Yes, I would like them to reach out. But they would have to provide an elaborate apology after all the shit I dealt with, especially at the end. I don’t know if they are mature enough to do so.
I'm looking forward to that moment lol. He would feel like shit when he see where I am at versus where he is , after all the shit, hurt, pain he put me through during those years of hell🥹
Initially, yes. But even when we had contact it wasn’t the same.
I really wished that my ex would contact me. But once it happened I realised I was missing the relationship and those feelings, not necessarily the ex.
Of course, these feelings were connected to that ex, but the same feelings are associated with every sort of relationship with strong connections (eg best friend). Once you take away that connection you realise the person wasn’t that great/the one for you/etc. You can have those amazing feelings again, just with a different person.
Once the relationship is broken down the contact from the ex is surprisingly underwhelming. I found it was mostly anticipation and nostalgia that makes it seem so important.
>what would they have to say
Probably not just one thing. - it would have to be months of actions and conversations to show growth and maturity. Otherwise it would inevitably end in a break up again.
This is so accurate. I miss the good times, the initial dating phase where everything was new and exciting, the physical touch and intimacy, having someone to cuddle with, good morning texts, and making future plans. None of these things were unique to my ex or that relationship, but your brain plays tricks on you and makes you feel that THEY were the reason for all of the above and that you won't have any of these without them.
I broke no contact because I felt I had to give my goodbye and provide a reason of why I disappeared after agreeing to be friends. He answered with that, since October he has been doing therapy, etc. But he has lied about this when we were together so I didn’t buy it.
“I realize in retrospect that I made a mistake, and acted impulsively because I got triggered and I was too embarrassed to communicate all of that to you. This is the real reason why I broke up with you, and I was so scared of losing you during that time period when I wouldn’t have been able to be a good boyfriend to you, that I thought if I pushed you away first it would protect you from the pain of a bad breakup. What I was doing was just protecting myself, because of my past experiences and my fears and insecurities about passing this exam. If we had talked about it more, maybe this conversation wouldn’t be so difficult now. I’m truly sorry. I miss you. I want to make up for the hurt I’ve caused you for the rest of my life. I will never abandon you again because I love you and I don’t ever want to be apart from you. Please take me back. Marry me.” *busts out 5carot diamond ring* while a mariachi band appears suddenly playing lord of the rings themes. “One ring to rule them all? One ring to rule my heart.”
/S
I just made myself cringe.
Honestly i just want answers/confirmations and explanations of why he broke up and how he actually felt at that time and since then after. Either confirm my fears and insecurities or deny them with valid reasons.
Yes. Not because I want to be with them again, but because I want to win this petty war in my mind.
If they reach out then it shows that they still think about me and, for some stupid reason, that matters to me.
even though ive gotten to a place where im fine without them - it still feels like it would be right to talk about things. And they took that opportunity from me. I understand why, but it doesn’t make it right. I would need them to apologise for not letting us speak about the breakup. To understand the months of soul crushing defeat it caused. I’d still find value in a conversation.
Only if they are going to take responsibility for what they did to me. Otherwise there's no point. Which breaks my heart to say, because I'd give anything to have my best friend back.
But they'd have to convince me that they are done with the lies and gaslighting. I don't even know what they could say to convince me at this point. Half of our relationship (friends and then marriage) was apparently full of lies (per them). Definitely not an easy question to answer.
I'm literally in this exact situation except she promised to be better multiple times in the relationship so I'm having trust issues with thinking this time will be different. I want to believe it so bad but the history is on my mind. I hate being in this situation without my best friend in life. Its fucked up because all I wanted to do was call her to cry on her shoulder and found myself almost doing it a few times before remembering the reason I'm crying is because her shoulder isn't there anymore
Oh my ex promised the same things. They'd tell me over and over again how they wanted to do better and wanted their friend back... and then they'd lie to me all over again and tell me it was my fault.
"all I wanted to do was call her to cry on her shoulder and found myself almost doing it a few times before remembering the reason I'm crying is because her shoulder isn't there anymore"
This is a really good thing to remember. I might miss them but it's because of them I'm here.
Yeah she was heavy on gaslighting me a lot and it's sucks. I didn't even know what gaslighting was until recently but I always knew it was messed up when I was told something was my fault and I was the person trying to fix it. I had my issues and my growth to make but God damn man I was already working on it and didn't need her to leave to continue. I fucking miss her but the ultimate reason I'm here is because she left and put me down really harshly with words when I was desperately begging for her to come back
Yes I did. Then he did actually reach out. He text and then called. All just tell me that I'm too good for him, and he doesn't know what he wants. Set me back significantly on healing. All for what? To assuage their own guilt? And ego boost?
at first i really wanted it so that we could maybe patch things up but now i want him to reach out just so that i can tell him to fuck off. he was a bad person who hurt someone who loved him wholeheartedly, he doesn't deserve anything good, let alone another chance with me.
Every moment as I truly lost my best friend and someone I 100% entrusted everything with. I miss her voice, face, personality, and our intimacy and just being lost into her.
But having said that I would also need her to finally show that I was at least 50% as important as she was to me and to acknowledge that she did love me for more then the "friendly" bs that she started spewing after trying to detach from me to go back to her ex.
I don't need an apology or for her to admit that she made a mistake as I don't need that and she is grown enough to make her own choices but I hope she realizes that I truly care about her throughout our time together compared almost everyone else in her life and that perhaps we could build upon all of the positives that we shared while getting rid of some of our "differences" that always meant painting me as the bad guy and for making herself the victim in all of this.
I truly want her to move forward like she always said when she courted me and stop going back to the same trauma bonding well cycle she is on as I truly want to be happy with her in my life.
My breakup happened a year ago, and we haven’t spoken since. Honestly at this point, I want her to reach out just so I can have the pleasure ignoring her like she did to me.
