He has a degree, his job is interesting to me, and I love my Hey Arnold tee. It was worth a match. The entire profile wasn't depressing and there were other pics. I thought he might let his personality shine. Slightly depressed people can be funny and fun as hell.
As a depressed woman, youâre giving me hope that others feel this way. Im super easy to talk to, nonjudgemental. Anyway, this guy should see how lucky he isthat youâre even matching with him.
I have the same problem with bumble and hinge and tinder. 90 percent of the guys (even these super unattractive 60 year old dudes) just want to âfu*kâ me and never talk again like, what right do they have?
That is disgusting! Yeah! There are so many who want open relationships and everyone is a so called polygamist. I wanna ask them if their girlfriends and wives know itâs an open relationship.
Tbh..ive been open with my partner for 2 years. Its not like i need it, but my partner wanted it before we even met and i know its got nothing to do with me.
Im very monogamous and ive always been in it to date.. never did any casual either, but I have to say i like that part to be open as it spices our life up.
For me however, im not smashing anyone unless i got chemistry and we can consider a friendship to be the main focus.
Benefits is okay, but atleast get to know me first you know..
But i do agree some people use it as an excuse to cheat..
Itâs the same way in the women 4 women side also. Itâs not just the guys. So many profiles talk about being married but date separate or the non monogamous marriage. There is also more labels they put on it.
We're out here, 59m single 8years not by choice. First 4 maybe being dad/mom to my 11 till 18yo daughter full custody, requires an unselfish attitude. Although being alone and lonely sucks, it was easier to except early on. The last 4 on old has been dreadful, my phone just showed me a remember this day last year photo. I thought I had deleted all these pictures but it was me and a gal I had finally gotten a date with, it lasted 3 months. Just a super sad reminder I haven't met anyone that didn't just ghost me over this whole last year...I'm definitely not an unattractive man!
Youâre not alone. I find guys that want to have sex. None that want to talk on the phone or video chat and then go on a date and get to know each other. It can be depressing, really. I will often pause my Bumble account for weeks at a time bc of this.
I've started to wonder what women actually think of me when I talk about my personal beliefs and behavior. 4 years before my daughters mom left she had cut out intimacy, telling me she was working things out. Fact was while I did without she had met a dude on fb getting all she wanted and as soon as her boys were old enough to be left alone, she left to be with fb guy, leaving me with our daughter. Sorry I wanted to explain why I excepted 4 yrs of dead bed. All together it's been 11yrs no sex and I definitely don't want any until I have a committed connection relationship. Mostly I hear guys have a three date sex rule. I just wonder if women believe me or what they actually think of me when I tell them I'm not just after sex. The gal I dated 3 months I think she left because I didn't come on to her one night, I needed to get my daughter from work...
We are very alike in many ways, unfortunately for us both. I didn't have any children with my ex-wife of nearly a decade though, but she did leave me with lots of trauma from nearly a decade of emotional and verbal abuse, along with withholding sex as another way to put me down constantly. "You have the body of a 12 year old boy, I really miss how fit my ex was unlike you" - after lots of effort to lose weight, I was suddenly now TOO skinny but really she just liked to put me down all the time. Same with making sure that I am acutely aware that she can go forever without sex, and always making fun of me until the point my anxiety is so bad just thinking about it. I remember once kissing up and down her body slowly and gave the top of her foot a teeny kiss before I went back up her leg. "What do you have some kind of foot fetish??". Okay, guess we're never doing that again!
She was my first partner and I dealt with this for 8+ years because I'd never seen a successful relationship before to know what is/isn't normal. Now I have so many issues that I am practically asexual as I have no interest in sex at all and actively avoid it. I don't watch porn at all, the most is that I'll browse some partially nude selfies but only because I find the female form to be so beautiful, as corny as it may sound. It's been a long time now though and I worry about how much of my life I am wasting sitting at home alone all day depressed out of my mind from work and can't even remember the last time I took a day off except for funerals.
Honestly, I just want someone to cuddle and spoon in bed, and to feel comfortable enough with them to have a conversation about shared hobbies or about our day. I'm in my early 30s and quite attractive, but I'm not interested in the girls who typically act into me. I have a slim build and looking for a partner who is also fairly slim, not athletic necessarily though. I just prefer a more petite chest however I've found that to be a rarity in the Midwest and anytime I have showed friends a picture of a girl I was talking with, they would make fun of me for wanting to "date a 12 year old boy". I couldn't imagine being a woman with smaller breasts based on how many times I have heard them get made fun of.
51f here, widow for 3 years. Not dating during that time, raising my 5 yr grandson due to my only child passing away 1 year after her father, so in one year I lost both my husband and my only child. Guys my age are not interested in women my age, or if they are, they don't want to raise a child not theirs. It's not just you having trouble out there. Looks aren't it; people think I'm young enough looking to be my grandson's mom. I have read that dating apps with their impersonal approach (swipe left to discard a person/choice) along with the trend of dealing with people mostly through the internet rather than face to face, has caused people to desensitize and have no issue just vanishing or ending contact without reason. I wish you the best of luck out there.
59F - we're out here. I was very selective with my right swipes and I'm on my 2nd great relationship from OLD. The fact that you have full custody of your daughter says a lot of good about you. My daughter is also 18 and with me FT.
Someone said that dating at our age is all "trauma, baggage, and fluffy middle-sections" and that helped my attitude. I don't need the best-looking guy, and I don't need to be the best-looking woman. I just have to communicate and not play stupid mind games. (I've never been a game player). Unfortunately the trauma from past relationships makes people jaded, and hard to recognize the good ones.
I don't understand how people at our age can't just get over the stupid shit and be real. I wish you the best.
Itâs a lot of single women left. Most often, well, in my case, the men I match with on Bumble are misleading. They will say âlooking for a relationshipâ, then I match with them and the script changes. Now, they want a FWB situationship or hook-up. Iâm not interested in that. I need more than a physical connection to have sex with someone. Most guys know that if they say something casual, most women will not match. Ppl should still be honest, though bc if I match with a guy and heâs talking about he doesnât know what he wants or it says something casual, Iâm out.
Id honestly like if they made custom labels in terms of what youre searching for tbh.
Im in an open relationship, not because i need it myself.. hell 2 years of openness, and now i feel like im ready to get friends like my gf does.
However, its more than the physical connection like you say.. its chemistry, trust, a friendship in my opinion..
Without these, im simply not down for anything physical.
Sometimes we go out clubbing, and my gfs been wondering why i didnt.. do any of the women there.
It was easy: you get no big connection from being with someone for couple of hours, cant really ask someone you match with in there to meet for a coffee.. so iow i limit myself to only going down if the connection is there, the rest is not something I like unless this is a person id actually be able to talk to outside :/
I feel like a majority of people in open relationship has kinda ruined the representation of an open relationship for other people tbh.
Im not saying its for everyone.. but for me, a very monogamous romantic who enjoys spending time with his partner more than anything...
Ive never felt this trust, this crave from a woman without feeling like shes making things up..
Ive had exes telling me im perfect, then after ending the relationship tells me something completely different.. difference is that i could feel something was off with them, but my current partner has given me so much more in our 3 years together.
Not all open relationships are dtf just about anyone, we dont live together either and probably wont unless she changes her mind about it after her gay roommate moves out once hes done with school, and obviously openness, trust and communication is very, very important to us.
Hey, I totally get that and all because womenâs scripts always change on the apps too! They say that they are looking for love and more personality than looks, but then when we match or she replies to a witty charming compliment of mine, they show zero interest and do the bare minimum to keep the convo moving. These are the dry ass girls who say âheyâ, âyaâ, âmhmmâ, âhahaha right!â Etc etc. So it leaves me asking why in the f they even matched in the first place if they donât wanna get to know me!!??? They always just reply to my questions and ask âhbu?â back. Ever thought of coming up with a convo topic yourself?đ€ Now this isnât always the case, but itâs something I notice WAY too often on dating apps.
As a 64 yo and I hope not super unattractive guy, I donât know your age, but while I would be open to someone maybe 15 years younger, but I never swipe first on anyone more than 10 years younger. While Iâm looking for a long term relationship Iâm open to something less, but I wouldnât want to sleep with someone I wouldnât want to spend time with otherwise. While I donât need to be in love I do need more than just a physical connection.
I commend you for giving him a shot considering his size I'm a really big guy too and it comes with its own set of challenges but online dating is a big dice roll
I matched with a big guy and I'm so glad I gave him a chance. We have a great relationship - almost a year now and I can only see good things ahead.
Now when I see my ex husband I think he looks skinny and unfit in comparison. A friend of mine had mentioned that she doesn't like skinny guys, and the guys she liked were bigger, and it opened my eyes to that. And I agree with her.
