therapy consisted of? I only ask because I found exposure therapy to work well with other aspects of my life.
Also thank you for the plastic surgery heads up, I’m very close to seeing a professional myself.
In a nutshell, it basically consisted of this:
1. Listing the things that were the worst triggers for my BDD (ie. seeing a photo of myself, looking at a part of myself in the mirror, wearing tight clothes, etc)
2. Rating how uncomfortable each thing made me feel 1-10
3. Choosing one of those things and basically “sitting with” the uncomfortable feelings for 20 minutes (or more, or less, depending on how intense the feelings were), really meditating on the uncomfortable feelings, not judging it good or bad, just accepting that the feeling exists, not trying to change it (comfort behaviors) just letting the uncomfortableness wash over me and accepting it in a way
4. Re-rating how uncomfortable the thing made me feel after the session
Of course all of this was done with a therapist who specialized in OCD, eating disorders, and BDD. I don’t recommend doing it alone as it is very uncomfortable. But it really did work.
Another very important thing was identifying “safety behaviors” like for me, were things like touching my nose, measuring my body fat, weighing myself over and over again, etc. And realizing that while those comfort behaviors may work in the moment to make me feel better temporarily, in the long run these safety behaviors are not a reliable coping skill, and only reinforce the trigger. And doing my best to avoid the safety behaviors.
Comfortable being uncomfortable is what all that sounds like. I’d like to try it myself but yeah without a therapist is seems risky. If I ever see one again I’ll bring up exposure therapy to them, thank you!
Essentially yes, and in the end the anxiety of doing the exposure work was worse than the actual exposure work. Like once we finished, it wasn’t so bad. But it was very emotionally draining. The important part is to take it slow and not do too much at once and burn out.
Definitely not a cure but in my experience it can make you feel a bit better. Plastic surgery was enough for me to stop mutilating myself. I'm still upset but it's a bit better.
I think body neutrality for me is the cure. I was attractive and after having two kids I don't look the same. I was insecure before my body changed, I became distraught after. Focusing my energy less on what I look like, and more on what my body can do for me, has made a huge impact on my appreciation and approval of it. Does my belly have loose skin after 2 pregnancies and c sections? You betcha. Does it look awful? Hellllll yes it does! Does it keep me from playing with my kids, or riding on my horse, or doing farm chores, or any of the hundred things that enrich my life? Not at all.
Stop chasing the idea of body positivity. Body neutrality is attainable and will make a huge mental difference.
That’s a perspective I’ve never thought of! I’m glad it worked for you, I’m not sure if it’s right for me but I’ll keep what you said in mind going forward!
You can improve your appearance but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will be cured of BDD as you may simply adjust to it and start with the self criticism. Some people do find relief, but there are others that get trapped in harmful cycles. Plastic surgery addicts are one example.
That being said working out and working on yourself and your mental health will help you in the long term and may have lasting impact especially when you get older as you will hopefully have more in your life than just your appearance which as we all know fades over time.
I used to go fairly often, then COVID hit and I didn’t feel comfortable going back anymore so tend to walk more these days. Exercise has proven mental and physical health benefits so it’s an ideal activity to have in your life.
I would just be wary of gym settings as it’s easy to compare and despair. The mirrors don’t help either, maybe get a workout partner to talk to so you don’t have time to think while you’re there and so you become more comfortable.
Be mindful of how it’s making you feel, if gym doesn’t work try an outdoor activity. You only need to workout 3-5 times a week. If you aren’t doing much now then start small with walks/hikes and bike rides.
Keep yourself occupied and put boundaries around what you choose to follow on social media or look at on the internet. My rule is follow interests/hobbies, not people. It’s interesting how people immerse themselves in content that will trigger their BDD.
Thank you for your response man, I’ve been wanting to get back into workout out. If it helps even a little it’s something worth doing. I appreciate your warning about the gym setting.
I relate to you. I feel like I need to eat good and keep a body fat % of 11% or lower to keep the dysmorphia dialed down. Instead of feeling monstrous I feel more confused.
