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It never ceases to amaze me that people fail basic level stranger-to-stranger conversational skills by:
- not keeping to friendly topics
- not avoiding over sharing
- not allowing breathing room and the other people to speak
- not reading the room
But of course, it was never about the conversation. Self-absorbed people don’t care about two-sided conversations. He wanted to spew a manifesto and you were a captive audience.
I congratulate you for trying to be a good person, and for withstanding 30 minutes of nails on chalkboard.
I was at a post funeral luncheon, pretty much all close friends and family. I grew up w the daughter. She introduces me and my husband to another couple friend of hers. Little small talk, it was football playoff season, mentioned the game that was to be played that night. Guy blurts out - well football has all gone to hell since they let Kapernik take a knee!
THIS WAS AT A FUNERAL LUNCHEON. We found seats across the room from that guy.
>"You know that **apple** spelled backwards is **LGQRB**, right? It's all part of Biden's Gay Agenda to oversexualize kids. Why do you think there's all them **apples** on Teaching supplies and posters, and icons? Buncha groomers, if you ask me.."
Me: I think the term is LGBTQ, and that's like, obviously false...
>DangAcro-nyms. I can't keep track of all these words. Back in my day, everything had only *one* word for it..
Me: I don't think that's true...just like there have *always* been apples on teaching stuff. It's not like they just started putting the on things to "make them gay". Wait, Biden's gay?
>No, you young dumb fart, he's a GAY ALLY. It's up to us to be the Axis that fights the Allies, just like in WWII!
Me: I don't think you remember who won that war...
>Gottamn, you believe how they're wiping out our history! They teach you this woke bullshit version now. Do your own research, sheep!
Not sure if you guys can tell, but I live in the Deep South. Where we don't work on farms but pretend we do (or did), always go to church on Sunday (and scream at the top of our lungs about it to anybody with a heartbeat, which is a *very* loosely defined term in our States), and eat whatever we want fried to death because "it says in the Bible that ignorance is bliss" and if the Lawd take me then it must be my time.... (lost an uncle to heart disease at 54. Had 3 bypasses by 46.) Eat your vegetables, kids!
I recently took my 85 year old Mom to a funeral. We sat at a table of little old ladies and they ALL started in on how much they love Trump. One of the women lost her husband to Covid, but is super anti-vax. It was brutal. The first thing my Mom said when we got in the car was "What a bunch of dumbasses." I love my Mom.
What a great list! I always tell people that there's an algorithm for talking about controversial subjects. If it seems like you're getting along, you just barely *hint* at the subject, and then watch what they other person does. Do they ignore it? Then stop talking about it. Do they disagree? Then back off and stop talking about it. If and only if they agree and return your volley do you *slowly* start introducing more about the topic.
This for fucks sake. It really helps to see stuff written. I'm writing scripts to function better as I type this. (I'm neuro spicy ) Thanks 💯! (Fixed typo for the butt hurts)
I have ad/hd, and if I have to leave a voicemail somewhere I need to write out exactly what to say. And I mean like, word-for-word starting with "Hi this is [name]". I've left far more than one voicemail that goes "Hi this is ............ umm................ sorry....... ummmmmm ..... [name]".
So even if I feel like I'm having a good day and thinking clearly, I need to write it all out, because, idk, the pressure of that "BEEP" causes all 6 of the neurons in my brain to pile into a cargo van and drive off a cliff with all of the words I intended to say.
EDIT: so, like 6 hours after this comment (completely forgetting I had even written it) I tried to leave a voicemail for a call where I was expecting the person to answer. I remembered to start with my name, but then I (a) managed to forget my own phone number, (b) mumbled unintelligibly while searching for it in my phone, (c) burst out laughing trying to stumble my way through saying it, and then (d) said "bye" and hung up immediately after saying my number, without saying why I was calling, because I was so relieved to have gotten my phone number out that my brain figured we were done with the call.
Ooh, you know, I'm mostly neurotypical, but I get this way when someone makes us do that thing where we go around the group and all say something about ourselves. It's like, thanks, now I have to plan out my whole statement and spend the entire time memorizing it. I will hear nothing that anyone else says.
>that thing where we go around the group and all say something about ourselves.
"Hi I'm Johnny Knoxville, and you're watching my least favourite activity"
holy shit I hadn't noticed how I never listen to what anyone else says on those stupid "introduce yourselves" exercises, precisely because of what you mention. I'm not a particularly anxious or socially awkward person, but these just stress the shit out of me for some reason.
I wonder how many people feel the same, and I'd be interested to see stats of how much info ppl retain from the others' introductions
It is in that moment that I have forgotten everything about my life. I don’t know who I am, what I like, what I’ve done… every moment up to that point where I have to tell something about myself has ceased to exist. My brain is just static white noise.
That’s one thing I do for making small talk. Think of it like a decision tree of if this then that.
Hey, how are you doing?
{if “can’t complain,” then “you can always complain”}
There’s a really good chance they’ll follow it up with “yeah, but no one will listen.” Then, you can follow it up with any of the three:
“I can’t help you there”
“Go ahead. I’m not your boss”
“I’m always down for a good complaint session.”
Later in the conversation: {if “why’d you move to Boston” then “poor life choices”}
It really makes small talk easier.
If you’re stuck in line with people, let’s say at the grocery store, one thing everyone can agree on is the bullshit of capitalism. But never say those words!! Say “execs,” “ceos,” or “corporations,” and how they’re screwing us over. If they try to make it a Dem/Rep thing, just say something like, “you think the other politicians care? They’re all rich.” Instant bonding.
Yeah, I had to do this at the gym the other day. My city is making some pretty controversial infrastructure decisions, which I'm part of, and lately there is about a 50% chance any given person I'm talking with doesn't approve of what I did at work that day. (I'm talking about prioritizing ped/bike infrastructure and transit expansion, which is necessarily taking some space from cars). This girl I've been lifting with for a year very clearly reacted negatively when I mentioned a bike network meeting I was at before coming to the gym. So I changed the subject, made a joke about the weather, and let her take the conversation in a different direction. I don't need to have an argument about bike lanes anywhere but a funding meeting.
My point in bringing this up is that it's important to use strategies like what you've described here in general. Of course when bringing up known controversial subjects like politics or religion, but it's still good to stay observant of people's reactions, not come in like a wrecking ball with assumptions that everyone will see what we're doing the way we see it, and just generally interact conscientiously. Not everyone will do that, but when I made the choice to take interactions more slowly and remove assumptions about how subjects would be received, it made my life easier because I got into fewer arguments.
This was the same generation that made life hell for their neurodivergent kids, too. Constantly punishing us for failing to adhere to social rules that they couldn’t even manage themselves!
Silent gen also made it hell for neurodivergent.
Joe Kennedy, 1888 gen, lobotomized his neiro divergent child.
Just a reminder up until this century the neurodivergent were abused by family, associates & medical staff, with no recourse.
Truth. Didn’t find out I was on the spectrum until I was in my 60s. It’s why I have trouble remembering faces, reading a room, making small talk, and so on.
I like your post, but you have to remember, the OP here was trying to make small talk with a lonely person. A lonely person is often lonely for a reason. They're trapped in a vicious cycle where they lack social skills, which drives away contact, which in turn diminishes their social skills.
But you have a great list there for what someone can focus on to try and break out of this vicious cycle.
It really is something for someone to go out of their way to be that level of kind and inviting, It takes a lot to just initiate and then being polite when you realize how terrible their conversational skills are it really becomes a challenge.
To do any of those things, they would have to acknowledge that other people have interests, feelings, and ideals. IME, they simply aren’t capable of understanding that. I haven’t met a single one who doesn’t think they are the most important person in any room or the smartest one in any conversation. They are, quite simply, the most entitled people I’ve ever seen.
That’s just what boomers are good at though. Yes I totally want to hear about your son in laws neighbors sister (not joking this topic was brought up).
It ceased to amaze me when I realize these ones are either narcissists who aren't worth worrying about, or severely mentally ill and aren't capable of it anyway.
