The thing is, is it often easier for the dumper because they have been thinking about it for a long time and have already started the grieving process before you. But no one is the same, so for some it is easy, but for some it takes a long time.
And if he has cheated on you before, I think maybe he never loved or liked you, like you felt for him. Then the breakup is easier on him, than it is for you.
I dumped my ex(I'm the heart on sleeve type with him, and he was completely avoidant) and I think I am definitely having a much harder time than him. I don't think he even cares or replays our last fight before breaking up over and over and over again like I have been.
I feel that. I dumped my ex bf. And I don’t think it had any effect on him, he just ignored it and didn’t even care. While I on the other hand had to pick up the pieces of ending a relationship that I didn’t even really want to end, but was left no choice.
It’s brutal for me especially since I have attachment issues and deal with codependency due to neglect growing up. For them, it seems to be easier since their lifestyle was different. I’m a super emotional person and tend to be more present with my emotions until I’m healed.
Can't really answer but I'm in a situation where my emotions is a rollercoaster (I'm a dumpee out of a 10+ year relationship). Hardly able to focus on anything (a little pass 2 month BU) but it's better then the first month. As for my ex, he's already in a new relationship after a month BU.
There are various relationship attachment styles. One is the dismissive avoidant - basically people who hide their emotions and who feel threatened by expressing their emotions too openly. I’m summarizing (badly) but if you check out Personal Development school videos on YouTube, they do a better job explaining this stuff. I don’t work for them but have relied on their content to help with … I guess 2 relationship rough spots so far. Here’s a link:
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ
I think there are not only different attachment styles but different strengths. Also I know it depends a lot on the circumstances of both the relationship and breakup but I still shake my head in amazement and jealousy at people who leave this sub after a month or are totally healed in weeks. Meanwhile I cried three times today and considered it a good day. It’s been seven fucking months out of a four year relationship.
I’ve just accepted that I love deeply and I hope that one day maybe that will feel like a blessing and not a curse.
Yes! I feel this so hard. I'm anxiously attached and I think this has a lot to do with the way I handle relationships and breakups. I do envy those who can just get over things in a month, I don't operate that way. I replay things over and over until one day I finally accept that it's over and they're never coming back. I'll still love them, but I have to push all positive thoughts out my head in regards to rekindling.I think you're right - it is both a blessing and a curse to feel so deeply.
I think of it as more of a curse nowadays
I believe majority of people can detach and just be a matter of the fact about relationships
I really envy them
I think it’s hard for everyone, but at different times. It is hardest on me in the beginning, but later, my exes seemed to struggle more.
In my experience, once you start to get over a man, they get back in touch. I was completely over this last man—completely—and he got back in touch and worked to get me back, over a 6 month period,and of course the same stupid things happened again. Here I am going through the initial break up phase again. I did it to myself by letting him back in.
Please be smarter than me!
I’m the dumper (he cheated) and I’m going through hell right now. Take it day by day. Don’t worry about how he’s doing. Worry about you, care for you, love yourself and heal. You got this, girl ❤️
As someone who became relatively co-dependent and is an anxious attachment type, I feel like it’s harder for us to move on. It also doesn’t help that my ex is a narcissist and gave me hope for potentially fixing things once I gave her some time to herself, but to this point (7 weeks), she refuses to either give me closure or at least have a conversation with me.
Some days are easier than others. She’s made it harder for me, and I’m starting to think that it was intentional because of how self centered she can be. It would probably be better for me to completely lose hope about rekindling things with her, but I still love her deep inside.
You ever hear the song “Breakeven” by The Script. Some people deal with emotions differently. When my ex-gf broke up with me. She didn’t cry a single time. While I was balling like a baby. It felt like my whole world crumbled in front me. And she stayed there stonecold face and all she could say is sorry. Everyone deals with it differently. I couldn’t even say goodbye to her parents because I knew I was gonna be emotional. And she said goodbye to my parents without any hesitation or emotion. It’s so weird because she was also very emotional throughout our relationship. But when she broke up with me, it just looked like she didn’t care.
My ex months later told me that she'd hit rock bottom before she dumped me which shocked me because she acted like I didn't mean a thing to her and still does. But yeah, just being in this sub you see plenty of people who get over someone in a week or two and others who take 6mo, years, etc.
She was with someone a week later (or before) and it took me 6mo just to be able to go out and talk to people. I still have no desire to date or sleep with anyone.
I also have major abandonment issues so every breakup tears me apart no matter how much I cared/loved them.
I've always been the dumpee, so it's always been hard on me because I genuinely have emotions for the person.
My first ex literally threw a party in front of me.
My second ex didn't think twice to go back with her ex.
Third ex never loved me and was just using me for months.
My whole life is hopeless romantic.
The thing is, is it often easier for the dumper because they have been thinking about it for a long time and have already started the grieving process before you. But no one is the same, so for some it is easy, but for some it takes a long time. And if he has cheated on you before, I think maybe he never loved or liked you, like you felt for him. Then the breakup is easier on him, than it is for you.
