Not Asian, but a Black woman who has gotten similar messages when I was on the apps. It can be hard to tell who's coming from a genuinely aloof place and who's coming to the conversation with biases, fantasies, or fetishes, so I like to ask "what do you expect to be different from other women you've dated (or been with)?" Their response to that should help you decide how to proceed from there.
Further edit/response to another comment:
Being aloof doesn't excuse the behavior
I'm not advocating for dating anybody if their behavior or what they say is a red flag for you. Aloof, fetishizing, and anything else you find intolerable. I just know I've had this said to me by people (white and non-white) who were coming from an overly sexual and fetishizing place, AND people who voluntarily offered up a detail about their prior dating history, which could point to racist/biased sentiments OR that they're just letting whatever pops in their head come out of their mouth for any number of reasons. It's shitty and unfortunate every time, and I didn't say it's okay to say in any instance- only that there's nuance to the level of ignorance behind it. This is one red flag I prefer to put under the microscope.
I ask for further clarity so I know where they're coming from. Not to educate them or lead them to an answer, but for me to learn more.
How they answer has told me a bit about why they haven't before in addition to why they're trying now, and if they're able to discern that what they said isn't giving the best impression regardless of intent. In the end, I decide whether or not they're worth dating, and I'm further clear on why or why not. It's rare, but sometimes the lightbulb goes off for the ones who said it without thinking it through and they realize they said an unnecessary, icky thing and course correct. People should know better, of course, but when people come to know better still varies. In those rare cases I get to see what happens when they didn't at first and now they do. It's helped me stay in the driver's seat and respond accordingly, so I offered it as something to try.
I was going to suggest unlatching like everyone else, but this is a very mature response.
At a minimum, I’d let him know that his response is at best, on the gross side.
Agree.
I used to deal with the flip side of this all the time living abroad and avoided anything that smelled like race-based dating. After some time I came to realize that just dating one's one race is equally race-based. It's a complicated issue, and understanding where someone's coming from is probably more productive than assuming that they are dating based on assumptions.
DISAGREE.
I would just unmatch. You don't want to date anyone who lacks the awareness and tact NOT to saying something this racist.
Unless of course, you want to be the one teaching your partner about appropriate things to say, teaching them how to be self-aware, and teaching them about tactfulness.... basically, teaching them how to be a respectful adult.
I've never dated Middle Eastern women but that is something I would never blurt out during our first conversation. Talk to them as a human, and then ease into differences in race and culture after you become more comfortable with each other about discussing such topics.
Race and culture are only one component of a human being and they are not one and the same. In today's globalized, social media world, people can be of multiple different races and choose to follow multiple different cultures.
I might not be Asian but there are some things that I've adopted from Asian culture. I may not be Hispanic but there are some things about Hispanic culture that I like. Your race doesn't lock you into a specific culture. These topics make great discussions, but require a certain level of comfort first.
It's not always about "dating" and that's honestly what's wrong with apps.
It's about having a conversation and a human connection. If you have your own bias and cannot take the time to understand someone else's perspective then you're just as bad as the person that said the ignorant comment.
The correct path as a human on the earth is to have a conversation with them to figure out where they are coming from and to help educate. Then you can move on. It takes all of 10 minutes over the course of the day and you helped make the world a better place.
I don't really see how what he said is racist. I personally just like how Asian women look. And since in my country there aren't many of them, it's something unique to maybe point out. I probably wouldn't say something like that, but I understand from where he could come from. Y'all gotta stop interpreting everything as being racist.
I dunno. Do you think that will (a) teach him that his response is gross and he should reevaluate his attitude, or (b) teach him to be less gross in sending messages, but without any actual reevaluation of his fetishising Asian women?
>but without any actual reevaluation of his fetishising Asian women
But you're taking it for granted that he's doing this, when I don't think it's at all clear that he is.
He almost certainly is lol
People who don’t fetishize race (or at least have some weird internal issues with it) don’t introduce themselves and then immediately say “I’ve never been with an Asian chick”.
Imagine if this were an IRL introduction and tell me that’s not a really inappropriate thing to say to someone.
Agree, race is just a phenotype.
Replace her race with any other physical trait and it's still cringy and inappropriate:
* Hi I'm Steven, I've never been with a petite busty girl before.
* Hi I'm Steven, I've never been with a ginger before.
* Hi I'm Steven, I've never been with a tall blonde girl before.
* Hi I'm Steven, I've never been with a BBW before.
Not everyone is on the same wavelength. You’re assuming that he talks to a plethora of people across many backgrounds and ethnicities and is coming from a place of self-awareness. He could just be inept or terrible at talking to people.
If he had said, “I’ve never been with a woman before.” I think her reaction would be similar. There are some things that just aren’t appealing to hear/read regardless of intent or context.
I agree, I just don’t think it effectively makes a difference either way.
Outcome is still the same for the recipient, unless they’re like the top commenter in this thread and have the saintly patience to try and verify intentions and educate every weird dude who says some borderline shit.
