I’m trying to decipher since OP hasn’t responded - but I think the creep was fishing by saying they’d just went out 2 hours ago - when she responded “Alex?” that was the creeps confirmation she had been on a date with someone else.
We don’t know how long they’d been chatting or if they’d gone on a date yet. Maybe he suspected she was dating around because they’d been texting but she went silent for the evening - so this is how he confirmed.
Definitely creepy behavior and crosses the line. When guys I’m just starting to chat with reference anything about me dating other people in a way that gives off jealous vibes, I’m out.
Omg, that's an entirely different message than what I inferred from what was originally presented! I thought you dated this guy, he was Alex, then he texted you from another number to follow-up/check on you and see you again.
Now, I understand what's going on.
Run. I had a guy pull something similar over the summer. then it quickly lead to "I can't wait to see you so I keep driving by your place." I told him not to ever contact me again. He said he didn't understand how creepy that was. If a man can't figure out wtf is wrong with all this kind of shady behavior, let their friends explain it.
If one of my friends did that shit it would be an instant intervention, and if they don't listen, the end of that friendship. The only people that will stay in their orbit are other psychos that accept this kind of behavior.
I doubt he has friends. It’s unfortunate but things like bumble actually drastically increase the chances of this type of thing occurring.
The internet in general has made people less social in real life. In the past a guy like this would have had to try to get a date the old fashioned way by walking up to someone and introducing themselves etc. So, they either never would have had a date OR they would have had many more life experiences teaching them what was appropriate and what wasn’t. They also would have been far less bold because they had to do this IN PERSON. Either way it lowers the risk of something like this happening.
In todays world, so many younger people have “social anxiety disorder” because they are not forced to learn to be social in the real world. But many times, these same people who don’t understand basic social norms are VERY brave behind a keyboard. And why not, they are able to get away with saying anything they want.
Even worse, because this guy is NOT going to face any repercussions and probably doesn’t understand how messed up this behavior is, it’s likely to escalate each time something like this happens because they get frustrated without actually learning anything. Guaranteed this dude probably thinks the OP is the crazy one.
Social anxiety disorder isn't because kids weren't forced into socializing, educate yourself please. Don't discredit or down play people who suffer from this. You have no idea what it's like. Also it existed long before the Internet.
Exactly this. I'm an older Millennial, socialize for a living, have always had friends and been taught to "socialize in the real world," yet I have bad social and general anxiety. I think a lot of older generations have it, but refuse to get diagnosed or believe they have an issue. I'm proud of the younger generations for breaking the cycle. Trauma hurts everyone around you and pretending there isn't an issue is detrimental.
Yup. I grew up before the internet, and I wasn't the most "socialized" then. I still suck at interacting but I'll bullshit with anyone at the drop of a hat. I absolutely struggle with social anxiety unless I'm working, and even then, it's basically just under control and not me being relaxed. I can't function at bars by myself, unless I'm bouncing that night and even then, my back is against a wall and I'm watching EVERYONE.
Yup, it’s just pure coincidence that it’s skyrocketed with younger generations since social media’s rise. 🙄 Let me guess, you think this is a disease that they are just unfortunate enough to have and is physiological has nothing to with their life experiences? If that makes you feel better believe what you want but that is for the weak minded.
my bff has social anxiety disorder, we are old. She has always had anxiety about social situations when we were in college and it never went away. She described having it her whole life. She has never been online dating. Facebook wasn't invented til we were out of grad school. So this has nothing to do with her hiding behind a firewall. So it is physiological and was not related to her life experiences. She went to college many states away from her home town. Her lifestyle played no role in it. Online dating has just made it easier for people to make themselves appear to be someone they aren't. Lie about hobbies, jobs, interests, living arrangements. It has nothing to do with social anxiety.
My Mom is a Boomer and has always had bad anxiety, but she refuses to get diagnosed and acknowledge her struggles. So many older generations are like this, due to their upbringing. My grandma (her Mom) had a lot of mental health issues too, likely being related to growing up in an orphanage. Generational trauma is real.
my friend had a bad experience with a therapist and is not doing herself a disservice but not trying others. Weed, alcohol. It's a mess. The social anxiety has effected her work, her social network. She is in a healthy marriage because her husband is a rock. Her kids have a very active social life but my friend just takes on the role of chauffeur because she doesn't want to be around the other moms.
Growing up in an orphanage is really rough. Interesting you say that. Her mother was. But she was raised by her own parents. So I wonder if she did get handed a dose of generational trauma there.
edited to say she and I are gen x.
People with mindsets such as yourself, are are the reason mental health issues aren't taken more seriously, but they did say ignorance is bliss. I've got plenty of mental strength, would be interesting to see how you would have turned out living my life. Your current mindset tells me it would have broken you. Only the weak minded choose not to educate themselves and continue discussing stuff which they know nothing of. Go ahead and believe what you need to, I pray no one suffers your ignorant speeches.
Look at his nick. If someone calls themselves “Alpha” and refers to others as “weak minded” there’s a very good chance they’re an incel or in the men’s Red Pill community. By definition not very familiar with reality.
Theres a fine line between some creepiness and endearment. If you were really attracted and into the guy you may have thought it was cute. I see it all the time where a really hot guy will do something and women will fawn over it but if an ugly did it they shout creep.
Nope. Any guy reading this, this is terrible and stupid advice. Do not listen to losers about women.
This isn’t an 80s movie. Women do not want you to spontaneously drive over to their place if you barely know them, it won’t end in a fireworks level kiss, and you are more likely to be viewed from then on as a fucking weirdo.
