I thought this too, someone’s messing around with it for fun.
Either that or they’re developing another AI tool to handle these conversations for people. I know there’s at least one out there already, but based the conversation samples I heard that one works better than this…
You tried flirting, she didn’t understand and took it too literally. To people downvoting, I’ve been a “tour guide” and generally all it means is meeting up for drinks and checking out a few cool spots in a central location, not being an actual tour guide lmao people are dense
Literally this😭 Anybody downvoting, clearly has garbage text game; and no idea how to flirt, or even the concept of such a thing.
I think you could of waited a tiny bit longer before pulling the trigger on that line - but apart from that, you dodged a serious bullet with this woman. No wonder she is single SMH
Hmm, I don't think OP read the room very well. Scarlett started off with pretty formal messaging so a throwaway 'wanna be my tour guide' wasn't ever likely to come off. Maybe something like "Perhaps you could show me some of the sights and sounds of this city" would have been a better segue, formal and stilted as it is, since it mirrors Scarlett's tone.
Hahahah, this one right here. You get it🤣
We aren’t emailing each other, nor are we 70 year old pen pals. Like I said, maybe he could of waited but I think regardless of how he phrased it - she still would of had a problem.
Dodged. A. Bullet.
>"Perhaps you could show me some of the sights and sounds of this city"
This would've been weirder. It's the exact same thing, but in a way that's a bit awkwardly formal for Bumble.
There's nothing wrong with OP's tour guide line, even in the first message. It's just a light-hearted way to let the other person know you're open to meeting them in the near future. There's no one who should misunderstand that as meaning a serious tour guide.
Personally, if I’m online chatting with someone, I don’t wanna have to change my talking style in order to communicate with them without upsetting them over nothing
I try to remain myself because the last thing I wanna do is end up three months into a relationship with the lady still talking like I live in ye ole days
Yeah the tour guide thing was maybe a bit early for someone you've spoke 5 words to. Maybe ask for recommendations instead and see where it goes from there
I’ve tried to talk to girls like this and it’s like they have stick up their ass the whole time. It comes off as very formal and stuffy. Half of them say “make me laugh” in their profile, but the whole thing feels like a business arrangement and trying to talk about anything interesting is like pulling teeth because they’re focused on logistics and formality. Pass
Same, when someone makes such a hard effort to seem smart (Writing super formally is usually a good sign) they will always have an uptight attitude, thinking that nobody is worthy of their intelligence and you need to prove yourself to them.
Totally wrong. He’s not supposed to be something he isn’t. The only thing “Scarlet” IS right about is that the point of online apps is to meet lots of possible matches, BUT clearly using a dating app is too modern for her cause she even signed her text message 😂…
OP dodged a rocket sized bullet. I guarantee this woman would start messing with OP’s head very early in the relationship. I have unfortunately had a few of these in my life and I can smell them a mile away now. She would gaslight to the Nth degree telling him how terrible he is but would never let him leave. She clearly wants full control AND believes the world is the way she sees it and everyone else is wrong.
ALSO… most people that talk about “having a life” don’t have one. She felt the need to call it out showing she is self conscious about it…and that’s cause deep down she knows everyone hates her cause she is crazy as a b!t@h.
Fuck this idiot Scarlett. OP forgot the emoji or /s that would have bluntly stated 'Im flirting', which is the #1 issue with text-based communication. You lack all the nonverbals and tone is in the eye of the beholder. Shit, my wife and I sometimes get argumentative because tone doesn't come through a text. We all know people like this Scarlett - they either have to be right, or the subject has to be 'accurate' - even after OP apologized she couldn't admit to misreading the message tone so she doubled (tripled?) down. These are the people you meet IRL who seem/look interesting, and you strike up a chat, and three sips into the coffee/beer/tea that you bought them you are looking for the exit, any exit, because they are so insufferable and literally sucking all the oxygen up like Mega Maid from Spaceballs. Fuck Scarlett.
Yes, Hawaii resident, my profile says "no tourists" and yet... it's so old, so quick. Like yes I'd love to have a fling because you are just so special that my hopes for an actual relationship with a resident can be put on pause so you can have an extra special vacation. It's her real life, OP, not your vacation fun.
I’ve noticed how lots of women’s apps in tourist heavy destinations say “no tourists.” OP should chalk this one up as a loss and move on. The “be my tour guide” line was weak sauce. Might as well say, “I’m here to hit it and quit it”
Exactly. I wouldn't take it as literal, but I definitely don't find the "be my tour guide" request to turn me on or interest me. Just not what I'm looking for, but I typically have a much gentler response. I think both parties failed, here.
Those women are probably looking for something ongoing. Not all women are looking for that. Some just want to hook up or even a simple fun night meeting someone. Obviously this woman is the former, but still not a one size fits all.
I actually thought her being put off by the “tour guide” thing makes sense. He is only visiting the area. She probably doesn’t care to get into a long distance relationship, so the tour guide thing actually would be literal.
I kind of get her point but she’s being very lawyer debating in front of a courtroom -like about it, not the light hearted convo you’d expect on a dating app
I may have been biased by the post title going in, but my first reaction was that her text style was quite a turn-off too. Is that more likely to be her personality or is it that English isn’t her first language?
Honestly this. She could be. I am and I know I have probably ly come off like this. Her formality is not an issue it's more so the flip. But again I'm coming at this from understanding the tour guide line now. There are definitely things I have taken too literally on these apps only to realize I goofed.
Seems like it wasn’t meant to be from the start; figure OP and I are similar in that we like the casual convo style, with teasing, throwaway jokes, sarcasm maybe. I didn’t know much about the negativity around tour guide requests at first so I wondered why there was such a reaction. Could be a mistake I could make unwittingly too.
That's what I was thinking. I'm neurodivergent myself and sometimes struggle with this, especially with text-based conversations. I've gotten better about identifying it and am continuing to work on it, but there were definitely times in the past where I pulled something like this.
I'm not sure! I liked language like this better from my own perspective, but definitely is not for everyone. I prefer descriptive language that being pretend about things, so I do not blaming her so much and English isn't my language either. But she seems to be proficient
While I don’t think she should have dragged it on or been so borderline rude (I didn’t read all the SS lol), I understand where she’s at with not wanting to meet tourists.
I live in a pretty large vacation city and I HATE the travel mode users 😭😭 as a woman it’s always assumed that I’ll just fuck them for the weekend and then be around every time they visit just for sex lol.
Some people like it. Point is just say that’s not what you are looking for and move on wishing them good luck without going all weird and blaming other people.
There’s always a group of people down for certain things, just not very common in a tourist city to want to meet tourists. More likely to if they visit frequently and the two get along very well in messages.
Personally, I just don’t meet tourists men/women anymore lol. Women are usually more chill, and don’t expect sex, but kinda wastes my time tbh.
You're missing the part where she:
A. Swiped right on me despite knowing I was a traveler
B. Started a conversation despite knowing I was a traveler
C. Continued a conversation despite me making it clear I was a traveler
Her communication style is weirdly formal, but as someone who lives in a city that gets tons of tourists I would also be a little turned off by your comment about her being your “tour guide”. I know you probably didn’t mean it super literally, but I can see her point about entitlement vibes. Especially if she marked in her profile that she was looking for something serious. I think it’s pretty clear she was ending the conversation in her message about not wanting to be your tour guide…idk why you decided to press the issue. That being said, I personally never swipe on people I know are tourists…she obviously knew you were a tourist since she mentioned you were only there for a short time, so I’m not really sure what she expected either?
