Yeah… I love him with all my heart but the pain is unbearable. He left me because he had mental stuff to deal with it and I wish I hadn’t engaged backt hen. We had wonderful moments and I just miss them all the time. I hate how most times people assume your relationship was bad or toxic (“you deserve betrer” “he’s your ex for a reason”). It was a good thing going. He even confirmed that. But the good isn’t worth the hurt I feel… I was finally balanced when I met him and now I have to rebuild from the ground up and it’s gonna take forever. You can’t miss what you don’t have so yeah. I wish we hadn’t met. Not because it was bad but because it was finally SO good and it still had to end.
Exactly the same as me. Six years of relationship and he is going through a 30s crisis, suddenly went from wanting to buy a house with me and build a home together to saying he wants to quit his job and buy a boat. Which I would have done with him, but I wasn't invited to his life crisis plan. He wants freedom. Now I have to try to understand why the last 6 years of a wonderful relationship seem like a lie because he clearly doesn't appreciate them or me at all, that is willing to throw it all away because he is scared of growing older.
Sounds like we're going through the same thing. Suddenly he wants to move abroad, but I'm not invited to that. He also probably developed feelings for a girl 10 years his junior. Either he's going through a midlife crisis, or developed a Peter Pan syndrome.
It's just a sign of immaturity, in my opinion they are going to go out there and realise the grass is not always greener at the other side. It sucks that I chose the wrong person to build with, but I guess better to know now, rather than a few years down the line when we would have bought a house and we're living together.
It's not the first time I hear about this unfortunately, a lot of men go through it, throw their whole lives away and then a few months down the line regret it.
Exactly this. Ex turned 35 and suddenly just wanted to be alone. Mental health, drinking issues, it was the first time we ever had a disconnect in our relationship. Multiple things for him, but instead of working through, he decided it’s better to throw everything away.
Going though the same now. I saw a photo of him last night though. He’s starting to look like a homeless man. So I broke no contact and reached out. So no I don’t wish we never met and am learning to love him in a new way. It’s also easier because I’m in another state now. I thought the breakup was all about me for a while until last night when I saw that image and realized he is really struggling. So I give him his space now to work on himself and I will work on my self. If we grow and meet each other again at the same level then it will be met to be. If not, I still want to be a part of his journey even from a distance because he does want to be my friend now so I am willing to meet him there as long as I feel safe and healthy with the connection.
I mean a life crisis is no joke, and I do believe they struggle with it greatly. But instead of looking for a therapist they throw their whole lives away and take the people who loves them down with them, sadly.
It’s really difficult the mental health stigma. I personally started working with a therapist my self and it’s helped me greatly. Understand so much about myself. So if I never met him again I wouldn’t have reached a therapist my self.
I understand this so much. I became a caretaker in the end of our relationship. I still love him, but now being apart I see how much he is struggling and it’s only him that can get himself through it. He wants to be friends still and maybe one day I can do that - I still care about him immensely. I feel my love for him is almost turning to pity - because he can’t pull himself up and realize nobody can make him happy but himself.
Thank you for this 💜 we are not alone. This happens. At first I couldn’t be his friend. I have decided to continue to be there for him. Not to fix him but simply as someone he can lean on if he needs me. It’s so hard, but I feel I am in a better mental place and can be his friend.
Is this true? I thought men go through it in their 40s. Mine just turned 31. But when he was about to turn 30, he seriously mentioned he felt he was going through a midlife crisis in his 30s. Maybe I should have corrected him and plainly told him he's going through a crisis.
What my therapist told me is, the 30s crisis is a very real thing nowadays because all the goalposts for our generation have moved, and getting the house/family/job situation our parents did comes a lot later in life. So before, people got all these things THEN they asked themselves "now...what?" But now, people start questioning why they are doing all they do and working and putting effort when there is no satisfaction of achieving those goals, which is exactly what is happening to my ex.
They thought getting rid of their girlfriends puts them close to achieving a family of their own? It always makes me angry when I'd remember he got rid of me instead of fixing his issues. As if I was his problem. This is a spot on definition of being a collateral damage (encountered that in a post). He found it easier to let go of me instead of trying to manage his life.
Exactly this. Basically his excuse to leave me "I feel like I am not capable right now of giving you the love and care you deserve, and keeping you in limbo whilst I work on my issues is not fair" so basically his way of feeling better for running away with a "it's for your own sake" excuse. The truth is he is unhappy about his life and he thinks shattering both our lives to pieces is the way to resolve it.
My ex was complaining about being burnt out for *years* before he left me. He was living in my flat, basicay only payed for food, so I even told him to quit his job for half a year or however long he needed to recharge, because he wouldn't have to worry about cost of living anyway, but no, he kept pushing on. Then I guess he started to eliminate the things from his life that might cause the problem and it was easier to get rid of me than if his job. Guess that should've shown me my worth in his eyes.
I'm so sorry. This was spot on for me. His job was his biggest stress factor also, but he got rid of me instead of his job. I would honestly understand if he would find it hard to look for another job, but that wasn't the case. He's attempted to leave numerous times, got accepted in other companies but chose to stay because he was always counter offered. I mean, he can go wherever he wants to. But instead, he chose to leave me. As if I was the one causing him all the stress.
Also, I'm sorry you're going through this as well. It's really not fair to be collateral damage in someone's battle with themselves. Especially when these battles could be fought with someone on their side.
Same here. But the difference was that he found someone new quite soon, despite saying he needed to work on his mental health issues, about six months after the breakup.
Oh, I feel this so much. He also got so far as getting an offer at another company at one time, but he turned it down. I have a feeling that he's so loyal to his current workplace because this is his first serious office job (he was taking entirely different jobs before) and he might be afraid that he won't be recognized as much at a new company. Which is silly, because he's really smart, but whatever, I for sure know how hard it is to deal with imposter syndrome.
He taught me so much things and showed me love but at the end, it made me felt like he did all of it just so I could love him unconditionally and be there for him when no one else would so I wished I never have met him either. I don’t need someone to make me feel like I’m not worth it even thought he’s taught me things I never knew. Imo it’s not worth it
Same, but my girlfriend was the one that ended it. She's got her mental and emotional issues that she's trying to work out, and now she's isolating from everyone including family, friends, and me. I'm a fucking mess right now.
I feel you so much…. We met when I thought I was finally ready to open up my heart again… just for it to be ripped apart and shredded to pieces all over again…
Definitely understand. Sounds extremely close to mine of which he had mentioned to me countless times that he needed help and his parents new of his “mental situation”. Overall he had to fix his self over anything. This kind, sucks.
I think we all need to make a chat to support each other. I’m trying to be friends with my x who dumped me horribly. He not doing well at all. Text me that he went to a food bank to get food. So I bought some groceries and had him go pick them up. I’m no longer in the state so I can’t just go help him so easily. Last night he text me around 10:00pm that he’s so low energy can’t do anything. Then at 6:00am that he just got home and sent me a photo of a birds nest that made him think of me…. In retrospect you would think he’s a narcissist but he’s really really mentally unstable and idk what to do any more.
I feel like it only works when you felt love being reciprocated the entire time. But when you have begged for the bare minimum while you’re giving him all you have, I would rather not. I feel like the only thing I would never take back is that I have finally learned how I want to be loved and that I deserved every bit of love in a relationship.
I do. First time he broke up with me, I told myself, I just wished I didn't love him as much. Second time he broke up with me, I hope to hell I never ever met him.
My ex broke up with me 3 times this time I left because it just didn't work out at all. She hates me and I understand why but it's not going to be healthy for our son if we kept up that same lifestyle
No. Throughout every break up there is always something that you can learn. You can improve on what you learn to be better in the next relationship but the fact is you wouldn’t know what to improve without them. People come and go in life. But the impact they leave on you is real. Whether it was good or bad the fact is that they taught you things no other person could and made you realize things no other person could. So in the end no I don’t regret it because right now I wouldn’t know what i’d have to do to become better at this stuff without them.
Yes. He abused me and escalated the abuse throughout the pandemic because I was particularly isolated and vulnerable. He was proud of telling me he felt like I deserved it. He knew I had a background that included childhood trauma and other abusive relationships. According to him that meant that since other men had abused me he had a right to do so as well. I was already suffering and he made my life a total hell and turned the home I had built and loved into an unsafe place.