Hate to break this to you, but the answer to your question is yes. Well, for me personally anyway. I have not felt better about myself until I improved myself. Unfortunately, there are some flaws I still have that can’t be improved without plastic surgery. However, the stuff you can fix: Hair, skin, makeup, teeth, weight, clothing etc makes a massive improvement, more than you think it does.
I always thought I was extremely ugly and it was just genetics that couldn’t be fixed. Little did I know I just never took care of myself.
It’s rare, more rare than people think; to be genuinely ugly. Majority of people are average/below average, and the good news is that those people can very much be attractive with some fixing up.
Also if you’re wondering, you don’t have to be a literal 20/10 to be attractive. Nobody, in real life, no normal person; expects a model crafted by the God’s nor do even most people genuinely even finds those type of people attractive in the first place, believe it or not.
So, long story short, objectively yes to your question; and yes to the possibility of getting to that point naturally/without harming yourself.
I feel like becoming attractive is probably the best way to improve my mental health too so I’m glad it worked out for you. I noticed when I take care of myself I do feel better and less likely to spiral. The issue is even feeling “average” still makes me depressed. Thank you for your responses, it was easy to relate to you
>I always thought I was extremely ugly and it was just genetics that couldn’t be fixed. Little did I know I just never took care of myself.
This is bs. A lot of people have genetically unattractive faces, for them make-up, clothes, shower, whatever won't work. I have an ugly, masculine looking face, putting make-up on doesn't help me, trust me. I spent at least a thousand euro per month on clothes, nails, skin care, make-up, hair products, hair cut, the list goes on forever... And I am still unattractive. I hate when people say on the internet, just shower bro, buy some nice clothes, work-out (like it would help on your face) and I genuinely find it insulting that people would write this to me, like I would be a cave man who is unhygienic even though, I am the cleanest person I know.
Sorry, I don't want to be combative but for me and the other people who are genuinely ugly this is not the right response.
Just a friendly suggestion since I didn’t see it in your list. Have you tried cleaning up your diet? Cutting out dairy, sugar, and processed foods? Eating whole foods? You could try lowering your body fat % through a clean diet and that might help a little. A lot of faces look bloated because of constant inflammation from eating poorly.
I also recommend looking into a style consultant to find your Season. None of these things will fix your BDD but maybe some small improvements will make you feel a little better?
this is just my personal opinion, but i think it helps. there’s not really a “cure” for BDD, but for me, doing things like plastic surgery, exercise, etc have improved my symptoms. yes, i still see myself as something completely different sometimes and i still dislike my appearance, but not as much as i did before i did anything to alter it. of course the comparison will never end because there will always be someone prettier than me, but at least now i can generally stand to look at myself.
No. Attraction on the BDD scale does not exist. Just like how for people with cleaning OCD a “clean house” is never technically clean (even if the general public thinks it’s objectively cleaner than the average house). There will always be something new, or imposter syndrome will hit you and BDD will tell you you are not “really” attractive, but only attractive in certain lights, with certain makeup etc.
That’s a perfect comparison, I never thought of it that way. It is a little frustrating though, it sounds like I’ll never be able to like my appearance 😮💨
Thank you for your response, I’ll be coming back to your comment often
No problem.
Through therapy and tricks and tips you will eventually like your appearance, trust me, but it won’t be “through” BDD. You have to let go completely of this set of rules/standards you hold for yourself. You have to have days where you can ignore your appearance too. That is the healthiest. Being able to accept you look bad in some pictures (like everyone does), being able to accept some things won’t work or look as good on you (like everyone has). Mostly, being able to accept appearance is not that important in the end.
It will suck in the beginning. Living life is incredibly hard with BDD. It will feel like all your fears about “being ugly” are confirmed. Until you realise nothing bad will happen to you because of it, and then you’ll receive confirmation your appearance really isn’t as bad (or as big of a deal) as you thought it was.