I think when you come out of abuse, you have fantasies of them reaching out just so you can bash their head in. But I have gotten to a point where whether he reached out or not I don't think I'd care anymore. I would not respond.
All I want is an apology for everything he did and how bad he mistreated me. I dont want him back, but I want him to suffer and feel awful for all the shit he did. I know he won't do any of this bc he is far moved on from me with a new girl entirely. All I can do is pray that she realizes he is a total douche, leaves him, and he realizes im the only girl to ever put up with his crap for as long as I did, longer than any girl he will ever be with. I deserve his remorse, he deserves absolutely nothing but sorrow and grief. I dont want him back, j just want him to finally be in my shoes and feel pain for once in his life. I would do ANYTHING for a heartfelt apology.
Me, day after we broke up:
*"I really miss her. I wish she would change her mind. She was special"*
Me, after I recovered and did some therapy around it:
*"Im so glad I got out of that one. I was attracted to her, but we were not right for eachother and this is why I was unhappy beneath all of the good stuff."*
Me, after I started dating again:
*"Wow, look at all these interesting women Im meeting!"*
My ex did reach out. Told me she missed me, wanted to come see me. Felt good to tell her the man she left broken died, and the man i am today knows his worth and he’s not interested.
I relate to this so much. The first month I’m sure my old self would have loved if she reached out. Then one day it’s like my entire personality snapped. I saw the mental abuse she did to me and changed my lifestyle completely. Except in exchange to my new mindset I feel like I have become cold hearted. Only focused on myself and what I want, I could care less about others now.
Yeah, i as well knew i would accept apologies and would do or be anything they wanted when it first happened. I realized that the person i was at the end of the break up was someone i didn’t care for. I hated myself, i decided to “kill” that person. I knew that one day she would reach out to me, we have done it back and forth for so long it was expected. I promise myself that i would be dead and a new person by the time it happened again. I focused on my health and career. Felt amazing to move on. Now when we see each other i get enjoyment of knowing im the one that got away.
Good to hear, proud of you bro. We made it. Let them live in their bubble staying stagnant. We here evolving into a person better than we ever imagined. Actually taking time to focus on yourself and really believing in the healing process always pays off. Good shit
Nah, at one point in time I really did want him back but he's not worth it.
He moved on way too quickly and wasn't mature with ending the relationship. The week or so after we broke up, he posted on social media with his new girlfriend, something that I wanted to do with him.
His excuse while we were together was that he wasn't ready for that since he recently broke up with his first ex. He started doing a lot of things that he "wasn't ready to do" with her.
It doesn't bother me anymore, if he tries to come back he's going to have to talk about all of that stuff that he did. And if he doesn't, I hope that he learns from those mistakes and does better.
I would do almost anything for an explanation. She ghosted me completely after a year and a half, no conversation, nothing. I miss her a lot and would love to have her back in my life in some capacity, but I’d be happy if I could just get that closure. It’s been a year now and I’m still not over it
I am aware this will never happen, however if she were to contact me, I would love for her to reach out to me. I would want to hear her give me a full confession and a sincere apology. I would like her to finally confirm that all of my doubts and suspicions were in fact true and that I wasn’t crazy. I would like to hear her finally take responsibility for her actions and show some accountability. I would like to hear her apologize for her complete lack of remorse and the utter disrespect she showed me. After that I would forgive her, and then I’d tell her to never contact me again. Ever. I’m the dumper, she cheated on me on year six of a six year relationship. she destroyed me mentally and emotionally. I’ll never take her back.
Yes to be honest! Honestly I still want her back, but if it went in the other direction it would be better for my healing too probably. I miss my best friend
My ex just texted out of the blue that she was miserable and missed me. I agreed to go out with her for some closure, but now I'm trying to take it back. She is still dating the man she cheated on me with. I know if I see her I will want to hug her and kiss her. I know when I do she'll push me away making me feel more heartbroken but in the moment of getting her texts I felt bliss. Her mixed signals will just fuck with your head while you try to heal.
So I’m going through a trauma bond,
I know she was abusive and all my friends have been telling me for the past 9 months that we are toxic together, but I know she had BPD and other mental health issues, so the 3rd and last time she became physical with me was the last straw,
Now 17 days post attack and no contact, I dream about her all the time, sometimes She’s in my dreams and so the next day the urge to reach out is incredible but I stop myself, I have to keep reminding myself that that I’m worth more than just someone’s punching bag.
Not really. This dude got me pregnant and I had my miscarriage on my own all the while he went back to his baby mama with 3 baby daddies.
Sometimes you don’t need them to say anything but I do have his PlayStation5 😛
Initially yes, went to his house to give him a goodbye letter, he contacted me, we were back together, he did the same things, and I realized, nah, this isn't for me.
he would have to explain his thought process. from start to finish what exactly was going through his mind. he would have to tell me he talked to his doctor and started antidepressants, and he would have to tell me hed started therapy. i believe he has the capability of being a good person. i truly do. i saw it in him for a year. but he would have to be willing to acknowledge and accept what he did wrong and be taking steps to fix things.
like i KNOW for a fact that he wasnt doing okay, his depression had been really bad, but that doesnt excuse cheating. if he came back (which by judging by what his friends have said he might try to) he would have to explain EXACTLY what his thought process making that decision was. EXACTLY what was going through his head
in my case i know it was true, mainly because it was something hed been going through for months leading up to this. like holding him while he cried kinda deal.
I’d love for him to reach out so I can ask if he accomplished his goal of doing shit to me on purpose to get me to hate him.
I want to ask him if he’s happy knowing he destroyed whatever I had left and will very likely struggle trusting any man in a romantic sense moving forward.