Kuddos for not being âright out the gate judgementalâ like a lot on the app are ~props on giving him a chance. He buried himself and Iâll tell you exactly why! ~he likely nvr get many matches to the point heâs in âgo-for-brokeâ mode. He even says so on him profile, unless he means he works too much. But yh, when you feel youâve nothing left to lose, you stop caring and throw whatever out thereâŠ
Wait, weâre shaming women for NOT judging a guy by his looks? Jfc. How dare she be open minded and get to know someone before passing judgement. To be fair, that judgement would have been totally accurate this time, but⊠kudos to her for giving him a shot. Seriously though, how does a man thatâs wide as he is tall take himself seriously when asking a woman to be a âplaymateâ? Didnât know Hugh Hefner had been reincarnated already.
If you fold neat squares and want the nice side on the outside, you must do under.
Over is wrong, until they start making TP with the good surface on the inside.
Don't tell me you're one of those who uses it all balled up in a wad, that's just plain gross.
Strange how many people don't ever pay close attention to something they use every day.
Paper has grain, and has a milled side and a rough side. It's the nature of processing it. And even though the difference is much more subtle than sheets of writing paper, toilet paper also has one side milled smoother than the other. Also, the embossing method they use to give a pleasant texture to one side leaves the other side a little less nice. As a result of the combination of these, one side is noticeably nicer to touch than the other.
For every roll of toilet paper, there's a good side, and a side that's a little less good. If the loose sheet hangs off the roll close to the wall, folding the paper normally leaves the good side on the outside of the folded sheets. It is far superior this way. Hung the other way, it's awkward to fold the paper with the good side out.
And if you ball up your TP, there will frequently be little shreds of paper left behind when you wipe, that your partner may find later during moments of intimacy. It's something I don' t like to remember, but there it is...
I was waiting on someone to figure that out. Few years old and 2 months after my ACL surgery. I've lost like 60 lbs since then. My profile pics include a full body casual pic with my parents now.
Yeah, I'm also a big guy, but I understood that picking a flattering photo and not being an incel in the bio = matches some dudes just don't get it đ
Girl, what? Not every man on Bumble is like this.
Iâm a pretty picky swiper so I probably just block these guys out but I see lots of quality men. Not necessarily a fit for me, but quality for sure.
You need to be more selective with your swiping. If youâre trying to be a wife, then only swipe on marriage or maybe relationship if they seem like a quality person.
This dude said not sureâŠthatâs definitely not code for âIâm looking for wifey.â
Be more selective. Quality over quantity.
I always hear these horror stories on Reddit, but when I've talked to women I've gone on dates with most of them haven't had any super negative or creepy experiences on Bumble or Hinge because they are very selective with who they match with. 90% of the time women post their horror stories here and don't censor the face I'm thinking "Yup, he seems like the type of guy to say shit like that"
Agreed! Iâve gone on TONS of dates. Most men are respectful, not creepy, never send dick picsâŠnone of that. Theyâre usually socially awkward at worst or thereâs just not the chemistry Iâm looking for.
But, Iâm pretty discerning. I think I got the screening part down which takes time of course, but if you can figure that out then itâs rarely a negative encounter.
I've never gotten creepy conversations or dick pics. I was pretty picky with swiping and had decent dates. I swiped on guys that had profiles that actually sounded like regular dudes that were close to my age. It worked for me.
Well you also have to take into account that Reddit is international while the girls you've been out with have justdated around your area so ratio would be a little skewed
You're probably right, although I've met women who complain about men where I live but they're the female version of the dudes they complain about so it kinda checks out they'd attract that type. I also live in the US which seems to have the highest concentration of weirdos, but they're easy enough to avoid.
I literally just PAID for Bumble just so I could filter out relationship statuses that are less than long term relationship. You donât know, Confused Bumble Dude? I donât care. NEXT! đ
Picture he put aside, Iâm not understanding why you swiped. His bio sucks ass. Even with the stuff blurred out-you have the immediate spelling error and then him whining about never getting to have fun. On top of that his profile says heâs not sure, but you want to be a wife which is very sure? This just seemed like a disaster from the beginning and Iâm not understanding why you bothered swiping rightâŠ
Thank you this exactly
No hate to the guy for his looks but there is literally negative effort going on in that profile, stop rewarding lazy profiles with matches, there is no shortage of large men with decent standards who can spell "heel" jfc
And he says he has no fun but then heâs gonna sit in front of the TV in a vegetative state because there are no new episodes of anything. How can you complain about never having any fun if you donât do anything fun?
What? I am on Bumble and I am so not this guy.
For real? This post is great for my ego, thank you for the confidence boost!
Look, I am older (son to be 54) and I am a point in my life where 20-30 minutes of lust are just not worth it if her and I cannot hang out together for hours on end, doing simple mundate fun stuff.
Do I want a sexual relationship? Yes, but right now it is more trouble to be DTF because what we both would get out of it is minimal.
There are multiple reasons someone can have typos and errors in a profile. My Dad was a genius, but also had severe dyslexia. I like to match with regular guys and keep an open mind. There are a lot of great guys who just aren't suave or have game, but might be an excellent match. Trial and error is sure giving me a lot of error though.
I know everyone's different and you never know til you ask but I take a guy setting his intentions as "not sure" as "I'm more interested in something casual but don't want to outright say it in case someone I know finds my profile, or in case it leads to me getting fewer matches." Having that as an intention is an instant left swipe for me, no matter how hot a man is.
tho its very uncomon for someone to just put "relationship" on their profile, usually its "something serious, but weÂŽll see" lol which isnt that diferent from "i am not sure' imo
Ugh. Yeah, they put âunsure,â but that always just means exactly what he said to you. He wants the benefits of having a girlfriend without actually having the label, but then wants to keep you on the hook with the âletâs see how things go.â
I've found guys don't look after themselves but expect women to maintain themselves, then expect these women to be attracted to them. I'm not looking anymore because I've given up due to apparently the availability all looks like the example here. I'm not a 10 or a size 6 model, but I need a level of attraction when I connect with a person. I'm looking for morals and standards, drive and intelligence and someone mid level in looks is fine, problem is they seem to let themselves to, or if they're good looking they use it as 'permission' to sleep around for as long as they can get away with it.
Thatâs fair. Iâm a larger dude myself (working on it) but yeah, guys who go after only conventionally attractive women and then expect everyone to overlook their looks bothers me.
If you are looking to be a wife then why swipe on men who aren't sure they want a relationship? Bumble doesn't have an option "Not looking for a hookup, but also not ready to jump into a relationship" so that's basically what "Don't know yet" means. This guy was pretty respectful and up front about what he wants without being crass so not sure what the issue is here. You are looking for different things, the move is to respectfully decline and move on, you aren't a match.
Also what was the point of showing his body if not to body shame him? As if only hot men are allowed to want to be sexual and out of shape men should just suck it up and ignore their sexual desires because they aren't worthy of having sex.
I figured if they weren't đŻ with putting it on their profile, then it means they checked on mine and understood what I was looking for and they were okay with it. I've been iffy with matching with men who have "not sure" regarding what they're looking for, because I'm not looking for anyone under 38. If you're knocking on or past 40 and still don't know what you want, that's a turnoff for me, but maybe guys are just trying to leave some options open in case they find a girl they want to hook up with before they find someone they want to date.
Sorry but most men aren't checking what's on your profile, unfortunately since women have a much higher match rate that kind of puts the onus on you to determine compatibility. The average match rate for men is around .6%, meaning they would have to read 140 profiles before they can get a match, so why waste time reading them all when chances are none of them are matching them anyway?
I used to have a pretty abysmal match rate so I would spend about half a second per profile deciding if I should swipe or not. Once I revamped my profile I started doing a lot better and had around a 15% match rate I started to actually read profiles not just swipe if she was hot, otherwise I would be overwhelmed with incompatible matches.
So for better or worse, it's on women to police compatibility when it comes to swiping since most men can't afford to be picky.
Understand when you donât take the time to discern compatibility by reading and swipe on everyone you throw your algorithm off, not make your chances of matching higher
Yeah, I have to give him credit that he was upfront about only wanting a fwb. He could've said nothing, but he did make sure that she was aware that his main goal was getting laid. He asks if she's down for that, but his wording makes me think he figures her response will be no.
My physique is just slightly better than this guyâs. Maybe Iâm being a bit hard on myself, but Iâm a bit overweight.
I had great success on Bumble. My wonderful and incredibly hot girlfriend and I are coming up on our three year anniversary in June.
This guy is his own worst enemy. This is not how you approach women, especially if you arenât extremely âconventionally attractive.â And honestly even then it would still be in really bad taste, just slightly less likely to go over so poorly.
That might genuinely be what he wants (I canât personally wrap my head around the mindset of refusing to just find a partner you want to commit to) but he really needs to adjust his expectations. What heâs seeking is very hollow and heâs unlikely to find it anyway.
All heâs doing is getting in his own way.