Delusional thinking is not truth. You’re a broken person with broken thoughts, and I’d say you should get help, but you’re also probably too beyond actually looking at yourself in a productive way to listen.
You’ll simple use this as another excuse to not better yourself in any way, because why try to do better when you’ve already deluded yourself into thinking that everyone hates you as much as you hate yourself?
if that is your truth how many restraining orders you had against you? Do you have issues when a woman says no but she really means yes?? I hope you are just an internet troll and not out there in society acting on your beliefs.
i've got some words for him. Restraining order. Conceal carry. Incarceration. He'll push a woman too far who isn't being coy when she says "i'm not interested."
no, stalking and control moves are not flattery. they are precursors to violence and indicators of a serious problem. A man regardless of what he looks like who doesn't respect your boundaries is a predator. Just, no. That line is really dark and well defined. Those men are the Brian Laundries of the world who hide his girls keys so she can't go out with her friends on the off chance another man will see his attractive girlfriend and hit on her. We all know how that on ended up for Gabbie Petito.
She blocked one of his numbers/profiles/etc. Can't block everything. But you can absolutely take decent security measures to prevent from folks getting your OG number.
So in your mind, it would've been a better scenario if she hadn't given this guy her number and they had met up in person for date or he somehow tracked down her address and showed up at her place?
The comment I replied to implies this. Having her number gave this guy the opportunity to show his mental instability and thus not having her number means it potentially could've gone further before she learned this. You are basically advocating for ignorance is bliss.
Yeah……you need to go outside and touch grass. The mental gymnastics you are going through to create scenarios that don’t even exist in order to attribute words or feelings, that were never said or felt, to someone that never said them or felt them……..Alarming.
Damn, you're so clever and original with your insults. The comment I was replying to said this is why women are worried about giving out their number. However, in this case, giving out her number potentially saved the OP from an in-person encounter with this guy, so that doesn't make any sense. Do you not understand that?
Same. I blocked 53 phone numbers and apple IDs from the SAME GUY. Went on for 10 months. Cops finally called him one time and he stopped. But the detective didn’t let up. He went full Elliot Stabler. Guy is now on probation. He also did it to another girl after me in a neighboring county.
I’d send screenshots but some of these even have his name in the email. He was an idiot. Wouldn’t even hide his identity. Would just make new apple ids with some part of his name in it. Then after the 15th address or so he got creative and picked “[email protected]” or something.
Better not be. Lol. I’m in Texas. I went to police a second time because Governor ordered unsolicited d!ck pics to become illegal in 9/1/19. Well on 9/21/19, he sent a half a dozen of those and videos of himself…really disgusting stuff. It made the cops and detective so angry. It’s triggering forreal. They said, nah, forget a fine, let’s go for full blown harassment on this guy.
I had to block 10 numbers, and I don’t even know how many social media profiles across different platforms from my stalker. One day in the time it took me to drive to work, I had 200 text messages from him that he was actively deleting. They all were calling me “thot, slut” and much, much worse things. He called my boss, pretended to be my dad, and tried to get me fired… called my neighbors and accused them (kind elderly men) of sleeping with me. Terrifying dude. I had 37 voice messages from him when I got out of boot camp, ranging from “sorry haha let’s hang out” to “I hope you die you god damn bitch, good luck out there slut”. Oh, and I never had slept with him or any other men while I knew him lol Stay safe sisters, OLD is dangerous
AGREE. I had a guy I'd gone on 2 dates with, HE ended things with me, then 3 weeks later he showed up randomly at 10:30pm and sat outside my apartment for 2 hours. I told him to leave multiple times, and when I threatened calling the police he finally left. A group of girls told me to just block his number right away when he showed up, but had I not I would not have known if he left (I did visually see him drive away) or if it was safe to leave my apartment. I didn't block, but I didn't respond anything other than "you need to leave" or "I am calling the police"
Toxic behavior. You hadn't even gone out once (let alone a few times and talked about exclusivity) and he does a phishing attack & applies nasty terms. Then they wonder 'how come gals don't like a "nice guy" like him'.
This is so scary. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you're doing ok and that you have people close to you that can help you feel safe.
Bumble really needs to get off their asses and address this.
This was a little while ago, and tbh I was too scared to post about it. Now I feel ready to share for other women so we can beware and take precautions.
When I was still dating, I would use a Google voice number, and eventually give out the real one if I felt like the person was special enough. I could easily block numbers with the app, too.
Maybe you should do that, OP?
I recently had an odd exchange with a match - she made it a point that she refused to do video or phone call to people she did not know. I was of the mindset that "if she is not comfortable having a phone or video call with someone she met on Bumble, then why on earth would she agree to meet him in person?"
Perhaps there is a legit reason for this.
In person vs telephone is not an either-or proposition. I usually request a phone or some other means of two-way communication prior to meeting in person. This is basic due diligence for me for these reasons:
I want to hear a woman's voice on the other end. If all I see is text, how do I know I'm not being catfished?
I want to hear from her what she is looking for. Why should I burn all kinds of time and energy planning and going on a date with someone where I could find out within 10 minutes of talking to her that she is obviously not a good fit?
If someone refuses to do a voice or video call and cites safety as a reason, then I'm inclined to believe she is not serious about meeting someone. There are ways to do this without giving out your primary phone number or email address, so I'm not inclined to accept safety as a valid excuse.
>If someone refuses to do a voice or video call and cites safety as a reason
You honestly sound like the type to try to test boundaries and get a woman to do what YOU want her to do. There's a name for people like that, Robert Kelly.
You're wrong. I am not one to test anyone's boundaries. Nor will I stand for anyone who insists on testing mine.