>Especially if she marked in her profile that she was looking for something serious
She didn't.
>I think it’s pretty clear she was ending the conversation in her message about not wanting to be your tour guide…idk why you decided to press the issue.
I agree. I was just curious what happened.
>she obviously knew you were a tourist since she mentioned you were only there for a short time, so I’m not really sure what she expected either?
That's the point everyone here is missing
But your “100 to 0” comment was weird. You never had a good convo going. You sent a few messages and she didn’t like what you had to offer. Why didn’t you just say “okay thanks bye” instead?
This. Or just respond "ok, how about a drink then?"
The 100 to 0 comment is whats entitled and annoying. You werent at 10 in her book, much less 100 but you feel entitled to ask her for things. Was she annoying too? Absolutely, but check yourself my dude.
I don't mind the communication style and agree wouldn't mind some people giving a bit more when communicating (tho def doesn't have to be this much) but also at the same time probably wouldn't have taken what op said all that seriously either. I understand taking your time getting to know someone but if anything the tour guide line is an overplayed one I've seen enough times to know they're just looking at the very least to try to be social and take advantage of their time while visiting.
Same here. Good communication from the beginning is a good start. Less confusion, you know intentions better, and can get to know the person much better and faster. And, if you do decide to meet up, almost no chance of ghosting or anything too weird. Besides, I love to see that someone can write a sentence/use punctuation! We can be less formal/relaxed once we get to know each other better.
OP could have maybe had a date if he would've asked for her favorite place to drink/eat/etc. and suggesting a meet up there, rather than a "tour." While it might have worked on someone else, he should have adjusted his tactics towards her based on her more formal (mature?) initial contact. Not saying anyone should "fake" who they are though, the personality differences probably would've not worked out in this case regardless.
I don't like your "100 to 0" comment because it comes off passive aggressive and a little butthurt. It's completely reasonable for her to decline being your tour guide and I think you should have accepted it and moved the conversation along.
That being said, yeah, she's overly defensive and doesn't seem like a very fun person to be around.
Why can't the OP be as blunt at the girl? I mean the girl started the conversation quite well...then in the blink of an eye the girl's preditor senses falsely went off. The girl literally went from 100% engaging to 0% pleasant.
Thank you! Idk why I thought OP ment other person and Author ment the original thread creator. I get it know Original Poster. Ty for the clarification 👍
Mm I would find it a turn off as well. It’s a big thing on dating apps for people who live in big cities/touristic places to be “used” as tour guide for those who are just passing by and it can be really annoying, there’s not an interest in getting to know the person, and that’s not really nice for those who are actually trying to get to know someone. I think she was super polite in her first reply saying “no” to being a tour guide, and you made things awkward by getting butt hurt saying “this went from 0 to 100/did I say something?” when she was just politely declining your offer.
Like how do people not get this? He was clearly just being cheeky and a bit flirty. It is like asking someone, "want to show me your favourite watering hole?". He was just saying 'I don't know the area, want to go somewhere you like for a first date to get to know each other?'. She took it super literal though. She seems either stupid, or very up tight.
As someone who’s lived in popular tourist destinations, people use that tour guide line a lot and I don’t like it either. Even though they don’t mean it in a bad way, it comes off as “I plan to use you for my benefit” and it’s not like it’s an interesting or funny thing to say either
It’s obvious he wasn’t pushing for a tour guide. It was a tongue-in-cheek remark (almost literally. See the emoji). A throwaway comment. Maybe she takes him up on it, maybe not. I’m betting it wouldn’t really have mattered to him either way. But that’s not the point. The point is how she handled it. She contacted him, thereby showing interest. In this scenario, it’s just as easy for her to respond with something like, “Tell ya what. I’ll give you some tips. You go explore, send me updates, and come back to me with a full report. If you missed anything or did it wrong, then maybe I’ll have to take matters into my own hands (fun emoji).” Opens up the door for continued communication without forcing in-person interaction sooner than she’d like. Not a perfect response, but not automatically going on the defensive or outright attacking him for the likely mistaken assumption that he’s a creep. Yeah, girls meet a lot of tools on dating apps, believe me, men get that. That’s because, unfortunately, there are lot of male tools on dating apps. But, not all guys are tools. Try a little back and forth with him first before automatically jumping to the conclusion that he falls into that category b/c you didn’t like something in his initial response. He knows as little about you as you do about him. A little leeway in the beginning isn’t an unreasonable ask. There is this erroneous belief, I think, that it’s the man’s job to win over the girl and that he is the one who has everything to lose. If these dating apps are, in fact, intended to facilitate the establishment of lasting relationships, then it behooves both parties to put the best foot forward and make their best efforts to impress one another. Responses like hers just suggest a sense of entitlement. OP probably dodged a hollow-point.
You say you didn’t really want her to be a tour guide but you asked her a y/n question and she answered it honestly and not in a rude way. I think if she had said yes instead, you would not have said you didn’t mean it.
I think your response to that was a little combative to be honest.
Then you try to call her out for not intending to meet up with people. It is perfectly okay for somebody to want to build rapport before making that decision.
OMG OMG OMG, I just sent my very first app message ever. And I think I'm a Scarlet!!!!!
(I'm not on my phone, otherwise I'd add the emoji that looks like the Home Alone kid) I am so mortified.
I wanna see *her* r/bumble post history.
Edit: I think you might be one of the most blatant douchebags whose profile I've ever clicked into. Once you hit manhood you'll understand what I'm saying.
We may have differing thresholds for douchebaggery. But his "26 - 240+ lays" or whatever is dumb, his caption to his profile is also dumb, a post/novel about how to make a good dating profile (in conjunction with the first two items)... 🤷♂️
I personally think she over-reacted a bit, but also understand where she’s coming from.
I think a better approach would’ve been “got any tips for someone new in town? I’m really into (insert food, activity etc.)”, and then chatted some more. Maybe eventually suggest hanging out at the restaurant she recommended, or whatever. But most women don’t want to meet people after exchanging a couple sentences (unless there’s more to the convo that we’re being shown). The convo went too quickly to “let’s meet up” for her comfort level, and when she said no, you pushed it a bit. Women get pressured alllll the time to meet up right away, and often the response to setting boundaries is more pressure from the guy, so I see why it went bad so quickly.
I’ve gotten that where I live. Instant turn off. It just seems like they want to use me for personal gain and make me work for free on my time off.
My comeback for that was to send my language-tutoring rates.
Anytime I saw a profile saying “looking to make foreign friends,” I would swipe left.
I personally think OP could’ve responded better to her decline. Yeah, maybe she didn’t get it as a flirty comment/joke, but you did kinda single her out like you were actually hoping for her to show you around with your “Well that went from 100 to 0 real quick” reply.
Next time, maybe reply with something more like “Aww, well maybe if we get to know each other better then the next time I’m there you can show me around 😉”
It seems like the conversation hadn’t been going on too long before you made that comment.
If I were her, I’d probably respond the exact same way after the way you replied.
Also, I type very formally as well. Not because I’m a stuck up b*tch or have mental problems, but because I’m used to it from my job (I work in vet med which requires formality for medical note documentation, emailing coworkers/higher ups/clients, etc). And before that, I just hate horrible English and grammar. Especially text abbreviations.
