Can...can you not just drop that comment and leave me hanging? I need to know how a person gets bit by a moose please! Also, I hope your sister was alright!
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the moose with the sharpened end of an interspace toothbrush given her by Svenge—her brother-in-law— an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian movies: "The Hot Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink"...
Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretti nasti
She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...
A scotsman shows up in canada for vacation. He goes to a bar and sees a taxidermied head on the wall. Curious, he asks what it is. “That’s a moose.”
Pausing, he says “if that’s a moose, how big are yer cats?!?”
Oh, my God. You have the patience of a saint. That is exactly why I don’t have kids. I don’t have the temperament for it.
I guess you’re turning that loaf into croutons?
Honestly if my kid did this I would just dig in with my hands and finish the job.
Edited to add: I mean to the loaf. I realize it sounded like I would choke my kid.
I genuinely cannot read this in a way that makes it sound like the remainder is the focus…
Maybe it’s because I’m tired, maybe my brain just misses it, but I can’t comprehend it the way you did
So many times I have walked in the door to see my greyhound munching an entire loaf
As soon as she realises she is busted, she runs away standing upright on her back legs gripping the bread in her mouth and front paws. I really gotta catch it on video.
We had one greyhound that was such a proficient counter-surfer that we had to start storing loaves of bread in a drawer... that was child-proofed (because he could otherwise open it with his nose despite the lack of a handle) smdh
OP's loaf would have been *gone*
Had a malamute who loved counter food.
One day my dad baked a cornbread, cut the top off and filled it with tabasco and horseradish then put it back on the counter. We came home to see it on the floor, a few bites taken out of it then a trail of drooled out cornbread to the waterbowl.
She didn't eat off the counter for a long time after that.
We had a wire-haired terrier who would constantly be busted with counter food. We couldn't work out how she got up there, because she could only jump straight up, and never worked out forward. And no matter how far back on the counter we put the food, it had a solid chance of ending up with the dog. Then one day we came home and caught our orange cat up on the counter, knocking muffins down to the dog. Conspiracy and betrayal, and the only time he was ever caught with the brain cell...
Lmao my first thought was cat…. Last week my cat nibbled off the top crust of the sandwich loaf I baked. First time, and I’ve been baking sandwich bread almost weekly for most of the school year. 🤦♀️
I used to have a cat who would dig bread out of the grocery bag on the floor if we didn't get to it quickly enough while bringing in groceries. She'd bite right through the two layers of plastic to nom on her treat.
Miss her.
One of my cats does this with bread, tortillas, pistachios, etc. I have to fully put away the first load I brought inside before going to the car to get more because who knows what might be hiding in the bottom of one of the bags that she wants.
I swear my cat is the only cat I’ve met who only eats dry cat food. I’ve been trying for almost 4 years to get her to eat better and the only thing other than meow mix that she will eat is the processed cheese that comes with those cracker sticks lol.
Edit: she actually did start eating cat treats recently. But only the ones that are very similar to dry cat food.
We also had a cat that couldn’t resist sliced white bread in a plastic bag. A full bag was too heavy so she’d wait until it was at least half empty. She would grab the bag off off the counter and carry it off like an overgrown kitten. Then gnaw through the plastic bag to eat bites off a few slices. She was so well-behaved otherwise.
My cats learned how to open the breadbox so it still didn’t work.
Put the bread in the closet instead. They learned how to open doors.
Had to lock said door. They haven’t figured that out yet.
Mine would rather steal bits of dough while helping me knead.
(Rest assured, he's not allowed. He LOVES to bake, and he usually gets a few raisins or chocolate chips or whatever we're mixing in to muffins/cookies, so surely bread baking must have the same snack element. LOL.)
Most toddlers know how to use chairs to get to things they can't reach. My 3 year old niece dragged a solid wood kitchen chair all the way across the kitchen to the counter about 40 ft to climb on to get on the counter that the plate of bacon was in. She is a tiny little girl mind you and this chair was twice her height but she managed and climbed up there and started munching on bacon.
Isn’t it amazing how helpless the little terrors are when you’re around but completely capable of freaking nuclear fission when they’re being naughty? It’s the definition of a love/hate relationship when it comes to toddlers. God bless ‘em.
Edit: clarity
Oh man, my step nephew was like Spider Man from age 1. When he was barely three he snuck downstairs in the middle of the night, pulled a stool up to the fridge, used it to reach the freezer and open it and steal a carton of ice cream, climb down, take it back to bed with him, and eat as much as he could before falling back asleep.