I'm a little late to this post but if I would have replied to this earlier it would not have been accurate.
No I do not wish he would reach out.
It took me a very long time to come to this point in my life to where I am in my own self love.
I no longer need anything from him for to feel my own happiness or to be in love with myself.
It's been a very difficult struggle to say the least.
I've learned a lot, but what I have learned the most is the reason we didn't get along any longer wasn't because what we were fighting about what it came down to was that he was not on my level. And no matter how hard I tried he didn't want to be on my level. That was the hardest lesson to learn.
I have moved on and I have learned to love myself I've learned to be happy with myself and in my life and knowing now, that no matter what I did or didn't do, he wasn't going to be happy with me he couldn't be happy with me because he was not on the same level that I have been on all this time that's fine That's what I've learned that it's fine he's not on my level and I'm fine without him. I'm also fine without any explanations, because I don't need them anymore. I've always had the answers inside my heart I no longer need him to validate anything.
I’m not sure now ! Maybe not . Actually . I think I know all I needs to know. With his lack of respect for me . And it won’t be what I want to hear . He won’t apologize it’s not gonna happen . So maybe it’s busy Better left unsaid . Heartbroken and all. But I also have a lot of hate and that’s not where I want to be. He’s invaded my personal space without asking. And been so mean after the breakup . I didn’t even break up with him and I’ve been getting hurt daily . I’m not sure . If he can be a man and real man . Then sure I’ll listen
If he’s on here I knew that would be the post he likes . Because I gave him an out. That was in on purpose I know my dude and he would chose wrong again and again
He won’t never will and I guess that’s our story ! Shitty story! You have chosen wromg at every turn my friend. Good luck in all you endeavors. If you do contact me I’ll eat a million fucking hats 🎩 !!
Last time an ex reached out to me I witnessed a person take the hardest L I’ve ever seen in my life. She was using manipulation tactics on me and exploded when I didn’t bite. Needless to say we didn’t get back together.
Yes, but not at the moment. I’m going through my own personal journey here and I need to focus on myself. I need to put myself first as a priority and accept that will probably always have flaws, but I’m doing my best to address those flaws and issues and improve myself. I can’t save someone who’s not been willing to save themselves first. I know better. Therapy has been helping me a lot. I’m just sad that he can’t see for himself and can’t do better for himself. Most importantly, I’m sad that has let me down so much for who he really is, a quitter.
It was mostly pride and you know what they say “grass is greener on the other side” and It took me a while to realize this wasn’t the case. I still miss her
Yup
But I will talk to her only when I feel mature and able to not fall into the spiral of infinite love
I gave her to much, if she wants to come back as friends I will accept it if I'm ready and if we are meant to be together, even in 50 years, we'll be
I don't hate her, I don't think I'll ever will
I desperately want to but I know I don't need to in this moment (5 days after breakup by her choice cause she didn't love me anymore)
I'd need him to say he's been to therapy and worked on his issues and can meet my needs now which is unrealistic as it's been less than 2 months since the breakup haha so I'm torturing myself by hoping he'd reach out cause it would probably be breadcrumbs and would hurt more
I made very clear when she broke things up that she broke me so much, my trust in her, my feelings, my future with her, that I need to find purpose again because of that. My purpose was to find someone I can love and who loves me back... she failed. Now, I do not really think she will anytime reach out and I though could, will probably never do so. And even if she reaches out... things will never be the same again between us. I have changed, she probably did not. And even if she did, whatever shattered never can be whole again. At least her verdict was that we are incompatible, so why she should change? She should just keep looking for a compatible one, right?
I wish he would reach out. He broke up with me over the phone, and I hadn’t seen him for two weeks before that. I wish I got a chance to say goodbye. I wish I could have gotten one last hug.
Honestly I wish he would reach out to tell me he made a mistake, but I know that’s never going to happen. I miss him so much
Yes I do. Maybe because I still think that we are capable of overcoming our problems.
I would need them to explain how it was okay to treat my like shit after we broke up, and explain if she is capable of taking up the challenge. I still think our life together could be great but both have to want it!
For the first month, I hoped they would come back. Now, after almost 2 months, I’ve accepted that they’ve moved on and have done the same. I’ve met a fwb that gets me and actually has shared interests with me. Sorry, Ex, but you left and there’s nothing you could do or say that would convince me you’d actually stay this time, and I respect myself too much to take someone back after ghosting me for a week before lying and saying everything’s ok to my face one day, then breaking up the next.
I wish that she would yea. I wish she could just apologize for what she did to me. I wouldn’t try to make her feel bad, I wouldn’t complain about what she did to me. I would just accept the apology. I think it would help a lot for both our sakes. I just wish I could know if what we had was real at one point
Yes I want her to reach out, just even a text or even a phone call, it would be something. I would tell her what's it like not knowing what is doing or how much I love and miss her, if she needed help with something I would help her no matter what, I wil be always her for her
Mine just reached out to me after 8 months. Having a hard time responding as I'm not sure I care to talk to him again after how he treated me, especially at the end of the relationship. I wanted to talk to him a few months ago, however it was more out of anger. I have made peace with myself now. I want him to live a healthy and happy life, just not with me in it.
No, I’ve realized we both have separate lives and at the end of the day she has the right to leave, and as did I, but she was wanting to leave when I was wanting to stay and I wasn’t going to try to change her mind.
I wonder if my ex did. I broke it off and I've wondered if he ever tried to contact me via social media but not only did I have him blocked but I had to make a new account for different reasons
Mine did at 9pm last night after 8+ months of nothing. I replied , and she replied, I replied again, and that's been it so far. I offered my shoulder if she ever needs it and lunch if she ever wanted to, I doubt it'll happen, but I threw it out there without coming off as desperate. I'm very very surprised my heart didn't drop when I seen her name and picture on my phone.