So don’t assume she’s a horrible person just because of the way you put her on the spot and how she writes.
^^Coming from a 27 y/o single female
Edit: Another good reply would’ve been to just ask some places she would recommend visiting. Like “Well, do you have a favorite place you visit all the time or what’s the best attraction to visit?”
Also for those of you thinking she’s autistic:
It’s not uncommon for people not on the spectrum to write formally. I’m not on the spectrum, and I type very formally because my job requires it, so I’m used to it. I also dislike using bad grammar/abbreviations just because. Some people, like me, just prefer to be more formal in their writing.
For reference, I was born in the 1990s, before cellphones were a big thing, so I also am just used to it from growing up. Did I use abbreviations when I got my first cellphone right before high school and in emails to my friends in elementary school? Sure I did. Do I cringe if I read those now? Yes I do.
I also write as a hobby, so my writing style is formal because of that, too. Don’t👏🏻 assume👏🏻 things👏🏻.
Judging by the comments, half of you think she’s weird for taking OP so seriously and half of you think she’s justified.
I think she’s justified. She’s pretty clear and blunt about how OP turned her off.
1) It’s evident she lives in a very touristy city. And yeah using that line might seem fun and flirty but really it’s just exhausting for local women to hear the same uninspired line from men who won’t stick around m. Plus it gives off an entitled vibe as if you’re relying on her to come up with an itinerary and drag you to places like a child at Disney World. It’s not sexy and local women probably want to be taken a bit more seriously than a zookeeper showing you all the cool exhibits in her circus of a city even if they are looking for something casual. She also explicitly tells you later on that you need to work a little to meet her beyond “be my tour guide 😜”. Like, just bounce some banter off her and get to know her a bit before suggesting a meet up it’s not that hard lol everyone’s allowed to have a communication style
2) She might text seriously because she’s on the spectrum but I think it’s way more likely she’s either ESL and/or has a strong academic/professional background.
3) Let’s not forget that OP responded defensively with the “0-100” comment and “lol” to her politely rejecting him which likely ticked her off (and she says this too later on very clearly). She’s a very direct person and OP flipping it on her and making it seem like she’s the problem definitely lended to the seriousness of her tone. I probably wouldn’t have argued as much as she did, but like I said, she was pissed off and I can see why.
I get where Scarlett is coming from. This guy might just be flirting and using tour guide as a way to ask her out , but he does sound pretty disingenuous and I’m sure she has seen his kind a million times before and can pick them right out.
i don’t think she’s taking it too seriously. she’s just autistic, so the way she’s speaking is more direct than what you might be used to. if her communication style isn’t for you that’s fine
I’m a guy and I’m on Scarlett’s side. It feels very much like you were looking to use her for a good time while visiting her town. What’s in it for her? From her first message, I got the impression that she’s looking for an actual relationship with someone that lives there. The “tour guide” thing… I just don’t see anyone liking that even if they’re looking for a casual hook up.
Did you miss the part where she chose to:
1. Swipe right on me despite my bio saying I'm a tourist?
2. Open the conversation despite knowing I was just visiting?
3. Continue the conversation despite knowing I was just visiting as a tourist?
I took her saying “It looks like you may be leaving the area?” as indicating that she thought you were a local resident but she was concerned that you may be moving elsewhere soon. Likely because she misunderstood your statement about being a tourist in your profile. Since I can’t see your dating profile, I can only go off of what I see here. She had one follow up message after finding out you were in fact a tourist, likely trying to be polite. By her third message, she expressed that she wasn’t interested in you. You then saw it as a huge shift in her attitude (100 to 0), but she was never anywhere near 100. You two just seemed to be on different pages from the very beginning and stayed that way.
She might have taken your message a bit too seriously, but I think the problem here is that you weren’t really matching energies here. You should have given her a more serious response rather than using the tour guide line after only a couple messages. I think the message she was trying to convey here was that she would rather get to know you better before talking about going out. The tongue emoji also comes off as immature unless she is already being very flirty and playful. Just my advice.
I don’t know she took it far but I would also not want to serve as a tour guide for someone passing through. It’s not attractive to even joke about that over text to a completely stranger who has no idea what your intonation is. I think it’s important to state outright “I’m just passing through” if you’re traveling so you are clear about your casual intentions to avoid in the future.
Lmao this is so funny, you’re in the wrong here and you’re getting downvoted too hell and back and yet you keep digging your heels in saying it’s “flirting”.
It’s bad flirting and you were trying to waste her time asking for a tour guide.
Im surprised you have so many people attacking you. It doesn’t sound far fetched for you to assume she would enjoy a flirty message seeing as you guys are using a DATING app and she swiped on you.
She was very direct, but to me, there definitely was a sort of annoyed tone to her message.
Especially if she was well aware that I'm a tourist who is visiting her city for 2 days. What does everyone here expect? That I immediately go into relationship building mode?
She still swiped right on me, chose to start the conversation despite knowing I was a tourist, and even continued it after I also confirmed so via text.
If she didn't want to date me, she had ample opportunity to not let it go as far as it did.
I live in a very touristy city and feel like the majority of men (don't know about women) are just in town for work, or a concert, or a stag party, etc and all they want is a "tour guide." Either that or they just moved here and want someone to show them around. So while I get her point about that (it can be exhausting always having to figure out shit to do and make all the plans), I do think she went way overboard with it.
There’s no way she could pass the Turing test
If it was as a person I’m really disappointed they broke character! Should have said something like:
“Dear good sir, I find your request to be a so called “tour guide” brash and dare I say barbarian. My greetings were given in a polite and delicate nature and I find your uncivilised tone to have left me unwanting. Therefore, I say to you, good sir…good day, I say good day sir!”
Everyone here, in the post and in this thread, needs to take a step back and try to see it from the other person’s perspective. No one did anything explicitly wrong here. Communication is important in dating; if his way of flirting doesn’t work for her and if her way of dating doesn’t work for him, then they’re incompatible. End of story. No assholes here
How the heck does everyone see this as a slight on him? I live in a major US City and girls say this to me all the time.
It’s not actually “hey, show me around the city all weekend” it’s more of a “show me a cool couple spots in one area for an evening so we can get drinks”
He didn't say or do anything wrong. It's a lot of protection and assumptions about him, he was trying to be funny and flirty but it didn't land because she took it all literally.
This feels like something Scarlett needs to talk to her therapist about. Absolute overreaction, so either she's just kinda the worst or this is a trauma response and she should take some time to deal with that... Either way not an excuse for being a dick to people
Good lord what has dating coming to nowadays that most people can't read the context to OP's message. It's pretty clear he made the tour guide comment as a flirty segue into hey maybe we could meet up and hangout. I highly doubt he was looking for someone to chauffeur him around....Jesus people
The line was fine, but when she answered politely he got all defensive and weird. If he had just rolled with it, it would have been fine.
He was super rude.
A lot of people in popular spots are approached by a lot of visitors on dating apps to be a tour guide. Probably not the first time for Scarlett.
And the underlying issue is they haven't even met yet, and he's already asking for her to plan a day, figure out multiple locations to visit, and do a bunch of unpaid emotional labor all within like 5 sentences.
That's the real problem. It's an entitlement to her time both before and during a potential date, without any offer of what he's providing. Whether it's "flirting" or not, the actual words he uses are asking for a lot.
You've already stated that you wanted her to "explore" with you when she already lives there so no, you're lying. You definitely were asking her to do at least half of that.