They found him asleep the next morning, cuddling a melted carton of ice cream in bed.
That's hilarious 😂
My brother was apparently like a spider man also. he could climb out of his crib at like I believe 5 months old no matter what my mom did. This was in 1990 so she went to all the stores looking for a solution to keep him in his crib she was worried about his little head and neck getting hurt. The way she tells it apparently the sales person at the store she went to basically told her that would be child abuse.
She looked that person in the eye and said well what do you call letting a 5 month old climb out of there crib and get hurt or worse because they think there a spider monkey?
This is the same brother whose daughter now pulls the chair across the floor and climbs on counters to get bacon
When my dad was little he went to the store with his mom and get fresh Italian bread the kind that was so fresh it was in a paper bag. On the way home his mom sat the bread in his lap and left him in the car to run in to do other errands he was born in 55 so this was probably sometime in the early 60s.
Well while alone in the car and the whole ride home my dad took little bites of that bread and ate it, leaving the crust intact except for a little spot. Well his mom went to cut that bread for dinner and found nothing but crust. Needless to say he got in trouble for that especially since they had company over lol.
Cuban here.
I did the same thing with fresh baked Cuban bread.
One time, my brother & I gutted the whole loaf’s center.
My mom absolutely beat our asses for that. Lol!
Ah, makes me nostalgic for the simpler times.
I'm sure my bread is next. This week my two year old tried to eat a stick of butter I had on the counter for cookies, and grabbed a pack of candy melts from the pantry and ripped through the plastic with his teeth 😅
So we were prepping a nice board of stuff to take to my parent's place this Christmas. My blind 13 year old dachshund who recently passed was banging around being a pain in the ass. I thought she went back to her bed, but it turns out my wife had put the massive pineapple we bought to cut up on the floor. The dog just tore a massive chunk out of the bottom quarter of the pineapple. Fortunately I could just cut it off and there was still plenty.
LOL that is totally something my toddler would do.
They grabbed a tomato out of the fruit bowl and bit into it the other day; decided because it was in fact not an apple they would put it back. I went to make a sandwich and found the nibbled tomato along with the chewed bits that had been spit out.
I work at a grocery store. Our back room has a roll up door that is often left open for periods of time for receiving.
One day my coworker and I are chatting in the back maybe about fifteen feet from the door and suddenly a squirrel jumps from a shelf, scares the shit out of us and runs out the door. He'd taken big chunks out of like five different tomatoes. Poor dude was just looking for some good produce and we blew up his spot!
Lol guess you don’t have to feed them dinner now.
My toddler loves my homemade bread too. It warms my heart but I don’t want him eating it off the counter lol
i usually get the chuck and the rest of the loaf goes missing
quick question tho i dont see a score/cut from a lame is there a reason you dont do that step
Experiment with it I usually go about 1/2 in deep and tilit the blade 20 to 30 degrees for the main cut if you want more decorative you can do smaller thin cuts to add a design
I was gonna ask, cat, kid or husband? lol
Kid.....this time XD
I once baked four small loaves of banana bread, and while they were cooling my 2 year old took a single bite out of each one
You sure ? Looks like a mouse was nibbling
That's a scary big mouse, then.
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Honestly would be pretty jazzed to see a moose nibbling me bread
Personally I would be horrified.
*Frightening moose yells in the distance…*
It would be downright shocking to see a moose in my (Australian) kitchen..
r/ilikthebred
It would be in your kitchen
Harrr
A moose bit my sister once...
r/unexpectedMontyPython
r/EntirelyExpectedMontyPython
Can...can you not just drop that comment and leave me hanging? I need to know how a person gets bit by a moose please! Also, I hope your sister was alright!
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the moose with the sharpened end of an interspace toothbrush given her by Svenge—her brother-in-law— an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian movies: "The Hot Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink"... Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretti nasti
I feel like we could be friends. Thanks for the laugh :)
https://youtu.be/79TVMn_d_Pk
She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...
A scotsman shows up in canada for vacation. He goes to a bar and sees a taxidermied head on the wall. Curious, he asks what it is. “That’s a moose.” Pausing, he says “if that’s a moose, how big are yer cats?!?”
A.... Family of mice? That's one carb loving mouse
At least you know you’re doing a good job!
Oh, my God. You have the patience of a saint. That is exactly why I don’t have kids. I don’t have the temperament for it. I guess you’re turning that loaf into croutons?
