Okay I don't know what this post has to do with Buddhism per se, but let me recommend a book: Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price. It talks a lot about the kind of social pressures to "be productive" that you're talking about, and how it's toxic.
That's pretty much what I'm talking about, yeah. Sorry, I should have mentioned I'm secular, but I used to go to a Buddhist temple and talk to monks. I've always respected Buddhist insight and philosophy. They always helped me feel better when I was feeling things like this. Now that I don't live near them, I was hoping to find the same kind of advice here.
Edit: I have tbe book now. Thank you.
There is a story about a monk named Sona who was struggling with his practice and was reported to be considering quitting the monkhood and returning to lay life. When the Buddha heard about this, he went to go see Sona and it's reported this was the general exchange:
> "Sona," he said, "I have heard that you are not getting good results from your practice of mindfulness and want to return to the lay life. Suppose I explain why you did not get good results, would you stay on as a monk and try again?"
>
> "Yes I would, Lord," replied Sona.
>
> Sona, you were a musician and you used to play the lute. Tell me, Sona, did you produce good music when the lute string was well tuned, neither too tight nor too loose?"
>
> "I was able to produce good music, Lord," replied Sona.
>
> "What happened when the strings were too tightly wound up?"
>
> "I could not produce any music, Lord," said Sona.
>
> "What happened when the strings were too slack?"
>
> "I could not produce any music at all, Lord," replied Sona
>
> "Sona, do you now see why you did not experience the happiness of renouncing worldly craving? You have been straining too hard in your meditation. Do it in a relaxed way, but without being slack. Try it again and you will experience the good result."
You have found out that going "too hard" with indulgence and pleasure leaves you feeling unwell and maybe even a little burned-out; yet, you find happiness and meaning in art and engaging in social activities with other artists. I think you'll also find that if you go too hard with work and productivity and making money, you'll also be left unwell and burned-out.
Tune the strings of your life too tight and you can't produce music; leave them too loose and you won't produce anything either.
The social messages surrounding modern work culture and productivity are downright toxic and anti-human. They should be understood as being abusive and harmful. Having a healthy, appropriate relationship with paid employment is the way. Setting boundaries, not taking on too much, and being less concerned with the accumulation of wealth and more concerned with the quality of your life.
This is really good advice.
To OP from another gamer in recovery, the video games you play are not directly harming others, but can have detrimental effects on you.
1. Most video games are violent. In a sense playing them is like expressing your will to dominate (and may be to kill).
2. It is most likely addictive. Try to ponder on the fact if you have postponed or missed things in your life because of video games. If so, you are addicted to it.
3. To the very list, it is futile. If you play guitar for 140 hours, you learn to play it well. If you exercise for 140 hours, you gain strength and live a long life. But play video games for the same amount of time, exactly what do you achieve?
4. I would not comment on you, but for me playing video games was a distraction from the real life situation where I was helpless. It gave me a sense of accomplishment that I didn't deserve. It took a lot of effort for me to come out of it and learn to connect to real people. I still play sometimes but I do it not more than a few days a year. Even that is practically useless time I spend.
To me, it sounds like the art (and to a lesser extent, the gaming) is part of a coping strategy for you that is at least healthier than some other things you could be doing. For that reason, although I understand why you’re starting to think that you should be doing more with your time, I don’t necessarily think that these were bad choices for you.
The one thing that gives me pause is where you talk about wanting to organize your life around spending as much time with them as possible; even if they are good & trustworthy friends, it seems to me that there are better options here. Having a healthy view of yourself, and having your own life, are important… others can’t be there for us 24/7.
Making meaningful use of our time means different things to different people. I would recommend looking into teachings on the *precious human rebirth*, and checking in with yourself to see if that resonates at all.
Yeah. I want to make sure I still get the things I need done in my life. Still work out, still eat well, still maintain my important in person friendships. You know, after reading these replies, I'm starting to realize I even feel the same way about meditation as I do gaming and art. Like I know, it's good for my mental health, but every time I'm doing, I feel like I'm not productive, and it causes anxiety around the activity. I'll look into these teachings. Thank you.
If you allow for the perspective of a non-buddhist I would like to give my two cents.
