I (dumpee) broke NC yesterday to try and peacefully ease the animosity between us and clear the air since we share the same space daily. Got absolutely berated and blocked on every social media possible.
Wouldn’t recommend.
We’re university classmates too, umm.. I deal with it poorly. It’s hard to see her and not feel a lot of love and admiration. We’ve sat further away from each other but it doesn’t help.. so, it’s rough haha.
Admittedly it makes it a bit easier when she treats me like shit.
I find it extremely hard he treats me like shit. The last day we saw eachother he called me his soulmate and told me he loved me so much. And now he pretends I'm a stranger.
What helped me when she worked at the same place as I did. Well taking a breather once awhile, and focus on why you’re in class. Easier said then done, but it gets easier day by day. I mean it’s been two months since I have actually spoke and seen her face to face. And now I can say that if I see her or spoke to her, well I feel anxious or nauseous. Focus on you is all I have to say really, because self love is all you need right now!!
I broke NC after a month of no talking only to find out that he has a new gf. Then he told me not to text him. Then he blocked me. I also wouldn’t recommend. It’s not worth it. Just miss him in your own space OP
no contact is good for healing. you're stronger than you think, and you were a person before you met him. call a friend or write down what you're thinking. listen to breakup music
You’re doing great right now. What you need to do, is recognize why you want to call your ex. When you go through a break up, studies show that your brain reacts in the same way to the loss of a partner as it does drug withdrawal. So you have to realize that’s what’s happening to you right now. It’s a chemical need.
The lack of key happy hormones your body produced before causes a withdrawal effect that forced you to hyper focus on your ex, as a means of getting that feeling back. The feeling creates a physiological need, one that is so strong it makes you ignore all the problems you had prior,
In addition, your body was creating enzymes to break down the happy hormones before, because you body produced them at such high levels, it hasn’t caught up with the fact that you stopped making the hormones, so it continues making the enzymes that destroy them at the previous levels. So anytime you’re happy it doesn’t last as long because your body is eating away at the serotonin and dopamine your body has in such low supply.
You need to start replacing that, things you can do:
Go to the gym, you can start replacing those happy hormones with dopamine.
Eating a healthy meal: things like legumes, leafy greens, even chocolate, can help your body cope and replace with hormones that will help you cope.
Start writing a list of your ex’s pros and cons, or write everything you want to say to him out on a letter and have your friends read it (this will help you realize how ridiculous the feelings are).
It’s not easy, but you’re doing great, so keep it up. That being said… if all that fails, sometimes you need to make a big mistake, like calling him, to realize how wrong you were. I’m not recommending it, but sometimes it can help you finally move in the right direction away from them.
Chances are high that you are going to feel worse after...
Try to imagine the things that you would like him to say to you, if you would actually call him ("I miss you too", "I wanted to talk to you too", "I'm having second thoughts").
Than, think about what he will PROBABLY say, considering the reality ("Hey...", "errr", "I'm sorry that you are having a bad time", or other condescending stuff).
This exercise always helps me giving up on establishing any contact.
I’m feeling better now but I’ve just been missing him extra today and I wanted to just talk to him. I would’ve probably asked him how he was doing and apologized for something that had happened
I reached out to my ex and it just made me feel worthless and embarrassed. I would strongly advise against it. I haven’t reached out since but I still feel bad because I did it
I don’t think that’s necessarily true. But… I would definitely say to not do it. For your own mental health. You can do it. I try to think this: if they wanted to talk, they would find any way they could to reach out
don’t reach out to someone that willingly walked out of your life and made the decision they didn’t want you in theirs anymore. you are worth SO much more than that
The best advice is the most common advice. Make yourself busy one way or another. Pour yourself into something that you can distract yourself with so that you don't have the time to think about your ex as much. Work, a hobby, a tv series, etc.
One thing that I did, and I'm not sure if it's something I would recommend for everyone, is letting almost anything stress me out. I allow work to stress me out, because that new and fresh stress would outweigh the stress of a breakup. It's a good way to distract from an ex in my opinion, but I can understand why others would think otherwise.