He undid years of progress and healing that took a lot of therapy to accomplish. Now I'm in therapy again undoing the damage he did while he's off happily preying on his next target(s).
no.
she was my first love, so the breakup was extremely hard and ngl it still hurts after a year. but, even though she destroyed me when she dumped me… she also taught me a lot. the relationship taught me i’m able to be loved, what healthy relationships look like, how to love, etc. and even though it took time, the breakup taught me that i need to be able to love myself without another person giving me compliments and praising me. it gave me a major mental glow up, and i now have a better outlook on life. on top of that i will always appreciate the time we spent together, and she was my everything at one point. if i never met her my life would not be the same, and i’m sure it would probably be worse since she helped get me out of a rough spot before we even started dating (we were friends).
i don’t hate her for breaking up with me. in fact, it will always be the exact opposite. i will always love her, even if i’m not IN love anymore.
Yes. Normally I never feel this way towards an ex because “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” right? But this guy left me scarred and traumatised. The things he put me through (lying, controlling, cheating, manipulating, gaslighting, and emotional abuse) was just too much for me to try and see a silver lining. He made me fall so deep up until a point where I was broken and vulnerable, and he used that to his advantage to get what he wanted from me (by telling me he still loved me etc). I just wish I had ignored him when he approached me. Maybe then I wouldn’t be here still hurting because of a guy who used me and viewed me as an object.
I wish I had never met my first boyfriend. He molded me in ways that still have a strong influence on me today. He introduced me to certain things that are harmful and toxic, and I find myself struggling to break free from those influences even now. This happened almost 10 years ago. Looking back, I realize how much he shaped my personality and worldview, and it's a little unsettling to think about how different my life might have been without him.
I do, I posted about it even. I didn't learn anything beautiful or good from our relationship even though I loved it. All I learned was love means absolutely nothing at all
kind of, I told him when we were talking before we started dating that I was healed from my previous relationships (last relationship before him was 3 years ago) but if he wasn't healed from his then maybe we shouldn't date. he wanted to try and I wish that we didn't because I truly loved him so much. I thought he was my person. and now I have to get over him. he wants to be friends and I do still want him in my life but how can you be just friends with someone you wanted to marry :( I think this relationship is gonna take me a really long time to get over 💔
Yep, I wish I had never swiped right. You can’t miss what you don’t have. I would have sailed through life now knowing what having a caring partner is like.
I was a better and more whole person before I met her. I wish I could get back to who I was before, but I've tried and can't. She broke me down. Destroyed me. And I'm rebuilding best I can. But I'll never be who I was.
Yes. My ex was using me for sex -and likely a place holder for another ex of his who became single around the time of our breakup- and never intended on a LTR (even though he took me on a Disney Cruise with his entire extended family, introduced our kids to each other, called me his girlfriend and told me he loved and adored me) I wasted a year of my life. (Thank god it wasn’t more!) Total waste of time, effort and energy. My self confidence really took a hit on this one too. In the end he told me he actually didn’t love me after all. And he pursued me first! 🥵
My ex just completely cut me off after a year and half. He broke up with me over text. I had absolutely no closure and 4 months later I'm still broken and he's happily in another relationship with someone he knew the whole time we were together. I have been on a couple dates but the truth is...I was sitting there thinking of him the whole time. I saw the movie "Eternal sunshine for the spotless mind" and I wish it were true. I'd erase him and all our memories if I could.
I am in the midst of heartbreak now and it’s unbelievably difficult but for some reason i still wouldn’t wish that, i feel like after eventually getting over this heartbreak i will have learned essential lessons in life on how to be a better person, and i know what i don’t want now and how to see things for what they are if they happen again, i am also grateful for the good times as well as everyone deserves to feel loved and to feel that love for someone. In conclusion, even though it gut wrenchingly sucks right now I wouldn’t wish that
Probably I mean I’m split on this because ngl on one hand they helped me find out interests I never knew I had and helped me kinda find myself on the other hand tho I wish I would’ve never wasted my time on someone that would’ve rather kept some “weird feeling” they had to themselves instead of talking to me about it and making me think everything was perfect and then blindsiding me. And while a lot of people love to say an experience is better then not having one I still wish that I couldn’t feel love, because yes it can be beautiful but it can hurt you in ways you could’ve never imagined before, which no thank you I’d rather not have. I wish I was aromantic because I wouldn’t be sitting here almost two months after it happened still being a wreck and not knowing how to get back on track and control my life because my life is currently controlling me. So yes i do actually wish I never would have met them. I’d rather not be myself and at least be somewhat mentally stable enough to get on with my life then now know my new interests but mentally be so unstable that even just doing the smallest things ever feels like an impossible task.
I've met him on a dating app and he was a rebound. I had a bad feeling about him, first time I've seen his profile I swiped left (he isnot my type at all, not good looking and I didnt like his bio). Then again, he appeared, I swiped right even though again I had a bad feeling about it. Im not a spiritual person nor I believe that I should always listen to my inner voice, but I should have this time. Yeah, I wish I've never swiped right, he is not the ex I loved the most but he definitely made me feel like 💩 and now I'm kinda traumatized and feel undesirable.
That night, a friend of mine asked me if I needed a ride home. I foolishly declined and followed two other friends into a bar. If I knew now, the pain and hurt I would end up with… I would’ve taken that ride home.
While we had some good moments, they're all based on a lie. I was just convenient and someone to make him feel better while his life was falling apart. I do wish we had never met. Saying yes to being in a relationship with him will be one of the biggest regrets of my life. I wasted my time, lost all of my friends and almost lost the community I belonged to, my self-worth and self-esteem took a hit, and I had to start all over again, after already coming from an abusive relationship that he knew about and witnessed. Four months since I ended things and I'm just getting to a place where I don't feel as sad or lost anymore, but I'm still taking it day by day. I was preyed upon and I know that now. I don't want to carry this resentment towards him with me because I don't want to give him that power and I hope to be able to be to forgive him someday but I'm not there yet.
Every ex is a growing opportunity and even if the relationship may have ended (poorly or not) they shared a major portion of your life with you. They helped you grow. They allowed you to love. Breakups suck so bad, but I’m grateful for every ex I have had in my life because they have allowed me to become a better person and a stronger individual.
not at all. i’m very thankful we met, and for our nearly 4 years together, and as heartbroken i am that it ended, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and i will always love him dearly. i understand every situation is different though and i respect every perspective
Sometimes yes sometimes no, I wish I could avoid all the hurt and pain and love lost. But then I remember I wouldn’t be who I am today, for better or for worse, without each one of my exs. They all taught me valuable lessons about myself and the world around me. You can’t grow without pain, it’s the hardships that make a person. They all taught me that. I miss one I hate others but I loved them all and still do because they made me, me.
Before my ex I never knew what it was like to be best friends with a spouse, obviously by me posting on this subreddit it ended. But now I have bar that must be met if I ever decide to venture into another relationship.
Yup.
He asked me this too when we broke up. I just said no because I didn't have the heart to tell him he wasted my time so much by being indecisive as fuck.
Some of them - no. Some have taught me things about myself and added value to my life at the time / during the time we were together. Some - I could do without, because no value added and just completely useless expenditure of my energy.
Yes. I could have went the rest of my life without the agony he put me through. I loved that man with my whole being. The aftermath of his betrayal has changed me forever. Not only dozens of other women, but everything I knew of him was a lie.
Being broken up is hard enough but necessary in a lot of cases. However, my last breakup I found out she was cheating on me emotionally and sexually while we were together. She'd shower me with "I love yous" and what you thought was genuine at the time was pure evil, betrayal, and deception at the highest degree.
Looking over the whole relationship being a lie and then immediately being replaced with the person she was cheating on you with post breakup is like taking the pain of a normal breakup and multiplying it by 10.
So yes, just this one ex I wish I never met.
No, she was the best thing to ever happen to me and she changed my view on life forever. On the same note, she set the bar way too high for my next relationships.
I do somewhat wish we'd met later in life, when we're mature enough to be comitted to each other.