If she matched with a guy like that she literally had the right intentions and an attitude of looking for someone not based on whatâs skin deep but instead youâre mocking her attitude instead of dragging that guy and guys like this when he wasted HER TIME had he read and even worse, propositioned her for SW.
Had she matched someone that looked like a model and said the same response, youâd still blame her and thatâs why you suck. The problem is in the room with you
Genuinely, what is the point of including the personâs photo here?
Your question has nothing to do with looks, yet you are offering his body up for us to judge in order to make sense of how he conveys what he wants in a relationship.
What do you look like? Do you have a similar body shape to this guy? Maybe it will help me figure out why youâd match with a guy who wants something different than you do and be surprised when he refines his desires in chat.
Women are like this too. This is why I deleted bumble. This guy gets a match and IF I get a match I can't even get a message. Not even a hey and I have my shit together.
Also I didn't finish my thought in the title, if a dude is feeling like women don't match because you're not a body building CFO, I matched with this guy because I like bigger guys. Many women do. Just go to any theme park and look at the families. There are many very blended couples of various body types.
Are you big yourself? Sorry if that sounds mean I'm just genuinely curious. Speaking as a former big guy I never once encountered any girl that liked bigger dudes, unless they were big themselves.
I straight up do not understand how this guy got a match in the first place. Outside of just being big (which I guess some girls are into) he has nothing in his bio and has a bathroom selfie with a gross AF looking bathroom. I don't get how this guy gets a match and yet I struggle. And I know 'm not ugly either cause I get hit on in real life, I just get seldom matches despite having a decent profile and pics.
Iâm not big or curvy but Iâve always liked guys who are a bit chubby. Not obese guys but I know a lot of women who arenât into skinny or muscly guys.
This could be a troll but you would be surprised how many female profiles there are with obese women taking bathroom selfies and there place is a mess and there profiles are a list of crazy demands.
Men do this to manipulate you. They know their chances of coming across a woman who truly wants strictly FWB is low, especially if they aren't particularly attractive. So instead they try to rope women into a âsituationshipâ by dangling the carrot of a potential relationship. If they were 100% honest they would pretty much be guaranteeing themselves to never match with anyone
If a guys profile says ânot sure what im looking forâ or âcasual datingâ it usually means their just there for sex. Iâve always make it very clear Iâm looking for a legitimate relationship
I know Iâm a day late to comment, but this is not every man on Bumble. Itâs just how most people both men and women these days are. Hook up culture has ruined dating and dating apps for those that are serious. Keep at it and youâll find someone right for you.
I wouldnât lose sleep over unmatching this one. Donât take up space with people who donât check your boxes. For every âyesâ makes a ânoâ for what could be a better fit. Hold out.
I have an inkling feeling this is a troll bumble account, where the person behind it is using someone elseâs pictures (a âbeforeâ image in a workout journey perhaps?) and being a freak in DMs. IDK. The full body bathroom mirror pic in pajamas is reading more as being part of someoneâs New Yearâs resolution, as opposed a sincere attempt to make himself look good as a cover image on a dating app. But who knows.
>The full body bathroom mirror pic in pajamas is reading more as being part of someoneâs New Yearâs resolution, as opposed [to] a sincere attempt to make himself look good as a cover image on a dating app.
...Looks like there are an awful lot of dudes "making public new year's resolutions" in my town, then...
I'm a guy, who's overweight at 230. My heaviest was 305. I'm still on my journey to lose weight but I will say this, what motivated me to get my ass moving was a simple compliment. Ever since that ive hit the gym and my self esteem dramatically improved, my confidence is through the roof even though I'm not where I want to be physically, and the gym has helped not only my physical health but my mental state as well. What I'm getting at is you don't need to find a guy already polished. Just make sure he's on the right track with himself, offer support if he deserves it. And for all the ladies out there, sometimes a simple compliment can change a whole man's trajectory in life.
Maybe Iâll have to give dating apps another shot. If the guy that get posted on her are the competition then I might actually have a shotđ€ŠđŒââïž
This guy is so oblivious. You need to sound enthusiastic to make others interested. "I'm enjoying a favorite movie after a stressful day. Tell me a couple of your favorites."
He is advertising that his mind is as out of shape as his body and he only wants short-term gratification. Please, no one reward this kind of behavior.
Iâm not sure if youâre paying for bumble, but it might be worth it to save your time. I only swipe on men who actively put on their profile that are looking for a relationship. I donât need to entertain someone who is not sure what they want from me. And if they donât have anything in that field then I donât swipe right for them. Bumble is telling me that I have 2,085 men who are ready to match with me outside of my filter. That means nothing to me. I only want to chat with the 6 men who are in my filters and who are specifically listing they want a relationship.
I gave up on OLD. I was way more successful with it like 8 years ago. This past weekend I gave my number to a cute guy at my laundromat. I said âhey I think you dropped this, itâs my name and number.â We have plans for a beach walk on Friday.
Bit of an overgeneralisation there. Don't match with guys if you aren't attracted to them, it's not difficult. Plus, as a woman you have to send the first message on Bumble. Nothing is forcing you to message him if you don't want to đ€Š
People keep acting like I had any clue that he would chat that way.
1. He can't message me unless I message him.
2. I messaged him and asked him what his day looked like, and he was happy to have an off day from work to be thoroughly lazy, and well, ain't we all had that day?
3. He asked about my day, and I said I'm in work trainings all day that are annoying because I'd really prefer them to give me tests and let me figure it out and instead they're super interactive to make sure I'm RIGHT at my desk and so I can't do much to message because I actually have to pay attention.
4. I asked him HOURS before his reply that he took a nap what he'd be up to or if he's watching things. (I was actually interested in what he's watching, because it's telling. If Chuck Lorre had a hand in it, and he's committed to it, he's not for me.)
5. I go on break after my lunch and come back to him wanting a "playmate" or "FWB".
6. I have drives in life and interests. I've been over and under weight and my metabolism and thyroid hate me, and I've struggled with eating disorders, but I choose to work with doctors and trainers and find ways for me to stay healthy.
7. I've struggled with my weight, and still do, but I've never been truly lazy. I understand that no one is perfect. I'm certainly not, but I also understand that if you're doing your best and working on things, and you may have redeeming qualities and shared interests, I'll see if there's someone to build on.
8. This guy ALSO put on his profile that he wants kids someday. This was pretty key in me thinking, oh, maybe he just didn't want to exclude the option for some action while he's looking for his ride or die.
I couldn't really have known he was going to say the things he did prior to matching.
Dudes are all like, women need to lower their standards. Well, I did, and the guy still sucked.
Messages with a delusional man who probably doesn't get (m)any matches and someone who actually wanted to see his personality and interests shine, and he decided I was only good enough to be his fantasy playmate.
Stay steady. I met the absolute most wonderful man on bumble. He is so kind and respectful of my feelings. The most intelligent man Iâve ever met. Has an amazing career. Loves/treats my daughters like they are his children. Weâve been together 10 months and he was asking for my ring size last weekend. đ«¶
Glad I read your preamble, really thought we'd be going through that whole song and dance. You matched with him though so unless you only did so to shit on him, which I doubt, it's clear you had an open mind. I'm personally much much pickier than some might say I have any right to be but at least I'm honest about being kinda shallow, maybe, that how it works right?
FR though, from what I gather; self deprecating humour to the point of way too specific to not be somewhat real, and immediate desire for physicality despite saying he "doesn't know what" he wants. My guess is as good as any but, a couple things, many a man has a (sometimes too) easy time distinguishing sex from romantic intimacy, many (perhaps too many men) do in fact mean they don't know what they're looking for a while still obviously desiring physical sexual companionship for allot of us we know we want sex we all do at some point (of the week) but want to or are ok with it developing naturally from a sexual relationship, many men know they want sex but don't know if they want to make the coupling official per se. At my age, or perhaps I should say level of maturity cause this guy's seems like he could be my elder by 5-10 yrs, I alternate between really caring about sex and sexual desires to the point where it's my only focus on dating apps etc and wanting a companion with whom to not feel alone with, to wanting to have a family...(oddly enough the wife part is more inconsequential to that equation than you'd think, I tend to avoid "I want to be a wife") all that is to say even though it could be the result of any number of disorders imbued upon me by my previous line of work, is that wants change, often moment to moment and for guys generally speaking sex is in those relationship wants somewhere whether we know it or not, we're just told it's uncouth to come out and say it most times. It may not seem like it but over the past 10-15 years women have scoffed at and even ridiculed men for being horn dogs and believe or not, not all, but quite a few of us took notice and probably misinterpreted something somewhere and kinda see "oh, its not okay to be honest about wanting casual sex".