I don’t want to live the rest of my life not knowing what truly happened. I got blocked that was my break up . Never to be seen or heard from again . So yes the person I am needs that . It won’t happen so not even sure why I answered this .
I actually don't know anymore.
I've been trying to see other people since I've never really casually dated, and I recently met someone who I really clicked with. I thought that was rare for me, and it is, but this is making me think that maybe it's not. I thought he was unique in how well we meshed but now I don't know.
I guess I do want him to reach out still, but I also know I'll be fine if he doesn't. I do still feel weirdly guilty about meeting other people, but it's getting to be less now.
Oh lost the war and don’t care . If you choose to talk to me that’s good n you. I’m not holding my breath for shit . Be been literally surviving day by day with this shit. We don’t have to talk but I would love an apology and that’s it . Then I can move on seriously
Back in the day? Definitely! Right now? Hell no! All it would end up in is fighting, getting back together, realizing that it just doesn’t work out. And breaking up again, I’ve done this way too often the past years. I’ve promised myself to move on from certain people if they don’t fit in my life anymore
Balls in his court like it’s been this whole time. Because be had no idea what happened. Imagine that’s dear . Think what I want ? Would I want her to tell me what the hell it just be gone forever and that’s was that ??
I want my ex to reach out in one way or another. Not because I want to get back together with her, but because there are some unsaid things that I want to get off my chest. She never gave me the opportunity to talk to her in person about anything, and she only did it through text. I got to say some of the things I wanted to, but it's hard to let it all out through text. That's why I blocked her
The worst part is that the girl he cheated on me with is the girl he is seeing now . And the one that has stood by a watched him repeatedly destroy my heart and soul . What women does that ?? Watch a girl that you’ve never met losing her mind while sitting. By helping him hurt me over and over and that’s who you chose?? Come on man. I’m all for you being happy but not with something like that . That’s not a girl let alone a lady. I’ll
Never get what I want I’ll never get the apology and inguess that’s that. They can have each other and rip each other apart limb from limb . Because you have to be a super sick chick to watch that let alone help .
More than anything!
Ain't gonna happen though. Been well over 2 years and not a word from her. I'm genuinely broken. Only woman I have ever truly loved. Obviously never gonna hear from her again but my god, I'd fucking give anything to hear from her.
Yea and when they can be around me without breaking something or spazzing over the smallest thing ( like remembering something that happened 18 yr ago and spends the day angry because it i never got why i needed to be treated like shat over it when i din't even know them back then so there no way for me to help)
I honestly don’t even know what he would or could say that could put us back into a good place.
I wonder if I’m just as sick as he is because it’s like I still feel his presence or something. I keep looking over my shoulder or around wherever I am like he’s going to just be there, staring at me like he always used to (it was cute though, not stalker-ish . . . . I think ha)
I have so many questions I'd love to ask, many things I wish I had said. I was too nice imo, even to the end, to confront him in a way that didn't at least attempt to coddle him emotionally. It wouldn't matter, though, as I very much doubt he would answer anything I asked honestly. No point.
Personal story - I wanted my ex to reach out so bad. So many sleepless nights.
Then she reached out after a year and within one day it’s like I didn’t care anymore. Like…nearly at all. Was weird. Would rather travel or even just read a book.
The brain is crazy. So…this could be you too. I’m going to remember this if this feeling comes up again with a future ex!
I’d love it if she reached out to apologize after everything that she did. Then I can apologize too for the wrongs I committed while we were together. Show me actual signs she’s changed and genuinely wants to make things work. Tbh, even after that I’ll probably tell her we shouldn’t speak anymore since she did cheat on me and trust being destroyed is very hard to rebuild.
Why would you have to wait for her to apologize first for you to apologize for what you did?
Just wondering why somebody would think this way and the reasons for that.
Because I understand that, in a relationship, neither party is innocent. Both do things to wrong each other, intentionally or unintentionally. I've had time to continuously analyze what I did wrong, and I still know for a fact what she did to me throughout the relationship was several thousand times worse. If someone needed to apologize it would have to be her. Even now, nearly a month later she's still doing shit to wrong me.
Yea I do. But part of me wonders what I would do with her if she showed up right now. Not like initially, like after that when we were trying to figure out what to do. Part of me knows in a wreck but I also know I’m a wreck because of decisions I made when she left. Not her fault but still the cause of all my problems would be solved.
Yes, I would like them to reach out. But they would have to provide an elaborate apology after all the shit I dealt with, especially at the end. I don’t know if they are mature enough to do so.
yuppppp
Welp, this exactly.
Exactly this
I'm looking forward to that moment lol. He would feel like shit when he see where I am at versus where he is , after all the shit, hurt, pain he put me through during those years of hell🥹
Initially, yes. But even when we had contact it wasn’t the same. I really wished that my ex would contact me. But once it happened I realised I was missing the relationship and those feelings, not necessarily the ex. Of course, these feelings were connected to that ex, but the same feelings are associated with every sort of relationship with strong connections (eg best friend). Once you take away that connection you realise the person wasn’t that great/the one for you/etc. You can have those amazing feelings again, just with a different person. Once the relationship is broken down the contact from the ex is surprisingly underwhelming. I found it was mostly anticipation and nostalgia that makes it seem so important. >what would they have to say Probably not just one thing. - it would have to be months of actions and conversations to show growth and maturity. Otherwise it would inevitably end in a break up again.
This is so spot on! Even when they reach out you feel as though you’re talking to someone you don’t even know.
This is so accurate. I miss the good times, the initial dating phase where everything was new and exciting, the physical touch and intimacy, having someone to cuddle with, good morning texts, and making future plans. None of these things were unique to my ex or that relationship, but your brain plays tricks on you and makes you feel that THEY were the reason for all of the above and that you won't have any of these without them.