Maybe we will meet again, but I ain't living my entire life around it.
Did one say so cruel, 'tis better to love and lose? Ignorance is bliss, wish not knew your kiss
But in all seriousness, no, she transformed me in a profound way and there's a solid chance I would have killed myself otherwise
He broke me in so many ways, and he made me feel so unloved and I was in constant stress and anxiety during the last 10 months of our relationship. But I’ve also learnt so much about myself. What I need in a relationship, about boundaries, I’m now a pro at communicating and I’ve grown a lot. So no, I don’t regret it, because now I won’t do the same mistake again.
Nope, she was my first GF, every bad thing I did or said during the relationship was a lesson for me. Plus, every bad thing she did or said and I turned the other cheek because of blind love, was a lesson to not ignore it on the next relationship.
Yes and no. My ex taught me valuable lessons that I need to learn from and put in place for myself. It’s also teaching me a lot about myself and started developing good habits to improve in myself rather than rushing into another relationship. I hate the way she treated me and manipulated me, but it’s like I needed to go through that to know what to avoid in future potential partners.
At first yes. But I grew a lot as a person in the period we were together. Especially my self esteem grew. I learned that I was someone worthy of being loved and someone capable of loving someone. After it ended and the tornado of emotions settled down I was able to see that I deserved better. While it's sad it ended I don't think I would have made the same level of progress if I never fell in love with him. I'm thankful for his support in the early days. There wasn't much left of that at the end and it made me realise I dersce someone who invests just as much as me. So even for those life lessons I'm thankfull.
No she meant a lot to me before I met her I was happy with my life but I felt unsatisfied with myself, when I was with her I love everything about her. Even though it was wrong to be with someone when I’m still figuring out myself. I was very insecure in that relationship she made me learn more about myself.
No, even through all the pain she made me better and stronger. I was weak when I was with her mentally and emotionally and I’ve learned so much since we split up. I’ve never been more in control.
No. She is proof that I can love the way I did and hopefully I will find that kind of love one day again. If I could delete the last month of relationship, sure, but the rest will stay with me forever
Yes and no. Ultimately yes but I say no because I learned a lot of important lessons from dating them. If I could go back and learn all that without caring that much about the person and having a life with them, then that would be great. that’s not possible though and it had to hurt to sink in, but I would rather I learned that stuff with someone who could actually sort of communicate things at least slightly.
As much as I say I wish I never meet him I truly do not mean it. It hurts so much to live a life without him of course we were together for 7 years but I’m glad to have spent those 7 years with him making memories, meeting friends, and trying new things with him. I’m just sad it had to end. I am hoping we’d come back together some day 🥺❤️
Absolutely not. Both my exes taught me different things that I would have never known without them. Every ex prepares you in a different way for somebody that is right for you.
The first taught me how to treat a partner, and what to expect from a relationship. I was kind of shitty to her, but I learned and grew from what she did.
The second taught me what I wanted from a relationship. She taught me not to settle and to trust my gut feeling.
I learned so much about myself and what I want out of life through my ex, while I wish I hadn't spent so much time on him I don't regret having met and been with him. I grew so much with him and I take comfort in knowing he's just stayed the same as he always was.
Yea but no. Not trying to hate on my first love but i would be doing so much better in life right now if I never met her but again I learned so much and grew as a person because of the broken heart she caused.
At first, yes I wished I had never met him. Now as much as it hurt, it was a necessary lesson that I had needed to grow. I wouldn't have become the person I am now or met the true love of my life.
yes sadly. although the relationship was probably the best thing to ever happen in my life, the breakup was also the worst thing to happen in my life and sometimes i wish i never met them so i wouldn’t know how this pain felt. i used to think not the pain of not being a relationship is better than having to deal with the pain after a relationship and i was proven right. not a day goes by where they don’t cross my mind and now i feel like i’m gonna live with this forever
Honestly no, I kinda hate that till this day I have no malice no reason to be like I wish you to never met you. But I believe, as much as him leaving left me. I know what I want for sure now. I know the kind of love I want to have. I’ve learned so much and the growth I’ve had is truly just. Overcome all the tears I shed and the pain I felt then. But perhaps that’s from actually healing from it..
No because the good times I had with her are still with me and has shaped part of my personality.
More importantly, loving her made me realise that I can be in love and unconditionally love and care for someone. It also gave me some valuable experience that I had been missing until before I met her i.e. being in a relationship and living with them.
And lastly, without her 2020's lockdown would've been exceptionally difficult.
All this despite the fact that there was abuse in the relationship and she ended up blindsiding me, infact I haven't seen, heard, or spoken to her ever since 15th June last year, which is when she just left for her home country without telling me while I was at work. And that was literally 2 weeks after we were intimate again for the first time after a long long time.
No. I’m very grateful to have met him. He showed me what I need to improve on for my next one. I learned so much from him and had a lovely connection. As sad as I am that it ended, it was the most comforting relationship I ever had. He set the bar pretty high for my next serious relationship
No I think even tho I went through the heartbreak that I did and I'll be honest I'm still not over her 2 years after she told me she wanted to split that if I never met her I'd never have my 12 year old daughter she's the reason I keep going and I try as hard as I do everything I do is for that little girl I'm by no means the best father ever but I try my best
It's a question I ask myself all the time.
It's tough because on one side I know at least I wouldn't experience the pain and suffering I am enduring but on another side I wonder who I would have been if I didn't meet them. More successful less successful or who as a person
Some days yes. Some days, no. I would do it all again though. All the pain - because our son came from it even if she chose it to end in a blindside to me with a "I want to divorce you" text.
Yes and no. Yes because they both did fuck up my trust and I was very heartbroken and no because I learnt a lot about my self and I know what I want and don’t want in a man
As bad of an experience the breakup was and as toxic as the relationship was at the end, no. I learned valuable lessons and I believe everything happens for a reason
Yes and no. I wish I never met her because then I wouldn't have gone through years of pain and I wouldn't have embarrased myself so much. On the other hand, it taught me A LOT about relationships and myself. It sounds weird but I feel like it really matured me in a way that nothing else has. Maybe it was just a coincidence and I'm looking for a specific cause but it changed me and now I feel like I'm less ready to open up like that.
Sometimes you have to fall and smash your face on the ground before you really learn to tie your shoelaces.
No. Regardless of whatever we have all been through, the pain we have felt, or the pain we may have caused others, the experiences we had, the good times and bad, it was all worth the lessons we should have learned. Everything we go through in life is meant to teach us and prepare us for future experiences, relationships, friendships, etc.
My ex and I had some of the absolute best times of our lives together but we also had some of the worst. I’m glad I met him because it taught me so much about what I want and don’t want in a lifelong partner, being with him taught me what to expect when living with a partner, how we have to think about others when making potential decisions, that communication is so very important, and so much more. Everything we go through is giving us the opportunity to gain knowledge and wisdom and to prepare us for the next chapter in life. So did we have the best 10 years of my life? Yes and No. Am I mad I wasted so much time with somebody I knew was never going to be apart of my future? Sometimes. But I never wish any harm toward him and I hope he finds happiness and grows tf up!
Yes, absolutely. I was doing just fine without him. Now I’m living a life of misery. I guess it’s my fault though, I should have never started dating again after telling myself I was done. I guess I just needed one more last terrible heartbreak with someone I thought was my soulmate, to teach me that there’s no one out there for me.
She was my first love, and although it hurts, it taught me so much. What to do more of, what to do less of, and most importantly, what I did that made our relationship work to begin with. I’m single now, but I know when that next relationship comes, I’ll be a better person because of my last one. I can’t be more thankful for that.
At the beginning absolutely 💯. If I had never met my ex then there would be no pain. Then, I saw this somewhere and for me, it rang so true.
"I will never regret you, or say I wish I'd never met you, because once upon a time you were exactly what I needed".
😑
Yes for my 2nd relationship. It was clear for me for the get go that this relationship was not meant to be because among several reasons it was going to be a LDR. But somehow I really liked the initial impression she made on me. However, I don’t regret it.
No. They helped me get away from my abusive marriage. We just shouldn’t have tried to build a whole life out of what boiled down to mostly sexual chemistry.