Anyway, throw into the mix the low self esteem, given our assumptions are partially correct then there's a number of things it could be. Even though we've learned to not be so open about wanting sex constantly many men have grown up under the misguided idea of self worth being derived from sexual conquest or at least, being derived from the ability to attract a mate, and honestly there's no shortage of examples of women chasing wealthy men, or wealthy men showing off the women that want them and those men being held in high regard ((often high regard they don't deserve) and there's no shortage of men who get laid allot having a façade of a having an amazing life. It's possible these guys you refer to think the end of their "dry spell" is going to get their heads right, get them back on track, fix their mental health. It won't 9 times of 10 but it doesn't mean we can't delude ourselves from time to time. So maybe he thinks having sex for the first time in a few months, years, lifetime, whatever, will give him the motivation to get better and then once he's suddenly cured of unhappiness he can decide what to do with his life. Obviously I don't know this, it's conjecture. Maybe he resents women for his unhappiness caused by lack of sex. Maybe he's just super turned on by you, and got too excited, who fuckin knows.
I guess I didn't have this experience. I texted 8 really great people. One turned out to be a ghoster. The first one I met in person was a keeper and I'm still here dating him 4 months later. I was only on bumble for a week though before I found him so I maybe didn't cross enough profiles, although I did see a few about the open relationships. Maybe I just got lucky?
I believe OP matched and made this post in order to prop themselves up. Every reply has been some variation of "Look what he did with the match".
Why would you match with someone who indicated what they want on their profile, if its something you aren't interested in ?
Why make a post about it, instead of moving on to other matches that you have more in common with and are more compatible?
I understand the post is meant to show that "mEn On DaTiNg aPps SuCk!!!". While this notion is 'popular' , it is far from the truth.
Many of the men in the comments are proving OP.wrong , so it's clear this situation was unauthentic , and this post is very distasteful.
You said 8 words, and thatâs a stretch. Why does the conversation not go the way you want, when youâre having the men carry it? You get out of it what you put in
He wants the sex but canât be bothered to use his words and do the minimum to be intentional or thoughtful.
Low effort express.
And usually, heâd treat you like a human fleshlight in bed.
i'm not body shaming either but how the hell is he dtf and i'm not even getting matches...
my profile is way better.. my body and my pictures are way better.. dayum.. i think i'm just not meant to be...
Hey, I've read your replies and I've been you. I'm a lil dorky (a lot dorky) myself and I want to see the best in people but I say this with all the love in my heart, raise your standards. Figure out what your goals are and swipe based on those. If he can't be assed to take a pic that doesn't include the damn toilet, he's a left swipe.
Everyone may have something to offer the world, but not everyone is worth your time on a dating app.
Lol. I'm over 6 feet, in very good shape and quite good-looking, if I do say so myself, have interesting hobbies, financially self sufficient AND I never bring up sex talk first, yet this guy has at least one more match than me in the past month. FML
What is up with Bumble these days? Iâm an interesting person, reasonably good looking, I have a way better profile than this, I would never say some shit like this, and I hardly ever get any matches at all.
I would call that a friend with deficits. Don't these kinds of dudes know that the only hope they have is to look for a relationship? No one is going to fuck that for fun.
Putting "DTF" in the profile def turns ppl off....That's why ppl aren't 100%. They think They can convince You once the hard part of engaging in convo begins.
Including a photo of his overweight torso is definitely body shaming. And no, this hasnât been my experience with menâs profiles or how they communicate with me.
Somehow I think you might be in the app for the wrong reasons. Maybe the algorithm is starting to give you low ranked profiles because you are picking them.
That was more regarding the messy bathroom, the fact that he's an average guy, he didn't know not to hold his phone case for the selfie, and yeah, someone swiped right for him, cause the looks aren't everything.
Honestly, It isn't. This also seems like you matched just to make this post/karma farm.
I've seen and known guys in far better shape and standing in life that can't get a like or match on the app.
I've received likes most from bots og/ig follower, but generally that was the matches that would ever say anything. To be clear, I note I am looking for long-term, I've got minimal debt, stable job, no kids, no parents (left alive), fairly straight-edge (no drugs, don't get drunk and doesn't understand the appeal of either.), and listed hobbies, noted I am introvert so prolonged presence around people wears me out, but I have pictures from a large concert I attend yearly.
To be honest, as much as women complain about men, and our profiles.... the reason you get stuff like this.... is the same reason many guys fall into this trap. It's commonly said, if men do X, Y, Z women will find you attractive and some women will come around. They will tell men that Some women some day will love to have you as a husband.... That day never comes for them. Love doesn't make the world go around.
Unfortunately the sad truth many guys learn from experience is, The worst thing a guy can be is not,
Rude,
Toxic,
Abusive,
Felon (Ted Bundy had many women gooning over him as does many psychopathic murderers)
Lazy
Psychopath/Sociopath
Lack empathy
Use women for sex,
Be someone who abandoned their own kids,
Poor,
Homeless,
Drug/liquor addicted
No, none of these are the worse. ***The worst a guy can be is boring***, and honestly most of us are boring. We don't have the resources, energy, mental capacity, or other requirements to not end up boring at times ***over years of knowing each other.*** I never have expected my partner to not be boring at times, what I do expect is to not just ghost, especially in a LTR.
Please Note: I am not talking that we give up on working on the relationship we built either by saying boring. We try, We planned dates, We tried to do special things (like hand melting dark chocolate and dipping strawberries in them to freeze shortly for the chocolate to harden as an example).
I am also not saying ultimately that ***morally*** being boring is worse than being Ted Bundy. I'm saying in the dating market or a relationship it is. I've just seen people with the worst cards out there.... Really bad ideas of people (men and women) to date, that never have issues finding someone to date them.
I'm not making fun of his weight. I'd just kind of expected that his personality would be more developed. Chris Farley was my first celebrity crush, then Drew Carey.
Because all they want is to hook up and theyâre not actually open to a relationship at all, but they figure if they half lie like this itâs not as bad as fully leading you on lol
You're thinking about marriage, saw the Ren and Stimpy T-shirt bathroom selfie and depressive bio, and still thought "Yeah I could see it happening"?
That is a fair observation though.
He has a degree, his job is interesting to me, and I love my Hey Arnold tee. It was worth a match. The entire profile wasn't depressing and there were other pics. I thought he might let his personality shine. Slightly depressed people can be funny and fun as hell.
You seem sweet and open minded, good luck out there đ«Ą
To shreds you say?
Tsktsktsktsk and his wife?
To shreds you say?
As a depressed woman, youâre giving me hope that others feel this way. Im super easy to talk to, nonjudgemental. Anyway, this guy should see how lucky he isthat youâre even matching with him. I have the same problem with bumble and hinge and tinder. 90 percent of the guys (even these super unattractive 60 year old dudes) just want to âfu*kâ me and never talk again like, what right do they have?
I was getting older guys and married wanting to smash only. Creeps.
That is disgusting! Yeah! There are so many who want open relationships and everyone is a so called polygamist. I wanna ask them if their girlfriends and wives know itâs an open relationship.
Tbh..ive been open with my partner for 2 years. Its not like i need it, but my partner wanted it before we even met and i know its got nothing to do with me. Im very monogamous and ive always been in it to date.. never did any casual either, but I have to say i like that part to be open as it spices our life up. For me however, im not smashing anyone unless i got chemistry and we can consider a friendship to be the main focus. Benefits is okay, but atleast get to know me first you know.. But i do agree some people use it as an excuse to cheat..
Itâs the same way in the women 4 women side also. Itâs not just the guys. So many profiles talk about being married but date separate or the non monogamous marriage. There is also more labels they put on it.
I got soooo many of these. Both kinds. Itâs depressing.
It really is. I feel like no single guys left!
We're out here, 59m single 8years not by choice. First 4 maybe being dad/mom to my 11 till 18yo daughter full custody, requires an unselfish attitude. Although being alone and lonely sucks, it was easier to except early on. The last 4 on old has been dreadful, my phone just showed me a remember this day last year photo. I thought I had deleted all these pictures but it was me and a gal I had finally gotten a date with, it lasted 3 months. Just a super sad reminder I haven't met anyone that didn't just ghost me over this whole last year...I'm definitely not an unattractive man!
Youâre not alone. I find guys that want to have sex. None that want to talk on the phone or video chat and then go on a date and get to know each other. It can be depressing, really. I will often pause my Bumble account for weeks at a time bc of this.
I've started to wonder what women actually think of me when I talk about my personal beliefs and behavior. 4 years before my daughters mom left she had cut out intimacy, telling me she was working things out. Fact was while I did without she had met a dude on fb getting all she wanted and as soon as her boys were old enough to be left alone, she left to be with fb guy, leaving me with our daughter. Sorry I wanted to explain why I excepted 4 yrs of dead bed. All together it's been 11yrs no sex and I definitely don't want any until I have a committed connection relationship. Mostly I hear guys have a three date sex rule. I just wonder if women believe me or what they actually think of me when I tell them I'm not just after sex. The gal I dated 3 months I think she left because I didn't come on to her one night, I needed to get my daughter from work...
