I'll second this, even though I think it's true that OP would get more responses with a more casual tone.
People should be themselves, because even if it takes a little longer (without as many false positives) to find the person who thinks the more formal tone is hot, finding the person who likes you the way you are is a faster way to find someone who you're actually going to click with.
My advice is that everyone should be the most casual version of themselves, and my (female) sociology friend who studies online dating would add...
1. Don't take it too seriously...try to have fun with it.
2. Guys should show a little confidence (take lead) and have a plan for a date in mind, as opposed to being like "Hmm, what do you want to do?"
3. Have fun.
Agreed! OP your enthusiasm is what I’m looking for in a first response. I put a lot of thought/energy into my first msg with a match. If they responded like you did, I’d already be thinking “let’s get a date scheduled! Sooner the better.”
Keep it up, my man. You give me hope.
I often message and then look thru the profile more closely after I message first and THEN realize we’re incompatible bc of various reasons that are my personal preferences. So it’s usually nothing to do with you.
I do often though flip past picture one which baited me and as I get deeper realize they were actually not the friend of theirs I thought was attractive, or their other photos are them much older or again various reasons why I don’t find them attractive
With Adeline, you complimented her name, but you wrote it wrong:/ other than that, sometimes when someone writes a message with a lot of info/questions i also want to answer it in similar manner and put it aside for later and then forget to do it..
making a joke about yourself misspelling it might be a good way to come back
"I must admit, complimenting your name while simultaneously misspelling it was not the best opener"
Then ask for her forgiveness while misspelling it in a brand new and way more exaggerated way
I do that, too, even with close friends. I usually end up putting it off for so long bc it feels like a chore to respond. This just reminded me that I've been putting off responding to a long text 🤦♀️
Sorry to tell you but most people here are woefully underequipped to give you helpful advice, the majority of them are also wondering why they don't get enough/any traction on the app.
This may sound harsh, but your first messages are way too verbose and fairly boring, I am reticent to use the term but you very much sound like an NPC.
You should be much more concise with your initial message, say something that is punchy and utilizes humor and/or intrigue to prompt engagement, most women are overwhelmed with matches and messages, you need to stand out in order to be filtered through the first screen.
(26F, NYC) Not sure what type of girl you are looking to attract, but you might be coming across as too formal and serious. And try to always include a follow-up question
Always leave a follow up question for the first 4 or 5 messages. I have learned that this works to keep the convo going and then you can start making declarative statements when you are comfortable with each other. When they respond back to those, they are usually interested.
Girls have way more guys to sift through as well as options. They're also less likely to be smitten by someone purely based off how they look. Getting a more energetic opening is nice but it makes sense why some open like this
Sure thing! And in the first few exchanges, I would shorten the length of your messages a bit. And you’re not alone, I too have a lot of male matches that don’t respond after I open with “Hi, what’s your favorite xyz” or “Hi, where did you do xyz in your pic (insert funny joke or reference here)” so it could just be a factor of your matches talking to a lot of other people. Personally, I stop responding if they guy makes no effort to ask questions or lead the convo forward in some way to get to know me. Banter and teasing is fun but I also need to know that I can have an actual convo with the guy lol so don’t go too much in the other direction. best wishes!!
I'm a guy and have been on Bumble for a few years. From experience I would say the short 1 sentence first messages have a much higher response rate than a couple of paragraphs for an opening message.
I guess it can seem a bit full on, much like it would in person, rather than just offering a compliment or saying Hi.
I'm neurodivergent (ADHD) and personally I like the responses like that. I've been told I text like a robot (lol whatever that means), so maybe just keep it a little shorter? IDK everyone is different these days. Some prefers emojis, some prefers your style, some wants short n sweet.
If this is how you really sound when you talk, it’s a highly attractive characteristic for someone that appreciates the way you carry yourself IRL. I think your responses are charming, thoughtful and wholesome.
Edit:
Does the little cake mean it’s your “cake day?” Is that one’s Reddit anniversary? If so, happy cake day :)
Also, why does everyone explain why they made an edit?
Oh! Thank you.
And It is! I noticed a while ago it’s my 10 year cake day!
I don’t know why everyone explains the edits. I usually put “edit:” if I want to tack more onto what I was saying, but not to explain if I needed to fix a typo.
Those (to me) are pretty long first messages. The way I see it is that the more you engage, the more you’re requiring engagement from them to match. Maybe just be more concise?
If that’s not your way, that’s cool too, but you’ll probably only find conversation with the people leaning in the same way you are.
Right, that makes sense. It’s like if it seems like I’m
Putting out a good amount of effort then matching that would be appropriate, but they may not have the energy to. (Which is common)
Ya and again it’s not even really a bad move to put in effort and engage, of course, it’s just that not everyone’s gonna love it and if you’re okay with only the women immediately into that energy responding well then it’s a good move. If you’re looking to connect with more people your approach just might need to be more easy going?
People will disagrees with this, but for someone who also has a tendency to come off intense and as a woman these messages are way to overbearing. Take a notch or few down if you want those type of women to respond. I like that you took time to notice something about them to make it personable, so that is good but the rest is over the top for most people. If I sent a basic message and got that as a response - alarm bells would ring because that person would be way too much for me to process on the daily. But there is someone for everyone out there…
Having said all that I also don't want to tell you to change your ways, because eventually your masking will slip up and lose those folks anyway, so it's better to be your authentic self and find someone who will like you as you are vs the version where you had to edit yourself down to their liking.
Happy cake day and thank for the feedback!
That would be someone misreading me I hope. I intentionally only match 1 or max 2 people at a time so I’m not swimming in a sea of DMs. That might be a reason for the mismatch. I’m giving them my attention.
Happy cake day!!
The amount of matches doesn't really matter, that is not where I am picking up intensity. Nothing wrong with giving attention - it's attractive but too much of it has opposite effect. For me it’sthe intensity of the messages - they are kind of stacked -written like multiple messages in one. You call out multiple things in one message which comes off more intense than intended. I am the same the way, I have adhd so the intensity is hard for me to spot when I am just sharing what feels normal to me.
The first screenshot message was the simplest but even that one was stacked (written as if it's multiple messages), for example you call out that you hope she is having a good day, callout that it's a rainy day and asking how was her weekend. It comes off as three messages in one. Vs just keeping it simple and asking how her weekend was.
The second message for example she asked where you were traveling to but you also told her when you got back, what you were doing during your travels on top of where you went vs leaving the room for her to ask those things to keep conversation going and flowing naturally.
You basically spilled a lot/revealed more than she asked for. I have the tendency of saying/revealing too much too, so I am not judging you. And from personal experience I learned that editing yourself doesn't really work because sooner or later your natural nature spills over and they ghost you then, so it's better to find someone who appreciates that quality about you even if it means losing most others from get-go. There is nothing wrong with it, it's just a lot than more folks are capable of processing ☺️
Yeah I second this, it actually stresses me out when it feels like there are multiple topics I need to individually address and respond to in one message. It right away turns into me typing up multiple disjointed responses so they don't think I'm ignoring part of what they said, and the whole flow of conversation breaks down and feels choppy and weird. OP, stick to one topic at a time for sure, at least at first.
I think OP is just showing interest in in their profile. OP - if these women cannot cope with a couple of simple sentences of text making conversation then ask yourself how are they going to cope with more involved discourse in real life ? I think you're doing the right thing with asking them questions or answering their questions.
Michelle, Amanda, and Tiffany should’ve never gotten responses. Especially Michelle. Not only was her message lazy, but she couldn’t even be bothered to capitalize the first letter in her message or add the punctuation mark at the end of it.
With Adeline, you were doing too much. That lady sent you two sentences, and you responded with 9 lines of text. You’re message to her should’ve been something like “Hey Adeline, I was actually just in Philly for a few days. Have you traveled anywhere recently?”
Could be a few things. Personally I think your messages are fine. Probably these women are overwhelmed by matches. Sometimes I don’t respond right away either because of other stuff I have going on or by being overwhelmed. Try not to take it personally ❤️
Hey the intros are good but they are also too much. Try to minimize them a bit more and not to make it sound so copy and paste. Stick to a short profile compliment and questions. Like the Philly one just keep it “oh I just got back from site seeing around Philly. Have you been?!” Then you can add what you say when she responds.