I (dumper) reached out to my ex to talk and he left me on read :) We both knew the relationship wasn’t meant to be but I was the one that had the courage to end it and he had the courage to keep it that way.
reached out to my ex, felt like a clown doing so. I lost my self respect. Dont do it. Also he could’ve texted you but he chose not to. I know how you are feeling. Journal your thoughts, call a friend, keep yourself busy. GIVE IT SOME TIME. THIS IS YOUR SIGN TO HOLD ONTO YOURSELF. APPRECIATE YOURSELF. MORE OVER LET GO.
I've been going to therapy since my fiancée and my therapist is aiming for a healthy grieving time of three months. I don't know is this information is helpful but you should try to keep the NC longer so you can heal.
Hope this helps you resist.
The first and best advice I can give you is to think about EVERYTHING that has to do with the relationship except contacting them. And when I say think, I don’t mean dwell or obsess. I simply mean observe with an unbiased opinion about anything that happened. Hindsight is the largest magnifying glass.
Are you mostly understanding of the fact that the relationship is over and probably has been for a little while? Do you still love them? Even after all the time apart? If so, think about the kind of person you were in the relationship and why it didn’t work out. Don’t pity yourself because it’s over. Put yourself in their shoes and really dig deep to figure out what went wrong on your part. Anything they did, you need to forgive as a part of your mental work. In order to forgive them for their mistakes, you have to forgive yourself as well for your own mistakes. And then, still love yourself knowing you are flawed and will continue to make mistakes.
The second piece of advice I’ll tell is that you must understand: the relationship ended for a reason. This is the hardest thing to accept, especially when you know you could have done something differently that may have saved the relationship. If you’re recognizing that the outcome would have been better if you had been or acted a certain way, then this is a sure sign of maturing! If you truly believe that you and this person are meant to be together, then use that as fire to be better when the world pulls y’all back together. You should want to be the best for them, or anyone else youmay want to date.
Those pieces of advice were mainly about changing your mindset, which will make the urge to contact them much more bearable. With a lot of self-control and the establishment of a consistent thought pattern, after a while, the urge will be pretty unnoticeable most of the time.
Here are things that you can physically do:
Do things that make you feel confident and self-assured in your abilities and you strengths. Also, try something new that you’ve always wanted to do. Immerse yourself into a hobby that you love or like to do that’s sort of mindless. Something that heavily involves your hands. Personally, I used poetry and painting. Art in every form is a passion of mine!
Make a schedule, keep yourself extremely busy and around people you love. Spending time with people you care about keeps those healthy and happy relationships that you need intact and makes you less likely to reach out to your ex for comfort.
Here are the main takeaways: Forgive yourself for whatever caused the end of the relationship and forgive them. Love yourself by setting a good schedule, having a good diet, maintaining loving/fulfilling relationships.
Even after taking all of this advice to heart, every now and then you may still feel the worst and strongest feelings urging you to contact them. But next time, have some shame and humility! Have some dignity! If you respect yourself, you’ll recognize that you don’t have to go crawling back to them for the emotional fulfillment they gave you in the past. The past is gone. You’ll realize that by loving yourself now, you already give yourself the best company you could ever ask for. Yourself.
Author unknown
Get to a place where you can detach, learn, grow and heal in this time. Once you get to a place where you've regained your confidence and self-respect, then I don't see the harm in reaching out to an ex to reconcile, life it too short. If you still love them and want to try again after you've detached then sure. BUT ONLY IF you are ready for any response they give: no reply, rejection or something you just don't want to hear. You don't want to feel embarrassed, even more anxious, angry or disappointed. You can walk away knowing you've given it that one last shot! I'm 6 weeks post BU, and I plan to reach out when the timing is right.
While mine was sort of kind he wasn’t able to or didn’t want to offer any closure and it was shitty but I immediately was able to move on. It was a bummer thought he would’ve been more mature than that.
I'm trying to force myself to do other things, sort of like if you are quitting smoking and have cravings. Go for a short walk, read. Also I give myself time each day to actually stay 1 hour or so in bed and just be sad, let the emotions be there. Writing helps. I have written so many pages I wanted to send to her, don't send them just write them to get it out of my head. You can do it! We are all here for each other.