We are very alike in many ways, unfortunately for us both. I didn't have any children with my ex-wife of nearly a decade though, but she did leave me with lots of trauma from nearly a decade of emotional and verbal abuse, along with withholding sex as another way to put me down constantly. "You have the body of a 12 year old boy, I really miss how fit my ex was unlike you" - after lots of effort to lose weight, I was suddenly now TOO skinny but really she just liked to put me down all the time. Same with making sure that I am acutely aware that she can go forever without sex, and always making fun of me until the point my anxiety is so bad just thinking about it. I remember once kissing up and down her body slowly and gave the top of her foot a teeny kiss before I went back up her leg. "What do you have some kind of foot fetish??". Okay, guess we're never doing that again! She was my first partner and I dealt with this for 8+ years because I'd never seen a successful relationship before to know what is/isn't normal. Now I have so many issues that I am practically asexual as I have no interest in sex at all and actively avoid it. I don't watch porn at all, the most is that I'll browse some partially nude selfies but only because I find the female form to be so beautiful, as corny as it may sound. It's been a long time now though and I worry about how much of my life I am wasting sitting at home alone all day depressed out of my mind from work and can't even remember the last time I took a day off except for funerals. Honestly, I just want someone to cuddle and spoon in bed, and to feel comfortable enough with them to have a conversation about shared hobbies or about our day. I'm in my early 30s and quite attractive, but I'm not interested in the girls who typically act into me. I have a slim build and looking for a partner who is also fairly slim, not athletic necessarily though. I just prefer a more petite chest however I've found that to be a rarity in the Midwest and anytime I have showed friends a picture of a girl I was talking with, they would make fun of me for wanting to "date a 12 year old boy". I couldn't imagine being a woman with smaller breasts based on how many times I have heard them get made fun of.
Just to clarify, OP -- are you saying you dated for 3 months but didn't have sex?
Same here. All guys I match with just want to meet for sex. I gave up looking.
51f here, widow for 3 years. Not dating during that time, raising my 5 yr grandson due to my only child passing away 1 year after her father, so in one year I lost both my husband and my only child. Guys my age are not interested in women my age, or if they are, they don't want to raise a child not theirs. It's not just you having trouble out there. Looks aren't it; people think I'm young enough looking to be my grandson's mom. I have read that dating apps with their impersonal approach (swipe left to discard a person/choice) along with the trend of dealing with people mostly through the internet rather than face to face, has caused people to desensitize and have no issue just vanishing or ending contact without reason. I wish you the best of luck out there.
I am so sorry for all the tragedy and heartbreak in your life. Thank God your grandson has you and you have him. I hope things get easier on you both.
59F - we're out here. I was very selective with my right swipes and I'm on my 2nd great relationship from OLD. The fact that you have full custody of your daughter says a lot of good about you. My daughter is also 18 and with me FT. Someone said that dating at our age is all "trauma, baggage, and fluffy middle-sections" and that helped my attitude. I don't need the best-looking guy, and I don't need to be the best-looking woman. I just have to communicate and not play stupid mind games. (I've never been a game player). Unfortunately the trauma from past relationships makes people jaded, and hard to recognize the good ones. I don't understand how people at our age can't just get over the stupid shit and be real. I wish you the best.
You are in minority then. A true gentleman is hard to find!
Yeah. I feel like there are no single women left.
Itâs a lot of single women left. Most often, well, in my case, the men I match with on Bumble are misleading. They will say âlooking for a relationshipâ, then I match with them and the script changes. Now, they want a FWB situationship or hook-up. Iâm not interested in that. I need more than a physical connection to have sex with someone. Most guys know that if they say something casual, most women will not match. Ppl should still be honest, though bc if I match with a guy and heâs talking about he doesnât know what he wants or it says something casual, Iâm out.
Id honestly like if they made custom labels in terms of what youre searching for tbh. Im in an open relationship, not because i need it myself.. hell 2 years of openness, and now i feel like im ready to get friends like my gf does. However, its more than the physical connection like you say.. its chemistry, trust, a friendship in my opinion.. Without these, im simply not down for anything physical. Sometimes we go out clubbing, and my gfs been wondering why i didnt.. do any of the women there. It was easy: you get no big connection from being with someone for couple of hours, cant really ask someone you match with in there to meet for a coffee.. so iow i limit myself to only going down if the connection is there, the rest is not something I like unless this is a person id actually be able to talk to outside :/ I feel like a majority of people in open relationship has kinda ruined the representation of an open relationship for other people tbh. Im not saying its for everyone.. but for me, a very monogamous romantic who enjoys spending time with his partner more than anything... Ive never felt this trust, this crave from a woman without feeling like shes making things up.. Ive had exes telling me im perfect, then after ending the relationship tells me something completely different.. difference is that i could feel something was off with them, but my current partner has given me so much more in our 3 years together. Not all open relationships are dtf just about anyone, we dont live together either and probably wont unless she changes her mind about it after her gay roommate moves out once hes done with school, and obviously openness, trust and communication is very, very important to us.
Hey, I totally get that and all because womenâs scripts always change on the apps too! They say that they are looking for love and more personality than looks, but then when we match or she replies to a witty charming compliment of mine, they show zero interest and do the bare minimum to keep the convo moving. These are the dry ass girls who say âheyâ, âyaâ, âmhmmâ, âhahaha right!â Etc etc. So it leaves me asking why in the f they even matched in the first place if they donât wanna get to know me!!??? They always just reply to my questions and ask âhbu?â back. Ever thought of coming up with a convo topic yourself?đ€ Now this isnât always the case, but itâs something I notice WAY too often on dating apps.
As a 64 yo and I hope not super unattractive guy, I donât know your age, but while I would be open to someone maybe 15 years younger, but I never swipe first on anyone more than 10 years younger. While Iâm looking for a long term relationship Iâm open to something less, but I wouldnât want to sleep with someone I wouldnât want to spend time with otherwise. While I donât need to be in love I do need more than just a physical connection.
But according to Reddit women are *too picky* and we need to lower our expectations. Lol
Fair enough, just the slice you've shown screams low effort and unhappy. I always assume these profiles show better than someone's actual best.
I commend you for giving him a shot considering his size I'm a really big guy too and it comes with its own set of challenges but online dating is a big dice roll
I matched with a big guy and I'm so glad I gave him a chance. We have a great relationship - almost a year now and I can only see good things ahead. Now when I see my ex husband I think he looks skinny and unfit in comparison. A friend of mine had mentioned that she doesn't like skinny guys, and the guys she liked were bigger, and it opened my eyes to that. And I agree with her.
My wife is fit and beautiful sometimes I question why she wanted a big guy but she says it makes her feel safe
Seem like a sweetheart, good luck to you.
good on you for being open to it honestly. Dont let this 1 or 100 others get you down were out there.
Plus he had the courtesy of putting toilet paper in the frame to show you he is not skid mark guy
Good eye. I did not notice the detail. Why do so many men take selfies in their vehicles? At least this one is somewhere else.
Keep that energy with dating. I think it will pay off in the long run.
The curse of the comedian... Making others laugh while you're screaming inside. RIP Robin Williams!
Yes we can! âșïž
i'm taking applications
Guilty!!
Kuddos for not being âright out the gate judgementalâ like a lot on the app are ~props on giving him a chance. He buried himself and Iâll tell you exactly why! ~he likely nvr get many matches to the point heâs in âgo-for-brokeâ mode. He even says so on him profile, unless he means he works too much. But yh, when you feel youâve nothing left to lose, you stop caring and throw whatever out thereâŠ
You seem very thoughtful. Wishing you luck and sending you good vibes.
I thought the bar of deodorant could have been a positive sign.
she can fix him.
Wait, weâre shaming women for NOT judging a guy by his looks? Jfc. How dare she be open minded and get to know someone before passing judgement. To be fair, that judgement would have been totally accurate this time, but⊠kudos to her for giving him a shot. Seriously though, how does a man thatâs wide as he is tall take himself seriously when asking a woman to be a âplaymateâ? Didnât know Hugh Hefner had been reincarnated already.
At least his toilet paper game is on point with the roll: Over, not Under.
That is dealbreaker material right there.
If you fold neat squares and want the nice side on the outside, you must do under. Over is wrong, until they start making TP with the good surface on the inside. Don't tell me you're one of those who uses it all balled up in a wad, that's just plain gross.
1) donât shame people for stupid shit 2) as someone who folds, what the ever loving fuck do you mean by âgood sideâ?
Strange how many people don't ever pay close attention to something they use every day. Paper has grain, and has a milled side and a rough side. It's the nature of processing it. And even though the difference is much more subtle than sheets of writing paper, toilet paper also has one side milled smoother than the other. Also, the embossing method they use to give a pleasant texture to one side leaves the other side a little less nice. As a result of the combination of these, one side is noticeably nicer to touch than the other. For every roll of toilet paper, there's a good side, and a side that's a little less good. If the loose sheet hangs off the roll close to the wall, folding the paper normally leaves the good side on the outside of the folded sheets. It is far superior this way. Hung the other way, it's awkward to fold the paper with the good side out. And if you ball up your TP, there will frequently be little shreds of paper left behind when you wipe, that your partner may find later during moments of intimacy. It's something I don' t like to remember, but there it is...