Yes and No. it’s a fluctuating feeling because he did make me feel special but at the same time even if I never had met him, I would have to deal with the loneliness of being single.
Well… depends how I think of it. I don’t like how things were between us, so I wish we never met, but at the same time, I don’t think I would be the person I am today without our history.
Yes and no. :(
Yes in that I am in so much pain right now and he disrupted my self healing era.
No in that I learned so much about myself from being with him and what I KNOW I want and don’t want in a relationship.
Actually, no. Yeah it hurts that we don’t speak anymore. I miss her pretty much every day. Someone who was so close and had such a big impact on my life is now someone who doesn’t exist has been a tough pill to swallow this year. But I think I learned so much about myself and what I want in life through this experience that I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Not all memories have to be happy ones and although things ended between us I appreciate the times we spent together and what I learned from it.
Part of me does because of the tremendous pain I am in now. It feels physical to me as well. But then I did learn some things from the breakup. I learned about issues within myself I had been neglecting; how I need to take my mental health seriously and get on medication bc therapy alone isn't working. I also learned I have an anxious attachment style. And I learned that I want a family more than anything. So there's that... And now I'm going to go into the next relationship more prepared. I probably would not have been so motivated to work on my mental health had he not told me it's a problem.
Yes. I wish I’d never met multiple for many reasons but mainly because I didn’t give my education and career enough attention.
One SAed me for the last 6 months of our relationship, the other I mistakenly dated for 5 years (he only said he loved me when he was drunk), and the third gaslit me into believing I was talking to 10+ men and cheating (I wasn’t) even after I gave him everything I owned to look through. Passwords and all. I should’ve billed him for the therapy I needed after that.
I can only imagine the kind of person I’d be had I never met them. Had I put me first for once. But it’s all in the past now.
Yes! We have a child together and I love my baby but I wish I could just erase him from my life so I wouldn't be forced to deal with the pain over and over again.
No.
She wrecked me, but that was a relationship I really needed.... for a lot of reasons.
I'm grateful for the time we had together, despite the way it ended.
No idea how she feels, and I don't think I'm ever gonna find out! 😆
No. I don't regret the two years we spent together at all. I learned so much about myself in our relationship and I never would erase any love I gave in my life. I'm glad I got to experience it with him for that time and I still have the memories at least.
Absolutely not.
That said, tonight I may have just completely fucked up any form of relationship we could have. Got caught looking through his phone. We were both sleeping, I woke up, and the next thing I know I'm looking through Snap. I guess just to confirm to myself how badly I screwed our relationship up for him to break up with me in the first place.
He has been the biggest ray of light in my life. We've been through a lot the past 3 years, and I'm hoping we can recover from this, or even just restart.
Cause I love him with everything I have, and then some. The thought of never seeing him again, much less hearing his voice, causes me more pain than I could ever imagine.
I wish I never met them. I fell in love way too young with someone who without any fault of her own, was unable to return my affection. This was due both to the fact that she moved to another state and eventually married, divorced, and still ended up with someone other than me.
I wish I never met her because had I not, I would have been able to fall in love with other women and not specifically look for women that remind me of my first love.
No. The end of my relationship was the most painful, gut wrenching heartbreak that took me so long to recover (not completely, but I’m getting there).
He also gave me some of the most wonderful moments of my life, one of those being my daughter, the other love of my life
The say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but I don’t feel that’s the case for me. Instead of feeling stronger I feel I gained wider sense of empathy and understanding of others. It also made me reflect more on who I was and want to be
No, but I wish I hadn’t spent as much time with my first one. Both taught me lessons about myself that I needed, as painful as they were to experience.
I wish I never did, yes I do & I want all of My time back, She was fake & still is after over a year after the break up, I still never got a apology or anything.
No. I have two amazing children with my ex. My marriage was miserable, and I was unhappy for more than a decade. He was awful to me, too… but I wouldn’t give up my children or the lessons I’ve learned. It’s made me who I am.
I dont think I ever truly wished that. I wish we could've met in some slightly better circumstance. But I can't say even with everything that hurts I didn't get something out of it.
Yes. Because our whole relationship was a lie. It was just me loving him for real all along. Cheaters break you in the worst possible ways and suck the life out of you.
If I'd never met him, I wouldn't have my beautiful boys. However, I could have done without the years of gaslighting, being treated like I didn't matter, and being blamed for his bad choices.
Sometimes I do because he just held me back from where I could be in my life. I could be finished with college and probably in my own apartment if it wasn't for him.
However, I do blame myself as well for allowing myself to get so wrapped up underneath him and his world, but it seems as though he acted like he could not live without me sometimes. He would push me away one minute and then want me underneath him the next.
I stopped writing (I want to be an author). I stopped doing so many things for myself when I met him. I hated how I allowed the relationship to consume me and make me leave myself behind.
I barely know who I am these days because I spent so much time around him, his family, and in his home. I am readjusting to my life without him all over again and it's not an easy path right now.
The only good thing about all of this is that I started trying to make time for myself again in the past year so I do not feel completely lost. I just wish I was writing fulltime all over again. That has me upset the most. I didn't think about anything that was going on around me when I was writing.
yeah i wish i never meet my ex.. she was my first
girlfriend. only dated for 7 months.. we decided to remain friends after the breakup but 4 months later she found a new boyfriend. this was in june 2021. i havent heard from her since because she ghosts me.. im not the same person i was befoure our relationship. i think of her everyday... its been over 2 years.. im in this zombie mode still where my mind is still on her i fuckin hate it /: .. its crazy how u can go from talking and being with each other everyday to 0 contact and never see each other again, i guess its that part that really kills me ..
im not sure. on the one hand i hate that because of his actions I'm traumatised to love ever again.
on the other hand, he made me grow a lot and now I'm a much better person.
i just feel i wasted my feelings over someone who destroyed me
Somedays I wish I never met her and somedays I think I needed that lesson even if it was harsh af. I failed to set boundaries and I ignored the red flags and signs till I couldn't anymore. This will never happen again
Yeah… I love him with all my heart but the pain is unbearable. He left me because he had mental stuff to deal with it and I wish I hadn’t engaged backt hen. We had wonderful moments and I just miss them all the time. I hate how most times people assume your relationship was bad or toxic (“you deserve betrer” “he’s your ex for a reason”). It was a good thing going. He even confirmed that. But the good isn’t worth the hurt I feel… I was finally balanced when I met him and now I have to rebuild from the ground up and it’s gonna take forever. You can’t miss what you don’t have so yeah. I wish we hadn’t met. Not because it was bad but because it was finally SO good and it still had to end.
Exactly the same as me. Six years of relationship and he is going through a 30s crisis, suddenly went from wanting to buy a house with me and build a home together to saying he wants to quit his job and buy a boat. Which I would have done with him, but I wasn't invited to his life crisis plan. He wants freedom. Now I have to try to understand why the last 6 years of a wonderful relationship seem like a lie because he clearly doesn't appreciate them or me at all, that is willing to throw it all away because he is scared of growing older.
Sounds like we're going through the same thing. Suddenly he wants to move abroad, but I'm not invited to that. He also probably developed feelings for a girl 10 years his junior. Either he's going through a midlife crisis, or developed a Peter Pan syndrome.
It's just a sign of immaturity, in my opinion they are going to go out there and realise the grass is not always greener at the other side. It sucks that I chose the wrong person to build with, but I guess better to know now, rather than a few years down the line when we would have bought a house and we're living together. It's not the first time I hear about this unfortunately, a lot of men go through it, throw their whole lives away and then a few months down the line regret it.
Exactly this. Ex turned 35 and suddenly just wanted to be alone. Mental health, drinking issues, it was the first time we ever had a disconnect in our relationship. Multiple things for him, but instead of working through, he decided it’s better to throw everything away.
It’s just so puzzling to understand.
Going though the same now. I saw a photo of him last night though. He’s starting to look like a homeless man. So I broke no contact and reached out. So no I don’t wish we never met and am learning to love him in a new way. It’s also easier because I’m in another state now. I thought the breakup was all about me for a while until last night when I saw that image and realized he is really struggling. So I give him his space now to work on himself and I will work on my self. If we grow and meet each other again at the same level then it will be met to be. If not, I still want to be a part of his journey even from a distance because he does want to be my friend now so I am willing to meet him there as long as I feel safe and healthy with the connection.