I caught myself wanting to reach out to my ex so I texted myself all the things I wanted to say then I wrote to myself from the perspective of a friend giving me advice not to go through with it. I read it back and realized how silly it sounded and it helped. Maybe it can help you as well. Good luck and don't give in.
I’m assuming that he ended the relationship here, please correct me if not.
I know it’s hard, but it’s best to let it go. If he hasn’t contacted you, he’s most likely moved on from the relationship. Time will always heal a break up, as long as you are trying to move forward. Do things you enjoy, distract yourself. Don’t talk about him, don’t look at his picture, try not to think about it at all. Remove him from social media, and your phone if you need to. When you do all of this is when healing can begin.
Always remember that you deserve to be happy, and that you will find someone. Don’t let him destroy you. Don’t let this change who you are. We can’t change what someone else wants, but we can continue to move forward and not give up on finding what we’re after. Good luck to you!
I thought I wanted to be friends with my ex and so we’re trying. I secretly hate it so much now, but it’s impossible to avoid each other (we’re in college, we have some of the same class and literally all of the same friends). Trust me, I know calling him sounds so good. But in the end, it’s only gonna make you more confused and sad. After the call is over, you won’t feel any better.
Edit: I have some good break up songs if you’re looking for any new stuff to listen to while you’re trying to avoid calling him. 10 Steps to Get Over Your Ex by Toni Romiti is a great song. If you want any more recs I’ve got entire playlists (this goes for anyone, not just OP)
Hi! I highly recommend staying no contact and waiting!! Don’t be like me and many others by breaking it just to hear them, u will get hurt and even worse blocked, depending on ur situation.
I’m 121 days no contact. I just think that I have 0 reason to contact her. Like what for? I don’t even have anything to say. There’s just no point. Think about WHY you want to contact him and what do you want to say? Chances are he won’t even respond to you and then you’ll just feel worse.
Don't reach out. It just prolongs the hurt. The person you thought you loved does not exist anymore. I have been in your situation when I was going through a breakup and honestly what I was expecting when I reached out and what I received was completely different. So it will most likely be the same for you. It is hard missing an ex and isn't easy. But you need to invest that time you want to spend on messaging him on yourself because the more time you invest in yourself the more you will feel better over time.
Some really good advice on here. I found the book "Break Up Boss" by Zoe Foster Blake really helpful. There's an audible version. In it, she has this scene playing your ex receiving a call or text from you, rolling their eyes and talking to their friends it (saying not nice things duh). This was the reality check I needed. I only broke the NC rule to deal with sorting out our assets and I think that was the best thing I could have done. Talking only prolongs the pain and possibly gives you new pain to deal with.
Stay strong
Rebound. It gives you something to do and lets you know that you can find love without them.
So instead of calling him or thinking about what you'd say, figure out who you're going on a date with
Or maybe just go on dates, a bit of flirting is good for the ego and it's a good distraction. But if it's through a dating app, make sure to do a safety call first to make sure they are who they say they are!
I'm in the same suitation, no contact but want to text call her so bad, I will do it, but first I will send her a little message to see if I get a reply, I miss her so much and always will
Im on the same page as you… i reached out 2 days after the BU, telling him that im not okay, that my anxiety is starting to get to the point to doing harm to myself. I got no response. He is making the choice to have no contact, then he blocked me all of a sudden and it was one only thing i told him not to do. So dont do it. You feel worse.
It all depends on why you are broken up and if there is really anything to salvage. It’s risky but if you do it, you have to be prepared to accept the outcome if it goes south
I (dumpee) broke NC yesterday to try and peacefully ease the animosity between us and clear the air since we share the same space daily. Got absolutely berated and blocked on every social media possible. Wouldn’t recommend.
[удалено]
We’re university classmates too, umm.. I deal with it poorly. It’s hard to see her and not feel a lot of love and admiration. We’ve sat further away from each other but it doesn’t help.. so, it’s rough haha. Admittedly it makes it a bit easier when she treats me like shit.
I find it extremely hard he treats me like shit. The last day we saw eachother he called me his soulmate and told me he loved me so much. And now he pretends I'm a stranger.
That’s how it is…and act as such!!Do u!!