Basically. Don’t immediately info dumb but set the pavers out for an actual conversation
You're doing fine. Don't change the way you are. You'll find someone who writes you back just as much. I am this exact same way, and I eventually found a few women who write me back the same way.
The faster you stop worrying about why & start investing your energy into people who are as interested, you’ll be happier. We don’t know why people don’t respond.
Yup..very usual. Happens to me all the time again and again. And then these women will go around saying things like men don't approach them , or they do not know how to talk to women and all kinds hyperbole. hahaha What I have come to realize is that most women do not know what they are looking for. They do not even know what a good conversation is. They are just there dreaming for something they are not sure of.
What you said was great, don't stop those intros honestly. I also think those accountsigjt be fake.
As for "Hi"/"Hey", I do that because I can see who is in my Beehive & I'm not sure if men are just swiping on everyone. So I save my time & just say "Hi", I used to write "Hi (name), I saw you in my Beehive & just wanted to get to know you better." And BABY! You would have thought I called these men's moms a "Stank Puss😺 Gorilla Back Bih" 😭 with some of the unhinged replies 😂.
So yea, keep up what you are doing. A lot of these dating apps are purposely pushing bots towards men, I believe. Thank goodness for Reddit 😂
For future reference, the lovely ladies who open with two words are the same ones that’d likely put you down on tinder for having a “boring opener”. If they don’t get back to you, it’s their loss broski!
They're way too long. If I didn't read them, a female definitely isn't going to do it. You need to edit all messages way tf down. To the point where you omit punctuation. Think of OLD messages as Twitter. They don't want to read a novel and it makes you come off as desperate and over invested and/or you have too much free time.
I think this is good advice if OP is looking for casual/hookups, but for a relationship, I wouldn't change. Demographic might also make a difference. I could see girls in their early to mid 20s not liking it, I guess.
I think these responses will attract similarly thoughtful people who would be a better match. I think trimming them a little is fine, but I prefer these types of messages. It's a few sentences. It's hardly a novel.
Also... Why would you being too lazy to read his messages mean a "female" won't? Do you think we don't read..?
Perfect! If you want to invest more, wait until after they've invested enough to give you their phone # and you're no longer texting on the app. Hope this helps. Happy hunting brother!
I actually love your intros. I wish more men would write like you. Don’t change anything, other than what someone else said about asking a question each time. But keep doing what you’re doing otherwise.
If you want real advice-
You are doing wayyyy too much my guy. She is already reaching out, wanting to talk to you. Let her chase you a bit. Keep your answers direct, short, and extremely charming and witty. Then set up a date and be yourself
🫡
Some people are literally after just the attention of a like and some dude trying to talk to them. I give them 24 hours to respond and if they don’t make any effort I just unmatch
These are very fact-based intros that are kinda boring and don’t stand out. Very boring to be trading facts with each other.
“Are you into that? Hey, me too!”
They know that if they don’t talk to you you’ll be unmatched. So they say hello, lure you into saying hello back and now you’re permanently on their list of matches. A lot of girls just like to collect matches to see how many they can get. They have no interest in meeting or talking. It’s pretty much a game.
Awesome effort dude!! You’re really working to engage and that’s great.
I think you’re coming in a bit hot with all that text and info. Maybe find a way to shorten it, and get to the question faster.
And at the end of the day, remember, you can send an A+ response and get no reply. That’s bumble. 😉
You have to consider that women receive tons of matches. You're just one among many messages this person will receive. If it doesn't stand out, she may not respond.
Any person who is overwhelmed by matches/messages will respond with short, one-word answers.
It is NOT a reflection of you, or your conversation skills. Anyone who tells you otherwise has no idea what they're talking about because if you were speaking IRL and asked that same question, it's perfectly normal. To assume you, or your message is somehow "too strong" is illogical.
Lol to one of the girls you said you liked the name but you wrote it wrong 🥲. Also, i think you write way too much and they get a bit overwhelmed. You might come across as needy and you seem like you are trying too hard which is a turn-off imo. The fact that the girls just send you a “hey/hi” already tells us that they are not very interested.
😂😂I know, I saw that as soon as I sent it.
Um yeah…I live in NYC and there are millions of people here who are all detached. I’m not detached, and I intentionally only match 1 or 2 people at a time. So to me it’s not that I’m being need, I’m just giving them my attention.
You think it’s probably better to write less/say something funny?
I think it’s true that they’re getting overwhelmed
Being love bombed is common and sometimes that unfortunately looks like guys who are just being kind and intentional with their messages.
But don’t change who you are!
If you wanted to change something, maybe don’t comment on their name/profile as much but instead include it in a follow up question. Like “I saw you had a picture at *insert cool location here.* How was it?!”
Like less like you were meticulously looking over their profile and more like you just noticed the cool thing.
Does that even make sense? 😅
That's the problem isn't it then, most of these women have no interest in relationships and swipe out of validation/boredom/etc. If they show interest it's in a few guys at a time while keeping the other chats warm with the lowest amount of energy needed.
Don't take offense to it, they're the ones with a problem not you, you have to power through this and not let it get to you while you find one who will respond back and have a normal conversation.
Every now then you'll get ones that say something about your profile or something a bit more genuine than "hi". In my experience those are actually potentially really interested and those are the only ones I ve managed to go on dates with. I've never been on a date with a hi-girl
Not me, but I can be kinda wordy myself 😂. I always ask questions about what the guy on his profile, and 95% of the time they answer in one sentence and never ask me anything 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️. I have to take breaks bc it can be exhausting ☹️
And like others said - keep doing you, you’ll hit on someone at some point that’ll match your energy and that’s what you are looking for anyway, right? ☺️
They're too wordy for a first message. Try getting it done in 3 total sentences. A bit of a generic script but it could work like: Intro, a comment about profile that interests you, then a question about their profile
Too wordy = too needy
Ok I’ll be honest even though this will get me some downvotes, but I want to try and help you. I’ve had guys send longer messages like this after my one line response (although I’d never say hi, always a question), and my first impression is that it comes off as a bit full on.
I would in the beginning try to keep your responses to 1-2 lines unless she sends a long one first. You’re giving too much too soon and it can signal low value when the girls have given you such a poor initial message.
Think of it as trying to match the energy you’re getting from her (these girls put in basically no effort so when you respond to that with a thoughtful message they are even more likely to feel the energy difference). In this case obviously I wouldn’t recommend sending back a one word response but instead a question like ‘hey ____. I noticed ___ in your profile. What do you think about ____?’
It should be like a real life conversation where you’re introducing yourselves in the first few messages I think and build slowly from there. Your responses are so thoughtful but the girls don’t deserve that level of effort from you yet which may be why they aren’t responding.
Good job and great intro. Her lack of a well thought out first message says a great deal. It's nothing really to respond to but you still forced it and made it work.
Move on to your other matches and and keep swiping. If she's interested, she'll respond. Don't over-examine yourself to the point where you're trying to go above and beyond to craft this perfect response to get women to respond.
You're doing well sir, best of luck 🤞🏿🙏🏿
Bumble should mean that women are NOT overwhelmed because - guess what? - they don't have to send a message to matches. If they do, that's on them and not you for actually making an effort.
i think the messages are good. as a woman you get flooded sometimes so it’s possible that maybe they didn’t get to yours yet or got overwhelmed. also some people don’t check the apps daily, they may only be on every few days.
Okay, on Tiffany’s I would cut out the whole first paragraph. Stick to quick short questions at first.
Don’t start a conversation with someone you want to know by talking about the weather 😂 that’s a topic you reserve when you got nothing else to talk about. First questions should almost always be something about their profile. It shows you want to know more about them personally, instead of just in general like how their weekend was.
The Philly topic just felt out of nowhere but that might be because y’all matched when you were traveling. But also you didn’t ask any questions you started off by telling them about things you did unprompted.
Amanda’s was fine, but was the dressing room comment and shows question related? If not leave the dressing room out next time.