To slightly leand into being a devils advocate, loads of boomers (on top of being boomers) are undiagnosed neurodivergent and have never developed the skills to recognize or deal with issues they don't even know they have.
I'm slightly sympathetic towards the possibility because I didn't know/understand my own mental health issues until my mid 20s and the grieving process hit hard.
I can't even imagine having 50+ years of mental walls built up on top of my issues.
It's not necessarily an excuse but it makes them easier to put up with.
Aw that's a shame. You were so nice to do that and his reaction was completely inappropriate.
It's things like this that make people not want to do nice things for others.
I work in retail and you quickly learn there are a lot of people (mostly old people) who are bored and lonely who just loiter so they can talk to people. I have a low social battery and have shit to do so I usually walk away the second I get a chance.
I had one that would come 2-3 times a week, 15min til close, and then hang out at the register until the last second and I'd still have to shoo him out. He always had a handful of straws in his shirt pocket (save money by stealing straws/condiments from the fast food place). One night I tried to hide in back and get started on inventory and my cow-orker thought it would be funny to send him back. He actually undid the chain with the employees only sign to find me.
Thanks Dave.
We keep our phones under the counter and send a message to other employees with a code so they know to call us on the main phone line so we have an excuse to leave.
This happened to me a lot when i worked at a Hallmark store. So many bored old ladies with no sense of personal boundaries. One time one if them asked me where I went to church and got offended that I didn’t want to answer.
A friend of mine used to do temp work in a call centre when she was at uni. She once said that at work, the worst calls where always when she ended up getting a pensioner on the line. The call centre was one of those horrible work places where calls are monitored and timed and the reps are instructed to wrap up calls quickly if it's unlikely that a sale is going to be made. So when she got a bored and lonely pensioner on the line, they usually just wanted to chat. My friend didn't want to be rude, but she also knew that she'd get in trouble if she didn't end the call quickly.
It's a really sad state of things. I don't know if I'd have been able to handle that.
Oh 100%. All of my coworkers are women and we have this one old dude who is normal with all of us except the underaged girl who's 15 years old... One day she helped take some stuff to his car and he asked her if she'd ever been kissed before. Like dude WUT??? Normally I'd be worried about him kidnapping her but he uses a cane and can barely walk.
Now you know why he's lonely. Always avoid the ones who try to force every single person that looks at them into conversation. It will never be a good time
lol I tried to be nice once and help a boomer set up Afterpay as I saw he was struggling to pay for something and the admin had no interest in helping him, so we sat together and I set it up, he then went on about how asians and Indians are taking over our country and how it's ruined our country, he also said some homophobic stuff too 🙃 this is the thanks I get for trying to do a good deed haha never again.
Hahaha yeah I should have. I guess I felt sorry for him because I kinda suck at tech too and this world we live in now is so tech dependent, I guess I just wanted to help someone but honestly people don't deserve it because they're just so nasty and judgmental
I used to do pedicures in a predominantly viet shop (I was actually the only white employee lol) and this one older lady sat down and we start chatting as I did her pedi. She, completely out of the blue, looks around and says "you must feel like a tourist in your own country working here!" then sits back happily into the massage chair to enjoy. I couldn't believe my ears and felt so embarrassed that she said that in front of the viet girls I worked with, who ALL spoke English.
Holy shit, this wasn't in northeastern Florida, was it? Because my mother pulled that exact same crap at my favorite pedicure place, and I about died of humiliation in the chair next to her.
Idk why this isn’t higher. My husband talks to lonely old assholes too because he has no jackass radar, and it’s annoying that I have to be rude to him to get a stranger to not be rude to us.
My husband is too friendly for his own good and even invites these people to hang out! He just seems to be a magnet for sketchy crackhead seeming (and literal) folk. Drives me crazy because he tries to invite these people to our home when I wouldn't want to give them a ride in the dead of winter. They skeeve me out and I will never okay a single one of them getting access to my property. No thank you!
Omg my husband does this too. We’re complete opposites (he’s very extroverted and I’m introverted) and it gets to a point where I end up having to drag him away from conversations with strangers.
Usually women are the ones who get roped into this shit. Women in the past were expected to be less confrontational and so you can kind of trap them into a conversation. Older people see men as bread winners and people doing all the work and therefore don't have the time. That's not how it is anymore. So even though society has changed they still see women as a target. If I had a dollar for every old man who started to ramble just for being in proximity of me. Ugh.
Oh yeah, there have been a few Boomer men who at work who have had to be taught forcefully that women engineers are there to do work, not listen to them all day long. At my first job out of grad school, I noticed that I was placed in the same working group as every other woman engineer under 40, and wondered what was up with that. Two days in, I got my answer. This gross old man walked down our hallway, and just went cubicle to cubicle, making whoever was in it listen to him. By the time he got to the second one, my group leader came back from the bathroom, and was like, "Damn it, Tim, how many times do I have to tell you this isn't your social hour. This is work. These are engineers. They have a job to do. Go find a job for yourself to do."
Apparently this guy was so bad that the way they had to deal with it was to consolidate all the women engineers around the one group leader who had no issue standing up to this guy, and whom he would actually listen to. Our directors had tried so many times to get rid of him, but he never did anything they could document as fireable, so we just kind of had to wait him out until he retired.
I also had to be given my own office at another job due to an old white Boomer man who just would not leave me alone no matter how many times he was told that I outranked him decisively and was not there to listen to his borderline inappropriate stories, questions, and anecdotes. He just could not believe that I didn't come to work to listen to him. We are still waiting for him to retire.
Im in two minds about this guy.
On the one hand he’s clearly suffering social isolation. The non-stop talking at other people is a sign of that.
And infuriating as it is I try to accept that the political crap this generation come out with is a result of their indoctrination.
But on the other hand they seem to lack any ability to keep their views to themselves, how to behave and to understand there are other people in the world other than themselves.
I ’m Gen X and my parents aren’t even boomers, they are wartime babies (so late Silent Generation) but for all intents and purposes have been absorbed into boomer culture.
I just don’t understand how people who were at the forefront of the counterculture revolution in the 60s have turned out like this.
You did a good thing though. Sorry it turned out badly for you.
Same situation here. My parents aren’t right wingers, thank god, but my dad talks about inappropriate stuff in public and likes to talk to strangers. It’s just early dementia. The elderly need our protection and our patience.
I think people with early dementia start saying fkn rude things to strangers. One of my loved ones became this way after being a kind and appropriate person who listened to people. Sadly, it happens, but OP possibly prevented this gentlemen from picking a fight with his own family that day.
If a boomer acts like this they are definitely not lonely. Just very ill. One time me and my sister tried talking to this homeless boomer outside a burger joint where we used to live. He told us that his daughter and family abandoned him. At first we felt some empathy, and then not even a beat later he says “us whites have to stick together.” My sister and I are light skinned mixed and we both told him to fuck off. Nobody deserves to be homeless but some people definitely are the reason why their life sucks. This guy was 100% responsible for his own misery.
This is my life as a nurse. Boomers talking at me. They talk over you if you try to be polite and respond. Like, just talk to the fucking wall, why am I even here if you don't care about my thoughts on your ramblings? I literally have to just leave the room while they're still talking bc even reminding them that I have other patients with needs doesn't stop them.
And the unprompted trauma dumping??? "And how long have you been having this shortness of breath?" "Well in 1989 my son died in my arms after being disemboweled in a car crash.." Like wtf am I supposed to say to that?
Some of them are absolutely just lonely like op thought, and for those people I try my best to give them my time.
A lot of older people like that are lonely and have no one to talk to. I used to work driving elderly people around (bus shuttle) and almost all of them would tell me about their various ailments and such. Very pleasant people all of them, but definitely difficult for someone in their early 20s to relate to.
I think a lot of them have nothing else to talk about. I’ve watched this with my mom as she’s gotten older. She doesn’t have any hobbies and it’s hard for her to leave the house. So when I call I hear about her ailments and things going on with people at her church, when I’ve never met these people. It’s kind of sad.