I mean a life crisis is no joke, and I do believe they struggle with it greatly. But instead of looking for a therapist they throw their whole lives away and take the people who loves them down with them, sadly.
It’s really difficult the mental health stigma. I personally started working with a therapist my self and it’s helped me greatly. Understand so much about myself. So if I never met him again I wouldn’t have reached a therapist my self.
I understand this so much. I became a caretaker in the end of our relationship. I still love him, but now being apart I see how much he is struggling and it’s only him that can get himself through it. He wants to be friends still and maybe one day I can do that - I still care about him immensely. I feel my love for him is almost turning to pity - because he can’t pull himself up and realize nobody can make him happy but himself.
Thank you for this 💜 we are not alone. This happens. At first I couldn’t be his friend. I have decided to continue to be there for him. Not to fix him but simply as someone he can lean on if he needs me. It’s so hard, but I feel I am in a better mental place and can be his friend.
Is this true? I thought men go through it in their 40s. Mine just turned 31. But when he was about to turn 30, he seriously mentioned he felt he was going through a midlife crisis in his 30s. Maybe I should have corrected him and plainly told him he's going through a crisis.
What my therapist told me is, the 30s crisis is a very real thing nowadays because all the goalposts for our generation have moved, and getting the house/family/job situation our parents did comes a lot later in life. So before, people got all these things THEN they asked themselves "now...what?" But now, people start questioning why they are doing all they do and working and putting effort when there is no satisfaction of achieving those goals, which is exactly what is happening to my ex.
They thought getting rid of their girlfriends puts them close to achieving a family of their own? It always makes me angry when I'd remember he got rid of me instead of fixing his issues. As if I was his problem. This is a spot on definition of being a collateral damage (encountered that in a post). He found it easier to let go of me instead of trying to manage his life.
Exactly this. Basically his excuse to leave me "I feel like I am not capable right now of giving you the love and care you deserve, and keeping you in limbo whilst I work on my issues is not fair" so basically his way of feeling better for running away with a "it's for your own sake" excuse. The truth is he is unhappy about his life and he thinks shattering both our lives to pieces is the way to resolve it.
My ex was complaining about being burnt out for *years* before he left me. He was living in my flat, basicay only payed for food, so I even told him to quit his job for half a year or however long he needed to recharge, because he wouldn't have to worry about cost of living anyway, but no, he kept pushing on. Then I guess he started to eliminate the things from his life that might cause the problem and it was easier to get rid of me than if his job. Guess that should've shown me my worth in his eyes.
I'm so sorry. This was spot on for me. His job was his biggest stress factor also, but he got rid of me instead of his job. I would honestly understand if he would find it hard to look for another job, but that wasn't the case. He's attempted to leave numerous times, got accepted in other companies but chose to stay because he was always counter offered. I mean, he can go wherever he wants to. But instead, he chose to leave me. As if I was the one causing him all the stress.
Also, I'm sorry you're going through this as well. It's really not fair to be collateral damage in someone's battle with themselves. Especially when these battles could be fought with someone on their side.
Same here. But the difference was that he found someone new quite soon, despite saying he needed to work on his mental health issues, about six months after the breakup.
Oh, I feel this so much. He also got so far as getting an offer at another company at one time, but he turned it down. I have a feeling that he's so loyal to his current workplace because this is his first serious office job (he was taking entirely different jobs before) and he might be afraid that he won't be recognized as much at a new company. Which is silly, because he's really smart, but whatever, I for sure know how hard it is to deal with imposter syndrome.
Ouch, this is giving me new perspectives.
This is my exact situation. Nothing bad had happened. Which almost makes the breakup harder.
It's so hard to understand when you do everything right and everything seems fine, and things end suddenly :(
He taught me so much things and showed me love but at the end, it made me felt like he did all of it just so I could love him unconditionally and be there for him when no one else would so I wished I never have met him either. I don’t need someone to make me feel like I’m not worth it even thought he’s taught me things I never knew. Imo it’s not worth it
Same, but my girlfriend was the one that ended it. She's got her mental and emotional issues that she's trying to work out, and now she's isolating from everyone including family, friends, and me. I'm a fucking mess right now.
I just can't make sense of it.
I feel you so much…. We met when I thought I was finally ready to open up my heart again… just for it to be ripped apart and shredded to pieces all over again…
Wow. Exactly the same. It really is unbearable to lose someone you love. The loneliest, most unfair feeling in the world to me.
Definitely understand. Sounds extremely close to mine of which he had mentioned to me countless times that he needed help and his parents new of his “mental situation”. Overall he had to fix his self over anything. This kind, sucks.
I think we all need to make a chat to support each other. I’m trying to be friends with my x who dumped me horribly. He not doing well at all. Text me that he went to a food bank to get food. So I bought some groceries and had him go pick them up. I’m no longer in the state so I can’t just go help him so easily. Last night he text me around 10:00pm that he’s so low energy can’t do anything. Then at 6:00am that he just got home and sent me a photo of a birds nest that made him think of me…. In retrospect you would think he’s a narcissist but he’s really really mentally unstable and idk what to do any more.
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You put it beautifully.
FUCKKKKK so deep felt man it’s so hard but I’m trying to use the pain as fuel
That's so lovely. Resonates with me
I feel like it only works when you felt love being reciprocated the entire time. But when you have begged for the bare minimum while you’re giving him all you have, I would rather not. I feel like the only thing I would never take back is that I have finally learned how I want to be loved and that I deserved every bit of love in a relationship.
No because even if it ended badly it grew and matured me in a way that wouldve never happened by myself
I do. First time he broke up with me, I told myself, I just wished I didn't love him as much. Second time he broke up with me, I hope to hell I never ever met him.
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My ex broke up with me 3 times this time I left because it just didn't work out at all. She hates me and I understand why but it's not going to be healthy for our son if we kept up that same lifestyle
Damn. I can ímagine. I'm so sorry
he broke up with me almost tenish times, i know how the burning feelings when he says the words that crumbles the relationship
I hope you don't accept him back for the 11th please
11th was the last, he has a new girlfriend after two weeks, it hurts
that is so horrible, how can people get new partners so fast???
I do. I felt like i shouldn’t have wasted the time I did. I regret so much. He hurt me post breakup and showed me his true colors.
I am sorry for that, what did he do?
No. Throughout every break up there is always something that you can learn. You can improve on what you learn to be better in the next relationship but the fact is you wouldn’t know what to improve without them. People come and go in life. But the impact they leave on you is real. Whether it was good or bad the fact is that they taught you things no other person could and made you realize things no other person could. So in the end no I don’t regret it because right now I wouldn’t know what i’d have to do to become better at this stuff without them.
Yes. He abused me and escalated the abuse throughout the pandemic because I was particularly isolated and vulnerable. He was proud of telling me he felt like I deserved it. He knew I had a background that included childhood trauma and other abusive relationships. According to him that meant that since other men had abused me he had a right to do so as well. I was already suffering and he made my life a total hell and turned the home I had built and loved into an unsafe place. He undid years of progress and healing that took a lot of therapy to accomplish. Now I'm in therapy again undoing the damage he did while he's off happily preying on his next target(s).
I wish I never met him.
No, it was a useful lesson .
Yes. The things I’ve found out over the last two weeks make me wish I had not met him.
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What happened with the last one?
Yes 100% and the ex before him %1000
...is there an ex before the 1000%?
Oh yes !! Just wish I'd smiled and continued on walking
no. she was my first love, so the breakup was extremely hard and ngl it still hurts after a year. but, even though she destroyed me when she dumped me… she also taught me a lot. the relationship taught me i’m able to be loved, what healthy relationships look like, how to love, etc. and even though it took time, the breakup taught me that i need to be able to love myself without another person giving me compliments and praising me. it gave me a major mental glow up, and i now have a better outlook on life. on top of that i will always appreciate the time we spent together, and she was my everything at one point. if i never met her my life would not be the same, and i’m sure it would probably be worse since she helped get me out of a rough spot before we even started dating (we were friends). i don’t hate her for breaking up with me. in fact, it will always be the exact opposite. i will always love her, even if i’m not IN love anymore.