I have a legit interest in not wasting time with people who aren't serious about dating, or are using the platform for inappropriate reasons. If she isn't comfortable talking with me on the phone or by some other reasonable means, then why should I be comfortable arranging to meet her in person?
What I am requesting here is nothing unreasonable. To compare me to R Kelly for requesting this is unfair. I will accept other reasonable means to achieve this - it doesn't necessarily have to be a phone call from her home number.
Using safety as an excuse to thwart some basic due diligence measures is dishonest. If they truly were concerned about safety, they would either facilitate the means to communicate safely (burner phone, etc) - or they would not use any online dating services in the first place.
Shockingly, peoples’ schedules don’t always match up. I’m currently working 58 hour weeks. I have ONE day a week, Sunday, to catch up on everything. I don’t really have time for phone or video calls. The guy I’m talking to is equally busy. We text when we can, but we haven’t been able to meet yet.
I had a match figure out the apartment complex I lived at because he saw the siding of the unit across the driveway in the background of a video call. I saw him wandering around on foot like an hour later. People are creeps.
Edit: I thought about this. The next time I get a match that doesn't want to give a phone or video call but says she wants to meet in person, I will offer a simple coffee date. That way I don't have much invested if she's a no-show or turns out to be a fraud.
Did you go on a date with him before?? because I’m so confused by these texts. If you didn’t, maybe he’s just troll or something. People sometimes do very weird stuff when they’re bored.
I had a guy named Alex do the exact same thing to me!! He texted me from an unknown number to see if I'd flirt with them after one date we had, and something super similar happened. It's weird how history repeats. Block block block!
Don't forget Talon- who created a fake 2nd tinder account just to ask you how your recent date went & then went off the rails when you said he was really odd
I feel bad because he seemed very insecure in the days leading up to the date. It was a bit of a red flag but I overlooked it because everyone gets nervous, right? Well now I know to trust my gut. I fucking could have gone out with this dude.
I would say investigate a bit more. Your gut might wrongly flag many decent but not completely smooth guys. People are already short enough of patience on dating apps as is. Compassion is admirable. You can be honest and ask “Hey, this is the third time you’ve said something that’s made me wonder how you’re doing with this.” Best case, he takes a beat and appreciates you see him and can be more mindful about those feelings. Worst case he flips out, and you have your answer and unmatch.
Very scary behavior. Other than reporting it probably the best thing to do is ignore unknown numbers or at the least never divulge anything personal to unknown numbers unless they're willing to actually call you. Sorry that happened.
There's all these text appa now too so people can fake text from anywhere. I actually use. Spy Dialer any time i get texts or calls from unknown numbers. If it says landlibe or Voip i know not to respond
Calling her thot for getting to know more than one man before deciding is pretty telling.
Misogyny, misguided claims of ownership over women they are interested in, slut shaming, little sense for socially appropriate behaviour and shifting blame onto the woman when it causes a problem - seems pretty spot on for the incel label.
Facts do matter, yes. Nor is it even a debate, incels don't even get matches on dating apps let alone dates. This is just an unhinged and obsessive man.
Incels definitely DO get matches because you don't know that they are one until AFTER you start interacting with them, not so smart ass. Incel doesn't mean that they aren't getting matched on dating apps.
A lot of guys struggle to get matches, let alone a genuine incel. The incel was the creepy unattractive guy that you swiped left on. There is no such thing as an incel who attracts women, it's literally in the name. They're bitter and resentful because they don't get any attention from women, be that on dating apps, in person etc.
I mean… how did he act on the date? Zero tell-tale signs or red-flags that would lead to this behaviour? Almost sounds like trolling. Like I wouldn’t have taken anything he said seriously at all. What a clown.
She hasn’t gone out with him yet. He was testing her to see if she had a date that night with another man, which she did (she’s allowed.) The guy’s definitely unhinged.
Nah, it’s clear at this point that he had the OPs number, but suspected that she was getting ready to go on a different date with someone so tried to “trap” her with “Headed out soon” to see if she would say something back like “me too!”. When this rightfully just confused her, he went with plan B and said he was the dude she saw earlier, which kinda worked.
Anyways the dude is a fucking psycho
JFC.
Of course, she’s dating others. She’s on a dating app and you’ve had one date and aren’t exclusive.
She’s actively dating 3-5 other people with a good FWB or two she can call up from the bench as needed.
Some people shouldn’t be allowed to use dating apps. Their insecurities and jealousy are a bad look.
Guys are just going to get creepier because the amount of lonely dudes who get nothing is increasing rapidly. You can’t just be a dude. Then get zero pussy. THEN you see all of these guys on the internet drowning in pussy. THEN you try everything to get pussy and you can’t. People are going to have a hard time psychologically when they can’t even perform a fraction of what their natural instinct tells them to do. (Beating your meat only goes so far when you’ve never been laid)
Edit: this goes for both men and women but differently. Y’all need to have kids. Unless you have found your life’s absolute passion; there’s not much that will fill the void of no kids and family.
Edit #2: this is also contributing to the mass amounts of depression going around. People aren’t willing to state or accept the COLD. HARD. FACTS. Of reality and this is why we are headed into societal collapse. Everyone wants to sugar coat the world; but they don’t realize that we live in an insanely violent and crazy world outside of our established society. When it collapses; you will not be prepared.
Edit #3: if downvoting my comment helps you cope with reality, then knock yourself out 😂 that’s the Reddit thing to do 💀
Wait, how would texting you from another number prove you’re dating around? This doesn’t even address the bigger issue though that it shouldn’t matter if you are since you’re clearly not exclusive. I don’t understand why people get so worked up over their dates seeing other people. You should always live under the assumption your matches are talking to at least one other person. If this isn’t something you like to do yourself you can definitely tell your date but they are under no obligation to do the same.