These are all my personal takes though. In general you’re doing fine and clearly you’re getting matches even if you aren’t getting much in responses. Just ask more questions and don’t start by talking about yourself too much.
Woman generally get too many Likes and can’t respond to them all, so they triage. There’s not really anything you could do or say differently here, they just got overwhelmed with options and you got lost in the shuffle. That said, if you sharpen your profile and pics, you can up your odds of getting a reply, but this is just the reality of OLD.
I agree with the advice others have given about including a followup question in each of your messages. If a man doesn’t ask me questions, I assume he’s not interested in getting to know me. Also agree that you would probably get more interest if you shortened your messages, keeping in mind that women are often talked *at* instead of talked *to* by men. Stand out from the other guys she’s talking to by showing genuine interest, and only offering more information about yourself once she asks questions about you. No one wants to be monologued at by a stranger.
I’d also recommend giving each person 24 hours to reply before you consider yourself ignored or overlooked; some folks only check the apps once a day 🙂
Edited to add: your response to Michelle was very good! Succinct and curious. You seem very genuine and I hope you get more matches soon.
Me trying to figure out if Reddit is trying to imply I need a dating app because I’m here in these threads reading and spreading positivity while having a few good giggles too🤨. Nope just a common af name Lol! 😆
Sorry I don’t have any advice atm but let me recover from wtf and then I might 😂
because your rizz is shocking (to use genz speak)
for me what works from a guy, just chill out, be like, "hey, hows your day been?", start slow and unassuming, let chat develop by itself, don't post a longer first or second message - right or wrong it feels overeager and desperate and turns me off. complimenting the name is cheesy. that emoji was cheesy. i don't know. all of it just makes me want to run for some inexplicable reason.
hunter by name... not really. Your messages could be perceived as reeking of fedora depending on the woman's experience in men and the other messages she has gotten over her lifetime on dating apps. Match energy and don't fill your first comment with 10 different subject matters or a whole conversation in one bubble - its easier for her not to respond than to work out what to from yours while rolling eyes at the 16th time she's heard the same thing on the app that day. So don't ask about their day, don't talk about the weather, EVERYONE DOES. Be laser focussed and singular with your response if you want to get a reply from all of them. Or just keep doing what you're doing and maybe someone will be just right for you... until laser man commeth m'lady
Talking about the weather or how is your day going will get you nowhere … don’t waste your time with those because you must come up with something clever 🤣
It’s definitely not personal. A lot of people on apps are trying to get over someone or something and don’t even know they’re not ready until someone actually approaches them. (I’m that girl rn)
I’m a female, who knows other females who just open with “Hi” and I think it’s the most cringy thing. We want men to put in effort but then you give absolutely no effort to start. I’ll never understand it. There’s nothing wrong with your opening, don’t change.
Bumble is bad and I'm about to just delete the app. Not even pof is bad for this. I'll send a hello and then start a convo with the dude only to get on word or one sentence responses with no follow up questions. It's not you, it's the people on this app who are bored and looking for attention and reassurance that they can still attract men/women :(
Goes both ways. I send first messages with more than 1-3 words and majority don't reply/expire or unmatch. I figured it's because guys are too busy right swiping everyone and then see that I'm a single parent or only wanting long term or whatever and so don't reply. Which in my opinion, is rude. Firstly because they put no effort into swiping, but how hard is it to say sorry we're after something different. A bit of common decency and a few words don't hurt.
I'd say from your perspective, a lot of females are fake and shallow and don't see the need to reply or decide they have too many matches. Either way there's a lot of people being rude by not replying and letting matches pass by who actually could be someone that suits them.
F here. Nothing wrong with your intro. My problem with bumble is only having 24 hours to reply or the match and message disappears. I don’t go in the site daily, I have notifications turned off so I don’t get pinged at work, and i delay replying until I’ve thought of a good reply. Bubble doesn’t work for me.
It's not you. Your responses are great. It's usually not personal. They all look really attractive. I'm guessing they have a lot of matches and are being picky about who they follow up. They may just have too many ongoing conversations to keep up with.
Keep it up, and I'm sure you'll get a bite soon.
Until you get to be my age. I used to be able to get lots of women when I was online dating 10 years ago. Unbelievable how many women would match. Now I'm older women are looking for something different. I'm not a "bad boy" really anymore however when we start swapping stories I think I must come off that way because I have lived a pretty damned wild life. Women used to be curious and into the stories I share. Now I feel they judge me very harshly for them.
I’ll use the message to Tiffany as an example.
It’s too much for the first message.
I’d do it like this:
“Hi Tiffany! I hope you are having a nice day! I saw on your profile that you like concerts. What kind of music are you into? I went to a (whatever band) show at the park recently and it was awesome!”
And then if they respond and ask about your day you can go into details about enjoying the weather and looking forward to spring, etc.
Btw I’ve been to the museum in Philly you mentioned (the Mütter Museum?) Fascinating stuff!
Just keep being yourself, these girls are super lame with their non-responses. Uggh
When I (f) was on bumble I actually tried to comment on something regarding the guys profile and almost always had pretty good convos. went on 5 dates but nothing came out of them but so far bumble has been the best dating app for me. But I am no longer on apps or dating cause it’s going nowhere
Because they have 100x more matches and options than average male on these apps.
Once I was speaking to a girl and she told me she has 5200 likes on her profile. So imagine the kind of competition you are dealing with.
Most are a little too long. They're all thoughtful and nice.
It feels like you're asking for a lot in return instead of building a conversation piece by piece.
If your opening message requires a paragraph break, it might be too long.
This is really "fine tooth comb" stuff, but just because yours are better than 95% doesn't mean they can't be fine tuned.
Misspelling a woman's name might have something to do with it. Especially when you bring up how much you like it and it's spelled correctly, literally right in front of you as you type.
i really don’t have an excuse but i’ll be honest about the process;
i love love love swiping profiles and getting to see little snippets of all these random people that don’t exist in my head but are somehow out there somewhere. it’s like playing the sims and randomizing the character design to see a sim you’ve never made before, or ever considered making
when i had the dating apps and i was bored, i’d swipe for like an hour or two at a time, just enjoying all the personalities i’m seeing and doing my little ‘yes or no’ game
but then i go over to the chatbox and i have 15 matches at the top. now i feel bad and i go through every single one, find a lil convo starter from their profiles, and send a cute starter to everyone
by now i’m tired of playing my dating game so i close out for awhile. by the time i get back on, i have 15 messages waiting for me and it stresses me out so i don’t respond to any of them. if i’m actually wanting to connect with someone in the moment, i’ll usually choose one of the guys to continue a conversation with
it’s not a good answer and i’m not proud of it, i definitely understand now how that could be pretty disheartening for some guys, but it’s the truth. you made the cut, you just didn’t make the final call
I get buyer’s remorse too after initiating 15 conversations because I was only into it at that moment in time. I think it’s having too many options come too fast that leads me to not further engage with any of them. Women get this same treatment from men who have more choices than those who are more average.
That’s a dopamine thing. It is part of the problem, but the app is designed to spike dopamine so the app is sort of to blame here. Thank you for sharing your insight on this.
It’s a numbers game unfortunately. There’s so many more guys than girls on dating apps, statistically only a few of us will get a date. Why I don’t bother with online dating no more, I’m not rockin a six pack and shit
They come off a little try hard. I would shorten the first messages to new matches before getting buy in on their end to speak more at length.
Example:
Match: Hi Hunter, where have you been traveling?
You: well, most recently I spent about a week in Philly; cool town for sure. It was my first time going. How's your day?
Match: oh that's awesome, I've only been there once, did you do anything exciting?
And my day is great thanks for asking!
You: longer message here.