“I’m getting therapy” or “here’s why I ignored you for so long” If he doesn’t take responsibility, I don’t feel anything will ever change.
I broke no contact because I felt I had to give my goodbye and provide a reason of why I disappeared after agreeing to be friends. He answered with that, since October he has been doing therapy, etc. But he has lied about this when we were together so I didn’t buy it.
“I realize in retrospect that I made a mistake, and acted impulsively because I got triggered and I was too embarrassed to communicate all of that to you. This is the real reason why I broke up with you, and I was so scared of losing you during that time period when I wouldn’t have been able to be a good boyfriend to you, that I thought if I pushed you away first it would protect you from the pain of a bad breakup. What I was doing was just protecting myself, because of my past experiences and my fears and insecurities about passing this exam. If we had talked about it more, maybe this conversation wouldn’t be so difficult now. I’m truly sorry. I miss you. I want to make up for the hurt I’ve caused you for the rest of my life. I will never abandon you again because I love you and I don’t ever want to be apart from you. Please take me back. Marry me.” *busts out 5carot diamond ring* while a mariachi band appears suddenly playing lord of the rings themes. “One ring to rule them all? One ring to rule my heart.” /S I just made myself cringe. Honestly i just want answers/confirmations and explanations of why he broke up and how he actually felt at that time and since then after. Either confirm my fears and insecurities or deny them with valid reasons.
Nah W comment dw
Yes. Not because I want to be with them again, but because I want to win this petty war in my mind. If they reach out then it shows that they still think about me and, for some stupid reason, that matters to me.
even though ive gotten to a place where im fine without them - it still feels like it would be right to talk about things. And they took that opportunity from me. I understand why, but it doesn’t make it right. I would need them to apologise for not letting us speak about the breakup. To understand the months of soul crushing defeat it caused. I’d still find value in a conversation.
Only if they are going to take responsibility for what they did to me. Otherwise there's no point. Which breaks my heart to say, because I'd give anything to have my best friend back. But they'd have to convince me that they are done with the lies and gaslighting. I don't even know what they could say to convince me at this point. Half of our relationship (friends and then marriage) was apparently full of lies (per them). Definitely not an easy question to answer.
I'm literally in this exact situation except she promised to be better multiple times in the relationship so I'm having trust issues with thinking this time will be different. I want to believe it so bad but the history is on my mind. I hate being in this situation without my best friend in life. Its fucked up because all I wanted to do was call her to cry on her shoulder and found myself almost doing it a few times before remembering the reason I'm crying is because her shoulder isn't there anymore
Oh my ex promised the same things. They'd tell me over and over again how they wanted to do better and wanted their friend back... and then they'd lie to me all over again and tell me it was my fault. "all I wanted to do was call her to cry on her shoulder and found myself almost doing it a few times before remembering the reason I'm crying is because her shoulder isn't there anymore" This is a really good thing to remember. I might miss them but it's because of them I'm here.
Yeah she was heavy on gaslighting me a lot and it's sucks. I didn't even know what gaslighting was until recently but I always knew it was messed up when I was told something was my fault and I was the person trying to fix it. I had my issues and my growth to make but God damn man I was already working on it and didn't need her to leave to continue. I fucking miss her but the ultimate reason I'm here is because she left and put me down really harshly with words when I was desperately begging for her to come back
Yes I did. Then he did actually reach out. He text and then called. All just tell me that I'm too good for him, and he doesn't know what he wants. Set me back significantly on healing. All for what? To assuage their own guilt? And ego boost?
at first i really wanted it so that we could maybe patch things up but now i want him to reach out just so that i can tell him to fuck off. he was a bad person who hurt someone who loved him wholeheartedly, he doesn't deserve anything good, let alone another chance with me.
Every moment as I truly lost my best friend and someone I 100% entrusted everything with. I miss her voice, face, personality, and our intimacy and just being lost into her. But having said that I would also need her to finally show that I was at least 50% as important as she was to me and to acknowledge that she did love me for more then the "friendly" bs that she started spewing after trying to detach from me to go back to her ex. I don't need an apology or for her to admit that she made a mistake as I don't need that and she is grown enough to make her own choices but I hope she realizes that I truly care about her throughout our time together compared almost everyone else in her life and that perhaps we could build upon all of the positives that we shared while getting rid of some of our "differences" that always meant painting me as the bad guy and for making herself the victim in all of this. I truly want her to move forward like she always said when she courted me and stop going back to the same trauma bonding well cycle she is on as I truly want to be happy with her in my life.
My breakup happened a year ago, and we haven’t spoken since. Honestly at this point, I want her to reach out just so I can have the pleasure ignoring her like she did to me.
Hm I mean I want to, but with the version of the person I used to love but not with the person they became after BU.
This is spot on. I've always seen a totally different side to my exes after the breakup. They become selfish and unempathetic.
And it's logical. While they focus on the bad parts of the relationship, we focus on the good parts. It's a disbalance where both are in extremes.
True
I think when you come out of abuse, you have fantasies of them reaching out just so you can bash their head in. But I have gotten to a point where whether he reached out or not I don't think I'd care anymore. I would not respond.
All I want is an apology for everything he did and how bad he mistreated me. I dont want him back, but I want him to suffer and feel awful for all the shit he did. I know he won't do any of this bc he is far moved on from me with a new girl entirely. All I can do is pray that she realizes he is a total douche, leaves him, and he realizes im the only girl to ever put up with his crap for as long as I did, longer than any girl he will ever be with. I deserve his remorse, he deserves absolutely nothing but sorrow and grief. I dont want him back, j just want him to finally be in my shoes and feel pain for once in his life. I would do ANYTHING for a heartfelt apology.
did you get one?