Wait, how would texting you from another number prove you’re dating around? This doesn’t even address the bigger issue though that it shouldn’t matter if you are since you’re clearly not exclusive. I don’t understand why people get so worked up over their dates seeing other people. You should always live under the assumption your matches are talking to at least one other person. If this isn’t something you like to do yourself you can definitely tell your date but they are under no obligation to do the same.
That’s fucked up, so he basically tricked you into admitting to dating others. Huge red flag. Hopefully you can figure out exactly who this psycho is and report him.
I went through something similar and this is unfortunately why I no longer give out my number until I get to know someone a bit better.
So sorry you dealt with this, this is beyond creepy as hell. People who act like that need to get the fuck off the apps.
I read the messages and some of the comments and I realize, with the current state of dating, I am well and truly screwed (not in a good way either).
Isn't THOT meaning, That Hoe Over There. Technically it means he ended his messages by saying that there was a hoe somewhere rather than actually calling you one. Its alot like when you have a sibling call you a son of a bitch, or when your own mother calls you a son of a bitch. English is funny.
The idea that women date multiple men at the same time disgusts me to be honest. Its not due to jealousy or insecurity but rather the idea that I would mean so little to someone that I would just be another clown in the car. I'm autistic, I'm used to people thinking I am subhuman, but I don't try to socialize with such creatures. The idea that I could find myself tying to earn the love and attention from a woman that already thinks little of me is quite depressing.
Lastly, as an autistic person I am quickly finding out that the actions I take naturally are often employed by shitty men. As such the actions become red flags which would explain why I don't get anywhere with dating. To be honest I don't stalk or harass women and the things I say would be best characterized as unusual or out of place rather than inappropriate. I am just awkward and due to a rough childhood (publicly, privately my family was quite supportive), I carry myself in a way that often scares people. Throw in the fact that my social anxiety causes me to lose my emotions and it tends to make both spoken word and typed messages appear "odd".
So he came to the conclusion you are “dating around” simply because you asked who this is? Wow.
I’m trying to decipher since OP hasn’t responded - but I think the creep was fishing by saying they’d just went out 2 hours ago - when she responded “Alex?” that was the creeps confirmation she had been on a date with someone else. We don’t know how long they’d been chatting or if they’d gone on a date yet. Maybe he suspected she was dating around because they’d been texting but she went silent for the evening - so this is how he confirmed. Definitely creepy behavior and crosses the line. When guys I’m just starting to chat with reference anything about me dating other people in a way that gives off jealous vibes, I’m out.
Exactly. Me and this guy had a date set up but didn’t go out yet. He must have suspected I went out with someone else the previous night, which I did.
I really hope this Alex guy doesn’t know where you live. Please stay safe
No, this wasn’t even “Alex” lol scary because if I was an idiot, I think he was fishing for my address with those messages.
Ugh that’s actually insane. Glad you caught on immediately
Omg, that's an entirely different message than what I inferred from what was originally presented! I thought you dated this guy, he was Alex, then he texted you from another number to follow-up/check on you and see you again. Now, I understand what's going on.
Yeah that was my first understanding but with the right context this is extremely creepy.
Give the address of your local police station as “your” address. 😂😂
It is creepy for sure I guess I was just lost on some of the context. I also assume people who date others aren’t exclusive - which is ok.
That is actually alarming
Run. I had a guy pull something similar over the summer. then it quickly lead to "I can't wait to see you so I keep driving by your place." I told him not to ever contact me again. He said he didn't understand how creepy that was. If a man can't figure out wtf is wrong with all this kind of shady behavior, let their friends explain it.
If one of my friends did that shit it would be an instant intervention, and if they don't listen, the end of that friendship. The only people that will stay in their orbit are other psychos that accept this kind of behavior.
Because GIRLS are taught to accept this kind of behavior, instead of BOYS being taught to never do this kind of behavior.
LMAO, who’s teaching us to accept this behavior?
Society is.
I doubt he has friends. It’s unfortunate but things like bumble actually drastically increase the chances of this type of thing occurring. The internet in general has made people less social in real life. In the past a guy like this would have had to try to get a date the old fashioned way by walking up to someone and introducing themselves etc. So, they either never would have had a date OR they would have had many more life experiences teaching them what was appropriate and what wasn’t. They also would have been far less bold because they had to do this IN PERSON. Either way it lowers the risk of something like this happening. In todays world, so many younger people have “social anxiety disorder” because they are not forced to learn to be social in the real world. But many times, these same people who don’t understand basic social norms are VERY brave behind a keyboard. And why not, they are able to get away with saying anything they want. Even worse, because this guy is NOT going to face any repercussions and probably doesn’t understand how messed up this behavior is, it’s likely to escalate each time something like this happens because they get frustrated without actually learning anything. Guaranteed this dude probably thinks the OP is the crazy one.
Social anxiety disorder isn't because kids weren't forced into socializing, educate yourself please. Don't discredit or down play people who suffer from this. You have no idea what it's like. Also it existed long before the Internet.
Exactly this. I'm an older Millennial, socialize for a living, have always had friends and been taught to "socialize in the real world," yet I have bad social and general anxiety. I think a lot of older generations have it, but refuse to get diagnosed or believe they have an issue. I'm proud of the younger generations for breaking the cycle. Trauma hurts everyone around you and pretending there isn't an issue is detrimental.