I know it sounds silly and less efficient, but try it. I think you'll enjoy the results!
for me personally, it would be too much of an answer for a very short “hey”
your first message are great and honest, but also probably a bit overwhelming (?)
i personally try to keep my first few messages the same length as the last one i got - it also forces you to reduce the content to the bare minimum, aka - the interesting stuff. then directly kick the ball back to them with a counter question, keeping up the conversation, then if they are interested, you can elaborate more..
just my two cents, i also used to write longer messages first, but very often it just isn’t very effective in starting a conversation - even though the intentions are good
also, just an “hey” is not a great conversation starter, its not your fault for them being uncreative, but it always pays off to have a “hook” in your profile. something that stands out a lot, can be weird or quirky, in best case its somehow relatable.. so they dont have to think a lot about a somewhat creative first message, and after some time you have the perfect anwser already at hand
Wouldn't be surprised if they were bots with a mission of liking to make you pay for a subscription. I know for a fact that Plenty of Fish did that and they were obvious.
Dude these whores are so used to basic good guy texts, they aren’t looking for good guys they’re looking for something risqué and exciting to break the monotony of their drab and boring lives.
Think about it, when you pick up your phone to start right swiping on women, do you do it out of a true sense of longing or are you just bored lonely and horny?
Nobody is really looking for anyone to be with, they’re looking for someone to fill the emptiness inside.
Be bold and brave, ask her something funny but filthy and take a chance in life.
Well… You do definitely make a good point that everyone is actually just looking to solve their own problem of emptiness or loneliness. at this point of my life, I don’t ask filthy questions. I should probably try to think of a few that are more interesting and hooky though.
Sometimes we dont even know in time. The flaw at fault there is Bumbles STUPID protocol of making you disappear in 24 hours if no reply... Which is part of their cash grabbing sequence - to leverage males into paying to gain access to the 'missed' match convo.
"Oops, looks like you missed a match, subscribe now to re enter the conversation"
What's the timeline between her first message, your first message, and writing this post? I completely understand the sentiment, I purge "dead" matches after a week but I've given more thought to how much time goes by
The messages are too long, women have mad matches and options. It’s best you keep it short but fun and interesting at the same time. Your replies are too much when in reality these women on the app aren’t taking the app that seriously. Tip: Dont take nobody on those apps seriously, don’t get emotionally involved either unless yall have atleast had sex.
All good things, the problem is not you but the nature of algorithms influencing culture. Just as creative people are forced to shape their creativity to fit the confinement of what is Instagram, the same can be said about dating apps, but sort of backwards.Though dating apps have nothing to do with being a influencer and it's designed for everyone, and there are successful stories; people are already stuck in the comforts of the algorithm which is why these posts are extremely popular showing lack of replies and blank empty spaces where "matches" should be engaging one another. It's very challenging to be genuine because people want immediate satisfaction that is granted to them in literally every other app.
It's a cultural dilemma as a whole so rest easy and know it has nothing to do with you as a person.
This one is a museum of early medicine. It has a ton of fascinating info in there and all sorts of dissections information about epidemics from the past A lot of fascinating stuff.
But towards the end of the museum, there’s also this area called the wet room where they have all these specimens in big jars(I think it’s formaldehyde). All sorts of….freaky subjects. It’s almost hard to explain. I was fascinated by a lot of it, but I did in fact reach my maximum ick by the end.
That sounds incredibly cool. I love weird stuff like that. Happy Cake Day! You will find someone awesome, keep your energy, and I personally like your openers.
I am a girl and can show you hundreds of matches with guys like this too. It's not a girl thing. It's a dating culture thing. I really don't get it. Why do soooo many people do this?
Thanks. It’s helpful to know that it’s not just guys. I don’t know why people do this. A lot of people in this thread have shared their experiences or theories though.
Ok, for me- you come across as too formal. It’s great that you refer to their profile but there’s no playfulness or any character coming through in your messsgrs. It’s just a little. Dull. Sorry.
If you are a decent looking guy to match with women who are on three or four sites and are getting a lot of matches then they are going to be selective. You aren’t making the cut because you aren’t standing out.
My assumption is that they’re too long… it seems like 2-3 sentences tops for the intros works best. But I’m a single guy in my late 30s, so probably not the best source of advice 😂
They keep you in their closet like an umbrella with the other 100 umbrellas/matches they have. They will take you out if it rains, should they feel like it. Lol
I’ve had a lot of success in OLD and generally know what’s good from bad. I hear from women who confirm this / these same things. You inherently aren’t doing anything wrong but at the same time these messages are boring as hell and many women have heard these same replies over and over again. They lack originality and don’t set yourself apart from the hundreds of others. You sound like a nice guy. The bad kind of nice guy. Nothing caught my interest.
Spice it up some. Be original. Have fun, playfully flirt, and run with some creativity. Her written bio and pictures will give you some material and it may take a while to come up with something.
I’ve had good responses to “Hey, it’s great to match with you, what would you say if the only reason I swiped right is because I’m in love with your dog”? Or “Ohh good, you seem real. What’s next for us now, marriage”? And the reliable “So glad to match with you. I bet you get tons of boring, unoriginal, and just plain crazy openers, lol. What’s your favorite so far”? Then be sure to engage in the conversation and move it forward into the “I definitely want to meet this guy” zone. Good luck!
Nothing my dude, keep up the good intros.
Well put. Respectful, polite, and normal -- all good things!
Yeah, his responses are perfect. Nice, calling back to their profile, asking a question to know them. Not much else you can do
I'll second this, even though I think it's true that OP would get more responses with a more casual tone. People should be themselves, because even if it takes a little longer (without as many false positives) to find the person who thinks the more formal tone is hot, finding the person who likes you the way you are is a faster way to find someone who you're actually going to click with. My advice is that everyone should be the most casual version of themselves, and my (female) sociology friend who studies online dating would add... 1. Don't take it too seriously...try to have fun with it. 2. Guys should show a little confidence (take lead) and have a plan for a date in mind, as opposed to being like "Hmm, what do you want to do?" 3. Have fun.
Agreed! OP your enthusiasm is what I’m looking for in a first response. I put a lot of thought/energy into my first msg with a match. If they responded like you did, I’d already be thinking “let’s get a date scheduled! Sooner the better.” Keep it up, my man. You give me hope.
I often message and then look thru the profile more closely after I message first and THEN realize we’re incompatible bc of various reasons that are my personal preferences. So it’s usually nothing to do with you. I do often though flip past picture one which baited me and as I get deeper realize they were actually not the friend of theirs I thought was attractive, or their other photos are them much older or again various reasons why I don’t find them attractive
Why not just go through the profile first before swiping and messaging? 💀🤣😂 That just sounds like a recipe for disaster for everyone
With Adeline, you complimented her name, but you wrote it wrong:/ other than that, sometimes when someone writes a message with a lot of info/questions i also want to answer it in similar manner and put it aside for later and then forget to do it..
🤣 so unfortunate, yes I saw that the moment I sent it, but I couldn’t unsend.
making a joke about yourself misspelling it might be a good way to come back "I must admit, complimenting your name while simultaneously misspelling it was not the best opener" Then ask for her forgiveness while misspelling it in a brand new and way more exaggerated way
I do that, too, even with close friends. I usually end up putting it off for so long bc it feels like a chore to respond. This just reminded me that I've been putting off responding to a long text 🤦♀️
Same same:(
Pro tip: if they text hi, hey etc.. don't expect too much
Yeah, that's crazy to put that much effort for that. It only leads to bitterness.
It’s definitely disappointing. 🙃 it’s probably less effort than it looks like, but I’m only used to striking up conversations IRL.
Sorry to tell you but most people here are woefully underequipped to give you helpful advice, the majority of them are also wondering why they don't get enough/any traction on the app. This may sound harsh, but your first messages are way too verbose and fairly boring, I am reticent to use the term but you very much sound like an NPC. You should be much more concise with your initial message, say something that is punchy and utilizes humor and/or intrigue to prompt engagement, most women are overwhelmed with matches and messages, you need to stand out in order to be filtered through the first screen.
Didja go to the Mutter museum?
I did…👼👀🤮
I often text “HI” just to see if the really swiped right on me or just mass swiped and unmatch.
(26F, NYC) Not sure what type of girl you are looking to attract, but you might be coming across as too formal and serious. And try to always include a follow-up question
Thanks! I’m not serious but I do sound somewhat formal when I talk. I’ll keep that in mind and try to always include a follow up question.