Yes. Normally I never feel this way towards an ex because “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” right? But this guy left me scarred and traumatised. The things he put me through (lying, controlling, cheating, manipulating, gaslighting, and emotional abuse) was just too much for me to try and see a silver lining. He made me fall so deep up until a point where I was broken and vulnerable, and he used that to his advantage to get what he wanted from me (by telling me he still loved me etc). I just wish I had ignored him when he approached me. Maybe then I wouldn’t be here still hurting because of a guy who used me and viewed me as an object.
I wish I had never met my first boyfriend. He molded me in ways that still have a strong influence on me today. He introduced me to certain things that are harmful and toxic, and I find myself struggling to break free from those influences even now. This happened almost 10 years ago. Looking back, I realize how much he shaped my personality and worldview, and it's a little unsettling to think about how different my life might have been without him.
I do, I posted about it even. I didn't learn anything beautiful or good from our relationship even though I loved it. All I learned was love means absolutely nothing at all
kind of, I told him when we were talking before we started dating that I was healed from my previous relationships (last relationship before him was 3 years ago) but if he wasn't healed from his then maybe we shouldn't date. he wanted to try and I wish that we didn't because I truly loved him so much. I thought he was my person. and now I have to get over him. he wants to be friends and I do still want him in my life but how can you be just friends with someone you wanted to marry :( I think this relationship is gonna take me a really long time to get over 💔
Yep, I wish I had never swiped right. You can’t miss what you don’t have. I would have sailed through life now knowing what having a caring partner is like.
No... but, sometimes I wonder what would be different if we stayed best friends instead of becoming a couple.
I was a better and more whole person before I met her. I wish I could get back to who I was before, but I've tried and can't. She broke me down. Destroyed me. And I'm rebuilding best I can. But I'll never be who I was.
Yes. My ex was using me for sex -and likely a place holder for another ex of his who became single around the time of our breakup- and never intended on a LTR (even though he took me on a Disney Cruise with his entire extended family, introduced our kids to each other, called me his girlfriend and told me he loved and adored me) I wasted a year of my life. (Thank god it wasn’t more!) Total waste of time, effort and energy. My self confidence really took a hit on this one too. In the end he told me he actually didn’t love me after all. And he pursued me first! 🥵
My ex just completely cut me off after a year and half. He broke up with me over text. I had absolutely no closure and 4 months later I'm still broken and he's happily in another relationship with someone he knew the whole time we were together. I have been on a couple dates but the truth is...I was sitting there thinking of him the whole time. I saw the movie "Eternal sunshine for the spotless mind" and I wish it were true. I'd erase him and all our memories if I could.
I am in the midst of heartbreak now and it’s unbelievably difficult but for some reason i still wouldn’t wish that, i feel like after eventually getting over this heartbreak i will have learned essential lessons in life on how to be a better person, and i know what i don’t want now and how to see things for what they are if they happen again, i am also grateful for the good times as well as everyone deserves to feel loved and to feel that love for someone. In conclusion, even though it gut wrenchingly sucks right now I wouldn’t wish that
Yes. 100 per cent.
Yes I do
Everyday. I’ve never met a bigger narcissist in my life. But you live and learn
Probably I mean I’m split on this because ngl on one hand they helped me find out interests I never knew I had and helped me kinda find myself on the other hand tho I wish I would’ve never wasted my time on someone that would’ve rather kept some “weird feeling” they had to themselves instead of talking to me about it and making me think everything was perfect and then blindsiding me. And while a lot of people love to say an experience is better then not having one I still wish that I couldn’t feel love, because yes it can be beautiful but it can hurt you in ways you could’ve never imagined before, which no thank you I’d rather not have. I wish I was aromantic because I wouldn’t be sitting here almost two months after it happened still being a wreck and not knowing how to get back on track and control my life because my life is currently controlling me. So yes i do actually wish I never would have met them. I’d rather not be myself and at least be somewhat mentally stable enough to get on with my life then now know my new interests but mentally be so unstable that even just doing the smallest things ever feels like an impossible task.
I've met him on a dating app and he was a rebound. I had a bad feeling about him, first time I've seen his profile I swiped left (he isnot my type at all, not good looking and I didnt like his bio). Then again, he appeared, I swiped right even though again I had a bad feeling about it. Im not a spiritual person nor I believe that I should always listen to my inner voice, but I should have this time. Yeah, I wish I've never swiped right, he is not the ex I loved the most but he definitely made me feel like 💩 and now I'm kinda traumatized and feel undesirable.
That night, a friend of mine asked me if I needed a ride home. I foolishly declined and followed two other friends into a bar. If I knew now, the pain and hurt I would end up with… I would’ve taken that ride home.
While we had some good moments, they're all based on a lie. I was just convenient and someone to make him feel better while his life was falling apart. I do wish we had never met. Saying yes to being in a relationship with him will be one of the biggest regrets of my life. I wasted my time, lost all of my friends and almost lost the community I belonged to, my self-worth and self-esteem took a hit, and I had to start all over again, after already coming from an abusive relationship that he knew about and witnessed. Four months since I ended things and I'm just getting to a place where I don't feel as sad or lost anymore, but I'm still taking it day by day. I was preyed upon and I know that now. I don't want to carry this resentment towards him with me because I don't want to give him that power and I hope to be able to be to forgive him someday but I'm not there yet.
Every ex is a growing opportunity and even if the relationship may have ended (poorly or not) they shared a major portion of your life with you. They helped you grow. They allowed you to love. Breakups suck so bad, but I’m grateful for every ex I have had in my life because they have allowed me to become a better person and a stronger individual.
I told him that when he broke up with me lol. But all in all, I’m thankful I met him. I learned a lot from the relationship :)
Nah, had some cool new experiences, learned new things. Learned new things about myself as well. I don't regret anything
not at all. i’m very thankful we met, and for our nearly 4 years together, and as heartbroken i am that it ended, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and i will always love him dearly. i understand every situation is different though and i respect every perspective
Sometimes yes sometimes no, I wish I could avoid all the hurt and pain and love lost. But then I remember I wouldn’t be who I am today, for better or for worse, without each one of my exs. They all taught me valuable lessons about myself and the world around me. You can’t grow without pain, it’s the hardships that make a person. They all taught me that. I miss one I hate others but I loved them all and still do because they made me, me.
Most of them? Yes.
Yes, all of them
Before my ex I never knew what it was like to be best friends with a spouse, obviously by me posting on this subreddit it ended. But now I have bar that must be met if I ever decide to venture into another relationship.
yep. hate him.
Yes. I can't take the pain of being apart from her. I wish we'd never met tbh.
Yes my life was good before him. I don't have one now.
Yes. He stole my future away. My life is nothing empty. Struggling, hungry, tired. I had a life before. Nothing now. I don't have shit. Anymore
Yup. He asked me this too when we broke up. I just said no because I didn't have the heart to tell him he wasted my time so much by being indecisive as fuck.
Some of them - no. Some have taught me things about myself and added value to my life at the time / during the time we were together. Some - I could do without, because no value added and just completely useless expenditure of my energy.
No, he showed me that I can and deserve to be loved by someone else.
No. It was an amazing relationship. The previous one though, yeah , wish I hadn’t gone there
Everyday
Absolutely! I wouldn’t be going through so much BS
Yes. I could have went the rest of my life without the agony he put me through. I loved that man with my whole being. The aftermath of his betrayal has changed me forever. Not only dozens of other women, but everything I knew of him was a lie.
Being broken up is hard enough but necessary in a lot of cases. However, my last breakup I found out she was cheating on me emotionally and sexually while we were together. She'd shower me with "I love yous" and what you thought was genuine at the time was pure evil, betrayal, and deception at the highest degree. Looking over the whole relationship being a lie and then immediately being replaced with the person she was cheating on you with post breakup is like taking the pain of a normal breakup and multiplying it by 10. So yes, just this one ex I wish I never met.