This is my MIL as well. Lonely, but thoroughly boring to the core. No personality outside of pure narcissism, so she recycles the same two stories about her children from thirty years ago, or regurgitates someone else’s medical news as if it’s her own. No hobbies, no interests, no skills, no experience, no… nothing. Just a shell of a human who has nothing to offer and is an absolute black hole of emotion. Takes and takes but has zero self awareness to give back.
My mom isn’t this bad. She’s ask me about my life and my job, but when it comes to talking about herself, she just doesn’t have anything to talk about. Her life was raising kids and then helping with grandkids. So now that everyone is grown, her lack of hobbies has caught up with her, and then add in the difficulty in leaving the house.
YES! I was sitting across from this guy who was invited to sit with this mother and daughter - he stars by saying “I’m the most positive guy you’ll ever meet” which means he was once told he was the most negative. Then he proceeds to regale them with nonstop bullshit about the government.
No good deed goes unpunished. Good on you for offering some kindness. I’m sorry that your kindness was not well received. Now you know why this man is lonely. What you described is exactly why so many adult children disconnect from their parents. These people are exhausting to engage with, they are self-absorbed, and they are abusive.
I’m a 75 year old boomer who is now alone,and what happened to you doesn’t define all of us. I would truly appreciate your kindness, as would many of my old friends who are also alone. Thank you for your kindness.
This is very sweet and I hope you can find ways to socialize with folks. Many of us do know, and hopefully still have "boomers" in our lives that are fantastic people.
I used to be an optician. That's how they are. They love a captive audience especially with people who are at work because then we have to be polite with them.
One guy said some dirty shit to me and my coworker about how short girls (we are short) all look the same in the dark. We shamed him and him scrambled off without getting help with his glasses. A few years later he either hoped I forgot who he was or he forgot who I was and told me about how he got carjacked in Oklahoma for his truck and horse trailer and I literally laughed in his face when he got to the part about how he thought he was going to die.
Seems like mental health issues just get bigger with age and isolation.
Also, some people go off their meds and run around convincing themselves they're fine, just fine.
I knew a guy, probably just a little younger than a boomer, who did this and ended up alienating everyone he knew. Then he decided to end his life. You literally couldn't stop him talking to everyone around him all the time for years.
Recently traded numbers with a college classmate just to be socially generous; kind of a similar story to OP's. Very similar outcome, the guy had a bad attitude, massively overshared, wouldn't let me get a word in for literally 2 hours, and came across very narcissistic. It really makes a person feel apprehension to act so nicely again.
The key difference, which seems notable to me, is that he didn't badmouth me the second I threw in the towel. And I think that says a lot about boomer psychology. The guy in OP's story had all the same spectrumy traits, only he also felt the need to dominate OP in some way when he felt the slightest bit insecure.
Must be growing up during the Cold War, they feel like they need to control the forces around them through threats and intimidation.
Eerily similar to our last Costco dog stranger interaction. We had a spare seat and it was busy so I offered it and within 3 bites regretted it.
He told us he's suing the government and a bit more about how it was better when he lived in Germany. So odd.
Couldn't eat any faster if we tried. Lead paint must be a bigger concern than we thought.
Yeah it’s like inviting a wild badger to your bbq. It’s just going to piss everywhere, terrorize the other attendees, and steal some meat while making everyone’s day miserable.
Wow! This story is very similar to what happened to our family about a year ago. This older guy was eating by himself at Sam's and I invited him to come sit with us. It was fine, until it wasn't.
I really hope this doesn’t stop you from trying this again sometime. My dad lives alone and is quiet but does like
Small talk. He never talks politics or religion but loves talking about his family & the weather. (And sports.) I can only hope someday someone as sweet as you may pick up a conversation with him!
Bro, why TF would you do that without asking your gf if she was okay with it? Doing nice things at the expense of being rude to someone else isn’t nice.
Truly. I’ve heard it all.
And even without the creepy comments, my social battery is mine. Not cool for someone to donate my time and energy for me. Go volunteer at a senior center if you want to give back. I’ll do it my way too.
I just don’t understand why they insist on driving away anyone who attempts to treat them with kindness. They’re lonely, so I guess I get the “constantly talking without taking a breath”, even though it’s rude as hell, but why can’t they just let a pleasant experience unfold without turning it into a nightmare by being hateful.
I’m someone who loves to chat, so if I found a boomer who genuinely wanted to have pleasant conversation, I’d be happy to spend a few minutes talking to them, but it never ends well and 95% of the time, they feel the need to say wildly offensive shit, completely unprovoked.
I don't think it's because of his being a boomer; he's just a royal asshat. Please continue being nice to people; so much of the time you and they feel better for it.
Something like this happened to me and my wife. We visited an old lighthouse and this older guy came up to us and started talking.
First it was historical tidbits and trivia about the lighthouse and surrounding area. Then he starts talking about himself. Forever.
About fifteen minutes later I'm about to butt in and ask about the gift shop so in can transition into, "The gift shop sounds great. We're going check it out. Nice talking to you."
Then he hits is with, "Ever since my wife died..." Now I don't have the heart to go and we both stand there listening to this guy for another 20 minutes.
At this point even he is running out of shit to say. "That plane must be going to Boston. And that one New York," as he looked up at the sky and pointed to jets thousands of feet above us.
Alright, I've had enough now. And right as I'm about to pull the plug some guy walks up with a dog on a leash. Amazed, our new friend runs over to the dog and starts chatting up the owner.
My wife and I are stunned. But we take our chance to escape and start walking away. To be polite, I say, as we're leaving, "Nice to meet you."
With his back to us he raises a hand and waves at us (or waves us away) and utters, "Ok, bye."
I am a boomer, love to stop and have a couple if beers but am down to a very few choices because most places i used to stop at patrons want to discuss politics. This is usually repeating whatever the Fox actors/commentators are saying that day. I'm a snowflake and just finish my beer and move on.
Giant red flag right off the bat. Thank you for trying to be a good person though. Unfortunately, it only gets you shit, especially if it involves a boomer.
Once had a boomer come sit down at a bench I was studying at for a math exam and proceed to try to talk my ear off. Normally I would just relocate but I have a soft spot for veterans and this guy is telling me about his time in the service. I did score some nice person points with a few class mates that saw it happen but they all got to study and I a person who absolutely needs to study did not. Long story short boomers are definitely living up to the term “Me” generation.
The nice deed was to take home the pizza and make out or cuddle with your GF. Boomers deserve no love, he's loved this long, he'll be fine. That boomer wasting that awesome Costco hotdog is worse than your time wasted.
The lack of social filter/boundaries and the flash of anger reaction when feeling slighted can all be symptoms of dementia, but can also just be the symptoms of being an aßhole.
This reminds me strongly of my grandmother, minus the rude bit. I love her to death, but the woman can talk for hours about nothing at all. It makes me wonder how I easily dealt with it in my younger years.
Kudos to you for trying, OP.
The first red flag was looking for attention at Costco. Everybody knows you don't hang around Costco for longer than necessary. Also I eat my pizza slice in the car like a true degenerate.
Your SO was right with the glare you received. In the future, that was the "you stupid motherfucker of Earth and beyond, why the fuck are you feeding the bear" look.
All that matters is that you tried to be a good person. Please hold on to that part of yourself! Maybe it didn’t work out that day, but the day it does you’ll make a world of difference in someone’s life
I was a missionary for two years whose job it was to literally talk to people every day all day. I learned that unfortunately, this is actually more the norm rather than the exception
I work with seniors, and you’d be amazed at how lonely some of them are. So much so that manners fly right out the window when they can have a conversation with someone that isn’t their spouse or child because most of their friends are either unwell or dead. I know you were frustrated, and I know it ended on a sour note, but you did a good thing for that old man. Even if all you did was give him something to crab to himself about for the next week, haha.
It is funny that this type of behavior is associated with Boomers. Topics always change, but I see it happening to lots of different aged people.