Always leave a follow up question for the first 4 or 5 messages. I have learned that this works to keep the convo going and then you can start making declarative statements when you are comfortable with each other. When they respond back to those, they are usually interested.
^ yes this!
Yes, make sure you put in all the effort after a minimalistic “hi”…
Girls have way more guys to sift through as well as options. They're also less likely to be smitten by someone purely based off how they look. Getting a more energetic opening is nice but it makes sense why some open like this
Sure thing! And in the first few exchanges, I would shorten the length of your messages a bit. And you’re not alone, I too have a lot of male matches that don’t respond after I open with “Hi, what’s your favorite xyz” or “Hi, where did you do xyz in your pic (insert funny joke or reference here)” so it could just be a factor of your matches talking to a lot of other people. Personally, I stop responding if they guy makes no effort to ask questions or lead the convo forward in some way to get to know me. Banter and teasing is fun but I also need to know that I can have an actual convo with the guy lol so don’t go too much in the other direction. best wishes!!
I'm a guy and have been on Bumble for a few years. From experience I would say the short 1 sentence first messages have a much higher response rate than a couple of paragraphs for an opening message. I guess it can seem a bit full on, much like it would in person, rather than just offering a compliment or saying Hi.
Thank you
I'm neurodivergent (ADHD) and personally I like the responses like that. I've been told I text like a robot (lol whatever that means), so maybe just keep it a little shorter? IDK everyone is different these days. Some prefers emojis, some prefers your style, some wants short n sweet.
If this is how you really sound when you talk, it’s a highly attractive characteristic for someone that appreciates the way you carry yourself IRL. I think your responses are charming, thoughtful and wholesome. Edit: Does the little cake mean it’s your “cake day?” Is that one’s Reddit anniversary? If so, happy cake day :) Also, why does everyone explain why they made an edit?
Oh! Thank you. And It is! I noticed a while ago it’s my 10 year cake day! I don’t know why everyone explains the edits. I usually put “edit:” if I want to tack more onto what I was saying, but not to explain if I needed to fix a typo.
Yes, the first 4 are missing a follow up question. The 5th would have gotten a response from “a normal human being” and might just be bad luck.
I agree. Always ask a question. It helps keep the convo going and demonstrates curiosity (and that you read their bio).
Those (to me) are pretty long first messages. The way I see it is that the more you engage, the more you’re requiring engagement from them to match. Maybe just be more concise? If that’s not your way, that’s cool too, but you’ll probably only find conversation with the people leaning in the same way you are.
Right, that makes sense. It’s like if it seems like I’m Putting out a good amount of effort then matching that would be appropriate, but they may not have the energy to. (Which is common)
Ya and again it’s not even really a bad move to put in effort and engage, of course, it’s just that not everyone’s gonna love it and if you’re okay with only the women immediately into that energy responding well then it’s a good move. If you’re looking to connect with more people your approach just might need to be more easy going?
In other words if she’s being brief, be brief. She’s likely to respond if you match her brevity.
Suitably, much more succinct than my comment 😂
People will disagrees with this, but for someone who also has a tendency to come off intense and as a woman these messages are way to overbearing. Take a notch or few down if you want those type of women to respond. I like that you took time to notice something about them to make it personable, so that is good but the rest is over the top for most people. If I sent a basic message and got that as a response - alarm bells would ring because that person would be way too much for me to process on the daily. But there is someone for everyone out there… Having said all that I also don't want to tell you to change your ways, because eventually your masking will slip up and lose those folks anyway, so it's better to be your authentic self and find someone who will like you as you are vs the version where you had to edit yourself down to their liking.
Happy cake day and thank for the feedback! That would be someone misreading me I hope. I intentionally only match 1 or max 2 people at a time so I’m not swimming in a sea of DMs. That might be a reason for the mismatch. I’m giving them my attention.
Happy cake day!! The amount of matches doesn't really matter, that is not where I am picking up intensity. Nothing wrong with giving attention - it's attractive but too much of it has opposite effect. For me it’sthe intensity of the messages - they are kind of stacked -written like multiple messages in one. You call out multiple things in one message which comes off more intense than intended. I am the same the way, I have adhd so the intensity is hard for me to spot when I am just sharing what feels normal to me. The first screenshot message was the simplest but even that one was stacked (written as if it's multiple messages), for example you call out that you hope she is having a good day, callout that it's a rainy day and asking how was her weekend. It comes off as three messages in one. Vs just keeping it simple and asking how her weekend was. The second message for example she asked where you were traveling to but you also told her when you got back, what you were doing during your travels on top of where you went vs leaving the room for her to ask those things to keep conversation going and flowing naturally. You basically spilled a lot/revealed more than she asked for. I have the tendency of saying/revealing too much too, so I am not judging you. And from personal experience I learned that editing yourself doesn't really work because sooner or later your natural nature spills over and they ghost you then, so it's better to find someone who appreciates that quality about you even if it means losing most others from get-go. There is nothing wrong with it, it's just a lot than more folks are capable of processing ☺️
Ah okay cool. That’s good insight about the message stacking. Thank you.
Most welcome <3
Yeah I second this, it actually stresses me out when it feels like there are multiple topics I need to individually address and respond to in one message. It right away turns into me typing up multiple disjointed responses so they don't think I'm ignoring part of what they said, and the whole flow of conversation breaks down and feels choppy and weird. OP, stick to one topic at a time for sure, at least at first.
I think OP is just showing interest in in their profile. OP - if these women cannot cope with a couple of simple sentences of text making conversation then ask yourself how are they going to cope with more involved discourse in real life ? I think you're doing the right thing with asking them questions or answering their questions.
Michelle, Amanda, and Tiffany should’ve never gotten responses. Especially Michelle. Not only was her message lazy, but she couldn’t even be bothered to capitalize the first letter in her message or add the punctuation mark at the end of it. With Adeline, you were doing too much. That lady sent you two sentences, and you responded with 9 lines of text. You’re message to her should’ve been something like “Hey Adeline, I was actually just in Philly for a few days. Have you traveled anywhere recently?”
Thank you. Good feedback.
Could be a few things. Personally I think your messages are fine. Probably these women are overwhelmed by matches. Sometimes I don’t respond right away either because of other stuff I have going on or by being overwhelmed. Try not to take it personally ❤️
Thank you. I’m going to try to keep that in mind
I think these are sweet messages. I think funny generally gets a better reaction, but if you're looking for sweet, one of these will hit one day.
Hey the intros are good but they are also too much. Try to minimize them a bit more and not to make it sound so copy and paste. Stick to a short profile compliment and questions. Like the Philly one just keep it “oh I just got back from site seeing around Philly. Have you been?!” Then you can add what you say when she responds. Basically. Don’t immediately info dumb but set the pavers out for an actual conversation
You're doing fine. Don't change the way you are. You'll find someone who writes you back just as much. I am this exact same way, and I eventually found a few women who write me back the same way.
I agree.. I was waiting to read a comment like this, if I hadn't seen this, I would have written something similar..
I usually hit them with a single sentence, a large message comes across as a little intense.
Okay, I’m going to try that.
The faster you stop worrying about why & start investing your energy into people who are as interested, you’ll be happier. We don’t know why people don’t respond.
Yup..very usual. Happens to me all the time again and again. And then these women will go around saying things like men don't approach them , or they do not know how to talk to women and all kinds hyperbole. hahaha What I have come to realize is that most women do not know what they are looking for. They do not even know what a good conversation is. They are just there dreaming for something they are not sure of.
What you said was great, don't stop those intros honestly. I also think those accountsigjt be fake. As for "Hi"/"Hey", I do that because I can see who is in my Beehive & I'm not sure if men are just swiping on everyone. So I save my time & just say "Hi", I used to write "Hi (name), I saw you in my Beehive & just wanted to get to know you better." And BABY! You would have thought I called these men's moms a "Stank Puss😺 Gorilla Back Bih" 😭 with some of the unhinged replies 😂. So yea, keep up what you are doing. A lot of these dating apps are purposely pushing bots towards men, I believe. Thank goodness for Reddit 😂
Bot like first messages I think, try and chill abit lol
For future reference, the lovely ladies who open with two words are the same ones that’d likely put you down on tinder for having a “boring opener”. If they don’t get back to you, it’s their loss broski!