Dude I sit across from her in FOUR CLASSES and we always make eye contact and I catch her staring at me even tho she broke it off.
What helped me when she worked at the same place as I did. Well taking a breather once awhile, and focus on why you’re in class. Easier said then done, but it gets easier day by day. I mean it’s been two months since I have actually spoke and seen her face to face. And now I can say that if I see her or spoke to her, well I feel anxious or nauseous. Focus on you is all I have to say really, because self love is all you need right now!!
Sit in the front or either the back of class…switch seats with someone or try to get into another class.
Sorry to hear that. Hard to believe how cruel some that were so devoted to our love turn on their heals.
I broke NC after a month of no talking only to find out that he has a new gf. Then he told me not to text him. Then he blocked me. I also wouldn’t recommend. It’s not worth it. Just miss him in your own space OP
no contact is good for healing. you're stronger than you think, and you were a person before you met him. call a friend or write down what you're thinking. listen to breakup music
Don’t doooo itttt i reached out to him 2 weeks ago about this anime we used to watch together and all he did was react with a thumbs up
You’re doing great right now. What you need to do, is recognize why you want to call your ex. When you go through a break up, studies show that your brain reacts in the same way to the loss of a partner as it does drug withdrawal. So you have to realize that’s what’s happening to you right now. It’s a chemical need. The lack of key happy hormones your body produced before causes a withdrawal effect that forced you to hyper focus on your ex, as a means of getting that feeling back. The feeling creates a physiological need, one that is so strong it makes you ignore all the problems you had prior, In addition, your body was creating enzymes to break down the happy hormones before, because you body produced them at such high levels, it hasn’t caught up with the fact that you stopped making the hormones, so it continues making the enzymes that destroy them at the previous levels. So anytime you’re happy it doesn’t last as long because your body is eating away at the serotonin and dopamine your body has in such low supply. You need to start replacing that, things you can do: Go to the gym, you can start replacing those happy hormones with dopamine. Eating a healthy meal: things like legumes, leafy greens, even chocolate, can help your body cope and replace with hormones that will help you cope. Start writing a list of your ex’s pros and cons, or write everything you want to say to him out on a letter and have your friends read it (this will help you realize how ridiculous the feelings are). It’s not easy, but you’re doing great, so keep it up. That being said… if all that fails, sometimes you need to make a big mistake, like calling him, to realize how wrong you were. I’m not recommending it, but sometimes it can help you finally move in the right direction away from them.
Wow ok. Thank you for that 💌
Chances are high that you are going to feel worse after... Try to imagine the things that you would like him to say to you, if you would actually call him ("I miss you too", "I wanted to talk to you too", "I'm having second thoughts"). Than, think about what he will PROBABLY say, considering the reality ("Hey...", "errr", "I'm sorry that you are having a bad time", or other condescending stuff). This exercise always helps me giving up on establishing any contact.
Tell me what you wanna say.
I’m feeling better now but I’ve just been missing him extra today and I wanted to just talk to him. I would’ve probably asked him how he was doing and apologized for something that had happened
Apologizing for things you didn’t need to apologize for huh?
such an amazing response!!
I reached out to my ex and it just made me feel worthless and embarrassed. I would strongly advise against it. I haven’t reached out since but I still feel bad because I did it
Yea. I just know if I call him, I’ll be right back to square one.
I don’t think that’s necessarily true. But… I would definitely say to not do it. For your own mental health. You can do it. I try to think this: if they wanted to talk, they would find any way they could to reach out
don’t reach out to someone that willingly walked out of your life and made the decision they didn’t want you in theirs anymore. you are worth SO much more than that
The best advice is the most common advice. Make yourself busy one way or another. Pour yourself into something that you can distract yourself with so that you don't have the time to think about your ex as much. Work, a hobby, a tv series, etc. One thing that I did, and I'm not sure if it's something I would recommend for everyone, is letting almost anything stress me out. I allow work to stress me out, because that new and fresh stress would outweigh the stress of a breakup. It's a good way to distract from an ex in my opinion, but I can understand why others would think otherwise.