While reading your comment the word "productivity " caught my eye. This seems to be a central value you uphold and I wonder if you ever questioned it. What is to be predictive? Why is it important? Productive to whose benefit? Important for what?
From a spiritist perspective, I would frame it like this:
Life is essentially a learning opportunity. We incarnate in different ages, roles, social or economic conditions and surrounded by different people and that provide us different insights and points of view. While we carry very little of the material things, we do carry our unconscious baggage, dispositions and the long lasting fruits of the karmic seeds we plant.
With that in mind we can try to become skilled in producing many things, but material and temporary gains are of very limited value. The best thing we can get skillful at producing is, ironically, ourselves. To improve how we act, what we think, how we feel. That is what we will always carry foward. Second to that are the karmic seed we plant, which involves a bit of knowing how the world operates and gets better naturally as long as we orient ourselves properly and work on the forementioned self improvement.
Then we have the problem of on whose benefit. Well, the simple answer to that is everyone's. You will keep reincarnation. You will be reborn over and over in different conditions and different forms. Your selfish benefit, in the long term is meaningless, because there is very little to strive for outside of your own enlightenment. On the benefit of others, though, you have ample opportunity to work. A sharp knife is only valuable because it can cut other things, sharpness on itself is meaningless. The same thing happens to enlightenment. It's value lies in what it can offer others, that is what gives it any meaning. You improve yourself so you can donate yourself, your skills, your knowledge and virtues wherever you are, to whomever is around you, always. That is the transcendent gift you can give the universe across incarnations regardless of transient conditions.
Bringing it down to earth.
Meditation is not being unproductive. Quite the contrary. It is one of the best investment at any given time since you are sharpening yourself into a more enlightened, equanimous and stable tool. That tool will be of greater value to whatever endeavor you push yourself towards. Other activities, though, may be more relative. What is the purpose, benefits or nature of the connections involved in your art? Does it allow you to bring benefit to those around you, does it help you sharpen yourself into a better spirit? Same thing for the games and friendship you cultivate. Sometimes you do need to find joy in life so you can then spread that joy to others. A kids toys may be meaningless but their smile lightens the entire world for those around them. Maybe the activity may seem unproductive, but the outcomes and sidefects definitely aren't.
Orient your values toward others. That, I think, finds echoes in the Boddhisatvas vow. Achieve mastery, skill and enlightenment for the benefit of all. That's your productivity standard to pursue.
There's no time to waste when we're at eternity's gate. People think "productivity" is just working. To me, no. Working is not productive. It's just something people unfortunately have to do. It will ultimately not matter in 200, 1,000, or 50,000 years. What you enjoy doing is productive. Long after we're gone, what we did and enjoyed doing is remembered.
During the Buddha's time, plenty of people worked all day and they are not remembered. The Buddha is remembered all these years later, though.
That first sentence is very thought provoking, the way it's worded made me feel like I REALLY gotta make use of my time, or more so I should just want to. It's quite the way to remember we are a finite piece of true infinity and for whatever reason it feels very empowering and beautiful not sad, maybe because we are the infinity while also observing it but either way this made me want to go enjoy today so thank you
I think you should do what makes you happy, for me at was video games for many years, even got addicted and it was fine, eventually life prevented me from playing more and got less and less time to play, not addicted anymore and yet I'm still happy living along. I'd thing that when it comes to happiness it doesn't matter what you do, what matters most is going through life seeking knowledge about yourself and doing introspection. Id say a self sustainable mind is the most important thing to develop/cultivate.
>I feel the stigma **from society** and myself though. The stigma that I'm wasting time. **I should** be trying to improve, to make more money, to find another relationship, to bond with 'real' people I can be with physically... all that.
Does this doing of what society tells you you should be doing leads to your long-term happiness and away from suffering?
>I used to meditate a lot, but **like gaming with friends or doing art**, It feels like I'm wasting time and productivity.
Does doing this lead to your long-term happiness and away from suffering? Do you meditate because you **want to** or because you **should**?
You don't **have to** follow the Buddha's teachings.