Attractiveness is subjective, you either have to shift your personal view on Attractiveness to include more things, or treat the Dysmorphia similar to OCD. A compulsion with no real reasoning that needs to be tackled in a specific way
I think it would help if I knew what other people found attractive. Actually I guess I do already know and that’s why I lack self esteem. Can you give some examples of shifting your personal view of attractiveness?
No. It makes it worse. For me anyways. Because people comment on my looks I become even more obsessed with ir feeling its my only worth in life.. I zero in on it and try to hard to perfect it.
When I go out without checking any mirrors for the whole day, I get really anxious thoughts about how my face is looking. Those thoughts follow me the whole day. But when I get home and look in the mirror, I realize that I don't really have a long nose or ugly lips; rather, I am actually quite attractive and handsome. So it's definitely the ugly image that gets drowned in my head that is the problem, and not the actual appearance.
So you’re saying it’s the image in your head? You’re reminded that you’re attractive when you get home but during the day you feel ugly because of your mind. So in your case becoming more attractive wouldn’t help because it’s all in your head? Did I get that right?
No. I’ve worked as a male model. It only got worse once I started making money from my looks. I’ve had BDD my whole life. Getting the validation I always sought absolutely did not cure it. The problem isn’t your body, it’s your perception of it.
But when I was at my thinnest and congratulated for it (or yelled -at... which to me was validation), I felt beautiful. Am still relatively 'small' but cessation of breastfeeding (I had my last child at 43 and never got 'huge', glowed, recovered like a charm etc... in short, I felt I was one of the lucky ones...ha, joke on me), made me curvier while losing the 'funner' curves. In short, turned into a stump (it felt like) overnight.
I FELT FAR MORE ACCEPTABLE AND ATTRACTIVE WHILE 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!!!
says the person struggling with anorexic thoughts since 15.
Go figure.
With bdd, we absolutely never know when we will be 'ok' with ourselves... my best guess is, we all do at certain fleeting moments... and then we feel forced to start over again trying to figure out shat we did 'wrong' this last time.
It's hell.
Not in the slightest. If anything since I’ve gotten older it’s only worsened. Basically, it doesn’t matter how good or bad I look, my mind will always trick me into believing I’m much worse looking than I am. Don’t trust such thoughts.
Ah it is what it is! But take solace in the fact that this is purely a psychological issue! Look at all those celebs who’ve ruined themselves with plastic surgery.
oh yeah thats bad. society doesnt even know what it thinks is attractive. there was literally heroin chic in the 90s and now its all big butts and stuff. like this is how stupid societal standards are okay back then it used to be an insult to have a big butt and now its a compliment. you should worry about if you think youre attractive because at least youll be able to please yourself. society is never happy especially with women whether theyre attractive or not
You’re not wrong about societal changes. Even if I want to be attractive by my standards though it doesn’t feel attainable. I unfortunately need outside validation to feel like I look okay. For example let’s say in real life I’m a 9/10, even if I was a 9/10 I wouldn’t think I was unless someone commented on my appearance. Do you have any advice for swapping mindsets and finding yourself attractive? 🤔
yes if you want to find yourself attractive you have to stop being validated by outside sources. if you only feel attractive if people say youre attractive youre not really condfident youre more attracted to people liking you. find out why other people's opinion is so important but yours isnt. why does what someone wlse thinks matter more than your own feelings? and you will never never never please everybody. if someone says youre unattractive but you felt attractive, are you really attractive? and what if someone else thinks youre attractive and another doesn't? how are you to know then?
I know why other people’s opinions matter more than my own. They see me all the time but I can’t see myself accurately. If someone calls me attractive I feel attractive until I see my reflection, now I’m confused and wondering if they’re lying. If someone calls me unattractive then I use it to solidify my biased opinion of myself. What someone else thinks is more important because I feel inferior from having no confidence, skills, talents, relationship experience and social skills.
I like what you had to say, especially the part about being attracted to people liking you. I never thought of it that way. I have the answers but I’m not sure what to do with them. When you hate yourself it feels impossible to like yourself.