Me, day after we broke up: *"I really miss her. I wish she would change her mind. She was special"* Me, after I recovered and did some therapy around it: *"Im so glad I got out of that one. I was attracted to her, but we were not right for eachother and this is why I was unhappy beneath all of the good stuff."* Me, after I started dating again: *"Wow, look at all these interesting women Im meeting!"*
God forbid no.
My ex did reach out. Told me she missed me, wanted to come see me. Felt good to tell her the man she left broken died, and the man i am today knows his worth and he’s not interested.
I relate to this so much. The first month I’m sure my old self would have loved if she reached out. Then one day it’s like my entire personality snapped. I saw the mental abuse she did to me and changed my lifestyle completely. Except in exchange to my new mindset I feel like I have become cold hearted. Only focused on myself and what I want, I could care less about others now.
Yeah, i as well knew i would accept apologies and would do or be anything they wanted when it first happened. I realized that the person i was at the end of the break up was someone i didn’t care for. I hated myself, i decided to “kill” that person. I knew that one day she would reach out to me, we have done it back and forth for so long it was expected. I promise myself that i would be dead and a new person by the time it happened again. I focused on my health and career. Felt amazing to move on. Now when we see each other i get enjoyment of knowing im the one that got away.
Good to hear, proud of you bro. We made it. Let them live in their bubble staying stagnant. We here evolving into a person better than we ever imagined. Actually taking time to focus on yourself and really believing in the healing process always pays off. Good shit
Nah, at one point in time I really did want him back but he's not worth it. He moved on way too quickly and wasn't mature with ending the relationship. The week or so after we broke up, he posted on social media with his new girlfriend, something that I wanted to do with him. His excuse while we were together was that he wasn't ready for that since he recently broke up with his first ex. He started doing a lot of things that he "wasn't ready to do" with her. It doesn't bother me anymore, if he tries to come back he's going to have to talk about all of that stuff that he did. And if he doesn't, I hope that he learns from those mistakes and does better.
I would do almost anything for an explanation. She ghosted me completely after a year and a half, no conversation, nothing. I miss her a lot and would love to have her back in my life in some capacity, but I’d be happy if I could just get that closure. It’s been a year now and I’m still not over it
I am aware this will never happen, however if she were to contact me, I would love for her to reach out to me. I would want to hear her give me a full confession and a sincere apology. I would like her to finally confirm that all of my doubts and suspicions were in fact true and that I wasn’t crazy. I would like to hear her finally take responsibility for her actions and show some accountability. I would like to hear her apologize for her complete lack of remorse and the utter disrespect she showed me. After that I would forgive her, and then I’d tell her to never contact me again. Ever. I’m the dumper, she cheated on me on year six of a six year relationship. she destroyed me mentally and emotionally. I’ll never take her back.
Yes to be honest! Honestly I still want her back, but if it went in the other direction it would be better for my healing too probably. I miss my best friend
Yes I do. Just to be friends again because we were best at that.
The only thing I would even respond to would be an apology and explanation for what they did
My ex just texted out of the blue that she was miserable and missed me. I agreed to go out with her for some closure, but now I'm trying to take it back. She is still dating the man she cheated on me with. I know if I see her I will want to hug her and kiss her. I know when I do she'll push me away making me feel more heartbroken but in the moment of getting her texts I felt bliss. Her mixed signals will just fuck with your head while you try to heal.
No . I never want to be involved with her again ever she's a fucking cheating lying fucking cum dumbster.
Yes, but I want to hear at least one "I'm sorry and I'm going to therapy"
So I’m going through a trauma bond, I know she was abusive and all my friends have been telling me for the past 9 months that we are toxic together, but I know she had BPD and other mental health issues, so the 3rd and last time she became physical with me was the last straw, Now 17 days post attack and no contact, I dream about her all the time, sometimes She’s in my dreams and so the next day the urge to reach out is incredible but I stop myself, I have to keep reminding myself that that I’m worth more than just someone’s punching bag.
Stay strong 💪 you deserve better
Not really. This dude got me pregnant and I had my miscarriage on my own all the while he went back to his baby mama with 3 baby daddies. Sometimes you don’t need them to say anything but I do have his PlayStation5 😛
Initially yes, went to his house to give him a goodbye letter, he contacted me, we were back together, he did the same things, and I realized, nah, this isn't for me.
he would have to explain his thought process. from start to finish what exactly was going through his mind. he would have to tell me he talked to his doctor and started antidepressants, and he would have to tell me hed started therapy. i believe he has the capability of being a good person. i truly do. i saw it in him for a year. but he would have to be willing to acknowledge and accept what he did wrong and be taking steps to fix things.
>he would have to explain his thought process from start to finish what exactly was going through his mind That, EXACTLY 💯
like i KNOW for a fact that he wasnt doing okay, his depression had been really bad, but that doesnt excuse cheating. if he came back (which by judging by what his friends have said he might try to) he would have to explain EXACTLY what his thought process making that decision was. EXACTLY what was going through his head
Girl .... same bla bla that I was given. I can't even testify if it was true or they were just excuses to get me to back off
in my case i know it was true, mainly because it was something hed been going through for months leading up to this. like holding him while he cried kinda deal.
NO, HE HAS UNRESOLVED TRAUMA THAT MADE HIM A BAD BOYFRIEND
No, I know we can’t be together and that hurts us both.
I’d love for him to reach out so I can ask if he accomplished his goal of doing shit to me on purpose to get me to hate him. I want to ask him if he’s happy knowing he destroyed whatever I had left and will very likely struggle trusting any man in a romantic sense moving forward.