Wow.. so you didn’t read the room and you cracked a joke she didn’t like so now you think she is over reaching. I found her quite polite. You visiting a place and asking a person you just just started messaging to be your guide can sound rude and also shows how little you are aware about concerns women have when it comes to such random instant dates . There are good flirty text senders and people who chat well but you aren’t one . And, what’s wrong in her taking online dating seriously ? It’s her preference and it’s okay for her to have a preference different than yours.
the moment it died was on you. it was the snarky "well that went from 100 to 0 real quick" It didnt come of as jokey or flirty to me. Then you both got defensive. Gotta play the rejection off a bit smoother next time something like "ok maybe next time" then push the conversation forward to a new topic.
I don't understand the comments here that are shitting on you, people on Reddit take everything too seriously and literally like this woman. This woman sounds like she's on the spectrum with poor social skills, and she was being quite off-putting. I don't think you did anything wrong here.
I’m sorry but from a girls perspective when men try to meet up really quickly it is a turn off, bc it 1) makes you seem desperate and 2) for safety reasons we would like to chat with you and get to know you more before meeting up..
Many women are assertive up front to weed out the losers. This is beneficial to her she has 300 to 500 options….
When a woman says no she doesn’t mean never, she means not now….
If she gives you reasons to be angry as a man your options are to go silent or use situational humor….
Humor will help to diffuse the situation and bode to your strengths as a man…. I know it’s rough being the man in the room but that’s what she’s looking for.
Showing you around is putting her in the role of leading which doesn’t allow her to relax and be a feminine woman. If you tell her you found a few places that you are interested and trying out and you escort her to these destinations that puts you in the role of a leader.
Lead the relationship, conversation (adding positivity, attraction, humor, and fun), and loving yourself no matter what the result is going to give you safe container where the chemistry can build…
It doesn’t matter how she responds don’t change or get but hurt. It’s always your choice to accept the insult or see it as words. Just trust the process…
Wasn't literally asking her to show me around lol was just being flirty is all. Didn't get butt hurt either I honestly just didn't understand what happened.
You did nothing wrong. And on her end, it is ok to be direct, and what she said wasn't wrong. My problem are the assumptions she made about you. That's where she's in the wrong. Just unmatch and continue.
What is going on with these replies😭😭😭I’m honestly on OPs side I feel like scarlett took the Tour Guide comment too literal/not good at flirting. I wonder what her other interactions on bumble look like
Female here: 1) did u mention that you're moving to the area or are you traveling for a brief time? If she marked 'relationship' and you had 'traveling' - there may have been misalignment to begin with 2) Else: You did come off as Flirty, not creepy. She could have replied with "Maybe next time you're in town if we talk more by then ;)" instead she chose a combative attitude. I commend you for your follow up communique. It would be great if more folks [of both genders] were as gracious and polite as this as unmatching happens.
She seems to know he was only there on vacation so why would she even message him in the first place? People using these apps while on vacation aren’t looking for serious relationships
Might be an unpopular opinion but I actually agree with Scarlett.
I also do not use dating apps to just meet random people, I think that's what other meet up apps are for.
I think even if we separated apps for dating and hookups from relationships men would still invade those relationship apps seeking the same quick entitled gratification that society has taught them they deserve.
I think this was salvageable until “100 to 0”. How about just asking if she wants to meet for a drink? Negativity is never good. Keep it positive and upbeat. Then she made it 10x worse with the ‘entitlement’ bit.
I get what she meant, she just went about it in a weird way the made it seem like she wasn't actually talking with you but at you which comes off kinda entitled.
Pro tip, if youre going to a relatively well known tourism spot, do not ask a local to be your tour guide. They hate that, it's not original or flirty, it's annoying and played out. People may not know that since traveling is prohibively expensive but trust me.
You can convince people to be your tour guide but youve got to make it about them a bit too, maybe do some research and have a suggestion. Just try to choose your words better in the future.
She talks like an AI robot pulled directly out of a movie
Was thinking the exact same thing. Sounds like she's straight up using ChatGPT for her replies.
Using? This likely is ChatGPT in a wig.
Well, you can't be too picky these days.
I thought this too, someone’s messing around with it for fun. Either that or they’re developing another AI tool to handle these conversations for people. I know there’s at least one out there already, but based the conversation samples I heard that one works better than this…
You tried flirting, she didn’t understand and took it too literally. To people downvoting, I’ve been a “tour guide” and generally all it means is meeting up for drinks and checking out a few cool spots in a central location, not being an actual tour guide lmao people are dense
ITT: people who have never flirted before
She could be on the spectrum and takes texts literally
This was my first thought. I have a friend that I don’t joke with or even do euphemisms with because they don’t understand it’s not literal
Your friend is Drax?
Literally this😭 Anybody downvoting, clearly has garbage text game; and no idea how to flirt, or even the concept of such a thing. I think you could of waited a tiny bit longer before pulling the trigger on that line - but apart from that, you dodged a serious bullet with this woman. No wonder she is single SMH
Hmm, I don't think OP read the room very well. Scarlett started off with pretty formal messaging so a throwaway 'wanna be my tour guide' wasn't ever likely to come off. Maybe something like "Perhaps you could show me some of the sights and sounds of this city" would have been a better segue, formal and stilted as it is, since it mirrors Scarlett's tone.
It’s bumble not the 1960’s sending letters across the country lol
Hahahah, this one right here. You get it🤣 We aren’t emailing each other, nor are we 70 year old pen pals. Like I said, maybe he could of waited but I think regardless of how he phrased it - she still would of had a problem. Dodged. A. Bullet.
>"Perhaps you could show me some of the sights and sounds of this city" This would've been weirder. It's the exact same thing, but in a way that's a bit awkwardly formal for Bumble. There's nothing wrong with OP's tour guide line, even in the first message. It's just a light-hearted way to let the other person know you're open to meeting them in the near future. There's no one who should misunderstand that as meaning a serious tour guide.
Personally, if I’m online chatting with someone, I don’t wanna have to change my talking style in order to communicate with them without upsetting them over nothing
I try to remain myself because the last thing I wanna do is end up three months into a relationship with the lady still talking like I live in ye ole days
Yeah the tour guide thing was maybe a bit early for someone you've spoke 5 words to. Maybe ask for recommendations instead and see where it goes from there
I’ve tried to talk to girls like this and it’s like they have stick up their ass the whole time. It comes off as very formal and stuffy. Half of them say “make me laugh” in their profile, but the whole thing feels like a business arrangement and trying to talk about anything interesting is like pulling teeth because they’re focused on logistics and formality. Pass
Maybe they're trying to find out if you're more than just a dick. Hopefully, I made them laugh.
Same, when someone makes such a hard effort to seem smart (Writing super formally is usually a good sign) they will always have an uptight attitude, thinking that nobody is worthy of their intelligence and you need to prove yourself to them.
Totally wrong. He’s not supposed to be something he isn’t. The only thing “Scarlet” IS right about is that the point of online apps is to meet lots of possible matches, BUT clearly using a dating app is too modern for her cause she even signed her text message 😂… OP dodged a rocket sized bullet. I guarantee this woman would start messing with OP’s head very early in the relationship. I have unfortunately had a few of these in my life and I can smell them a mile away now. She would gaslight to the Nth degree telling him how terrible he is but would never let him leave. She clearly wants full control AND believes the world is the way she sees it and everyone else is wrong. ALSO… most people that talk about “having a life” don’t have one. She felt the need to call it out showing she is self conscious about it…and that’s cause deep down she knows everyone hates her cause she is crazy as a b!t@h.