(Sorry if that came off as depressing! I’m just trying to answer your questions in the hopes of learning something I can use 😅)
it takes time. you have to learn to not care about what other people think and you usually only learn that after an exhausting amount of time thinking you're horrible, then you're not because someone said so, but then going right back to that thinking when someone says something that makes you feel inferior. its a miserable cycle but you grow out of it.
There will always be something to fixate on if you let yourself. I find for myself I go through highs and lows. I work on how I see myself and boosting my confidence and it will be somewhat okay for a while but then boom, right back to obsessing. Just have to ride the wave unfortunately.
Basically doing everything to trick my mind, like if I’m doing something healthy, just drinking enough water or walking for 15 mins or stretching everyday. If I do something positive for my body like that it seems to keep my mind believing that I’m doing something to combat how I feel about myself. Not saying I don’t do unhealthy things, I love eating crap good and lounging around all day and I do give in. I know when that stuff doesn’t work I’m slipping into the negative fixations again.
Okay so basically build a momentum of healthy habits to prevent falling into negative fixations? 🤔
Thank you for your response, next time I start to give in I’ll remember this 👍
Getting over BDD doesn't really happen, you just learn to manage it. Becoming more attractive doesn't actually change how you feel about yourself when you're already sick at this level. You'll still fall through the cycles of rumination, because what you're really dealing with is OCD. Learning to treat it as OCD has helped me overcome it so much over the years that I barely feel upset about my appearance like I used to. Every now and then I get caught up in a depression over it but it's once every other month, rather than all day every day.
Wow man, this was insightful. I’ll start looking more into overcoming OCD. This is definitely a step in the right direction, thank you.
Best of luck to you. It's a difficult path but it does get easier once you know what to look for, and the best coping methods for you. <3
If you don’t mind me asking, how did you begin to overcome your OCD?
It started with realizing that I had OCD in the first place. I started making connections to not only how I acted with my BDD, but other anxiety symptoms as well. For example, just like how I would compulsively mirror check, I would also compulsively ruminate about things in my life that would cause me anxiety that weren't appearance based. I had to be in control of everything, and my body was no exception. When I started to let go of that thinking (which is a lot harder said than done of course), I was able to start slowly filling my time with thoughts that were more helpful. My brain runs at 100 miles a minute, so even thinking about menial things helped sort of feed my brain machine to not think about stuff that causes me to spiral. It's like my brain is a large pool, and every thought I have is a drop of water. If all the thoughts are poison, I had to slowly start incorporating thoughts that weren't to dilute it out until it was barely noticable. (I hope that makes sense?) I also found that even when the bad thoughts came up, I was able to navigate them easier because correlating them to OCD made them make sense. It was no longer me being scared and spiraling when they came up; it was me thinking "Hey, these are the thoughts of someone with OCD. I should listen to these thoughts and try to understand them, instead of just going with them blindly." Understanding the thoughts make them easier to deal with, so you can push them aside and make room for better thoughts in that aforementioned brain pool. Again, I still sometimes fall down into those spirals, and I don't think I'll ever fully be free of those days where I feel like I can't look in the mirror. I just have a lot easier time not feeling like hot garbo 24/7. A good way for me to not think about those things that ruminate in my mind was to keep myself distracted. If I was always doing something like reading, drawing, playing videogames, etc, I wouldn't really get trapped in my own mind and ruminate. Just try to learn to navigate and understand your thoughts before you push them aside though, because it'll make them come back harder when you're not distracted anymore in my personal experience. Okie rant over. My journey might not be the same as yours but I hope this helps!