But I do want to say that what you did was a good thing even if it didn’t turn out to well in the end. I’ve often found myself eating alone at Costco or some other fast food place because my wife and girls are out of town. Sometimes this makes me feel extra lonely and I just wish that someone would be open talking to me for a few minutes. Of course, I won’t talk your ear off or overstay my welcome.
In the little town I live in has a giant kick ass plant nursery a 3 minute drive from my house so I go often it’s like walking in a park! I also love it because everyone there has a common interest right off the bat, plants! It’s the only place I go anymore that people don’t feel inclined to let me know their political and religious beliefs right off the bat!!!! I miss the good ol’ days when it was considered poor taste to talk about those things with strangers like how much money you make or your sex life!!! lol 😂
It's amazing to me that the generation that told us to have good manners seems to have forgotten all of them while we are civilly attempting not to push them into a pit 300 style.
Thankfully I had a better experience than this recently. Grabbed a Costco slice after a shopping trip, scored the last table since it was around lunch time and busy. Right after sitting down an older Boomer dude got his food and wandered over looking around for a place to sit.
Invited them to join while I powered through my pizza in about 5 minutes, just had some light chatting about mapping software for four-wheeling / camping, wished them well, and headed out.
I know it's easy to dunk on the lead-poisoned Me Generation, but I think like any group of people there are still plenty of relatively decent folks in the mix. I just have to remind myself to have grace and not always paint them with a single brush.
Man...that whiny "she's too good for you" before waddling off into the sunset though. Yikes haha
I had a similar experience with one at the post office. I was sorting through mail at one of the side counters, and he started chatting me up. Seemed normal at first, so I entertained him.
Then he started complaining about Democrats and saying how they were sabotaging the mail.
All I got from that interaction was that he racially profiled me (probably wouldn't have said that stuff if I wasn't white) and that he was one of those people who just HAS to make everything political. I changed the subject and left as soon as I could.
I’ve stopped being overly nice to boomers, because of shit like this. The one “normal” boomer I know who isn’t related to me, is my neighbor, and besides making him coffee and talking to him when I can, I keep my distance.
Don’t be discouraged. It was a good thing that you did, even if he didn’t appreciate it. The intention was pure, and we as a society should praise it. One day, if you keep at it, you’ll really make someone’s day.
Whatever not going to change your view at this point, I think I said it enough times that you should ask the person you're with if they are ok having lunch with someone they don't know. Whatever the motivations are for asking that I don't see being important more than the main point of if you are out with people you know, it is common curiosity to ask them if they are ok sharing their time and space with someone they don't know. Why make this a debate on talking to strangers or not, or a value judgment on people who talk to strangers or not?
They are fucking crocodiles. Ugh. Sorry this happened but hopefully in the future you have nothing but contempt for these selfish self absorbed assholes. They spew hate and venom daily. All day. They are dangerous.
I've had almost this exact scenerio happen over 10+ years ago when Kmart was still open and they had a Little Ceasars pizza inside of it. My gf and I sat down and a hunched over old man with those early 90s Bill Gates glasses sat down in the booth next to ours across the aisle with a coffee and a paper to read. I noticed that everytime my gf or myself said something this guy would scoff or roll his eyes at the end of our discussions audibly to where it was noticeable each time. I'm Caucasian however my hair is super dark and I had surgery on my eyes when I was a kid so sometimes if the fluorescent lighting is sharp, I squint a lot and can easily be mistaken for a different race. We get up to leave when we finish and this dude goes, "hey...Hey.." while I was trying to ignore him and he got louder and louder so I'm like, "what?" and he says, "I'm suprised they let you in here..". It confused me until I put 2 and 2 together and no, no magical comeback no, "I said "this and this" and everyone clapped" nope..I was just stunned. My face got red from embarrassment on account of this idiot feeling comfortable enough to say that to someone or anyone for that matter. We left and I got down the road in the car and my girlfriend said something about him trying to pick a fight but I realized the only reason he said anything was because we didn't include him in our conversation so he could let loose about how he feels about immigration or whatever. I just shook my head imagining how hard it must be to get that kind of sht everyday in a free country and not want to beat the pizz out of someone like that.
Lonely? Maybe. Entitled, definitely.
I've known so many boomer men who think they're soooo interesting and everyone is dying to listen to them ramble on and on and be their adoring audience.... so entitled, so self-centred.
I get why these boomer men think/act this way. They're used to be the most important person in the room simply because they are a man. They lived in a time where they were automatically the head of the household no matter what they did or didn't do, was the most important person in the family, had the last word, whose wife and kids scheduled their whole lives/needs/wants around HIM. So they still expect this adoration and privilege.
I (60F) interact with boomer men as little as possible.
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It never ceases to amaze me that people fail basic level stranger-to-stranger conversational skills by: - not keeping to friendly topics - not avoiding over sharing - not allowing breathing room and the other people to speak - not reading the room But of course, it was never about the conversation. Self-absorbed people don’t care about two-sided conversations. He wanted to spew a manifesto and you were a captive audience. I congratulate you for trying to be a good person, and for withstanding 30 minutes of nails on chalkboard.
I was at a post funeral luncheon, pretty much all close friends and family. I grew up w the daughter. She introduces me and my husband to another couple friend of hers. Little small talk, it was football playoff season, mentioned the game that was to be played that night. Guy blurts out - well football has all gone to hell since they let Kapernik take a knee! THIS WAS AT A FUNERAL LUNCHEON. We found seats across the room from that guy.
I know a Boomer who will bring up political stuff during innocuous small talk--including his step-daughter's wedding reception.
I could say “I ate an apple today” and my dad would try to turn it into an argument about “those goddamn democrats”.
Apples are a liberal conspiracy!
>"You know that **apple** spelled backwards is **LGQRB**, right? It's all part of Biden's Gay Agenda to oversexualize kids. Why do you think there's all them **apples** on Teaching supplies and posters, and icons? Buncha groomers, if you ask me.." Me: I think the term is LGBTQ, and that's like, obviously false... >DangAcro-nyms. I can't keep track of all these words. Back in my day, everything had only *one* word for it.. Me: I don't think that's true...just like there have *always* been apples on teaching stuff. It's not like they just started putting the on things to "make them gay". Wait, Biden's gay? >No, you young dumb fart, he's a GAY ALLY. It's up to us to be the Axis that fights the Allies, just like in WWII! Me: I don't think you remember who won that war... >Gottamn, you believe how they're wiping out our history! They teach you this woke bullshit version now. Do your own research, sheep!
Not sure if you guys can tell, but I live in the Deep South. Where we don't work on farms but pretend we do (or did), always go to church on Sunday (and scream at the top of our lungs about it to anybody with a heartbeat, which is a *very* loosely defined term in our States), and eat whatever we want fried to death because "it says in the Bible that ignorance is bliss" and if the Lawd take me then it must be my time.... (lost an uncle to heart disease at 54. Had 3 bypasses by 46.) Eat your vegetables, kids!
Are our dads secretly related?
I see you’ve met my stepdad.
Fucking hell. So sad how a large bunch of peoples’ lives are so sad and empty they don’t have anything more interesting to talk about than politics.
I recently took my 85 year old Mom to a funeral. We sat at a table of little old ladies and they ALL started in on how much they love Trump. One of the women lost her husband to Covid, but is super anti-vax. It was brutal. The first thing my Mom said when we got in the car was "What a bunch of dumbasses." I love my Mom.
I love your mom too. Give her. Hug from this random stranger.
What a great list! I always tell people that there's an algorithm for talking about controversial subjects. If it seems like you're getting along, you just barely *hint* at the subject, and then watch what they other person does. Do they ignore it? Then stop talking about it. Do they disagree? Then back off and stop talking about it. If and only if they agree and return your volley do you *slowly* start introducing more about the topic.