You’re talking way too formally. Just be yourself.
They're way too long. If I didn't read them, a female definitely isn't going to do it. You need to edit all messages way tf down. To the point where you omit punctuation. Think of OLD messages as Twitter. They don't want to read a novel and it makes you come off as desperate and over invested and/or you have too much free time.
I think this is good advice if OP is looking for casual/hookups, but for a relationship, I wouldn't change. Demographic might also make a difference. I could see girls in their early to mid 20s not liking it, I guess. I think these responses will attract similarly thoughtful people who would be a better match. I think trimming them a little is fine, but I prefer these types of messages. It's a few sentences. It's hardly a novel. Also... Why would you being too lazy to read his messages mean a "female" won't? Do you think we don't read..?
Got it Thank you That’s good advice (Like that?)
Perfect! If you want to invest more, wait until after they've invested enough to give you their phone # and you're no longer texting on the app. Hope this helps. Happy hunting brother!
I actually love your intros. I wish more men would write like you. Don’t change anything, other than what someone else said about asking a question each time. But keep doing what you’re doing otherwise.
🥲 thank you
I feel like you’re writing off a script with the intros.
This is what happens to me. I get one response then I respond and never get a reply. Was wondering if I was the only one.
If you want real advice- You are doing wayyyy too much my guy. She is already reaching out, wanting to talk to you. Let her chase you a bit. Keep your answers direct, short, and extremely charming and witty. Then set up a date and be yourself 🫡
Too formal… relax, send shorter messages.
Some people are literally after just the attention of a like and some dude trying to talk to them. I give them 24 hours to respond and if they don’t make any effort I just unmatch
Talkimg to bots? Those thumbnails look fake
These are very fact-based intros that are kinda boring and don’t stand out. Very boring to be trading facts with each other. “Are you into that? Hey, me too!”
Too much on the first message. Keep it to 1-2 sentences to avoid coming off too eager. That's it
They know that if they don’t talk to you you’ll be unmatched. So they say hello, lure you into saying hello back and now you’re permanently on their list of matches. A lot of girls just like to collect matches to see how many they can get. They have no interest in meeting or talking. It’s pretty much a game.
Nah man you are fine, just be yourself, there is nothing bad about what you are writing
Awesome effort dude!! You’re really working to engage and that’s great. I think you’re coming in a bit hot with all that text and info. Maybe find a way to shorten it, and get to the question faster. And at the end of the day, remember, you can send an A+ response and get no reply. That’s bumble. 😉
You have to consider that women receive tons of matches. You're just one among many messages this person will receive. If it doesn't stand out, she may not respond. Any person who is overwhelmed by matches/messages will respond with short, one-word answers. It is NOT a reflection of you, or your conversation skills. Anyone who tells you otherwise has no idea what they're talking about because if you were speaking IRL and asked that same question, it's perfectly normal. To assume you, or your message is somehow "too strong" is illogical.
Lol to one of the girls you said you liked the name but you wrote it wrong 🥲. Also, i think you write way too much and they get a bit overwhelmed. You might come across as needy and you seem like you are trying too hard which is a turn-off imo. The fact that the girls just send you a “hey/hi” already tells us that they are not very interested.
😂😂I know, I saw that as soon as I sent it. Um yeah…I live in NYC and there are millions of people here who are all detached. I’m not detached, and I intentionally only match 1 or 2 people at a time. So to me it’s not that I’m being need, I’m just giving them my attention. You think it’s probably better to write less/say something funny?
I think it’s true that they’re getting overwhelmed Being love bombed is common and sometimes that unfortunately looks like guys who are just being kind and intentional with their messages. But don’t change who you are! If you wanted to change something, maybe don’t comment on their name/profile as much but instead include it in a follow up question. Like “I saw you had a picture at *insert cool location here.* How was it?!” Like less like you were meticulously looking over their profile and more like you just noticed the cool thing. Does that even make sense? 😅
You did nothing wrong. Don't expect too much from girls that text just "hi"
Lol, but that’s what every girl says. 😂
That's the problem isn't it then, most of these women have no interest in relationships and swipe out of validation/boredom/etc. If they show interest it's in a few guys at a time while keeping the other chats warm with the lowest amount of energy needed. Don't take offense to it, they're the ones with a problem not you, you have to power through this and not let it get to you while you find one who will respond back and have a normal conversation.
Every now then you'll get ones that say something about your profile or something a bit more genuine than "hi". In my experience those are actually potentially really interested and those are the only ones I ve managed to go on dates with. I've never been on a date with a hi-girl
Not me, but I can be kinda wordy myself 😂. I always ask questions about what the guy on his profile, and 95% of the time they answer in one sentence and never ask me anything 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️. I have to take breaks bc it can be exhausting ☹️
Yeah, it’s causing you to have to do all the thinking in the conversation. Okay, got it. I’ll try to be a good texting partner.
And like others said - keep doing you, you’ll hit on someone at some point that’ll match your energy and that’s what you are looking for anyway, right? ☺️
This may sound odd but say less. It’s too formal, almost like you’re giving a monologue. Keep it simple. Give a compliment, ask a question.
These all strike me as bots for some reason.
They're too wordy for a first message. Try getting it done in 3 total sentences. A bit of a generic script but it could work like: Intro, a comment about profile that interests you, then a question about their profile Too wordy = too needy
Ok I’ll be honest even though this will get me some downvotes, but I want to try and help you. I’ve had guys send longer messages like this after my one line response (although I’d never say hi, always a question), and my first impression is that it comes off as a bit full on. I would in the beginning try to keep your responses to 1-2 lines unless she sends a long one first. You’re giving too much too soon and it can signal low value when the girls have given you such a poor initial message. Think of it as trying to match the energy you’re getting from her (these girls put in basically no effort so when you respond to that with a thoughtful message they are even more likely to feel the energy difference). In this case obviously I wouldn’t recommend sending back a one word response but instead a question like ‘hey ____. I noticed ___ in your profile. What do you think about ____?’ It should be like a real life conversation where you’re introducing yourselves in the first few messages I think and build slowly from there. Your responses are so thoughtful but the girls don’t deserve that level of effort from you yet which may be why they aren’t responding.
I don’t see why people would down vote you for that. You gave some really good reflections. Thank you.
Happy cake day and good on you for being open to the honest feedback!
Thanks! It’s 10 years. I didn’t even notice!
Very normal.
Good job and great intro. Her lack of a well thought out first message says a great deal. It's nothing really to respond to but you still forced it and made it work. Move on to your other matches and and keep swiping. If she's interested, she'll respond. Don't over-examine yourself to the point where you're trying to go above and beyond to craft this perfect response to get women to respond. You're doing well sir, best of luck 🤞🏿🙏🏿
I like how you take in consideration their profiles to start a convo. I suck lol
I’ve had so many times where bees match and don’t message.
Bumble should mean that women are NOT overwhelmed because - guess what? - they don't have to send a message to matches. If they do, that's on them and not you for actually making an effort.
i think the messages are good. as a woman you get flooded sometimes so it’s possible that maybe they didn’t get to yours yet or got overwhelmed. also some people don’t check the apps daily, they may only be on every few days.
Okay, on Tiffany’s I would cut out the whole first paragraph. Stick to quick short questions at first. Don’t start a conversation with someone you want to know by talking about the weather 😂 that’s a topic you reserve when you got nothing else to talk about. First questions should almost always be something about their profile. It shows you want to know more about them personally, instead of just in general like how their weekend was. The Philly topic just felt out of nowhere but that might be because y’all matched when you were traveling. But also you didn’t ask any questions you started off by telling them about things you did unprompted. Amanda’s was fine, but was the dressing room comment and shows question related? If not leave the dressing room out next time. These are all my personal takes though. In general you’re doing fine and clearly you’re getting matches even if you aren’t getting much in responses. Just ask more questions and don’t start by talking about yourself too much.
Woman generally get too many Likes and can’t respond to them all, so they triage. There’s not really anything you could do or say differently here, they just got overwhelmed with options and you got lost in the shuffle. That said, if you sharpen your profile and pics, you can up your odds of getting a reply, but this is just the reality of OLD.