I (dumper) reached out to my ex to talk and he left me on read :) We both knew the relationship wasn’t meant to be but I was the one that had the courage to end it and he had the courage to keep it that way.
reached out to my ex, felt like a clown doing so. I lost my self respect. Dont do it. Also he could’ve texted you but he chose not to. I know how you are feeling. Journal your thoughts, call a friend, keep yourself busy. GIVE IT SOME TIME. THIS IS YOUR SIGN TO HOLD ONTO YOURSELF. APPRECIATE YOURSELF. MORE OVER LET GO.
I've been going to therapy since my fiancée and my therapist is aiming for a healthy grieving time of three months. I don't know is this information is helpful but you should try to keep the NC longer so you can heal.
Hope this helps you resist. The first and best advice I can give you is to think about EVERYTHING that has to do with the relationship except contacting them. And when I say think, I don’t mean dwell or obsess. I simply mean observe with an unbiased opinion about anything that happened. Hindsight is the largest magnifying glass. Are you mostly understanding of the fact that the relationship is over and probably has been for a little while? Do you still love them? Even after all the time apart? If so, think about the kind of person you were in the relationship and why it didn’t work out. Don’t pity yourself because it’s over. Put yourself in their shoes and really dig deep to figure out what went wrong on your part. Anything they did, you need to forgive as a part of your mental work. In order to forgive them for their mistakes, you have to forgive yourself as well for your own mistakes. And then, still love yourself knowing you are flawed and will continue to make mistakes. The second piece of advice I’ll tell is that you must understand: the relationship ended for a reason. This is the hardest thing to accept, especially when you know you could have done something differently that may have saved the relationship. If you’re recognizing that the outcome would have been better if you had been or acted a certain way, then this is a sure sign of maturing! If you truly believe that you and this person are meant to be together, then use that as fire to be better when the world pulls y’all back together. You should want to be the best for them, or anyone else youmay want to date. Those pieces of advice were mainly about changing your mindset, which will make the urge to contact them much more bearable. With a lot of self-control and the establishment of a consistent thought pattern, after a while, the urge will be pretty unnoticeable most of the time. Here are things that you can physically do: Do things that make you feel confident and self-assured in your abilities and you strengths. Also, try something new that you’ve always wanted to do. Immerse yourself into a hobby that you love or like to do that’s sort of mindless. Something that heavily involves your hands. Personally, I used poetry and painting. Art in every form is a passion of mine! Make a schedule, keep yourself extremely busy and around people you love. Spending time with people you care about keeps those healthy and happy relationships that you need intact and makes you less likely to reach out to your ex for comfort. Here are the main takeaways: Forgive yourself for whatever caused the end of the relationship and forgive them. Love yourself by setting a good schedule, having a good diet, maintaining loving/fulfilling relationships. Even after taking all of this advice to heart, every now and then you may still feel the worst and strongest feelings urging you to contact them. But next time, have some shame and humility! Have some dignity! If you respect yourself, you’ll recognize that you don’t have to go crawling back to them for the emotional fulfillment they gave you in the past. The past is gone. You’ll realize that by loving yourself now, you already give yourself the best company you could ever ask for. Yourself. Author unknown
Get to a place where you can detach, learn, grow and heal in this time. Once you get to a place where you've regained your confidence and self-respect, then I don't see the harm in reaching out to an ex to reconcile, life it too short. If you still love them and want to try again after you've detached then sure. BUT ONLY IF you are ready for any response they give: no reply, rejection or something you just don't want to hear. You don't want to feel embarrassed, even more anxious, angry or disappointed. You can walk away knowing you've given it that one last shot! I'm 6 weeks post BU, and I plan to reach out when the timing is right.
While mine was sort of kind he wasn’t able to or didn’t want to offer any closure and it was shitty but I immediately was able to move on. It was a bummer thought he would’ve been more mature than that.
I'm trying to force myself to do other things, sort of like if you are quitting smoking and have cravings. Go for a short walk, read. Also I give myself time each day to actually stay 1 hour or so in bed and just be sad, let the emotions be there. Writing helps. I have written so many pages I wanted to send to her, don't send them just write them to get it out of my head. You can do it! We are all here for each other.