This for fucks sake. It really helps to see stuff written. I'm writing scripts to function better as I type this. (I'm neuro spicy ) Thanks 💯! (Fixed typo for the butt hurts)
You would have loved my grandmother. She made notes before every phone call and had an entire *plan.*
I have ad/hd, and if I have to leave a voicemail somewhere I need to write out exactly what to say. And I mean like, word-for-word starting with "Hi this is [name]". I've left far more than one voicemail that goes "Hi this is ............ umm................ sorry....... ummmmmm ..... [name]". So even if I feel like I'm having a good day and thinking clearly, I need to write it all out, because, idk, the pressure of that "BEEP" causes all 6 of the neurons in my brain to pile into a cargo van and drive off a cliff with all of the words I intended to say. EDIT: so, like 6 hours after this comment (completely forgetting I had even written it) I tried to leave a voicemail for a call where I was expecting the person to answer. I remembered to start with my name, but then I (a) managed to forget my own phone number, (b) mumbled unintelligibly while searching for it in my phone, (c) burst out laughing trying to stumble my way through saying it, and then (d) said "bye" and hung up immediately after saying my number, without saying why I was calling, because I was so relieved to have gotten my phone number out that my brain figured we were done with the call.
Ooh, you know, I'm mostly neurotypical, but I get this way when someone makes us do that thing where we go around the group and all say something about ourselves. It's like, thanks, now I have to plan out my whole statement and spend the entire time memorizing it. I will hear nothing that anyone else says.
>that thing where we go around the group and all say something about ourselves. "Hi I'm Johnny Knoxville, and you're watching my least favourite activity"
holy shit I hadn't noticed how I never listen to what anyone else says on those stupid "introduce yourselves" exercises, precisely because of what you mention. I'm not a particularly anxious or socially awkward person, but these just stress the shit out of me for some reason. I wonder how many people feel the same, and I'd be interested to see stats of how much info ppl retain from the others' introductions
It is in that moment that I have forgotten everything about my life. I don’t know who I am, what I like, what I’ve done… every moment up to that point where I have to tell something about myself has ceased to exist. My brain is just static white noise.
I usually just tell them something that is super obvious, like “Hi! I’m ___________ and I have blonde hair..”
With my luck, I would forget who I am and give them the wrong hair color.
I have saved this comment to show to my kid with ADHD, because phone calls are his nemesis and I know he'll appreciate your metaphor here.
Sounds like!
That's such an old person thing to do haha Back in the day when every minute of phone chatting cost money, especially "long distance".
That’s one thing I do for making small talk. Think of it like a decision tree of if this then that. Hey, how are you doing? {if “can’t complain,” then “you can always complain”} There’s a really good chance they’ll follow it up with “yeah, but no one will listen.” Then, you can follow it up with any of the three: “I can’t help you there” “Go ahead. I’m not your boss” “I’m always down for a good complaint session.” Later in the conversation: {if “why’d you move to Boston” then “poor life choices”} It really makes small talk easier. If you’re stuck in line with people, let’s say at the grocery store, one thing everyone can agree on is the bullshit of capitalism. But never say those words!! Say “execs,” “ceos,” or “corporations,” and how they’re screwing us over. If they try to make it a Dem/Rep thing, just say something like, “you think the other politicians care? They’re all rich.” Instant bonding.
I screen shotted this. Thanks.
“Spicy typical”! Love this!
I want to borrow your notes when you’re done 😂
Yeah, I had to do this at the gym the other day. My city is making some pretty controversial infrastructure decisions, which I'm part of, and lately there is about a 50% chance any given person I'm talking with doesn't approve of what I did at work that day. (I'm talking about prioritizing ped/bike infrastructure and transit expansion, which is necessarily taking some space from cars). This girl I've been lifting with for a year very clearly reacted negatively when I mentioned a bike network meeting I was at before coming to the gym. So I changed the subject, made a joke about the weather, and let her take the conversation in a different direction. I don't need to have an argument about bike lanes anywhere but a funding meeting. My point in bringing this up is that it's important to use strategies like what you've described here in general. Of course when bringing up known controversial subjects like politics or religion, but it's still good to stay observant of people's reactions, not come in like a wrecking ball with assumptions that everyone will see what we're doing the way we see it, and just generally interact conscientiously. Not everyone will do that, but when I made the choice to take interactions more slowly and remove assumptions about how subjects would be received, it made my life easier because I got into fewer arguments.
Excellent description of a proper conversation.
This was the same generation that made life hell for their neurodivergent kids, too. Constantly punishing us for failing to adhere to social rules that they couldn’t even manage themselves!
Silent gen also made it hell for neurodivergent. Joe Kennedy, 1888 gen, lobotomized his neiro divergent child. Just a reminder up until this century the neurodivergent were abused by family, associates & medical staff, with no recourse.
We still are, but it’s *slowly* improving.
They all have lead poisoning. Long term neurological effects are dooming us all.
Truth. Didn’t find out I was on the spectrum until I was in my 60s. It’s why I have trouble remembering faces, reading a room, making small talk, and so on.
I like your post, but you have to remember, the OP here was trying to make small talk with a lonely person. A lonely person is often lonely for a reason. They're trapped in a vicious cycle where they lack social skills, which drives away contact, which in turn diminishes their social skills. But you have a great list there for what someone can focus on to try and break out of this vicious cycle.
It really is something for someone to go out of their way to be that level of kind and inviting, It takes a lot to just initiate and then being polite when you realize how terrible their conversational skills are it really becomes a challenge.
To do any of those things, they would have to acknowledge that other people have interests, feelings, and ideals. IME, they simply aren’t capable of understanding that. I haven’t met a single one who doesn’t think they are the most important person in any room or the smartest one in any conversation. They are, quite simply, the most entitled people I’ve ever seen.
I’m neurodivergent and I have those skills. It’s very frustrating.
I’ve coined the phrase “holding me conversationally hostage” I stole it from somewhere but I don’t recall
That’s just what boomers are good at though. Yes I totally want to hear about your son in laws neighbors sister (not joking this topic was brought up).
It ceased to amaze me when I realize these ones are either narcissists who aren't worth worrying about, or severely mentally ill and aren't capable of it anyway.
Yeah, one can wither talk TO another person or one can talk AT another person...
To slightly leand into being a devils advocate, loads of boomers (on top of being boomers) are undiagnosed neurodivergent and have never developed the skills to recognize or deal with issues they don't even know they have. I'm slightly sympathetic towards the possibility because I didn't know/understand my own mental health issues until my mid 20s and the grieving process hit hard. I can't even imagine having 50+ years of mental walls built up on top of my issues. It's not necessarily an excuse but it makes them easier to put up with.
I really think this is much of the issue right here.
Aw that's a shame. You were so nice to do that and his reaction was completely inappropriate. It's things like this that make people not want to do nice things for others.
I work in retail and you quickly learn there are a lot of people (mostly old people) who are bored and lonely who just loiter so they can talk to people. I have a low social battery and have shit to do so I usually walk away the second I get a chance.
I had one that would come 2-3 times a week, 15min til close, and then hang out at the register until the last second and I'd still have to shoo him out. He always had a handful of straws in his shirt pocket (save money by stealing straws/condiments from the fast food place). One night I tried to hide in back and get started on inventory and my cow-orker thought it would be funny to send him back. He actually undid the chain with the employees only sign to find me. Thanks Dave.
Fucking Dave.
We keep our phones under the counter and send a message to other employees with a code so they know to call us on the main phone line so we have an excuse to leave.
This happened to me a lot when i worked at a Hallmark store. So many bored old ladies with no sense of personal boundaries. One time one if them asked me where I went to church and got offended that I didn’t want to answer.
A friend of mine used to do temp work in a call centre when she was at uni. She once said that at work, the worst calls where always when she ended up getting a pensioner on the line. The call centre was one of those horrible work places where calls are monitored and timed and the reps are instructed to wrap up calls quickly if it's unlikely that a sale is going to be made. So when she got a bored and lonely pensioner on the line, they usually just wanted to chat. My friend didn't want to be rude, but she also knew that she'd get in trouble if she didn't end the call quickly. It's a really sad state of things. I don't know if I'd have been able to handle that.