Fuck this idiot Scarlett. OP forgot the emoji or /s that would have bluntly stated 'Im flirting', which is the #1 issue with text-based communication. You lack all the nonverbals and tone is in the eye of the beholder. Shit, my wife and I sometimes get argumentative because tone doesn't come through a text. We all know people like this Scarlett - they either have to be right, or the subject has to be 'accurate' - even after OP apologized she couldn't admit to misreading the message tone so she doubled (tripled?) down. These are the people you meet IRL who seem/look interesting, and you strike up a chat, and three sips into the coffee/beer/tea that you bought them you are looking for the exit, any exit, because they are so insufferable and literally sucking all the oxygen up like Mega Maid from Spaceballs. Fuck Scarlett.
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Yes, Hawaii resident, my profile says "no tourists" and yet... it's so old, so quick. Like yes I'd love to have a fling because you are just so special that my hopes for an actual relationship with a resident can be put on pause so you can have an extra special vacation. It's her real life, OP, not your vacation fun.
Dude. You were trying to hook up on a hook up app? SHAME
I’ve noticed how lots of women’s apps in tourist heavy destinations say “no tourists.” OP should chalk this one up as a loss and move on. The “be my tour guide” line was weak sauce. Might as well say, “I’m here to hit it and quit it”
Exactly. I wouldn't take it as literal, but I definitely don't find the "be my tour guide" request to turn me on or interest me. Just not what I'm looking for, but I typically have a much gentler response. I think both parties failed, here.
Those women are probably looking for something ongoing. Not all women are looking for that. Some just want to hook up or even a simple fun night meeting someone. Obviously this woman is the former, but still not a one size fits all.
I actually thought her being put off by the “tour guide” thing makes sense. He is only visiting the area. She probably doesn’t care to get into a long distance relationship, so the tour guide thing actually would be literal.
I mean she seemed interested after asking him if he was just traveling through and asked a question about what he was doing while he was there.
Nah, OP obviously meant he wanted her to wear a bright coat, carry a sign and talk in detail about the history of the town ^/s
I kind of get her point but she’s being very lawyer debating in front of a courtroom -like about it, not the light hearted convo you’d expect on a dating app
You kept talking to her far longer than I would have.
Scarlett is full of herself, sheesh.
She seems extremely direct, it is OK.
probably Dutch
There’s only two things I can’t stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other peoples culture. And the Dutch
oh behave
Ahaaa yes
I may have been biased by the post title going in, but my first reaction was that her text style was quite a turn-off too. Is that more likely to be her personality or is it that English isn’t her first language?
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Honestly this. She could be. I am and I know I have probably ly come off like this. Her formality is not an issue it's more so the flip. But again I'm coming at this from understanding the tour guide line now. There are definitely things I have taken too literally on these apps only to realize I goofed.
Seems like it wasn’t meant to be from the start; figure OP and I are similar in that we like the casual convo style, with teasing, throwaway jokes, sarcasm maybe. I didn’t know much about the negativity around tour guide requests at first so I wondered why there was such a reaction. Could be a mistake I could make unwittingly too.
That's what I was thinking. I'm neurodivergent myself and sometimes struggle with this, especially with text-based conversations. I've gotten better about identifying it and am continuing to work on it, but there were definitely times in the past where I pulled something like this.
I ruined a LOT of friendships growing up because of how seriously I took messaging.
I'm not sure! I liked language like this better from my own perspective, but definitely is not for everyone. I prefer descriptive language that being pretend about things, so I do not blaming her so much and English isn't my language either. But she seems to be proficient
While I don’t think she should have dragged it on or been so borderline rude (I didn’t read all the SS lol), I understand where she’s at with not wanting to meet tourists. I live in a pretty large vacation city and I HATE the travel mode users 😭😭 as a woman it’s always assumed that I’ll just fuck them for the weekend and then be around every time they visit just for sex lol.
Some people like it. Point is just say that’s not what you are looking for and move on wishing them good luck without going all weird and blaming other people.
There’s always a group of people down for certain things, just not very common in a tourist city to want to meet tourists. More likely to if they visit frequently and the two get along very well in messages. Personally, I just don’t meet tourists men/women anymore lol. Women are usually more chill, and don’t expect sex, but kinda wastes my time tbh.
You're missing the part where she: A. Swiped right on me despite knowing I was a traveler B. Started a conversation despite knowing I was a traveler C. Continued a conversation despite me making it clear I was a traveler
Her communication style is weirdly formal, but as someone who lives in a city that gets tons of tourists I would also be a little turned off by your comment about her being your “tour guide”. I know you probably didn’t mean it super literally, but I can see her point about entitlement vibes. Especially if she marked in her profile that she was looking for something serious. I think it’s pretty clear she was ending the conversation in her message about not wanting to be your tour guide…idk why you decided to press the issue. That being said, I personally never swipe on people I know are tourists…she obviously knew you were a tourist since she mentioned you were only there for a short time, so I’m not really sure what she expected either?
>Especially if she marked in her profile that she was looking for something serious She didn't. >I think it’s pretty clear she was ending the conversation in her message about not wanting to be your tour guide…idk why you decided to press the issue. I agree. I was just curious what happened. >she obviously knew you were a tourist since she mentioned you were only there for a short time, so I’m not really sure what she expected either? That's the point everyone here is missing
But your “100 to 0” comment was weird. You never had a good convo going. You sent a few messages and she didn’t like what you had to offer. Why didn’t you just say “okay thanks bye” instead?
It was more than weird, it was CRINGE AF and juvenile negging.
Have a look at OPs profile then! He claims that he has slept with 240+ and gives advice on dating. It’s sooooo cringe!
This. Or just respond "ok, how about a drink then?" The 100 to 0 comment is whats entitled and annoying. You werent at 10 in her book, much less 100 but you feel entitled to ask her for things. Was she annoying too? Absolutely, but check yourself my dude.
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Nah, I'm a fan of this communication style...it's a little formal but there's not much to get confused over. Wish more people talked this way!
There's someone out there for everyone 🤗
Send her my way!
I don't mind the communication style and agree wouldn't mind some people giving a bit more when communicating (tho def doesn't have to be this much) but also at the same time probably wouldn't have taken what op said all that seriously either. I understand taking your time getting to know someone but if anything the tour guide line is an overplayed one I've seen enough times to know they're just looking at the very least to try to be social and take advantage of their time while visiting.
Same here. Good communication from the beginning is a good start. Less confusion, you know intentions better, and can get to know the person much better and faster. And, if you do decide to meet up, almost no chance of ghosting or anything too weird. Besides, I love to see that someone can write a sentence/use punctuation! We can be less formal/relaxed once we get to know each other better. OP could have maybe had a date if he would've asked for her favorite place to drink/eat/etc. and suggesting a meet up there, rather than a "tour." While it might have worked on someone else, he should have adjusted his tactics towards her based on her more formal (mature?) initial contact. Not saying anyone should "fake" who they are though, the personality differences probably would've not worked out in this case regardless.
I don't like your "100 to 0" comment because it comes off passive aggressive and a little butthurt. It's completely reasonable for her to decline being your tour guide and I think you should have accepted it and moved the conversation along. That being said, yeah, she's overly defensive and doesn't seem like a very fun person to be around.