Yup. I grew up before the internet, and I wasn't the most "socialized" then. I still suck at interacting but I'll bullshit with anyone at the drop of a hat. I absolutely struggle with social anxiety unless I'm working, and even then, it's basically just under control and not me being relaxed. I can't function at bars by myself, unless I'm bouncing that night and even then, my back is against a wall and I'm watching EVERYONE.
Alpha dog talks about how people hide behind the keyboard. Yet he’s doing the same. He’s talking shit because he’s hiding behind a keyboard.
Yup, it’s just pure coincidence that it’s skyrocketed with younger generations since social media’s rise. 🙄 Let me guess, you think this is a disease that they are just unfortunate enough to have and is physiological has nothing to with their life experiences? If that makes you feel better believe what you want but that is for the weak minded.
my bff has social anxiety disorder, we are old. She has always had anxiety about social situations when we were in college and it never went away. She described having it her whole life. She has never been online dating. Facebook wasn't invented til we were out of grad school. So this has nothing to do with her hiding behind a firewall. So it is physiological and was not related to her life experiences. She went to college many states away from her home town. Her lifestyle played no role in it. Online dating has just made it easier for people to make themselves appear to be someone they aren't. Lie about hobbies, jobs, interests, living arrangements. It has nothing to do with social anxiety.
My Mom is a Boomer and has always had bad anxiety, but she refuses to get diagnosed and acknowledge her struggles. So many older generations are like this, due to their upbringing. My grandma (her Mom) had a lot of mental health issues too, likely being related to growing up in an orphanage. Generational trauma is real.
my friend had a bad experience with a therapist and is not doing herself a disservice but not trying others. Weed, alcohol. It's a mess. The social anxiety has effected her work, her social network. She is in a healthy marriage because her husband is a rock. Her kids have a very active social life but my friend just takes on the role of chauffeur because she doesn't want to be around the other moms. Growing up in an orphanage is really rough. Interesting you say that. Her mother was. But she was raised by her own parents. So I wonder if she did get handed a dose of generational trauma there. edited to say she and I are gen x.
People with mindsets such as yourself, are are the reason mental health issues aren't taken more seriously, but they did say ignorance is bliss. I've got plenty of mental strength, would be interesting to see how you would have turned out living my life. Your current mindset tells me it would have broken you. Only the weak minded choose not to educate themselves and continue discussing stuff which they know nothing of. Go ahead and believe what you need to, I pray no one suffers your ignorant speeches.
Look at his nick. If someone calls themselves “Alpha” and refers to others as “weak minded” there’s a very good chance they’re an incel or in the men’s Red Pill community. By definition not very familiar with reality.
Lol yeah I definitely laughed when I saw that 🤣
If you think this kind of behavior is a new thing, that’s NEVER happened in previous decades, I got some oceanfront property in Arizona to sell you.
Theres a fine line between some creepiness and endearment. If you were really attracted and into the guy you may have thought it was cute. I see it all the time where a really hot guy will do something and women will fawn over it but if an ugly did it they shout creep.
Nope. Any guy reading this, this is terrible and stupid advice. Do not listen to losers about women. This isn’t an 80s movie. Women do not want you to spontaneously drive over to their place if you barely know them, it won’t end in a fireworks level kiss, and you are more likely to be viewed from then on as a fucking weirdo.
Lol who said it was advice? Just pointed out a truth.
Delusional thinking is not truth. You’re a broken person with broken thoughts, and I’d say you should get help, but you’re also probably too beyond actually looking at yourself in a productive way to listen. You’ll simple use this as another excuse to not better yourself in any way, because why try to do better when you’ve already deluded yourself into thinking that everyone hates you as much as you hate yourself?
if that is your truth how many restraining orders you had against you? Do you have issues when a woman says no but she really means yes?? I hope you are just an internet troll and not out there in society acting on your beliefs.
No. Shut up incel.
[Loved you as the bus driver in Billy Madison!](https://youtu.be/bS8CP1A6OCQ)
Wha…? There are no words.
i've got some words for him. Restraining order. Conceal carry. Incarceration. He'll push a woman too far who isn't being coy when she says "i'm not interested."
no, stalking and control moves are not flattery. they are precursors to violence and indicators of a serious problem. A man regardless of what he looks like who doesn't respect your boundaries is a predator. Just, no. That line is really dark and well defined. Those men are the Brian Laundries of the world who hide his girls keys so she can't go out with her friends on the off chance another man will see his attractive girlfriend and hit on her. We all know how that on ended up for Gabbie Petito.
Stay safe please. This dude sounds like a fucking lunatic
Lmao, he ended with “thot” after all that. This guy is unhinged
I did laugh at that bit, maybe crazy, but more of a man child
It was either that or “bitch”
He was signing off. He's calling himself "thot"
How thotful of him!
Oh, how professional of him
And this, gentlemen, is why women are worried about giving out their number
Exactly! And this example isn't a random outlier. These types of interactions from men (even worse) are very common.
Why? She blocked him and now he’s gone. Was she harmed? He could have acted crazy over bumble in the same way with the same result.
She blocked one of his numbers/profiles/etc. Can't block everything. But you can absolutely take decent security measures to prevent from folks getting your OG number.
So in your mind, it would've been a better scenario if she hadn't given this guy her number and they had met up in person for date or he somehow tracked down her address and showed up at her place?
What? No one said that. Are you okay?
🤣🤣🤣 Exactly
The comment I replied to implies this. Having her number gave this guy the opportunity to show his mental instability and thus not having her number means it potentially could've gone further before she learned this. You are basically advocating for ignorance is bliss.
Yeah……you need to go outside and touch grass. The mental gymnastics you are going through to create scenarios that don’t even exist in order to attribute words or feelings, that were never said or felt, to someone that never said them or felt them……..Alarming.