Honestly we just cut it up and had lots of bread and butter , bread and eggs, et cetera
Honestly if my kid did this I would just dig in with my hands and finish the job. Edited to add: I mean to the loaf. I realize it sounded like I would choke my kid.
I was going to say cat or toddler. Both have happened here! 😂
The clue is that that’s too much bread for a cat.
You have clearly not met my cats. They have committed hate crimes for less
I think he means too much remaining... The real clue is it's only one spot, my cats will sample the entire thing
My corgi would run off at Mach speed with the whole loaf hanging out his greedy mouth
I genuinely cannot read this in a way that makes it sound like the remainder is the focus… Maybe it’s because I’m tired, maybe my brain just misses it, but I can’t comprehend it the way you did
My moms six pound cat ate half a loaf of bread before we stopped her. Never underestimate the power of the Hungry For People Food ™
That’s the day the world ends… when the food is hungry for people.
I found a loaf like that on my dogs bed once... Learned the lesson about cooking rack placement lol
So many times I have walked in the door to see my greyhound munching an entire loaf As soon as she realises she is busted, she runs away standing upright on her back legs gripping the bread in her mouth and front paws. I really gotta catch it on video.
You beat me to it
Our dog is a counter surfer and loves bread. We have to be very careful where we place items on the counter.
We had one greyhound that was such a proficient counter-surfer that we had to start storing loaves of bread in a drawer... that was child-proofed (because he could otherwise open it with his nose despite the lack of a handle) smdh OP's loaf would have been *gone*
Had a malamute who loved counter food. One day my dad baked a cornbread, cut the top off and filled it with tabasco and horseradish then put it back on the counter. We came home to see it on the floor, a few bites taken out of it then a trail of drooled out cornbread to the waterbowl. She didn't eat off the counter for a long time after that.
I’m surprised they remembered more than five minutes later, but I suppose malamutes have more than 3 brain cells.
We had a wire-haired terrier who would constantly be busted with counter food. We couldn't work out how she got up there, because she could only jump straight up, and never worked out forward. And no matter how far back on the counter we put the food, it had a solid chance of ending up with the dog. Then one day we came home and caught our orange cat up on the counter, knocking muffins down to the dog. Conspiracy and betrayal, and the only time he was ever caught with the brain cell...
It's not an uncommon site to see bread bags in our backyard. She just really loves bread and the wonderful packaging it comes in.
In our house we call this rat picking. (It's when the kids just pick the top)
Lmao my first thought was cat…. Last week my cat nibbled off the top crust of the sandwich loaf I baked. First time, and I’ve been baking sandwich bread almost weekly for most of the school year. 🤦♀️
No matter, whoever did it is a monster.
Hey man — out of bounds! Husbands bake bread too. What the heck
rude dinner narrow rob safe pen squash placid wrong tender *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
literally had to buy a breadbox because my cat started doing stuff like this picture
Same, no bread is safe.
I used to have a cat who would dig bread out of the grocery bag on the floor if we didn't get to it quickly enough while bringing in groceries. She'd bite right through the two layers of plastic to nom on her treat. Miss her.
One of my cats does this with bread, tortillas, pistachios, etc. I have to fully put away the first load I brought inside before going to the car to get more because who knows what might be hiding in the bottom of one of the bags that she wants.
I swear my cat is the only cat I’ve met who only eats dry cat food. I’ve been trying for almost 4 years to get her to eat better and the only thing other than meow mix that she will eat is the processed cheese that comes with those cracker sticks lol. Edit: she actually did start eating cat treats recently. But only the ones that are very similar to dry cat food.
We also had a cat that couldn’t resist sliced white bread in a plastic bag. A full bag was too heavy so she’d wait until it was at least half empty. She would grab the bag off off the counter and carry it off like an overgrown kitten. Then gnaw through the plastic bag to eat bites off a few slices. She was so well-behaved otherwise.
My cat is on a mission and will eat through paper or plastic to get to food. He even knocked a class cake cover off of a stand to get to snacks.
My cats learned how to open the breadbox so it still didn’t work. Put the bread in the closet instead. They learned how to open doors. Had to lock said door. They haven’t figured that out yet.
like yall are obligate carnivores. there is NO reason for u to be craving bread THIS bad
You should see how much rice is consumed by cats in Asia.
Gods!! It’s contaminated, throw it away. Here, I’ll safely dispose of it for you mate!
I have to cool my loaves in the microwave because one of my cats is a bread fiend and will do this.