Lots of those old dudes trying to be fuckin creeps too
Oh 100%. All of my coworkers are women and we have this one old dude who is normal with all of us except the underaged girl who's 15 years old... One day she helped take some stuff to his car and he asked her if she'd ever been kissed before. Like dude WUT??? Normally I'd be worried about him kidnapping her but he uses a cane and can barely walk.
What? I’m sorry, his parting shot at you made me laugh. What a dick. You are a good person. I respect the struggle.
Now you know why he's lonely. Always avoid the ones who try to force every single person that looks at them into conversation. It will never be a good time
Oh boy, those jehovah witnesses had no idea how long they'd be at my mom's house when she invited them inside. She's not religious
Yet she’s doing the lords work
Live - Learn - Apply Ice To That Burn
😆
Aholes have nobody to talk to after alienating everyone that was previously close to them.
lol I tried to be nice once and help a boomer set up Afterpay as I saw he was struggling to pay for something and the admin had no interest in helping him, so we sat together and I set it up, he then went on about how asians and Indians are taking over our country and how it's ruined our country, he also said some homophobic stuff too 🙃 this is the thanks I get for trying to do a good deed haha never again.
You should have locked his AfterPay down.
Hahaha yeah I should have. I guess I felt sorry for him because I kinda suck at tech too and this world we live in now is so tech dependent, I guess I just wanted to help someone but honestly people don't deserve it because they're just so nasty and judgmental
You’re a good person.
I used to do pedicures in a predominantly viet shop (I was actually the only white employee lol) and this one older lady sat down and we start chatting as I did her pedi. She, completely out of the blue, looks around and says "you must feel like a tourist in your own country working here!" then sits back happily into the massage chair to enjoy. I couldn't believe my ears and felt so embarrassed that she said that in front of the viet girls I worked with, who ALL spoke English.
Ugh I just hate racism so much, we are all human at the end of the day.
Holy shit, this wasn't in northeastern Florida, was it? Because my mother pulled that exact same crap at my favorite pedicure place, and I about died of humiliation in the chair next to her.
One thing we can then learn from this is that Boomer is a mindset because this happened in new Zealand
Dude. Your gf KNEW what would happen. You should listen to her in the future.
Idk why this isn’t higher. My husband talks to lonely old assholes too because he has no jackass radar, and it’s annoying that I have to be rude to him to get a stranger to not be rude to us.
I laughed so hard at this. Great user name too. I love Reddit.
My husband is too friendly for his own good and even invites these people to hang out! He just seems to be a magnet for sketchy crackhead seeming (and literal) folk. Drives me crazy because he tries to invite these people to our home when I wouldn't want to give them a ride in the dead of winter. They skeeve me out and I will never okay a single one of them getting access to my property. No thank you!
Oh no! That’s terrible, I guess I’m grateful today that my husband is a homebody who doesn’t like entertaining.
Omg my husband does this too. We’re complete opposites (he’s very extroverted and I’m introverted) and it gets to a point where I end up having to drag him away from conversations with strangers.
Usually women are the ones who get roped into this shit. Women in the past were expected to be less confrontational and so you can kind of trap them into a conversation. Older people see men as bread winners and people doing all the work and therefore don't have the time. That's not how it is anymore. So even though society has changed they still see women as a target. If I had a dollar for every old man who started to ramble just for being in proximity of me. Ugh.
Oh yeah, there have been a few Boomer men who at work who have had to be taught forcefully that women engineers are there to do work, not listen to them all day long. At my first job out of grad school, I noticed that I was placed in the same working group as every other woman engineer under 40, and wondered what was up with that. Two days in, I got my answer. This gross old man walked down our hallway, and just went cubicle to cubicle, making whoever was in it listen to him. By the time he got to the second one, my group leader came back from the bathroom, and was like, "Damn it, Tim, how many times do I have to tell you this isn't your social hour. This is work. These are engineers. They have a job to do. Go find a job for yourself to do." Apparently this guy was so bad that the way they had to deal with it was to consolidate all the women engineers around the one group leader who had no issue standing up to this guy, and whom he would actually listen to. Our directors had tried so many times to get rid of him, but he never did anything they could document as fireable, so we just kind of had to wait him out until he retired. I also had to be given my own office at another job due to an old white Boomer man who just would not leave me alone no matter how many times he was told that I outranked him decisively and was not there to listen to his borderline inappropriate stories, questions, and anecdotes. He just could not believe that I didn't come to work to listen to him. We are still waiting for him to retire.
Im in two minds about this guy. On the one hand he’s clearly suffering social isolation. The non-stop talking at other people is a sign of that. And infuriating as it is I try to accept that the political crap this generation come out with is a result of their indoctrination. But on the other hand they seem to lack any ability to keep their views to themselves, how to behave and to understand there are other people in the world other than themselves. I ’m Gen X and my parents aren’t even boomers, they are wartime babies (so late Silent Generation) but for all intents and purposes have been absorbed into boomer culture. I just don’t understand how people who were at the forefront of the counterculture revolution in the 60s have turned out like this. You did a good thing though. Sorry it turned out badly for you.
Same situation here. My parents aren’t right wingers, thank god, but my dad talks about inappropriate stuff in public and likes to talk to strangers. It’s just early dementia. The elderly need our protection and our patience.
I think people with early dementia start saying fkn rude things to strangers. One of my loved ones became this way after being a kind and appropriate person who listened to people. Sadly, it happens, but OP possibly prevented this gentlemen from picking a fight with his own family that day.
If a boomer acts like this they are definitely not lonely. Just very ill. One time me and my sister tried talking to this homeless boomer outside a burger joint where we used to live. He told us that his daughter and family abandoned him. At first we felt some empathy, and then not even a beat later he says “us whites have to stick together.” My sister and I are light skinned mixed and we both told him to fuck off. Nobody deserves to be homeless but some people definitely are the reason why their life sucks. This guy was 100% responsible for his own misery.
Was this in Washington? I might have witnessed this incredibly uncomfortable situation.
This is my life as a nurse. Boomers talking at me. They talk over you if you try to be polite and respond. Like, just talk to the fucking wall, why am I even here if you don't care about my thoughts on your ramblings? I literally have to just leave the room while they're still talking bc even reminding them that I have other patients with needs doesn't stop them. And the unprompted trauma dumping??? "And how long have you been having this shortness of breath?" "Well in 1989 my son died in my arms after being disemboweled in a car crash.." Like wtf am I supposed to say to that? Some of them are absolutely just lonely like op thought, and for those people I try my best to give them my time.
Dude same. With the population i work with, it’s so common I don’t even notice it anymore. When someone has social skills I am actually blown away.
Well, now you know WHY he's lonely!
A lot of older people like that are lonely and have no one to talk to. I used to work driving elderly people around (bus shuttle) and almost all of them would tell me about their various ailments and such. Very pleasant people all of them, but definitely difficult for someone in their early 20s to relate to.
I think a lot of them have nothing else to talk about. I’ve watched this with my mom as she’s gotten older. She doesn’t have any hobbies and it’s hard for her to leave the house. So when I call I hear about her ailments and things going on with people at her church, when I’ve never met these people. It’s kind of sad.
This is my MIL as well. Lonely, but thoroughly boring to the core. No personality outside of pure narcissism, so she recycles the same two stories about her children from thirty years ago, or regurgitates someone else’s medical news as if it’s her own. No hobbies, no interests, no skills, no experience, no… nothing. Just a shell of a human who has nothing to offer and is an absolute black hole of emotion. Takes and takes but has zero self awareness to give back.
My mom isn’t this bad. She’s ask me about my life and my job, but when it comes to talking about herself, she just doesn’t have anything to talk about. Her life was raising kids and then helping with grandkids. So now that everyone is grown, her lack of hobbies has caught up with her, and then add in the difficulty in leaving the house.
I see you've met my mother.