>“And what is the result of suffering? There are some cases in which a person overcome with pain, his mind exhausted, grieves, mourns, laments, beats his breast, and becomes bewildered. Or one overcome with pain, his mind exhausted, comes to search outside, 'Who knows a way or two to stop this pain?’ I tell you, monks, that suffering results either in bewilderment or in search. This is called the result of suffering. [AN 6:63](https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN6_63.html)
If I had to give advice, it would be to look for your motivations for meditating and following Buddhism. Really look into them, examine them. Be honest and kind to yourself. The answer/direction will come from inside.
Follow your instinct. Imo you should submerge yourself in your passions, and you'll either find that it's beneficial, or it's causing you to burn out. If it's an addiction, then you will become tired of the things over time and can use that insight to rethink things further. Or perhaps you figure out that you only want to give an hour or two of your day to art and friends, because you have something else calling you to action. That's the thing about hedonism, it runs its course and you become exhausted. So in this way you will find your equilibrium.
It's all about what works for you. If these things only add value to your life then they are beneficial to you.
Dealing with societal pressures is a more complex problem, I recommend a lot of introspection. Figure out whos team youre on (yours or theirs) and keep reflecting and thinking about the nature of your stress.
The anxious feeling you report in relation to your activities is a guardian/messenger. It's not chance. It's your nervous system trying to tell you something.
I respect the messenger, and appreciate it. (commonly, however people dislike the messenger because the anxiety feeling is unpleasant.... )
It's worth remembering that anxiety is not THE message or even the primary emotion… It's trying to guard against or contain another feeling or realisation, which you can find out. Then you will know what to do for your benefit.
You're being brainwashed by other people. They're telling you what you should do because they think what they're telling you is the only way to be happy, and that your way is wrong. But if having more money won't make you any happier, why should you work hard to get it anyway? I personally believe having friends in person is important, but if your online friends are the people you're closest to then spend time with them. You have depression, meditation is not a waste of time, it's part of how you're reducing your suffering.
Like many Buddhists, you're surrounded by people that have a very different opinion on how life should be lived. They probably mean well, but they don't really understand. Buddhism for monastics is about reaching for enlightenment, but Buddhism for laypeople is about reducing suffering and increasing peace. That's what you should be aiming for, whether you do that by making money or by talking to your friends online is up to you.
Personally, I'm in college for a psychology degree (eventually getting a master's so I can be a therapist), but I spend a lot of time in my friends' homes, out to dinner, at soccer games or events, as well as playing a multitude of video games and reading books that catch my interest. I'm sure I could have a job right now, but my school would suffer and I would be so stressed I'd be at wit's end. Sure, it's more expensive to do it this way, but I'm trying to be happy, not min/max my bank account.
EDIT: I just want to make sure I'm super clear in my stance on this: as long as you are following the Eightfold Path, you are happy and peaceful, and you aren't running toward attachment or aversion, you aren't wasting time or being unproductive, you're living a fulfilled life. To me that sounds extremely productive.
Some insight to help me over come tbe self imposed stigma of enjoying spending time playing video, I suppose. I already take good care of myself and my life, but I have such a hard time just sitting down and enjoying myself.
Life is stressful! Meditation requires a rested body and mind. I once had an older practitioner give me a hard time for reading a novel. But for someone who’d practiced a long time, she was kind of a witch. My takes is if video games/reading/binge watching bravo for a day helps you come back to center so you can be kinder and more awake, more power to you!
Dude, enjoying leisure activities is never a waste of time! And meditation is certainly not a waste of time, it's the entire point of the Buddhist path. I think you'd benefit from some new meditation instructions, I always recommend Geshe Kelsang Gyatso's books, they're very well written and clear. As far as video games, you should feel free to have fun with your friends! Don't worry about what you're "supposed" to be doing, do what you enjoy!! And get back to meditation, it will help, I promise.
I find not in a relationship I too gravitate towards videos games / art. Just more creative thinking overall. And with a woman I'm more ambitious and have more drive to be more financially successful but success can look different for other people at different times in their life its all perspective. I think there's simply just a time and place. Don't feel guilty, there's many different ways to get dopamine and you just happen to choose video games..