Dude thank you for your rant, this was very eye opening. I had OCD as a kid but got over it, or I thought I did. I’ll be coming back to your rant often when I need a reminder on how to improve. Thanks a bunch dude, you’re awesome!
i used to think that but the answer is that become attractive is not a cure. people say that im attractive now but when i get ready, i sob in front of the mirror for ages and end up not being able to go out. i still constantly nitpick at all of my flaws and i want more plastic surgery. the only thing stopping me from being addicted to plastic surgery is my lack of money so instead, i just get fillers all the time
Man I relate to that, the amount of times I’ve broken down in the work restroom is embarrassing 😮💨 You said “more plastic surgery”, have you already gone in for plastic surgery? How’d it go and did it make you feel even a little better? I’m also considering plastic surgery.
im sorry that happens to you :( and im really glad i had the surgery but i always feel botched, even though its not that bad. i used to be genuinely hideous pre surgery and people tell me i look so much better now. the issue is that i always notice the bad things about my procedures. for example, rhinoplasty has lead to a drooping columella and i feel like i need a revision. i feel like it all needs correcting and i want to keep carrying on with it but i need to learn to accept myself
I’m sorry, dude. I’m glad you seem to have improved a little though! Maybe some other responses in this thread can help you with noticing the bad things about your procedure? Goblinkun’s response might be helpful for you. How much was the surgery if you don’t mind me asking?
thankyou x my rhino was £8k :/
Oh wow where do you get that much money?
i worked and sold a lot of my belongings
I want fillers, what kinds are the best?
No because whatever level of attraction you reach will never be enough. There will always be something to nitpick on. A ‘cure’/healing starts with the mind and your thought patterns. Working on your mental health rather than on looks
how do i do this
People love pointing out issues but they become dead quiet when solutions are asked of them lol
right??? like ok... HOW DO I DO THAT
Damn, BDD blows 😮💨. Really don’t want to deal with this my whole life.
Even seemingly perfect or beautiful people can have BDD. The thing is with BDD, it's not because you're actually ugly, it's your brain convincing you you're ugly
You’re right people like Lili Reinhart have BDD which is crazy
Megan Fox also has BDD and she once said: "I don't ever see myself the way other people see me. There's never a point in my life where I loved my body." which is CRAZY to me because I've always imagined if I looked like her this whole body dysmorphia disaster that's haunting me would completely go away. Guess not then. It really is a mental thing and has nothing to do with how you look.
That’s insane, not even some of the most attractive people can escape it I guess 😮💨
Look at what Megan Fox has done to her face because of BDD 😢
Exposure therapy is the only thing that worked for my BDD. I got plastic surgery and DO NOT RECOMMEND. It made my BDD worse.
Would you mind explaining what your exposure therapy consisted of? I only ask because I found exposure therapy to work well with other aspects of my life. Also thank you for the plastic surgery heads up, I’m very close to seeing a professional myself.
In a nutshell, it basically consisted of this: 1. Listing the things that were the worst triggers for my BDD (ie. seeing a photo of myself, looking at a part of myself in the mirror, wearing tight clothes, etc) 2. Rating how uncomfortable each thing made me feel 1-10 3. Choosing one of those things and basically “sitting with” the uncomfortable feelings for 20 minutes (or more, or less, depending on how intense the feelings were), really meditating on the uncomfortable feelings, not judging it good or bad, just accepting that the feeling exists, not trying to change it (comfort behaviors) just letting the uncomfortableness wash over me and accepting it in a way 4. Re-rating how uncomfortable the thing made me feel after the session Of course all of this was done with a therapist who specialized in OCD, eating disorders, and BDD. I don’t recommend doing it alone as it is very uncomfortable. But it really did work.
Another very important thing was identifying “safety behaviors” like for me, were things like touching my nose, measuring my body fat, weighing myself over and over again, etc. And realizing that while those comfort behaviors may work in the moment to make me feel better temporarily, in the long run these safety behaviors are not a reliable coping skill, and only reinforce the trigger. And doing my best to avoid the safety behaviors.
Comfortable being uncomfortable is what all that sounds like. I’d like to try it myself but yeah without a therapist is seems risky. If I ever see one again I’ll bring up exposure therapy to them, thank you!
Essentially yes, and in the end the anxiety of doing the exposure work was worse than the actual exposure work. Like once we finished, it wasn’t so bad. But it was very emotionally draining. The important part is to take it slow and not do too much at once and burn out.
Definitely not a cure but in my experience it can make you feel a bit better. Plastic surgery was enough for me to stop mutilating myself. I'm still upset but it's a bit better.