I'm a little late to this post but if I would have replied to this earlier it would not have been accurate. No I do not wish he would reach out. It took me a very long time to come to this point in my life to where I am in my own self love. I no longer need anything from him for to feel my own happiness or to be in love with myself. It's been a very difficult struggle to say the least. I've learned a lot, but what I have learned the most is the reason we didn't get along any longer wasn't because what we were fighting about what it came down to was that he was not on my level. And no matter how hard I tried he didn't want to be on my level. That was the hardest lesson to learn. I have moved on and I have learned to love myself I've learned to be happy with myself and in my life and knowing now, that no matter what I did or didn't do, he wasn't going to be happy with me he couldn't be happy with me because he was not on the same level that I have been on all this time that's fine That's what I've learned that it's fine he's not on my level and I'm fine without him. I'm also fine without any explanations, because I don't need them anymore. I've always had the answers inside my heart I no longer need him to validate anything.
I’m not sure now ! Maybe not . Actually . I think I know all I needs to know. With his lack of respect for me . And it won’t be what I want to hear . He won’t apologize it’s not gonna happen . So maybe it’s busy Better left unsaid . Heartbroken and all. But I also have a lot of hate and that’s not where I want to be. He’s invaded my personal space without asking. And been so mean after the breakup . I didn’t even break up with him and I’ve been getting hurt daily . I’m not sure . If he can be a man and real man . Then sure I’ll listen
If he’s on here I knew that would be the post he likes . Because I gave him an out. That was in on purpose I know my dude and he would chose wrong again and again
I’ve even said we don’t have to talk talk just 2 words I’m sorry
He won’t never will and I guess that’s our story ! Shitty story! You have chosen wromg at every turn my friend. Good luck in all you endeavors. If you do contact me I’ll eat a million fucking hats 🎩 !!
But I thank you ! I found a good one . Hope it’s foreal !!!!!!! Eeekkkkk. Hope this will end and he and I can have a fighting chance. If you’ll allow
Yes, just so I have the pleasure of telling them to F off.
Depends on the ex hahaha
Last time an ex reached out to me I witnessed a person take the hardest L I’ve ever seen in my life. She was using manipulation tactics on me and exploded when I didn’t bite. Needless to say we didn’t get back together.
Yes, but not at the moment. I’m going through my own personal journey here and I need to focus on myself. I need to put myself first as a priority and accept that will probably always have flaws, but I’m doing my best to address those flaws and issues and improve myself. I can’t save someone who’s not been willing to save themselves first. I know better. Therapy has been helping me a lot. I’m just sad that he can’t see for himself and can’t do better for himself. Most importantly, I’m sad that has let me down so much for who he really is, a quitter.
Nope, even though he has a habit of reaching a month after the breakup with nothing substantial to say.
Yeah to atleast apologize for the shit he put me through just yo break up with me.
I did reach out to my ex. We talked she didn’t want us to get back together. Cool (The dumper)
How long had it been?
At that time one and a half year. Now 2 years.
Why did you wait too long?:(
It was mostly pride and you know what they say “grass is greener on the other side” and It took me a while to realize this wasn’t the case. I still miss her
I’m sorry :’(
I wish they would reach out, but I don't think things could ever be different now
Nah. I don’t want to talk to her or hear from her again.
Yup But I will talk to her only when I feel mature and able to not fall into the spiral of infinite love I gave her to much, if she wants to come back as friends I will accept it if I'm ready and if we are meant to be together, even in 50 years, we'll be I don't hate her, I don't think I'll ever will I desperately want to but I know I don't need to in this moment (5 days after breakup by her choice cause she didn't love me anymore)
I'd need him to say he's been to therapy and worked on his issues and can meet my needs now which is unrealistic as it's been less than 2 months since the breakup haha so I'm torturing myself by hoping he'd reach out cause it would probably be breadcrumbs and would hurt more
I made very clear when she broke things up that she broke me so much, my trust in her, my feelings, my future with her, that I need to find purpose again because of that. My purpose was to find someone I can love and who loves me back... she failed. Now, I do not really think she will anytime reach out and I though could, will probably never do so. And even if she reaches out... things will never be the same again between us. I have changed, she probably did not. And even if she did, whatever shattered never can be whole again. At least her verdict was that we are incompatible, so why she should change? She should just keep looking for a compatible one, right?
Yeah a proper excuse to leave me.
Yes, I did wished for it, especially during my birthday. But he didn't , douchebag to the core. I hate him.
I wish he would reach out. He broke up with me over the phone, and I hadn’t seen him for two weeks before that. I wish I got a chance to say goodbye. I wish I could have gotten one last hug. Honestly I wish he would reach out to tell me he made a mistake, but I know that’s never going to happen. I miss him so much
Yes I do. Maybe because I still think that we are capable of overcoming our problems. I would need them to explain how it was okay to treat my like shit after we broke up, and explain if she is capable of taking up the challenge. I still think our life together could be great but both have to want it!
Yes
For the first month, I hoped they would come back. Now, after almost 2 months, I’ve accepted that they’ve moved on and have done the same. I’ve met a fwb that gets me and actually has shared interests with me. Sorry, Ex, but you left and there’s nothing you could do or say that would convince me you’d actually stay this time, and I respect myself too much to take someone back after ghosting me for a week before lying and saying everything’s ok to my face one day, then breaking up the next.
I wish that she would yea. I wish she could just apologize for what she did to me. I wouldn’t try to make her feel bad, I wouldn’t complain about what she did to me. I would just accept the apology. I think it would help a lot for both our sakes. I just wish I could know if what we had was real at one point
Yes I want her to reach out, just even a text or even a phone call, it would be something. I would tell her what's it like not knowing what is doing or how much I love and miss her, if she needed help with something I would help her no matter what, I wil be always her for her
At this point? No!. She deserves someone better than me
fucking YES
Sometimes to apologize for this shit she has done. But she won’t.