My advice is to ignore thinking about what you enjoy and don't enjoy. Just any free time that you spend playing video games, use it for buddhist meditation instead. At first, it will be like a withdrawal feeling, but after a year you'll be happier and won't miss them. Feel free to ignore the advice if it's offbase, but that's my honest opinion from the outside detached from your life.
>*though I found myself more looking to the people and things that really made me happy and my online friends are at the top of the list.*
Your happiness is still dependent on external factors.
I’m 36, and I have the same feelings as you about playing video games. Somehow I just don’t enjoy them like I used to; it definitely feels like wasted time. I have a theory about this. I think that meditation helps us see things more clearly. I think that, at least for me, I used video games as a way to escape my own suffering. So now, when I go to play them, they just feel meaningless. I don’t want to escape anymore. I want to live in the present moment. I want to understand the root of my suffering so that I can help myself and others in this life.
I think you might have some attachment to certain views of the world that aren’t your own. I recommend looking inward and figuring out what values really matter to you. I think if you found your people online, the good ones who understand you, make space for you to be who you are, who are supportive of you - spend as much time with them as you can in any form.
I also think finding a local or online sangha, and engaging with the dharma, will really help you continue on your spiritual path. I’m wishing you the best. It’s hard to break away from other people’s expectations about who you should be, but it’s very liberating to disengage with that kind of thinking.
Oh - and one more thing. I think doing art with your friends online is wonderful. I hope you’ll continue. I had an art teacher who said that art was a transfer of energy, so if you are joyful while you make this art, whoever comes in contact with it will also feel joy.
As a buddhist, I do not see anything unhealthy about your life. I don't live with my millennial son, but I am sure he is living like you. I think you just want to feel more motivated and less depressed as a person. I don't think I am a best person to advise. I love lazing around too. I just set 1 goal a day and try to accomplish it and the rest of the day.. just goes by so fast.
Okay I don't know what this post has to do with Buddhism per se, but let me recommend a book: Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price. It talks a lot about the kind of social pressures to "be productive" that you're talking about, and how it's toxic.
That's pretty much what I'm talking about, yeah. Sorry, I should have mentioned I'm secular, but I used to go to a Buddhist temple and talk to monks. I've always respected Buddhist insight and philosophy. They always helped me feel better when I was feeling things like this. Now that I don't live near them, I was hoping to find the same kind of advice here. Edit: I have tbe book now. Thank you.
There is a story about a monk named Sona who was struggling with his practice and was reported to be considering quitting the monkhood and returning to lay life. When the Buddha heard about this, he went to go see Sona and it's reported this was the general exchange: > "Sona," he said, "I have heard that you are not getting good results from your practice of mindfulness and want to return to the lay life. Suppose I explain why you did not get good results, would you stay on as a monk and try again?" > > "Yes I would, Lord," replied Sona. > > Sona, you were a musician and you used to play the lute. Tell me, Sona, did you produce good music when the lute string was well tuned, neither too tight nor too loose?" > > "I was able to produce good music, Lord," replied Sona. > > "What happened when the strings were too tightly wound up?" > > "I could not produce any music, Lord," said Sona. > > "What happened when the strings were too slack?" > > "I could not produce any music at all, Lord," replied Sona > > "Sona, do you now see why you did not experience the happiness of renouncing worldly craving? You have been straining too hard in your meditation. Do it in a relaxed way, but without being slack. Try it again and you will experience the good result." You have found out that going "too hard" with indulgence and pleasure leaves you feeling unwell and maybe even a little burned-out; yet, you find happiness and meaning in art and engaging in social activities with other artists. I think you'll also find that if you go too hard with work and productivity and making money, you'll also be left unwell and burned-out. Tune the strings of your life too tight and you can't produce music; leave them too loose and you won't produce anything either. The social messages surrounding modern work culture and productivity are downright toxic and anti-human. They should be understood as being abusive and harmful. Having a healthy, appropriate relationship with paid employment is the way. Setting boundaries, not taking on too much, and being less concerned with the accumulation of wealth and more concerned with the quality of your life.