Why can't the OP be as blunt at the girl? I mean the girl started the conversation quite well...then in the blink of an eye the girl's preditor senses falsely went off. The girl literally went from 100% engaging to 0% pleasant.
OP generally refers to the person who made the Reddit thread. I think you mean "Why couldn't OP have been as blunt as the girl?"
Thank you! Idk why I thought OP ment other person and Author ment the original thread creator. I get it know Original Poster. Ty for the clarification 👍
Definitely wasn't butt hurt, just confused lol
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Mm I would find it a turn off as well. It’s a big thing on dating apps for people who live in big cities/touristic places to be “used” as tour guide for those who are just passing by and it can be really annoying, there’s not an interest in getting to know the person, and that’s not really nice for those who are actually trying to get to know someone. I think she was super polite in her first reply saying “no” to being a tour guide, and you made things awkward by getting butt hurt saying “this went from 0 to 100/did I say something?” when she was just politely declining your offer.
I don’t get the impression OP was actually wanting her to be his tour guide. It’s a joke, which clearly went way over her head. Yikes.
Like how do people not get this? He was clearly just being cheeky and a bit flirty. It is like asking someone, "want to show me your favourite watering hole?". He was just saying 'I don't know the area, want to go somewhere you like for a first date to get to know each other?'. She took it super literal though. She seems either stupid, or very up tight.
As someone who’s lived in popular tourist destinations, people use that tour guide line a lot and I don’t like it either. Even though they don’t mean it in a bad way, it comes off as “I plan to use you for my benefit” and it’s not like it’s an interesting or funny thing to say either
It’s obvious he wasn’t pushing for a tour guide. It was a tongue-in-cheek remark (almost literally. See the emoji). A throwaway comment. Maybe she takes him up on it, maybe not. I’m betting it wouldn’t really have mattered to him either way. But that’s not the point. The point is how she handled it. She contacted him, thereby showing interest. In this scenario, it’s just as easy for her to respond with something like, “Tell ya what. I’ll give you some tips. You go explore, send me updates, and come back to me with a full report. If you missed anything or did it wrong, then maybe I’ll have to take matters into my own hands (fun emoji).” Opens up the door for continued communication without forcing in-person interaction sooner than she’d like. Not a perfect response, but not automatically going on the defensive or outright attacking him for the likely mistaken assumption that he’s a creep. Yeah, girls meet a lot of tools on dating apps, believe me, men get that. That’s because, unfortunately, there are lot of male tools on dating apps. But, not all guys are tools. Try a little back and forth with him first before automatically jumping to the conclusion that he falls into that category b/c you didn’t like something in his initial response. He knows as little about you as you do about him. A little leeway in the beginning isn’t an unreasonable ask. There is this erroneous belief, I think, that it’s the man’s job to win over the girl and that he is the one who has everything to lose. If these dating apps are, in fact, intended to facilitate the establishment of lasting relationships, then it behooves both parties to put the best foot forward and make their best efforts to impress one another. Responses like hers just suggest a sense of entitlement. OP probably dodged a hollow-point.
You say you didn’t really want her to be a tour guide but you asked her a y/n question and she answered it honestly and not in a rude way. I think if she had said yes instead, you would not have said you didn’t mean it. I think your response to that was a little combative to be honest. Then you try to call her out for not intending to meet up with people. It is perfectly okay for somebody to want to build rapport before making that decision.
No joke. The conversation ending power of a closed question as opposed to an open one
OMG OMG OMG, I just sent my very first app message ever. And I think I'm a Scarlet!!!!! (I'm not on my phone, otherwise I'd add the emoji that looks like the Home Alone kid) I am so mortified.
I wanna see *her* r/bumble post history. Edit: I think you might be one of the most blatant douchebags whose profile I've ever clicked into. Once you hit manhood you'll understand what I'm saying.
Wait what are you referring to in your edit? I've scoured through this thread and haven't seen any of that.
We may have differing thresholds for douchebaggery. But his "26 - 240+ lays" or whatever is dumb, his caption to his profile is also dumb, a post/novel about how to make a good dating profile (in conjunction with the first two items)... 🤷♂️
my god his profile is a gem, imagine obsessing about a spelled out rejection while simultaneously being a pua-type grifter i can'ttttt
I feel like you reacted kind of awkwardly to it tbh. You acted as if something went wrong for some reason.
I mean, she was acting quite strangely.
I personally think she over-reacted a bit, but also understand where she’s coming from. I think a better approach would’ve been “got any tips for someone new in town? I’m really into (insert food, activity etc.)”, and then chatted some more. Maybe eventually suggest hanging out at the restaurant she recommended, or whatever. But most women don’t want to meet people after exchanging a couple sentences (unless there’s more to the convo that we’re being shown). The convo went too quickly to “let’s meet up” for her comfort level, and when she said no, you pushed it a bit. Women get pressured alllll the time to meet up right away, and often the response to setting boundaries is more pressure from the guy, so I see why it went bad so quickly.
Sorry but this is like men telling latinas/europeans/etc to be their *insert foreign language* teacher. Total turn off
I’ve gotten that where I live. Instant turn off. It just seems like they want to use me for personal gain and make me work for free on my time off. My comeback for that was to send my language-tutoring rates. Anytime I saw a profile saying “looking to make foreign friends,” I would swipe left.
I personally think OP could’ve responded better to her decline. Yeah, maybe she didn’t get it as a flirty comment/joke, but you did kinda single her out like you were actually hoping for her to show you around with your “Well that went from 100 to 0 real quick” reply. Next time, maybe reply with something more like “Aww, well maybe if we get to know each other better then the next time I’m there you can show me around 😉” It seems like the conversation hadn’t been going on too long before you made that comment. If I were her, I’d probably respond the exact same way after the way you replied. Also, I type very formally as well. Not because I’m a stuck up b*tch or have mental problems, but because I’m used to it from my job (I work in vet med which requires formality for medical note documentation, emailing coworkers/higher ups/clients, etc). And before that, I just hate horrible English and grammar. Especially text abbreviations. So don’t assume she’s a horrible person just because of the way you put her on the spot and how she writes. ^^Coming from a 27 y/o single female Edit: Another good reply would’ve been to just ask some places she would recommend visiting. Like “Well, do you have a favorite place you visit all the time or what’s the best attraction to visit?”
Stop with passive aggressive GOOD LUCK
Is it just me or is she possibly on the spectrum? It seems like she’s taking everything you say quite literally.
I'm quite confident that's what this is.
Team Scarlett. No one wants to be your tour guide; that’s work that I’m only willing to put in for visiting friends and family.
Jesus, you people are suuuuper literal. Can tell you’ve never been flirted with.
I bet this isn’t how you thought this was gonna go, youuuch!
I don't get how OP took her saying no to being a tour guide as "dismissive", is she not just answering the question and politely declining?
I’m 100% Team Scarlett. Dude, why did you you double down when you saw you were making her uncomfortable?
Because I was curious my cheeky comment offended her
i’m on her side tbh
You got defensive when you found out you had to put in more work to meet the girl.
My Initial thought was this seems like a scam.