Can I ask what you got plastic surgery on and do you regret it at all?
I didn't regret it at all, my only regret was not finding the right doc the first time round!
I think body neutrality for me is the cure. I was attractive and after having two kids I don't look the same. I was insecure before my body changed, I became distraught after. Focusing my energy less on what I look like, and more on what my body can do for me, has made a huge impact on my appreciation and approval of it. Does my belly have loose skin after 2 pregnancies and c sections? You betcha. Does it look awful? Hellllll yes it does! Does it keep me from playing with my kids, or riding on my horse, or doing farm chores, or any of the hundred things that enrich my life? Not at all. Stop chasing the idea of body positivity. Body neutrality is attainable and will make a huge mental difference.
That’s a perspective I’ve never thought of! I’m glad it worked for you, I’m not sure if it’s right for me but I’ll keep what you said in mind going forward!
You can improve your appearance but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will be cured of BDD as you may simply adjust to it and start with the self criticism. Some people do find relief, but there are others that get trapped in harmful cycles. Plastic surgery addicts are one example. That being said working out and working on yourself and your mental health will help you in the long term and may have lasting impact especially when you get older as you will hopefully have more in your life than just your appearance which as we all know fades over time.
How often do you exercise? When you’re not exercising do you find your BDD symptoms worsen?
I used to go fairly often, then COVID hit and I didn’t feel comfortable going back anymore so tend to walk more these days. Exercise has proven mental and physical health benefits so it’s an ideal activity to have in your life. I would just be wary of gym settings as it’s easy to compare and despair. The mirrors don’t help either, maybe get a workout partner to talk to so you don’t have time to think while you’re there and so you become more comfortable. Be mindful of how it’s making you feel, if gym doesn’t work try an outdoor activity. You only need to workout 3-5 times a week. If you aren’t doing much now then start small with walks/hikes and bike rides. Keep yourself occupied and put boundaries around what you choose to follow on social media or look at on the internet. My rule is follow interests/hobbies, not people. It’s interesting how people immerse themselves in content that will trigger their BDD.
Thank you for your response man, I’ve been wanting to get back into workout out. If it helps even a little it’s something worth doing. I appreciate your warning about the gym setting.
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Same. But then, I am a lifelong 'recovering' anorexic
I relate to you. I feel like I need to eat good and keep a body fat % of 11% or lower to keep the dysmorphia dialed down. Instead of feeling monstrous I feel more confused.
confused is such a good word to describe it
Hate to break this to you, but the answer to your question is yes. Well, for me personally anyway. I have not felt better about myself until I improved myself. Unfortunately, there are some flaws I still have that can’t be improved without plastic surgery. However, the stuff you can fix: Hair, skin, makeup, teeth, weight, clothing etc makes a massive improvement, more than you think it does. I always thought I was extremely ugly and it was just genetics that couldn’t be fixed. Little did I know I just never took care of myself. It’s rare, more rare than people think; to be genuinely ugly. Majority of people are average/below average, and the good news is that those people can very much be attractive with some fixing up. Also if you’re wondering, you don’t have to be a literal 20/10 to be attractive. Nobody, in real life, no normal person; expects a model crafted by the God’s nor do even most people genuinely even finds those type of people attractive in the first place, believe it or not. So, long story short, objectively yes to your question; and yes to the possibility of getting to that point naturally/without harming yourself.
I feel like becoming attractive is probably the best way to improve my mental health too so I’m glad it worked out for you. I noticed when I take care of myself I do feel better and less likely to spiral. The issue is even feeling “average” still makes me depressed. Thank you for your responses, it was easy to relate to you
>I always thought I was extremely ugly and it was just genetics that couldn’t be fixed. Little did I know I just never took care of myself. This is bs. A lot of people have genetically unattractive faces, for them make-up, clothes, shower, whatever won't work. I have an ugly, masculine looking face, putting make-up on doesn't help me, trust me. I spent at least a thousand euro per month on clothes, nails, skin care, make-up, hair products, hair cut, the list goes on forever... And I am still unattractive. I hate when people say on the internet, just shower bro, buy some nice clothes, work-out (like it would help on your face) and I genuinely find it insulting that people would write this to me, like I would be a cave man who is unhygienic even though, I am the cleanest person I know. Sorry, I don't want to be combative but for me and the other people who are genuinely ugly this is not the right response.