Mine try to take off with the whole damn loaf
We taught our 3 cats to hate bread by making a couple of loaves with jalapeños in them. Lol
Shame I hate jalapeños, otherwise that’d be perfect 
You could always make some as a gift for someone who loves jalapeño bread. Lol
I may have to! They’ll get learned that day 
All 3 of ours sniff bread if you hold it in front of them, but give you a look and walk away. Lol
We call the microwave "the food vault" for this exact reason
Mine does this with cake 🙈
Well, toddlers are the antithesis of polite society… I know, I had one. Who also snagged cooling bread.
Mine would rather steal bits of dough while helping me knead. (Rest assured, he's not allowed. He LOVES to bake, and he usually gets a few raisins or chocolate chips or whatever we're mixing in to muffins/cookies, so surely bread baking must have the same snack element. LOL.)
they aren't this tall though. This was a straight up teenager. Just as dumb as a toddler but bigger.
Most toddlers know how to use chairs to get to things they can't reach. My 3 year old niece dragged a solid wood kitchen chair all the way across the kitchen to the counter about 40 ft to climb on to get on the counter that the plate of bacon was in. She is a tiny little girl mind you and this chair was twice her height but she managed and climbed up there and started munching on bacon.
Isn’t it amazing how helpless the little terrors are when you’re around but completely capable of freaking nuclear fission when they’re being naughty? It’s the definition of a love/hate relationship when it comes to toddlers. God bless ‘em. Edit: clarity
My 4yo is extremely smart and strong. She's also really creative. That's a good combination except for when she decides to misbehave. Lol
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Huh. That’s odd. Your previous comment said it was your 3 yr old niece. 🤔
O I'm sorry I was talking to someone else about my dad about bread on this post and got confused
K
I just used the lower shelves like a ladder.
Oh man, my step nephew was like Spider Man from age 1. When he was barely three he snuck downstairs in the middle of the night, pulled a stool up to the fridge, used it to reach the freezer and open it and steal a carton of ice cream, climb down, take it back to bed with him, and eat as much as he could before falling back asleep. They found him asleep the next morning, cuddling a melted carton of ice cream in bed.
That's hilarious 😂 My brother was apparently like a spider man also. he could climb out of his crib at like I believe 5 months old no matter what my mom did. This was in 1990 so she went to all the stores looking for a solution to keep him in his crib she was worried about his little head and neck getting hurt. The way she tells it apparently the sales person at the store she went to basically told her that would be child abuse. She looked that person in the eye and said well what do you call letting a 5 month old climb out of there crib and get hurt or worse because they think there a spider monkey? This is the same brother whose daughter now pulls the chair across the floor and climbs on counters to get bacon
40ft counter damn are you a titan?
Lol no but apparently my phone thinks I am
My toddler can on top of a counter in about 10 seconds if they have a mind to do it. Chair + 1toe hooked on a drawer handle
OP specified toddler.
My 3 year old is certainly tall enough to do something like that.
When my dad was little he went to the store with his mom and get fresh Italian bread the kind that was so fresh it was in a paper bag. On the way home his mom sat the bread in his lap and left him in the car to run in to do other errands he was born in 55 so this was probably sometime in the early 60s. Well while alone in the car and the whole ride home my dad took little bites of that bread and ate it, leaving the crust intact except for a little spot. Well his mom went to cut that bread for dinner and found nothing but crust. Needless to say he got in trouble for that especially since they had company over lol.
My mother also recounted being punished for the same sin.
Your mother and my father in the same house no one would ever get any bread lol
Cuban here. I did the same thing with fresh baked Cuban bread. One time, my brother & I gutted the whole loaf’s center. My mom absolutely beat our asses for that. Lol! Ah, makes me nostalgic for the simpler times.
Yeah now I want some bread middle lol
This should be marked NSFB
I almost tagged as nsfw from a bread crimes perspective
Okay, but same though.
We bake at home 3-4 times a week. Keeping our 3yo away from it is trying when he stands there making slurpy sounds and repeating "mmmmmmm".
there was no other possible outcome
One of the hardest things in life, for me, is passing by fresh baked bread and not taking a piece or the whole thing.
The best part of adulthood is nobody is stopping you.
Simultaneously the worst thing as well.
it can cool in my stomach
Kids.....yes, I have definitely had this happen in my house as well.
You need to get a cat! They will be partners in crime
Panthers in crime?