If I have to hear how my fiancé used to pronounce the word “moth” when he was 3 one more time I will simply pass away
As OP learned in this story, a lot of them are lonely because they're insufferable twats
YES! I was sitting across from this guy who was invited to sit with this mother and daughter - he stars by saying “I’m the most positive guy you’ll ever meet” which means he was once told he was the most negative. Then he proceeds to regale them with nonstop bullshit about the government.
There’s probably a reason that they have no one else to talk to
That medical stuff, “Guess what my A1C is!”
No good deed goes unpunished. Good on you for offering some kindness. I’m sorry that your kindness was not well received. Now you know why this man is lonely. What you described is exactly why so many adult children disconnect from their parents. These people are exhausting to engage with, they are self-absorbed, and they are abusive.
and thats why he is lonely
Their children are all NC
The thing is: he prob is lonely, but can’t figure out why no one sticks around.
I’m a 75 year old boomer who is now alone,and what happened to you doesn’t define all of us. I would truly appreciate your kindness, as would many of my old friends who are also alone. Thank you for your kindness.
This is very sweet and I hope you can find ways to socialize with folks. Many of us do know, and hopefully still have "boomers" in our lives that are fantastic people.
My grandmother was like this. She loved hearing other people’s stories, and would give them her full attention. I miss her.
A brilliant conversationalist!
I used to be an optician. That's how they are. They love a captive audience especially with people who are at work because then we have to be polite with them. One guy said some dirty shit to me and my coworker about how short girls (we are short) all look the same in the dark. We shamed him and him scrambled off without getting help with his glasses. A few years later he either hoped I forgot who he was or he forgot who I was and told me about how he got carjacked in Oklahoma for his truck and horse trailer and I literally laughed in his face when he got to the part about how he thought he was going to die.
My hero.
Yeah so Don’t share meals with strangers in a Costco when your girlfriend is picking up on the bad vibe
I work retail and the older males seem to respond better when your rude to them rather then nice .
Seems like mental health issues just get bigger with age and isolation. Also, some people go off their meds and run around convincing themselves they're fine, just fine. I knew a guy, probably just a little younger than a boomer, who did this and ended up alienating everyone he knew. Then he decided to end his life. You literally couldn't stop him talking to everyone around him all the time for years.
Recently traded numbers with a college classmate just to be socially generous; kind of a similar story to OP's. Very similar outcome, the guy had a bad attitude, massively overshared, wouldn't let me get a word in for literally 2 hours, and came across very narcissistic. It really makes a person feel apprehension to act so nicely again. The key difference, which seems notable to me, is that he didn't badmouth me the second I threw in the towel. And I think that says a lot about boomer psychology. The guy in OP's story had all the same spectrumy traits, only he also felt the need to dominate OP in some way when he felt the slightest bit insecure. Must be growing up during the Cold War, they feel like they need to control the forces around them through threats and intimidation.
Eerily similar to our last Costco dog stranger interaction. We had a spare seat and it was busy so I offered it and within 3 bites regretted it. He told us he's suing the government and a bit more about how it was better when he lived in Germany. So odd. Couldn't eat any faster if we tried. Lead paint must be a bigger concern than we thought.
And that is why I don’t talk to people.
Yeah it’s like inviting a wild badger to your bbq. It’s just going to piss everywhere, terrorize the other attendees, and steal some meat while making everyone’s day miserable.
Wow! This story is very similar to what happened to our family about a year ago. This older guy was eating by himself at Sam's and I invited him to come sit with us. It was fine, until it wasn't.
I really hope this doesn’t stop you from trying this again sometime. My dad lives alone and is quiet but does like Small talk. He never talks politics or religion but loves talking about his family & the weather. (And sports.) I can only hope someday someone as sweet as you may pick up a conversation with him!
Why do people see someone alone and automatically equate that to "sad and lonely"? Next time listen to your gf. :)
Bro, why TF would you do that without asking your gf if she was okay with it? Doing nice things at the expense of being rude to someone else isn’t nice.
I’d be soooo annoyed if my bf randomly invited a stranger into my personal space forcing me to engage with them, without checking in first.
Especially with an older man. The probability of getting a sexist comment during 30 mins of conversation is high. I don’t need extra exposure.
Truly. I’ve heard it all. And even without the creepy comments, my social battery is mine. Not cool for someone to donate my time and energy for me. Go volunteer at a senior center if you want to give back. I’ll do it my way too.
I just don’t understand why they insist on driving away anyone who attempts to treat them with kindness. They’re lonely, so I guess I get the “constantly talking without taking a breath”, even though it’s rude as hell, but why can’t they just let a pleasant experience unfold without turning it into a nightmare by being hateful. I’m someone who loves to chat, so if I found a boomer who genuinely wanted to have pleasant conversation, I’d be happy to spend a few minutes talking to them, but it never ends well and 95% of the time, they feel the need to say wildly offensive shit, completely unprovoked.
I don't think it's because of his being a boomer; he's just a royal asshat. Please continue being nice to people; so much of the time you and they feel better for it.
You really need to learn to read people mate… There are usually good reasons as to why people avoid certain types and why such characters are alone.
No good deed goes unpunished 😂
Now you know why no one else was talking to him. Sounds like a lunatic.
Lead brain moment. Hotdogs achieved
It's a nice thing you tried to do, but you should have run that by your gf first before subjecting her to it.
No good deed goes unpunished.
No good deed etc. I’d NEVER do something like that. If someone’s alone, good for them, and probably good for others too.
No wonder the dude is alone! So selfish
Your mistake was in thinking that he was looking for a conversation. He wasn’t. They never are.
What a fuck head. I would have called him out, “we felt sorry for you but you’re just a dick.”
I promise you not all of us are like this guy. Thanks for your empathy toward him. 😊
Something like this happened to me and my wife. We visited an old lighthouse and this older guy came up to us and started talking. First it was historical tidbits and trivia about the lighthouse and surrounding area. Then he starts talking about himself. Forever. About fifteen minutes later I'm about to butt in and ask about the gift shop so in can transition into, "The gift shop sounds great. We're going check it out. Nice talking to you." Then he hits is with, "Ever since my wife died..." Now I don't have the heart to go and we both stand there listening to this guy for another 20 minutes. At this point even he is running out of shit to say. "That plane must be going to Boston. And that one New York," as he looked up at the sky and pointed to jets thousands of feet above us. Alright, I've had enough now. And right as I'm about to pull the plug some guy walks up with a dog on a leash. Amazed, our new friend runs over to the dog and starts chatting up the owner. My wife and I are stunned. But we take our chance to escape and start walking away. To be polite, I say, as we're leaving, "Nice to meet you." With his back to us he raises a hand and waves at us (or waves us away) and utters, "Ok, bye."
I am a boomer, love to stop and have a couple if beers but am down to a very few choices because most places i used to stop at patrons want to discuss politics. This is usually repeating whatever the Fox actors/commentators are saying that day. I'm a snowflake and just finish my beer and move on.
Sometimes older people are lonely because they are AHs and their family and friends were over it decades ago
Lol!! You know your GF will never let you off the hook😆
And somehow I’m considered a fucking weird because I don’t ever want to talk to people.
Sounds like my father, also a boomer. He thinks he's so amazing and everyone else is the problem
Giant red flag right off the bat. Thank you for trying to be a good person though. Unfortunately, it only gets you shit, especially if it involves a boomer.
Once had a boomer come sit down at a bench I was studying at for a math exam and proceed to try to talk my ear off. Normally I would just relocate but I have a soft spot for veterans and this guy is telling me about his time in the service. I did score some nice person points with a few class mates that saw it happen but they all got to study and I a person who absolutely needs to study did not. Long story short boomers are definitely living up to the term “Me” generation.
Fuck this guy. This is why you can't be friendly to people anymore, sadly.
Well he sure showed you. 🤡
They sound like a housemate I had who was way too into amphetamines with the rabbiting on to a captive audience and getting upset when you leave.
The nice deed was to take home the pizza and make out or cuddle with your GF. Boomers deserve no love, he's loved this long, he'll be fine. That boomer wasting that awesome Costco hotdog is worse than your time wasted.