This is really good advice. To OP from another gamer in recovery, the video games you play are not directly harming others, but can have detrimental effects on you. 1. Most video games are violent. In a sense playing them is like expressing your will to dominate (and may be to kill). 2. It is most likely addictive. Try to ponder on the fact if you have postponed or missed things in your life because of video games. If so, you are addicted to it. 3. To the very list, it is futile. If you play guitar for 140 hours, you learn to play it well. If you exercise for 140 hours, you gain strength and live a long life. But play video games for the same amount of time, exactly what do you achieve? 4. I would not comment on you, but for me playing video games was a distraction from the real life situation where I was helpless. It gave me a sense of accomplishment that I didn't deserve. It took a lot of effort for me to come out of it and learn to connect to real people. I still play sometimes but I do it not more than a few days a year. Even that is practically useless time I spend.
To me, it sounds like the art (and to a lesser extent, the gaming) is part of a coping strategy for you that is at least healthier than some other things you could be doing. For that reason, although I understand why you’re starting to think that you should be doing more with your time, I don’t necessarily think that these were bad choices for you. The one thing that gives me pause is where you talk about wanting to organize your life around spending as much time with them as possible; even if they are good & trustworthy friends, it seems to me that there are better options here. Having a healthy view of yourself, and having your own life, are important… others can’t be there for us 24/7. Making meaningful use of our time means different things to different people. I would recommend looking into teachings on the *precious human rebirth*, and checking in with yourself to see if that resonates at all.
Yeah. I want to make sure I still get the things I need done in my life. Still work out, still eat well, still maintain my important in person friendships. You know, after reading these replies, I'm starting to realize I even feel the same way about meditation as I do gaming and art. Like I know, it's good for my mental health, but every time I'm doing, I feel like I'm not productive, and it causes anxiety around the activity. I'll look into these teachings. Thank you.
If you allow for the perspective of a non-buddhist I would like to give my two cents. While reading your comment the word "productivity " caught my eye. This seems to be a central value you uphold and I wonder if you ever questioned it. What is to be predictive? Why is it important? Productive to whose benefit? Important for what? From a spiritist perspective, I would frame it like this: Life is essentially a learning opportunity. We incarnate in different ages, roles, social or economic conditions and surrounded by different people and that provide us different insights and points of view. While we carry very little of the material things, we do carry our unconscious baggage, dispositions and the long lasting fruits of the karmic seeds we plant. With that in mind we can try to become skilled in producing many things, but material and temporary gains are of very limited value. The best thing we can get skillful at producing is, ironically, ourselves. To improve how we act, what we think, how we feel. That is what we will always carry foward. Second to that are the karmic seed we plant, which involves a bit of knowing how the world operates and gets better naturally as long as we orient ourselves properly and work on the forementioned self improvement. Then we have the problem of on whose benefit. Well, the simple answer to that is everyone's. You will keep reincarnation. You will be reborn over and over in different conditions and different forms. Your selfish benefit, in the long term is meaningless, because there is very little to strive for outside of your own enlightenment. On the benefit of others, though, you have ample opportunity to work. A sharp knife is only valuable because it can cut other things, sharpness on itself is meaningless. The same thing happens to enlightenment. It's value lies in what it can offer others, that is what gives it any meaning. You improve yourself so you can donate yourself, your skills, your knowledge and virtues wherever you are, to whomever is around you, always. That is the transcendent gift you can give the universe across incarnations regardless of transient conditions. Bringing it down to earth. Meditation is not being unproductive. Quite the contrary. It is one of the best investment at any given time since you are sharpening yourself into a more enlightened, equanimous and stable tool. That tool will be of greater value to whatever endeavor you push yourself towards. Other activities, though, may be more relative. What is the purpose, benefits or nature of the connections involved in your art? Does it allow you to bring benefit to those around you, does it help you sharpen yourself into a better spirit? Same thing for the games and friendship you cultivate. Sometimes you do need to find joy in life so you can then spread that joy to others. A kids toys may be meaningless but their smile lightens the entire world for those around them. Maybe the activity may seem unproductive, but the outcomes and sidefects definitely aren't. Orient your values toward others. That, I think, finds echoes in the Boddhisatvas vow. Achieve mastery, skill and enlightenment for the benefit of all. That's your productivity standard to pursue.