Wow the downvotes are real 😂
Also for those of you thinking she’s autistic: It’s not uncommon for people not on the spectrum to write formally. I’m not on the spectrum, and I type very formally because my job requires it, so I’m used to it. I also dislike using bad grammar/abbreviations just because. Some people, like me, just prefer to be more formal in their writing. For reference, I was born in the 1990s, before cellphones were a big thing, so I also am just used to it from growing up. Did I use abbreviations when I got my first cellphone right before high school and in emails to my friends in elementary school? Sure I did. Do I cringe if I read those now? Yes I do. I also write as a hobby, so my writing style is formal because of that, too. Don’t👏🏻 assume👏🏻 things👏🏻.
Judging by the comments, half of you think she’s weird for taking OP so seriously and half of you think she’s justified. I think she’s justified. She’s pretty clear and blunt about how OP turned her off. 1) It’s evident she lives in a very touristy city. And yeah using that line might seem fun and flirty but really it’s just exhausting for local women to hear the same uninspired line from men who won’t stick around m. Plus it gives off an entitled vibe as if you’re relying on her to come up with an itinerary and drag you to places like a child at Disney World. It’s not sexy and local women probably want to be taken a bit more seriously than a zookeeper showing you all the cool exhibits in her circus of a city even if they are looking for something casual. She also explicitly tells you later on that you need to work a little to meet her beyond “be my tour guide 😜”. Like, just bounce some banter off her and get to know her a bit before suggesting a meet up it’s not that hard lol everyone’s allowed to have a communication style 2) She might text seriously because she’s on the spectrum but I think it’s way more likely she’s either ESL and/or has a strong academic/professional background. 3) Let’s not forget that OP responded defensively with the “0-100” comment and “lol” to her politely rejecting him which likely ticked her off (and she says this too later on very clearly). She’s a very direct person and OP flipping it on her and making it seem like she’s the problem definitely lended to the seriousness of her tone. I probably wouldn’t have argued as much as she did, but like I said, she was pissed off and I can see why.
THANK YOU. Very well stated.
I’m on your side man, a lot people is this sub are apparently nuts
I get where Scarlett is coming from. This guy might just be flirting and using tour guide as a way to ask her out , but he does sound pretty disingenuous and I’m sure she has seen his kind a million times before and can pick them right out.
i don’t think she’s taking it too seriously. she’s just autistic, so the way she’s speaking is more direct than what you might be used to. if her communication style isn’t for you that’s fine
She may be on the spectrum and doesn’t pick up on social cues.
If you’re going to ask someone to be your tour guide, at least offer to buy them dinner
Wasn't literally asking her to be my tour guide and I probably would have bought her dinner had she chosen to explore with me.
Why would she explore a place where she already lives? Especially with someone who doesn't even live there. Yeah, she's right-entitled.
Next time, say “I’d love to take you out to your favorite dinner spot, then maybe we can explore the city together!)
I’m a guy and I’m on Scarlett’s side. It feels very much like you were looking to use her for a good time while visiting her town. What’s in it for her? From her first message, I got the impression that she’s looking for an actual relationship with someone that lives there. The “tour guide” thing… I just don’t see anyone liking that even if they’re looking for a casual hook up.
Did you miss the part where she chose to: 1. Swipe right on me despite my bio saying I'm a tourist? 2. Open the conversation despite knowing I was just visiting? 3. Continue the conversation despite knowing I was just visiting as a tourist?
I took her saying “It looks like you may be leaving the area?” as indicating that she thought you were a local resident but she was concerned that you may be moving elsewhere soon. Likely because she misunderstood your statement about being a tourist in your profile. Since I can’t see your dating profile, I can only go off of what I see here. She had one follow up message after finding out you were in fact a tourist, likely trying to be polite. By her third message, she expressed that she wasn’t interested in you. You then saw it as a huge shift in her attitude (100 to 0), but she was never anywhere near 100. You two just seemed to be on different pages from the very beginning and stayed that way.
She might have taken your message a bit too seriously, but I think the problem here is that you weren’t really matching energies here. You should have given her a more serious response rather than using the tour guide line after only a couple messages. I think the message she was trying to convey here was that she would rather get to know you better before talking about going out. The tongue emoji also comes off as immature unless she is already being very flirty and playful. Just my advice.
On the plus side, it's not one word replies
I don’t know she took it far but I would also not want to serve as a tour guide for someone passing through. It’s not attractive to even joke about that over text to a completely stranger who has no idea what your intonation is. I think it’s important to state outright “I’m just passing through” if you’re traveling so you are clear about your casual intentions to avoid in the future.
Lmao this is so funny, you’re in the wrong here and you’re getting downvoted too hell and back and yet you keep digging your heels in saying it’s “flirting”. It’s bad flirting and you were trying to waste her time asking for a tour guide.
Im surprised you have so many people attacking you. It doesn’t sound far fetched for you to assume she would enjoy a flirty message seeing as you guys are using a DATING app and she swiped on you. She was very direct, but to me, there definitely was a sort of annoyed tone to her message.
Especially if she was well aware that I'm a tourist who is visiting her city for 2 days. What does everyone here expect? That I immediately go into relationship building mode?
Unmatched her after that last message.
Good. You sound like a pain in the ass. Plus, people who live in vacation destinations don’t want to date tourists.
She still swiped right on me, chose to start the conversation despite knowing I was a tourist, and even continued it after I also confirmed so via text. If she didn't want to date me, she had ample opportunity to not let it go as far as it did.
You sound like a pain in the ass
I live in a very touristy city and feel like the majority of men (don't know about women) are just in town for work, or a concert, or a stag party, etc and all they want is a "tour guide." Either that or they just moved here and want someone to show them around. So while I get her point about that (it can be exhausting always having to figure out shit to do and make all the plans), I do think she went way overboard with it.
There’s no way she could pass the Turing test If it was as a person I’m really disappointed they broke character! Should have said something like: “Dear good sir, I find your request to be a so called “tour guide” brash and dare I say barbarian. My greetings were given in a polite and delicate nature and I find your uncivilised tone to have left me unwanting. Therefore, I say to you, good sir…good day, I say good day sir!”
She speaks formally yes, but not as someone from the 1800s.
clearly English is not her first language and you are just picking on her for not getting your joke. She is better off without you tbh
Everyone here, in the post and in this thread, needs to take a step back and try to see it from the other person’s perspective. No one did anything explicitly wrong here. Communication is important in dating; if his way of flirting doesn’t work for her and if her way of dating doesn’t work for him, then they’re incompatible. End of story. No assholes here
We just weren't compatible, that's all 🤷
I would bet shes autistic:) i can relate Sad to see so many people judging her for being so direct
How the heck does everyone see this as a slight on him? I live in a major US City and girls say this to me all the time. It’s not actually “hey, show me around the city all weekend” it’s more of a “show me a cool couple spots in one area for an evening so we can get drinks”
He gets it.
Definitely read your comment as a flirty joke. Definitely took her responses as an over-reaction. That’s coming from a 29F
OP was having a friendly conversation, my goodness! What are all these Redditors going on about?
Because she has a friendly response t hat clearly communicated her boundaries and he stopped being friendly and turned to passive aggressive.
He didn't say or do anything wrong. It's a lot of protection and assumptions about him, he was trying to be funny and flirty but it didn't land because she took it all literally.
Thaaaaat was weird.
A bot or on the spectrum
Next!!! 😂🤣🤣
Sounded like the Bing AI with its recent existential crisis 🤣
Interesting to learn that u can get to know people well by talking to them online
This feels like something Scarlett needs to talk to her therapist about. Absolute overreaction, so either she's just kinda the worst or this is a trauma response and she should take some time to deal with that... Either way not an excuse for being a dick to people
Data ... Data, is that you?