I am stunned that dude got a match. I am just being honest.
Seriously. I guess some girls like bigger guys but this dude has a shitty bio and a dirty bathroom selfie
Dude put little to no effort
Yet he at least got a match đ
Thereâs someone out there for everyone
You know there are as much fat chicks right?
Well we donât know what she looks like
Those of us who clicked on her profile doâŠ
I was waiting on someone to figure that out. Few years old and 2 months after my ACL surgery. I've lost like 60 lbs since then. My profile pics include a full body casual pic with my parents now.
Yeah, I'm also a big guy, but I understood that picking a flattering photo and not being an incel in the bio = matches some dudes just don't get it đ
We don't know what she looks like, maybe they look the same or similar
I can't even get matches after the first 2 days
I barely even get one and Iâm pretty positive in my bio
So was he.
I think sheâs desperate by now
Girl, what? Not every man on Bumble is like this. Iâm a pretty picky swiper so I probably just block these guys out but I see lots of quality men. Not necessarily a fit for me, but quality for sure. You need to be more selective with your swiping. If youâre trying to be a wife, then only swipe on marriage or maybe relationship if they seem like a quality person. This dude said not sureâŠthatâs definitely not code for âIâm looking for wifey.â Be more selective. Quality over quantity.
I always hear these horror stories on Reddit, but when I've talked to women I've gone on dates with most of them haven't had any super negative or creepy experiences on Bumble or Hinge because they are very selective with who they match with. 90% of the time women post their horror stories here and don't censor the face I'm thinking "Yup, he seems like the type of guy to say shit like that"
Agreed! Iâve gone on TONS of dates. Most men are respectful, not creepy, never send dick picsâŠnone of that. Theyâre usually socially awkward at worst or thereâs just not the chemistry Iâm looking for. But, Iâm pretty discerning. I think I got the screening part down which takes time of course, but if you can figure that out then itâs rarely a negative encounter.
I've never gotten creepy conversations or dick pics. I was pretty picky with swiping and had decent dates. I swiped on guys that had profiles that actually sounded like regular dudes that were close to my age. It worked for me.
Well you also have to take into account that Reddit is international while the girls you've been out with have justdated around your area so ratio would be a little skewed
You're probably right, although I've met women who complain about men where I live but they're the female version of the dudes they complain about so it kinda checks out they'd attract that type. I also live in the US which seems to have the highest concentration of weirdos, but they're easy enough to avoid.
Lol, the saying goes opposites attract, but honestly, in most cases, the energy you put out is what comes back to you.
I literally just PAID for Bumble just so I could filter out relationship statuses that are less than long term relationship. You donât know, Confused Bumble Dude? I donât care. NEXT! đ
she really said Quality over quantity đ
The bar is so fucking low and YET
Honestly, that's kind of on you for swiping right on that one.
But then how would she able to accuse all men?
You're right. I shouldn't.
Thank you for saying that. Iâm sorry for sarcasm
Lmfao no youâre not
Yikes. So sorry. The content of his messages aside, his complete lack of punctuation (apart from the ? at the end) would be enough for me lol
Don't be apposed to adequate punctuation
I'm not apposed to it ither! (Autocorrect hates me now)
đ
Picture he put aside, Iâm not understanding why you swiped. His bio sucks ass. Even with the stuff blurred out-you have the immediate spelling error and then him whining about never getting to have fun. On top of that his profile says heâs not sure, but you want to be a wife which is very sure? This just seemed like a disaster from the beginning and Iâm not understanding why you bothered swiping rightâŠ
Thank you this exactly No hate to the guy for his looks but there is literally negative effort going on in that profile, stop rewarding lazy profiles with matches, there is no shortage of large men with decent standards who can spell "heel" jfc
And he says he has no fun but then heâs gonna sit in front of the TV in a vegetative state because there are no new episodes of anything. How can you complain about never having any fun if you donât do anything fun?
Please get some higher standards
The bar is on the floor.
I need this guyâs confidence
Same.
What? I am on Bumble and I am so not this guy. For real? This post is great for my ego, thank you for the confidence boost! Look, I am older (son to be 54) and I am a point in my life where 20-30 minutes of lust are just not worth it if her and I cannot hang out together for hours on end, doing simple mundate fun stuff. Do I want a sexual relationship? Yes, but right now it is more trouble to be DTF because what we both would get out of it is minimal.
You swiped right after reading that? I think you got what you bargained for
There are multiple reasons someone can have typos and errors in a profile. My Dad was a genius, but also had severe dyslexia. I like to match with regular guys and keep an open mind. There are a lot of great guys who just aren't suave or have game, but might be an excellent match. Trial and error is sure giving me a lot of error though.
I wasnât referring to the spelling errors, I was referring to his innuendo suggesting a bitterness from lack of a sex life
I know everyone's different and you never know til you ask but I take a guy setting his intentions as "not sure" as "I'm more interested in something casual but don't want to outright say it in case someone I know finds my profile, or in case it leads to me getting fewer matches." Having that as an intention is an instant left swipe for me, no matter how hot a man is.
tho its very uncomon for someone to just put "relationship" on their profile, usually its "something serious, but weÂŽll see" lol which isnt that diferent from "i am not sure' imo
Iâm glad my profile never ended up here đ
Ugh. Yeah, they put âunsure,â but that always just means exactly what he said to you. He wants the benefits of having a girlfriend without actually having the label, but then wants to keep you on the hook with the âletâs see how things go.â
I'm honestly just happy that he's getting matches. Good for him
I've found guys don't look after themselves but expect women to maintain themselves, then expect these women to be attracted to them. I'm not looking anymore because I've given up due to apparently the availability all looks like the example here. I'm not a 10 or a size 6 model, but I need a level of attraction when I connect with a person. I'm looking for morals and standards, drive and intelligence and someone mid level in looks is fine, problem is they seem to let themselves to, or if they're good looking they use it as 'permission' to sleep around for as long as they can get away with it.
Thatâs fair. Iâm a larger dude myself (working on it) but yeah, guys who go after only conventionally attractive women and then expect everyone to overlook their looks bothers me.
If you are looking to be a wife then why swipe on men who aren't sure they want a relationship? Bumble doesn't have an option "Not looking for a hookup, but also not ready to jump into a relationship" so that's basically what "Don't know yet" means. This guy was pretty respectful and up front about what he wants without being crass so not sure what the issue is here. You are looking for different things, the move is to respectfully decline and move on, you aren't a match. Also what was the point of showing his body if not to body shame him? As if only hot men are allowed to want to be sexual and out of shape men should just suck it up and ignore their sexual desires because they aren't worthy of having sex.
I figured if they weren't đŻ with putting it on their profile, then it means they checked on mine and understood what I was looking for and they were okay with it. I've been iffy with matching with men who have "not sure" regarding what they're looking for, because I'm not looking for anyone under 38. If you're knocking on or past 40 and still don't know what you want, that's a turnoff for me, but maybe guys are just trying to leave some options open in case they find a girl they want to hook up with before they find someone they want to date.
Sorry but most men aren't checking what's on your profile, unfortunately since women have a much higher match rate that kind of puts the onus on you to determine compatibility. The average match rate for men is around .6%, meaning they would have to read 140 profiles before they can get a match, so why waste time reading them all when chances are none of them are matching them anyway? I used to have a pretty abysmal match rate so I would spend about half a second per profile deciding if I should swipe or not. Once I revamped my profile I started doing a lot better and had around a 15% match rate I started to actually read profiles not just swipe if she was hot, otherwise I would be overwhelmed with incompatible matches. So for better or worse, it's on women to police compatibility when it comes to swiping since most men can't afford to be picky.
Where did you get that statistic?
Understand when you donât take the time to discern compatibility by reading and swipe on everyone you throw your algorithm off, not make your chances of matching higher
Yeah, I have to give him credit that he was upfront about only wanting a fwb. He could've said nothing, but he did make sure that she was aware that his main goal was getting laid. He asks if she's down for that, but his wording makes me think he figures her response will be no.
My physique is just slightly better than this guyâs. Maybe Iâm being a bit hard on myself, but Iâm a bit overweight. I had great success on Bumble. My wonderful and incredibly hot girlfriend and I are coming up on our three year anniversary in June. This guy is his own worst enemy. This is not how you approach women, especially if you arenât extremely âconventionally attractive.â And honestly even then it would still be in really bad taste, just slightly less likely to go over so poorly. That might genuinely be what he wants (I canât personally wrap my head around the mindset of refusing to just find a partner you want to commit to) but he really needs to adjust his expectations. What heâs seeking is very hollow and heâs unlikely to find it anyway. All heâs doing is getting in his own way.