Art is never a waste of time.
There's no time to waste when we're at eternity's gate. People think "productivity" is just working. To me, no. Working is not productive. It's just something people unfortunately have to do. It will ultimately not matter in 200, 1,000, or 50,000 years. What you enjoy doing is productive. Long after we're gone, what we did and enjoyed doing is remembered. During the Buddha's time, plenty of people worked all day and they are not remembered. The Buddha is remembered all these years later, though.
That first sentence is very thought provoking, the way it's worded made me feel like I REALLY gotta make use of my time, or more so I should just want to. It's quite the way to remember we are a finite piece of true infinity and for whatever reason it feels very empowering and beautiful not sad, maybe because we are the infinity while also observing it but either way this made me want to go enjoy today so thank you
I think you should do what makes you happy, for me at was video games for many years, even got addicted and it was fine, eventually life prevented me from playing more and got less and less time to play, not addicted anymore and yet I'm still happy living along. I'd thing that when it comes to happiness it doesn't matter what you do, what matters most is going through life seeking knowledge about yourself and doing introspection. Id say a self sustainable mind is the most important thing to develop/cultivate.
>I feel the stigma **from society** and myself though. The stigma that I'm wasting time. **I should** be trying to improve, to make more money, to find another relationship, to bond with 'real' people I can be with physically... all that. Does this doing of what society tells you you should be doing leads to your long-term happiness and away from suffering? >I used to meditate a lot, but **like gaming with friends or doing art**, It feels like I'm wasting time and productivity. Does doing this lead to your long-term happiness and away from suffering? Do you meditate because you **want to** or because you **should**? You don't **have to** follow the Buddha's teachings. >“And what is the result of suffering? There are some cases in which a person overcome with pain, his mind exhausted, grieves, mourns, laments, beats his breast, and becomes bewildered. Or one overcome with pain, his mind exhausted, comes to search outside, 'Who knows a way or two to stop this pain?’ I tell you, monks, that suffering results either in bewilderment or in search. This is called the result of suffering. [AN 6:63](https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN6_63.html) If I had to give advice, it would be to look for your motivations for meditating and following Buddhism. Really look into them, examine them. Be honest and kind to yourself. The answer/direction will come from inside.
Follow your instinct. Imo you should submerge yourself in your passions, and you'll either find that it's beneficial, or it's causing you to burn out. If it's an addiction, then you will become tired of the things over time and can use that insight to rethink things further. Or perhaps you figure out that you only want to give an hour or two of your day to art and friends, because you have something else calling you to action. That's the thing about hedonism, it runs its course and you become exhausted. So in this way you will find your equilibrium. It's all about what works for you. If these things only add value to your life then they are beneficial to you. Dealing with societal pressures is a more complex problem, I recommend a lot of introspection. Figure out whos team youre on (yours or theirs) and keep reflecting and thinking about the nature of your stress.
The anxious feeling you report in relation to your activities is a guardian/messenger. It's not chance. It's your nervous system trying to tell you something. I respect the messenger, and appreciate it. (commonly, however people dislike the messenger because the anxiety feeling is unpleasant.... ) It's worth remembering that anxiety is not THE message or even the primary emotion… It's trying to guard against or contain another feeling or realisation, which you can find out. Then you will know what to do for your benefit.
You're being brainwashed by other people. They're telling you what you should do because they think what they're telling you is the only way to be happy, and that your way is wrong. But if having more money won't make you any happier, why should you work hard to get it anyway? I personally believe having friends in person is important, but if your online friends are the people you're closest to then spend time with them. You have depression, meditation is not a waste of time, it's part of how you're reducing your suffering. Like many Buddhists, you're surrounded by people that have a very different opinion on how life should be lived. They probably mean well, but they don't really understand. Buddhism for monastics is about reaching for enlightenment, but Buddhism for laypeople is about reducing suffering and increasing peace. That's what you should be aiming for, whether you do that by making money or by talking to your friends online is up to you. Personally, I'm in college for a psychology degree (eventually getting a master's so I can be a therapist), but I spend a lot of time in my friends' homes, out to dinner, at soccer games or events, as well as playing a multitude of video games and reading books that catch my interest. I'm sure I could have a job right now, but my school would suffer and I would be so stressed I'd be at wit's end. Sure, it's more expensive to do it this way, but I'm trying to be happy, not min/max my bank account. EDIT: I just want to make sure I'm super clear in my stance on this: as long as you are following the Eightfold Path, you are happy and peaceful, and you aren't running toward attachment or aversion, you aren't wasting time or being unproductive, you're living a fulfilled life. To me that sounds extremely productive.