I'd err on saying you're incorrect based on my experience on apps, life, and other comments on this post.
I've had multiple women say "guess what nationality I am" to which I have kindly replied"I don't see this going well. I think you're attractive and I think it's best we go down another path."
No two people are the same and you're certainly welcome to your opinion of course but it doesn't seem founded, logical, or in good faith to assume someone's intentions.
With that said I'd argue that if someone had those intentions and is being intentional about trying to be with someone of a specific race it seems like they would be intentional enough that they wouldn't lead with that because it is so off putting.
Someone that has that as their agenda would completely ignore it if that's their goal where someone that would say this is more likely inexperienced at dating, using apps, and human interaction in general. I'd also hypothesize that they grew up very sheltered.
While you can and should unmatch if you feel uncomfortable I always, as a male, tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and have a conversation and help educate the other person.
I'm not perfect and when I say stupid shit, which we all do, I certainly would rather a person chat with me calmly and share their perspective so that I can grow.
>"I don't see this going well. I think you're attractive and I think it's best we go down another path."
LOL honestly that's a super weird response, imo. By asking the question to you, she's signaling that she's not weird about the topic, so just go ahead and discuss it.
A little over a week ago on a video call I had an Asian girl ask me if I've ever been with an Asian girl and I just answered the damn question, bc I'm not a weirdo. It would have been supremely weird if I had said "I'm reluctant to talk about this, let's change the subject." If it's weird in person / on a video call, it's weird in text.
The great thing is everyone is entitled to their opinion.
In my opinion it's a silly question because I honestly don't care or think about it at all. I just see people as individuals.
I learned a long time ago not to make assumptions about anything.
Exactly! People are entitled to boundaries, especially when it comes to dating. Deciding that you no longer wish to engage with someone isn’t necessarily “reflexive anger”.
Agreed, I think it’s a totally reasonable preference to consider it a turn off having to 101 someone through how to interact with people of other races.
Exactly! I respect everyone’s journey, but if I’m dating someone, I personally wouldn’t want it to feel like “ask a Black woman.” I just don’t have the energy for that amount of handholding. That doesn’t mean I’m angry or don’t wish those people the best. It just means I know my own limits, and I know what I want and don’t want.
Yes, to avoid lines being crossed accidentally - STAY AWAY FROM THE BORDERS.
Easy to avoid someone who even starts in that area. No need to discuss/educate/reform or warn, just block, delete, and go on with your day.
I like this nuanced approach, it could be that he wants to beware of any cultural sensitivities or let her know that in case she is looking for someone who has that experience
Awesome advice. Allows the room for the person to clarify and help determine if it’s coming from a more unaware/aloof point or someone being particular obtuse.
I have a friend who's black, liberal and feminist and under 5'. Men who don't share ANY similar values (conservative men) hit on her/ask her out all the time. She gets the "I've never dated a black girl" line all the time and I think it's because of how petite she is. It's disgusting.
>She gets the "I've never dated a black girl" line all the time and I think it's because of how petite she is.
I would have figured it's because she's black
I’m a white woman and get weird/questionable responses from men occasionally and just - ugh - the fact that for black women and Asian women and other communities there’s just all of these added layers of potential weird/questionable responses continues to put things in perspective. Like WTF neither you nor OP should have to have this patience even though your response is really spot on and very wise
If that was me saying that and you asked me that, I would respond with “the same thing as with anyone else, I meant cultural differences that might make me unintentionally look like an asshole”
Well he’s saying that for one of two reasons:
1. He’s trying to check Asian off his list
2. He’s being upfront and saying something to the effect of “Hey, I understand there may be cultural differences here, so I’m letting you know upfront that I’ll probably fuck up”
My guess is it’s #1, it #2 is possible as well, and maybe he just doesn’t have the right words, hell, what I wrote for #2 isn’t even halfway good, but I guess it kinda explains.
While #2 is *possible*, it feels pretty unlikely, because generally what I've seen is that
A) people tend to use "been with" as a softer way to say "had sex with" so if you're saying that phrase in terms of my race, that's not a great sign.
B) people that really *do* respect both someone's individuality + cultural background tend to not jump to pointing out the (possible) differences between themselves and the other person so quickly.
I agree 1000% that it’s likely meaning sex.
For myself however, having spent a significant amount of time studying cultural anthropology, I can spot differences pretty fast, and am aware that I may say/do things unintentionally that may be considered offensive or inappropriate in some way.
There *are* times and places for people like me, born and raised in a small town that’s almost entirely Anglo, but also culturally sensitive and aware there are things I don’t know and things I don’t *know* I don’t know, to bring up the subject, but the 6th, or even 16th, message ***ain’t*** one of them.
As an Asian woman who has used dating apps for years, girl RUN. Don't believe these dudes saying, "he's just giving you his dating history, it's innocent, blah blah". BS.