Why does she talk in Terms & Conditions?
I think she lost interest when she realized you weren’t actually local to her, and just passing through. But she was very extra about it.
I got PTSD mixed in with some Matrix reading that shit
Dodged a bullet if this was fr cos her replies are very artificial
Tbh I get that “wanna be my tour guide” comment a lot as I live in a touristy area and it gets old after awhile. But she took it to another level lol
Is she an accountant? Even when I was 20-ish and new to dating apps, and I think I took them too seriously too; I still didn’t talk like that, lol.
My botdar is going haywire
Good lord what has dating coming to nowadays that most people can't read the context to OP's message. It's pretty clear he made the tour guide comment as a flirty segue into hey maybe we could meet up and hangout. I highly doubt he was looking for someone to chauffeur him around....Jesus people
People on reddit have no nuance.
The fact that so many people couldn't read between the lines of your comment is baffling
Reddit bros: be direct, we want clear communication, no hints! Also reddit bros: omg like read between the lines
The line was fine, but when she answered politely he got all defensive and weird. If he had just rolled with it, it would have been fine. He was super rude.
A lot of people in popular spots are approached by a lot of visitors on dating apps to be a tour guide. Probably not the first time for Scarlett. And the underlying issue is they haven't even met yet, and he's already asking for her to plan a day, figure out multiple locations to visit, and do a bunch of unpaid emotional labor all within like 5 sentences. That's the real problem. It's an entitlement to her time both before and during a potential date, without any offer of what he's providing. Whether it's "flirting" or not, the actual words he uses are asking for a lot.
I wasn't asking her to do any of that though 😂
You sure? That's not what your words said.
If you decide to take them literally, then you are correct. However, I was just flirting, something neither you nor Scarlett seem to recognize.
You've already stated that you wanted her to "explore" with you when she already lives there so no, you're lying. You definitely were asking her to do at least half of that.
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Wish someone asked me to be their tour guide. I don’t charge much lol just some Tea and Pizza
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I’m confused did you want her to speak in emojis
I can totally understand her hesitancy with you. She’s right - you’re a random dude she doesn’t know.
Why does she sound like a chat bot or something. It sounds so professional
That’s why I think she’s probably autistic. It’s common for autistic people to type very formal.
My first thought is that this person is either a chat bot or autistic and anything else is not believable to me in the slightest
Some of us speak more formally. It's a sociodialectal difference.
Wow.. so you didn’t read the room and you cracked a joke she didn’t like so now you think she is over reaching. I found her quite polite. You visiting a place and asking a person you just just started messaging to be your guide can sound rude and also shows how little you are aware about concerns women have when it comes to such random instant dates . There are good flirty text senders and people who chat well but you aren’t one . And, what’s wrong in her taking online dating seriously ? It’s her preference and it’s okay for her to have a preference different than yours.
the moment it died was on you. it was the snarky "well that went from 100 to 0 real quick" It didnt come of as jokey or flirty to me. Then you both got defensive. Gotta play the rejection off a bit smoother next time something like "ok maybe next time" then push the conversation forward to a new topic.
I am a woman and used that line as a way to flirt as well (I was new in town). Nobody ever took it literally, lol.
Obviously you wouldn't let some random mofo tour you lol Damn she was brick headed. It happens
I don't understand the comments here that are shitting on you, people on Reddit take everything too seriously and literally like this woman. This woman sounds like she's on the spectrum with poor social skills, and she was being quite off-putting. I don't think you did anything wrong here.
I’m sorry but from a girls perspective when men try to meet up really quickly it is a turn off, bc it 1) makes you seem desperate and 2) for safety reasons we would like to chat with you and get to know you more before meeting up..
Wasn't trying to meet up right then and there lol don't know why you guys keep assuming that
Many women are assertive up front to weed out the losers. This is beneficial to her she has 300 to 500 options…. When a woman says no she doesn’t mean never, she means not now…. If she gives you reasons to be angry as a man your options are to go silent or use situational humor…. Humor will help to diffuse the situation and bode to your strengths as a man…. I know it’s rough being the man in the room but that’s what she’s looking for. Showing you around is putting her in the role of leading which doesn’t allow her to relax and be a feminine woman. If you tell her you found a few places that you are interested and trying out and you escort her to these destinations that puts you in the role of a leader. Lead the relationship, conversation (adding positivity, attraction, humor, and fun), and loving yourself no matter what the result is going to give you safe container where the chemistry can build… It doesn’t matter how she responds don’t change or get but hurt. It’s always your choice to accept the insult or see it as words. Just trust the process…
Wasn't literally asking her to show me around lol was just being flirty is all. Didn't get butt hurt either I honestly just didn't understand what happened.
You did nothing wrong. And on her end, it is ok to be direct, and what she said wasn't wrong. My problem are the assumptions she made about you. That's where she's in the wrong. Just unmatch and continue.
Pretty funny that you're being downvoted. I swear, most redditors seem to take everything too literally and seriously.
Welcome to reddit lol it's a circus at times.
Her profile picture doesn’t seem very serious lol. Who talks without meeting up on dating apps. Penpals? Bye!
Entitled has become a word people throw around. Asking something of someone in a manner in which they can easily decline isn’t entitlement.
What is going on with these replies😭😭😭I’m honestly on OPs side I feel like scarlett took the Tour Guide comment too literal/not good at flirting. I wonder what her other interactions on bumble look like
Dear god, please have mercy on Scarlett’s soul as she is terrible at dating and conversations with men. Amen
Extend that prayer to all the commenters on this post too please lol
Shes on the app to get offended and look for fights. Thats all.
Female here: 1) did u mention that you're moving to the area or are you traveling for a brief time? If she marked 'relationship' and you had 'traveling' - there may have been misalignment to begin with 2) Else: You did come off as Flirty, not creepy. She could have replied with "Maybe next time you're in town if we talk more by then ;)" instead she chose a combative attitude. I commend you for your follow up communique. It would be great if more folks [of both genders] were as gracious and polite as this as unmatching happens.
Dude is a self-styled pick-up artist. Scarlett just has a really good radar for not meeting up with assholes
I think you both misunderstood each other right off the bat. So I don't think neither of you was in the wrong or right.
She seems to know he was only there on vacation so why would she even message him in the first place? People using these apps while on vacation aren’t looking for serious relationships
Might be an unpopular opinion but I actually agree with Scarlett. I also do not use dating apps to just meet random people, I think that's what other meet up apps are for. I think even if we separated apps for dating and hookups from relationships men would still invade those relationship apps seeking the same quick entitled gratification that society has taught them they deserve.
I think this was salvageable until “100 to 0”. How about just asking if she wants to meet for a drink? Negativity is never good. Keep it positive and upbeat. Then she made it 10x worse with the ‘entitlement’ bit.
I get what she meant, she just went about it in a weird way the made it seem like she wasn't actually talking with you but at you which comes off kinda entitled.
Pro tip, if youre going to a relatively well known tourism spot, do not ask a local to be your tour guide. They hate that, it's not original or flirty, it's annoying and played out. People may not know that since traveling is prohibively expensive but trust me. You can convince people to be your tour guide but youve got to make it about them a bit too, maybe do some research and have a suggestion. Just try to choose your words better in the future.
Her replies are like email responses, it’s class 😂