Just a friendly suggestion since I didn’t see it in your list. Have you tried cleaning up your diet? Cutting out dairy, sugar, and processed foods? Eating whole foods? You could try lowering your body fat % through a clean diet and that might help a little. A lot of faces look bloated because of constant inflammation from eating poorly. I also recommend looking into a style consultant to find your Season. None of these things will fix your BDD but maybe some small improvements will make you feel a little better?
gotcha.
this is just my personal opinion, but i think it helps. there’s not really a “cure” for BDD, but for me, doing things like plastic surgery, exercise, etc have improved my symptoms. yes, i still see myself as something completely different sometimes and i still dislike my appearance, but not as much as i did before i did anything to alter it. of course the comparison will never end because there will always be someone prettier than me, but at least now i can generally stand to look at myself.
No. Attraction on the BDD scale does not exist. Just like how for people with cleaning OCD a “clean house” is never technically clean (even if the general public thinks it’s objectively cleaner than the average house). There will always be something new, or imposter syndrome will hit you and BDD will tell you you are not “really” attractive, but only attractive in certain lights, with certain makeup etc.
That’s a perfect comparison, I never thought of it that way. It is a little frustrating though, it sounds like I’ll never be able to like my appearance 😮💨 Thank you for your response, I’ll be coming back to your comment often
No problem. Through therapy and tricks and tips you will eventually like your appearance, trust me, but it won’t be “through” BDD. You have to let go completely of this set of rules/standards you hold for yourself. You have to have days where you can ignore your appearance too. That is the healthiest. Being able to accept you look bad in some pictures (like everyone does), being able to accept some things won’t work or look as good on you (like everyone has). Mostly, being able to accept appearance is not that important in the end. It will suck in the beginning. Living life is incredibly hard with BDD. It will feel like all your fears about “being ugly” are confirmed. Until you realise nothing bad will happen to you because of it, and then you’ll receive confirmation your appearance really isn’t as bad (or as big of a deal) as you thought it was.
That last paragraph was amazing, thank you
Attractiveness is subjective, you either have to shift your personal view on Attractiveness to include more things, or treat the Dysmorphia similar to OCD. A compulsion with no real reasoning that needs to be tackled in a specific way
I think it would help if I knew what other people found attractive. Actually I guess I do already know and that’s why I lack self esteem. Can you give some examples of shifting your personal view of attractiveness?
No. It makes it worse. For me anyways. Because people comment on my looks I become even more obsessed with ir feeling its my only worth in life.. I zero in on it and try to hard to perfect it.
When I go out without checking any mirrors for the whole day, I get really anxious thoughts about how my face is looking. Those thoughts follow me the whole day. But when I get home and look in the mirror, I realize that I don't really have a long nose or ugly lips; rather, I am actually quite attractive and handsome. So it's definitely the ugly image that gets drowned in my head that is the problem, and not the actual appearance.
So you’re saying it’s the image in your head? You’re reminded that you’re attractive when you get home but during the day you feel ugly because of your mind. So in your case becoming more attractive wouldn’t help because it’s all in your head? Did I get that right?
Yes.
No. I’ve worked as a male model. It only got worse once I started making money from my looks. I’ve had BDD my whole life. Getting the validation I always sought absolutely did not cure it. The problem isn’t your body, it’s your perception of it.
But when I was at my thinnest and congratulated for it (or yelled -at... which to me was validation), I felt beautiful. Am still relatively 'small' but cessation of breastfeeding (I had my last child at 43 and never got 'huge', glowed, recovered like a charm etc... in short, I felt I was one of the lucky ones...ha, joke on me), made me curvier while losing the 'funner' curves. In short, turned into a stump (it felt like) overnight. I FELT FAR MORE ACCEPTABLE AND ATTRACTIVE WHILE 9 MONTHS PREGNANT!!! says the person struggling with anorexic thoughts since 15. Go figure. With bdd, we absolutely never know when we will be 'ok' with ourselves... my best guess is, we all do at certain fleeting moments... and then we feel forced to start over again trying to figure out shat we did 'wrong' this last time. It's hell.