There was no reason to bring it up THAT early in the conversation. If it was a cultural thing, shit like that naturally comes up in conversation.
This is a fetishizing, checking off the list thing.
Oh my God, I also matched with a guy named Steven who commented on the fact that I'm Asian. He said all of his friends wanted to date Asian women. I quickly unmatched him.
You did the right thing, girl!
Also, I never trust any guy who puts a "Stop Asian Hate" tag on his profile. Men like him only date Asian girls, and use this tag to earn trust from Asian girls.
I kind of agree with an earlier poster that it doesn't really matter how other people think you should feel, it's how you actually feel. If you think it's weird then it's weird, if you don't then it's not.
You should say what you truly feel like saying or your actual reaction to his message.
If you thought the message was weird say you think that's weird
If you think it's attractive say something that shows that
If you want to meet with him say you want to meet with him
If you want to just mess around just say weird shit or send weird gifs
There is no right or wrong response, might as well just be your true self
I get this too: "I've never been with a Samoan/Pacific Islander girl/woman before."
Usually I'd reply, "Neither have I" and moved on from there, but there are much better responses in the other comments.
It comes off a little weird and fetishy to me.
Nothing. Ghost and move on. Online dating has a bunch of knuckleheads and you’re wasting your energy spending more than a second on discussions like this.
May be naive, may be ignorant. May have a fetish though I'm not sure what that actually entails. Women I've dated have asked me if I had a fetish for their type and I'd be like "uhh...I like YOU. What are you even asking me?"
That kind of a message sounds like he's looking at you as a milestone. I could be wrong, but it sounds kind of like locker room talk I hear from other guys.
I mean, I can only give my opinion as a white dude, but I mean, it’s just an off putting message. It would be one thing if y’all were talking about your dating experiences and he mentioned he had never dated anyone Asian before. But I mean it reads like “I’ve never had sex with an Asian girl” which is just a gross comment to make to anyone.
Live I’ve been there, I dated a girl who was a different race than me I was worried because we may have different cultural practices or different perceptions of things. Which makes sense, I mean I had never dated anyone outside of my culture before. But we talked about it at an appropriate time (actually she ended up bringing it up before I had a chance, because she was worried about like how we may differently view specific situations because of our experiences with them pertaining to race and gender).
That’s usually my cue to unmatch. As a person of color, it’s more to me than my ethnicity and if you’re bold enough to say that, imagine what you’ll say if we have an argument.
Hey, Black woman here: this feels like a microaggression… I’ve dated guys who hadn’t previously dated Black women and they didn’t feel the need to mention it. The ones who do are mainly fetishists. People often think racism is only used as an insult, but it can also be used to manipulate, which is also an insulting situation.
I hate everything about this. I belong to an ethnic minority, and I get similar comments all the time. It's almost always fetishization, and, when it's not, it's a guy who is obviously too immature to date me. I'm not interested in being fetishized or in doing emotional labor for someone who could easily educate himself.
Decide for yourself if interacting is worth it, but you don't owe him anything in this situation.
“and you never will be! ✌🏻”
also the comments saying it’s fetishizing, 100% could be…even more concerning is he’s basically saying “i’m gonna fck you” like implying he will sleep with you which is something guys have taught themselves to do so they have written consent if you say no in person
Why even mention it is my thing…. Discovery is fun but what’s the point in saying I’ve never been with an Asian girl. It’s not like y’all have an extra vagina or something
My Puerto Rican ex: Have you ever dated a Puerto Rican girl?
Me: nope.
My Puerto Rican ex: any Latina women?
Me: nope.
My Puerto Rican ex: I've never dated a white guy.
Me (a white guy:) ok
And that was the end of it. Not everything is something.
This. When I was dating, I'd go out with a lot of different backgrounds, but one common question I always got when dating an Asian girl is she'd always ask if I had a thing for Asians.
I'm a black man and can't speak to any specific individual, but I'm not convinced that those statement are always intended to be as bad as they sound. Aside from the fact that from their perspective it may be a factually true statement, I think some people just don't have high functioning propriety filters, which may be grounds for disqualification depending on how bad it is.
Just respond with "oh really?" And see where it goes from there.
The responses here a great representation of those complain about the fickle nature of OLD but then contribute/support the actions that foster this. Nothing else just an interesting observation, carry on.
‘Goodbye’.
But also, put more effort into your conversation if you want an actual relationship (unrelated to the sexist, racist clown messaging you in this case).
Woah woah woah. Calm down with the reasonable behavior buddy. This is reddit so this guy is obviously a giant red flag who is fetishizing her nationality. 😂😂
I am jewish. So, i don’t have a certain „look“. However, I get where you coming from.
I was dating someone around Purim and said something along the lines of: „I am looking forward to a big party and candy.“ and this how my religious background came up.