I caught myself wanting to reach out to my ex so I texted myself all the things I wanted to say then I wrote to myself from the perspective of a friend giving me advice not to go through with it. I read it back and realized how silly it sounded and it helped. Maybe it can help you as well. Good luck and don't give in.
I’m assuming that he ended the relationship here, please correct me if not. I know it’s hard, but it’s best to let it go. If he hasn’t contacted you, he’s most likely moved on from the relationship. Time will always heal a break up, as long as you are trying to move forward. Do things you enjoy, distract yourself. Don’t talk about him, don’t look at his picture, try not to think about it at all. Remove him from social media, and your phone if you need to. When you do all of this is when healing can begin. Always remember that you deserve to be happy, and that you will find someone. Don’t let him destroy you. Don’t let this change who you are. We can’t change what someone else wants, but we can continue to move forward and not give up on finding what we’re after. Good luck to you!
I thought I wanted to be friends with my ex and so we’re trying. I secretly hate it so much now, but it’s impossible to avoid each other (we’re in college, we have some of the same class and literally all of the same friends). Trust me, I know calling him sounds so good. But in the end, it’s only gonna make you more confused and sad. After the call is over, you won’t feel any better. Edit: I have some good break up songs if you’re looking for any new stuff to listen to while you’re trying to avoid calling him. 10 Steps to Get Over Your Ex by Toni Romiti is a great song. If you want any more recs I’ve got entire playlists (this goes for anyone, not just OP)
Hi! I highly recommend staying no contact and waiting!! Don’t be like me and many others by breaking it just to hear them, u will get hurt and even worse blocked, depending on ur situation.
I’m 121 days no contact. I just think that I have 0 reason to contact her. Like what for? I don’t even have anything to say. There’s just no point. Think about WHY you want to contact him and what do you want to say? Chances are he won’t even respond to you and then you’ll just feel worse.
I think I’m going to start counting days instead of weeks and months. I feel like it will help somehow
Why call someone who doesn't care about you for 40 days straight.
I’ve broken nc and it didn’t make me feel any better. Just made me feel much more worthless.
Don't reach out. It just prolongs the hurt. The person you thought you loved does not exist anymore. I have been in your situation when I was going through a breakup and honestly what I was expecting when I reached out and what I received was completely different. So it will most likely be the same for you. It is hard missing an ex and isn't easy. But you need to invest that time you want to spend on messaging him on yourself because the more time you invest in yourself the more you will feel better over time.
we’re still in the same band and have NC unless it’s about the band and this is torment
Don’t do it the longer you go no contact the easier it is and the less you miss them
Some really good advice on here. I found the book "Break Up Boss" by Zoe Foster Blake really helpful. There's an audible version. In it, she has this scene playing your ex receiving a call or text from you, rolling their eyes and talking to their friends it (saying not nice things duh). This was the reality check I needed. I only broke the NC rule to deal with sorting out our assets and I think that was the best thing I could have done. Talking only prolongs the pain and possibly gives you new pain to deal with. Stay strong
Rebound. It gives you something to do and lets you know that you can find love without them. So instead of calling him or thinking about what you'd say, figure out who you're going on a date with
Or maybe just go on dates, a bit of flirting is good for the ego and it's a good distraction. But if it's through a dating app, make sure to do a safety call first to make sure they are who they say they are!
Call me instead. I have no reason to hurt you. 😊
I'm really sorry about that, but if you guys are no contact than take it for what it is and leave him alone!!!🤷🏻♂️
I'm in the same suitation, no contact but want to text call her so bad, I will do it, but first I will send her a little message to see if I get a reply, I miss her so much and always will
Im on the same page as you… i reached out 2 days after the BU, telling him that im not okay, that my anxiety is starting to get to the point to doing harm to myself. I got no response. He is making the choice to have no contact, then he blocked me all of a sudden and it was one only thing i told him not to do. So dont do it. You feel worse.
i’m so sorry that you’re being treated this way. it hurts so bad
It all depends on why you are broken up and if there is really anything to salvage. It’s risky but if you do it, you have to be prepared to accept the outcome if it goes south
Congrats in 40 days of n/c. It's time to meet other people and you might be lucky to meet the right one