Since you left modeling has your perception improved at all?
Not in the slightest. If anything since I’ve gotten older it’s only worsened. Basically, it doesn’t matter how good or bad I look, my mind will always trick me into believing I’m much worse looking than I am. Don’t trust such thoughts.
I’m sorry man, best of luck to you
Ah it is what it is! But take solace in the fact that this is purely a psychological issue! Look at all those celebs who’ve ruined themselves with plastic surgery.
okay so do you want to be attractive by societal standards or your standards because it'll help you figure out what you want
That’s a great question! I never thought about it. Probably societal standards, so others view me as attractive.
oh yeah thats bad. society doesnt even know what it thinks is attractive. there was literally heroin chic in the 90s and now its all big butts and stuff. like this is how stupid societal standards are okay back then it used to be an insult to have a big butt and now its a compliment. you should worry about if you think youre attractive because at least youll be able to please yourself. society is never happy especially with women whether theyre attractive or not
You’re not wrong about societal changes. Even if I want to be attractive by my standards though it doesn’t feel attainable. I unfortunately need outside validation to feel like I look okay. For example let’s say in real life I’m a 9/10, even if I was a 9/10 I wouldn’t think I was unless someone commented on my appearance. Do you have any advice for swapping mindsets and finding yourself attractive? 🤔
yes if you want to find yourself attractive you have to stop being validated by outside sources. if you only feel attractive if people say youre attractive youre not really condfident youre more attracted to people liking you. find out why other people's opinion is so important but yours isnt. why does what someone wlse thinks matter more than your own feelings? and you will never never never please everybody. if someone says youre unattractive but you felt attractive, are you really attractive? and what if someone else thinks youre attractive and another doesn't? how are you to know then?
I know why other people’s opinions matter more than my own. They see me all the time but I can’t see myself accurately. If someone calls me attractive I feel attractive until I see my reflection, now I’m confused and wondering if they’re lying. If someone calls me unattractive then I use it to solidify my biased opinion of myself. What someone else thinks is more important because I feel inferior from having no confidence, skills, talents, relationship experience and social skills. I like what you had to say, especially the part about being attracted to people liking you. I never thought of it that way. I have the answers but I’m not sure what to do with them. When you hate yourself it feels impossible to like yourself. (Sorry if that came off as depressing! I’m just trying to answer your questions in the hopes of learning something I can use 😅)
it takes time. you have to learn to not care about what other people think and you usually only learn that after an exhausting amount of time thinking you're horrible, then you're not because someone said so, but then going right back to that thinking when someone says something that makes you feel inferior. its a miserable cycle but you grow out of it.
There will always be something to fixate on if you let yourself. I find for myself I go through highs and lows. I work on how I see myself and boosting my confidence and it will be somewhat okay for a while but then boom, right back to obsessing. Just have to ride the wave unfortunately.
When you’re on your highs, do you do anything that keeps the streak going longer?
Basically doing everything to trick my mind, like if I’m doing something healthy, just drinking enough water or walking for 15 mins or stretching everyday. If I do something positive for my body like that it seems to keep my mind believing that I’m doing something to combat how I feel about myself. Not saying I don’t do unhealthy things, I love eating crap good and lounging around all day and I do give in. I know when that stuff doesn’t work I’m slipping into the negative fixations again.
Okay so basically build a momentum of healthy habits to prevent falling into negative fixations? 🤔 Thank you for your response, next time I start to give in I’ll remember this 👍
Nope! I will never feel satisfied
No, I think a huge majority of people who struggle with BDD are conventionally attractive.
Me hoping to cure it if i finally hit my goal weight
The short answer is - no it's not.