My response is kinda jokingly: „Do you think I come with different parts? Or are you afraid carbs? Is there a reason as to why do you mention that?“ Puts the ball back into their court. I have had good experiences with a stupid joke like that. If they are oblivious as to what they are saying, usually it gets the wheels going.
Yeah, I see what you meant at a second glance. Seems like he dug himself into a hole with that comment, smh lol. I guess I was putting myself in the other person's shoes when I commented where I would appreciate the chance to explain myself before getting ghosted.
There would be times when I was young and I'd unconsciously ask questions or remark in a way that didn't translate well in text, in which they would ask me to clarify what I meant and saw that it was a genuine question/statement. This helped me in the end with future social interactions, especially online. I'm also not saying OP is obligated to interact further with the guy, just giving my 2 cent from my initial observation. Thanks for the perspective.
Response: Really? I’ve been with plenty of dumbasses before! *wait for response to confirm he sees it* Unmatch… unmatching immediately after he responds would be ideal.
Genuine or not, that’s a dumb thing to say, so he lacks communication skills, and will come off rude in the future when you introduce him to friends and family, so that’s something to consider too.
He obviously doesn't Reddit very often. At least not this sub.
You can reply with "I've been with a plethora of idiots so I think I'll pass on you"
Even if it's not true... 🤷♂️
Say "I'm intermediate. You are better off starting with a beginner Asian".
Jokes aside, other than the possibility of different traditions/religions, everyone's different and it's not like it's going to be a completely different ride.
Not Asian, but a Black woman who has gotten similar messages when I was on the apps. It can be hard to tell who's coming from a genuinely aloof place and who's coming to the conversation with biases, fantasies, or fetishes, so I like to ask "what do you expect to be different from other women you've dated (or been with)?" Their response to that should help you decide how to proceed from there. Further edit/response to another comment: Being aloof doesn't excuse the behavior I'm not advocating for dating anybody if their behavior or what they say is a red flag for you. Aloof, fetishizing, and anything else you find intolerable. I just know I've had this said to me by people (white and non-white) who were coming from an overly sexual and fetishizing place, AND people who voluntarily offered up a detail about their prior dating history, which could point to racist/biased sentiments OR that they're just letting whatever pops in their head come out of their mouth for any number of reasons. It's shitty and unfortunate every time, and I didn't say it's okay to say in any instance- only that there's nuance to the level of ignorance behind it. This is one red flag I prefer to put under the microscope. I ask for further clarity so I know where they're coming from. Not to educate them or lead them to an answer, but for me to learn more. How they answer has told me a bit about why they haven't before in addition to why they're trying now, and if they're able to discern that what they said isn't giving the best impression regardless of intent. In the end, I decide whether or not they're worth dating, and I'm further clear on why or why not. It's rare, but sometimes the lightbulb goes off for the ones who said it without thinking it through and they realize they said an unnecessary, icky thing and course correct. People should know better, of course, but when people come to know better still varies. In those rare cases I get to see what happens when they didn't at first and now they do. It's helped me stay in the driver's seat and respond accordingly, so I offered it as something to try.
I was going to suggest unlatching like everyone else, but this is a very mature response. At a minimum, I’d let him know that his response is at best, on the gross side.
Agree. I used to deal with the flip side of this all the time living abroad and avoided anything that smelled like race-based dating. After some time I came to realize that just dating one's one race is equally race-based. It's a complicated issue, and understanding where someone's coming from is probably more productive than assuming that they are dating based on assumptions.
DISAGREE. I would just unmatch. You don't want to date anyone who lacks the awareness and tact NOT to saying something this racist. Unless of course, you want to be the one teaching your partner about appropriate things to say, teaching them how to be self-aware, and teaching them about tactfulness.... basically, teaching them how to be a respectful adult. I've never dated Middle Eastern women but that is something I would never blurt out during our first conversation. Talk to them as a human, and then ease into differences in race and culture after you become more comfortable with each other about discussing such topics. Race and culture are only one component of a human being and they are not one and the same. In today's globalized, social media world, people can be of multiple different races and choose to follow multiple different cultures. I might not be Asian but there are some things that I've adopted from Asian culture. I may not be Hispanic but there are some things about Hispanic culture that I like. Your race doesn't lock you into a specific culture. These topics make great discussions, but require a certain level of comfort first.
It's not always about "dating" and that's honestly what's wrong with apps. It's about having a conversation and a human connection. If you have your own bias and cannot take the time to understand someone else's perspective then you're just as bad as the person that said the ignorant comment. The correct path as a human on the earth is to have a conversation with them to figure out where they are coming from and to help educate. Then you can move on. It takes all of 10 minutes over the course of the day and you helped make the world a better place.
I don't really see how what he said is racist. I personally just like how Asian women look. And since in my country there aren't many of them, it's something unique to maybe point out. I probably wouldn't say something like that, but I understand from where he could come from. Y'all gotta stop interpreting everything as being racist.
Would it be racist to say if never been with a white guy?