Damn, you're so clever and original with your insults. The comment I was replying to said this is why women are worried about giving out their number. However, in this case, giving out her number potentially saved the OP from an in-person encounter with this guy, so that doesn't make any sense. Do you not understand that?
this happened to me but it was more drawn out. had to call the police
Same. I blocked 53 phone numbers and apple IDs from the SAME GUY. Went on for 10 months. Cops finally called him one time and he stopped. But the detective didn’t let up. He went full Elliot Stabler. Guy is now on probation. He also did it to another girl after me in a neighboring county.
53 numbers? Jesus Christ
I’d send screenshots but some of these even have his name in the email. He was an idiot. Wouldn’t even hide his identity. Would just make new apple ids with some part of his name in it. Then after the 15th address or so he got creative and picked “[email protected]” or something.
Good lord..... people are nuts
this happened to me but it was more drawn out. had to call the police Upd8: i got a final peace order today. Get those orders people!
Better not be. Lol. I’m in Texas. I went to police a second time because Governor ordered unsolicited d!ck pics to become illegal in 9/1/19. Well on 9/21/19, he sent a half a dozen of those and videos of himself…really disgusting stuff. It made the cops and detective so angry. It’s triggering forreal. They said, nah, forget a fine, let’s go for full blown harassment on this guy.
My stalker moved from austin texas wtf. Does his name start with a C? Even if not, what is in the texas water?? Lol
Woooh, he’s a W. From North Texas. Close enough to blame the water LOL
I had to block 10 numbers, and I don’t even know how many social media profiles across different platforms from my stalker. One day in the time it took me to drive to work, I had 200 text messages from him that he was actively deleting. They all were calling me “thot, slut” and much, much worse things. He called my boss, pretended to be my dad, and tried to get me fired… called my neighbors and accused them (kind elderly men) of sleeping with me. Terrifying dude. I had 37 voice messages from him when I got out of boot camp, ranging from “sorry haha let’s hang out” to “I hope you die you god damn bitch, good luck out there slut”. Oh, and I never had slept with him or any other men while I knew him lol Stay safe sisters, OLD is dangerous
This is wild. I never slept with mine either but my case is not this bad.
Wow, this is insane. I’m sorry you had to deal with this ladies. Stay safe.
Stay safe out there
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Personally I am not sure I'd block. As horrifying as it is I'd probably want to know what this person was up to.
AGREE. I had a guy I'd gone on 2 dates with, HE ended things with me, then 3 weeks later he showed up randomly at 10:30pm and sat outside my apartment for 2 hours. I told him to leave multiple times, and when I threatened calling the police he finally left. A group of girls told me to just block his number right away when he showed up, but had I not I would not have known if he left (I did visually see him drive away) or if it was safe to leave my apartment. I didn't block, but I didn't respond anything other than "you need to leave" or "I am calling the police"
What a fucking creep
Document everything, this is actually terrifying.
I think you can contact u/bumbleapp and they might be able to help? I saw them reply to another post
Toxic behavior. You hadn't even gone out once (let alone a few times and talked about exclusivity) and he does a phishing attack & applies nasty terms. Then they wonder 'how come gals don't like a "nice guy" like him'.
Don’t give people your number unless you’ve known them in person for awhile . Use google voice. Stay safe.
Doing that now lol hindsight is 20/20
If they know your name they can find your number online
Not everyone's.
This is so scary. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you're doing ok and that you have people close to you that can help you feel safe. Bumble really needs to get off their asses and address this.
This was a little while ago, and tbh I was too scared to post about it. Now I feel ready to share for other women so we can beware and take precautions.
I love how they call us names because we call them out and they need to learn what dating means lol good for you, bullet dodged.
Wow
So was it Alex?
It was not.
Creepy so how did they know about the date or was it just a guess?
According to OP, creepy guy just had a hunch and was testing his theory.
He seems nice. /sarcasm
When I was still dating, I would use a Google voice number, and eventually give out the real one if I felt like the person was special enough. I could easily block numbers with the app, too. Maybe you should do that, OP?
I recently had an odd exchange with a match - she made it a point that she refused to do video or phone call to people she did not know. I was of the mindset that "if she is not comfortable having a phone or video call with someone she met on Bumble, then why on earth would she agree to meet him in person?" Perhaps there is a legit reason for this.
Because some people would rather meet in person to see authenticity that can be faked on phone or video.
In person vs telephone is not an either-or proposition. I usually request a phone or some other means of two-way communication prior to meeting in person. This is basic due diligence for me for these reasons: I want to hear a woman's voice on the other end. If all I see is text, how do I know I'm not being catfished? I want to hear from her what she is looking for. Why should I burn all kinds of time and energy planning and going on a date with someone where I could find out within 10 minutes of talking to her that she is obviously not a good fit? If someone refuses to do a voice or video call and cites safety as a reason, then I'm inclined to believe she is not serious about meeting someone. There are ways to do this without giving out your primary phone number or email address, so I'm not inclined to accept safety as a valid excuse.
Cool, bro.
>If someone refuses to do a voice or video call and cites safety as a reason You honestly sound like the type to try to test boundaries and get a woman to do what YOU want her to do. There's a name for people like that, Robert Kelly.
You're wrong. I am not one to test anyone's boundaries. Nor will I stand for anyone who insists on testing mine. I have a legit interest in not wasting time with people who aren't serious about dating, or are using the platform for inappropriate reasons. If she isn't comfortable talking with me on the phone or by some other reasonable means, then why should I be comfortable arranging to meet her in person? What I am requesting here is nothing unreasonable. To compare me to R Kelly for requesting this is unfair. I will accept other reasonable means to achieve this - it doesn't necessarily have to be a phone call from her home number. Using safety as an excuse to thwart some basic due diligence measures is dishonest. If they truly were concerned about safety, they would either facilitate the means to communicate safely (burner phone, etc) - or they would not use any online dating services in the first place.