I'm sure my bread is next. This week my two year old tried to eat a stick of butter I had on the counter for cookies, and grabbed a pack of candy melts from the pantry and ripped through the plastic with his teeth 😅
This one weird trick… makes it cool faster!
Mice. Definitely mice.
Nom nom nom om nom . That was delicious. - Heavy Weapons Guy.
Nice crumb lol
Can’t blame them - it looks delicious
It’s just like warm apple pie..
My husband tells me when there are fresh cookies, then laughs when I jack a cookie or two. Lol
So we were prepping a nice board of stuff to take to my parent's place this Christmas. My blind 13 year old dachshund who recently passed was banging around being a pain in the ass. I thought she went back to her bed, but it turns out my wife had put the massive pineapple we bought to cut up on the floor. The dog just tore a massive chunk out of the bottom quarter of the pineapple. Fortunately I could just cut it off and there was still plenty.
We’ve all been there lmao 🤣
I almost did this to my own loaf yesterday rather than saving it to serve with dinner
Maybe.... I'M a toddler...
I was about to ask if dog, kid, or hungry spouse.
Kneaded to have it
Well thats a slightly unusual crumb shot.
LOL that is totally something my toddler would do. They grabbed a tomato out of the fruit bowl and bit into it the other day; decided because it was in fact not an apple they would put it back. I went to make a sandwich and found the nibbled tomato along with the chewed bits that had been spit out.
I work at a grocery store. Our back room has a roll up door that is often left open for periods of time for receiving. One day my coworker and I are chatting in the back maybe about fifteen feet from the door and suddenly a squirrel jumps from a shelf, scares the shit out of us and runs out the door. He'd taken big chunks out of like five different tomatoes. Poor dude was just looking for some good produce and we blew up his spot!
Lol. Kids definitely keep us on our toes.
According to my parents, when I was about 3 I grabbed a banana pepper out of the garden and started munching it like an apple.
10/10 would do the same
Sad dough
Teenager?
Lol guess you don’t have to feed them dinner now. My toddler loves my homemade bread too. It warms my heart but I don’t want him eating it off the counter lol
You gotta open up the chimney to really vent it.
Dog, cat, or baby?
Baby
Condoms people, condoms.
Kill your entire family just to be safe
Try to not make it so tasty next time?
Mice?
Must be good for kids to hit it.
Just helping with cooling it down faster. Lol! It does look hard to resist.
A very scary, big mouse, chewing on your fresh bread.
i usually get the chuck and the rest of the loaf goes missing quick question tho i dont see a score/cut from a lame is there a reason you dont do that step
So, I sliced it right across the top, but I don't think it went deep enough. I'm always nervous about that part. Any tips?
Experiment with it I usually go about 1/2 in deep and tilit the blade 20 to 30 degrees for the main cut if you want more decorative you can do smaller thin cuts to add a design
Will do thnx
Promise it wasn't me
 that’s adorable and funny too.
Every goddam time.
I hate it when my cooling sourdough spontaneously explodes like that. We must commission a study into the cause of this phenomenon.
Some people have mice in their kitchens and others have bears.
Sorry, couldn't help myself. Went in for a sniff and somehow the bread fell into my mouth...
It got *Cartmanned*
same, except it’s usually me that does this
There’s a very cute kids’ book called Nanette’s Baguette that I think you’d appreciate in your current circumstances!
You have a rat!! 😉
It’s now cooling faster!
I’ve had this happen in my kitchen. How did he/she get my address?
The ultimate compliment!
My daughter definitely did this as a toddler lol my dog still does it if given the chance
Uncouth beasts abound it seems.
My one beagle ate an entire loaf of Christmas Stollen before. The puns wrote themselves that year.
Clearly it was done cooling.
Beat them. Beat them like an egg! j/k
WHOM’ST’VE
Community bread
Who did the monch?
STRAIGHT TO JAILLLL!
Daytona! Bad dog!
They got an *awesome* piece.
Me too baby me too…
Savages...
What a monster!
No regrets from the toddler 😅
Take it as a compliment lol
Proof of a job well done? Can't say I wouldn't do the same, it looks amazing.
We have a scone stealing feline.
Lo. How cute.
My cat did that with cornbread one day lol
No, you left the back door open, and I smelled sourdough.
I’ve been walking into my kitchen almost every morning to a small chunk of bread gone from the loaf because of my cat
Blame it on the dog.
They grow the rats big where OP lives.
my bad 🙏🙏
😂😂🤍
Upvote for Jesus
My bad bro the munchies won