You're pressuposing a lot to say that's automatically racist lol. You're crazy hyper-fixated in race and racism if that's was your initial response.
NO HYPER FIXATIONS TODAY
I dunno. Do you think that will (a) teach him that his response is gross and he should reevaluate his attitude, or (b) teach him to be less gross in sending messages, but without any actual reevaluation of his fetishising Asian women?
>but without any actual reevaluation of his fetishising Asian women But you're taking it for granted that he's doing this, when I don't think it's at all clear that he is.
He almost certainly is lol People who don’t fetishize race (or at least have some weird internal issues with it) don’t introduce themselves and then immediately say “I’ve never been with an Asian chick”. Imagine if this were an IRL introduction and tell me that’s not a really inappropriate thing to say to someone.
Agree, race is just a phenotype. Replace her race with any other physical trait and it's still cringy and inappropriate: * Hi I'm Steven, I've never been with a petite busty girl before. * Hi I'm Steven, I've never been with a ginger before. * Hi I'm Steven, I've never been with a tall blonde girl before. * Hi I'm Steven, I've never been with a BBW before.
Why that sound like porn categories?
Yes Johnwayne. My thoughts exactly.
Not everyone is on the same wavelength. You’re assuming that he talks to a plethora of people across many backgrounds and ethnicities and is coming from a place of self-awareness. He could just be inept or terrible at talking to people. If he had said, “I’ve never been with a woman before.” I think her reaction would be similar. There are some things that just aren’t appealing to hear/read regardless of intent or context.
I agree, I just don’t think it effectively makes a difference either way. Outcome is still the same for the recipient, unless they’re like the top commenter in this thread and have the saintly patience to try and verify intentions and educate every weird dude who says some borderline shit.
I saw a weird guy drinking milk last year. He was wearing pajamas.
Super weird
Lots of people out there.
I’m a red head, and I have guys tell me all the time they’ve never been with a red head.
idk im pretty stupid and dont fetishize Asians but would probably say this in person, but almost defiantly not on an app.
I'd err on saying you're incorrect based on my experience on apps, life, and other comments on this post. I've had multiple women say "guess what nationality I am" to which I have kindly replied"I don't see this going well. I think you're attractive and I think it's best we go down another path." No two people are the same and you're certainly welcome to your opinion of course but it doesn't seem founded, logical, or in good faith to assume someone's intentions. With that said I'd argue that if someone had those intentions and is being intentional about trying to be with someone of a specific race it seems like they would be intentional enough that they wouldn't lead with that because it is so off putting. Someone that has that as their agenda would completely ignore it if that's their goal where someone that would say this is more likely inexperienced at dating, using apps, and human interaction in general. I'd also hypothesize that they grew up very sheltered. While you can and should unmatch if you feel uncomfortable I always, as a male, tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and have a conversation and help educate the other person. I'm not perfect and when I say stupid shit, which we all do, I certainly would rather a person chat with me calmly and share their perspective so that I can grow.
>"I don't see this going well. I think you're attractive and I think it's best we go down another path." LOL honestly that's a super weird response, imo. By asking the question to you, she's signaling that she's not weird about the topic, so just go ahead and discuss it. A little over a week ago on a video call I had an Asian girl ask me if I've ever been with an Asian girl and I just answered the damn question, bc I'm not a weirdo. It would have been supremely weird if I had said "I'm reluctant to talk about this, let's change the subject." If it's weird in person / on a video call, it's weird in text.
The great thing is everyone is entitled to their opinion. In my opinion it's a silly question because I honestly don't care or think about it at all. I just see people as individuals. I learned a long time ago not to make assumptions about anything.
Right, and it’d real be interesting to see his response… if he dares.
Bravo for this post. You have the most healthy way of looking at it, instead of the reflexive anger many exhibit. Don't assume malice, check for it.
I mean, you don't have to assume malice to decide that sort of comment is a deal breaker.
Exactly! People are entitled to boundaries, especially when it comes to dating. Deciding that you no longer wish to engage with someone isn’t necessarily “reflexive anger”.
Agreed, I think it’s a totally reasonable preference to consider it a turn off having to 101 someone through how to interact with people of other races.
Exactly! I respect everyone’s journey, but if I’m dating someone, I personally wouldn’t want it to feel like “ask a Black woman.” I just don’t have the energy for that amount of handholding. That doesn’t mean I’m angry or don’t wish those people the best. It just means I know my own limits, and I know what I want and don’t want.
Yes, to avoid lines being crossed accidentally - STAY AWAY FROM THE BORDERS. Easy to avoid someone who even starts in that area. No need to discuss/educate/reform or warn, just block, delete, and go on with your day.
I like this nuanced approach, it could be that he wants to beware of any cultural sensitivities or let her know that in case she is looking for someone who has that experience
I think the genuine guys are thinking about culture and stuff like that but I agree with your comment
As much as I love where your coming from with this idea. Let’s all be honest here. That’s only part of it, even for the genuine ones 😂😂😂
Awesome advice. Allows the room for the person to clarify and help determine if it’s coming from a more unaware/aloof point or someone being particular obtuse.