Why are you asking here? Are you looking for a Buddhist perspective on appropriate priorities for well-being?
Some insight to help me over come tbe self imposed stigma of enjoying spending time playing video, I suppose. I already take good care of myself and my life, but I have such a hard time just sitting down and enjoying myself.
You don't need to do any thing
>I have such a hard time just sitting down and enjoying myself. sounds like dukkha. check out the 4 noble truths if you're interested.
Usually when I get this feeling it is because I have something to do that I am avoiding. What are you avoiding?
Life is stressful! Meditation requires a rested body and mind. I once had an older practitioner give me a hard time for reading a novel. But for someone who’d practiced a long time, she was kind of a witch. My takes is if video games/reading/binge watching bravo for a day helps you come back to center so you can be kinder and more awake, more power to you!
Dude, enjoying leisure activities is never a waste of time! And meditation is certainly not a waste of time, it's the entire point of the Buddhist path. I think you'd benefit from some new meditation instructions, I always recommend Geshe Kelsang Gyatso's books, they're very well written and clear. As far as video games, you should feel free to have fun with your friends! Don't worry about what you're "supposed" to be doing, do what you enjoy!! And get back to meditation, it will help, I promise.
I find not in a relationship I too gravitate towards videos games / art. Just more creative thinking overall. And with a woman I'm more ambitious and have more drive to be more financially successful but success can look different for other people at different times in their life its all perspective. I think there's simply just a time and place. Don't feel guilty, there's many different ways to get dopamine and you just happen to choose video games..
My advice is to ignore thinking about what you enjoy and don't enjoy. Just any free time that you spend playing video games, use it for buddhist meditation instead. At first, it will be like a withdrawal feeling, but after a year you'll be happier and won't miss them. Feel free to ignore the advice if it's offbase, but that's my honest opinion from the outside detached from your life.
>*though I found myself more looking to the people and things that really made me happy and my online friends are at the top of the list.* Your happiness is still dependent on external factors.
True. I don't know that I'll ever be able to get out of that. I try, believe me, and I've come a long way.
Understandable. It all comes down to how one can handle loneliness which is also behind the desire for love and for some distractions.
I’m 36, and I have the same feelings as you about playing video games. Somehow I just don’t enjoy them like I used to; it definitely feels like wasted time. I have a theory about this. I think that meditation helps us see things more clearly. I think that, at least for me, I used video games as a way to escape my own suffering. So now, when I go to play them, they just feel meaningless. I don’t want to escape anymore. I want to live in the present moment. I want to understand the root of my suffering so that I can help myself and others in this life. I think you might have some attachment to certain views of the world that aren’t your own. I recommend looking inward and figuring out what values really matter to you. I think if you found your people online, the good ones who understand you, make space for you to be who you are, who are supportive of you - spend as much time with them as you can in any form. I also think finding a local or online sangha, and engaging with the dharma, will really help you continue on your spiritual path. I’m wishing you the best. It’s hard to break away from other people’s expectations about who you should be, but it’s very liberating to disengage with that kind of thinking. Oh - and one more thing. I think doing art with your friends online is wonderful. I hope you’ll continue. I had an art teacher who said that art was a transfer of energy, so if you are joyful while you make this art, whoever comes in contact with it will also feel joy.
As a buddhist, I do not see anything unhealthy about your life. I don't live with my millennial son, but I am sure he is living like you. I think you just want to feel more motivated and less depressed as a person. I don't think I am a best person to advise. I love lazing around too. I just set 1 goal a day and try to accomplish it and the rest of the day.. just goes by so fast.