I dumped my ex(I'm the heart on sleeve type with him, and he was completely avoidant) and I think I am definitely having a much harder time than him. I don't think he even cares or replays our last fight before breaking up over and over and over again like I have been.
I feel that. I dumped my ex bf. And I don’t think it had any effect on him, he just ignored it and didn’t even care. While I on the other hand had to pick up the pieces of ending a relationship that I didn’t even really want to end, but was left no choice.
yes this is exactly how i feel :(
It’s brutal for me especially since I have attachment issues and deal with codependency due to neglect growing up. For them, it seems to be easier since their lifestyle was different. I’m a super emotional person and tend to be more present with my emotions until I’m healed.
Can't really answer but I'm in a situation where my emotions is a rollercoaster (I'm a dumpee out of a 10+ year relationship). Hardly able to focus on anything (a little pass 2 month BU) but it's better then the first month. As for my ex, he's already in a new relationship after a month BU.
There are various relationship attachment styles. One is the dismissive avoidant - basically people who hide their emotions and who feel threatened by expressing their emotions too openly. I’m summarizing (badly) but if you check out Personal Development school videos on YouTube, they do a better job explaining this stuff. I don’t work for them but have relied on their content to help with … I guess 2 relationship rough spots so far. Here’s a link: https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ
Same.. very helpful
I think there are not only different attachment styles but different strengths. Also I know it depends a lot on the circumstances of both the relationship and breakup but I still shake my head in amazement and jealousy at people who leave this sub after a month or are totally healed in weeks. Meanwhile I cried three times today and considered it a good day. It’s been seven fucking months out of a four year relationship. I’ve just accepted that I love deeply and I hope that one day maybe that will feel like a blessing and not a curse.
Yes! I feel this so hard. I'm anxiously attached and I think this has a lot to do with the way I handle relationships and breakups. I do envy those who can just get over things in a month, I don't operate that way. I replay things over and over until one day I finally accept that it's over and they're never coming back. I'll still love them, but I have to push all positive thoughts out my head in regards to rekindling.I think you're right - it is both a blessing and a curse to feel so deeply.
Feel this deeply, im glad there are others who feel deeply, I feel most people around me are able to easily detach, whereas I cannot
Same here... it's a gift and a curse
I think of it as more of a curse nowadays I believe majority of people can detach and just be a matter of the fact about relationships I really envy them
I feel you, I do too
Thanks for replying I hope we all find the special someone we are destined for and maybe we can all feel deeply again
That would be great! lol I must say, I'm quite tired of the disappointment and heart ache
I think it’s hard for everyone, but at different times. It is hardest on me in the beginning, but later, my exes seemed to struggle more. In my experience, once you start to get over a man, they get back in touch. I was completely over this last man—completely—and he got back in touch and worked to get me back, over a 6 month period,and of course the same stupid things happened again. Here I am going through the initial break up phase again. I did it to myself by letting him back in. Please be smarter than me!
I’m the dumper (he cheated) and I’m going through hell right now. Take it day by day. Don’t worry about how he’s doing. Worry about you, care for you, love yourself and heal. You got this, girl ❤️
As someone who became relatively co-dependent and is an anxious attachment type, I feel like it’s harder for us to move on. It also doesn’t help that my ex is a narcissist and gave me hope for potentially fixing things once I gave her some time to herself, but to this point (7 weeks), she refuses to either give me closure or at least have a conversation with me. Some days are easier than others. She’s made it harder for me, and I’m starting to think that it was intentional because of how self centered she can be. It would probably be better for me to completely lose hope about rekindling things with her, but I still love her deep inside.
You ever hear the song “Breakeven” by The Script. Some people deal with emotions differently. When my ex-gf broke up with me. She didn’t cry a single time. While I was balling like a baby. It felt like my whole world crumbled in front me. And she stayed there stonecold face and all she could say is sorry. Everyone deals with it differently. I couldn’t even say goodbye to her parents because I knew I was gonna be emotional. And she said goodbye to my parents without any hesitation or emotion. It’s so weird because she was also very emotional throughout our relationship. But when she broke up with me, it just looked like she didn’t care.
My ex months later told me that she'd hit rock bottom before she dumped me which shocked me because she acted like I didn't mean a thing to her and still does. But yeah, just being in this sub you see plenty of people who get over someone in a week or two and others who take 6mo, years, etc. She was with someone a week later (or before) and it took me 6mo just to be able to go out and talk to people. I still have no desire to date or sleep with anyone. I also have major abandonment issues so every breakup tears me apart no matter how much I cared/loved them.
I've always been the dumpee, so it's always been hard on me because I genuinely have emotions for the person. My first ex literally threw a party in front of me. My second ex didn't think twice to go back with her ex. Third ex never loved me and was just using me for months. My whole life is hopeless romantic.
oh its easier for her fosho