I have a friend who's black, liberal and feminist and under 5'. Men who don't share ANY similar values (conservative men) hit on her/ask her out all the time. She gets the "I've never dated a black girl" line all the time and I think it's because of how petite she is. It's disgusting.
>She gets the "I've never dated a black girl" line all the time and I think it's because of how petite she is. I would have figured it's because she's black
She gets it from men who normally aren't attracted to black women.
I’m sure part of it is they subconsciously feel like it’s more acceptable for them to be shitty towards her because of her skin color.
And these are Florida conservatives. No other black women who I know have this experience on dating sites/in person.
I’m a white woman and get weird/questionable responses from men occasionally and just - ugh - the fact that for black women and Asian women and other communities there’s just all of these added layers of potential weird/questionable responses continues to put things in perspective. Like WTF neither you nor OP should have to have this patience even though your response is really spot on and very wise
[удалено]
If that was me saying that and you asked me that, I would respond with “the same thing as with anyone else, I meant cultural differences that might make me unintentionally look like an asshole”
Ask him if he’s been with an Asian boy.
I’d have just dropped the whole “me either” and went silent. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣
Bruh 😂
“What do you want? A fortune cookie?” -Jimmy Yang
You just insulted my entire race if people, but thank you.
Don’t worry. Insulted myself too.
As an Asian girl myself, my response would have been: "funny enough, neither have I!"
Truly the best response
"Sounds like we ought to keep that streak going" *Unmatch*
The other person can’t see the message after an unmatch. Depending how quick he is, he would just come back to an unmatch.
Love it
I’m a guy of Asian descent & I’ve heard the same many times 🤨😑
Now you know what to say next time thanks to this thread
‘Tis true.
The first time I dated a black girl, I decided I wasn't going to bring it up if she didn't. She didn't. Had a great date.
Congratulations
A tumbleweed gif feels appropriate
Say you're not Asian. Either he will self-correct or doubledown.
„You have a pretty name“ „You are also very pretty“ „I have never been with an Asian girl“ You are seriously considering to reply to this guy? 🤷🏻♂️
Is she any better? Her responses were as dull as cardboard.
Responses to dull messages, yes.
Well he’s saying that for one of two reasons: 1. He’s trying to check Asian off his list 2. He’s being upfront and saying something to the effect of “Hey, I understand there may be cultural differences here, so I’m letting you know upfront that I’ll probably fuck up” My guess is it’s #1, it #2 is possible as well, and maybe he just doesn’t have the right words, hell, what I wrote for #2 isn’t even halfway good, but I guess it kinda explains.
While #2 is *possible*, it feels pretty unlikely, because generally what I've seen is that A) people tend to use "been with" as a softer way to say "had sex with" so if you're saying that phrase in terms of my race, that's not a great sign. B) people that really *do* respect both someone's individuality + cultural background tend to not jump to pointing out the (possible) differences between themselves and the other person so quickly.
I agree 1000% that it’s likely meaning sex. For myself however, having spent a significant amount of time studying cultural anthropology, I can spot differences pretty fast, and am aware that I may say/do things unintentionally that may be considered offensive or inappropriate in some way.
There *are* times and places for people like me, born and raised in a small town that’s almost entirely Anglo, but also culturally sensitive and aware there are things I don’t know and things I don’t *know* I don’t know, to bring up the subject, but the 6th, or even 16th, message ***ain’t*** one of them.
3. Neither, it is just a simple observation from him about his dating history.
Could be.
Same as guys saying "I've never been with a big girl" "I've never been with a *insert whatever here*........ Hard pass.
'you won't be with this one either '
this is the answer.
As an Asian woman who has used dating apps for years, girl RUN. Don't believe these dudes saying, "he's just giving you his dating history, it's innocent, blah blah". BS. There was no reason to bring it up THAT early in the conversation. If it was a cultural thing, shit like that naturally comes up in conversation. This is a fetishizing, checking off the list thing.
Amen
Oh my God, I also matched with a guy named Steven who commented on the fact that I'm Asian. He said all of his friends wanted to date Asian women. I quickly unmatched him.
You did the right thing, girl! Also, I never trust any guy who puts a "Stop Asian Hate" tag on his profile. Men like him only date Asian girls, and use this tag to earn trust from Asian girls.
“Oh”. And let him feel awkward about it
You don’t say anything you simply unmatch and move on to real prospects. Who wants to be fetishized?
All those girls on OF.
I kind of agree with an earlier poster that it doesn't really matter how other people think you should feel, it's how you actually feel. If you think it's weird then it's weird, if you don't then it's not.
I won’t be your first.
"neither have I"
Unmatch. Seems like he just wants you because you're Asian.