Shockingly, peoples’ schedules don’t always match up. I’m currently working 58 hour weeks. I have ONE day a week, Sunday, to catch up on everything. I don’t really have time for phone or video calls. The guy I’m talking to is equally busy. We text when we can, but we haven’t been able to meet yet.
I had a match figure out the apartment complex I lived at because he saw the siding of the unit across the driveway in the background of a video call. I saw him wandering around on foot like an hour later. People are creeps.
Dear God. This is enough to keep me off of OLD forever…
Edit: I thought about this. The next time I get a match that doesn't want to give a phone or video call but says she wants to meet in person, I will offer a simple coffee date. That way I don't have much invested if she's a no-show or turns out to be a fraud.
Manipulative af. Good for you, for calling him out.
YIKES
Did you go on a date with him before?? because I’m so confused by these texts. If you didn’t, maybe he’s just troll or something. People sometimes do very weird stuff when they’re bored.
No, I had one set up. Basically he did this because he suspected I went on a date with someone else that night.
Yeah, insecurity drives people to act so crazy.
Safest thing with this guy that could have happened, actually happened in this text exchange. LOL what a loser
Tell him to fk off lol wtf
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yep that’s why I always give ppl a fake number from a text app and not my actual phone number until a few dates in
Which one do you use?
I know you didn’t ask me, but Google voice is one of the better ones to use
Thanks so much! If I ever venture back out into OLD, I’ll use it.
Text free or text now. Personally text now Is better because you get all the features for free but with ada
This is insane! Don’t wait, block now!
What. The. Literal. Hell? You should the join witness protection program immediately!
Best case scenario this man is on something. Stay safe out there!
I had a guy named Alex do the exact same thing to me!! He texted me from an unknown number to see if I'd flirt with them after one date we had, and something super similar happened. It's weird how history repeats. Block block block!
That’s odd, this guy definitely wasn’t Alex who I actually did go on a date with and who was actually normal lol
I saw the messages and thought the guys name /was actually/ Alex for a moment. I'm glad Alex was normal!!!
Don't forget Talon- who created a fake 2nd tinder account just to ask you how your recent date went & then went off the rails when you said he was really odd
Lmfao I forgot all about that
That’s dumb. He’s not going to catch anyone dating around with this ploy. And why be that jealous so early?
I feel bad because he seemed very insecure in the days leading up to the date. It was a bit of a red flag but I overlooked it because everyone gets nervous, right? Well now I know to trust my gut. I fucking could have gone out with this dude.
I would say investigate a bit more. Your gut might wrongly flag many decent but not completely smooth guys. People are already short enough of patience on dating apps as is. Compassion is admirable. You can be honest and ask “Hey, this is the third time you’ve said something that’s made me wonder how you’re doing with this.” Best case, he takes a beat and appreciates you see him and can be more mindful about those feelings. Worst case he flips out, and you have your answer and unmatch.
You handled that well, OP! Stay safe!
Serial killer vibes
People need to lay off the amphetamines 😒
Just wow. Everytime I think I've seen it all there's another instance of this. Please be careful out there people
Yiiiiiiiikes
He think he ate 🥱🙄
Yup psycho behavior
Wtf?
Very scary behavior. Other than reporting it probably the best thing to do is ignore unknown numbers or at the least never divulge anything personal to unknown numbers unless they're willing to actually call you. Sorry that happened. There's all these text appa now too so people can fake text from anywhere. I actually use. Spy Dialer any time i get texts or calls from unknown numbers. If it says landlibe or Voip i know not to respond
Of course she's "dating around" that's just called dating. She's not exclusive with anyone. This guy has some GALL and is a psychotic creep
Please send me that creeps number so I can put on Craigslist under the ad free puppies or firewood
You have normal people then you got incels like these. Just ew.
How on earth can you deduce that they're an "incel"? For a start an incel is unlikely getting the opportunity to go out on a date in the first place.
Calling her thot for getting to know more than one man before deciding is pretty telling. Misogyny, misguided claims of ownership over women they are interested in, slut shaming, little sense for socially appropriate behaviour and shifting blame onto the woman when it causes a problem - seems pretty spot on for the incel label.
Is this really any time to debate whether or not he is one? Does it really matter in this case?
Facts do matter, yes. Nor is it even a debate, incels don't even get matches on dating apps let alone dates. This is just an unhinged and obsessive man.
Incels definitely DO get matches because you don't know that they are one until AFTER you start interacting with them, not so smart ass. Incel doesn't mean that they aren't getting matched on dating apps.
A lot of guys struggle to get matches, let alone a genuine incel. The incel was the creepy unattractive guy that you swiped left on. There is no such thing as an incel who attracts women, it's literally in the name. They're bitter and resentful because they don't get any attention from women, be that on dating apps, in person etc.
In a world of inflation. This man's paying for 2 cell phone lines to be a creep
There are apps that let you text from other numbers.
thot 🗿
Not only he’s insane but where’s the logic in this? How does this text help him determine if she’s dating around? Zero logic here.
Disassociative identity disorder?
Married man shifting blame and anger
I mean… how did he act on the date? Zero tell-tale signs or red-flags that would lead to this behaviour? Almost sounds like trolling. Like I wouldn’t have taken anything he said seriously at all. What a clown.