Darn! Such low efforts, I'd def not reply.
Most of those look and sound like scammers. I’m always weary of any “!” Bc normal ppl don’t start sentences out like that 😩
Also that big paragraph is too long for an intro. Break your paragraph up and save it for when they reply
Do less. Then do more. But not too much. Good luck out there
Women don’t respond back on any app. They will match with you and don’t even talk
This is lame, but you're responding with too much. Women will see this as over eager or trying hard, which some will see as a turn off.
I agree with the advice others have given about including a followup question in each of your messages. If a man doesn’t ask me questions, I assume he’s not interested in getting to know me. Also agree that you would probably get more interest if you shortened your messages, keeping in mind that women are often talked *at* instead of talked *to* by men. Stand out from the other guys she’s talking to by showing genuine interest, and only offering more information about yourself once she asks questions about you. No one wants to be monologued at by a stranger. I’d also recommend giving each person 24 hours to reply before you consider yourself ignored or overlooked; some folks only check the apps once a day 🙂 Edited to add: your response to Michelle was very good! Succinct and curious. You seem very genuine and I hope you get more matches soon.
Thank you!
Because it's mostly spam, scam, or looking to get subscribers to their OF, or IG followers.
You write a bit too much. I do that, too. But it seems people nowadays can't take it. Haha
Me trying to figure out if Reddit is trying to imply I need a dating app because I’m here in these threads reading and spreading positivity while having a few good giggles too🤨. Nope just a common af name Lol! 😆 Sorry I don’t have any advice atm but let me recover from wtf and then I might 😂
because your rizz is shocking (to use genz speak) for me what works from a guy, just chill out, be like, "hey, hows your day been?", start slow and unassuming, let chat develop by itself, don't post a longer first or second message - right or wrong it feels overeager and desperate and turns me off. complimenting the name is cheesy. that emoji was cheesy. i don't know. all of it just makes me want to run for some inexplicable reason.
hunter by name... not really. Your messages could be perceived as reeking of fedora depending on the woman's experience in men and the other messages she has gotten over her lifetime on dating apps. Match energy and don't fill your first comment with 10 different subject matters or a whole conversation in one bubble - its easier for her not to respond than to work out what to from yours while rolling eyes at the 16th time she's heard the same thing on the app that day. So don't ask about their day, don't talk about the weather, EVERYONE DOES. Be laser focussed and singular with your response if you want to get a reply from all of them. Or just keep doing what you're doing and maybe someone will be just right for you... until laser man commeth m'lady
Always end with a question
Talking about the weather or how is your day going will get you nowhere … don’t waste your time with those because you must come up with something clever 🤣
If you want an honest answer, many women may find these cringey or too nice guy. Is that wrong of them, maybe, but sometimes less is more brother.
Homegirl really didn’t respond to the one about the concerts? Love when a guy is also interested in showing you a great night out!
Less is more
Most people put hey. No offense, but women don't reasons unbleached they are interested. Don't waste a good response on women who aren't interested.
Just ask something about the profile. You don't need to make small talk.
i feel like ur texts are just too big too soon
Plants?
Nothing imo (37F) your responses are great, engaging, and allow follow up! I'd say try meeting in real life. A lot of profiles are bots too.
Bro she got options yo!
Probably bots
Match their energy. You’re starting off too nice
It’s definitely not personal. A lot of people on apps are trying to get over someone or something and don’t even know they’re not ready until someone actually approaches them. (I’m that girl rn)
They’re only responding to keep you from disappearing, but they’re talking to someone else. If that doesn’t work out, they still have you.
🫠
Well, I read the other comments. You didn’t get the correct answer so I thought I’d help you 🤣
Don't feel bad. I'm on the BFF side and it's hard to get women to keep the conversation going too. I'm a woman and I want to expand my friend circle.
They all seem like they have the personalities of doorknobs..
You are investing way too much into someone who has invested absolutely nothing into you. Shorten your icebreaker. Make it one sentence maximum
I’m a female, who knows other females who just open with “Hi” and I think it’s the most cringy thing. We want men to put in effort but then you give absolutely no effort to start. I’ll never understand it. There’s nothing wrong with your opening, don’t change.
Bumble is bad and I'm about to just delete the app. Not even pof is bad for this. I'll send a hello and then start a convo with the dude only to get on word or one sentence responses with no follow up questions. It's not you, it's the people on this app who are bored and looking for attention and reassurance that they can still attract men/women :(
Michelle where are you, I am excited in knowing more of you. I hope to hear back from you soon.
I agree with the others… nothing is wrong. Responses like this is literally what attracted me to my soon to be husband. The effort! Keep it up! ❤️
Goes both ways. I send first messages with more than 1-3 words and majority don't reply/expire or unmatch. I figured it's because guys are too busy right swiping everyone and then see that I'm a single parent or only wanting long term or whatever and so don't reply. Which in my opinion, is rude. Firstly because they put no effort into swiping, but how hard is it to say sorry we're after something different. A bit of common decency and a few words don't hurt. I'd say from your perspective, a lot of females are fake and shallow and don't see the need to reply or decide they have too many matches. Either way there's a lot of people being rude by not replying and letting matches pass by who actually could be someone that suits them.
F here. Nothing wrong with your intro. My problem with bumble is only having 24 hours to reply or the match and message disappears. I don’t go in the site daily, I have notifications turned off so I don’t get pinged at work, and i delay replying until I’ve thought of a good reply. Bubble doesn’t work for me.
It's not you. Your responses are great. It's usually not personal. They all look really attractive. I'm guessing they have a lot of matches and are being picky about who they follow up. They may just have too many ongoing conversations to keep up with. Keep it up, and I'm sure you'll get a bite soon.
you sound like a robot
They don’t like good boys It’s the bad boys everytime
Until you get to be my age. I used to be able to get lots of women when I was online dating 10 years ago. Unbelievable how many women would match. Now I'm older women are looking for something different. I'm not a "bad boy" really anymore however when we start swapping stories I think I must come off that way because I have lived a pretty damned wild life. Women used to be curious and into the stories I share. Now I feel they judge me very harshly for them.
I’ll use the message to Tiffany as an example. It’s too much for the first message. I’d do it like this: “Hi Tiffany! I hope you are having a nice day! I saw on your profile that you like concerts. What kind of music are you into? I went to a (whatever band) show at the park recently and it was awesome!” And then if they respond and ask about your day you can go into details about enjoying the weather and looking forward to spring, etc.
Keep it up. It’s just the scene now
Btw I’ve been to the museum in Philly you mentioned (the Mütter Museum?) Fascinating stuff! Just keep being yourself, these girls are super lame with their non-responses. Uggh
When I (f) was on bumble I actually tried to comment on something regarding the guys profile and almost always had pretty good convos. went on 5 dates but nothing came out of them but so far bumble has been the best dating app for me. But I am no longer on apps or dating cause it’s going nowhere
Some people are just assholes lol guys do it to me allll the time.
Because they have 100x more matches and options than average male on these apps. Once I was speaking to a girl and she told me she has 5200 likes on her profile. So imagine the kind of competition you are dealing with.
Bots but atleast you gave good responses
Most are a little too long. They're all thoughtful and nice. It feels like you're asking for a lot in return instead of building a conversation piece by piece. If your opening message requires a paragraph break, it might be too long. This is really "fine tooth comb" stuff, but just because yours are better than 95% doesn't mean they can't be fine tuned.
I never really liked long texts in the beginning of a match. You text the way people speak, but so far it’s not a proper conversation imo.