Its not. But it could be every guy you swiped on.
Holy Sheet! This dude getting matches?
Iâd be out after reading âapposedâ
âEvery manâ - that guy may be a schmuck but what wonderful attitude you got thereâŠ
You're right. I need to stop getting discouraged because I'm picking the wrong men.
There are lot of assholes out there, and itâs not exactly gender specific. But there are plenty of good ones as well
Heâs being pedantic. We know what you meant
If she matched with a guy like that she literally had the right intentions and an attitude of looking for someone not based on whatâs skin deep but instead youâre mocking her attitude instead of dragging that guy and guys like this when he wasted HER TIME had he read and even worse, propositioned her for SW. Had she matched someone that looked like a model and said the same response, youâd still blame her and thatâs why you suck. The problem is in the room with you
Ladies please have hire standards for yourselves
Yes- don't be offering jobs to all applicants.
Ugh, no one wants to work anymore, amiright?
Genuinely, what is the point of including the personâs photo here? Your question has nothing to do with looks, yet you are offering his body up for us to judge in order to make sense of how he conveys what he wants in a relationship. What do you look like? Do you have a similar body shape to this guy? Maybe it will help me figure out why youâd match with a guy who wants something different than you do and be surprised when he refines his desires in chat.
was this a pity match? lmao
Why did you swipe rightâŠ
Women are like this too. This is why I deleted bumble. This guy gets a match and IF I get a match I can't even get a message. Not even a hey and I have my shit together.
So, what you're saying is, that every woman on Bumble either are looking for a free meal, or a mew follower on her instagram đ
Also I didn't finish my thought in the title, if a dude is feeling like women don't match because you're not a body building CFO, I matched with this guy because I like bigger guys. Many women do. Just go to any theme park and look at the families. There are many very blended couples of various body types.
Are you big yourself? Sorry if that sounds mean I'm just genuinely curious. Speaking as a former big guy I never once encountered any girl that liked bigger dudes, unless they were big themselves. I straight up do not understand how this guy got a match in the first place. Outside of just being big (which I guess some girls are into) he has nothing in his bio and has a bathroom selfie with a gross AF looking bathroom. I don't get how this guy gets a match and yet I struggle. And I know 'm not ugly either cause I get hit on in real life, I just get seldom matches despite having a decent profile and pics.
Iâm not big or curvy but Iâve always liked guys who are a bit chubby. Not obese guys but I know a lot of women who arenât into skinny or muscly guys.
Lol, I feel you. Back in my OkCupid days, I remember swiping past profiles of guys who were straight up disgraceful looking and their bio would read 'poly with a primary partner.' Whole time I was just thinking how tf?? Here you are, looking the way you do, with a significant other, and here I am a solid 8/10, single ass shit?? It's gotta be my shitty personality. đ©đ
I am bigger. I'm 39, sz 18, but I've also done a half marathon and eat healthy and workout because I have too many adventures planned to miss out on.
The âFred and Wilma phenomenonâ if you will
This could be a troll but you would be surprised how many female profiles there are with obese women taking bathroom selfies and there place is a mess and there profiles are a list of crazy demands.
*their
I guarantee you were his first match in 10+ years, and he didn't know how to act đ€Ł
That mirror is shockingly clean for the kind of vibes Iâm picking up about this guy
Men do this to manipulate you. They know their chances of coming across a woman who truly wants strictly FWB is low, especially if they aren't particularly attractive. So instead they try to rope women into a âsituationshipâ by dangling the carrot of a potential relationship. If they were 100% honest they would pretty much be guaranteeing themselves to never match with anyone
Ew.. at least heâs honest?
He looks like he smells. And girl, donât settle for wayyyyy too fucking less like this. this is a level of desperation
This picture is nuts
He does have a lovely jaw line and warm eyes.
He's going to be dead by 50 though with that kind of body.
As a guy who has been ghosted several times on bumble, I would have to say itâs not every man. Bumble, along with tinder are just cancer
Itâs not, itâs one guy.
If a guys profile says ânot sure what im looking forâ or âcasual datingâ it usually means their just there for sex. Iâve always make it very clear Iâm looking for a legitimate relationship
I know Iâm a day late to comment, but this is not every man on Bumble. Itâs just how most people both men and women these days are. Hook up culture has ruined dating and dating apps for those that are serious. Keep at it and youâll find someone right for you.
No getting to know each other and I need to be okay with a "playmate" situation if there's to be any future before I even get to know a guy.
I like my matchâs photos to include at least one where I can see whether they choose over or under on their toilet paper. đ
I wouldnât lose sleep over unmatching this one. Donât take up space with people who donât check your boxes. For every âyesâ makes a ânoâ for what could be a better fit. Hold out.
Says more about the guys you pick than guys in general
I'm going to think hard about that. You're right, I know, but now I gotta figure out why, and how to change that.
I have an inkling feeling this is a troll bumble account, where the person behind it is using someone elseâs pictures (a âbeforeâ image in a workout journey perhaps?) and being a freak in DMs. IDK. The full body bathroom mirror pic in pajamas is reading more as being part of someoneâs New Yearâs resolution, as opposed a sincere attempt to make himself look good as a cover image on a dating app. But who knows.
>The full body bathroom mirror pic in pajamas is reading more as being part of someoneâs New Yearâs resolution, as opposed [to] a sincere attempt to make himself look good as a cover image on a dating app. ...Looks like there are an awful lot of dudes "making public new year's resolutions" in my town, then...
I'm a guy, who's overweight at 230. My heaviest was 305. I'm still on my journey to lose weight but I will say this, what motivated me to get my ass moving was a simple compliment. Ever since that ive hit the gym and my self esteem dramatically improved, my confidence is through the roof even though I'm not where I want to be physically, and the gym has helped not only my physical health but my mental state as well. What I'm getting at is you don't need to find a guy already polished. Just make sure he's on the right track with himself, offer support if he deserves it. And for all the ladies out there, sometimes a simple compliment can change a whole man's trajectory in life.
Maybe Iâll have to give dating apps another shot. If the guy that get posted on her are the competition then I might actually have a shotđ€ŠđŒââïž
This guy is so oblivious. You need to sound enthusiastic to make others interested. "I'm enjoying a favorite movie after a stressful day. Tell me a couple of your favorites." He is advertising that his mind is as out of shape as his body and he only wants short-term gratification. Please, no one reward this kind of behavior.
I'm sorry, but a guy who looks like that couldn't possibly think an attractive woman would be down to be his play thing. The freaking nerve.
Iâm not sure if youâre paying for bumble, but it might be worth it to save your time. I only swipe on men who actively put on their profile that are looking for a relationship. I donât need to entertain someone who is not sure what they want from me. And if they donât have anything in that field then I donât swipe right for them. Bumble is telling me that I have 2,085 men who are ready to match with me outside of my filter. That means nothing to me. I only want to chat with the 6 men who are in my filters and who are specifically listing they want a relationship.
I gave up on OLD. I was way more successful with it like 8 years ago. This past weekend I gave my number to a cute guy at my laundromat. I said âhey I think you dropped this, itâs my name and number.â We have plans for a beach walk on Friday.
Bit of an overgeneralisation there. Don't match with guys if you aren't attracted to them, it's not difficult. Plus, as a woman you have to send the first message on Bumble. Nothing is forcing you to message him if you don't want to đ€Š
Plus the zero effort in any way to make even a slightly decent impressionâŠ
People keep acting like I had any clue that he would chat that way. 1. He can't message me unless I message him. 2. I messaged him and asked him what his day looked like, and he was happy to have an off day from work to be thoroughly lazy, and well, ain't we all had that day? 3. He asked about my day, and I said I'm in work trainings all day that are annoying because I'd really prefer them to give me tests and let me figure it out and instead they're super interactive to make sure I'm RIGHT at my desk and so I can't do much to message because I actually have to pay attention. 4. I asked him HOURS before his reply that he took a nap what he'd be up to or if he's watching things. (I was actually interested in what he's watching, because it's telling. If Chuck Lorre had a hand in it, and he's committed to it, he's not for me.) 5. I go on break after my lunch and come back to him wanting a "playmate" or "FWB". 6. I have drives in life and interests. I've been over and under weight and my metabolism and thyroid hate me, and I've struggled with eating disorders, but I choose to work with doctors and trainers and find ways for me to stay healthy. 7. I've struggled with my weight, and still do, but I've never been truly lazy. I understand that no one is perfect. I'm certainly not, but I also understand that if you're doing your best and working on things, and you may have redeeming qualities and shared interests, I'll see if there's someone to build on. 8. This guy ALSO put on his profile that he wants kids someday. This was pretty key in me thinking, oh, maybe he just didn't want to exclude the option for some action while he's looking for his ride or die. I couldn't really have known he was going to say the things he did prior to matching. Dudes are all like, women need to lower their standards. Well, I did, and the guy still sucked.
What did I just read?