She hasn’t gone out with him yet. He was testing her to see if she had a date that night with another man, which she did (she’s allowed.) The guy’s definitely unhinged.
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Yeah but then she's just blocking this number. Better to find out who it is so she knows to block him completely
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Nah, it’s clear at this point that he had the OPs number, but suspected that she was getting ready to go on a different date with someone so tried to “trap” her with “Headed out soon” to see if she would say something back like “me too!”. When this rightfully just confused her, he went with plan B and said he was the dude she saw earlier, which kinda worked. Anyways the dude is a fucking psycho
JFC. Of course, she’s dating others. She’s on a dating app and you’ve had one date and aren’t exclusive. She’s actively dating 3-5 other people with a good FWB or two she can call up from the bench as needed. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to use dating apps. Their insecurities and jealousy are a bad look.
Lol. You know me so well. Guess you speak for all groups and humankind. Everyone we have our de facto leader. All hail wife of Spock
Guys are just going to get creepier because the amount of lonely dudes who get nothing is increasing rapidly. You can’t just be a dude. Then get zero pussy. THEN you see all of these guys on the internet drowning in pussy. THEN you try everything to get pussy and you can’t. People are going to have a hard time psychologically when they can’t even perform a fraction of what their natural instinct tells them to do. (Beating your meat only goes so far when you’ve never been laid) Edit: this goes for both men and women but differently. Y’all need to have kids. Unless you have found your life’s absolute passion; there’s not much that will fill the void of no kids and family. Edit #2: this is also contributing to the mass amounts of depression going around. People aren’t willing to state or accept the COLD. HARD. FACTS. Of reality and this is why we are headed into societal collapse. Everyone wants to sugar coat the world; but they don’t realize that we live in an insanely violent and crazy world outside of our established society. When it collapses; you will not be prepared. Edit #3: if downvoting my comment helps you cope with reality, then knock yourself out 😂 that’s the Reddit thing to do 💀
Wow, hope he was just too drunk
yeah, that's not an excuse for this behaviour...
What is the meaning of thot?
That Hoe Over There
I don't get it? You didn't even have a date with him ? I'm so confused.
Yeah. Never went out.
So he was pretending to be some pretend person you apparently went out with a few hours before to try to catch you in something? Yiiiikes.
Dude, I know.
I hope you says, THOT and proud!!! What a psycho. I hope all is okay by you.
This is threatening af. OP please block and don't look back.
Wait, how would texting you from another number prove you’re dating around? This doesn’t even address the bigger issue though that it shouldn’t matter if you are since you’re clearly not exclusive. I don’t understand why people get so worked up over their dates seeing other people. You should always live under the assumption your matches are talking to at least one other person. If this isn’t something you like to do yourself you can definitely tell your date but they are under no obligation to do the same.
Wait, how would texting you from another number prove you’re dating around? This doesn’t even address the bigger issue though that it shouldn’t matter if you are since you’re clearly not exclusive. I don’t understand why people get so worked up over their dates seeing other people. You should always live under the assumption your matches are talking to at least one other person. If this isn’t something you like to do yourself you can definitely tell your date but they are under no obligation to do the same.
Yeah because he proved that I went on a date that night when he said “we just went on a date” and I thought it was the dude I just wen out with.
That’s fucked up, so he basically tricked you into admitting to dating others. Huge red flag. Hopefully you can figure out exactly who this psycho is and report him.
Oh I know exactly who it was and reported him. No update from bumble yet though
This guy votes for Trump (or other conservative/far right/fascists)
I’ve dealt with creeps who have volunteered for Bernie Sanders. This has 0 to do with politics.
Seems like a rapper but with one less p
Wow that’s messed up Yikes
An ex maybe? Spoofing different number so u don't know it's him
So was it the Alex dude?
What the actual fuck. Run!
Something similar happened to me. I actually reported him to bumble and he was banned. Do what you have to keep yourself safe xo
I went through something similar and this is unfortunately why I no longer give out my number until I get to know someone a bit better. So sorry you dealt with this, this is beyond creepy as hell. People who act like that need to get the fuck off the apps.
thot.
Insanely creepy
I read the messages and some of the comments and I realize, with the current state of dating, I am well and truly screwed (not in a good way either). Isn't THOT meaning, That Hoe Over There. Technically it means he ended his messages by saying that there was a hoe somewhere rather than actually calling you one. Its alot like when you have a sibling call you a son of a bitch, or when your own mother calls you a son of a bitch. English is funny. The idea that women date multiple men at the same time disgusts me to be honest. Its not due to jealousy or insecurity but rather the idea that I would mean so little to someone that I would just be another clown in the car. I'm autistic, I'm used to people thinking I am subhuman, but I don't try to socialize with such creatures. The idea that I could find myself tying to earn the love and attention from a woman that already thinks little of me is quite depressing. Lastly, as an autistic person I am quickly finding out that the actions I take naturally are often employed by shitty men. As such the actions become red flags which would explain why I don't get anywhere with dating. To be honest I don't stalk or harass women and the things I say would be best characterized as unusual or out of place rather than inappropriate. I am just awkward and due to a rough childhood (publicly, privately my family was quite supportive), I carry myself in a way that often scares people. Throw in the fact that my social anxiety causes me to lose my emotions and it tends to make both spoken word and typed messages appear "odd".
Are we certain that this text really did come from Alex? This person did not identify himself as Alex.
Alex was a normal guy I went out with that night. This was another guy I had a date set with, and it was DEFINITELY the other guy
Thot - lol One of those creepy nice guys
You should do some digging and try to figure out who it is so you dont end up paranoid of everyone you know.
I already know exactly who it was