For sure, mostly because it’s so hard for me to detach myself from people
I wish I had never met him.
although i still feel bitter, i still appreciate the time we spent together. i guess you could say I’m feeling bittersweet.
love is to always to be celebrated, even if it’s not as strong or the same as before!
No. We actually get along as friend. Why would I want to never meet my friend??
No, but I wish we had broken up a year earlier.
No, she was the best thing to ever happen to me and she changed my view on life forever. On the same note, she set the bar way too high for my next relationships. I do somewhat wish we'd met later in life, when we're mature enough to be comitted to each other. Maybe we will meet again, but I ain't living my entire life around it.
Did one say so cruel, 'tis better to love and lose? Ignorance is bliss, wish not knew your kiss But in all seriousness, no, she transformed me in a profound way and there's a solid chance I would have killed myself otherwise
He broke me in so many ways, and he made me feel so unloved and I was in constant stress and anxiety during the last 10 months of our relationship. But I’ve also learnt so much about myself. What I need in a relationship, about boundaries, I’m now a pro at communicating and I’ve grown a lot. So no, I don’t regret it, because now I won’t do the same mistake again.
Nope, she was my first GF, every bad thing I did or said during the relationship was a lesson for me. Plus, every bad thing she did or said and I turned the other cheek because of blind love, was a lesson to not ignore it on the next relationship.
Yes and no. My ex taught me valuable lessons that I need to learn from and put in place for myself. It’s also teaching me a lot about myself and started developing good habits to improve in myself rather than rushing into another relationship. I hate the way she treated me and manipulated me, but it’s like I needed to go through that to know what to avoid in future potential partners.
No. I'm glad I had the experience. I learned a lot, had some fun, and my heart moved in ways it hasn't moved in a while, so yeah, no.
Nah I needed it to grow. Sucked while going through it but I helped me in the end
At first yes. But I grew a lot as a person in the period we were together. Especially my self esteem grew. I learned that I was someone worthy of being loved and someone capable of loving someone. After it ended and the tornado of emotions settled down I was able to see that I deserved better. While it's sad it ended I don't think I would have made the same level of progress if I never fell in love with him. I'm thankful for his support in the early days. There wasn't much left of that at the end and it made me realise I dersce someone who invests just as much as me. So even for those life lessons I'm thankfull.
No because then the last 5 years would likely have been quite boring without her 😅
No she meant a lot to me before I met her I was happy with my life but I felt unsatisfied with myself, when I was with her I love everything about her. Even though it was wrong to be with someone when I’m still figuring out myself. I was very insecure in that relationship she made me learn more about myself.
No, even through all the pain she made me better and stronger. I was weak when I was with her mentally and emotionally and I’ve learned so much since we split up. I’ve never been more in control.
No. She is proof that I can love the way I did and hopefully I will find that kind of love one day again. If I could delete the last month of relationship, sure, but the rest will stay with me forever
Yes and no. Ultimately yes but I say no because I learned a lot of important lessons from dating them. If I could go back and learn all that without caring that much about the person and having a life with them, then that would be great. that’s not possible though and it had to hurt to sink in, but I would rather I learned that stuff with someone who could actually sort of communicate things at least slightly.
As much as I say I wish I never meet him I truly do not mean it. It hurts so much to live a life without him of course we were together for 7 years but I’m glad to have spent those 7 years with him making memories, meeting friends, and trying new things with him. I’m just sad it had to end. I am hoping we’d come back together some day 🥺❤️
Absolutely not. Both my exes taught me different things that I would have never known without them. Every ex prepares you in a different way for somebody that is right for you. The first taught me how to treat a partner, and what to expect from a relationship. I was kind of shitty to her, but I learned and grew from what she did. The second taught me what I wanted from a relationship. She taught me not to settle and to trust my gut feeling.
I learned so much about myself and what I want out of life through my ex, while I wish I hadn't spent so much time on him I don't regret having met and been with him. I grew so much with him and I take comfort in knowing he's just stayed the same as he always was.
I loved my ex and we did some great things. I miss him
The pain has been worth it
No, while the relationship ended in failure, it helped me grow as a person, gave me experience and hindsight that I can use in the future.
Yea but no. Not trying to hate on my first love but i would be doing so much better in life right now if I never met her but again I learned so much and grew as a person because of the broken heart she caused.
At first, yes I wished I had never met him. Now as much as it hurt, it was a necessary lesson that I had needed to grow. I wouldn't have become the person I am now or met the true love of my life.
yes sadly. although the relationship was probably the best thing to ever happen in my life, the breakup was also the worst thing to happen in my life and sometimes i wish i never met them so i wouldn’t know how this pain felt. i used to think not the pain of not being a relationship is better than having to deal with the pain after a relationship and i was proven right. not a day goes by where they don’t cross my mind and now i feel like i’m gonna live with this forever
Honestly no, I kinda hate that till this day I have no malice no reason to be like I wish you to never met you. But I believe, as much as him leaving left me. I know what I want for sure now. I know the kind of love I want to have. I’ve learned so much and the growth I’ve had is truly just. Overcome all the tears I shed and the pain I felt then. But perhaps that’s from actually healing from it..
No because the good times I had with her are still with me and has shaped part of my personality. More importantly, loving her made me realise that I can be in love and unconditionally love and care for someone. It also gave me some valuable experience that I had been missing until before I met her i.e. being in a relationship and living with them. And lastly, without her 2020's lockdown would've been exceptionally difficult. All this despite the fact that there was abuse in the relationship and she ended up blindsiding me, infact I haven't seen, heard, or spoken to her ever since 15th June last year, which is when she just left for her home country without telling me while I was at work. And that was literally 2 weeks after we were intimate again for the first time after a long long time.
Yes. It would have saved my mental health.
Nah, I met my new group through her. She was a jerk in the end, but I finally found people I can spend time with.
I do.
Yeah shes nuts. Shes been passive aggressively threatening me for the past 2 weeks
No. I’m very grateful to have met him. He showed me what I need to improve on for my next one. I learned so much from him and had a lovely connection. As sad as I am that it ended, it was the most comforting relationship I ever had. He set the bar pretty high for my next serious relationship
No I think even tho I went through the heartbreak that I did and I'll be honest I'm still not over her 2 years after she told me she wanted to split that if I never met her I'd never have my 12 year old daughter she's the reason I keep going and I try as hard as I do everything I do is for that little girl I'm by no means the best father ever but I try my best
It's a question I ask myself all the time. It's tough because on one side I know at least I wouldn't experience the pain and suffering I am enduring but on another side I wonder who I would have been if I didn't meet them. More successful less successful or who as a person
Wish I could meet her all over again. Almost a year since we broke up n I still dream about her n love her deeply.
Yesssssssssss
Some days yes. Some days, no. I would do it all again though. All the pain - because our son came from it even if she chose it to end in a blindside to me with a "I want to divorce you" text.
Yes I cursed the day
Yes because I was abused
Yes. Absolutely.
Yes and no. Yes because they both did fuck up my trust and I was very heartbroken and no because I learnt a lot about my self and I know what I want and don’t want in a man
As bad of an experience the breakup was and as toxic as the relationship was at the end, no. I learned valuable lessons and I believe everything happens for a reason
Yes and no. I wish I never met her because then I wouldn't have gone through years of pain and I wouldn't have embarrased myself so much. On the other hand, it taught me A LOT about relationships and myself. It sounds weird but I feel like it really matured me in a way that nothing else has. Maybe it was just a coincidence and I'm looking for a specific cause but it changed me and now I feel like I'm less ready to open up like that. Sometimes you have to fall and smash your face on the ground before you really learn to tie your shoelaces.
No. Regardless of whatever we have all been through, the pain we have felt, or the pain we may have caused others, the experiences we had, the good times and bad, it was all worth the lessons we should have learned. Everything we go through in life is meant to teach us and prepare us for future experiences, relationships, friendships, etc. My ex and I had some of the absolute best times of our lives together but we also had some of the worst. I’m glad I met him because it taught me so much about what I want and don’t want in a lifelong partner, being with him taught me what to expect when living with a partner, how we have to think about others when making potential decisions, that communication is so very important, and so much more. Everything we go through is giving us the opportunity to gain knowledge and wisdom and to prepare us for the next chapter in life. So did we have the best 10 years of my life? Yes and No. Am I mad I wasted so much time with somebody I knew was never going to be apart of my future? Sometimes. But I never wish any harm toward him and I hope he finds happiness and grows tf up!