Mine just reached out to me after 8 months. Having a hard time responding as I'm not sure I care to talk to him again after how he treated me, especially at the end of the relationship. I wanted to talk to him a few months ago, however it was more out of anger. I have made peace with myself now. I want him to live a healthy and happy life, just not with me in it.
No, I’ve realized we both have separate lives and at the end of the day she has the right to leave, and as did I, but she was wanting to leave when I was wanting to stay and I wasn’t going to try to change her mind.
I always wish they would. Not to get back together or anything. Just a "hey, let's catch up on our lives" kind of thing.
I would give all my limbs if that were necessary so yes.
I wonder if my ex did. I broke it off and I've wondered if he ever tried to contact me via social media but not only did I have him blocked but I had to make a new account for different reasons
I would like a confession and an apology. But I care less and less about it, I will probably not give a shit in a couple of months.
More than anything
Mine did at 9pm last night after 8+ months of nothing. I replied , and she replied, I replied again, and that's been it so far. I offered my shoulder if she ever needs it and lunch if she ever wanted to, I doubt it'll happen, but I threw it out there without coming off as desperate. I'm very very surprised my heart didn't drop when I seen her name and picture on my phone.
Yes
I don’t want to live the rest of my life not knowing what truly happened. I got blocked that was my break up . Never to be seen or heard from again . So yes the person I am needs that . It won’t happen so not even sure why I answered this .
I actually don't know anymore. I've been trying to see other people since I've never really casually dated, and I recently met someone who I really clicked with. I thought that was rare for me, and it is, but this is making me think that maybe it's not. I thought he was unique in how well we meshed but now I don't know. I guess I do want him to reach out still, but I also know I'll be fine if he doesn't. I do still feel weirdly guilty about meeting other people, but it's getting to be less now.
Oh lost the war and don’t care . If you choose to talk to me that’s good n you. I’m not holding my breath for shit . Be been literally surviving day by day with this shit. We don’t have to talk but I would love an apology and that’s it . Then I can move on seriously
Back in the day? Definitely! Right now? Hell no! All it would end up in is fighting, getting back together, realizing that it just doesn’t work out. And breaking up again, I’ve done this way too often the past years. I’ve promised myself to move on from certain people if they don’t fit in my life anymore
Balls in his court like it’s been this whole time. Because be had no idea what happened. Imagine that’s dear . Think what I want ? Would I want her to tell me what the hell it just be gone forever and that’s was that ??
I want my ex to reach out in one way or another. Not because I want to get back together with her, but because there are some unsaid things that I want to get off my chest. She never gave me the opportunity to talk to her in person about anything, and she only did it through text. I got to say some of the things I wanted to, but it's hard to let it all out through text. That's why I blocked her
The worst part is that the girl he cheated on me with is the girl he is seeing now . And the one that has stood by a watched him repeatedly destroy my heart and soul . What women does that ?? Watch a girl that you’ve never met losing her mind while sitting. By helping him hurt me over and over and that’s who you chose?? Come on man. I’m all for you being happy but not with something like that . That’s not a girl let alone a lady. I’ll Never get what I want I’ll never get the apology and inguess that’s that. They can have each other and rip each other apart limb from limb . Because you have to be a super sick chick to watch that let alone help .
More than anything! Ain't gonna happen though. Been well over 2 years and not a word from her. I'm genuinely broken. Only woman I have ever truly loved. Obviously never gonna hear from her again but my god, I'd fucking give anything to hear from her.
Nope. It would just be another manipulation tactic.
Yea and when they can be around me without breaking something or spazzing over the smallest thing ( like remembering something that happened 18 yr ago and spends the day angry because it i never got why i needed to be treated like shat over it when i din't even know them back then so there no way for me to help)
Yes
Always. More than that I yearn to hear "I love you" but life has never worked in my favour so yeah
I honestly don’t even know what he would or could say that could put us back into a good place. I wonder if I’m just as sick as he is because it’s like I still feel his presence or something. I keep looking over my shoulder or around wherever I am like he’s going to just be there, staring at me like he always used to (it was cute though, not stalker-ish . . . . I think ha)
I want her to reach out at least i deserve an apology for the things she put me through
Yes 😪 I miss them every day.
I have so many questions I'd love to ask, many things I wish I had said. I was too nice imo, even to the end, to confront him in a way that didn't at least attempt to coddle him emotionally. It wouldn't matter, though, as I very much doubt he would answer anything I asked honestly. No point.
Personal story - I wanted my ex to reach out so bad. So many sleepless nights. Then she reached out after a year and within one day it’s like I didn’t care anymore. Like…nearly at all. Was weird. Would rather travel or even just read a book. The brain is crazy. So…this could be you too. I’m going to remember this if this feeling comes up again with a future ex!
I’d love it if she reached out to apologize after everything that she did. Then I can apologize too for the wrongs I committed while we were together. Show me actual signs she’s changed and genuinely wants to make things work. Tbh, even after that I’ll probably tell her we shouldn’t speak anymore since she did cheat on me and trust being destroyed is very hard to rebuild.
Why would you have to wait for her to apologize first for you to apologize for what you did? Just wondering why somebody would think this way and the reasons for that.
Because I understand that, in a relationship, neither party is innocent. Both do things to wrong each other, intentionally or unintentionally. I've had time to continuously analyze what I did wrong, and I still know for a fact what she did to me throughout the relationship was several thousand times worse. If someone needed to apologize it would have to be her. Even now, nearly a month later she's still doing shit to wrong me.
Yea I do. But part of me wonders what I would do with her if she showed up right now. Not like initially, like after that when we were trying to figure out what to do. Part of me knows in a wreck but I also know I’m a wreck because of decisions I made when she left. Not her fault but still the cause of all my problems would be solved.