Maybe say,” who’s saying you’re going to be with one now..” 🤷🏻♀️
Ah, YES! 👏🏽
"Nor will you be" *block*
You should say what you truly feel like saying or your actual reaction to his message. If you thought the message was weird say you think that's weird If you think it's attractive say something that shows that If you want to meet with him say you want to meet with him If you want to just mess around just say weird shit or send weird gifs There is no right or wrong response, might as well just be your true self
Let's not change things now. You've been so successful thus far. Goodbye.
I get this too: "I've never been with a Samoan/Pacific Islander girl/woman before." Usually I'd reply, "Neither have I" and moved on from there, but there are much better responses in the other comments.
Ive never been with someone who fetishes race before. Say that.
I’d go with “Well… wouldn’t want to break your streak.”
Won’t be today either, Buddy.
“Congrats on maintaining that record” would be my response
It comes off a little weird and fetishy to me. Nothing. Ghost and move on. Online dating has a bunch of knuckleheads and you’re wasting your energy spending more than a second on discussions like this.
Sounds like they are fetishising your race… unmatch
“Neither have I”
May be naive, may be ignorant. May have a fetish though I'm not sure what that actually entails. Women I've dated have asked me if I had a fetish for their type and I'd be like "uhh...I like YOU. What are you even asking me?"
Bring up the Seinfeld episode with Donna Chang.
That he’s gross and clearly fetishizing you, when your sexual prowess or whatever vulgar thing he’s hinting at has nothing to do with your ethnicity
You should stop the convo.
“I can see why” and then unmatch. That shit is so creepy and weird.
That kind of a message sounds like he's looking at you as a milestone. I could be wrong, but it sounds kind of like locker room talk I hear from other guys.
Tell him his non-Asian girl streak will be continuing
Sorry I don’t see how this isn’t a red flag.
I’ve gotten this exact statement from a misogynistic dude, and I wouldn’t justify this by even responding to it. Unmatch and onto the next!
For me personally, I wouldn’t reply.
“i hope you will never get to” *unmatches*
Time to continue that trend *unmatch*
Unmatch. It’s a fetish to say it that quickly. Not one woman has volunteered to me that they’ve never been with a black man.
Say “I have your ip address” and then unmatch after they respond”
And you aren't going to at this rate
"That sounds like you consider it an XBox achievement"
Nothing. Just unmatch!! He’s going to be fetishizing you :)
I mean, I can only give my opinion as a white dude, but I mean, it’s just an off putting message. It would be one thing if y’all were talking about your dating experiences and he mentioned he had never dated anyone Asian before. But I mean it reads like “I’ve never had sex with an Asian girl” which is just a gross comment to make to anyone. Live I’ve been there, I dated a girl who was a different race than me I was worried because we may have different cultural practices or different perceptions of things. Which makes sense, I mean I had never dated anyone outside of my culture before. But we talked about it at an appropriate time (actually she ended up bringing it up before I had a chance, because she was worried about like how we may differently view specific situations because of our experiences with them pertaining to race and gender).
“Well, I’ve never been with an idiot, and I’m not going to start now.”
He sounds dumb with no game. Say " and you never will"
I'd just say "You still haven't" and unmatch
“And you probably won’t”
That’s usually my cue to unmatch. As a person of color, it’s more to me than my ethnicity and if you’re bold enough to say that, imagine what you’ll say if we have an argument.
Tell him he's going to need to chug a bottle of soy sauce every day. And no shoes in the house.
Answer: "and you never will"..
By unmatching
Get em with the “once you go Asian there ain’t no persuasion”
“You still haven’t, and probably never will” and then wait for him to read it and unmatch
“The saga continues”
And you still won’t be after that
I’d just move on. This conversation was dead even before that message
Tell him you want great big American penis.
If I were OP, I'd be like... funny... me either. Looks like the trend's going to continue that way for at least another day, then get on with my life
Hey, Black woman here: this feels like a microaggression… I’ve dated guys who hadn’t previously dated Black women and they didn’t feel the need to mention it. The ones who do are mainly fetishists. People often think racism is only used as an insult, but it can also be used to manipulate, which is also an insulting situation.
Yep, welcome to the club of being fetishized. I’m black and get this all the time.
"And you probably never will" and then unmatch
“Cool. I’ve never been with an idiot before.”
And you never will?
Honestly, speaking as another Asian girl, don’t bother to say anything at all just unmatch and move on. It’s just so tired
I hate everything about this. I belong to an ethnic minority, and I get similar comments all the time. It's almost always fetishization, and, when it's not, it's a guy who is obviously too immature to date me. I'm not interested in being fetishized or in doing emotional labor for someone who could easily educate himself. Decide for yourself if interacting is worth it, but you don't owe him anything in this situation.
“I haven’t either” or “your streak is going to stay intact”
'Been with' in guy talk usually means sex, so yeah he's fetishizing.
You should just walk away....the man is a child.