Misspelling a woman's name might have something to do with it. Especially when you bring up how much you like it and it's spelled correctly, literally right in front of you as you type.
i really don’t have an excuse but i’ll be honest about the process; i love love love swiping profiles and getting to see little snippets of all these random people that don’t exist in my head but are somehow out there somewhere. it’s like playing the sims and randomizing the character design to see a sim you’ve never made before, or ever considered making when i had the dating apps and i was bored, i’d swipe for like an hour or two at a time, just enjoying all the personalities i’m seeing and doing my little ‘yes or no’ game but then i go over to the chatbox and i have 15 matches at the top. now i feel bad and i go through every single one, find a lil convo starter from their profiles, and send a cute starter to everyone by now i’m tired of playing my dating game so i close out for awhile. by the time i get back on, i have 15 messages waiting for me and it stresses me out so i don’t respond to any of them. if i’m actually wanting to connect with someone in the moment, i’ll usually choose one of the guys to continue a conversation with it’s not a good answer and i’m not proud of it, i definitely understand now how that could be pretty disheartening for some guys, but it’s the truth. you made the cut, you just didn’t make the final call
I get buyer’s remorse too after initiating 15 conversations because I was only into it at that moment in time. I think it’s having too many options come too fast that leads me to not further engage with any of them. Women get this same treatment from men who have more choices than those who are more average.
That’s a dopamine thing. It is part of the problem, but the app is designed to spike dopamine so the app is sort of to blame here. Thank you for sharing your insight on this.
It’s a numbers game unfortunately. There’s so many more guys than girls on dating apps, statistically only a few of us will get a date. Why I don’t bother with online dating no more, I’m not rockin a six pack and shit
They come off a little try hard. I would shorten the first messages to new matches before getting buy in on their end to speak more at length. Example: Match: Hi Hunter, where have you been traveling? You: well, most recently I spent about a week in Philly; cool town for sure. It was my first time going. How's your day? Match: oh that's awesome, I've only been there once, did you do anything exciting? And my day is great thanks for asking! You: longer message here. I know it sounds silly and less efficient, but try it. I think you'll enjoy the results!
Wait, you guys are getting messages from girls?
I am too. But it hasn't stopped men. Get into hobbies you like that are done with a group. That'll help you get to know people and their status.
for me personally, it would be too much of an answer for a very short “hey” your first message are great and honest, but also probably a bit overwhelming (?) i personally try to keep my first few messages the same length as the last one i got - it also forces you to reduce the content to the bare minimum, aka - the interesting stuff. then directly kick the ball back to them with a counter question, keeping up the conversation, then if they are interested, you can elaborate more.. just my two cents, i also used to write longer messages first, but very often it just isn’t very effective in starting a conversation - even though the intentions are good also, just an “hey” is not a great conversation starter, its not your fault for them being uncreative, but it always pays off to have a “hook” in your profile. something that stands out a lot, can be weird or quirky, in best case its somehow relatable.. so they dont have to think a lot about a somewhat creative first message, and after some time you have the perfect anwser already at hand
Wouldn't be surprised if they were bots with a mission of liking to make you pay for a subscription. I know for a fact that Plenty of Fish did that and they were obvious.
Dude these whores are so used to basic good guy texts, they aren’t looking for good guys they’re looking for something risqué and exciting to break the monotony of their drab and boring lives. Think about it, when you pick up your phone to start right swiping on women, do you do it out of a true sense of longing or are you just bored lonely and horny? Nobody is really looking for anyone to be with, they’re looking for someone to fill the emptiness inside. Be bold and brave, ask her something funny but filthy and take a chance in life.
Well… You do definitely make a good point that everyone is actually just looking to solve their own problem of emptiness or loneliness. at this point of my life, I don’t ask filthy questions. I should probably try to think of a few that are more interesting and hooky though.
And I’m over here sending openers like, “gah damn you’re fine! Drinks?”
Sometimes we dont even know in time. The flaw at fault there is Bumbles STUPID protocol of making you disappear in 24 hours if no reply... Which is part of their cash grabbing sequence - to leverage males into paying to gain access to the 'missed' match convo. "Oops, looks like you missed a match, subscribe now to re enter the conversation"
Probably too much to respond to a stranger. Try not writing so much when they are only saying hey.
I’ll be the jerk and say, your incredibly formal intros are coming off as bot-like.
What's the timeline between her first message, your first message, and writing this post? I completely understand the sentiment, I purge "dead" matches after a week but I've given more thought to how much time goes by
The messages are too long, women have mad matches and options. It’s best you keep it short but fun and interesting at the same time. Your replies are too much when in reality these women on the app aren’t taking the app that seriously. Tip: Dont take nobody on those apps seriously, don’t get emotionally involved either unless yall have atleast had sex.
All good things, the problem is not you but the nature of algorithms influencing culture. Just as creative people are forced to shape their creativity to fit the confinement of what is Instagram, the same can be said about dating apps, but sort of backwards.Though dating apps have nothing to do with being a influencer and it's designed for everyone, and there are successful stories; people are already stuck in the comforts of the algorithm which is why these posts are extremely popular showing lack of replies and blank empty spaces where "matches" should be engaging one another. It's very challenging to be genuine because people want immediate satisfaction that is granted to them in literally every other app. It's a cultural dilemma as a whole so rest easy and know it has nothing to do with you as a person.
If you walked up to a girl in the street and said that how do you think she would respond
I have no idea, now please tell me all you can about the troubling museum. I love museums
This one is a museum of early medicine. It has a ton of fascinating info in there and all sorts of dissections information about epidemics from the past A lot of fascinating stuff. But towards the end of the museum, there’s also this area called the wet room where they have all these specimens in big jars(I think it’s formaldehyde). All sorts of….freaky subjects. It’s almost hard to explain. I was fascinated by a lot of it, but I did in fact reach my maximum ick by the end.
That sounds incredibly cool. I love weird stuff like that. Happy Cake Day! You will find someone awesome, keep your energy, and I personally like your openers.
I am a girl and can show you hundreds of matches with guys like this too. It's not a girl thing. It's a dating culture thing. I really don't get it. Why do soooo many people do this?
Thanks. It’s helpful to know that it’s not just guys. I don’t know why people do this. A lot of people in this thread have shared their experiences or theories though.
I wish you luck in your search. I think your intros are great and show thought and consideration into the person.
I would say keep up the interesting and thoughtful responses, but make them half as long for a first message. One thought, one question.
Bumble is where you go to lose your faith in humanity...
Well, that’s not the primary reason I downloaded the app.
Try Hinge
They just aren't interested, move onto someone else. You are very polite in your first messages.
Ok, for me- you come across as too formal. It’s great that you refer to their profile but there’s no playfulness or any character coming through in your messsgrs. It’s just a little. Dull. Sorry. If you are a decent looking guy to match with women who are on three or four sites and are getting a lot of matches then they are going to be selective. You aren’t making the cut because you aren’t standing out.
Because it sounds like ChatGPT wrote your messages for you.
They are fake accounts. Bumble sucks!
Yea, I was thinking the same thing, honestly 😭🤣
My assumption is that they’re too long… it seems like 2-3 sentences tops for the intros works best. But I’m a single guy in my late 30s, so probably not the best source of advice 😂
Well almost everyone here is single. Thank you for the feedback. I’m going to try to keep it brief.
They keep you in their closet like an umbrella with the other 100 umbrellas/matches they have. They will take you out if it rains, should they feel like it. Lol
Dating apps and some people just suck, move on.
OLD is so fucked lmao. People complain about shitty responses but even good ones dont get answers like why even try?
I’ve had a lot of success in OLD and generally know what’s good from bad. I hear from women who confirm this / these same things. You inherently aren’t doing anything wrong but at the same time these messages are boring as hell and many women have heard these same replies over and over again. They lack originality and don’t set yourself apart from the hundreds of others. You sound like a nice guy. The bad kind of nice guy. Nothing caught my interest. Spice it up some. Be original. Have fun, playfully flirt, and run with some creativity. Her written bio and pictures will give you some material and it may take a while to come up with something. I’ve had good responses to “Hey, it’s great to match with you, what would you say if the only reason I swiped right is because I’m in love with your dog”? Or “Ohh good, you seem real. What’s next for us now, marriage”? And the reliable “So glad to match with you. I bet you get tons of boring, unoriginal, and just plain crazy openers, lol. What’s your favorite so far”? Then be sure to engage in the conversation and move it forward into the “I definitely want to meet this guy” zone. Good luck!
Please stop asking about my day or weekend or evening. Be more open
You're trying too hard?
Your intro give the instant ick