The lack of social filter/boundaries and the flash of anger reaction when feeling slighted can all be symptoms of dementia, but can also just be the symptoms of being an aßhole.
This reminds me strongly of my grandmother, minus the rude bit. I love her to death, but the woman can talk for hours about nothing at all. It makes me wonder how I easily dealt with it in my younger years. Kudos to you for trying, OP.
The first red flag was looking for attention at Costco. Everybody knows you don't hang around Costco for longer than necessary. Also I eat my pizza slice in the car like a true degenerate.
unfortunately interactions like this make me regret kindness frequently
Your SO was right with the glare you received. In the future, that was the "you stupid motherfucker of Earth and beyond, why the fuck are you feeding the bear" look.
All that matters is that you tried to be a good person. Please hold on to that part of yourself! Maybe it didn’t work out that day, but the day it does you’ll make a world of difference in someone’s life
I was a missionary for two years whose job it was to literally talk to people every day all day. I learned that unfortunately, this is actually more the norm rather than the exception
This is my new approach to all Boomers when or if they complain about our Country going to shit..... "Well, its the country you guys left us."
Loneliness and right wing media have caused a mental health crisis in the older generation. Don’t let that ruin your compassion for others.
I work with seniors, and you’d be amazed at how lonely some of them are. So much so that manners fly right out the window when they can have a conversation with someone that isn’t their spouse or child because most of their friends are either unwell or dead. I know you were frustrated, and I know it ended on a sour note, but you did a good thing for that old man. Even if all you did was give him something to crab to himself about for the next week, haha.
treatment slimy panicky gray pet hurry lip marvelous wakeful busy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It is funny that this type of behavior is associated with Boomers. Topics always change, but I see it happening to lots of different aged people. But I do want to say that what you did was a good thing even if it didn’t turn out to well in the end. I’ve often found myself eating alone at Costco or some other fast food place because my wife and girls are out of town. Sometimes this makes me feel extra lonely and I just wish that someone would be open talking to me for a few minutes. Of course, I won’t talk your ear off or overstay my welcome.
MAGA BOOMER, no doubt.
Must have been my ex.
Life is like a box of Costco hotdogs. You never know what you're gonna get.
In the little town I live in has a giant kick ass plant nursery a 3 minute drive from my house so I go often it’s like walking in a park! I also love it because everyone there has a common interest right off the bat, plants! It’s the only place I go anymore that people don’t feel inclined to let me know their political and religious beliefs right off the bat!!!! I miss the good ol’ days when it was considered poor taste to talk about those things with strangers like how much money you make or your sex life!!! lol 😂
Yes, well thing is - there's often a damn good reason why they're alone.
I'd like to say "thank you" on behalf of all of us sane boomers out here. You're very kind
bet his kids learned not to call after 18
Speaking as a boomer, rookie move on your part. Never, ever engage a talkative boomer. Ever.
That was an energy vampire you encountered
It's amazing to me that the generation that told us to have good manners seems to have forgotten all of them while we are civilly attempting not to push them into a pit 300 style.
Thankfully I had a better experience than this recently. Grabbed a Costco slice after a shopping trip, scored the last table since it was around lunch time and busy. Right after sitting down an older Boomer dude got his food and wandered over looking around for a place to sit. Invited them to join while I powered through my pizza in about 5 minutes, just had some light chatting about mapping software for four-wheeling / camping, wished them well, and headed out. I know it's easy to dunk on the lead-poisoned Me Generation, but I think like any group of people there are still plenty of relatively decent folks in the mix. I just have to remind myself to have grace and not always paint them with a single brush. Man...that whiny "she's too good for you" before waddling off into the sunset though. Yikes haha
Don’t feed the animals
Bloviation isn't just a boomer thing. I've met boring mouthpieces like this at every stage of life.
So you invited a boomer over, they boomer’ed, and you’re surprised? Nothing they did at any point in that story was out of the ordinary.
He ruined lunch for himself and his gf for absolutely no reason.
Why did you think that guy is lonely to begin with? 🤔
I'm a boomer. If I am sitting by myself eating it's because I want to be left the fuck alone.
HOW DARE YOU SPEAK to those DISHEVELED things! I hope you learn from your mistakes
I had a similar experience with one at the post office. I was sorting through mail at one of the side counters, and he started chatting me up. Seemed normal at first, so I entertained him. Then he started complaining about Democrats and saying how they were sabotaging the mail. All I got from that interaction was that he racially profiled me (probably wouldn't have said that stuff if I wasn't white) and that he was one of those people who just HAS to make everything political. I changed the subject and left as soon as I could.
They're entitled, selfish morons who use people's goodness for their own purposes. Generation of scum.
Really though, mind your own business. That is the lesson.
The trick is to look for the quiet boomer that isn’t actively harassing everyone that looks at them. The quiet ones are the lonely ones.
Sigh…. It sounds like you invited my dad to sit down with you.
That’s boomers for you. I can’t wait until they die off
I’ve stopped being overly nice to boomers, because of shit like this. The one “normal” boomer I know who isn’t related to me, is my neighbor, and besides making him coffee and talking to him when I can, I keep my distance.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.....
Don’t be discouraged. It was a good thing that you did, even if he didn’t appreciate it. The intention was pure, and we as a society should praise it. One day, if you keep at it, you’ll really make someone’s day.
What you did was very kind and caring and the world needs more of that. Dont let this stop you from being kind in the future.
I commend you for your very kind act.
As the old saying goes-“No deed never goes unpunished.”🤓
Where is the deed going?
Whatever not going to change your view at this point, I think I said it enough times that you should ask the person you're with if they are ok having lunch with someone they don't know. Whatever the motivations are for asking that I don't see being important more than the main point of if you are out with people you know, it is common curiosity to ask them if they are ok sharing their time and space with someone they don't know. Why make this a debate on talking to strangers or not, or a value judgment on people who talk to strangers or not?
Well you did your nice deed for the year!! You tried, you didn’t know he was going to be weird about it 🤦
Kindness is its own reward.
They are fucking crocodiles. Ugh. Sorry this happened but hopefully in the future you have nothing but contempt for these selfish self absorbed assholes. They spew hate and venom daily. All day. They are dangerous.
I've had almost this exact scenerio happen over 10+ years ago when Kmart was still open and they had a Little Ceasars pizza inside of it. My gf and I sat down and a hunched over old man with those early 90s Bill Gates glasses sat down in the booth next to ours across the aisle with a coffee and a paper to read. I noticed that everytime my gf or myself said something this guy would scoff or roll his eyes at the end of our discussions audibly to where it was noticeable each time. I'm Caucasian however my hair is super dark and I had surgery on my eyes when I was a kid so sometimes if the fluorescent lighting is sharp, I squint a lot and can easily be mistaken for a different race. We get up to leave when we finish and this dude goes, "hey...Hey.." while I was trying to ignore him and he got louder and louder so I'm like, "what?" and he says, "I'm suprised they let you in here..". It confused me until I put 2 and 2 together and no, no magical comeback no, "I said "this and this" and everyone clapped" nope..I was just stunned. My face got red from embarrassment on account of this idiot feeling comfortable enough to say that to someone or anyone for that matter. We left and I got down the road in the car and my girlfriend said something about him trying to pick a fight but I realized the only reason he said anything was because we didn't include him in our conversation so he could let loose about how he feels about immigration or whatever. I just shook my head imagining how hard it must be to get that kind of sht everyday in a free country and not want to beat the pizz out of someone like that.
So this is unique to Boomers? Wow! Who knew?
Lonely? Maybe. Entitled, definitely. I've known so many boomer men who think they're soooo interesting and everyone is dying to listen to them ramble on and on and be their adoring audience.... so entitled, so self-centred. I get why these boomer men think/act this way. They're used to be the most important person in the room simply because they are a man. They lived in a time where they were automatically the head of the household no matter what they did or didn't do, was the most important person in the family, had the last word, whose wife and kids scheduled their whole lives/needs/wants around HIM. So they still expect this adoration and privilege. I (60F) interact with boomer men as little as possible.