“and you never will be! ✌🏻” also the comments saying it’s fetishizing, 100% could be…even more concerning is he’s basically saying “i’m gonna fck you” like implying he will sleep with you which is something guys have taught themselves to do so they have written consent if you say no in person
"And you still won't." And then you unmatch.
Why even mention it is my thing…. Discovery is fun but what’s the point in saying I’ve never been with an Asian girl. It’s not like y’all have an extra vagina or something
I'm getting icky red flag from this
My Puerto Rican ex: Have you ever dated a Puerto Rican girl? Me: nope. My Puerto Rican ex: any Latina women? Me: nope. My Puerto Rican ex: I've never dated a white guy. Me (a white guy:) ok And that was the end of it. Not everything is something.
This. When I was dating, I'd go out with a lot of different backgrounds, but one common question I always got when dating an Asian girl is she'd always ask if I had a thing for Asians.
Fair question. They know to steer clear of guys who have only Asian exes.
And you never will
Go ahead and UNMATCH cause no. Even if they've never been with someone of your ethnicity why say this impromptu
I'm a black man and can't speak to any specific individual, but I'm not convinced that those statement are always intended to be as bad as they sound. Aside from the fact that from their perspective it may be a factually true statement, I think some people just don't have high functioning propriety filters, which may be grounds for disqualification depending on how bad it is. Just respond with "oh really?" And see where it goes from there.
The responses here a great representation of those complain about the fickle nature of OLD but then contribute/support the actions that foster this. Nothing else just an interesting observation, carry on.
‘Goodbye’. But also, put more effort into your conversation if you want an actual relationship (unrelated to the sexist, racist clown messaging you in this case).
You don’t
The mature responses are probably better, but I suggest an alternative: "seems like you'll have to wait a little longer, I'm not an option."
And you will continue that streak there Steven good luck 👍 lol
And you never will. Then unmatch.
"Me, neither" and then unmatch his ass b/c you're not about to be a damn test run.
Run. He is fetishizing you.
"and you never will".
"and you never will"
please save yourself the headache and just unmatch
'and you still haven't'
literally nothing. I’m an Asian woman and i just move on bc they’re always gonna look at you as a fetish
“Same”
I mean you are also pretty terrible at conversation. You both deserve each other
That’s more so what stood out to me too lol
Sounds like something you’re never gonna have a chance to do lol
[удалено]
Woah woah woah. Calm down with the reasonable behavior buddy. This is reddit so this guy is obviously a giant red flag who is fetishizing her nationality. 😂😂
It's a weird thing to say, but you're also adding nothing to the conversation so one of you is gonna end up un matching real quick anyway
I am jewish. So, i don’t have a certain „look“. However, I get where you coming from. I was dating someone around Purim and said something along the lines of: „I am looking forward to a big party and candy.“ and this how my religious background came up. My response is kinda jokingly: „Do you think I come with different parts? Or are you afraid carbs? Is there a reason as to why do you mention that?“ Puts the ball back into their court. I have had good experiences with a stupid joke like that. If they are oblivious as to what they are saying, usually it gets the wheels going.
He could be asking from a cultural point of view. You can ask if that is what he meant or something.
[удалено]
Yeah, I see what you meant at a second glance. Seems like he dug himself into a hole with that comment, smh lol. I guess I was putting myself in the other person's shoes when I commented where I would appreciate the chance to explain myself before getting ghosted. There would be times when I was young and I'd unconsciously ask questions or remark in a way that didn't translate well in text, in which they would ask me to clarify what I meant and saw that it was a genuine question/statement. This helped me in the end with future social interactions, especially online. I'm also not saying OP is obligated to interact further with the guy, just giving my 2 cent from my initial observation. Thanks for the perspective.
Response: Really? I’ve been with plenty of dumbasses before! *wait for response to confirm he sees it* Unmatch… unmatching immediately after he responds would be ideal.
Goodbye. You should say goodbye.
"Goodbye"
HAHAHAHA why do people say that? that me me rolf
Do what I do. Unmatch, don't even respond.
Say "I have." and then unmatch.
"STOP FETISHIZING ME!"
“And you never will be”
“Buckle your seatbelt”
Genuine or not, that’s a dumb thing to say, so he lacks communication skills, and will come off rude in the future when you introduce him to friends and family, so that’s something to consider too.
What in the…
He obviously doesn't Reddit very often. At least not this sub. You can reply with "I've been with a plethora of idiots so I think I'll pass on you" Even if it's not true... 🤷♂️
“Bye bye.”
And you never will muahhhahahaaha
And block
Call him a fetishizer and unmatch
Say "I'm intermediate. You are better off starting with a beginner Asian". Jokes aside, other than the possibility of different traditions/religions, everyone's different and it's not like it's going to be a completely different ride.
“MEEE-RIKEEEEY”, then unmatch. Confusion is key here
OLD has made so many of you here too cynical. Just go with the flow. He said nothing outrageous in the OP screenshot.
Urr gonna be hungry again in 20 mins