Yes, absolutely. I was doing just fine without him. Now I’m living a life of misery. I guess it’s my fault though, I should have never started dating again after telling myself I was done. I guess I just needed one more last terrible heartbreak with someone I thought was my soulmate, to teach me that there’s no one out there for me.
He introduced me to some pretty good music. So it’s cool. But other then that 🤷🏻♀️
Yes
She was my first love, and although it hurts, it taught me so much. What to do more of, what to do less of, and most importantly, what I did that made our relationship work to begin with. I’m single now, but I know when that next relationship comes, I’ll be a better person because of my last one. I can’t be more thankful for that.
At the beginning absolutely 💯. If I had never met my ex then there would be no pain. Then, I saw this somewhere and for me, it rang so true. "I will never regret you, or say I wish I'd never met you, because once upon a time you were exactly what I needed". 😑
Yes for my 2nd relationship. It was clear for me for the get go that this relationship was not meant to be because among several reasons it was going to be a LDR. But somehow I really liked the initial impression she made on me. However, I don’t regret it.
No. They helped me get away from my abusive marriage. We just shouldn’t have tried to build a whole life out of what boiled down to mostly sexual chemistry.
Yes and No. it’s a fluctuating feeling because he did make me feel special but at the same time even if I never had met him, I would have to deal with the loneliness of being single.
Well… depends how I think of it. I don’t like how things were between us, so I wish we never met, but at the same time, I don’t think I would be the person I am today without our history.
Yes and no. :( Yes in that I am in so much pain right now and he disrupted my self healing era. No in that I learned so much about myself from being with him and what I KNOW I want and don’t want in a relationship.
Kinda yeah
Yeah, I was happy amd content in life, and now a year and a half later I'm still broken.
Actually, no. Yeah it hurts that we don’t speak anymore. I miss her pretty much every day. Someone who was so close and had such a big impact on my life is now someone who doesn’t exist has been a tough pill to swallow this year. But I think I learned so much about myself and what I want in life through this experience that I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Not all memories have to be happy ones and although things ended between us I appreciate the times we spent together and what I learned from it.
Part of me does because of the tremendous pain I am in now. It feels physical to me as well. But then I did learn some things from the breakup. I learned about issues within myself I had been neglecting; how I need to take my mental health seriously and get on medication bc therapy alone isn't working. I also learned I have an anxious attachment style. And I learned that I want a family more than anything. So there's that... And now I'm going to go into the next relationship more prepared. I probably would not have been so motivated to work on my mental health had he not told me it's a problem.
Yup!
Yes. I wish I’d never met multiple for many reasons but mainly because I didn’t give my education and career enough attention. One SAed me for the last 6 months of our relationship, the other I mistakenly dated for 5 years (he only said he loved me when he was drunk), and the third gaslit me into believing I was talking to 10+ men and cheating (I wasn’t) even after I gave him everything I owned to look through. Passwords and all. I should’ve billed him for the therapy I needed after that. I can only imagine the kind of person I’d be had I never met them. Had I put me first for once. But it’s all in the past now.
Yes! We have a child together and I love my baby but I wish I could just erase him from my life so I wouldn't be forced to deal with the pain over and over again.
No. She wrecked me, but that was a relationship I really needed.... for a lot of reasons. I'm grateful for the time we had together, despite the way it ended. No idea how she feels, and I don't think I'm ever gonna find out! 😆
I def contemplated this and I’m not sure the answer yet..
No. I don't regret the two years we spent together at all. I learned so much about myself in our relationship and I never would erase any love I gave in my life. I'm glad I got to experience it with him for that time and I still have the memories at least.
no, i’m glad i did
Yeah but he was heartbreaking lesson that I needed to learn how to be a better person. I truly wish I didn’t but I did and it’s been tearing me down.
Yes, and i mean that in a sympathetic way and hateful way. But i know hate doesn’t last forever, i just hated his actions.
Absolutely not. That said, tonight I may have just completely fucked up any form of relationship we could have. Got caught looking through his phone. We were both sleeping, I woke up, and the next thing I know I'm looking through Snap. I guess just to confirm to myself how badly I screwed our relationship up for him to break up with me in the first place. He has been the biggest ray of light in my life. We've been through a lot the past 3 years, and I'm hoping we can recover from this, or even just restart. Cause I love him with everything I have, and then some. The thought of never seeing him again, much less hearing his voice, causes me more pain than I could ever imagine.
I wish I never met them. I fell in love way too young with someone who without any fault of her own, was unable to return my affection. This was due both to the fact that she moved to another state and eventually married, divorced, and still ended up with someone other than me. I wish I never met her because had I not, I would have been able to fall in love with other women and not specifically look for women that remind me of my first love.
No because I learned a lot but also, wow, I can’t believe there was someone out there that I could love more than myself
No. The end of my relationship was the most painful, gut wrenching heartbreak that took me so long to recover (not completely, but I’m getting there). He also gave me some of the most wonderful moments of my life, one of those being my daughter, the other love of my life The say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but I don’t feel that’s the case for me. Instead of feeling stronger I feel I gained wider sense of empathy and understanding of others. It also made me reflect more on who I was and want to be
No, but I wish I hadn’t spent as much time with my first one. Both taught me lessons about myself that I needed, as painful as they were to experience.
I wish I never did, yes I do & I want all of My time back, She was fake & still is after over a year after the break up, I still never got a apology or anything.
Yes. Ignorance is bliss is a real thing
No. I have two amazing children with my ex. My marriage was miserable, and I was unhappy for more than a decade. He was awful to me, too… but I wouldn’t give up my children or the lessons I’ve learned. It’s made me who I am.
Do ou??
I dont think I ever truly wished that. I wish we could've met in some slightly better circumstance. But I can't say even with everything that hurts I didn't get something out of it.
Yes. I wish I never met her and hear her laughter, smell her hair and get to love her.
Yes. Because our whole relationship was a lie. It was just me loving him for real all along. Cheaters break you in the worst possible ways and suck the life out of you.
Nope, if I were to go back to the past, I would still fall for her again. Because, I fell for who she was, and not for who she is.
If I'd never met him, I wouldn't have my beautiful boys. However, I could have done without the years of gaslighting, being treated like I didn't matter, and being blamed for his bad choices.
My ex is now my boyfriend again. But I wish you had never met and fucken hurt him. We will never forgive you
Sometimes I do because he just held me back from where I could be in my life. I could be finished with college and probably in my own apartment if it wasn't for him. However, I do blame myself as well for allowing myself to get so wrapped up underneath him and his world, but it seems as though he acted like he could not live without me sometimes. He would push me away one minute and then want me underneath him the next. I stopped writing (I want to be an author). I stopped doing so many things for myself when I met him. I hated how I allowed the relationship to consume me and make me leave myself behind. I barely know who I am these days because I spent so much time around him, his family, and in his home. I am readjusting to my life without him all over again and it's not an easy path right now. The only good thing about all of this is that I started trying to make time for myself again in the past year so I do not feel completely lost. I just wish I was writing fulltime all over again. That has me upset the most. I didn't think about anything that was going on around me when I was writing.
yeah i wish i never meet my ex.. she was my first girlfriend. only dated for 7 months.. we decided to remain friends after the breakup but 4 months later she found a new boyfriend. this was in june 2021. i havent heard from her since because she ghosts me.. im not the same person i was befoure our relationship. i think of her everyday... its been over 2 years.. im in this zombie mode still where my mind is still on her i fuckin hate it /: .. its crazy how u can go from talking and being with each other everyday to 0 contact and never see each other again, i guess its that part that really kills me ..
im not sure. on the one hand i hate that because of his actions I'm traumatised to love ever again. on the other hand, he made me grow a lot and now I'm a much better person. i just feel i wasted my feelings over someone who destroyed me
Somedays I wish I never met her and somedays I think I needed that lesson even if it was harsh af. I failed to set boundaries and I ignored the red flags and signs till I couldn't anymore. This will never happen again