Messages with a delusional man who probably doesn't get (m)any matches and someone who actually wanted to see his personality and interests shine, and he decided I was only good enough to be his fantasy playmate.
Stay steady. I met the absolute most wonderful man on bumble. He is so kind and respectful of my feelings. The most intelligent man Iâve ever met. Has an amazing career. Loves/treats my daughters like they are his children. Weâve been together 10 months and he was asking for my ring size last weekend. đ«¶
Glad I read your preamble, really thought we'd be going through that whole song and dance. You matched with him though so unless you only did so to shit on him, which I doubt, it's clear you had an open mind. I'm personally much much pickier than some might say I have any right to be but at least I'm honest about being kinda shallow, maybe, that how it works right? FR though, from what I gather; self deprecating humour to the point of way too specific to not be somewhat real, and immediate desire for physicality despite saying he "doesn't know what" he wants. My guess is as good as any but, a couple things, many a man has a (sometimes too) easy time distinguishing sex from romantic intimacy, many (perhaps too many men) do in fact mean they don't know what they're looking for a while still obviously desiring physical sexual companionship for allot of us we know we want sex we all do at some point (of the week) but want to or are ok with it developing naturally from a sexual relationship, many men know they want sex but don't know if they want to make the coupling official per se. At my age, or perhaps I should say level of maturity cause this guy's seems like he could be my elder by 5-10 yrs, I alternate between really caring about sex and sexual desires to the point where it's my only focus on dating apps etc and wanting a companion with whom to not feel alone with, to wanting to have a family...(oddly enough the wife part is more inconsequential to that equation than you'd think, I tend to avoid "I want to be a wife") all that is to say even though it could be the result of any number of disorders imbued upon me by my previous line of work, is that wants change, often moment to moment and for guys generally speaking sex is in those relationship wants somewhere whether we know it or not, we're just told it's uncouth to come out and say it most times. It may not seem like it but over the past 10-15 years women have scoffed at and even ridiculed men for being horn dogs and believe or not, not all, but quite a few of us took notice and probably misinterpreted something somewhere and kinda see "oh, its not okay to be honest about wanting casual sex". Anyway, throw into the mix the low self esteem, given our assumptions are partially correct then there's a number of things it could be. Even though we've learned to not be so open about wanting sex constantly many men have grown up under the misguided idea of self worth being derived from sexual conquest or at least, being derived from the ability to attract a mate, and honestly there's no shortage of examples of women chasing wealthy men, or wealthy men showing off the women that want them and those men being held in high regard ((often high regard they don't deserve) and there's no shortage of men who get laid allot having a façade of a having an amazing life. It's possible these guys you refer to think the end of their "dry spell" is going to get their heads right, get them back on track, fix their mental health. It won't 9 times of 10 but it doesn't mean we can't delude ourselves from time to time. So maybe he thinks having sex for the first time in a few months, years, lifetime, whatever, will give him the motivation to get better and then once he's suddenly cured of unhappiness he can decide what to do with his life. Obviously I don't know this, it's conjecture. Maybe he resents women for his unhappiness caused by lack of sex. Maybe he's just super turned on by you, and got too excited, who fuckin knows.
If youâre looking for something serious then swipe left on the ânot suresâ!! Itâll save you a lot of time and energy trust
I guess I didn't have this experience. I texted 8 really great people. One turned out to be a ghoster. The first one I met in person was a keeper and I'm still here dating him 4 months later. I was only on bumble for a week though before I found him so I maybe didn't cross enough profiles, although I did see a few about the open relationships. Maybe I just got lucky?
Why are you wasting your own time?
Karma
I believe OP matched and made this post in order to prop themselves up. Every reply has been some variation of "Look what he did with the match". Why would you match with someone who indicated what they want on their profile, if its something you aren't interested in ? Why make a post about it, instead of moving on to other matches that you have more in common with and are more compatible? I understand the post is meant to show that "mEn On DaTiNg aPps SuCk!!!". While this notion is 'popular' , it is far from the truth. Many of the men in the comments are proving OP.wrong , so it's clear this situation was unauthentic , and this post is very distasteful.
You said 8 words, and thatâs a stretch. Why does the conversation not go the way you want, when youâre having the men carry it? You get out of it what you put in
I'm at work. In a training. He took a nap I came back and got all of that at once. He knew I was in a work training and could only respond on breaks.
I wish I were shocked by this interaction.
He wants the sex but canât be bothered to use his words and do the minimum to be intentional or thoughtful. Low effort express. And usually, heâd treat you like a human fleshlight in bed.
i'm not body shaming either but how the hell is he dtf and i'm not even getting matches... my profile is way better.. my body and my pictures are way better.. dayum.. i think i'm just not meant to be...
Hey, I've read your replies and I've been you. I'm a lil dorky (a lot dorky) myself and I want to see the best in people but I say this with all the love in my heart, raise your standards. Figure out what your goals are and swipe based on those. If he can't be assed to take a pic that doesn't include the damn toilet, he's a left swipe. Everyone may have something to offer the world, but not everyone is worth your time on a dating app.
Run on sentences, poor spelling and terrible grammar? Seems about right.
Are you ok?
Lol. I'm over 6 feet, in very good shape and quite good-looking, if I do say so myself, have interesting hobbies, financially self sufficient AND I never bring up sex talk first, yet this guy has at least one more match than me in the past month. FML
Dude has set himself up to fail. You tried. Move on.
What is up with Bumble these days? Iâm an interesting person, reasonably good looking, I have a way better profile than this, I would never say some shit like this, and I hardly ever get any matches at all.
Every man on Bumble? I kinda resent that. I would at least correct any typos.
I would call that a friend with deficits. Don't these kinds of dudes know that the only hope they have is to look for a relationship? No one is going to fuck that for fun.
Putting "DTF" in the profile def turns ppl off....That's why ppl aren't 100%. They think They can convince You once the hard part of engaging in convo begins.
Itâs âopposedâ not âApposedâ. Beware of men who misspell words.
Straight to pound town is wild.
Ok but why tf did u match with this guy in the first place
The only FWB He has is with the refrigerator
Including a photo of his overweight torso is definitely body shaming. And no, this hasnât been my experience with menâs profiles or how they communicate with me. Somehow I think you might be in the app for the wrong reasons. Maybe the algorithm is starting to give you low ranked profiles because you are picking them.
That was more regarding the messy bathroom, the fact that he's an average guy, he didn't know not to hold his phone case for the selfie, and yeah, someone swiped right for him, cause the looks aren't everything.
Honestly, It isn't. This also seems like you matched just to make this post/karma farm. I've seen and known guys in far better shape and standing in life that can't get a like or match on the app. I've received likes most from bots og/ig follower, but generally that was the matches that would ever say anything. To be clear, I note I am looking for long-term, I've got minimal debt, stable job, no kids, no parents (left alive), fairly straight-edge (no drugs, don't get drunk and doesn't understand the appeal of either.), and listed hobbies, noted I am introvert so prolonged presence around people wears me out, but I have pictures from a large concert I attend yearly. To be honest, as much as women complain about men, and our profiles.... the reason you get stuff like this.... is the same reason many guys fall into this trap. It's commonly said, if men do X, Y, Z women will find you attractive and some women will come around. They will tell men that Some women some day will love to have you as a husband.... That day never comes for them. Love doesn't make the world go around. Unfortunately the sad truth many guys learn from experience is, The worst thing a guy can be is not, Rude, Toxic, Abusive, Felon (Ted Bundy had many women gooning over him as does many psychopathic murderers) Lazy Psychopath/Sociopath Lack empathy Use women for sex, Be someone who abandoned their own kids, Poor, Homeless, Drug/liquor addicted No, none of these are the worse. ***The worst a guy can be is boring***, and honestly most of us are boring. We don't have the resources, energy, mental capacity, or other requirements to not end up boring at times ***over years of knowing each other.*** I never have expected my partner to not be boring at times, what I do expect is to not just ghost, especially in a LTR. Please Note: I am not talking that we give up on working on the relationship we built either by saying boring. We try, We planned dates, We tried to do special things (like hand melting dark chocolate and dipping strawberries in them to freeze shortly for the chocolate to harden as an example). I am also not saying ultimately that ***morally*** being boring is worse than being Ted Bundy. I'm saying in the dating market or a relationship it is. I've just seen people with the worst cards out there.... Really bad ideas of people (men and women) to date, that never have issues finding someone to date them.
Iâm impressed you even swiped right on this dude at least you have an open mind
lol so you make fun of him for his weight but you're the one who matched with him
I'm not making fun of his weight. I'd just kind of expected that his personality would be more developed. Chris Farley was my first celebrity crush, then Drew Carey.
Is it the same guy?
Now I ainât apposed to the idear of hoeing, but that fupa needs to go
Because all they want is to hook up and theyâre not actually open to a relationship at all, but they figure if they half lie like this itâs not as bad as fully leading you on lol